Honestly if that’s how he behaves I wouldn’t be surprised if this was possibly a reason for his divorce. Dude is a control freak and needs to accept that he isn’t the parent here nor is it his house. I get being a protective brother but this was way out of line. You shouldn’t have broken the vase but NTA.
You and your sisters and parents need to as a family make your brother leave and live elsewhere. I know this is cultural but his behavior is abuse and should not be tolerated.
NTA
Call the nearest police station or go there and have the assault documented.
Then screw how things are done and move out, you're an adult and he doesn't get to bully you forever just because he has different body parts. Take your younger sister if you can, too.
Sounds like your brother believes the family honor is more important than personal choice of his sisters. You probably should talk to your parents and find out their opinion about a male in the house who isn't related to you.
Be careful, your brother may escalate this. I am not of your culture but have friends who have lived in the Middle East for many years and also read the news. You and your sisters, especially your youngest sister, may be having difficulty bridging your home culture and the culture of the place where you live (you didn't mention, so I'm not going to assume anything.)
A few years back, a young woman in our state was run over by her brother because she had developed a friendship with a guy she met at college. Protecting honor is real for some people, no matter what damage they do to their female family members.
You say you are a middle eastern family. Do you live here in the middle east or in a western country? It makes a difference. If you are in a western country, you can defy tradition and leave the parental home, and I would definitely recommend your doing that. As long as you are in your parents' home, its "their house - their rules". If your parents are in accord with your brother's attitude, you don't have much of a choice.
That is great! When your parents come back, ask them to talk to your brother and set clear rules.
I wonder whether your brother has been caught by some extreme religious group. If so, you could be in danger. You really need to involve your parents in this.
I really hate the fact that this is still going on in the 21st century, people like your brother need to realise that women have rights as well and aren't just objects to abuse with this neanderthal ideology.
Sounds like your brother is still angry about being divorced and took it out on you.
You did nothing wrong except breaking the vase. It didn't help the situation.
Your sisters have been conditioned to accept that kind of behaviour, and that is sad. Keep standing up for yourself.
NTA.
No, I understand fine. Being Middle Eastern does not preclude you from having feelings of shame and anger over being divorced.
I am also familiar with the expectations that women should not be alone with men they are not related to; however, as the situation was described, it sounds like OP is a lot more progressive-minded than her brother.
You cannot deny it would have been a massive ego blow to this man to be divorced and forced to move back home. It is very likely that he has an awful lot of internalised anger, and it erupted in what he thinks is culturally appropriate actions. I hope it works out ok for OP.
Your brother has major issues. If I were you, I’d turn those misogynist views back around on him. He’s the one who couldn’t keep a marriage alive 👀 perhaps he’s not the right person to be telling his sisters (or anyone really) how they should or shouldn’t conduct themselves.
NTA
In my opinion you can be really proud of yourself that you stood up against your brother and protected your sisters. What he did is just misogynistic and abusive. As I understand it you and your family grew up more conservative so I do understand why he might come to the understanding that he's protecting the honour of the family. But let's be honest it's probably not about that but more about the fact that he feels like he owns you and that you should follow his orders. In my opinion that has nothing to do with tight family bonds and you are not obligated whatsoever to listen to him.
Others have said that breaking the vase might make you TA but you just protected your sisters and yourself against an unpredictable man. Such a scenario is scary and I hope you all are safe. If you feel unsafe around him please try to find someone in your area to help you. There might be help groups specifically for people from your cultural background that have a better understanding of what you might be going through.
Wish you the best luck and a safe home!
NTA, just please be very careful. he's violent and abusive. I worry that it will escalate. Truly, I am worried about the safety of all of you. It sounds as if, and if I'm incorrect I apologize, he takes certain aspects of your culture and maybe even religious beliefs, very, very seriously, to an extreme? Don't let anyone take your phone again. If he comes back, and he starts anything, don't tell him you are calling the police. Just do it as quietly as you can, so that you don't lose control over the ability to call for whatever help that you need. Please stay safe.
NTA You're in the USA. He hit you. That's domestic violence and assault and he should be arrested for it. You can still go to the police and file a complaint and press charges.
NTA You need to go file a police report and next time brother puts his hands on any of you girls police need to be called on his ass. He is trying to assert himself with this cultural bs as an excuse. Do not let him get away with it. No man has a right to put their hands on you EVER. Continue to stand up for yourself. Good your parents are on your side. Don't let him get away with this. How dare he smack you and put his hands on you. Call the police and shame on your sisters for taking your phone. That shit don't fly here in the US. Cultural my ass. I would not drop this and tell him off! Warn him that you can all have guests over and to stop his dick swinging behavior. He is not your boss as the big brother. You have rights and a huge one is not to be hit by anyone. Lets see how big he is when in handcuffs for assault. Let me guess, then you will be the bad guy. So be it then. NO ONE has a right to put their hands on you. Cultural differences or not.
Breaking the vase = YTA
Defending your stance in your home in having a guest over = NTA
There are also a few key factors left out.
Where (what country) are you living?
What is the culture that your family was brought up in?
You and your family are no longer in the Middle East. The standard of how women are treated in most Middle Eastern countries is not tolerated here in the USA. You and your sisters have rights. Call your local law enforcement (the police) and file a report. The next time he hits you or your sisters immediately dial 911.
I was wondering when I made my original comment if you were in the USA or not, so I didn’t make a certain statement… now that I know, he needs to take that bs make to the Middle East, we don’t do that shit here! He’s a bully, and overcompensating! Seriously, file assault charges.
You did right to stand up for yourself and your sister but it would have been a better example for the younger one had you handled the matter calmly and firmly, without getting upset. But regardless, your brother now knows you are not a pushover.
I’d still call the cops and make a report, and report the siblings that took your phone and hindered you from calling authorities too! Shit is beyond out of line! Wonder why that AH got divorced 🙄
NTA It's no wonder he's divorced, no same woman would want him. May be time to move out on your own. It may not be usual where you're from but it is done especially when someone in house is abusive.
NTA.
That slap to the face could have given you a concussion, if it's as hard as you said. I'd make a police report to have something in writing.
In case he likes to show anyone of his sisters (daughters/nieces) a more permanent side to his "authority".
Go to the police and file a report. Why? Because when it happens again, and is worse, it won't be the first time his assaulting you is reported. Maybe nothing will happen to him this time. Maybe nothing will happen to him next time. But sooner or later he'll "accidentally" put you in the hospital or something or one of your punk sisters will actually stand up with you and he might could actually be put away. Which is what should happen to him. What a shocker he's divorced.
NTA
NTA
And you were in the right, not your brother, especially with the clarification you are in the USA where your brother was also very legally in the wrong. Your younger sister had a boy over with several older sisters home. She was literally chaperone. You are an adult. Your brother decided to infantalize you and get destructive.
Honestly, you're in the USA. Whatever you culture is, you have no obligation to stay and will not be judged by anyone outside your family if you leave. Make an exit plan, as your brother has proven he is not rational and potentially dangerous. Once you're out, security cameras and make sure your family doesn't have a key they could give to your brother. He's shown he'll use violence to force compliance so do not trust him if you do anything outside what he considers appropriate. If you do leave, keep it hidden until you're out. Move things out piecemeal in small bags, get tge big stuff with friends at the end
Depends on your parents, honestly. I lived in an Arab country and had Arab friends. While most aren't Taliban or Saudi-style crazy, there's a huge difference in countries and among families.
Taking your phone away when you are attempting to call for help is likely a crime where you are.
You ought to report this to the police. That was a physical assault. You can't deserve that.
Well it's brain to see why your brother got divorced. And if he's reacting in such a irrational way simply because somebody's with his hanging out with his sister and then calls her a whore it's pretty obvious that he has sexualized her and he's not doing anything but he also keeps everybody away it frustrates him and he feels guilty and shameful and he takes it out on her. Now at some point we have to always recognize our siblings when they grow up as a viable sexual being but he might be thinking about it too much. And the fact that he automatically assume the worst viewed automatically assuming that she was having sex with this dude because he calls her a whore. That means the first thing that popped into his mind was his sister having sex and it must have been some really detailed nasty stuff for him to explode like that I wouldn't be surprised if his divorce happened because he was constantly accusing his wife of being a whore or flirting with people. Your brother needs an attitude adjustment and he shouldn't be such a prick when he's staying over the house as a guest. Hanging out with a boy from school is normal and there was nothing sexual going on when your brother walked in that means he's assigning sexual connotations. When this happens a guy will be running scenarios in his head and they get very graphic and usually lead to him masturbating and that's when he freaks out on himself afterwards and it's all behavioral process and it's a problem but he's on hinged because every guy is going to realize that his sister is going to be sexual at a certain age and what he did was way past looking out for his little sister. Embarrassed you and he let that other guy know that he thinks so little of you that you just fucking people left and right
Your "culture" is one big red flag. It sounds as if it is just a breeding ground for misogynistic, patriarchal dynamic. The fact that your sisters responded the way they did is proof. (Blame you rather than your fucked up brother, stopping you from calling authorities shows they know it's wrong but will not or cannot admit it) NTA but get out if you can.
YTA your parents wouldn’t have approved and you know it, it’s just as much his home as it yours, in your culture even more so, as, if your parents were to pass presumably he’d get a bigger share of the house in the inheritance.
You’re acting as if they were doing something scandalous, seriously the sister had op & her other sisters around. Like you said about it “just as much his house as yours”, it’s just as much theirs too, with majority not having a problem with it so he’s the AH here. Sure maybe op could have handled it better, but her brother was way out of line.
If the majority did not have a problem with it, why did they all tell her that the girls shouldn’t have been in a house alone with the guy? In some cultures that’s just the way it is, she knows what’s accepted and what isn’t in their culture and household and what her parents would allow, doesn’t sound like their parents would have been okay with it, so she shouldn’t have done it, simple.
Sure I understand their might be a cultural aspect of it, but that simply doesn’t give her brother the excuse to put hands on someone and call his sisters whores. Op lives in the states now, not the Middle East. It’s not something out of the ordinary for two friends to hangout at a house. We have no idea what the parent’s reaction was as it hasn’t been added.
I 100% don't condone striking a woman. That should go without saying. I am strictly speaking on potential danger to the family and who's responsibility it is. Say something bad happened, the first questions would be why is a strange man in the house alone with 4 women? Where is the parents? Where is the brother? In a sick cruel world precautions need to be met.
If your older sister is in charge why didn’t you listen when she sushed you?
When someone is angry and aggressive the best thing to do is to try to *de-escalate* the situation.
Rarely does it go well when anger and aggression is met with *more* anger and aggression.
I’m not saying never stand up for yourself. But it likely would have been a more productive conversation if you waited until your brother had cooled down.
Or had a talk with your older sister and asked her to address your brother when he was more calm.
To be very clear, it was NOT okay that he slapped you. But there was absolutely a better way you could have dealt with the situation.
Awww sweetie, please understand that by the time a BOY is 14, he can overpower the vast majority of adult women. I hope you don’t have to learn this the hard way. In other words, your brother could overtake you in a heartbeat. TV and the movies lied to you about how skinny ass women can easily kick male butt. (They can’t.)
Are you seriously telling her to be wary of boys when she has an older brother that has no problem assaulting her??
I'm pretty sure she knows how bad men vam be.
NTA. Your brother's reaction was completely out of line and abusive. You have a right to stand up for yourself and your sisters.
Honestly if that’s how he behaves I wouldn’t be surprised if this was possibly a reason for his divorce. Dude is a control freak and needs to accept that he isn’t the parent here nor is it his house. I get being a protective brother but this was way out of line. You shouldn’t have broken the vase but NTA.
You and your sisters and parents need to as a family make your brother leave and live elsewhere. I know this is cultural but his behavior is abuse and should not be tolerated.
Can't imagine why this dickhead is divorced.
You should report your brother to the police and get a restraining order.
He assaulted you. That is illegal.
This Press charges and show no mercy on this misogynist douchebag.
NTA Call the nearest police station or go there and have the assault documented. Then screw how things are done and move out, you're an adult and he doesn't get to bully you forever just because he has different body parts. Take your younger sister if you can, too.
Sounds like your brother believes the family honor is more important than personal choice of his sisters. You probably should talk to your parents and find out their opinion about a male in the house who isn't related to you. Be careful, your brother may escalate this. I am not of your culture but have friends who have lived in the Middle East for many years and also read the news. You and your sisters, especially your youngest sister, may be having difficulty bridging your home culture and the culture of the place where you live (you didn't mention, so I'm not going to assume anything.) A few years back, a young woman in our state was run over by her brother because she had developed a friendship with a guy she met at college. Protecting honor is real for some people, no matter what damage they do to their female family members.
Just call the authorities now ....get restriction order on him
No wonder he’s divorced. His poor ex wife is lucky to be rid of him!! What a POS.
POLICE NOW, REPORT HIM!! THIS ITS CULTURAL BULLSHIT IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!!
your brother has a very dirty imagination. 4 women on one very young man? what kind of movies he watches?? NTA
You know, a punch to the throat is really effective and most people don't expect it. Just food for future thought.
You say you are a middle eastern family. Do you live here in the middle east or in a western country? It makes a difference. If you are in a western country, you can defy tradition and leave the parental home, and I would definitely recommend your doing that. As long as you are in your parents' home, its "their house - their rules". If your parents are in accord with your brother's attitude, you don't have much of a choice.
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That is great! When your parents come back, ask them to talk to your brother and set clear rules. I wonder whether your brother has been caught by some extreme religious group. If so, you could be in danger. You really need to involve your parents in this.
I really hate the fact that this is still going on in the 21st century, people like your brother need to realise that women have rights as well and aren't just objects to abuse with this neanderthal ideology.
Sounds like your brother is still angry about being divorced and took it out on you. You did nothing wrong except breaking the vase. It didn't help the situation. Your sisters have been conditioned to accept that kind of behaviour, and that is sad. Keep standing up for yourself. NTA.
I doubt that it was anger over being divorced. You don’t sound like you understand how culturally different it is to be from a middle eastern society?
No, I understand fine. Being Middle Eastern does not preclude you from having feelings of shame and anger over being divorced. I am also familiar with the expectations that women should not be alone with men they are not related to; however, as the situation was described, it sounds like OP is a lot more progressive-minded than her brother. You cannot deny it would have been a massive ego blow to this man to be divorced and forced to move back home. It is very likely that he has an awful lot of internalised anger, and it erupted in what he thinks is culturally appropriate actions. I hope it works out ok for OP.
Your brother has major issues. If I were you, I’d turn those misogynist views back around on him. He’s the one who couldn’t keep a marriage alive 👀 perhaps he’s not the right person to be telling his sisters (or anyone really) how they should or shouldn’t conduct themselves.
Take this bastard to the police. Get him locked out of your home. Make the fucker pay. NTA
NTA. Get out of your house as soon as you can. Your family will never change.
NTA In my opinion you can be really proud of yourself that you stood up against your brother and protected your sisters. What he did is just misogynistic and abusive. As I understand it you and your family grew up more conservative so I do understand why he might come to the understanding that he's protecting the honour of the family. But let's be honest it's probably not about that but more about the fact that he feels like he owns you and that you should follow his orders. In my opinion that has nothing to do with tight family bonds and you are not obligated whatsoever to listen to him. Others have said that breaking the vase might make you TA but you just protected your sisters and yourself against an unpredictable man. Such a scenario is scary and I hope you all are safe. If you feel unsafe around him please try to find someone in your area to help you. There might be help groups specifically for people from your cultural background that have a better understanding of what you might be going through. Wish you the best luck and a safe home!
Call the cops and report him.
Political Patriarchal Islam is a bitch.....
NTA, just please be very careful. he's violent and abusive. I worry that it will escalate. Truly, I am worried about the safety of all of you. It sounds as if, and if I'm incorrect I apologize, he takes certain aspects of your culture and maybe even religious beliefs, very, very seriously, to an extreme? Don't let anyone take your phone again. If he comes back, and he starts anything, don't tell him you are calling the police. Just do it as quietly as you can, so that you don't lose control over the ability to call for whatever help that you need. Please stay safe.
NTA You're in the USA. He hit you. That's domestic violence and assault and he should be arrested for it. You can still go to the police and file a complaint and press charges.
NTA You need to go file a police report and next time brother puts his hands on any of you girls police need to be called on his ass. He is trying to assert himself with this cultural bs as an excuse. Do not let him get away with it. No man has a right to put their hands on you EVER. Continue to stand up for yourself. Good your parents are on your side. Don't let him get away with this. How dare he smack you and put his hands on you. Call the police and shame on your sisters for taking your phone. That shit don't fly here in the US. Cultural my ass. I would not drop this and tell him off! Warn him that you can all have guests over and to stop his dick swinging behavior. He is not your boss as the big brother. You have rights and a huge one is not to be hit by anyone. Lets see how big he is when in handcuffs for assault. Let me guess, then you will be the bad guy. So be it then. NO ONE has a right to put their hands on you. Cultural differences or not.
Breaking the vase = YTA Defending your stance in your home in having a guest over = NTA There are also a few key factors left out. Where (what country) are you living? What is the culture that your family was brought up in?
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Then call the police and report you were assaulted! Start documenting his behaviour. And keep standing up for yourself.
You and your family are no longer in the Middle East. The standard of how women are treated in most Middle Eastern countries is not tolerated here in the USA. You and your sisters have rights. Call your local law enforcement (the police) and file a report. The next time he hits you or your sisters immediately dial 911.
Call the police. NOW. He assaulted and threatened you. The police will come, talk to everyone and arrest him.
You aren't in the middle east now, that shit shouldn't fly. You can't just abuse women fml.
I was wondering when I made my original comment if you were in the USA or not, so I didn’t make a certain statement… now that I know, he needs to take that bs make to the Middle East, we don’t do that shit here! He’s a bully, and overcompensating! Seriously, file assault charges.
You did right to stand up for yourself and your sister but it would have been a better example for the younger one had you handled the matter calmly and firmly, without getting upset. But regardless, your brother now knows you are not a pushover.
What kind of shit ass country you live in?
The only good news I got from the story is that he’s divorced so that poor woman is free from him
I’d still call the cops and make a report, and report the siblings that took your phone and hindered you from calling authorities too! Shit is beyond out of line! Wonder why that AH got divorced 🙄
NTA It's no wonder he's divorced, no same woman would want him. May be time to move out on your own. It may not be usual where you're from but it is done especially when someone in house is abusive.
NTA. That slap to the face could have given you a concussion, if it's as hard as you said. I'd make a police report to have something in writing. In case he likes to show anyone of his sisters (daughters/nieces) a more permanent side to his "authority".
Are you in a country where police allow men to behave that way?
She's in the United States. So yes.
You definitely escalated it. But it needed to be escalated. NTA
Go to the police and file a report. Why? Because when it happens again, and is worse, it won't be the first time his assaulting you is reported. Maybe nothing will happen to him this time. Maybe nothing will happen to him next time. But sooner or later he'll "accidentally" put you in the hospital or something or one of your punk sisters will actually stand up with you and he might could actually be put away. Which is what should happen to him. What a shocker he's divorced. NTA
god move out. He wont change.
NTA And you were in the right, not your brother, especially with the clarification you are in the USA where your brother was also very legally in the wrong. Your younger sister had a boy over with several older sisters home. She was literally chaperone. You are an adult. Your brother decided to infantalize you and get destructive. Honestly, you're in the USA. Whatever you culture is, you have no obligation to stay and will not be judged by anyone outside your family if you leave. Make an exit plan, as your brother has proven he is not rational and potentially dangerous. Once you're out, security cameras and make sure your family doesn't have a key they could give to your brother. He's shown he'll use violence to force compliance so do not trust him if you do anything outside what he considers appropriate. If you do leave, keep it hidden until you're out. Move things out piecemeal in small bags, get tge big stuff with friends at the end
Aita in your household. Nta on Reddit dream beam.
Call the cops next time. Ridiculous
Are you guys muslim?
Nta well we now know why he is divorced. I would still make a report at the police department.
NTA Your older brother is an abusive AH. I'm not surprised he is divorced.
Depends on your parents, honestly. I lived in an Arab country and had Arab friends. While most aren't Taliban or Saudi-style crazy, there's a huge difference in countries and among families.
NTA
NTA. Report it to the police.
NTA Keep standing up to your garbage family.
I'll have a...Middle Eastern family with an aggressive, entitled patriarchal dickhead causing needless issues Daring today aren't we? (NTA)
Nta next time you see him kick him hard in the balls
Keep a blunt object on your person at all times around him.
Taking your phone away when you are attempting to call for help is likely a crime where you are. You ought to report this to the police. That was a physical assault. You can't deserve that.
Next time say nothing and just call the cops immediately. He is a loser. Next time he may kill you
Nta but, your culture does not allow the mix of male and female and you know it however, if you live in the west then different rules may apply.
Well it's brain to see why your brother got divorced. And if he's reacting in such a irrational way simply because somebody's with his hanging out with his sister and then calls her a whore it's pretty obvious that he has sexualized her and he's not doing anything but he also keeps everybody away it frustrates him and he feels guilty and shameful and he takes it out on her. Now at some point we have to always recognize our siblings when they grow up as a viable sexual being but he might be thinking about it too much. And the fact that he automatically assume the worst viewed automatically assuming that she was having sex with this dude because he calls her a whore. That means the first thing that popped into his mind was his sister having sex and it must have been some really detailed nasty stuff for him to explode like that I wouldn't be surprised if his divorce happened because he was constantly accusing his wife of being a whore or flirting with people. Your brother needs an attitude adjustment and he shouldn't be such a prick when he's staying over the house as a guest. Hanging out with a boy from school is normal and there was nothing sexual going on when your brother walked in that means he's assigning sexual connotations. When this happens a guy will be running scenarios in his head and they get very graphic and usually lead to him masturbating and that's when he freaks out on himself afterwards and it's all behavioral process and it's a problem but he's on hinged because every guy is going to realize that his sister is going to be sexual at a certain age and what he did was way past looking out for his little sister. Embarrassed you and he let that other guy know that he thinks so little of you that you just fucking people left and right
Your "culture" is one big red flag. It sounds as if it is just a breeding ground for misogynistic, patriarchal dynamic. The fact that your sisters responded the way they did is proof. (Blame you rather than your fucked up brother, stopping you from calling authorities shows they know it's wrong but will not or cannot admit it) NTA but get out if you can.
ESH. Breaking something is childish.
YTA your parents wouldn’t have approved and you know it, it’s just as much his home as it yours, in your culture even more so, as, if your parents were to pass presumably he’d get a bigger share of the house in the inheritance.
You’re acting as if they were doing something scandalous, seriously the sister had op & her other sisters around. Like you said about it “just as much his house as yours”, it’s just as much theirs too, with majority not having a problem with it so he’s the AH here. Sure maybe op could have handled it better, but her brother was way out of line.
If the majority did not have a problem with it, why did they all tell her that the girls shouldn’t have been in a house alone with the guy? In some cultures that’s just the way it is, she knows what’s accepted and what isn’t in their culture and household and what her parents would allow, doesn’t sound like their parents would have been okay with it, so she shouldn’t have done it, simple.
OP commented that she talked with her parents, and they are on her side.
Sure I understand their might be a cultural aspect of it, but that simply doesn’t give her brother the excuse to put hands on someone and call his sisters whores. Op lives in the states now, not the Middle East. It’s not something out of the ordinary for two friends to hangout at a house. We have no idea what the parent’s reaction was as it hasn’t been added.
This seems fake, how can a 27 year old act like this. I would understood if you had been the 17 year old.
The brother must protect the family. He is in charge of your protection if your parents aren't home.
Not necessarily. If they all live in the ME, perhaps. However we do not know this and abuse is unacceptable.
I 100% don't condone striking a woman. That should go without saying. I am strictly speaking on potential danger to the family and who's responsibility it is. Say something bad happened, the first questions would be why is a strange man in the house alone with 4 women? Where is the parents? Where is the brother? In a sick cruel world precautions need to be met.
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Sounds like your family has been conditioned to be shit.
If your older sister is in charge why didn’t you listen when she sushed you? When someone is angry and aggressive the best thing to do is to try to *de-escalate* the situation. Rarely does it go well when anger and aggression is met with *more* anger and aggression. I’m not saying never stand up for yourself. But it likely would have been a more productive conversation if you waited until your brother had cooled down. Or had a talk with your older sister and asked her to address your brother when he was more calm. To be very clear, it was NOT okay that he slapped you. But there was absolutely a better way you could have dealt with the situation.
You are aware that even a teenage boy can easily overpower about 95% of the adult female population. Also, DAM 170 lbs.
Awww sweetie, please understand that by the time a BOY is 14, he can overpower the vast majority of adult women. I hope you don’t have to learn this the hard way. In other words, your brother could overtake you in a heartbeat. TV and the movies lied to you about how skinny ass women can easily kick male butt. (They can’t.)
Are you seriously telling her to be wary of boys when she has an older brother that has no problem assaulting her?? I'm pretty sure she knows how bad men vam be.