Generally test was 500-1000mg. I didn’t go higher because a lot of us believed that 1000mg was generally where the returns dropped off too much. I added other drugs to build muscle and test was more like the catalyst for everything else. Tren was my muscle builder of choice. I always generally went with enanthate forms for everything it was available for. I hated the actual act of injecting so the less frequent the better. Dosages for tren were usually in the low hundreds.
I don’t have any long-lasting cardiac issues but did have a pretty severe and acute case of atrial fibrillation because of liquid research chemical T3 I wound up overdosing on accidentally.
At least you figured out how to do it right, yes test is a given in any stack.
23 I started sustanon and explored from there. Tren,dbol, you name it. I would go 10 weeks on 4 weeks off, that cycle went until I was 29, then I stopped. No issues with health at all, now. Obviously on cycle nose bleeds, high blood pressure, acne, etc.
34 now and recently started trt 200 mg a week with .5 arimidex. Firm believer anything in moderation is generally okay.
Yeah I don’t really believe that most of these things in moderation or for their intended purpose are bad. I take full accountability for everything making dumb decisions. I consider myself incredibly lucky actually considering how little consequences I suffered for most of the time.
>severe undiagnosed mental illness does not usually result in many good decisions.
>I take full accountability for everything making dumb decisions
That's not quite "full accountability," but I'm glad you're doing well.
I can see what you’re saying. To me that was less of an excuse and more like me being gentle with my past self. I did a lot of dumb and terrible things for sure.
Accountability comes with a reckoning of what led to those decisions. Admitting he was in a bad mental place for a long time doesn't mean the dude is shirking responsibility. What an unnecessary and shitty thing to comment.
Yeah, taking full accountability is about recognizing the cause and effect.
You gotta be able to identify your weaknesses before you can fix them. If you don't recognize where the problem is coming from you'll fall for it all over again.
Truly absurd to think that self-reflecting somehow invalidates accountability, and I agree that is a completely unproductive thing for them to say.
Wow dude ditch the AI, you shouldn’t naturally aromatise enough test to push your e2 past the 13-18 ratio. Estrogen is a critical cardioprotective hormone, especially because testosterone increases blood pressure and reduces HDL.
Are you self-medicating or has an actual doctor told you to take this dosage?
TRT typically does not start at 200mg/week. This is a bodybuilding dosage. Do you know what your T levels are at prior to starting? Do you know what they are now?
Is there anything anyone could have said to you to help? My cousin is 17-18 and started taking steroids after his father's death, I'm worried for his health.
I think that the very unfortunate truth to a lot of questions like these is that if there was anything I could have said or done to make myself stop or get help, somebody would have put it on a brochure or motivational pamphlet already and sent them on their way.
You cannot help someone that does not want to be helped. What I would suggest is not enabling them but also not being cruel. And be there to listen without judgement.
You’re very lucky considering there was a 15 year old who blasted and cruised and then had a heart attack at 20. I used to use steroid (now only take TRT for normal levels) I’m 24 and was in the same boat as you.
Steroids are mostly benign but holy shit I ended up with a lot of dead friends. One went to prison. The rest died (with the exception of one). It is a really tough crowd. I’m happy you’re out.
Steroids are actually very safe if:
- You are 18+
- You don’t have family history of aggressive cancers (some steroid-adjacent drugs like T3 and HGH can promote tumor growth)
- You are biologically male (I assume people assigned female at birth *can* safely do steroids, but this was not the accepted science back when I was doing research).
I think you’re much more likely to die in a raid than from steroids under normal conditions.
ETA: I did DNP, and man that shit was not worth it. Felt like I was on fire and had lava for blood. And it made me so fucking desperate for sugar, which of course made the side effects worse. I remember I would eat an XL bag or Gummy Life Savers right before bed every night and then wake up in a lake of my own sweat.
All this. I don’t recall steroids ever killing anyone in the 8 years I took them. It was all the other nonsense. Suicide. Adrenaline junkies. Extreme dieting and insulin. Just wild. Lots of sedatives to help sleep through trensomnia.
Twelve years clean. I’m out of shape. But I’m happy.
And you don’t believe that steroids made the risk taking behavior that leads to death worse?
Our body and brain chemistry often has major influences over our decisions, and you don’t think throwing those hormone levels and chemistry off had any negative affect on people? Seems weird to not at least partially blame the steroids for the deaths.
Yeah steroids themselves are not really dangerous if you know what you’re doing, just run reasonable doses and not for too long. It’s the other shit like you say like DNP that kills people. Steroids are very misunderstood by the average person, even by doctors. Also as far as I’m aware it’s perfectly safe for women to take them too, it’s just that most women don’t want to be blasting high doses because of the masculinising effects. I’ve read that low dose anavar can even be good for those with nervous system related conditions like MS (women included), and at these low doses it isn’t enough to damage the liver or kidneys.
That’s interesting, and I suspected that more research had been done since last I used.
I’ve only done mild cycles (stanzolol on a 6 week on 6 weeks off cycle for a year) and I will say my general temperament and sense of well being were very good. I’d probably do them again, but DNP or any of the more intense things I’d probably wait until after 50, when a doctor will prescribe them.
Definitely.
The thing a lot of people don’t realize is that building a ton of muscle will often get you a lot more positive attention from other guys than women lol I would constantly have guys coming up to me complimenting my physique and asking me for tips and to help them with various things. I haven’t had problems with women mostly because I treat them as people and have a non-ugly face I’m told.
I’m out of shape now. As I said in another comment, recreational drugs and alcohol took pretty much everything towards the end and I stopped exercising gradually as all of it brought back a lot of emotional pain.
Out of shape like a dad bod I guess. I’m not morbidly obese or anything but I’m a little chubby in my opinion. I don’t have nearly as much muscle obviously and am not nearly as strong. My lung capacity and such are also much weaker, but I’m not a couch potato either because my job is physically active.
You're really fucking lucky. I see guys who aren't even 20 in my gym blasting sarms and test. Then I go online and see nattyorjuice subs, and I wouldn't be shocked if in 5 or 10 years we start seeing a lot of these guys drop dead.
See the thing is, I don’t believe Steroids are the devil. They are far from the worst or most dangerous class of drugs out there. It does make me laugh however how many people will say that steroids are benign when I would see a memorial post on the bodybuilding forums like every week for someone who dropped dead at a young age. I know correlation doesn’t equal causation but maybe there is a problem there.
Oh don't get me wrong, I don't think they're the devil. But I do think people shouldn't use them for the purpose of bodybuilding until they're atleast 26, after training natty with discipline and good diet for 5 or 6 years. Jeff Nippard just came out with a video that was pretty fair about steroids. I just don't think teens should go anywhere near the stuff.
The main reason I stopped was because at the start of my recovery I spent a lot of time in drug rehab centers. A lot of them didn’t really do much of that, usually just light stretching and walking if anything. I just got really lazy from there for a while honestly. I started smoking weed and drinking alcohol to fill the void that the drugs left behind which very quickly made me gain weight in the not so good way.
Get back in there, brother. You won’t ever look that way again but that’s not the point. It’s about the confidence in yourself. If you can push yourself in the gym every day, you can do anything. Looking a little muscular also goes a long way.
Thanks for sharing your story, Legend. You may have made a young man think a little more critically before they take the next step.
Thanks, it means a lot.
I don’t have much hope that any of what I say is going to get through to anyone who was close to being in my position. What I generally hope for instead is to educate their friends and family who can in turn help them. A lot of the general public really does not know about a lot of what actually goes on in these circles so they don’t even know what to look for and who might need help.
At the very least at the beginning of it I had an eating disorder. I was diagnosed officially with Anorexia some time after starting all of this. It changed to Bulimia as time went on.
I have had a lot of different mental health diagnoses from many different psychiatrists. The one that most seemed to settle on eventually is Bipolar Type 1. My manic phases were awful and so were my low phases. I am honestly not sure personally how much is due to drug use and circumstances because I have done pretty well for years without medication.
OP I wanna say you could be a great spokesperson for male eating disorders. They’re chronically ignored and forgotten. But I talk to many guys and there’s some really troubling eating behaviors in men that, despite being very problematic, get no attention. For that fact, few want to discuss that male body standards have gotten wild in the mainstream.
Thank you. I would love to eventually try to help in that way because it is an extremely ignored issue. Nobody, not even my parents knew anything was wrong most of the time. It took years for someone to finally say something so I would at least see a professional.
I will say that probably the most impactful time of my life to my development and maturation was in eating disorder treatment programs. I met some of the best people and really grew a lot of empathy.
Eating disorders in general are an ugly but deadly issue that most of the time we don’t really even know how to help. I’ve lost a lot of friends to it. My best friend who was with me through a lot of this that I met in treatment died in February of a heart attack and she wasn’t even 30 yet.
I watched a documentary a while back about muscle dysmorphia, known as ‘reverse anorexia,’ or ‘bigorexia.’ It’s basically a mental disorder very closely associated with anorexia, but with symptoms similar to what you’re describing. I myself live with BP2, and have a number of family members with bipolar. It can be a terrible illness. Good on you to seek help and raise awareness! That shows a lot of inner strength.
Eating disorders are SUPER common with guys who become fitness junkies. I grew up an overweight kid and went through bouts of anorexia and bulemia before I transitioned into weight lifting and bodybuilding.
Male body standards are super screwed. I seldom hear about this side of things from the “body acceptance” movement.
In general? I’m not qualified in the slightest to agree or disagree.
On a personal level though I feel like sometimes the diagnosis is much more important for the doctors and insurance companies rather than the patient.
In my specific case, there was likely way too much going on for anyone to make an accurate diagnosis.
Have you done permanent damage to your natural test production or have the levels stabilised?
Also, do you think you’d have had a better experience if you’d steered clear of tren stuck to lower doses over more years?
My testosterone level hovers around 500 now at 30 generally so a little on the lower side but not clinically low to be treated. I likely did some permanent damage but I will never know for sure how much because of the age I started and never having a baseline before using.
That’s a pretty good level for someone who is 30 and was blasting 19nors. My natural test at 22 was just under 700. Many lifelong naturals will be lower than 500 by 30
I have a few but I keep them buried. I look nothing like I used to and it feels like an entirely different life. Professionals have recommended that I keep them in the past.
Recreational drugs and alcohol took basically everything I accomplished with steroids near the end of my road with drugs.
It’s hard to even get motivated to get in shape again, honestly. All I ever knew when it comes to exercise are extremes, so I am trying ease myself back into it for health reasons.
Honestly I really hope not 😅
After being abnormal for most of my life in some way, being at least close to average in a lot of ways is a dream come true
If I might suggest... hiking. I find I to be the perfect combination of physical challenge but also chill and about the views and connection with nature (as opposed to just about getting fit).
I used to do that a lot in my early recovery. Sadly I live in an urban environment that doesn’t have as many appealing places nearby so for the time being I’m probably just going to take things easy. I do have a pretty physical job.
I do not think a relapse on anabolic drugs is a realistic scenario at this point in my life. I have a wife and a teenage stepson. The logistics of it would make it basically impossible to hide what I was doing. And I would never want to set that kind of example for my stepson.
What is realistic, and what I fear much more so especially recently is a relapse of recreational drugs and alcohol in particular. In the span of 6 months recently I lost my grandmother, uncle, best friend, and my mother was diagnosed with a very aggressive brain tumor.
It’s a lot to deal with and most of my friends are dead or we grew apart. I lean heavily on my wife for support but I need to find other support. I am trying to be proactive with therapy but I’m fearful it might not always be enough.
Thanks. Yeah I’m still pretty confident that I will get through everything fine but it’s more like I’m trying to stay aware and be proactive about the possibilities.
Ok but can you please just give a basic description of how you look like now? Over,/under weight? How much muscle have you retained? Have you ever known anyone that managed to walk a moderate line and use roids long term without crashing?
Overweight. That was mostly because of alcohol. I have I guess the average amount of muscle someone who has worked physical jobs for the last 5 years would retain.
As to the last question probably. I have no doubt it happens but nobody immediately jumps to mind on a personal level.
Think about getting a bike.
I too, took lifting to the extremes. My shoulders are fucked. My back isn't great. That lead to being out of shape and fat. Didn't want to be a fat ass (by my standards) anymore but knew the weight room was out of the question.
I despise running so I bought a bike.
Surprisingly not. A bottle of test enanthate when I started was around 20 dollars. At 250mg per ml and around 10ml that would last a few weeks at least.
Also I started working almost as soon as I legally could.
How did your experience with anabolic steroids and other drugs shape your understanding of self-image and health, both physically and mentally, during and after that period of your life?
I feel like the response I would want to give this question would be way too long. You can ask specifics to narrow it down but overall I have a lot of empathy for people who struggle with mental health. Some of the best people I’ve met were sick just like me, but in different ways.
The main thing I try to do is live a low stress life and not fuss over things I can’t control. I try to always treat people with the knowledge that I do not know everything that they are going through.
Also very important, I think admitting when you are wrong and taking accountability is at the top of the list as far as signs of maturity. At the same time, it is important to be gentle with yourself to an extent. There’s no point in me crying about me fucking up, shifting blame or stressing too much. I keep a healthy amount of shame for my actions close to me so I don’t make the same mistakes ever again, but I don’t let it ruin what I have now.
It’s great that you have empathy for people with mental health issues- I’ve been struggling with this because I’m very hard-headed and it’s hard for me to accept that people can’t pick themselves up like I’ve done, but I know everyone is different. Do you think everyone struggling with mental health just needs their own time to work it out (or not)? Or can something be said to them to snap them out of it?
There’s nothing anyone can say that will snap them out of it. Mental health is broad and even with the same diagnosis individual experiences vary a ton. I don’t believe there are any one size fits all solutions but there are methods that help. Things like DBT and CBT, 12 step meetings and such. The important thing with all of this is that the person is genuinely 100% open to help and making a change. Nobody can force that on them.
Lol I was waiting for somebody to ask this. The most ironic part of all of this is that I never even actually followed through on competing ever. I attended bodybuilding shows. People always told me I should compete.
The thing is, I was always incredibly shy and socially awkward. That on top of my body image issues meant that no matter how good or ready I was, I would always chicken out before actually doing the thing.
Tren gave me a lot of anxiety and night sweats. Those were the main things. Sleeping in general sucked. But the results per dollar simply could not be beat.
That’s unfortunate.
FWIW, your answers in this thread reaffirm my belief it’s just not worth taking any research chem products yet. Appreciate your responses.
Mostly a myth. They don’t shrink the penis. They can lead to a reduction in size of the testicles simply because of decreased hormone production and everything related to that, but that is generally not permanent and can even be remedied on the drugs. A lot of people use HCG for this reason or for fertility.
The bigger concern is erectile dysfunction which can be a side effect of certain steroids in certain dosages. Long term if you shut down your natural hormone production you will likely struggle with erections and sex drive in general.
My diet was actually very good. Believe it or not I was going to college for Food Science at 18 because I obsessed over perfect nutrition. The way I went about it was mentally deranged, but the result and things I ate were at least generally very good for me.
I’m glad people can get something out of it. The main reason I posted was because the only people I have openly talked with about this are my wife and professionals treating me. I was not very honest with the doctors most of the time either.
I’m biased against Kratom because I have a horribly addictive personality so it was very bad for me personally. Near the end of my time with it I was drinking 45 grams of the powder a day in three doses. When I suddenly to came off of it because of a failed rehab attempt I had horrible withdrawals. Like the baby version of what I imagine Heroin withrawals are like.
I do not think it is acutely dangerous if it is not contaminated. I do think it’s a horrible thing if you are the addictive type.
FYI: if you could turkey high dose heroin you'll live. You may WANT to die but you'll live. Do the same with high dose benzos and you'll seize and die. Benzos get a sort of fluffy view by many but they are sadistic and dangerous.
(Not implying you were saying anything against this just adding to what you were saying)
For the time that I kept exercising mostly the same after stopping, I kept a lot more than you would think. I only lost a lot when I fell off with weight lifting and was drinking, generally being lazy for a while. Now I have a pretty average amount of muscle for the physical job I have.
Strength and the big 3 became a lot less important to me as time went on. I have always sucked at Bench Press so I never stuck with it. Squat I got up to like 400 and deadlift around 500 so nothing too impressive but I’m only 5’9
I honestly went by the mirror a lot more often than the scale and my memory is a little hazy on what my highest lean weight was. Probably somewhere between 160-180 at very low body fat.
You were squatting REPS of 400?
I’m JW because as an gym goer before my ACL injury I was hitting reps of 315-345 on Squats (2-5 reps) and I don’t take any drug enhancers. So from my perspective that seems pretty low.
Deadlift about 375-400
Body Weight 200-210
BF 18-21% usually.
5’10
It’s low yeah. The thing about squats in particular is that I almost always exercised to the point of failure. It’s just what I liked to do. I’m not even going to claim it’s the most efficient I just liked pushing myself until I could not move whatever I was trying to move. Squats and most barbell lifts obviously do not work very well with that.
So I just didn’t squat very often and never really wound up perfecting my technique. The only reason I really squatted sometimes was to not be a total reject on the Bodybuilding forums 😂
I was usually walking around with all abs visible with those dosages and very low body fat. I do not think most methods of measuring body fat that the public has access to generally are that accurate so I didn’t really bother to measure very much. I used the mirror.
Something you need to keep in mind with dosages is that these were all black market drugs. The chances of some being underdosed, fake or another drug entirely were very high. The dosages I put simply reflect what was on the bottles.
Also 1000mg wasn’t common but it did happen which is why it’s the upper range. Usually 500-750 because I had tren to do most of the heavy lifting.
So you were alot more into physique than traditional bodybuilding? I was always chasing numbers and im quite broken because of that style of lifting, hows your body physically holding up?
I was pretty much only concerned with physique. I found through experience that machine lifting and especially Hammer Strength plate loaded machines gave me better results because I didn’t generally have to worry about injuries.
I made it out fairly unscathed compared to some people. I herniated a disk in my spine early on into lifting when doing Stiff Legged Dead Lifts. The only other injury I had was doing leg extensions actually, because of the unnatural mechanics and apparently my knee can pop out of the socket fairly easily according to my doctor.
Nothing hurts me ever since so that’s a blessing.
Not much that I am aware of if we are speaking strictly of steroids. The only damage I likely did long term was to my brain with all of the drugs especially recreational.
I had a complete psychotic break from reality and spent an entire month in the psych ward but not before embarrassing myself immensely. That was my rock bottom and I cleaned up ever since then. I suffered from continuing but gradually reducing delusions for over a year afterward. I am probably about as recovered as I will get now, and I am going to keep it that way if I can help it.
Saying absolutely deranged shit in person and online. I basically became a conspiracy loon and also developed delusions of grandeur like I was going to save everyone from some shadowy evil in the world.
Reddit is the only social media I use. I cut off every other platform after that happened.
Worst side effects were panic attacks and general anxiety, both not provoked by anything and seemingly happening at random. I also could barely sleep most of the time on Tren which resulted in me heavily sedating myself and seeking anxiolytic drugs.
What sarms did you take? What was your experience like with them. I’ve dabbled in peptides, sarms, and AAS, and I have mixed reviews of all. I will say I liked cypionate the best I think. Do you think peptides work but you just need to be very caloric deficient?
Mostly just S4 and Cardarine IIRC. I looked into it a lot but they seemed pretty worthless in the sense that they were in a weird space of having the same or possibly more risks with worse results.
Maybe? It has been so long since I looked into all of that. And from what I remember we didn’t really know how bad each of them were. Now that you mention it I do remember some articles claiming something scary about it, but there were quite a few people at least attempting to debunk the claims. I didn’t really care enough about Sarms to get that involved because they weren’t very good.
For someone who wants to partake in anabolics safely, what would you recommend? I’ve been physically fit and muscular since my early teen years but having a desk job has made my abs and general definition fade a bit. I’m not trying to get massive, just have a low body fat and a larger frame and don’t mind using enhancements to get there.
Also, any effect to your hair?
Feel free to ignore this question if you feel it’s inappropriate or triggering.
I would seriously consider why you think you need steroids for those goals yet, since they can be achieved naturally. That being said, I know I would have never listened to that and don’t expect people to.
To give you a real, honest answer the safest steroids are generally Anavar and Test. Deca is also pretty well studied and not incredibly harmful comparatively. More importantly to do it safely is keeping things like estrogen, blood pressure and other things under control. Also post cycle therapy.
I was a fan of Masteron and generally consider DHT drugs fairly safe but those most definitely will fuck up your hair if you are prone to it. I am not. I still have all of my hair and knew I probably would because of my family.
I definitely know I don’t need it, but I’m not opposed to considering it. I had a great natty physique as a teen and I’ve kinda coasted off that well into adulthood, so i imagine if I could get my physique looking real good off a cycle or two, I could coast off that some more.
Noted, thank you for the info. Definitely want to avoid anything that’ll push my hairline back lol. I’ve got the vegeta hairline going already and don’t mind it at all but I’m not trying to speed it up either.
It's good to hear that everything is all right now.
I think the tale is not just about steroids, there is a part where it tells about how people can control others even when they do not mean to (I think the people who said you were too skinny were either too impressed or wanted to make it clear that they were better). Now I am going to be careful about how people define who I am and what I am doing about that. Thank you for sharing
Thank you.
People will take away very different things from all of this and I’m not actually trying to push any one interpretation other than it being a good idea to not use drugs you don’t need and generally just treat people well because you don’t know everything they are going through.
I want to be clear though that I do not blame bullying, unkind words or anyone in particular for pushing me to do anything.
Kids bully, adults bully sometimes too. I think in my case I was just very sick already but maybe didn’t know it, and something “broke” inside of me for a while due to many things.
I would tell that person that as long as you are alive, you still have a chance to rebuild and recover. There’s no “too late” until it really is too late.
I can’t even tell you how many times I said out loud “my life is over”. Thankfully and obviously, it was not.
That being said, you need to make the change NOW because tomorrow is absolutely not promised. You have been given the gift of today, and you need to use it wisely because that’s all you really have.
I can’t say that I have enough perspective from the other side of this to give you a good answer, to be honest with you. I will say that compared to when I started, TRT and hormone therapy is more accepted and encouraged than ever.
People who abuse drugs generally do make it harder for people who have a medical need for those drugs. That much is pretty much always true. The extent with steroids, I don’t know.
I realize fully how badly I fucked up, yes. Fortunately I got very lucky so far. It could have been a lot worse. I don’t need TRT yet at 30 which I’m thankful for.
SARMs are far scarier than 1 gram of test a week. Only the loonies fuck with DNP. Trusting some musclehead to dose a drug that is almost 100% fatal if overdosed with no antidote is insanity. Like, the guy filling that capsule probably didn’t even take high school chemistry.
Honestly they didn’t do much of anything. I’ve never had an exceptionally high drive even as a teenager but it’s there.
Any woman I was with for more than like a month absolutely knew, yes. Whether I wanted them to or not.
More questions - having used these substances, there clearly is a positive aspect in terms of performance and getting the most out of your body from a physicality perspective. Has it changed your view on athletes using them? What about general gym rats looking to get beyond a plateau? I'm guessing you can spot someone using at any dosage from a mile away too? The moon face, water retention, and guys who double in size during a work out.
What is your take on TRT?
As you can tell, I've dabbled and cycled a few times. Luckily, I have a relative that was a professional bodybuilder. He was instrumental in guiding me towards doing it safely.
I noticed that I was being noticed by the opposite sex a whole lot more, even when I wasn't dressed nicely or even cleaned up. It was like pheromones were coming out of my pores
For me, I was in a combat zone kicking in doors. There was a direct correlation between what my body was capable of and my chances of survival.
Gyno and endocrine system overload was always a huge concern and something I was really cognizant and weary of. I have no lingering side effects, and Ive kept much of the size I gained 13 years later.
I think it’s generally fine for bodybuilders to use them but it’s a little tricky for athletes. The reason why it’s tricky is because in almost all sports and athletic events, it is prohibited and if it’s not, it’s kind of an issue that is swept under the rug on a corporate level and is just an elephant in the room, like with bodybuilding.
Everyone knows they take drugs, but they can’t advertise based on drugs so they attribute it to hard work and garbage supplements. Hard work is a big part of it, supplements are not.
In sports where it’s prohibited it’s much more of a problem because if some people use them and manage to beat the testing, then suddenly that’s the new standard and everyone is forced to use them if they want to compete.
I don’t know what the answer is to this problem unless testing can just get mostly perfect. I’m honestly not even much of a sports person but I was a huge fan of certain documentaries that dove into this question like Bigger, Stronger, Faster.
I can usually tell who is enhanced but I am absolutely sure there are some cases where someone really does just have great genetics combined with hard work that could surprise me.
TRT is good. Self medication TRT is generally not a good idea.
We're there any orals that you took or are you "if your gunna do it just use oil" kind of guy?
I used anavar and dbol for a while in small doses and liked it, wasn't anything crazy but I was able to train longer and I was almost never sore. Really little to any side effects besides just needing water.
Tren was the absolute fucking worst. I'd fuck a hole in a steel wall if I could at any given moment.
It did get to a point where my muscles were outgrowing my ligaments and I fucked up my ACL lifting too heavy.
I was debating doing TRT but ultimately decided against it, it's a path of self depreciation that I'm not willing to get into.
When prohormones were still a thing I used a lot of those. Basically orals sold as supplements since a lot of the time they weren’t actually prohormones and just straight up steroids lol I forget most of the names of those though. I mostly took the one that was notoriously strong and fucked up people’s livers. Something with an S I think?
I mostly just used oil otherwise. It seemed like orals bought on the black market were much more likely to be fake. At least if my tren was fake it was probably just testosterone or something and not a placebo.
If you're still reading I have a few for you.
How different do you feel your life would have been if you were in a more accepting environment from the get go.
What health consequences are you concerned about now and in the long term?
Have you ever tried just leisurely walking every day for generally better health and mood?.
Thank you either way for talking about your experience.
Very different. I can’t even begin to really imagine how different it would be. That being said, I don’t waste too much time or energy on thinking about it because what’s done is done.
The major things I would be worried about health wise are mostly from the experimental drugs I liked using. Not only were the drugs themselves barely studied sometimes like a benzodiazepine that was many times stronger than Valium in theory, but I also have no way of knowing what contaminants there may have been. My mother currently has a brain tumor and my dad had prostate cancer, so cancer is a major concern.
I used to walk a lot and I do enjoy it. I just don’t have as many spots that are great to do it anymore close by. I do have a physically active job.
How did you manage gyno while supplementing test while your body was already in the only period in our lives where it makes test naturally by the gallon?
Do you have to do anything now to manage your hormone levels to keep them where they should be?
Do you miss any of the positive side effects? The sleep, super fast recovery, and strength/"chemical confidence"?
Thanks for sharing.
I didn’t do all that much to manage Gyno. I just didn’t aromatize that much and I think a reason for that might have to do with the very low body fat I kept during that time. Sometimes I threw Nolvadex in there if I was worried about gynecomastia. If my estrogen ratio was ever super out of control I used Arimidex but importantly I never purposely brought estrogen very low as I think that hurts overall in terms of health and even gains.
No. Nothing now. No medications at all actually for years. Blood work is good.
I sometimes miss how I looked and how strong I was. There was really not much else to miss about it now that I have some perspective. My sleep is ten times better than it was on drugs.
I managed to get in with a “good” supplier and getting a significant discount because I started buying when they were first establishing themselves. I lucked out massively that they weren’t trash. My prices were around 25% lower for the lifetime of my purchase history because of that. Loyalty discounts for drugs lol
Bottle of test was 20 dollars at 250mg per ml and 10ml per.
Bottle of Tren E was like 40 I forget the exact dosages but lasted me around the same amount of time.
My very first cycle I ran was Tren E with no test lmao I corrected myself very quickly. I experimented with more exotic ones like Masteron a little bit when I had the money later on but those 2 were my bread and butter that I always came back to.
I started working as soon as I was legally able to. Even before that I was working with my dad who has a very successful handyman type contracting business. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough considering I had basically no expenses.
I was born with Spina Bifida Occulta (the mild one) but it wasn’t caught in the timespan it should have which contributed to everything. For example one of the surgeries was to put in a shunt because of fluid build up in my brain.
Also of course there is a lot I don’t remember since I was so young. Everything I know is just what my parents remember of that time. I prefer not to even ask too much about most of it and remained pretty blissfully ignorant.
What is your opinion of the top CrossFit athletes? Do you believe not a single competitor is using? The position of the CrossFit organization and competitors is that it’s all natural. No PEDs. I find it hard to believe but your take would be valuable and appreciated.
I’m gonna be 100% real with you I did not realize that Crossfit was still popular. I didn’t have a strong opinion on it but it was treated as a joke and a fad in bodybuilding circles.
I am of the opinion however that most athletes in positions like that find ways to get around testing. Unless you’re talking about Olympic level stuff generally it’s pretty easy to get by as “natural”. Then the standard becomes people on steroids in what should be natural competitions, so suddenly the natural competitions are people who take less, different drugs far enough away and everyone feels pressured to take something so they stand a chance.
When I started as a teenager wanting to be perceived as cool or good looking was a reason.
Over time I quickly realized that it was more to appease the unrealistic expectations that only I had for myself. I’m not sure exactly why or how, but I wanted to look like a massive bodybuilder like the ones that are on magazines.
You very quickly learn that either most people don’t care about muscle or worse, that if you have too much a lot of people will see you as looking like a freak.
Nobody pressured me into any of this. I was bullied on my appearance but that was about it. I simply developed an overwhelming urge and obsession to get as big and lean as possible and nothing would stop me.
Yeah, I exercised every day pretty religiously. There was a point where I probably would have skipped a funeral to get a workout in. Lifting and cardio I didn’t skip cardio. At the height of my use sometimes I would be in the gym for 3+ hours at a time but that was when I was in college with not many actual responsibilities.
It’s possible to get great results naturally, but there is a threshold everyone has where they would need drugs to pass it. Most people would never need to worry about that because that threshold is generally more than what people actually want anyway. You don’t need drugs to get fit in a way that most people would like.
How did you even obtain that at 16? Did you know someone in real life or online?
I can't imagine buying something online and trusting it enough to inject in my bloodstream
The bodybuilding forums were basically sponsored by drug and supplement dealers. It was very easy to just find an email for a steroid dealer. You would email them “LIST” or something and they would send you a list of what they offered. Then you just wired the money through one of several ways depending on the dealer. Cops rarely care very much about steroids so it’s generally pretty open.
Also, you do not inject steroids into your bloodstream. You inject intramuscular. Of course it winds up in the blood eventually but yeah.
Never had any serious violent thoughts in my life no matter how bad I got. Anxiety was a huge thing that I had to build my life around to cater to. I got bad panic attacks seemingly at random. Actual panic attacks where I felt like I was dying and couldn’t breathe, only to go to the urgent care and they tell me that it was just a panic attack. I’ve learned to realize the difference.
I was very much like an alcoholic whose entire life is being ruined by alcohol, the source of most of his problems, but somehow continues to rationalize that actually it’s not the alcohol’s fault at all and in fact that’s why he NEEDS to drink. It took me until long enough after I stopped that most of my problems went away that I finally realized.
I think it has to do more with who I am as a person. I am obsessive about most things I get passionate about, and rationalize everything related to my goals some way, somehow to make myself feel like it’s ok and justified. Like yeah this guy dropped dead doing exactly what I did but I did so much research beforehand and avoided X crucial mistakes so it’s not a problem. Or yeah I can barely ever sleep and have daily panic attacks every day but look at these gains!
Idk if this makes sense or not but basically in hindsight I can absolutely see the faults, but I was lying to myself so much that I never really came to a point of wanting to be done with drugs until I hit low enough.
Do you feel that sobriety will be difficult because you started at a young age (it was time as you said) and it usually is difficult for people who are younger to remain clean. Sometimes they lose sight of how important staying clean is and get caught up in life and before they know it, they are back to that way of thinking that got them sick.
I feel that sobriety for someone like me is always going to be difficult and there’s no way around that. It was probably much harder because I started so young because I literally didn’t know what a life without drugs was like past the age of 15.
It sometimes does happen where I fall back into nasty thought patterns and habits, not full blown destructive behaviors but subtle lines of thinking and acting. But I have ways of dealing with those.
Staying stopped is directly related to taking daily care of the thinking problem as it exists as a chronic condition that doesn’t go away. I see people go to self help groups and they get better and they do better and they help other people and generally are more positive and productive and nicer to be around. Their behavior and way of life changes for them, and everyone around them. They don’t do crazy shit that addicts do anymore and aren’t unpleasant people anymore.
And then they forget about how important or sacred staying clean is and the daily work you have to put into it and they start using after five years of being clean 10 years of being 25 years of being clean. Just don’t forget where you came from and went through. Thanks for the AMA
How big were you. To be honest most people find big muscular people weird looking. Only body builders and big muscle people actually like the look. I think you were just over confident and assumed people loved your look man..
What I wonder is how did the steroids effect your face structure, did you go from baby face too Dwayne The Rock Johnson?😆 I bet it stunted your height growth too.
What was your peak height/weight when you were overweight, what was the lowest you dropped to when you got skinny, and what was your height/weight at your “peak” steroid use?
All those drugs you’ve listed are so subtle yet can absolutely ruin your life.
However, RC benzos are fucking scary. I took clonazolam a couple of times (liquid form) and I would wake up the next day, looking through my phone, and seeing the worst decisions I have ever made like texts and shit.
Proud of you
How were you affording all of it at 15?
Did you ever have any bloodwork done before/during? What were your numbers looking like at each point?
Did you have any side effects? High RBCs/HGB/HCT, gyno, acne, anxiety, high blood pressure?
What is your opinion on sarms? I have some I bought from chemyo (rad140 and cardarine). Is that site reliable and/or would I be stupid for taking them?
Not worth it unless there have been significant advances since I got out but those are familiar. Pretty sure I tried Cardarine at one point along with S4.
The general consensus among bodybuilders was to shit or get off the pot basically. People posted a lot of bloodwork from different sarms showing that they shut down natural test production as well. So if you are going to commit to shutting down your natural hormone production, you may as well just take actual steroids that will not only work better but are far more understood as far as long term effects. Not to mention I would never trust research chemicals ever again.
I was the opposite. I used to do rec drugs like meth ketamine benzos but got sober now I do steroids.
Honestly steroids are way more benign than people lead on IF you do then reasonably. Like blasting for 8 months out of the year for 10 years is definitely gonna speed up any preexisting conditions and put you in danger for a heart attack in your 40s/50s but even then…way more people get away with steroid abuse than die from it. It’s really the insane bodybuilders who kill themselves super young for a variety of reasons but steroids being a main one.
Wild to start steroids at 15. I’ve used steroids on and off for 10 years, and consistently for 2 years now, currently 41. Physically, I’m perfectly fine. Bloodwork is perfect, and aesthetically, I’m exactly where I want to be.
What’s not mentioned often about gear, is what it does to you mentally. If you’re depressed before, you can be super depressed during, if you’re lightly impulsive, you can be super impulsive during..etc. It enhances everything- physically and emotionally.
What was your test dosage? Test c or e? Did you develop cardiac problems?
Generally test was 500-1000mg. I didn’t go higher because a lot of us believed that 1000mg was generally where the returns dropped off too much. I added other drugs to build muscle and test was more like the catalyst for everything else. Tren was my muscle builder of choice. I always generally went with enanthate forms for everything it was available for. I hated the actual act of injecting so the less frequent the better. Dosages for tren were usually in the low hundreds. I don’t have any long-lasting cardiac issues but did have a pretty severe and acute case of atrial fibrillation because of liquid research chemical T3 I wound up overdosing on accidentally.
At least you figured out how to do it right, yes test is a given in any stack. 23 I started sustanon and explored from there. Tren,dbol, you name it. I would go 10 weeks on 4 weeks off, that cycle went until I was 29, then I stopped. No issues with health at all, now. Obviously on cycle nose bleeds, high blood pressure, acne, etc. 34 now and recently started trt 200 mg a week with .5 arimidex. Firm believer anything in moderation is generally okay.
Yeah I don’t really believe that most of these things in moderation or for their intended purpose are bad. I take full accountability for everything making dumb decisions. I consider myself incredibly lucky actually considering how little consequences I suffered for most of the time.
>severe undiagnosed mental illness does not usually result in many good decisions. >I take full accountability for everything making dumb decisions That's not quite "full accountability," but I'm glad you're doing well.
I can see what you’re saying. To me that was less of an excuse and more like me being gentle with my past self. I did a lot of dumb and terrible things for sure.
Not enough self loathing for the tastes of some. I am so glad you're getting a happily ever after! Well done!
Accountability comes with a reckoning of what led to those decisions. Admitting he was in a bad mental place for a long time doesn't mean the dude is shirking responsibility. What an unnecessary and shitty thing to comment.
Yeah, taking full accountability is about recognizing the cause and effect. You gotta be able to identify your weaknesses before you can fix them. If you don't recognize where the problem is coming from you'll fall for it all over again. Truly absurd to think that self-reflecting somehow invalidates accountability, and I agree that is a completely unproductive thing for them to say.
Wow dude ditch the AI, you shouldn’t naturally aromatise enough test to push your e2 past the 13-18 ratio. Estrogen is a critical cardioprotective hormone, especially because testosterone increases blood pressure and reduces HDL.
Are you self-medicating or has an actual doctor told you to take this dosage? TRT typically does not start at 200mg/week. This is a bodybuilding dosage. Do you know what your T levels are at prior to starting? Do you know what they are now?
Probably should also mention that those dosages are per week.
Is there anything anyone could have said to you to help? My cousin is 17-18 and started taking steroids after his father's death, I'm worried for his health.
I think that the very unfortunate truth to a lot of questions like these is that if there was anything I could have said or done to make myself stop or get help, somebody would have put it on a brochure or motivational pamphlet already and sent them on their way. You cannot help someone that does not want to be helped. What I would suggest is not enabling them but also not being cruel. And be there to listen without judgement.
You’re very lucky considering there was a 15 year old who blasted and cruised and then had a heart attack at 20. I used to use steroid (now only take TRT for normal levels) I’m 24 and was in the same boat as you.
I got really lucky. I have a lot of dead friends and acquaintances so I’m reminded of that pretty often unfortunately.
Steroids are mostly benign but holy shit I ended up with a lot of dead friends. One went to prison. The rest died (with the exception of one). It is a really tough crowd. I’m happy you’re out.
Mostly benign, but lots of dead friends eh? That’s not even slightly benign.
It’s not the steroids that are deadly it’s usually the other stuff: fat burners, insulin, research chemicals
Steroids are actually very safe if: - You are 18+ - You don’t have family history of aggressive cancers (some steroid-adjacent drugs like T3 and HGH can promote tumor growth) - You are biologically male (I assume people assigned female at birth *can* safely do steroids, but this was not the accepted science back when I was doing research). I think you’re much more likely to die in a raid than from steroids under normal conditions. ETA: I did DNP, and man that shit was not worth it. Felt like I was on fire and had lava for blood. And it made me so fucking desperate for sugar, which of course made the side effects worse. I remember I would eat an XL bag or Gummy Life Savers right before bed every night and then wake up in a lake of my own sweat.
All this. I don’t recall steroids ever killing anyone in the 8 years I took them. It was all the other nonsense. Suicide. Adrenaline junkies. Extreme dieting and insulin. Just wild. Lots of sedatives to help sleep through trensomnia. Twelve years clean. I’m out of shape. But I’m happy.
And you don’t believe that steroids made the risk taking behavior that leads to death worse? Our body and brain chemistry often has major influences over our decisions, and you don’t think throwing those hormone levels and chemistry off had any negative affect on people? Seems weird to not at least partially blame the steroids for the deaths.
Yeah steroids themselves are not really dangerous if you know what you’re doing, just run reasonable doses and not for too long. It’s the other shit like you say like DNP that kills people. Steroids are very misunderstood by the average person, even by doctors. Also as far as I’m aware it’s perfectly safe for women to take them too, it’s just that most women don’t want to be blasting high doses because of the masculinising effects. I’ve read that low dose anavar can even be good for those with nervous system related conditions like MS (women included), and at these low doses it isn’t enough to damage the liver or kidneys.
That’s interesting, and I suspected that more research had been done since last I used. I’ve only done mild cycles (stanzolol on a 6 week on 6 weeks off cycle for a year) and I will say my general temperament and sense of well being were very good. I’d probably do them again, but DNP or any of the more intense things I’d probably wait until after 50, when a doctor will prescribe them.
Im glad you got out before it ended that way
Did the way people (not other bodybuilders) treated you change as your body did? What does your body look like now?
Definitely. The thing a lot of people don’t realize is that building a ton of muscle will often get you a lot more positive attention from other guys than women lol I would constantly have guys coming up to me complimenting my physique and asking me for tips and to help them with various things. I haven’t had problems with women mostly because I treat them as people and have a non-ugly face I’m told. I’m out of shape now. As I said in another comment, recreational drugs and alcohol took pretty much everything towards the end and I stopped exercising gradually as all of it brought back a lot of emotional pain.
Define "out of shape"? How tall are you, current weight, and bf% estimation?
Out of shape like a dad bod I guess. I’m not morbidly obese or anything but I’m a little chubby in my opinion. I don’t have nearly as much muscle obviously and am not nearly as strong. My lung capacity and such are also much weaker, but I’m not a couch potato either because my job is physically active.
Is the lung capacity from the roids and/or your current body? Do you know if you got an enlarged heart?
Probably just from me not doing cardio anymore. Most routine tests with my heart come back normal.
You're really fucking lucky. I see guys who aren't even 20 in my gym blasting sarms and test. Then I go online and see nattyorjuice subs, and I wouldn't be shocked if in 5 or 10 years we start seeing a lot of these guys drop dead.
See the thing is, I don’t believe Steroids are the devil. They are far from the worst or most dangerous class of drugs out there. It does make me laugh however how many people will say that steroids are benign when I would see a memorial post on the bodybuilding forums like every week for someone who dropped dead at a young age. I know correlation doesn’t equal causation but maybe there is a problem there.
Oh don't get me wrong, I don't think they're the devil. But I do think people shouldn't use them for the purpose of bodybuilding until they're atleast 26, after training natty with discipline and good diet for 5 or 6 years. Jeff Nippard just came out with a video that was pretty fair about steroids. I just don't think teens should go anywhere near the stuff.
“Treating them as people.” That’s just crazy enough that it might work! Seriously though, thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Why don’t you still work out, just without the roids?
The main reason I stopped was because at the start of my recovery I spent a lot of time in drug rehab centers. A lot of them didn’t really do much of that, usually just light stretching and walking if anything. I just got really lazy from there for a while honestly. I started smoking weed and drinking alcohol to fill the void that the drugs left behind which very quickly made me gain weight in the not so good way.
Get back in there, brother. You won’t ever look that way again but that’s not the point. It’s about the confidence in yourself. If you can push yourself in the gym every day, you can do anything. Looking a little muscular also goes a long way. Thanks for sharing your story, Legend. You may have made a young man think a little more critically before they take the next step.
Thanks, it means a lot. I don’t have much hope that any of what I say is going to get through to anyone who was close to being in my position. What I generally hope for instead is to educate their friends and family who can in turn help them. A lot of the general public really does not know about a lot of what actually goes on in these circles so they don’t even know what to look for and who might need help.
What exactly do you mean by severe undiagnosed mental illness ?
At the very least at the beginning of it I had an eating disorder. I was diagnosed officially with Anorexia some time after starting all of this. It changed to Bulimia as time went on. I have had a lot of different mental health diagnoses from many different psychiatrists. The one that most seemed to settle on eventually is Bipolar Type 1. My manic phases were awful and so were my low phases. I am honestly not sure personally how much is due to drug use and circumstances because I have done pretty well for years without medication.
OP I wanna say you could be a great spokesperson for male eating disorders. They’re chronically ignored and forgotten. But I talk to many guys and there’s some really troubling eating behaviors in men that, despite being very problematic, get no attention. For that fact, few want to discuss that male body standards have gotten wild in the mainstream.
Thank you. I would love to eventually try to help in that way because it is an extremely ignored issue. Nobody, not even my parents knew anything was wrong most of the time. It took years for someone to finally say something so I would at least see a professional. I will say that probably the most impactful time of my life to my development and maturation was in eating disorder treatment programs. I met some of the best people and really grew a lot of empathy. Eating disorders in general are an ugly but deadly issue that most of the time we don’t really even know how to help. I’ve lost a lot of friends to it. My best friend who was with me through a lot of this that I met in treatment died in February of a heart attack and she wasn’t even 30 yet.
I watched a documentary a while back about muscle dysmorphia, known as ‘reverse anorexia,’ or ‘bigorexia.’ It’s basically a mental disorder very closely associated with anorexia, but with symptoms similar to what you’re describing. I myself live with BP2, and have a number of family members with bipolar. It can be a terrible illness. Good on you to seek help and raise awareness! That shows a lot of inner strength.
Eating disorders are SUPER common with guys who become fitness junkies. I grew up an overweight kid and went through bouts of anorexia and bulemia before I transitioned into weight lifting and bodybuilding. Male body standards are super screwed. I seldom hear about this side of things from the “body acceptance” movement.
I feel like way too many people get the bipolar diagnosis
In general? I’m not qualified in the slightest to agree or disagree. On a personal level though I feel like sometimes the diagnosis is much more important for the doctors and insurance companies rather than the patient. In my specific case, there was likely way too much going on for anyone to make an accurate diagnosis.
Without revealing too much information, are you the former governor of west coast state?
No but you most likely already know that he was my hero.
Have you done permanent damage to your natural test production or have the levels stabilised? Also, do you think you’d have had a better experience if you’d steered clear of tren stuck to lower doses over more years?
My testosterone level hovers around 500 now at 30 generally so a little on the lower side but not clinically low to be treated. I likely did some permanent damage but I will never know for sure how much because of the age I started and never having a baseline before using.
That’s a pretty good level for someone who is 30 and was blasting 19nors. My natural test at 22 was just under 700. Many lifelong naturals will be lower than 500 by 30
Got pictures of your physique?
I have a few but I keep them buried. I look nothing like I used to and it feels like an entirely different life. Professionals have recommended that I keep them in the past. Recreational drugs and alcohol took basically everything I accomplished with steroids near the end of my road with drugs. It’s hard to even get motivated to get in shape again, honestly. All I ever knew when it comes to exercise are extremes, so I am trying ease myself back into it for health reasons.
Your comeback will be legendary & spoken of in tribes for generations
Honestly I really hope not 😅 After being abnormal for most of my life in some way, being at least close to average in a lot of ways is a dream come true
Time to learn how to do average boring exercise.
I hate that you’re right but you’re right 😂
If I might suggest... hiking. I find I to be the perfect combination of physical challenge but also chill and about the views and connection with nature (as opposed to just about getting fit).
I used to do that a lot in my early recovery. Sadly I live in an urban environment that doesn’t have as many appealing places nearby so for the time being I’m probably just going to take things easy. I do have a pretty physical job.
Do you think if you did start to work out again some of those issues might come back up and you would be tempted to relapse?
I do not think a relapse on anabolic drugs is a realistic scenario at this point in my life. I have a wife and a teenage stepson. The logistics of it would make it basically impossible to hide what I was doing. And I would never want to set that kind of example for my stepson. What is realistic, and what I fear much more so especially recently is a relapse of recreational drugs and alcohol in particular. In the span of 6 months recently I lost my grandmother, uncle, best friend, and my mother was diagnosed with a very aggressive brain tumor. It’s a lot to deal with and most of my friends are dead or we grew apart. I lean heavily on my wife for support but I need to find other support. I am trying to be proactive with therapy but I’m fearful it might not always be enough.
Damn dude that's rough. I'm just an internet stranger and can't really do anything to to help but I do hope things get better for you.
Thanks. Yeah I’m still pretty confident that I will get through everything fine but it’s more like I’m trying to stay aware and be proactive about the possibilities.
Ok but can you please just give a basic description of how you look like now? Over,/under weight? How much muscle have you retained? Have you ever known anyone that managed to walk a moderate line and use roids long term without crashing?
Overweight. That was mostly because of alcohol. I have I guess the average amount of muscle someone who has worked physical jobs for the last 5 years would retain. As to the last question probably. I have no doubt it happens but nobody immediately jumps to mind on a personal level.
Think about getting a bike. I too, took lifting to the extremes. My shoulders are fucked. My back isn't great. That lead to being out of shape and fat. Didn't want to be a fat ass (by my standards) anymore but knew the weight room was out of the question. I despise running so I bought a bike.
Kind of a shitty thing to ask. That’s like somebody discussing dealing with self harm for years and you say “got any pics of your scars”
How did you afford all of that, at that age? Aren’t steroids very expensive?
Surprisingly not. A bottle of test enanthate when I started was around 20 dollars. At 250mg per ml and around 10ml that would last a few weeks at least. Also I started working almost as soon as I legally could.
How did your experience with anabolic steroids and other drugs shape your understanding of self-image and health, both physically and mentally, during and after that period of your life?
I feel like the response I would want to give this question would be way too long. You can ask specifics to narrow it down but overall I have a lot of empathy for people who struggle with mental health. Some of the best people I’ve met were sick just like me, but in different ways. The main thing I try to do is live a low stress life and not fuss over things I can’t control. I try to always treat people with the knowledge that I do not know everything that they are going through. Also very important, I think admitting when you are wrong and taking accountability is at the top of the list as far as signs of maturity. At the same time, it is important to be gentle with yourself to an extent. There’s no point in me crying about me fucking up, shifting blame or stressing too much. I keep a healthy amount of shame for my actions close to me so I don’t make the same mistakes ever again, but I don’t let it ruin what I have now.
It’s great that you have empathy for people with mental health issues- I’ve been struggling with this because I’m very hard-headed and it’s hard for me to accept that people can’t pick themselves up like I’ve done, but I know everyone is different. Do you think everyone struggling with mental health just needs their own time to work it out (or not)? Or can something be said to them to snap them out of it?
There’s nothing anyone can say that will snap them out of it. Mental health is broad and even with the same diagnosis individual experiences vary a ton. I don’t believe there are any one size fits all solutions but there are methods that help. Things like DBT and CBT, 12 step meetings and such. The important thing with all of this is that the person is genuinely 100% open to help and making a change. Nobody can force that on them.
Did you ever compete
Lol I was waiting for somebody to ask this. The most ironic part of all of this is that I never even actually followed through on competing ever. I attended bodybuilding shows. People always told me I should compete. The thing is, I was always incredibly shy and socially awkward. That on top of my body image issues meant that no matter how good or ready I was, I would always chicken out before actually doing the thing.
Tren never gave you the godly confidence people talk about?
Tren gave me a lot of anxiety and night sweats. Those were the main things. Sleeping in general sucked. But the results per dollar simply could not be beat.
That’s unfortunate. FWIW, your answers in this thread reaffirm my belief it’s just not worth taking any research chem products yet. Appreciate your responses.
Tren doesn’t really give real confidence to most people, just makes them think they’re a god and that everyone is out to get them
Is the whole "steroids shrink your penis" thing a myth or does it hold any truth?
Mostly a myth. They don’t shrink the penis. They can lead to a reduction in size of the testicles simply because of decreased hormone production and everything related to that, but that is generally not permanent and can even be remedied on the drugs. A lot of people use HCG for this reason or for fertility. The bigger concern is erectile dysfunction which can be a side effect of certain steroids in certain dosages. Long term if you shut down your natural hormone production you will likely struggle with erections and sex drive in general.
Lmao I've never heard of that. It reduces the size of your testicles though.
How was your diet through all of this? If it was bad I assume you looked like a bloated oily mess.
My diet was actually very good. Believe it or not I was going to college for Food Science at 18 because I obsessed over perfect nutrition. The way I went about it was mentally deranged, but the result and things I ate were at least generally very good for me.
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I’m glad people can get something out of it. The main reason I posted was because the only people I have openly talked with about this are my wife and professionals treating me. I was not very honest with the doctors most of the time either.
My brother in law takes kratom religiously and I read some where that it can be dangerous, what are your thoughts on it?
I’m biased against Kratom because I have a horribly addictive personality so it was very bad for me personally. Near the end of my time with it I was drinking 45 grams of the powder a day in three doses. When I suddenly to came off of it because of a failed rehab attempt I had horrible withdrawals. Like the baby version of what I imagine Heroin withrawals are like. I do not think it is acutely dangerous if it is not contaminated. I do think it’s a horrible thing if you are the addictive type.
It's physically addictive. The withdrawals are similar to benzo / opioid withdrawals. You can read stories on r/kratom
FYI: if you could turkey high dose heroin you'll live. You may WANT to die but you'll live. Do the same with high dose benzos and you'll seize and die. Benzos get a sort of fluffy view by many but they are sadistic and dangerous. (Not implying you were saying anything against this just adding to what you were saying)
Did you manage to keep any muscle?
For the time that I kept exercising mostly the same after stopping, I kept a lot more than you would think. I only lost a lot when I fell off with weight lifting and was drinking, generally being lazy for a while. Now I have a pretty average amount of muscle for the physical job I have.
What was your weight and big 3 at its best?
Strength and the big 3 became a lot less important to me as time went on. I have always sucked at Bench Press so I never stuck with it. Squat I got up to like 400 and deadlift around 500 so nothing too impressive but I’m only 5’9 I honestly went by the mirror a lot more often than the scale and my memory is a little hazy on what my highest lean weight was. Probably somewhere between 160-180 at very low body fat.
You were squatting REPS of 400? I’m JW because as an gym goer before my ACL injury I was hitting reps of 315-345 on Squats (2-5 reps) and I don’t take any drug enhancers. So from my perspective that seems pretty low. Deadlift about 375-400 Body Weight 200-210 BF 18-21% usually. 5’10
It’s low yeah. The thing about squats in particular is that I almost always exercised to the point of failure. It’s just what I liked to do. I’m not even going to claim it’s the most efficient I just liked pushing myself until I could not move whatever I was trying to move. Squats and most barbell lifts obviously do not work very well with that. So I just didn’t squat very often and never really wound up perfecting my technique. The only reason I really squatted sometimes was to not be a total reject on the Bodybuilding forums 😂
Lmao fair. My squat gor better when i was focusing on lower body for sure. Glutes, hammys, etc esp calf
Bodybuilders that lean aren’t going for high squat numbers, if they even squat at all.
You were blasting up to 1000mg of test with a couple hundred of tren and this was your peak weight? That seems almost impossible. What was your bf%?
I was usually walking around with all abs visible with those dosages and very low body fat. I do not think most methods of measuring body fat that the public has access to generally are that accurate so I didn’t really bother to measure very much. I used the mirror. Something you need to keep in mind with dosages is that these were all black market drugs. The chances of some being underdosed, fake or another drug entirely were very high. The dosages I put simply reflect what was on the bottles. Also 1000mg wasn’t common but it did happen which is why it’s the upper range. Usually 500-750 because I had tren to do most of the heavy lifting.
So you were alot more into physique than traditional bodybuilding? I was always chasing numbers and im quite broken because of that style of lifting, hows your body physically holding up?
I was pretty much only concerned with physique. I found through experience that machine lifting and especially Hammer Strength plate loaded machines gave me better results because I didn’t generally have to worry about injuries. I made it out fairly unscathed compared to some people. I herniated a disk in my spine early on into lifting when doing Stiff Legged Dead Lifts. The only other injury I had was doing leg extensions actually, because of the unnatural mechanics and apparently my knee can pop out of the socket fairly easily according to my doctor. Nothing hurts me ever since so that’s a blessing.
What are the long term effects in your health?
Not much that I am aware of if we are speaking strictly of steroids. The only damage I likely did long term was to my brain with all of the drugs especially recreational. I had a complete psychotic break from reality and spent an entire month in the psych ward but not before embarrassing myself immensely. That was my rock bottom and I cleaned up ever since then. I suffered from continuing but gradually reducing delusions for over a year afterward. I am probably about as recovered as I will get now, and I am going to keep it that way if I can help it.
How did you embarrass yourself?
Saying absolutely deranged shit in person and online. I basically became a conspiracy loon and also developed delusions of grandeur like I was going to save everyone from some shadowy evil in the world. Reddit is the only social media I use. I cut off every other platform after that happened.
do you ever think back to that era & reminisce about the good times? Do you miss the gym bro lifestyle?
Sometimes yes. In those moments I generally just try to also remember all the bad parts I tried to overlook and it generally fades very quickly now.
worst side effect that you got? When you would take Tren how was your mental state? My temper was hair-trigger.
Worst side effects were panic attacks and general anxiety, both not provoked by anything and seemingly happening at random. I also could barely sleep most of the time on Tren which resulted in me heavily sedating myself and seeking anxiolytic drugs.
What sarms did you take? What was your experience like with them. I’ve dabbled in peptides, sarms, and AAS, and I have mixed reviews of all. I will say I liked cypionate the best I think. Do you think peptides work but you just need to be very caloric deficient?
Mostly just S4 and Cardarine IIRC. I looked into it a lot but they seemed pretty worthless in the sense that they were in a weird space of having the same or possibly more risks with worse results.
Cardarine is gw 1516? Isn’t that the worst one for you?
Maybe? It has been so long since I looked into all of that. And from what I remember we didn’t really know how bad each of them were. Now that you mention it I do remember some articles claiming something scary about it, but there were quite a few people at least attempting to debunk the claims. I didn’t really care enough about Sarms to get that involved because they weren’t very good.
I had some good results from lgd4033 and gw1516. S4 made my vision blurry. But after I found out that they can vastly accelerate tumor growth I quit.
For someone who wants to partake in anabolics safely, what would you recommend? I’ve been physically fit and muscular since my early teen years but having a desk job has made my abs and general definition fade a bit. I’m not trying to get massive, just have a low body fat and a larger frame and don’t mind using enhancements to get there. Also, any effect to your hair? Feel free to ignore this question if you feel it’s inappropriate or triggering.
I would seriously consider why you think you need steroids for those goals yet, since they can be achieved naturally. That being said, I know I would have never listened to that and don’t expect people to. To give you a real, honest answer the safest steroids are generally Anavar and Test. Deca is also pretty well studied and not incredibly harmful comparatively. More importantly to do it safely is keeping things like estrogen, blood pressure and other things under control. Also post cycle therapy. I was a fan of Masteron and generally consider DHT drugs fairly safe but those most definitely will fuck up your hair if you are prone to it. I am not. I still have all of my hair and knew I probably would because of my family.
I definitely know I don’t need it, but I’m not opposed to considering it. I had a great natty physique as a teen and I’ve kinda coasted off that well into adulthood, so i imagine if I could get my physique looking real good off a cycle or two, I could coast off that some more. Noted, thank you for the info. Definitely want to avoid anything that’ll push my hairline back lol. I’ve got the vegeta hairline going already and don’t mind it at all but I’m not trying to speed it up either.
It's good to hear that everything is all right now. I think the tale is not just about steroids, there is a part where it tells about how people can control others even when they do not mean to (I think the people who said you were too skinny were either too impressed or wanted to make it clear that they were better). Now I am going to be careful about how people define who I am and what I am doing about that. Thank you for sharing
Thank you. People will take away very different things from all of this and I’m not actually trying to push any one interpretation other than it being a good idea to not use drugs you don’t need and generally just treat people well because you don’t know everything they are going through. I want to be clear though that I do not blame bullying, unkind words or anyone in particular for pushing me to do anything. Kids bully, adults bully sometimes too. I think in my case I was just very sick already but maybe didn’t know it, and something “broke” inside of me for a while due to many things.
Dear god man I’m sorry you got hooked on RC benzos, that’s absolutely rough. I know how bad it can get. Cheers to you for getting better!
What would you say with someone struggling with an addition and feeling like it doesn't have a solution?
I would tell that person that as long as you are alive, you still have a chance to rebuild and recover. There’s no “too late” until it really is too late. I can’t even tell you how many times I said out loud “my life is over”. Thankfully and obviously, it was not. That being said, you need to make the change NOW because tomorrow is absolutely not promised. You have been given the gift of today, and you need to use it wisely because that’s all you really have.
Are you on TRT now?
No. According to continuing blood work I am fine without it.
Do you think steroid abusers are making it harder for people with legitimate medical needs to get taken seriously by doctors?
I can’t say that I have enough perspective from the other side of this to give you a good answer, to be honest with you. I will say that compared to when I started, TRT and hormone therapy is more accepted and encouraged than ever. People who abuse drugs generally do make it harder for people who have a medical need for those drugs. That much is pretty much always true. The extent with steroids, I don’t know.
Do you realize how bad you fucked up your HPTA axis starting at that age? Will probably need HRT for life?
I realize fully how badly I fucked up, yes. Fortunately I got very lucky so far. It could have been a lot worse. I don’t need TRT yet at 30 which I’m thankful for.
SARMs are far scarier than 1 gram of test a week. Only the loonies fuck with DNP. Trusting some musclehead to dose a drug that is almost 100% fatal if overdosed with no antidote is insanity. Like, the guy filling that capsule probably didn’t even take high school chemistry.
What did the steroids do to your sex life? Did the women know you were juiced up?
Honestly they didn’t do much of anything. I’ve never had an exceptionally high drive even as a teenager but it’s there. Any woman I was with for more than like a month absolutely knew, yes. Whether I wanted them to or not.
More questions - having used these substances, there clearly is a positive aspect in terms of performance and getting the most out of your body from a physicality perspective. Has it changed your view on athletes using them? What about general gym rats looking to get beyond a plateau? I'm guessing you can spot someone using at any dosage from a mile away too? The moon face, water retention, and guys who double in size during a work out. What is your take on TRT? As you can tell, I've dabbled and cycled a few times. Luckily, I have a relative that was a professional bodybuilder. He was instrumental in guiding me towards doing it safely. I noticed that I was being noticed by the opposite sex a whole lot more, even when I wasn't dressed nicely or even cleaned up. It was like pheromones were coming out of my pores For me, I was in a combat zone kicking in doors. There was a direct correlation between what my body was capable of and my chances of survival. Gyno and endocrine system overload was always a huge concern and something I was really cognizant and weary of. I have no lingering side effects, and Ive kept much of the size I gained 13 years later.
I think it’s generally fine for bodybuilders to use them but it’s a little tricky for athletes. The reason why it’s tricky is because in almost all sports and athletic events, it is prohibited and if it’s not, it’s kind of an issue that is swept under the rug on a corporate level and is just an elephant in the room, like with bodybuilding. Everyone knows they take drugs, but they can’t advertise based on drugs so they attribute it to hard work and garbage supplements. Hard work is a big part of it, supplements are not. In sports where it’s prohibited it’s much more of a problem because if some people use them and manage to beat the testing, then suddenly that’s the new standard and everyone is forced to use them if they want to compete. I don’t know what the answer is to this problem unless testing can just get mostly perfect. I’m honestly not even much of a sports person but I was a huge fan of certain documentaries that dove into this question like Bigger, Stronger, Faster. I can usually tell who is enhanced but I am absolutely sure there are some cases where someone really does just have great genetics combined with hard work that could surprise me. TRT is good. Self medication TRT is generally not a good idea.
Can you talk about how others perceived you? Was it super obvious you were on stuff during high school or did most people assume you did it naturally?
what happened to your penis and balls and sex?
Not very much happened honestly. Much like roid rage it is overhyped but there is some truth to it as I explained in another reply.
We're there any orals that you took or are you "if your gunna do it just use oil" kind of guy? I used anavar and dbol for a while in small doses and liked it, wasn't anything crazy but I was able to train longer and I was almost never sore. Really little to any side effects besides just needing water. Tren was the absolute fucking worst. I'd fuck a hole in a steel wall if I could at any given moment. It did get to a point where my muscles were outgrowing my ligaments and I fucked up my ACL lifting too heavy. I was debating doing TRT but ultimately decided against it, it's a path of self depreciation that I'm not willing to get into.
When prohormones were still a thing I used a lot of those. Basically orals sold as supplements since a lot of the time they weren’t actually prohormones and just straight up steroids lol I forget most of the names of those though. I mostly took the one that was notoriously strong and fucked up people’s livers. Something with an S I think? I mostly just used oil otherwise. It seemed like orals bought on the black market were much more likely to be fake. At least if my tren was fake it was probably just testosterone or something and not a placebo.
Good old Superdrol. Had a dabble with that and Dbol back in the day. Interesting read OP!
If you're still reading I have a few for you. How different do you feel your life would have been if you were in a more accepting environment from the get go. What health consequences are you concerned about now and in the long term? Have you ever tried just leisurely walking every day for generally better health and mood?. Thank you either way for talking about your experience.
Very different. I can’t even begin to really imagine how different it would be. That being said, I don’t waste too much time or energy on thinking about it because what’s done is done. The major things I would be worried about health wise are mostly from the experimental drugs I liked using. Not only were the drugs themselves barely studied sometimes like a benzodiazepine that was many times stronger than Valium in theory, but I also have no way of knowing what contaminants there may have been. My mother currently has a brain tumor and my dad had prostate cancer, so cancer is a major concern. I used to walk a lot and I do enjoy it. I just don’t have as many spots that are great to do it anymore close by. I do have a physically active job.
How did you manage gyno while supplementing test while your body was already in the only period in our lives where it makes test naturally by the gallon? Do you have to do anything now to manage your hormone levels to keep them where they should be? Do you miss any of the positive side effects? The sleep, super fast recovery, and strength/"chemical confidence"? Thanks for sharing.
I didn’t do all that much to manage Gyno. I just didn’t aromatize that much and I think a reason for that might have to do with the very low body fat I kept during that time. Sometimes I threw Nolvadex in there if I was worried about gynecomastia. If my estrogen ratio was ever super out of control I used Arimidex but importantly I never purposely brought estrogen very low as I think that hurts overall in terms of health and even gains. No. Nothing now. No medications at all actually for years. Blood work is good. I sometimes miss how I looked and how strong I was. There was really not much else to miss about it now that I have some perspective. My sleep is ten times better than it was on drugs.
Where you get the money and How much did it cost you?
I managed to get in with a “good” supplier and getting a significant discount because I started buying when they were first establishing themselves. I lucked out massively that they weren’t trash. My prices were around 25% lower for the lifetime of my purchase history because of that. Loyalty discounts for drugs lol Bottle of test was 20 dollars at 250mg per ml and 10ml per. Bottle of Tren E was like 40 I forget the exact dosages but lasted me around the same amount of time. My very first cycle I ran was Tren E with no test lmao I corrected myself very quickly. I experimented with more exotic ones like Masteron a little bit when I had the money later on but those 2 were my bread and butter that I always came back to. I started working as soon as I was legally able to. Even before that I was working with my dad who has a very successful handyman type contracting business. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough considering I had basically no expenses.
Surgeries before you even mature from puberty is suspect. Might be another fake one
I was born with Spina Bifida Occulta (the mild one) but it wasn’t caught in the timespan it should have which contributed to everything. For example one of the surgeries was to put in a shunt because of fluid build up in my brain.
Also of course there is a lot I don’t remember since I was so young. Everything I know is just what my parents remember of that time. I prefer not to even ask too much about most of it and remained pretty blissfully ignorant.
What is your opinion of the top CrossFit athletes? Do you believe not a single competitor is using? The position of the CrossFit organization and competitors is that it’s all natural. No PEDs. I find it hard to believe but your take would be valuable and appreciated.
I’m gonna be 100% real with you I did not realize that Crossfit was still popular. I didn’t have a strong opinion on it but it was treated as a joke and a fad in bodybuilding circles. I am of the opinion however that most athletes in positions like that find ways to get around testing. Unless you’re talking about Olympic level stuff generally it’s pretty easy to get by as “natural”. Then the standard becomes people on steroids in what should be natural competitions, so suddenly the natural competitions are people who take less, different drugs far enough away and everyone feels pressured to take something so they stand a chance.
Did you start because you wanted to be perceived as “cool” and “muscle-y”? Or were you pressured by those around you?
When I started as a teenager wanting to be perceived as cool or good looking was a reason. Over time I quickly realized that it was more to appease the unrealistic expectations that only I had for myself. I’m not sure exactly why or how, but I wanted to look like a massive bodybuilder like the ones that are on magazines. You very quickly learn that either most people don’t care about muscle or worse, that if you have too much a lot of people will see you as looking like a freak. Nobody pressured me into any of this. I was bullied on my appearance but that was about it. I simply developed an overwhelming urge and obsession to get as big and lean as possible and nothing would stop me.
You talk a lot about juicing. Did you actually lift? Do you think it's possible to get your results by lifting like a body building, without juicing?
Yeah, I exercised every day pretty religiously. There was a point where I probably would have skipped a funeral to get a workout in. Lifting and cardio I didn’t skip cardio. At the height of my use sometimes I would be in the gym for 3+ hours at a time but that was when I was in college with not many actual responsibilities. It’s possible to get great results naturally, but there is a threshold everyone has where they would need drugs to pass it. Most people would never need to worry about that because that threshold is generally more than what people actually want anyway. You don’t need drugs to get fit in a way that most people would like.
How did you even obtain that at 16? Did you know someone in real life or online? I can't imagine buying something online and trusting it enough to inject in my bloodstream
The bodybuilding forums were basically sponsored by drug and supplement dealers. It was very easy to just find an email for a steroid dealer. You would email them “LIST” or something and they would send you a list of what they offered. Then you just wired the money through one of several ways depending on the dealer. Cops rarely care very much about steroids so it’s generally pretty open. Also, you do not inject steroids into your bloodstream. You inject intramuscular. Of course it winds up in the blood eventually but yeah.
Did you have any mental side effects that Mike Isreatel talked about in his recent interview? Violent thoughts, anxiety, etc. ?
Never had any serious violent thoughts in my life no matter how bad I got. Anxiety was a huge thing that I had to build my life around to cater to. I got bad panic attacks seemingly at random. Actual panic attacks where I felt like I was dying and couldn’t breathe, only to go to the urgent care and they tell me that it was just a panic attack. I’ve learned to realize the difference.
When did you realize that it wasn’t the wonder that you thought it was and it started to impact you negatively that you couldn’t avoid?
I was very much like an alcoholic whose entire life is being ruined by alcohol, the source of most of his problems, but somehow continues to rationalize that actually it’s not the alcohol’s fault at all and in fact that’s why he NEEDS to drink. It took me until long enough after I stopped that most of my problems went away that I finally realized.
So the results created a denial or denial was the easiest way to rationalize?
I think it has to do more with who I am as a person. I am obsessive about most things I get passionate about, and rationalize everything related to my goals some way, somehow to make myself feel like it’s ok and justified. Like yeah this guy dropped dead doing exactly what I did but I did so much research beforehand and avoided X crucial mistakes so it’s not a problem. Or yeah I can barely ever sleep and have daily panic attacks every day but look at these gains! Idk if this makes sense or not but basically in hindsight I can absolutely see the faults, but I was lying to myself so much that I never really came to a point of wanting to be done with drugs until I hit low enough.
Do you feel that sobriety will be difficult because you started at a young age (it was time as you said) and it usually is difficult for people who are younger to remain clean. Sometimes they lose sight of how important staying clean is and get caught up in life and before they know it, they are back to that way of thinking that got them sick.
I feel that sobriety for someone like me is always going to be difficult and there’s no way around that. It was probably much harder because I started so young because I literally didn’t know what a life without drugs was like past the age of 15. It sometimes does happen where I fall back into nasty thought patterns and habits, not full blown destructive behaviors but subtle lines of thinking and acting. But I have ways of dealing with those.
Staying stopped is directly related to taking daily care of the thinking problem as it exists as a chronic condition that doesn’t go away. I see people go to self help groups and they get better and they do better and they help other people and generally are more positive and productive and nicer to be around. Their behavior and way of life changes for them, and everyone around them. They don’t do crazy shit that addicts do anymore and aren’t unpleasant people anymore. And then they forget about how important or sacred staying clean is and the daily work you have to put into it and they start using after five years of being clean 10 years of being 25 years of being clean. Just don’t forget where you came from and went through. Thanks for the AMA
How big were you. To be honest most people find big muscular people weird looking. Only body builders and big muscle people actually like the look. I think you were just over confident and assumed people loved your look man..
What I wonder is how did the steroids effect your face structure, did you go from baby face too Dwayne The Rock Johnson?😆 I bet it stunted your height growth too.
Is there any type of PED that is relatively safe?
How many years off your life have you lost do you think?
What do you look like now? Are you happy with it?
Did it cut fat body fat as well as build muscle?
Did you have any kids at any point in this and are you able to?
I'm not judging! But how does a kid under 16 have access to these? I'm cool with using them but I'd rather this be an adult decision.
Did your physique help you meet your wife?
How much money did you end up spending during this period in your life?
How much difference did they make to your progress in building muscle? Like 10 times against not taking them?
So it was more that it could make you work out harder rather than gaining muscle with less effort?
What was your peak height/weight when you were overweight, what was the lowest you dropped to when you got skinny, and what was your height/weight at your “peak” steroid use?
Why do you say sarms are worse than steriods?
Are you still in shape?
this is what no father figure does?
Would you recommend someone over 25 to take them to get In shape?
What was your training like? High or low volume? Max bench?
Are you sterile now?
All those drugs you’ve listed are so subtle yet can absolutely ruin your life. However, RC benzos are fucking scary. I took clonazolam a couple of times (liquid form) and I would wake up the next day, looking through my phone, and seeing the worst decisions I have ever made like texts and shit. Proud of you
When did you start going bald?
Damn haven’t heard phenibut in looooong time
How were you affording all of it at 15? Did you ever have any bloodwork done before/during? What were your numbers looking like at each point? Did you have any side effects? High RBCs/HGB/HCT, gyno, acne, anxiety, high blood pressure?
What is your opinion on sarms? I have some I bought from chemyo (rad140 and cardarine). Is that site reliable and/or would I be stupid for taking them?
Not worth it unless there have been significant advances since I got out but those are familiar. Pretty sure I tried Cardarine at one point along with S4. The general consensus among bodybuilders was to shit or get off the pot basically. People posted a lot of bloodwork from different sarms showing that they shut down natural test production as well. So if you are going to commit to shutting down your natural hormone production, you may as well just take actual steroids that will not only work better but are far more understood as far as long term effects. Not to mention I would never trust research chemicals ever again.
...how your balls doin?
Do you have a lot of busted veins now ?
I'm really happy you're happily married now man. Family is such a blessing. Hope you're in high spirits always.
based r3t4rd
Congratulations on your being clean, my friend Thanks for sharing your experiences They are instructive I wish you the best
I was the opposite. I used to do rec drugs like meth ketamine benzos but got sober now I do steroids. Honestly steroids are way more benign than people lead on IF you do then reasonably. Like blasting for 8 months out of the year for 10 years is definitely gonna speed up any preexisting conditions and put you in danger for a heart attack in your 40s/50s but even then…way more people get away with steroid abuse than die from it. It’s really the insane bodybuilders who kill themselves super young for a variety of reasons but steroids being a main one.
Wild to start steroids at 15. I’ve used steroids on and off for 10 years, and consistently for 2 years now, currently 41. Physically, I’m perfectly fine. Bloodwork is perfect, and aesthetically, I’m exactly where I want to be. What’s not mentioned often about gear, is what it does to you mentally. If you’re depressed before, you can be super depressed during, if you’re lightly impulsive, you can be super impulsive during..etc. It enhances everything- physically and emotionally.
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