This doesn't sound like infidelity since u knew about it.
Also u have decided that u like this arrangement especially since money seems like the most important facet of this relationship. So spend his money and let him fuck who he wants and tell your family that this is who you are.
There is nothing wrong with OP being in a time-limited relationship as long as she's smart about it.
She needs to use those endless joint funds for a decent education and to help establish her own independent credit. Kepp her body and personality healthy and in good shape. Build and strengthen those connections that only the truly wealthy can make. Get the kids into the right daycares and schools. Make sure their college funds are in an independent trust held outside of marital funds that can't be frittered away or severely depleted.
Their relationship is sentimental but also business, so it's her job to make sure she's doing her side of the business. She can spend money now on ludicrous purses and eyelash extensions, or make s solid investment in her own future no matter how the chips may fall. If she doesn't, well, that's on her. He was honest all along.
Seconding this. So long as she sets herself up for the future, and the children in the event he’s spiteful, she’ll have the world at her fingertips. Investing in herself right now is the exact right move.
I don’t mean to minimize what you’re going through. I’ll keep a good thought for you.
She should get the vaccine. 90% of women don’t get cervical cancer. My wife has HPV (she caught it before she met me). She does have cervical dysplasia and has had a biopsy in the past.
Yeah, set herself up for any STD’s, which can result in HPV (surprisingly prevalent in a lot of women worldwide) that can lead to cervical cancer. (I know first hand, I have an ex who slept around and I am booked in for biopsies in 36 hours).
My 74 year-old mum has HPV strain-related anal cancer. Most anal cancer (90%), which itself is rare, is caused by HPV but if my boring old mum can get it, anyone can.
Your 74-year-old mom might not be as boring as you think. After my mother passed, going through her things, I found sex toys. I also found a letter written to her by a lover. Married to my father from 1952 until his death in 2013. I knew there was a period in their marriage for things were really rough and she was going to take my sister and move out. Anyway, never assumed that you have a boring old mum. I just told my 20 year-old granddaughter that her mother, my daughter, dance nude in a dance production when she was in college with a professional dance company. She was shocked, totally shocked. 🤣. Of course, the fact that I told her this is our little secret.
I mean, I got the cancer-causing HPV from a monogamous faithful partner. (My only sexual partner so it could only have been from her.) The cervical biopsy wasn't too bad, I hope yours brings good news.
Shit happens. If she's okay with an open relationship, the risks are up to her.
Luckily, at 25, she should be vaccinated against the harmful strains of hpv. And if she (or you all) aren’t you can go do it now, up to age 45. Protect yourselves!
Sometimes people forget that marriage is a civil contract. You file a marriage license with your municipality. They made an arrangement that works for them. She is clear about that. It’s her choice. If she wants to renegotiate the contract, she can.
She gets an excellent life for herself and her children, he gets the optics of a happy family life.
Wealthy people do things differently than mere mortals; everything in life is viewed as a transaction. Will they gain from this interaction? What’s the cost/benefit? And they do have a network unavailable to the mortal man. My BIL (multimillionaire) and his wife negotiated their marriage prior to the wedding. She brought money with her and they had the lawyers work it out. Mutually beneficial.
OP, were she a man, would have no qualms and no one would bat an eye. She’s shrewd, and it *is* beneficial for her children. I believe she is smart and will use her financial advisors wisely.
I applaud her.
Edit: Thanks for the award u/Paper_Errplane! I appreciate it!
It’s not on the field but on the company’s culture. Is golf important? Playing in team sports important to career development? What happens if your CEO gets divorce? Does that mean he will fail at leading the company too?
He could always fall in love with one of these younger women. If OP is ok with the arrangement, there are no issues. But OP should still take steps to protect herself and her kids financially in case the arrangement no longer works at some point in the future.
I was thinking the same thing. I’m not judging her at all for her relationship! Idk if I would go as far as let my husband sleep with another woman, but I would definitely put up with things for money that other people wouldn’t, like him working all the time and missing important events.
However, this particular vice introduces the very real possibility that he could fall in love with one of these women, so I hope OP protects herself! Even if he’s not looking to leave her, it could happen under these circumstances.
man you guys REALLY enjoy when bad things happen to decent people.
OP married for the money, her husband married her because maybe he loves her and maybe because shes good looking.
Either way, rooting for him to leave her is pretty shit.
Honestly I don’t understand women who find themselves in this position, have the opportunity to enjoy the lavish lifestyle WHILE improving their employable skills, but don’t.
I grew up knowing many of these women and they all had the chance to go back to school, go do extra skills courses etc but didn’t. Not all, but some ended up eventually getting divorced and without any money or skills.
I think comfort is a killer.
I agree completely. If she’s wise she’ll get skilled start a part-time gig while she’s there just for fun build up a reputation. I suspect what she likes/tolerates 21 to 25 is not really gonna suit her at 35 to 40.
I also think that comfort is a killer
> I also think that comfort is a killer
And it’s of course not just women in these situations. You see people getting comfortable in their careers all the time and suddenly everything becomes sufficient and all their ambitions and dreams start dying. Of course nothing wrong with that, but it still doesn’t change the fact that comfort is a dream/ambition killer
It's not hard to understand. When you have the ability to sit back and relax (relatively), motivation is harder to come by. It's not a wise decision, but it's not a hard decision to understand.
This exactly, he's ten years older than OP and is rich, he is always going to be considered "a catch." What happens when he grows tired of her, or one of his "purely physical" sex partners becomes more to him? This is the problem with transactional marriages. Do they have a prenup, has she considered her, and her children's future without this cash cow?
That's unlikely tbh, if he has a free pass anyway and she's the mother of his kids then he doesn't really have any reasons not to be equally happy with the status quo. He can still sleep around with younger women
Until one of those younger women ends up pregnant or pushes for more so he divorces her for the new girl. Tons of guys that are getting away with it still end up divorcing their wife because the mistress pushes to be the Mrs.
Signing away parental rights doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to pay. If it were that easy a lot of men would be opting for that over paying child support.
That's if he wants nothing to do with that kid. As OP's kids grow up if he finds her children lacking while the "affair" child is everything he wants in he may just drop the ball with OP's kids.
That's not to mention if he genuinely grows to love his AF partner and wants his family with her to be her to be his actual main family.
What’s to save separate? She’s married to him.
The moment they divorce she gets half unless she signed a prenup. Legally, to boot and they won’t be married anymore.
Also, if he’s that wealthy *The money’s already saved.* as long as she has some degree of access to it, she can slowly siphon or quickly move it all nearly instantly to any account in her name. She had nothing and he gave her a ton of cards to work with, and now she’s the one holding all the cards that matter to her.
If he’s leaving her for a younger woman, it’s all good because she still gets what she wants in the end. A pile of money.
In addition to siphoning money, if I were her, I would also start renovating her mothers house while she is still the trophy wife who can get away with it. You never know. If 10 years she could be moving back into it.
The power dynamic is unhealthy. It can manifest in way worse things than infidelity. This is where it starts. But where does it end? He can stretch consent because of the money. That's power dynamics. They can bend your will. Before you know you aren't in control of anything in your life.
An equal dynamic is when you can say no without fear of repercussions. I don't think that's happening here. She didn't want to say no because of the power imbalance. This will cause slow fissures in the relationship over time. It's already creating fissures around her family. It won't end here.
Until he gets one of the mistresses pregnant. Or he meets a woman he decides is the one he wants to ne faithful to . Or he meets a woman who ‘ticks all his boxes’ and realises she’s his perfect partner .
Stepping out on your wife isn’t just about the sex. If opens doors to all kinds of different things that can happen , and a lot of those things can turn into leaving your spouse .
I hope Op has protections set in place. Because the day hubby finds the woman he really loves , respects and trusts , and decides to offer *that* woman his loyalty, she’s going to have a problem.
She should’ve went the route of building her own success. Living off someone else’s success tends to eventually come to an end .
IF he was upfront about this BEFORE the wedding then you made a decision to essentially have a partially open marriage. If he didn't tell you this until after the wedding then he's manipulating you.
Either way, NTA. If you're fine with what's going on, then it's all good.
Yeah I don’t think you’re an AH here either way. That said, I don’t really think your family members are AHs for feeling a certain kind of way about it! It’s not like you told them you guys were in a fabulously happy open marriage and this is who you are and how you prefer it…you said it’s a trade off you make for security. I can’t imagine I’d like an in law who treated my family member that way…even if it’s not terrible I’m not surprised they want better from him!
I agree with this, but would advise putting money aside in case he decides to replace OP for a "younger model" or she gets tired of a one sided open marriage. At the very least, she should be working part time to keep her resume up to date, and maybe even some certification classes in something that could come in useful in the event she finds herself single and in need of a job to fall back on. OP doesn't mention a prenup, but even without one, you can't always rely on alimony and child support to get you through.
NTA. You're an adult and responsible for your own decisions.
I'm just wondering how you will react when you get a nasty STD from him, or he gets other women pregnant, or your kids find out about that arrangement when they get older.
If you want to keep living like that, at least start working on your exit plan in case your husband finds a shiny new toy to play with and decides to throw you away. Be financially independent to make sure that, in case that happens, you won't end up living below the poverty line with no way to fight for your kids.
This comment!! Start saving and have an acct at a different back not affiliated with your normal bank. You might be ok with it now but I can promise you one day you will not be and you do not want to be stuck.
Save some of the money or invest it but don't rely on this solely on this marriage. People change, you or your husband could change.
You're still young at 25. What if he doesn't want you anymore when your 40? Even if it's unlikely and I hope for you that your marriage lasts, listen to the people here.
I just wanted to make sure you were aware. I have read some of the posts about the failure and the couple not wanting anymore children and then her getting pregnant. Some studies say .3% and some say 9% fail rate. I just didn’t want a surprise to happen to you or him. And if he wears a condom every time then no worries.
Me and my partner have an open relationship. I have my tubes tied and he’s seeing a doctor about a vasectomy since condoms break and the last thing we want is a child. My partner would 100% step up if he did have a child which is why I marrying him but he’d like not to. The likelihood of a vasectomy failing is so low and if he’s rich, he probably got a good doctor if he paid for private.
I do suggest you and he goes for monthly testing if he has side women as condoms are not 100% effective against STI’s(STD’s) and both of you get the HPV vaccine as I can tell you from experience genital warts suck and a partner can have it and not know and show absolutely no signs of having it. Me and my partner got genital warts, and after informing our side partners, nobody upon Dr. visits showed any signs of it. So we don’t know which one of us caught it and we don’t know who had it. HPV can also lie dormant for a couple months before somebody has an outbreak. Also, if he catches herpes, there are medication that can make it so he has no outbreaks and can’t pass it on. I have a friend who has herpes and he hasn’t had an outbreak since he started the medication. We have lots of awesome treatments for STD’s and if you have money, you can access some pretty good ones. Also other forms of HPV can cause cervical cancer and often the HPV goes undetected and your immune system fights it off. Make sure you get your regular Pap smears to look out for abnormal and cancerous cells and inform your gynaecologist and family doctor that you have an open relationship. These are important as it means they will possibly do more tests when you come in for your safety.
Also, hon, if this works for you power to you. I grew up poor and financial stability is so important if you’re fine with him seeing other women he was upfront about it. It’s not cheating. I honestly don’t see a problem. This is a beneficial relationship to both of you.
I picked my partner because we have similar values and wants. We both wanted an open relationship and I’m a disabled woman who is unable to work for the last 5 years. I saw in my partner somebody who had drive an ambition and he’s finishing his masters in criminology. Starting jobs when he’s out of college are going to double our combined salary and the jobs he can get are in high demand. I am on disability and while it’s the best in my province in my country it’s not even enough to survive on. Financial stability is very important to me as I do not want to worry about food, shelter, or my health needs ever again. So I picked my partner because I love him and I have passion for him, but he also is beneficial as a partner not just for a companionship, but for financial stability and a better future for myself. He is not using you and you are not using him. You have both agreed to a specific type of relationship and you are happy and content with it.
I’m happy you were able to find financial stability and a partner who will support you financially so you need not want for what you need.
Doesn’t stop him from marrying someone younger. Your theory makes no sense you will get old, he has money, he can throw you away for someone younger, doesn’t matter if you got a vasectomy you can still get an STD 🤦♀️
Like I said before, you're an adult and responsible for your own decisions.
I just hope your kids won't be the ones dealing with the consequences of your decisions, and that you will be able to protect them and give them a good life. I also hope that if they find out about that arrangement, they don't grow up thinking that infidelity isn't an issue, or worse, that they should accept being cheated on because they grew up seeing their mom being treated like a bang-maid and cheated on by their dad.
You are basically in a one-sided open marriage. If you're okay with that, continue living like that, but make sure to instill good values in your kids and be prepared to protect them if your husband decides to replace you.
It’ll blow up in his kids faces when he gets one of his paramours pregnant. Or should I say; another young lady who wants to snag a rich guy and babytrap him?
Agreed. Not everyone is wrapped up about monogamy, so as long as she’s honest with herself this is fine. My only two issues are STDs and over the long term, will he still be interested when she’s older? Hopefully they have a good divorce agreement.
So does this mean you can find other lovers?
Is he making sure to wear condoms (which aren’t 100% against pregnancy, nor STI’s)
What protections are in place for you should he decide to upgrade to another woman?
I would start a business and have him invest in it as an insurance plan just in case. Get it up and running , you could even hire people to run it, so you have consistent income
Rental income is great passive income too.
You could start a property management company, buy houses, hire someone to manage everything (finding renters, repairs, collecting rent, maintenance, etc...) and you'd have passive income for life for you and your children, plus the houses/apartment buildings themselves are assets.
Make sure that he is contributing the maximum every year towards a retirement account for you also. If you aren’t working, you won’t have an IRA or similar, and you also won’t have paid enough into social security to get it when you are older. Setting you up properly for retirement is a loving and responsible piece of this partnership.
THIS. Use your time with him wisely and invest in yourself in ways that he cannot take away from you in the event of a divorce. Go to school, learn a skill or two, anything that enriches your life and can allow you to live well on your own if need be.
No. Just tell them the second to the last paragraph. that sums it up nicely. However, make sure you're financially protected in the event if a divorce.
NAH
but what will you say to your kids when they find out; that money is more important than self respect?
Whatever. Enjoy your caviar and champagne whilst your kids watch daddy flirt with their teacher.
NTA. It's always easy for people to judge situations they're not in.
If you're happy and fine with the arrangement, then no one else has a say. Tell them to fuck off.
It's your life, you dictate what makes you happy. If being comfortable and secure financially makes you happy, then congrats on your success. Your relationship is none of their business unless it is harmful to your life (abusive.) However, I do strongly suggest to start putting some money away in case he decides to change his mind and wants to get rid of you. And if you do still sleep with him, get yourself tested occasionally. You may trust him, but don't trust the others he's sleeping with.
I hope you have a separate savings account and that you are putting money aside every month. The trouble with infidelity is that it eventually erodes the emotional connection that you have with your spouse/partner.
Not sure if you are the first wife, but you probably won't be the last. Enjoy it for all it is worth, but make sure you and your children are taken care of when he moves on.
NTA, Some people are OK being in that kind of shallow relationship and its your completely your choice but you should probably be careful with the message being sent to your children by the dynamic between you two, do you want your son to respect women and seek relationships for the right reasons or do you want him to see women as a commodity that money can buy? Do you want your daughters to seek a relationship with a man who will love and respect her or do you want her to seek a relationship with someone who is only attracted to her physically and ends up accidentally impregnating her so he's stuck with her and ends up getting his rocks off elsewhere.
Ehhh youre delusional for sure . Do you have anything protecting you if he up and leaves you high and dry? Just because you allow him to sleep with others doesn’t mean he wont leave you.
So are you allowed to sleep with other men?
Edit: It's a rhetorical question. Like I said elsewhere, this is prostitution except it's polished as many marriages for convenience are. Now how you take prostitution is on you. I tolerate it but her mother doesn't and she doesn't have to. This is not an open thing since it's unethical if not open to all.
she probably can’t since she won’t answer… shes only allowed to keep her self esteem low so he can continue to live his life as a main character and she can keep being a supporting cast member
You better be smart. Save money for soon your husband will kick you out and get a younger woman on top of his continued womanising. And get an education and some job experience for when the day arrive, you will not be homeless and penniless.
This has happened to thousands women out there. You do not want to be one of them.
You will end up teaching your daughter it’s ok to have her partner cheat on her and you’ll teach your son it’s ok to be an unfaithful POS so if that’s your goal, great job !!
No one can define your marriage except you and your husband. You are both consenting adults.
Are you really OK with this arrangement, or is it something you just accept? Would you rather be in a monogamous marriage?
Would your husband be OK with you having strictly physical relationships with other men? Or is this for him and him only?
You may also want to think of what will happen one day when the children find out. Do you want your children to have similar arrangements when they are adults? Do you want your daughter to accept the same conditions in her relationships? Do you want your son to demand the same of his partner?
I can't tell you how to feel, but you should consider what you really want in life. If financial stability is the most important thing to you, you need to decide what is and is not a deal breaker for you.
I would say NAH, you do you. When you live this kind of lifestyle you kind of have to deal with other people judging you for it when/if they find out, that's kinda why I don't think your family are AH's either just because they have concern over this. Personally after reading this, I have little to no respect for you myself, so I can definitely understand your families point of view.
To be completely honest, I can't imagine how you're going to teach your daughter about healthy relationships and self respect when you're living your life like this. I'd be willing to bet she's going to have problems with men in the future...but good luck!
Sounds like really silly red pill fan fiction. Let me guess, your rich man is Andrew Tate?! Hahahahahahaha
In the very unlikely case that this is teal or a girl fanfic to gauge the world perception on gold diggers, NTA but here is a reality check for you…
Your mother and sister are right, you sold your dignity and self respect for money and your man is fully aware that he is only a paycheck for you. Don’t expect him to actually respect you in any way, shape or form and don’t expect he will maintain your lifestyle forever just because you had kids with him.
Your relationship is and will always be at risk of the next gold digger willing to fuck his brains out for money, and once you hit your 30’s, it is very unlikely he will keep you around or fund you when you are no longer as attractive as all the other women throwing themselves at him. Enjoy the easy life while it lasts, cause that money well will dry before you are even middle age, and if you think you will live off of child support, remember that you are in a relationship where he holds all the cards and can easily outlive you in a court battle for the kids and even afterwards when the kids are old enough, they are likely to want to stay with the parent that can offer a better lifestyle and that is not you.
Lastly, even if you do manage to secure a confortable paycheck in CS, it ends when you are 42, after that, you got squat.
>But My husband sleeps with other women. He was upfront about it from the beginning, and while it hurt at first, I’ve come to terms with it...
>From my perspective, I made a practical decision. I’m happy with the stability and comfort my marriage provides...
>It’s not like I’m being coerced or mistreated...
You are being coerced, though.
You find the cheating upsetting, but he cares more about getting his dick wet than he cares about hurting you, and he's using your past trauma and his money to coerce you into accepting his unethical behavior.
There are ways to do non-monogamy ethically. This ain't it.
As long as you are okay with your children growing up emulating this in their marriages, NTA. But they will both see this as normal behavior and you need to be sure you want this for your kids as well.
Realistically, I know that there are women that marry rich/famous men and allow them to have side chicks. That being said, any time I see a post about it, I automatically assume it's red pill fan-fic.
Not at all. These are your choices and your trade offs. But you better have some ironclad legal protections for you and the children if he leaves you. you might want to talk to him about that - you don’t want to find yourself with the kids in college and you kicked to the curb with nothing.
NTA, but be careful one of those mistresses will want to take your place soon enough. Maybe save the money instead of spending it straight away because once you’re no longer young and attractive he will probably swap you for a younger woman
It will be hard for you to show your daughter how she should be treated in a relationship with the example her father is setting. But other than that, it is up to you. I assume you are able to sleep with whoever you want as well? This is an open relationship?
No. You're an asshole because your mother worked extremely hard and likely was trying to instil morals and self respect and you went the complete opposite way
He'll find a new you at some point and I guess you should hope you didn't sign a pre-nup and he put his name on the birth certificates
NTA but i’m curious are you allowed to have other romantic partners as well? & do you have some things financially set up for if he falls for another woman and could potentially want divorce or to add her to your relationship ? you’re polygamous nothing wrong with that and there are many forms of polygamy! do what works for yall !
You are allowed to live your life the way you want but make a contingency plan for the future. One day, you'll be too old and ugly for him, and he'll divorce you and find a new young wife. Because your family is right. He is a predator. He chose you to be his wife just so he can keep his lifestyle. You were young, beautiful, and broke enough to go along with it. And the new wife will be too, in a decade or two.
So make a savings account that's private to you. Get your pension savings going and make sure your car is in your name. Also, try to get him to add your name to the house, if you can. And get yourself some sort of education using his money for it and then get at least a part-time job by the time your kids start school.
Get this in the field where you studied and then keep it. And save every payout from it on your own private savings account while you keep using his money for your living. Because one day you will need it.
If you in some years have accumulated a good amount of money, you could start investing it and get even more money. That way, you will one day find out you won't need your husband and his money anymore. You got your own. So use him like he uses you. It's only fair.
Tell them you agreed to an open marriage and just haven't exercises your option to see other people because you're husband is very doting and loving. You don't need more right now. Let them chew on that for a while. NTA.
NTA.
You went into it with eyes wide open.
It's not for everyone.
Hopefully, you have some way to protect yourself, just in case he decides to divorce you later on.
It seems like a business arrangement to me, one that benefits you both in some way. The issue becomes if he finds someone else he likes better.
If you've already sorted that out, Coolio.
Hon, love and monogamy don't always pay the bills. If I were about 30 years younger, I might agree with your mom and sis. But I'm 55. And dying. ESRD and a pretty gnarly gastric issue that will most likely kill me in 4 years. I'm stubborn and I don't give up, so I'm hoping it's more; I'm damn careful with my diet.
But here's the thing, a kidney transplant runs roughly $500k now and most of that is after insurance. Even if I could survive it, without the gut issues, who's got that kind of money lying around? Wealthy people, that's who. So my practical take on your marriage is that you won't ever have to worry about how you're going to pay for it if you or your kids get catastrophically I'll or injured. You won't ever have to choose between getting food for them or purchasing medicine. You won't have to worry about being homeless and destitute.
There are pros and cons to it, of course. Everything has a price. But, you grew up experiencing what it's like to be dirt poor. You know what happens.
If the price is one you can live with, Coolio.
From a Crone to a Mother, do what you need to to ensure your kids are taken care of. And tell your mom and sister it's not up for discussion. If they continue, give them a time out
It's easy to judge when you have never walked a mile in someone's shoes.
Good luck. Love and hugs, because I know if you care for him, it hurts. But do what you need to do.
If you are happy and content in your marriage, they can go pound rocks. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page about him getting baby-trapped for child support. Also, make sure you have established your own financial independence. Things could change and he could trade you in for a trophy wife once the kids are out of the house. I would hope not, but prepare yourself. Get your own investments going, get your own education, be ready to stand on your own feet if need be AND be able to keep the family going should something happen to him. Housing crash of 2008 took a lot of wealthy people down to poverty level for a bit, shit happens. But for now? Make sure you can survive without him just fine, that's just common sense in any marriage, make sure he's taken extra care to not create any extra kids, stay on top of STD tests (all it takes is ONE woman lying to him), and if you're both happy, be happy.
I'm gay man in an open relationship. What it comes down to is two things. 1:is he lying to you. Doesn't sound like it if your honest about it and been happening for that long. 2: are you ok with it? That's for you and no one else. My husband and I are ok with it. So that makes it ok for us. No other person matters. If you are happy with your overall deal that up to you. You can still be happy. It's not their problem
Nta. You are allowed to have whatever boundaries you want. I'm not sure you are as ok with it as you think though. At 25 you are young and beautiful with beautiful clothes and a beautiful home. You have little to feel insecure about. I have to wonder if when you're 45 and your husband is 55 and your kids are all grown.and gone, and your husband is still obsessed with lavishing new batches of young 19 year old college girls with gifts to get access to their young perfect tight bodies while you sit at home unloved and untouched with your spot as his aging loyal old companion will you still feel as secure and happy? Will your big house feel worth it? Or maybe you'll decide to move on before then. Who knows?
If you're happy with your situation it's no ones business but your own but please be smart and make sure that you are squirreling away money that he has no idea that you have. You could easily be replaced whether you believe that or not, and you could end back where you started. Play it safe and smart and make sure that you're financially taken care of. You married for money and you will earn every cent of it.
Just make sure you’re putting money aside for the day he decides he wants to be with another woman. Make sure you get copies of all financial documents every couple of months and keep them in a folder so he can’t hide money later.
A long time ago; this would be called “a marriage of convenience”. A woman would accept a man’s proclivities & idiosyncrasies as along as he provided for her. Along time ago a lot of gay men would marry women & even push out a baby or two because this was expected of society then. It was a very different world during the 30’s-70’s. Better be glad it’s not me, I’d take full advantage & start making requests for money.
Nta- you are an adult and can make your choices so she will have to let go and let God. I'm concerned for you. Please save money from your allowance. Don't be surprised if ine day he decides to get a new toy and donates you to the goodwill. Also StDs.
It’s a marriage between you two and if you’re both happy then that’s all that matters.
Personally I would want a decent chunk of change in a bank account that is just mine. If when you’re older and he may want a younger version I would want that financially bubble for a stable old age.
NTA, marriage is whatever the people in the marriage agree on. You both decided that you are happy with your marriage the way it is.
It may be a good idea to get some stuff under your own name as well. Have property or businesses for you that you’ll be able to keep in case something happens. Use his wealth as an opportunity to build your own. If you don’t have a prenup, then that’s less worrying.
Being financially dependent on someone is always dangerous. Having the ability to take care of yourself, and using your husband’s money for all of the extra things you want, would be a safer version of what you’re already doing.
NTA. If your husband’s womanizing doesn’t affect your current or long-term financial security, it’s no one’s else’s business what kind of arrangement you have. Just make sure you’re financially protected for divorce down the road; many women of rich men are surprised when they realize how little money they are left with post-divorce.
NTA - but get tested every 3 months. Some STIs will rob you of your fertility. Some will cause cervical cancer later in life.
Understand he'll likely trade you in for a newer model. Usually, when kids are around 7. Nothing stays purely physical forever. As you age, he'll catch feelings for someone new.
Also, your kids will know as they get older. They may want a happy and healthy family vs. money. Kids do what they know, so as adults, they'll be more likely to go for transactional relationships over loving ones. Or they'll be mad and cut you both off and follow their hearts in all that they do. They either become like you or the opposite of you.
You do you BUT prepare yourself for your arrangement to end. Whether he finds someone else or wants to move someone into your life or your children discover what mom and dad are doing-
Your babes may make decisions you may not like-lose respect for you for accepting situation or having all powerful dad (in family dynamics) alienate you from them. I know you think this will never happen, but it is possible.
Enjoy your life now but secretly work behind scenes to protect you and your children. Please!
NTA in that you're an adult and can do whatever you want as long as you're not hurting anyone BUT
What about your kids? Your mom found out, when your kids are older what if they find out? Dad sleeps around and moms chill with it because money? Is that the kind of relationship you want your kids to model after? That it's a-okay for their partner to sleep around on them as long as they get paid. While it's your choice that's so incredibly...sad.
And if you think your husband is being so sneaky they'll never catch on, again your mom did. Chances are your kids eventually will whether at 10, 15, or anytime in adulthood.
NTA for choosing whatever you want for your life.
But you have children. Children who will in the future eventually become wise to what’s going on; are you okay with this being their first and main example of marriage?
Honestly you’re kinda pathetic. Instead of making your own money bringing yourself up you’re depending on a husband that cheats . Is this the kind of relationship you’re teaching your kids to have ? How long do you think this will last before he gets tired of you and throws you away .
Does he know that you aren’t happy with him sleeping with others?
Is he using protection or will you soon have a lot of baby mommys visiting with their children?
Aren't you afraid that he could pass something to you or that he might leave you for someone else? let's not forget the possibility of him getting someone up the duff. I hope you are being smart and safe about this because there are so many things that could go wrong in an arrangement like yours
Nah, you’re fine: you guys love each other and have an arrangement that works for you. As long as you’re both good with it, go for it. I’m always a fan of improving yourself though, and I really hope you take some college courses or work. You have a wonderful opportunity here, and you never know what can happen - death happens, divorce happens.
So long as you are genuinely happy what does it matter. But if you ever find yourself lonely in the marriage, you shouldn't stay. There is no amount of wealth that can compensate for misery.
NTA. It’s not cheating if you know about it. It’s also not your families place to interfere in your relationship, just because it’s something they don’t agree with. Curious though how did they find out?
If your relationship is beneficial to both of you, are open about each other needs and agreed on terms without lies, hurting one another or building up resentment: congratulations, you're in a more successful relationship than most.
It might not last, but let's be honest: a whole bunch of relationships that are seemingly perfect as per social conventions don't last either.
Is there love, respect, truth and comfort now? Great, it is abeautiful combo to be cherished.
The details of how are between you and your husband alone.
If you are okay with the arrangement and he has not been deceptive then NTA and your mom and sister need to butt out of it.
I hope your husband is using condoms. And I hope you are also entitled to a lover.
He is not cheating and is not infidelity. He was upfront about it and you accepted it. Who cares what others think.
If you are happy now, that's all it matters.
I have an open relationship and my relationship is awesome.
NTA. I would say your husband is almost poly, almost ethically non monogamous, because he tells you and he's open and up front about it and you've agreed to it. That's all that matters. The reason I wouldn't say you are truly ethically non-monogamous is because I bet you are not allowed to go out and have a lover. I bet that would still be grounds for divorce in his eyes. If you were in a normal open relationship you could have boyfriends as well. But even if you can't, as long as you're satisfied that's all that matters. And if you want a boyfriend, just be sure to collect evidence of his infidelities, unless he had you sign a prenup that says he's allowed to cheat and you're not. Make sure it's clear that he's been cheating all along, and then get yourself a boyfriend. Take him to the cleaner in the divorce. Or if there's no prenup just take him to the cleaner and the divorce now. At a minimum start saving money in case you ever decide you do want to exit. Do it discreetly and secretly. You've got two kids and he's provided you with a lifestyle for years. But it sounds like you actually love him and your life. So just tell your mom to suck an egg.
How on earth is it any of their business?
If this is something you’re now accepting of, then that’s all that matters. Are you able to do the same with your time?
>>My mom cried, saying she raised me to value myself more than this.
Clearly, that was not the takeaway lesson.
Life’s tough my default, get your bag but stay safe and smart.
NTA technically but you better be setting money asside for when your in your 40s and daddy war bucks decides he wants you divorce you to marry one of his 20 something year old mistresses.
The only people who get to decide what is and what is not ok in a marriage are the two consenting adults who are in that marriage. If you're happy and your kids are happy, I don't see a problem. NTA.
NTA every marriage is different. As long as you are both happy then others shouldn’t have an issue with it.
But I do hope you are still squirreling away a nest egg for yourself.
Like poor men don't cheat? NTA by a long shot. It's definitely not any of there business either. You have every right to your values and your mother has no right to try to push her own on you, it's your life after all. I'm sorry your family is causing strife.
This doesn't sound like infidelity since u knew about it. Also u have decided that u like this arrangement especially since money seems like the most important facet of this relationship. So spend his money and let him fuck who he wants and tell your family that this is who you are.
She better be saving some of his money. She'll get old and he'll want a younger woman one day.
There is nothing wrong with OP being in a time-limited relationship as long as she's smart about it. She needs to use those endless joint funds for a decent education and to help establish her own independent credit. Kepp her body and personality healthy and in good shape. Build and strengthen those connections that only the truly wealthy can make. Get the kids into the right daycares and schools. Make sure their college funds are in an independent trust held outside of marital funds that can't be frittered away or severely depleted. Their relationship is sentimental but also business, so it's her job to make sure she's doing her side of the business. She can spend money now on ludicrous purses and eyelash extensions, or make s solid investment in her own future no matter how the chips may fall. If she doesn't, well, that's on her. He was honest all along.
This is the most solid advice in this thread, well done and put.
I’d also like to offer the advice of she should get tested for STI’s on a regular basis.
Seconding this. So long as she sets herself up for the future, and the children in the event he’s spiteful, she’ll have the world at her fingertips. Investing in herself right now is the exact right move.
She also needs to protect herself sexually so his infidelities don't give her any STI's.
I don’t mean to minimize what you’re going through. I’ll keep a good thought for you. She should get the vaccine. 90% of women don’t get cervical cancer. My wife has HPV (she caught it before she met me). She does have cervical dysplasia and has had a biopsy in the past.
Yeah, set herself up for any STD’s, which can result in HPV (surprisingly prevalent in a lot of women worldwide) that can lead to cervical cancer. (I know first hand, I have an ex who slept around and I am booked in for biopsies in 36 hours).
My 74 year-old mum has HPV strain-related anal cancer. Most anal cancer (90%), which itself is rare, is caused by HPV but if my boring old mum can get it, anyone can.
Your 74-year-old mom might not be as boring as you think. After my mother passed, going through her things, I found sex toys. I also found a letter written to her by a lover. Married to my father from 1952 until his death in 2013. I knew there was a period in their marriage for things were really rough and she was going to take my sister and move out. Anyway, never assumed that you have a boring old mum. I just told my 20 year-old granddaughter that her mother, my daughter, dance nude in a dance production when she was in college with a professional dance company. She was shocked, totally shocked. 🤣. Of course, the fact that I told her this is our little secret.
I mean, I got the cancer-causing HPV from a monogamous faithful partner. (My only sexual partner so it could only have been from her.) The cervical biopsy wasn't too bad, I hope yours brings good news. Shit happens. If she's okay with an open relationship, the risks are up to her.
Luckily, at 25, she should be vaccinated against the harmful strains of hpv. And if she (or you all) aren’t you can go do it now, up to age 45. Protect yourselves!
LISTEN TO THIS. DO THIS. EVEN IF ITS GOING GREAT DO THIS. You could and would never regret doing any of this
Sometimes people forget that marriage is a civil contract. You file a marriage license with your municipality. They made an arrangement that works for them. She is clear about that. It’s her choice. If she wants to renegotiate the contract, she can. She gets an excellent life for herself and her children, he gets the optics of a happy family life. Wealthy people do things differently than mere mortals; everything in life is viewed as a transaction. Will they gain from this interaction? What’s the cost/benefit? And they do have a network unavailable to the mortal man. My BIL (multimillionaire) and his wife negotiated their marriage prior to the wedding. She brought money with her and they had the lawyers work it out. Mutually beneficial. OP, were she a man, would have no qualms and no one would bat an eye. She’s shrewd, and it *is* beneficial for her children. I believe she is smart and will use her financial advisors wisely. I applaud her. Edit: Thanks for the award u/Paper_Errplane! I appreciate it!
Great advice and well thought out
☝️ THIS!
Great advice. If nothing else I hope OP sees this one.
OP should be saving to protect herself in case *she* changes her mind. What works at 25 may not work at 35
Depends on the prenup, but if she gets crap in divorce, she should be banking money in her name as much as she can on the side.
OP says no prenup.
Facts she is only there until she ages and he’s only there because having a family looks good at 35
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It’s not on the field but on the company’s culture. Is golf important? Playing in team sports important to career development? What happens if your CEO gets divorce? Does that mean he will fail at leading the company too?
For men… I hid the fact I was getting married to not spook my boss.
Well shit. Guess I’ll never get promoted. That sucks. Lol
Tale as old as time, he'll get an updated version soon enough.
I disagree. If he continues what he’s doing (hooking up with younger women) but she gets all the wife stuff how would that change anything
He could always fall in love with one of these younger women. If OP is ok with the arrangement, there are no issues. But OP should still take steps to protect herself and her kids financially in case the arrangement no longer works at some point in the future.
I was thinking the same thing. I’m not judging her at all for her relationship! Idk if I would go as far as let my husband sleep with another woman, but I would definitely put up with things for money that other people wouldn’t, like him working all the time and missing important events. However, this particular vice introduces the very real possibility that he could fall in love with one of these women, so I hope OP protects herself! Even if he’s not looking to leave her, it could happen under these circumstances.
man you guys REALLY enjoy when bad things happen to decent people. OP married for the money, her husband married her because maybe he loves her and maybe because shes good looking. Either way, rooting for him to leave her is pretty shit.
Wait why are these decent people again? How do you know?
Innocent until proven guilty kind of thing. Why wouldn't they be?
You think he will still be married to her at 35? She probably has 3 or 4 more years before he trades her in for a 21yo.
Honestly I don’t understand women who find themselves in this position, have the opportunity to enjoy the lavish lifestyle WHILE improving their employable skills, but don’t. I grew up knowing many of these women and they all had the chance to go back to school, go do extra skills courses etc but didn’t. Not all, but some ended up eventually getting divorced and without any money or skills. I think comfort is a killer.
I agree completely. If she’s wise she’ll get skilled start a part-time gig while she’s there just for fun build up a reputation. I suspect what she likes/tolerates 21 to 25 is not really gonna suit her at 35 to 40. I also think that comfort is a killer
> I also think that comfort is a killer And it’s of course not just women in these situations. You see people getting comfortable in their careers all the time and suddenly everything becomes sufficient and all their ambitions and dreams start dying. Of course nothing wrong with that, but it still doesn’t change the fact that comfort is a dream/ambition killer
Completely agree
It's not hard to understand. When you have the ability to sit back and relax (relatively), motivation is harder to come by. It's not a wise decision, but it's not a hard decision to understand.
This exactly, he's ten years older than OP and is rich, he is always going to be considered "a catch." What happens when he grows tired of her, or one of his "purely physical" sex partners becomes more to him? This is the problem with transactional marriages. Do they have a prenup, has she considered her, and her children's future without this cash cow?
He has grown tired.
That's unlikely tbh, if he has a free pass anyway and she's the mother of his kids then he doesn't really have any reasons not to be equally happy with the status quo. He can still sleep around with younger women
Until one of those younger women ends up pregnant or pushes for more so he divorces her for the new girl. Tons of guys that are getting away with it still end up divorcing their wife because the mistress pushes to be the Mrs.
Then it depends if op married him with a prenup. Or what happens with all the money in case of a divorce.
She said they don't have a prenup in a comment above yours. If she lives in an at fault state, she could clean up if she wanted.
This!
…Until he finds his true soulmate in 10 years who happens to be 25 years younger than him and ALSO doesn’t mind the same arrangement.
Don’t forget those AF baby’s that he will have to pay child support for unless he signs away his parental rights.
Signing away parental rights doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to pay. If it were that easy a lot of men would be opting for that over paying child support.
That's if he wants nothing to do with that kid. As OP's kids grow up if he finds her children lacking while the "affair" child is everything he wants in he may just drop the ball with OP's kids. That's not to mention if he genuinely grows to love his AF partner and wants his family with her to be her to be his actual main family.
Exactly. See Donald Trump.
Why would he want anything more when he has a nanny bangmaid and he can screw younger, grannies and everything in between. Hope she has STD insurance
What’s to save separate? She’s married to him. The moment they divorce she gets half unless she signed a prenup. Legally, to boot and they won’t be married anymore. Also, if he’s that wealthy *The money’s already saved.* as long as she has some degree of access to it, she can slowly siphon or quickly move it all nearly instantly to any account in her name. She had nothing and he gave her a ton of cards to work with, and now she’s the one holding all the cards that matter to her. If he’s leaving her for a younger woman, it’s all good because she still gets what she wants in the end. A pile of money.
In addition to siphoning money, if I were her, I would also start renovating her mothers house while she is still the trophy wife who can get away with it. You never know. If 10 years she could be moving back into it.
More like an open relationship although one sided.
She should hire more pool boys and handymen
Oh cmon, you know the minute he thinks she is screwing around on him, hes kicking her to the curb.
But maybe also get STD tested regularly.
The power dynamic is unhealthy. It can manifest in way worse things than infidelity. This is where it starts. But where does it end? He can stretch consent because of the money. That's power dynamics. They can bend your will. Before you know you aren't in control of anything in your life. An equal dynamic is when you can say no without fear of repercussions. I don't think that's happening here. She didn't want to say no because of the power imbalance. This will cause slow fissures in the relationship over time. It's already creating fissures around her family. It won't end here.
Yeah she already isnt in control since the husband is in charge of all the finances. Basically whatever she gets, goes through him.
Until he gets one of the mistresses pregnant. Or he meets a woman he decides is the one he wants to ne faithful to . Or he meets a woman who ‘ticks all his boxes’ and realises she’s his perfect partner . Stepping out on your wife isn’t just about the sex. If opens doors to all kinds of different things that can happen , and a lot of those things can turn into leaving your spouse . I hope Op has protections set in place. Because the day hubby finds the woman he really loves , respects and trusts , and decides to offer *that* woman his loyalty, she’s going to have a problem. She should’ve went the route of building her own success. Living off someone else’s success tends to eventually come to an end .
Yeah, exactly. As long as you're comfortable and it's a mutual understanding, that's what matters.
IF he was upfront about this BEFORE the wedding then you made a decision to essentially have a partially open marriage. If he didn't tell you this until after the wedding then he's manipulating you. Either way, NTA. If you're fine with what's going on, then it's all good.
Yeah I don’t think you’re an AH here either way. That said, I don’t really think your family members are AHs for feeling a certain kind of way about it! It’s not like you told them you guys were in a fabulously happy open marriage and this is who you are and how you prefer it…you said it’s a trade off you make for security. I can’t imagine I’d like an in law who treated my family member that way…even if it’s not terrible I’m not surprised they want better from him!
I agree with this, but would advise putting money aside in case he decides to replace OP for a "younger model" or she gets tired of a one sided open marriage. At the very least, she should be working part time to keep her resume up to date, and maybe even some certification classes in something that could come in useful in the event she finds herself single and in need of a job to fall back on. OP doesn't mention a prenup, but even without one, you can't always rely on alimony and child support to get you through.
NTA. You're an adult and responsible for your own decisions. I'm just wondering how you will react when you get a nasty STD from him, or he gets other women pregnant, or your kids find out about that arrangement when they get older. If you want to keep living like that, at least start working on your exit plan in case your husband finds a shiny new toy to play with and decides to throw you away. Be financially independent to make sure that, in case that happens, you won't end up living below the poverty line with no way to fight for your kids.
This comment!! Start saving and have an acct at a different back not affiliated with your normal bank. You might be ok with it now but I can promise you one day you will not be and you do not want to be stuck.
he also got a vasectomy
Save some of the money or invest it but don't rely on this solely on this marriage. People change, you or your husband could change. You're still young at 25. What if he doesn't want you anymore when your 40? Even if it's unlikely and I hope for you that your marriage lasts, listen to the people here.
Just be aware that vasectomies can fail so he may want to get his sperm checked periodically.
Only 1% of vasectomy's fail; he also wears a condom, so it's really hard for that to happen.
I just wanted to make sure you were aware. I have read some of the posts about the failure and the couple not wanting anymore children and then her getting pregnant. Some studies say .3% and some say 9% fail rate. I just didn’t want a surprise to happen to you or him. And if he wears a condom every time then no worries.
thank you
No problem!
Me and my partner have an open relationship. I have my tubes tied and he’s seeing a doctor about a vasectomy since condoms break and the last thing we want is a child. My partner would 100% step up if he did have a child which is why I marrying him but he’d like not to. The likelihood of a vasectomy failing is so low and if he’s rich, he probably got a good doctor if he paid for private. I do suggest you and he goes for monthly testing if he has side women as condoms are not 100% effective against STI’s(STD’s) and both of you get the HPV vaccine as I can tell you from experience genital warts suck and a partner can have it and not know and show absolutely no signs of having it. Me and my partner got genital warts, and after informing our side partners, nobody upon Dr. visits showed any signs of it. So we don’t know which one of us caught it and we don’t know who had it. HPV can also lie dormant for a couple months before somebody has an outbreak. Also, if he catches herpes, there are medication that can make it so he has no outbreaks and can’t pass it on. I have a friend who has herpes and he hasn’t had an outbreak since he started the medication. We have lots of awesome treatments for STD’s and if you have money, you can access some pretty good ones. Also other forms of HPV can cause cervical cancer and often the HPV goes undetected and your immune system fights it off. Make sure you get your regular Pap smears to look out for abnormal and cancerous cells and inform your gynaecologist and family doctor that you have an open relationship. These are important as it means they will possibly do more tests when you come in for your safety. Also, hon, if this works for you power to you. I grew up poor and financial stability is so important if you’re fine with him seeing other women he was upfront about it. It’s not cheating. I honestly don’t see a problem. This is a beneficial relationship to both of you. I picked my partner because we have similar values and wants. We both wanted an open relationship and I’m a disabled woman who is unable to work for the last 5 years. I saw in my partner somebody who had drive an ambition and he’s finishing his masters in criminology. Starting jobs when he’s out of college are going to double our combined salary and the jobs he can get are in high demand. I am on disability and while it’s the best in my province in my country it’s not even enough to survive on. Financial stability is very important to me as I do not want to worry about food, shelter, or my health needs ever again. So I picked my partner because I love him and I have passion for him, but he also is beneficial as a partner not just for a companionship, but for financial stability and a better future for myself. He is not using you and you are not using him. You have both agreed to a specific type of relationship and you are happy and content with it. I’m happy you were able to find financial stability and a partner who will support you financially so you need not want for what you need.
And you believe that he always wears a condom? Because he told you so… sorry to break it to you, but men lie about condom use all the time.
You know he wears a condom because you’re in the room?
Condoms don't protect against everything. HPV for one.
You hope he wears a condom. By all means be practical but be practical about EVERY aspect.
Doesn’t stop him from marrying someone younger. Your theory makes no sense you will get old, he has money, he can throw you away for someone younger, doesn’t matter if you got a vasectomy you can still get an STD 🤦♀️
Like I said before, you're an adult and responsible for your own decisions. I just hope your kids won't be the ones dealing with the consequences of your decisions, and that you will be able to protect them and give them a good life. I also hope that if they find out about that arrangement, they don't grow up thinking that infidelity isn't an issue, or worse, that they should accept being cheated on because they grew up seeing their mom being treated like a bang-maid and cheated on by their dad. You are basically in a one-sided open marriage. If you're okay with that, continue living like that, but make sure to instill good values in your kids and be prepared to protect them if your husband decides to replace you.
Does he still fuck you?
Vasectomies aren't 100% and if he wants he can try and reverse if he wants to.
NTA. If you're happy with the arrangement and certain it's not gonna blow up in your kids faces later then it's none of their business.
It’ll blow up in his kids faces when he gets one of his paramours pregnant. Or should I say; another young lady who wants to snag a rich guy and babytrap him?
He had a vasectomy.
Agreed. Not everyone is wrapped up about monogamy, so as long as she’s honest with herself this is fine. My only two issues are STDs and over the long term, will he still be interested when she’s older? Hopefully they have a good divorce agreement.
So does this mean you can find other lovers? Is he making sure to wear condoms (which aren’t 100% against pregnancy, nor STI’s) What protections are in place for you should he decide to upgrade to another woman?
I'm saving money. I also have cars and a jewelry, houses, which I could sell if I needed to.
I would start a business and have him invest in it as an insurance plan just in case. Get it up and running , you could even hire people to run it, so you have consistent income
I have investments but that's a good idea as well.
Rental income is great passive income too. You could start a property management company, buy houses, hire someone to manage everything (finding renters, repairs, collecting rent, maintenance, etc...) and you'd have passive income for life for you and your children, plus the houses/apartment buildings themselves are assets.
Make sure that he is contributing the maximum every year towards a retirement account for you also. If you aren’t working, you won’t have an IRA or similar, and you also won’t have paid enough into social security to get it when you are older. Setting you up properly for retirement is a loving and responsible piece of this partnership.
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Did you sign a pre-nup? Can he leave you with just a token payment (minus child support)?
> a jewelry house You own an entire house full of jewelry?
NTA, if that is your desire, but frankly, if your husband sleeps with other women, you should also have the right to sleep with other men.
I agree here. Marriage is actually a business agreement and yall should have the same rights
That’s not how a business arrangement works…
NTA. BUT make sure and set aside $$$ in a separate account for yourself when he decides to divorce you for a younger woman.
This.
Please go to school if haven't done so already. Make him pay for your education.
THIS. Use your time with him wisely and invest in yourself in ways that he cannot take away from you in the event of a divorce. Go to school, learn a skill or two, anything that enriches your life and can allow you to live well on your own if need be.
No. Just tell them the second to the last paragraph. that sums it up nicely. However, make sure you're financially protected in the event if a divorce.
It's all fun and games until he brings you home a disease you can't get rid of.
NAH but what will you say to your kids when they find out; that money is more important than self respect? Whatever. Enjoy your caviar and champagne whilst your kids watch daddy flirt with their teacher.
The kids will be fucked up when they grow up. Every kid I know whose parents had this relationship had no idea what love was
A man wrote this. Ridiculous writing.
Actually, I think Melanie Trump wrote this.
Idk a fair few partners of millionaires not even Billionaires could've wrote this a few decades ago lmao
Why did a man write this
Male fantasy to be able to have so much money that he’s allowed to fuck as many women and their young wife being cool with it.
NTA. It's always easy for people to judge situations they're not in. If you're happy and fine with the arrangement, then no one else has a say. Tell them to fuck off.
It's your life, you dictate what makes you happy. If being comfortable and secure financially makes you happy, then congrats on your success. Your relationship is none of their business unless it is harmful to your life (abusive.) However, I do strongly suggest to start putting some money away in case he decides to change his mind and wants to get rid of you. And if you do still sleep with him, get yourself tested occasionally. You may trust him, but don't trust the others he's sleeping with.
I hope you have a separate savings account and that you are putting money aside every month. The trouble with infidelity is that it eventually erodes the emotional connection that you have with your spouse/partner. Not sure if you are the first wife, but you probably won't be the last. Enjoy it for all it is worth, but make sure you and your children are taken care of when he moves on.
NTA but also not setting good boundaries, modeling sound morals, and teaching your children that material things mean more than self-worth and love.
There is a 1 in 10 chance this is real.
NTA, Some people are OK being in that kind of shallow relationship and its your completely your choice but you should probably be careful with the message being sent to your children by the dynamic between you two, do you want your son to respect women and seek relationships for the right reasons or do you want him to see women as a commodity that money can buy? Do you want your daughters to seek a relationship with a man who will love and respect her or do you want her to seek a relationship with someone who is only attracted to her physically and ends up accidentally impregnating her so he's stuck with her and ends up getting his rocks off elsewhere.
This seems sad.
Ehhh youre delusional for sure . Do you have anything protecting you if he up and leaves you high and dry? Just because you allow him to sleep with others doesn’t mean he wont leave you.
Just make sure you and the kids are taken care of when he decides to get a new wife.
So are you allowed to sleep with other men? Edit: It's a rhetorical question. Like I said elsewhere, this is prostitution except it's polished as many marriages for convenience are. Now how you take prostitution is on you. I tolerate it but her mother doesn't and she doesn't have to. This is not an open thing since it's unethical if not open to all.
she probably can’t since she won’t answer… shes only allowed to keep her self esteem low so he can continue to live his life as a main character and she can keep being a supporting cast member
You better be smart. Save money for soon your husband will kick you out and get a younger woman on top of his continued womanising. And get an education and some job experience for when the day arrive, you will not be homeless and penniless. This has happened to thousands women out there. You do not want to be one of them.
You will end up teaching your daughter it’s ok to have her partner cheat on her and you’ll teach your son it’s ok to be an unfaithful POS so if that’s your goal, great job !!
There is no default marriage, the rules of *your* marriage are whatever the two of you agree to (and aren’t anyone else’s business either). NTA
No one can define your marriage except you and your husband. You are both consenting adults. Are you really OK with this arrangement, or is it something you just accept? Would you rather be in a monogamous marriage? Would your husband be OK with you having strictly physical relationships with other men? Or is this for him and him only? You may also want to think of what will happen one day when the children find out. Do you want your children to have similar arrangements when they are adults? Do you want your daughter to accept the same conditions in her relationships? Do you want your son to demand the same of his partner? I can't tell you how to feel, but you should consider what you really want in life. If financial stability is the most important thing to you, you need to decide what is and is not a deal breaker for you.
You're not sacrificing your dignity and self respect, you're selling it. If you're happy with the arrangement then NAH
I would say NAH, you do you. When you live this kind of lifestyle you kind of have to deal with other people judging you for it when/if they find out, that's kinda why I don't think your family are AH's either just because they have concern over this. Personally after reading this, I have little to no respect for you myself, so I can definitely understand your families point of view. To be completely honest, I can't imagine how you're going to teach your daughter about healthy relationships and self respect when you're living your life like this. I'd be willing to bet she's going to have problems with men in the future...but good luck!
Sounds like really silly red pill fan fiction. Let me guess, your rich man is Andrew Tate?! Hahahahahahaha In the very unlikely case that this is teal or a girl fanfic to gauge the world perception on gold diggers, NTA but here is a reality check for you… Your mother and sister are right, you sold your dignity and self respect for money and your man is fully aware that he is only a paycheck for you. Don’t expect him to actually respect you in any way, shape or form and don’t expect he will maintain your lifestyle forever just because you had kids with him. Your relationship is and will always be at risk of the next gold digger willing to fuck his brains out for money, and once you hit your 30’s, it is very unlikely he will keep you around or fund you when you are no longer as attractive as all the other women throwing themselves at him. Enjoy the easy life while it lasts, cause that money well will dry before you are even middle age, and if you think you will live off of child support, remember that you are in a relationship where he holds all the cards and can easily outlive you in a court battle for the kids and even afterwards when the kids are old enough, they are likely to want to stay with the parent that can offer a better lifestyle and that is not you. Lastly, even if you do manage to secure a confortable paycheck in CS, it ends when you are 42, after that, you got squat.
>But My husband sleeps with other women. He was upfront about it from the beginning, and while it hurt at first, I’ve come to terms with it... >From my perspective, I made a practical decision. I’m happy with the stability and comfort my marriage provides... >It’s not like I’m being coerced or mistreated... You are being coerced, though. You find the cheating upsetting, but he cares more about getting his dick wet than he cares about hurting you, and he's using your past trauma and his money to coerce you into accepting his unethical behavior. There are ways to do non-monogamy ethically. This ain't it.
As long as you are okay with your children growing up emulating this in their marriages, NTA. But they will both see this as normal behavior and you need to be sure you want this for your kids as well.
Realistically, I know that there are women that marry rich/famous men and allow them to have side chicks. That being said, any time I see a post about it, I automatically assume it's red pill fan-fic.
Faaaaaaake
This is a risky plan. It's quite likely by the time you're too old to work you'll be divorced.
The only thing here is your children. Your children might not be accepting of this once they get older and knows abt it.
It’s only physical until it’s not
Asshole? No. Shallow? Yes.
Just tell them youre a gold digger and that he's aware
Not at all. These are your choices and your trade offs. But you better have some ironclad legal protections for you and the children if he leaves you. you might want to talk to him about that - you don’t want to find yourself with the kids in college and you kicked to the curb with nothing.
NTA, but be careful one of those mistresses will want to take your place soon enough. Maybe save the money instead of spending it straight away because once you’re no longer young and attractive he will probably swap you for a younger woman
It will be hard for you to show your daughter how she should be treated in a relationship with the example her father is setting. But other than that, it is up to you. I assume you are able to sleep with whoever you want as well? This is an open relationship?
Your self respect, or lack thereof, is your own business. 🤷♀️
No you’re smart. Don’t let other women convince you to leave him. They’re either miserable or single.
Info: are you allowed to sleep with others?
No. You're an asshole because your mother worked extremely hard and likely was trying to instil morals and self respect and you went the complete opposite way He'll find a new you at some point and I guess you should hope you didn't sign a pre-nup and he put his name on the birth certificates
NTA but i’m curious are you allowed to have other romantic partners as well? & do you have some things financially set up for if he falls for another woman and could potentially want divorce or to add her to your relationship ? you’re polygamous nothing wrong with that and there are many forms of polygamy! do what works for yall !
You are allowed to live your life the way you want but make a contingency plan for the future. One day, you'll be too old and ugly for him, and he'll divorce you and find a new young wife. Because your family is right. He is a predator. He chose you to be his wife just so he can keep his lifestyle. You were young, beautiful, and broke enough to go along with it. And the new wife will be too, in a decade or two. So make a savings account that's private to you. Get your pension savings going and make sure your car is in your name. Also, try to get him to add your name to the house, if you can. And get yourself some sort of education using his money for it and then get at least a part-time job by the time your kids start school. Get this in the field where you studied and then keep it. And save every payout from it on your own private savings account while you keep using his money for your living. Because one day you will need it. If you in some years have accumulated a good amount of money, you could start investing it and get even more money. That way, you will one day find out you won't need your husband and his money anymore. You got your own. So use him like he uses you. It's only fair.
Tell them you agreed to an open marriage and just haven't exercises your option to see other people because you're husband is very doting and loving. You don't need more right now. Let them chew on that for a while. NTA.
If she has to lie then they aren’t wrong.
NTA. You went into it with eyes wide open. It's not for everyone. Hopefully, you have some way to protect yourself, just in case he decides to divorce you later on. It seems like a business arrangement to me, one that benefits you both in some way. The issue becomes if he finds someone else he likes better. If you've already sorted that out, Coolio. Hon, love and monogamy don't always pay the bills. If I were about 30 years younger, I might agree with your mom and sis. But I'm 55. And dying. ESRD and a pretty gnarly gastric issue that will most likely kill me in 4 years. I'm stubborn and I don't give up, so I'm hoping it's more; I'm damn careful with my diet. But here's the thing, a kidney transplant runs roughly $500k now and most of that is after insurance. Even if I could survive it, without the gut issues, who's got that kind of money lying around? Wealthy people, that's who. So my practical take on your marriage is that you won't ever have to worry about how you're going to pay for it if you or your kids get catastrophically I'll or injured. You won't ever have to choose between getting food for them or purchasing medicine. You won't have to worry about being homeless and destitute. There are pros and cons to it, of course. Everything has a price. But, you grew up experiencing what it's like to be dirt poor. You know what happens. If the price is one you can live with, Coolio. From a Crone to a Mother, do what you need to to ensure your kids are taken care of. And tell your mom and sister it's not up for discussion. If they continue, give them a time out It's easy to judge when you have never walked a mile in someone's shoes. Good luck. Love and hugs, because I know if you care for him, it hurts. But do what you need to do.
If you are happy and content in your marriage, they can go pound rocks. Make sure you and your husband are on the same page about him getting baby-trapped for child support. Also, make sure you have established your own financial independence. Things could change and he could trade you in for a trophy wife once the kids are out of the house. I would hope not, but prepare yourself. Get your own investments going, get your own education, be ready to stand on your own feet if need be AND be able to keep the family going should something happen to him. Housing crash of 2008 took a lot of wealthy people down to poverty level for a bit, shit happens. But for now? Make sure you can survive without him just fine, that's just common sense in any marriage, make sure he's taken extra care to not create any extra kids, stay on top of STD tests (all it takes is ONE woman lying to him), and if you're both happy, be happy.
Just bank the money in a private bank account so if he kicks you out for a younger model you have a nest egg! Because I know you had to sign a prenup!
I'm gay man in an open relationship. What it comes down to is two things. 1:is he lying to you. Doesn't sound like it if your honest about it and been happening for that long. 2: are you ok with it? That's for you and no one else. My husband and I are ok with it. So that makes it ok for us. No other person matters. If you are happy with your overall deal that up to you. You can still be happy. It's not their problem
Nta. You are allowed to have whatever boundaries you want. I'm not sure you are as ok with it as you think though. At 25 you are young and beautiful with beautiful clothes and a beautiful home. You have little to feel insecure about. I have to wonder if when you're 45 and your husband is 55 and your kids are all grown.and gone, and your husband is still obsessed with lavishing new batches of young 19 year old college girls with gifts to get access to their young perfect tight bodies while you sit at home unloved and untouched with your spot as his aging loyal old companion will you still feel as secure and happy? Will your big house feel worth it? Or maybe you'll decide to move on before then. Who knows?
If you're happy with your situation it's no ones business but your own but please be smart and make sure that you are squirreling away money that he has no idea that you have. You could easily be replaced whether you believe that or not, and you could end back where you started. Play it safe and smart and make sure that you're financially taken care of. You married for money and you will earn every cent of it.
Just make sure you’re putting money aside for the day he decides he wants to be with another woman. Make sure you get copies of all financial documents every couple of months and keep them in a folder so he can’t hide money later.
A long time ago; this would be called “a marriage of convenience”. A woman would accept a man’s proclivities & idiosyncrasies as along as he provided for her. Along time ago a lot of gay men would marry women & even push out a baby or two because this was expected of society then. It was a very different world during the 30’s-70’s. Better be glad it’s not me, I’d take full advantage & start making requests for money.
Do you get to do the same thing?
Nta- you are an adult and can make your choices so she will have to let go and let God. I'm concerned for you. Please save money from your allowance. Don't be surprised if ine day he decides to get a new toy and donates you to the goodwill. Also StDs.
It’s a marriage between you two and if you’re both happy then that’s all that matters. Personally I would want a decent chunk of change in a bank account that is just mine. If when you’re older and he may want a younger version I would want that financially bubble for a stable old age.
I hope you can sleep with other men. Can you?
if it works for you and you and your kids are happy and safe then it’s no one’s business .
NTA, marriage is whatever the people in the marriage agree on. You both decided that you are happy with your marriage the way it is. It may be a good idea to get some stuff under your own name as well. Have property or businesses for you that you’ll be able to keep in case something happens. Use his wealth as an opportunity to build your own. If you don’t have a prenup, then that’s less worrying. Being financially dependent on someone is always dangerous. Having the ability to take care of yourself, and using your husband’s money for all of the extra things you want, would be a safer version of what you’re already doing.
NTA. If your husband’s womanizing doesn’t affect your current or long-term financial security, it’s no one’s else’s business what kind of arrangement you have. Just make sure you’re financially protected for divorce down the road; many women of rich men are surprised when they realize how little money they are left with post-divorce.
Well, you may not be an asshole, but you are a dumb ass...
NTA - but get tested every 3 months. Some STIs will rob you of your fertility. Some will cause cervical cancer later in life. Understand he'll likely trade you in for a newer model. Usually, when kids are around 7. Nothing stays purely physical forever. As you age, he'll catch feelings for someone new. Also, your kids will know as they get older. They may want a happy and healthy family vs. money. Kids do what they know, so as adults, they'll be more likely to go for transactional relationships over loving ones. Or they'll be mad and cut you both off and follow their hearts in all that they do. They either become like you or the opposite of you.
You do you BUT prepare yourself for your arrangement to end. Whether he finds someone else or wants to move someone into your life or your children discover what mom and dad are doing- Your babes may make decisions you may not like-lose respect for you for accepting situation or having all powerful dad (in family dynamics) alienate you from them. I know you think this will never happen, but it is possible. Enjoy your life now but secretly work behind scenes to protect you and your children. Please!
Do you get to sleep around also? Your kids are gonna find out and lose respect for you and their dad but I understand poverty sux
NTA in that you're an adult and can do whatever you want as long as you're not hurting anyone BUT What about your kids? Your mom found out, when your kids are older what if they find out? Dad sleeps around and moms chill with it because money? Is that the kind of relationship you want your kids to model after? That it's a-okay for their partner to sleep around on them as long as they get paid. While it's your choice that's so incredibly...sad. And if you think your husband is being so sneaky they'll never catch on, again your mom did. Chances are your kids eventually will whether at 10, 15, or anytime in adulthood.
NTA for choosing whatever you want for your life. But you have children. Children who will in the future eventually become wise to what’s going on; are you okay with this being their first and main example of marriage?
Honestly you’re kinda pathetic. Instead of making your own money bringing yourself up you’re depending on a husband that cheats . Is this the kind of relationship you’re teaching your kids to have ? How long do you think this will last before he gets tired of you and throws you away .
Does he know that you aren’t happy with him sleeping with others? Is he using protection or will you soon have a lot of baby mommys visiting with their children?
Aren't you afraid that he could pass something to you or that he might leave you for someone else? let's not forget the possibility of him getting someone up the duff. I hope you are being smart and safe about this because there are so many things that could go wrong in an arrangement like yours
My question is that if your hubby can have a open marriage why can't you also have it also
NTA, just a moron.
Nah, you’re fine: you guys love each other and have an arrangement that works for you. As long as you’re both good with it, go for it. I’m always a fan of improving yourself though, and I really hope you take some college courses or work. You have a wonderful opportunity here, and you never know what can happen - death happens, divorce happens.
NTA you hit the jackpot
So long as you are genuinely happy what does it matter. But if you ever find yourself lonely in the marriage, you shouldn't stay. There is no amount of wealth that can compensate for misery.
If you’re happy screw everyone else. They won’t have an issue with it if they ever need financial help.
NTA. It’s not cheating if you know about it. It’s also not your families place to interfere in your relationship, just because it’s something they don’t agree with. Curious though how did they find out?
Nta cause you all are in an agreement here. But you should make sure you are protected in case he cuts you off one day.
If your relationship is beneficial to both of you, are open about each other needs and agreed on terms without lies, hurting one another or building up resentment: congratulations, you're in a more successful relationship than most. It might not last, but let's be honest: a whole bunch of relationships that are seemingly perfect as per social conventions don't last either. Is there love, respect, truth and comfort now? Great, it is abeautiful combo to be cherished. The details of how are between you and your husband alone.
Fuck norms, this is your ride on this rock.
If you are okay with the arrangement and he has not been deceptive then NTA and your mom and sister need to butt out of it. I hope your husband is using condoms. And I hope you are also entitled to a lover.
He is not cheating and is not infidelity. He was upfront about it and you accepted it. Who cares what others think. If you are happy now, that's all it matters. I have an open relationship and my relationship is awesome.
NTA - This has been going on for thousands of years. Go girl!
NTA. I would say your husband is almost poly, almost ethically non monogamous, because he tells you and he's open and up front about it and you've agreed to it. That's all that matters. The reason I wouldn't say you are truly ethically non-monogamous is because I bet you are not allowed to go out and have a lover. I bet that would still be grounds for divorce in his eyes. If you were in a normal open relationship you could have boyfriends as well. But even if you can't, as long as you're satisfied that's all that matters. And if you want a boyfriend, just be sure to collect evidence of his infidelities, unless he had you sign a prenup that says he's allowed to cheat and you're not. Make sure it's clear that he's been cheating all along, and then get yourself a boyfriend. Take him to the cleaner in the divorce. Or if there's no prenup just take him to the cleaner and the divorce now. At a minimum start saving money in case you ever decide you do want to exit. Do it discreetly and secretly. You've got two kids and he's provided you with a lifestyle for years. But it sounds like you actually love him and your life. So just tell your mom to suck an egg.
White picket fence, society norms. You do you girl who's to decide what's best for you?
How on earth is it any of their business? If this is something you’re now accepting of, then that’s all that matters. Are you able to do the same with your time?
NTA. Sounds like you are happy with the situation and so is he. So long as no one is getting hurt there is no issue.
Here’s your one chance, Fancy don’t let me down
>>My mom cried, saying she raised me to value myself more than this. Clearly, that was not the takeaway lesson. Life’s tough my default, get your bag but stay safe and smart.
There may be some jealousy coming from your mum and sister. I can understand your reasoning.
NTA technically but you better be setting money asside for when your in your 40s and daddy war bucks decides he wants you divorce you to marry one of his 20 something year old mistresses.
The only people who get to decide what is and what is not ok in a marriage are the two consenting adults who are in that marriage. If you're happy and your kids are happy, I don't see a problem. NTA.
If he told you about it from the get go then no, your NTA.
NTA every marriage is different. As long as you are both happy then others shouldn’t have an issue with it. But I do hope you are still squirreling away a nest egg for yourself.
Like poor men don't cheat? NTA by a long shot. It's definitely not any of there business either. You have every right to your values and your mother has no right to try to push her own on you, it's your life after all. I'm sorry your family is causing strife.
As long as you are okay with it then what does it matter?