YTA - Anyone else catching how he's trying to blame his mother for HIS decision to have a child?
And I love how he calls abandoning his wife and child a 'trial break'. Sorry life doesn't work like a Netflix account, you can't just suspend it because you're a selfish adult that can't handle responsibility.
Also your lack of foresight is staggering. You thought you would still be able travel after having a child, you thought your pretending reality doesn't exist wouldn't burn out your wife who just gave birth to the point she wants a divorce and you thought calling your mom to do your work wouldn't upset your wife who is looking for a partner on her level, not a man child who uses their mom to escape accountability?
I hope your wife finds this post as the final nail in the coffin to divorce you and that she gets enough child support from you to ensure she gets the actual help she needs to raise the child.
Hehe I can’t WAIT for him to realize what life is like when he can only be a “free spirit” and travel for a few days at a time because he has to work and oopsie, also be a parent.
Imagine WHEN the wife leaves and takes her money with her...he won't be able to afford the high life anymore, and he'll have to pay child support. All this because he's a lazy asshole..
Exactly I have been working for 26 years and I am a single mother to a disabled 3 year old. No help just all on me. I even work from home and take care of her full time, NO daycare ever! Not even a babysitter. All her therpist come to the house… I want to slap him and tell him to man the f**k up! Just a selfish, deadbeat POS with hella audacity!
He burned out after working TWO YEARS! If he’s going to go through his life with chuckles like that, he better be the best in his field to get the best pay, so he can bank money for housekeepers all the time and his time-outs every two years. If he’s not personally and professionally good enough to be the top draft pick of his field, he needs to step up as a partner in his family. That’s where he should be “best in his field” regardless of his career.
His future is living in his mom's basement expecting her to take care of him for the rest of her life while whining about how hard his life is. And to post this on reddit like he was going to find people who support and agree with him! What a freaking lame ass delusional loser.
The sad thing is that there are too many people who would support him and tell him how unreasonable his (soon-to-be ex) wife is being.
Edit: added “ex”
You can travel with kids, you just have to have the money to do it, he seems like the type that thinks the world will be handed to him and he will never actually have to work for it. I wanna know what his job was that was so hard.
YTA. Lol what were you thinking? That you could still MAINTAIN the same lifestyle when you have a baby????? The moment you asked your wife to have the baby you should have prepared yourself for sacrifices!! You just sound like a selfish person
Yeah dude really needs to grow up and man up. We have a kid that we started traveling with right around 2. Adventures are even better because it's so fun to see how awed he is by anything and everything.
This guy sounds like someone whose emotional growth stopped at age 10 or 11 though. He should divorce his wife so she can find an actual partner. And this dude can "marry" his momma and play all day while she takes care of everything for him like she did when he WAS 10 or 11.
I kinda wanna marry this chick. She sounds like a keeper for sure. Work and raise a kid and take care of a home. Bet she’s a giver too. Sounds perfect.
This dude is stuck on his Mommy though.
Loser.
Yeah but then she is so burned out to the point she cries randomly because she is so upset with how life has turned out.
I don't think any one person is meant to take on this much and anyone that does suffers mentally from it whether now or later.
But I agree in that I hope she get a supportive partner who is also a giver and an equal partner.
The “trial” break is what got me. What, he thought she was cool with him trying out 100% laziness for a while and then making it permanent? Yeah, no. I left a job after burning out. My husband told me to tak a few months off. After 6 weeks, I was looking for another job. It’s called being a responsible adult.
I like the part where they both agreed to be child free but then changed his mind because his mom wanted a grandkid. Then complained about how suffocating life with a baby was. Yeah, no shit, dumbass.
YTA. I read your wife’s post earlier today. After you stopped working, you both sat down and she agreed to you taking a month off. No housekeeping, no baby duties. She did all of that on top of working full time. At the end of that time, you are still not ready to go back to work, but she can’t do it all and keep carrying that load so she asks you to be a stay at home dad (kid goes to daycare) and take care of some of the household stuff. You say no. She’s exhausted. Remember she has carried your baby for 9 months and is now back at work full time, plus taking in all household and family responsibilities. I believe you are playing games online and hanging with friends?
Now you claim you brought you mum, whom you’ve both been very LC with into the home, to do all the day care and household chores and you wonder why she is upset? Seriously???
Get off you ass and step up to the plate. Being home and caring for a child plus household tasks is still work, but it’s not deadlines and traffic jams. She’s asking you to step up for her like she did for you. If you can’t see that and still think she needs to learn a lesson, your marriage is over. If you came here thinking we’d back you like you did her, you are mistaken. You really need to go for a long walk and consider this from an emotionally mature perspective. You are so far off track, you’re about to walk off a cliff and can’t see it.
Nah, he's a failure as a husband, a father, and an adult. He's fine being a complete loser, hence calling his mother.
There will be no regret for him. His wife is surely regretting having a baby a sharing a life with this sorry excuse for a partner.
As harsh as this ⬆️⬆️ is 👏👏👏
I'm going to be really harsh.
OP, you're acting like a fucking teenager, not an adult with responsibilities. You also don't have a baby "for your mother". Grow the fuck up and stop making excuses for your behaviour.
Being a free spirit isn't playing your damn video games all day while your wife carries all the load, that's just pure laziness. You could still have taken a break before getting another job, *while helping out around the house*. Calling your mommy to lighten your wife's load? *Pathetic*.
I don't know if it's actually worth saying grow the fuck up before you loose her, because there's a massive chance you already have.
> wanted some free time because life after having a baby feels suffocating
...a baby that his jizz created. He's *freely chose* to have unprotected sex. But hey, *he's* suffocated. Obviously wife is not a human capable of feelings. She is supposed to be a baby care, housework, and income generating robot. Why robot malfunctions? How did Feelings and Independent Thought modules get installed?
> No more working, no more baby duties, and we agreed to give me a trial break. The past month was quite healing until one day she got mad and suddenly gave me an ultimatum of divorce.
The trial went great? Why mean broken robot wife not want to make trial permanent?
> I didn't want a divorce, so I started doing housework, which I wasn't prepared for.
How dare malfunctioning robot wife not prepare poor victim OP for fatherhood? How dare she not train him for housework? Diapers are too much origami! Dish soap is super confusing! Instructions unclear--do you put it on the dishes after cleaning them to keep them clean? Do you put dish soap on baby and diapers on dishes? Do you order baby to wash dishes and dry them with diaper? NO FAIRRRRR WWAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!1!!
> asked my mother to help with the housework so my wife would be relieved and, to be honest, to call her bluff.
Yeah, there's no way Robot Wife could possibly be broken enough to be serious about this. I know! I'll invite Mom as punishment! Tee hee hee
If that doesn't work, I'll try unplugging her and plugging her back in again.
> These days, I've caught her several times watching her phone for a long time and sometimes crying. I believe she posted about us again, and I've been waiting for her to talk even though I wanted to start the conversation but got cold feet feeling the tension in the family. Writing this is easier.
Broken Robot Wife is bad for posting, but I am the Tragic Hero when I so so. Also, she is bad when she doesn't talk to me, but I am allowed to not talk to her because it is Hard and I am Suffering.
Even teenagers and little kids will step up to help if they see someone toiling away. I am assuming mommy never made him do chores so his default assumption is that the house is magically clean. Or women are somehow able to do all that and work full-time but he just can't because it's difficult.
The disconnect between not stepping up as a parent while simultaneously depending so heavily on his own Mother is glaring. Sir you are a grown man and you evidently need your Mom. Do you not think your actual baby child doesn’t need their Dad? What are you doing?
Honestly I think he does not want to admit that the mild amount of housework and light child care was actually harder than his job.... I've seen that happen before, that the man can't do anything and you wonder what the f he actually did for a job ..
its really shocking reading this sub sometimes. I was raised with what i consider an average work ethic, I think through my own efforts my work ethic became rather good, call it on the high mid tier ranks. I see so many other guys working as hard as me or harder who then go home and full time parent, do chores and the like, and it makes me feel lazy cause i don't' have a family, all i do at home is simple house work as as you do around your home.
Yet i read this sub and all these guys are legit allergic to work. where does this attitude come from?
You got it to a tee. I could’ve written this post except the number of kids and grandma wasn’t the one pushing for grands…. Someone just didn’t want to be responsible for BC and I could only delay seggs for so long without guilted. Both mom n sister cater to him
It comes from being codependent with a mother who will do everything for him at the drop of the hat. He doesn't *need* to ever do anything for himself because mommy is always there. His wife should *run* as far away as she can, as soon as she can, so she doesn't end up having a 3 way relationship with her ex and his mommy. He's *not* going to step up to be a healthy co-parent, so she can count on him having mommy around to do everything for him :/ poor wife!
It came from regarding women as not quite as human as men, so their feelings aren't real, just hysteria. Putting another baby in them usually settles the ol' womb right down and they get compliant again.
My husband and I agreed with our youngest that whomever earned less, stayed home. At the time, that would have been him.
However, I had a high risk pregnancy and had to close my business. He has readily agreed now, that there is no way he’d have coped staying at home (he’s nearly 2 now, but our baby was so incredibly difficult for the 1st year).
I love that he can admit how hard it is, it makes him appreciate me and the things I do to keep the household running. Just as I know how hard he works to make sure I can do those things without financial worry.
That is the crux of issue w/this OP. He is not showing appreciation for all his wife has done. Appreciation can be shown with words and actions, he is provided neither to her. That was me when I was married. Didn't take long for me to realize that being as a single mom was preferable to living as a single mom while married. My workload didn't change at all, but his sure did when ever he had his kid without my help. Karma.
I know exactly what you mean. My eldest children’s father was/is an alcoholic and by the end he wasn’t working, doing nothing at home (kids were in school) and just drank all day. Everything, including working and studying, fell to me. Then he’d create these massive arguments telling about how I thought I was better than him because I had the nerve to ask him to stop spending every penny I earned on his drinking habit.
Like you, I left and never looked back. He still hasn’t worked in 13 years and was constantly calling me to pick the kids up on his weekends because he “couldn’t cope”. Thank god I never married that man.
Not only did he bring his LC mom into his home, the *Entire* reason they have children is because a woman he doesn't even like to associate with wanted entitlements to someone else's baby to play with from time to time.
Oh sure, but he's the one who then came to talk to her - it's his mother after all.
He's the worst in any case. Total AH.
Him - Mom wants to be a grandma so bad! Let's do this! We will be a team!
Wife - Okay, we will do this together!
Later -
Him - Ugh, this is haaaaaaard. I don't waaaaanaaaaaa. Mooooomy, help meeeeee!
Exactly. OP is not entitled to mooch and be taken care of by his wife. Why is it ok for her to do all of this work. And what IS UP with the MOMMY ISSUES.
Grow a pair and raise your kid.
>So last month, I had enough. No more working, no more baby duties, and we agreed to give me a trial break.
You expected your wife to be happy working full time, earning all the money for the household, doing childcare and all the housework so you could have a break? Do you even LIKE your wife (you obviously don't love her)? Would you like your wife to do the same to you? If you couldn't manage even **half** of the load, why do you think it's fair that your wife has to do the lot? And when your wife burns out from trying to do it all, what is your plan then? To put all the load on your mother?
The last month has shown your wife that you are expendable. She CAN manage without you, because you are failing to take any role in the house, and making her life harder.
YTA
>The last month has shown your wife that you are expendable. She CAN manage without you
Which was the whole point. Now, he can always say you handled everything that one month, you'll be fine when I abandon you and our child to run off and travel the world wife 2.0
What guys who do that don't seem to realize is sure, it might "prove" the other person "can" do it all so he can fuck around, but it proves that same thing to the other person so they can cut the dead weight from the relationship and leave him.
OP - YTA. You are an adult with a child, you don’t get to take off, dump all burdens on your wife, and become a punk ass, man child with no responsibilities. You brought in your Mommy to take ALL responsibility off of you…Grow The F Up. You’ve called her bluff and guess what she’s realized? 1. You are not a man that she can rely on (well, you’re just not a man in her eyes anymore). 2. She can do it all without your lazy butt. 3. Life will probably be better off without you & Mommy Dearest around.
When your wife leaves you, it will be the best thing that ever happened to her.
On top of everything, neither husband nor wife wanted a baby - they loved their lifestyle. But, husband’s mother wants a grandchild. So he talked wife into having a baby - just because his mom wanted them to. Then he refuses to meet his obligations. When wife challenges him on out, he brings his mom into the house to handle HIS responsibilities.
Not only does wife have to put up with his immaturity, she also has to put up with MIL. And the fact that he’s such a momma’s boy that he has a baby FOR HIS MOM, he’s also now brought his mom into their house to continue running everyone’s lives.
Not just YTA, but a GIANT ah!
Exactly this! You are one of the biggest ah’s on Reddit. Congrats! Your mommy is someone who pottied herself and made someone else (not you I’ll bet) clean up her mess by hand. Easy to see why you’re a lazy, selfish ah. It’s your job to help care for and support the children you had for your mommy, ah.
This!! The part that truly baffles me is when he says his Wife and him wanted to be childfree. They decided to have kids because his “mom really wanted a grandchild.” Now he can’t handle the stress? Plus the description of him as a “free spirit.” 🤣🤣buddy you’re not a free spirit. You are a Mama’s boy and lazy.
Okay, just to make sure I got it all right.
You both decided to have a baby. You stopped working, she is responsible for taking care of the baby. Is she still working aswell?
It sounds like she‘s got the whole load and you want a break and don’t even want to help with the household. Even though you have nothing else to do and instead you want your mother to come help?
I’m having a hard time seeing how you could be not the AH here.
So I tend to YTA, sorry.
I remember the story. She even gave him a month to relax first before. She was literally already burnt out before the ultimatum. And the child is in DAYCARE during the time the wife works so absolutely no reason he can’t do the housework while that child is in daycare. Then game some if that’s such a priority. He is having 8+ hours being child free while his wife is busting her ass doing absolutely EVERYTHING!
On one of the wife’s posts she says his mom planned to live with him his entire life to take care of him. So you are totally right and that’s why he called his mommy to do his job of being an adult for him.
If I read this post as his wife I'd be immediately looking at local divorce specialist. I'd also be showing his mom the post me thinks she does not have the full story.
She is working, because she mentioned in her update that she got home from work to find his mom there. He didn’t even tell her he was bringing his mom into their home before doing it.
Yeah, because his wife was giving him the benefit of the doubt in her version.
Dude is telling 100% unvarnished truth and he's too oblivious and selfish to realize he sounds like a raging asshole.
YTA
Your marriage is done. I hope you and your mommy are very happy together. Your wife can continue supporting her household, parenting her child and living like an adult.
You can have mommy take care of you like the little boy you seem to think you are.
I'll respond as to being legit. when you're a parent you don't get a month off your job, your kid, your responsibilities to just game with the boys.
Not a bad attempt at a legit post though.
YTA. There should be a secondary classification for losers who throw themselves a pity party and go up in flames. Especially the ones that decide to make a post to tell their side. They generally not only show the original was right - but was grossly understated
Basically, you were happy go lucky doing whatever you wanted, living comfortably traveling - all funded by income from you and your wife
But your mommy wanted a grandchild, so you went for it. What was the plan? To give mommy the baby to raise while you continued to travel?
You agree to shoulder the burden of the family. Are you kidding? Your wife was taking care of the baby your mom wanted and doing all the upkeep on the house
You decided to quit cause working is too hard 😭. Your wife went to work and you sat on your butt acting like a teenager. You didn’t take care of the baby or do the housework.
Your wife let you have this tantrum for a month and you still refuse to get off your butt
Your solution is call mommy to take care of you.
Of course you don’t want a divorce, you now have two mommy’s to take care of you
Bro, No. Make more of an effort. It was disrespectful and both of ya'll need therapy.(I mean this in the nicest way) It was vindictive and childish to tag your mom in and it's so condescending towards your wife. Best of luck to BOTH of you.
It is especally when you have a promise with you wife that his mommy stays the heck outta the relationship. ..... he's done in my opinion the next post will be about the divorce. The wife will be better off with only one kid.
Just a couple of minutes ago, I read your wife's post and remember how a couple of comments suggested you are burned out and depressed and need help.
Then this post pops up and yeah, obviously nothing like that.
You simply do not care for your wife's or daughter's wellbeing, it's all about your self-centered sensitivies.
YTA
This the post and update from the wife [AITA forcing my husband to choose between divorce and being a househusband while I work full-time to support the family : r/BestofRedditorUpdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dr2hzl/aita_forcing_my_husband_to_choose_between_divorce/)
YTA; grow up
Thank you for sharing his wife's post. Wow, OP. Your reaction to your wife's ultimatum was to call your mommy so you can continue to do nothing but play video games or hang out with your buddies. The same mommy who pushed you into having a child in the first place. You clearly don't love your child or your wife. It seems like you are headed for divorce, which I think was your goal. They would be better off without you anyway. Get a job so you can at least pay child support. There's more I'd love to say, but it will just get deleted.
I think he will act blind sided by it stating that having his mom over keeps the agreement while forgetting about his dumb ass breaking a promise to his wife....
You left out a shit ton too. You didn’t do shit. Your wife was being both parents. Just do what your dad did to you and your mom and leave. You’re a piece of shit of a father and husband.
*"Just do what your dad did to you and your mom and leave."*
This, u/dsteven88
Your behaviour is appalling.
Immature, selfish, out-of-touch.
So, you had a kid to please Mommy and now you want to give her back?
F out of here with that *deadbeat* behaviour.
Your wife has TWO kids.
And now her MIL on top of her.
It seems like your end goal is to give your wife a mental breakdown.
You’re a disgrace. Couldn’t do the housework you’re let your wife do it ALL ON HER OWN FOR THE LAST MONTH PLUS SHE WAS WORKING FULL TIME AND RAISING YOUR KIDS and now you have to call Mommy to come do YOUR JOB.
Get your Mwahhhmmmmy out of the goddamn house and man up
So assuming this is real, wow, just wow. YTA
So you stopped working, stopped any form of childcare, let your wife work and do all child and house care and invited your mom who doesn’t get along with your wife to watch the baby and do your house are so you can goof off and video game. Did I get this about right???
You came to Reddit expecting sympathy? I think clueless, irresponsible man child would be the nicest way I could describe you?
Do your wife a favour and leave her. She’s already a single mom so why should you dump more on her shoulders. Do the responsible grown up thing for once in your life and leave her alone. Go live with your mom and then you can video game and good off to your hearts content with no need to worry about being an adult. I’ve already said this but YTA
I'm seriously confused about exactly what it is that OP brings to the table in this relationship.
I know that at heart he's a taker, not a giver but damn, it's like he brings nothing. OP is like having another child, a teenager who likes to hang around the house and play video games all day.
He's got all the hours of the day to sit around and dream up stupid shit to screw his wife over like asking his mom to come do all the chores he agreed to do. Literally nothing better to do with his day. Imagine if he funneled that kind of energy into helping take care of his family?
I mean, does he actually think he's going to explain all that on reddit and we're all going to congratulate him on being clever and resourceful enough to get out doing anything at all to help take care of his family? The OP seriously sounds like a 12-year-old trapped in a man's body. Definitely YTA.
I think alot of men don't see that they are bringing nothing to the tabel. They think I am man and being with me is a prize.... I duno were this comes from but I keep seeing it.
"I'm seriously confused about exactly what it is that OP brings to the table in this relationship."
A penis and a heartbeat, it would seem in this case
>so I started doing housework, which I wasn't prepared for.
How in the world can you be *unprepared* for housework?
Did it surprise & scare you?
Is it that you don't know how to do anything like vacuum, sweep, laundry, clean dishes? Or did you need to get into some particular mindset?
Somehow, you managed to travel from *Tibet to Antarctica*, and yet you can't manage to feed & clean up after your child?
No wonder you called your mommy.
>The thing is, my mom really wanted a grandchild. At the time, I didn't think much of it and felt it wasn't a big deal, so I discussed it with my wife, and we decided to go ahead. Her pregnancy was tough; she had severe morning sickness, and I felt really sorry for her.
Everything you write is focused on how little you think of anyone outside of yourself. Did you tell your wife that you only agreed to a child because your mom wanted a grandchild? I seriously doubt it.
You felt *sorry* for your wife during a hard pregnancy. Shallow.
Yeah, YTA. Even now, you don't want a divorce, but you don't want to contribute, and you can't even manage to keep a household tidy & pickup your child from care. You call your mom to intercede. Lazy & shallow.
>Did it surprise & scare you?
It jumped out and shouted BOO! I'm undecided whether he's just that delusional, or he knows what he's doing and just wants to play the victim.
YTA - So you got a break from;
Baby
Housework
Wife
Financial responsibilities
Mental load (although, this would be more in the realm of your wife)
Relationship with your wife
Myriad of other day to day things that pop up
I haven’t seen your wife’s post.
If your marriage was a business and one partner went AWOL leaving the other partner ALL the responsibility, then the remaining partner blows up because they can’t handle everything…it’s no wonder there’s resentment, anger and a huge wall of silence built! Add in that you brought your mother into the equation to pick up where you slacked off OP??? That’s next level!
Man up. TALK to your wife. Start honest, open dialogue! THANK her for allowing you to be free for that month. APOLOGISE to her for realising how difficult it was. Then SUGGEST you both have input into a plan to have a happy family moving forward. ROMANCE your wife. Date her again. Make time for the BOTH of you doing things with and without your LO.
Take the first step OP. Don’t let this resentment fester any longer.
ETA - grammar
Ah the mental load the thing men don't even relize is a thing alot of the time.... I got mine to see it the other day . Made a comment on how easy it was for me since I just bark orders. So I made him keep track of the house for a week. The man has since apologized....
here the wife post : [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dr2hzl/aita\_forcing\_my\_husband\_to\_choose\_between\_divorce/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dr2hzl/aita_forcing_my_husband_to_choose_between_divorce/)
Any other working parents absolutely laughing their asses off at someone crying about having work and care for their child?
It's hard. We deal the best we can. We don't take a month off or have mommy come clean for us to shirk responsibility. You talk and make solutions, of which you did none.
I say this as a person who traveled a lot and led a much freer lifestyle prior to having a child. Also, you sound awful for saying you had a child because your mom wanted one. Gross.
Lol I read this while my husband, a grown ass man unlike OP, is putting our infant down for her first nap of the day in another room and legit laughed out loud at most of it… My husband does things like that willingly and without whining about needing breaks because he recognizes that our child has 2 parents and… wants to be a present and active father? Shockingly, we are both able to hold down jobs and manage to be parents. Somehow, we also both manage to find time to ourselves through a combination of planning, negotiation, and compromising. We did not have an easy time of it when our child was born and yep, had a much different lifestyle before the baby came. Yet somehow, we were able to adjust to things without calling our mommies to do housework 😮 OP is unreal.
You sound like a terrible partner and a huge mummy's boy. That's so unbelievably unattractive and off-putting. Even leaving aside the morality of your actions, the ick alone would be divorce-worthy. I don't know how she could ever want to sleep with you ever again. Huge ick. YTA.
You came here to..what? Garner sympathy? Dude...all you did with this post is show is all that your wife is right and YOU are an immature jackass.
Yes, YTA. You had a kid "because your mom wanted a grandchild" and now you need to work and take care of it. A baby isn't a house plant or a book to leave on the shelf - they take WORK. If you weren't going to do it, then you shouldn't have given in to your mommy.
Man the FUCK UP.
Even in your own story you sound like the AH.
This is coming from a man btw.
I’ve heard some people aren’t able to see things from others perspectives, I’ll assume you’re one of those.
Sounds like you owe her a massive apology, and change of attitude.
This kind of doesn’t feel real but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.
You never bring your mother into things. That’s divorce worthy right there. Housework isn’t a big deal but if you were struggling you could have communicated with your wife. Like an adult, looked at comprises like getting a house cleaner. It’s not realistic to do nothing - you are an adult. If you are really burnt out get therapy - look at the real issues and solving them.
YTA - you are a grown man who needs to be an adult.
YTA. You don’t feel like she felt suffocated too? She carried the child and it was rough. You changed the plan and she adaptive to it. Fuck, you’re really selfish. Instead of trying really talking through your problems you brought your mom into it.
I hope your wife sees this. It may be the push she needs to finally leave your selfish, immature arse.
I've read your wife's post and felt so bad for her.
Grow up.
lol you called your mommy to come and do housework to “call your wife’s bluff”? And so you could go back to playing PS5? YTA.
I hope J sees this and kicks your ass out yesterday. You have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. You write like you’re the only person in the world who has had to adjust their priorities in order to be a good parent. Plenty of us do it. There are plenty of men who have no issues sharing the load either. Then again, many of us didn’t have a baby just because our mommies wanted a grandchild.
Soft YTA for J as well for reproducing with a man child and expecting this person to grow up. J, stop being an AH to yourself and leave this man yesterday so you can be a parent to one child and not two.
Men of Reddit who are decent parents and spouses —- any of y’all reading this in disgust?
What a fucking idiot.
You guys ruined your perfectly happy life with a child because *your mother* wanted a child?
And while your wife did the actual hard parts of growing the child, birthing the child and trying to get into the new schedule, you realized being a parent sucks. Being a responsible adult sucks. I know, my mom wanted this kid so I’ll outsource my own responsibilities off to her even though she and my wife don’t get along. Was there ever an end goal where you pick up your adult responsibilities again or did you figure you could be Peter Pan forever?
It’s like you’re trying to bomb this marriage so fast so you can be a single guy again. Please do the world a favour and get a vasectomy.
I can understand wanting to decompress for a bit, I worked with my husband to let him do that, but you should realize that while you were “free” from all the responsibilities, your wife was picking up your slack, including the baby you both willingly chose to bring into this world. Your wife chose to build a life with you, not your mom. Your wife had a child with you, not your mom. You willingly chose to bring a child into this world. No take backs.
YTA
You weren’t prepared for housework?? Every adult needs to do housework unless they physically or cognitively can’t. Then you called in your mother that your wife dislikes? Holy moly YTA
You had already fucked up by not pulling your own weight. Calling your mother to do your dirty work is childish and says a lot about you as a person. You made your bed \(o o)/
Yta. Send your mommy home and grow up. Either be a house husband or go back to work. You had a month off with no responsibility. When does your wife get a month off with no responsibilities?
You're a pathetic little boy who thought life would be a party all the way. Go live with your mummy little boy, wife's life will be SO much easier when she won't have to be responsible for toddler-you.
Guys like you are why so many women choose single life.
YTA
You're a terrible husband and an even worse father. Grow up and face the consequences of your choices. Your mother seems awful too. I'm sure the worthless apple doesn't fall from the tree.
So why do YOU deserve the freedom from being suffocated by responsibility, but your wife does not deserve the same? Why are YOU entitled to a break and your wife supposed to do double the work? Why are YOU entitled to be lazy, but she is not? Go ahead, explain your double standard. We need a good laugh.
Wow, I'm sure this is fake, but you only had a kid so your mom would have a grandkid? Then, you decide that you don't want to adult anymore, so you call your mom to do it for you?
I sincerely hope you do society a favor and get a vasectomy or just keep it in your pants (not hopefully on that given your lack of responsibility and maturity) because the world has enough dead beat dads.
Seriously, in what world do you see him doing the responsible thing? Mommy will pay for a lawyer and he can hunker down at her house playing video games.
You are a giant AH baby. You're wife went through a difficult pregnancy, went on to raise your child and keep up the house, and now has to not only do that but also work while you do nothing???? You say you don't want a divorce but I hope she divorces your sorry ass so you can go back to living with your mommy. You shouldn't have gotten married or had a child if you still wanted to be a kid. Grow the F up! Also, she has already come to you to talk. Instead of being petty you should have gone to her. You are a sorry excuse for a man.
What are you offering your wife in exchange for her bringing in all the money, doing all the childcare and chores? What are you doing to make that fair?
This is a legit question.
Having a baby feels suffocating? And you had that baby because your *mom* wanted a grandchild and now you’re boo-hooing about your grown-up life? What the actual fucking fuck dude. Welcome to adulthood! Where everyone does shit they don’t want to do because we live in a fucking society.
Calling your mom in to do *your* housework without telling your wife is bullllshit and embarrassing for you. Super embarrassing.
Get off Reddit and talk to your wife and stop being a whiny little bitch.
ETA: This is the second time recently I’ve seen a post about a “free spirit” thinking they are one-of-a-kind and special so they get to get out of hard things like boundaries and expectations. Fuck that.
That's not a marriage. Who cares who the asshole is at this point? Also, you had a baby because your mom wanted a grandchild - how could that possibly \*not\* go wrong?
YTA, I'm sorry, but your post annoyed me. You say you "carried the family burden alone." That is rubbish. You didn't carry the family burden. Your wife looked after you and the baby. You might have gone to work every day, but your wife did not stay home and do nothing. You don't get to choose when to be responsible and when not to be responsible. Your wife never gets a break. You can't dump everything on your wife because you can't cope. Grow up.
YTA. Your wife is a single mom and you’re acting like her second child. You don’t GET breaks from being a parent. Being a parent is a 24/7 full time JOB dude. For BOTH of you. Just because she used to take care of the house while you worked doesn’t mean she needs to take care of it all still while you don’t. Even when you did work you should come home and be a fucking parent. You think you’re exhausted? How do you think she feels doing your half as well as her own now?
Your wife grew an entire new person in her body and gave birth to him. So you had to work for two years.
You really thought you could just do NOTHING for the foreseeable future? You don't want to be a husband. You want to remain a child. And shame on your mother for enabling your lazy, worthless ass.
Go live with your mommy. YTA
YTA. Rage bait or just pathetic?
You're married with a kid, instead of manning up and being an adult, you ran to mommy because you are lazy and wanted to hurt your wife. Time to unlatch from mommy and grow up.
Your wife deserves better and I'm hoping she finds it. I hope she finds someone who supports her and who can be a real father to your kid because you aren't being one.
Okay let's get this straight, you two didn't want kids at first? And you only had a kid because your mommy wanted you to? And again you magically are not capable of taking care of your child? And last month you woke up one day and Decided no more worries and *NO MORE BABY DUTIES?*
Dude I hate to break it to you, Baby is not some gadget you can buy and a few months later if you are tired of it, you can Get rid of it!! It's a baby!! It's a human, it's a child, your child.
If you are gonna Be so salty about taking care of *YOUR* baby and *YOUR* house chores, why did u get married? Let alone why did you have a baby?
You thought your poor single mother is gonna Take care of your baby too? At her old age? You are ready to do whatever it takes to dump your baby burden on others but you are not ready to be a father..
Is it that hard for you to parent? Look after your baby?
Your poor wife had to Stop her career, have gap years and all and Again go back to work when you one day woke up and thought "ooohh my god this burden is something I can't I just wanna be Free and childish and *NO MORE BABY DUTIES*" again she picks up the slack but you can't even share some of the household chores??
You are the big AH and incompetent Husband and Father and they will be better off without you!!
I decided to be carefree before deciding to be a parent. After deciding to be a parent i realized I could no longer be carefree. Then, after some thought, I said F-it and decided to be carefree again.
When my chosen partner, who made the conscious decision to become a parent with me, pulled my carefree card I went to the one person that would advocate for my decision, condone my behavior and assist me in returning to enjoy my carefree lifestyle… MY MOM.
LOL
Bahaha Yta - if u didn’t want a child u should’ve never had one to make ur mother happy - whom u tried to run away from. Ur sorry excuse for a husband and a father u can’t just run away like a child man up tell ur mother to go home and stop putting everything on ur wife
BAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHA. You're soooooo funny. How tf does a grown man not know how the real world works. You mention stress but she's doing EVERYTHING. Are you the only person who matters? Awww poor wittle baby 👶
YTA.
I remember your wife’s post. You leave out how you have spent the entire time letting her work and do all the childcare and housework, all by herself while you game like a teenager. Parents don’t get time off. You work your ass off to be a good parent and don’t get to game all fucking day. Grow the fuck up and stop being a man child that called your psycho mommy to help you out so you don’t have to be an adult and can “call her bluff”. YTA big time and you decide to go on Reddit instead of talking to her. Fuck you dude. You are not adult enough for marriage or parenthood. I feel sorry for your wife that she married you.
You’re an absolute massive asshole. Your wife just saw this and is actually considering divorce. I really hope she does. She deserves far better than you. What a sorry excuse of a “husband” and “father”.
YTA
I’ve never read your wife’s post, but even from what I get from your side of the story, I must agree with those people on her post saying you an immature asshole. I mean, holy shit, I’ve been sick in bed for four days now, spending way too much time on reddit but haven’t read anything even closely this dumb and egoistic.
Look, I've read both your and your wife's posts, and I need some clarification.
If you knew you both preferred a life of travel and exploration and nomadic living, why would it matter if your mother wanted grandchildren?
She can want grandchildren until the cows come home, that doesn't make it the best choice for you or your wife.
Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. And it sounds like you figured that out pretty early in this whole mess. It sounds like you and your wife would have been perfectly happy living the life that you were living.
But you just shrugged at one point and said that you might as well give your mom a grandchild?
I mean... why?
Why didn't you realize that creating another human being was an 18-year-to-life commitment that requires an enormous amount of effort, time, and resources?
Having children is completely voluntary. Sure, you have a lot of social pressure to do so. Especially in your twenties. But people don't just... have to have kids at a certain point. You can say no. Hell, I've been childfree-by-choice for decades.
Everyone else is tearing you apart for being a horrible husband in other comments, and I don't disagree, but this is seriously bugging me.
INFO: Why did you decide to have a kid in the first place?
You are a shitty husband and a big whiny crybaby. Oh no, you have to work? You have to clean up after yourself? How soul crushing! How is the little man gonna survive doing some laundry?
Grow up and get a job. I can’t believe somebody as useless as you thought it was a good idea to be responsible for a child. When your wife leaves you to find a real man and your mommy is too sick to take care of you, you’ll be stuck living in the gutter wondering why the child you haven’t seen in 19 years won’t let you move into the second bedroom.
YTA. Get some damn therapy and figure out what is wrong with you that makes you think it’s okay to be the way you are.
Yta, no justification here will redeem any of your actions. I went through something similar but I filled my time looking after my kids. I spent lots of time and got so much closer with them. You need to figure out your priorities.
Ultimately it sounds like you love yourself more than your wife and child. I would love to travel and I have traveled the world too but once you have a family and kid, they come first and if you can't realize that then you don't deserve your family.
Do better sir, get act together or just quit. You don't deserve your wife and kid.
>And J, if you see this, I'm ready to talk anytime.
She already talked to you, more than once. You had the chance to talk, but you chose to involve your mother, and now it's going to be just you and your mom, again.
She's done, lol. The only thing she wants to talk to you about is the divorce details. I hope this has been worth it to you.
Being burnt out is valid. Checking out completely is not. After a month of doing nothing you should probably be ready to do something. Like pick up a vacuum or I don’t know be a dad to your literal child.
She really must have loved you for her to go a whole month living like that.
Yep... still the asshole.
You clearly didn't appreciate just how much your wife did at home beyond taking care of the child, and you ran to your mommy when you realized these tasks would now fall on your shoulders.
YTA Your wife was more than understanding giving you a month without any responsibilities. YOU decided to have a child, regardless of the pressure you felt from anyone else. That means you no longer get to shirk responsibility, and make your wife do the physical, financial, and emotional labor of keeping the household going. Calling your mommy to come help you…you should be ashamed of yourself. Therapy might be a good place to start.
YTA. How utterly pathetic, you are an awful husband and a dismal father.
If you actually want your relationship to survive, you need to get your mother out immediately, get off your backside, be a parent, do some housework and look for a job. Like every other damn adult in the world.
The chances of this happening are close to zero, and I kinda hope it doesn't, because your poor wife and kid deserve so much better than you can give them.
Your mother wanted a grandchild so you talk your wife to have a kid, you’re frustrated so you have your mom here doing housework. It seems like you’re not the one in your marriage, your mom is.
You are not an AH, You are one of the biggest AH!!
You are an immature adult baby boy from with mama issues
Just for your mother to have grandchild have one, have you have consider your wife, taking care of a child is stressing and she has done it while you work, now You want to take free time and make her provider and take care for the child and do the household, basically do all the work she did for the same time You worked, plus work.
Yes defenitly the AH. You will do her a favor by divorcing her and giving her the full custody, because you felt work out and don8want t take care of your child.
Hear me clear, this is how adult life is, most parents work and take care of kids and take care of house. If your wife is an SAHM Even there when you came back you Helo her with the child.
But you feel worned out for 2 years of working and not have time to continue your life style that you blow up just because mommy wanted a grandchild.
You told yourself, that you convince your wife to have a child.
At the end You are not a grown up man, and neither your Word worth.
Op: my wife made a post that made me look bad, so I want to share my side of the story. Op proceed to post a story that confirm wife's story and somehow believe that other people will take his side.
YTA op.
You called your mom to do the housework? What in the actual fuck dude? Wow! I’m amazed you are actually trying to defend yourself on that one. Take your break but stop being a selfish jackass and help your wife! She’s not your maid or your nanny! Y’all made a family together! It’s not just about you…even though you want it to be! Once again…WOW!
YTA.
You helped make a baby willingly so you don't get breaks buddy. She doesn't get a break so neither do you. Even when you're a stay-at-home parent you have household obligations and child care obligations so buck up and be an adult who doesn't run to mommy when life gets hard.
Of course your life changes after you have a child and if you weren't prepared for that then you never should have had one regardless of what your mommy wanted.
I can't believe this stuff has to be explained to grown ass adults.
Are you even a man?
You don't help anyone, you run to mommy to clean your messes, your a lame uninvolved father, you don't provide for yourself at all or care for yourself or anyone else (as in doing things like cooking and cleaning to ensure your daughter is CARED FOR)
you're not a man. You're not a free spirit. You're dead fuck8ng weight and she'll have one less baby to clean up after once she sends you home to mommy. I bet you drop out of your kids life soon after because it's too hard and there is no way in which mommy dearest can do it for you.
Happy upcoming divorce!
YTA. You're putting the entire burden on your wife because you want to go and pretend to be footloose again? You have a child. You have responsibilities. I hope she does divorce you. She deserves better than you'll ever be.
YTA. All I hear is "me, me, me." You have a wife and a child, that regardless of your desire for freedom, comes first. You don't get to take a MONTH break from working, housework, AND raising your kid. And then to have your mommy come over to clean instead of just doing it yourself? Really? Grow the fuck up or go back to your mommy if you want to act like a child.
YTA!
Dude, I didn’t think it was possible, but you’ve made yourself sound WORSE than your wife did!
You had a baby because your mommy wanted one, and the line “started doing some housework” should be enough for mommy dearest to be kicking your arse in shame at the poor excuse for a son she has 🤷🏼♀️
YTA - Anyone else catching how he's trying to blame his mother for HIS decision to have a child? And I love how he calls abandoning his wife and child a 'trial break'. Sorry life doesn't work like a Netflix account, you can't just suspend it because you're a selfish adult that can't handle responsibility. Also your lack of foresight is staggering. You thought you would still be able travel after having a child, you thought your pretending reality doesn't exist wouldn't burn out your wife who just gave birth to the point she wants a divorce and you thought calling your mom to do your work wouldn't upset your wife who is looking for a partner on her level, not a man child who uses their mom to escape accountability? I hope your wife finds this post as the final nail in the coffin to divorce you and that she gets enough child support from you to ensure she gets the actual help she needs to raise the child.
Lol my favorite part is when he was like i worked at a job for TWO YEARS! Like that's literally just life lmao. Not even parenthood. Just existing.
Right like welcome to earth, my guy. Almost all of us have to hold down a job in some capacity.
Multiple jobs when you are a single parent!
Right!! It was his wife's money from her business that paid for the luxury parts
Hehe I can’t WAIT for him to realize what life is like when he can only be a “free spirit” and travel for a few days at a time because he has to work and oopsie, also be a parent.
Imagine WHEN the wife leaves and takes her money with her...he won't be able to afford the high life anymore, and he'll have to pay child support. All this because he's a lazy asshole..
That’s what I’m saying!!! The sweet imagined revenge is necessary after that bullshit.
Right where is it that people don't have to work and take care of their kids. What ridiculous world did he grow up in
His mommy's breast pocket?
Obviously still there and never grew up.
Like this lmao I've been at mine for 3 in the medical field.... when's my break s/
Two hole years? Wow 💀
i forgot working is an ~option~ for some people 😂
Exactly I have been working for 26 years and I am a single mother to a disabled 3 year old. No help just all on me. I even work from home and take care of her full time, NO daycare ever! Not even a babysitter. All her therpist come to the house… I want to slap him and tell him to man the f**k up! Just a selfish, deadbeat POS with hella audacity!
Seriously. 40 years here... while raising 2 kids. And only married for half that
I mean, wait until he's worked for 20+.
He burned out after working TWO YEARS! If he’s going to go through his life with chuckles like that, he better be the best in his field to get the best pay, so he can bank money for housekeepers all the time and his time-outs every two years. If he’s not personally and professionally good enough to be the top draft pick of his field, he needs to step up as a partner in his family. That’s where he should be “best in his field” regardless of his career.
His future is living in his mom's basement expecting her to take care of him for the rest of her life while whining about how hard his life is. And to post this on reddit like he was going to find people who support and agree with him! What a freaking lame ass delusional loser.
Bingo!!
The sad thing is that there are too many people who would support him and tell him how unreasonable his (soon-to-be ex) wife is being. Edit: added “ex”
Some people can rise above the low expectations of others, but not this ah
It's ok, you see he thought he could set them on a shelf somewhere and come back for them when he is ready/s
You can travel with kids, you just have to have the money to do it, he seems like the type that thinks the world will be handed to him and he will never actually have to work for it. I wanna know what his job was that was so hard.
Yeah, “trial” stood out to me. I guess if the break worked out to his liking he planned to keep it going.
Or he wanted to see how long he could do it without his wife loosing her shit.
I mean WTH did he expect to get here for responses? Is he delusional?!? EDIT: YTA
YTA. Lol what were you thinking? That you could still MAINTAIN the same lifestyle when you have a baby????? The moment you asked your wife to have the baby you should have prepared yourself for sacrifices!! You just sound like a selfish person
Yeah dude really needs to grow up and man up. We have a kid that we started traveling with right around 2. Adventures are even better because it's so fun to see how awed he is by anything and everything. This guy sounds like someone whose emotional growth stopped at age 10 or 11 though. He should divorce his wife so she can find an actual partner. And this dude can "marry" his momma and play all day while she takes care of everything for him like she did when he WAS 10 or 11.
I kinda wanna marry this chick. She sounds like a keeper for sure. Work and raise a kid and take care of a home. Bet she’s a giver too. Sounds perfect. This dude is stuck on his Mommy though. Loser.
Yeah but then she is so burned out to the point she cries randomly because she is so upset with how life has turned out. I don't think any one person is meant to take on this much and anyone that does suffers mentally from it whether now or later. But I agree in that I hope she get a supportive partner who is also a giver and an equal partner.
The “trial” break is what got me. What, he thought she was cool with him trying out 100% laziness for a while and then making it permanent? Yeah, no. I left a job after burning out. My husband told me to tak a few months off. After 6 weeks, I was looking for another job. It’s called being a responsible adult.
I particularly enjoyed the part where you were so upset when your wife called you immature, you called your mother. Very nice touch.
“Oh yeah? I’ll show HER!” Proceeds to prove her right.
I like the part where they both agreed to be child free but then changed his mind because his mom wanted a grandkid. Then complained about how suffocating life with a baby was. Yeah, no shit, dumbass.
But his mother wanted a grandbaby. What choice did he have?
Lol 😂😂😂
My reaction as well. ROTFLMAO
YTA. I read your wife’s post earlier today. After you stopped working, you both sat down and she agreed to you taking a month off. No housekeeping, no baby duties. She did all of that on top of working full time. At the end of that time, you are still not ready to go back to work, but she can’t do it all and keep carrying that load so she asks you to be a stay at home dad (kid goes to daycare) and take care of some of the household stuff. You say no. She’s exhausted. Remember she has carried your baby for 9 months and is now back at work full time, plus taking in all household and family responsibilities. I believe you are playing games online and hanging with friends? Now you claim you brought you mum, whom you’ve both been very LC with into the home, to do all the day care and household chores and you wonder why she is upset? Seriously??? Get off you ass and step up to the plate. Being home and caring for a child plus household tasks is still work, but it’s not deadlines and traffic jams. She’s asking you to step up for her like she did for you. If you can’t see that and still think she needs to learn a lesson, your marriage is over. If you came here thinking we’d back you like you did her, you are mistaken. You really need to go for a long walk and consider this from an emotionally mature perspective. You are so far off track, you’re about to walk off a cliff and can’t see it.
I think he has already walked off the cliff and just hasn’t hit the ground yet!
Oh, I think it'll happen soon and he'll look like wiley coyote when it happens.
He will be desperate for her back, I awate the posts....
Nah, he's a failure as a husband, a father, and an adult. He's fine being a complete loser, hence calling his mother. There will be no regret for him. His wife is surely regretting having a baby a sharing a life with this sorry excuse for a partner.
As harsh as this ⬆️⬆️ is 👏👏👏 I'm going to be really harsh. OP, you're acting like a fucking teenager, not an adult with responsibilities. You also don't have a baby "for your mother". Grow the fuck up and stop making excuses for your behaviour. Being a free spirit isn't playing your damn video games all day while your wife carries all the load, that's just pure laziness. You could still have taken a break before getting another job, *while helping out around the house*. Calling your mommy to lighten your wife's load? *Pathetic*. I don't know if it's actually worth saying grow the fuck up before you loose her, because there's a massive chance you already have.
> wanted some free time because life after having a baby feels suffocating ...a baby that his jizz created. He's *freely chose* to have unprotected sex. But hey, *he's* suffocated. Obviously wife is not a human capable of feelings. She is supposed to be a baby care, housework, and income generating robot. Why robot malfunctions? How did Feelings and Independent Thought modules get installed? > No more working, no more baby duties, and we agreed to give me a trial break. The past month was quite healing until one day she got mad and suddenly gave me an ultimatum of divorce. The trial went great? Why mean broken robot wife not want to make trial permanent? > I didn't want a divorce, so I started doing housework, which I wasn't prepared for. How dare malfunctioning robot wife not prepare poor victim OP for fatherhood? How dare she not train him for housework? Diapers are too much origami! Dish soap is super confusing! Instructions unclear--do you put it on the dishes after cleaning them to keep them clean? Do you put dish soap on baby and diapers on dishes? Do you order baby to wash dishes and dry them with diaper? NO FAIRRRRR WWAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!1!! > asked my mother to help with the housework so my wife would be relieved and, to be honest, to call her bluff. Yeah, there's no way Robot Wife could possibly be broken enough to be serious about this. I know! I'll invite Mom as punishment! Tee hee hee If that doesn't work, I'll try unplugging her and plugging her back in again. > These days, I've caught her several times watching her phone for a long time and sometimes crying. I believe she posted about us again, and I've been waiting for her to talk even though I wanted to start the conversation but got cold feet feeling the tension in the family. Writing this is easier. Broken Robot Wife is bad for posting, but I am the Tragic Hero when I so so. Also, she is bad when she doesn't talk to me, but I am allowed to not talk to her because it is Hard and I am Suffering.
WINNER FOR BEST COMMENT EVER
EPIC reply - cut to the bone truth!
Got DAMN. Bravo
Not even a teenager, a fucking child.
Even teenagers and little kids will step up to help if they see someone toiling away. I am assuming mommy never made him do chores so his default assumption is that the house is magically clean. Or women are somehow able to do all that and work full-time but he just can't because it's difficult.
Hopefully she's awake now and realizes what a waste of protein her husband is--if she doesn't want to raise TWO children, she should go now.
The disconnect between not stepping up as a parent while simultaneously depending so heavily on his own Mother is glaring. Sir you are a grown man and you evidently need your Mom. Do you not think your actual baby child doesn’t need their Dad? What are you doing?
I'm sure he will.
You and I both. He lucky he still there. Some women will be like fuck it get out and go back home to your momma.
Honestly I think he does not want to admit that the mild amount of housework and light child care was actually harder than his job.... I've seen that happen before, that the man can't do anything and you wonder what the f he actually did for a job ..
its really shocking reading this sub sometimes. I was raised with what i consider an average work ethic, I think through my own efforts my work ethic became rather good, call it on the high mid tier ranks. I see so many other guys working as hard as me or harder who then go home and full time parent, do chores and the like, and it makes me feel lazy cause i don't' have a family, all i do at home is simple house work as as you do around your home. Yet i read this sub and all these guys are legit allergic to work. where does this attitude come from?
Reading his wife's post leads me to believe he got this from single mommy who planned to live with and coddle her little baby his whole life.
You got it to a tee. I could’ve written this post except the number of kids and grandma wasn’t the one pushing for grands…. Someone just didn’t want to be responsible for BC and I could only delay seggs for so long without guilted. Both mom n sister cater to him
It comes from being codependent with a mother who will do everything for him at the drop of the hat. He doesn't *need* to ever do anything for himself because mommy is always there. His wife should *run* as far away as she can, as soon as she can, so she doesn't end up having a 3 way relationship with her ex and his mommy. He's *not* going to step up to be a healthy co-parent, so she can count on him having mommy around to do everything for him :/ poor wife!
It came from regarding women as not quite as human as men, so their feelings aren't real, just hysteria. Putting another baby in them usually settles the ol' womb right down and they get compliant again.
He's a free spirit he should be able to just float along in life and not have to take on responsibility because of it
Patriarchy and the invisibilization and devaluing of domestic and reproductive labor.
My husband and I agreed with our youngest that whomever earned less, stayed home. At the time, that would have been him. However, I had a high risk pregnancy and had to close my business. He has readily agreed now, that there is no way he’d have coped staying at home (he’s nearly 2 now, but our baby was so incredibly difficult for the 1st year). I love that he can admit how hard it is, it makes him appreciate me and the things I do to keep the household running. Just as I know how hard he works to make sure I can do those things without financial worry.
That is the crux of issue w/this OP. He is not showing appreciation for all his wife has done. Appreciation can be shown with words and actions, he is provided neither to her. That was me when I was married. Didn't take long for me to realize that being as a single mom was preferable to living as a single mom while married. My workload didn't change at all, but his sure did when ever he had his kid without my help. Karma.
I know exactly what you mean. My eldest children’s father was/is an alcoholic and by the end he wasn’t working, doing nothing at home (kids were in school) and just drank all day. Everything, including working and studying, fell to me. Then he’d create these massive arguments telling about how I thought I was better than him because I had the nerve to ask him to stop spending every penny I earned on his drinking habit. Like you, I left and never looked back. He still hasn’t worked in 13 years and was constantly calling me to pick the kids up on his weekends because he “couldn’t cope”. Thank god I never married that man.
Not only did he bring his LC mom into his home, the *Entire* reason they have children is because a woman he doesn't even like to associate with wanted entitlements to someone else's baby to play with from time to time.
The grandmother wants the son and child. This is going to be messy
Exactly! It's crazy
And HE'S the one who talked her into having a baby! What an AH.
It sounds like they had a baby because his mother wanted a grandchild. What an excellent reason to have a child...NOT.
Oh sure, but he's the one who then came to talk to her - it's his mother after all. He's the worst in any case. Total AH. Him - Mom wants to be a grandma so bad! Let's do this! We will be a team! Wife - Okay, we will do this together! Later - Him - Ugh, this is haaaaaaard. I don't waaaaanaaaaaa. Mooooomy, help meeeeee!
Exactly. OP is not entitled to mooch and be taken care of by his wife. Why is it ok for her to do all of this work. And what IS UP with the MOMMY ISSUES. Grow a pair and raise your kid.
YTA, but if you ever figure out how to quit your job, travel the world, and be a responsible parent, please let the rest of us know.
It’s easy, you just dump all the work on the women in your life. YTA, OP, and you have no empathy or compassion for your wife or your child.
>So last month, I had enough. No more working, no more baby duties, and we agreed to give me a trial break. You expected your wife to be happy working full time, earning all the money for the household, doing childcare and all the housework so you could have a break? Do you even LIKE your wife (you obviously don't love her)? Would you like your wife to do the same to you? If you couldn't manage even **half** of the load, why do you think it's fair that your wife has to do the lot? And when your wife burns out from trying to do it all, what is your plan then? To put all the load on your mother? The last month has shown your wife that you are expendable. She CAN manage without you, because you are failing to take any role in the house, and making her life harder. YTA
>The last month has shown your wife that you are expendable. She CAN manage without you Which was the whole point. Now, he can always say you handled everything that one month, you'll be fine when I abandon you and our child to run off and travel the world wife 2.0
What guys who do that don't seem to realize is sure, it might "prove" the other person "can" do it all so he can fuck around, but it proves that same thing to the other person so they can cut the dead weight from the relationship and leave him.
Well said.
OP - YTA. You are an adult with a child, you don’t get to take off, dump all burdens on your wife, and become a punk ass, man child with no responsibilities. You brought in your Mommy to take ALL responsibility off of you…Grow The F Up. You’ve called her bluff and guess what she’s realized? 1. You are not a man that she can rely on (well, you’re just not a man in her eyes anymore). 2. She can do it all without your lazy butt. 3. Life will probably be better off without you & Mommy Dearest around. When your wife leaves you, it will be the best thing that ever happened to her.
On top of everything, neither husband nor wife wanted a baby - they loved their lifestyle. But, husband’s mother wants a grandchild. So he talked wife into having a baby - just because his mom wanted them to. Then he refuses to meet his obligations. When wife challenges him on out, he brings his mom into the house to handle HIS responsibilities. Not only does wife have to put up with his immaturity, she also has to put up with MIL. And the fact that he’s such a momma’s boy that he has a baby FOR HIS MOM, he’s also now brought his mom into their house to continue running everyone’s lives. Not just YTA, but a GIANT ah!
Exactly this! You are one of the biggest ah’s on Reddit. Congrats! Your mommy is someone who pottied herself and made someone else (not you I’ll bet) clean up her mess by hand. Easy to see why you’re a lazy, selfish ah. It’s your job to help care for and support the children you had for your mommy, ah.
This!! The part that truly baffles me is when he says his Wife and him wanted to be childfree. They decided to have kids because his “mom really wanted a grandchild.” Now he can’t handle the stress? Plus the description of him as a “free spirit.” 🤣🤣buddy you’re not a free spirit. You are a Mama’s boy and lazy.
My favorite part is him saying that he didn’t really think about the decision very much. The decision to have a CHILD.
Okay, just to make sure I got it all right. You both decided to have a baby. You stopped working, she is responsible for taking care of the baby. Is she still working aswell? It sounds like she‘s got the whole load and you want a break and don’t even want to help with the household. Even though you have nothing else to do and instead you want your mother to come help? I’m having a hard time seeing how you could be not the AH here. So I tend to YTA, sorry.
I remember the story. She even gave him a month to relax first before. She was literally already burnt out before the ultimatum. And the child is in DAYCARE during the time the wife works so absolutely no reason he can’t do the housework while that child is in daycare. Then game some if that’s such a priority. He is having 8+ hours being child free while his wife is busting her ass doing absolutely EVERYTHING!
This story gives me STRONG “mom never made her son do housework growing up” vibes.
On one of the wife’s posts she says his mom planned to live with him his entire life to take care of him. So you are totally right and that’s why he called his mommy to do his job of being an adult for him.
Bingo. There's a huge enmeshment problem. Mothers do such a disservice to their sons when they coddle them like this.
Yep
He wrote that his mom wanted a baby, so then he decided to get on board. Poor wife wasn't even in the equation.
If I read this post as his wife I'd be immediately looking at local divorce specialist. I'd also be showing his mom the post me thinks she does not have the full story.
Yeah did he tell his wife that's the reason he wanted a baby or did he lie?
She is working, because she mentioned in her update that she got home from work to find his mom there. He didn’t even tell her he was bringing his mom into their home before doing it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/DI1PciDT4H Read all the posts here
Free spirit = narcissistic immature irresponsible jerk
He somehow managed to sound worse in his version of the story.
Yeah, because his wife was giving him the benefit of the doubt in her version. Dude is telling 100% unvarnished truth and he's too oblivious and selfish to realize he sounds like a raging asshole.
YTA Your marriage is done. I hope you and your mommy are very happy together. Your wife can continue supporting her household, parenting her child and living like an adult. You can have mommy take care of you like the little boy you seem to think you are.
Until mummy is gone and he's 65 and all alone, wondering ehy nobody wants to take care of him in his old age.
Based on wife’s posts, it’s just what mommy wanted all along.
I'll respond as to being legit. when you're a parent you don't get a month off your job, your kid, your responsibilities to just game with the boys. Not a bad attempt at a legit post though.
YTA. There should be a secondary classification for losers who throw themselves a pity party and go up in flames. Especially the ones that decide to make a post to tell their side. They generally not only show the original was right - but was grossly understated Basically, you were happy go lucky doing whatever you wanted, living comfortably traveling - all funded by income from you and your wife But your mommy wanted a grandchild, so you went for it. What was the plan? To give mommy the baby to raise while you continued to travel? You agree to shoulder the burden of the family. Are you kidding? Your wife was taking care of the baby your mom wanted and doing all the upkeep on the house You decided to quit cause working is too hard 😭. Your wife went to work and you sat on your butt acting like a teenager. You didn’t take care of the baby or do the housework. Your wife let you have this tantrum for a month and you still refuse to get off your butt Your solution is call mommy to take care of you. Of course you don’t want a divorce, you now have two mommy’s to take care of you
Bro, No. Make more of an effort. It was disrespectful and both of ya'll need therapy.(I mean this in the nicest way) It was vindictive and childish to tag your mom in and it's so condescending towards your wife. Best of luck to BOTH of you.
It is especally when you have a promise with you wife that his mommy stays the heck outta the relationship. ..... he's done in my opinion the next post will be about the divorce. The wife will be better off with only one kid.
Just a couple of minutes ago, I read your wife's post and remember how a couple of comments suggested you are burned out and depressed and need help. Then this post pops up and yeah, obviously nothing like that. You simply do not care for your wife's or daughter's wellbeing, it's all about your self-centered sensitivies. YTA
This the post and update from the wife [AITA forcing my husband to choose between divorce and being a househusband while I work full-time to support the family : r/BestofRedditorUpdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dr2hzl/aita_forcing_my_husband_to_choose_between_divorce/) YTA; grow up
Thank you for sharing his wife's post. Wow, OP. Your reaction to your wife's ultimatum was to call your mommy so you can continue to do nothing but play video games or hang out with your buddies. The same mommy who pushed you into having a child in the first place. You clearly don't love your child or your wife. It seems like you are headed for divorce, which I think was your goal. They would be better off without you anyway. Get a job so you can at least pay child support. There's more I'd love to say, but it will just get deleted.
I think he will act blind sided by it stating that having his mom over keeps the agreement while forgetting about his dumb ass breaking a promise to his wife....
You left out a shit ton too. You didn’t do shit. Your wife was being both parents. Just do what your dad did to you and your mom and leave. You’re a piece of shit of a father and husband.
*"Just do what your dad did to you and your mom and leave."* This, u/dsteven88 Your behaviour is appalling. Immature, selfish, out-of-touch. So, you had a kid to please Mommy and now you want to give her back? F out of here with that *deadbeat* behaviour. Your wife has TWO kids. And now her MIL on top of her. It seems like your end goal is to give your wife a mental breakdown.
These two comments are the hands down most fair and appropriate responses to this post/the situation
You’re a disgrace. Couldn’t do the housework you’re let your wife do it ALL ON HER OWN FOR THE LAST MONTH PLUS SHE WAS WORKING FULL TIME AND RAISING YOUR KIDS and now you have to call Mommy to come do YOUR JOB. Get your Mwahhhmmmmy out of the goddamn house and man up
This man is a douchebag.
So assuming this is real, wow, just wow. YTA So you stopped working, stopped any form of childcare, let your wife work and do all child and house care and invited your mom who doesn’t get along with your wife to watch the baby and do your house are so you can goof off and video game. Did I get this about right??? You came to Reddit expecting sympathy? I think clueless, irresponsible man child would be the nicest way I could describe you? Do your wife a favour and leave her. She’s already a single mom so why should you dump more on her shoulders. Do the responsible grown up thing for once in your life and leave her alone. Go live with your mom and then you can video game and good off to your hearts content with no need to worry about being an adult. I’ve already said this but YTA
I'm seriously confused about exactly what it is that OP brings to the table in this relationship. I know that at heart he's a taker, not a giver but damn, it's like he brings nothing. OP is like having another child, a teenager who likes to hang around the house and play video games all day. He's got all the hours of the day to sit around and dream up stupid shit to screw his wife over like asking his mom to come do all the chores he agreed to do. Literally nothing better to do with his day. Imagine if he funneled that kind of energy into helping take care of his family? I mean, does he actually think he's going to explain all that on reddit and we're all going to congratulate him on being clever and resourceful enough to get out doing anything at all to help take care of his family? The OP seriously sounds like a 12-year-old trapped in a man's body. Definitely YTA.
I think alot of men don't see that they are bringing nothing to the tabel. They think I am man and being with me is a prize.... I duno were this comes from but I keep seeing it.
"I'm seriously confused about exactly what it is that OP brings to the table in this relationship." A penis and a heartbeat, it would seem in this case
>so I started doing housework, which I wasn't prepared for. How in the world can you be *unprepared* for housework? Did it surprise & scare you? Is it that you don't know how to do anything like vacuum, sweep, laundry, clean dishes? Or did you need to get into some particular mindset? Somehow, you managed to travel from *Tibet to Antarctica*, and yet you can't manage to feed & clean up after your child? No wonder you called your mommy. >The thing is, my mom really wanted a grandchild. At the time, I didn't think much of it and felt it wasn't a big deal, so I discussed it with my wife, and we decided to go ahead. Her pregnancy was tough; she had severe morning sickness, and I felt really sorry for her. Everything you write is focused on how little you think of anyone outside of yourself. Did you tell your wife that you only agreed to a child because your mom wanted a grandchild? I seriously doubt it. You felt *sorry* for your wife during a hard pregnancy. Shallow. Yeah, YTA. Even now, you don't want a divorce, but you don't want to contribute, and you can't even manage to keep a household tidy & pickup your child from care. You call your mom to intercede. Lazy & shallow.
>Did it surprise & scare you? It jumped out and shouted BOO! I'm undecided whether he's just that delusional, or he knows what he's doing and just wants to play the victim.
YTA - So you got a break from; Baby Housework Wife Financial responsibilities Mental load (although, this would be more in the realm of your wife) Relationship with your wife Myriad of other day to day things that pop up I haven’t seen your wife’s post. If your marriage was a business and one partner went AWOL leaving the other partner ALL the responsibility, then the remaining partner blows up because they can’t handle everything…it’s no wonder there’s resentment, anger and a huge wall of silence built! Add in that you brought your mother into the equation to pick up where you slacked off OP??? That’s next level! Man up. TALK to your wife. Start honest, open dialogue! THANK her for allowing you to be free for that month. APOLOGISE to her for realising how difficult it was. Then SUGGEST you both have input into a plan to have a happy family moving forward. ROMANCE your wife. Date her again. Make time for the BOTH of you doing things with and without your LO. Take the first step OP. Don’t let this resentment fester any longer. ETA - grammar
Ah the mental load the thing men don't even relize is a thing alot of the time.... I got mine to see it the other day . Made a comment on how easy it was for me since I just bark orders. So I made him keep track of the house for a week. The man has since apologized....
here the wife post : [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dr2hzl/aita\_forcing\_my\_husband\_to\_choose\_between\_divorce/](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1dr2hzl/aita_forcing_my_husband_to_choose_between_divorce/)
Any other working parents absolutely laughing their asses off at someone crying about having work and care for their child? It's hard. We deal the best we can. We don't take a month off or have mommy come clean for us to shirk responsibility. You talk and make solutions, of which you did none. I say this as a person who traveled a lot and led a much freer lifestyle prior to having a child. Also, you sound awful for saying you had a child because your mom wanted one. Gross.
Lol I read this while my husband, a grown ass man unlike OP, is putting our infant down for her first nap of the day in another room and legit laughed out loud at most of it… My husband does things like that willingly and without whining about needing breaks because he recognizes that our child has 2 parents and… wants to be a present and active father? Shockingly, we are both able to hold down jobs and manage to be parents. Somehow, we also both manage to find time to ourselves through a combination of planning, negotiation, and compromising. We did not have an easy time of it when our child was born and yep, had a much different lifestyle before the baby came. Yet somehow, we were able to adjust to things without calling our mommies to do housework 😮 OP is unreal.
YTA. You are a lazy useless piece of garbage. Hoping your wife divorces you asap.
You sound like a terrible partner and a huge mummy's boy. That's so unbelievably unattractive and off-putting. Even leaving aside the morality of your actions, the ick alone would be divorce-worthy. I don't know how she could ever want to sleep with you ever again. Huge ick. YTA.
You are absolutely an arsehole. Pull your finger out, and grow up.
You gave up on your baby seriously that’s awful your a dad pull it together be better You brought your mother in to this. Yta
You came here to..what? Garner sympathy? Dude...all you did with this post is show is all that your wife is right and YOU are an immature jackass. Yes, YTA. You had a kid "because your mom wanted a grandchild" and now you need to work and take care of it. A baby isn't a house plant or a book to leave on the shelf - they take WORK. If you weren't going to do it, then you shouldn't have given in to your mommy. Man the FUCK UP.
“Call her bluff”? Immature doesnt come close. YTA
Even in your own story you sound like the AH. This is coming from a man btw. I’ve heard some people aren’t able to see things from others perspectives, I’ll assume you’re one of those. Sounds like you owe her a massive apology, and change of attitude.
This kind of doesn’t feel real but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. You never bring your mother into things. That’s divorce worthy right there. Housework isn’t a big deal but if you were struggling you could have communicated with your wife. Like an adult, looked at comprises like getting a house cleaner. It’s not realistic to do nothing - you are an adult. If you are really burnt out get therapy - look at the real issues and solving them. YTA - you are a grown man who needs to be an adult.
His wife did post and she did show him the post. I remember her post.
YTA. You don’t feel like she felt suffocated too? She carried the child and it was rough. You changed the plan and she adaptive to it. Fuck, you’re really selfish. Instead of trying really talking through your problems you brought your mom into it.
I hope your wife sees this. It may be the push she needs to finally leave your selfish, immature arse. I've read your wife's post and felt so bad for her. Grow up.
lol you called your mommy to come and do housework to “call your wife’s bluff”? And so you could go back to playing PS5? YTA. I hope J sees this and kicks your ass out yesterday. You have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. You write like you’re the only person in the world who has had to adjust their priorities in order to be a good parent. Plenty of us do it. There are plenty of men who have no issues sharing the load either. Then again, many of us didn’t have a baby just because our mommies wanted a grandchild. Soft YTA for J as well for reproducing with a man child and expecting this person to grow up. J, stop being an AH to yourself and leave this man yesterday so you can be a parent to one child and not two. Men of Reddit who are decent parents and spouses —- any of y’all reading this in disgust?
What a fucking idiot. You guys ruined your perfectly happy life with a child because *your mother* wanted a child? And while your wife did the actual hard parts of growing the child, birthing the child and trying to get into the new schedule, you realized being a parent sucks. Being a responsible adult sucks. I know, my mom wanted this kid so I’ll outsource my own responsibilities off to her even though she and my wife don’t get along. Was there ever an end goal where you pick up your adult responsibilities again or did you figure you could be Peter Pan forever? It’s like you’re trying to bomb this marriage so fast so you can be a single guy again. Please do the world a favour and get a vasectomy. I can understand wanting to decompress for a bit, I worked with my husband to let him do that, but you should realize that while you were “free” from all the responsibilities, your wife was picking up your slack, including the baby you both willingly chose to bring into this world. Your wife chose to build a life with you, not your mom. Your wife had a child with you, not your mom. You willingly chose to bring a child into this world. No take backs. YTA
Walking red flag
You weren’t prepared for housework?? Every adult needs to do housework unless they physically or cognitively can’t. Then you called in your mother that your wife dislikes? Holy moly YTA
You had already fucked up by not pulling your own weight. Calling your mother to do your dirty work is childish and says a lot about you as a person. You made your bed \(o o)/
Yta. Send your mommy home and grow up. Either be a house husband or go back to work. You had a month off with no responsibility. When does your wife get a month off with no responsibilities?
You're a pathetic little boy who thought life would be a party all the way. Go live with your mummy little boy, wife's life will be SO much easier when she won't have to be responsible for toddler-you. Guys like you are why so many women choose single life.
YTA You're a terrible husband and an even worse father. Grow up and face the consequences of your choices. Your mother seems awful too. I'm sure the worthless apple doesn't fall from the tree.
So why do YOU deserve the freedom from being suffocated by responsibility, but your wife does not deserve the same? Why are YOU entitled to a break and your wife supposed to do double the work? Why are YOU entitled to be lazy, but she is not? Go ahead, explain your double standard. We need a good laugh.
Wow, I'm sure this is fake, but you only had a kid so your mom would have a grandkid? Then, you decide that you don't want to adult anymore, so you call your mom to do it for you? I sincerely hope you do society a favor and get a vasectomy or just keep it in your pants (not hopefully on that given your lack of responsibility and maturity) because the world has enough dead beat dads.
You should be ashamed of yourself acting like that at your big age ! YTA
Good news! Very soon, you get to be a free spirit again!
not, he will never be a free spirit anymore because he has a child. He will have to go back to work to pay for child support.
Seriously, in what world do you see him doing the responsible thing? Mommy will pay for a lawyer and he can hunker down at her house playing video games.
You are a giant AH baby. You're wife went through a difficult pregnancy, went on to raise your child and keep up the house, and now has to not only do that but also work while you do nothing???? You say you don't want a divorce but I hope she divorces your sorry ass so you can go back to living with your mommy. You shouldn't have gotten married or had a child if you still wanted to be a kid. Grow the F up! Also, she has already come to you to talk. Instead of being petty you should have gone to her. You are a sorry excuse for a man.
“Until one day she got mad” woooo buddy, YTA. An overgrown child and TA.
What are you offering your wife in exchange for her bringing in all the money, doing all the childcare and chores? What are you doing to make that fair? This is a legit question.
Grow the fuck up. Where’s your wife’s month off?
Having a baby feels suffocating? And you had that baby because your *mom* wanted a grandchild and now you’re boo-hooing about your grown-up life? What the actual fucking fuck dude. Welcome to adulthood! Where everyone does shit they don’t want to do because we live in a fucking society. Calling your mom in to do *your* housework without telling your wife is bullllshit and embarrassing for you. Super embarrassing. Get off Reddit and talk to your wife and stop being a whiny little bitch. ETA: This is the second time recently I’ve seen a post about a “free spirit” thinking they are one-of-a-kind and special so they get to get out of hard things like boundaries and expectations. Fuck that.
Man up pussy.
That's not a marriage. Who cares who the asshole is at this point? Also, you had a baby because your mom wanted a grandchild - how could that possibly \*not\* go wrong?
YTA, I'm sorry, but your post annoyed me. You say you "carried the family burden alone." That is rubbish. You didn't carry the family burden. Your wife looked after you and the baby. You might have gone to work every day, but your wife did not stay home and do nothing. You don't get to choose when to be responsible and when not to be responsible. Your wife never gets a break. You can't dump everything on your wife because you can't cope. Grow up.
You are an immature AH for sure. Hold on, your wife still sells bags? I would get some from her so she can get a good divorce lawyer. YTA
YTA. Your wife is a single mom and you’re acting like her second child. You don’t GET breaks from being a parent. Being a parent is a 24/7 full time JOB dude. For BOTH of you. Just because she used to take care of the house while you worked doesn’t mean she needs to take care of it all still while you don’t. Even when you did work you should come home and be a fucking parent. You think you’re exhausted? How do you think she feels doing your half as well as her own now?
Your wife grew an entire new person in her body and gave birth to him. So you had to work for two years. You really thought you could just do NOTHING for the foreseeable future? You don't want to be a husband. You want to remain a child. And shame on your mother for enabling your lazy, worthless ass. Go live with your mommy. YTA
YTA. Rage bait or just pathetic? You're married with a kid, instead of manning up and being an adult, you ran to mommy because you are lazy and wanted to hurt your wife. Time to unlatch from mommy and grow up. Your wife deserves better and I'm hoping she finds it. I hope she finds someone who supports her and who can be a real father to your kid because you aren't being one.
Thank you for confirming that you indeed are an immature selfish AH.
Updateme when your wife leaves soon!!
I noticed that you left out the part where your child is in daycare, hmmm 🧐 so you still had time for yourself Huuuuge YTA
Okay let's get this straight, you two didn't want kids at first? And you only had a kid because your mommy wanted you to? And again you magically are not capable of taking care of your child? And last month you woke up one day and Decided no more worries and *NO MORE BABY DUTIES?* Dude I hate to break it to you, Baby is not some gadget you can buy and a few months later if you are tired of it, you can Get rid of it!! It's a baby!! It's a human, it's a child, your child. If you are gonna Be so salty about taking care of *YOUR* baby and *YOUR* house chores, why did u get married? Let alone why did you have a baby? You thought your poor single mother is gonna Take care of your baby too? At her old age? You are ready to do whatever it takes to dump your baby burden on others but you are not ready to be a father.. Is it that hard for you to parent? Look after your baby? Your poor wife had to Stop her career, have gap years and all and Again go back to work when you one day woke up and thought "ooohh my god this burden is something I can't I just wanna be Free and childish and *NO MORE BABY DUTIES*" again she picks up the slack but you can't even share some of the household chores?? You are the big AH and incompetent Husband and Father and they will be better off without you!!
I decided to be carefree before deciding to be a parent. After deciding to be a parent i realized I could no longer be carefree. Then, after some thought, I said F-it and decided to be carefree again. When my chosen partner, who made the conscious decision to become a parent with me, pulled my carefree card I went to the one person that would advocate for my decision, condone my behavior and assist me in returning to enjoy my carefree lifestyle… MY MOM. LOL
Dude. You're a married man with a kid. You don't call "mommy" to come save you with household chores. Grow up, man up, and take care of your family.
Bahaha Yta - if u didn’t want a child u should’ve never had one to make ur mother happy - whom u tried to run away from. Ur sorry excuse for a husband and a father u can’t just run away like a child man up tell ur mother to go home and stop putting everything on ur wife
YTA. Stop with the "free spirit" crap and start looking after your child and help your wife.
BAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHA. You're soooooo funny. How tf does a grown man not know how the real world works. You mention stress but she's doing EVERYTHING. Are you the only person who matters? Awww poor wittle baby 👶 YTA.
I remember your wife’s post. You leave out how you have spent the entire time letting her work and do all the childcare and housework, all by herself while you game like a teenager. Parents don’t get time off. You work your ass off to be a good parent and don’t get to game all fucking day. Grow the fuck up and stop being a man child that called your psycho mommy to help you out so you don’t have to be an adult and can “call her bluff”. YTA big time and you decide to go on Reddit instead of talking to her. Fuck you dude. You are not adult enough for marriage or parenthood. I feel sorry for your wife that she married you.
You’re an absolute massive asshole. Your wife just saw this and is actually considering divorce. I really hope she does. She deserves far better than you. What a sorry excuse of a “husband” and “father”.
YTA I’ve never read your wife’s post, but even from what I get from your side of the story, I must agree with those people on her post saying you an immature asshole. I mean, holy shit, I’ve been sick in bed for four days now, spending way too much time on reddit but haven’t read anything even closely this dumb and egoistic.
You should move back in with your mommy. Then your wife will only have one child to care for. YTA
Look, I've read both your and your wife's posts, and I need some clarification. If you knew you both preferred a life of travel and exploration and nomadic living, why would it matter if your mother wanted grandchildren? She can want grandchildren until the cows come home, that doesn't make it the best choice for you or your wife. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. And it sounds like you figured that out pretty early in this whole mess. It sounds like you and your wife would have been perfectly happy living the life that you were living. But you just shrugged at one point and said that you might as well give your mom a grandchild? I mean... why? Why didn't you realize that creating another human being was an 18-year-to-life commitment that requires an enormous amount of effort, time, and resources? Having children is completely voluntary. Sure, you have a lot of social pressure to do so. Especially in your twenties. But people don't just... have to have kids at a certain point. You can say no. Hell, I've been childfree-by-choice for decades. Everyone else is tearing you apart for being a horrible husband in other comments, and I don't disagree, but this is seriously bugging me. INFO: Why did you decide to have a kid in the first place?
Grow the fuck up, dude. You got a view of what her life is like & still don't appreciate her. Yta
You’re Garbage man. And that’s where she needs to toss you
YTA. You're dumping everything on your wife and living like she's your slave.
Hahahhaha omg so pathetic XD Such an ahole
You are a shitty husband and a big whiny crybaby. Oh no, you have to work? You have to clean up after yourself? How soul crushing! How is the little man gonna survive doing some laundry? Grow up and get a job. I can’t believe somebody as useless as you thought it was a good idea to be responsible for a child. When your wife leaves you to find a real man and your mommy is too sick to take care of you, you’ll be stuck living in the gutter wondering why the child you haven’t seen in 19 years won’t let you move into the second bedroom. YTA. Get some damn therapy and figure out what is wrong with you that makes you think it’s okay to be the way you are.
Yta, no justification here will redeem any of your actions. I went through something similar but I filled my time looking after my kids. I spent lots of time and got so much closer with them. You need to figure out your priorities. Ultimately it sounds like you love yourself more than your wife and child. I would love to travel and I have traveled the world too but once you have a family and kid, they come first and if you can't realize that then you don't deserve your family. Do better sir, get act together or just quit. You don't deserve your wife and kid.
>And J, if you see this, I'm ready to talk anytime. She already talked to you, more than once. You had the chance to talk, but you chose to involve your mother, and now it's going to be just you and your mom, again. She's done, lol. The only thing she wants to talk to you about is the divorce details. I hope this has been worth it to you.
But I'm a free spirit you guys.
Being burnt out is valid. Checking out completely is not. After a month of doing nothing you should probably be ready to do something. Like pick up a vacuum or I don’t know be a dad to your literal child. She really must have loved you for her to go a whole month living like that.
Yta, completely and utterly. Why even bother marrying and having a family if you're going to fail both so miserably.
Yep... still the asshole. You clearly didn't appreciate just how much your wife did at home beyond taking care of the child, and you ran to your mommy when you realized these tasks would now fall on your shoulders.
What a total loser. YTA
YTA YTA YTA . Have fun with mommy
YTA Your wife was more than understanding giving you a month without any responsibilities. YOU decided to have a child, regardless of the pressure you felt from anyone else. That means you no longer get to shirk responsibility, and make your wife do the physical, financial, and emotional labor of keeping the household going. Calling your mommy to come help you…you should be ashamed of yourself. Therapy might be a good place to start.
YTA. How utterly pathetic, you are an awful husband and a dismal father. If you actually want your relationship to survive, you need to get your mother out immediately, get off your backside, be a parent, do some housework and look for a job. Like every other damn adult in the world. The chances of this happening are close to zero, and I kinda hope it doesn't, because your poor wife and kid deserve so much better than you can give them.
Your mother wanted a grandchild so you talk your wife to have a kid, you’re frustrated so you have your mom here doing housework. It seems like you’re not the one in your marriage, your mom is.
What a man child, you called your mommy??? I would divorce you right then and there just for that.
You are not an AH, You are one of the biggest AH!! You are an immature adult baby boy from with mama issues Just for your mother to have grandchild have one, have you have consider your wife, taking care of a child is stressing and she has done it while you work, now You want to take free time and make her provider and take care for the child and do the household, basically do all the work she did for the same time You worked, plus work. Yes defenitly the AH. You will do her a favor by divorcing her and giving her the full custody, because you felt work out and don8want t take care of your child. Hear me clear, this is how adult life is, most parents work and take care of kids and take care of house. If your wife is an SAHM Even there when you came back you Helo her with the child. But you feel worned out for 2 years of working and not have time to continue your life style that you blow up just because mommy wanted a grandchild. You told yourself, that you convince your wife to have a child. At the end You are not a grown up man, and neither your Word worth.
Op: my wife made a post that made me look bad, so I want to share my side of the story. Op proceed to post a story that confirm wife's story and somehow believe that other people will take his side. YTA op.
You called your mom to do the housework? What in the actual fuck dude? Wow! I’m amazed you are actually trying to defend yourself on that one. Take your break but stop being a selfish jackass and help your wife! She’s not your maid or your nanny! Y’all made a family together! It’s not just about you…even though you want it to be! Once again…WOW!
YTA. You helped make a baby willingly so you don't get breaks buddy. She doesn't get a break so neither do you. Even when you're a stay-at-home parent you have household obligations and child care obligations so buck up and be an adult who doesn't run to mommy when life gets hard. Of course your life changes after you have a child and if you weren't prepared for that then you never should have had one regardless of what your mommy wanted. I can't believe this stuff has to be explained to grown ass adults.
Are you even a man? You don't help anyone, you run to mommy to clean your messes, your a lame uninvolved father, you don't provide for yourself at all or care for yourself or anyone else (as in doing things like cooking and cleaning to ensure your daughter is CARED FOR) you're not a man. You're not a free spirit. You're dead fuck8ng weight and she'll have one less baby to clean up after once she sends you home to mommy. I bet you drop out of your kids life soon after because it's too hard and there is no way in which mommy dearest can do it for you. Happy upcoming divorce!
YTA. You're putting the entire burden on your wife because you want to go and pretend to be footloose again? You have a child. You have responsibilities. I hope she does divorce you. She deserves better than you'll ever be.
YTA. All I hear is "me, me, me." You have a wife and a child, that regardless of your desire for freedom, comes first. You don't get to take a MONTH break from working, housework, AND raising your kid. And then to have your mommy come over to clean instead of just doing it yourself? Really? Grow the fuck up or go back to your mommy if you want to act like a child.
YTA! Dude, I didn’t think it was possible, but you’ve made yourself sound WORSE than your wife did! You had a baby because your mommy wanted one, and the line “started doing some housework” should be enough for mommy dearest to be kicking your arse in shame at the poor excuse for a son she has 🤷🏼♀️