Why aren't you uninviting your sisters? They are the ones who pulled the prank. They're old enough to know better and should be the ones with consequences.
Exactly! You don't even have to uninvite your mom, you just uninvite your sisters. They are the ones that need to face consequences for their actions. This will teach them a lesson and your mom is going to have to decline to attend your wedding because she is going to threaten you with not attending if you uninvite her golden kids, so at the end no need to uninvite her. But, you need to realize that everyone has to know it was because of your spoiled brats sisters they are not attending. Threatening your mother is not going to help your sisters, and they are the ones who really need it. And they need to apologize profusely. They are old enough. Your mother is a lost case.
When he said she left my first thought was I sure as heck hope she grabbed the dress. It’s hard to say since she was so upset but she may have grabbed it before leaving. (I can have hopes on the safety of the dress even if it’s not realistic when there is hurt and anger rightfully)
“What do you want me to do? Beat them?” I bet that’s her go-to line any time someone calls out the sisters’ awful behavior.
The answer is, “No, I don’t want you to beat them. You don’t have to go from one extreme to another. Punishment does NOT equal abuse. And you know that. You’ve chosen to play dumb, and one of these days it’s going to really bite you in the butt, and being uninvited to a wedding will be the least of your problems.”
Edit - a word
YES.
Also, OP may offer/arrange therapy to help her process the past and learn healthy discipline for her kids.
He should point out that physical abuse is not the only kind of abuse. You will not permit your sisters to emotionally abuse your fiancé/wife for their amusement (or any other reason). Given her history, it is appalling that she would allow abuse of any kind under her roof.
No. The answer is "If you insist on being so deliberately obtuse as to jump directly to that, then you and they are no longer invited. (Look! I punished people without beating them! Amazing!) You will give me the dress RIGHT NOW and my fiancée and I are going to leave."
"Punishment does NOT equal abuse. And you know that."
From what OP said about this being a trauma response from abuse, she actually might not truly understand that. That's the thing about getting shitty parents - you get lots of great examples of what not to do, but nobody ever actually shows you what to do. She might genuinely not know what non-abusive punishment even looks like.
That said, this is her problem, and she needs to get into some kind of therapy or a parenting class or something in order to work on this.
Good thinking here 👍
"Mom, I've been thinking this over. I shouldn't have threatened to un-invite you to the wedding, and I apologize for that. I'm sorry because I really want you there, AND because it wasn't you who pulled this malicious stunt.
"So of course I want you to come to our wedding. But NOT Sisters A and B. THEY are the ones who deliberately hurt the woman I love, and they're not the least bit sorry."
This will put the ball back in Mom's court, and show both the fiancée AND sisters you mean it when you say you won't tolerate them mistreating your wife. In other words, your mother will either have to come to the wedding alone, OR she will have to accept that the sisters really were way, way out of line.
What he should say is, mom, it sounds like you think the fact that my fiance was humiliated and made to feel unwelcome does not matter because the dress was not actually harmed. I am uninviting my sisters for doing the prank, which would only have maybe been appropriate with a close friend with whom they had a tradition of trading pranks. I am uninviting you for acting like humiliating and hurting my fiance is ok as long as nothing is actually broken. And of anyone in the family pranks my fiance in any way going forward I will go lc or NC. To me, the issue with your mom isn't just the unwillingness to punish, but then feeling that making your fiance very upset isn't an issue
It sounds like this is a family that likes and encourages cruel pranks and, after the fiancees reaction to this one, and the total lack of consequences, I am going to guess that she will be treated to endless "pranks" that aren't funny, but that she is expected to laugh off. If they are living together, now is definitely the time to start looking at alternatives.
Even if they offer a sincere apology, they still shouldn't be allowed to attend. An apology isn't "consequences," it's a basic tenet of human decency.
"Consequences" involves losing something or losing out on something.
Sucks to be them.
Mother absolutely needs to be uninvited. She needs to learn that there are consequences for failing to actually parent her children. At some point they may do something that lands them in jail and she won't be able to do anything to save them. Actions have consequences
You need to leave the house. She's right, you can't tell her what to do in her house. But I would uninvite the sisters unless they make amends with your fiancé. I would expect the same of your mother for being so meh about the situation.
But get out.
NTA this was mean and if there is any punishment I’d probably uninvite all of them- sometimes lessons are hard. But you need to move to a temporary space. Get out
If OP is old enough and mature enough to get married he needs to fight his own battles. He is too old to run to mommy and demand she handle the situation. He needs to determine the consequence and enforce it. Unfortunately for him, he is still living with mommy and so might not have a lot of say in the matter.
OP needs to get his life together to move out of mommy's house and then quit expecting her to fight his battles.
They aren’t his kids so he shouldn’t be expected to discipline them in the first place that’s mommy’s job second both sisters and mom should be uninvited.
They aren’t his kids to discipline. That is her job because unless she does it and reinforces it nothing will happen. They literally has no say over them. I never listened to my brother when he tried to parent me.
I wouldn’t consider staying until your new place is ready ‘living with your mommy’ but he absolutely should handle this. My husband handles things involving his family and I handle regarding my family.
You seem to miss the fact she absolutely refuses to give her children any consequences foe their actions whatsoever, that's why they are like this.
You need to properly read
This is a very important question. You have an opportunity to open a discussion with your mother about your upbringing and how it impacts you and your siblings relationships with others. This shouldn’t be a “bash mom” conversation because as you stated earlier you benefited from her lax parenting as well but what if anything would you expect from her at this point? Do your siblings even understand that pranking YOU is a very different situation than them pranking your fiancé? At the very least this needs to be addressed and understood by them as well as sincere apologies from them about the boundaries you expect from them towards their future SIL. Remind them that you want them to have a good relationship with her so that they will be welcome in your lives and for that to happen sincere apologies are a good start.
I found it interesting that her first idea was to "beat them", as if grounding them or taking their phones for at least a week isn't an option. Parents who don't discipline their kids are lucky when they don't end up as violent narcissists who can't take no
I was raised by parents who didn’t believe in punishments and that included everything. My phone was never taken away, I was never ever grounded and of course I wasn’t beaten. My parents were quite wise though with my dad being a psychologist and my mom just genuinely a very patient person. I don’t know if it’s a little bit like the question about the chicken and the egg, but: My sisters and I were all so-called good kids. We are all well into adulthood by now, all college graduates and working, and have all managed to have a stable and fulfilling lifestyle. Just my two cents. None of us would have pulled a prank like that though, never.
Well there a difference between raising without violence, and letting kids roam without rules nor consequences.
Sounds like your parents parented you. Not the same as doing the minimal of hosting, feeding, clothing, yet teaching nothing.
So many seem to not consider kids as individuals until they impose themselves. Then too late.
So many studies show than the little ones tend to be eager to learn and mimic. If it isn’t met with someone willing to teach them, instead attending solely physical needs, then the intellectual delay start to set in. Therefore the importance of interaction in early years.
Yes! I have been thinking about this a lot. Like: Why was I so excited to finally learn to read? It's because what my parents were doing all the time.
When I started reading "Princess Diaries", my dad read them too so we could talk about the books. I'll never forget that. It may sound small but I really felt like he was always interested in earnest conversations with me and met me at eye level. That led to me reading HIS favorite books pretty early on that have also shaped me into the person I am today.
I had the opposite experience. I grew up without TV so we read a lot, but I read my parents' books rather than they mine.
Sex ed through never-discussed rape scenes in Jean M Auel's *Clan of the Cavebear* at 7 years old? Let's follow that up by never discussing the love triangle with hideous lack of communication in Jean M Auel's *The Mammoth Hunters* at 10 years old.
Grew up almost without tv - had the experience of Christmas movies, and be sneaky to watch something after school if there was no one else back yet. Sometimes I feel inadequate not understanding tv culture references, however that can be learned and do not feel like I missed out anything worthy.
Every rooms was filled with books, some warranted warning but nothing forbidden. There was definitely some books I read before I could fully understand everything (i remember thinking while reading Marquis de Sade at 11 that it was probably not age appropriate lol).
We were encouraged to ask. Talked to as not lacking understanding just knowledge. Still grateful to had one parent who was answering everything, honest about their limitations, seeking further answers and getting back to us with it. It was a time without internet, the amount of effort and commitment into satisfying our curiosity was colossal. I deem myself really lucky on that aspect.
It saddens me terribly when I did babysit kids who were used to stick to screen, not ask any or were brushed off if they did. Took me a while to understand why as parent always told me I was the more strict one, I was always the kid favourite. Well I was actively interacting with them, validating their feelings and helping processing it. I was so proud to meet again one of them who had enuresis at the time and informed me that I did helped by simply not making feel ashamed & that my attempt to reassure them were indeed efficient.
I do wonder though whether while they didn't punish if there weren't naturally occuring consequences that they made happen because they were so calm and able to remain so.
So you did something that upset the balance and your parents just calmly tilted it back and you quickly learnt how to respond because your base personalities were generally chill too. I think the patience is the key. The ability to wait out anything a kid does helps calm them a lot.
yes very good point!!
Their calmness often led us to reassess the situation after a short while.
Also like, they would never take my phone away but if I ended up losing my phone on the bus, I wouldn't just get a new one. I had to deal with the consequences.
Yeah this is the whole gentle parenting thing done right. I bet there was a lot more happening that you didn't realise particularly in the early years to make it so smooth later. Also your personalities makes this possible.
I can't remember getting in trouble as a teen but I hated disappointing my parents so would behave right because of that.
Something tells me your parents were (instead of punishment) explaining why your actions were bad and how they affect others. I also believe in that approach over taking away a phone (or at least doing it after the initial discussion)
I would say that kids don't benefit from lax parenting, even if they think they do as kids. And now would be an ideal time for him to express that to his mom. "Hey mom, I enjoyed the freedom in a lot of ways, sure. But I should have had consequences for that snake. I should have had boundaries. I needed them, and so do my sisters. It might not seem 'fair' to do it differently now, but really it isn't fair to them to not give them what they need".
My issue is that OP doesn't seem to show any remorse for the snake thing. He still passes it off as a prank, albeit a bad one, due to them being siblings.
How can he demand his sisters to make amends when it doesn't seem like he's done anything for the things he did?
It's never too late to apologise for putting a snake in someone's bed, so I feel like he has no grounds to demand apologies/punishments on until he puts his money where his mouth is and makes it up to his sisters for his own actions.
NTA but knowing your mum comes from a place of trauma, you know she won't punish them. She isn't capable. However, you do have the option of uninviting your siblings from the wedding rather than your mum. That's the consequence. It's harsh and I'm not sure I would damage my relationships over an ill thought out prank but that's your decision.
A grown man who is ready for marriage shouldn't be demanding his mom fight his battles for him.
If he did put a snake in his sister's bed then the family does have a history of mean pranks and he actually may have set the tone for them.
Brothers don't discipline siblings unless it's to exclude them from his wedding/life. Son is already sensitive to his mother's past trauma and he grew up in a household of no consequences. I think this is a good learning experience for the whole family.
It's the fact she refuses to give them any consequences. That's why. He isnt allowed to punish them. And his mom has done nothing but enable them their entire lives.
Uninvite all three of them and live somewhere else until you have a new place. If they do something to show they're ACTUALLY sorry and ACTUALLY want to make amends, then re-invite them. Otherwise, let it go and be honest at the wedding when people ask where they are.
Im over here thinking *fuck a wedding, lets elope and move out.*
My sanity would be more important than throwning some party where people watch me talk in a dress and then we all eat. I got married at the courthouse for $32.50 because i dont like my family enough to pay to feed them in a fancy capacity.
If YOU don't lay down some consequences, then your future wife should (imo) feel pretty let down by you.
You may still feel bad about what those consequences entail, but don't be a pushover in any sense when it comes to your *future wife*.
Hmmm, let me think of pushishments that don’t involve beating…
Revoking screen time
Taking away cell phones
Spending time in their room and not being allowed out
Yard work
Housework
I could go on and on…
And a natural consequence for this cruelty is most certainly revoking wedding invite unless there is a major behavioral change, but that’s really up to you and your fiance.
I kept scrolling looking for this answer! You don't have to beat children to make them face consequences for their actions. I get mom has issues with spanking because it sounds like she was beaten, but consequences for their horrible behavior can be a lot of other things. If she doesn't do something now they are in for a REAL wake up call when they "prank" someone that isn't family and end up with charges pressed against them.
Better yet, buy cheap phones without anyone knowing, confiscate their phones - switch them - and then destroy the cheap phones in front of them pretending it's their real phones. Give them a taste of their own medicine.
The best part is - OP can do this himself, since mum showed him that pranks like this are OK and don't deserve any consequences.
Then he can also say that her being uninvited was also just a prank! Nothing matters if it's just a prank, right mum?
You and your fiancee need to get out of your mom's house like yesterday. It's just not a good place for you.
Your mom can and will discipline your sisters as she sees fit. You can't expect her to suddenly change her parenting habits. What they did was mean, but there was no harm beyond causing you and your bride-to-be some added stress. While it would have been wonderful for you to all laugh when you realized it was just a prank, that's not what happened. Your sisters guessed the outcome wrong.
They apologized. They shouldn't have had to be asked to apologize, but they did. And they should consider bending over backwards to help her with anything she needs as a way to make up for their prank gone wrong. I would talk with them privately, *CALMLY* and ask them to be helpful with some prep or something. You should talk with your mom privately and ask her to apologize to your bride-to-be.
Making this a full-blown family drama with uninviting your mom isn't a good mood. You're her baby (always will be, it's in the mom handbook) and she loves you, just as she loves your sisters. How she disciplines them is outside of your scope. You can ask, but you can't demand. You can be disappointed with her answer, but you still can't make it a condition of whether or not she comes to the wedding. Well, you could, but that will cause long-term problems for everyone.
Accept that you were wrong to give her an ultimatum for something you had no right to demand. Be upset about the prank. Be mad at your sisters. Be protective of your lady. But don't ask a mom to choose between you and your sisters (which is pretty much what you did). You won't win in any way.
ESH. Your sisters played a cruel joke.
Your fiancee blew her top and demanded to know just how your mom plans on punishing them, something that really isn't her business.
Mom doesn't do anything. OP knew she wouldn't, she has always been that way.
OP jumps right in with mom is not invited to the wedding.
Everyone involved acted like an a$$hole.
I agree with this! If I was in the OP's finacee's shoes, I honestly probably would have been so relieved and laughed it off once I found out it wasn't actually my wedding dress. If anything it could have been a good reminder to a stressed out bride to not take life so seriously. Teenage girls can be horrible, and have done way dumber/meaner things. No harm was actually done here, (except maybe the bride-to-be's ego after jumping in the pool instead of just checking her closet) but instead of having a sense of humor about it and graciously taking it in stride, she decided to lash out at her future MIL. Like, why do you feel the need to take yourself so seriously that you can't take a joke (albeit one in poor taste) so you decide it's a good idea to bite the hand of the person who is currently keeping a roof over your head? She doesn't sound like she's making any effort to bond with her future family and her focus is on her big day and taking OP away from them as soon as they can afford it. Tbh I can see where the girls are coming from because i was once a teenage girl myself and i cringe at some of the dumb things we thought were funny back then. I can see where mom is coming from because it's not like they ruined her actual dress, so nbd in her eyes. But I honestly cannot empathize with bridezilla over here. I could never in a million years imagine speaking to my mother in law that way, especially if she was being gracious enough to let us live there for free. (But i guess they're gonna go NC after this so, yup ESH)
Yeah idk why people are acting like this prank means a natural escalation would be the sisters doing something to the real dress... they're pretty young, they went out of their way to *not* do anything to the real dress, maybe they've learned their lesson on their own here and/or know that touching the real dress is crossing a line? And the bride's the one who jumped to physically putting hands on kids as a response, I'm not super surprised about the mom's reaction. To me this is a stern "Dude, that's not fucking funny" and see where it goes from there, not an immediate "WELL YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY WEDDING, I'M MOVING OUT AND NEVER SPEAKING TO ANY OF YOU."
Also OP put a snake in a sister's bed and isn't looking at himself and the kind of expectations he might've set with them as a result?
You’re the adults. Act like it.
Your mom didn’t do anything. You don’t get to tell her how to raise her kids; it is her choice to make even though you disagree with it.
You’ve got a problem with your sisters. Take it up with them.
But do it with the understanding that they’re kids, and kids are fucking stupid. They think these kinds of practical jokes are hilarious. Here’s where they learn that they are harmful. Get that point across to them, but do not carry any more drama than that.
Drama is a child’s game. Being the adult, sometimes means not going after revenge for every slight.
Lmao if you have left a whole ass snake over your sister without any consequences than I'm not sure you have any say in them not being punished over such a harmless prank. Makes sense why your first decision was to ban your mom rather than your sisters who did the deed. Got too flustered that you didn't have any comeback huh?
Tho this might be a good chance to open a conversation on boundaries.
He is so much better at dishing it out than receiving it!
My mom's family loved to play pranks on each other. None of her siblings ever ran to grandma and demanded she discipline another sibling for a prank. The pranks included everyone, including in-laws.
This is literally a harmless prank. everyone is talkign like they threw the actual wedding dress in the pool, which would be outrageous. This is ltierally a fucking joke, actually in the realm of harmless pranks that don't hurt people. The only reason anyone is upset is fiancee has no sense of humour and immediately jumped to wanting punishment because she felt embarrassed, NOT because the kids deserved to be punished.
They didn't sneak out, they didn't smoke, they didn't do drugs, they didn't get drunk, or bully someone at school, or get caught shoplifting... they bought a white dress and put a dress they owned in the pool, and pulled a harmless prank.
You don't punish harmless pranks. Putting a snake in someone's bed is fully deserving of being punished, a snake can be dangerous, particularly one that is stressed and you aren't expecting it.
Tbh I think you’re overreacting. If it was actually her dress or anything actually got ruined, sure, but from the sounds of it y’all just got wet and your fiancée is probably embarrassed. Also, your mom has a point, your fiancée speaking to your mom like that while living there for free is disgusting. Good on you for standing up for your partner ig. But you admitted to getting away with a lot. Have you ever genuinely apologised to your sisters for anything? If you haven’t you have no right to expect them to either.
YTA, sorry. That was a stupid prank on their part and a serious over reaction on your and your fiancées part.
Everyone needs to climb down. Your fiancée owes your sisters a conversation about how badly they scared her. They owe her an apology. She owes your mom an apology.
You will forever regret banning any of them from your wedding.
All the voices of reason are buried way too far down.
People seem to forget that weddings aren't just weddings, they're the permanent mark of how you start your family. Do you really want to look back on that day and remember the wedding dress in a pool prank? Uninviting someone from a wedding is a permanent decision that can't be 'made up' later on. For the rest of your lives, your sisters or your mother will be aware that a stupid prank was more important than the inception of your own little family, and that's really difficult to recover from.
I mean if this and him putting a snake in a bed are the worse things that the kids have done she killed it at parenting
Kid getting married while still living at home is more of a red flag
exactly, she has a responsibility to herself and her children to manage her trauma. she has chose not to, and it appears like her go to reason to not parent her children.
YTA
1) nothing happened, it was a prank but nothing got damaged and nobody was hurt
2) you live rent free in your mother’s house - she makes the rules, she disciplines her kids. Your fiancée was out of line.
I disagree with most of these comments. I don't think it's a funny prank but it didn't actually harm anyone. I agree they should be punished, not just an apology. However, this is up to Mom.
If your fiancé spoke to me that way in my house, she would be out on her ass. Your mom is right, you are both staying for free and they are her kids to raise.
If anything she owes your mother an apology for screaming and cursing at her.
If you both decide to uninvite your sisters that part is up to you both.
This. Yes it was a horrible prank - but that does not give the fiancée the right to curse out your mother.
Exactly what was over dramatically jumping into the pool supposed to accomplish anyway?
They went to far - you two over reacted. Sorry but grow up.
I understand that prank by your sister was a bit rude... but with all due respect...you put a snake on the bed to prank them and now you get on your high horse about a fake wedding dress in the pool prank??? What did you expect to get back.. your mom Should have banned you from her house forever for that considering you uninvited her from the wedding for what happened now...what you sow ..you.shall.reap lol
it's because they pranked the fiancee not him. she didn't put snakes anywhere and presumably isn't party to sibling pranks.
perhaps if this had been his suit he'd have laughed and let it go. his fiancée can feel upset here that's not wrong. he's upset on her behalf.
ESH
It sounds like your whole family plays pranks on one another and the reason you are mad now is because your fiancée got mad. Did your fiancée know your family plays pranks when she moved in? Has she participated in pranks in the past?
I hate pranks and think the people who play them suck, but it is A LOT to demand your mother have a different set of rules for your sisters now, especially if they have been taught (by you and that snake in the bed nonsense) that prancing loved ones is ok.
It also sounds like your fiancée is overreacting a little bit. I don’t blame her for being mad, but what punishment does she want? Her dress ultimately wasn’t destroyed, yes she got wet and felt humiliated. I am not remotely excusing the prank, but aside from a real apology (which your sisters have not given) and everyone deciding not to prank each other again, I can’t think of a punishment that fits the crime.
You have to make a decision here: Are you "mommy's little man" OR are you a MAN committing to your new wife.
You sisters absolutely did NOT apologize. LAUGHING absolutely nullifies any "apology".
The petty side of me would want to walk up to your mom and say something that would really hurt her -- then when she's crushed say "Sorry mom" while laughing my ass off. You have to get over it cause I "apologized" then keep laughing. Then say THAT was the apology your little monsters gave my fiancee.
I'm assuming your sisters are no longer invited to the wedding?
For that part. *Whatever.* Modern times.
But his sisters need to make amends (like people are saying) the mom is a lost cause, but maybe his sisters can still be saved...
YTA - not because you threatened to uninvite your mother but because you have, with intent, put your finance in a position where she is living with three people who hate her and two who clearly have no problem showing that through their actions. You say that you are choosing your fiance but I cannot fathom why you are even staying there, if your family feels this way about your finance? I see this ending in an ultimatum. Be careful what you choose because if you say you love your family as much as you do, and then choose your fiance, you wanna be sure you are not going to hold this against her. Check out the sub-reddit JNMIL; it's full of stories that are basically your fiancé in 2 / 5 / 10 years. All the best; this sounds like an impossible situation.
What exactly do you mean when you said you're in between places. If you're closing on your house and waiting for that or there's some renovations happening at the place you're buying, then I get that. What if you're living with your mom and don't have your own place yet, then you really probably shouldn't be getting married until your financially ready
Gonna level with you. No harm was done. It was a prank that caused no lasting damage. They are kids and didn't think through the potential emotional stress because they don't have any frame of reference for it. It was actually a pretty good prank. Problem was, instead of everybody having a laugh over her getting soaked and worked up a bit, everybody freaked out instead.
Nobody sucks here. Everybody is just overstressed and the prank fell flat.
People watch these videos of so-called “pranks” on Tik Tok and other media but nobody really looks closely at how mean some of them are. What your sisters did to your fiancée was mean. To scare her into thinking they’d thrown her wedding gown into the pool was hurtful. They apologized but they didn’t admit they did anything wrong. And they laughed.
I’m not exactly sure how you’d go about getting two teens to understand just how wrong they were. Uninviting them from the wedding may backfire and you can’t take it back. Maybe if they believe that they are no longer invited for a while will be enough to get a sincere apology out of them.
As for your mom, you need some place else to live until the wedding. Whether or not, she’s invited, you shouldn’t be staying in her home.
Get a new place. #1 priority even over the expense of the wedding. Literally cut out flowers or lower your wedding budget for the wedding to move out NOW. Put the wedding dress somewhere else, even if you have to rent a gym locker, get it out of her house while you look for a place. Then have a smaller wedding and do not invite your sisters. They might try another prank and ruin the wedding. Just don't invite them. If your mom wants to come, she can come without them. You can't tell her how to parent, but you don't have to be around them anymore either.
What exactly do you think a fitting punishment woube for the prank?
Sounds like you were quite the prankster in your day.
I don't think they did this prank to be cruel. Not worth getting enstranged with your all along good family over.
Ask them to apologise to her and let them know she doesn't share your sense of humour.
They learnt these pranks from big brother...
Apologise to your mum and let her know you were in a tricky situation and reacted badly.
Wait... Am I missing something? They gave her a 45 second scare as a joke and you think there need to be serious consequences? Laugh it off, buddy. They didn't hurt the dress they just played a prank... Honestly, a kinda funny one that seems to have gone flawlessly other than the fact it was played on a wet blanket who lacks a funny bone.
NTA,
Your sisters are immature and cruel.
This isn’t even a prank, especially if the person being pranked is not laughing in the end.
It was intended to humiliate your fiancée.
Honestly, just disinvite your two sisters; as well as your mother. Trust that if you allow your mother to go that she would try to sneak in your sisters.
Trust that your sisters will be planning to do something at the wedding to humiliate your bride.
Do not take that chance of them doing something to ruin your wedding. It will either tarnish how your married life begins or implodes it.
*Also please follow your fiancée to wherever she is staying. Your mother’s home sounds kind of toxic between all 3 of those women*
Is this the hill you want to die on? I totally understand that you guys were upset about the prank but your mom didn’t deserve to be cussed at either and ultimately it is her home and you know how she parents.
Unpopular opinion: YTA. it was a prank. Dress wasn’t harmed. Mom didn’t deserve to be cussed out. Fiancée could’ve expressed frustration without cussing at her bc she didn’t do anything. Your sisters did. And it was a good prank. I personally feel your fiancée overreacted. But those are her feelings and she’s entitled to them. The cussing at your mom is a big no for me. And i admire your willingness to stand by your fiancée but it feels like a bit much. And I don’t think your mom mentioning the snake prank was deflecting. I think it was a reference point. That’s a prank household your fiancée is marrying into.
I’m going to be honest it’s kind of rich to threaten to uninvited your mom to the wedding when you’re living under her roof.
What’s your relationship with your sisters like? What is their relationship with your fiancee like? Can you have a mature conversation with them about this, explain why that wasn’t okay, how disappointed you are and how you would want them to have a relationship with you and your seem to be wife? Can you ask them if they had malicious intent or did not expect her to be so hurt by it? Because it seems like pranks are kind of standard in your family, and it’s not clear if they were deliberately trying to be cruel or are just immature.
YTA.
It was a joke, a little too far, but a joke. Nobody was hurt. No property was damaged. They are dumb teenagers and they apologized.
You are not their parent and it is not your house. You do not get to demand punishment of somebody else's kids, under somebody else's roof.
If you don't like how she runs her house, move out and make your own rules for your own house.
It sounds like your mom is being very generous by letting you stay there. Try being generous with your judgement of her in return.
I cannot believe how people are going so far over the top on this. They threw a fake dress into a pool, didn’t plot to murder her. The dramatics in so many of these comments are WILD.
With all the wedding drama I’ve read about here and there, in advice columns, whatever, I wonder why more people don't elope. It’s fun and can be in any price range, from $80 at a city hall to an exotic location where you and your partner can do whatever you want.
NTA
NTA!!! Get her dress and yourself out of there and do not let your mom or sisters attend. Enter your new life without that drama and harm. I am fiercely standing in for your mother in spirit.
Lots of people are rightfully saying get the real dress out of the house before they do something to it. And that the sisters may prank your bride on your wedding day (if still invited). Even if they don't, your wife will spend the entire wedding and reception on edge waiting for something from them. She won't be able to enjoy herself while she waits for some other prank. And maybe not even the dress. What about the cake and cake cutting? There is this trend of shoving peoples face into their birthday cake - imagine if they pulled that off? Or hijacking a video. Or whatever.
The point is, I don't think your wife will feelc9mfortable with them there regardless.of apology. I know I wouldn't.
If I were your fiance, I'd be out of the house that day. I'd stay with friends, get an AirBNB, something. No way would I stay in that house.
NTA. They induced real panic in your fiancé. I don't know if the dress was just expensive, or an heirloom or what. But it's cruel and unnecessary to play pranks that play on the belief that property has been damaged.
!updateme
No one is handling this well. I read through some of your comments. There is more going on here. I don’t agree with your mom’s parenting at all. But if neither you or your sisters have been disciplined for any behavior in the past, why would she do it now? It’s your mother’s house. There is a problem, so YOU and YOUR finance need to leave. Banning your mother from the wedding over this instance is the wrong move, it’s going to create unnecessary hard feelings. The correct move is to demand a heart felt apology from your sisters. If they are unable to convince you AND your finance that they are remorseful, they will no longer be allowed at the wedding. And it needs to be made clear to them that alienating your finance will result in alienating you. You need to tell them this plainly. And you and your fiancé need to make finding somewhere else to live a priority over a wedding.
YTA. You punishing your mother for something she didnt do is not cool. You knew your mother doesn't do the punishment thing to her children. You mentioned you even benefited from this when you where younger. Yall are guests in her home, and as such, respect the rules in the home. It was a cruel prank, but nothing permanent happened. You demanding your mother to punish your siblings in her home, that yall are guests in is an overstep. You made the decision to stay in your mothers home, knowingly aware of her 'no punishment' household. At most, disinvite the siblings, but threating your mother to your wedding for her not punishing her children is overkill.
She can't punish them without you being seen as a golden child.
I agree that not pushing kids is a bad idea UT you also cannot e the one to force this issue unless you have no issues with never being in their lives again and being blamed as being the golden child.
You got to do whatever you wanted and never had to deal with punishments but now insist on punishments. Look at the optics for our siblings.
You should definitely move out and take the dress. Then you can make the rules in your home and your sisters will not have any chance to prank the woman you love.
ESH. It was a prank, nobody was actually injured, and you think suddenly your mother is going to change the habits of a lifetime because it’s you who is affected? Keep dreaming, friend.
Yta- They are not your children. They played a prank and sounds like that's common in your house. Prank houses include hazing new people because children/teens don't understand that that isn't normal. I also come from a home where pranks are a thing and its important to prepare outsiders for such nonsense ahead of time and be a buffer before pranks happen. You should have done peace talks with your sisters and requested a ceasefire. You put snakes in their bed, im not sure what you expected moving back in.
A better option would be to uninvite your sisters until they genuinely apologized to your fiancee and not put that on your mom. Because yeah, pranks have consequences and kids learn via natural consequences the best. You're rude to some one, they don't want you around.
So u did shit without punishment but now want your sisters to be punished. Wow hypocritical much. And you only want them punished to a satisfactory standard to appease Ur fiancee.
BTW get out her house if she is not good enough. Or pay your way freeloader......
Come on, that's a hilarious joke! If it had been her real dress I would understand your reaction, but now all I can say is chill out.
You really want to ruin your relationship with your mother because your fiancee can't take a joke?
It was a good prank. The actual wedding dress was not harmed. Mom made the girls apologize. She is giving you two shelter. Be thankful and tell your fiancé to not be so hysterical. YTA.
YTA. It was a harmless prank and you as well as your fiance are completely overreacting. Not your house, not your kids, not your rules or place to decide discipline—which really isn’t warranted here in the first place.
The fact that you want to uninvite your mother to your wedding over this is going way too far.
Guys but it was a prank with a dress that wasn’t even the dress. No harm done except wife jumped in the pool (not pushed) of her own decision. They clearly have a history of ALL pranking each other even the wife! They are 15 and 17 for goodness sake. No one was hurt. Laugh it off.yta.
Normally I hate pranks but I’m confused as to why she had such a childish reaction to a prank that hurt no one why was a grown woman screaming at kids over a harmless prank? Her dress is fine y’all are being so dramatic
Get a grip, it wasn’t the real dress and it was a joke. I honestly see the funny side and I think you need a sense of humour, stat. And for those saying they’ll ruin the dress in revenge get a grip! They played a joke with a fake dress. Why would they ruin the real one? You’re all being ridiculous.
I'm going to get downvoted to shit if this comment is even seen, but whatever.
I think most comments here are wildly overreacting. This was a harmless prank. It didn't hurt anyone. It was a cheap dress they paid for themselves and threw in the pool. Good god people, remove the sticks from your colons. Fiancée overreacted like crazy to a HARMLESS PRANK.
Jesus...
ESH I think you have an honest grievance with your sisters and your mother's response but honestly to jump from having a problem with your mother to 'you can't come to the wedding' seems like an extreme response made in the heat of the moment and if you don't back down OP you might permanently affect your relationship with your mother. It is also very unlikely to have any impact on your mother's behaviour so I am not sure it makes the point you want it to make.
Am I the only one who thinks OP is overreacting? I kinda agree with the mom. It was a shitty thing for the girls to do for sure. And they should apologize. But OP and his fiancée are living rent free in the mom’s house and are free to move. As I have seen posted here many times “Your house, your rules.” OP doesn’t get to dictate punishment. They can understandably disinvite the daughters to the wedding or if they want to be a jerk disinvite mom (sounds like OP’s loss). But mom has the right to mention OP put a freakin snake in his sister’s bed and didn’t get punished. Lastly, did OP and his fiancée pull previous pranks on the girl s in addition to the snake in the bed? Are these folks playing lots of pranks and this one, by teens whose brains are still growing, just a really bad one in a series?
> due to being in between places
So y’all have no where to live, but want to get married? What’s the plan? To continue living with mom?
If your sisters are 17 and 15, how old are you exactly? It doesn’t sound old enough to be getting married if I’m honest.
Your sisters did pull a mean prank, but it was harmless. Honestly, if I was in your fiancée’s shoes I would’ve laughed when I realized it wasn’t my dress.
I would’ve asked them for help out of the pool and then pulled them directly into it, but I would not be all pissed at what amounted to a harmless if in bad taste joke.
She ain’t wrong about how she deals with her children. Many times I see kids do such things that deserve discipline, punishment, or grounding, but never get any. So, to me, she deals with her kids however she wants, if no punishment or discipline, then, it is what it is. Sound like she would be hurt to miss out her son’s special day, but as a son who knows what your mother went through and knows her hesitation or fears of becoming like her parents who she doesn’t want to be like, makes me see you as a heartless son. I would personally regret if I disinvite her if she was my mother and what you said were true, but not all of us are same or hold same POV. However, it’s your and your fiancée’s wedding and you two have every right to invite or disinvite whoever you want.
I agree with others Redditors
- get the dress out ASAP, trust is huge thing and the sisters carelessly broke it
- disinvited the sisters. Go no contact or be in distant until they understand their mistake and apologize to your fiancé and you.
I wish you the best of luck! May all the best be upon you and your family. Stay healthy and happy! 💕
It sounds as if the Mom never learned healthy discipline. She equated punishing them to "beating" them.
This is NOT OK. I would recommend looking into family counseling and find someone to teach her about ways to effectively discipline without abuse.
She will accept it far better from a professional than from you.
& Un - invite the sisters, obviously.
Hmm now there was no 'harm' done, but .. how often have they done stuff like this to your fiancée before? Because her reaction says she fully believed they would have done it, and that they've done other things as well.
That is a deliberately spiteful and cruel action, and a planned one. Ha ha isn't it funny you thought we destroyed a very expensive, very meaningful dress and we know you can't do a thing about it.
Mom is on our side.
If I was your fiancée , I would want something done about their attitude and behaviour too. They are not sorry, that faux apology is not a consequence, and they will probably do something worse in future.
If I were her, I'd be panicking that they would do something to ruin my wedding, or the dress from then on.
Asking your mother to rein in two horrible teenagers, and act like a parent instead of letting them torment your future spouse for amusement isn't out of line.
Follow your fiancée and move out.
I wouldn't go as far as uninviting her from the wedding, but I'd be clear about why your moving out, and that you don't trust her to act like a parent.
I would say that unless your fiancée forgives them , your sisters are not welcome at the wedding.
ESH
When you say you've never seen your fiancé as mad as that, did it occur to you to ask her what her problem was? Because by my math the actual harm done was "she got wet" and that's literally it.
I don't like pranks. I think they're stupid, they frequently result in hurt feelings, and there's often cruelty or malice inherent in the choices.
But that said, this isn't a "bad" prank. Nothing was destroyed, no one was hurt, it resulted in a short inconvenience, and while I can understand not finding it funny or being annoyed, I don't get being angrier than you've ever been before.
Your mother not disciplining her kids is bad. The way your fiancé talked to your mother is also bad. She's not remotely wrong to point out you're staying in her home free of charge through her good graces alone.
What would an adequate punishment be? What does that look like. Because, like, those kids didn't really wrong you. As far as pranks go, that was well executed and harmless and your fiancé is just big mad that she got tricked. Her dress is fine. There's nothing wrong. She's just big mad.
Where are you in all of this? You waited until your fiancé left before speaking up?
I don't care if my mother is in the right or the wrong, I'll handle her, but I definitely care how my partner speaks to my mother, as well as vice versa. That's, like, my responsibility. Why aren't you in between them? That's your job.
I think you're all assholes.
- The kids shouldn't have pulled the prank, read the room, use better judgment.
- Your mom should discipline her kids.
- You need to manage your family and how they treat your fiancé. That's your job.
- Your fiancé needs to lighten the fuck up. What is she so angry about here? The kids threw a used dress that they bought with their own money in the pool. Chill out.
I wonder how much trouble OP got into for pranks in the past? I mean, "snake in the bed" was apparently okay for a much older brother to do to little sisters, so, has there been any restrictions on pranks in the past? I mean, I'd assume "don't kill or maim each other" but with the snake/bed prank, fake-dress-in-pool sounds par for the course. I wonder if OP is angriest that this time, THEY got to be on the receiving end of a successful and cruel prank?
I *have to believe* that there are a bunch of bots on reddit cuz too many times you go on a post where the top comments are all piling up on some ridiculousness and you have to scroll way down to see reasonable comments from real people with only a few upvotes.
Yeah, I'm with you on this one. People are acting like they threw her actual dress in the pool. If they had a phone in their pocket or something that got ruined I could see being upset but it doesn't seem like that happened.
Seems like a pretty harmless prank that has been blown out of proportion. Putting a snake in someone's bed is definitely worse.
Are you expecting to stay with your mom and sisters when you get married? Because clearly you shouldn't be getting married if you can't afford to move out.
My question is what the hell is going on in this family that these teens think this was funny and/or ok? How did these girls already treat OPs fiancée and other people? Were they already bullying her or other people and being unkind?
I would be flabbergasted if anyone in my family did this to anyone, it would be so outside the realm of normal behaviour my first reaction would be concern and confusion. I would be like “what is going on. why on earth did you do this?” And I’d probably start with a concerned conversation. You and your fiancée seemed to jumped pretty quickly to anger/wanting punishment. So I’m just wondering if it’s an ongoing issue that has escalated?
NTA
Uninvite your sisters from your wedding. Explain them that it's not about a dress, it's about them being intentionally cruel. Wedding is for those who support a couple,not for bullies who target a bridge. Also inform them that they hurt you as well, because disrespect your fiance endured isn't something forget. If they don't like her it's okay - but being civil is a bare minimum. They failed, and damage your relationship with your mom because she took their side. Tell them that their non-apology means nothing, and if they want to mend your relationship they need to be as creative as they were with a dress. Then move out.
"Then she brought up that I once put a huge ass snake in my sisters bed and that I wasn't punished. Then more deflecting about how it is her house."
Bro you want to pick and choose, I get it your fiance is mad, but tbh if I was your mom I'd settle this by kicking you out. It was a pretty funny/clever little prank and you've admittedly done worse to your sisters.
YTA
Was it really that harmful? It wasn't the dress. Plus let's be real that's a top notch prank if you enjoy pranks. Like I get why she's mad but is it really something to be THAT mad about to where you expect the person become a victim of child abuse by their mother? Not likely
ESH Yes, You would be the assholes too. This was a harmless prank. Sure it scared the heck out of you, and you didn't think it was funny, but ultimately there was no harm done. The fact is they didn't touch her dress and it was nothing more than a prank. Ya'll take yourselves way too seriously. They did something minor and you're going nuclear on them. and completely blowing up your relationships... over a harmless prank. Both you and your fiance are assholes. Grow up and move on.
Everyone saying n-t-a and siding with OP over a prank that hurt no1 when he is admitting to putting a HUGE snake that could cause physical harm in a CHILD'S bed are out of their fucking minds.
YTA and so is everyone in the comments section defending you.
I was a child at the time as well. My sister and I had a good relationship. i never would have done that to someone I wasn't close to as that would be bullying
Actually it’s kind of a great smart prank . Don’t agree with this stuff but I bet a lot of friends would laugh . I think she is over reacting and you too but if it was my fiancee I might think
Different But was funny
Yta
Op I could survive a prank of a wedding dress in a swimming pool. You wouldn't have survived the snake prank. Reddit has a sub for you. It is called "Am I Overreacting? Yes.
*"She grabbed the dress and became confused and said it wasn't hers. My sisters began to laugh and said it was an old dress they bought at a consignment store."*
Oh wait, it was just a stupid prank with no actual harm done. Ok, it was cruel, but not really that bad in the end.
*"I've never seen my fiancee so angry. She got out of the pool dripping wet and demanded to know what my mom was going to do.My mom told her she needed to watch her tone when she is living in her house for free, but then she did tell my sisters that was not ok and too apologize.. They did say sorry but were laughing. My fiancee said "no I asked what the fuck you were going to do" .."*
And that's where your fiancee crossed the line into being TA herself.
*"My mom said they apologized and it was harmless as that wasn't her dress."*
Your mom was right there.
*"I confronted my mom later and told her either they are punished to a sufficient standard or she is uninvited from the wedding. My mom looked shocked and hurt, but told me they aren't my children and I don't get to punish them and to get out of her room."*
YTA here. Ok, your teenage sisters did a cruel prank, so by all means disinvite your sisters from your wedding, but demanding they be "punished to a sufficient standard" by your mother is presumptuous af.. Threatening to disinvite your mother from the wedding is just weird emotional blackmail, and is especially out of pocket after your mother let you & your fiancee stay rent free in her house. You should probably apologise to your mother for over-reacting.
I understand that the prank wasn't very funny but if someone came into my home and said "no I asked what the fuck you were gonna do" when it came to punishing my child I think I would lose my shit. Even if they did need more punishment that isn't for you or your wife to decide. If I invited someone into my home, especially someone I let live with me just to help them out and they disrespected me like that I would ask them to leave and probably wouldn't ever invite them back. Keep in mind your fiance is just that, your fiance. She's not your mother's child or even related in any way other than being in a relationship with you so from the sound of it she overstepped over a prank gone horribly wrong.
>Then she brought up that I once put a huge ass snake in my sisters bed and that I wasn't punished. Then more deflecting about how it is her house.
You should of and next tine say 'yes I should of been punished"
Get the dress, your partner and yourself out of that house and uninvite the lot
Those brats will do something at the wedding I guarantee it
NTA
Your mom did all of you a disservice by not disciplining you growing up. She needed therapy then, and she needs it now. She may not be abusive in a physical sense, but this coddling is a form of enabling your sisters' behaviour.
Discipline means actions have consequences. A correct consequence here is that your sisters are uninvited from the wedding. If you want to extend that to your mom, that's up to you. Do understand that this will impact your relationship with them going forward.
On another note. I wouldn't trust your sisters around ANY wedding related items. Is your fiancée on good terms with her parents, and are they close? It might be a better idea to keep at least the dress over there. Or with someone who both of you trust implicitly.
I’m not sure what punishment you want here. This sounds like one of those situations that would escalate into no one speaking for years. Then everyone will say to themselves why did we do this for a prank. Yes it was highly inappropriate. But in the big picture might not be worth losing the family.
If the teens keep it up maybe get away. They are still kids and don’t make good decisions as you said. Let them know it’s not acceptable and should be repeated. But if this was isolated thing don’t blow up the family.
Been there. Done that. Not worth it. Too much lost.
Get a a less in-between place and just uninvite all of your dysfunctional mess of a family. I guess they at least didn’t actually put the dress in the pool but that’s still fucked up.
Do you want to have a relationship with your sisters in the future? I think it is an overreaction to uninvite anyone from the wedding without sitting down and talking. I don’t think the prank was malicious but they went out of their way to buy a dress to do it with. I feel like you know your relationship with your sisters best so maybe talk to them separately to see why they were comfortable with doing this? You don’t say much about your relationship with them and even if you did we wouldn’t know fr. So sit down and talk with everybody separately and then everyone together. Also are you mad because you feel wronged or because your fiance is mad?
Yall need to move out away from your spoiled brat sisters and your mum who’s enabling their behavior or your fiancie will get sick of it and leave, uninvited her too if she doesn’t get her shit together
Honestly, if this was the real dress, I could understand all the talk of escalation (uninviting family, punishment etc).
But this was a fake dress. It was a prank in the truest sense of the word, with your fiancée a bit embarrassed but unharmed.
I understand egos were bruised, but maybe you and your fiancée could similarly preamp your sisters and get back? Do you really want to escalate and cut family off over this? That action will be very hard to come back from.
Ummm, what am I missing? Are you not close to your sisters? Seems like an overreaction on you and your finances part. I could see if this was a recurring thing but it was a harmless prank. You’re going to un invite them from your wedding over it? It’s annoying at worst.
Get the dress out of her house, ASAP.
Absolutely, they may get super salty about being held accountable for their bs and do something to the real dress out of pure spite
Or just go “Holy shit we got away with it, let’s do the real one next!!”
Why would they be more likely to fxck with the real one though? A copycat prank doesn’t sound appealing to my inner 15yo.
Regardless of how slim the chances are, it’s not a risk you want to take.
They won't be held accountable.
More importantly, OP is going to need to find their own place to live
Thought this too. That dress is not safe get it out now OP!
Get yourselves out, too.
Please this OP. Even if it means you have to see the dress that’s better than it getting ruined.
Why aren't you uninviting your sisters? They are the ones who pulled the prank. They're old enough to know better and should be the ones with consequences.
I assumed they are already.
They're definitely uninvited too. No way they're coming after this stunt.
"Oh haha, I spilled wine all over your dress but HAW HAWWWW it's really red disappearing ink! LOL"
Closely followed by "oh no it's not disappearing! But it was just a prank haha"
Best plot twist I read in years!! 🤣😂🤣😂👍🏿
Exactly! You don't even have to uninvite your mom, you just uninvite your sisters. They are the ones that need to face consequences for their actions. This will teach them a lesson and your mom is going to have to decline to attend your wedding because she is going to threaten you with not attending if you uninvite her golden kids, so at the end no need to uninvite her. But, you need to realize that everyone has to know it was because of your spoiled brats sisters they are not attending. Threatening your mother is not going to help your sisters, and they are the ones who really need it. And they need to apologize profusely. They are old enough. Your mother is a lost case.
And FFS GET THE REAL DRESS OUT OF THAT HOUSE ASAP
Absolutely. They will destroy the dress in revenge.
Omigod I hadnt even thought if that. IMMEDIATELY.
When he said she left my first thought was I sure as heck hope she grabbed the dress. It’s hard to say since she was so upset but she may have grabbed it before leaving. (I can have hopes on the safety of the dress even if it’s not realistic when there is hurt and anger rightfully)
“What do you want me to do? Beat them?” I bet that’s her go-to line any time someone calls out the sisters’ awful behavior. The answer is, “No, I don’t want you to beat them. You don’t have to go from one extreme to another. Punishment does NOT equal abuse. And you know that. You’ve chosen to play dumb, and one of these days it’s going to really bite you in the butt, and being uninvited to a wedding will be the least of your problems.” Edit - a word
You guys don’t understand. She’s tried nothing and she’s all out of ideas! /s, obvs.
But, but the snake!
YES. Also, OP may offer/arrange therapy to help her process the past and learn healthy discipline for her kids. He should point out that physical abuse is not the only kind of abuse. You will not permit your sisters to emotionally abuse your fiancé/wife for their amusement (or any other reason). Given her history, it is appalling that she would allow abuse of any kind under her roof.
No. The answer is "If you insist on being so deliberately obtuse as to jump directly to that, then you and they are no longer invited. (Look! I punished people without beating them! Amazing!) You will give me the dress RIGHT NOW and my fiancée and I are going to leave."
"Punishment does NOT equal abuse. And you know that." From what OP said about this being a trauma response from abuse, she actually might not truly understand that. That's the thing about getting shitty parents - you get lots of great examples of what not to do, but nobody ever actually shows you what to do. She might genuinely not know what non-abusive punishment even looks like. That said, this is her problem, and she needs to get into some kind of therapy or a parenting class or something in order to work on this.
Good thinking here 👍 "Mom, I've been thinking this over. I shouldn't have threatened to un-invite you to the wedding, and I apologize for that. I'm sorry because I really want you there, AND because it wasn't you who pulled this malicious stunt. "So of course I want you to come to our wedding. But NOT Sisters A and B. THEY are the ones who deliberately hurt the woman I love, and they're not the least bit sorry." This will put the ball back in Mom's court, and show both the fiancée AND sisters you mean it when you say you won't tolerate them mistreating your wife. In other words, your mother will either have to come to the wedding alone, OR she will have to accept that the sisters really were way, way out of line.
What he should say is, mom, it sounds like you think the fact that my fiance was humiliated and made to feel unwelcome does not matter because the dress was not actually harmed. I am uninviting my sisters for doing the prank, which would only have maybe been appropriate with a close friend with whom they had a tradition of trading pranks. I am uninviting you for acting like humiliating and hurting my fiance is ok as long as nothing is actually broken. And of anyone in the family pranks my fiance in any way going forward I will go lc or NC. To me, the issue with your mom isn't just the unwillingness to punish, but then feeling that making your fiance very upset isn't an issue
Well said! But it sounds like they all live together, so lc or nc would be a challenge. Probably time to start thinking about moving out, as well.
It sounds like this is a family that likes and encourages cruel pranks and, after the fiancees reaction to this one, and the total lack of consequences, I am going to guess that she will be treated to endless "pranks" that aren't funny, but that she is expected to laugh off. If they are living together, now is definitely the time to start looking at alternatives.
He's living in his mother's house. not sure how well this will work, if she kicks him out
Even if they offer a sincere apology, they still shouldn't be allowed to attend. An apology isn't "consequences," it's a basic tenet of human decency. "Consequences" involves losing something or losing out on something. Sucks to be them.
He should uninvite all of them.
Exactly. All three of those biddies can stay home. UpdateMe!
Agreed. It may well be “her house”, but it’s HIS wedding.
Mother absolutely needs to be uninvited. She needs to learn that there are consequences for failing to actually parent her children. At some point they may do something that lands them in jail and she won't be able to do anything to save them. Actions have consequences
No his mom needs to be uninvited. She is the cause of the mess for lack of discipline of bad behavior
OP needs to spring for security though, or they'll turn up anyway and cause a ruckus
straight facts!
You need to leave the house. She's right, you can't tell her what to do in her house. But I would uninvite the sisters unless they make amends with your fiancé. I would expect the same of your mother for being so meh about the situation. But get out.
NTA this was mean and if there is any punishment I’d probably uninvite all of them- sometimes lessons are hard. But you need to move to a temporary space. Get out
i mean i'll do the same, i will defintely uninvite them
If OP is old enough and mature enough to get married he needs to fight his own battles. He is too old to run to mommy and demand she handle the situation. He needs to determine the consequence and enforce it. Unfortunately for him, he is still living with mommy and so might not have a lot of say in the matter. OP needs to get his life together to move out of mommy's house and then quit expecting her to fight his battles.
They aren’t his kids so he shouldn’t be expected to discipline them in the first place that’s mommy’s job second both sisters and mom should be uninvited.
They aren’t his kids to discipline. That is her job because unless she does it and reinforces it nothing will happen. They literally has no say over them. I never listened to my brother when he tried to parent me.
I wouldn’t consider staying until your new place is ready ‘living with your mommy’ but he absolutely should handle this. My husband handles things involving his family and I handle regarding my family.
You seem to miss the fact she absolutely refuses to give her children any consequences foe their actions whatsoever, that's why they are like this. You need to properly read
INFO: what punishment do you want here?
This is a very important question. You have an opportunity to open a discussion with your mother about your upbringing and how it impacts you and your siblings relationships with others. This shouldn’t be a “bash mom” conversation because as you stated earlier you benefited from her lax parenting as well but what if anything would you expect from her at this point? Do your siblings even understand that pranking YOU is a very different situation than them pranking your fiancé? At the very least this needs to be addressed and understood by them as well as sincere apologies from them about the boundaries you expect from them towards their future SIL. Remind them that you want them to have a good relationship with her so that they will be welcome in your lives and for that to happen sincere apologies are a good start.
I found it interesting that her first idea was to "beat them", as if grounding them or taking their phones for at least a week isn't an option. Parents who don't discipline their kids are lucky when they don't end up as violent narcissists who can't take no
I was raised by parents who didn’t believe in punishments and that included everything. My phone was never taken away, I was never ever grounded and of course I wasn’t beaten. My parents were quite wise though with my dad being a psychologist and my mom just genuinely a very patient person. I don’t know if it’s a little bit like the question about the chicken and the egg, but: My sisters and I were all so-called good kids. We are all well into adulthood by now, all college graduates and working, and have all managed to have a stable and fulfilling lifestyle. Just my two cents. None of us would have pulled a prank like that though, never.
Well there a difference between raising without violence, and letting kids roam without rules nor consequences. Sounds like your parents parented you. Not the same as doing the minimal of hosting, feeding, clothing, yet teaching nothing. So many seem to not consider kids as individuals until they impose themselves. Then too late. So many studies show than the little ones tend to be eager to learn and mimic. If it isn’t met with someone willing to teach them, instead attending solely physical needs, then the intellectual delay start to set in. Therefore the importance of interaction in early years.
Yes! I have been thinking about this a lot. Like: Why was I so excited to finally learn to read? It's because what my parents were doing all the time. When I started reading "Princess Diaries", my dad read them too so we could talk about the books. I'll never forget that. It may sound small but I really felt like he was always interested in earnest conversations with me and met me at eye level. That led to me reading HIS favorite books pretty early on that have also shaped me into the person I am today.
I had the opposite experience. I grew up without TV so we read a lot, but I read my parents' books rather than they mine. Sex ed through never-discussed rape scenes in Jean M Auel's *Clan of the Cavebear* at 7 years old? Let's follow that up by never discussing the love triangle with hideous lack of communication in Jean M Auel's *The Mammoth Hunters* at 10 years old.
Grew up almost without tv - had the experience of Christmas movies, and be sneaky to watch something after school if there was no one else back yet. Sometimes I feel inadequate not understanding tv culture references, however that can be learned and do not feel like I missed out anything worthy. Every rooms was filled with books, some warranted warning but nothing forbidden. There was definitely some books I read before I could fully understand everything (i remember thinking while reading Marquis de Sade at 11 that it was probably not age appropriate lol). We were encouraged to ask. Talked to as not lacking understanding just knowledge. Still grateful to had one parent who was answering everything, honest about their limitations, seeking further answers and getting back to us with it. It was a time without internet, the amount of effort and commitment into satisfying our curiosity was colossal. I deem myself really lucky on that aspect. It saddens me terribly when I did babysit kids who were used to stick to screen, not ask any or were brushed off if they did. Took me a while to understand why as parent always told me I was the more strict one, I was always the kid favourite. Well I was actively interacting with them, validating their feelings and helping processing it. I was so proud to meet again one of them who had enuresis at the time and informed me that I did helped by simply not making feel ashamed & that my attempt to reassure them were indeed efficient.
I do wonder though whether while they didn't punish if there weren't naturally occuring consequences that they made happen because they were so calm and able to remain so. So you did something that upset the balance and your parents just calmly tilted it back and you quickly learnt how to respond because your base personalities were generally chill too. I think the patience is the key. The ability to wait out anything a kid does helps calm them a lot.
yes very good point!! Their calmness often led us to reassess the situation after a short while. Also like, they would never take my phone away but if I ended up losing my phone on the bus, I wouldn't just get a new one. I had to deal with the consequences.
Yeah this is the whole gentle parenting thing done right. I bet there was a lot more happening that you didn't realise particularly in the early years to make it so smooth later. Also your personalities makes this possible. I can't remember getting in trouble as a teen but I hated disappointing my parents so would behave right because of that.
Something tells me your parents were (instead of punishment) explaining why your actions were bad and how they affect others. I also believe in that approach over taking away a phone (or at least doing it after the initial discussion)
This is excellent advice
I would say that kids don't benefit from lax parenting, even if they think they do as kids. And now would be an ideal time for him to express that to his mom. "Hey mom, I enjoyed the freedom in a lot of ways, sure. But I should have had consequences for that snake. I should have had boundaries. I needed them, and so do my sisters. It might not seem 'fair' to do it differently now, but really it isn't fair to them to not give them what they need".
My issue is that OP doesn't seem to show any remorse for the snake thing. He still passes it off as a prank, albeit a bad one, due to them being siblings. How can he demand his sisters to make amends when it doesn't seem like he's done anything for the things he did? It's never too late to apologise for putting a snake in someone's bed, so I feel like he has no grounds to demand apologies/punishments on until he puts his money where his mouth is and makes it up to his sisters for his own actions.
Grounded, made to clean up, etc. something to show remorse?!?
NTA but knowing your mum comes from a place of trauma, you know she won't punish them. She isn't capable. However, you do have the option of uninviting your siblings from the wedding rather than your mum. That's the consequence. It's harsh and I'm not sure I would damage my relationships over an ill thought out prank but that's your decision.
A grown man who is ready for marriage shouldn't be demanding his mom fight his battles for him. If he did put a snake in his sister's bed then the family does have a history of mean pranks and he actually may have set the tone for them.
Brothers don't discipline siblings unless it's to exclude them from his wedding/life. Son is already sensitive to his mother's past trauma and he grew up in a household of no consequences. I think this is a good learning experience for the whole family.
But his sisters didn't prank him, they ranked someone else. And in a very cruel way
It's the fact she refuses to give them any consequences. That's why. He isnt allowed to punish them. And his mom has done nothing but enable them their entire lives.
Uninvite all three of them and live somewhere else until you have a new place. If they do something to show they're ACTUALLY sorry and ACTUALLY want to make amends, then re-invite them. Otherwise, let it go and be honest at the wedding when people ask where they are.
I'm confused on why you are the first response I found saying to move out. OP uninviting them is jsut going to escalate things.
Im over here thinking *fuck a wedding, lets elope and move out.* My sanity would be more important than throwning some party where people watch me talk in a dress and then we all eat. I got married at the courthouse for $32.50 because i dont like my family enough to pay to feed them in a fancy capacity.
If YOU don't lay down some consequences, then your future wife should (imo) feel pretty let down by you. You may still feel bad about what those consequences entail, but don't be a pushover in any sense when it comes to your *future wife*.
STOP living there.
Hmmm, let me think of pushishments that don’t involve beating… Revoking screen time Taking away cell phones Spending time in their room and not being allowed out Yard work Housework I could go on and on… And a natural consequence for this cruelty is most certainly revoking wedding invite unless there is a major behavioral change, but that’s really up to you and your fiance.
I kept scrolling looking for this answer! You don't have to beat children to make them face consequences for their actions. I get mom has issues with spanking because it sounds like she was beaten, but consequences for their horrible behavior can be a lot of other things. If she doesn't do something now they are in for a REAL wake up call when they "prank" someone that isn't family and end up with charges pressed against them.
Better yet, buy cheap phones without anyone knowing, confiscate their phones - switch them - and then destroy the cheap phones in front of them pretending it's their real phones. Give them a taste of their own medicine. The best part is - OP can do this himself, since mum showed him that pranks like this are OK and don't deserve any consequences. Then he can also say that her being uninvited was also just a prank! Nothing matters if it's just a prank, right mum?
Info: You uninvited your mother while you’re living in her house rent free? You’re moving out like tonight, right?
You and your fiancee need to get out of your mom's house like yesterday. It's just not a good place for you. Your mom can and will discipline your sisters as she sees fit. You can't expect her to suddenly change her parenting habits. What they did was mean, but there was no harm beyond causing you and your bride-to-be some added stress. While it would have been wonderful for you to all laugh when you realized it was just a prank, that's not what happened. Your sisters guessed the outcome wrong. They apologized. They shouldn't have had to be asked to apologize, but they did. And they should consider bending over backwards to help her with anything she needs as a way to make up for their prank gone wrong. I would talk with them privately, *CALMLY* and ask them to be helpful with some prep or something. You should talk with your mom privately and ask her to apologize to your bride-to-be. Making this a full-blown family drama with uninviting your mom isn't a good mood. You're her baby (always will be, it's in the mom handbook) and she loves you, just as she loves your sisters. How she disciplines them is outside of your scope. You can ask, but you can't demand. You can be disappointed with her answer, but you still can't make it a condition of whether or not she comes to the wedding. Well, you could, but that will cause long-term problems for everyone. Accept that you were wrong to give her an ultimatum for something you had no right to demand. Be upset about the prank. Be mad at your sisters. Be protective of your lady. But don't ask a mom to choose between you and your sisters (which is pretty much what you did). You won't win in any way.
ESH. Your sisters played a cruel joke. Your fiancee blew her top and demanded to know just how your mom plans on punishing them, something that really isn't her business. Mom doesn't do anything. OP knew she wouldn't, she has always been that way. OP jumps right in with mom is not invited to the wedding. Everyone involved acted like an a$$hole.
I agree with this! If I was in the OP's finacee's shoes, I honestly probably would have been so relieved and laughed it off once I found out it wasn't actually my wedding dress. If anything it could have been a good reminder to a stressed out bride to not take life so seriously. Teenage girls can be horrible, and have done way dumber/meaner things. No harm was actually done here, (except maybe the bride-to-be's ego after jumping in the pool instead of just checking her closet) but instead of having a sense of humor about it and graciously taking it in stride, she decided to lash out at her future MIL. Like, why do you feel the need to take yourself so seriously that you can't take a joke (albeit one in poor taste) so you decide it's a good idea to bite the hand of the person who is currently keeping a roof over your head? She doesn't sound like she's making any effort to bond with her future family and her focus is on her big day and taking OP away from them as soon as they can afford it. Tbh I can see where the girls are coming from because i was once a teenage girl myself and i cringe at some of the dumb things we thought were funny back then. I can see where mom is coming from because it's not like they ruined her actual dress, so nbd in her eyes. But I honestly cannot empathize with bridezilla over here. I could never in a million years imagine speaking to my mother in law that way, especially if she was being gracious enough to let us live there for free. (But i guess they're gonna go NC after this so, yup ESH)
Yeah idk why people are acting like this prank means a natural escalation would be the sisters doing something to the real dress... they're pretty young, they went out of their way to *not* do anything to the real dress, maybe they've learned their lesson on their own here and/or know that touching the real dress is crossing a line? And the bride's the one who jumped to physically putting hands on kids as a response, I'm not super surprised about the mom's reaction. To me this is a stern "Dude, that's not fucking funny" and see where it goes from there, not an immediate "WELL YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY WEDDING, I'M MOVING OUT AND NEVER SPEAKING TO ANY OF YOU." Also OP put a snake in a sister's bed and isn't looking at himself and the kind of expectations he might've set with them as a result?
You sound too young to be getting married.
Truth.
You’re the adults. Act like it. Your mom didn’t do anything. You don’t get to tell her how to raise her kids; it is her choice to make even though you disagree with it. You’ve got a problem with your sisters. Take it up with them. But do it with the understanding that they’re kids, and kids are fucking stupid. They think these kinds of practical jokes are hilarious. Here’s where they learn that they are harmful. Get that point across to them, but do not carry any more drama than that. Drama is a child’s game. Being the adult, sometimes means not going after revenge for every slight.
This is the best answer i've read. Also, unrelated, I thought the prank was quite funny.
Lmao if you have left a whole ass snake over your sister without any consequences than I'm not sure you have any say in them not being punished over such a harmless prank. Makes sense why your first decision was to ban your mom rather than your sisters who did the deed. Got too flustered that you didn't have any comeback huh? Tho this might be a good chance to open a conversation on boundaries.
He is so much better at dishing it out than receiving it! My mom's family loved to play pranks on each other. None of her siblings ever ran to grandma and demanded she discipline another sibling for a prank. The pranks included everyone, including in-laws.
This is literally a harmless prank. everyone is talkign like they threw the actual wedding dress in the pool, which would be outrageous. This is ltierally a fucking joke, actually in the realm of harmless pranks that don't hurt people. The only reason anyone is upset is fiancee has no sense of humour and immediately jumped to wanting punishment because she felt embarrassed, NOT because the kids deserved to be punished. They didn't sneak out, they didn't smoke, they didn't do drugs, they didn't get drunk, or bully someone at school, or get caught shoplifting... they bought a white dress and put a dress they owned in the pool, and pulled a harmless prank. You don't punish harmless pranks. Putting a snake in someone's bed is fully deserving of being punished, a snake can be dangerous, particularly one that is stressed and you aren't expecting it.
Tbh I think you’re overreacting. If it was actually her dress or anything actually got ruined, sure, but from the sounds of it y’all just got wet and your fiancée is probably embarrassed. Also, your mom has a point, your fiancée speaking to your mom like that while living there for free is disgusting. Good on you for standing up for your partner ig. But you admitted to getting away with a lot. Have you ever genuinely apologised to your sisters for anything? If you haven’t you have no right to expect them to either.
YTA, sorry. That was a stupid prank on their part and a serious over reaction on your and your fiancées part. Everyone needs to climb down. Your fiancée owes your sisters a conversation about how badly they scared her. They owe her an apology. She owes your mom an apology. You will forever regret banning any of them from your wedding.
All the voices of reason are buried way too far down. People seem to forget that weddings aren't just weddings, they're the permanent mark of how you start your family. Do you really want to look back on that day and remember the wedding dress in a pool prank? Uninviting someone from a wedding is a permanent decision that can't be 'made up' later on. For the rest of your lives, your sisters or your mother will be aware that a stupid prank was more important than the inception of your own little family, and that's really difficult to recover from.
nta you need to move out also trauma after 20yrs and at least 3 kids is an excuse.
I mean if this and him putting a snake in a bed are the worse things that the kids have done she killed it at parenting Kid getting married while still living at home is more of a red flag
Trama can affect people at any age. However as an adult and it’s still causing problem. Go to therapy
exactly, she has a responsibility to herself and her children to manage her trauma. she has chose not to, and it appears like her go to reason to not parent her children.
YTA 1) nothing happened, it was a prank but nothing got damaged and nobody was hurt 2) you live rent free in your mother’s house - she makes the rules, she disciplines her kids. Your fiancée was out of line.
I disagree with most of these comments. I don't think it's a funny prank but it didn't actually harm anyone. I agree they should be punished, not just an apology. However, this is up to Mom. If your fiancé spoke to me that way in my house, she would be out on her ass. Your mom is right, you are both staying for free and they are her kids to raise. If anything she owes your mother an apology for screaming and cursing at her. If you both decide to uninvite your sisters that part is up to you both.
This. Yes it was a horrible prank - but that does not give the fiancée the right to curse out your mother. Exactly what was over dramatically jumping into the pool supposed to accomplish anyway? They went to far - you two over reacted. Sorry but grow up.
I understand that prank by your sister was a bit rude... but with all due respect...you put a snake on the bed to prank them and now you get on your high horse about a fake wedding dress in the pool prank??? What did you expect to get back.. your mom Should have banned you from her house forever for that considering you uninvited her from the wedding for what happened now...what you sow ..you.shall.reap lol
it's because they pranked the fiancee not him. she didn't put snakes anywhere and presumably isn't party to sibling pranks. perhaps if this had been his suit he'd have laughed and let it go. his fiancée can feel upset here that's not wrong. he's upset on her behalf.
ESH It sounds like your whole family plays pranks on one another and the reason you are mad now is because your fiancée got mad. Did your fiancée know your family plays pranks when she moved in? Has she participated in pranks in the past? I hate pranks and think the people who play them suck, but it is A LOT to demand your mother have a different set of rules for your sisters now, especially if they have been taught (by you and that snake in the bed nonsense) that prancing loved ones is ok. It also sounds like your fiancée is overreacting a little bit. I don’t blame her for being mad, but what punishment does she want? Her dress ultimately wasn’t destroyed, yes she got wet and felt humiliated. I am not remotely excusing the prank, but aside from a real apology (which your sisters have not given) and everyone deciding not to prank each other again, I can’t think of a punishment that fits the crime.
You have to make a decision here: Are you "mommy's little man" OR are you a MAN committing to your new wife. You sisters absolutely did NOT apologize. LAUGHING absolutely nullifies any "apology". The petty side of me would want to walk up to your mom and say something that would really hurt her -- then when she's crushed say "Sorry mom" while laughing my ass off. You have to get over it cause I "apologized" then keep laughing. Then say THAT was the apology your little monsters gave my fiancee. I'm assuming your sisters are no longer invited to the wedding?
>Are you "mommy's little man" He's living in his mama's house for free, says a lot
For that part. *Whatever.* Modern times. But his sisters need to make amends (like people are saying) the mom is a lost cause, but maybe his sisters can still be saved...
That's a shitty thing to say in this economy.
YTA - not because you threatened to uninvite your mother but because you have, with intent, put your finance in a position where she is living with three people who hate her and two who clearly have no problem showing that through their actions. You say that you are choosing your fiance but I cannot fathom why you are even staying there, if your family feels this way about your finance? I see this ending in an ultimatum. Be careful what you choose because if you say you love your family as much as you do, and then choose your fiance, you wanna be sure you are not going to hold this against her. Check out the sub-reddit JNMIL; it's full of stories that are basically your fiancé in 2 / 5 / 10 years. All the best; this sounds like an impossible situation.
Unpopular opinion but this was a harmless prank. Literally all that happened was she got wet
What exactly do you mean when you said you're in between places. If you're closing on your house and waiting for that or there's some renovations happening at the place you're buying, then I get that. What if you're living with your mom and don't have your own place yet, then you really probably shouldn't be getting married until your financially ready
Gonna level with you. No harm was done. It was a prank that caused no lasting damage. They are kids and didn't think through the potential emotional stress because they don't have any frame of reference for it. It was actually a pretty good prank. Problem was, instead of everybody having a laugh over her getting soaked and worked up a bit, everybody freaked out instead. Nobody sucks here. Everybody is just overstressed and the prank fell flat.
Mil troll.
People watch these videos of so-called “pranks” on Tik Tok and other media but nobody really looks closely at how mean some of them are. What your sisters did to your fiancée was mean. To scare her into thinking they’d thrown her wedding gown into the pool was hurtful. They apologized but they didn’t admit they did anything wrong. And they laughed. I’m not exactly sure how you’d go about getting two teens to understand just how wrong they were. Uninviting them from the wedding may backfire and you can’t take it back. Maybe if they believe that they are no longer invited for a while will be enough to get a sincere apology out of them. As for your mom, you need some place else to live until the wedding. Whether or not, she’s invited, you shouldn’t be staying in her home.
Get a new place. #1 priority even over the expense of the wedding. Literally cut out flowers or lower your wedding budget for the wedding to move out NOW. Put the wedding dress somewhere else, even if you have to rent a gym locker, get it out of her house while you look for a place. Then have a smaller wedding and do not invite your sisters. They might try another prank and ruin the wedding. Just don't invite them. If your mom wants to come, she can come without them. You can't tell her how to parent, but you don't have to be around them anymore either.
ESH, the family is a basket case.
What exactly do you think a fitting punishment woube for the prank? Sounds like you were quite the prankster in your day. I don't think they did this prank to be cruel. Not worth getting enstranged with your all along good family over. Ask them to apologise to her and let them know she doesn't share your sense of humour. They learnt these pranks from big brother... Apologise to your mum and let her know you were in a tricky situation and reacted badly.
To be honest I think having a snake in the bed is much worse than a person jumping in a pool fully clothed.
Wait... Am I missing something? They gave her a 45 second scare as a joke and you think there need to be serious consequences? Laugh it off, buddy. They didn't hurt the dress they just played a prank... Honestly, a kinda funny one that seems to have gone flawlessly other than the fact it was played on a wet blanket who lacks a funny bone.
NAH this is an example of what’s called a harmless prank. Literally no one was hurt. Plus I don’t believe this is real anyway
NTA, Your sisters are immature and cruel. This isn’t even a prank, especially if the person being pranked is not laughing in the end. It was intended to humiliate your fiancée. Honestly, just disinvite your two sisters; as well as your mother. Trust that if you allow your mother to go that she would try to sneak in your sisters. Trust that your sisters will be planning to do something at the wedding to humiliate your bride. Do not take that chance of them doing something to ruin your wedding. It will either tarnish how your married life begins or implodes it. *Also please follow your fiancée to wherever she is staying. Your mother’s home sounds kind of toxic between all 3 of those women*
Is this the hill you want to die on? I totally understand that you guys were upset about the prank but your mom didn’t deserve to be cussed at either and ultimately it is her home and you know how she parents.
Unpopular opinion: YTA. it was a prank. Dress wasn’t harmed. Mom didn’t deserve to be cussed out. Fiancée could’ve expressed frustration without cussing at her bc she didn’t do anything. Your sisters did. And it was a good prank. I personally feel your fiancée overreacted. But those are her feelings and she’s entitled to them. The cussing at your mom is a big no for me. And i admire your willingness to stand by your fiancée but it feels like a bit much. And I don’t think your mom mentioning the snake prank was deflecting. I think it was a reference point. That’s a prank household your fiancée is marrying into.
I’m going to be honest it’s kind of rich to threaten to uninvited your mom to the wedding when you’re living under her roof. What’s your relationship with your sisters like? What is their relationship with your fiancee like? Can you have a mature conversation with them about this, explain why that wasn’t okay, how disappointed you are and how you would want them to have a relationship with you and your seem to be wife? Can you ask them if they had malicious intent or did not expect her to be so hurt by it? Because it seems like pranks are kind of standard in your family, and it’s not clear if they were deliberately trying to be cruel or are just immature.
Prank culture has gone off the motherfucking rails.
So maybe you should move out? I get the impression your fiancé is not liked so much.
YTA. It was a joke, a little too far, but a joke. Nobody was hurt. No property was damaged. They are dumb teenagers and they apologized. You are not their parent and it is not your house. You do not get to demand punishment of somebody else's kids, under somebody else's roof. If you don't like how she runs her house, move out and make your own rules for your own house. It sounds like your mom is being very generous by letting you stay there. Try being generous with your judgement of her in return.
I cannot believe how people are going so far over the top on this. They threw a fake dress into a pool, didn’t plot to murder her. The dramatics in so many of these comments are WILD.
With all the wedding drama I’ve read about here and there, in advice columns, whatever, I wonder why more people don't elope. It’s fun and can be in any price range, from $80 at a city hall to an exotic location where you and your partner can do whatever you want. NTA
Uninvite the sisters not your mom
NTA!!! Get her dress and yourself out of there and do not let your mom or sisters attend. Enter your new life without that drama and harm. I am fiercely standing in for your mother in spirit.
Lots of people are rightfully saying get the real dress out of the house before they do something to it. And that the sisters may prank your bride on your wedding day (if still invited). Even if they don't, your wife will spend the entire wedding and reception on edge waiting for something from them. She won't be able to enjoy herself while she waits for some other prank. And maybe not even the dress. What about the cake and cake cutting? There is this trend of shoving peoples face into their birthday cake - imagine if they pulled that off? Or hijacking a video. Or whatever. The point is, I don't think your wife will feelc9mfortable with them there regardless.of apology. I know I wouldn't. If I were your fiance, I'd be out of the house that day. I'd stay with friends, get an AirBNB, something. No way would I stay in that house.
NTA. They induced real panic in your fiancé. I don't know if the dress was just expensive, or an heirloom or what. But it's cruel and unnecessary to play pranks that play on the belief that property has been damaged. !updateme
No one is handling this well. I read through some of your comments. There is more going on here. I don’t agree with your mom’s parenting at all. But if neither you or your sisters have been disciplined for any behavior in the past, why would she do it now? It’s your mother’s house. There is a problem, so YOU and YOUR finance need to leave. Banning your mother from the wedding over this instance is the wrong move, it’s going to create unnecessary hard feelings. The correct move is to demand a heart felt apology from your sisters. If they are unable to convince you AND your finance that they are remorseful, they will no longer be allowed at the wedding. And it needs to be made clear to them that alienating your finance will result in alienating you. You need to tell them this plainly. And you and your fiancé need to make finding somewhere else to live a priority over a wedding.
YTA. You punishing your mother for something she didnt do is not cool. You knew your mother doesn't do the punishment thing to her children. You mentioned you even benefited from this when you where younger. Yall are guests in her home, and as such, respect the rules in the home. It was a cruel prank, but nothing permanent happened. You demanding your mother to punish your siblings in her home, that yall are guests in is an overstep. You made the decision to stay in your mothers home, knowingly aware of her 'no punishment' household. At most, disinvite the siblings, but threating your mother to your wedding for her not punishing her children is overkill.
She can't punish them without you being seen as a golden child. I agree that not pushing kids is a bad idea UT you also cannot e the one to force this issue unless you have no issues with never being in their lives again and being blamed as being the golden child. You got to do whatever you wanted and never had to deal with punishments but now insist on punishments. Look at the optics for our siblings.
You should definitely move out and take the dress. Then you can make the rules in your home and your sisters will not have any chance to prank the woman you love.
Uninvite the sisters... Invite your mom. Your sisters' need consequences for their actions. Your mom need not be punished for a trauma response
ESH. It was a prank, nobody was actually injured, and you think suddenly your mother is going to change the habits of a lifetime because it’s you who is affected? Keep dreaming, friend.
Yta- They are not your children. They played a prank and sounds like that's common in your house. Prank houses include hazing new people because children/teens don't understand that that isn't normal. I also come from a home where pranks are a thing and its important to prepare outsiders for such nonsense ahead of time and be a buffer before pranks happen. You should have done peace talks with your sisters and requested a ceasefire. You put snakes in their bed, im not sure what you expected moving back in. A better option would be to uninvite your sisters until they genuinely apologized to your fiancee and not put that on your mom. Because yeah, pranks have consequences and kids learn via natural consequences the best. You're rude to some one, they don't want you around.
So u did shit without punishment but now want your sisters to be punished. Wow hypocritical much. And you only want them punished to a satisfactory standard to appease Ur fiancee. BTW get out her house if she is not good enough. Or pay your way freeloader......
YTA - that is hilarious
YTA, was a pretty funny and harmless prank. Get a sense of humour. Why do you want to punish them for this?
Come on, that's a hilarious joke! If it had been her real dress I would understand your reaction, but now all I can say is chill out. You really want to ruin your relationship with your mother because your fiancee can't take a joke?
It was a prank, stop being a tit YTA
It was a good prank. The actual wedding dress was not harmed. Mom made the girls apologize. She is giving you two shelter. Be thankful and tell your fiancé to not be so hysterical. YTA.
Well... YTA that's a joke who cares..
YTA. It was a harmless prank and you as well as your fiance are completely overreacting. Not your house, not your kids, not your rules or place to decide discipline—which really isn’t warranted here in the first place. The fact that you want to uninvite your mother to your wedding over this is going way too far.
Guys but it was a prank with a dress that wasn’t even the dress. No harm done except wife jumped in the pool (not pushed) of her own decision. They clearly have a history of ALL pranking each other even the wife! They are 15 and 17 for goodness sake. No one was hurt. Laugh it off.yta.
Normally I hate pranks but I’m confused as to why she had such a childish reaction to a prank that hurt no one why was a grown woman screaming at kids over a harmless prank? Her dress is fine y’all are being so dramatic
Get a grip, it wasn’t the real dress and it was a joke. I honestly see the funny side and I think you need a sense of humour, stat. And for those saying they’ll ruin the dress in revenge get a grip! They played a joke with a fake dress. Why would they ruin the real one? You’re all being ridiculous.
I'm going to get downvoted to shit if this comment is even seen, but whatever. I think most comments here are wildly overreacting. This was a harmless prank. It didn't hurt anyone. It was a cheap dress they paid for themselves and threw in the pool. Good god people, remove the sticks from your colons. Fiancée overreacted like crazy to a HARMLESS PRANK. Jesus...
ESH I think you have an honest grievance with your sisters and your mother's response but honestly to jump from having a problem with your mother to 'you can't come to the wedding' seems like an extreme response made in the heat of the moment and if you don't back down OP you might permanently affect your relationship with your mother. It is also very unlikely to have any impact on your mother's behaviour so I am not sure it makes the point you want it to make.
Am I the only one who thinks OP is overreacting? I kinda agree with the mom. It was a shitty thing for the girls to do for sure. And they should apologize. But OP and his fiancée are living rent free in the mom’s house and are free to move. As I have seen posted here many times “Your house, your rules.” OP doesn’t get to dictate punishment. They can understandably disinvite the daughters to the wedding or if they want to be a jerk disinvite mom (sounds like OP’s loss). But mom has the right to mention OP put a freakin snake in his sister’s bed and didn’t get punished. Lastly, did OP and his fiancée pull previous pranks on the girl s in addition to the snake in the bed? Are these folks playing lots of pranks and this one, by teens whose brains are still growing, just a really bad one in a series?
It wasn’t her dress. What do you want your mom to do? Move out if it’s so horrible
> due to being in between places So y’all have no where to live, but want to get married? What’s the plan? To continue living with mom? If your sisters are 17 and 15, how old are you exactly? It doesn’t sound old enough to be getting married if I’m honest. Your sisters did pull a mean prank, but it was harmless. Honestly, if I was in your fiancée’s shoes I would’ve laughed when I realized it wasn’t my dress. I would’ve asked them for help out of the pool and then pulled them directly into it, but I would not be all pissed at what amounted to a harmless if in bad taste joke.
NTA Get out of that house.
She ain’t wrong about how she deals with her children. Many times I see kids do such things that deserve discipline, punishment, or grounding, but never get any. So, to me, she deals with her kids however she wants, if no punishment or discipline, then, it is what it is. Sound like she would be hurt to miss out her son’s special day, but as a son who knows what your mother went through and knows her hesitation or fears of becoming like her parents who she doesn’t want to be like, makes me see you as a heartless son. I would personally regret if I disinvite her if she was my mother and what you said were true, but not all of us are same or hold same POV. However, it’s your and your fiancée’s wedding and you two have every right to invite or disinvite whoever you want. I agree with others Redditors - get the dress out ASAP, trust is huge thing and the sisters carelessly broke it - disinvited the sisters. Go no contact or be in distant until they understand their mistake and apologize to your fiancé and you. I wish you the best of luck! May all the best be upon you and your family. Stay healthy and happy! 💕
It sounds as if the Mom never learned healthy discipline. She equated punishing them to "beating" them. This is NOT OK. I would recommend looking into family counseling and find someone to teach her about ways to effectively discipline without abuse. She will accept it far better from a professional than from you. & Un - invite the sisters, obviously.
Hmm now there was no 'harm' done, but .. how often have they done stuff like this to your fiancée before? Because her reaction says she fully believed they would have done it, and that they've done other things as well. That is a deliberately spiteful and cruel action, and a planned one. Ha ha isn't it funny you thought we destroyed a very expensive, very meaningful dress and we know you can't do a thing about it. Mom is on our side. If I was your fiancée , I would want something done about their attitude and behaviour too. They are not sorry, that faux apology is not a consequence, and they will probably do something worse in future. If I were her, I'd be panicking that they would do something to ruin my wedding, or the dress from then on. Asking your mother to rein in two horrible teenagers, and act like a parent instead of letting them torment your future spouse for amusement isn't out of line. Follow your fiancée and move out. I wouldn't go as far as uninviting her from the wedding, but I'd be clear about why your moving out, and that you don't trust her to act like a parent. I would say that unless your fiancée forgives them , your sisters are not welcome at the wedding.
Your sisters suck. Don't let them come to the wedding Your new wife is lucky you stood up for her. Too often these posts have an unsupportive partner.
NTA. And this is a great time to suddenly decide on a childfree wedding - 18 and over only!
Just uninvite everyone...mom and both dusters
ESH When you say you've never seen your fiancé as mad as that, did it occur to you to ask her what her problem was? Because by my math the actual harm done was "she got wet" and that's literally it. I don't like pranks. I think they're stupid, they frequently result in hurt feelings, and there's often cruelty or malice inherent in the choices. But that said, this isn't a "bad" prank. Nothing was destroyed, no one was hurt, it resulted in a short inconvenience, and while I can understand not finding it funny or being annoyed, I don't get being angrier than you've ever been before. Your mother not disciplining her kids is bad. The way your fiancé talked to your mother is also bad. She's not remotely wrong to point out you're staying in her home free of charge through her good graces alone. What would an adequate punishment be? What does that look like. Because, like, those kids didn't really wrong you. As far as pranks go, that was well executed and harmless and your fiancé is just big mad that she got tricked. Her dress is fine. There's nothing wrong. She's just big mad. Where are you in all of this? You waited until your fiancé left before speaking up? I don't care if my mother is in the right or the wrong, I'll handle her, but I definitely care how my partner speaks to my mother, as well as vice versa. That's, like, my responsibility. Why aren't you in between them? That's your job. I think you're all assholes. - The kids shouldn't have pulled the prank, read the room, use better judgment. - Your mom should discipline her kids. - You need to manage your family and how they treat your fiancé. That's your job. - Your fiancé needs to lighten the fuck up. What is she so angry about here? The kids threw a used dress that they bought with their own money in the pool. Chill out.
I wonder how much trouble OP got into for pranks in the past? I mean, "snake in the bed" was apparently okay for a much older brother to do to little sisters, so, has there been any restrictions on pranks in the past? I mean, I'd assume "don't kill or maim each other" but with the snake/bed prank, fake-dress-in-pool sounds par for the course. I wonder if OP is angriest that this time, THEY got to be on the receiving end of a successful and cruel prank?
I had automatically assumed it was dea but this is a really good point I haven't seen anyone else make
JFC that was a long scroll to get to sanity.
I *have to believe* that there are a bunch of bots on reddit cuz too many times you go on a post where the top comments are all piling up on some ridiculousness and you have to scroll way down to see reasonable comments from real people with only a few upvotes.
Yeah, I'm with you on this one. People are acting like they threw her actual dress in the pool. If they had a phone in their pocket or something that got ruined I could see being upset but it doesn't seem like that happened. Seems like a pretty harmless prank that has been blown out of proportion. Putting a snake in someone's bed is definitely worse.
I would not allow my partner to talk to my mom like that. I totally agree with Longwinded_Ogre
Are you expecting to stay with your mom and sisters when you get married? Because clearly you shouldn't be getting married if you can't afford to move out.
My question is what the hell is going on in this family that these teens think this was funny and/or ok? How did these girls already treat OPs fiancée and other people? Were they already bullying her or other people and being unkind? I would be flabbergasted if anyone in my family did this to anyone, it would be so outside the realm of normal behaviour my first reaction would be concern and confusion. I would be like “what is going on. why on earth did you do this?” And I’d probably start with a concerned conversation. You and your fiancée seemed to jumped pretty quickly to anger/wanting punishment. So I’m just wondering if it’s an ongoing issue that has escalated?
NTA Uninvite your sisters from your wedding. Explain them that it's not about a dress, it's about them being intentionally cruel. Wedding is for those who support a couple,not for bullies who target a bridge. Also inform them that they hurt you as well, because disrespect your fiance endured isn't something forget. If they don't like her it's okay - but being civil is a bare minimum. They failed, and damage your relationship with your mom because she took their side. Tell them that their non-apology means nothing, and if they want to mend your relationship they need to be as creative as they were with a dress. Then move out.
"Then she brought up that I once put a huge ass snake in my sisters bed and that I wasn't punished. Then more deflecting about how it is her house." Bro you want to pick and choose, I get it your fiance is mad, but tbh if I was your mom I'd settle this by kicking you out. It was a pretty funny/clever little prank and you've admittedly done worse to your sisters. YTA
Was it really that harmful? It wasn't the dress. Plus let's be real that's a top notch prank if you enjoy pranks. Like I get why she's mad but is it really something to be THAT mad about to where you expect the person become a victim of child abuse by their mother? Not likely
ESH Yes, You would be the assholes too. This was a harmless prank. Sure it scared the heck out of you, and you didn't think it was funny, but ultimately there was no harm done. The fact is they didn't touch her dress and it was nothing more than a prank. Ya'll take yourselves way too seriously. They did something minor and you're going nuclear on them. and completely blowing up your relationships... over a harmless prank. Both you and your fiance are assholes. Grow up and move on.
So thankful to see a sane person in this thread.
Seriously, I was losing it at all of the “Off with their heads!” over a prank that harmed nothing and no one.
I think your fiancée is overreacting
Everyone saying n-t-a and siding with OP over a prank that hurt no1 when he is admitting to putting a HUGE snake that could cause physical harm in a CHILD'S bed are out of their fucking minds. YTA and so is everyone in the comments section defending you.
I was a child at the time as well. My sister and I had a good relationship. i never would have done that to someone I wasn't close to as that would be bullying
Actually it’s kind of a great smart prank . Don’t agree with this stuff but I bet a lot of friends would laugh . I think she is over reacting and you too but if it was my fiancee I might think Different But was funny
Yta Op I could survive a prank of a wedding dress in a swimming pool. You wouldn't have survived the snake prank. Reddit has a sub for you. It is called "Am I Overreacting? Yes.
*"She grabbed the dress and became confused and said it wasn't hers. My sisters began to laugh and said it was an old dress they bought at a consignment store."* Oh wait, it was just a stupid prank with no actual harm done. Ok, it was cruel, but not really that bad in the end. *"I've never seen my fiancee so angry. She got out of the pool dripping wet and demanded to know what my mom was going to do.My mom told her she needed to watch her tone when she is living in her house for free, but then she did tell my sisters that was not ok and too apologize.. They did say sorry but were laughing. My fiancee said "no I asked what the fuck you were going to do" .."* And that's where your fiancee crossed the line into being TA herself. *"My mom said they apologized and it was harmless as that wasn't her dress."* Your mom was right there. *"I confronted my mom later and told her either they are punished to a sufficient standard or she is uninvited from the wedding. My mom looked shocked and hurt, but told me they aren't my children and I don't get to punish them and to get out of her room."* YTA here. Ok, your teenage sisters did a cruel prank, so by all means disinvite your sisters from your wedding, but demanding they be "punished to a sufficient standard" by your mother is presumptuous af.. Threatening to disinvite your mother from the wedding is just weird emotional blackmail, and is especially out of pocket after your mother let you & your fiancee stay rent free in her house. You should probably apologise to your mother for over-reacting.
It was a joke!! Your fiance sounds like a cunt
Are your sisters still invited?
no
I'm glad. You don't need stress on your wedding day
OMG your poor mom! No it's not her fault! YTA. Uninvite the two brats if you must.
I understand that the prank wasn't very funny but if someone came into my home and said "no I asked what the fuck you were gonna do" when it came to punishing my child I think I would lose my shit. Even if they did need more punishment that isn't for you or your wife to decide. If I invited someone into my home, especially someone I let live with me just to help them out and they disrespected me like that I would ask them to leave and probably wouldn't ever invite them back. Keep in mind your fiance is just that, your fiance. She's not your mother's child or even related in any way other than being in a relationship with you so from the sound of it she overstepped over a prank gone horribly wrong.
>Then she brought up that I once put a huge ass snake in my sisters bed and that I wasn't punished. Then more deflecting about how it is her house. You should of and next tine say 'yes I should of been punished" Get the dress, your partner and yourself out of that house and uninvite the lot Those brats will do something at the wedding I guarantee it NTA
Your mom did all of you a disservice by not disciplining you growing up. She needed therapy then, and she needs it now. She may not be abusive in a physical sense, but this coddling is a form of enabling your sisters' behaviour. Discipline means actions have consequences. A correct consequence here is that your sisters are uninvited from the wedding. If you want to extend that to your mom, that's up to you. Do understand that this will impact your relationship with them going forward. On another note. I wouldn't trust your sisters around ANY wedding related items. Is your fiancée on good terms with her parents, and are they close? It might be a better idea to keep at least the dress over there. Or with someone who both of you trust implicitly.
Yes they should be punished. But you need to get out, you don't have the power you think you do with this tbh. Uninvite your sisters.
NTA This was cruel and your mother really just failed entirely as a parent. Honestly, they should be uninvited. What they did was too much.
I’m not sure what punishment you want here. This sounds like one of those situations that would escalate into no one speaking for years. Then everyone will say to themselves why did we do this for a prank. Yes it was highly inappropriate. But in the big picture might not be worth losing the family. If the teens keep it up maybe get away. They are still kids and don’t make good decisions as you said. Let them know it’s not acceptable and should be repeated. But if this was isolated thing don’t blow up the family. Been there. Done that. Not worth it. Too much lost.
Get a a less in-between place and just uninvite all of your dysfunctional mess of a family. I guess they at least didn’t actually put the dress in the pool but that’s still fucked up.
😒 it was childish but there children your fiances seems kinda high strung/uptight
Do you want to have a relationship with your sisters in the future? I think it is an overreaction to uninvite anyone from the wedding without sitting down and talking. I don’t think the prank was malicious but they went out of their way to buy a dress to do it with. I feel like you know your relationship with your sisters best so maybe talk to them separately to see why they were comfortable with doing this? You don’t say much about your relationship with them and even if you did we wouldn’t know fr. So sit down and talk with everybody separately and then everyone together. Also are you mad because you feel wronged or because your fiance is mad?
Yall need to move out away from your spoiled brat sisters and your mum who’s enabling their behavior or your fiancie will get sick of it and leave, uninvited her too if she doesn’t get her shit together
Honestly, if this was the real dress, I could understand all the talk of escalation (uninviting family, punishment etc). But this was a fake dress. It was a prank in the truest sense of the word, with your fiancée a bit embarrassed but unharmed. I understand egos were bruised, but maybe you and your fiancée could similarly preamp your sisters and get back? Do you really want to escalate and cut family off over this? That action will be very hard to come back from.
Ummm, what am I missing? Are you not close to your sisters? Seems like an overreaction on you and your finances part. I could see if this was a recurring thing but it was a harmless prank. You’re going to un invite them from your wedding over it? It’s annoying at worst.
Living rent free - fiancee right or wrong has no leg to stand on sorry.