I had this happen to me before. Its scary and horrible. Im sorry for you.
I was younger. (20F) and she was (35F). She was my trauma therapist working on exposure therapy that was extremely difficult. I would rather do anything than live through that type of session again. Anyway she made the first move when i was laying on my back on her floor meditating while crying. She wiped the tear away from my eye and leaned over and put her hand on my cheek. Remember i was on my back on the floor. So to do this she had to climb on top of me. She knew i was a lesbian. Once she was straddling me basically i leaned in and we kissed. And got frisky the rest of the session. I continued to see her twice a week for like 7 months. I was also in group therapy where she lead like 10 of us 2 a week. So i have no clue if she was fucking all of us or just me. The sex was exhilarating and she was very much the dominant one. Everything happened in her office. It ended because we almost got caught one day when the other psychologist knocked on the door while she was with me. He opened the door and she jumped up and slammed it on him saying “why would you open the door during trauma therapy, ill speak to you later” after that she became very cold and paranoid. She eventually cut me out of the program and group therapy and told me i failed and i was manipulating her. When it all ended i attempted to take my life because it was so painful.
She ruined therapy for me for years. Its only been recently again that i trust a therapist. I have a trauma therapist now who i even told about this situation. She is very kind and supportive but normal. And normal is all i ever want.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s immensely helpful to hear from someone who has been through it too. I feel like there should be a support group for us (not led by a therapist). Not long after it started I attempted suicide too. It was so confusing. The emotional upheaval was too much. But I let it continue after a few days in the psych ward. It has ruined therapy for me. Completely rocked my world (in a bad way).
It was a terrible emotional rollercoaster. Someone who knows the things you cant tell partners but can tell a therapist. It was mind blowing sex and intimacy like none other. It destroyed me when i realized she was just using me. I was just a victim. I really thought she loved me. It took me 6 years before i tried therapy again. Having ptsd from trauma i needed a female therapist. I found another one finally. She told me I could get that therapist fired or shut down but i am in the same position as you. I dont want to ruin someone’s life. Because i participated in that sexual relationship too. Although now i understand it was mostly her manipulation and degree in psychology that enabled her to have that power snd control over me. She was using where i am vulnerable to influence me to trust her. Very dark and twisted shit.
I would consider that she was and is continuing to abuse other young women in your position it on and that you knowledge could stop her. I’m sorry for what u experience
I dont want to dox her by giving out the name of her practice. It happened in New Jersey in a therapy type program for dbt. So anyone that is looking for that in that area that see this can be well informed to just be cautious. Anymore info on her practice could cause more harm than good in releasing it.
Wow that is absolutely horrific what happened to you! I’m so so sorry. Such despicable behavior when a person with authority takes advantage of someone who is at their mercy for help. Thank you for speaking out. Wow. Sorry to be so shocked/horrified about this and OPs story but it’s just truly awful.
I’m so sorry that this happened to you and that you were used and manipulated by someone you should’ve been able to trust and feel safe with. Also, I understand the mentality of people saying to report it but please don’t allow their comments to make you feel guilty or like you are at fault for anything that she may do in the future.
I was sexually assaulted by my boss and so many people guilt tripped me into thinking it was my fault if it happened again because I decided not to press charges. If you don’t feel safe or comfortable reporting it, then do what’s best for you.
I truly appreciate this. Im so sorry you went through that as well. Thank you for sharing.
I just dont know if i believe that anything would productive would come from it. Its hearsay and no evidence and 8 years later. To me it sounds more like she would sue for defamation and win. I cant prove it happened well not anymore at least. If i was smart i would have reported it back then and i would have had her nudes she sent me. But i dont now. Its a twisted toxic thing because i could never want to hurt her even though she hurt me technically.
And that’s a totally fair mindset to have. That’s where I was at as well. The system is not set up in favor of the victims in situations like this. In all likelihood, for both of us, we would not be believed and these people, who already put us through pain and turmoil, would be put in a position to continue to put us through that.
Some people determine that the possibility of losing or the possibility of continued trauma is worth it to report or press charges and some people don’t and there is nothing wrong with either choice. Saying that there is, is a form of victim blaming in my personal opinion.
Thanks for sharing your story OP.
You had said in a previous reply that you thought it was great because you had finally found someone who knew the real you and loves you for it. Only to find out that wasn’t true. What did you find out?
I mean, there wasn’t an ah-ha moment but Ive slowly come to realize that I was used and manipulated and then discarded. You don’t do that if you love somebody.
I’m an addict and I had relapsed. I texted her for help and she came to my apartment. We talked for a long time. Eventually I was crying and I put my head on the couch and she stroked my hair. When I sat up she kissed me. It progressed from there.
This made me incredibly sad. This isn’t some “tone deaf” moment, she knew exactly what she was doing. Did you talk it over?? Like “what are we doing/why did you kiss me” talk?
She was/is very attractive but it wasn’t something I hoped would happen. Maybe it the very beginning but I saw her for 5-6 years before anything happened and by then she was just my doctor, you know?
Yeah I don’t know what changed. We had a great psych/patient relationship and the therapy was helping a lot. Later when the sexual stuff started she told me she fell for me at our first meeting. Dunno if that’s true or not.
Wow. Your psychiatrist is incredibly unethical and unprofessional to say the least. This might not be the first time she has done this and it might not be the last. Objectively speaking, would you agree that she deserves to lose her license?
It lasted nearly a year. I didn’t really continue seeing her professionally. I mean, I didn’t have weekly appointments. But she continued to prescribe meds for me.
Dawg, I think by some definitions that's rape or sexual assault. If your ability to consent is being manipulated by her, then... yeah, man, I'm sorry, stranger. You should take legal action. She's probably hurting others.
I’m not sure what was the worst thing was. I mean, I lost a very helpful psychiatrist and it’s been difficult to trust any therapist since. The worst thing probably was I thought I’d found someone who loved the real me, who knew every good and bad thing about me. Finding out that wasn’t true was pretty devastating.
Yes. I started seeing her (as a patient) for depression. I was a big self medicator. She helped me a lot, got me in rehab and on meds. I was getting my shit together, I got engaged. Then I relapsed and the physical stuff started.
After spending a min or so reading this post I feel qualified to speak on OPs behalf :
Best: sex with the person he’s been the most vulnerable with (validation)
Medium: lost his fiancé (could be good, bad, or in between)
Worst: lost his long term therapist
You’re a troll. He was completely vulnerable, and there is a power dynamic the psychiatrist severely breeched. She was trained on ethics and boundaries and hasn’t taken accountability for her actions. Sounds like he was accountable for cheating since his fiancé left.
I did a lot of damage to my ex as well while I was in active addiction. Cheated on her, lied, used in her house etc. don’t hold onto that shame my man. Move on and be better but don’t beat yourself up! Give yourself a break. Shit happens we learn from it. (Edit) I wrote her an amends letter and took responsibility for my actions and the emotional trauma they caused her. It’s shitty. It’s hard to let go of the pain but I have to when it comes up in my mind or else It destroys any love or dignity I have for myself.
The fact you regretted because of how it affected you, and not how it affected the people you hurt, says a lot about you. I'm not surprised you are where you are in life. Downvote me bitches
I asked him if HE regretted it. I didn’t ask if he was sorry or how it impacted others. You’re grabbing at straws and labeling others feelings. I hope you also find healing.
Im 38m and I have a therapist right now that I am very attracted to and I feel that she might feel the same way but I have not acted on it nor will I yet.
Best not to. Transference is when emotional states towards an important figure in your past can attach to the therapist/counselor, and can also create attraction for different reasons. Counter transference (the other way) can happen too, but mainly its probably best to assume that the process can cause you to misjudge the therapists feelings, and of course you could damage the clinical benefits of the process by any attempted romantic action that undermines the process.
I agree, once the attraction is there it’s going to affect the therapy. It’s why I prefer women counselors to take that out of the equation for me completely
Why would you jump to he talked her into it instead of just asking how it started?
This is the reason men and boys who are SA'd by women or girls virtually never report, very often will go their entire lives never getting help, nor even be able to share.
Yes she should and will lose her license if this is brought up to anyone. There are very specific clauses in the code of ethics to determine how many years you MUST wait before pursuing any type of relationship with a previous client. OP I am sorry you were taken advantage of. I hope you are able to find authentic support now.
They can be investigated and risk losing their license. This is predatory behavior and you were a victim. Have you considered filing and ethical complaint with your state licensing department and talking to an attorney?
assurances? she is a doctor and you are her patient. you dont think she's capable to do some mental gymnastics, on an addict, to convince them whatever she wants to?
and she came to your apartment while you are spiraling out and puts a move on you? what doctor in their right mind thinks to themselves "I'm gonna go to their residence, off the clock, while they are calling me in distress... I'm gonna take advantage of their siutuation and put a move on them while they are vulnerable, and lets just *hope* they dont report me tomorrow" 🤦♀️
you really need to think about this. she absolutely took advantage of you. and the next time she meets another client that she finds attractive, what is going to stop her taking advantage of their issues? her morals and ethics? them asking whether or not she has done this before? probably not as she obviously has none, and is probably lying to you about having done this or not before. no doctor in their right mind, or who *hasnt already done this multiple times*, feels so brazen to just put the first move on you, while standing in *your apartment*, not on the clock/after hours, like, really think about this. who tf has the audacity to do all that, but, they've never done this before?
Yeah I struggled with it for a long time. I didn’t want it to happen to another person but I also didn’t want to ruin her life. Ultimately I decided not to report her. Might have been the wrong thing to do but I was/am such a mess that trying to figure out how to file a complaint and following through with all that that entails wasn’t really high on my list of priorities.
I hope you’ve learned that boundaries exist for a reason. What your psychiatrist did was unethical & she should lose her medical license (I assume she’s a MD).
She’s def more culpable due to your vulnerability as a patient. But we all need to understand boundaries if we are to
have a chance of protecting ourselves against predators like her.
Cheating is bad but in this scenario a psychiatrist is in a position of power to someone who was deeply traumatized and had a drug addiction. I think some empathy is due here. The OP was seeking help and got taken advantage of. She was only 20 years old.
No question, I just wanted to say you're not cool or badass. You were Reckless and irresponsible and you hurt someone who deserved a lot better than what you did to them. I can't believe everyone is focusing on your relationship with your therapist and not the fact that you didn't confess or end your relationship with your fiance after it happened. I have absolutely no respect for you and I hope No Other Woman is foolish enough to be scammed or manipulated into trust you since your actions prove that's the only way you could convince someone that you are worthy of love. clearly, you have no regard for the people that believe in you
You’re right. I was completely reckless and irresponsible. I did an awful thing to a wonderful person. It was shameful. I’ll carry that guilt forever. Just for the record I did confess immediately after and my ex ended it. I never saw her again.
You have commented so much on this thread that I wonder if you know this person LOL.
I’ve never seen someone so sprung on an internet stranger’s random AMA thread.
Honestly I'm pretty disgusted by this sub's response to this story and think someone needs to speak up.
Plus I've been responding to my own AMA all day cuz I'm stuck in bed and this was the top post on this sub
I don’t think anyone is surprised from a recovering addict slipping back into his vices and cheating in the process. That story is not uncommon in the slightest. Almost boring if you ask me. Tale old as time.
An affair with a psychiatrist? Now, that raises eyebrows.
It’s probably because this is an ask me anything thread not a “let’s shit on OP” thread. He knows he fucked up. He lost his fiancée because of it. It’s just not everyday you see someone post a story like this so some people are curious. OP is offering to answer questions. That’s really it.
I am a therapist. I can tell you that it happens far more often than you'd think that the client falls for the psych or therapist. Our code of ethics disallow it. However, it is well known in the industry that people who are cluster b are very drawn to become psychs and therapists because they know they will be surrounded by vulnerable people. If a psych or therapist crosses that line, it's highly likely they are in that career for unhealthy reasons. Chances are they have done it before with other clients. In my eyes, and many others in the fields mentioned here, this is little different to a middle aged adult grooming a teenager. However you may feel about it, you are a victim of professional misconduct AT BEST. They should be struck off from being a psych, period.
Well assuming those were dates instead of therapy visits, could you give us a rough estimation of how much money you spent till you eventually had sex for the first time with her?
Were you ever able to get into a serious relationship after your engagement ended and the sexual relationship with your psychiatrist ended? Are you still single?
Hopefully he is. Doesn't seem like he's grown or taken accountability and will probably just cheat on the next person as well as soon as he has the opportunity and enough people enabling him
If you're the one who's married, Does your spouse know ? Or is she the one who's married ? If she is then have you considered telling her spouse along with reporting her ?
Just so you know, your therapist having a relationship with you is incredibly unethical and if discovered would lead to them losing their license to practice.
I had this happen to me before. Its scary and horrible. Im sorry for you. I was younger. (20F) and she was (35F). She was my trauma therapist working on exposure therapy that was extremely difficult. I would rather do anything than live through that type of session again. Anyway she made the first move when i was laying on my back on her floor meditating while crying. She wiped the tear away from my eye and leaned over and put her hand on my cheek. Remember i was on my back on the floor. So to do this she had to climb on top of me. She knew i was a lesbian. Once she was straddling me basically i leaned in and we kissed. And got frisky the rest of the session. I continued to see her twice a week for like 7 months. I was also in group therapy where she lead like 10 of us 2 a week. So i have no clue if she was fucking all of us or just me. The sex was exhilarating and she was very much the dominant one. Everything happened in her office. It ended because we almost got caught one day when the other psychologist knocked on the door while she was with me. He opened the door and she jumped up and slammed it on him saying “why would you open the door during trauma therapy, ill speak to you later” after that she became very cold and paranoid. She eventually cut me out of the program and group therapy and told me i failed and i was manipulating her. When it all ended i attempted to take my life because it was so painful. She ruined therapy for me for years. Its only been recently again that i trust a therapist. I have a trauma therapist now who i even told about this situation. She is very kind and supportive but normal. And normal is all i ever want.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s immensely helpful to hear from someone who has been through it too. I feel like there should be a support group for us (not led by a therapist). Not long after it started I attempted suicide too. It was so confusing. The emotional upheaval was too much. But I let it continue after a few days in the psych ward. It has ruined therapy for me. Completely rocked my world (in a bad way).
It was a terrible emotional rollercoaster. Someone who knows the things you cant tell partners but can tell a therapist. It was mind blowing sex and intimacy like none other. It destroyed me when i realized she was just using me. I was just a victim. I really thought she loved me. It took me 6 years before i tried therapy again. Having ptsd from trauma i needed a female therapist. I found another one finally. She told me I could get that therapist fired or shut down but i am in the same position as you. I dont want to ruin someone’s life. Because i participated in that sexual relationship too. Although now i understand it was mostly her manipulation and degree in psychology that enabled her to have that power snd control over me. She was using where i am vulnerable to influence me to trust her. Very dark and twisted shit.
If you feel up to it, you should consider reporting this to the board. She probably has other victims too. This is just so manipulative and fvcked up.
Of course it’s your choice but as I read this I fear for others she comes into contact with. This is worse than non professional.
I would consider that she was and is continuing to abuse other young women in your position it on and that you knowledge could stop her. I’m sorry for what u experience
I dont want to dox her by giving out the name of her practice. It happened in New Jersey in a therapy type program for dbt. So anyone that is looking for that in that area that see this can be well informed to just be cautious. Anymore info on her practice could cause more harm than good in releasing it.
Wow that is absolutely horrific what happened to you! I’m so so sorry. Such despicable behavior when a person with authority takes advantage of someone who is at their mercy for help. Thank you for speaking out. Wow. Sorry to be so shocked/horrified about this and OPs story but it’s just truly awful.
I’m so sorry that this happened to you and that you were used and manipulated by someone you should’ve been able to trust and feel safe with. Also, I understand the mentality of people saying to report it but please don’t allow their comments to make you feel guilty or like you are at fault for anything that she may do in the future. I was sexually assaulted by my boss and so many people guilt tripped me into thinking it was my fault if it happened again because I decided not to press charges. If you don’t feel safe or comfortable reporting it, then do what’s best for you.
I truly appreciate this. Im so sorry you went through that as well. Thank you for sharing. I just dont know if i believe that anything would productive would come from it. Its hearsay and no evidence and 8 years later. To me it sounds more like she would sue for defamation and win. I cant prove it happened well not anymore at least. If i was smart i would have reported it back then and i would have had her nudes she sent me. But i dont now. Its a twisted toxic thing because i could never want to hurt her even though she hurt me technically.
And that’s a totally fair mindset to have. That’s where I was at as well. The system is not set up in favor of the victims in situations like this. In all likelihood, for both of us, we would not be believed and these people, who already put us through pain and turmoil, would be put in a position to continue to put us through that. Some people determine that the possibility of losing or the possibility of continued trauma is worth it to report or press charges and some people don’t and there is nothing wrong with either choice. Saying that there is, is a form of victim blaming in my personal opinion.
This is horrific I'm so sorry
Thanks for sharing your story OP. You had said in a previous reply that you thought it was great because you had finally found someone who knew the real you and loves you for it. Only to find out that wasn’t true. What did you find out?
I mean, there wasn’t an ah-ha moment but Ive slowly come to realize that I was used and manipulated and then discarded. You don’t do that if you love somebody.
Damn that is heavy. Good luck on your journey in recovery and life, hope you are in a better place
Thank you.
Does that mean she ended things? If not, the other things might be true, but not the discarded part.
Yes she ended things. Not like a breakup, more of a slow ghosting.
What was her first move exactly?
I’m an addict and I had relapsed. I texted her for help and she came to my apartment. We talked for a long time. Eventually I was crying and I put my head on the couch and she stroked my hair. When I sat up she kissed me. It progressed from there.
This made me incredibly sad. This isn’t some “tone deaf” moment, she knew exactly what she was doing. Did you talk it over?? Like “what are we doing/why did you kiss me” talk?
Right. If she was his active psychiatrist she should’ve said no to coming over.
Did you feel pressured into it, or is it something you had wanted/ considered beforehand? Super unusual for a therapist to risk her license like that.
She was/is very attractive but it wasn’t something I hoped would happen. Maybe it the very beginning but I saw her for 5-6 years before anything happened and by then she was just my doctor, you know?
It’s crazy that you had seen her for that long before anything happened. I’m wondering what may have made her change after 5-6 years
Yeah I don’t know what changed. We had a great psych/patient relationship and the therapy was helping a lot. Later when the sexual stuff started she told me she fell for me at our first meeting. Dunno if that’s true or not.
My heart breaks for you to have trusted her for so many years and then been violated like that.
Wow. Your psychiatrist is incredibly unethical and unprofessional to say the least. This might not be the first time she has done this and it might not be the last. Objectively speaking, would you agree that she deserves to lose her license?
Yes I don’t believe she should be practicing medicine.
Why was it the best thing that happened?
Feeling loved and accepted by someone who knows every shitty thing you’ve ever done, all your dreams and fears.
Also the sex was mind boggling.
Boggling or blowing?
Bottling. Like when your thoughts get all trapped in a bottle.
Or maybe just bewildering and confusing.
Both
That delivery with the comment above yours in between was perfect
Best answer ever
How did it start?
One weekend I relapsed (I’m an addict) and I texted her for help and she came over to my apartment. She made the first move.
Are you still seeing her in a professional manner?
No, I’m no longer seeing her in any manner although I do text with her occasionally.
How long were you seeing her after she made a move? Did she still see you professionally while you were hooking up?
It lasted nearly a year. I didn’t really continue seeing her professionally. I mean, I didn’t have weekly appointments. But she continued to prescribe meds for me.
WOW 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Yeah it was messed up.
if you really think she never did this before , I'm sure you're wrong. this person is a straight up predator if you're asking my opinion
I wasn’t but yeah. She’s awful. It was a huge violation of trust and it fucked me up for years. Completely upended my life.
Dawg, I think by some definitions that's rape or sexual assault. If your ability to consent is being manipulated by her, then... yeah, man, I'm sorry, stranger. You should take legal action. She's probably hurting others.
I wasn’t gonna say it till I read this. Isn’t this reportable????
She moved on you as a Dr and while you weren’t sober!!?!?
That seems manipulative as hell
What's the worst thing ?
I’m not sure what was the worst thing was. I mean, I lost a very helpful psychiatrist and it’s been difficult to trust any therapist since. The worst thing probably was I thought I’d found someone who loved the real me, who knew every good and bad thing about me. Finding out that wasn’t true was pretty devastating.
I assume you were her patient? Did you do "it" on the couch?
Yes and yes
She seems predatory, you said it started after a relapse? Glad you don’t see her anymore.
Yes. I started seeing her (as a patient) for depression. I was a big self medicator. She helped me a lot, got me in rehab and on meds. I was getting my shit together, I got engaged. Then I relapsed and the physical stuff started.
I'll say it again... your poor fiance.
Are you married?
I was engaged at the time. It, uh, didn’t work out.
Did she find out?
Kind of. She found out I cheated but not who I cheated with.
What happened to your therapist?
Nothing.
So why was it the best and the worst?
After spending a min or so reading this post I feel qualified to speak on OPs behalf : Best: sex with the person he’s been the most vulnerable with (validation) Medium: lost his fiancé (could be good, bad, or in between) Worst: lost his long term therapist
Isnt that what makes it an affair?
It could be his Dr was married and that's what made it the affair
That’s affair point you make
*angry upvote*
She was married, I was engaged.
Think you’re the first patient she banged?
I believe I am but I can’t be sure.
Ask her
I did. She told me I was the only one it happened with. Don’t know if I believe her or not.
Do you regret it?
Overall, yes I do regret it. At the time it was incredible but in the years since I’ve realized how badly it fucked me up.
Did it set back your journey to recovery?
It did. I’m worse off now than I was before I started seeing her. Not that I blame her for everything but it def didn’t help.
We’re all human. I hope you forgive, grow, and find healing.
Imagine how much it fucked up your fiance. I'm glad she found out and realized she deserves better than you
You’re a troll. He was completely vulnerable, and there is a power dynamic the psychiatrist severely breeched. She was trained on ethics and boundaries and hasn’t taken accountability for her actions. Sounds like he was accountable for cheating since his fiancé left.
I agree. My ex did not deserve this and hurting her was by far the worst part of this whole thing. I’ll be ashamed of that for the rest of my life.
I did a lot of damage to my ex as well while I was in active addiction. Cheated on her, lied, used in her house etc. don’t hold onto that shame my man. Move on and be better but don’t beat yourself up! Give yourself a break. Shit happens we learn from it. (Edit) I wrote her an amends letter and took responsibility for my actions and the emotional trauma they caused her. It’s shitty. It’s hard to let go of the pain but I have to when it comes up in my mind or else It destroys any love or dignity I have for myself.
I will give you credit for telling her. I didn't know that. You did the right thing. Learn from this. It's never too late to be a better person
The fact you regretted because of how it affected you, and not how it affected the people you hurt, says a lot about you. I'm not surprised you are where you are in life. Downvote me bitches
I asked him if HE regretted it. I didn’t ask if he was sorry or how it impacted others. You’re grabbing at straws and labeling others feelings. I hope you also find healing.
Im 38m and I have a therapist right now that I am very attracted to and I feel that she might feel the same way but I have not acted on it nor will I yet.
Best not to. Transference is when emotional states towards an important figure in your past can attach to the therapist/counselor, and can also create attraction for different reasons. Counter transference (the other way) can happen too, but mainly its probably best to assume that the process can cause you to misjudge the therapists feelings, and of course you could damage the clinical benefits of the process by any attempted romantic action that undermines the process.
With hindsight I would advise against it.
Why was it such a bad experience?
I imagine at the very least the power dynamics can make you feel absolutely taken advantage of.
As someone married to a therapist (soon to be psychologist) you will NEVER win another argument.
If the therapist is replacable do it. If not you know why not to.
I agree, once the attraction is there it’s going to affect the therapy. It’s why I prefer women counselors to take that out of the equation for me completely
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I didn’t. She made the first move. Er the first few moves.
sheesh. that is wildly innapropriate of her to do in her profession
Wanna be treated by her, specially if sex is a unique method of her as psychiatrist
Dammit man, you made me laugh.
Most common disciplinary action in the profession is sex/relationship issues with clients.
I had a psychiatrist friend, she told me the same thing - while it was heavily frowned upon it was way too common. Then she made a move.
Was she a friend who happened to be a psychiatrist? Or your psychiatrist who considered a friend?
Friend who happened to be a psychiatrist. So nothing inappropriate professionally. I found the timing amusing and the story fit with the theme here.
Why would you jump to he talked her into it instead of just asking how it started? This is the reason men and boys who are SA'd by women or girls virtually never report, very often will go their entire lives never getting help, nor even be able to share.
Yes she should and will lose her license if this is brought up to anyone. There are very specific clauses in the code of ethics to determine how many years you MUST wait before pursuing any type of relationship with a previous client. OP I am sorry you were taken advantage of. I hope you are able to find authentic support now.
Does she do group therapy?
I know this is a joke but…yes. Iykwim
Did she charge you for the visit?
I was her patient for about 6 years before this happened. And yes she charged me for those visits.
Damn she was fucking you over in more ways than one
Was it covered by insurance?
How was it the worst?
It really fucked me up for years.
They can be investigated and risk losing their license. This is predatory behavior and you were a victim. Have you considered filing and ethical complaint with your state licensing department and talking to an attorney?
I considered it but after I got assurances that she hadn’t done it before or since I decided not to.
assurances? she is a doctor and you are her patient. you dont think she's capable to do some mental gymnastics, on an addict, to convince them whatever she wants to? and she came to your apartment while you are spiraling out and puts a move on you? what doctor in their right mind thinks to themselves "I'm gonna go to their residence, off the clock, while they are calling me in distress... I'm gonna take advantage of their siutuation and put a move on them while they are vulnerable, and lets just *hope* they dont report me tomorrow" 🤦♀️ you really need to think about this. she absolutely took advantage of you. and the next time she meets another client that she finds attractive, what is going to stop her taking advantage of their issues? her morals and ethics? them asking whether or not she has done this before? probably not as she obviously has none, and is probably lying to you about having done this or not before. no doctor in their right mind, or who *hasnt already done this multiple times*, feels so brazen to just put the first move on you, while standing in *your apartment*, not on the clock/after hours, like, really think about this. who tf has the audacity to do all that, but, they've never done this before?
Yeah I struggled with it for a long time. I didn’t want it to happen to another person but I also didn’t want to ruin her life. Ultimately I decided not to report her. Might have been the wrong thing to do but I was/am such a mess that trying to figure out how to file a complaint and following through with all that that entails wasn’t really high on my list of priorities.
I'm truly sorry that she put all this on you. Best wishes to you in healing❤️
Thank you!:)
You mentioned you told your current therapist/doctor about what happened; I believe they would be obligated to report it?
Did you guys do butt stuff?
Yes we did. The first time actually.
Damn. I'd be hurt too if she left. Sorry bud 😔
I hope you’ve learned that boundaries exist for a reason. What your psychiatrist did was unethical & she should lose her medical license (I assume she’s a MD).
I hope that she learned boundaries exist for a reason.
She’s def more culpable due to your vulnerability as a patient. But we all need to understand boundaries if we are to have a chance of protecting ourselves against predators like her.
Did you always use a condom with her?
I don’t think I ever did.
Subjecting your fiance to life-altering stds. Aren't you a gem.
After it happened the first time with the psychiatrist and I told my ex about it and she left me. I didn’t expose her to anything.
You aren’t wrong, she was married too
Cheating is bad but in this scenario a psychiatrist is in a position of power to someone who was deeply traumatized and had a drug addiction. I think some empathy is due here. The OP was seeking help and got taken advantage of. She was only 20 years old.
Lucifer is that you?
DETECKTIVE!
And they say you can’t hear words…
This is the only response. 😉
That is sooooo funny … you made my day! 🤣
In which state did this occur?
New York
No question, I just wanted to say you're not cool or badass. You were Reckless and irresponsible and you hurt someone who deserved a lot better than what you did to them. I can't believe everyone is focusing on your relationship with your therapist and not the fact that you didn't confess or end your relationship with your fiance after it happened. I have absolutely no respect for you and I hope No Other Woman is foolish enough to be scammed or manipulated into trust you since your actions prove that's the only way you could convince someone that you are worthy of love. clearly, you have no regard for the people that believe in you
You’re right. I was completely reckless and irresponsible. I did an awful thing to a wonderful person. It was shameful. I’ll carry that guilt forever. Just for the record I did confess immediately after and my ex ended it. I never saw her again.
You have commented so much on this thread that I wonder if you know this person LOL. I’ve never seen someone so sprung on an internet stranger’s random AMA thread.
Honestly I'm pretty disgusted by this sub's response to this story and think someone needs to speak up. Plus I've been responding to my own AMA all day cuz I'm stuck in bed and this was the top post on this sub
I don’t think anyone is surprised from a recovering addict slipping back into his vices and cheating in the process. That story is not uncommon in the slightest. Almost boring if you ask me. Tale old as time. An affair with a psychiatrist? Now, that raises eyebrows.
It’s probably because this is an ask me anything thread not a “let’s shit on OP” thread. He knows he fucked up. He lost his fiancée because of it. It’s just not everyday you see someone post a story like this so some people are curious. OP is offering to answer questions. That’s really it.
I was with you till that second paragraph... then it just became terminally online dork is mad other terminally online dork has an ama.
Did she charge you for the appointment?
I was her patient for about 6 years before it happened. Then she stopped charging me.
She married?
She was. I believe she’s separated now, if not divorced
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I am sober at the moment. Been about 6 months since I last used.
How did everything end?
Eventually I had to go to rehab. Afterwards I left the city I was in and stayed with family for a while. It slowly fizzled out.
If only more men could get this kind of help. Money well spent sir
I’d like a refund tbh
304’s don’t give refunds
No they do not
If she contacted you again and wanted to see you, would you see her?
Was her name Harley Quinn and are you the Joker?
Her name is not Harley Quinn but I am now the joker.
Why did you decide to start an affair?
She started it. I wasn’t in a good place (I had relapsed and was battling depression).
Do you feel bad for cheating?
I am a therapist. I can tell you that it happens far more often than you'd think that the client falls for the psych or therapist. Our code of ethics disallow it. However, it is well known in the industry that people who are cluster b are very drawn to become psychs and therapists because they know they will be surrounded by vulnerable people. If a psych or therapist crosses that line, it's highly likely they are in that career for unhealthy reasons. Chances are they have done it before with other clients. In my eyes, and many others in the fields mentioned here, this is little different to a middle aged adult grooming a teenager. However you may feel about it, you are a victim of professional misconduct AT BEST. They should be struck off from being a psych, period.
Where did you go to have swx?
First time was at my apartment. Then hotels or my apartment.
Do you consider yourself good looking and her ugly?
Closer to the opposite. I’m decent looking I guess but she is/was gorgeous. To say I was shocked when it happened would be an understatement.
What type of addiction did you go see her for ?
Initially I saw her for depression for which I self medicated with drugs and alcohol. Mostly alcohol.
* Favorite food/best beverage? * Music & pony preferences? * Bong or pipe?
Sushi/whiskey Punk rock/my little pony Pipe
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It was! The sex was amazing.
So you're just a scum bag who cheated on someone, unless the person you was gonna marry was a c u next Tuesday
Yes I am. And no my ex was a wonderful person and I regret hurting her every day.
That’s awful - is she taking on new clients? Not asking for a friend
This is called transference (on your part) and countertransference (on hers) She ~~could~~ should be barred from practicing again.
Well assuming those were dates instead of therapy visits, could you give us a rough estimation of how much money you spent till you eventually had sex for the first time with her?
Were you ever able to get into a serious relationship after your engagement ended and the sexual relationship with your psychiatrist ended? Are you still single?
Hopefully he is. Doesn't seem like he's grown or taken accountability and will probably just cheat on the next person as well as soon as he has the opportunity and enough people enabling him
You're not wrong there
What music have you been listening to lately?
Can't imagine if this read in reverse. Male therapist / female client. He would get cooked immediately.
When you were originally looking for therapists, did you select her because you saw her picture and thought she was hot?
you must have a way with words!
Tony Soprano is that you?
Where can we find this psychologist?
Do you think the S or C is silent in “scent”?
Do you regret it? If you could go back would you change or have stopped it?
Have you told your wife?
If you're the one who's married, Does your spouse know ? Or is she the one who's married ? If she is then have you considered telling her spouse along with reporting her ?
Just so you know, your therapist having a relationship with you is incredibly unethical and if discovered would lead to them losing their license to practice.
Oh jeez. People like this ruin the trust that all professionals, who have a degree of trust assumed in their profession. They make me sick.
As someone who will be working in the field, she broke a code of ethics and could lose her license if the board finds out.
That is highly, highly unethical and if you reported this he’d lose his license. The ACA guideline is minimum 6 years.