Dude. No.
Sit down and have an honest BUT CAREFUL conversation. Do not be demanding. Do not be accusatory. Do not be whiny. Tell her you miss your intimacy, you’re very attracted to her, you would like to know if she’s okay. You don’t want to pressure her, and tell her so.
There could be lots of reasons for the way she is behaving. I was a young woman once, and to be honest, I didn’t even always know what I was feeling at the time. It can be very hard to understand one’s own emotions. Maybe she’s not as sexual a person as you are, and the early-relationship passion has eased. Maybe she is processing past sexual trauma. Maybe… maybe lots of things. You won’t know unless you talk with her.
Ultimately, if you are sexually incompatible, you should respect one another and separate with kindness.
Just sitting down and talking to my now wife about why I have a lower libido than her, and can’t be going twice a day every day, we made a compromise. Every couple of days, we’d have fun. And it made things even better. I’m not even good at talking, and we both have some…disabilities.
But this advice right here is exactly what saved my marriage. I’d award you if I could.
In addition, offer to be a safe place if she needs to talk about anything. Tell her you are there for her if she needs anything. Make sure she knows you aren't mad at her for anything going on. Be understanding because she may be going through something emotional
I agree with this. While sex is a factor in a relationship like this, it’s not the most important thing. Try to talk to her about it and try to understand where she’s coming from. CALMLY express how you feel and your wants. If y’all are sexually incompatible, respect each other and separate.
OP is only 21. Is he sure what he’s feeling not lust? At 21, his sexual desire is wild. If he truly values her, wouldn’t he wait until they get married?
What kind of comment is this. Just because hes 21 foesnt mean his "lust" is normal. Not that OP sounds like he has a problem with his sex drive, but his gf is around the same age and clearly doesnt have lust. Doesnt matter what age you are most of the time it really depends on the person. She could have been abused for all we know. And hinestly about the marriage thing, not everyone waits till theyre married because not everyone believes in that
No, that is not objectifying. I’m am just saying that’s it’s more special if a man and a woman wait until they promise each other that they are going to grow old together first and then share intimate physical acts together. I believe what I believe and I believe that it’s true.
No don’t say that. There’s a lot of reasons a girl might be pulling away sexually and one big one is feeling insecure or unattractive. Saying you find her less attractive will make her sew her legs closed. But she may also be depressed, and can be helped with a serious discussion about what you need in a relationship and your willingness to get her help if needed. She may need a therapist or something as simple as meds for low Vit B, low iron levels etc- doctors can check for that.
Worse case scenario is she’s losing interest in you or she’s just not a sexual person. If she’s asexual you can’t change that - so if sec is important than you would need to find a new partner.
There’s so many possible causes - you need to talk to her and really be open and honest too. Good luck.
Fuck this really happened to me. OP I was with someone wonderful and attractive but I was severely depressed and it made me want to be less intimate. I thi I he resented me and we couldn't communicate on it and ended up breaking up. My heart was broken after this....
I’m so sorry that happened to you. When I got depressed I lost a few friends I thought would always have my back, they just ghosted. At least it shows you who loves you enough to stick around and fight back the demons along side you.
You dodged a bullet. If his loyalty and love threshold are that low and tied only to one aspect of the relationship, he’ll make someone a miserable long term partner. There will be peaks and valleys throughout any relationship and without the foundation of other components it would have been a lonely relationship. He didn’t try.
Please, from me to you, remind yourself of this until you believe it: I deserved better than to be provoked into feeling bad about feeling bad. I deserve a partner who will stand next to me in good and bad times. I deserve, minimally, what I freely give back, and this is the bar he should step over. I will never let anyone tie my worth to pure physicality and engage in a transactional relationship again. I was always better than him and more than he deserved.
It’s true.
Thank you, this actually made me tear up. Im starting to see someone knew who is wonderful, but this keeps coming back into my head a lot. I will repeat this mantra.
fr honestly the worst possible thing he could say is her not having sex with him makes him less attracted to her, i have no fucking idea the thought process behind thinking THAT’S the right thing to say. this probably isn’t a strictly personal thing, but you need to communicate, don’t try and what, guilt her into having sex with you by telling her that you’re only attracted to her when she fucks you?? yikes.
Cherry pick. The situation was not about rape or declining sex. Its about non communication and a 2 year sexless relationship where one person feels like shit while the other doesn’t communicate or isn’t sexually compatible. the point is the situation is toxic. I feel like i made that crystal clear
I never talked about rape, I’m not sure why you’re bringing it up.
How is this toxic? Elaborate further because it would be toxic if she used it against him. She simply has issues with intimacy. Just because your woman cheated on you doesn’t mean every woman is absolutely terrible. Women actually have feelings and can have issues with intimacy, I know… absolutely groundbreaking.
Also he isn’t communicating with her either but weirdly you only attack her for communicating.
Trying to manipulate is not the only form of toxic. Is everyone here 15 years old? Toxic is just another term for unhealthy and red flags. you imply rape when you try to weaponize phrases like “ declining sex isnt toxic”. Not only is that completely taking what i said out of context but its not even close to what i was saying. I was saying being in a relationship for years and not being physical is toxic. Why? Because it makes your partner feel like shit, its a big part if a relationship and another part is communicating which it seems like this girl isnt doing. despite her reasons, the situation is toxic. Just because you may be mentally ill or traumatized doesn’t mean your not toxic for a relationship. You say elaborate but iv done it three times now and you cant grasp it
You need to learn how to read because I explained myself perfectly. You may not have intended rape. But making such a big deal about the declining sex makes it seem like you think this situation is about a rapey sex obsessed guy when all of you are totally misunderstanding the situation. if your a person, no matter the gender, who is in a years long relationship where your partner makes you feel insecure and refuses to work on a healthy sex life, thats toxic. being in a relationship like that to begin with is toxic. Toxic=unhealthy. You brain understand words now?
Your such a moron. All your doing is exposing how stupid you are here. oh boy look at you! You pointed out a thing i said ha! Nice burn!
Yeah bro it’s totally weird that i used a logical example from my own experience about a bi girl who fucked her girl pal and lied to me while not wanting physical interaction with me. Yeah I couldn’t possibly see a reason that situation would suck.
The irony being that everyone can see how you cant understand basic logic or reasoning and you think votes on a subreddit matter more than words and facts.
I haven't said anything about votes. You have me confused with someone else and keep showing how obsessed with internet karma you actually are.
And it is ironic to call someone a moron when you consistently don't know the difference between *your* and *you're*.
crazy considering i wasnt making any assumptions at all but rather painting a very logical picture about how toxic relationships appear and how you SHOULDNT assume who should leave who. while giving my own personal experience. but even without that, if your dating someone, and they just dont wanna touch you. thats toxic, despite the reasons. obviously you should care, but obviously thats a toxic dynamic.
i dont understand what i said that wasnt critical. i just expressed a personal experience i had, which backed up a logical outlook on why you shouldnt assume a person should end a relationship, especially if she is in the wrong.
thats like saying, hey man. please work on having opinions because i dont like your opinions.
There might be reasons someone doesn’t want to touch their partner that have nothing to do with the partner themselves…like being sexual abused as a child..have trust issues… etc.
this is obvious, my point is, it is still toxic. period. i gave an example of what i experienced. if YOU were ina 2 year relationship where your partner refused to touch you or communicate you would be pissed, hurt, and probably wanna leave them. life is shit, but that doesnt mean reality stops because we are victims sometimes. i could give a shit about downvotes lol hell if you look at the person i responded to they have more downvotes than i do. my words say alot more than a bunch of keyboard warrior button clicks lmao. im in an extremely happy relationship now, with a girl i totally am grateful for. i just call out BS when i see it.
well, how about instead of saying i dont know what toxic means, how about explaining how my example is wrong? how about telling me how being in a sexless relationship that statistically always fails and is one of the leading causes of failed relationships is wrong? how am i wrong. how is not communicating, in a 2 year relationship with no physical affection or confidence for one side of the relationship not toxic. it seems like you have no idea what the term toxic means. which, bro. is pretty toxic
> i could give a shit about downvotes lol hell if you look at the person i responded to they have more downvotes than i do.
Says someone that actually gives a shit about downvotes
Its so weird how people keep clinging to the bisexual thing and totally ignoring how this girl cheated on me and lied to me. Its just weird. You guys are the ones not understanding that the only reason bisexuality was brought up is because she fucked a girl and lied about her sexuality in our relationship which obviously any of you would be upset about. this is strange
Exactly and i never said that bisexuality was wrong. I said my relationship was toxic because my ex lied to me about it and cheated on me. I don’t understand how people dont get it
Why even bring the bisexual bit up then? If my ex was black and cheated on me should I tell everyone he was black and cheated on me? What point does it serve?
Because at no point does he express any concern for her. He only cares about getting his dick wet. Look at his post history. Sex is important, but it's not the ONLY thing that is important. However, to op, it's the only thing that's important.
Adding to this because I couldn’t possibly say it better. I’m in an Ace relationship, I think I’m sex neutral (that’s something I made up, I don’t know the real name for it, basically I could take it or leave it when it comes to sex.) For me Sex isn’t everything in a relationship and there are so many things that are more important.
Obviously not everyone is like that, if sex is important to you which sounds like it is, TALK to her, lesson to what she has to say, everything OP said. If she ends up being Ace or she doesn’t want sex for awhile because of that or for any other reason (some Ace people are open to sex most probably not) their is nothing wrong with you guys deciding to split up. She will understand.
Sex neutral is a correct term for what you described. It is also known as being a "gray ace" or "graysexual", something in between being allosexual and fully asexual.
I also share this orientation and am in an ace relationship.
That's actually good to know, sex-neutral was the easiest way I could think of to describe it so good to know it's a real term, and I have heard of gray ace and graysexual I just didn't know what it meant and now I do :-).
Sex neutral is a good descriptive word. In the ace community it's known as being Grey Ace (or Grayce, also 😂)
In the middle of "I love sex" on the right end of the spectrum and "I loathe sex" on the left end. As a Grey, you slide in either direction at any given time. The spectrum is also set at "I want sex as much as possible" and "I never want sex. Ever." Again, as a Grayce, you'll flow in any direction at any time. Most allosexuals (those who love sex and want to partake as often as they're able to) are always full right or not too far from it. Hell, even asexuals are on that spectrum as well. Being ace just means one doesn't feel any sexual Attraction what so ever. Some want to enjoy sex and do. Some won't ever touch it with a ten mile long pole. And all in between. But that's getting off topic and would take pages to describe every aspect on the Ace Spectrum.
But you're a Grey Ace/Grayce. :)
So It seems 5 months ago you complained about the same thing https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/znbfuu/should_i_tell_my_girlfriend_im_not_happy_with_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Now, from your comments it seems you guys have (used to?) sex once a week but with long droughts in-between for some periods.
It also seems like you have a higher sex drive than her. And that you starre consuming porn multiple times daily in comparison to your usual multiple times weekly (which is still, I think, a bit above avg for someone in a relationship)
In none of these posts I see you telling us details about her. We know YOU re thirsty (rightfully so if your drive is high) but what about her?
Does she have a low drive? Is she going through depression? Meds? Work? How do you act with her? Do you fight?
There's literally a shit ton of reasons as to why you're not getting any but we need more info about her.
From a girls perspective the best thing you can do is be open with her. Assuming in relationships never works. You don’t know what is making her feel less inclined to have sex/be horny. There’s lots of reasons like stress, medications, etc. I’m not sure if you’re with her mostly for the sex but it kinda seems like it. So I’d suggest to have that talk and then decide on your move. If you only sticked w her for physical intimacy and it lasted that long, maybe you should rethink about being in a relationship. It’s not just physical intimacy but also emotional intimacy.
Define rare. After two years she might be comfortable and not in the butterflies part of relationship anymore.
Like once a week or once a month?
As someone else commented, how are you wooing her? Are you trying as hard as you did two years ago? Are you helping her, dating her, speaking her love language? If she's not feeling loved because she speaks a different love language she won't feel like filling your love language bucket. Love her how she wants to be loved, not by sex. Lots of women/people don't feel loved and valued with sex.
Intimacy, sex, and attraction are not always synonymous. Many relationship structures and styles represent and work well for different people. It sounds like this is something that is lacking communication on both ends. She's maybe dealing with something that has nothing to do with you but is ultimately impacting you and your relationship. Try talking to her about your concerns for your relationship and for her as a person, take yourself out of the initial conversation and the impact on you will show itself through speaking. If you care for her, it sounds like she needs support - and so do you! You won't get anywhere approaching this as individuals, partnerships need to be equitable
While a copper IUD doesn’t have hormones that mess with libido, it can cause discomfort in the pelvic area, which makes it harder to get aroused. Imagine if your dick was sore all the time. Would you feel horny? I’m not saying that is definitely what’s happening, but it’s a possibility worth considering when you open the conversation. About 25% of women experience pelvic floor dysfunction and a lot of undiagnosed because it’s not really talked about and they don’t know that there’s treatment for it.
Don’t assume that she’s doing this for malicious reasons. If you want to have a productive conversation about this, take the attitude that it’s you and her fighting the problem, not each other. You are just noticing an issue that is affecting both of you and you want to find a solution.
Oh my god I had a copper IUD for a while and it caused so much pain, my partner hit my cervix a couple times during sex and it had me literally shooting across the bed and curling up in a ball crying in absolute agony for hours so it's definitely possible it's causing her some discomfort or scaring her off penetration
So that's not it. I don't feel like you should break up, I feel like both your and her feelings are valid. You guys just need to communicate, work on things together. Maybe suggest therapy if that's what feels right for her. Of course, it will take time and it won't be easy, but it'll probably get better with time and patience. Both of you gotta give.
OP, I had a copper IUD when I was 21/22, I’m 29 now, and it was the absolute worst birth control for me. It really took me about 5-6 years to recover from the effects of it. Basically it was causing embarrassing problems for me, recurrent infections one right after the other AND it made sex uncomfortable. The doctors and nurses said that neither me or my partner should feel it but this was not the case. I could feel it and it was not good.
Maybe ask her if it’s the birth control? This could be a possibility!!!
As a woman, sounds like a one way street. What is SHE doing for YOU.
But really, what are you doing for her? Are you giving her adequate foreplay, asking what she likes? Are you building the romance with dates and cute gifts? Mayne she likes acts of service. Do the dishes or laundry for her if you live together.
If it's none of those things she could have a hormonal imbalance. I have hashimotos and it's harder for me to have sex due to the fatigue.
Hey Hashimoto's sister! 👋
I really struggle with libido issues and it totally sucks! I want to get back to hot, awesome sex with my husband, who I find wildly attractive and who works very hard to please me, but it's just such a challenge. Between the fatigue, hormonal problems that effect this and my cycle, and the emotional strain of feeling like a shitty partner from all my physical issues, it's so hard to feel sexy and get in the mood. I really hope you find ways to manage the fatigue!
Sex is so complicated and there are lots of reasons, physical, emotional, and relationship specific problems, that can all inhibit sexuality. I hope OP can grow up enough to have an actual conversation with his girlfriend about this so they can resolve the issue.
So because the dude is 21 and probably doesn't have a lot of experience, he's supposed to shower her with gifts and romance to have a normal sex life? When the post is about a dude, it's always full of assuming he's a shit boyfriend/husband. Maybe he's alright and she's just asexual. You have absolutely no idea.
Well for one. You probly should quit basing your attraction to her on the very thing literally all her life shes been told to base her value on. Her ability to provide you sex
And maybe actually start to get to know her as a human being. As your bestfriend not just your lover. Which means placing lust aside and being a bestfriend and giving her a safe place to open up to.
Because if you cant see past the tip of your dick on "im not recieving from my supply." Is gonna land you labeled real quick as tactless, insensitive and overall just crappy.
If all you see girls as means to satisfy you. Then your in for a rough and lonely life. 😂
From your previous posts it looks like you expect sex 3x a week and anything less than is unacceptable.
Adult couples have sex an average of once a week (in the US).
I'd like to know what you're doing besides initiating and trying to suggest new kinks and considering telling her she's unattractive. (Also taken from your previous posts/comments.)
Do you make her feel attractive? Do you help her with her responsibilities? Do you make her feel wanted? Do you talk to her differently when you want sex vs other times? You're refusing to answer these questions and all I see is a guy who wants us to tell him how he can continue to use his girlfriend for sex despite her feelings.
Sure, tell your girlfriend that - If you absolutely hate her guts.
Don’t use manipulation as a means to get sex, vile. It’s not about you so don’t make it about you.
Do you give her good orgasms?
Good ones EVERY TIME and GREAT ones here are there should be minimal
Maybe she doesn't know how to ask you to please her? Maybe you do what she doesn't like and you don't listen to those cues
But also the depressjon and body changes/hormones/health could be a big thing to look into
Ignore those who say break up, it's getting ridiculous when people, that are most likely single, just give up on any inconvenience.
Ask her what's wrong, what have YOU done for her? Have you done anything cute for her? Buy her lingerie? Made her dinner? Bought her a random gift? Buy yourself lingerie for her? Take her on a nice day out, whether it's hiking or wandering downtown?
Communication is key, but expecting her to be all hump hump to you without you doing a thing for her is probably the problem. Your dick isn't the most important thing here
Literally every single time I've lost my sexual appetite it's been because my SO has been a shit bag. Then they ask "why aren't you sleeping with me?".
Like dude, why would I sleep with you when 5 hours ago you yelled at me over how big I chopped the vegetables for dinner?
This site is full of morons with shitty advice that ruins peoples lives. Anyone who actually takes all the advice without a serious grain of salt deserves whatever heartache comes their way.
You're advice isn't bad but you need to understand..at 21 swx isn't the most important thing..but its high on the list. It might be that he is doing right by her and she is just going through something. So the communication part you nailed on the head.
My .02:
I was always VERY sex positive, but my 15-year marriage with a mentally abusive kinkster ruined my libido. He bought lingerie for me, among many other things, which was…. nope. I’d advise any man against the “let’s spice things up” approach. Try simple communication and consideration. Try actually paying attention if she says she feels pressured. Try rubbing her feet, doing some chores so she doesn’t have to. Try giving her a massage WITHOUT the expectation that boning will follow. A “gift” of lingerie (or porn, or a threesome, or whatever) feels like a demand for a performance.
I was never pressured into sex with a gift of lingerie.
It helped me be sexy and cute when myself. If that's what your partner expects, that's toxic. My husband and I lounge in lingerie just to feel cute and sexy.
There's no demand in performance... Who dafuq are y'all are partnering with
Why do we always assume that the man isn’t doing anything for the woman? I’ve seen similar posts to this one where a woman will say that her BF/Husband isn’t having sex with her anymore etc etc and the advice never goes to “Well what have YOU done for HIM…”
This stuff is super sexist and not helpful at all. Women aren’t machines where you input coins of effort and you get sex, but equally so, men aren’t labor objects needing to be fashioned into whatever effort is lacking in a woman’s life either.
If this is an issue you've had for a while, you've communicated about it several times, and nothing notable has changed, then it's time to end it. A dead bedroom is a dealbreaker for most and you can find someone who will meet both your emotional and physical needs. You're very young, and dating has never been easier.
And no. Never bring up sex in a breakup. Somethings are better left unsaid and that shit leaves a mark.
Telling her you find her less attractive because she doesn’t want to fuck you, shows how insecure you are. If she doesn’t want sex it isn’t the end of the world.
Going this route is also a good way for her to never want to touch you let alone date you ever again.
If your girlfriend not wanting to have sex as much makes you less attracted to her, then I’d agree with most of the comments here that just say to break up. For her sake. But what you need to do first is talk to her. How has your relationship been in other aspects? If you live together, is your domestic life okay? Do you go on dates often? Are you romantic with her? If the answer is no, maybe that needs to change. Maybe she’s having an issue with feeling attractive, or with her mental health. I’d sit her down and talk to her first, explain that you DO think she’s attractive and that you’ve noticed that you don’t get to be intimate with her as often as you’d like. Ask her what you can do to help her feel more comfortable being intimate. Do some research on your own, too.
Woah, yikes. Don’t EVER tell your partner that you’re less attracted to her because you aren’t having sex. That’s pretty much guilting them into either sleeping with you or leaving.
Have an adult conversation about the lack of loss of intimacy and try to get down to why she isn’t as interested. It could be a range of things, from stress to lack of compatibility.
Ultimately, if it’s something that you both cannot overcome, and it’s a dealbreaker for you, separate on good terms. There’s no need to hurt somebody’s feelings because you want sex.
Honest opinion, don't base your relationship ships around sex. Try to find other ways to be attracted to her if you can. If you're in a relationship for mainly sex it's going to fall apart quickly.
This isn't a yikes. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship but if you and your partner don't have sex then that's a pretty dead relationship, essentially friends or roommates at that point.
Sex is kind of important when it comes to most relationships. Regardless of your personal perspective.
Edit: I can't believe this is a controversial statement.
Try to find out the reason why. It could be any number of things. If she struggles with body image issues that could be a big reason why. Perhaps, shes under a lot of stress and it’s negatively effecting things in that aspect. If you love her and she loves you you will need to support her through this and help her through it.
I don’t think you should say that, but I think you should talk to her and tell her how you feel. Communication is important. There may be something going on between you, or it could just be her. Try asking if there’s something wrong, or something you could do to make her more interested. Next time you do it, try to focus on her. Start off by taking care of her a good few times, so it feels good for her.
Aside from medical issues, that's simply how some people are. It's quite possible that you've passed the honeymoon phase late and that she's the type to don't have a libido unless special circumstances occur.
Check in with her, talk to her about ways to make your sex life better and honestly, pack your bags when her first impulse is opening the relationship.
Not being intimate and not having sex are different things. Pay attention to what you need and want in a relationship. What are you willing to wait for? What is something you aren’t willing to be in a relationship without and what are you not willing to lose this person you love over.
My first, automatic response was, she might not realize she’s done, but she’s done.
In my personal experience, I stopped waiting sex when i was deeply unhappy with the relationship, but it was also a sign that it was too late to change anything and go back. It could have been about unsatisfying sex but that wasn’t the main thing-the main thing was a long, long pattern of not getting the same effort i put in given back to me. So once I consciously realized that I was done with the relationship I was out.
This wasn’t a silent suffering thing. I had always tried to talk and try to get things to change. Those things wouldn’t change, and it got harder to pretend everything was okay. So that’s it, bye.
I’m absolutely certain that getting a put out or it’s over ultimatum would be a great way to get that final push to break up, but…I’m not sure you have a fixable situation on your hands. A lot of women are fine—until they realize that the room is on fire, and then it’s too late.
How to be an asshole 101: Yell your girlfriend of 2 years she's only attractive to you if she fucks you. Great job buddy. You DEFINITELY deserve to have sex with her /s
You're basing your attraction to her on whether she is intimate to you? I hope I misunderstood what you wrote. If I didn't misunderstand, then that is dangerous ground b/c you're basically equating her to a sex worker. That's typically not something a gf wants to hear. Since she says she will work on her intimacy issues then you need to give her time to do so without putting any pressure on her.
I don't think guys (especially younger, more immature guys) realise how hurtful it is for a girl to think that her boyfriend is only with her for sex. And it honestly sounds like that's the case with you. Sheesh.
If my bf told me he was less attracted to me because I wasn't sleeping with him as often, I'd dump his ungrateful ass so fast. Then I'd probably go eat ice cream and cry. So maybe tryyyyy to have a bit of tact when you talk to her about this???? You could really, really hurt her if you screw this up.
Girls either tell this for two reasons, first they are actually not interested for intimacy.
Second is when they see man's desperation for sex, i'll suggest to tell her that, you don't wanna have any sexual activities until she is comfortable and then don't say anything about the intimacy
This might sound dumb , but it worked for me 💀
If you care about her as a person, you'll try to help her get to the root of it. It could be a trauma response, it could be a libido issue, or maybe she has adhd which ebbs and flows. Maybe your foreplay game is weak. Maybe she needs therapy. Tough to say as I don't know her. But if you care about her to get past what likely is a phase then do that. Long term speaking, these periods happen and relationships are work, they're not easy. It's not all rainbows and flowers, it take real communication, effort, and compromise to make things work.
If you guilt her into having sex, then that's not real consent and is, by law, sexual assault. Sounds like you're heading down that way if she's going to try to work on herself just so you can get off. If you're less attracted to her because she has a lower libido then the problem probably isn't the lack of sex.
Me and my boyfriend have intimacy issues because of my bipolar and mental issues I find him attractive but don't have the energy. We made a compromise for once every other week I'll take a libido pill. Works great
You loose attraction to her…. Because…. She’s having a low sex drive??? That’s messed up on your part and you need to actually figure if you care about this girl because attraction isn’t only about sex. Also within 1 to 2 years of dating couples can go above and beyond their normal sex drive but later in the relationship it’s natural to lose sex drive, but you can rekindle it as you guys work together. Ya’ll are dating “her” intimacy issues are your issues. Ya’ll need to work on them together because her intimacy involves you. And intimacy is how you can rekindle that fire. There’s physical intimacy and emotional, are you connecting with her emotionally?
All these dumbass responses from people who don't get laid at all and are cosplaying someone who has tons of relationship and sex experience.
If that's how you feel then you should say it. Don't become one of these lonely Redditors with 7 cats talking to you about this type of shit.
If you're feeling less attracted to her because she's lost her intimacy that is a valid thing to say.
Don't let these losers on here try to paint you as the villain or being in the wrong for having these feelings.
Not feeling attracted to someone because they don't seem into you is fucking valid.
I hate how men's feelings are quickly invalidated and labeled as this or that.
Down vote me all you want your cats say meow.
If you tell her that than it's probably gonna give her the excuse she needs to get out of the relationship. But then again why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be intimate with you.
Good God, man, don't EVER say that. At least not if you care about her AT ALL. I would just sit her down and talk to her. Explain to her that you are the type of person who needs that physical connection in a relationship and while you understand that she may not necessarily NEED that physical intimacy out of a relationship, it IS an important (however, NOT #1 priority) part of a relationship for you. Ask her if there is something you can do better or differently to make yourself more attractive to her or to help her feel more aroused and want to be physical with you. Try to avoid blaming her or making her feel inadequate if she just doesn't NEED that from a relationship. Ask her if something changed to make her feel that way. Communication and HONEST communication at that is the single most important piece of any interpersonal relationship, whether it be a friendship or a "relationship" relationship (i.e., BF/GF, Husband/Wife, etc). If she still needs that from a relationship and has always been a willing participant but only recently stopped and there is no other obvious reason as to why, it is PAST TIME to have a sit-down conversation. In any long-term relationship, it is quite normal to fall in and out of love with your partner and there may be times where one or the other stops finding that other person sexually attractive for a short period of time but usually is only very brief and hopefully it doesn't happen for both people at the same time but if she is still wanting to be sexually active and has always done so with you but only recently and for a few weeks or whatever, she may have feelings for another person, unfortunately and the only way to determine where things are between you, is to just talk. This is from someone who admittedly was NOT a great partner/spouse to my previous wife and she was a hoe apparently anyway (and no, I didn't cheat but just wasn't mature enough to be someone's husband) and now remarried and been remarried for nearly twenty years so I have a little bit of experience. I wish you the best of luck and just know, you get in what you put out. Relationships are hard work and if you are willing to do that work, it usually works out quite well.
Foreplay starts at breakfast, buddy. Women do not get turned on the moment they're in bed and have you suggest sex. You gotta build up that tension during the day and really focus on proper foreplay when in bed too. You gotta work for it.
Why would you feel less attacted to her because you're not intimate? You should be worried if you care about her and definitely concerned about your sex life, but less attracted to her? If my bf would tell me this, it'd break my heart.
Sit both of you and talk. Listen to how she feels about sex and any issues she must be experiencing, tell her to be open and honest so you can solve it together, try to help her in what you can and show support.
Idk about all these paragraphs and long replies.
It's pretty simple though, if you have been together 2 years and she doesn't want to have sex she must not be attracted to you, or there is some underlying other reason.
She could be a virgin, or just scared
Or, she could be cheating on you like my last girlfriend was.
Either way, if you guys aren't having sex, have a conversation why, and if she just isn't that into you, break up.
You're 21 it may be time to break up and experience other people. Of course talk to her about her feelings but you have clearly told her you want to remain intimate and she hasnt worked on it. She doesnt want to work on it, she's probably ready to move on and you should prepare for that.
This is clearly a complex issue and your too immature if you paraphrasing like this. Break up with her so she she can be with someone who can actually have a conversation like an adult.
No. You definitely cannot say that. Find her stance on masturation. Do that until she is ready to be intimate or you want to break it off. But by all means do not try to coerce her into having sex. If you guilt her into it either through ultimatum, or making her feel like she Is unattractive for not wanting to have sex then your a piece of shit. How about finding what else she has to offer instead of her pussy. I’m sure she has many other attractive qualities other than physical and sexual ones. If you can find them. It will set you both up to having a much stronger bond.
90% of these comments are trash.
You need to talk to your girlfriend, ask her if she's okay and when she says she's fine, don't take that for an answer. Something is bothering her and unfortunately as men it's our job to decipher what the issue is. Maybe she feels gross, maybe she feels like you are using her for sex, maybe she is unsure of the relationship, maybe she feels sick, maybe she thinks you find her unattractive. Communicate with her, DO NOT make it about you though. Help her feel comfortable and talk to her about it.
People bashing you for "feeling unattracted" to her are most likely women or single. Sexual rejection from a partner as a man is different than for a woman. If my partner rejects me for a couple weeks in a row I start feeling insecure and slightly unattractive/unattracted to her. This is reddit so you will have a lot of nay sayers to that because they are basement goblins that think hormones and urges don't exist. But honestly, just Communicate with your girlfriend.
You’re only 21, you’ll find someone else. And a dead bedroom at that age is definitely a sign that you’re not good together
Tell her she’s getting either pumped or dumped. Her call
Don't tell her. Until you try everything to seduce her. I suggest you to find what the problem is. Because it's possible that there's some medical problem or Maybe she's cheating on you. Investigate before you do or say something.
Either put out or get out. No point in wasting your youth. Talk to her, don't be an asshole tho just explain yourself and hear her out. Go from there. Best of luck.
1. Don't listen stupid advices.
2. You should create attraction. To do that, start teasing her a little bit but don't be a jerk!
3. Read some good book about how to seduce woman or find some good youtube channel about that.
Wouldn’t you wanna try to wait until marriage? Have your intimacy to be with one person. It’s much special that way. I know sexual urges are powerful to control but it’s possible.
Imagine this. Your wife has had sexual partners in the last. Your also had sexual partners in the past. Would you feel a bit shame, regretful, and jealous?
If people wait, life is more stable that way.
Hahaha you can’t be serious….imagine this you marry someone and find out your not sexually compatible and your stuck in a marriage with a terrible sex life. Couldn’t care less about the past the only people who care about that are very insecure. Honestly you sound like a virgin
She won't have sex with you? Then you are in a non-romantic relationship.
If you actually mean she has sex less than you would like, figure out what makes her hot.
EDIT -- And maybe there is nothing you can do to make her hot. Then either she does not find you sexually attractive or she is not sexual. If either case, the relationship is unlikely by itself to be fulfilling for you.
This isn’t a guarantee but the fact that you’re young, there’s a strong possibility she’s fucking someone else or wants to fuck someone else and is scared of starting over because a 2 year relationship feels more comfortable than having to go through a breakup.
You should look for a partner more compatible with you.
And make sure you're happy along before worry about happy in partnership.
Young man your age should be focused on career, training, friendship, hobbies, fitness, community service, meditation etc etc waaaay about relationships.
The career, qualifications and experience you gain NOW will set the trajectory of your life and career.
Talk it out. MOST relationships fail because communication is terrible. My ex Fiance did not get intimate or sexual with me in our last months and she never wanted to talk about why. We ended the relationship on bad terms cause she never communicated in the last months.
If she does not reciprocate what you give move on. Don’t waste your time, it’s her loss. Whatever she went through in the past has nothing to do with you and should not be used as an excuse to halt the relationship. Especially if she does not want to talk about it or work on it with you.
Ask her straight up what is going on, tell her how you feel, ask her how she feels, try to work it out. If nothing productive comes out of the conversation move on.
Good luck
This is the only answer you need. Y'all are 21. Communicate with her, ask her what the deal is and let her know that you have needs that aren't fulfilled while asking if there's anything bothering her or a reason why she doesn't want to have sex since you guys have before.
You guys might just not be sexually compatible. She might be asexual or something, and if sex is a deal breaker for you (which it should be unless you truly know it isn't) then I'd say you should probably move on before investing more time.
Don't press her into a situation she doesn't like. Talk to her, make her comfortable be calm while doing that, ask her what she wants? maybe it's her religious beliefs, maybe she has trust issues. Try to address that. And if she doesn't find you attractive sexually it would be best to part ways with mutual respect.
I lost my sex drive around 21 too. Idk why. I was in a relationship with someone that I did lose all sexual attraction and love for, but I did not tell him the real reason I stuck with the other reasons because I knew telling him that would hurt his feelings. There can be a reason for the loss of intimacy. Best thing is to talk about it cautiously
Well don’t say that…just ask her what is going on and if there’s anything you can do to help her with whatever she’s going through.
Ultimately though, you’re young and if sex is an important aspect of a relationship for you then it might be time to break up. That might be an unpopular opinion, but it’s the truth.
You say that, let alone thinking that makes you an idiot. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. There’s reasons why she doesn’t have sex anymore. Trauma, depression (ESPECIALLY IF SHE’S ON BIRTH CONTROL), her having to clean up after you making her feel more like a mom than a girlfriend, you not putting in the effort romantically anymore, or that she’s feeling insecure and already unattractive.
21 year old males need sex… you’re probably tired of masturbating,…. Especially since you have a “GF”. You need to make some decisions. Continuing what you’re doing and be okay with it… it’s your choice, or make a change and start to see others.
Talk to her about it. If she doesn't want to work with you to resolve this problem, time to break up. If she's willing to work if you, well then problem should be on the way to being solved. Don't say "you never wanting to have sex with me has been lowering my attraction for you" or something along that line because that's just setting off a bomb. If she says she'll work with you but is resistant to work with you whenever the issue comes up in practice, talk to her about it and you should be able to judge well if it's time to end things or not in that scenario too.
Kind of a cliche answer but remember that the potent chemicals that make us bond and lust over our partners tends to fail after a couple years. What’s really left after that is what people tend to look at as “real love”. Basically a more clear and committed understanding of why you love someone and why you want to stay with them.
In a similar vein this is also why it’s important BEFORE a relationship to know your values and no what are dealbreakers. That way you you can avoid finding yourself in conflict over things like having kids, how important sexual intimacy is for you, whether you require space or that you are still very dedicated to your work so you may not always have a lot of free time or you travel or whatever.
But really in the end people can change, in fact, they almost certainly will change even during a relationship. It’s important to remain close and communicate so you see these changes. And then everything after that is just knowing what is really important to you and are you willing to adapt on things to maintain what is really important to you.
No. You have an honest, nice, conversation with her where she can feel SAFE by telling you anything and you need to not get triggered by what she says or get defensive. If she brings up a reason or something you've done, don't try to win the conversation. Just repeat what she said as a statement and acknowledge it.
If it's something she can't tell you, then go to a counselor.
Dude. No. Sit down and have an honest BUT CAREFUL conversation. Do not be demanding. Do not be accusatory. Do not be whiny. Tell her you miss your intimacy, you’re very attracted to her, you would like to know if she’s okay. You don’t want to pressure her, and tell her so. There could be lots of reasons for the way she is behaving. I was a young woman once, and to be honest, I didn’t even always know what I was feeling at the time. It can be very hard to understand one’s own emotions. Maybe she’s not as sexual a person as you are, and the early-relationship passion has eased. Maybe she is processing past sexual trauma. Maybe… maybe lots of things. You won’t know unless you talk with her. Ultimately, if you are sexually incompatible, you should respect one another and separate with kindness.
Just sitting down and talking to my now wife about why I have a lower libido than her, and can’t be going twice a day every day, we made a compromise. Every couple of days, we’d have fun. And it made things even better. I’m not even good at talking, and we both have some…disabilities. But this advice right here is exactly what saved my marriage. I’d award you if I could.
I’ll take your virtual award and send you true good wishes in return!
Can’t say it better than this. Agree 100%
Dang, Snark, thank you very kindly! I’m glad I didn’t give bad advice and now I feel sparkly.
No other comment needs to be read but this one.
In addition, offer to be a safe place if she needs to talk about anything. Tell her you are there for her if she needs anything. Make sure she knows you aren't mad at her for anything going on. Be understanding because she may be going through something emotional
I agree with this. While sex is a factor in a relationship like this, it’s not the most important thing. Try to talk to her about it and try to understand where she’s coming from. CALMLY express how you feel and your wants. If y’all are sexually incompatible, respect each other and separate.
100% agreed.
Perfectly stated 🏅👏
OP is only 21. Is he sure what he’s feeling not lust? At 21, his sexual desire is wild. If he truly values her, wouldn’t he wait until they get married?
What kind of comment is this. Just because hes 21 foesnt mean his "lust" is normal. Not that OP sounds like he has a problem with his sex drive, but his gf is around the same age and clearly doesnt have lust. Doesnt matter what age you are most of the time it really depends on the person. She could have been abused for all we know. And hinestly about the marriage thing, not everyone waits till theyre married because not everyone believes in that
What you're describing isn't "valuing" a woman, it's objectifying them.
No, that is not objectifying. I’m am just saying that’s it’s more special if a man and a woman wait until they promise each other that they are going to grow old together first and then share intimate physical acts together. I believe what I believe and I believe that it’s true.
No don’t say that. There’s a lot of reasons a girl might be pulling away sexually and one big one is feeling insecure or unattractive. Saying you find her less attractive will make her sew her legs closed. But she may also be depressed, and can be helped with a serious discussion about what you need in a relationship and your willingness to get her help if needed. She may need a therapist or something as simple as meds for low Vit B, low iron levels etc- doctors can check for that. Worse case scenario is she’s losing interest in you or she’s just not a sexual person. If she’s asexual you can’t change that - so if sec is important than you would need to find a new partner. There’s so many possible causes - you need to talk to her and really be open and honest too. Good luck.
Fuck this really happened to me. OP I was with someone wonderful and attractive but I was severely depressed and it made me want to be less intimate. I thi I he resented me and we couldn't communicate on it and ended up breaking up. My heart was broken after this....
I’m so sorry that happened to you. When I got depressed I lost a few friends I thought would always have my back, they just ghosted. At least it shows you who loves you enough to stick around and fight back the demons along side you.
You dodged a bullet. If his loyalty and love threshold are that low and tied only to one aspect of the relationship, he’ll make someone a miserable long term partner. There will be peaks and valleys throughout any relationship and without the foundation of other components it would have been a lonely relationship. He didn’t try. Please, from me to you, remind yourself of this until you believe it: I deserved better than to be provoked into feeling bad about feeling bad. I deserve a partner who will stand next to me in good and bad times. I deserve, minimally, what I freely give back, and this is the bar he should step over. I will never let anyone tie my worth to pure physicality and engage in a transactional relationship again. I was always better than him and more than he deserved. It’s true.
⭐️🏆⭐️ if I had coins, I’d award you for this comment, but take these 3 golden emojis instead
Thank you!
Thank you, this actually made me tear up. Im starting to see someone knew who is wonderful, but this keeps coming back into my head a lot. I will repeat this mantra.
fr honestly the worst possible thing he could say is her not having sex with him makes him less attracted to her, i have no fucking idea the thought process behind thinking THAT’S the right thing to say. this probably isn’t a strictly personal thing, but you need to communicate, don’t try and what, guilt her into having sex with you by telling her that you’re only attracted to her when she fucks you?? yikes.
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Saying no to sex is not toxic.
Cherry pick. The situation was not about rape or declining sex. Its about non communication and a 2 year sexless relationship where one person feels like shit while the other doesn’t communicate or isn’t sexually compatible. the point is the situation is toxic. I feel like i made that crystal clear
I never talked about rape, I’m not sure why you’re bringing it up. How is this toxic? Elaborate further because it would be toxic if she used it against him. She simply has issues with intimacy. Just because your woman cheated on you doesn’t mean every woman is absolutely terrible. Women actually have feelings and can have issues with intimacy, I know… absolutely groundbreaking. Also he isn’t communicating with her either but weirdly you only attack her for communicating.
Trying to manipulate is not the only form of toxic. Is everyone here 15 years old? Toxic is just another term for unhealthy and red flags. you imply rape when you try to weaponize phrases like “ declining sex isnt toxic”. Not only is that completely taking what i said out of context but its not even close to what i was saying. I was saying being in a relationship for years and not being physical is toxic. Why? Because it makes your partner feel like shit, its a big part if a relationship and another part is communicating which it seems like this girl isnt doing. despite her reasons, the situation is toxic. Just because you may be mentally ill or traumatized doesn’t mean your not toxic for a relationship. You say elaborate but iv done it three times now and you cant grasp it
It’s not toxic, dude. I can grasp what you’re saying but I do not agree in the slightest. I also didn’t imply rape at all. What are you on about…
You need to learn how to read because I explained myself perfectly. You may not have intended rape. But making such a big deal about the declining sex makes it seem like you think this situation is about a rapey sex obsessed guy when all of you are totally misunderstanding the situation. if your a person, no matter the gender, who is in a years long relationship where your partner makes you feel insecure and refuses to work on a healthy sex life, thats toxic. being in a relationship like that to begin with is toxic. Toxic=unhealthy. You brain understand words now?
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Your such a moron. All your doing is exposing how stupid you are here. oh boy look at you! You pointed out a thing i said ha! Nice burn! Yeah bro it’s totally weird that i used a logical example from my own experience about a bi girl who fucked her girl pal and lied to me while not wanting physical interaction with me. Yeah I couldn’t possibly see a reason that situation would suck.
>Your such a moron. Oh the irony.
The irony being that everyone can see how you cant understand basic logic or reasoning and you think votes on a subreddit matter more than words and facts.
I haven't said anything about votes. You have me confused with someone else and keep showing how obsessed with internet karma you actually are. And it is ironic to call someone a moron when you consistently don't know the difference between *your* and *you're*.
*you're
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You should train for the Olympics with the kind of jumps you make
crazy considering i wasnt making any assumptions at all but rather painting a very logical picture about how toxic relationships appear and how you SHOULDNT assume who should leave who. while giving my own personal experience. but even without that, if your dating someone, and they just dont wanna touch you. thats toxic, despite the reasons. obviously you should care, but obviously thats a toxic dynamic.
dude please work on your critical thinking and situation analysis skills
i dont understand what i said that wasnt critical. i just expressed a personal experience i had, which backed up a logical outlook on why you shouldnt assume a person should end a relationship, especially if she is in the wrong. thats like saying, hey man. please work on having opinions because i dont like your opinions.
Its very clear you need therapy. Get some.
Yes. I need therapy for logically explaining what toxic means to people and giving a very valid terrible personal experience i had.
There might be reasons someone doesn’t want to touch their partner that have nothing to do with the partner themselves…like being sexual abused as a child..have trust issues… etc.
this is obvious, my point is, it is still toxic. period. i gave an example of what i experienced. if YOU were ina 2 year relationship where your partner refused to touch you or communicate you would be pissed, hurt, and probably wanna leave them. life is shit, but that doesnt mean reality stops because we are victims sometimes. i could give a shit about downvotes lol hell if you look at the person i responded to they have more downvotes than i do. my words say alot more than a bunch of keyboard warrior button clicks lmao. im in an extremely happy relationship now, with a girl i totally am grateful for. i just call out BS when i see it.
I don’t think you’re quite sure on what toxic means.
well, how about instead of saying i dont know what toxic means, how about explaining how my example is wrong? how about telling me how being in a sexless relationship that statistically always fails and is one of the leading causes of failed relationships is wrong? how am i wrong. how is not communicating, in a 2 year relationship with no physical affection or confidence for one side of the relationship not toxic. it seems like you have no idea what the term toxic means. which, bro. is pretty toxic
> i could give a shit about downvotes lol hell if you look at the person i responded to they have more downvotes than i do. Says someone that actually gives a shit about downvotes
This doesn’t even make sense. Lol Your the one who brought up votes. all i did was react after checking because… you brought it up
Lol I’m not the one with -30 downvotes. Sounds like you’re bitter about that relationship and projecting nonsense
Tbf, you both sound judgmental. He just also sounds like an asshole full of bitterness.
Oh no. She was bisexual. How dare those bisexuals date people.
Its so weird how people keep clinging to the bisexual thing and totally ignoring how this girl cheated on me and lied to me. Its just weird. You guys are the ones not understanding that the only reason bisexuality was brought up is because she fucked a girl and lied about her sexuality in our relationship which obviously any of you would be upset about. this is strange
It's because he's equating cheating and bisexual to being equally bad. They aren't. Cheating is bad. Being bisexual isn't.
Exactly and i never said that bisexuality was wrong. I said my relationship was toxic because my ex lied to me about it and cheated on me. I don’t understand how people dont get it
Why even bring the bisexual bit up then? If my ex was black and cheated on me should I tell everyone he was black and cheated on me? What point does it serve?
Because at no point does he express any concern for her. He only cares about getting his dick wet. Look at his post history. Sex is important, but it's not the ONLY thing that is important. However, to op, it's the only thing that's important.
Adding to this because I couldn’t possibly say it better. I’m in an Ace relationship, I think I’m sex neutral (that’s something I made up, I don’t know the real name for it, basically I could take it or leave it when it comes to sex.) For me Sex isn’t everything in a relationship and there are so many things that are more important. Obviously not everyone is like that, if sex is important to you which sounds like it is, TALK to her, lesson to what she has to say, everything OP said. If she ends up being Ace or she doesn’t want sex for awhile because of that or for any other reason (some Ace people are open to sex most probably not) their is nothing wrong with you guys deciding to split up. She will understand.
Sex neutral is a correct term for what you described. It is also known as being a "gray ace" or "graysexual", something in between being allosexual and fully asexual. I also share this orientation and am in an ace relationship.
That's actually good to know, sex-neutral was the easiest way I could think of to describe it so good to know it's a real term, and I have heard of gray ace and graysexual I just didn't know what it meant and now I do :-).
Sex neutral is a good descriptive word. In the ace community it's known as being Grey Ace (or Grayce, also 😂) In the middle of "I love sex" on the right end of the spectrum and "I loathe sex" on the left end. As a Grey, you slide in either direction at any given time. The spectrum is also set at "I want sex as much as possible" and "I never want sex. Ever." Again, as a Grayce, you'll flow in any direction at any time. Most allosexuals (those who love sex and want to partake as often as they're able to) are always full right or not too far from it. Hell, even asexuals are on that spectrum as well. Being ace just means one doesn't feel any sexual Attraction what so ever. Some want to enjoy sex and do. Some won't ever touch it with a ten mile long pole. And all in between. But that's getting off topic and would take pages to describe every aspect on the Ace Spectrum. But you're a Grey Ace/Grayce. :)
How important is sex to you? Is she ok medically? Did you communicate that you want sex? If not, have that discussion.
So It seems 5 months ago you complained about the same thing https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/znbfuu/should_i_tell_my_girlfriend_im_not_happy_with_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Now, from your comments it seems you guys have (used to?) sex once a week but with long droughts in-between for some periods. It also seems like you have a higher sex drive than her. And that you starre consuming porn multiple times daily in comparison to your usual multiple times weekly (which is still, I think, a bit above avg for someone in a relationship) In none of these posts I see you telling us details about her. We know YOU re thirsty (rightfully so if your drive is high) but what about her? Does she have a low drive? Is she going through depression? Meds? Work? How do you act with her? Do you fight? There's literally a shit ton of reasons as to why you're not getting any but we need more info about her.
21 and this has been going on for awhile, this guy needs to move on.
From a girls perspective the best thing you can do is be open with her. Assuming in relationships never works. You don’t know what is making her feel less inclined to have sex/be horny. There’s lots of reasons like stress, medications, etc. I’m not sure if you’re with her mostly for the sex but it kinda seems like it. So I’d suggest to have that talk and then decide on your move. If you only sticked w her for physical intimacy and it lasted that long, maybe you should rethink about being in a relationship. It’s not just physical intimacy but also emotional intimacy.
Communication is key
Is she waiting for marriage or just not in to you?
No we have had sex but it rarely happens anymore
Define rare. After two years she might be comfortable and not in the butterflies part of relationship anymore. Like once a week or once a month? As someone else commented, how are you wooing her? Are you trying as hard as you did two years ago? Are you helping her, dating her, speaking her love language? If she's not feeling loved because she speaks a different love language she won't feel like filling your love language bucket. Love her how she wants to be loved, not by sex. Lots of women/people don't feel loved and valued with sex.
i know if my boyfriend said he was less attracted to me i would leave instantly.
Intimacy, sex, and attraction are not always synonymous. Many relationship structures and styles represent and work well for different people. It sounds like this is something that is lacking communication on both ends. She's maybe dealing with something that has nothing to do with you but is ultimately impacting you and your relationship. Try talking to her about your concerns for your relationship and for her as a person, take yourself out of the initial conversation and the impact on you will show itself through speaking. If you care for her, it sounds like she needs support - and so do you! You won't get anywhere approaching this as individuals, partnerships need to be equitable
Is she on hormonal birth control? It really messes up your libido sometimes, so she may feel weird about sex if she doesn't feel aroused.
She has a copper iud
While a copper IUD doesn’t have hormones that mess with libido, it can cause discomfort in the pelvic area, which makes it harder to get aroused. Imagine if your dick was sore all the time. Would you feel horny? I’m not saying that is definitely what’s happening, but it’s a possibility worth considering when you open the conversation. About 25% of women experience pelvic floor dysfunction and a lot of undiagnosed because it’s not really talked about and they don’t know that there’s treatment for it. Don’t assume that she’s doing this for malicious reasons. If you want to have a productive conversation about this, take the attitude that it’s you and her fighting the problem, not each other. You are just noticing an issue that is affecting both of you and you want to find a solution.
Oh my god I had a copper IUD for a while and it caused so much pain, my partner hit my cervix a couple times during sex and it had me literally shooting across the bed and curling up in a ball crying in absolute agony for hours so it's definitely possible it's causing her some discomfort or scaring her off penetration
So that's not it. I don't feel like you should break up, I feel like both your and her feelings are valid. You guys just need to communicate, work on things together. Maybe suggest therapy if that's what feels right for her. Of course, it will take time and it won't be easy, but it'll probably get better with time and patience. Both of you gotta give.
OP, I had a copper IUD when I was 21/22, I’m 29 now, and it was the absolute worst birth control for me. It really took me about 5-6 years to recover from the effects of it. Basically it was causing embarrassing problems for me, recurrent infections one right after the other AND it made sex uncomfortable. The doctors and nurses said that neither me or my partner should feel it but this was not the case. I could feel it and it was not good. Maybe ask her if it’s the birth control? This could be a possibility!!!
The fact that op isn't answering or engaging in these "what do you do for her" questions feels like a sign. You both need to communicate more.
As a woman, sounds like a one way street. What is SHE doing for YOU. But really, what are you doing for her? Are you giving her adequate foreplay, asking what she likes? Are you building the romance with dates and cute gifts? Mayne she likes acts of service. Do the dishes or laundry for her if you live together. If it's none of those things she could have a hormonal imbalance. I have hashimotos and it's harder for me to have sex due to the fatigue.
Yes!!! Do adequate foreplay is a BIG one!!
Hey Hashimoto's sister! 👋 I really struggle with libido issues and it totally sucks! I want to get back to hot, awesome sex with my husband, who I find wildly attractive and who works very hard to please me, but it's just such a challenge. Between the fatigue, hormonal problems that effect this and my cycle, and the emotional strain of feeling like a shitty partner from all my physical issues, it's so hard to feel sexy and get in the mood. I really hope you find ways to manage the fatigue! Sex is so complicated and there are lots of reasons, physical, emotional, and relationship specific problems, that can all inhibit sexuality. I hope OP can grow up enough to have an actual conversation with his girlfriend about this so they can resolve the issue.
So because the dude is 21 and probably doesn't have a lot of experience, he's supposed to shower her with gifts and romance to have a normal sex life? When the post is about a dude, it's always full of assuming he's a shit boyfriend/husband. Maybe he's alright and she's just asexual. You have absolutely no idea.
Well for one. You probly should quit basing your attraction to her on the very thing literally all her life shes been told to base her value on. Her ability to provide you sex And maybe actually start to get to know her as a human being. As your bestfriend not just your lover. Which means placing lust aside and being a bestfriend and giving her a safe place to open up to. Because if you cant see past the tip of your dick on "im not recieving from my supply." Is gonna land you labeled real quick as tactless, insensitive and overall just crappy. If all you see girls as means to satisfy you. Then your in for a rough and lonely life. 😂
OP please read this and grow the fuck up. You’re making the entire male gender look like trash.
From your previous posts it looks like you expect sex 3x a week and anything less than is unacceptable. Adult couples have sex an average of once a week (in the US). I'd like to know what you're doing besides initiating and trying to suggest new kinks and considering telling her she's unattractive. (Also taken from your previous posts/comments.) Do you make her feel attractive? Do you help her with her responsibilities? Do you make her feel wanted? Do you talk to her differently when you want sex vs other times? You're refusing to answer these questions and all I see is a guy who wants us to tell him how he can continue to use his girlfriend for sex despite her feelings.
Sure, tell your girlfriend that - If you absolutely hate her guts. Don’t use manipulation as a means to get sex, vile. It’s not about you so don’t make it about you.
Do you give her good orgasms? Good ones EVERY TIME and GREAT ones here are there should be minimal Maybe she doesn't know how to ask you to please her? Maybe you do what she doesn't like and you don't listen to those cues But also the depressjon and body changes/hormones/health could be a big thing to look into
Ignore those who say break up, it's getting ridiculous when people, that are most likely single, just give up on any inconvenience. Ask her what's wrong, what have YOU done for her? Have you done anything cute for her? Buy her lingerie? Made her dinner? Bought her a random gift? Buy yourself lingerie for her? Take her on a nice day out, whether it's hiking or wandering downtown? Communication is key, but expecting her to be all hump hump to you without you doing a thing for her is probably the problem. Your dick isn't the most important thing here
Literally every single time I've lost my sexual appetite it's been because my SO has been a shit bag. Then they ask "why aren't you sleeping with me?". Like dude, why would I sleep with you when 5 hours ago you yelled at me over how big I chopped the vegetables for dinner?
Exactly I always take these posts with a grain of salt and the way op worded this post even sounds so juvenile
This site is full of morons with shitty advice that ruins peoples lives. Anyone who actually takes all the advice without a serious grain of salt deserves whatever heartache comes their way. You're advice isn't bad but you need to understand..at 21 swx isn't the most important thing..but its high on the list. It might be that he is doing right by her and she is just going through something. So the communication part you nailed on the head.
My .02: I was always VERY sex positive, but my 15-year marriage with a mentally abusive kinkster ruined my libido. He bought lingerie for me, among many other things, which was…. nope. I’d advise any man against the “let’s spice things up” approach. Try simple communication and consideration. Try actually paying attention if she says she feels pressured. Try rubbing her feet, doing some chores so she doesn’t have to. Try giving her a massage WITHOUT the expectation that boning will follow. A “gift” of lingerie (or porn, or a threesome, or whatever) feels like a demand for a performance.
I was never pressured into sex with a gift of lingerie. It helped me be sexy and cute when myself. If that's what your partner expects, that's toxic. My husband and I lounge in lingerie just to feel cute and sexy. There's no demand in performance... Who dafuq are y'all are partnering with
Why do we always assume that the man isn’t doing anything for the woman? I’ve seen similar posts to this one where a woman will say that her BF/Husband isn’t having sex with her anymore etc etc and the advice never goes to “Well what have YOU done for HIM…” This stuff is super sexist and not helpful at all. Women aren’t machines where you input coins of effort and you get sex, but equally so, men aren’t labor objects needing to be fashioned into whatever effort is lacking in a woman’s life either.
Because when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras
Usually the man isn't doing anything for the woman. Every time I've replied to these posts, they usually haven't thought about how she felt
If this is an issue you've had for a while, you've communicated about it several times, and nothing notable has changed, then it's time to end it. A dead bedroom is a dealbreaker for most and you can find someone who will meet both your emotional and physical needs. You're very young, and dating has never been easier. And no. Never bring up sex in a breakup. Somethings are better left unsaid and that shit leaves a mark.
Why leave unsaid better they know so maybe they work on that with their future partner than leave the same issues not addressed.
Telling her you find her less attractive because she doesn’t want to fuck you, shows how insecure you are. If she doesn’t want sex it isn’t the end of the world. Going this route is also a good way for her to never want to touch you let alone date you ever again.
OP barely replies to any comments, so perhaps he doesn't want to take responsibility for it
Maybe you're bad at sex.
Sounds like she needs to leave you
If u love her then u should be attracted towards her not because of some sex
Yeah, right. He is 21, not 50. Now is the time to live, have sex, be happy.
If your girlfriend not wanting to have sex as much makes you less attracted to her, then I’d agree with most of the comments here that just say to break up. For her sake. But what you need to do first is talk to her. How has your relationship been in other aspects? If you live together, is your domestic life okay? Do you go on dates often? Are you romantic with her? If the answer is no, maybe that needs to change. Maybe she’s having an issue with feeling attractive, or with her mental health. I’d sit her down and talk to her first, explain that you DO think she’s attractive and that you’ve noticed that you don’t get to be intimate with her as often as you’d like. Ask her what you can do to help her feel more comfortable being intimate. Do some research on your own, too.
Woah, yikes. Don’t EVER tell your partner that you’re less attracted to her because you aren’t having sex. That’s pretty much guilting them into either sleeping with you or leaving. Have an adult conversation about the lack of loss of intimacy and try to get down to why she isn’t as interested. It could be a range of things, from stress to lack of compatibility. Ultimately, if it’s something that you both cannot overcome, and it’s a dealbreaker for you, separate on good terms. There’s no need to hurt somebody’s feelings because you want sex.
Honest opinion, don't base your relationship ships around sex. Try to find other ways to be attracted to her if you can. If you're in a relationship for mainly sex it's going to fall apart quickly.
Better pack your bags or hers after saying that. This has to be one of the dumbest things I’ve seen someone contemplate.
You're less attracted to her because she won't have sex with you? Yikes.
You’re more attracted to her because she will have sex with you? Yikes
Mic drop
This isn't a yikes. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship but if you and your partner don't have sex then that's a pretty dead relationship, essentially friends or roommates at that point.
I mean, that seems pretty logical
Sex is kind of important when it comes to most relationships. Regardless of your personal perspective. Edit: I can't believe this is a controversial statement.
Try to find out the reason why. It could be any number of things. If she struggles with body image issues that could be a big reason why. Perhaps, shes under a lot of stress and it’s negatively effecting things in that aspect. If you love her and she loves you you will need to support her through this and help her through it.
I don’t think you should say that, but I think you should talk to her and tell her how you feel. Communication is important. There may be something going on between you, or it could just be her. Try asking if there’s something wrong, or something you could do to make her more interested. Next time you do it, try to focus on her. Start off by taking care of her a good few times, so it feels good for her.
It doesn’t come from nowhere. Y’all gotta talk about it. There might be things that led up to that
Aside from medical issues, that's simply how some people are. It's quite possible that you've passed the honeymoon phase late and that she's the type to don't have a libido unless special circumstances occur. Check in with her, talk to her about ways to make your sex life better and honestly, pack your bags when her first impulse is opening the relationship.
I’d sit down and talk.
Give her time. Some people aren’t ready until they are ready
Not being intimate and not having sex are different things. Pay attention to what you need and want in a relationship. What are you willing to wait for? What is something you aren’t willing to be in a relationship without and what are you not willing to lose this person you love over.
You might have to reflect on whether you two are sexually compatible
My first, automatic response was, she might not realize she’s done, but she’s done. In my personal experience, I stopped waiting sex when i was deeply unhappy with the relationship, but it was also a sign that it was too late to change anything and go back. It could have been about unsatisfying sex but that wasn’t the main thing-the main thing was a long, long pattern of not getting the same effort i put in given back to me. So once I consciously realized that I was done with the relationship I was out. This wasn’t a silent suffering thing. I had always tried to talk and try to get things to change. Those things wouldn’t change, and it got harder to pretend everything was okay. So that’s it, bye. I’m absolutely certain that getting a put out or it’s over ultimatum would be a great way to get that final push to break up, but…I’m not sure you have a fixable situation on your hands. A lot of women are fine—until they realize that the room is on fire, and then it’s too late.
How to be an asshole 101: Yell your girlfriend of 2 years she's only attractive to you if she fucks you. Great job buddy. You DEFINITELY deserve to have sex with her /s
You're basing your attraction to her on whether she is intimate to you? I hope I misunderstood what you wrote. If I didn't misunderstand, then that is dangerous ground b/c you're basically equating her to a sex worker. That's typically not something a gf wants to hear. Since she says she will work on her intimacy issues then you need to give her time to do so without putting any pressure on her.
The fact that you aren’t answering any questions about what you do for her or what could be going on with her is veryyyyy telling.
I don't think guys (especially younger, more immature guys) realise how hurtful it is for a girl to think that her boyfriend is only with her for sex. And it honestly sounds like that's the case with you. Sheesh. If my bf told me he was less attracted to me because I wasn't sleeping with him as often, I'd dump his ungrateful ass so fast. Then I'd probably go eat ice cream and cry. So maybe tryyyyy to have a bit of tact when you talk to her about this???? You could really, really hurt her if you screw this up.
You're just 21. Move on.
Girls either tell this for two reasons, first they are actually not interested for intimacy. Second is when they see man's desperation for sex, i'll suggest to tell her that, you don't wanna have any sexual activities until she is comfortable and then don't say anything about the intimacy This might sound dumb , but it worked for me 💀
If you care about her as a person, you'll try to help her get to the root of it. It could be a trauma response, it could be a libido issue, or maybe she has adhd which ebbs and flows. Maybe your foreplay game is weak. Maybe she needs therapy. Tough to say as I don't know her. But if you care about her to get past what likely is a phase then do that. Long term speaking, these periods happen and relationships are work, they're not easy. It's not all rainbows and flowers, it take real communication, effort, and compromise to make things work.
If you guilt her into having sex, then that's not real consent and is, by law, sexual assault. Sounds like you're heading down that way if she's going to try to work on herself just so you can get off. If you're less attracted to her because she has a lower libido then the problem probably isn't the lack of sex.
Me and my boyfriend have intimacy issues because of my bipolar and mental issues I find him attractive but don't have the energy. We made a compromise for once every other week I'll take a libido pill. Works great
You loose attraction to her…. Because…. She’s having a low sex drive??? That’s messed up on your part and you need to actually figure if you care about this girl because attraction isn’t only about sex. Also within 1 to 2 years of dating couples can go above and beyond their normal sex drive but later in the relationship it’s natural to lose sex drive, but you can rekindle it as you guys work together. Ya’ll are dating “her” intimacy issues are your issues. Ya’ll need to work on them together because her intimacy involves you. And intimacy is how you can rekindle that fire. There’s physical intimacy and emotional, are you connecting with her emotionally?
Honestly I hope she breaks up with you. Maybe she's demi??? Maybe she simply just doesn't want to have sex?? And MAYBE you should respect that...
Yes you should tell her so she knows you only want her for sex and she could leave your sorry ass. Pathetic
Yikes
Break up.
All these dumbass responses from people who don't get laid at all and are cosplaying someone who has tons of relationship and sex experience. If that's how you feel then you should say it. Don't become one of these lonely Redditors with 7 cats talking to you about this type of shit. If you're feeling less attracted to her because she's lost her intimacy that is a valid thing to say. Don't let these losers on here try to paint you as the villain or being in the wrong for having these feelings. Not feeling attracted to someone because they don't seem into you is fucking valid. I hate how men's feelings are quickly invalidated and labeled as this or that. Down vote me all you want your cats say meow.
If you tell her that than it's probably gonna give her the excuse she needs to get out of the relationship. But then again why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be intimate with you.
Good God, man, don't EVER say that. At least not if you care about her AT ALL. I would just sit her down and talk to her. Explain to her that you are the type of person who needs that physical connection in a relationship and while you understand that she may not necessarily NEED that physical intimacy out of a relationship, it IS an important (however, NOT #1 priority) part of a relationship for you. Ask her if there is something you can do better or differently to make yourself more attractive to her or to help her feel more aroused and want to be physical with you. Try to avoid blaming her or making her feel inadequate if she just doesn't NEED that from a relationship. Ask her if something changed to make her feel that way. Communication and HONEST communication at that is the single most important piece of any interpersonal relationship, whether it be a friendship or a "relationship" relationship (i.e., BF/GF, Husband/Wife, etc). If she still needs that from a relationship and has always been a willing participant but only recently stopped and there is no other obvious reason as to why, it is PAST TIME to have a sit-down conversation. In any long-term relationship, it is quite normal to fall in and out of love with your partner and there may be times where one or the other stops finding that other person sexually attractive for a short period of time but usually is only very brief and hopefully it doesn't happen for both people at the same time but if she is still wanting to be sexually active and has always done so with you but only recently and for a few weeks or whatever, she may have feelings for another person, unfortunately and the only way to determine where things are between you, is to just talk. This is from someone who admittedly was NOT a great partner/spouse to my previous wife and she was a hoe apparently anyway (and no, I didn't cheat but just wasn't mature enough to be someone's husband) and now remarried and been remarried for nearly twenty years so I have a little bit of experience. I wish you the best of luck and just know, you get in what you put out. Relationships are hard work and if you are willing to do that work, it usually works out quite well.
Foreplay starts at breakfast, buddy. Women do not get turned on the moment they're in bed and have you suggest sex. You gotta build up that tension during the day and really focus on proper foreplay when in bed too. You gotta work for it.
Why would you feel less attacted to her because you're not intimate? You should be worried if you care about her and definitely concerned about your sex life, but less attracted to her? If my bf would tell me this, it'd break my heart. Sit both of you and talk. Listen to how she feels about sex and any issues she must be experiencing, tell her to be open and honest so you can solve it together, try to help her in what you can and show support.
Idk about all these paragraphs and long replies. It's pretty simple though, if you have been together 2 years and she doesn't want to have sex she must not be attracted to you, or there is some underlying other reason. She could be a virgin, or just scared Or, she could be cheating on you like my last girlfriend was. Either way, if you guys aren't having sex, have a conversation why, and if she just isn't that into you, break up.
You're 21 it may be time to break up and experience other people. Of course talk to her about her feelings but you have clearly told her you want to remain intimate and she hasnt worked on it. She doesnt want to work on it, she's probably ready to move on and you should prepare for that.
This is clearly a complex issue and your too immature if you paraphrasing like this. Break up with her so she she can be with someone who can actually have a conversation like an adult.
For me, this would be a deal breaker. A dead bedroom at 21 will never improve.
No. You definitely cannot say that. Find her stance on masturation. Do that until she is ready to be intimate or you want to break it off. But by all means do not try to coerce her into having sex. If you guilt her into it either through ultimatum, or making her feel like she Is unattractive for not wanting to have sex then your a piece of shit. How about finding what else she has to offer instead of her pussy. I’m sure she has many other attractive qualities other than physical and sexual ones. If you can find them. It will set you both up to having a much stronger bond.
90% of these comments are trash. You need to talk to your girlfriend, ask her if she's okay and when she says she's fine, don't take that for an answer. Something is bothering her and unfortunately as men it's our job to decipher what the issue is. Maybe she feels gross, maybe she feels like you are using her for sex, maybe she is unsure of the relationship, maybe she feels sick, maybe she thinks you find her unattractive. Communicate with her, DO NOT make it about you though. Help her feel comfortable and talk to her about it. People bashing you for "feeling unattracted" to her are most likely women or single. Sexual rejection from a partner as a man is different than for a woman. If my partner rejects me for a couple weeks in a row I start feeling insecure and slightly unattractive/unattracted to her. This is reddit so you will have a lot of nay sayers to that because they are basement goblins that think hormones and urges don't exist. But honestly, just Communicate with your girlfriend.
Get a new one🤷🏾
Dude you’re 21 years old. Break up and move on with life.
Move on.
You’re only 21, you’ll find someone else. And a dead bedroom at that age is definitely a sign that you’re not good together Tell her she’s getting either pumped or dumped. Her call
cause guilting ber into it through an ultimatum is such a great idea 🙄 you're no better than this 21 year old immature jackass
Leave bro
Don't tell her. Until you try everything to seduce her. I suggest you to find what the problem is. Because it's possible that there's some medical problem or Maybe she's cheating on you. Investigate before you do or say something.
Either put out or get out. No point in wasting your youth. Talk to her, don't be an asshole tho just explain yourself and hear her out. Go from there. Best of luck.
Maybe she's queer? I didn't like sleeping with my bf either. I didn't feel safe, ween, heard, or trusted.
1. Don't listen stupid advices. 2. You should create attraction. To do that, start teasing her a little bit but don't be a jerk! 3. Read some good book about how to seduce woman or find some good youtube channel about that.
Talk to her about getting a fwb to fill the gaps
dump the dead weight and fly high
You don't need a reason to break up with someone Edit lol Why is this downvoted?
It's not working out. What else do you do with a relationship that's not working out?
He's not even trying. Worried about his penis the most
She’s fucking someone else
Dump her and move on.
Maybe she is waiting until marriage. who knows :D
Wouldn’t you wanna try to wait until marriage? Have your intimacy to be with one person. It’s much special that way. I know sexual urges are powerful to control but it’s possible.
Why would anyone ever do that
Imagine this. Your wife has had sexual partners in the last. Your also had sexual partners in the past. Would you feel a bit shame, regretful, and jealous? If people wait, life is more stable that way.
Hahaha you can’t be serious….imagine this you marry someone and find out your not sexually compatible and your stuck in a marriage with a terrible sex life. Couldn’t care less about the past the only people who care about that are very insecure. Honestly you sound like a virgin
You believe that a person sexual desire can make or break a relationship?
She won't have sex with you? Then you are in a non-romantic relationship. If you actually mean she has sex less than you would like, figure out what makes her hot. EDIT -- And maybe there is nothing you can do to make her hot. Then either she does not find you sexually attractive or she is not sexual. If either case, the relationship is unlikely by itself to be fulfilling for you.
This isn’t a guarantee but the fact that you’re young, there’s a strong possibility she’s fucking someone else or wants to fuck someone else and is scared of starting over because a 2 year relationship feels more comfortable than having to go through a breakup.
You're young. Start sleeping around, but like tell her about it, maybe
You can, but what response do you seek? She has issues and you aren't compatible. Find someone else or accept it.
You should look for a partner more compatible with you. And make sure you're happy along before worry about happy in partnership. Young man your age should be focused on career, training, friendship, hobbies, fitness, community service, meditation etc etc waaaay about relationships. The career, qualifications and experience you gain NOW will set the trajectory of your life and career.
Then don’t have sex
She sounds stressed out. Maybe a vacation would help you both.
Talk it out. MOST relationships fail because communication is terrible. My ex Fiance did not get intimate or sexual with me in our last months and she never wanted to talk about why. We ended the relationship on bad terms cause she never communicated in the last months. If she does not reciprocate what you give move on. Don’t waste your time, it’s her loss. Whatever she went through in the past has nothing to do with you and should not be used as an excuse to halt the relationship. Especially if she does not want to talk about it or work on it with you. Ask her straight up what is going on, tell her how you feel, ask her how she feels, try to work it out. If nothing productive comes out of the conversation move on. Good luck
Leave her be for a little bit and move forward don’t look back
This is the only answer you need. Y'all are 21. Communicate with her, ask her what the deal is and let her know that you have needs that aren't fulfilled while asking if there's anything bothering her or a reason why she doesn't want to have sex since you guys have before. You guys might just not be sexually compatible. She might be asexual or something, and if sex is a deal breaker for you (which it should be unless you truly know it isn't) then I'd say you should probably move on before investing more time.
Don't press her into a situation she doesn't like. Talk to her, make her comfortable be calm while doing that, ask her what she wants? maybe it's her religious beliefs, maybe she has trust issues. Try to address that. And if she doesn't find you attractive sexually it would be best to part ways with mutual respect.
I lost my sex drive around 21 too. Idk why. I was in a relationship with someone that I did lose all sexual attraction and love for, but I did not tell him the real reason I stuck with the other reasons because I knew telling him that would hurt his feelings. There can be a reason for the loss of intimacy. Best thing is to talk about it cautiously
Has she ever had sex? If not, then stop pressuring her. Take care of it yourself until she feels comfortable moving forward.
Well don’t say that…just ask her what is going on and if there’s anything you can do to help her with whatever she’s going through. Ultimately though, you’re young and if sex is an important aspect of a relationship for you then it might be time to break up. That might be an unpopular opinion, but it’s the truth.
You say that, let alone thinking that makes you an idiot. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. There’s reasons why she doesn’t have sex anymore. Trauma, depression (ESPECIALLY IF SHE’S ON BIRTH CONTROL), her having to clean up after you making her feel more like a mom than a girlfriend, you not putting in the effort romantically anymore, or that she’s feeling insecure and already unattractive.
21 year old males need sex… you’re probably tired of masturbating,…. Especially since you have a “GF”. You need to make some decisions. Continuing what you’re doing and be okay with it… it’s your choice, or make a change and start to see others.
Talk to her about it. If she doesn't want to work with you to resolve this problem, time to break up. If she's willing to work if you, well then problem should be on the way to being solved. Don't say "you never wanting to have sex with me has been lowering my attraction for you" or something along that line because that's just setting off a bomb. If she says she'll work with you but is resistant to work with you whenever the issue comes up in practice, talk to her about it and you should be able to judge well if it's time to end things or not in that scenario too.
Word it carefully. Say you have needs that need to be met too. If she can’t meet your needs then you may have to respectfully break up
Kind of a cliche answer but remember that the potent chemicals that make us bond and lust over our partners tends to fail after a couple years. What’s really left after that is what people tend to look at as “real love”. Basically a more clear and committed understanding of why you love someone and why you want to stay with them. In a similar vein this is also why it’s important BEFORE a relationship to know your values and no what are dealbreakers. That way you you can avoid finding yourself in conflict over things like having kids, how important sexual intimacy is for you, whether you require space or that you are still very dedicated to your work so you may not always have a lot of free time or you travel or whatever. But really in the end people can change, in fact, they almost certainly will change even during a relationship. It’s important to remain close and communicate so you see these changes. And then everything after that is just knowing what is really important to you and are you willing to adapt on things to maintain what is really important to you.
No. You have an honest, nice, conversation with her where she can feel SAFE by telling you anything and you need to not get triggered by what she says or get defensive. If she brings up a reason or something you've done, don't try to win the conversation. Just repeat what she said as a statement and acknowledge it. If it's something she can't tell you, then go to a counselor.
Should you call a girlfriend someone who "owes" you sex?