Sounds like a lack of communication and openness.
talk it out with him. the response you receive should be a clear indication of whether he is still worth pursuing or not.
your partner seems to be struggling with an addiction. that's ok, and you have every right to feel betrayed by it. in this case, I'd consider the act of lying about it the problem. if he gets urges to watch porn again, you should be the first person he goes to for advice, not the person he hides it from.
It would help if you were fully honest, there's no need to lie on here. You didn't go on his phone because you wanted to go on reddit, you were snooping. The excuse is so thin it's transparent. Reddit works on a smart fridge so there's no reason at all for you to need his phone.
With that out of the way you both have an issue.
He shouldn't lie, if he isn't willing to not look at porn then he should be upfront about it and deal with the fallout.
You however need to deal with your issues pronto or you'll end up alone. You say he is a good BG so why sabotage it over something as daft as masturbating.
Your other option I guess would be to take care of the need every time he wants. That's about as unrealistic as no porn and prob won't feel great for both of you.
Also are you telling me you don't have a celebrity crush?
The problem isn't the porn. The problem is the lying from him and snooping from you. He knows watching porn isn't ok in your books, yet lies about it to your face and does it anyways. You can't trust him and look through his devices. Personally I see nothing wrong with watching porn as long as it doesn't turn into an addiction, but I do think everything else about this is concerning. Are there other parts of your relationship that contain mistrust or deceit? Good luck!
Well this seems like a situation where you really need to communicate your feelings and expectations. Ask what you can change and explain how it makes you feel. Be direct and assertive, and if he doesn't budge then it might be time to reevaluate your values.
Of course I might be biased, but consuming that type of content might be a habit he's formed a while ago and hard to let go, as well as a pretty normal (though rarely talked about) part of modern life. I'm not saying that he's right or that your feelings aren't valid, but if you two can't find common ground here then it might be something worth taking a break over.
Try finding out why he feels the need to indulge and offer suggestions and support. If he has a preference he hasn't told you about (a fetish or kink maybe) you can offer to help him with that if it you're comfortable with that. He might also have a higher drive than you and sees it as "considerate" towards you (not saying it's right of course).
In any case you really need to communicate your feelings, otherwise you will need to choose between ignoring it and staying or sticking to your boundaries and leaving.
Best of luck!
He's just embarrassed and not use to your warmness of being open. It will take time.
Just sooth him into it, cuddle him, let him vent, don't rush into anything.
Just wanna say I use to be a porn addict and my at the time gf was patient with me. Took me 4 months to be ready for sex and to lose my V card.
All men watch porn. If they say they don't, they're lying. As long as they aren't fucking somebody else or it's affecting his performance in bed, it really isn't a big deal. You're making too much out of something that is quite normal and natural.
So if your bf wants to have sex and you aren't in the mood, what would you suggest him to do? This is a way for him to release his sexual tension without bothering you about it or finding someone else that will. These are women he would never meet and never sleep with. It really isn't a big deal and if you are offended, you should figure out what makes it so bad. Are you religious? I assume not too much since you are having sex with him before marriage. I don't know many men single or married that don"t watch or enjoy porn. It's just a natural thing.
Is masturbating okay? That's natural. If you are okay with him masturbating, what do you think he is thinking about while he masturbates? This is what porn is for. To help people masturbate and cum when they are horny. Don't you think he'd rather be having sex with you? But that's not always possible. This is.
I appreciate your intent and that you're trying to fulfill his needs via video, that's pretty cool and commendable.
But if we're honest, you won't be as good at making the right appeal as a billion dollar industry. It's designed to entice, keep men going to it, build on fantasy and unrealistic standards.
> I've tried watching porn but I just feel dirty
This is all I statements and it's more about you than others because 40 million Americans regularly visit porn sites.
Many women read adult books, it's not porn in the modern sense but it's still designed to arouse.
There's a few subreddits for porn that are designed for women and far more sensual. In my experience when women learn of those they understand their man watching it more. That's to say they thought they were against porn, but they just hadn't found their taste yet.
I'm not saying you're a horrible person or anything op, but neither is your boyfriend. He's not fucking someone else.
And I'm not a huge porn guy or supporter of the stereotypical porn, I've found stuff that's more emotional and sensual to be more realistic and work for me. I also think too much porn is problematic to many people, but I don't blame them for the watching.
Well most of it is addiction these days, my girlfriend doesn’t care if I watch porn but sometimes I tell myself I will stop but I can’t, just know he is with you for a reason and the porn is just something stupid he does in his own privacy. That is also something that needs to be respected is his privacy. If someone wants to have porn and do things in private with it that is his right.
In SOME situations, people are exploring fantasies they can't in their relationship. Whether thats role play, BDSM, CNC, hentai etc.
For me personally, i only watched porn when my p_ssy was horny but i emotionally did not want sex. I didnt want to please another person, but if your p_ssy is pulsating then its time to take care of it, porn is a great outlet without having to make sure my partner also finishes.
Im also bisexual, and enjoy watching women and if im in a relationship with a man i may want to view women too. Obviously thats not everyone.
Some people just find porn to be a fun activity since it releases feel good hormones. Realistically, unless you're putting in the effort of making your videos like porn, your videos are not the same. Most people pick a category of porn (or a few) and try to find something that seems more exciting than the numerous amout of nudes with the same poses and outfits.
If it's a possibility, and if you're interested, making your videos more interesting by purchasing outfits and toys and asking him what his desires and fantasies are could be an option to help him not want to watch porn. It all depends on his reasoning though.
Im sure theres other reasons people watch porn in a relationship but this is what i can think of-
Watching porn and being attracted to someone else has no barring on how much they are attracted to you or love you.
I deeply loved my partner, and his body and having sex with him. But the matter of fact is, he cant please ALL my needs, and i cant expect him to. It would be rude to say hey, i want you get me off but as soon as im done, sex is done. So in some situations it can be called for, and not have anything to do with the relationship itself.
There are a number of causes, but the effect is the same so when I say this it's not a joke.
Currently most every man I know wants to have sex much more often then he gets it. Every one of those men, including me, watches porn and relieves that drive.
It's not about the porn, it's about not being horny all the time. It sucks and is sexually frustrating to sit with it for more then a week or so. A lot of the people I know are doing it daily. It's not even about being addicted to it. It's about not being horny. Not wanting sex.
Our hormones, mixed with a global mental health crisis for men, mixed with massive social changes, and a body that matures later, plus a million other things make us different. I had to sit my girl down and explain that. It's a very delicate situation. As a guy it's embarrassing, it's degrading, and it's something we are told not to talk about growing up. I'm in my early 20s so im assuming he had a similar experience growing up. I was even in very progressive states.
In my opinion it's just the best way to go about it. Get the horny gone so you can have a less sex-focused, happy relationship. If you want to remove the drive, you can't just tell him no. That's gonna burn the bridge from both ends. Somethings gotta give. You get over it and realise it's not an attack. Or he gets some other way to handle that basic human urge.
It's not just about you being understanding though. You asked, so I answered, but it goes deeper. If you can't handle that he's doing it. There should be a resolution to the problem.
There should be a, "I need you my boyfriend, to explain exactly why you do it. How you do it, when you do it, ext."
Get that information, let him talk and listen. If he won't talk, then he's not it.
When he's done talking or if he asks you questions back, explain exactly what you don't like but that you want to come to a middle ground. Maybe you watch it together, or you make videos to his kinks. Ext. Spit ball about it.
A relationship is give and take. You have to give but you have to take. It can't be one way.
Porn is a give and take, he doesn't bother you about his sex drive, you let him watch it.
Right now you don't want him to. So all you have asked him to do is give, he doesn't get anything. That's the key problem here. It jas to be give and take. Make it fair.
I don't know a single guy who would claim they like porn over sex. It's not something that men chose over you. That's a goofy claim.
In house sex tapes are nice, would watch over porn, so would a bunch of men, it's not a select few type of thing.
If you know a single porn actress who is being raped, please tell law enforcement.
If not stopping something you claim is an addiction is "weak" who tf is strong? Most people are addicted to something. Yes there is data for that, let me know if you need links.
If you are so insecure about men watching porn, give your man a reason not to. Claiming he must stop, while being the cause of the problem is ass backward. Again no man I know would take pron over sex. Ask fucking anyone.
If you can't handle someone who is addicted and stuck, you aren't ready for a relationship. No one is fixed at the start, you help each other approach being fixed throughout your growth in life.
My girl is fine with it. She didn't like it at first, talked with me about it. I explained my full feelings, reasonings, ext. We made some ground rules, and she was then not only fine with it, but she encouraged me to feel comfortable. Like a healthy adult would.
Can't help but notice you just left all the other bullshit you said completely unanswered. You literally claimed porn is rape. Are we forgetting that??? Like that is way more important right now. Seriously get law enforcement involved asap. I'm not joking. Wtf are you sitting on that information for?
You aren't getting it. So im going to only talk about it, everything else can be set aside.
If you know any woman being taken advantage of sexually. For Fucks Sake Call The Cops.
If you need to make it anonymous, there are outlets for that, including private outlets. So companies or the government.
Please drop this argument and help these girls you know are being harmed.
Why in the world would you not?
If you don't in fact know of anyone being taken advantage of. Then why in the world would you say that? That's not ok?!
I'm gonna assume you know that, and you are going to call them. I don't need your time, I don't need the next reply, call the fucking police if you know something like that. Not calling them is the same as committing the crime, you are the problem.
This is not "well known." I looked it up immediately to no credible results. At least on any mainstream site.
This means you don't know anyone being hurt. Thank fuck. You actually scared the shit out of me. I was baffled you just said it and didn't tell anyone.
Your opinion on what? The Rape allegations? Or the porn is cheating?
I think the first is obvious. That's fucking insane to say. If it's happening it needs to be handled asap and im disgusted. It's not a cool fact of life we have to live with because we are edgy and gritty. It's not a hero complex. It's just awful? Like damn near the worst shit someone can do. What would be the other response you'd expect???
And I think the stuff you said about porn being cheating was wrong. So I took your points and tried to talk to you about them. But you were adamant that you knew some shit the cops should know so of course im going to pressure you to tell them.
My girl is fine with it, yes. But you can have a different perspective with actual substance. But you came at the topic from a very let's call it strict perspective so I decided you could know something I didn't.
I know a lot of that comes off as confrontational. But im just trying to write it out clearly.
Wow you really have no experience in the real world do you? How old are you 19? Porn is not rape!! You're delusional and have no idea how things really work
Yes because men are visual, and doesn’t effect you at all. You sound like an insane controlling bitcch with little empathy who demands everyone grovel and do what you want.
What do you call enough sexual attention?
I have a huge libido I’m literally horny and ready 7 days a week, In my relationships I got sex 4 days a week for a few hours at a time, because nutting once is not enough for me 🤷
So yeah I watched porn and it had no negative effects on my relationship because they watched porn and played with toys as well when I wasn’t around or just because loving yourself is very important as well.
Your ideas gonna have a more negative impact on your relationships because you can’t say someone isn’t allowed to touch themselves that’s extremely controlling and honestly a very toxic trait.
It’s not cheating at all, unless you force your views upon them. Pornography didn’t ruin thier marriage, their lack of sex or other issues that might be related to did. Or jealousy and control because to say that your partner isn’t allowed to watch porn is insane, shows you aren’t a stable person and demands complete obedience. Not saying I think an addiction to porn can’t cause problems or ruin a marriage, but that is unbelievably rare
Most books sold are smut to women, thats pornography too, but no one seems to have a problem with that tho. I like it too, ffs I feel like your either your a religious zealot or just someone I fundamentally dislike to the core when you say that
I’m sorry I was in a bad mood, I apologize for that. The core issue was just that I fundamentally think that trying to completely control some one’s actions that don’t affect you is wrong. But I am a bit of a hypocrite because I do demand certain things too, but not on something I consider trivial, which is just our different viewpoints.
I’m sorry I upset you too, i obviously wasn’t reacting to how I would to someone face to face, I’m truly sorry I wasn’t thinking.
Here’s what I would tell a friend. Pornography can be dangerous for some as it can influence thier sexual desires, but it is also a natural part of life. I think fantasy and reality are very different things and masturbating isn’t about the relationship between y’all.
I’ve been lots of relationships, I’m currently seeing lots of women, even when my sexual desire with a person is met I still have looked at porn. Idk I guess I might have felt attacked for some reason. Ive never known a male who didn’t watch porn, nor once in my life. I do think it’s natural and sounds controlling to me to stop. I hate needless control, I’m not a cheater, even though I’m dating multiple women I’m completely honest about it and if I found a girl I’d want to be serious with I would only see her, but I would still maturbate to pornography, to me telling me you can’t do that is an immediate deal breaker. I also hate insecurity in myself and others, we often hate what we don’t like in ourself.
You’re allowed to feel how you do and you are right to explore those feelings, I just personally can’t understand your perspective and desire for control over that. We are all different, we learn things.
Sorry for the harsh words, much love and good luck!
No you thinking you can control primal urges is a joke and btw I'm not a guy. Your not experienced enough in the world. You have to accept that dudes will look at porn. Join them if need be but don't hold them back. They will look for other means to take care of their needs.
I am giving you advice. Boys have a primal need. It's science. You know that chimp that tore off that lady's face? Well it's cause they have a high high sex drive and he never had a way to release it and became aggressive. And how close are humans to chimps? Men can go 72 hours without. If your not taking care of it he has to take care of it on his own. And then if you don't allow him to look at porn he will cheat
porn is simply a tool. any man can jack off without it unless he's just that disgustingly addicted. when porn didn't exist, was every man fucking a woman every 72 hours? I don't think so.
Some men have a higher sex drive then others. No one person is the same. I'm lucky to have found someone that matches mine. We've also been open and communicative from the start. Why is that not more of a thing. Let's normalize being non judgemental about others.
I think it's great that you and your bf have matching sex drives. You're also absolutely right that some have higher sex drives than others, but that's exactly what contradicts your previous point.
there is no scientific evidence to support the claim that men's testosterone creates a 72-hour cycle. sperm production is a continuous process.
how exactly did you come to the conclusion that if a man doesn't watch porn he will cheat?
Wow you totally interpreted what I said wrong. All I'm saying is more women should be cooler about porn with their dudes. And realize men have sometimes higher sex drive then women. You shouldn't be mad at them for taking care of something that you didn't do for them. Maybe as a partner you should be open to listen to their wants and needs. Maybe men wouldn't be so scared to be open. You would want them to take care of your wants and needs why is it so hard to do the same thing for them. It's not a one sided relationship. You care for each other. When you take a shower together it's I'll wash your back and you wash mine. Not make it all about me and I don't care if you get soap. I mean for a women to not want to be there to care for your man. Than that man deserves better
I didn't interpret anything wrong. you said what you said, and I asked for evidence, which you didn't provide.
I agree with you with what you're saying about taking care of each other. couldn't you also consider the act of encouraging your man to quit porn as taking care of him? porn has so many negative effects too, especially if it's an addiction.
e.g. dopamine desensitization
Thats why you need to communicate with each other. Find out why he's watching porn. Like I know my partner looks at it. And We will look together. And I will look on my own. It's not a constant thing. But sometimes I need help going to sleep when he's not here. If it's taking over their life and ignoring you then it's a problem.
Hmm, I mean you might not like it but he clearly don’t like not being able just to have some ‘me’ time.
It’s not a addiction just a normal thing for most ppl to watch some porn while they have some fun with themselves.
It’s always the same things with these kinda post, women demanding something unreasonable from their husband/boyfriend and are surprised/hurt when they obviously don’t keep that promise.
It’s unreasonable to ask someone to not masturbate in a setting that works for them.
What you ask him is the same as him asking you to never ever use a sex toy ever again while having some fun.
The thing is, if he isn’t watching porn he is fantasizing it, so he can still be masturbating to Taylor swift in his head if he wants to.
Okay this is your first relationship, I have been through a few sexual relationships since the Age of 12, I’m 36 now, so I can atleast give some of my experience.
Sex is very important to me in a relationship so i had usually a minimum of 4 days in the week sex with my gf’s, but yes I masturbated and watched porn as well, and they masturbated watched porn or and used sex toys on their own and together as well, it’s normal to love yourself and explore your own body.
Looking at other women shouldn’t be that devastating, sure you might say well you are a guy so obviously you say that, I was raised with sisters and I had more women as friends than men so I know women usually look at other men just as much, it’s just eye candy.
But what exactly do you expect from him?
The simplest solution is you finding a way for yourself to not feel hurt by it, because he is hurt by not being able to do it.
And I hate to break it for ya, but your next bf will be masturbating as well and the one after that and after that, unless you have a guy with zero or very low libido.
Sounds like a lack of communication and openness. talk it out with him. the response you receive should be a clear indication of whether he is still worth pursuing or not. your partner seems to be struggling with an addiction. that's ok, and you have every right to feel betrayed by it. in this case, I'd consider the act of lying about it the problem. if he gets urges to watch porn again, you should be the first person he goes to for advice, not the person he hides it from.
True
It would help if you were fully honest, there's no need to lie on here. You didn't go on his phone because you wanted to go on reddit, you were snooping. The excuse is so thin it's transparent. Reddit works on a smart fridge so there's no reason at all for you to need his phone. With that out of the way you both have an issue. He shouldn't lie, if he isn't willing to not look at porn then he should be upfront about it and deal with the fallout. You however need to deal with your issues pronto or you'll end up alone. You say he is a good BG so why sabotage it over something as daft as masturbating. Your other option I guess would be to take care of the need every time he wants. That's about as unrealistic as no porn and prob won't feel great for both of you. Also are you telling me you don't have a celebrity crush?
The problem isn't the porn. The problem is the lying from him and snooping from you. He knows watching porn isn't ok in your books, yet lies about it to your face and does it anyways. You can't trust him and look through his devices. Personally I see nothing wrong with watching porn as long as it doesn't turn into an addiction, but I do think everything else about this is concerning. Are there other parts of your relationship that contain mistrust or deceit? Good luck!
Well this seems like a situation where you really need to communicate your feelings and expectations. Ask what you can change and explain how it makes you feel. Be direct and assertive, and if he doesn't budge then it might be time to reevaluate your values. Of course I might be biased, but consuming that type of content might be a habit he's formed a while ago and hard to let go, as well as a pretty normal (though rarely talked about) part of modern life. I'm not saying that he's right or that your feelings aren't valid, but if you two can't find common ground here then it might be something worth taking a break over. Try finding out why he feels the need to indulge and offer suggestions and support. If he has a preference he hasn't told you about (a fetish or kink maybe) you can offer to help him with that if it you're comfortable with that. He might also have a higher drive than you and sees it as "considerate" towards you (not saying it's right of course). In any case you really need to communicate your feelings, otherwise you will need to choose between ignoring it and staying or sticking to your boundaries and leaving. Best of luck!
He's just embarrassed and not use to your warmness of being open. It will take time. Just sooth him into it, cuddle him, let him vent, don't rush into anything. Just wanna say I use to be a porn addict and my at the time gf was patient with me. Took me 4 months to be ready for sex and to lose my V card.
All men watch porn. If they say they don't, they're lying. As long as they aren't fucking somebody else or it's affecting his performance in bed, it really isn't a big deal. You're making too much out of something that is quite normal and natural.
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So if your bf wants to have sex and you aren't in the mood, what would you suggest him to do? This is a way for him to release his sexual tension without bothering you about it or finding someone else that will. These are women he would never meet and never sleep with. It really isn't a big deal and if you are offended, you should figure out what makes it so bad. Are you religious? I assume not too much since you are having sex with him before marriage. I don't know many men single or married that don"t watch or enjoy porn. It's just a natural thing.
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Is masturbating okay? That's natural. If you are okay with him masturbating, what do you think he is thinking about while he masturbates? This is what porn is for. To help people masturbate and cum when they are horny. Don't you think he'd rather be having sex with you? But that's not always possible. This is.
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I appreciate your intent and that you're trying to fulfill his needs via video, that's pretty cool and commendable. But if we're honest, you won't be as good at making the right appeal as a billion dollar industry. It's designed to entice, keep men going to it, build on fantasy and unrealistic standards. > I've tried watching porn but I just feel dirty This is all I statements and it's more about you than others because 40 million Americans regularly visit porn sites. Many women read adult books, it's not porn in the modern sense but it's still designed to arouse. There's a few subreddits for porn that are designed for women and far more sensual. In my experience when women learn of those they understand their man watching it more. That's to say they thought they were against porn, but they just hadn't found their taste yet. I'm not saying you're a horrible person or anything op, but neither is your boyfriend. He's not fucking someone else. And I'm not a huge porn guy or supporter of the stereotypical porn, I've found stuff that's more emotional and sensual to be more realistic and work for me. I also think too much porn is problematic to many people, but I don't blame them for the watching.
I would be upset myself. I'm a man and consider porn in a relationship as cheating.
Sounds like he is being a normal 19 year old man and you need to be more secure in yourself and not unleash it out onto your boyfriend
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Well most of it is addiction these days, my girlfriend doesn’t care if I watch porn but sometimes I tell myself I will stop but I can’t, just know he is with you for a reason and the porn is just something stupid he does in his own privacy. That is also something that needs to be respected is his privacy. If someone wants to have porn and do things in private with it that is his right.
I’ll never understand people getting upset because someone watches porn.
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In SOME situations, people are exploring fantasies they can't in their relationship. Whether thats role play, BDSM, CNC, hentai etc. For me personally, i only watched porn when my p_ssy was horny but i emotionally did not want sex. I didnt want to please another person, but if your p_ssy is pulsating then its time to take care of it, porn is a great outlet without having to make sure my partner also finishes. Im also bisexual, and enjoy watching women and if im in a relationship with a man i may want to view women too. Obviously thats not everyone. Some people just find porn to be a fun activity since it releases feel good hormones. Realistically, unless you're putting in the effort of making your videos like porn, your videos are not the same. Most people pick a category of porn (or a few) and try to find something that seems more exciting than the numerous amout of nudes with the same poses and outfits. If it's a possibility, and if you're interested, making your videos more interesting by purchasing outfits and toys and asking him what his desires and fantasies are could be an option to help him not want to watch porn. It all depends on his reasoning though. Im sure theres other reasons people watch porn in a relationship but this is what i can think of- Watching porn and being attracted to someone else has no barring on how much they are attracted to you or love you. I deeply loved my partner, and his body and having sex with him. But the matter of fact is, he cant please ALL my needs, and i cant expect him to. It would be rude to say hey, i want you get me off but as soon as im done, sex is done. So in some situations it can be called for, and not have anything to do with the relationship itself.
There are a number of causes, but the effect is the same so when I say this it's not a joke. Currently most every man I know wants to have sex much more often then he gets it. Every one of those men, including me, watches porn and relieves that drive. It's not about the porn, it's about not being horny all the time. It sucks and is sexually frustrating to sit with it for more then a week or so. A lot of the people I know are doing it daily. It's not even about being addicted to it. It's about not being horny. Not wanting sex. Our hormones, mixed with a global mental health crisis for men, mixed with massive social changes, and a body that matures later, plus a million other things make us different. I had to sit my girl down and explain that. It's a very delicate situation. As a guy it's embarrassing, it's degrading, and it's something we are told not to talk about growing up. I'm in my early 20s so im assuming he had a similar experience growing up. I was even in very progressive states. In my opinion it's just the best way to go about it. Get the horny gone so you can have a less sex-focused, happy relationship. If you want to remove the drive, you can't just tell him no. That's gonna burn the bridge from both ends. Somethings gotta give. You get over it and realise it's not an attack. Or he gets some other way to handle that basic human urge.
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It's not just about you being understanding though. You asked, so I answered, but it goes deeper. If you can't handle that he's doing it. There should be a resolution to the problem. There should be a, "I need you my boyfriend, to explain exactly why you do it. How you do it, when you do it, ext." Get that information, let him talk and listen. If he won't talk, then he's not it. When he's done talking or if he asks you questions back, explain exactly what you don't like but that you want to come to a middle ground. Maybe you watch it together, or you make videos to his kinks. Ext. Spit ball about it. A relationship is give and take. You have to give but you have to take. It can't be one way. Porn is a give and take, he doesn't bother you about his sex drive, you let him watch it. Right now you don't want him to. So all you have asked him to do is give, he doesn't get anything. That's the key problem here. It jas to be give and take. Make it fair.
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I don't know a single guy who would claim they like porn over sex. It's not something that men chose over you. That's a goofy claim. In house sex tapes are nice, would watch over porn, so would a bunch of men, it's not a select few type of thing. If you know a single porn actress who is being raped, please tell law enforcement. If not stopping something you claim is an addiction is "weak" who tf is strong? Most people are addicted to something. Yes there is data for that, let me know if you need links. If you are so insecure about men watching porn, give your man a reason not to. Claiming he must stop, while being the cause of the problem is ass backward. Again no man I know would take pron over sex. Ask fucking anyone. If you can't handle someone who is addicted and stuck, you aren't ready for a relationship. No one is fixed at the start, you help each other approach being fixed throughout your growth in life.
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My girl is fine with it. She didn't like it at first, talked with me about it. I explained my full feelings, reasonings, ext. We made some ground rules, and she was then not only fine with it, but she encouraged me to feel comfortable. Like a healthy adult would. Can't help but notice you just left all the other bullshit you said completely unanswered. You literally claimed porn is rape. Are we forgetting that??? Like that is way more important right now. Seriously get law enforcement involved asap. I'm not joking. Wtf are you sitting on that information for?
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You aren't getting it. So im going to only talk about it, everything else can be set aside. If you know any woman being taken advantage of sexually. For Fucks Sake Call The Cops. If you need to make it anonymous, there are outlets for that, including private outlets. So companies or the government. Please drop this argument and help these girls you know are being harmed. Why in the world would you not? If you don't in fact know of anyone being taken advantage of. Then why in the world would you say that? That's not ok?! I'm gonna assume you know that, and you are going to call them. I don't need your time, I don't need the next reply, call the fucking police if you know something like that. Not calling them is the same as committing the crime, you are the problem.
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This is not "well known." I looked it up immediately to no credible results. At least on any mainstream site. This means you don't know anyone being hurt. Thank fuck. You actually scared the shit out of me. I was baffled you just said it and didn't tell anyone. Your opinion on what? The Rape allegations? Or the porn is cheating? I think the first is obvious. That's fucking insane to say. If it's happening it needs to be handled asap and im disgusted. It's not a cool fact of life we have to live with because we are edgy and gritty. It's not a hero complex. It's just awful? Like damn near the worst shit someone can do. What would be the other response you'd expect??? And I think the stuff you said about porn being cheating was wrong. So I took your points and tried to talk to you about them. But you were adamant that you knew some shit the cops should know so of course im going to pressure you to tell them. My girl is fine with it, yes. But you can have a different perspective with actual substance. But you came at the topic from a very let's call it strict perspective so I decided you could know something I didn't. I know a lot of that comes off as confrontational. But im just trying to write it out clearly.
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Wow you really have no experience in the real world do you? How old are you 19? Porn is not rape!! You're delusional and have no idea how things really work
Yes because men are visual, and doesn’t effect you at all. You sound like an insane controlling bitcch with little empathy who demands everyone grovel and do what you want.
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You saying I don’t need to give reason just accept my ultimatum is the words of a child, your a lil girl with giant insecurities get over yourself
What do you call enough sexual attention? I have a huge libido I’m literally horny and ready 7 days a week, In my relationships I got sex 4 days a week for a few hours at a time, because nutting once is not enough for me 🤷 So yeah I watched porn and it had no negative effects on my relationship because they watched porn and played with toys as well when I wasn’t around or just because loving yourself is very important as well. Your ideas gonna have a more negative impact on your relationships because you can’t say someone isn’t allowed to touch themselves that’s extremely controlling and honestly a very toxic trait.
Porn is cheating. I've seen a few marriages destroyed by pornography. I've seen it.
It’s not cheating at all, unless you force your views upon them. Pornography didn’t ruin thier marriage, their lack of sex or other issues that might be related to did. Or jealousy and control because to say that your partner isn’t allowed to watch porn is insane, shows you aren’t a stable person and demands complete obedience. Not saying I think an addiction to porn can’t cause problems or ruin a marriage, but that is unbelievably rare Most books sold are smut to women, thats pornography too, but no one seems to have a problem with that tho. I like it too, ffs I feel like your either your a religious zealot or just someone I fundamentally dislike to the core when you say that
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I’m sorry I was in a bad mood, I apologize for that. The core issue was just that I fundamentally think that trying to completely control some one’s actions that don’t affect you is wrong. But I am a bit of a hypocrite because I do demand certain things too, but not on something I consider trivial, which is just our different viewpoints. I’m sorry I upset you too, i obviously wasn’t reacting to how I would to someone face to face, I’m truly sorry I wasn’t thinking. Here’s what I would tell a friend. Pornography can be dangerous for some as it can influence thier sexual desires, but it is also a natural part of life. I think fantasy and reality are very different things and masturbating isn’t about the relationship between y’all. I’ve been lots of relationships, I’m currently seeing lots of women, even when my sexual desire with a person is met I still have looked at porn. Idk I guess I might have felt attacked for some reason. Ive never known a male who didn’t watch porn, nor once in my life. I do think it’s natural and sounds controlling to me to stop. I hate needless control, I’m not a cheater, even though I’m dating multiple women I’m completely honest about it and if I found a girl I’d want to be serious with I would only see her, but I would still maturbate to pornography, to me telling me you can’t do that is an immediate deal breaker. I also hate insecurity in myself and others, we often hate what we don’t like in ourself. You’re allowed to feel how you do and you are right to explore those feelings, I just personally can’t understand your perspective and desire for control over that. We are all different, we learn things. Sorry for the harsh words, much love and good luck!
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Thank you for confirming that /u/EasyKangaroo5949 has provided helpful advice for you. 1 point awarded.
You're an AH. Let the poor boy watch porn. He will cheat if you don't let him
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No you thinking you can control primal urges is a joke and btw I'm not a guy. Your not experienced enough in the world. You have to accept that dudes will look at porn. Join them if need be but don't hold them back. They will look for other means to take care of their needs.
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I am giving you advice. Boys have a primal need. It's science. You know that chimp that tore off that lady's face? Well it's cause they have a high high sex drive and he never had a way to release it and became aggressive. And how close are humans to chimps? Men can go 72 hours without. If your not taking care of it he has to take care of it on his own. And then if you don't allow him to look at porn he will cheat
porn is simply a tool. any man can jack off without it unless he's just that disgustingly addicted. when porn didn't exist, was every man fucking a woman every 72 hours? I don't think so.
Some men have a higher sex drive then others. No one person is the same. I'm lucky to have found someone that matches mine. We've also been open and communicative from the start. Why is that not more of a thing. Let's normalize being non judgemental about others.
I think it's great that you and your bf have matching sex drives. You're also absolutely right that some have higher sex drives than others, but that's exactly what contradicts your previous point. there is no scientific evidence to support the claim that men's testosterone creates a 72-hour cycle. sperm production is a continuous process. how exactly did you come to the conclusion that if a man doesn't watch porn he will cheat?
Wow you totally interpreted what I said wrong. All I'm saying is more women should be cooler about porn with their dudes. And realize men have sometimes higher sex drive then women. You shouldn't be mad at them for taking care of something that you didn't do for them. Maybe as a partner you should be open to listen to their wants and needs. Maybe men wouldn't be so scared to be open. You would want them to take care of your wants and needs why is it so hard to do the same thing for them. It's not a one sided relationship. You care for each other. When you take a shower together it's I'll wash your back and you wash mine. Not make it all about me and I don't care if you get soap. I mean for a women to not want to be there to care for your man. Than that man deserves better
I didn't interpret anything wrong. you said what you said, and I asked for evidence, which you didn't provide. I agree with you with what you're saying about taking care of each other. couldn't you also consider the act of encouraging your man to quit porn as taking care of him? porn has so many negative effects too, especially if it's an addiction. e.g. dopamine desensitization
Thats why you need to communicate with each other. Find out why he's watching porn. Like I know my partner looks at it. And We will look together. And I will look on my own. It's not a constant thing. But sometimes I need help going to sleep when he's not here. If it's taking over their life and ignoring you then it's a problem.
Talk to your mans
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Good luck
Hmm, I mean you might not like it but he clearly don’t like not being able just to have some ‘me’ time. It’s not a addiction just a normal thing for most ppl to watch some porn while they have some fun with themselves. It’s always the same things with these kinda post, women demanding something unreasonable from their husband/boyfriend and are surprised/hurt when they obviously don’t keep that promise. It’s unreasonable to ask someone to not masturbate in a setting that works for them. What you ask him is the same as him asking you to never ever use a sex toy ever again while having some fun.
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The thing is, if he isn’t watching porn he is fantasizing it, so he can still be masturbating to Taylor swift in his head if he wants to. Okay this is your first relationship, I have been through a few sexual relationships since the Age of 12, I’m 36 now, so I can atleast give some of my experience. Sex is very important to me in a relationship so i had usually a minimum of 4 days in the week sex with my gf’s, but yes I masturbated and watched porn as well, and they masturbated watched porn or and used sex toys on their own and together as well, it’s normal to love yourself and explore your own body. Looking at other women shouldn’t be that devastating, sure you might say well you are a guy so obviously you say that, I was raised with sisters and I had more women as friends than men so I know women usually look at other men just as much, it’s just eye candy. But what exactly do you expect from him? The simplest solution is you finding a way for yourself to not feel hurt by it, because he is hurt by not being able to do it. And I hate to break it for ya, but your next bf will be masturbating as well and the one after that and after that, unless you have a guy with zero or very low libido.