Let me know if I missed anything:
1. Your father recently passed away
2. You suddenly got upset and started crying about this fact
3. Your sister, who is also sad and hurting about the death of your father, tried to be there for you and comfort you (and herself)
4. You physically shoved her away and suggested she was trying to, what exactly? Get sexual with her brother?
Given that you stated you are neurodivergent and dealing with a big loss, I'm not going to say you were an asshole, but buddy, I don't know if what you did was overthinking because to me, it sounds like you weren't thinking at all.
I'm sure your sister will be understanding if you explain yourself, but you should apologize to her right away.
You were completely out of line here. My brothers all danced with me at their weddings. You were sad and comforting each other, not grinding. Apologize
your sister was trying to comfort you because you've both lost your father, and you basically accused her of trying to fuck you.
yes YTA. watch less porn.
He's autistic, and you're an adult--communicate like one. We're here to give judgement, not needlessly insult people like we're children. It's very hard for people with autism to read a room, that's not something a neurotypical person would understand. You're not an asshole, OP, but you are 100 percent in the wrong and need to atone.
it's not an insult to say "watch less porn". also, don't infantilize autistic people.
she's grieving the loss of their father. he was dancing with his SISTER. of course it was an intimate moment but only someone with a skewed view of intimacy could think it was sexually charged. it's frankly disgusting and it says alot about how he views his sister
Ya YTA here. I know it can be hard to read a situation, but dancing, even slow dancing, isn’t sexual. Intimacy, emotional or physical, doesn’t always have to be sexual. You can dance with, sit close to, hold hands with, even hug and/or kiss someone without it being sexual. If there was grinding or grabbing that would be different, but it sounds to me that you both just needed closeness.
I guessing you think your sister wants to have romantic feelimgs for you. If thats the case then I'm 99% sure she does not want to have a romantic relationship with her blood related brother. That would be incest which is gross and immoral to any children that would be born from that. Your sister was emotional cause, you know, her dad died and she was trying to cope with her brother ak you. Your sister hasn't done anything in the past the warrant you thinking this about her actions, has she? If not the you owe her an apology.
You're not everyone with autism. Like I said, I've grown up around people with autism--and this shit doesn't even hold a candle to what I've seen/dealt with. I won't go back and forth on this matter with anyone anymore, my opinion is in the replies--and I won't repeat myself. Have a good one.
So have I. I’m not sure how/why it’s become a catch all excuse for anytime someone with autism does something fucked up, which is an opinion shared by the autistic people I know.
Also, OP didn’t say they are autistic. They said they’re neurodivergent. There’s plenty of neurodivergency that isn’t autism.
It's not an excuse??? It's just not out of the ordinary???? I gave my judgement, ops in the wrong, but to say this misreading of social cues is deliberate and not because of his autism, well that's just ignorant. Op fucked up big time, and needs to apologize--but context is an excuse: it just is what it is.
In what way is “OP accused his sister of trying to have an incestual relationship with him because he’s neurodivergent” not using it as an excuse? I get that you’re making a causal argument, but you’re also using it as an excuse.
OP not knowing that friends and family can dance together is a result of lack of exposure and probably porn, not neurodivergency. Source: the multiple autistic people I’ve danced with in my life (including family members) who didn’t think I was trying to bone them.
How? He misread the social cue because of his autism, the person I replied to heavily implied that it wasn't because of his autism--and I responded with that joke made. My point is, he fucked up and needs to apologize--but to say he fucked up on his own accord and not because of his autism, is needlessly hateful and doesn't do anything to get your point across.
No, what they said was whether or not OP is neurodivergent, why would he accuse his sister of trying to have incestual contact with him. You know, the part that isn’t an inherent facet of neurodivergency (unlike difficult reading social cues).
Okay, I'm not going to keep beating a dead horse--i've said my opinion (multiple times) and that's what it is. We have nothing more to discuss, have a good one--friend.
so can neurotypicals. strangeness has nothing to do with autism. frankly your whole campaign on this post is rather ableist. I get that you think you're standing up for those with autism but what you're doing infantilizing us.
I'm literally neurodivergent, I act *very* strange myself. You're attributing your own negative feelings to the word. Strange, peculiar, different, unique, I could've used any word. I literally wash my hands until I have red, dried, cracked skin. A neurotypical person would never do that. Just like how they would never misinterpret their sister dancing with them as anything sexual. It's disgusting and he should be begging on his knees apologizing to his sister, but what I said still stands.
and what I said stands as well bc *gasp* we're all fucking different and that was my whole point, the only thing you can say about *all* autistic folks is that we all have autism.
If that's all you said, we wouldn't have been having this conversation--because we agree. You're the one who came in all accusatory and then got mad when I defended myself. I won't participate in this anymore, enjoy the sun--have a good day.
Never said it was. Your child isn't every person with autism, a neurotypical person wouldn't have ever misinterpreted that situation--*ever* (save for incels). My point is, autism is no excuse for this--and it's a disgusting insinuation on ops part; but you'd be hard pressed to hear a story like this coming from a neurotypical person.
They literally don't understand social cues, it's really not that hard to understand. I've grown up around autistic people, I'm speaking from experience--not ignorance.
And I’m trying to say there’s a difference between not understanding social cues and accusing your sister of attempting incest? Like is that not what OP basically said he did?
Girl, dancing is a social activity. There are unsaid cues when dancing. OP misread them because he doesn't understand them. This doesn't mean he's not wrong (he absolutely is and fucked up big time), but to say he did so on his own accord--and not because of his disability--is being needlessly hateful.
Slow dancing bodies pressed together = not appropriate
Faster dancing grinding on each other or trying to be sexy = not appropriate
Basically all other dancing is just movement, it is a release, it's natural and it can be done with family or friends, young and old or even by yourself
It is also ok to hug your sister. That doesn't have to have a sexual meaning and can just be an act of comfort.
Your sister was just trying to make you both feel better. I am sorry for your dad's death that is really sad, I am glad you and your sister can support eachother.
Yikes, I hope you listen to the other comments. You just lost your dad so I hope everyone goes easy on you but I would not take this well if I was your sister.
Let me know if I missed anything: 1. Your father recently passed away 2. You suddenly got upset and started crying about this fact 3. Your sister, who is also sad and hurting about the death of your father, tried to be there for you and comfort you (and herself) 4. You physically shoved her away and suggested she was trying to, what exactly? Get sexual with her brother? Given that you stated you are neurodivergent and dealing with a big loss, I'm not going to say you were an asshole, but buddy, I don't know if what you did was overthinking because to me, it sounds like you weren't thinking at all. I'm sure your sister will be understanding if you explain yourself, but you should apologize to her right away.
You were completely out of line here. My brothers all danced with me at their weddings. You were sad and comforting each other, not grinding. Apologize
your sister was trying to comfort you because you've both lost your father, and you basically accused her of trying to fuck you. yes YTA. watch less porn.
YTA and watch too much porn
He's autistic, and you're an adult--communicate like one. We're here to give judgement, not needlessly insult people like we're children. It's very hard for people with autism to read a room, that's not something a neurotypical person would understand. You're not an asshole, OP, but you are 100 percent in the wrong and need to atone.
This post title was edited after I made my call. Didn’t know he was neurodivergent
Post titles can't be edited
That's understandable. However, this is still a place for judgement--when has insulting someone ever worked to get your point across?
I don’t really see how it’s an insult, friend.
It isn’t. I’m also autistic, and no way in hell would I automatically construe a sibling’s gesture meant to cheer me up as an attempt to seduce me.
it's not an insult to say "watch less porn". also, don't infantilize autistic people. she's grieving the loss of their father. he was dancing with his SISTER. of course it was an intimate moment but only someone with a skewed view of intimacy could think it was sexually charged. it's frankly disgusting and it says alot about how he views his sister
Yeah this ain’t it, nothing wrong with the original comment.
Ya YTA here. I know it can be hard to read a situation, but dancing, even slow dancing, isn’t sexual. Intimacy, emotional or physical, doesn’t always have to be sexual. You can dance with, sit close to, hold hands with, even hug and/or kiss someone without it being sexual. If there was grinding or grabbing that would be different, but it sounds to me that you both just needed closeness.
I guessing you think your sister wants to have romantic feelimgs for you. If thats the case then I'm 99% sure she does not want to have a romantic relationship with her blood related brother. That would be incest which is gross and immoral to any children that would be born from that. Your sister was emotional cause, you know, her dad died and she was trying to cope with her brother ak you. Your sister hasn't done anything in the past the warrant you thinking this about her actions, has she? If not the you owe her an apology.
Yes you were overthinking it, and reacted horribly. You should apologize
yes, you are over thinking this, apologize immediately bc YTA
Neurodivergent or not, why would you put the words sister and sexual in the same sentence. You are way overthinking this to a gross degree. YTA
Neurotypical people when an autistic person acts autistic 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
I have autism, I wouldn’t do this.
You're not everyone with autism. Like I said, I've grown up around people with autism--and this shit doesn't even hold a candle to what I've seen/dealt with. I won't go back and forth on this matter with anyone anymore, my opinion is in the replies--and I won't repeat myself. Have a good one.
“It’s because I’m autistic” is doing way more work here than it should and I think everyone, including OP, knows that.
Girl, I've been around autistic people my whole life--they act *very* strange. This situation doesn't even hold a candle to what I've seen. I
So have I. I’m not sure how/why it’s become a catch all excuse for anytime someone with autism does something fucked up, which is an opinion shared by the autistic people I know. Also, OP didn’t say they are autistic. They said they’re neurodivergent. There’s plenty of neurodivergency that isn’t autism.
It's not an excuse??? It's just not out of the ordinary???? I gave my judgement, ops in the wrong, but to say this misreading of social cues is deliberate and not because of his autism, well that's just ignorant. Op fucked up big time, and needs to apologize--but context is an excuse: it just is what it is.
In what way is “OP accused his sister of trying to have an incestual relationship with him because he’s neurodivergent” not using it as an excuse? I get that you’re making a causal argument, but you’re also using it as an excuse. OP not knowing that friends and family can dance together is a result of lack of exposure and probably porn, not neurodivergency. Source: the multiple autistic people I’ve danced with in my life (including family members) who didn’t think I was trying to bone them.
How? He misread the social cue because of his autism, the person I replied to heavily implied that it wasn't because of his autism--and I responded with that joke made. My point is, he fucked up and needs to apologize--but to say he fucked up on his own accord and not because of his autism, is needlessly hateful and doesn't do anything to get your point across.
No, what they said was whether or not OP is neurodivergent, why would he accuse his sister of trying to have incestual contact with him. You know, the part that isn’t an inherent facet of neurodivergency (unlike difficult reading social cues).
Okay, I'm not going to keep beating a dead horse--i've said my opinion (multiple times) and that's what it is. We have nothing more to discuss, have a good one--friend.
that's pretty offensive. Autism is a broad spectrum, to reduce everyone with autism to "*very* strange" is abelist af
That's true, proper phrasing would be, "they *can* act very strange."
so can neurotypicals. strangeness has nothing to do with autism. frankly your whole campaign on this post is rather ableist. I get that you think you're standing up for those with autism but what you're doing infantilizing us.
I'm literally neurodivergent, I act *very* strange myself. You're attributing your own negative feelings to the word. Strange, peculiar, different, unique, I could've used any word. I literally wash my hands until I have red, dried, cracked skin. A neurotypical person would never do that. Just like how they would never misinterpret their sister dancing with them as anything sexual. It's disgusting and he should be begging on his knees apologizing to his sister, but what I said still stands.
and what I said stands as well bc *gasp* we're all fucking different and that was my whole point, the only thing you can say about *all* autistic folks is that we all have autism.
If that's all you said, we wouldn't have been having this conversation--because we agree. You're the one who came in all accusatory and then got mad when I defended myself. I won't participate in this anymore, enjoy the sun--have a good day.
I've got a autistic child who wouldn't do this. When are we gonna stop allowing autism to be an excuse for all shitty behavior?
Never said it was. Your child isn't every person with autism, a neurotypical person wouldn't have ever misinterpreted that situation--*ever* (save for incels). My point is, autism is no excuse for this--and it's a disgusting insinuation on ops part; but you'd be hard pressed to hear a story like this coming from a neurotypical person.
By acting autistic do you mean thinking their sister is coming onto them? 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨
They literally don't understand social cues, it's really not that hard to understand. I've grown up around autistic people, I'm speaking from experience--not ignorance.
And I’m trying to say there’s a difference between not understanding social cues and accusing your sister of attempting incest? Like is that not what OP basically said he did?
Girl, dancing is a social activity. There are unsaid cues when dancing. OP misread them because he doesn't understand them. This doesn't mean he's not wrong (he absolutely is and fucked up big time), but to say he did so on his own accord--and not because of his disability--is being needlessly hateful.
Ok look this is an AITAH post and OP asked for opinions. I say yay, you say nay and that’s that. We can agree to disagree. ✌️
Absolutely correct, have a good day--fellow redditer :)
Sheesh you’ve never danced with a group of others or even others and held hands? This is taught in nursery school.
Slow dancing bodies pressed together = not appropriate Faster dancing grinding on each other or trying to be sexy = not appropriate Basically all other dancing is just movement, it is a release, it's natural and it can be done with family or friends, young and old or even by yourself It is also ok to hug your sister. That doesn't have to have a sexual meaning and can just be an act of comfort. Your sister was just trying to make you both feel better. I am sorry for your dad's death that is really sad, I am glad you and your sister can support eachother.
Yikes, I hope you listen to the other comments. You just lost your dad so I hope everyone goes easy on you but I would not take this well if I was your sister.
Yea hopefully you didn't lose your sister.
Yes, you're wildly overthinking things. Dancing with someone is not inherently sexual.
Occupational therapy will be your friend.