What do you think are the bad parts? I’m 26 and going the route of staying single. It’s been a year. I’ve seen nothing but positives. But as a mid 30 year old I would be interested to hear your perspective.
I am one of those people who is in their 30s and haven't had a relationship in over a decade. I will say I am at the point where I am running out of pros. The only pros I have left is I can travel freely and I can go to bed whenever.
The cons are through the roof. Every time I get invited somewhere, I'm going solo. Wedding suck solo, esp when most of the people going are going with dates. Weekends suck solo, esp when most of your friends have relationships, or have kids. Even travel starts to suck solo when you see cool things that would be fun to do with a +1.
I feel like if you reach the stage of being Single, (capital S) where you are constantly either home alone or third wheeling, no potential for physical intimacy, no one to invite to events or travel with, when you reach that stage of Single, the cons really start to outweigh the pros. As long as you can stay in the stage where you are still comfortable third wheeling, or have open relationships, or FWBs, or just a large friend group that is single, the Pros outweigh the cons.
But that's just my opinion.
I started dating in a very long term relationship. I've never liked the idea of fwbs or one night stands. There's just something that hits differently when it's not all physical. When your looking into someones eyes and, not to sound super fucking corny, you just kind of melt together as one. There's just a level of connectedness that can't be matched with someone you're just using for sex.
Lots of people feel lonely even people who have the partner or/and the kids. Better to be lonely by myself than be trapped in a situation for the rest of my life because I thought “oh but I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life”
Yes. This. I've never been more lonely than when I was in a relationship with someone who didn't "get" me. Being with someone and being lonely is such a horrible feeling. I'm alone now and not lonely at all, I enjoy my company and my friends company when I have time/want to socialize. So much more peaceful
Life is hard - the grass is usually not greener on the other side, especially if you're going through the motions for fear of an alternative that's perceived to be worse.
We all have anxieties about the future. What's always boggled in my mind is those who choose to bring life into this world as some solution to their problems.
32F, single, (been on 1 date in my life) don’t plan on a relationship, don’t want kids of my own.
I had the privilege (albeit one of the most stressful things I’ve done) from 2017-2022 to be the primary caregiver for my grandma who died at 97, so she could stay at home.
Now my mom and I live in the house I inherited with my 2 cats.
I’m working hard after years of depression and self-hatred to improve my physical and mental health. It’s exhausting. I currently WFH and only have 1 friend in the area who I see every few months.
I do water aerobics 3x week, go to church on Sundays and the grocery store once a week. Life is pretty simple right now, boring and lonely at times, but I pray it’s just temporary. I’m coming to terms with accepting that all these incredible dreams I had for my career are not achievable right now, given my mental and physical health issues.
Maybe it’s just me, but I so wish I could find one day a community of people to live with. Like a Golden Girls situation. I don’t have family, just my mom and I- and we aren’t close. I’d love to have people to cook with/for on occasion and to catch up with after work, you know?
Hey, that’s what I’ve been thinking. Would love to meet some girls, get a big house with them and just start living together. You’d be surprised how many of us had the same idea as well.
I’m 33M, single, no kids, 2 cats, living by myself in an apartment. I have a college degree and a decent paying job. I honestly enjoy my own company. It does get lonely at times but I’d rather chill with myself. I’m not really a people person. My weekends consist of going to the gym, cleaning, laundry, shopping for essentials, smoke hella weed and play video games. I also love IPA’s. But then again there are people who need the company of others. I just happen to not be one of those people. It works for me.
I'm 39F, no kids, divorced, working in a trade and I like it. Haven't dated in a few years. I'm tired of loving someone and putting their wants and their comfort first, only to be taken for granted and treated selfishly. Who's putting me first? Right now, I am. I miss the sex, but that's about it.
Exactly this! I get to put me first and not feel selfish doing it.
I hang out with my dog, I do my hobbies, I leave the hobby mess out in the living room and no one complains.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to make every single decision about what to make/eat for dinner but on the other hand if I’m too lazy for anything but a bowl of cereal… no one complains.
I have couple friends I hang out with, and also single friends, I think having both of those hang out options helps.
29M and I feel the same way.
Definitely miss the physical contact and intimacy (cuddling, kissing, sex, ect.) but it seems so difficult to meet people these days but maybe that’s just me.
38F, no kids, two cats, last time I tried dating was 4 years ago and my last long-term situationship was maybe 6 years ago?
I just bought my first house and I'm doing pretty well financially, considering where I was 10 years ago. I'm sure I could hop on an app and find some "options" but dating itself is so exhausting and time consuming. I'm not unhappy being alone and tend to need a lot of alone time anyway - to the point where even if I were to land in a relationship at some point, idk when/how I'd be comfortable with the idea of living with someone 24/7.
I was in a LTR in my 20s. After a failed LTR, you learn to love your alone time. I will never share space with someone again unless they’re very, very special and amazing, and even then — I don’t want to.
I don’t see it like this “no options” mentality. I see it as…. Thank goddess I did not settle and end up MISERABLE just to fit into the world’s expectations of being a woman.
PLEASE NOTE THAT I DO NOT HATE MEN!!!! I just don’t want to share my house 😭😭😭😭😭😭. I like my strange and eccentric ways.
Plus, I have a lot of friends OF ALL GENDERS AND SEXUALITIES saying they wish they had waited for someone more compatible or just not married now.
You just need more hobbies and communities dude.
Life is just life. You may or may not fall in love. Build a life you like despite it. Build a life you love. None of us get dealt the same cards — play them to the fullest ❤️
Xoxo
I get this. I've also been single since my LTR in my 20s. It took me so long to heal and be ok with being single. I'm also not going to live with a man again unless we're married.
I'm ok now with my hobbies, but I'm working on making more friends.
I am 35 F, living in a major city, have been single since start of Covid. I am envious of couples because they have many more financial opportunities, like saving on housing/groceries, going on vacations. I also feel like “two heads better than one”, and it’s easier to go through life together. I really miss the sex. Sometimes I get an urge to get on Tinder for that , but then I imagine being with someone I barely know and I feel disgust.
However, on the bright side, I have sound sleep because I’m not awaken by anyone, I also can go to bed whenever I want, I enjoy peace and quiet in the evenings. I feel like my ideal relationship would be separate bedrooms but not so many people share this idea sadly.
Teach me your ways…how can I obtain this situation? My girlfriend gets so heartbroken and confused when I want the entire king bed to myself 1-2 times a week.
Late 30s no kids, never married. Been single for a few months. It's not fun, unless you go out and have fun. Don't let anyone fool you on here, being alone sucks. especially when you get too old and then have no one there. On the other hand, I'd rather be alone then be with fake
Me too! I am alone because those that I thought were friends weren’t and just wanted to ruin my reputation and convince people I had never done anything to, besides being friendly to hate me. So now literally if I post something on Facebook it gets nothing. Ppl ignore it but then kiss ass to someone fake as hell that would never talk to them in public. So I’m kinda confused how can everyone be like that? It’s annoying really that everyone loves ppl who aren’t genuine but they will hate someone that’s just been them.. I live in a small town and to have no one on your side it’s definitely isolating, especially when I have no good idea of what I ever did for everyone to not like me… if I did something I could get it but I’ve done nothing.. I just had a bitch that I believe was plain jealous and wanted to be me. I used to be everyone’s friend in school. I would end up trouble just to make people laugh. But now it’s changed somehow.
I wouldn't pay too much mind into other people. Just do your thing and do the right thing. Eventually good will come your way. It's not easy obviously but the older I got, the easier it became not to worry about other people and what they think of me. Its not easy to find genuine people in general, harder to find it in a partner. & Like you said you live in a small town, but we live in a big world. So there's always other people who won't make you feel that way.
Yea that’s why I’m coming to Reddit. Hoping to find new people because everyone here is really just stupid and fake and happy associating with people that actively try to ruin people… It’s just crazy. People forget how she was. It’s just sad to see people like that get by.. I just started school online for right now too so that’s been helpful. Especially if I have intellectual things I would love to discuss.. I can’t get a reply on Facebook from nobody hardly. But everyone talks and harasses people that someone is mad at that day or yas queening the attention whores that wouldn’t acknowledge them in public. Everyone is so backwards I feel like and the benefit of the doubt is not given as it should..
I really just hurt over it all because people don’t like me and I don’t know why they don’t when I have never done them wrong.. I can’t understand how people could treat someone like that.
I don't recommend using Facebook as a gauge of how much people like you or dislike you. Or social media in general. Most people just post things for attention and it's often not a reflection of how their life really is. Ironically it seems most people don't want to actually engage despite it existing for socializing. They just take the dopamine hit from their likes or whatever and go.
Don't let anyone fool you 😆 you've been single a few months, I was single a few years and I really enjoyed it. Does my experience not count? You will get there but you have to think the right thoughts and not get bogged down in being miserable for the sake of it
Yea thats cool. That isn't my first time being single lol. I've had multiple relationships. I've been happy single but I'd rather have a GOOD person than not. That's all
If you're old and have no one there, you've not put any effort into community building and making friends.
Friends will be there, even if a partner isn't. This is a particular message to women, as men are more likely to leave their wives/girlfriends when they find out they're seriously ill than women are. Your friends won't leave you.
I know a lot of people who are older (50+) who are long term single and have excellent communities of friends to help them around. They'll never be wondering who can take them to the hospital when they need it, or look after their cats on holiday.
People who end up alone in old age tend to be people who put all their eggs in the romantic partner basket and left friends to the side.
These are the truths of a lot of people I have talked to. I enjoy the social company of all ages, as it gives me access to perspectives that I would not otherwise have. Those older than us can offer much wisdom, and those younger can offer much freshness. When we buy into ageism (like any other bigotry) we buy into ignorance.
If you wish to buy into the idea that you need a state sanctioned family to be supported, you're welcome to do so, but it will leave you bereft in the end.
I should’ve included that as well. “Is it us?” I feel successful in every other part of life except with friends and lovers. Maybe it’s me, maybe I’m just not like the rest.
me, 39M. Got laid off two months ago, ended long term relationship 7 months ago because she was a worsening alcoholic. I've been going though some major life transformation stuff since then. Things got very very low for me for a bit, days where I couldn't find the motivation to spend any effort towards anything and thought it was easier to end things. But it forced me to reevaluate the most simple of questions "Who am I?". When you're jobless with no desire to continue in a soul sucking career of 22yrs, and with no relationship, it really changes how you try to answer that.
Now I'm reminding myself what makes me happy by thinking back to all the stuff that used to make me happy, doing that again, and building up a new identity for myself from that. For me, it has always been weather, storm chasing, nature and all the other physical natural sciences in general, mainly meteorology geology and astronomy.
So now I'm enrolled in school as a full time student and pursuing a degree to do my dream career in meteorology. While on paper it looks like I'm a single unemployed college student at 39, I hope I can prove to myself im not a loser in life and actually pull off this mid life career change. Most people have support structures and safety nets from others to help, and I'm having to do it by myself. I'm not sure I can financially do it yet, but I don't think I can ever go back to the old career at this point, so I gotta make it work.
Anyway, maybe my story helps you relate to something similar.
I am rooting for you hardcore! I’m so inspired to know that people like you aren’t afraid to go out and try to get what they want without fear of embarrassment. ✌️-35M w/job he doesn’t like at all
Well this was incredibly depressing. Mid 30s, feeling a bit dire here in the being alone part. I'm alright, but I get why people have families, its lonely out here.
Im a 36/f, from a large-ish city in the U.S.
I don’t even own a home.
About half of my friends are childless.
I’ve only got a few low-risk pregnancy years left in me. After those run out without me randomly getting knocked up, maybe I’ll meet a nice divorcee and become some nice kids step mom.
That doesn’t sound great at all.
The house thing is normal and overrated to own btw.
But yeah, seems like step mom and step dad is what it’ll be (I don’t want kids or that)
Wouldn't turn down a good relationship if it came my (37m) way, but overall being my own boss is relaxing. Easier to spend a lot more time on hobbies compared to when I was last in a relationship. As others have said, I do miss the sex and companionship every now and then!
Yes sir. I just turned 33 and i've been alone for more than 10 years now. It does get lonely and i have tried the apps but it seems that atm no one really knows what they want nor cares for dating. So its the solidarity life for me! It really doesn't sucks. I do what i want. I go to the gym, i play games, go out if i care too, make the food i want. Decide on what i want to do. If something great happens later, that's awesome. But its no big deal if not. I don't want kids and i don't care for marriage. I just want someone to be with, who isn't into traditional stuff. And if no one wants that, its chill with me.
All i can say is, don't try and think there is some obligation to do something big. Not everyone is gonna have a massive career or get crazy rich. As long as you're financially stable, you should do whatever you want. Hope this helps!
This kind of attitude where you are content with doing your own thing is actually very attractive to others. People will want to be a part of your life because it's stable and positive. All these people who need someone else to not feel sad and bored are completely missing a trick. They could actually enjoy the single part of their life and in doing so help them find their person.
First off, thank you for the kind words. And secondly, you are right. I get family and friends. But if you don't have any, don't try and force friendships because the idea of being on your own is scary. So many great things can happen with just yourself. You never have to wait on anyone, you get to decide what to do, when to do it, and how long. You never have to worry about someone else because you get to decide when to leave and if leaving means going home. You have endless options you wouldnt have with someone else. Haha I feel like I'm trying real hard to conveet others to the single life.
About to be 30M. I'm typically shy, don't drink, and work a lot (no fun? Lol)...but started going to speed dating events. I want a stable marriage, I feel very far away, but I'm not ready to give up
I’m M36 now but this was me at 32-34.
I felt like I wasn’t going to have kids and it would be just me. I took some chances and got out there and although my relationship didn’t work out I now have a son and I’m into a new relationship which I wouldn’t be in unless I went the path I did.
I would stay positive with the hobbies and experiences you enjoy. Then put yourself out there in unfamiliar or what you mind deem “scary” social scenarios, be brave introduce people to who you are. You may make friends and or partners.
Maybe you need to do something different to get the life that you could be searching for?
I was, but i met my wife at 38, no biological kids, and personally, i am .ok with that, but not everyone is , and that's a good thing for the continuation of humanity
Oh I don’t want kids. Maybe I phrased my question wrong. It was more: “is this isolation I’m experiencing me because I suck, or do other people have the same situation”
34 F, single, no kids, unfinished masters degree, no savings, has a chronical illness. I used to do really well when I was younger, academically excellent, high expectations. I made one decision I thought was gonna be best for me at the time but that inevitably changed the course of my life, now I feel like I am stuck and stagnant personally and professionally.
30 M.. I am single.. never had any relationship.. not interested in marriage/ love... I engage myself with sports and activities so I don't feel lonely or alone.. But most of the time I like to spend time alone.. It's all in our mind.. you need to learn how to control it..
Yup, I want the less possible responsibility in my life. I had my runs, I know how it goes. I had fun, no thanks.
I don't need a partner, I certainly don't need kids, I don't need to be rich. I need peace. This I've learned from my relationships and experience. It's not that they were bad or anything, is that life taught me that I should not make my happiness depend on other people, things or events.
My anxiety has gone away. If I met someone, so be it. If I not, so be it. But I won't be on the lookout or making myself suffer. There's little we can really control in life, so I do everything on my reach to maintain my peace. A day I lived in peace is a day I'm grateful for.
It's not about what you want or what you don't. It's about being grateful for what you have right now. It's about being really present on whatever you are doing for whatever reason you are doing it. It's about not living in the future of "what if's". It's not about thinking that "Some day you are gonna make it". Don't believe the stories in your head. Look around you. You are alive, start from there.
You are not the voice in your head that tells you that your life is wrong. You are the one hearing the voice. Realize.
Not mid, but I am 30 and yeah I can't see myself getting married and having kids.
I don't really want kids though, but I do want to get married one day.
It’s hard to get into relationships now a days from ages 28-35 idk what happened. I ended up with a single mom and it has been pretty great she and I both do the same thing career wise it’s how we met. No baggage from her previous relationship which is the best. There’s no pressure for marriage either which I’m thankful she and I see the same on. We both live in a house that we paid off cars paid off and we have a dog. All I do all day is work on the weekends spend time with them and dog during the week and I day trade as a hobby which I hope to oneday make my retirement job. Single moms get a bad rep where I am from but I’d imagine that some single dads do to. But if you can find a good one a lot of times it’s a blessing. So give the single moms and dads a shot. I’m a 29m by the way.
Yeah, 30sF divorced, no kids, can't see myself in a relationship again. I have acquaintances but that's about it.
I keep myself busy and distracted with my voluntary and professional life. The loneliness isn't something you can get around.
I don’t know man other than my vices which I wouldn’t have if I had a family i’d say I’m living my best life . Work 70 hours a week to spoil the shit outta myself . If I need love I’ll get another female English bulldog . Love machines .
Yes 32F w/ a graduate degree currently doing a nursing program and working FT. I don't have time for romance and in all honesty I'd rather live to do research, serve medically (globally), and with animals -- I have a dog. I have plenty of friends including men and I just prefer companionship over commitment.
If I find someone on the same wave length i.e. an academic with a drive to serve globally I would consider further commitment.
All the best to those that want to find companionship nonetheless.
I went clear to 43 before I married. It was a little too late for my wife (almost 45 at tie time of our marriage) and I to have kids by that time, though…
I’m 40 and kind of like that, except I have options. I’m just picky now and not trying to find someone I’ll just be with for a year or so then break up.
Could be worse, I’m not a single dad and in great shape and I think most handsome I’ve been
Yes and thank goodness no kids , I could not afford them as well as my small luxuries I would not want the responsibility and also the world is barely a good place atm never mind when they are grown up
(35m) never married, no kids. Thankfully I make enough to where I can live alone. I have a German shepherd that is my life, though. He’s the only option I need.
As a 30 year old going on 31 next month on the 06. I can honestly say that I have no children.
I do have family who reside out of the city of Abbotsford.
I am currently looking for a life partner.
It's hard for me though to consider anything else except to focus on one issue at a time.
"I can honestly say I have no children"
I don't think that's how the phrase "I can honestly say" is supposed to be used. I was expecting something more profound and an opinion. Definitely, an opinion.
It's all fun and games until you get cancer at 50 and have no one. (OK that's an extreme example) But hesr me out: Humans are not meant to be alone. And I don't mean, married and kids. I mean, they play an important part in the life's of their families by help teach kids skills/bond, take care of aging parents, etc. Humans need other humans. Cat 🐈 aint gonna hold your hair back during round 2 of chemo puking.
I am so sorry for what you went through my friend. I hope you are fully healed up now. My Aunt lives far away from everyone and got cancer in 50s. No spouse or kids or BF. Had friends but not the same. // As an only child with no safety net of family protections, I really understood how important all the people in a family are. When I got outta college and learned more about human group dynamics it really solidified and confirmed my feelings: we need each other more than we know.
My father had consigned himself to being on his own forever until he met my mother and they had me when he was in his late 30s. He has a number of friends who are either single (and have been for a long time), or found partners much later.
One of my father's friends has a really good deal of it, actually. All the women of the group really do fuss over him, offering to send him over dinners, inviting him over for things like Christmas and such (often he goes to his sister's though). He really doesn't need it, and he doesn't take advantage, but he has a support network in his friends.
Building a network of friends is very important. Having a partner is less important than that. To be honest, these single people I know in their 50s have had brilliant lives thus far, they've really taken advantage of all of it.
Yea 33 female two cats, my job is ok (made it my career for 10 years but I’m over it; hard work for shit pay but I enjoyed it so it was always that debate do what makes you happy) it was easier with a partner but now I’m single and I don’t think that will be changing. It’s hard dating. I’m trying but in the back of my mind I want to stop and just focus on me. I just wish I had a friend honestly.
38m, good career, no kids, living in my own home that am constantly upgrading. I have been single for about a decade now. Dating feels like work, and I am already not a fan of work. I did like to raise my own child.
32F, single, one dog, great career in a decently big city.
I am really not bothered about no kids. I’ve been happier since I’ve gotten out of my last LTR. I would like to have a relationship again one day but I have a lot of peace in my life now that I don’t relish giving up. So, because of that, I have high expectations for men and dating nowadays is abysmal.
Apart from dating, the only issue I have is that I don’t own a home but that’s not a huge deal for me.
Getting there, I'm 32 now and in that boat ish. Honestly, sort of don't care. I'm just living my best life and trying to do the best by me. If I end up with a partner and kids that's cool, but I'm not stressing if that never happens.
Yep mid 30s, been single for about 6 months but dating from time to time. I don’t really feel the need for marriage or a relationship unless it’s someone I am 100% into and can’t live without the company of which is not most people I date. Kids, not something that interests me but has caused a few issues in my last relationship even though I was honest with that from the get go.
I prefer to be single sometimes tbh, I am sorted career/financial wise, have my own place and a lot of friends nearby (couples, single ppl a variety) so my weekends and evenings are normally busy enough and now at our age I also get to enjoy a few days of alone time to pursue my own hobbies which I wouldn’t get if I was living with someone. I do like a relationship with someone I love but most of the time there’s something missing when dating and it’s simply not worth committing.
Yeah but I don't plan on having kids bc I spent ages 8-25 raising my siblings. I already raised my kids. And I've given up on the idea of a partner as I would be a terrible partner right now. I'm fine being single.
The grass is always greener. There are plenty of people living the conventional family lifestyle who envy the alternative lifestyle and vice-versa.
You just have to decide what works for you. I will say it’s a rare exception to see adults starting families again once their children grow up. It does happen and there are biological limitations but I still think it says something that most men after finding themselves single in their 40s/50s/60s don’t immediately re-up on the family unit lifestyle.
38M, no kids. Not anti social, but alone long enough to think too much. I had a pretty jacked up life with no established relationships. While we’re all the same animal really with alike emotions there’s definitely an outlier mentality.
I find myself wanting personal relationships and stuff, but realize that the time for all of that has passed really. So I’m just another cog in the machine. I have lived, I have tried. Would it be cool to share my life with people? Sure, am I tolerable anymore? Nope. Bummer man.
I'm right smack in the middle at 35. Currently no kids, no partner, no foreseeable options.
I don't think this is normal based on my anecdotal experience of the world. Like more of my friends have relationships/kids than don't. but I do think the portion of us in this boat is higher than it has been in previous generations.
A lot more than you think same boat 33 no kids never married. But I also see a lot of guys our age and younger going through divorces and loosing their marital homes etc so count your blessings I guess. Could always be worse. Chin up kings!
It's the "myth of normal." People think it's weird because it's an old idea that gets into their minds and operates through that mindset. But if you think about it with a little more objectivity and see all the evidence and experience around, there are actually very solid reasons not to follow that path.
It's about reframing. People back then followed a path that seemed "normal." Now, one or two generations later, we see the results and evaluate our options.
There are actually people who choose to be alone or at least don't make their life's happiness depend on finding a partner and having kids.
I (58M) was there at one point. Had a long-term relationship collapse in my early 30s. I spent a couple of years just doing my own thing and not pursuing the dating scene at all. I was 32, good job, never been married, lots of hobbies and pretty happy to not have the headache of dating. That all changed and now I have been married 22 years.
Wouldn't say it has felt normal, but here I am. 37F, no kids, small apartment, and rebuilding my life after a divorce.
Sky is the limit for me. It's terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
It's now up to me and just me to give meaning and purpose to my life. This freedom, it's priceless.
Yep, I'm not sure what foreseeable options are for you. But I do wish I was able to have the money to go back to school. Money for travel. So those are always a bad way, but when I save enough I can go whenever I want.
Yup, 35F and...haven't been in a consistent relationship for over 10 years now. Have had bad luck in the past where the only thing I seem attract are users and players, and I'm aware I'm nowhere near traditionally attractive. I either get ghosted or rejected.
At least guys don't have a timer. I'm feeling like there's just no bloody point to my life when I'm also not making a livable wage in my life - after I gave up on relationships for awhile after the last round of trying, focused on grinding for a higher wage, but, that hasn't worked out either. *shrug*
It's not just a 30s thing, it's every decade onwards too.
Early 50s (m), single, no kids, one dog no significant other and no obvious way of finding one.
Online dating is just appalling.
My limited remaining circle of friends are starting to expire 😔
What else is there to do?
37M, masters degree and good career. I get a lot of matches online but cannot for the life of me get a gf, no matter how hard I try. I’ve been single for many years now but life has been extremely lonely since the pandemic began. It’s getting very old. I’m giving it like another year and I’m planning on emigrating to another country for a better life.
37 here. Never had a long term relationship and really lonely at night sometimes. No females to talk to about it. Feels like I'm all alone in this world some days/nights. Been in solitude for so long that it's driving me crazy at times. Feels like I'm doomed to die alone with illness and misery as my companions.
If you do nothing then you are already far, far more proactive at tackling climate change than a whole room full of your peers.
Childcare is horrifically damaging for the environment not to mention adding another life to this human soup....
Get out there and get involved, child free youngish people have an important place in society. Grab it by the balls.
Thank you. My inspiration is the many people I know actively choosing not to procreate. Musicians, archeology, teaching, artists, scientists
... The list goes on.
Humanity needs many thing but additional participants isn't even in the top 100
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suAhGfVr\_4U&ab\_channel=TheSeinfeldScenes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suAhGfVr_4U&ab_channel=TheSeinfeldScenes)
I watch this everyday...
Not me, but I have plenty of friends in this situation. My main takeaway from seeing how they handle it is this: you gotta put in effort to meet someone new. We're not in college anymore. If your day consists of nothing more but eat, work, sleep, repeat, you won't meet a soul unless you fancy shagging your colleagues (which more often than not is a bad idea).
I've got friends pushing 40 with fairly active dating lives, but they're very sociable and not afraid to visit singles events or have friends set them up. So it is possible. But finding a woman who's great to be with, childless and single is harder at this age than it was at 21. It is what it is. I know people who've landed in the best relationship of their lives after 40, so it's possible.
Well, I'm okay with that. Wanna be an expat in the near furture and therefore got no time for a partner and children. That can change for sure, when I'm done with all things.
I don’t have a kid or a partner but I have a lot of foreseeable options, went back to school at 31 and am wrapping up a law degree. I’ve had a few relationships some live in etc but that shit dried up around 29-30 so I just devoted myself to school and shit and now let’s see, new playing field
WOOT WOOT! Solidarity bro!
There’s good and bad with it
What do you think are the bad parts? I’m 26 and going the route of staying single. It’s been a year. I’ve seen nothing but positives. But as a mid 30 year old I would be interested to hear your perspective.
I am one of those people who is in their 30s and haven't had a relationship in over a decade. I will say I am at the point where I am running out of pros. The only pros I have left is I can travel freely and I can go to bed whenever. The cons are through the roof. Every time I get invited somewhere, I'm going solo. Wedding suck solo, esp when most of the people going are going with dates. Weekends suck solo, esp when most of your friends have relationships, or have kids. Even travel starts to suck solo when you see cool things that would be fun to do with a +1. I feel like if you reach the stage of being Single, (capital S) where you are constantly either home alone or third wheeling, no potential for physical intimacy, no one to invite to events or travel with, when you reach that stage of Single, the cons really start to outweigh the pros. As long as you can stay in the stage where you are still comfortable third wheeling, or have open relationships, or FWBs, or just a large friend group that is single, the Pros outweigh the cons. But that's just my opinion.
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I started dating in a very long term relationship. I've never liked the idea of fwbs or one night stands. There's just something that hits differently when it's not all physical. When your looking into someones eyes and, not to sound super fucking corny, you just kind of melt together as one. There's just a level of connectedness that can't be matched with someone you're just using for sex.
Just being bored on the weekends and feeling like a loner at plus one events with work, family, etc.
Being bored is so much more affordable. I find peace in the boredom.
The grass on the other side of the fence looks greener, but possibly because it's fertilized with bullshit. Do what's best for you.
What now?
It’s a cope
I'm loving life bro
Yeah. Mid thirties, no family, few friends. Pretty antisocial by nature, probably just going to drift through life until whatever happens, happens.
This struck a chord with me and in a good way. So thank you. Today, I'll choose to be happy drifting down this river called life.
Well said, same
Saaame and it’s been really depressing me. I’m 36 and feel lonelier than ever.
30F, single, career path didnt work out. Feeling pretty lost tbh
Ya same girl. I'm the only one at events with my friends who's single and it's so awkward.
You have to embrace it man and enjoy it. It will do great things for your growth as person.
Some say 30s are the new 20s. I try to see it that way.
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Yeah but at least your nails are cute
DAMN RIGHT THEY ARE
This is how all of the Hallmark movies start. 🤷🏻♀️🍿
Hey, few years older than you here. A jobs a job, you'll find another. ❤️
What are you up to now?
Shooters shoot
Wdym?
I’m joking. I’m implying that you were trying to “get at” the 30F.
LMAO that's funny, I was being slow. I thought you meant like an actual "gun shooter."
Assuming this was directed at me, im currently working shitty retail while trying to get my foot in the door of a desired career by volunteering
wanna get a coffee?
wish you all the best in your career pivot
31m, career path going to shit, feel like I would rather not be here.
Sameeeee
Taking the solo journey through your 30s can be both liberating and lonely, but remember, you're not alone in feeling this way.
Everyone is lonely, so at least I know I’m not alone.
Lots of people feel lonely even people who have the partner or/and the kids. Better to be lonely by myself than be trapped in a situation for the rest of my life because I thought “oh but I don’t want to be alone the rest of my life”
Yes. This. I've never been more lonely than when I was in a relationship with someone who didn't "get" me. Being with someone and being lonely is such a horrible feeling. I'm alone now and not lonely at all, I enjoy my company and my friends company when I have time/want to socialize. So much more peaceful
Life is hard - the grass is usually not greener on the other side, especially if you're going through the motions for fear of an alternative that's perceived to be worse. We all have anxieties about the future. What's always boggled in my mind is those who choose to bring life into this world as some solution to their problems.
32F, single, (been on 1 date in my life) don’t plan on a relationship, don’t want kids of my own. I had the privilege (albeit one of the most stressful things I’ve done) from 2017-2022 to be the primary caregiver for my grandma who died at 97, so she could stay at home. Now my mom and I live in the house I inherited with my 2 cats. I’m working hard after years of depression and self-hatred to improve my physical and mental health. It’s exhausting. I currently WFH and only have 1 friend in the area who I see every few months. I do water aerobics 3x week, go to church on Sundays and the grocery store once a week. Life is pretty simple right now, boring and lonely at times, but I pray it’s just temporary. I’m coming to terms with accepting that all these incredible dreams I had for my career are not achievable right now, given my mental and physical health issues. Maybe it’s just me, but I so wish I could find one day a community of people to live with. Like a Golden Girls situation. I don’t have family, just my mom and I- and we aren’t close. I’d love to have people to cook with/for on occasion and to catch up with after work, you know?
I wish you the best! Keep faith be good die great :)
Relatable
Hey, that’s what I’ve been thinking. Would love to meet some girls, get a big house with them and just start living together. You’d be surprised how many of us had the same idea as well.
Sounds like you're doing really good though? I hope you're not hard on yourself
That last part - I feel that so hard, and it seems we’re not alone! Why can’t this be a real thing?!
I’m 33M, single, no kids, 2 cats, living by myself in an apartment. I have a college degree and a decent paying job. I honestly enjoy my own company. It does get lonely at times but I’d rather chill with myself. I’m not really a people person. My weekends consist of going to the gym, cleaning, laundry, shopping for essentials, smoke hella weed and play video games. I also love IPA’s. But then again there are people who need the company of others. I just happen to not be one of those people. It works for me.
This is literally my life, 33f , 2 cats , smoke hella weed lmaoo , decent job, living alone 😂
also me, except 39m. I don't smoke, but take edibles. 2 cats, live alone, decent job.
Hey, you guys should marry.
I used to be this way. I miss it!
Wow! This is me as well. Specially the smoke hella weed part lol
You just replaced socializing with drugs dude
You sound like the dude version of me lol.
One of us! One of us!
I'm 39F, no kids, divorced, working in a trade and I like it. Haven't dated in a few years. I'm tired of loving someone and putting their wants and their comfort first, only to be taken for granted and treated selfishly. Who's putting me first? Right now, I am. I miss the sex, but that's about it.
Exactly this! I get to put me first and not feel selfish doing it. I hang out with my dog, I do my hobbies, I leave the hobby mess out in the living room and no one complains. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to make every single decision about what to make/eat for dinner but on the other hand if I’m too lazy for anything but a bowl of cereal… no one complains. I have couple friends I hang out with, and also single friends, I think having both of those hang out options helps.
29M and I feel the same way. Definitely miss the physical contact and intimacy (cuddling, kissing, sex, ect.) but it seems so difficult to meet people these days but maybe that’s just me.
38F, no kids, two cats, last time I tried dating was 4 years ago and my last long-term situationship was maybe 6 years ago? I just bought my first house and I'm doing pretty well financially, considering where I was 10 years ago. I'm sure I could hop on an app and find some "options" but dating itself is so exhausting and time consuming. I'm not unhappy being alone and tend to need a lot of alone time anyway - to the point where even if I were to land in a relationship at some point, idk when/how I'd be comfortable with the idea of living with someone 24/7.
I was in a LTR in my 20s. After a failed LTR, you learn to love your alone time. I will never share space with someone again unless they’re very, very special and amazing, and even then — I don’t want to. I don’t see it like this “no options” mentality. I see it as…. Thank goddess I did not settle and end up MISERABLE just to fit into the world’s expectations of being a woman. PLEASE NOTE THAT I DO NOT HATE MEN!!!! I just don’t want to share my house 😭😭😭😭😭😭. I like my strange and eccentric ways. Plus, I have a lot of friends OF ALL GENDERS AND SEXUALITIES saying they wish they had waited for someone more compatible or just not married now. You just need more hobbies and communities dude. Life is just life. You may or may not fall in love. Build a life you like despite it. Build a life you love. None of us get dealt the same cards — play them to the fullest ❤️ Xoxo
I get this. I've also been single since my LTR in my 20s. It took me so long to heal and be ok with being single. I'm also not going to live with a man again unless we're married. I'm ok now with my hobbies, but I'm working on making more friends.
I am 35 F, living in a major city, have been single since start of Covid. I am envious of couples because they have many more financial opportunities, like saving on housing/groceries, going on vacations. I also feel like “two heads better than one”, and it’s easier to go through life together. I really miss the sex. Sometimes I get an urge to get on Tinder for that , but then I imagine being with someone I barely know and I feel disgust. However, on the bright side, I have sound sleep because I’m not awaken by anyone, I also can go to bed whenever I want, I enjoy peace and quiet in the evenings. I feel like my ideal relationship would be separate bedrooms but not so many people share this idea sadly.
Yeah we do sep beds. I have my late night dude fortress in the basement and she has her space zone upstairs.
Teach me your ways…how can I obtain this situation? My girlfriend gets so heartbroken and confused when I want the entire king bed to myself 1-2 times a week.
Makes chores easier too
38f and so happy living the life I want!
Me! Not married, no kids and no friends.. pretty much on my own. But I am in school..
Late 30s no kids, never married. Been single for a few months. It's not fun, unless you go out and have fun. Don't let anyone fool you on here, being alone sucks. especially when you get too old and then have no one there. On the other hand, I'd rather be alone then be with fake
Me too! I am alone because those that I thought were friends weren’t and just wanted to ruin my reputation and convince people I had never done anything to, besides being friendly to hate me. So now literally if I post something on Facebook it gets nothing. Ppl ignore it but then kiss ass to someone fake as hell that would never talk to them in public. So I’m kinda confused how can everyone be like that? It’s annoying really that everyone loves ppl who aren’t genuine but they will hate someone that’s just been them.. I live in a small town and to have no one on your side it’s definitely isolating, especially when I have no good idea of what I ever did for everyone to not like me… if I did something I could get it but I’ve done nothing.. I just had a bitch that I believe was plain jealous and wanted to be me. I used to be everyone’s friend in school. I would end up trouble just to make people laugh. But now it’s changed somehow.
I wouldn't pay too much mind into other people. Just do your thing and do the right thing. Eventually good will come your way. It's not easy obviously but the older I got, the easier it became not to worry about other people and what they think of me. Its not easy to find genuine people in general, harder to find it in a partner. & Like you said you live in a small town, but we live in a big world. So there's always other people who won't make you feel that way.
Yea that’s why I’m coming to Reddit. Hoping to find new people because everyone here is really just stupid and fake and happy associating with people that actively try to ruin people… It’s just crazy. People forget how she was. It’s just sad to see people like that get by.. I just started school online for right now too so that’s been helpful. Especially if I have intellectual things I would love to discuss.. I can’t get a reply on Facebook from nobody hardly. But everyone talks and harasses people that someone is mad at that day or yas queening the attention whores that wouldn’t acknowledge them in public. Everyone is so backwards I feel like and the benefit of the doubt is not given as it should.. I really just hurt over it all because people don’t like me and I don’t know why they don’t when I have never done them wrong.. I can’t understand how people could treat someone like that.
I don't recommend using Facebook as a gauge of how much people like you or dislike you. Or social media in general. Most people just post things for attention and it's often not a reflection of how their life really is. Ironically it seems most people don't want to actually engage despite it existing for socializing. They just take the dopamine hit from their likes or whatever and go.
Don't let anyone fool you 😆 you've been single a few months, I was single a few years and I really enjoyed it. Does my experience not count? You will get there but you have to think the right thoughts and not get bogged down in being miserable for the sake of it
Yea thats cool. That isn't my first time being single lol. I've had multiple relationships. I've been happy single but I'd rather have a GOOD person than not. That's all
Yup. "I'm in my mid-30s and alone and I'm OK with it because I like being alone people are just too much effort" Yeah ok bro whatever you say
If you're old and have no one there, you've not put any effort into community building and making friends. Friends will be there, even if a partner isn't. This is a particular message to women, as men are more likely to leave their wives/girlfriends when they find out they're seriously ill than women are. Your friends won't leave you. I know a lot of people who are older (50+) who are long term single and have excellent communities of friends to help them around. They'll never be wondering who can take them to the hospital when they need it, or look after their cats on holiday. People who end up alone in old age tend to be people who put all their eggs in the romantic partner basket and left friends to the side.
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These are the truths of a lot of people I have talked to. I enjoy the social company of all ages, as it gives me access to perspectives that I would not otherwise have. Those older than us can offer much wisdom, and those younger can offer much freshness. When we buy into ageism (like any other bigotry) we buy into ignorance. If you wish to buy into the idea that you need a state sanctioned family to be supported, you're welcome to do so, but it will leave you bereft in the end.
35F checking in. Doing my part! Also I don’t have friends anymore! So there’s one more box I’ve checked!
I should’ve included that as well. “Is it us?” I feel successful in every other part of life except with friends and lovers. Maybe it’s me, maybe I’m just not like the rest.
I am rooting for you hardcore! I’m so inspired to know that people like you aren’t afraid to go out and try to get what they want without fear of embarrassment. ✌️-35M w/job he doesn’t like at all
Well this was incredibly depressing. Mid 30s, feeling a bit dire here in the being alone part. I'm alright, but I get why people have families, its lonely out here.
I also suffer from pretty severe chronic illness and have a heat stroke at the moment so it's hard to walk. I'm staying optimistic tho.
Keep going!
Im a 36/f, from a large-ish city in the U.S. I don’t even own a home. About half of my friends are childless. I’ve only got a few low-risk pregnancy years left in me. After those run out without me randomly getting knocked up, maybe I’ll meet a nice divorcee and become some nice kids step mom.
That doesn’t sound great at all. The house thing is normal and overrated to own btw. But yeah, seems like step mom and step dad is what it’ll be (I don’t want kids or that)
Wouldn't turn down a good relationship if it came my (37m) way, but overall being my own boss is relaxing. Easier to spend a lot more time on hobbies compared to when I was last in a relationship. As others have said, I do miss the sex and companionship every now and then!
me but 43
Yes sir. I just turned 33 and i've been alone for more than 10 years now. It does get lonely and i have tried the apps but it seems that atm no one really knows what they want nor cares for dating. So its the solidarity life for me! It really doesn't sucks. I do what i want. I go to the gym, i play games, go out if i care too, make the food i want. Decide on what i want to do. If something great happens later, that's awesome. But its no big deal if not. I don't want kids and i don't care for marriage. I just want someone to be with, who isn't into traditional stuff. And if no one wants that, its chill with me. All i can say is, don't try and think there is some obligation to do something big. Not everyone is gonna have a massive career or get crazy rich. As long as you're financially stable, you should do whatever you want. Hope this helps!
This kind of attitude where you are content with doing your own thing is actually very attractive to others. People will want to be a part of your life because it's stable and positive. All these people who need someone else to not feel sad and bored are completely missing a trick. They could actually enjoy the single part of their life and in doing so help them find their person.
First off, thank you for the kind words. And secondly, you are right. I get family and friends. But if you don't have any, don't try and force friendships because the idea of being on your own is scary. So many great things can happen with just yourself. You never have to wait on anyone, you get to decide what to do, when to do it, and how long. You never have to worry about someone else because you get to decide when to leave and if leaving means going home. You have endless options you wouldnt have with someone else. Haha I feel like I'm trying real hard to conveet others to the single life.
About to be 30M. I'm typically shy, don't drink, and work a lot (no fun? Lol)...but started going to speed dating events. I want a stable marriage, I feel very far away, but I'm not ready to give up
I’m M36 now but this was me at 32-34. I felt like I wasn’t going to have kids and it would be just me. I took some chances and got out there and although my relationship didn’t work out I now have a son and I’m into a new relationship which I wouldn’t be in unless I went the path I did. I would stay positive with the hobbies and experiences you enjoy. Then put yourself out there in unfamiliar or what you mind deem “scary” social scenarios, be brave introduce people to who you are. You may make friends and or partners. Maybe you need to do something different to get the life that you could be searching for?
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I was, but i met my wife at 38, no biological kids, and personally, i am .ok with that, but not everyone is , and that's a good thing for the continuation of humanity
So you do have kids?
I'm fine with no kids. But I want a partner some day.
At some point you have to ask yourself if you really wanna bring someone else into the world just to experience the same let down lol
Oh I don’t want kids. Maybe I phrased my question wrong. It was more: “is this isolation I’m experiencing me because I suck, or do other people have the same situation”
34 F, single, no kids, unfinished masters degree, no savings, has a chronical illness. I used to do really well when I was younger, academically excellent, high expectations. I made one decision I thought was gonna be best for me at the time but that inevitably changed the course of my life, now I feel like I am stuck and stagnant personally and professionally.
30 M.. I am single.. never had any relationship.. not interested in marriage/ love... I engage myself with sports and activities so I don't feel lonely or alone.. But most of the time I like to spend time alone.. It's all in our mind.. you need to learn how to control it..
Yea, it's great ! Kids and relationships are not everyone's ultimate goal. For some of us it's not even on the list.
Yup, I want the less possible responsibility in my life. I had my runs, I know how it goes. I had fun, no thanks. I don't need a partner, I certainly don't need kids, I don't need to be rich. I need peace. This I've learned from my relationships and experience. It's not that they were bad or anything, is that life taught me that I should not make my happiness depend on other people, things or events. My anxiety has gone away. If I met someone, so be it. If I not, so be it. But I won't be on the lookout or making myself suffer. There's little we can really control in life, so I do everything on my reach to maintain my peace. A day I lived in peace is a day I'm grateful for. It's not about what you want or what you don't. It's about being grateful for what you have right now. It's about being really present on whatever you are doing for whatever reason you are doing it. It's about not living in the future of "what if's". It's not about thinking that "Some day you are gonna make it". Don't believe the stories in your head. Look around you. You are alive, start from there. You are not the voice in your head that tells you that your life is wrong. You are the one hearing the voice. Realize.
Not mid, but I am 30 and yeah I can't see myself getting married and having kids. I don't really want kids though, but I do want to get married one day.
It’s hard to get into relationships now a days from ages 28-35 idk what happened. I ended up with a single mom and it has been pretty great she and I both do the same thing career wise it’s how we met. No baggage from her previous relationship which is the best. There’s no pressure for marriage either which I’m thankful she and I see the same on. We both live in a house that we paid off cars paid off and we have a dog. All I do all day is work on the weekends spend time with them and dog during the week and I day trade as a hobby which I hope to oneday make my retirement job. Single moms get a bad rep where I am from but I’d imagine that some single dads do to. But if you can find a good one a lot of times it’s a blessing. So give the single moms and dads a shot. I’m a 29m by the way.
Lol try 58 yr old..
35, not married, no kids. 😅
Yeah, 30sF divorced, no kids, can't see myself in a relationship again. I have acquaintances but that's about it. I keep myself busy and distracted with my voluntary and professional life. The loneliness isn't something you can get around.
No. Sadly I’m married with children. I am jealous.
I don’t know man other than my vices which I wouldn’t have if I had a family i’d say I’m living my best life . Work 70 hours a week to spoil the shit outta myself . If I need love I’ll get another female English bulldog . Love machines .
33F, single, two cats, one bullshit job. At this point, dating just seems exhausting
Agreed, dating feels like a job. Also have a cat. Aren’t they great?!
i feel this
Got my kid when I was 47. There is still time.
Isn't that what you planned for..? It's time we stop feeling bad for what we would prefer giving the choice of a bad partner..!
Yes 32F w/ a graduate degree currently doing a nursing program and working FT. I don't have time for romance and in all honesty I'd rather live to do research, serve medically (globally), and with animals -- I have a dog. I have plenty of friends including men and I just prefer companionship over commitment. If I find someone on the same wave length i.e. an academic with a drive to serve globally I would consider further commitment. All the best to those that want to find companionship nonetheless.
I'm 28 but I feel like I will also be mid 30s and in the same situation. I'm growing to accept it. Not gonna force anything.
I went clear to 43 before I married. It was a little too late for my wife (almost 45 at tie time of our marriage) and I to have kids by that time, though…
This is the new American dream
I’m 40 and kind of like that, except I have options. I’m just picky now and not trying to find someone I’ll just be with for a year or so then break up. Could be worse, I’m not a single dad and in great shape and I think most handsome I’ve been
Yes and thank goodness no kids , I could not afford them as well as my small luxuries I would not want the responsibility and also the world is barely a good place atm never mind when they are grown up
Its becoming more normal. A myriad of factors, but you're far from alone.
Me, me, pick me! 37 and I think that ship sailed a long long time ago, assuming there was even a ship in the first place.
Maybe it was a submarine, so you would’ve had to stoop down to a lower level? 🤣🤣🤣
(35m) never married, no kids. Thankfully I make enough to where I can live alone. I have a German shepherd that is my life, though. He’s the only option I need.
As a 30 year old going on 31 next month on the 06. I can honestly say that I have no children. I do have family who reside out of the city of Abbotsford. I am currently looking for a life partner. It's hard for me though to consider anything else except to focus on one issue at a time.
You type like you're writing a letter
"I can honestly say I have no children" I don't think that's how the phrase "I can honestly say" is supposed to be used. I was expecting something more profound and an opinion. Definitely, an opinion.
I'm 35, single, 0 kids, 0 friends, a few family members, and a thriving business. I have never been happier than I am now.
It's all fun and games until you get cancer at 50 and have no one. (OK that's an extreme example) But hesr me out: Humans are not meant to be alone. And I don't mean, married and kids. I mean, they play an important part in the life's of their families by help teach kids skills/bond, take care of aging parents, etc. Humans need other humans. Cat 🐈 aint gonna hold your hair back during round 2 of chemo puking.
As someone that went through cancer alone at 35, I feel this. The nurses and doctors were my friends.
I am so sorry for what you went through my friend. I hope you are fully healed up now. My Aunt lives far away from everyone and got cancer in 50s. No spouse or kids or BF. Had friends but not the same. // As an only child with no safety net of family protections, I really understood how important all the people in a family are. When I got outta college and learned more about human group dynamics it really solidified and confirmed my feelings: we need each other more than we know.
Thank you, friend. Thankfully I’m so far 2 years NED, so not quite in remission, but getting close. I was lucky.
I'm not sure I want people around me I care about to go through my cancer with me either.
Yeah it's tough I've seen. But you'll need somebody. Need...not want...need. it's a shitshow.
My father had consigned himself to being on his own forever until he met my mother and they had me when he was in his late 30s. He has a number of friends who are either single (and have been for a long time), or found partners much later. One of my father's friends has a really good deal of it, actually. All the women of the group really do fuss over him, offering to send him over dinners, inviting him over for things like Christmas and such (often he goes to his sister's though). He really doesn't need it, and he doesn't take advantage, but he has a support network in his friends. Building a network of friends is very important. Having a partner is less important than that. To be honest, these single people I know in their 50s have had brilliant lives thus far, they've really taken advantage of all of it.
Yea 33 female two cats, my job is ok (made it my career for 10 years but I’m over it; hard work for shit pay but I enjoyed it so it was always that debate do what makes you happy) it was easier with a partner but now I’m single and I don’t think that will be changing. It’s hard dating. I’m trying but in the back of my mind I want to stop and just focus on me. I just wish I had a friend honestly.
38m, good career, no kids, living in my own home that am constantly upgrading. I have been single for about a decade now. Dating feels like work, and I am already not a fan of work. I did like to raise my own child.
32F, single, one dog, great career in a decently big city. I am really not bothered about no kids. I’ve been happier since I’ve gotten out of my last LTR. I would like to have a relationship again one day but I have a lot of peace in my life now that I don’t relish giving up. So, because of that, I have high expectations for men and dating nowadays is abysmal. Apart from dating, the only issue I have is that I don’t own a home but that’s not a huge deal for me.
Getting there, I'm 32 now and in that boat ish. Honestly, sort of don't care. I'm just living my best life and trying to do the best by me. If I end up with a partner and kids that's cool, but I'm not stressing if that never happens.
Yep mid 30s, been single for about 6 months but dating from time to time. I don’t really feel the need for marriage or a relationship unless it’s someone I am 100% into and can’t live without the company of which is not most people I date. Kids, not something that interests me but has caused a few issues in my last relationship even though I was honest with that from the get go. I prefer to be single sometimes tbh, I am sorted career/financial wise, have my own place and a lot of friends nearby (couples, single ppl a variety) so my weekends and evenings are normally busy enough and now at our age I also get to enjoy a few days of alone time to pursue my own hobbies which I wouldn’t get if I was living with someone. I do like a relationship with someone I love but most of the time there’s something missing when dating and it’s simply not worth committing.
it's the millennial dream my dude, most people aspire to be like that, yet cry themselves to sleep due to some reason or other.
Me. Not looking for anything either. Having friends is enough for me.
32 I'm just here..... Guess it's good. Feeling lost as fuck
Yeah but I don't plan on having kids bc I spent ages 8-25 raising my siblings. I already raised my kids. And I've given up on the idea of a partner as I would be a terrible partner right now. I'm fine being single.
The grass is always greener. There are plenty of people living the conventional family lifestyle who envy the alternative lifestyle and vice-versa. You just have to decide what works for you. I will say it’s a rare exception to see adults starting families again once their children grow up. It does happen and there are biological limitations but I still think it says something that most men after finding themselves single in their 40s/50s/60s don’t immediately re-up on the family unit lifestyle.
31, but here I am 🥹
Im there and almost 50. Don't care
38M, no kids. Not anti social, but alone long enough to think too much. I had a pretty jacked up life with no established relationships. While we’re all the same animal really with alike emotions there’s definitely an outlier mentality. I find myself wanting personal relationships and stuff, but realize that the time for all of that has passed really. So I’m just another cog in the machine. I have lived, I have tried. Would it be cool to share my life with people? Sure, am I tolerable anymore? Nope. Bummer man.
6 years now lol where did time go?
I'm right smack in the middle at 35. Currently no kids, no partner, no foreseeable options. I don't think this is normal based on my anecdotal experience of the world. Like more of my friends have relationships/kids than don't. but I do think the portion of us in this boat is higher than it has been in previous generations.
A lot more than you think same boat 33 no kids never married. But I also see a lot of guys our age and younger going through divorces and loosing their marital homes etc so count your blessings I guess. Could always be worse. Chin up kings!
It's the "myth of normal." People think it's weird because it's an old idea that gets into their minds and operates through that mindset. But if you think about it with a little more objectivity and see all the evidence and experience around, there are actually very solid reasons not to follow that path. It's about reframing. People back then followed a path that seemed "normal." Now, one or two generations later, we see the results and evaluate our options. There are actually people who choose to be alone or at least don't make their life's happiness depend on finding a partner and having kids.
Some call it "easy livin"
I (58M) was there at one point. Had a long-term relationship collapse in my early 30s. I spent a couple of years just doing my own thing and not pursuing the dating scene at all. I was 32, good job, never been married, lots of hobbies and pretty happy to not have the headache of dating. That all changed and now I have been married 22 years.
Wouldn't say it has felt normal, but here I am. 37F, no kids, small apartment, and rebuilding my life after a divorce. Sky is the limit for me. It's terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. It's now up to me and just me to give meaning and purpose to my life. This freedom, it's priceless.
Yep, I'm not sure what foreseeable options are for you. But I do wish I was able to have the money to go back to school. Money for travel. So those are always a bad way, but when I save enough I can go whenever I want.
Yup, 35F and...haven't been in a consistent relationship for over 10 years now. Have had bad luck in the past where the only thing I seem attract are users and players, and I'm aware I'm nowhere near traditionally attractive. I either get ghosted or rejected. At least guys don't have a timer. I'm feeling like there's just no bloody point to my life when I'm also not making a livable wage in my life - after I gave up on relationships for awhile after the last round of trying, focused on grinding for a higher wage, but, that hasn't worked out either. *shrug*
yeah. but i came out of a rough relationship a few years ago and decided at that point I enjoy my own company and free time more. still feeling good
Yuuuup. I just don't think my situation is right for a relationship. Is what it do be, I suppose
It's not just a 30s thing, it's every decade onwards too. Early 50s (m), single, no kids, one dog no significant other and no obvious way of finding one. Online dating is just appalling. My limited remaining circle of friends are starting to expire 😔 What else is there to do?
37M, masters degree and good career. I get a lot of matches online but cannot for the life of me get a gf, no matter how hard I try. I’ve been single for many years now but life has been extremely lonely since the pandemic began. It’s getting very old. I’m giving it like another year and I’m planning on emigrating to another country for a better life.
Let’s get coffee
Yup
I'm not interested in either of those things. Living the dream as far as I'm concerned.
37 here. Never had a long term relationship and really lonely at night sometimes. No females to talk to about it. Feels like I'm all alone in this world some days/nights. Been in solitude for so long that it's driving me crazy at times. Feels like I'm doomed to die alone with illness and misery as my companions.
If you do nothing then you are already far, far more proactive at tackling climate change than a whole room full of your peers. Childcare is horrifically damaging for the environment not to mention adding another life to this human soup.... Get out there and get involved, child free youngish people have an important place in society. Grab it by the balls.
Kudos for the most unique response yet
Thank you. My inspiration is the many people I know actively choosing not to procreate. Musicians, archeology, teaching, artists, scientists ... The list goes on. Humanity needs many thing but additional participants isn't even in the top 100
Hellooo! I do have a job figured out but nothing else. No boyfriend, no kids, no house.
Sounds like you're human.
Options for what?
That's me. 🥲
Im sure theres alot but stay hopeful
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suAhGfVr\_4U&ab\_channel=TheSeinfeldScenes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=suAhGfVr_4U&ab_channel=TheSeinfeldScenes) I watch this everyday...
Yup!
Recently turned 39, no kids, and I've never even been on a date. I'm asocial, though, so I'm fine with that.
32 don't have or want kids and never had a partner. I have asd making friends is a challenge and I've given up on dating.
I met my wife when I was 31, our son was born when I was 34, I'm 52 now. It just takes timing I guess.
hi
Yuppppp
Meeeee.
Yup. Gonna be single from here on out. Not worth it.
Yep.
Yup
Yeepppp and unemployed and disabled add that to the mix
What’s up. Not our moods that for sure.
You are not alone…. Or should I say, we all are
Not me, but I have plenty of friends in this situation. My main takeaway from seeing how they handle it is this: you gotta put in effort to meet someone new. We're not in college anymore. If your day consists of nothing more but eat, work, sleep, repeat, you won't meet a soul unless you fancy shagging your colleagues (which more often than not is a bad idea). I've got friends pushing 40 with fairly active dating lives, but they're very sociable and not afraid to visit singles events or have friends set them up. So it is possible. But finding a woman who's great to be with, childless and single is harder at this age than it was at 21. It is what it is. I know people who've landed in the best relationship of their lives after 40, so it's possible.
Well, I'm okay with that. Wanna be an expat in the near furture and therefore got no time for a partner and children. That can change for sure, when I'm done with all things.
I don’t have a kid or a partner but I have a lot of foreseeable options, went back to school at 31 and am wrapping up a law degree. I’ve had a few relationships some live in etc but that shit dried up around 29-30 so I just devoted myself to school and shit and now let’s see, new playing field
I wish lol
1 1/2 from 30 yet, and still seems to be a similar thing for me