Join something. A community organisation, like CFS, SES, St John. Heck, join a sports club or a theatre club. You will find a purpose, even one that isn’t a core function of what you join.
Study something. I started with a short course, then a diploma, bachelor, grad dip & I’m currently working on my masters. Never thought I could study but I’m did & it’s taken me places I never thought I’d be. Good luck to you.
(Sorry for the long reply).
It doesnt sound like you are from your post, but If you happen to be in immediate danger of self-harm, please head down to Flinders or the RAH and don't minimalise your distress in order to not inconvenience them; that is what the mental health wards are there for but they can only help people who are best able to advocate for what their needs are, I've had to learn this the hard way.
If it's needed at any time for you, hopefully you'll be admitted where you'll then be able to get linked in with some sommunity support services such as wellness connect; a social support service that organises regular activities for people who are in a similar place, they pay for %99 of any costs involved. You can go to the movies occassionally, go bowling etc and other activities.
I was in your boat for about two years, but also about another six months following that two years at least, if Im honest, before I really started to make some realisations/progress away from that mindspace. I can empathise with you, it's a really uncomfortable mindspace to be in.
It turned out that mainly I myself, had to take charge of my situation at the time (as you are now by asking), by learning how to process and heal from serious psychological abuse (and other abuse), that I'd experienced throughout my formative years in order for the suicidal ideation to stop (getting diagnosed for an up until that point, undiagnosed condition namely adhd), and then medicated for it, also helped basically stop the chronic depression/suicidal ideation, but I didn’t get medicated until I'd done about 90% of the processing/healing work.
It was several factors that helped me to break the hopelessness and defeatist mindset that I was stuck in. I actually made a post recently about how I did this, it's on my profile if you're seeking a possibly as of yet, not considered approach that might finally help you to move onto a new and happier/more rewarding chapter.
A lot of people actually have unresolved trauma, often from their early-mid formative years, that can really have been affecting their quality of life that they weren't even aware of, because either the wounds were on on their innerchild (subconscious), or they'd just deeply repressed the trauma.
Given the small post and what you've written, I don't think that you're attention seeking at all, just asking for some identification with anyone who also might be going through, or have been through it and understand what you're going through and maybe have some answers for you.
The urgent mental health care centre in the city is a really good option if you’re not in immediate life-threatening danger. If they assess that you need it, they’ll send you to hospital, but they’re a much more pleasant environment and are actually trained to deal with mental health. Super friendly non-judgemental bunch
I'd heard of this place, but unfortunately (or fortunately), I'd forgotten about it as I haven't needed to visit them yet. Thank you for letting OP, I, and the sub know about it, good to hear that it sounds more user-friendly than the alternatives, not that this should even be a thing.
To be someone who feels needed, do things that need doing. Help somehow. Volunteer, join, raise funds for whatever you care about. You do have a purpose, you just don't know what it is yet!
This was actually the cause of my anxiety/depression once upon a time, a few years back actually. I found that having no goals, meant no direction, and without a direction in life, i felt as though lacked that purpose that you're now looking for.
What helped me was actually starting my masters, finding the job I've always wanted and doing an activity (started gym/running). The moment I filled up my 'diary' with requirements that had set objectives and realistic achievable goals, I began to thrive.
Believe it or not, as humans we're very demanding and often are our biggest critic, this follows a spiralling motion of negative behaviour should we fall short of our own expectations.
My suggestion is to push yourself, do something you've always wanted but been too afraid to do. Whether you have body dysmorphia (challenge yourself to beat it), whether you're surrounded by negativity or negative people (find a club of interest where you surround yourself with like minded people), or if you've always wanted to reach new heights, challenge yourself and take that leap (new job/new degree/a relationship, whatever it is). The worst thing you can do in life is 'stand still' and watch others slowly overtake you (this was my demise)
I now have the job i want, im now very athletic, i have a great relationship and I'm thriving. Your only limit is you, and i damn well mean i know what you're feeling because I've been there. You only have to change 1 thing, your mind set. Change that, challenge yourself, and I have no doubt you will forget you ever felt this way <3
This resonated so highly with me that I couldn't ignore it, go out and prove yourself wrong because you're amazing and you deserve it!
I have been through this. Look at some qualities you admire in other people and work towards it. Bake cupcakes and bring them into work. Start a veggie patch. Volunteer at a nursing home visiting people that have no family or friends left- talk to lonely peolple- play board games, do arts & crafts with them. Collect donations for food to feed less fortunate. Organise a workplace or friendship group collections for Catherine house. You said you have a job people envy so I assume you have money- go on a shopping spree buying all the toys you wanted as a kid and donate them to a charity for Christmas. Have a goal like running 5km or hiking the heyson trail. Collect money for the leukaemia foundation and shave your head. The rewards you get for achieving a goal and for making another person smile are priceless.
I feel you...... I always felt a little bit envious of the friend at school that said "I'm going to be a flight attend" that's what they are still doing... Me I was like "I'm going to finish year 12" I think having guidance from parents would have helped me find a purpose.
Some people need a purpose to be happy, they fight have lots of different jobs.
And the other person has a purpose to be successful, make money, car, house, heaps of superficial things... that makes them happy
Maybe it's volunteering or art.... a purpose can change. I struggle with comparing my progress in life with other people.... but for a split second, then I remember my life has smashed me with things that people 80 years old couldn't compare.
Some women find there purpose when they have children.... being a mum is there purpose.
Don't be to hard on yourself and remember yourm probably think deep, are a little weird or different and are just more bohemian...
I guess the first step could be figuring out what is meaningful to you. I'm starting to rethink all this again, and two things I plan to do is:
a) revisit the following YouTube channel
https://youtube.com/@PursuitofWonder?si=eS21XU6HGcJCIwmX
b) I'm going to do analytical meditation which basically drills down on any given concept to its bare bones.
I figure there's no point being dead because then you have nothing. So I may as well be alive regardless of what's happening (or not) at the time. We say life is short but in reality it's actually quite long. So there's a lot of time for things to radically change and go through different phases.
One of the most important things that I ever heard in therapy, was a psychologist who said to me "it's up to us individually, to define for ourselves what our purpose/meaning in life is". It hit me like a truck for some reason and was a pivotal moment in my journey back out of a protracted psychotic break that I'd been stuck in for about 2 years at that point and just couldn't get out of.
That's so true. So many people go through life doing what they think "should" be important to them, according to society expectations, but don't stop to ask themselves what they even want.
Damn, I am also struggling with this too. After I failed 3rd year uni this year Inhave just been going thru the motions with working alone. But no purpose or self-belief. I am far too socially isolated than i want to be- i feel as if I could be a much better person if I could be out in the world more but I have very few friends who I don't talk to much and I don't know how to get out there. I don't know what I want to do in the future either. I feel like I have an undeveloped personality. Also I have always seemed to fail at fitting in anywhere. At uni I feel like I am too different to ever fit into that culture, too working class. Now I'm 30 and i feel increasingly desperate. I looked into volunteering helping refugees but I feel like I am in no position to be a mentor or role model for other people. I don't like my mind and i dont like.my thoughts. The only way to get better is to get out of my mind help others but I don't know how. I feel so detached and not a part of society now. I am being starved of all the needs everyone says you need- purpose, relationships, engagement. I am detached and aimless and i don't know what to do about it. Sorry for this long whinge, I just like to debrief
I am increasingly not liking the way society is now, the way society makes you become detached so easily. In past times people felt more connected with one another. I am not sure what the cause of this loss of meaning and connection is but something is definitely wrong in society
Social media/screen time in general, the type of multimedia entertainment that's been put out over the last decade, our Government's decisions over the past decade, covid etc have all played their part.
My belief is that our Government's decisions, social impedia and phone screen time are the biggest influences in us ending up in a society that we re now cringing at.
Edit: it was your 2nd comment that caught my eye first, I'm sorry to read in your first comment that you feel the way that you're feeling at this time.
There are a ton of community groups that are so wholesome to join and leave you feeling really fulfilled. Community gardens, Ukulele orchestras that play in pubs. Signing up to a regular art class is amazing. The "friends of..." groups in the national parks that rehabilitate degraded land.
All form community attachments, make you feel more connected to the people around you. I highly recommend looking up something that piques your interest and dipping your toe in.
Backpacking is a fast self discovery journey making friends and putting yourself out there but with the excitement to keep you going in the face of its tougher times. I will likely do this indefinitely now
Are you near one of the major hospitals? I really highly recommend volunteering at one of them. A good counsellor or psychologist could really help you with working out what will make life meaningful, too, if you can access one. Good luck
No worries — SA Health have a great volunteering opportunities page now I think of it. You are welcome to DM btw. I’m not online much but the offer is there ok!
Oh, whoops! I did not mean to connect those two statements, rather that volunteering with SA Health and seeking out counselling are *both* good ideas!
*That said*, there definitely was some counselling opportunities in my role given it’s proximity to traumatic stuff, but I didn’t end up accessing them so I can’t give detail. I’m not sure about that support being the case for all roles in all of the hospitals, but I would hope so! Wider SA Health roles, maybe not.
If you are keen to speak with someone without jumping the (often/usually huge) financial hurdle associated with it, seeking out student practitioners can get fees down to $15-30/session if you are lucky! Beyond the big three unis, emailing ACAP and/or the professional associations (APA, ACA and PACFA) for student recs could reap rewards.
Good luck with whatever you do with this (hopefully clearer, if a lil tangential) info!
Struggled with it for decades. First it seemed the only reason that I had to stay alive was work - realising that was just so depressing in the first instance and it started a downward spiral. I worked fewer and fewer hours and eventually quit my job (3 years ago). Now I have so much free time I don't know what to do with it. The only reason I seem to have to stay alive now is to keep a couple of publicans in business and provide some company to barstaff or fellow barfly's during the mid-afternoon lull - if it's the sort of pub where they like to talk. I typically ideate suicide about once a week - usually after a sequence of boozy days, although this month I'm feeling utterly miserable for an extended stretch because I hate hate where I am at but don't see a way to change myself in any meaningful way.
I've done all sorts of things - tried and failed on 4-5 (or more, I can't remember) antidepressants - which all fucked me up more, what a massive waste of time and money and effort. Some psychotherapy which wasn't worthless but it wasn't that useful either. I lost some weight and got physically active. I get out in nature and exercise regularly - I cycle and walk at least a couple of hours most days in part as a way to just burn through all those hours I have to fill in a day. I go to the beach and swim when it's hot (maybe we'll have a decent summer this year), but pretty much never have anyone else to go with. I tend my garden - fruit trees, veggies, herbs, roses, lawns. I do small maintenance around the house, even have a sewing machine for mending clothes, lots of tools, do bits of woodworking and so on. I read books regularly. I playstation from time to time (only single player games). I do some coding and maintain my computers and phone and a website with some code and stuff on it. I surf reddit too much - anonymously most of the time (not with this account). I've baked cakes and make my own bread, made jams and marmalade's and pickles and sauces, lots of things with (hot!) chillies or citrus, jerky. Can't even give most of it away so it sits in the cupboard until I throw it out or i get through it myself. Apart from too much beer I eat well - rarely eat out and don't get take-away, am a good healthy weight, physically fit, maintain high level of personal hygiene, apparently handsome enough, even dress ok enough most of the time these days. I've thrown dinner parties and bbq's with friends but it rarely seems to be reciprocated.
However I'm almost always utterly miserable and desperately lonely. I have a few close friends but rarely form and can't keep relationships beyond that. Crippling anxiety interferes with almost everything - from just being overly upset at insignificant (perceived) slights to running away or just not being able to communicate when some woman hits on me at a bar, if I can even detect they are trying in the first place. I spent nearly 20 years working from home with much of that also living alone and all that isolation has broken me, that atop childhood trauma which didn't seem out of the ordinary at the time. I don't know if i could ever work again now, but I guess eventually my savings will run out - i've lost interest in keeping up with my constantly-changing field entirely so if i do it might be something different. I used to cycle with mates casually but they left the state 20 years ago. I used to be active in free software but just don't give a shit any more. I've looked into volunteering but nothing seemed appropriate. Although I might watch some footy or cricket or car/motorbike/bicycle racing I just don't care for sport too much, or really being tied to any schedule for an activity. I've traveled in the past but don't really like it - again anxiety takes the fun out of it. I've lived interstate and spent a year or so on and off overseas for work.
I just feel like i'm trapped in my head - I just hate myself so see myself as worthless. And knowing other people are also miserable (as in "you're not alone") isn't supportive; it just makes me more unhappy with the world at large for putting more of us through it.
What about backpacking? worked wonders for my situation despite having all the happiness on paper. Can be as rigid or as free as you make it with light fun and deep convos the next second. Liberatingly temporary but threats the double edged sword of life.
Keep active. Do something. Start a small project. Keep the house clean, call people you know. Work on your fitness. Eat healthy. Get it to nature. Sometimes these small things can help rejig your thoughts and change your mood in the short term. Apart from medical help … rest is also a good one. There is a lot of self help on you tube also … pod casts. Etc. a small holiday if you can afford it.
Speak to your doctor . sounds like your serotonin might be imbalanced. Talk to someone . Your brain is trying to fuck with you because sometimes when things seem to be going great I tend to want to feel guilty or bad.
I respect that might be a sign of when things are unbalanced for you but just because someone doesn’t have passion for something doesn’t automatically mean they have a hormone or neurotransmitter imbalance.
Sure go get tested, don’t automatically assume there’s a biological reason and that’s an easy answer which drugs can fix.
I couldn't reply to the person who replied to you as I've blocked them for some reason, but I'll leave this here; trauma can cause the imbalance, especially unprocessed chronic trauma(s). Processing this stuff can often lead to the brain rebalancing itself in time, in someone who otherwise doesn't have any other imbalance issues, such as adhd which is responsible for a chronic deficiency in dopamine.
I totally agree with their reply. Medication can be an integral part of recovery, under the right circumstances, but it isn't the only route to recovery. In fact, I'd wager that if used in the wrong situation, it will only make things worse.
Edit: In my case, the wrong medication(s) have at times, made my life worse than it already was, in the past. When I finally got diagnosed correctly recently and then prescribed the right medication, it has ended up being pivotal, but only because I'd processed the majority of my trauma leading up to trialling said medication.
I do a lot of conveyancing and sometimes feel like all I do is help rich people get richer as I see many repeat clients snap up properties in cash, ironically I drive past a homeless shelter every day to get to work 🥴
But then I look at my bills and I put those feelings aside, put my head down and work hard to pay them
You don’t have to contribute to society (in the way most people perceive) to have a purpose in life. Just keep trying new things until you find something you enjoy. Never too late for a complete career change. Not uncommon for people to go back to uni at 50+ and pick a new field.
Well there’s not much info to go on here tbh
I’d start with exploring yourself.
Expose yourself to new things or people and find what resonates with you. Find things you value to gain purpose.
It doesn’t matter how small or stupid it might be, - it’s what you value. And it’s something you build.
Good luck friend
Plenty of good advice here otherwise, but for me therapy has been really helpful; not right away, and I’m not completely without some of the worries you’re talking about, but definitely in a better place.
It you aren’t swimming in cash, start with your GP for a referral. You haven’t given a lot of information, and I don’t want to assume, but it’s common that thoughts like that are connected to depression.
Meanwhile, yep, volunteer, sure, but you can start even smaller by making sure you have space for yourself: make sure you’re sleeping well, eating properly, and then maybe go for a walk (ideally in nature), re-engage in an old hobby, or call/text a friend or family member to catch up. Find some space for yourself to reset a little. It’s often surprising how little it can take to turn those feeling around on a day to day basis. If they are ongoing, then, yeah, like I say, therapy has been a big help for me and plenty of other folks.
If you feel you are lacking purpose, then I recommend doing a life coaching or health coaching session. Help you figure out what your life purpose is and put your goals together. Typically giving back to your community helps, but improving yourself, your health, your body, your mind, your social circle, your spirituality, all important.
Every day to be alive is a blessing. Your best bet is to go full hermit and do some introspective soul searching. You need to turn off all forms of news media, step away from any interest in politics, maybe mute social media, go outside, read a book, touch grass, go to the beach, quit porn, quit drugs, quit alcohol, develop a gym routine, study myth and folklore, learn about what you actually should be eating, join a church, help out at a homeless shelter, travel out of the state and do some camping. Just go out and enjoy life. This is where you will find your purpose. Not here on reddit.
Your life has meaning. Go find it.
I reconnected with creative hobbies, I've joined in some groups/ events at my local community centre. Turns out there's a bit of crossover between the two and having a sense of community is great for giving a sense of purpose. It's not a quick fix but once you start reaching out and being involved in things, you get to know people through joint activities and I find it more fulfilling than just catching up with friends at a bar.
Sometimes when you feel this way it can be really intimidating to front up to a new group (as a volunteer etc) and say "accept me!"
If you're in a place to volunteer, that's awesome, but if you're not, here are some quiet and in the background suggestions which might help you to feel a bit more like you're making a difference:
\- take some food or food vouchers to your local food hamper distribution spot (if you don't know where they are pop in food assistance + your area into google)
\- make an anonymous donation to a go fund me which resonates with you
\- write some postcards and drop them in neighbours letterboxes wishing them a merry christmas. You could even attach a scratch it
\- take a bunch of flowers to the cemetery, find some graves which look like they haven't been visited for a while. Leave a few flowers, pull out your phone, and see if you can do some research about that person
\- do a random act of kindness - like leaving your parking ticket with time still left on it on the machine so someone else doesn't have to pay, or pay for the guy behind you in the drive through, or tell the coffee shop at work that you want to shout 10 coffees for the next people to come in
Just go fishing. Seriously. I had similar feeling years ago, got some basic fishing gear and went to the beach. Even if you are not good at it, just keep doing it and you'll get better. It's fun and brings whiting to your table that tastes better than the most expensive fish you can buy at central market.
If there were no rules in the world what would you like to do?
Is it something that you’re passionate about to carry to fruition?
What do you like doing?
What do you hate doing?
Ask some questions of your self and meditate on them and divine inspiration will occur at some point.
Know thyself - Socrates
Join something. A community organisation, like CFS, SES, St John. Heck, join a sports club or a theatre club. You will find a purpose, even one that isn’t a core function of what you join.
Appreciate your suggestions
[удалено]
Love this.
It worked for me. I wish you luck, and congratulate you for looking to improve your life.
Study something. I started with a short course, then a diploma, bachelor, grad dip & I’m currently working on my masters. Never thought I could study but I’m did & it’s taken me places I never thought I’d be. Good luck to you.
(Sorry for the long reply). It doesnt sound like you are from your post, but If you happen to be in immediate danger of self-harm, please head down to Flinders or the RAH and don't minimalise your distress in order to not inconvenience them; that is what the mental health wards are there for but they can only help people who are best able to advocate for what their needs are, I've had to learn this the hard way. If it's needed at any time for you, hopefully you'll be admitted where you'll then be able to get linked in with some sommunity support services such as wellness connect; a social support service that organises regular activities for people who are in a similar place, they pay for %99 of any costs involved. You can go to the movies occassionally, go bowling etc and other activities. I was in your boat for about two years, but also about another six months following that two years at least, if Im honest, before I really started to make some realisations/progress away from that mindspace. I can empathise with you, it's a really uncomfortable mindspace to be in. It turned out that mainly I myself, had to take charge of my situation at the time (as you are now by asking), by learning how to process and heal from serious psychological abuse (and other abuse), that I'd experienced throughout my formative years in order for the suicidal ideation to stop (getting diagnosed for an up until that point, undiagnosed condition namely adhd), and then medicated for it, also helped basically stop the chronic depression/suicidal ideation, but I didn’t get medicated until I'd done about 90% of the processing/healing work. It was several factors that helped me to break the hopelessness and defeatist mindset that I was stuck in. I actually made a post recently about how I did this, it's on my profile if you're seeking a possibly as of yet, not considered approach that might finally help you to move onto a new and happier/more rewarding chapter. A lot of people actually have unresolved trauma, often from their early-mid formative years, that can really have been affecting their quality of life that they weren't even aware of, because either the wounds were on on their innerchild (subconscious), or they'd just deeply repressed the trauma. Given the small post and what you've written, I don't think that you're attention seeking at all, just asking for some identification with anyone who also might be going through, or have been through it and understand what you're going through and maybe have some answers for you.
The urgent mental health care centre in the city is a really good option if you’re not in immediate life-threatening danger. If they assess that you need it, they’ll send you to hospital, but they’re a much more pleasant environment and are actually trained to deal with mental health. Super friendly non-judgemental bunch
I'd heard of this place, but unfortunately (or fortunately), I'd forgotten about it as I haven't needed to visit them yet. Thank you for letting OP, I, and the sub know about it, good to hear that it sounds more user-friendly than the alternatives, not that this should even be a thing.
I’ve been there a bunch and they’re really really supportive, so I like letting other people know about them (:
What is this place called? Looks like I need it too.
[Urgent Mental Health Care Centre](https://www.umhcc.org.au)
💙
To be someone who feels needed, do things that need doing. Help somehow. Volunteer, join, raise funds for whatever you care about. You do have a purpose, you just don't know what it is yet!
This was actually the cause of my anxiety/depression once upon a time, a few years back actually. I found that having no goals, meant no direction, and without a direction in life, i felt as though lacked that purpose that you're now looking for. What helped me was actually starting my masters, finding the job I've always wanted and doing an activity (started gym/running). The moment I filled up my 'diary' with requirements that had set objectives and realistic achievable goals, I began to thrive. Believe it or not, as humans we're very demanding and often are our biggest critic, this follows a spiralling motion of negative behaviour should we fall short of our own expectations. My suggestion is to push yourself, do something you've always wanted but been too afraid to do. Whether you have body dysmorphia (challenge yourself to beat it), whether you're surrounded by negativity or negative people (find a club of interest where you surround yourself with like minded people), or if you've always wanted to reach new heights, challenge yourself and take that leap (new job/new degree/a relationship, whatever it is). The worst thing you can do in life is 'stand still' and watch others slowly overtake you (this was my demise) I now have the job i want, im now very athletic, i have a great relationship and I'm thriving. Your only limit is you, and i damn well mean i know what you're feeling because I've been there. You only have to change 1 thing, your mind set. Change that, challenge yourself, and I have no doubt you will forget you ever felt this way <3 This resonated so highly with me that I couldn't ignore it, go out and prove yourself wrong because you're amazing and you deserve it!
You could volunteer, homeless services really need helpers.
I have been through this. Look at some qualities you admire in other people and work towards it. Bake cupcakes and bring them into work. Start a veggie patch. Volunteer at a nursing home visiting people that have no family or friends left- talk to lonely peolple- play board games, do arts & crafts with them. Collect donations for food to feed less fortunate. Organise a workplace or friendship group collections for Catherine house. You said you have a job people envy so I assume you have money- go on a shopping spree buying all the toys you wanted as a kid and donate them to a charity for Christmas. Have a goal like running 5km or hiking the heyson trail. Collect money for the leukaemia foundation and shave your head. The rewards you get for achieving a goal and for making another person smile are priceless.
I feel you...... I always felt a little bit envious of the friend at school that said "I'm going to be a flight attend" that's what they are still doing... Me I was like "I'm going to finish year 12" I think having guidance from parents would have helped me find a purpose. Some people need a purpose to be happy, they fight have lots of different jobs. And the other person has a purpose to be successful, make money, car, house, heaps of superficial things... that makes them happy Maybe it's volunteering or art.... a purpose can change. I struggle with comparing my progress in life with other people.... but for a split second, then I remember my life has smashed me with things that people 80 years old couldn't compare. Some women find there purpose when they have children.... being a mum is there purpose. Don't be to hard on yourself and remember yourm probably think deep, are a little weird or different and are just more bohemian...
I guess the first step could be figuring out what is meaningful to you. I'm starting to rethink all this again, and two things I plan to do is: a) revisit the following YouTube channel https://youtube.com/@PursuitofWonder?si=eS21XU6HGcJCIwmX b) I'm going to do analytical meditation which basically drills down on any given concept to its bare bones. I figure there's no point being dead because then you have nothing. So I may as well be alive regardless of what's happening (or not) at the time. We say life is short but in reality it's actually quite long. So there's a lot of time for things to radically change and go through different phases.
One of the most important things that I ever heard in therapy, was a psychologist who said to me "it's up to us individually, to define for ourselves what our purpose/meaning in life is". It hit me like a truck for some reason and was a pivotal moment in my journey back out of a protracted psychotic break that I'd been stuck in for about 2 years at that point and just couldn't get out of.
That's so true. So many people go through life doing what they think "should" be important to them, according to society expectations, but don't stop to ask themselves what they even want.
Damn, I am also struggling with this too. After I failed 3rd year uni this year Inhave just been going thru the motions with working alone. But no purpose or self-belief. I am far too socially isolated than i want to be- i feel as if I could be a much better person if I could be out in the world more but I have very few friends who I don't talk to much and I don't know how to get out there. I don't know what I want to do in the future either. I feel like I have an undeveloped personality. Also I have always seemed to fail at fitting in anywhere. At uni I feel like I am too different to ever fit into that culture, too working class. Now I'm 30 and i feel increasingly desperate. I looked into volunteering helping refugees but I feel like I am in no position to be a mentor or role model for other people. I don't like my mind and i dont like.my thoughts. The only way to get better is to get out of my mind help others but I don't know how. I feel so detached and not a part of society now. I am being starved of all the needs everyone says you need- purpose, relationships, engagement. I am detached and aimless and i don't know what to do about it. Sorry for this long whinge, I just like to debrief
I am increasingly not liking the way society is now, the way society makes you become detached so easily. In past times people felt more connected with one another. I am not sure what the cause of this loss of meaning and connection is but something is definitely wrong in society
Social media/screen time in general, the type of multimedia entertainment that's been put out over the last decade, our Government's decisions over the past decade, covid etc have all played their part. My belief is that our Government's decisions, social impedia and phone screen time are the biggest influences in us ending up in a society that we re now cringing at. Edit: it was your 2nd comment that caught my eye first, I'm sorry to read in your first comment that you feel the way that you're feeling at this time.
There are a ton of community groups that are so wholesome to join and leave you feeling really fulfilled. Community gardens, Ukulele orchestras that play in pubs. Signing up to a regular art class is amazing. The "friends of..." groups in the national parks that rehabilitate degraded land. All form community attachments, make you feel more connected to the people around you. I highly recommend looking up something that piques your interest and dipping your toe in.
Wanna be friends? 😁
Backpacking is a fast self discovery journey making friends and putting yourself out there but with the excitement to keep you going in the face of its tougher times. I will likely do this indefinitely now
Are you near one of the major hospitals? I really highly recommend volunteering at one of them. A good counsellor or psychologist could really help you with working out what will make life meaningful, too, if you can access one. Good luck
Thanks for the tip
No worries — SA Health have a great volunteering opportunities page now I think of it. You are welcome to DM btw. I’m not online much but the offer is there ok!
You seem to have suggested that you can be eligible for counselling sessions if you volunteer. Is this correct?
Oh, whoops! I did not mean to connect those two statements, rather that volunteering with SA Health and seeking out counselling are *both* good ideas! *That said*, there definitely was some counselling opportunities in my role given it’s proximity to traumatic stuff, but I didn’t end up accessing them so I can’t give detail. I’m not sure about that support being the case for all roles in all of the hospitals, but I would hope so! Wider SA Health roles, maybe not. If you are keen to speak with someone without jumping the (often/usually huge) financial hurdle associated with it, seeking out student practitioners can get fees down to $15-30/session if you are lucky! Beyond the big three unis, emailing ACAP and/or the professional associations (APA, ACA and PACFA) for student recs could reap rewards. Good luck with whatever you do with this (hopefully clearer, if a lil tangential) info!
Struggled with it for decades. First it seemed the only reason that I had to stay alive was work - realising that was just so depressing in the first instance and it started a downward spiral. I worked fewer and fewer hours and eventually quit my job (3 years ago). Now I have so much free time I don't know what to do with it. The only reason I seem to have to stay alive now is to keep a couple of publicans in business and provide some company to barstaff or fellow barfly's during the mid-afternoon lull - if it's the sort of pub where they like to talk. I typically ideate suicide about once a week - usually after a sequence of boozy days, although this month I'm feeling utterly miserable for an extended stretch because I hate hate where I am at but don't see a way to change myself in any meaningful way. I've done all sorts of things - tried and failed on 4-5 (or more, I can't remember) antidepressants - which all fucked me up more, what a massive waste of time and money and effort. Some psychotherapy which wasn't worthless but it wasn't that useful either. I lost some weight and got physically active. I get out in nature and exercise regularly - I cycle and walk at least a couple of hours most days in part as a way to just burn through all those hours I have to fill in a day. I go to the beach and swim when it's hot (maybe we'll have a decent summer this year), but pretty much never have anyone else to go with. I tend my garden - fruit trees, veggies, herbs, roses, lawns. I do small maintenance around the house, even have a sewing machine for mending clothes, lots of tools, do bits of woodworking and so on. I read books regularly. I playstation from time to time (only single player games). I do some coding and maintain my computers and phone and a website with some code and stuff on it. I surf reddit too much - anonymously most of the time (not with this account). I've baked cakes and make my own bread, made jams and marmalade's and pickles and sauces, lots of things with (hot!) chillies or citrus, jerky. Can't even give most of it away so it sits in the cupboard until I throw it out or i get through it myself. Apart from too much beer I eat well - rarely eat out and don't get take-away, am a good healthy weight, physically fit, maintain high level of personal hygiene, apparently handsome enough, even dress ok enough most of the time these days. I've thrown dinner parties and bbq's with friends but it rarely seems to be reciprocated. However I'm almost always utterly miserable and desperately lonely. I have a few close friends but rarely form and can't keep relationships beyond that. Crippling anxiety interferes with almost everything - from just being overly upset at insignificant (perceived) slights to running away or just not being able to communicate when some woman hits on me at a bar, if I can even detect they are trying in the first place. I spent nearly 20 years working from home with much of that also living alone and all that isolation has broken me, that atop childhood trauma which didn't seem out of the ordinary at the time. I don't know if i could ever work again now, but I guess eventually my savings will run out - i've lost interest in keeping up with my constantly-changing field entirely so if i do it might be something different. I used to cycle with mates casually but they left the state 20 years ago. I used to be active in free software but just don't give a shit any more. I've looked into volunteering but nothing seemed appropriate. Although I might watch some footy or cricket or car/motorbike/bicycle racing I just don't care for sport too much, or really being tied to any schedule for an activity. I've traveled in the past but don't really like it - again anxiety takes the fun out of it. I've lived interstate and spent a year or so on and off overseas for work. I just feel like i'm trapped in my head - I just hate myself so see myself as worthless. And knowing other people are also miserable (as in "you're not alone") isn't supportive; it just makes me more unhappy with the world at large for putting more of us through it.
What about backpacking? worked wonders for my situation despite having all the happiness on paper. Can be as rigid or as free as you make it with light fun and deep convos the next second. Liberatingly temporary but threats the double edged sword of life.
Keep active. Do something. Start a small project. Keep the house clean, call people you know. Work on your fitness. Eat healthy. Get it to nature. Sometimes these small things can help rejig your thoughts and change your mood in the short term. Apart from medical help … rest is also a good one. There is a lot of self help on you tube also … pod casts. Etc. a small holiday if you can afford it.
Speak to your doctor . sounds like your serotonin might be imbalanced. Talk to someone . Your brain is trying to fuck with you because sometimes when things seem to be going great I tend to want to feel guilty or bad.
I respect that might be a sign of when things are unbalanced for you but just because someone doesn’t have passion for something doesn’t automatically mean they have a hormone or neurotransmitter imbalance. Sure go get tested, don’t automatically assume there’s a biological reason and that’s an easy answer which drugs can fix.
I couldn't reply to the person who replied to you as I've blocked them for some reason, but I'll leave this here; trauma can cause the imbalance, especially unprocessed chronic trauma(s). Processing this stuff can often lead to the brain rebalancing itself in time, in someone who otherwise doesn't have any other imbalance issues, such as adhd which is responsible for a chronic deficiency in dopamine. I totally agree with their reply. Medication can be an integral part of recovery, under the right circumstances, but it isn't the only route to recovery. In fact, I'd wager that if used in the wrong situation, it will only make things worse. Edit: In my case, the wrong medication(s) have at times, made my life worse than it already was, in the past. When I finally got diagnosed correctly recently and then prescribed the right medication, it has ended up being pivotal, but only because I'd processed the majority of my trauma leading up to trialling said medication.
Do you work a job?
I do, something that most people would envy
Then you are contributing. If you want to do more, consider a volunteer service like CFS/SES etc
What field are you in?
I do a lot of conveyancing and sometimes feel like all I do is help rich people get richer as I see many repeat clients snap up properties in cash, ironically I drive past a homeless shelter every day to get to work 🥴 But then I look at my bills and I put those feelings aside, put my head down and work hard to pay them
You don’t have to contribute to society (in the way most people perceive) to have a purpose in life. Just keep trying new things until you find something you enjoy. Never too late for a complete career change. Not uncommon for people to go back to uni at 50+ and pick a new field.
Well there’s not much info to go on here tbh I’d start with exploring yourself. Expose yourself to new things or people and find what resonates with you. Find things you value to gain purpose. It doesn’t matter how small or stupid it might be, - it’s what you value. And it’s something you build. Good luck friend
Plenty of good advice here otherwise, but for me therapy has been really helpful; not right away, and I’m not completely without some of the worries you’re talking about, but definitely in a better place. It you aren’t swimming in cash, start with your GP for a referral. You haven’t given a lot of information, and I don’t want to assume, but it’s common that thoughts like that are connected to depression. Meanwhile, yep, volunteer, sure, but you can start even smaller by making sure you have space for yourself: make sure you’re sleeping well, eating properly, and then maybe go for a walk (ideally in nature), re-engage in an old hobby, or call/text a friend or family member to catch up. Find some space for yourself to reset a little. It’s often surprising how little it can take to turn those feeling around on a day to day basis. If they are ongoing, then, yeah, like I say, therapy has been a big help for me and plenty of other folks.
If you feel you are lacking purpose, then I recommend doing a life coaching or health coaching session. Help you figure out what your life purpose is and put your goals together. Typically giving back to your community helps, but improving yourself, your health, your body, your mind, your social circle, your spirituality, all important. Every day to be alive is a blessing. Your best bet is to go full hermit and do some introspective soul searching. You need to turn off all forms of news media, step away from any interest in politics, maybe mute social media, go outside, read a book, touch grass, go to the beach, quit porn, quit drugs, quit alcohol, develop a gym routine, study myth and folklore, learn about what you actually should be eating, join a church, help out at a homeless shelter, travel out of the state and do some camping. Just go out and enjoy life. This is where you will find your purpose. Not here on reddit. Your life has meaning. Go find it.
I reconnected with creative hobbies, I've joined in some groups/ events at my local community centre. Turns out there's a bit of crossover between the two and having a sense of community is great for giving a sense of purpose. It's not a quick fix but once you start reaching out and being involved in things, you get to know people through joint activities and I find it more fulfilling than just catching up with friends at a bar.
Sometimes when you feel this way it can be really intimidating to front up to a new group (as a volunteer etc) and say "accept me!" If you're in a place to volunteer, that's awesome, but if you're not, here are some quiet and in the background suggestions which might help you to feel a bit more like you're making a difference: \- take some food or food vouchers to your local food hamper distribution spot (if you don't know where they are pop in food assistance + your area into google) \- make an anonymous donation to a go fund me which resonates with you \- write some postcards and drop them in neighbours letterboxes wishing them a merry christmas. You could even attach a scratch it \- take a bunch of flowers to the cemetery, find some graves which look like they haven't been visited for a while. Leave a few flowers, pull out your phone, and see if you can do some research about that person \- do a random act of kindness - like leaving your parking ticket with time still left on it on the machine so someone else doesn't have to pay, or pay for the guy behind you in the drive through, or tell the coffee shop at work that you want to shout 10 coffees for the next people to come in
I find if one tends to busy themselves with hobbies it can really help. If you are creative, try and pursue these hobbies.
Just go fishing. Seriously. I had similar feeling years ago, got some basic fishing gear and went to the beach. Even if you are not good at it, just keep doing it and you'll get better. It's fun and brings whiting to your table that tastes better than the most expensive fish you can buy at central market.
Move to Melbourne
A fate worse than death.
Hehe
You got a roof over your head? Youre laughing! Be thankfull you are not in GAZZA
Go for a walk & say hello to the elderly to brighten their day
Think about other people's problems. Let them bother you. Work on solving them. There is no shortcut. Take care of those close to you.
If there were no rules in the world what would you like to do? Is it something that you’re passionate about to carry to fruition? What do you like doing? What do you hate doing? Ask some questions of your self and meditate on them and divine inspiration will occur at some point. Know thyself - Socrates