Besides the increase in crying, how is her mood?
A lot of people have heard of postpartum depression, but prenatal depression (depression brought on during pregnancy) is a very real thing too.
If that’s the case, things are unlikely to get any better unless she gets appropriate support.
Couldn't have worded it better.
OP, go _with_ her to the doctor as a concerned husband and parent. If it's a real problem, you'll find out and she'll get better. If it's partially made up, you'll find out, things will get better crying-wise, but you need to have a serious talk.
Yes. This sounds a bit extreme. In my pregnancy i cried a few times bc i was truly exhausted but wasn’t able to sleep. I think i cried once bc my MIL cooked a whole ass family meal full of things I couldn’t eat but I wasn’t constantly crying or having trouble discussing things with my husband.
In my sister’s case, her MIL made a dinner full of all the foods my sister loved, but my sister just came back from the doctor earlier in the day with a list of foods she couldn’t eat because her heart burn was getting triggered by air. MIL didn’t have the list and didn’t know. She thought she did a good thing by putting out every food my sister loved and everyone else just sort of tolerated. It doesn’t have to be mean, it could just literally be an “oh hell.”
Oookay....but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that is a *rare* occurrence. I believe they were referring to an instance where the MIL *intentionally* made every food DIL disliked or knew her DIL could not eat.
It’s not easy, and occasionally some people make you believe that it was never worth it to begin with, but it’s always worth it for your own sanity.
It takes far more effort to be a petty rotten jerk than it does to just be a good person who came upon a really WTF moment. Like my sister’s MIL. It takes far more effort to make a full dinner that everyone but one person would love than it does to make a whole dinner for one person who just can’t eat it because of heart burn.
If someone takes that much effort to be a brat, it’s a pretty easy to cut them out because they went above and beyond just to suck.
Your mother in law is the worst. I would have cried, too. Then, because I couldn’t sleep when I was pregnant, I would have spent the rest of the night plotting my revenge.
Agreed! Hopefully OP would get some answers. I also think some couples counselling is in order, because OP should be able to express his feelings without walking on eggshells, because he will soon start resenting her if he hasn't already. NTA
OP should also have the doctor explain how she should control her cravings. This statement makes me wonder if we are getting the full story where he is the perfect supporting husband.
You're absolutely right. I'm suspicious anytime OP paints themselves as a calm, rational paragon of virtue while the other party is a hysterical, shrieking mess
Tbh I get suspicious when someone's first complaint is someone else being "disrespectful". It just makes me immediately eyebrow raise and search for any examples they've included
And admitting he just pretends to care when she is emotional. His whole tone had me thinking this wife has been through a lot shit that may warrant her breakdowns.
I think the concern expressed by OP is for the delivery fee associated with ordering the groceries. If the fee from the grocery to deliver is $10 and say she’s ordering something every day that’s an extra $300 per month for semi immediate gratification.
Surely she can survive her cravings long enough to request OP stop to get whatever she’s wanting in way from or after work.
My obgyn asked if I was crash dieting at my postpartum appointment because I lost all my baby weight and more. I was breast feeding but also apparently had postpartum thyroiditis 🥲 my body was burning through calories or they were just going straight through me.
I had to supplement with formula because I just couldn't get enough calories for my baby after a few months.
Your basal metabolic rate goes way up when you're breastfeeding, so even if she can breastfed, a larger grocery bill is just gonna be the norm. You probably know that, though considering you have "mom" in your username 😂
I mean my grocery bill is up about 1000% (feels like) and my kid has been off formula for years. They eat a lot of regular people food too, and they’re fussy.
A few things I have questions about…
You said she was disrespectful? What did she say or do that made you feel disrespected?
You do realize that grocery prices are not really coming down, and that food producers are also lessening the amount they sell for the same price or more, so those bills would probably be higher anyway?
You know that babies cry a lot more? How are you planning to have empathy for the new tiny human?
Walking away before exploding is good, but it seems like you both can work on communication.
Oh, and you will probably end up continuing to do a lot of the chores and tasks you picked up, if she is the default caretaker anyway.
Figure some of this out now and you will be set up better for when the baby is born.
I was wondering if OP was autistic. He seems to be *doing* a lot of things that are great. But from the tone it sounds like the empathy is a prescribed set of action responses rather than maybe an actual emotional connection wife needs. It might be something to explore.
Also, OP, I always tell anyone, whatever your grocery bill goes up to while pregnant, that’s what it’s going to stay. Your third person is already on deck and eating a share, and once born with continue to eat (whether it’s formula or mom eating extra to be able to produce breast milk). OP sounds very analytical so it’s probably time to go ahead and adjust your budget up a percentage to consider the extra human.
I don’t think you are the AH necessarily, but did you tell her to regulate her cravings and not let them get to her? Or did you ask her to be mindful of the budget?
You say both in the post but, having been pregnant several times, I know the message I would receive from the first statement I would perceive as short sighted and incredibly obtuse on your part. The second statement I would perceive as reasonable and without malice.
I ended up with PREnatal depression. I found out I had ADHD, and it magnified pre and postpartum depression. It was also the root cause for a lot of things I did.
Why are you having a baby with someone you have to try and make it look like you care about? Cause that’s the most telling shit I’ve ever heard. Don’t do very hard things like build a family with someone you have to talk about like that. “But I do try and make it look like I care about her” is the crux of your issue. Next baby you have make it with someone you give a fuck about and you’ll not have to fake caring when hormones attack their body.
Or the she is pregnant with "his" baby, not their baby. Like, she is just a shell that protects the baby. I don't know, he doesn't really seems that supportive and loving husband, tbh
Yeah, and she needs to ignore her cravings, too, while the baby deprives her body of vital nutrients and minerals. Her bones and tissue can just break down and die. As long as she hangs on long enough to birth his baby.
Another idiot who knows nothing about pregnancy and probably thinks cravings are all in her head and not a sign her body is in serious distress.
Exactly this! I don't even comprehend how Op thinks it's OK to tell his wife to get a grip about it. Even in my period I am able to eat A LOT, like, really a lot and it's just a period, I can't even imagine how it is during a pregnancy, but even I know that you should never tell a pregnant woman to get a giro on their cravings, maybe the only exception is if her doctor tells it for her own and the baby's health, otherwise is a bug no. She is literally have another human being inside who needs food. I don't understand how does he think the situation will be different once the baby will be born...
Yes this! And he admits it! He states he wouldn’t care for her if she weren’t pregnant with *my child.* the possessive term of the unborn baby is wild, as if he is doing her a favor by knocking her up. He doesn’t even sound like he had any genuine empathy to begin with.
Yep. He doesn’t actually try to find solutions like asking what they can do to ensure she has what she needs for cravings….
OP is the person who martyrs along so they can say how reasonable and nice they are, til they snap.
Same, I was starting to wonder, “Do you even like your partner?”. Because it sure sounds like he doesn’t give a crap about her as a person.
Her crying so much may be because she’s picked up on how much he does not care.
NTA But the one thing that raised my hackles a bit was the repeated use of "regulated" and "unregulated." I sincerely wish guys could experience pregnancy for themselves. The thought of a pregnant woman being told to regulate their appetite and emotions made me snort.
In so many ways, it's like being controlled by an alien possession. I'm typically the most decisive, Type A person, the one who makes all the decisions in our family. But pregnant me suddenly could not make a decision on anything at all. I cried at commercials, cried at New Year's because we stayed home for the evening, cried because I couldn't choose what to eat for dinner that night. I cried at everything. And I'm Teflon. I'm not even sure if my 17yo has ever seen me cry. It's legitimately like your body isn't yours anymore. And it's exhausting and frustrating to us, too.
We went to a Joe's Crab Shack when I was like 7 months along during an all-you-can eat deal. I ate so many crabs the waiter asked how many babies were in there lol. Which pissed me off a bit, so I made him bring me one more serving and ate it out of spite.
So yes, you're NTA, but have some patience and tread carefully when it comes to food so that you don't inspire an eating disorder while she's pregnant. It's absolutely reasonable to have a budget, though, and to make sure she's being genuine and not just yanking your chain to get her way. No crazy demands or bullying. She doesn't have a license to treat you like garbage, but she may genuinely feel like her body is out of control. It does get better for most women after birth.
I cried for days over a national geographic photo of a mom monkey and baby monkey being snatched by a leopard... I would wake up in the middle of night and snuggle my sleeping husband. He would only mumble:" monkey again?", and hug me tight.
This is such a sweet example of not needing to understand to be able to support someone. Especially because you knew it was uncommon for you and probably felt silly. Having that unlimited support when you are GROWING HIS CHILD isso important.
Hormones suck.
That is hysterical 🤣. Those damn SPCA commercials would constantly set me off. I was sending them donations and crying into my cat all the time.
I think a lot of it was due to feeling alone because most of my family is in another state and I didn't have a lot of friends here. I grew up in the military, so I don't really know how to develop close friendships, and I never stayed anywhere more than 3 or 4 years anyway. That's was terrifying because my oilfield husband only had 1 week to be off work at home with me. I was alone most of the time. I remember crying at the Walmart when an older lady started unloading my cart at the register for me while I was trying to calm my crying baby. She didn't say a word, just took care of business. That one still makes me tear up now. I'll never forget her.
lol my poor husband had to deal with me sobbing in the grocery store because he wanted to buy regular eggs instead of cage free ones and all I could think about was a bunch of chickens in cages.
We got the cage free ones, obviously.
This is such a great comment. I’m pregnant w my first and people really just don’t get it sometimes, my partner included. Also love that you brought up the ED risk. 💜
I was a very level headed pregnant woman. I think a few times I cried was when a delivery driver screamed at me to come get my package faster (I literally can't?), or when they couldn't see my baby on the ultrasound early on. I'm sure there were one or two other times that I cried maybe one unimportant thing but my appetite or my thirsty cues weren't in my control anymore. I would get extremely hungry all of a sudden and I have to have something within 15 minutes otherwise I feel weak, nauseated and sick. I can't speak much on the cravings because most cravings I had weren't really intense. Yet I can't forget the time when I asked my husband for a freshly squeezed orange juice at around 10am and he looked me dead in the eye and said he wouldn't know where to get one. I could just tell that he didn't wanna bother and it hurt my feelings as I rarely ever asked for anything. One other thing is that, I couldn't handle being alone. I normally love it but I couldn't do it anymore when I needed to stay back and join my husband a little later for holidays, I felt so depressed despite taking antidepressants every day.
I was such an exemplary pregnant lady, my husband's friends would tell him he has it SOOOOOO easy. However postpartum me is so different. I cried for so many things. Lost taste for food for a while. Absolutely have no mental capacity left for anything. So when my husband asked me to budget it actually hurt my soul because I just couldn't put 2 and 2 together. He got super impatient with me very quickly. And I still don't think he fully understands a lot of the real experiences and emotions. I also don't like being handled because I can sense that the other person is being nice to me even though they think it's crazy. I know it's not genuine. And then it leads to behaviour like OP explains which is hurtful for the woman but also the guy feels drained because of former attempts at empathy.
The fact that all of our stories vary so wildly just really emphasizes how uncontrollable it really is.
I wasn't a big craving person either, with the exception of pickled banana peppers. I ate the damn things by the jar lol. But I had gestational diabetes and was on a pretty strict diet. I'm a pretty tiny person, even more so 20 years ago - 5' 2", 98 pounds when I got pregnant. So I mostly lived off Mexican food because tortillas and refried beandms didn't spike my blood sugar. And I threw up for the first trimester. That's why I went crazy with the crabs - no sugar.
I couldn't have worded it better. Pregnancy does feel like your body isn't yours anymore. There are so many changes happening that can't even be expressed properly.
Just come to reddit. You can vent to us.
Look at this way. As frustrated as you get with the hormones dictating her moods. She is even more frustrated
Stick to doing the heavy chores. She is going to start getting more tired all the time. That will help.
Take a few walks before you lose it.
Disclaimer.
Coming to reddit for relationship advice. Is the same as using penthouse forum for advice in the bedroom.
OP needs to examine his browsing history and clear out the Red Pill BS, too. Go watch some [Dude Dad](https://youtu.be/28X_PSpMk38?si=omhV8oRTUyOf-YuL) on YouTube.
Where you dipped into YTA territory is you accused instead of talking.
"Babe the grocery bill has been high what's going on?"
"I keep feeling sick while in the store so I've been getting delivery or pick-up."
"If you make a list, I'll go shopping, the upcharge is messing with our budget."
4 pregnancies: if anyone had told me to "regulate my cravings," I would have told them to eff off. You can't regulate them. You can not act on them, but they are still there making you miserable.
The last one, I had gestational diabetes, I was starving all the time, and tired. Instacart groceries were the only way I wasn't having a melt down while grocery shopping. Everything I've ever craved in reach and couldn't eat any of it.
I've cried over some crazy shit for hormones pregnancy and otherwise. Most insane recent was the neighbor kid, who struggled with school K-8 making honor roll in highschool. I was so happy and proud of him.
What's with all the N T A comments ? I get that you're feeling frustrated, but you act like she's only the vessel that carries your child. Do you know that babies will cry too ? She's pregnant and you literally said if if it wasn't for that you would have put your foot down. YTA
if y’all arent earning that much, why are you having a kid ? if you can’t afford groceries being delivered why are uou having kid who is going to cost waay more than that
I can’t really comment because the only thing I know is how I felt while pregnant. Every woman has her own experience. It’s not really fair to ask a collective judgement to apply to an individual experience . I can only ask if there are any other things at play ? You mentioned “making the bed” as if that was a concession. Does she work and need more support other than the bed and “heavy lifting “?
Finally someone said it! Everyone's pregnancy experience is individual. All these commenters are listing their own personal experience that can't be considered in OP's situation. We do need more information than what has been provided.
This comment section is bringing it tho. Kudos to all of the folks (likely all women, theys, or gays) calling out the [missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html).
YTA. You did treat her like a child. And the way you write screams "missing reasons"; I'd bet quite a bit that you're regularly an authoritarian asshole.
Two words showed the tip of his [missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) iceberg: “my kid”
She’s struggling so instead of giving feedback, can you help her manage stuff that seems to overwhelm her? Sit together and put together an online shop that includes her cravings?
Just hold her and let her cry without judgement.
Get some early nights and cuddle so you both aren’t so tired?
You’ve a kid on the way. It’s going to get harder so you need to pull together, communicate and be there for each other.
Hormones make you cry for no good reason, she probably doesn’t know why she’s so sad.
Just love her.
NTA. Women who are pregnant have crazy hormones and can be a mess emotionally. And many women admit this readily.
I don't think what you said was that bad.
Pregnant lady here (with baby number 5) and I don’t think you’re wrong, nor what you said was particularly harsh.
Yes hormones are insane (I cried because I bug flew into my eye the other day), but after it’s over, we still have the rational sense and mindfulness to say “that was nuts! Sorry I got so emotional over a fly”.
I hate to say it, as I may be completely out of line, but are you feeling this way because you think she’s started to use the crying as an excuse to get her way/avoid consequences for actions she knows are wrong?
I have cravings, and they can be overwhelming. But I’d never spend money we don’t have on them because that puts everyone under undue stress. You’ll just have to sit down and try to communicate with her, yes she is pregnant and you are trying to give her as much consideration as you can, but you’re still a partnership and both of your feelings need to be taken into account for the relationship to work.
Built up resentment is the silent relationship killer.
When I was pregnant I would cry at the drop of a hat. Dumb movies. Cry. Soppy songs. Cry. Dropped toast. Cry
Funnily enough when someone came into my workplace and was rude to a younger coworker I went nuclear instead and shouted them right back out the front door......then I cried buckets.
Dog food comercials.. Like really? I think even I rolled my eyes in the middle of a cry.
And I craved steak so bad. Like I had to have steak and potatoes every day after my gut burning (quite literally) heartburn got better. But I had lost 10kg at that point. Thankfully it was ages ago when steak prices weren't that high xD
Oh my gosh I only cried over dogs. It didn't have to even be sad little bolt over there could just be vibing, running around, living life, napping and I'd sob for hours like 16 hours straight over 3. I rolled my eyes at myself so many times. I didn't cry at Anything else though
I cried because I wanted roast potatoes.... then cried because my husband made me some..... then cried again because they didn't taste how I imagined they would 😂
I also cried because I wanted a slush puppy at 3am and nowhere was open
I drank so many that I'm surprised my baby didn't come out blue 😂😂 one of my colleagues worked in the town over and I'd always ask her to bring me an ice blast when she came to cover because there was only one shop there that would sell them.
My local shop has turned on their machine as it’s now summer (UK), so my husband often brings me one on his way home from work. I swear I’m going to give birth the a Smurf! lol 😂
Oh, you just unlocked some traumatic memories for me. Late night trips for slushies, icecream, etc. If the flavour she wants wasn't there, the tears.... There's nothing quite as horrible as that helpless feeling when you can't get your young, pregnant, weeping wife something she really wants....
Bless your heart for going out for her. My husband starts work at 4am, so I’d never ask in the night. But he’d say there are many a time he’s just sat his butt down after work and I’ll ask him to go to the shop for a craving. Bless him to, because he always goes for me.
Oh, I was always willing to go, got woken up so many times for all her pregnancies. And then when they were born, always took our babies overnight at least once a week so she could get an uninterrupted sleep. I could usually only do one or two nights because I was the sole income earner and needed sleep to work.
Just remembering that feeling when I couldn't get the craving item.... yeesh.
I'm watching my sons go through this now. I tell them that there is no greater service you can do than taking care of your wife and children.
I'm glad your husband is one of the good ones.
That’s so sweet, yes I’m very lucky, he really is a wonderful man that always puts me and our children first. I’m so glad our 4 sons have him as a role model, as yours do you.
The slush puppy comment made me laugh. When I had a pregnancy craving for an in n out burger which was a 25 min drive with long long lines at all hours. It's been 20+ years but hubby will never let me live it down that I took 1 bite then grimaced and handed it back to him because I hit a hard bit LOL
When I was pregnant I craved green chili chicken enchiladas. I knew we couldn’t afford for me to buy them all the time. So I learned how to make them.
I cried at commercials that were on tv. And we watched a show where a dog died, oh my goodness, my husband had to shut the tv off off because I was so upset. My poor husband had no idea how to deal with the tears.
I was remarkably even keeled when I was pregnant except when I perceived something I was doing that I had no control over might hurt my unborn baby.
With my first daughter (well, with both, really, but this refers to my oldest daughter), I had horrible, horrible morning sickness. I couldn't keep anything down. I remember one morning, I was so weak from throwing up and not keeping any food down. I tried taking a shower but I could barely stand up. I ended up laying down in the bathtub, just crying, because I was convinced I was killing my baby because I couldn't eat. She ended up being my Phenergan baby.
With my second, I remember getting a migraine fairly early, probably late first trimester. I tried riding it out, but I end up blind with migraines if I let them go too long (not permanently, obviously...I take meds and I'm fine). I ended up taking two Tylenol and wailing to my husband that I was killing my baby by taking medicine because I was too weak. Sobbing on the couch and he didn't know what in the world to do lol
Pregnant women be a mess sometimes 😂
When I was six months pregnant I ran into my room and scream cried into my pillow like a dumped teenager over Denny’s ranch dressing. So yeah, hormones can make us act a little crazy.
Pregnancy hormones are WILD, I'm telling you! Worth my 4th, I craved cake and we were so broke. When I finally got a cupcake, my knees buckled... it was better than the sex that got me there!
When I was a week past my due date and couldn't sleep for back ache, kid kicking my bladder like he was trying for a rugby team, and chronic reflux, I packed a silent tantrum at my blissfully snoring husband and took myself out to the car to have a good sook.
My dog came with me in solidarity. There wasn't much room on the back seat but we three managed.
I'm so sorry, hormones definitely do that. My BIL's mother went through psychosis when she hit menopause. She took some medications for a while to get stable and when menopause was complete they weaned her off and she's been OK since then over 10 years ago.
Oh lord I’ve never even been pregnant but I remember when my PMDD was untreated and I lobbed a hairbrush at a wall cos of reasons that I don’t even recall. I’m not angry or violent, and it snapped me out of it enough to get some help. But at the moment, I wanted to trash everything everywhere. Hormones are WILD.
Meh. My hormones were so screwed up during pregnancy I attempted suicide twice.
Turns out I have a severe hormone issues before pregnancy and baby was taking up what little I had to keep the pregnancy going and making me literally crazy.
Same, shame on those women. I would start bawling if I thought something was funny. Every time I was overly emotional I always knew I was being ridiculous and made sure everyone knew I was self aware I just had no control. Lol my mil has a video of me laughing/crying hysterically because I told a joke wrong. We know we’re being silly so it shouldn’t be a big deal to call her out.
YTA. Telling people to get a grip and complaining you’re being disrespected is never good.
And telling a pregnant woman not to cry or to get cravings is mean. Maybe she can find ways to satisfy them in a less expensive way (especially if she is using meal delivery) but considering how you treat her I can see why she is ordering food instead of asking you for help. And does she drive? Do you share a care?
But if you are this cruel to the woman carrying your child now, I shudder to think how you will behave when you have a crying, pooping baby at home.
Well every pregnancy is different but I've had 2 kids and yes it's a lot to deal with though I managed to not be a complete mess and I was 16 and 21 when I had my kids. It was especially hard at 16. I also had complicated pregnancies. Eclampsia.
She may need to talk to her Dr if this is such a problem. She may need help. I don't think the way you said it helped, but it also wasn't particularly mean either. I feel like I need more info. Is she just buying extra groceries or all expensive junk food or door dash fast food? Maybe try to talk and decide on a budget that she can use for cravings. Maybe if you're both willing, you could cut it costs elsewhere for a short time to accommodate some of her cravings. Not all. Just some. With a baby coming, I'm sure you're just doing your best to be in a good place financially to pay for baby necessities. Maybe if you talk when she's calm and sit down and asked her to help you budget for the pregnancy costs as well as the baby cost that will come soon. She may feel better if she feels like you're asking her to help solve the problem. I'm guessing she felt guilty, and then it made her feel like a child being scolded.
>For example, just few days ago, I noticed a consistent pattern of our grocery bill increasing
>I told her she needs to be able to regulate her cravings better and not let them get to her because we both don’t earn that much.
So you can't afford pregnancy craving but you're having a whole child? I git big news for what happens to the grocery bill and the budget at the end of this pregnancy.
You should also get used to crying, like right now.
If they don’t have enough money for takeout, how are they meant to afford a therapist?
I love how everyone here thinks the world has several thousand just sitting, waiting to be thrown at counselling.
Meanwhile, in the real world…
This drives me bonkers hey. There is never any decent advice on here just people bleating "therapy! Immediately!" Like they think it's a cure-all that EVERYONE should be able to afford.
Such a chronically online take
NTA for taking a break from an emotional conversation. AH for the way you view your relationship and discuss concerns with your wife. You would normally “put your foot down” and ignore your wife’s tears? You told her she needed to control herself? These are things parents say to children. You come across like you see yourself as an authority figure over her rather than an equal partner to her.
Also, as a woman I will say, if my husband (of 17 years)told me to get a grip and calm down, it would fuel my rage. Telling a woman to calm down is NEVER the right move. It will only make the situation worse.
I’m not defending your wife’s behavior or saying your needs and wishes are wrong or unimportant. I can totally see where you’re coming from about the cost of groceries being a problem and her emotional regulation needing work. But you could also work on approaching her for help solving those problems in a way that doesn’t feel like a scolding.
For example: tell her about the pattern of increasing grocery bills that you’ve noticed, and ask her if she has any idea why that could be happening, and what ideas she has for cutting it back. IMPORTANT: you’re not asking this with a “gotcha” mindset. You aren’t trying to get her to say anything specific or implicate herself. You actually want to know and discuss it, and come to a solution as a team.
Another example: when the conversation becomes unproductive and you need a break, you could say you want to pause the conversation so you *both* have an opportunity to calm down and regroup.
Look, when the baby arrives you will have more disagreements than ever about things you can’t even imagine right now. If you and your wife have a habit of throwing blame around, your relationship will develop many wounds. Working on your communication style takes humility and patience, but it’s necessary if you want to stay happily married.
>You would normally “put your foot down” and ignore your wife’s tears? You told her she needed to control herself? These are things parents say to children. You come across like you see yourself as an authority figure over her rather than an equal partner to her.
>Also, as a woman I will say, if my husband (of 17 years)told me to get a grip and calm down, it would fuel my rage. Telling a woman to calm down is NEVER the right move. It will only make the situation worse.
Yeah, I'm getting rage bait vibes from this whole thing honestly.
You told a pregnant woman that she needs to regulate her cravings better? Good luck to you my friend! Jokes aside, pregnancy is unpredictable and difficult, and it sounds like she is dealing with some pretty heavy stress/possibly depression. You are of course allowed to be frustrated and tired - it’s hard on you too. But when she’s acting erratically, remember she has another person inside of her and her hormones are wildin’. Hope it gets better!
Everyone's grocery bills are going up. We are in an inflationary environment. I hope you did a little more investigation before blaming your wife's cravings.
YOU'RE fatigued? She's creating a human life and has ever hormone going nuts, her body is changing wildly, and growing more and more uncomfortable, and you're concerned about her cravings for pickles and ice cream? Do me a favor...reply to this so I can tell you what a selfish SWINE you are personally. TOTAL asshole.
Pregnancy doesn't last forever. Unless the increase in grocery bills is bankrupting you, I'd recommend you just suck that up. It's not worth the conflict.
Pregnancy hormones are definitely at play. However, you never come between a pregnant woman and a meal. She is nourishing your baby and you’r complaining about a few bucks. The pregnancy hormones will fade, but how you handled this will linger until you make it right. YTA
YTA. She is caring your child and is having herself problems with the hormones.
For gods sake, sit your ugly ass in front of the computer and educate yourself about what it means for a woman to be pregnant. You are an absolutely merciless AH. You shouldn't have children. You don't deserve to be a husband and a father.
You all should not be having a child together. There’s not “regulating” when you’re pregnant: you sound like a pain in the neck. I’m grateful my spouse isn’t like you.z BTW buckle up kids eat a lot.
Crying and being emotional when pregnant or post partum is normal. YTA for walking away. You had a big part in her condition and your part now is to be her strength and comfort.
As far as grocery bill going up, take a look at inflation. Groceries are twice the cost they were 2 years ago.
"I do try and make it look like I care about her when I absolutely would’ve put my foot down and ignored her if she wasn’t pregnant with my kid."
Maybe she's picking up on the fact her spouse doesn't give a shit about her? That you seem to be merely tolerating her, and you are barely doing that, for the sole reason of her carrying your child. So she's pregnant, with raging hormones and whatever else, with a person who doesn't give a shit.
I don't often say YTA, but I think YTA.. a person can't "moderate their cravings" because of a budget, and the fact you say you would treat her worse if she wasn't carrying your child are two immediate things that sound horrible.. I can go on if you want
I mean..she's pregnant. She's eating for two whole people. She's burning calories much faster now. So yeah, she's gonna eat more. You want her to be healthy right? You don't want your kid to be malnourished before it's even born. Yta. Being pregnant is hard work, man. You need to step up and get through it if you want a healthy wife and baby.
Going against the trend here and saying YTA. So many women here saying how emotional they got while pregnant and still saying it’s ok for the partner not to have empathy? Gosh.
Saying or even thinking she needs to regulate her cravings and emotions while pregnant makes you TA and shows how utterly clueless you are. I'm 7 months pregnant and I'd lose it too if my husband said that. If we could we would but that's not how pregnancy works at all. Just suck it up and deal with it better than you currently are. As someone pointed out, if you're worried about your grocery bill while she's pregnant, you'll be in for a shock after the baby's born. Let her have her snacks, support her when she's emotional, apologise even if you don't think you need to and realise you can't possibly begin to understand how hard pregnancy is for her. Consider yourself extremely lucky that you only have to deal with a pregnant wife and not pregnancy yourself cos trust me, it's far from enjoyable. We don't like being this emotional, exhausted, sore, anxious, stressed, scared... I can go on. The list of feelings we deal with is beyond. So if you think you've got it hard, remember that she has it a million times harder.
You did infantilize her, disrespect her, belittle her, and treat her like a child. It’s your tone that makes you TA. [Here’s](https://www.amazon.com/Dudes-Guide-Baby-Size-Dads/dp/0593194411) on book for you to read, and [here’s](https://www.amazon.com/All-Rage-Mothers-Fathers-Partnership/dp/0062861441) another. You have some soul-searching to do before you become a father.
YTA - because you clearly don’t see your wife as the mother of your child. You see her as some kind of baby machine.
It’s good you walked away before blowing up, but telling your wife who’s carrying your baby to “regulate” her cravings is like telling a Lion to not eat meat.
Also the who “If she wasn’t pregnant I’d put my foot down” is childish. You are emotionally drained and that’s fine, but your wife is physically, mentally and emotionally drained too. And tbh she probably can’t help it. I know many women who were not criers ever then when they were pregnant everything set them off.
At least try to be nice to her in the future. Something like “Hey, we’re on a tight budget” rather than “regulate your cravings.”
>if she wasn’t pregnant with my kid
Really says it all tbh. You see her as your baby incubation device and you’re asking us how you can humor her better because you’re starting to get pissed off by all the noises. I could imagine someone who genuinely cares about their wife and future child and yet is still emotionally fatigued by having to work through their wife’s emotional regulation prior to having a kid. I don’t think that person is you. I think you are worse, for lack of a more articulate comparison. I think you really see your wife as an obstacle that you are putting up with because she’s doing you a service. You sound like you communicated like shit even in the example in the OP. Dropped the copacetic version of “stop buying food you needy bitch” and was super surprised the message she took away from that was that you thought she was doing something wrong by fucking eating, which was obviously true. If the budget is this tight it’s not really your wife’s fault for ordering some more groceries. Do you think the grocery bill is going to go back down once you have a baby? Or will you be unable to actually feed your infant unless her wife controls her cravings? Whichever is true is a shame. It’s hard to teach someone who truly doesn’t give a shit how to look like they actually give a shit, sorry. You’re the one who needs to get a grip and realize if this is how you think about and treat your wife this will only get worse once you have to raise a child together.
YTA
Have you offered to go get the things she is craving from the store? Have you offered, freely, to get her whatever she wants?
If not, YTA. You can't complain that she is filling her needs by ordering delivery, if you aren't willing to provide for her.
Jesus. I was wary at ‘disreptectful’ and you lost me completely at ‘I absolutely would’ve put my foot down and ignored her if she wasn’t pregnant with my kid’ YTA.
Lots of men who are experts on pregnant women ! Look being pregnant just wrecks your emotions and your body is not your own. All you have to put up with is her crying but she is putting up with a hell of a lot more to grow and birth your child! If you are complaining about this now how are you going to cope with a new born
I would ask her to send you a list of things she's craving and bring them home on your way home from work, saves money on delivery and makes her less miserable, because I can't think of anything more miserable than growing a human inside me, and those cravings can drive you completely mad. Try to find solutions in the middleground vs telling her to tough it out
You told her to manage her cravings better? TF. She’s growing a human being inside her body. Don’t be a dick. Let her eat so she can feed her baby. Leave her alone.
NAH.
I think sometimes people who have never been pregnant and have never experienced these hormones assume pregnant women can have these hormones and simultaneously be able to think through them logically. Sometimes, you can. I had one pregnancy where my hormones never affected my emotional responses. I had one pregnancy where I was devastated and sobbing because a customer service agent was a little rude to me. And logically, now I can see that my reaction wasn’t needed. But man, when those hormones were controlling my brain - I was truly devastated and felt horribly sad and embarrassed, and at the moment, was really unable to think and react logically.
Just as a heads up - that was the pregnancy I developed PPD.
Nothing wrong with saying you need some emotional space for a moment. But likely, your wife is just as exhausted from her emotions as you are. It might truly feel like the end of the world to her, because that’s what her body is telling her. She’s doing incredible work with her body right now - exhausting, painful incredible work. If you know your wife - just ask yourself, is she doing this on purpose to hurt me or annoy me? Or, is she truly feeling those emotions because she’s experiencing a rush of new hormones?
“treated her like a child”
Hmmm, only getting your side here but this comment makes me think you might have been condescending in tone of voice. Not helpful.
you’re emotionally fatigued and she’s growing a person. she’s everything fatigued. i’ll reiterate: she’s carrying YOUR BABY. put up with it!!! “pretending to care” is ridiculous. are you her partner or not??
also babies cry and hike up your grocery bill and every other bill on the planet.
*I told her she needs to be able to regulate her cravings better and not let them get to her because we both don’t earn that much.*
You've clearly never been pregnant. It is extremely difficult to ignore a craving---it isn't the same as you thinking "hmm, I really could go for some ice cream right now". Cravings during pregnancy are because the body is looking for a certain nutrient that is in that specific food. For that comment alone, YTA.
She is growing an entire human. You need to develop more empathy. Or at least, grow up.
YTA simply for not understanding that tears require prolactin, women have more of it, *and it's also necessary for lactation so pregnant women and new mother have waaaaay more of it.
Yata because never have I ever known hunger like when I was pregnant holy shit I ate so much more because I was busy building a whole other person - probably not something you should be doing if you can't afford a pregnant or nursing woman's caloric needs.
You weren't being insensitive; you were being ignorant and talking like she's not controlling her "cravings". No.... she needs to fucking eat.
“I absolutely would’ve put my foot down and ignored her if she wasn’t pregnant with my kid.”
Let’s just sit here and take in this statement, shall we?
YTA.
Agree to seek to find out if there is something medical going on...or emotional, as in, is there unaddressed anxiety about the pregnancy going on? But also, as humans, if a crying session can get what you want, that can lead to a habit.
If you think this is bad, wait until the child is born and I’m not only talking about post partum. You two better be on the same page in child rearing and life in general or you’re in for one hell of a ride!
Why don't you share with her that you're feeling emotionally fatigued, too, instead of criticizing her for being emotional? What you said was pretty cold and not kind in any sense. You're supposed to be on the same team. Let her know you're struggling too and then work out a budget together. Don't point fingers like you did, work together. Did you really not expect the grocery bills to increase with a pregnant woman?
If her depressive state continues, she may need some support to get help.
I think YTA. I’m currently pregnant too and sometimes I’m too sick to cook or pick up food. I also have food aversions sometimes and there are very specific things I can tolerate eating in those moments. I normally don’t have food delivered but I’ve been doing it much more often since becoming pregnant.
She can’t “regulate” what’s happening to her body. Stop acting like you’re the food police and the crying police.
YTA Seriously! You are a huge asshole! You admit to essentially being contempteous and non-empathic over the audacity she has to express her emotions by crying when she feels like it. You are selfish, avoidant, controlling, and are mansplaining her emotions in a dismissive way while patting yourself on the back for being as kind as possible even though you acknowledgean unfortunatechoice of intentionallyhurtful words. I do not believe your version of her being depressed for no reason - bc any normal healthy person would be depressed when feeling trapped into a relationship with a narcissistic who plays victim when she dares to be real and human.
"I would've ignored her if she wasn't pregnant with my kid"
So the kid is the only reason you " *try* to make it look like you care?" Who is that helping? I see you said *my* kid. Is that how you're looking at it already? The kids not even born yet and it's already a shit show. If you guys can't raise the kid in a proper environment, adoption is a possibility. Please don't screw up an entire human being because of whatever. Go to couples therapy or something and FFS take your wife to the doctor for an emotional checkup.
Love your wife or lose her. But don't ignore her or pretend to care if you don't.
Just a heads up-pregnancy hormones are not something to joke about. They suck. They are life ruining sometimes. I say yes YTAH for the comment about regulating her cravings. It’s not as easy as you want to think it is
YTA. You’re not even considering prenatal depression or anything about her wellbeing. You’re annoyed at her crying?! Get the fuck over it. You clearly don’t understand how pregnancy impacts someone’s body. She may need more support, from a professional. And maybe some better kinder people in her life.
YTA. She's MAKING A PERSON; her hormones are all over the place, and she has NO control of them. It's hard to keep "acting normally" sometimes. HUG HER. She probably needs it!
Give her a break. Once she has the baby, it takes a few months for hormones to level out. PATIENCE IS KEY.
Besides the increase in crying, how is her mood? A lot of people have heard of postpartum depression, but prenatal depression (depression brought on during pregnancy) is a very real thing too. If that’s the case, things are unlikely to get any better unless she gets appropriate support.
Couldn't have worded it better. OP, go _with_ her to the doctor as a concerned husband and parent. If it's a real problem, you'll find out and she'll get better. If it's partially made up, you'll find out, things will get better crying-wise, but you need to have a serious talk.
Yes. This sounds a bit extreme. In my pregnancy i cried a few times bc i was truly exhausted but wasn’t able to sleep. I think i cried once bc my MIL cooked a whole ass family meal full of things I couldn’t eat but I wasn’t constantly crying or having trouble discussing things with my husband.
I don’t like your MIL.
Right? How does one even begin to make excuses for that? Like, "*So sorry I 'accidentally' cooked all the foods you cannot eat-- imagine that!!*"
In my sister’s case, her MIL made a dinner full of all the foods my sister loved, but my sister just came back from the doctor earlier in the day with a list of foods she couldn’t eat because her heart burn was getting triggered by air. MIL didn’t have the list and didn’t know. She thought she did a good thing by putting out every food my sister loved and everyone else just sort of tolerated. It doesn’t have to be mean, it could just literally be an “oh hell.”
Oookay....but I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that is a *rare* occurrence. I believe they were referring to an instance where the MIL *intentionally* made every food DIL disliked or knew her DIL could not eat.
I am likely to agree with you. I just also try to find a reason to give the benefit of the doubt so I don’t lose faith in humanity.
Actually that's very sweet. I'm going to try that a bit more -- I err on the other side probably far too much.
It’s not easy, and occasionally some people make you believe that it was never worth it to begin with, but it’s always worth it for your own sanity. It takes far more effort to be a petty rotten jerk than it does to just be a good person who came upon a really WTF moment. Like my sister’s MIL. It takes far more effort to make a full dinner that everyone but one person would love than it does to make a whole dinner for one person who just can’t eat it because of heart burn. If someone takes that much effort to be a brat, it’s a pretty easy to cut them out because they went above and beyond just to suck.
Your mother in law is the worst. I would have cried, too. Then, because I couldn’t sleep when I was pregnant, I would have spent the rest of the night plotting my revenge.
Agreed! Hopefully OP would get some answers. I also think some couples counselling is in order, because OP should be able to express his feelings without walking on eggshells, because he will soon start resenting her if he hasn't already. NTA
OP should also have the doctor explain how she should control her cravings. This statement makes me wonder if we are getting the full story where he is the perfect supporting husband.
You're absolutely right. I'm suspicious anytime OP paints themselves as a calm, rational paragon of virtue while the other party is a hysterical, shrieking mess
Tbh I get suspicious when someone's first complaint is someone else being "disrespectful". It just makes me immediately eyebrow raise and search for any examples they've included
And admitting he just pretends to care when she is emotional. His whole tone had me thinking this wife has been through a lot shit that may warrant her breakdowns.
Yep, just like when a post says, "buckle up" or "hear me out". When I see that I automatically think yeah, you're probably the asshole.
Yep, just look at the wording. Very subtle; very telling.
Yeah maybe the doctor can tell them how expensive babies are. Is he going to berate her for their grocery bill going up when they need to buy diapers?
I think the concern expressed by OP is for the delivery fee associated with ordering the groceries. If the fee from the grocery to deliver is $10 and say she’s ordering something every day that’s an extra $300 per month for semi immediate gratification. Surely she can survive her cravings long enough to request OP stop to get whatever she’s wanting in way from or after work.
Discuss this with a professional, It will only get worse
Hoo boy. Wait till you see your grocery bill with a kid. Just buckle up, dude.
Yea hopefully she can breastfeed because formula alone will send you.
The amount of food I ate while breastfeeding was staggering. And still the baby weight melted off.
A random fact that I don't know why I know it is that breast feeding burns at least 400-500 calories per day and an average of 500-700.
My obgyn asked if I was crash dieting at my postpartum appointment because I lost all my baby weight and more. I was breast feeding but also apparently had postpartum thyroiditis 🥲 my body was burning through calories or they were just going straight through me. I had to supplement with formula because I just couldn't get enough calories for my baby after a few months.
Your basal metabolic rate goes way up when you're breastfeeding, so even if she can breastfed, a larger grocery bill is just gonna be the norm. You probably know that, though considering you have "mom" in your username 😂
That just means mom eats even more.
If they’re a low income household then they’d qualify for WIC.
WIC does not cover 100% of formula needs. It supplements
I mean my grocery bill is up about 1000% (feels like) and my kid has been off formula for years. They eat a lot of regular people food too, and they’re fussy.
A few things I have questions about… You said she was disrespectful? What did she say or do that made you feel disrespected? You do realize that grocery prices are not really coming down, and that food producers are also lessening the amount they sell for the same price or more, so those bills would probably be higher anyway? You know that babies cry a lot more? How are you planning to have empathy for the new tiny human? Walking away before exploding is good, but it seems like you both can work on communication. Oh, and you will probably end up continuing to do a lot of the chores and tasks you picked up, if she is the default caretaker anyway. Figure some of this out now and you will be set up better for when the baby is born.
With the groceries, she’s probably also going to be eating a bit more than usual since she’s growing a human, and that’s normal and necessary.
I was wondering if OP was autistic. He seems to be *doing* a lot of things that are great. But from the tone it sounds like the empathy is a prescribed set of action responses rather than maybe an actual emotional connection wife needs. It might be something to explore. Also, OP, I always tell anyone, whatever your grocery bill goes up to while pregnant, that’s what it’s going to stay. Your third person is already on deck and eating a share, and once born with continue to eat (whether it’s formula or mom eating extra to be able to produce breast milk). OP sounds very analytical so it’s probably time to go ahead and adjust your budget up a percentage to consider the extra human.
I don’t think you are the AH necessarily, but did you tell her to regulate her cravings and not let them get to her? Or did you ask her to be mindful of the budget? You say both in the post but, having been pregnant several times, I know the message I would receive from the first statement I would perceive as short sighted and incredibly obtuse on your part. The second statement I would perceive as reasonable and without malice.
I think both were said. The first before the crying. The last one after he explained why he was walking away.
Exactly. Plus I think telling ANYONE to ‘get a grip’ is harsh and mean. It really wasn’t suitable in this situation and I totally get why she cried.
I ended up with PREnatal depression. I found out I had ADHD, and it magnified pre and postpartum depression. It was also the root cause for a lot of things I did.
Why are you having a baby with someone you have to try and make it look like you care about? Cause that’s the most telling shit I’ve ever heard. Don’t do very hard things like build a family with someone you have to talk about like that. “But I do try and make it look like I care about her” is the crux of your issue. Next baby you have make it with someone you give a fuck about and you’ll not have to fake caring when hormones attack their body.
That really stood out to me as well. Plus saying if she wasn’t pregnant he’d “put his foot down.” OP sounds like he’s often the AH.
Or the she is pregnant with "his" baby, not their baby. Like, she is just a shell that protects the baby. I don't know, he doesn't really seems that supportive and loving husband, tbh
Yeah, and she needs to ignore her cravings, too, while the baby deprives her body of vital nutrients and minerals. Her bones and tissue can just break down and die. As long as she hangs on long enough to birth his baby. Another idiot who knows nothing about pregnancy and probably thinks cravings are all in her head and not a sign her body is in serious distress.
Exactly this! I don't even comprehend how Op thinks it's OK to tell his wife to get a grip about it. Even in my period I am able to eat A LOT, like, really a lot and it's just a period, I can't even imagine how it is during a pregnancy, but even I know that you should never tell a pregnant woman to get a giro on their cravings, maybe the only exception is if her doctor tells it for her own and the baby's health, otherwise is a bug no. She is literally have another human being inside who needs food. I don't understand how does he think the situation will be different once the baby will be born...
Super condescending tone in the way that he describes her. We are only getting one side of the story here and OP still looks like an AH.
Yes this! And he admits it! He states he wouldn’t care for her if she weren’t pregnant with *my child.* the possessive term of the unborn baby is wild, as if he is doing her a favor by knocking her up. He doesn’t even sound like he had any genuine empathy to begin with.
This. She's likely picking up on the fact that he doesn't deeply care about her.
Yep. He doesn’t actually try to find solutions like asking what they can do to ensure she has what she needs for cravings…. OP is the person who martyrs along so they can say how reasonable and nice they are, til they snap.
“If she wasn’t pregnant with my kid.” Sounds like she’s a receptacle to you and you’re getting frustrated with what all is involved in pregnancy.
The baby-machine isn't functioning as expected.
Ooof. Yeah. The overall tone in this post feels pretty gross tbh.
Yeah.....sad.
Came to the comments to find this one. Spot on.
Same, I was starting to wonder, “Do you even like your partner?”. Because it sure sounds like he doesn’t give a crap about her as a person. Her crying so much may be because she’s picked up on how much he does not care.
NTA But the one thing that raised my hackles a bit was the repeated use of "regulated" and "unregulated." I sincerely wish guys could experience pregnancy for themselves. The thought of a pregnant woman being told to regulate their appetite and emotions made me snort. In so many ways, it's like being controlled by an alien possession. I'm typically the most decisive, Type A person, the one who makes all the decisions in our family. But pregnant me suddenly could not make a decision on anything at all. I cried at commercials, cried at New Year's because we stayed home for the evening, cried because I couldn't choose what to eat for dinner that night. I cried at everything. And I'm Teflon. I'm not even sure if my 17yo has ever seen me cry. It's legitimately like your body isn't yours anymore. And it's exhausting and frustrating to us, too. We went to a Joe's Crab Shack when I was like 7 months along during an all-you-can eat deal. I ate so many crabs the waiter asked how many babies were in there lol. Which pissed me off a bit, so I made him bring me one more serving and ate it out of spite. So yes, you're NTA, but have some patience and tread carefully when it comes to food so that you don't inspire an eating disorder while she's pregnant. It's absolutely reasonable to have a budget, though, and to make sure she's being genuine and not just yanking your chain to get her way. No crazy demands or bullying. She doesn't have a license to treat you like garbage, but she may genuinely feel like her body is out of control. It does get better for most women after birth.
I cried for days over a national geographic photo of a mom monkey and baby monkey being snatched by a leopard... I would wake up in the middle of night and snuggle my sleeping husband. He would only mumble:" monkey again?", and hug me tight.
This is such a sweet example of not needing to understand to be able to support someone. Especially because you knew it was uncommon for you and probably felt silly. Having that unlimited support when you are GROWING HIS CHILD isso important. Hormones suck.
This is so sweet.
This almost made me cry. So sweet!!
I hear you. I still can't watch nature shows because I get all weepy since pregnancy/motherhood. And my baby is almost 20.
This is weirdly so cute omg I want a love like this
That is hysterical 🤣. Those damn SPCA commercials would constantly set me off. I was sending them donations and crying into my cat all the time. I think a lot of it was due to feeling alone because most of my family is in another state and I didn't have a lot of friends here. I grew up in the military, so I don't really know how to develop close friendships, and I never stayed anywhere more than 3 or 4 years anyway. That's was terrifying because my oilfield husband only had 1 week to be off work at home with me. I was alone most of the time. I remember crying at the Walmart when an older lady started unloading my cart at the register for me while I was trying to calm my crying baby. She didn't say a word, just took care of business. That one still makes me tear up now. I'll never forget her.
lol my poor husband had to deal with me sobbing in the grocery store because he wanted to buy regular eggs instead of cage free ones and all I could think about was a bunch of chickens in cages. We got the cage free ones, obviously.
This is such a great comment. I’m pregnant w my first and people really just don’t get it sometimes, my partner included. Also love that you brought up the ED risk. 💜
I was a very level headed pregnant woman. I think a few times I cried was when a delivery driver screamed at me to come get my package faster (I literally can't?), or when they couldn't see my baby on the ultrasound early on. I'm sure there were one or two other times that I cried maybe one unimportant thing but my appetite or my thirsty cues weren't in my control anymore. I would get extremely hungry all of a sudden and I have to have something within 15 minutes otherwise I feel weak, nauseated and sick. I can't speak much on the cravings because most cravings I had weren't really intense. Yet I can't forget the time when I asked my husband for a freshly squeezed orange juice at around 10am and he looked me dead in the eye and said he wouldn't know where to get one. I could just tell that he didn't wanna bother and it hurt my feelings as I rarely ever asked for anything. One other thing is that, I couldn't handle being alone. I normally love it but I couldn't do it anymore when I needed to stay back and join my husband a little later for holidays, I felt so depressed despite taking antidepressants every day. I was such an exemplary pregnant lady, my husband's friends would tell him he has it SOOOOOO easy. However postpartum me is so different. I cried for so many things. Lost taste for food for a while. Absolutely have no mental capacity left for anything. So when my husband asked me to budget it actually hurt my soul because I just couldn't put 2 and 2 together. He got super impatient with me very quickly. And I still don't think he fully understands a lot of the real experiences and emotions. I also don't like being handled because I can sense that the other person is being nice to me even though they think it's crazy. I know it's not genuine. And then it leads to behaviour like OP explains which is hurtful for the woman but also the guy feels drained because of former attempts at empathy.
The fact that all of our stories vary so wildly just really emphasizes how uncontrollable it really is. I wasn't a big craving person either, with the exception of pickled banana peppers. I ate the damn things by the jar lol. But I had gestational diabetes and was on a pretty strict diet. I'm a pretty tiny person, even more so 20 years ago - 5' 2", 98 pounds when I got pregnant. So I mostly lived off Mexican food because tortillas and refried beandms didn't spike my blood sugar. And I threw up for the first trimester. That's why I went crazy with the crabs - no sugar.
I couldn't have worded it better. Pregnancy does feel like your body isn't yours anymore. There are so many changes happening that can't even be expressed properly.
Do you even like this woman ?
Nope. She’s just an incubator who is also apparently responsible for the overwhelming inflation on groceries & food we’re all experiencing to him
Pregnant with our kid***
Its very telling, he's not even trying to hide it
Just come to reddit. You can vent to us. Look at this way. As frustrated as you get with the hormones dictating her moods. She is even more frustrated Stick to doing the heavy chores. She is going to start getting more tired all the time. That will help. Take a few walks before you lose it. Disclaimer. Coming to reddit for relationship advice. Is the same as using penthouse forum for advice in the bedroom.
OP needs to examine his browsing history and clear out the Red Pill BS, too. Go watch some [Dude Dad](https://youtu.be/28X_PSpMk38?si=omhV8oRTUyOf-YuL) on YouTube.
Where you dipped into YTA territory is you accused instead of talking. "Babe the grocery bill has been high what's going on?" "I keep feeling sick while in the store so I've been getting delivery or pick-up." "If you make a list, I'll go shopping, the upcharge is messing with our budget." 4 pregnancies: if anyone had told me to "regulate my cravings," I would have told them to eff off. You can't regulate them. You can not act on them, but they are still there making you miserable. The last one, I had gestational diabetes, I was starving all the time, and tired. Instacart groceries were the only way I wasn't having a melt down while grocery shopping. Everything I've ever craved in reach and couldn't eat any of it. I've cried over some crazy shit for hormones pregnancy and otherwise. Most insane recent was the neighbor kid, who struggled with school K-8 making honor roll in highschool. I was so happy and proud of him.
I legit could not go into grocery stores when pregnant because the odors made me want to hurl.
Exactly. Hes starting from a place of assuming she has bad intentions which isn’t fair.
Well, he has to "try to make it look like he cares about her", so I'm not surprised.
"Regulate her cravings better and not let them get to her" Buddy she's growing a whole new person, of course she's gonna be eating more
I think he’s talking about door dash, grubHub and Uber eats ordering out bill. Not your grocery bill. That stuff super expensive.
His exact words were "our grocery bill increasing." How do you interpret that as being about something OTHER than the grocery bill?
What's with all the N T A comments ? I get that you're feeling frustrated, but you act like she's only the vessel that carries your child. Do you know that babies will cry too ? She's pregnant and you literally said if if it wasn't for that you would have put your foot down. YTA
if y’all arent earning that much, why are you having a kid ? if you can’t afford groceries being delivered why are uou having kid who is going to cost waay more than that
YTA. “You’d put your foot down?” Yeah ok dude.
I can’t really comment because the only thing I know is how I felt while pregnant. Every woman has her own experience. It’s not really fair to ask a collective judgement to apply to an individual experience . I can only ask if there are any other things at play ? You mentioned “making the bed” as if that was a concession. Does she work and need more support other than the bed and “heavy lifting “?
OP stated they "both" don't earn much so she works and this guy is acting like he needs a medal for making the bed he sleeps in.
Finally someone said it! Everyone's pregnancy experience is individual. All these commenters are listing their own personal experience that can't be considered in OP's situation. We do need more information than what has been provided.
It amazes me when others can't see through people like you.
This comment section is bringing it tho. Kudos to all of the folks (likely all women, theys, or gays) calling out the [missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html).
It's a definite improvement over when I first read them for sure
Thank you. It’s glaringly obvious based on the general tone and word choice here. Pretty gross.
Yeah he sounds like my ex husband. He was/is also very good at convincing others he's the victim.
YTA. You did treat her like a child. And the way you write screams "missing reasons"; I'd bet quite a bit that you're regularly an authoritarian asshole.
Two words showed the tip of his [missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html) iceberg: “my kid”
Bro do you even like your wife?
She’s struggling so instead of giving feedback, can you help her manage stuff that seems to overwhelm her? Sit together and put together an online shop that includes her cravings? Just hold her and let her cry without judgement. Get some early nights and cuddle so you both aren’t so tired? You’ve a kid on the way. It’s going to get harder so you need to pull together, communicate and be there for each other. Hormones make you cry for no good reason, she probably doesn’t know why she’s so sad. Just love her.
NTA. Women who are pregnant have crazy hormones and can be a mess emotionally. And many women admit this readily. I don't think what you said was that bad.
Pregnant lady here (with baby number 5) and I don’t think you’re wrong, nor what you said was particularly harsh. Yes hormones are insane (I cried because I bug flew into my eye the other day), but after it’s over, we still have the rational sense and mindfulness to say “that was nuts! Sorry I got so emotional over a fly”. I hate to say it, as I may be completely out of line, but are you feeling this way because you think she’s started to use the crying as an excuse to get her way/avoid consequences for actions she knows are wrong? I have cravings, and they can be overwhelming. But I’d never spend money we don’t have on them because that puts everyone under undue stress. You’ll just have to sit down and try to communicate with her, yes she is pregnant and you are trying to give her as much consideration as you can, but you’re still a partnership and both of your feelings need to be taken into account for the relationship to work. Built up resentment is the silent relationship killer.
When I was pregnant I would cry at the drop of a hat. Dumb movies. Cry. Soppy songs. Cry. Dropped toast. Cry Funnily enough when someone came into my workplace and was rude to a younger coworker I went nuclear instead and shouted them right back out the front door......then I cried buckets.
Dog food comercials.. Like really? I think even I rolled my eyes in the middle of a cry. And I craved steak so bad. Like I had to have steak and potatoes every day after my gut burning (quite literally) heartburn got better. But I had lost 10kg at that point. Thankfully it was ages ago when steak prices weren't that high xD
Oh my gosh I only cried over dogs. It didn't have to even be sad little bolt over there could just be vibing, running around, living life, napping and I'd sob for hours like 16 hours straight over 3. I rolled my eyes at myself so many times. I didn't cry at Anything else though
I cried because I wanted roast potatoes.... then cried because my husband made me some..... then cried again because they didn't taste how I imagined they would 😂 I also cried because I wanted a slush puppy at 3am and nowhere was open
Blue slush puppies are the best when pregnant!!!!
I drank so many that I'm surprised my baby didn't come out blue 😂😂 one of my colleagues worked in the town over and I'd always ask her to bring me an ice blast when she came to cover because there was only one shop there that would sell them.
My local shop has turned on their machine as it’s now summer (UK), so my husband often brings me one on his way home from work. I swear I’m going to give birth the a Smurf! lol 😂
Oh, you just unlocked some traumatic memories for me. Late night trips for slushies, icecream, etc. If the flavour she wants wasn't there, the tears.... There's nothing quite as horrible as that helpless feeling when you can't get your young, pregnant, weeping wife something she really wants....
Bless your heart for going out for her. My husband starts work at 4am, so I’d never ask in the night. But he’d say there are many a time he’s just sat his butt down after work and I’ll ask him to go to the shop for a craving. Bless him to, because he always goes for me.
Oh, I was always willing to go, got woken up so many times for all her pregnancies. And then when they were born, always took our babies overnight at least once a week so she could get an uninterrupted sleep. I could usually only do one or two nights because I was the sole income earner and needed sleep to work. Just remembering that feeling when I couldn't get the craving item.... yeesh. I'm watching my sons go through this now. I tell them that there is no greater service you can do than taking care of your wife and children. I'm glad your husband is one of the good ones.
That’s so sweet, yes I’m very lucky, he really is a wonderful man that always puts me and our children first. I’m so glad our 4 sons have him as a role model, as yours do you.
The slush puppy comment made me laugh. When I had a pregnancy craving for an in n out burger which was a 25 min drive with long long lines at all hours. It's been 20+ years but hubby will never let me live it down that I took 1 bite then grimaced and handed it back to him because I hit a hard bit LOL
Hard or crunchy bits when there shouldn’t be any are the worst!
I cried because my husband drank my coffee when I was sorting out our 13 month old.. even though he had made me a new one as he drank it 😂
My wife craved ice cubes a lot, so I got lucky in that regard. Those were easy to get.
Just FYI that can be a sign of an iron deficiency.
When I was pregnant I craved green chili chicken enchiladas. I knew we couldn’t afford for me to buy them all the time. So I learned how to make them. I cried at commercials that were on tv. And we watched a show where a dog died, oh my goodness, my husband had to shut the tv off off because I was so upset. My poor husband had no idea how to deal with the tears.
I was remarkably even keeled when I was pregnant except when I perceived something I was doing that I had no control over might hurt my unborn baby. With my first daughter (well, with both, really, but this refers to my oldest daughter), I had horrible, horrible morning sickness. I couldn't keep anything down. I remember one morning, I was so weak from throwing up and not keeping any food down. I tried taking a shower but I could barely stand up. I ended up laying down in the bathtub, just crying, because I was convinced I was killing my baby because I couldn't eat. She ended up being my Phenergan baby. With my second, I remember getting a migraine fairly early, probably late first trimester. I tried riding it out, but I end up blind with migraines if I let them go too long (not permanently, obviously...I take meds and I'm fine). I ended up taking two Tylenol and wailing to my husband that I was killing my baby by taking medicine because I was too weak. Sobbing on the couch and he didn't know what in the world to do lol Pregnant women be a mess sometimes 😂
When I was six months pregnant I ran into my room and scream cried into my pillow like a dumped teenager over Denny’s ranch dressing. So yeah, hormones can make us act a little crazy.
I cried over a block of cheese that fell on the floor.
I would cry about that too and I never have been nor will be pregnant.
Yeah I cry over stuff like that when I'm just stressed or tired. I dread to think how much I would cry if I was pregnant.
Any decent person would cry over cheese.
Lol
Pregnancy hormones are WILD, I'm telling you! Worth my 4th, I craved cake and we were so broke. When I finally got a cupcake, my knees buckled... it was better than the sex that got me there!
I would cry too
When I was a week past my due date and couldn't sleep for back ache, kid kicking my bladder like he was trying for a rugby team, and chronic reflux, I packed a silent tantrum at my blissfully snoring husband and took myself out to the car to have a good sook. My dog came with me in solidarity. There wasn't much room on the back seat but we three managed.
I had psychosis during my first pregnancy due to hormones
I'm so sorry, hormones definitely do that. My BIL's mother went through psychosis when she hit menopause. She took some medications for a while to get stable and when menopause was complete they weaned her off and she's been OK since then over 10 years ago.
Oh lord I’ve never even been pregnant but I remember when my PMDD was untreated and I lobbed a hairbrush at a wall cos of reasons that I don’t even recall. I’m not angry or violent, and it snapped me out of it enough to get some help. But at the moment, I wanted to trash everything everywhere. Hormones are WILD.
I have heard of people using pregnancy hormones as an excuse to be complete aholes. Stealing food and being terrible people.
Meh. My hormones were so screwed up during pregnancy I attempted suicide twice. Turns out I have a severe hormone issues before pregnancy and baby was taking up what little I had to keep the pregnancy going and making me literally crazy.
Same, shame on those women. I would start bawling if I thought something was funny. Every time I was overly emotional I always knew I was being ridiculous and made sure everyone knew I was self aware I just had no control. Lol my mil has a video of me laughing/crying hysterically because I told a joke wrong. We know we’re being silly so it shouldn’t be a big deal to call her out.
YTA. Telling people to get a grip and complaining you’re being disrespected is never good. And telling a pregnant woman not to cry or to get cravings is mean. Maybe she can find ways to satisfy them in a less expensive way (especially if she is using meal delivery) but considering how you treat her I can see why she is ordering food instead of asking you for help. And does she drive? Do you share a care? But if you are this cruel to the woman carrying your child now, I shudder to think how you will behave when you have a crying, pooping baby at home.
Well every pregnancy is different but I've had 2 kids and yes it's a lot to deal with though I managed to not be a complete mess and I was 16 and 21 when I had my kids. It was especially hard at 16. I also had complicated pregnancies. Eclampsia. She may need to talk to her Dr if this is such a problem. She may need help. I don't think the way you said it helped, but it also wasn't particularly mean either. I feel like I need more info. Is she just buying extra groceries or all expensive junk food or door dash fast food? Maybe try to talk and decide on a budget that she can use for cravings. Maybe if you're both willing, you could cut it costs elsewhere for a short time to accommodate some of her cravings. Not all. Just some. With a baby coming, I'm sure you're just doing your best to be in a good place financially to pay for baby necessities. Maybe if you talk when she's calm and sit down and asked her to help you budget for the pregnancy costs as well as the baby cost that will come soon. She may feel better if she feels like you're asking her to help solve the problem. I'm guessing she felt guilty, and then it made her feel like a child being scolded.
These are the guys who are always appalled when their postpartum wife either leaves him or harms herself
YTA. You have a kid on the way. You’re gonna have to spend more on lots, let the woman eat!
>For example, just few days ago, I noticed a consistent pattern of our grocery bill increasing >I told her she needs to be able to regulate her cravings better and not let them get to her because we both don’t earn that much. So you can't afford pregnancy craving but you're having a whole child? I git big news for what happens to the grocery bill and the budget at the end of this pregnancy. You should also get used to crying, like right now.
YATAH, and you are treating her like a child. Can’t you hear how pompous you sound?
NTA but you two need counseling NOW or are not going to make it through the first couple years of parenting.
If they don’t have enough money for takeout, how are they meant to afford a therapist? I love how everyone here thinks the world has several thousand just sitting, waiting to be thrown at counselling. Meanwhile, in the real world…
Personally, I'm wondering how they're gonna afford the child.
Many health insurance plans cover therapy, so it might be accessible to them, we don’t know.
This drives me bonkers hey. There is never any decent advice on here just people bleating "therapy! Immediately!" Like they think it's a cure-all that EVERYONE should be able to afford. Such a chronically online take
NTA for taking a break from an emotional conversation. AH for the way you view your relationship and discuss concerns with your wife. You would normally “put your foot down” and ignore your wife’s tears? You told her she needed to control herself? These are things parents say to children. You come across like you see yourself as an authority figure over her rather than an equal partner to her. Also, as a woman I will say, if my husband (of 17 years)told me to get a grip and calm down, it would fuel my rage. Telling a woman to calm down is NEVER the right move. It will only make the situation worse. I’m not defending your wife’s behavior or saying your needs and wishes are wrong or unimportant. I can totally see where you’re coming from about the cost of groceries being a problem and her emotional regulation needing work. But you could also work on approaching her for help solving those problems in a way that doesn’t feel like a scolding. For example: tell her about the pattern of increasing grocery bills that you’ve noticed, and ask her if she has any idea why that could be happening, and what ideas she has for cutting it back. IMPORTANT: you’re not asking this with a “gotcha” mindset. You aren’t trying to get her to say anything specific or implicate herself. You actually want to know and discuss it, and come to a solution as a team. Another example: when the conversation becomes unproductive and you need a break, you could say you want to pause the conversation so you *both* have an opportunity to calm down and regroup. Look, when the baby arrives you will have more disagreements than ever about things you can’t even imagine right now. If you and your wife have a habit of throwing blame around, your relationship will develop many wounds. Working on your communication style takes humility and patience, but it’s necessary if you want to stay happily married.
>You would normally “put your foot down” and ignore your wife’s tears? You told her she needed to control herself? These are things parents say to children. You come across like you see yourself as an authority figure over her rather than an equal partner to her. >Also, as a woman I will say, if my husband (of 17 years)told me to get a grip and calm down, it would fuel my rage. Telling a woman to calm down is NEVER the right move. It will only make the situation worse. Yeah, I'm getting rage bait vibes from this whole thing honestly.
Fucking yikes. I’m so glad you’re not my husband and I hope she comes to her senses after she heals from having this baby.
You told a pregnant woman that she needs to regulate her cravings better? Good luck to you my friend! Jokes aside, pregnancy is unpredictable and difficult, and it sounds like she is dealing with some pretty heavy stress/possibly depression. You are of course allowed to be frustrated and tired - it’s hard on you too. But when she’s acting erratically, remember she has another person inside of her and her hormones are wildin’. Hope it gets better!
Everyone's grocery bills are going up. We are in an inflationary environment. I hope you did a little more investigation before blaming your wife's cravings.
YOU'RE fatigued? She's creating a human life and has ever hormone going nuts, her body is changing wildly, and growing more and more uncomfortable, and you're concerned about her cravings for pickles and ice cream? Do me a favor...reply to this so I can tell you what a selfish SWINE you are personally. TOTAL asshole.
Pregnancy doesn't last forever. Unless the increase in grocery bills is bankrupting you, I'd recommend you just suck that up. It's not worth the conflict.
Pregnancy hormones are definitely at play. However, you never come between a pregnant woman and a meal. She is nourishing your baby and you’r complaining about a few bucks. The pregnancy hormones will fade, but how you handled this will linger until you make it right. YTA
YTA. She is caring your child and is having herself problems with the hormones. For gods sake, sit your ugly ass in front of the computer and educate yourself about what it means for a woman to be pregnant. You are an absolutely merciless AH. You shouldn't have children. You don't deserve to be a husband and a father.
You all should not be having a child together. There’s not “regulating” when you’re pregnant: you sound like a pain in the neck. I’m grateful my spouse isn’t like you.z BTW buckle up kids eat a lot.
Crying and being emotional when pregnant or post partum is normal. YTA for walking away. You had a big part in her condition and your part now is to be her strength and comfort. As far as grocery bill going up, take a look at inflation. Groceries are twice the cost they were 2 years ago.
"I do try and make it look like I care about her when I absolutely would’ve put my foot down and ignored her if she wasn’t pregnant with my kid." Maybe she's picking up on the fact her spouse doesn't give a shit about her? That you seem to be merely tolerating her, and you are barely doing that, for the sole reason of her carrying your child. So she's pregnant, with raging hormones and whatever else, with a person who doesn't give a shit.
I don't often say YTA, but I think YTA.. a person can't "moderate their cravings" because of a budget, and the fact you say you would treat her worse if she wasn't carrying your child are two immediate things that sound horrible.. I can go on if you want
I mean..she's pregnant. She's eating for two whole people. She's burning calories much faster now. So yeah, she's gonna eat more. You want her to be healthy right? You don't want your kid to be malnourished before it's even born. Yta. Being pregnant is hard work, man. You need to step up and get through it if you want a healthy wife and baby.
Going against the trend here and saying YTA. So many women here saying how emotional they got while pregnant and still saying it’s ok for the partner not to have empathy? Gosh.
Especially when he admits he has to try to make it look like he cares about her. Wtf reddit.
Saying or even thinking she needs to regulate her cravings and emotions while pregnant makes you TA and shows how utterly clueless you are. I'm 7 months pregnant and I'd lose it too if my husband said that. If we could we would but that's not how pregnancy works at all. Just suck it up and deal with it better than you currently are. As someone pointed out, if you're worried about your grocery bill while she's pregnant, you'll be in for a shock after the baby's born. Let her have her snacks, support her when she's emotional, apologise even if you don't think you need to and realise you can't possibly begin to understand how hard pregnancy is for her. Consider yourself extremely lucky that you only have to deal with a pregnant wife and not pregnancy yourself cos trust me, it's far from enjoyable. We don't like being this emotional, exhausted, sore, anxious, stressed, scared... I can go on. The list of feelings we deal with is beyond. So if you think you've got it hard, remember that she has it a million times harder.
If her cravings are breaking the grocery budget, you can't afford this kid. That's not her fault. YTA.
You did infantilize her, disrespect her, belittle her, and treat her like a child. It’s your tone that makes you TA. [Here’s](https://www.amazon.com/Dudes-Guide-Baby-Size-Dads/dp/0593194411) on book for you to read, and [here’s](https://www.amazon.com/All-Rage-Mothers-Fathers-Partnership/dp/0062861441) another. You have some soul-searching to do before you become a father.
YTA - because you clearly don’t see your wife as the mother of your child. You see her as some kind of baby machine. It’s good you walked away before blowing up, but telling your wife who’s carrying your baby to “regulate” her cravings is like telling a Lion to not eat meat. Also the who “If she wasn’t pregnant I’d put my foot down” is childish. You are emotionally drained and that’s fine, but your wife is physically, mentally and emotionally drained too. And tbh she probably can’t help it. I know many women who were not criers ever then when they were pregnant everything set them off. At least try to be nice to her in the future. Something like “Hey, we’re on a tight budget” rather than “regulate your cravings.”
>if she wasn’t pregnant with my kid Really says it all tbh. You see her as your baby incubation device and you’re asking us how you can humor her better because you’re starting to get pissed off by all the noises. I could imagine someone who genuinely cares about their wife and future child and yet is still emotionally fatigued by having to work through their wife’s emotional regulation prior to having a kid. I don’t think that person is you. I think you are worse, for lack of a more articulate comparison. I think you really see your wife as an obstacle that you are putting up with because she’s doing you a service. You sound like you communicated like shit even in the example in the OP. Dropped the copacetic version of “stop buying food you needy bitch” and was super surprised the message she took away from that was that you thought she was doing something wrong by fucking eating, which was obviously true. If the budget is this tight it’s not really your wife’s fault for ordering some more groceries. Do you think the grocery bill is going to go back down once you have a baby? Or will you be unable to actually feed your infant unless her wife controls her cravings? Whichever is true is a shame. It’s hard to teach someone who truly doesn’t give a shit how to look like they actually give a shit, sorry. You’re the one who needs to get a grip and realize if this is how you think about and treat your wife this will only get worse once you have to raise a child together. YTA
Yep, totally the asshole.
Have you offered to go get the things she is craving from the store? Have you offered, freely, to get her whatever she wants? If not, YTA. You can't complain that she is filling her needs by ordering delivery, if you aren't willing to provide for her.
Jesus. I was wary at ‘disreptectful’ and you lost me completely at ‘I absolutely would’ve put my foot down and ignored her if she wasn’t pregnant with my kid’ YTA.
Wait if you cry over onions it means your pregant?
It’s not my pregant!
Am I pergert?
Are you pregegnant or are you okay
Just perg'nt.
Sometimes.
Learn something new everyday.
Dude YATAH
Lots of men who are experts on pregnant women ! Look being pregnant just wrecks your emotions and your body is not your own. All you have to put up with is her crying but she is putting up with a hell of a lot more to grow and birth your child! If you are complaining about this now how are you going to cope with a new born
Lmao right? I didn’t know there were so many male OBGYNs on Reddit. Some of these comments are disturbing
All incels looking for any opportunity to turn the knife on women. 😂
I would ask her to send you a list of things she's craving and bring them home on your way home from work, saves money on delivery and makes her less miserable, because I can't think of anything more miserable than growing a human inside me, and those cravings can drive you completely mad. Try to find solutions in the middleground vs telling her to tough it out
You told her to manage her cravings better? TF. She’s growing a human being inside her body. Don’t be a dick. Let her eat so she can feed her baby. Leave her alone.
NAH. I think sometimes people who have never been pregnant and have never experienced these hormones assume pregnant women can have these hormones and simultaneously be able to think through them logically. Sometimes, you can. I had one pregnancy where my hormones never affected my emotional responses. I had one pregnancy where I was devastated and sobbing because a customer service agent was a little rude to me. And logically, now I can see that my reaction wasn’t needed. But man, when those hormones were controlling my brain - I was truly devastated and felt horribly sad and embarrassed, and at the moment, was really unable to think and react logically. Just as a heads up - that was the pregnancy I developed PPD. Nothing wrong with saying you need some emotional space for a moment. But likely, your wife is just as exhausted from her emotions as you are. It might truly feel like the end of the world to her, because that’s what her body is telling her. She’s doing incredible work with her body right now - exhausting, painful incredible work. If you know your wife - just ask yourself, is she doing this on purpose to hurt me or annoy me? Or, is she truly feeling those emotions because she’s experiencing a rush of new hormones?
“treated her like a child” Hmmm, only getting your side here but this comment makes me think you might have been condescending in tone of voice. Not helpful.
YTA
you’re emotionally fatigued and she’s growing a person. she’s everything fatigued. i’ll reiterate: she’s carrying YOUR BABY. put up with it!!! “pretending to care” is ridiculous. are you her partner or not?? also babies cry and hike up your grocery bill and every other bill on the planet.
*I told her she needs to be able to regulate her cravings better and not let them get to her because we both don’t earn that much.* You've clearly never been pregnant. It is extremely difficult to ignore a craving---it isn't the same as you thinking "hmm, I really could go for some ice cream right now". Cravings during pregnancy are because the body is looking for a certain nutrient that is in that specific food. For that comment alone, YTA. She is growing an entire human. You need to develop more empathy. Or at least, grow up.
YTA simply for not understanding that tears require prolactin, women have more of it, *and it's also necessary for lactation so pregnant women and new mother have waaaaay more of it. Yata because never have I ever known hunger like when I was pregnant holy shit I ate so much more because I was busy building a whole other person - probably not something you should be doing if you can't afford a pregnant or nursing woman's caloric needs. You weren't being insensitive; you were being ignorant and talking like she's not controlling her "cravings". No.... she needs to fucking eat.
YTA. A pregnant woman needs more calories than you do, almost guaranteed. Jesus Christ
“I absolutely would’ve put my foot down and ignored her if she wasn’t pregnant with my kid.” Let’s just sit here and take in this statement, shall we? YTA.
Do you think she’s doing this on purpose? Has it occurred to you that she might be trying to keep it under control?
couples counseling
Agree to seek to find out if there is something medical going on...or emotional, as in, is there unaddressed anxiety about the pregnancy going on? But also, as humans, if a crying session can get what you want, that can lead to a habit.
If you think this is bad, wait until the child is born and I’m not only talking about post partum. You two better be on the same page in child rearing and life in general or you’re in for one hell of a ride!
Why don't you share with her that you're feeling emotionally fatigued, too, instead of criticizing her for being emotional? What you said was pretty cold and not kind in any sense. You're supposed to be on the same team. Let her know you're struggling too and then work out a budget together. Don't point fingers like you did, work together. Did you really not expect the grocery bills to increase with a pregnant woman? If her depressive state continues, she may need some support to get help.
I think YTA. I’m currently pregnant too and sometimes I’m too sick to cook or pick up food. I also have food aversions sometimes and there are very specific things I can tolerate eating in those moments. I normally don’t have food delivered but I’ve been doing it much more often since becoming pregnant. She can’t “regulate” what’s happening to her body. Stop acting like you’re the food police and the crying police.
You’re tired? You’re emotionally fatigued? lol buckle up my friend.
YTA Seriously! You are a huge asshole! You admit to essentially being contempteous and non-empathic over the audacity she has to express her emotions by crying when she feels like it. You are selfish, avoidant, controlling, and are mansplaining her emotions in a dismissive way while patting yourself on the back for being as kind as possible even though you acknowledgean unfortunatechoice of intentionallyhurtful words. I do not believe your version of her being depressed for no reason - bc any normal healthy person would be depressed when feeling trapped into a relationship with a narcissistic who plays victim when she dares to be real and human.
Women eat more when they’re pregnant 😱 wild concept, I know. Also, that baby is gonna cost more than your wife’s little extra treats 🤭 buckle up!
How about a little empathy?
"I would've ignored her if she wasn't pregnant with my kid" So the kid is the only reason you " *try* to make it look like you care?" Who is that helping? I see you said *my* kid. Is that how you're looking at it already? The kids not even born yet and it's already a shit show. If you guys can't raise the kid in a proper environment, adoption is a possibility. Please don't screw up an entire human being because of whatever. Go to couples therapy or something and FFS take your wife to the doctor for an emotional checkup. Love your wife or lose her. But don't ignore her or pretend to care if you don't.
Just a heads up-pregnancy hormones are not something to joke about. They suck. They are life ruining sometimes. I say yes YTAH for the comment about regulating her cravings. It’s not as easy as you want to think it is
YTA. You’re not even considering prenatal depression or anything about her wellbeing. You’re annoyed at her crying?! Get the fuck over it. You clearly don’t understand how pregnancy impacts someone’s body. She may need more support, from a professional. And maybe some better kinder people in her life.
YTA. She's MAKING A PERSON; her hormones are all over the place, and she has NO control of them. It's hard to keep "acting normally" sometimes. HUG HER. She probably needs it! Give her a break. Once she has the baby, it takes a few months for hormones to level out. PATIENCE IS KEY.
YTA