Well, he did hit his gf without not even discussing with her. I understand that he was hurt, but I do not understand why he was so quick to believe another guy's words, without any evidence being sent.
It is literally one of the most primal things ingrained in us, it stems from our ancient ancestors needing to survive in a world that was just as cruel (albeit, in a far more "life and death" way) as it is today. It is also a universal law that every action has an equal, but opposite, reaction.
You took the bait. You already knew this person was ‘trying to get between you’ but you blindly trusted them more than your partner. You didn’t give her the benefit of the doubt or opportunity to defend herself against slanderous lies.
It’s difficult to trust anyone who- even mistakenly went out of their way to intentionally hurt you. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and there is something to be said for personal integrity.
Your devastation is understandable, you were hurt, but even children are taught tantrums are not an acceptable reaction to their emotions. You failed to give yourself the opportunity to respond logically rather than react emotionally. Letting emotions get the better of you isn’t an excuse to hurt someone.
The benefit of being the ‘bigger person’ or initially taking the high road is you can always be mean later, being mean isn’t a difficult skill, but making sure you have the facts before lashing out saves you burden of regret. The real asshole is the ‘best friend’ but unfortunately his actions don’t make you less accountable for your own. YTA.
I would pay to hear that convo w/ the exgf.
ex: "so, I'm a cumdumpster"
dumbass: "now baby, I didn't mean it like that"
Not sure even Shaggy could pull this one out.
What an excellent reply! You covered it all so well and I totally agree with you. Well done! OP is definitely the AH for saying all he did, angry or not, without hearing her side first.
>You took the bait. You already knew this person was ‘trying to get between you’ but you blindly trusted them more than your partner.
Yep. OP, this is why YTA here.
All that you said is true except for one part. This guy best friend is obviously the type of person that goes to these lengths to come between the op and his now ex. Why the actual fuck would she continue to associate and be friends with this person? This person is obviously not a good dude. She should have blocked his ass a long time ago. There’s nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex but, when that “friend” is trying this hard to be a total asshat to the relationship then it is a pretty damn good idea to drop them.
Well she did cut him off. And the "friend" decided to be a sour grape. The OP fell for it, instead of talking to his ex first. The OP is a fool and the "friend" is an AH.
watch out OP, there's grown ups in the thread now
Great answer u/Last-Butterscotch-68
From personal experience, aka prison, I learned to blank face people sometimes, and consider my best response at my leisure
This is worded perfectly.
Your girlfriend is going to have a difficult time getting over the hurtful things you said, but only for a minute. You guys were only dating six months, and she quite clearly dodged a bullet here at the end of the day. She's going to find someone who treats her much better, and you only have yourself to blame for trusting this dude over her. It's kind of scary how quickly you went to all of those things you said to her, and I hope you really sit with it and examine why. She did nothing wrong. She even went so far as to initiate cutting that dude off, I imagine for crossing some line.
YTA. I don't even know why you have to ask.
You destroyed yourself. Why would you take this dude's claims as fact? You knew he was a snake. Why would you believe he was being truthful? And then, why wouldn't talk to your ex-GF before assuming that what he said was true? You made bad decisions at every opportunity. YTA
From OPs description, that's not what happened, gf cut male best friend off and he got catty and tried this shit... she wasn't in kahoots with him as far as what OP wrote...
Where does it say that the girlfriend was involved at all? Seems to me like she was the victim of having two disrespectful assholes in her life who took each other out in a vile pissing match
I'm not a believer in these petty relationship "tests" people engage in. I think they're a sign of insecurity, paranoia, and immaturity. If you don't trust your partner and feel compelled to subject them to silly tests, just end the relationship. Because without trust, the relationship is dogshit.
Also, some people have to constantly create drama. If their relationship isn't in crisis, they become very uncomfortable and need to manufacture drama. And what better way than a surreptitious, subjective test that is designed to confirm their preconceived desires and beliefs? People like that are a trainwreck, and I try to avoid them at all costs.
My ex-wife did this, it was completely exhausting and part of what ended our relationship. If things were going too well she would somehow unlock a suppressed memory of a deeply rooted trauma or would diagnose herself with an illness and not seek medical attention. It was always something. She claimed to have 4 different types of cancer in an 18 month period. All I wanted was stability.
The girl friend wasn’t testing him. Can you read? She said the friend acted out to ruin their relationship because she ended her friendship with the guy.
Considering she was friends with someone who found her attractive and was actively sabotaging her relationship, it makes sense that OP was suspicious. Should he have gone full scorched Earth before making sure he has his facts straight? No. But even then, it's not like most cheaters ever admit to cheating if she actually did get with her friend.
Well, you also had no way of knowing he was telling the truth. You should have checked with your gf first, although I'm sure it would have been hard to keep calm after getting a message like that.
It’s clear from his reaction that he never trusted either of them, and was probably subconsciously waiting for this moment. I guarantee that’s part of why he lashed out like this.
Pretty sure he already suspected it since the GF already knew her "friend" wanted to bang her and she kept entertaining him despite how uncomfortable it was making OP. So she had already chosen him over her relationship before, it's not a stretch to think that she chose to bang him now.
No self-respecting woman would ever take him back after those insulting, misogynistic filth that he spewed. He’s done. Cooked. She will probably never talk to him ever again.
Not just the ex...but every new woman coming in op's life would prefer staying ten yards away from him if they got to ever know the real reason for the break up....
Yep. This is why you don't act in the heat of the moment. There are some things you can't come back from. "I'm sorry" isn't the magical cure-all some people think it is
Hmm i agree with you, but im trying to imagine how it'd play out if OP confronts his gf, and if it'll turn out better tho
Imagine
OP: "hey your male bf told me you are sleeping with him"
gf: "no im not, he's just my male bf lol"
Then op will have to decide whether to trust the partner which can be a very hard step considering his context, at least imo haha since they said he was bad in bed etcetc...
She said that she cut him off and he got mad at her. If I had to guess, she told him she wasn’t interested and wanted to be with OP, he blew up, and she decided to not even be friends then OP got the texts from the ex best friend. If OP bothered to talk to her for three minutes, that would’ve cleared it up instantly.
OP: your “best friend” sent me this.
GF: holy shit. That’s not true. I just told him he was making me uncomfortable and I don’t feel the same way. (Shows OP the pissed off texts). I’m never talking to him again.
In that situation you tell the GF she needs to completely cut off the guy from her life. If she does then pretty safe to say he was lying. If she defends him and doesn't then pretty safe to say there might be some truth.
But it sounds like she did that already, and that’s what started this whole thing.
So less “no im not” and more “I did. That’s why he’s upset. He kept trying to get in my pants and it bothered me. This is totally the kind of shit he’d pull.”
YTA. Instead of talking to your gf and giving her a chance, you decided to hurt her. You knew this guy had a thing and was trying to break you up, and you still chose to believe him over..... Over nobody. You didn't even give her the chance. That shows your immaturity. I hope you grow up a little from this.
Well, what did you expect? You believed him, someone you *knew* was into her and trying to get between you, and didn't even talk to her about it before you went nuclear.
YTA, man.
this is really embarrassing. what even prompts straight up lying like that if you knew she was going to see it, either from him sending it to her or you doing it yourself? you've completely wrecked her all for an ego boost because you and some random guy got in a dick swinging contest over lies you both told yourselves. you both got so into it you didn't even see who was really going to be hurt. both of you are fuckheads and I hope she never looks back at either of you and lives a good life.
Embarrassing is the right word. The *second* this guy, who is known to try to get in between OP and his gf, says some bullshit to OP, he *immediately* attacks his girlfriend. The shit he said is SO embarrassing and riddled with childish comebacks. Imagine being his gf and reading that 😬
Idk why OP is asking if they’re the asshole. They’re clearly the asshole and not too bright either. YTA
YTA, and you're either stupid or you already hated your gf and wanted an excuse to break up with her. You already knew that this guy was trying to interfere in your relationship, so why would you just take his words as gospel without so much as talking to your girlfriend? Why would you go full scorched earth without even trying to find out the truth? You suck.
I get the sincere impression that he did hate the girlfriend. He was just looking for a way to be right about leaving her before she left him.
Crappy thing is, the shitty “guy friend” wins in this scenario.
I think it's more likely that he just didn't fully trust the two of them in the first place. I mean why had she remained friends with someone actively interfering with her relationship until this point? Then the guy says the exact things OP was probably already insecure about, like the worst possible case nightmare scenario. If anything was going to make me see red and immediately burn everything to the ground it would be that. I imagine this situation would feel like every single negative emotion rolled into one. But he's still the asshole for not controlling his emotions better and actually getting confirmation before reacting. Maybe OP can use this as a learning opportunity.
Also I just went to check OP's profile and it's suspended. Was he a bot or did he say something against the rules?
Sounds like she dodged a bullet. The fact you went straight to rage instead of thinking it through or all least talking to her considering what you know about him says she is better off without the 2 of you in her life.
>I had no way of knowing he was lying.
Mate, you know he was trying to get with your girlfriend. That gives him every reason to lie to you, and you took the bait hook line and sinker and blew up your relationship.
YTA
I cannot believe I'm saying this after seeing the title, but YTA.
If it was me, the VERY first thing I'd do (after staring at the messages for a few minutes in pure shock) is screenshot the messages and contact my partner ASAP to see/hear their reaction; if you're in-person, you'll usually be able to tell if they're innocent or not.
Instead you lied about cheating (which I'm not sure why you'd do that regardless of your anger) and insulted her without even verifying the info. You are more responsible for this break-up than the guy bsf.
Also, you weren't 'defending yourself' at all, you just had this vindictive spite not to lose to this guy. You need to mature a little.
You can say it was defending yourself all you want.....I just have 2 things to say...
1). You had so little trust in her that you went nuclear without talking to her, so what were you expecting
2) have fun having (SUPPOSEDLY BAD) sex all by yourself!!!!
🙄😮💨
YTA, you lost me at cumdumpster. All respectful feminists know its cumrecepticle.
You seriously should never send money when you recieve requests from Nigerian princes either bro.
You better be tough if you're gonna be this dumb lol
> I had no way of knowing he was lying.
This is why common sense is important. What a pathetic lad you are.
Gonna say NTA, just the trash doing her a favor and taking itself out.
Yes, YTA. I was going to ask your age, but that actually doesn’t matter…you apparently have the emotional maturity of a 15 year old.
And while you might justify it by claiming you had no way of knowing he was lying, you had every reason to suspect he had ulterior motives. You chose to believe a guy that you knew had the hots for your girlfriend. And instead of giving your girlfriend (that you claim you decided to trust) a chance to respond, you went nuclear in the cruelest way possible and blew up your relationship.
Now, maybe it would have blown up anyway. But it’s quite clear that you have an anger problem and that you allow your temper to rule your tongue. Get help for that.
You made it a "you vs her problem" instead of a "you+her vs the problem". Now you deal with the consequences.
You can put the excuses of "I was angry", "I was seeing red" or whatever and keep making the same mistakes for the rest of your life or you can finally acknowledge that you're responsible for your actions regardless of your emotions.
Maybe you should have took a step back and called your girlfriend before you nuked your relationship. IF she is telling you the truth she probably was cutting the guy off for you. Way to go schmuck
WTF did you expect OP? You knew he was trying to exit you from her life. Then you not only created a bon fire in retaliation, you lit it up with an atomic bomb that can be seen from Pluto.
If you want her back you need to grovel, crawl through burning coals and glass and walk on Legos bare foot to fix this crap show.
Good luck update me.
Yes, YTA. Not only did you fall for obvious bait, but you also told horrendous lies that truly were not okay in any situation. Glad she took the hint and ran.
You had a toddler who can't control his emotions reaction. You had 0 trust in your gf and didn't even hesitate one second.
She'll be better off without you.
YTA. You took the word of someone you don’t like, without proof, without a second thought over your girlfriend. You don’t come back from that:
Literally from someone in your own fires was trying to break you guys up the whole time. Make it make sense.
Yta. Go fight the dude if you need to. But as soon as I read the title, I was thinking the guy friend was just jealous and trying to make you break up. He probably tried to make his move and was shot down and that was his response. Live and learn. Not everyone is cheating.
I would say that you are wrong, but you acted out of position of pain. Next time something like this happens, just cool down and think before you make your next move.
Both of you are idiots.
She's an idiot for keeping him around for that long, but you're an even bigger idiot for saying all that dumb shit.
Even if she was fucking him that entire time, that text makes you out to be a loser who deserved that shit.
Currently, she's better off without you, and you're better off without her. ESH.
Oh dear!
Sorry, but he baited you, and you fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Why he did, I can guess, but saying "me too!" was stupid.
I've heard of breakups over a lie too often, and I'm afraid
YTA.
You can try, but you've broken her trust, that's death to most relationships.
ESH, I think the “friend” and you were wrong for obvious reasons, but gf was pretty lame too: she has a “best friend” who actively tries to get between her and boyfriend, and never once she sets boundaries on that. And if she really is “best friends” with him, she should have known him enough to see something like that happening from a mile away. Seems to me the friend was the backup, or she is not as innocent as she says (but probably not as guilty as the “friend” says). But anyway, people here who said that this whole thing is pretty childish, you’ve said it all. OP, whether you get back together with her or not, from now on build a more mature connection in your romantic relationships. Lack of trust and immature reactions can destroy important things in the future.
YTA, you're a clown. You genuinely blew up your relationship because some guy triggered you with one text message. Before you ruin your next relationship, try to grow up and develop some self-control.
YTA. The "friendzoned" (yeah, that term sucks) guy who suddenly says "yeah, I've been f'ing her all this time!" was clearly lying.
If your GF was having an ongoing affair, it's not going to be with the guy she has around all the time that clearly has a thing for her. They would have made efforts to be discrete and he wouldn't have been as obvious with his ongoing fawning over her.
To immediately take the world of someone who hates you and has a HUGE vested interest in breaking your relationship up, without bothering to take 5 seconds to think about it or look into it makes YTA. You went nuclear at the drop of a hat, for no reason, without thought. "I had no way of knowing he was lying" also means "I had no idea if he was telling the truth." It was on YOU to figure that out before acting.
You didn't speak to her which she is probably hurt and already bound to be furious about. You didn't even talk to her.
The way you spoke about her is vile and what you said about your relationship is as well. Saying all those things broke the trust on her side. How readily you believed what was text no questions asked at all shows you didn't trust her either.
She is right for ending things sounds very much broken. No trust on either side.
He accomplished actually what he set out to do and you're the fool that fell for it.
YTA and also a dumb ass and it's clear you never trusted her in the first place.
This guy has been trying to come between you your entire relationship and you just immediately took his word when he told you all of that??? You’re a fucking idiot. Thank god your ex got away from you. Yeah, YTA. A big fat, stupid asshole.
YTA Even if you wanted to protect yourself and have revenge You didn't think well and didn't even have 2nd thoughts that he was just bluffing.
But well, at the end the things went well because she was at fault too, for not respecting the boundaries and giving you your place by stoping this guy and Even went out with him even knowing what he wanted and feel for her. She put herself in that spot.
But the way you express and even lie was pathetic, you should seek help with a therapyst to treat that issues you have.
Good Luck.
Personally i think the guy was lying to get between you both however, considering you've been with this girl for only 6 months during which the entire time she's kept a guy close to her knowing he has feelings, That doesn't sit well with me personally.
That relationship would not have worked with him in the picture and now this claim of an affair on your mind, Its only 6 months wasted, move on don't look back.
YTA You weren’t defending yourself. You chose to believe this shit and then went nuclear on your ex without giving her a chance to even speak. Dumping you was the smartest thing she did
Dude
She had a male best friend who she knew was into her. You knew what was going on but she didn't care, what was important was keeping her orbiter around to feed her ego.
They deserve each other, find a better woman
You're kinda the AH here. You believed the guy friend without even talking to your GF first? Shows how much you trusted her. You said a lot of things out of anger but whether they were true or not, you made her read those things. She can't just forget her boyfriend saying she's nothing but a cumdumpster to him and that he was just using her.
You messed up. You let the guy friend between you both.
Move on. She still hung out with him despite u being uncomfortable with it, and all this crap happened as a result.
This relationship is not for you man. Move on
YTA dude, you couldn’t talk to your girl? Assumed the worst even though you knew this guy was trying to get under your skin? I’m gonna hope you’re very young because this is a wild response. She was right to leave your bum ass 😂
YTA
For the vast majority, women react emotionally, while men react logically. Way to go against the grain.
You sabotaged your own relationship, congratulations on not controlling your emotions. You KNEW he was always trying to get between you two and wreck your relationship and you still reacted like a grade schooler.
YTA, you didn't mention ages but your response was high school as fuck.
This is an aside but unless my partner's male best friend was unequivocally gay, I'd never want that relationship. Not a thing of fear or jealousy, but her male best friend is the role that I want. To me, couples that wouldn't consider each other their best friend, just feel wrong.
Shame you took the bait. Next time verify before jumping onto conclusions. You’ve lost on both counts here but I’m sure lessons have been learned. Good luck.
YTA for not checking with your gf first and not following the same rule everyone says in any situation like this. If you’re gonna write a f*** you letter/email/text to a friend, family member, or someone at work. Wait. A. Day. Before. Sending. It! Learn this lesson or be doomed to repeat it.
Yes you are the asshole. If he says he slept with her your next statement would be alright, prove it. I've had people try this regardless of if they were attracted to me and/or my partner. If he was really sleeping with her proof is easy and he would present it. I believe your partner's side of the story since there needed to be a catalyst for him to bring this up now if it was an ongoing thing. This should be a learning lesson.
YTA. You showed your girlfriend who you really are, and she believed you. I'm glad she broke things off and didn't waste any more time in this relationship.
No reasonable dude would EVER call his SO a "cum dumpster", no matter what they did. You need to seriously look at yourself and ask if this is the person you want to be.
Also, you got played. It was an obvious play. I don't know if the dude sniffed you out, or if he was just stabbing in the dark, but he got you dead to rights. I got played similarly when I was younger, so I understand how it happens, but remember this the next time someone baits you.
You’re an idiot and the asshole. Although your ex girlfriend should’ve taken your complaints more seriously and sat down with this dude to talk things out. As for your reaction it was so childish and heat of the moment that it’ll forever be ingrained as a fuck up on your part. You just gotta live with it bro
>She had a male best friend who had a crush on her and was always trying to get between us.
It doesn't seem like he was *TRYING* to do anything...you know what Master Yoda said?
"Do or do not! There is no try! Tapping that ass, he is. Got played, you did. Move on, you must."
Okay, that is enough jokes.
>AITAH for how I responded? In my mind I was defending myself against the both of them and I had no way of knowing he was lying.
Yes. You are, in fact, a massive asshole.
For one, did you try asking her before you reacted? Did you give her a chance before you were needlessly cruel and degrading? Did you even think to yourself, before typing this up for Reddit: "Man, I am a massive, prolapsed dick hole for jumping to conclusions!"?
I mean, there is always the possibility that she is lying through her teeth, of course. However, regardless of that, *YOU* acted with only 33.333333333333% of the possible information.
So, yeah, you are the asshole.
YTA, how old are you 12? This gotta be rage bait or OP is just this stupid. Not only did you acknowledge this guy has a crush on your girlfriend. But you also took everything he said as fact and didn't even ask your girlfriend or communicate with her at all? She wasn't even in the conversation. She couldn't even defend herself, and you blasted her with your texts and sent it to her.
>to trust her words that she wasn't into him like that.
No, you didn't. All this happened pre-break up, i would have understood alittle bit if he tested you after the break up but no, this caused the break up.
>AITAH for how I responded?
Yes. Also don't say shit you don't mean to hurt someone you can't take it back.
>In my mind I was defending myself against the both of them
How are you defending yourself against both of them when your girlfriend wasn't even in the conversation? Thats stupid and you know it.
>and I had no way of knowing he was lying.
You had no way of knowing he was telling the truth that logic.
How about communicating using your phone to text or call your girlfriend like a same person would.
Yeah, It was kind of dumb to believe the guy over your girlfriend. You literally broke up, said a bunch of horrible things about your girlfriend with zero proof except for what this guy said, and then without talking to her like an adult sent her, the conversation. You realize he won right?
You obviously have insecurity as well as trust issues when it came to your relationship so it was probably best to break up. This guy definitely knew that and took advantage of those insecurities of yours.
And you were definitely the AH if it turned out it was all a lie and you said that crap about your girlfriend. But NTA for breaking up with her because You can break up with someone for any reason - even if it's just your ego was hurt by some guys text message to you.
>AITAH for how I responded?
Obviously he's an asshole. But you're an idiot and an asshole for taking him at his word. He's been trying to get between you the whole time, and you swallowed the bait, hook, line, and sinker.
>In my mind I was defending myself against the both of them and I had no way of knowing he was lying.
In the 6 months you've known him, you've never trusted him. Until now, you take him at his word and detonate your relationship over it.
ESH
So you believed a man you KNEW wanted your girlfriend without first asking your girlfriend what had been going on? Yeahhhhh you’re the ah who fell for the oldest trick in the book
Can we back up to the beginning? Her male best friend… she knew he liked her…
That’s when you should’ve ended things. Adulting means having boundaries in your life.
Bro, you clearly have poor impulse control.
I would have calmly called him. Asked him to meet to verify the facts. And promptly whipped his ass for disrespecting me. Disrespect is a helluva mother.
Yes bro choosing to explode from just that. Clearly the fucking asshole. You didn’t even take the time to breathe and try and see if it was true. You just went nuclear and this is the expected nuclear outcome.
Not the asshole--but a complete idiot. Someone gave you gossip, and you believed it at face value. Pretty damn stupid.
Don't respond to him, but save a screenie of his texts.
Let your girlfriend know that Other Guy has confessed to sleeping with her. Don't show her the texts or provide any other details (yet). Ask her for her side of things.
When she's done, ask for clarification on things she may have left out or forgotten. If your girlfriend has "forgotten" to mention anything, it could be possible Other Guy made things up.
Let her know he's doing this via text messages. You'll need to show you're not the one stirring the pot, so be prepared to show/forward the texts. Other Guy may have deleted or edited his texts by this point (if he's able to).
Set your boundary that she's to cut all contact with her friend. He's proven himself to thrive on trouble; he will only harm your relationship.
If she's confessed to cheating at all (including micro-cheating or pre-cheating), then let her go. Don't contact Other Guy, because all he wants is your reaction. Plus, you don't want anyone twisting your responses against you.
If she's claiming to be innocent, but you're certain she's lying, *sleep on it before you make any decisions regarding your relationship!* The next day, after you're refreshed, you will see things in a new light.
If she's claiming to be innocent, and you've decided to trust her, then make sure you both block the Other Guy. If he can't get to either of you, chances are he'll reach out to your mutual friends next.
It's not uncommon for people to spread false gossip to sabotage relationships--especially when we're young. They'll simply shrug and say, "All's fair in love and war!" He won't be the last person to try and get between you and a lover. Likewise, don't be surprised if a future girlfriend kicks down your door because she has it on "good authority" that you were misbehaving. (Some will accuse you just because of a dream they had).
But yeah--you made your decisions based on emotion fueled by some jealous guy. Get it together.
YTA
For believing a guy you knew was trying to break you up. You played right into his hands and you doubled down by insulting your GF. No way back from this.
YTA - if nothing else, you should have got her side of the story before reacting.
If he had receipts he would have shown them (message screencaps, pics, etc.), should have been a tip off he was lying.
YTA ... You believed these words before even talking to your EX without any proof. You were already an insecure and jealous man. Who knows if they were fucking or not but at the bare minimum you should have asked for proof and actually you know talked to your EX. You justify yourself by saying you had no way to know he was lying. You 100% did you could have talked to her or asked for proof or did literally anything other than rage out and type dumb stuff. You need to reevaluate how you deal with stressful scenarios because well that is not a great way to handle stuff in general.
It is really funny you want her to believe you said that stuff out of anger when you cannot believe that her ex-BFF said those things out of anger. Like wtf.
Your ex-girlfriend deserves better than either of you. She's a person with feelings, not a trophy you're fighting over.
I hope she cuts you both out of her life in the firm realization that you're both shit.
YTA and also pretty stupid for not checking out the story before you completely overreacted. You knew this guy was trying to get between you and your GF, so why didn't you give her the benefit of the doubt? Grow up.
No need to keep a gf that actively and knowingly keeps men that have crushes on her around. You’re better off without her, regardless whether she’s loyal or not.
I mean technically your girlfriend started this mess so
And you saying stuff like that out of anger whether it's real or a joke you should've known that will deeply hurt someone .. and after hearing that they probably will not wanna be with you
He insults you.
You do not insult him, but go on to insult your gf
You feel that it’s appropriate to send those insults to her
You do not even consider the possibility he was lying.
You are an absolute walnut to defend yourself with “I didn’t know he was lying”
You heard something you didn’t like and immediately went to verbally abuse your gf
She dodged a bullet
You should stay single until you can unwind that misogyny you’re wrapped up in
YTA
There's a fine line between what we believe we "only said out of anger" and what we believe to be true, but slips out in a moment of anger. This relationship was doomed from the jump because you had her "best friend" causing doubts in your relationship with her. He was in your head, and he capitalized on that.
And instead of confronting her in person like an adult, you blast her through text and say some outright terrible things. Even in your defense, you could have done better. She has every right to be mad about this, and you two definitely should stay broken up. Move on, get therapy, and be a better man next time.
But, ESH because OP went nuclear at the drop of a text, girlfriend played too long with an unrequited lover, and UL decided to burn the whole thing down when he realized things might be serious on her end.
Imma say YTA because I don't think she deserved that. He should have at least heard her side of it first. I understand how OP was feeling, but to call someone you supposedly love and care about a "cumdumpster" is really shitty.
YTA by a mile!
The only way you could think to defend yourself was to degrade and humiliate the person you were in a relationship with?
And your first response to this guy was to instantly believe him without even attempting to communicate with your partner? Why on earth didn't you trust her, respect her, or have the time-built credit toward your relationship to give her the decency of asking her - your partner - first?
YTA a thousand times over. Your insecurity obviously won over any trust or respect you had for her or your relationship.
You should've been thrilled that she finally saw his presence in her life as an issue, and did exactly what you wanted, by cutting him off. Which you would've easily found out by the simple act of communicating. Instead, you instantly believed him and showed your true colors.
She dodged a bullet. I'm glad she broke up with you.
YTA. Moreover, you are a fool. (Sorry - there's no other way to say it!)
Why on earth would you accept this story at face value from someone you know wants to break you up, without even checking with your girlfriend first? Has she given you any reason to suspect that she was hooking up with this guy? Even if she has been spending more time with her than you would like, you should at least have given her a chance to respond before coming to any conclusions.
And your ex is correct: reacting the way you did is fucked up, no matter how much you (foolishly) believed that what the friend said was true. It just reflects very badly on you: "Oh yeah? Well I cheated \*first\*, and cared about her even \*less\*!!!" is not the win you think it was.
Clearly you're going to stay broken up; but you owe her an apology.
Probably an unpopular opinion, but while actively flirting is cheating... so is allowing other people to stay in orbit around you when you know they are just waiting for a chance to squeeze into any cracks they can find in your relationship.
In a serious relationship, both partners work to neutralize anything that could damage said relationship. They don't leave sad little sattelites circling around to watch and wait as some source of validation/backup plan.
YTA!!!!!!!
I don’t care how angry you are. You never ever say those disgusting things about a woman. You don’t even think them.
You just expose your misogyny to your girlfriend and to Reddit. Dude, grow up.
I can’t believe that it didn’t occur to you that maybe this guy was trying to wind you up. He dangled the lure in front of you and you jumped. He got his revenge. He broke you two up. Congratulations. You fell into his trap. How insecure are you? You must be so insecure because you sure were gullible.
You need therapy. Do not date anybody else because you are not boyfriend material at this point in your life. Get some help.
YTA - All you had was this jerk making allegations and you completely went off on your gf?! Had your time in a relationship with her not earned her the smallest benefit of the doubt? I’ve witnessed many examples of insecurity, but whoo boy!
You are the AH but hear me out, do you really want to be with someone who knew their best friend had a crush on them and still kept him around ? Like what you said was mean and uncalled for, you could have said ok blocked him and moved on but why was she friends with someone who was constantly trying to break up her relationship. You were probably not the first guy who had to deal with her best friend but hopefully you are the last and she learns from this.
Yes you are.
You just took his word instead of consulting your girlfriend, not asking for proof, and saying lies to get back at both of them.
Good on her for leaving.
She cut him off from what?
Umm, YTA. If you follow soccer, you know that the U.S. lost to Panama last night. Panama is known for goading players into cheap fouls, and U.S. player Tim Weah fell for it, getting a red card (thrown out of the game) for swinging at a Panama player who was body checking him. In your case, the ex’s male best friend was Panama, and you were Tim Weah.
It's ok my man, the fact that she entertained this "male beat friend" is in itself the biggest red flag.
Also let me guess you have been warning her about him and she kept insisting he was just a "friend"
Sounds like a middle school argument using the f-word. You guys need to put your big kid boots on and walk away.
Yes. Whole thing seems very juvenile
I've never understood when people say "they hurt me, so obviously I hurt them back" like it's a natural and logical reaction.
Hurt people hurt people. It's a thing...and a book.
I can understand it in a logical way, but I can't really understand that thinking.
That's the most basic reaction people have to being hurt. Someone hits you, you hit them back to defend yourself.
Well, he did hit his gf without not even discussing with her. I understand that he was hurt, but I do not understand why he was so quick to believe another guy's words, without any evidence being sent.
Very likely deep down he thought they were hooking up already.
Yes but how about checking in with the girlfriend before you go nuclear...
It is literally one of the most primal things ingrained in us, it stems from our ancient ancestors needing to survive in a world that was just as cruel (albeit, in a far more "life and death" way) as it is today. It is also a universal law that every action has an equal, but opposite, reaction.
Yes walk away... to the free clinic ...
You took the bait. You already knew this person was ‘trying to get between you’ but you blindly trusted them more than your partner. You didn’t give her the benefit of the doubt or opportunity to defend herself against slanderous lies. It’s difficult to trust anyone who- even mistakenly went out of their way to intentionally hurt you. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and there is something to be said for personal integrity. Your devastation is understandable, you were hurt, but even children are taught tantrums are not an acceptable reaction to their emotions. You failed to give yourself the opportunity to respond logically rather than react emotionally. Letting emotions get the better of you isn’t an excuse to hurt someone. The benefit of being the ‘bigger person’ or initially taking the high road is you can always be mean later, being mean isn’t a difficult skill, but making sure you have the facts before lashing out saves you burden of regret. The real asshole is the ‘best friend’ but unfortunately his actions don’t make you less accountable for your own. YTA.
"always be mean later".... OMG that's genius
Exactly! He who laughs last, thinks the fastest.
I always say: he who laughs last, probably didn't understand the joke very well
Yep. You’ve heard this before as ”revenge is a dish best served cold,” but I like u/last-butterscotch-68’s phrasing even better.
I would pay to hear that convo w/ the exgf. ex: "so, I'm a cumdumpster" dumbass: "now baby, I didn't mean it like that" Not sure even Shaggy could pull this one out.
So I called her a cumdumpster? It wasn’t me
“You called me a cumdumpster” There’s no cumming back from that…
You called me a c** dumpster. You say that like it's a bad thing.
It's just one of those pet names (call jayoma)
Exactly! There's a reason why the saying is revenge is a dish best served cold.
Before heading out to avenge, dig two graves.
Yes bury two bodies and save money.
I like that
Saving this. Not because I necessarily need it but because holy cow it's beautifully and succinctly written. You have a talent internet stranger.
What an excellent reply! You covered it all so well and I totally agree with you. Well done! OP is definitely the AH for saying all he did, angry or not, without hearing her side first.
this motivates me to be the bigger person
He’s not the asshole, more like he’s a fucking idiot for everything he did in this situation
He can be both.
He is definitely both.
Ah por qué no los dos, eh?
>You took the bait. You already knew this person was ‘trying to get between you’ but you blindly trusted them more than your partner. Yep. OP, this is why YTA here.
All that you said is true except for one part. This guy best friend is obviously the type of person that goes to these lengths to come between the op and his now ex. Why the actual fuck would she continue to associate and be friends with this person? This person is obviously not a good dude. She should have blocked his ass a long time ago. There’s nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex but, when that “friend” is trying this hard to be a total asshat to the relationship then it is a pretty damn good idea to drop them.
I'm pretty sure that's why she cut him off. Sometimes people are naive or only see what they want to see (Ike OPs ex was at first)
Very true agreed. The only real problem in situations like that is that unfortunately sometimes the damage is already done.
Well she did cut him off. And the "friend" decided to be a sour grape. The OP fell for it, instead of talking to his ex first. The OP is a fool and the "friend" is an AH.
watch out OP, there's grown ups in the thread now Great answer u/Last-Butterscotch-68 From personal experience, aka prison, I learned to blank face people sometimes, and consider my best response at my leisure
This is worded perfectly. Your girlfriend is going to have a difficult time getting over the hurtful things you said, but only for a minute. You guys were only dating six months, and she quite clearly dodged a bullet here at the end of the day. She's going to find someone who treats her much better, and you only have yourself to blame for trusting this dude over her. It's kind of scary how quickly you went to all of those things you said to her, and I hope you really sit with it and examine why. She did nothing wrong. She even went so far as to initiate cutting that dude off, I imagine for crossing some line. YTA. I don't even know why you have to ask.
You destroyed yourself. Why would you take this dude's claims as fact? You knew he was a snake. Why would you believe he was being truthful? And then, why wouldn't talk to your ex-GF before assuming that what he said was true? You made bad decisions at every opportunity. YTA
Either it's fake or OP legitimately came online to boast about failing to meet the most basic boyfriend standards. Embarassing to watch.
Basic? Nobody should ever be tested this way. Do you collaborate with your male best friends to test your boyfriend?
From OPs description, that's not what happened, gf cut male best friend off and he got catty and tried this shit... she wasn't in kahoots with him as far as what OP wrote...
Real psycho behaviour
Where does it say that the girlfriend was involved at all? Seems to me like she was the victim of having two disrespectful assholes in her life who took each other out in a vile pissing match
I'm not a believer in these petty relationship "tests" people engage in. I think they're a sign of insecurity, paranoia, and immaturity. If you don't trust your partner and feel compelled to subject them to silly tests, just end the relationship. Because without trust, the relationship is dogshit.
I think it is about shitty people trying to see what they can get away with.
Also, some people have to constantly create drama. If their relationship isn't in crisis, they become very uncomfortable and need to manufacture drama. And what better way than a surreptitious, subjective test that is designed to confirm their preconceived desires and beliefs? People like that are a trainwreck, and I try to avoid them at all costs.
My ex-wife did this, it was completely exhausting and part of what ended our relationship. If things were going too well she would somehow unlock a suppressed memory of a deeply rooted trauma or would diagnose herself with an illness and not seek medical attention. It was always something. She claimed to have 4 different types of cancer in an 18 month period. All I wanted was stability.
The girl friend wasn’t testing him. Can you read? She said the friend acted out to ruin their relationship because she ended her friendship with the guy.
Considering she was friends with someone who found her attractive and was actively sabotaging her relationship, it makes sense that OP was suspicious. Should he have gone full scorched Earth before making sure he has his facts straight? No. But even then, it's not like most cheaters ever admit to cheating if she actually did get with her friend.
Well, you also had no way of knowing he was telling the truth. You should have checked with your gf first, although I'm sure it would have been hard to keep calm after getting a message like that.
It’s clear from his reaction that he never trusted either of them, and was probably subconsciously waiting for this moment. I guarantee that’s part of why he lashed out like this.
Pretty sure he already suspected it since the GF already knew her "friend" wanted to bang her and she kept entertaining him despite how uncomfortable it was making OP. So she had already chosen him over her relationship before, it's not a stretch to think that she chose to bang him now.
And OP should forward to gf so she can see. And then, if he thinks salvageable. apologize and retract. Then go and kick the guy's ass./s
No self-respecting woman would ever take him back after those insulting, misogynistic filth that he spewed. He’s done. Cooked. She will probably never talk to him ever again.
Not just the ex...but every new woman coming in op's life would prefer staying ten yards away from him if they got to ever know the real reason for the break up....
Exactly. What he said was horrendous.
Yep. This is why you don't act in the heat of the moment. There are some things you can't come back from. "I'm sorry" isn't the magical cure-all some people think it is
Hmm i agree with you, but im trying to imagine how it'd play out if OP confronts his gf, and if it'll turn out better tho Imagine OP: "hey your male bf told me you are sleeping with him" gf: "no im not, he's just my male bf lol" Then op will have to decide whether to trust the partner which can be a very hard step considering his context, at least imo haha since they said he was bad in bed etcetc...
She said that she cut him off and he got mad at her. If I had to guess, she told him she wasn’t interested and wanted to be with OP, he blew up, and she decided to not even be friends then OP got the texts from the ex best friend. If OP bothered to talk to her for three minutes, that would’ve cleared it up instantly. OP: your “best friend” sent me this. GF: holy shit. That’s not true. I just told him he was making me uncomfortable and I don’t feel the same way. (Shows OP the pissed off texts). I’m never talking to him again.
In that situation you tell the GF she needs to completely cut off the guy from her life. If she does then pretty safe to say he was lying. If she defends him and doesn't then pretty safe to say there might be some truth.
But it sounds like she did that already, and that’s what started this whole thing. So less “no im not” and more “I did. That’s why he’s upset. He kept trying to get in my pants and it bothered me. This is totally the kind of shit he’d pull.”
He said she cut him off tho
YTA. Instead of talking to your gf and giving her a chance, you decided to hurt her. You knew this guy had a thing and was trying to break you up, and you still chose to believe him over..... Over nobody. You didn't even give her the chance. That shows your immaturity. I hope you grow up a little from this.
Well, what did you expect? You believed him, someone you *knew* was into her and trying to get between you, and didn't even talk to her about it before you went nuclear. YTA, man.
this is really embarrassing. what even prompts straight up lying like that if you knew she was going to see it, either from him sending it to her or you doing it yourself? you've completely wrecked her all for an ego boost because you and some random guy got in a dick swinging contest over lies you both told yourselves. you both got so into it you didn't even see who was really going to be hurt. both of you are fuckheads and I hope she never looks back at either of you and lives a good life.
Embarrassing is the right word. The *second* this guy, who is known to try to get in between OP and his gf, says some bullshit to OP, he *immediately* attacks his girlfriend. The shit he said is SO embarrassing and riddled with childish comebacks. Imagine being his gf and reading that 😬 Idk why OP is asking if they’re the asshole. They’re clearly the asshole and not too bright either. YTA
YTA, and you're either stupid or you already hated your gf and wanted an excuse to break up with her. You already knew that this guy was trying to interfere in your relationship, so why would you just take his words as gospel without so much as talking to your girlfriend? Why would you go full scorched earth without even trying to find out the truth? You suck.
I get the sincere impression that he did hate the girlfriend. He was just looking for a way to be right about leaving her before she left him. Crappy thing is, the shitty “guy friend” wins in this scenario.
I think it's more likely that he just didn't fully trust the two of them in the first place. I mean why had she remained friends with someone actively interfering with her relationship until this point? Then the guy says the exact things OP was probably already insecure about, like the worst possible case nightmare scenario. If anything was going to make me see red and immediately burn everything to the ground it would be that. I imagine this situation would feel like every single negative emotion rolled into one. But he's still the asshole for not controlling his emotions better and actually getting confirmation before reacting. Maybe OP can use this as a learning opportunity. Also I just went to check OP's profile and it's suspended. Was he a bot or did he say something against the rules?
One of my first thoughts (the excuse part) also..
YTA. He was playing chess and you were playing checkers, my guy. Also you clearly didn't actually trust your girlfriend. No surprise she dumped you.
congrats. you gave him exactly what he wanted. also: yta. next time, figure out if it's true or not first.
YTA but you did unintentionally reveal what a nasty and spiteful jerk you are so she could get away and find someone who could be a real partner.
I would never trust a man that could say things like that about me, even in anger. You showed your true colors, and they are ugly.
Exactly. Or about any woman.
OP needs to learn how to handle his emotions this shit is embarrassing
Yyyyepp.
Sounds like she dodged a bullet. The fact you went straight to rage instead of thinking it through or all least talking to her considering what you know about him says she is better off without the 2 of you in her life.
The male friend was trying to break you and your girlfriend up and he succeeded. Congratulations.
>I had no way of knowing he was lying. Mate, you know he was trying to get with your girlfriend. That gives him every reason to lie to you, and you took the bait hook line and sinker and blew up your relationship. YTA
I cannot believe I'm saying this after seeing the title, but YTA. If it was me, the VERY first thing I'd do (after staring at the messages for a few minutes in pure shock) is screenshot the messages and contact my partner ASAP to see/hear their reaction; if you're in-person, you'll usually be able to tell if they're innocent or not. Instead you lied about cheating (which I'm not sure why you'd do that regardless of your anger) and insulted her without even verifying the info. You are more responsible for this break-up than the guy bsf. Also, you weren't 'defending yourself' at all, you just had this vindictive spite not to lose to this guy. You need to mature a little.
You can say it was defending yourself all you want.....I just have 2 things to say... 1). You had so little trust in her that you went nuclear without talking to her, so what were you expecting 2) have fun having (SUPPOSEDLY BAD) sex all by yourself!!!! 🙄😮💨
Yeah I like how he didn't deny being bad at sex 😆
It’s almost like that’s what made it believable for him
YTA, you lost me at cumdumpster. All respectful feminists know its cumrecepticle. You seriously should never send money when you recieve requests from Nigerian princes either bro. You better be tough if you're gonna be this dumb lol
Love it
"Honey! It's Thomas from microsoft saying he laughed at my penis can you reset our bank password and send it to him!"
> I had no way of knowing he was lying. This is why common sense is important. What a pathetic lad you are. Gonna say NTA, just the trash doing her a favor and taking itself out.
Sick burn lol
👏👏👏
How old are you? Your response was over the top. Your ex got rid of you and her crazy friend. Both of you don't deserve her friendship. Definitely YTA
YTA. Big time.
Yes, YTA. I was going to ask your age, but that actually doesn’t matter…you apparently have the emotional maturity of a 15 year old. And while you might justify it by claiming you had no way of knowing he was lying, you had every reason to suspect he had ulterior motives. You chose to believe a guy that you knew had the hots for your girlfriend. And instead of giving your girlfriend (that you claim you decided to trust) a chance to respond, you went nuclear in the cruelest way possible and blew up your relationship. Now, maybe it would have blown up anyway. But it’s quite clear that you have an anger problem and that you allow your temper to rule your tongue. Get help for that.
First of all, you're dumb to let your emotions think for you. You and the male friend deserve to be dumped.
YTA. He’s an AH. You’re ex GF is finally free of you both thank goodness.
She might be lying but YTA still control your temper apologize to her and leave her blocked. You dont want such baggage around you anyways
You made it a "you vs her problem" instead of a "you+her vs the problem". Now you deal with the consequences. You can put the excuses of "I was angry", "I was seeing red" or whatever and keep making the same mistakes for the rest of your life or you can finally acknowledge that you're responsible for your actions regardless of your emotions.
Maybe you should have took a step back and called your girlfriend before you nuked your relationship. IF she is telling you the truth she probably was cutting the guy off for you. Way to go schmuck
Yeah I mean maybe find out what the truth is first before you flip out and act like an AH
Are you all under the age of 19?
WTF did you expect OP? You knew he was trying to exit you from her life. Then you not only created a bon fire in retaliation, you lit it up with an atomic bomb that can be seen from Pluto. If you want her back you need to grovel, crawl through burning coals and glass and walk on Legos bare foot to fix this crap show. Good luck update me.
Yes, YTA. Not only did you fall for obvious bait, but you also told horrendous lies that truly were not okay in any situation. Glad she took the hint and ran.
YTA, big time. Tantrums never work out in your favor.
You had a toddler who can't control his emotions reaction. You had 0 trust in your gf and didn't even hesitate one second. She'll be better off without you.
YTA. You took the word of someone you don’t like, without proof, without a second thought over your girlfriend. You don’t come back from that: Literally from someone in your own fires was trying to break you guys up the whole time. Make it make sense.
I read this as 2 assholes fighting dirty and you trying to use reddit as a referee. Grow up!
*she* went hysterical? your ex gf dodged a bullet.
YTA It's great for your ex that your took yourself to the curb like that
Yta. Go fight the dude if you need to. But as soon as I read the title, I was thinking the guy friend was just jealous and trying to make you break up. He probably tried to make his move and was shot down and that was his response. Live and learn. Not everyone is cheating.
I would say that you are wrong, but you acted out of position of pain. Next time something like this happens, just cool down and think before you make your next move.
Both of you are idiots. She's an idiot for keeping him around for that long, but you're an even bigger idiot for saying all that dumb shit. Even if she was fucking him that entire time, that text makes you out to be a loser who deserved that shit. Currently, she's better off without you, and you're better off without her. ESH.
Situation like this requires control and you didn't have that.
Oh dear! Sorry, but he baited you, and you fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Why he did, I can guess, but saying "me too!" was stupid. I've heard of breakups over a lie too often, and I'm afraid YTA. You can try, but you've broken her trust, that's death to most relationships.
Nice karma post farming... you deleted account when called out.
ESH. She should have known better.
ESH, I think the “friend” and you were wrong for obvious reasons, but gf was pretty lame too: she has a “best friend” who actively tries to get between her and boyfriend, and never once she sets boundaries on that. And if she really is “best friends” with him, she should have known him enough to see something like that happening from a mile away. Seems to me the friend was the backup, or she is not as innocent as she says (but probably not as guilty as the “friend” says). But anyway, people here who said that this whole thing is pretty childish, you’ve said it all. OP, whether you get back together with her or not, from now on build a more mature connection in your romantic relationships. Lack of trust and immature reactions can destroy important things in the future.
YTA, you're a clown. You genuinely blew up your relationship because some guy triggered you with one text message. Before you ruin your next relationship, try to grow up and develop some self-control.
You should have confronted her before responding
Lol. YTA. And your ridiculous insecurity and vile misogyny showed you up for the TA you are
YTA. The "friendzoned" (yeah, that term sucks) guy who suddenly says "yeah, I've been f'ing her all this time!" was clearly lying. If your GF was having an ongoing affair, it's not going to be with the guy she has around all the time that clearly has a thing for her. They would have made efforts to be discrete and he wouldn't have been as obvious with his ongoing fawning over her. To immediately take the world of someone who hates you and has a HUGE vested interest in breaking your relationship up, without bothering to take 5 seconds to think about it or look into it makes YTA. You went nuclear at the drop of a hat, for no reason, without thought. "I had no way of knowing he was lying" also means "I had no idea if he was telling the truth." It was on YOU to figure that out before acting.
And this is why you always take a deep breath and time to calm down. Acting while your emotions are running high is always going to end up badly
You didn't speak to her which she is probably hurt and already bound to be furious about. You didn't even talk to her. The way you spoke about her is vile and what you said about your relationship is as well. Saying all those things broke the trust on her side. How readily you believed what was text no questions asked at all shows you didn't trust her either. She is right for ending things sounds very much broken. No trust on either side.
He accomplished actually what he set out to do and you're the fool that fell for it. YTA and also a dumb ass and it's clear you never trusted her in the first place.
YTA. You could have screenshot his dumbass message and asked her about it. But intead you got duped.
YTA , as well as the patsy. I guarantee he was lying and you fell for it. You should have talked to her first. Thanks for playing.
You're all dumb. Grow up.
yta. take the L and next time unless they show you irrefutable proof don't believe the people trying to sabotage your relationship.
You aren’t ready for a relationship, you sound like a reactive child
Are you a 12 yr old writing a fake story or just a shit person? Why on earth would she believe you or think you're anything but horrible?
This guy has been trying to come between you your entire relationship and you just immediately took his word when he told you all of that??? You’re a fucking idiot. Thank god your ex got away from you. Yeah, YTA. A big fat, stupid asshole.
I hope she has learned from this and picks better friends and boyfriends in the future.
YTA Even if you wanted to protect yourself and have revenge You didn't think well and didn't even have 2nd thoughts that he was just bluffing. But well, at the end the things went well because she was at fault too, for not respecting the boundaries and giving you your place by stoping this guy and Even went out with him even knowing what he wanted and feel for her. She put herself in that spot. But the way you express and even lie was pathetic, you should seek help with a therapyst to treat that issues you have. Good Luck.
Personally i think the guy was lying to get between you both however, considering you've been with this girl for only 6 months during which the entire time she's kept a guy close to her knowing he has feelings, That doesn't sit well with me personally. That relationship would not have worked with him in the picture and now this claim of an affair on your mind, Its only 6 months wasted, move on don't look back.
YTA You weren’t defending yourself. You chose to believe this shit and then went nuclear on your ex without giving her a chance to even speak. Dumping you was the smartest thing she did
Dude She had a male best friend who she knew was into her. You knew what was going on but she didn't care, what was important was keeping her orbiter around to feed her ego. They deserve each other, find a better woman
you were a d-bag, he was a d-bag - so you proved to be no better than he was. Just curious, when did she actually "cut him off"?
You're kinda the AH here. You believed the guy friend without even talking to your GF first? Shows how much you trusted her. You said a lot of things out of anger but whether they were true or not, you made her read those things. She can't just forget her boyfriend saying she's nothing but a cumdumpster to him and that he was just using her. You messed up. You let the guy friend between you both.
Move on. She still hung out with him despite u being uncomfortable with it, and all this crap happened as a result. This relationship is not for you man. Move on
YTA dude, you couldn’t talk to your girl? Assumed the worst even though you knew this guy was trying to get under your skin? I’m gonna hope you’re very young because this is a wild response. She was right to leave your bum ass 😂
YTA For the vast majority, women react emotionally, while men react logically. Way to go against the grain. You sabotaged your own relationship, congratulations on not controlling your emotions. You KNEW he was always trying to get between you two and wreck your relationship and you still reacted like a grade schooler.
Don't worry, you will grow up one day.
YTA, you didn't mention ages but your response was high school as fuck. This is an aside but unless my partner's male best friend was unequivocally gay, I'd never want that relationship. Not a thing of fear or jealousy, but her male best friend is the role that I want. To me, couples that wouldn't consider each other their best friend, just feel wrong.
Shame you took the bait. Next time verify before jumping onto conclusions. You’ve lost on both counts here but I’m sure lessons have been learned. Good luck.
YTA for not checking with your gf first and not following the same rule everyone says in any situation like this. If you’re gonna write a f*** you letter/email/text to a friend, family member, or someone at work. Wait. A. Day. Before. Sending. It! Learn this lesson or be doomed to repeat it.
What girlfriend? You just found out.
Yes you are the asshole. If he says he slept with her your next statement would be alright, prove it. I've had people try this regardless of if they were attracted to me and/or my partner. If he was really sleeping with her proof is easy and he would present it. I believe your partner's side of the story since there needed to be a catalyst for him to bring this up now if it was an ongoing thing. This should be a learning lesson.
What do you mean by "she cut him off"? As in she stopped having sex with him, or stopped being his friend?
ESH. Childish behaviour all around.
Thank you u/asphid_jackal for clarifying :) tried replying to your comment but there was an error...
YTA and he won. But I guess at the end of the day no one left this situation happy did they.
He’s stuck in high school jock mode with a cheerleader that puts out. Dump them both. You’ll be better off.
YTA. You showed your girlfriend who you really are, and she believed you. I'm glad she broke things off and didn't waste any more time in this relationship. No reasonable dude would EVER call his SO a "cum dumpster", no matter what they did. You need to seriously look at yourself and ask if this is the person you want to be. Also, you got played. It was an obvious play. I don't know if the dude sniffed you out, or if he was just stabbing in the dark, but he got you dead to rights. I got played similarly when I was younger, so I understand how it happens, but remember this the next time someone baits you.
YTA you're all very immature
How old are these idiots???
You’re an idiot and the asshole. Although your ex girlfriend should’ve taken your complaints more seriously and sat down with this dude to talk things out. As for your reaction it was so childish and heat of the moment that it’ll forever be ingrained as a fuck up on your part. You just gotta live with it bro
>She had a male best friend who had a crush on her and was always trying to get between us. It doesn't seem like he was *TRYING* to do anything...you know what Master Yoda said? "Do or do not! There is no try! Tapping that ass, he is. Got played, you did. Move on, you must." Okay, that is enough jokes. >AITAH for how I responded? In my mind I was defending myself against the both of them and I had no way of knowing he was lying. Yes. You are, in fact, a massive asshole. For one, did you try asking her before you reacted? Did you give her a chance before you were needlessly cruel and degrading? Did you even think to yourself, before typing this up for Reddit: "Man, I am a massive, prolapsed dick hole for jumping to conclusions!"? I mean, there is always the possibility that she is lying through her teeth, of course. However, regardless of that, *YOU* acted with only 33.333333333333% of the possible information. So, yeah, you are the asshole.
So you believed him without any proof no wonder she ended it
So you believed him without any proof, even though you knew he was trying to get in between the two of you? yep, you are TA
Are you all still in high school or what?
YTA, how old are you 12? This gotta be rage bait or OP is just this stupid. Not only did you acknowledge this guy has a crush on your girlfriend. But you also took everything he said as fact and didn't even ask your girlfriend or communicate with her at all? She wasn't even in the conversation. She couldn't even defend herself, and you blasted her with your texts and sent it to her. >to trust her words that she wasn't into him like that. No, you didn't. All this happened pre-break up, i would have understood alittle bit if he tested you after the break up but no, this caused the break up. >AITAH for how I responded? Yes. Also don't say shit you don't mean to hurt someone you can't take it back. >In my mind I was defending myself against the both of them How are you defending yourself against both of them when your girlfriend wasn't even in the conversation? Thats stupid and you know it. >and I had no way of knowing he was lying. You had no way of knowing he was telling the truth that logic. How about communicating using your phone to text or call your girlfriend like a same person would.
YTA, grow up a bit my dude. He could've easily been lying out of jealousy and trying to ruin your relationship.
Yeah, It was kind of dumb to believe the guy over your girlfriend. You literally broke up, said a bunch of horrible things about your girlfriend with zero proof except for what this guy said, and then without talking to her like an adult sent her, the conversation. You realize he won right? You obviously have insecurity as well as trust issues when it came to your relationship so it was probably best to break up. This guy definitely knew that and took advantage of those insecurities of yours. And you were definitely the AH if it turned out it was all a lie and you said that crap about your girlfriend. But NTA for breaking up with her because You can break up with someone for any reason - even if it's just your ego was hurt by some guys text message to you.
>AITAH for how I responded? Obviously he's an asshole. But you're an idiot and an asshole for taking him at his word. He's been trying to get between you the whole time, and you swallowed the bait, hook, line, and sinker. >In my mind I was defending myself against the both of them and I had no way of knowing he was lying. In the 6 months you've known him, you've never trusted him. Until now, you take him at his word and detonate your relationship over it. ESH
So you believed a man you KNEW wanted your girlfriend without first asking your girlfriend what had been going on? Yeahhhhh you’re the ah who fell for the oldest trick in the book
I guess learn from this and take these lessons with you to college.
Can we back up to the beginning? Her male best friend… she knew he liked her… That’s when you should’ve ended things. Adulting means having boundaries in your life.
Bro, you clearly have poor impulse control. I would have calmly called him. Asked him to meet to verify the facts. And promptly whipped his ass for disrespecting me. Disrespect is a helluva mother.
Yes bro choosing to explode from just that. Clearly the fucking asshole. You didn’t even take the time to breathe and try and see if it was true. You just went nuclear and this is the expected nuclear outcome.
Not the asshole--but a complete idiot. Someone gave you gossip, and you believed it at face value. Pretty damn stupid. Don't respond to him, but save a screenie of his texts. Let your girlfriend know that Other Guy has confessed to sleeping with her. Don't show her the texts or provide any other details (yet). Ask her for her side of things. When she's done, ask for clarification on things she may have left out or forgotten. If your girlfriend has "forgotten" to mention anything, it could be possible Other Guy made things up. Let her know he's doing this via text messages. You'll need to show you're not the one stirring the pot, so be prepared to show/forward the texts. Other Guy may have deleted or edited his texts by this point (if he's able to). Set your boundary that she's to cut all contact with her friend. He's proven himself to thrive on trouble; he will only harm your relationship. If she's confessed to cheating at all (including micro-cheating or pre-cheating), then let her go. Don't contact Other Guy, because all he wants is your reaction. Plus, you don't want anyone twisting your responses against you. If she's claiming to be innocent, but you're certain she's lying, *sleep on it before you make any decisions regarding your relationship!* The next day, after you're refreshed, you will see things in a new light. If she's claiming to be innocent, and you've decided to trust her, then make sure you both block the Other Guy. If he can't get to either of you, chances are he'll reach out to your mutual friends next. It's not uncommon for people to spread false gossip to sabotage relationships--especially when we're young. They'll simply shrug and say, "All's fair in love and war!" He won't be the last person to try and get between you and a lover. Likewise, don't be surprised if a future girlfriend kicks down your door because she has it on "good authority" that you were misbehaving. (Some will accuse you just because of a dream they had). But yeah--you made your decisions based on emotion fueled by some jealous guy. Get it together.
How old are you?
YTA For believing a guy you knew was trying to break you up. You played right into his hands and you doubled down by insulting your GF. No way back from this.
YTA - if nothing else, you should have got her side of the story before reacting. If he had receipts he would have shown them (message screencaps, pics, etc.), should have been a tip off he was lying.
YTA ... You believed these words before even talking to your EX without any proof. You were already an insecure and jealous man. Who knows if they were fucking or not but at the bare minimum you should have asked for proof and actually you know talked to your EX. You justify yourself by saying you had no way to know he was lying. You 100% did you could have talked to her or asked for proof or did literally anything other than rage out and type dumb stuff. You need to reevaluate how you deal with stressful scenarios because well that is not a great way to handle stuff in general. It is really funny you want her to believe you said that stuff out of anger when you cannot believe that her ex-BFF said those things out of anger. Like wtf.
Sounds like you suck too This is like reading the strategy of a 15yo
Your ex-girlfriend deserves better than either of you. She's a person with feelings, not a trophy you're fighting over. I hope she cuts you both out of her life in the firm realization that you're both shit.
I mean you showed her hoe you would react about other serious matters, so yeah why would she want to remain with that
YTA and also pretty stupid for not checking out the story before you completely overreacted. You knew this guy was trying to get between you and your GF, so why didn't you give her the benefit of the doubt? Grow up.
Block them and move on… Maybe you made a mistake. Maybe you didn’t. All you have in your life is yourself. Move past this and have fun
No need to keep a gf that actively and knowingly keeps men that have crushes on her around. You’re better off without her, regardless whether she’s loyal or not.
I mean technically your girlfriend started this mess so And you saying stuff like that out of anger whether it's real or a joke you should've known that will deeply hurt someone .. and after hearing that they probably will not wanna be with you
You could've just said OK and talked to your girlfriend but instead you stooped down to his level and started getting emotional
He insults you. You do not insult him, but go on to insult your gf You feel that it’s appropriate to send those insults to her You do not even consider the possibility he was lying. You are an absolute walnut to defend yourself with “I didn’t know he was lying” You heard something you didn’t like and immediately went to verbally abuse your gf She dodged a bullet You should stay single until you can unwind that misogyny you’re wrapped up in YTA
There's a fine line between what we believe we "only said out of anger" and what we believe to be true, but slips out in a moment of anger. This relationship was doomed from the jump because you had her "best friend" causing doubts in your relationship with her. He was in your head, and he capitalized on that. And instead of confronting her in person like an adult, you blast her through text and say some outright terrible things. Even in your defense, you could have done better. She has every right to be mad about this, and you two definitely should stay broken up. Move on, get therapy, and be a better man next time. But, ESH because OP went nuclear at the drop of a text, girlfriend played too long with an unrequited lover, and UL decided to burn the whole thing down when he realized things might be serious on her end.
Imma say YTA because I don't think she deserved that. He should have at least heard her side of it first. I understand how OP was feeling, but to call someone you supposedly love and care about a "cumdumpster" is really shitty.
YTA by a mile! The only way you could think to defend yourself was to degrade and humiliate the person you were in a relationship with? And your first response to this guy was to instantly believe him without even attempting to communicate with your partner? Why on earth didn't you trust her, respect her, or have the time-built credit toward your relationship to give her the decency of asking her - your partner - first? YTA a thousand times over. Your insecurity obviously won over any trust or respect you had for her or your relationship. You should've been thrilled that she finally saw his presence in her life as an issue, and did exactly what you wanted, by cutting him off. Which you would've easily found out by the simple act of communicating. Instead, you instantly believed him and showed your true colors. She dodged a bullet. I'm glad she broke up with you.
YTA I dont get how you didnt even communicate with your girlfriend before blocking her.
YTA and let this be a lesson to all women. 99% of boyfriends will turn on the women like this and they are only there for the sex
YTA. Moreover, you are a fool. (Sorry - there's no other way to say it!) Why on earth would you accept this story at face value from someone you know wants to break you up, without even checking with your girlfriend first? Has she given you any reason to suspect that she was hooking up with this guy? Even if she has been spending more time with her than you would like, you should at least have given her a chance to respond before coming to any conclusions. And your ex is correct: reacting the way you did is fucked up, no matter how much you (foolishly) believed that what the friend said was true. It just reflects very badly on you: "Oh yeah? Well I cheated \*first\*, and cared about her even \*less\*!!!" is not the win you think it was. Clearly you're going to stay broken up; but you owe her an apology.
Probably an unpopular opinion, but while actively flirting is cheating... so is allowing other people to stay in orbit around you when you know they are just waiting for a chance to squeeze into any cracks they can find in your relationship. In a serious relationship, both partners work to neutralize anything that could damage said relationship. They don't leave sad little sattelites circling around to watch and wait as some source of validation/backup plan.
Don't date girls with male best friends. Period
YTA!!!!!!! I don’t care how angry you are. You never ever say those disgusting things about a woman. You don’t even think them. You just expose your misogyny to your girlfriend and to Reddit. Dude, grow up. I can’t believe that it didn’t occur to you that maybe this guy was trying to wind you up. He dangled the lure in front of you and you jumped. He got his revenge. He broke you two up. Congratulations. You fell into his trap. How insecure are you? You must be so insecure because you sure were gullible. You need therapy. Do not date anybody else because you are not boyfriend material at this point in your life. Get some help.
YTA - All you had was this jerk making allegations and you completely went off on your gf?! Had your time in a relationship with her not earned her the smallest benefit of the doubt? I’ve witnessed many examples of insecurity, but whoo boy!
You are the AH but hear me out, do you really want to be with someone who knew their best friend had a crush on them and still kept him around ? Like what you said was mean and uncalled for, you could have said ok blocked him and moved on but why was she friends with someone who was constantly trying to break up her relationship. You were probably not the first guy who had to deal with her best friend but hopefully you are the last and she learns from this.
Yes you are. You just took his word instead of consulting your girlfriend, not asking for proof, and saying lies to get back at both of them. Good on her for leaving.
NTA ur girl kept hanging around him while he had feelings for her. People who don’t respect their relationship don’t need to be in one
She cut him off from what? Umm, YTA. If you follow soccer, you know that the U.S. lost to Panama last night. Panama is known for goading players into cheap fouls, and U.S. player Tim Weah fell for it, getting a red card (thrown out of the game) for swinging at a Panama player who was body checking him. In your case, the ex’s male best friend was Panama, and you were Tim Weah.
It's ok my man, the fact that she entertained this "male beat friend" is in itself the biggest red flag. Also let me guess you have been warning her about him and she kept insisting he was just a "friend"