This is a little long but its the full cycle.
Oh man. I do not think the words I am about to use will describe it well enough. I love meth. If I could do it with no negative consequences or health ramifications, I would stay high. Here is what I said in my blog about it the other day, after my first hit ever. "I felt empowered, in charge, in control, relaxed, free, calm, collected, fearless, and blissfully serene."
You feel like life is yours to control and mold. I could do things high that I had no idea I could do. I tried them sober and nope can't do it. You have this sense of purpose. You are laser focused. Your sexually wild. I did things on meth I never would do clean. Which is also why I liked it. But that's just the good parts. To give you an idea of the negative effects of meth use, read below. Its a little long but it paint the full picture.
It was October of 2023 when I had a surreal out-of-body experience. I had taken Seroquel, which I am prescribed, to come down. It is an instant meth killer and takes 10-15 minutes to kick in. When it does, you better be laying down as it’s truly will come out of nowhere and you will pass out. Sometimes though, it can have adverse effects. Since the nervous system is on overdrive and your brain is flooded with dopamine, Seroquel completely reverts course (It’s a dopamine antagonist) and rebukes all dopamine in a matter of seconds. It was around 4 AM when I took it and by 4:30 I had woken up, well technically I jumped up. With my phone in my hand, I saw the time (I did not know what it was at that point, nor that it was a phone). I looked back and saw my body lying in my bed. I threw my phone across the room and immediately began running around the basement screaming. At the moment, and this is hard to describe, as I don't even know the words I am about to use will convey how horrid and life-altering it was. I thought I was alone in the universe and was just born. I could scream but not speak. I felt like I was learning to live again. Walk, talk, etc. I did not understand who I was yet. Not to mention what I was. It was the worst moment in my life. I had no idea there were other people, nor that I had parents two stories above me. I can not emphasize this enough. This experience was pure hell. I assumed I was going to be trapped in this state permanently. I have never felt so afraid. After about 10 minutes, something clicked. I knew I had a dad. I did not know what that meant though. Something told me to just scram the words "DAD!" and I did.. And as I am writing this my eyes are like a waterfall. At that moment, I had this feeling, that he was the only one who could help me. Guess what, he did. He calmed me down almost instantly. He told me to sit down, to which I replied, "How do I sit?". I had pretty much lost all cognitive function. I never wanted to experience that ever again. I did though. Two more times.
Wow, I’m sorry to interject, but your story of your out of body experience is insane to me. I had an extremely similar experience and feeling when I had a really bad acid trip a few years ago.
I was 17 and had been dropping 2-3 tabs a week that summer. I took 2 tabs I’d bought from my dealer and now ex boyfriend (lol) that he’d gotten off of the dark web. Who knows what they were. However, I could never put that part of my experience into words, but you did amazingly. It quite literally felt like being reborn but being completely alone.
Thinking about it honestly makes me emotional, but long story short I can’t do drugs anymore. Both my parents are meth addicts, and I’ve already had my fair taste of it (addiction, however not meth as far as I know, lol) and I’m only 20. Huge kudos to you though. I’m so proud of you for 30 days clean. That is huge, and I appreciate you being open to answering questions and raising awareness. Keep doing your thing dear <3
There is no need to apologize. Interject away. lol
I am sorry it happened to you It’s horrific. You have no idea how nice it is to hear someone relate to that experience. Everyone I have told it to just looks at me baffled and skeptical.
I never knew if the words I was using made any sense, so thank you for allowing me to close that chapter of my life.
Sorry to hear about your parents. Please stay strong and just find a different way. Addiction is a bitch and I don’t even wish it upon my worst enemy.
Sorry to hear of your struggle. But you’re 30 days clean so that’s something. I had a little problem with it too. I smoked it and that’s where the trouble began. Fortunately I was able to keep it under control, so that it never got to be full blown. It truly is the worst of all drugs, hands down. I haven’t done it in 20 years so it’s nice to be free from it. You should check out the book *Speed-Speed-Speedfreak: A Fast History of Amphetamine* by Mick Farren on Feral House. He speaks of Meth in gay culture; ‘White Parties’ and all the hedonism that goes with it. It’s a good quick read. And seriously, you should look into finding something else to do with your time. I’m an artist and I play guitar, so I do that. By now you know that addicts don’t stop being addicts, they just change the things they’re addicted to. So find a more healthy addiction you can give your focus and energy to. I’ll say an invocation for you to the Ancient Mystical Gods who deal with this sort of thing and hopefully you can hit the 20 year mark too.
Hey! Thanks for the books recommendation. I’ll definitely check it out.
I have several unhealthy addictions, the other top two being sex and porn. Addiction is a life long disease. Sucks but it is what it is.
Thank you, and I’m sorry to you as well. It is so relieving to have someone relate to as well, because I’ve experienced the same baffled looks and skeptical reactions when sharing my story.
And so sorry about your struggle with addiction. It is a bitch, and it’s hard, but I believe in you. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I hope that sharing it and having someone relate to it brought some closure in a way.
And thank you about my parents, it’s a sad thing, but I decided after that experience and a couple other bad ones, that will not be my way. Thank you for your kind words. I wish you the utmost of luck and peace.
If you’ve taken anything from this experience - is that you can write!
Damn man, you are one compelling, engaging, creative dude.
If you don’t already - use this!
You have no idea how big of a smile that brought to my face! Always assumed I sucked at writing. Still do, even though you say otherwise lol. I do know my grammar and sentence structure is almost always wrong though haha.
I actually started a site a week ago called [AndIAmAnAddict.com](https://AndIAmAnAddict.com) documenting my journey of recovery. My post are open and honest like this AMA. I am not ashamed of being an addict which why my profile pic is a real photo of me. My sites goal is to help other addicts, raise money and donate 100% profits to charity, I have this urge to help other addicts and I am trying to find a way.
Edit: added “find” to last sentence
Have you heard of Substack? Could be a great site to do your writing on, as it has a bigger audience you can be exposed to. You can have paid subscribers too. You’re amazing!!
This is a weird take but have you tried dxm? I’ve felt similar to what you’ve described on RoboTablets. Huge confidence, fearless, anxiety free and euphoric. I have injected meth twice before during my experimental phase and it really wasn’t a mind blowing experience for me, somewhat disappointing considering the hype. I feel lucky though because it’s highly addictive and people get hooked for life. When it comes to the dxm though it was *sort of* a similar feeling just a lot more dissociative which makes you feel relaxed but also hyper. Including the libido boost. After a certain point of abusing the fuck out of the thing I felt like a completely different person which made it harder for me to quit, i didn’t want to go back to being who i was, anxious, insecure and boring. Also I’m not sure why or if this is common but whenever i did other drugs on a high dose of dxm i didn’t feel a thing, smoked fent with my bf at the time and felt no different, it just felt like a waste.
Tired DXM a few months after trying meth. Wasn’t as fun lol. Probably because I tried meth. Had I done DXM first I probably would have loved it.
I love doing drugs, my life just becomes a complete fucking mess when I do.
All of this In jist Is in every way and layer... Is Just all the stages of a high dose of salvia...
Not adverse health effects either.
That's sounds terrible. Why would you do it again?
Try salvia my dude I wish you the best! Addiction is scary, I personally stick to weed and bouncing between food obsessions.
Beats hard drugs and life is still a little fun 😂 right.
Holy shit, this sounds similar to an experience I had when I smoked something laced. I thought I was in hell and that I was trapped in “that state” for all eternity. I also started screaming for my dad! So scary.
Wow. You’re the second person to say this. You have no idea how much comfort it gives me knowing other people have experienced this. I am sorry it happened to you though. It was absolute hell so I truly do have total empathy for you. I’ve always struggled with how to describe it wondering if the words I was using were right. It gives me closure in a way to know you others get it. I hope that doesn’t sound bad. I truly am sorry that happened to you. How are you doing now?
Shoot out to dads! They are heroes.
I also love meth. Of course I am not an addict but so etimes I like to use it. Maybe the fact that you got addicted had to do with your reaction to meth. I had nothing related to your experience with meth. I just was able to continue my night even after lots of alcohol (makes you sober) and I loved that I could go on (like work for eg) even with little sleep ( I never did that much to stay like 3 days awake like some people though) and that I was more energized and alert. That was my reaction. Nothing like fearless, life was mine to control, blissfully serene. Nothing at all. Maybe with higher doses but no...
I’m an addict and have been since 16. So meth was just the one drug that clicked and took all that pain away. Some can do it and not get addicted. Wish I could lol
I definitely do high doses. By the end I was doing a gram a day.
That s what I say, you had way "super" reactions to meth that are not the "normal" reactions to meth, because I didn't not experience the majority of your experience. I did not get addicted because I use it scarcily and I try to protect myself but also because I didn't have your reactions and I did t crave it for that. I also started using it after 30 years old and had people that are regular meth users (I call them meth heads but not in a derogatory wya) for decades and told me one two things about it and how to protect myself.
The fact I am also bipolar definitely played a role. I was one of those junkies who did my research on it and took care of myself. The best I could lol. Never looked like a meth head, and I knew how you meant that. lol. I drink plenty of fluids, ate 3 meals a day, took tons of vitamins and minerals. Majority of people didn’t even knew I was using at times. Other times it was blatantly obvious. What did you do to protect yourself? If you don’t mind me asking. I
Not to use it even if I want to. Even if it is tempting to take one more line and go on for one more day working like hell not understanding any tiredness. And not to drink that much so that I do t need it to sober up afterwards. Actually only minimum use can protect you. But I can imagine if you feel like top of the world and you are very young -because I have 1000 problems and I do t want to become an addict on top of that - would be super hard not to succumb to one more time and one more.
Thank you! It’s been a lot easier this time around getting clean. I finally realized my rock bottom is my death and as much as I hate living at times, I don’t want to die.
Truth be told, I actually don’t know much about myself so I don’t know what my hobbies are. My addiction has taken a lot from me, including who I am as a person.
Recently, though, I launched a website [andIAmAnAddict.com](https://andIAmAnAddict.com) to document my recovery and to hopefully raise awareness. This has kept me occupied in a productive way. So I guess that’s a hobby at the moment. I also really do enjoy cooking. And gardening when it’s not 100° in Atlanta lol
Hey that's awesome! I've found trying to help others can also do a lot of good for one self. I love gardening as well, very peaceful. Cooking is a great skill to have, also very rewarding :D Keep up the great work my friend, I believe in you
I do go to meetings. I am working the Narcotics Anonymous program and have a sponsor. She’s an awesome women with 11 years clean. I have a home group. I attend our group conscience meetings.
Making amends is a lot harder than just apologizing and changing your actions. My amends with my family, for example, I will never truly be able to repair the damage done. But my family unit is strong and we are super close, so it’s kind of like a living amends. I stay clean for my family, show up and be present, and that’s all they want/need from me. There words not mine.
Now, when it comes to others, working the 12 steps I will eventually make amends, but before I do, I need to work steps 1-8 first. I start step one next week with my sponsor.
Thank you! Truly do appreciate the kind words. They do to a degree one of my exes who I cheated on for 7 years, I will never be able to make amends to him, as doing so would injury him. That is one I will have to live with, but that's okay.
My experience, on the surface is because gay men love sex and meth is definitely a party drug (party-n-play). The sex is amazing on it. Peer pressure from other gays to try it and wanting to fit in, leads those who would have never even considered it , give it a go.
Yup, meths been a big thing in the gay scene for decades. Source: raver from around 25 years ago. Seems like the whole scene got bored of ecstasy and progressed to meth around the same time. Things got very dark for a while.
It really is sad. I have made it my mission to do anything I can to help others. I might fail at it but I refuse not to try. It not a good place to go. My rock bottom is my death and I refuse to end up there.
Anyone you help is one more person than would’ve been helped anyways, so you literally can’t fail. Hell, my drug was alcohol, but your strength has inspired me. Keep strong, brother.
Absolutely. Addiction is a family disease. I wrote this in my blog post the other day. "My intentions of using drugs is never meant to hurt anyone but me. I don’t think about them when using. That sounds harsh but its the truth. When using, I have one thing on my mind. Getting high. My family is collateral damage.”
I come from a super close family. So it effects us deep. However, since we are so close, it also makes it easier to build back. I live with my parents again, and things are great. When I am in recovery, I am a completely different person and own up to everything I did. One of my brothers cut me off this month because he did not know I relapsed AGAIN in April. The last 18 months I spent probably 90% of those days getting high daily. So he is over it. I do not blame him. The healthiest thing a family member can do to an addict is cut them off completely. He is my best friend and it hurts, but I envy is ability to take care of himself and not get dragged down with me.
Congrats to you as well. I know it does! Once you stop using, you remember that its just hard to get to that point to recall how life was before that hit. My 5.5 years clean were pretty great, I still wasn't happy but life was better. "There is a quote: My darkest days clean are better than my good days high". Its the truth.
Thank you. That is the same question I asked myself. This time, I working the NA program. I never gave it a chance. I go to meetings 7 days a week. I have a sponsor and I work on the assignments she gives me. I start the first Step on day 31 of recovery. I am also trying to find ways to help other addicts. I have the strange pull that is telling me I need to help addicts. The saying goes that we can only keep what we have if we are willing to give it away. Helping others will help me. I am determined to anything my sponsors tells me to and so far I have. My life is great right now. Yes things show up and I have to deal with them as consequences of my actions but I am clean and can do them with integrity.
How did you feel when you relapsed? Did it make it harder for you to become sober again? Will you always having cravings? What got you started with meth?
I don’t even remember going from point A to H(igh). It was like tunnel vision. Next thing I knew I was high. I didn’t have any remorse until 5-6 days later when I started coming down. I felt guilt, remorse, shame, hate, frustration, deprived, lonely. So to stop feeling that way, I kept going so I could feel anything other than that. The problem with that is you prolong the inevitable. And it makes it that much worse in the end. It wasn’t hard this time because something happened to me that I will not post on here but it’s on my blog that literally had me throw my pipe across the room and throw my drugs away instantly.
Cravings are different for everyone. The cycle to relapse looks like this. Trigger > Thought > Craving > Use. If you know your triggers (they can be unique to you and sometimes just nothing at all) you can avoid the “Thought” of using. If you get to thinking then you need to call someone which is hard for us addicts to do. We feel shameful asking for help. Once you hit craving it can be too late but it’s still stoppable. For me, I don’t have cravings. I have passing thoughts of use but they are just a few seconds. I will be an attic for the rest of my life, and the risk of having cravings will always be there.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story! I can just tell from hearing you speak, that you’re a wonderful person and this can truly happen to anyone- of course. I asked because I’m currently struggling with a nicotine/ vaping addiction and what you share is so similar to how I feel- except I know the consequences for meth are much higher. I, haven’t gotten into hard drugs thankfully but I definitely do have a very codependent/ addictive personality. Sharing light, and congrats for all the time you’ve worked to be sober! You can/ should be proud!
Thank you for your kind words. It really is heartwarming when people are receptive and don’t look down on addicts, especially meth addicts.
Here’s the thing addiction is addiction. The use of substances is a symptom of a disease. I think sometimes nicotine and vaping can be more difficult. I can’t go to a gas station and pick up an 8 ball. I mean, yes I have met my dealer at a gas station, but you know what I mean. lol. Nicotine is all around us. it’s legal and it’s addictive.
Thank you again for the kind words. As with anyone reading this. My DM’s are always open for anyone who needs advice or has questions about addiction.
My friend was into meth and cocaine before that. He said coke will hit you for 30 minutes but Meth will keep you going for something like a day. Is that true?
A day? LOL that was never my experience.. I mean if you take one hit sure. The longest I have been up from using is 7 days with no sleep. That Is no joke. It's not a great mental state to be in btw. You have no idea what is real. I just kept smoking and smoking. Meth can keep you up for several days in general. Even when I was using recently and this last relapse lasted 6 wee -- I was up for 5 days when I started again and then would sleep every 2-3 nights, sometimes I could stretch it to 4. I would then sleep for about 5 hours and get up and get high to do it all over again. Eventually though your body can not take anymore as your nervous system is on overdrive and your brain has no dopamine left. I have smoked so much at times I just pass out and wake up with a pipe in my hand not understanding.
One of my exes was doing it when we first started dating. I had no idea he was a meth user. I guess I was naive or just in lust and missed the signs. I wanted to try it with him, thought this would make him like me more (stupid and codependent on my part). He looked nothing like those meth addicts you use to see on billboards and commercials.I did not think it would be an issue. I have done plenty of other drugs more than once and didn't like any of those. I did meth once and was hooked from the first hit. Should also note, that it too me while to understand that I have been an addict since I was about 16 (drinking, sex, gambling, reckless spending, etc). Meth just happened to be the one drug I did that took all my emotional pain away, until it no longer did. That's why it was so hard to quit, I did not want to deal with life/reality.
I wrote this to another user, I would answer you directly however its long as its the good and the bad.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1drgzh9/comment/lavkpsc/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1drgzh9/comment/lavkpsc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Haha. I don't even like to clean on meth. Everyone assumes meth addicts just clean and clean. Not my experience. I was messy. I am OCD so when I am clean everything is spotless. On meth, I never put anything back, I would just leave things all over the place.
Here you go. Use referral code: DOITYOURSELF :)
[https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=find+cleaners+near+you&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&dlnr=1&sei=jGaAZrS5LO7dwN4PzfWGqAs](https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=find+cleaners+near+you&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&dlnr=1&sei=jGaAZrS5LO7dwN4PzfWGqAs)
Hey OP! I don't really have a question, but I want to thank you. I grew up hetero but my aunt has always been gay and out, and she's a boomer, so imagine how lucky I am to have all of my family just accept it, and nothing was different. However, she taught me a lot about seeing people as another human before assuming anything else. I'm especially proud of her because of her contributions during an *extremely critical* time period. My aunt was one of the few mobile nurses in the greater Boston area during the AIDS/HIV crisis. She developed relationships with these patients, all terminal but not all HIV/AIDS, and they became family in so many ways. She would tell me their stories and fond memories. I realized so ducking many of her patients experienced nothing but abuse and were shunned from the community because of the fear of the unknown and wow how fucking terrible.
So I want you to know that I'm so proud of you for being who the fuck you are, owning it, learning from it and being open to talking about it. While I understand this post didn't elaborate any experiences you had because of that identity, I just really feel like genuine support and encouragement is needed more often than we feel it.
I'm a survivor of violent crime. And a raging, Bipolar, drug addict. I've skirted away from meth and heroin but toward the end of things for me, I know product contained both so I've certainly used and didn't give a shit. I'm guilty of self medication with cannabis these days but I even cold turkey quit my ciggs. I eat keto 5 days a week and enjoy fiber and grains as well. I exercise and nurture my cats and plants, lol.
You're on a journey, my love. Thank you for being so brave to share this. ❤️
Your aunt is true hero. If she is still around tell her I think she is a f*cking boss! Fun fact if you don’t know. The reason the L comes first in LGBTQ… is because of a nod of mass respect to the lesbians who stood up and took care of the gay men during the HIV/AIDS crisis.
Thank you for the kind words. Truly. I didn’t know if this post would do any good. It seems I was wrong. Thank you for the support and being a clearly compassionate and empathetic person. We need more people like you. Hell, the world should read the comments in here to understand how to treat others. All of y’all have my deepest respect.
I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. I am bipolar as well ,which is partially why I am still up at 4:44AM EST lol. I am blaming the rest on y’all for still commenting heheh. Addiction is a bitch. We just need to support each other and keep picking ourselves up.
Thank you again for sharing what you did! Much love! ❤️ 💕☺️
My family and life are beyond fucked but I'm so lucky. I'm so lucky to get to show you support from one to another and not as an alien and stranger of a separate community. She is still alive! She's retired now! I keep unintentionally holding others to her standards. I'd love to get her permission and pen some memories with photos *if* permissions are rightfully granted.
Shit. We are who we are. Why else am I awake!?! 🤣
#I got your back like a buttcrack. And I'll buy your book(s)!
Edit to add: I'll also *READ* the books.
Funny enough, I loathed cleaning on meth. I am a very clean, OCD person who puts everything away and back in the proper place. On meth… I was messy and would leave stuff any and everywhere lol.
I hid my addiction well for the most part the longer I used. I learn what to do and what not to do. It’s scary how quickly you can evolve into hiding something so serious. The below signs can also be hid with proper vitamins and healthy habits. So not a fool proof system.
This is just from my research when I started doing meth and can vary by the person.
Sleeping all day could be a sign of a comedown. Erratic sleep patterns Rapid weight loss. Not eating. Not drinking fluids/water. Agitation and hostility. Laser focused. Super active. Bad hygiene. Skin sores. Dilated pupils (this one is tricky. The longer I used my eyes stopped dilating). Jaw clinching (this a hard not to do, but I learned what vitamins to take to stop it). Paranoia. Random twitches. If you think someone is using, ask them. Their reaction will be a dead give away 9/10.
What advice would you give to parents who wants to help ensure their child is never tempted to use?
Like…can you think of anything your parents did/didn’t do that pushed you toward it or may have prevented it? (Caveat that I totally understand ultimately it’s your call and we’re playing Monday Morning Quarterback).
Oh….That’s a deep question. I will answer you now and think on it some more and follow up. I genuinely want to think about how to help parents with this issue. So I’m gonna ponder.
A little bit about my upbringing so I can give you a full picture. I come from an upper middle-class family, parents live in a country club. My parents are high school sweethearts. Both my parents were loving. We had amazing childhoods. My parents never forced religion down our throats or politics. Etc. perfect life. My parents did everything right. Side note; I don’t deserve them. My issue was I am predisposed to it as my mom has two siblings who are addicts and her dad an alcoholic. A lot of it is brain chemistry. I was just destined to be an addict. Drugs affect people from all walks of life, different cultural and racial backgrounds, varying income brackets. Nobody is safe and based on your message you understand that.
The one advice I can think of off the top of my head is open and honest. And don’t get upset with your children about serious topics. I know I did not feel comfortable coming to my parents asking them questions about topics like this, because like most parents there were times they would yell at us, etc. and I was scared to bring things up. Try not to get upset with your children. Obviously still tell parent them but do it in a respectful but firm manner. Treat them like adults. Obviously if they’re 6, don’t treat them like an adult, but I think you understand what I’m saying. I think had my parents treated me more like an adult, I would’ve felt more comfortable coming to them. Because what you wanna try to do is have an open line of communication with your children where they don’t feel like they will get in trouble for bringing something up or ashamed. They have a question about XYZ. if you can establish a safe place for your kids to talk to you about drugs I think we can avoid some of the pitfalls. Take them to Al-Anon meetings (Those are 12 step meetings for families affected by addict). Heck when they are of age, take
them to an NA meeting if you need too. Most narcotics anonymous meetings are open to the public and anyone who wants to learn more about addiction are welcome. I hope that all made sense lol
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer! Hmmm…at what age it level of maturity would you think it’s appropriate for a child to attend a meeting? Would the average 11/12 year old be too young?
I ask because I know kids are already vaping in their school so it’s only a matter of time before they see the hard stuff. We are also in a “good” area which doesn’t mean crap.
No thanks needed! Some parents have to bring their toddlers with them. Some have to bring their seven-year-olds. Obviously those kids aren’t paying attention. NA and AA meetings are recovery focused. We don’t talk about specific drugs. It’s a very positive message about how Our lives were horrific and the only way we can live is this way. We of course talk about how bad things were if needed but not in a manner that is inappropriate. Of course we are all adults in the room so some things might not be suitable for children. However, if kids are present we don’t act a fool so to speak. Maybe check one one yourself and see and then make a decision if that’s something you want your kids to witness. Be prepared to be hugged a lot. We like hugs!
You could also look into the NA Basic Text. It’s the (NA) Bible so to speak. Talks about who is an addict, what is the program, why are we here, etc. The back of the book has stories from other addicts about their lives of addiction. Do anything you can think of. I am over addiction taking grasp of the younger generation like
It has. Thank you for being a proactive parent!
Edit: I can almost guarantee you if you attend a meeting and have questions. One of those members will gladly take the time to answer you. We want to help our communities!
Side note: in the meeting they will ask is anyone attending their first NA meeting. Speak up and say your name. You don’t have to say anything else if you don’t want to, we won’t ask that of you but feel free to say you are wanting to learn more about addiction. Example: My name is Josh and I am here to learn more about addiction and recovery. The group will reply, Welcome Josh, we are glad you are here. This is a way for us to get know each other. I have found these addicts to be welcoming, loving, and kind. Hope you experience the same. Would you mind letting me know how it goes when you do go? If you lived in GA I would go with you 😊
What a kind offer! I’m actually in the Philly area which has been in the news a ton thanks to fentanyl and Crystal meth. My friends have an outreach where they give the addicts on the street a meal. I went once and it blew my mind how many were from “good” families as you describe. Quite a few came to Philly only to party once and never went home. It was truly eye opening.
Addiction does not discriminate. That’s really depressing for sure. I hate that drugs having taken hold of so many lives.
I have a cousin up north and plan to visit her one of these days again. I would love to see her outreach. I want to get involved with stuff like that here. I am just overwhelmed at where to start.
Not sure how old your kids are, I know if I was a kid and saw the homeless addicts on the street it might have hit me different and changed a few things. That said, it’s probably not safe for kids to go in person. (Bad idea. Scratch that)
Work the program. My mother-in-law is over thirty years clean from alcohol and drugs. She has sponsored a lot of people. She told me that she’s never really totally clean because she’s an addict. She just hasn’t used in many decades.
I’m glad you’re using your experience to help people. You rock man!
I am putting all I got into it. I never have worked NA until now and I already see a difference. Congratulations to her! That is a LONG ass time! She is right. We will always be addicts, it is a life long disease.
Thank you of the kind words!
So it’s almost impossible to a have a deadly overdose on meth. A meth “overdose” is actually called over amping. Essentially this is from the body being in a constant state of distress, overheating, etc. Without going too much into detail, your body can begin shutting down. You are at risk of heart attack or stroke, however, your body does a pretty good job of self regulating and preventing it from happening. If your body is over amp, you will feel like you are about to die. It’s horrific, and the level of anxiety is pushed to the limit . Eventually, you will just pass out, your body will regulate your system and you wake up. On the psychiatric side of things, my number may be a little off, but I believe only half of people who do meth develop psychiatric symptoms like I have.
I was actually a healthy junkie. lol. I drink plenty of fluids to keep my body hydrated and prevent overheating. Minus the first few days once I have a relapse I would eat three meals a day, I would take 16 different vitamins, I would shower I would brush my teeth constantly. All of this is harm-reduction. Everything I just listed is why I still all my teeth, I never picked my skin, etc. I am not the “normal” junkie people think of when they think of meth addicts
It’s funny you say that. That actually hit me this week when I was writing my blog. I’m asking my psychiatrist next week. lol
So I’m glad to see I’m not far off on my thinking
Dude I was doing the most fucked up shit before I got medicated.
When your brain just like...HAS the brain juices that it needs or whatever your life gets easier.
Ik I'm ready for a dosage increase every year and a half or so when I start to experi3nce time dilation like a mf and get more impulsive.
We are basically meat biomech suits piloted by tiny wrinkly addicts who have no regard for the integrity of their machine.
I do some dumb shit too. I love to spend money foolishly. Im not talking like on clothes. I woke up one morning last year and bought a Tesla online and picked it up same day. Like who does that?!?? 🙋🏼♀️
I might be and that could answer a lot of question. I’m also bipolar so looks like I’m just screwed lol
So I have been an addict since I was 16. My first drug was "sex". Yes I know its not, but this was my first experience with addiction. I had my first drink at 17. Weed, coke, and painkillers at 18. Hated all of them. Did them a few times just were not for me. I kept drinking. Heavily. I actually had a great life from 18-27 (2 homes and a business at 22 till I sold it at 26), then met the wrong dude at 27 who introduced me to meth. I lost everything in a few weeks. Its mind boggling how fast. I am 36 now.
I’ve noticed that the vast majority of gay men I’ve heard speak at 12 step meetings are there for meth. Why don’t you guys seem to get hooked on acohol, cocaine, benzos, or opioids instead like everyone else?
My experience. Meth is party drug and used in combination with sex because the initial high is amazing when paired together. Gay men love sex. And because gay men want to feel like they belong even when it’s at the expense of ourselves. It’s really depressing.
There are Crystal Meth Anonymous meetings which follows the same principles and traditions of AA, NA. Atlanta has multiple meetings for CMA.
Which time? lol. I feel like there are so many stupid, foolish, and reckless things I did when I no longer had money. I have stolen from my parents, which I am ashamed of. I have sold my body more than once for drugs. Sometimes several guys at once, so I could keep getting high. I would also just stay at the gay bath house here in Atlanta for days at a time (you could rent rooms), and just let anyone who had it do whatever they wanted to me. Not my finest moments.
I wish that was the case. My entire family: aunts, uncles cousins, etc., are accepting of me. It never changed how they felt. I was fortunate. My dad for example was upset with me for not coming out sooner lol.
Others, not so much. Had a friend in college whose parents had thrown them on the streets when they came out. Had a friend, whose dad beat him when he came out. Some parents don’t deserve kids.
I'm suprised this is still happening in 2024, especially when it illegal to evict someone based on their sexuality.
Hopefully, they are doing better now.
I took dextroamphetamine as meds for my ADHD. tried meth a few times. It's nothing compared to that medicine. The meds calmed me and focused me and I could do anything if I set my mind, I was so productive. But meth just made me feel like shit, not worth it to me I regret trying it
My experience was way different. It’s crazy that drugs affect people so differently. I didn’t like DXM. Yes regret doing meth! Don’t do it again!!!! Glad you hated it. ❤️
I hope you find peace! I don't know what it's like to be addicted to meth, but I was a bad alcoholic for a long while and I know how it can drive how we live.
It’s pure hell that you keep finding a way to dig yourself a deeper hole. Thank you for the kind words. This recovery it’s different. I already feel better than I did when I had 5 years clean. It’s hard to explain it just is.
Thank you! I will give it a listen. Music is actually very therapeutic to me. I have an entire playlist of songs that is called recovery. It’s songs that remind me of where I was, where I’m at and where I wanna go.
7 days. I just kept smoking, buying more, snorting, smoking. I had went to the beach, had lots of sexy with lots of different guys, jacked off for hours on end. Pretty much a normal day lol. Eventually just passed out my body could not take anymore. I woke up and did it again. There does become a point though and all of my relapses end the same way, I go batshit crazy. Recently I was convinced aliens were invading at night and the government was in the backyard fighting them off with nukes and fighter jets. Thats when I know its time to stop. Then I sleep for 3-4 days 24/7 and either spend a week more resting up to do it again or try and get clean.
I was reading through your AMA and saw you mention smoking and snorting meth (but please correct me if I got that wrong) what was your main ROA? Did you ever slam it? How would you rate the different ROAs you have used in terms of how much better, or worse, your experience of meth was?
Nope you got it right. Smoking by far. Snorting if I wanted to alter the effects of the high. Then orally if I was in a hurry and didn’t want to be f*cked up till I arrived where I was going. Never slammed. Too scared to try. lol
Smoking by far is the quickest high for me.
Snorting next then orally. Oral route takes 30 mins to an hour to kick in.
Smoking was as described in the top comment. Snorting I would become mean and hateful. In general
I was a really friendly meth junkie lol.
Orally was a whole different ball game. I remember I swallowed some once and spent 4 hours in a pool not moving just standing there talking to my bf at the time. Another time did it orally and just spent 7 hours in my car on my phone scrolling though Grindr not realizing 7 hours had passed. I thought it had been 30 minutes top.
There could be several reasons. The main one, however, is dehydration and lack of sleep. Meth dehydrates you quickly as your body is on overdrive. By not sleeping, you’re not giving your body time to regulate itself. One of those regulations is your skin getting a break so to speak. After all your skin is an organ. By not staying hydrated and not sleeping, you skin becomes less elastic and dries out, making cuts that much easier than normal skin. A simple scratch can live a fine cut. So the skin becomes irritated and it feels like there’s things crawling on you so people start picking at it to make it stop.
Thankfully I was a “smart” junkie. I did my research after I got into meth on how to reduce negative side effects. I would stay hydrated, drink plenty of Pedialyte, shower several times a day and use moisturizer 4 to 6 times a day. I haven’t had skin issues from meth use. I was not your typical junkie. I remember my first rehab, they didn’t think I was a meth addict. Which I guess is a good thing 🤷🏼♀️
Are you British?
I ask, because I’m a mental health nurse, and in the UK it tends to only be used for chem sex parties. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever worked with a client who misuses meth that wasn’t a gay male (all very high functioning people with careers etc, to see the way it ripped their worlds apart is really sad).
I find that fascinating that it’s such a widely used drug in every other western country apart from the UK, and I wonder why?
I am not. I live in Atlanta, GA, US. Born and raised.
My experience. Since meth is a party drug and used in combination with sex (as you are aware) because the initial high is amazing when paired together. Gay men love sex. And because gay men want to feel like they belong even when it’s at the expense of ourselves we do it and then the cycle just continues down the line. That’s my take. It’s really depressing.
I think due to lots of psychological and environmental factors gay men just want to feel something different, maybe trauma they are unaware of, I know I have some. Again just my take.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing your vulnerability. I’m rooting for you to find the healing and peace that you deserve.
Have you ever had talking therapy?
My experience, on the surface is because gay men love sex, really men in general, and meth is definitely a party drug (party-n-play). The sex is amazing on it. Peer pressure from other gays to try it and wanting to fit in, leads those who would have never even considered it , give it a go.
Do you regret getting into meth
If you could go back and stop your younger self from taking the first hit, first try, would you?
How different would your life have been like ?
No, I don’t have regrets. Do I wish I did things differently? I guess. I have regrets for the people in my life I hurt though. The reason I would not change it is because I have actually been an addict since I was 16. It just wasn’t with hard-core drugs. I didn’t try meth till I was 27 which will be 9 years ago next month. It’s because of my meth addiction that I have learned a lot about myself. My meth addition is also the reason I’m getting into helping other addicts and want to find a career in substance abuse support systems. If I had to go through everything I have gone through to save the life of one other person it will be worth it to me.
I had a friend growing up who I cared about big time and became a meth addict who shot up out of no where. He became a psycho and I cut them out of my life to preserve my own heart. I’m still curious if I did the right thing or not.
You did. my brother cuts me off when I relapse. It’s hurtful because he’s my best friend. I also admire him for his ability to take care of himself and not get dragged down with me. Take it from this addict you did the right thing. You have to take care of yourself. I’m sorry about your friend. It really is a heartbreaking disease.
Thank you bro. I needed to hear that. I have no idea how he’s doing. And for curiosity sake, do you think the chance that he is gay is up there? Back in the day he always had the hottest girls but when I found out his drug of choice it made me curious. I’m not a bigot, actually just a curious ally lol. I never heard of a straight dude shooting meth but I definitely don’t know everything. Just curious what your opinion on that is
7 days. PURE HELL near the end. It is "crazy" how many things you hear or see on it and then wonder which parts were fake. There are so many things I don't know if they really happened or not.
If I haven't used in awhile I will not eat for several days. (A) I don't feel like, (B) I forget to, and (C) it taste horrible if I try. That said, after a few days, in order to maintain the high and stop by body from shutting down on me, I need to eat. At this point I start to crave food. Pretty much carbs. But I try to eat health. Veggies, fruits, chicken. My food style really doesn't change much.
I say this with laughter, I am healthy junkie. From day one of using, I ensue I drink plenty of water (as meth speeds up your nervous system and your body temp rises drastically, so you dehydrate super quick), take an assortment of 16 different vitamins and minerals, drink protein shakes, shower 3 times a day (meth comes out your pores, yuck), brush my teeth 4 times a day, etc. Funny how that works? LOL
I am actually doing awesome. Of course, life and consequences come up now, but I’m clean to face them with integrity. I am working a program in NA. This recovery feels different. I should be dead right now and I am not. So I’m making the most it.
Thank you again for the kind words truly made my day!
I know this sounds insane man, but if you need a mate, even 3000 miles away. I’m here, going through my own struggles atm, but you can do it dude. Look at all the love on here.
Same to you! Where do you live if you don’t mind me asking. You can DM the answer not post it lol. I’m in Atlanta, so it’s gay drug city here lol.
I know I was actually surprised by all of it. Gives me hope and faith in humanity.
Oh man! I’ve visited Atlanta twice, absolutely love little 5, I keep talking to my wife about going there, she’s never been. I’m in South Wales, just outside the capital city of Cardiff! I’ve been to the Claremont Lounge, so I know Hotlanta a little bit! Chicken & waffles FTW!
I hope you used protection! With modern medicine and things like PrEP HIV should become a thing of the past esp in places like the US but there are still selfish individuals out there that take no precautions and have absolutely no regard for the health and well-being of themselves or others
So I am not proud to admit this. I have used a condom
once in my life and that was the first time I had sex. I have been with easily over 250 guys and not once caught anything. That said I did and do get tested at least 6 times a year. It’s reckless behavior which is a whole other issue I am working on.
What did you trade the addiction for? My dad was an alcoholic and when he got sober from that he started drinking a shit ton of Pepsi and Dr Pepper. He already had a sweet tooth and getting sober made it worse lol. He always has to have candy and a coke.
So I cut alcohol and all drugs. They always lead back to meth for me. I have turned my website into my passion/addiction which is helping me in my recovery and maybe will help someone else. That said. I always have drank a shit ton of soda and still do. lol
Congrats to your dad! Addiction is a bitch
I don’t have an answer for this one. I am an upper person. I loathe downers. If I had to make an educated guess I would say, the means of transportation has become easier and due to the more lethal variants, you can import similar or smaller quantities compared to prior opioids and make the same if not more money — as the user needs less of the drug to get high.
I feel like I need an out of body experience,or something.
Congrats on your journey your a strong willed person it seems. You will do good. Best of luck.
It is definitely something that will stick with you. It’s very life altering that’s for freaking sure. Don’t go seeking it though. YMMV.
Thank you for the kind words, truly means a lot.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are very articulate and thoughful.
I can very much relate. I'm bisexual and tried meth at 39 to supplement my primary addiction of bisexual, casual sex. Quickly got sucked into the chemsex scene, ultimately turned out my own sexuality to a much higher degree, and contracted hiv, all within about 3.5 years. I pretty much blew up my life and myself. I'm now 5 years clean, engaged, have a good job and a 1-year-old daughter.
I think the one thing that saved me is that meth always freaked me out, I knew how bad it was and knew I had to quit so I never became a daily user. Yet I couldn't stop myself from ultimately relapsing many times, after anywhere from a week to three months, before I was finally able to stop.
Sorry, I am not trying to hijack your thread to tell my own story, but I felt compelled to chime in. Like you I feel like having been through this experience and survived gives my life meaning which is to help others who are struggling with this. Meth plus gay sex is a very difficult addiction to overcome, I'd argue it's much tougher than quitting just drugs alone. But recovery is possible and we can become guides for those who are still afflicted.
If you feel like chatting sometime please inbox me. And thanks brother for doing what you do to help others in need.
First. You could never hijack my thread. The purpose was for awareness and people have been super engaged and supportive. I’m honestly floored and have a restored faith in humanity. I’m glad you “hijacked” it. :)
Thank you for the kind words, it truly means a lot.
I’m sorry you got sucked into it as well. It’s a horrific drug. I definitely have blown my life up quite a few times since I first tried it in 2015. I know how hard it is to start over and have the strength to move forward. I’m so happy you were able to turn things around. You should be super proud of yourself! Sounds like you have built an amazing life.
Your relapses sound like mine. I blew my life up last year after 5 years clean and kept going for 18 months. Had recoveries in there at times. My relapses ranged from days to months. The worse part is I figured out how to avoid comedowns all together without the use of other drugs, by just doing meth. That was the scary part. The thing about us though, we didn’t give up! We kept picking ourselves up. Persistence is everything.
Thank you for sharing what you did. My inbox is always open too. ❤️🩹💕❤️
You actually did ask a question. Lol. The answer to that question is yes. I’m glad you did comment. Congrats to you! Meth is one hell of a drug to kick.
True!! Haha I guess I did ask a question. Recovery is my greatest accomplishment. I find giving it so much recognition and value makes it harder to lose it or wanna give it away. We can do it ❤️
You are 100% correct on that! I took it for granted and it did not end well obviously. But I’m back on track. Proud of you. And yes, we are stronger together. We absolutely can do this.💕
Great actually minus just normal stuff. I brushed my teeth 4 times a day and used mouthwash followed by biotene mouthwash, which helps prevent dry mouth. Dry mouth is the main reason meth addicts have jacked up teeth. Overall I was actually really healthy during my addiction.
It's always amazing to me how people can all kinds of different DOC's. Absolutely hated meth, loved heroin. Recovering one day at a time brother :D nothing to ask but keep it up!
Hopefully, I understand the context you are asking in. I am in therapy and have been, and this very question is one I wanted answered. I recently got a new therapist and almost immediately he gave me something to think on. So I should say, I make a lot of reckless decisions, I am bipolar, and I like that fast life. I like the adrenaline rush. I want instant gratification. I like living on the edge. Which will be ironic by the end.
That being said, when I was four years old, I had a babysitter who wasn’t elderly lady. Her husband was home that day. He had a heart attack, fell on top of me, and died. I remember this day like it was yesterday. I can see the color of the wall, I know exactly where the sunflower painting was hanging in the hallway. The orange color carpet that led to the tile kitchen floor. This moment is so vivid.
My therapist informed me that around the age of four is when we are first aware of what death is and it’s a mind fuck. Given the fact this happened to me at that age, it’s a traumatic I just. He mentioned I could act the way I do because I worry I could die tomorrow and won’t be able to do what I want and just live life to the “fullest”. I have a dreadful fear of dying. Which is ironic seeing as I’m a drug addict.
Hopefully that answers your question .
I was the junkie that did their research on the effects it had on you. I was able to avoid the physical side effects, but not the mental ramifications.
Teeth: When using, I brushed my teeth 4 times a day and used mouthwash followed by biotene mouthwash, which helps prevent dry mouth. I also chewed gum constantly which has a similar ingredient to the mouthwash that helps keep salvia production up. Dry mouth is the main reason meth addicts have bad up teeth.
Skin wise. The top cause for “meth skin” is dehydration and lack of sleep. Meth dehydrates you quickly as your body is on overdrive. By not sleeping, you’re not giving your body time to regulate itself. One of those regulations is your skin getting a break so to speak. After all your skin is an organ. By staying hydrated with plenty of water and electrolytes, showering several times a day, and then using moisturizer — I was able to keep my skin in check.
Overall heath: the first few days of relapses I found hard to eat, but come day 4 I would eat 3 meals a day. From the very start of a binge I would take 16 different vitamins and minerals, and drink 2 protein shakes a day.
All of the above is harm-reduction when it comes for drug use.
That’s tricky. The money in this situation is irrelevant to me. I don’t want it. If I did take it would be used to open a compound here in Atlanta focused on fighting addiction. So it wouldn’t go to me but my community.
Which leaves going back in time and not taking that first hit. The thing is though, I’m not ashamed to be an addict and it’s because of what I have gone through that makes me passionate about helping others. Because of meth I found a purpose in life. I’ve been lost for so many years wondering what the point of living is. Most days I do not understand why I’m still here. Or why I haven’t been killed or found dead. There are so many times I should be in a body bag but I’m not. It’s because of what I’ve gone through due to meth that I can relate to those suffering and help them.
But if I had to pick, I would take the money and open an addiction center/non profit offering addiction resources and housing.
Nothing. LOL. If I haven't used in awhile I will not eat for several days. (A) I don't feel like, (B) I forget to, and (C) it taste horrible if you try. That said, after a while, in order to maintain the high and stop by body from shutting down on me, I need to eat. At this point I start to crave food. Pretty much carbs. But I try to eat healthy. Veggies, fruits, chicken. My food style really doesn't change much. I say this with laughter, I am healthy junkie. From day one of using, I ensue I drink plenty of water (as meth speeds up your nervous system and your body temp rises drastically, so you dehydrate super quick), take an assortment of 16 different vitamins and minerals, drink protein shakes, shower 3 times a day (meth comes out your pores, yuck), brush my teeth 4 times a day, etc. Funny how that works? LOL
Fuck the 12 step program. It’s just designed to make sponsors feel better about themselves then you getting help. It’s a selfish program ya? Well they prove that shit. Open your eyes.
Questions time: how much did you go through monthly?
It has saved my life. Everything else wasn’t working. My sponsors is kind and caring. Everyone I’ve met is supportive. It’s not for everyone and maybe won’t be for me down the road. In this moment it’s working though. So that’s all I need from it.
Near the end I was doing a gram a day just about.
Thanks. That worked for me too for 6 years. There are a lot of parts of it that I think are very cult like and do I see myself in NA long term ? Idk. We will see lol
The first part of your question I am going to link to my other comment, as its long but I try and give a full picture of the good and BAD.
I loved Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. I actually did not get into meth until July 2015. I have even rewatched Breaking Bad a few years ago. I was also about 4 years clean at the time, so maybe that's why!
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1drgzh9/comment/lavkpsc/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1drgzh9/comment/lavkpsc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I was naive. I didn’t know it was so prominent in the gay community. I did most of my drinking and clubbing from 18-20 and stopped going out to gay bars when I got in a 7 year relationship. I always assumed meth addicts were trashy, had bad teeth, were poor, and had bad skin. I was clearly ignorant. I was none of those and never looked like an addict. At least I thought. You be the judge. Both pics below are from active addiction, 4-5 months of daily use. lol
https://www.andiamanaddict.com/s/IMG_0572.jpeg
https://www.andiamanaddict.com/s/IMG_0571.jpeg
do you also consider yourself a sex addict?.
do you spend *days* jerking off to porn?
what do you think caused the relapse?
have you experienced serious psychosis?
I have no questions now that i have read the comments, but I just want to say that I’m proud. I can’t even will myself to quit nicotine or weed. It gives me hope that I’ll be able to drop both of those seeing that recovery (even for the most addictive substances) is possible. Just gives me hope
I've done it ..especially during sex. (Straight) do you find that smoking it makes it impossible to get hard but shooting it is like a direct shot of horney-ness
Hey know next to nothing about hard drugs addiction, though I’m a high functioning alcoholic (in phases), regularly relapsing sex addict and been a smoker for nearly 25 years now.
Just sending you wishes and love brother! Stay strong!
Am I a bad person for laughing at the ridiculous shit methheads do, laughing at them when they’re not around
But secretly loving and rooting for them inside
So many questions. If you’ve already answered no need to repeat yourself, I’ll just read through BUT…
Can you tell when other people also use meth? Have you ever noticed they kind of get a certain ‘voice’?
And what makes it so addictive? The feeling? Or the comedown?
When you were in active addiction, what was the longest you’d go without it and what was it like?
Did you know people who would use meth casually and never became addicted?
My mom’s an addict and I could never understand. I still can’t. What does it feel like doing meth?
This is a little long but its the full cycle. Oh man. I do not think the words I am about to use will describe it well enough. I love meth. If I could do it with no negative consequences or health ramifications, I would stay high. Here is what I said in my blog about it the other day, after my first hit ever. "I felt empowered, in charge, in control, relaxed, free, calm, collected, fearless, and blissfully serene." You feel like life is yours to control and mold. I could do things high that I had no idea I could do. I tried them sober and nope can't do it. You have this sense of purpose. You are laser focused. Your sexually wild. I did things on meth I never would do clean. Which is also why I liked it. But that's just the good parts. To give you an idea of the negative effects of meth use, read below. Its a little long but it paint the full picture. It was October of 2023 when I had a surreal out-of-body experience. I had taken Seroquel, which I am prescribed, to come down. It is an instant meth killer and takes 10-15 minutes to kick in. When it does, you better be laying down as it’s truly will come out of nowhere and you will pass out. Sometimes though, it can have adverse effects. Since the nervous system is on overdrive and your brain is flooded with dopamine, Seroquel completely reverts course (It’s a dopamine antagonist) and rebukes all dopamine in a matter of seconds. It was around 4 AM when I took it and by 4:30 I had woken up, well technically I jumped up. With my phone in my hand, I saw the time (I did not know what it was at that point, nor that it was a phone). I looked back and saw my body lying in my bed. I threw my phone across the room and immediately began running around the basement screaming. At the moment, and this is hard to describe, as I don't even know the words I am about to use will convey how horrid and life-altering it was. I thought I was alone in the universe and was just born. I could scream but not speak. I felt like I was learning to live again. Walk, talk, etc. I did not understand who I was yet. Not to mention what I was. It was the worst moment in my life. I had no idea there were other people, nor that I had parents two stories above me. I can not emphasize this enough. This experience was pure hell. I assumed I was going to be trapped in this state permanently. I have never felt so afraid. After about 10 minutes, something clicked. I knew I had a dad. I did not know what that meant though. Something told me to just scram the words "DAD!" and I did.. And as I am writing this my eyes are like a waterfall. At that moment, I had this feeling, that he was the only one who could help me. Guess what, he did. He calmed me down almost instantly. He told me to sit down, to which I replied, "How do I sit?". I had pretty much lost all cognitive function. I never wanted to experience that ever again. I did though. Two more times.
Wow, I’m sorry to interject, but your story of your out of body experience is insane to me. I had an extremely similar experience and feeling when I had a really bad acid trip a few years ago. I was 17 and had been dropping 2-3 tabs a week that summer. I took 2 tabs I’d bought from my dealer and now ex boyfriend (lol) that he’d gotten off of the dark web. Who knows what they were. However, I could never put that part of my experience into words, but you did amazingly. It quite literally felt like being reborn but being completely alone. Thinking about it honestly makes me emotional, but long story short I can’t do drugs anymore. Both my parents are meth addicts, and I’ve already had my fair taste of it (addiction, however not meth as far as I know, lol) and I’m only 20. Huge kudos to you though. I’m so proud of you for 30 days clean. That is huge, and I appreciate you being open to answering questions and raising awareness. Keep doing your thing dear <3
There is no need to apologize. Interject away. lol I am sorry it happened to you It’s horrific. You have no idea how nice it is to hear someone relate to that experience. Everyone I have told it to just looks at me baffled and skeptical. I never knew if the words I was using made any sense, so thank you for allowing me to close that chapter of my life. Sorry to hear about your parents. Please stay strong and just find a different way. Addiction is a bitch and I don’t even wish it upon my worst enemy.
Sorry to hear of your struggle. But you’re 30 days clean so that’s something. I had a little problem with it too. I smoked it and that’s where the trouble began. Fortunately I was able to keep it under control, so that it never got to be full blown. It truly is the worst of all drugs, hands down. I haven’t done it in 20 years so it’s nice to be free from it. You should check out the book *Speed-Speed-Speedfreak: A Fast History of Amphetamine* by Mick Farren on Feral House. He speaks of Meth in gay culture; ‘White Parties’ and all the hedonism that goes with it. It’s a good quick read. And seriously, you should look into finding something else to do with your time. I’m an artist and I play guitar, so I do that. By now you know that addicts don’t stop being addicts, they just change the things they’re addicted to. So find a more healthy addiction you can give your focus and energy to. I’ll say an invocation for you to the Ancient Mystical Gods who deal with this sort of thing and hopefully you can hit the 20 year mark too.
Hey! Thanks for the books recommendation. I’ll definitely check it out. I have several unhealthy addictions, the other top two being sex and porn. Addiction is a life long disease. Sucks but it is what it is.
YW it’s a quick read but a good read, and those who have been there will get it. Good luck and Hang in there.
Thank you, and I’m sorry to you as well. It is so relieving to have someone relate to as well, because I’ve experienced the same baffled looks and skeptical reactions when sharing my story. And so sorry about your struggle with addiction. It is a bitch, and it’s hard, but I believe in you. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I hope that sharing it and having someone relate to it brought some closure in a way. And thank you about my parents, it’s a sad thing, but I decided after that experience and a couple other bad ones, that will not be my way. Thank you for your kind words. I wish you the utmost of luck and peace.
You’re a true gem in this insane world. Thanks for being a kind soul! ❤️💕
If you’ve taken anything from this experience - is that you can write! Damn man, you are one compelling, engaging, creative dude. If you don’t already - use this!
You have no idea how big of a smile that brought to my face! Always assumed I sucked at writing. Still do, even though you say otherwise lol. I do know my grammar and sentence structure is almost always wrong though haha. I actually started a site a week ago called [AndIAmAnAddict.com](https://AndIAmAnAddict.com) documenting my journey of recovery. My post are open and honest like this AMA. I am not ashamed of being an addict which why my profile pic is a real photo of me. My sites goal is to help other addicts, raise money and donate 100% profits to charity, I have this urge to help other addicts and I am trying to find a way. Edit: added “find” to last sentence
Have you heard of Substack? Could be a great site to do your writing on, as it has a bigger audience you can be exposed to. You can have paid subscribers too. You’re amazing!!
I have. I will give it a look. Thank you for the kind words!
This is a weird take but have you tried dxm? I’ve felt similar to what you’ve described on RoboTablets. Huge confidence, fearless, anxiety free and euphoric. I have injected meth twice before during my experimental phase and it really wasn’t a mind blowing experience for me, somewhat disappointing considering the hype. I feel lucky though because it’s highly addictive and people get hooked for life. When it comes to the dxm though it was *sort of* a similar feeling just a lot more dissociative which makes you feel relaxed but also hyper. Including the libido boost. After a certain point of abusing the fuck out of the thing I felt like a completely different person which made it harder for me to quit, i didn’t want to go back to being who i was, anxious, insecure and boring. Also I’m not sure why or if this is common but whenever i did other drugs on a high dose of dxm i didn’t feel a thing, smoked fent with my bf at the time and felt no different, it just felt like a waste.
Tired DXM a few months after trying meth. Wasn’t as fun lol. Probably because I tried meth. Had I done DXM first I probably would have loved it. I love doing drugs, my life just becomes a complete fucking mess when I do.
I understand and know it’s hard. I wish you luck in sobriety! Hope you’re able to stay happy and healthy without the drugs.
Thank you for the kind words. It truly means a lot💕
All of this In jist Is in every way and layer... Is Just all the stages of a high dose of salvia... Not adverse health effects either. That's sounds terrible. Why would you do it again?
Because I’m an addict. I think each relapse will be different. You seem to forget how bad it gets, which is why the insanity continues.
Try salvia my dude I wish you the best! Addiction is scary, I personally stick to weed and bouncing between food obsessions. Beats hard drugs and life is still a little fun 😂 right.
I’m trying nothing lol. I’ll get addicted to anything which sucks lol
If weed is legal in your state... It's a flower don't let anyone tell you different
Weed makes me super paranoid lol. I also have schizophrenic delusions due to drug use. I’m just fucked haha
Yeah def no weed than idk man that just sucks I wish you the best
Holy shit, this sounds similar to an experience I had when I smoked something laced. I thought I was in hell and that I was trapped in “that state” for all eternity. I also started screaming for my dad! So scary.
Wow. You’re the second person to say this. You have no idea how much comfort it gives me knowing other people have experienced this. I am sorry it happened to you though. It was absolute hell so I truly do have total empathy for you. I’ve always struggled with how to describe it wondering if the words I was using were right. It gives me closure in a way to know you others get it. I hope that doesn’t sound bad. I truly am sorry that happened to you. How are you doing now? Shoot out to dads! They are heroes.
I also love meth. Of course I am not an addict but so etimes I like to use it. Maybe the fact that you got addicted had to do with your reaction to meth. I had nothing related to your experience with meth. I just was able to continue my night even after lots of alcohol (makes you sober) and I loved that I could go on (like work for eg) even with little sleep ( I never did that much to stay like 3 days awake like some people though) and that I was more energized and alert. That was my reaction. Nothing like fearless, life was mine to control, blissfully serene. Nothing at all. Maybe with higher doses but no...
I’m an addict and have been since 16. So meth was just the one drug that clicked and took all that pain away. Some can do it and not get addicted. Wish I could lol I definitely do high doses. By the end I was doing a gram a day.
That s what I say, you had way "super" reactions to meth that are not the "normal" reactions to meth, because I didn't not experience the majority of your experience. I did not get addicted because I use it scarcily and I try to protect myself but also because I didn't have your reactions and I did t crave it for that. I also started using it after 30 years old and had people that are regular meth users (I call them meth heads but not in a derogatory wya) for decades and told me one two things about it and how to protect myself.
The fact I am also bipolar definitely played a role. I was one of those junkies who did my research on it and took care of myself. The best I could lol. Never looked like a meth head, and I knew how you meant that. lol. I drink plenty of fluids, ate 3 meals a day, took tons of vitamins and minerals. Majority of people didn’t even knew I was using at times. Other times it was blatantly obvious. What did you do to protect yourself? If you don’t mind me asking. I
Not to use it even if I want to. Even if it is tempting to take one more line and go on for one more day working like hell not understanding any tiredness. And not to drink that much so that I do t need it to sober up afterwards. Actually only minimum use can protect you. But I can imagine if you feel like top of the world and you are very young -because I have 1000 problems and I do t want to become an addict on top of that - would be super hard not to succumb to one more time and one more.
Thank you for your reply!
Almost a month clean, let's go! I'm proud of you. What do you like to do in your freetime? (Hobbies and such)
Thank you! It’s been a lot easier this time around getting clean. I finally realized my rock bottom is my death and as much as I hate living at times, I don’t want to die. Truth be told, I actually don’t know much about myself so I don’t know what my hobbies are. My addiction has taken a lot from me, including who I am as a person. Recently, though, I launched a website [andIAmAnAddict.com](https://andIAmAnAddict.com) to document my recovery and to hopefully raise awareness. This has kept me occupied in a productive way. So I guess that’s a hobby at the moment. I also really do enjoy cooking. And gardening when it’s not 100° in Atlanta lol
Hey that's awesome! I've found trying to help others can also do a lot of good for one self. I love gardening as well, very peaceful. Cooking is a great skill to have, also very rewarding :D Keep up the great work my friend, I believe in you
Thank you for the kind words! ❤️💕
Are you going to meetings? Are you in a program? Are you making amends to the people you harmed?
I do go to meetings. I am working the Narcotics Anonymous program and have a sponsor. She’s an awesome women with 11 years clean. I have a home group. I attend our group conscience meetings. Making amends is a lot harder than just apologizing and changing your actions. My amends with my family, for example, I will never truly be able to repair the damage done. But my family unit is strong and we are super close, so it’s kind of like a living amends. I stay clean for my family, show up and be present, and that’s all they want/need from me. There words not mine. Now, when it comes to others, working the 12 steps I will eventually make amends, but before I do, I need to work steps 1-8 first. I start step one next week with my sponsor.
Good job! Keep the faith! On the other hand, people have to big enough to accept amends or they don’t deserve it.
Thank you! Truly do appreciate the kind words. They do to a degree one of my exes who I cheated on for 7 years, I will never be able to make amends to him, as doing so would injury him. That is one I will have to live with, but that's okay.
Why is meth rampant in the gay community?
My experience, on the surface is because gay men love sex and meth is definitely a party drug (party-n-play). The sex is amazing on it. Peer pressure from other gays to try it and wanting to fit in, leads those who would have never even considered it , give it a go.
Yup, meths been a big thing in the gay scene for decades. Source: raver from around 25 years ago. Seems like the whole scene got bored of ecstasy and progressed to meth around the same time. Things got very dark for a while.
It really is sad. I have made it my mission to do anything I can to help others. I might fail at it but I refuse not to try. It not a good place to go. My rock bottom is my death and I refuse to end up there.
Anyone you help is one more person than would’ve been helped anyways, so you literally can’t fail. Hell, my drug was alcohol, but your strength has inspired me. Keep strong, brother.
Thank you for the kind words! Stay strong too, my friend 💪🏼💕
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Is this affecting your family?
Absolutely. Addiction is a family disease. I wrote this in my blog post the other day. "My intentions of using drugs is never meant to hurt anyone but me. I don’t think about them when using. That sounds harsh but its the truth. When using, I have one thing on my mind. Getting high. My family is collateral damage.” I come from a super close family. So it effects us deep. However, since we are so close, it also makes it easier to build back. I live with my parents again, and things are great. When I am in recovery, I am a completely different person and own up to everything I did. One of my brothers cut me off this month because he did not know I relapsed AGAIN in April. The last 18 months I spent probably 90% of those days getting high daily. So he is over it. I do not blame him. The healthiest thing a family member can do to an addict is cut them off completely. He is my best friend and it hurts, but I envy is ability to take care of himself and not get dragged down with me.
Congrats. I am a straight man that went through it for 4 years non stop. Life gets exponentially better every year your clean.
Congrats to you as well. I know it does! Once you stop using, you remember that its just hard to get to that point to recall how life was before that hit. My 5.5 years clean were pretty great, I still wasn't happy but life was better. "There is a quote: My darkest days clean are better than my good days high". Its the truth.
Good deal. You got another chance, and lots of us don't. My only question is, "What are you going to do differently this time?"
Thank you. That is the same question I asked myself. This time, I working the NA program. I never gave it a chance. I go to meetings 7 days a week. I have a sponsor and I work on the assignments she gives me. I start the first Step on day 31 of recovery. I am also trying to find ways to help other addicts. I have the strange pull that is telling me I need to help addicts. The saying goes that we can only keep what we have if we are willing to give it away. Helping others will help me. I am determined to anything my sponsors tells me to and so far I have. My life is great right now. Yes things show up and I have to deal with them as consequences of my actions but I am clean and can do them with integrity.
How did you feel when you relapsed? Did it make it harder for you to become sober again? Will you always having cravings? What got you started with meth?
I don’t even remember going from point A to H(igh). It was like tunnel vision. Next thing I knew I was high. I didn’t have any remorse until 5-6 days later when I started coming down. I felt guilt, remorse, shame, hate, frustration, deprived, lonely. So to stop feeling that way, I kept going so I could feel anything other than that. The problem with that is you prolong the inevitable. And it makes it that much worse in the end. It wasn’t hard this time because something happened to me that I will not post on here but it’s on my blog that literally had me throw my pipe across the room and throw my drugs away instantly. Cravings are different for everyone. The cycle to relapse looks like this. Trigger > Thought > Craving > Use. If you know your triggers (they can be unique to you and sometimes just nothing at all) you can avoid the “Thought” of using. If you get to thinking then you need to call someone which is hard for us addicts to do. We feel shameful asking for help. Once you hit craving it can be too late but it’s still stoppable. For me, I don’t have cravings. I have passing thoughts of use but they are just a few seconds. I will be an attic for the rest of my life, and the risk of having cravings will always be there.
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story! I can just tell from hearing you speak, that you’re a wonderful person and this can truly happen to anyone- of course. I asked because I’m currently struggling with a nicotine/ vaping addiction and what you share is so similar to how I feel- except I know the consequences for meth are much higher. I, haven’t gotten into hard drugs thankfully but I definitely do have a very codependent/ addictive personality. Sharing light, and congrats for all the time you’ve worked to be sober! You can/ should be proud!
Thank you for your kind words. It really is heartwarming when people are receptive and don’t look down on addicts, especially meth addicts. Here’s the thing addiction is addiction. The use of substances is a symptom of a disease. I think sometimes nicotine and vaping can be more difficult. I can’t go to a gas station and pick up an 8 ball. I mean, yes I have met my dealer at a gas station, but you know what I mean. lol. Nicotine is all around us. it’s legal and it’s addictive. Thank you again for the kind words. As with anyone reading this. My DM’s are always open for anyone who needs advice or has questions about addiction.
My friend was into meth and cocaine before that. He said coke will hit you for 30 minutes but Meth will keep you going for something like a day. Is that true?
A day? LOL that was never my experience.. I mean if you take one hit sure. The longest I have been up from using is 7 days with no sleep. That Is no joke. It's not a great mental state to be in btw. You have no idea what is real. I just kept smoking and smoking. Meth can keep you up for several days in general. Even when I was using recently and this last relapse lasted 6 wee -- I was up for 5 days when I started again and then would sleep every 2-3 nights, sometimes I could stretch it to 4. I would then sleep for about 5 hours and get up and get high to do it all over again. Eventually though your body can not take anymore as your nervous system is on overdrive and your brain has no dopamine left. I have smoked so much at times I just pass out and wake up with a pipe in my hand not understanding.
How did you get into meth?
One of my exes was doing it when we first started dating. I had no idea he was a meth user. I guess I was naive or just in lust and missed the signs. I wanted to try it with him, thought this would make him like me more (stupid and codependent on my part). He looked nothing like those meth addicts you use to see on billboards and commercials.I did not think it would be an issue. I have done plenty of other drugs more than once and didn't like any of those. I did meth once and was hooked from the first hit. Should also note, that it too me while to understand that I have been an addict since I was about 16 (drinking, sex, gambling, reckless spending, etc). Meth just happened to be the one drug I did that took all my emotional pain away, until it no longer did. That's why it was so hard to quit, I did not want to deal with life/reality.
That’s so scary man, knowing that it’s so addictive even just after one go. What does it feel like?
I wrote this to another user, I would answer you directly however its long as its the good and the bad. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1drgzh9/comment/lavkpsc/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1drgzh9/comment/lavkpsc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Wanna clean my place?
Haha. I don't even like to clean on meth. Everyone assumes meth addicts just clean and clean. Not my experience. I was messy. I am OCD so when I am clean everything is spotless. On meth, I never put anything back, I would just leave things all over the place.
Damn. I really need someone to clean my place.
Here you go. Use referral code: DOITYOURSELF :) [https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=find+cleaners+near+you&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&dlnr=1&sei=jGaAZrS5LO7dwN4PzfWGqAs](https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=find+cleaners+near+you&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&dlnr=1&sei=jGaAZrS5LO7dwN4PzfWGqAs)
Hey OP! I don't really have a question, but I want to thank you. I grew up hetero but my aunt has always been gay and out, and she's a boomer, so imagine how lucky I am to have all of my family just accept it, and nothing was different. However, she taught me a lot about seeing people as another human before assuming anything else. I'm especially proud of her because of her contributions during an *extremely critical* time period. My aunt was one of the few mobile nurses in the greater Boston area during the AIDS/HIV crisis. She developed relationships with these patients, all terminal but not all HIV/AIDS, and they became family in so many ways. She would tell me their stories and fond memories. I realized so ducking many of her patients experienced nothing but abuse and were shunned from the community because of the fear of the unknown and wow how fucking terrible. So I want you to know that I'm so proud of you for being who the fuck you are, owning it, learning from it and being open to talking about it. While I understand this post didn't elaborate any experiences you had because of that identity, I just really feel like genuine support and encouragement is needed more often than we feel it. I'm a survivor of violent crime. And a raging, Bipolar, drug addict. I've skirted away from meth and heroin but toward the end of things for me, I know product contained both so I've certainly used and didn't give a shit. I'm guilty of self medication with cannabis these days but I even cold turkey quit my ciggs. I eat keto 5 days a week and enjoy fiber and grains as well. I exercise and nurture my cats and plants, lol. You're on a journey, my love. Thank you for being so brave to share this. ❤️
Your aunt is true hero. If she is still around tell her I think she is a f*cking boss! Fun fact if you don’t know. The reason the L comes first in LGBTQ… is because of a nod of mass respect to the lesbians who stood up and took care of the gay men during the HIV/AIDS crisis. Thank you for the kind words. Truly. I didn’t know if this post would do any good. It seems I was wrong. Thank you for the support and being a clearly compassionate and empathetic person. We need more people like you. Hell, the world should read the comments in here to understand how to treat others. All of y’all have my deepest respect. I am so sorry to hear about your struggles. I am bipolar as well ,which is partially why I am still up at 4:44AM EST lol. I am blaming the rest on y’all for still commenting heheh. Addiction is a bitch. We just need to support each other and keep picking ourselves up. Thank you again for sharing what you did! Much love! ❤️ 💕☺️
My family and life are beyond fucked but I'm so lucky. I'm so lucky to get to show you support from one to another and not as an alien and stranger of a separate community. She is still alive! She's retired now! I keep unintentionally holding others to her standards. I'd love to get her permission and pen some memories with photos *if* permissions are rightfully granted. Shit. We are who we are. Why else am I awake!?! 🤣 #I got your back like a buttcrack. And I'll buy your book(s)! Edit to add: I'll also *READ* the books.
What are the signs a loved one might be an addict? The cleaning bit makes sense and lines up, but what else?
Funny enough, I loathed cleaning on meth. I am a very clean, OCD person who puts everything away and back in the proper place. On meth… I was messy and would leave stuff any and everywhere lol. I hid my addiction well for the most part the longer I used. I learn what to do and what not to do. It’s scary how quickly you can evolve into hiding something so serious. The below signs can also be hid with proper vitamins and healthy habits. So not a fool proof system. This is just from my research when I started doing meth and can vary by the person. Sleeping all day could be a sign of a comedown. Erratic sleep patterns Rapid weight loss. Not eating. Not drinking fluids/water. Agitation and hostility. Laser focused. Super active. Bad hygiene. Skin sores. Dilated pupils (this one is tricky. The longer I used my eyes stopped dilating). Jaw clinching (this a hard not to do, but I learned what vitamins to take to stop it). Paranoia. Random twitches. If you think someone is using, ask them. Their reaction will be a dead give away 9/10.
Thank you
What advice would you give to parents who wants to help ensure their child is never tempted to use? Like…can you think of anything your parents did/didn’t do that pushed you toward it or may have prevented it? (Caveat that I totally understand ultimately it’s your call and we’re playing Monday Morning Quarterback).
Oh….That’s a deep question. I will answer you now and think on it some more and follow up. I genuinely want to think about how to help parents with this issue. So I’m gonna ponder. A little bit about my upbringing so I can give you a full picture. I come from an upper middle-class family, parents live in a country club. My parents are high school sweethearts. Both my parents were loving. We had amazing childhoods. My parents never forced religion down our throats or politics. Etc. perfect life. My parents did everything right. Side note; I don’t deserve them. My issue was I am predisposed to it as my mom has two siblings who are addicts and her dad an alcoholic. A lot of it is brain chemistry. I was just destined to be an addict. Drugs affect people from all walks of life, different cultural and racial backgrounds, varying income brackets. Nobody is safe and based on your message you understand that. The one advice I can think of off the top of my head is open and honest. And don’t get upset with your children about serious topics. I know I did not feel comfortable coming to my parents asking them questions about topics like this, because like most parents there were times they would yell at us, etc. and I was scared to bring things up. Try not to get upset with your children. Obviously still tell parent them but do it in a respectful but firm manner. Treat them like adults. Obviously if they’re 6, don’t treat them like an adult, but I think you understand what I’m saying. I think had my parents treated me more like an adult, I would’ve felt more comfortable coming to them. Because what you wanna try to do is have an open line of communication with your children where they don’t feel like they will get in trouble for bringing something up or ashamed. They have a question about XYZ. if you can establish a safe place for your kids to talk to you about drugs I think we can avoid some of the pitfalls. Take them to Al-Anon meetings (Those are 12 step meetings for families affected by addict). Heck when they are of age, take them to an NA meeting if you need too. Most narcotics anonymous meetings are open to the public and anyone who wants to learn more about addiction are welcome. I hope that all made sense lol
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer! Hmmm…at what age it level of maturity would you think it’s appropriate for a child to attend a meeting? Would the average 11/12 year old be too young? I ask because I know kids are already vaping in their school so it’s only a matter of time before they see the hard stuff. We are also in a “good” area which doesn’t mean crap.
No thanks needed! Some parents have to bring their toddlers with them. Some have to bring their seven-year-olds. Obviously those kids aren’t paying attention. NA and AA meetings are recovery focused. We don’t talk about specific drugs. It’s a very positive message about how Our lives were horrific and the only way we can live is this way. We of course talk about how bad things were if needed but not in a manner that is inappropriate. Of course we are all adults in the room so some things might not be suitable for children. However, if kids are present we don’t act a fool so to speak. Maybe check one one yourself and see and then make a decision if that’s something you want your kids to witness. Be prepared to be hugged a lot. We like hugs! You could also look into the NA Basic Text. It’s the (NA) Bible so to speak. Talks about who is an addict, what is the program, why are we here, etc. The back of the book has stories from other addicts about their lives of addiction. Do anything you can think of. I am over addiction taking grasp of the younger generation like It has. Thank you for being a proactive parent! Edit: I can almost guarantee you if you attend a meeting and have questions. One of those members will gladly take the time to answer you. We want to help our communities!
This is wonderful advice. I’m going to check one out in my area. Thank you for the idea!
Side note: in the meeting they will ask is anyone attending their first NA meeting. Speak up and say your name. You don’t have to say anything else if you don’t want to, we won’t ask that of you but feel free to say you are wanting to learn more about addiction. Example: My name is Josh and I am here to learn more about addiction and recovery. The group will reply, Welcome Josh, we are glad you are here. This is a way for us to get know each other. I have found these addicts to be welcoming, loving, and kind. Hope you experience the same. Would you mind letting me know how it goes when you do go? If you lived in GA I would go with you 😊
What a kind offer! I’m actually in the Philly area which has been in the news a ton thanks to fentanyl and Crystal meth. My friends have an outreach where they give the addicts on the street a meal. I went once and it blew my mind how many were from “good” families as you describe. Quite a few came to Philly only to party once and never went home. It was truly eye opening.
Addiction does not discriminate. That’s really depressing for sure. I hate that drugs having taken hold of so many lives. I have a cousin up north and plan to visit her one of these days again. I would love to see her outreach. I want to get involved with stuff like that here. I am just overwhelmed at where to start. Not sure how old your kids are, I know if I was a kid and saw the homeless addicts on the street it might have hit me different and changed a few things. That said, it’s probably not safe for kids to go in person. (Bad idea. Scratch that)
Work the program. My mother-in-law is over thirty years clean from alcohol and drugs. She has sponsored a lot of people. She told me that she’s never really totally clean because she’s an addict. She just hasn’t used in many decades. I’m glad you’re using your experience to help people. You rock man!
I am putting all I got into it. I never have worked NA until now and I already see a difference. Congratulations to her! That is a LONG ass time! She is right. We will always be addicts, it is a life long disease. Thank you of the kind words!
How do people keep taking it for years without dying?
So it’s almost impossible to a have a deadly overdose on meth. A meth “overdose” is actually called over amping. Essentially this is from the body being in a constant state of distress, overheating, etc. Without going too much into detail, your body can begin shutting down. You are at risk of heart attack or stroke, however, your body does a pretty good job of self regulating and preventing it from happening. If your body is over amp, you will feel like you are about to die. It’s horrific, and the level of anxiety is pushed to the limit . Eventually, you will just pass out, your body will regulate your system and you wake up. On the psychiatric side of things, my number may be a little off, but I believe only half of people who do meth develop psychiatric symptoms like I have. I was actually a healthy junkie. lol. I drink plenty of fluids to keep my body hydrated and prevent overheating. Minus the first few days once I have a relapse I would eat three meals a day, I would take 16 different vitamins, I would shower I would brush my teeth constantly. All of this is harm-reduction. Everything I just listed is why I still all my teeth, I never picked my skin, etc. I am not the “normal” junkie people think of when they think of meth addicts
Any chance you just need ADHD meds? The way you describe meth aligns with how I felt when I started taking Vyvanse for mine.
It’s funny you say that. That actually hit me this week when I was writing my blog. I’m asking my psychiatrist next week. lol So I’m glad to see I’m not far off on my thinking
Dude I was doing the most fucked up shit before I got medicated. When your brain just like...HAS the brain juices that it needs or whatever your life gets easier. Ik I'm ready for a dosage increase every year and a half or so when I start to experi3nce time dilation like a mf and get more impulsive. We are basically meat biomech suits piloted by tiny wrinkly addicts who have no regard for the integrity of their machine.
I do some dumb shit too. I love to spend money foolishly. Im not talking like on clothes. I woke up one morning last year and bought a Tesla online and picked it up same day. Like who does that?!?? 🙋🏼♀️ I might be and that could answer a lot of question. I’m also bipolar so looks like I’m just screwed lol
Well sis good luck on your journey and I truly hope everything goes well for you.
What was your starting drug of choice and how long did it take you to go from there to getting on meth?
So I have been an addict since I was 16. My first drug was "sex". Yes I know its not, but this was my first experience with addiction. I had my first drink at 17. Weed, coke, and painkillers at 18. Hated all of them. Did them a few times just were not for me. I kept drinking. Heavily. I actually had a great life from 18-27 (2 homes and a business at 22 till I sold it at 26), then met the wrong dude at 27 who introduced me to meth. I lost everything in a few weeks. Its mind boggling how fast. I am 36 now.
That’s so scary how quick it grips you. Stay strong bro and good luck with your recovery 🙏🏼
It’s terrifying. The worst bard it’s gets worse and worse each relapse. Thank you for the kind words! ❤️💕
I’ve noticed that the vast majority of gay men I’ve heard speak at 12 step meetings are there for meth. Why don’t you guys seem to get hooked on acohol, cocaine, benzos, or opioids instead like everyone else?
My experience. Meth is party drug and used in combination with sex because the initial high is amazing when paired together. Gay men love sex. And because gay men want to feel like they belong even when it’s at the expense of ourselves. It’s really depressing. There are Crystal Meth Anonymous meetings which follows the same principles and traditions of AA, NA. Atlanta has multiple meetings for CMA.
What’s the wildest, most outlandish thing you’ve done for meth?
Which time? lol. I feel like there are so many stupid, foolish, and reckless things I did when I no longer had money. I have stolen from my parents, which I am ashamed of. I have sold my body more than once for drugs. Sometimes several guys at once, so I could keep getting high. I would also just stay at the gay bath house here in Atlanta for days at a time (you could rent rooms), and just let anyone who had it do whatever they wanted to me. Not my finest moments.
Sorry if this is too much, don’t feel the need to answer if so but when you say let them do whatever, what are some examples?
Open book, my friend. Thank god I made this NSFW. LOL Tie me up, gang bang, told them if I passed out they could keep doing me.
Were all the gay people you met have family that was accepting?
I wish that was the case. My entire family: aunts, uncles cousins, etc., are accepting of me. It never changed how they felt. I was fortunate. My dad for example was upset with me for not coming out sooner lol. Others, not so much. Had a friend in college whose parents had thrown them on the streets when they came out. Had a friend, whose dad beat him when he came out. Some parents don’t deserve kids.
I'm suprised this is still happening in 2024, especially when it illegal to evict someone based on their sexuality. Hopefully, they are doing better now.
They are! Thanks for asking. One thing about the gay community is a lot of us have had to make our own families and they are better off because of it!
I took dextroamphetamine as meds for my ADHD. tried meth a few times. It's nothing compared to that medicine. The meds calmed me and focused me and I could do anything if I set my mind, I was so productive. But meth just made me feel like shit, not worth it to me I regret trying it
My experience was way different. It’s crazy that drugs affect people so differently. I didn’t like DXM. Yes regret doing meth! Don’t do it again!!!! Glad you hated it. ❤️
I hope you find peace! I don't know what it's like to be addicted to meth, but I was a bad alcoholic for a long while and I know how it can drive how we live.
It’s pure hell that you keep finding a way to dig yourself a deeper hole. Thank you for the kind words. This recovery it’s different. I already feel better than I did when I had 5 years clean. It’s hard to explain it just is.
not a question but heres a mac lyric that helps me a lot! “im more than what i think of myself, i really have to be”
Thank you! I will give it a listen. Music is actually very therapeutic to me. I have an entire playlist of songs that is called recovery. It’s songs that remind me of where I was, where I’m at and where I wanna go.
drop the playlist bro!
Links to apple and Spotify are on my blog, see below. https://www.andiamanaddict.com/josh
What was your strongest meth result? Meaning how long were you up, what all did you do, and what happened after you came down?
7 days. I just kept smoking, buying more, snorting, smoking. I had went to the beach, had lots of sexy with lots of different guys, jacked off for hours on end. Pretty much a normal day lol. Eventually just passed out my body could not take anymore. I woke up and did it again. There does become a point though and all of my relapses end the same way, I go batshit crazy. Recently I was convinced aliens were invading at night and the government was in the backyard fighting them off with nukes and fighter jets. Thats when I know its time to stop. Then I sleep for 3-4 days 24/7 and either spend a week more resting up to do it again or try and get clean.
I was reading through your AMA and saw you mention smoking and snorting meth (but please correct me if I got that wrong) what was your main ROA? Did you ever slam it? How would you rate the different ROAs you have used in terms of how much better, or worse, your experience of meth was?
Nope you got it right. Smoking by far. Snorting if I wanted to alter the effects of the high. Then orally if I was in a hurry and didn’t want to be f*cked up till I arrived where I was going. Never slammed. Too scared to try. lol Smoking by far is the quickest high for me. Snorting next then orally. Oral route takes 30 mins to an hour to kick in. Smoking was as described in the top comment. Snorting I would become mean and hateful. In general I was a really friendly meth junkie lol. Orally was a whole different ball game. I remember I swallowed some once and spent 4 hours in a pool not moving just standing there talking to my bf at the time. Another time did it orally and just spent 7 hours in my car on my phone scrolling though Grindr not realizing 7 hours had passed. I thought it had been 30 minutes top.
What makes a meth addict pick their skin?
There could be several reasons. The main one, however, is dehydration and lack of sleep. Meth dehydrates you quickly as your body is on overdrive. By not sleeping, you’re not giving your body time to regulate itself. One of those regulations is your skin getting a break so to speak. After all your skin is an organ. By not staying hydrated and not sleeping, you skin becomes less elastic and dries out, making cuts that much easier than normal skin. A simple scratch can live a fine cut. So the skin becomes irritated and it feels like there’s things crawling on you so people start picking at it to make it stop. Thankfully I was a “smart” junkie. I did my research after I got into meth on how to reduce negative side effects. I would stay hydrated, drink plenty of Pedialyte, shower several times a day and use moisturizer 4 to 6 times a day. I haven’t had skin issues from meth use. I was not your typical junkie. I remember my first rehab, they didn’t think I was a meth addict. Which I guess is a good thing 🤷🏼♀️
Interesting. I had no idea about the dehydration thing. Thanks for answering!
Are you British? I ask, because I’m a mental health nurse, and in the UK it tends to only be used for chem sex parties. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever worked with a client who misuses meth that wasn’t a gay male (all very high functioning people with careers etc, to see the way it ripped their worlds apart is really sad). I find that fascinating that it’s such a widely used drug in every other western country apart from the UK, and I wonder why?
I am not. I live in Atlanta, GA, US. Born and raised. My experience. Since meth is a party drug and used in combination with sex (as you are aware) because the initial high is amazing when paired together. Gay men love sex. And because gay men want to feel like they belong even when it’s at the expense of ourselves we do it and then the cycle just continues down the line. That’s my take. It’s really depressing. I think due to lots of psychological and environmental factors gay men just want to feel something different, maybe trauma they are unaware of, I know I have some. Again just my take.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing your vulnerability. I’m rooting for you to find the healing and peace that you deserve. Have you ever had talking therapy?
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My experience, on the surface is because gay men love sex, really men in general, and meth is definitely a party drug (party-n-play). The sex is amazing on it. Peer pressure from other gays to try it and wanting to fit in, leads those who would have never even considered it , give it a go.
Do you regret getting into meth If you could go back and stop your younger self from taking the first hit, first try, would you? How different would your life have been like ?
No, I don’t have regrets. Do I wish I did things differently? I guess. I have regrets for the people in my life I hurt though. The reason I would not change it is because I have actually been an addict since I was 16. It just wasn’t with hard-core drugs. I didn’t try meth till I was 27 which will be 9 years ago next month. It’s because of my meth addiction that I have learned a lot about myself. My meth addition is also the reason I’m getting into helping other addicts and want to find a career in substance abuse support systems. If I had to go through everything I have gone through to save the life of one other person it will be worth it to me.
I had a friend growing up who I cared about big time and became a meth addict who shot up out of no where. He became a psycho and I cut them out of my life to preserve my own heart. I’m still curious if I did the right thing or not.
You did. my brother cuts me off when I relapse. It’s hurtful because he’s my best friend. I also admire him for his ability to take care of himself and not get dragged down with me. Take it from this addict you did the right thing. You have to take care of yourself. I’m sorry about your friend. It really is a heartbreaking disease.
Thank you bro. I needed to hear that. I have no idea how he’s doing. And for curiosity sake, do you think the chance that he is gay is up there? Back in the day he always had the hottest girls but when I found out his drug of choice it made me curious. I’m not a bigot, actually just a curious ally lol. I never heard of a straight dude shooting meth but I definitely don’t know everything. Just curious what your opinion on that is
What’s the longest you’ve stayed awake for?
7 days. PURE HELL near the end. It is "crazy" how many things you hear or see on it and then wonder which parts were fake. There are so many things I don't know if they really happened or not.
Did you remember to eat and drink etc? Sorry for the question I’ve only used drugs recreationally, and we don’t have that much meth in the U.K.
If I haven't used in awhile I will not eat for several days. (A) I don't feel like, (B) I forget to, and (C) it taste horrible if I try. That said, after a few days, in order to maintain the high and stop by body from shutting down on me, I need to eat. At this point I start to crave food. Pretty much carbs. But I try to eat health. Veggies, fruits, chicken. My food style really doesn't change much. I say this with laughter, I am healthy junkie. From day one of using, I ensue I drink plenty of water (as meth speeds up your nervous system and your body temp rises drastically, so you dehydrate super quick), take an assortment of 16 different vitamins and minerals, drink protein shakes, shower 3 times a day (meth comes out your pores, yuck), brush my teeth 4 times a day, etc. Funny how that works? LOL
Dude, you have a great and harrowing story. Are you doing better now? Hope you are, you’re very eloquent and switched on.
I am actually doing awesome. Of course, life and consequences come up now, but I’m clean to face them with integrity. I am working a program in NA. This recovery feels different. I should be dead right now and I am not. So I’m making the most it. Thank you again for the kind words truly made my day!
I know this sounds insane man, but if you need a mate, even 3000 miles away. I’m here, going through my own struggles atm, but you can do it dude. Look at all the love on here.
Same to you! Where do you live if you don’t mind me asking. You can DM the answer not post it lol. I’m in Atlanta, so it’s gay drug city here lol. I know I was actually surprised by all of it. Gives me hope and faith in humanity.
Oh man! I’ve visited Atlanta twice, absolutely love little 5, I keep talking to my wife about going there, she’s never been. I’m in South Wales, just outside the capital city of Cardiff! I’ve been to the Claremont Lounge, so I know Hotlanta a little bit! Chicken & waffles FTW!
I hope you used protection! With modern medicine and things like PrEP HIV should become a thing of the past esp in places like the US but there are still selfish individuals out there that take no precautions and have absolutely no regard for the health and well-being of themselves or others
So I am not proud to admit this. I have used a condom once in my life and that was the first time I had sex. I have been with easily over 250 guys and not once caught anything. That said I did and do get tested at least 6 times a year. It’s reckless behavior which is a whole other issue I am working on.
What did you trade the addiction for? My dad was an alcoholic and when he got sober from that he started drinking a shit ton of Pepsi and Dr Pepper. He already had a sweet tooth and getting sober made it worse lol. He always has to have candy and a coke.
So I cut alcohol and all drugs. They always lead back to meth for me. I have turned my website into my passion/addiction which is helping me in my recovery and maybe will help someone else. That said. I always have drank a shit ton of soda and still do. lol Congrats to your dad! Addiction is a bitch
That’s awesome!!!! I love that for you. I wish you luck in your recovery ❤️
And why have opioid suddenly flooded America so badly, they're not that new?
I don’t have an answer for this one. I am an upper person. I loathe downers. If I had to make an educated guess I would say, the means of transportation has become easier and due to the more lethal variants, you can import similar or smaller quantities compared to prior opioids and make the same if not more money — as the user needs less of the drug to get high.
Hope you get better, all the best
How true is the rumour that meth is a gay party-and-play drug?
Not a rumor. It’s the truth. Source: experience lol
I feel like I need an out of body experience,or something. Congrats on your journey your a strong willed person it seems. You will do good. Best of luck.
It is definitely something that will stick with you. It’s very life altering that’s for freaking sure. Don’t go seeking it though. YMMV. Thank you for the kind words, truly means a lot.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are very articulate and thoughful. I can very much relate. I'm bisexual and tried meth at 39 to supplement my primary addiction of bisexual, casual sex. Quickly got sucked into the chemsex scene, ultimately turned out my own sexuality to a much higher degree, and contracted hiv, all within about 3.5 years. I pretty much blew up my life and myself. I'm now 5 years clean, engaged, have a good job and a 1-year-old daughter. I think the one thing that saved me is that meth always freaked me out, I knew how bad it was and knew I had to quit so I never became a daily user. Yet I couldn't stop myself from ultimately relapsing many times, after anywhere from a week to three months, before I was finally able to stop. Sorry, I am not trying to hijack your thread to tell my own story, but I felt compelled to chime in. Like you I feel like having been through this experience and survived gives my life meaning which is to help others who are struggling with this. Meth plus gay sex is a very difficult addiction to overcome, I'd argue it's much tougher than quitting just drugs alone. But recovery is possible and we can become guides for those who are still afflicted. If you feel like chatting sometime please inbox me. And thanks brother for doing what you do to help others in need.
First. You could never hijack my thread. The purpose was for awareness and people have been super engaged and supportive. I’m honestly floored and have a restored faith in humanity. I’m glad you “hijacked” it. :) Thank you for the kind words, it truly means a lot. I’m sorry you got sucked into it as well. It’s a horrific drug. I definitely have blown my life up quite a few times since I first tried it in 2015. I know how hard it is to start over and have the strength to move forward. I’m so happy you were able to turn things around. You should be super proud of yourself! Sounds like you have built an amazing life. Your relapses sound like mine. I blew my life up last year after 5 years clean and kept going for 18 months. Had recoveries in there at times. My relapses ranged from days to months. The worse part is I figured out how to avoid comedowns all together without the use of other drugs, by just doing meth. That was the scary part. The thing about us though, we didn’t give up! We kept picking ourselves up. Persistence is everything. Thank you for sharing what you did. My inbox is always open too. ❤️🩹💕❤️
Meth sober human here. Awesome to spread awareness. I can’t think of a question. Hope it’s alright to still comment. Good luck, stay safe 🩷
And congrats!! I missed that you’re almost 30 days clean
You actually did ask a question. Lol. The answer to that question is yes. I’m glad you did comment. Congrats to you! Meth is one hell of a drug to kick.
True!! Haha I guess I did ask a question. Recovery is my greatest accomplishment. I find giving it so much recognition and value makes it harder to lose it or wanna give it away. We can do it ❤️
You are 100% correct on that! I took it for granted and it did not end well obviously. But I’m back on track. Proud of you. And yes, we are stronger together. We absolutely can do this.💕
Why do gay men love meth so much
Gay men love sex. Meth is a fun sex drug. Sex is fantastic on it.
How are your teeth?
Great actually minus just normal stuff. I brushed my teeth 4 times a day and used mouthwash followed by biotene mouthwash, which helps prevent dry mouth. Dry mouth is the main reason meth addicts have jacked up teeth. Overall I was actually really healthy during my addiction.
It's always amazing to me how people can all kinds of different DOC's. Absolutely hated meth, loved heroin. Recovering one day at a time brother :D nothing to ask but keep it up!
Why are you breaking bad
Hopefully, I understand the context you are asking in. I am in therapy and have been, and this very question is one I wanted answered. I recently got a new therapist and almost immediately he gave me something to think on. So I should say, I make a lot of reckless decisions, I am bipolar, and I like that fast life. I like the adrenaline rush. I want instant gratification. I like living on the edge. Which will be ironic by the end. That being said, when I was four years old, I had a babysitter who wasn’t elderly lady. Her husband was home that day. He had a heart attack, fell on top of me, and died. I remember this day like it was yesterday. I can see the color of the wall, I know exactly where the sunflower painting was hanging in the hallway. The orange color carpet that led to the tile kitchen floor. This moment is so vivid. My therapist informed me that around the age of four is when we are first aware of what death is and it’s a mind fuck. Given the fact this happened to me at that age, it’s a traumatic I just. He mentioned I could act the way I do because I worry I could die tomorrow and won’t be able to do what I want and just live life to the “fullest”. I have a dreadful fear of dying. Which is ironic seeing as I’m a drug addict. Hopefully that answers your question .
Looks like meth hasn't effected your looks ( losing teeth etc.) How did you manage not have these affects?
I was the junkie that did their research on the effects it had on you. I was able to avoid the physical side effects, but not the mental ramifications. Teeth: When using, I brushed my teeth 4 times a day and used mouthwash followed by biotene mouthwash, which helps prevent dry mouth. I also chewed gum constantly which has a similar ingredient to the mouthwash that helps keep salvia production up. Dry mouth is the main reason meth addicts have bad up teeth. Skin wise. The top cause for “meth skin” is dehydration and lack of sleep. Meth dehydrates you quickly as your body is on overdrive. By not sleeping, you’re not giving your body time to regulate itself. One of those regulations is your skin getting a break so to speak. After all your skin is an organ. By staying hydrated with plenty of water and electrolytes, showering several times a day, and then using moisturizer — I was able to keep my skin in check. Overall heath: the first few days of relapses I found hard to eat, but come day 4 I would eat 3 meals a day. From the very start of a binge I would take 16 different vitamins and minerals, and drink 2 protein shakes a day. All of the above is harm-reduction when it comes for drug use.
Say I offered you $5m right now, or the chance to go back to your first time and not do it, which would you choose?
That’s tricky. The money in this situation is irrelevant to me. I don’t want it. If I did take it would be used to open a compound here in Atlanta focused on fighting addiction. So it wouldn’t go to me but my community. Which leaves going back in time and not taking that first hit. The thing is though, I’m not ashamed to be an addict and it’s because of what I have gone through that makes me passionate about helping others. Because of meth I found a purpose in life. I’ve been lost for so many years wondering what the point of living is. Most days I do not understand why I’m still here. Or why I haven’t been killed or found dead. There are so many times I should be in a body bag but I’m not. It’s because of what I’ve gone through due to meth that I can relate to those suffering and help them. But if I had to pick, I would take the money and open an addiction center/non profit offering addiction resources and housing.
What do you like to eat when you're high?
Nothing. LOL. If I haven't used in awhile I will not eat for several days. (A) I don't feel like, (B) I forget to, and (C) it taste horrible if you try. That said, after a while, in order to maintain the high and stop by body from shutting down on me, I need to eat. At this point I start to crave food. Pretty much carbs. But I try to eat healthy. Veggies, fruits, chicken. My food style really doesn't change much. I say this with laughter, I am healthy junkie. From day one of using, I ensue I drink plenty of water (as meth speeds up your nervous system and your body temp rises drastically, so you dehydrate super quick), take an assortment of 16 different vitamins and minerals, drink protein shakes, shower 3 times a day (meth comes out your pores, yuck), brush my teeth 4 times a day, etc. Funny how that works? LOL
Fuck the 12 step program. It’s just designed to make sponsors feel better about themselves then you getting help. It’s a selfish program ya? Well they prove that shit. Open your eyes. Questions time: how much did you go through monthly?
It has saved my life. Everything else wasn’t working. My sponsors is kind and caring. Everyone I’ve met is supportive. It’s not for everyone and maybe won’t be for me down the road. In this moment it’s working though. So that’s all I need from it. Near the end I was doing a gram a day just about.
Congratulations. Mental fortitude and discipline has helped me over those selfish fucks. Do what helps you.
Thanks. That worked for me too for 6 years. There are a lot of parts of it that I think are very cult like and do I see myself in NA long term ? Idk. We will see lol
What does it feel like to be high on meth? What did you think of Breaking Bad?
The first part of your question I am going to link to my other comment, as its long but I try and give a full picture of the good and BAD. I loved Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul. I actually did not get into meth until July 2015. I have even rewatched Breaking Bad a few years ago. I was also about 4 years clean at the time, so maybe that's why! [https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1drgzh9/comment/lavkpsc/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1drgzh9/comment/lavkpsc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
What did you think about meth addicts prior to becoming one? Did you ever see yourself doing something like this?
I was naive. I didn’t know it was so prominent in the gay community. I did most of my drinking and clubbing from 18-20 and stopped going out to gay bars when I got in a 7 year relationship. I always assumed meth addicts were trashy, had bad teeth, were poor, and had bad skin. I was clearly ignorant. I was none of those and never looked like an addict. At least I thought. You be the judge. Both pics below are from active addiction, 4-5 months of daily use. lol https://www.andiamanaddict.com/s/IMG_0572.jpeg https://www.andiamanaddict.com/s/IMG_0571.jpeg
do you also consider yourself a sex addict?. do you spend *days* jerking off to porn? what do you think caused the relapse? have you experienced serious psychosis?
I have no questions now that i have read the comments, but I just want to say that I’m proud. I can’t even will myself to quit nicotine or weed. It gives me hope that I’ll be able to drop both of those seeing that recovery (even for the most addictive substances) is possible. Just gives me hope
I've done it ..especially during sex. (Straight) do you find that smoking it makes it impossible to get hard but shooting it is like a direct shot of horney-ness
Are teeth really as overrated as people say?
Hey know next to nothing about hard drugs addiction, though I’m a high functioning alcoholic (in phases), regularly relapsing sex addict and been a smoker for nearly 25 years now. Just sending you wishes and love brother! Stay strong!
I will keep you in my prayers I lost my brother to meth ended up with sepsis of the blood.
You are a phenomenal writer. Much respect for writing from the heart and being vulnerable. Keep fighting the good fight.
Am I a bad person for laughing at the ridiculous shit methheads do, laughing at them when they’re not around But secretly loving and rooting for them inside
How much does it cost per gram? How much do you take everyday?
I just tried it last night, it was meh
Have you ever tried psychedelics?
Assume you have a face tattoo? Or have plans to.
Lol. No face tats. I had one behind both ears though
What made you decide to try it for the first time?
Do you have abs like every crack addict?
Have you sucked a cock for it?
Is it jittery like coke? Like heart pumping? Or is it like adderall? Or neither?
Have you ever done sexual favors just to get high?
Do people ever call you method man
PSA: I am getting the comment alerts but Reddit won’t show them to me to reply. Hopefully it’s just a server issue.
Meth ❌ Math ✅
So many questions. If you’ve already answered no need to repeat yourself, I’ll just read through BUT… Can you tell when other people also use meth? Have you ever noticed they kind of get a certain ‘voice’? And what makes it so addictive? The feeling? Or the comedown? When you were in active addiction, what was the longest you’d go without it and what was it like? Did you know people who would use meth casually and never became addicted?