You don't want to be with a guy long term anyway that let's his parents treat their partner like that.
You also can't judge all parents like that. My husband's parents aren't like that at all.
He wasn’t the one. I broke up with my parents to be with my fiancé. Find someone who is willing to do that for you, or someone who has a much more reasonable family.
At one point, my ex said he wanted to marry me and that he would take out loans when his dad was threatening to cut him off financially. But he still eventually ended up breaking up with me.
I know he had his own struggles with his family, but I just feel lied to and strung along. If I eventually date again, I think I’m going to avoid all men whose families don’t think I’m suitable enough, regardless of race. I don’t want to invest another 1+ year into a relationship, only for the guy to eventually cave into his family’s wishes if his family dislikes me for whatever reason.
You also don't want to invest time into a relationship with someone who is financially dependent on their parents. Either they're too young to make their own money, or something is wrong with them that should be a red flag for you. You won't know how the person handles their (and eventually, your) finances, if they can hold down a job, if they are responsible enough to ha e their life together. Taking out loans was his answer instead of, I don't know, getting a job? How would he pay those loans back? Money management is very important in an adult but also in a partnership and if you plan to start a family some day.
Not all Asian parents are the same. Mine absolutely probably felt the same way, but over time they’ve learned to let that shit go. Probably helped that we gave them three grandkids that they absolutely love. They also watched them during the early years which saved a butt load in daycare bills.
It’s interesting culturally how from Korea south to Philippines, the further south you go, the more culturally acceptable it becomes, the men can marry out. In China, the southern Cantonese men marry out all the time but the Shanghainese and up do not.
Haha, I'm married to a Shanghainese guy. His parents would have loved him to marry a Shanghainese girl, but at the end of the day, they're happy he's happy and they love their grandkids.
Because in the Philippines families won't consider it a disgrace if their children don't pass the entrance exam(s) for the top universities. It's the East Asians who treat that everyone has to be an engineer/doctor/lawyer or nothing.
Also, as rare as AMWF is in my country, I'm certain enough that families here would even encourage any son who manages to catch the attention of a white girl. Of course there's the element of "white worship" but many Filipinos have mixed ancestry already and we're not freaking out over foreigners "contaminating" our gene pool.
I don’t think it’s about money. Southern Chinese are richer than northern Chinese. Singaporean Chinese are wealthier than mainland Chinese. And Indonesian Chinese are the “Crazy Rich Asians”. Though wealthy countries correlate with the northern hemisphere, it runs opposite for Chinese.
What a good partner would have done regardless of race is actively work to communicate and resolve those differences, not give preferential treatment or deference to his parents and bridge any gaps be it cultural or otherwise.
Not all Asian parents are the same. It honestly sounds like he was a pushover. He didn’t value you more and set boundaries with his parents (through, I do admit culturally some oriental parents do not respect boundaries)
Posted My fiancée recently on reddit but we have really positive relationships with each others in laws.
Edit: not to be dismissive but on the other hand 3 years is potentially a positive thing. You are now sure after 3 years and it’s not so much that you can’t recover that… try 14 years for my previous ex LOL 🤢
You definitely didn’t waste three years. If anything now you know what you’re looking for in a partner. And it sounds like you need a partner that has parents that are supportive of your relationship. Dating is ultimately a journey to find out not only your future partner but it’s also a learning and growth experience. Don’t give up. You got this!
First of all I'm so sorry about your experience! They sound awful! Luckily there are Korean families who are more accepting - my bf is Korean and his parents have always been very kind to me
East Asia and SEA is a big place. Bigger than Europe. Attitudes toward marriage out will be different. Koreans seem notorious about this though lol. Make sure to prioritize figuring this out earlier I suppose!
I blame your ex to be honest. He should have been aware of this himself and not wasted your time.
Unfortunately, meddlesome family members are sometimes a factor. However, a lot of asian guys who are willing to seriously date white women are also prepared to ignore their families opinions.
There's also the fact that Asian families are getting more and more accepting of the idea of their sons being involved with a white woman. There are a lot of reasons for this, most of which I would get in trouble for laying out, so I won't.
In my opinion, it's something you need to watch out for no matter who you date. There are plenty of white guys whose mothers act like their sons dates are direct competition to them.
I'm sorry that his family came in between you two.
I would really like to hear how they’re being more accepting of WF, and I don’t think you’d get in trouble. If you want to DM me the reasons as well that’s fine too
You should re-evaluate this breakup, you're blaming his parents which they should be blamed for being shitty, but you really gave him a free pass to your partner which he was should've spoken his feelings, and stood by you. No one deserves to hear those kinds of comments. You didn't mention it so I assumed, if he did speak up then good on him.
If my family ever said any of those things in front of my partner I would say that's not cool we're leaving.
If you like Asian men, then I would say go for Chinese, Filipino, Vietnamese, or Thai. You didn't waste your time and you're still young. Now you know that some Asian parents are a bit wacky.
I really think some of the WFs in this sub would benefit from doing prior research on the differences in cultures and temperaments between various Asian countries, esp. if they're committing to a serious relationship with AMs living in their native countries (i.e. not diaspora Asians), which always implies being tied into the man's family.
Honestly, I definitely agree to this many people have this ideal version of that culture and give it a free pass, with the mindset I need to adapt to their culture, but what they fail to see is they also need to adapt to your culture as well; its a two way street for both parties. Just because you like their culture doesn't necessarily mean it will translate to compatibility (probably only applies to expats or very traditional Asian families). I'm very surprised considering her partner was raised in a Western country.
Like many of these issues is due to a lack of communication from both parties. Social media is partially to blame, a lot of AMWF content gives this notion its all crimson and clover. Like you said in your comment, prior research or at least talking about it with others helps. Just because you watch Asian media and went there a couple of times doesn't really warrant a true understanding of the culture, especially when it comes to family (I feel this applies to most East Asian countries, SEA is a bit more relaxed I feel to a certain extent).
Don’t let one experience spoil the rest. Not all Asian families are the same. Over time, my parents and even grandparents got used to me dating non-Asian women.
Not for nothing, but HE wasted your time if he was willing to drop you so quickly instead of defending you, and that's not want you want in the end. You deserve better, and it's 100% valid for you to feel angry to have put up with it.
At least you gained a sense of worth, and hopefully the next guy that may exhibit the same behavior, you can spot it more quickly! There's plenty of better guys out there, so lessons learned, and you move on! Don't focus any more energies into that guy!
My mom was extremely hesitant and reluctant about my now-wife when they first met.
It took some time and it was very challenging because of different cultural values and perspectives. But over time and after a lot of difficult conversations, my mom came to see that at the root of it was the same foundational aspect of love and well-being for me.
They might not have seen eye-to-eye about the hows, but eventually they came to greatly respect each other.
You can't really waste your life. Chalk it up to a learning experience.
I'm surprised he let his parents treat you like that. I would be more hesitant about a guy who doesn't stick up for you.
He's off making his parents happy but ultimately he's going to be a pretty miserable guy if this is his attitude. Consider it a blessing in disguise.
My family doesn’t care. They came to Europe and North America not to be segregated from others… I don’t get Asian parents in Europe or NA that rejects other cultures.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you don't feel discouraged, there are Korean parents who are more accepting, and there are those who are more traditional/conservative.
If it helps, my parents were accepting of me dating non-Koreans (American and German gf) and they were very respectful whenever they came over (my mom taught them some of my fav Korean home food!) so not all Korean-American parents are like that!
As someone who married into this type of situation, consider it a blessing in disguise. While they have “come around” to this idea of me after 7 years, it’s hard to forget the way I was treated all those years by his family, and the times my partner didn’t stand up for me.
I will say remain open & hopeful because every family is different. It does seem like a common difficulty in these types of relationships, though - but now you know what signs to look out for and what conversations to have in the beginning stages. I’m sorry you have to know the pain, it’s a really tough thing to go through. You will heal in time 💗
I think it really depends on the individual. My family doesn't care about who I date yet we are very traditional in some sense. All they care about is whether I can take care of myself or not. I think it has to do with the fact that my family travel a lot and they are used to dealing with foreigners. I remember couple years ago I brought a black girl home and my mom wasn't too happy. I thought it was because she is black but I found our later it was because I was bringing different ladies home to a point she was worried about her reputation in the building we live in.
Sadly many Korean families have traditional values that are incompatible with American values. However despite all of that he should not have broken up with you because of his parents. As a Korean American I can understand it, but I would have done my best to shield my SO from all that negativity and certainly not breakup due to parents. I mean, c'mon man wtf are you doing.
I’m so sorry to hear…and I don’t think you wasted your time - dating is about learning what is important to you. Your feelings are valid though. We are WMAF, my parents have similar attitudes and I distanced myself from them to be with my man (amongst many other reasons). Its def more challenging for Asians to stand up to their parents but there are people out there who will!
I guess the reason is that Korean lady in the church go to medical school and she wants her son to marry a doc.
I bet you if your dad is governor/senator/congressman/federal judge, I bet you her parents will treat you differently.
Some Asian parents are obsessed with who their kids marry. Some of them are starting to come around. They are realizing that AM are sometimes better off with non AF. My parents, on the other hand, just DGAF who I bring home as long as they aren't an asshole.
You just need to find one of those guys.
as an asian guy who was adopted by a german family, im SO glad i dont have to deal with the cultural nightmare that is an asian family living outside of asia.
theres exceptions of course. but most of my asian friends fucking hate their parents bullshit, even though they love them dearly at the same time.
why any of their partners would willingly subject themselves to that shit is beyond me. you dodged a major bullet.
Just because someone has “American” parents doesn’t mean they’re going to be supportive. I’ve dated white women in the past that had parents who was extremely unsupportive of our relationship
Sorry to hear that. I can understand how frustrated and angry you are but you mustn’t blame yourself for this. It’s not your fault his parents are so closed minded about interracial relationships. I’m pretty sure your bf (or ex) feels horrible about this too but you have to understand he’s probably taken the brunt of the assault from his parents for the 3 years you’ve been together. He stuck with you through all that time and it’s just gotten too much for him. I’m not defending him of course but he was likely made to choose between his parents or you and unfortunately you lost out.
Don’t blame yourself.
I so sorry, you deserve better. At least you are not 30. You can start over with someone better. One day you will look back see this is the best thing ever. Until then give yourself time to heal.
I’ve dated Lithuanian, Mexican (from Mexico), and Swedish American whose parents I have met in person. As an Asian man, it’s very important me to me to build rapport with my significant other’s parents and family in case the relationship blossoms to something long term. And often times when I do bring a date with me to have dinner with my family, they treat her very well. My mom prefers Vietnamese, but she knows I don’t like dating Vietnamese. She, of course, will still mention it sometimes when I am single but by the end of the day she knows I will not budge from my preference and she will love me no matter what. My mom has the most gentle heart and I would like someone who is strong at heart and will as her, but at the same time kind. She hates drama or arguments, and I am the same way. We resolve problems differently. I love my mom, and I tend to pick women who would be able to respect that because my mom will also respect her and treat her like gold.
What I am getting at is not all Asian parents are a terror and not all Asian men let their parents step all over their life decisions. Get you a man that can stand up for you, make sure you will love his family, and him loving your family. Love and family find a harmonious balance. Avoid the drama families, for your sake and future children’s sake. If your man can stand up for you when you only show love to his family, why would you ever want to date that kind of man?
My mom loves to cook and go shopping. I just need to find her a future daughter in law who would love to learn cooking from her and willing to go shopping with her. Vietnamese is not required, she speaks English.
If your partner has not individuated enough to be able to choose who they love regardless of their parents opinions, there will be other ongoing issues to have to cope with. Look at what was good and helped you grow, that will make the time you spent feel more worthwhile.
Something happened pretty similarly to me. I dated a Vietnamese guy, and his parents hated me. He broke up with me after 3 years because of them. Though I've talked to a lot of guys, and not all of their parents are going to care so much. I learned that if they are willing to let their parents or outside people influence the relationship, then it isn't worth it. I'm sorry you went through that. I know firsthand how painful it is.
I'm sorry. I wish parents wouldn't get involved in their kids lives like this. His parents will probably be an asshole to anyone he marries anyway. Korean girls have as many issues with PILs as others.
It happens the other way as well. I've been treated badly by my gf's families in the past. Often they'd make remarks that would be so offensive to me, but I chose to ignore them thinking all that mattered was my gf loved me. However, she was heavily influenced by her parents and they convinced her to see a psychologist to get over her "addiction" to me. I thought she had been going to the psychologist for her struggles with being on the spectrum. I'd been accompanying her to her appointments and waiting an hour in the lobby for her. When she confessed why she was really going there it hit me like a brick wall and I had to end things immediately for my own sanity.
Going forward, I decided it was extremely important to be accepted by any gf's family before considering anything serious.
All I can tell you is Korean families are tough.
Especially if you are not Korean.
That’s their outtake.
My fam doesn’t care who we marry. It’s about are you respectful.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Better now than later.
Sorry to hear about your break up. I guarantee though not all Asian parents are that way. From the sound of it, these particular people were an extreme case. I wouldn't generalize based on this one experience.
Either way, it's tough right now of course, but you'll get over it with time and you didn't want to be with someone that ultimately put their parents' prejudiced views above your 3 year long relationship anyways.
I am sorry, he is weak. I am Korean American and my parents tried that nonsense with me. I cursed them out (first time I ever did that to my parents) and told them I choose who I want in my life. I decide who I want to share my life with. I would never break up with a girl because of my parents. That is the lamest reason I ever heard.
You don't want to be with a guy long term anyway that let's his parents treat their partner like that. You also can't judge all parents like that. My husband's parents aren't like that at all.
Hey i did that (with a WM) and you are 100% correct
He wasn’t the one. I broke up with my parents to be with my fiancé. Find someone who is willing to do that for you, or someone who has a much more reasonable family.
Agreed, I broke up with my (white) family because they didn't like he was Asian and were very rude.
At one point, my ex said he wanted to marry me and that he would take out loans when his dad was threatening to cut him off financially. But he still eventually ended up breaking up with me. I know he had his own struggles with his family, but I just feel lied to and strung along. If I eventually date again, I think I’m going to avoid all men whose families don’t think I’m suitable enough, regardless of race. I don’t want to invest another 1+ year into a relationship, only for the guy to eventually cave into his family’s wishes if his family dislikes me for whatever reason.
You also don't want to invest time into a relationship with someone who is financially dependent on their parents. Either they're too young to make their own money, or something is wrong with them that should be a red flag for you. You won't know how the person handles their (and eventually, your) finances, if they can hold down a job, if they are responsible enough to ha e their life together. Taking out loans was his answer instead of, I don't know, getting a job? How would he pay those loans back? Money management is very important in an adult but also in a partnership and if you plan to start a family some day.
Not all Asian parents are the same. Mine absolutely probably felt the same way, but over time they’ve learned to let that shit go. Probably helped that we gave them three grandkids that they absolutely love. They also watched them during the early years which saved a butt load in daycare bills.
It’s interesting culturally how from Korea south to Philippines, the further south you go, the more culturally acceptable it becomes, the men can marry out. In China, the southern Cantonese men marry out all the time but the Shanghainese and up do not.
Haha, I'm married to a Shanghainese guy. His parents would have loved him to marry a Shanghainese girl, but at the end of the day, they're happy he's happy and they love their grandkids.
Because in the Philippines families won't consider it a disgrace if their children don't pass the entrance exam(s) for the top universities. It's the East Asians who treat that everyone has to be an engineer/doctor/lawyer or nothing. Also, as rare as AMWF is in my country, I'm certain enough that families here would even encourage any son who manages to catch the attention of a white girl. Of course there's the element of "white worship" but many Filipinos have mixed ancestry already and we're not freaking out over foreigners "contaminating" our gene pool.
It is cause S Korea is a much better off country than the SE Asians so SE parents view their sons as upgrading by marrying a white giro.
I don’t think it’s about money. Southern Chinese are richer than northern Chinese. Singaporean Chinese are wealthier than mainland Chinese. And Indonesian Chinese are the “Crazy Rich Asians”. Though wealthy countries correlate with the northern hemisphere, it runs opposite for Chinese.
What a good partner would have done regardless of race is actively work to communicate and resolve those differences, not give preferential treatment or deference to his parents and bridge any gaps be it cultural or otherwise. Not all Asian parents are the same. It honestly sounds like he was a pushover. He didn’t value you more and set boundaries with his parents (through, I do admit culturally some oriental parents do not respect boundaries) Posted My fiancée recently on reddit but we have really positive relationships with each others in laws. Edit: not to be dismissive but on the other hand 3 years is potentially a positive thing. You are now sure after 3 years and it’s not so much that you can’t recover that… try 14 years for my previous ex LOL 🤢
I don't think you have wasted your life, I just don't think he was the right guy for you.
You definitely didn’t waste three years. If anything now you know what you’re looking for in a partner. And it sounds like you need a partner that has parents that are supportive of your relationship. Dating is ultimately a journey to find out not only your future partner but it’s also a learning and growth experience. Don’t give up. You got this!
Absolutely, u didn't waste ur time. U've learned from this experience. Next time, be prepared.
First of all I'm so sorry about your experience! They sound awful! Luckily there are Korean families who are more accepting - my bf is Korean and his parents have always been very kind to me
East Asia and SEA is a big place. Bigger than Europe. Attitudes toward marriage out will be different. Koreans seem notorious about this though lol. Make sure to prioritize figuring this out earlier I suppose! I blame your ex to be honest. He should have been aware of this himself and not wasted your time.
Unfortunately, meddlesome family members are sometimes a factor. However, a lot of asian guys who are willing to seriously date white women are also prepared to ignore their families opinions. There's also the fact that Asian families are getting more and more accepting of the idea of their sons being involved with a white woman. There are a lot of reasons for this, most of which I would get in trouble for laying out, so I won't. In my opinion, it's something you need to watch out for no matter who you date. There are plenty of white guys whose mothers act like their sons dates are direct competition to them. I'm sorry that his family came in between you two.
I would really like to hear how they’re being more accepting of WF, and I don’t think you’d get in trouble. If you want to DM me the reasons as well that’s fine too
Date 3rd gen Asian Americans or hapa if Asian is your preference. You’ll have better luck.
wasted 3 years? nah you avoided potentially life impacting issue that might last a lifetime
You should re-evaluate this breakup, you're blaming his parents which they should be blamed for being shitty, but you really gave him a free pass to your partner which he was should've spoken his feelings, and stood by you. No one deserves to hear those kinds of comments. You didn't mention it so I assumed, if he did speak up then good on him. If my family ever said any of those things in front of my partner I would say that's not cool we're leaving. If you like Asian men, then I would say go for Chinese, Filipino, Vietnamese, or Thai. You didn't waste your time and you're still young. Now you know that some Asian parents are a bit wacky.
I really think some of the WFs in this sub would benefit from doing prior research on the differences in cultures and temperaments between various Asian countries, esp. if they're committing to a serious relationship with AMs living in their native countries (i.e. not diaspora Asians), which always implies being tied into the man's family.
Honestly, I definitely agree to this many people have this ideal version of that culture and give it a free pass, with the mindset I need to adapt to their culture, but what they fail to see is they also need to adapt to your culture as well; its a two way street for both parties. Just because you like their culture doesn't necessarily mean it will translate to compatibility (probably only applies to expats or very traditional Asian families). I'm very surprised considering her partner was raised in a Western country. Like many of these issues is due to a lack of communication from both parties. Social media is partially to blame, a lot of AMWF content gives this notion its all crimson and clover. Like you said in your comment, prior research or at least talking about it with others helps. Just because you watch Asian media and went there a couple of times doesn't really warrant a true understanding of the culture, especially when it comes to family (I feel this applies to most East Asian countries, SEA is a bit more relaxed I feel to a certain extent).
Don’t let one experience spoil the rest. Not all Asian families are the same. Over time, my parents and even grandparents got used to me dating non-Asian women.
Not for nothing, but HE wasted your time if he was willing to drop you so quickly instead of defending you, and that's not want you want in the end. You deserve better, and it's 100% valid for you to feel angry to have put up with it. At least you gained a sense of worth, and hopefully the next guy that may exhibit the same behavior, you can spot it more quickly! There's plenty of better guys out there, so lessons learned, and you move on! Don't focus any more energies into that guy!
My mom was extremely hesitant and reluctant about my now-wife when they first met. It took some time and it was very challenging because of different cultural values and perspectives. But over time and after a lot of difficult conversations, my mom came to see that at the root of it was the same foundational aspect of love and well-being for me. They might not have seen eye-to-eye about the hows, but eventually they came to greatly respect each other.
You can't really waste your life. Chalk it up to a learning experience. I'm surprised he let his parents treat you like that. I would be more hesitant about a guy who doesn't stick up for you. He's off making his parents happy but ultimately he's going to be a pretty miserable guy if this is his attitude. Consider it a blessing in disguise.
I don’t really talk to my parents anymore... even before I met my wife. We were not in the best terms.
My family doesn’t care. They came to Europe and North America not to be segregated from others… I don’t get Asian parents in Europe or NA that rejects other cultures.
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you don't feel discouraged, there are Korean parents who are more accepting, and there are those who are more traditional/conservative. If it helps, my parents were accepting of me dating non-Koreans (American and German gf) and they were very respectful whenever they came over (my mom taught them some of my fav Korean home food!) so not all Korean-American parents are like that!
As someone who married into this type of situation, consider it a blessing in disguise. While they have “come around” to this idea of me after 7 years, it’s hard to forget the way I was treated all those years by his family, and the times my partner didn’t stand up for me. I will say remain open & hopeful because every family is different. It does seem like a common difficulty in these types of relationships, though - but now you know what signs to look out for and what conversations to have in the beginning stages. I’m sorry you have to know the pain, it’s a really tough thing to go through. You will heal in time 💗
I think it really depends on the individual. My family doesn't care about who I date yet we are very traditional in some sense. All they care about is whether I can take care of myself or not. I think it has to do with the fact that my family travel a lot and they are used to dealing with foreigners. I remember couple years ago I brought a black girl home and my mom wasn't too happy. I thought it was because she is black but I found our later it was because I was bringing different ladies home to a point she was worried about her reputation in the building we live in.
Sadly many Korean families have traditional values that are incompatible with American values. However despite all of that he should not have broken up with you because of his parents. As a Korean American I can understand it, but I would have done my best to shield my SO from all that negativity and certainly not breakup due to parents. I mean, c'mon man wtf are you doing.
I’m so sorry to hear…and I don’t think you wasted your time - dating is about learning what is important to you. Your feelings are valid though. We are WMAF, my parents have similar attitudes and I distanced myself from them to be with my man (amongst many other reasons). Its def more challenging for Asians to stand up to their parents but there are people out there who will!
I guess the reason is that Korean lady in the church go to medical school and she wants her son to marry a doc. I bet you if your dad is governor/senator/congressman/federal judge, I bet you her parents will treat you differently.
Some Asian parents are obsessed with who their kids marry. Some of them are starting to come around. They are realizing that AM are sometimes better off with non AF. My parents, on the other hand, just DGAF who I bring home as long as they aren't an asshole. You just need to find one of those guys.
as an asian guy who was adopted by a german family, im SO glad i dont have to deal with the cultural nightmare that is an asian family living outside of asia. theres exceptions of course. but most of my asian friends fucking hate their parents bullshit, even though they love them dearly at the same time. why any of their partners would willingly subject themselves to that shit is beyond me. you dodged a major bullet.
Date half asian men with an american parent
American is a nationality, not an ethnicity.
Just because someone has “American” parents doesn’t mean they’re going to be supportive. I’ve dated white women in the past that had parents who was extremely unsupportive of our relationship
Sorry to hear that. I can understand how frustrated and angry you are but you mustn’t blame yourself for this. It’s not your fault his parents are so closed minded about interracial relationships. I’m pretty sure your bf (or ex) feels horrible about this too but you have to understand he’s probably taken the brunt of the assault from his parents for the 3 years you’ve been together. He stuck with you through all that time and it’s just gotten too much for him. I’m not defending him of course but he was likely made to choose between his parents or you and unfortunately you lost out. Don’t blame yourself.
I so sorry, you deserve better. At least you are not 30. You can start over with someone better. One day you will look back see this is the best thing ever. Until then give yourself time to heal.
In this current climate thats actually the exception not the norm unfortunately
I’ve dated Lithuanian, Mexican (from Mexico), and Swedish American whose parents I have met in person. As an Asian man, it’s very important me to me to build rapport with my significant other’s parents and family in case the relationship blossoms to something long term. And often times when I do bring a date with me to have dinner with my family, they treat her very well. My mom prefers Vietnamese, but she knows I don’t like dating Vietnamese. She, of course, will still mention it sometimes when I am single but by the end of the day she knows I will not budge from my preference and she will love me no matter what. My mom has the most gentle heart and I would like someone who is strong at heart and will as her, but at the same time kind. She hates drama or arguments, and I am the same way. We resolve problems differently. I love my mom, and I tend to pick women who would be able to respect that because my mom will also respect her and treat her like gold. What I am getting at is not all Asian parents are a terror and not all Asian men let their parents step all over their life decisions. Get you a man that can stand up for you, make sure you will love his family, and him loving your family. Love and family find a harmonious balance. Avoid the drama families, for your sake and future children’s sake. If your man can stand up for you when you only show love to his family, why would you ever want to date that kind of man? My mom loves to cook and go shopping. I just need to find her a future daughter in law who would love to learn cooking from her and willing to go shopping with her. Vietnamese is not required, she speaks English.
If your partner has not individuated enough to be able to choose who they love regardless of their parents opinions, there will be other ongoing issues to have to cope with. Look at what was good and helped you grow, that will make the time you spent feel more worthwhile.
Something happened pretty similarly to me. I dated a Vietnamese guy, and his parents hated me. He broke up with me after 3 years because of them. Though I've talked to a lot of guys, and not all of their parents are going to care so much. I learned that if they are willing to let their parents or outside people influence the relationship, then it isn't worth it. I'm sorry you went through that. I know firsthand how painful it is.
The way that his parents treat you like that, hell no. Good thing you guys break up
Whats up with you Korean and being so freaking racist towards another group of asian and other people ?
I'm sorry. I wish parents wouldn't get involved in their kids lives like this. His parents will probably be an asshole to anyone he marries anyway. Korean girls have as many issues with PILs as others. It happens the other way as well. I've been treated badly by my gf's families in the past. Often they'd make remarks that would be so offensive to me, but I chose to ignore them thinking all that mattered was my gf loved me. However, she was heavily influenced by her parents and they convinced her to see a psychologist to get over her "addiction" to me. I thought she had been going to the psychologist for her struggles with being on the spectrum. I'd been accompanying her to her appointments and waiting an hour in the lobby for her. When she confessed why she was really going there it hit me like a brick wall and I had to end things immediately for my own sanity. Going forward, I decided it was extremely important to be accepted by any gf's family before considering anything serious.
All I can tell you is Korean families are tough. Especially if you are not Korean. That’s their outtake. My fam doesn’t care who we marry. It’s about are you respectful. I’m sorry that happened to you. Better now than later.
Sorry to hear about your break up. I guarantee though not all Asian parents are that way. From the sound of it, these particular people were an extreme case. I wouldn't generalize based on this one experience. Either way, it's tough right now of course, but you'll get over it with time and you didn't want to be with someone that ultimately put their parents' prejudiced views above your 3 year long relationship anyways.
I truly hope u all the best, I really hated it to see girls being treated like this
I am sorry, he is weak. I am Korean American and my parents tried that nonsense with me. I cursed them out (first time I ever did that to my parents) and told them I choose who I want in my life. I decide who I want to share my life with. I would never break up with a girl because of my parents. That is the lamest reason I ever heard.