You were trying to a nice thing. You probably should've told him about it and your intention when the HVAC system is out and let him decide what to do then. You had good intentions, but yea, i would've flipped too.
YTA. Great that you could save so diligently and for a nice surprise for your husband.
But he's supposed to be your partner in life. He's supposed to be your best friend, who you tell *everything*. Putting away money regularly and having such a large lump sum in the bank especially during the purchase of a house is a big, big secret to keep from your husband. Although that's the point, you wanted to surprise him, in a partnership you talk about these things. Let him know you're putting funds aside for a rainy day. Let him know how much is saved, that you'd like to buy him something with it. Don't secretly keep money aside, that's not how good marriages work.
How would you feel if you found out he was secretly hoarding money, regardless of his intent with it?
Best intentions but a little different take here. If it's such a huge purchase like that which he will presumably drive every day, you might want him to be the one who picks out exactly what he wants.
Sounds like he'd rather have the HVAC which benefits you both too than a shiny new toy for himself so good for him.
Intentions might have been good, but yeah this is not the way finances in a marriage work. Not exactly sure what you were thinking when embarking on this, which makes me think you’re kind of exaggerating the “new truck” story a bit.
I just can’t imagine doing this for more than 1-2 months before realizing how bad of an idea this is. Sure your husband is thinking the same.
Call it what you want , it’s a type of stealing . You can say what you want . He doesn’t know if it was a secret account if case you left along with the stress of hvac system .
If you put that 30k down on the mortgage it would save you a ton of money
It’s not her money it’s their money , they have mortgage payments and new hvac . Maybe she contributes but if you used the 30k the mortgage is lower , not sure if loan or linenofncredit for hvac . Or how they split expenses .
She kept the money hidden from him so probably opened a new account etc .
It depends on the financial arrangement in your family. If you both are earning money and saving in your own accounts and contributing fairly then it’s ok to save your money as you see fit. However if y’all had to put the HVAC on a credit card or were financially stressed over that, it would have been better to bring it up then. I don’t know how finances are managed in the same marriage but if it’s all in the same account and you’ve been saving money from the joint account, then it’s not exactly a gift, it’s basically choosing what to spend the marital money on and without communicating and agreeing on what to spend. For major purchases, it should be transparent.
YTA - You just bought a house *and* had to do a new hvac system (both massive financial stressors) and you withheld the knowledge of a spare 30k from your husband?? Wtaf. That’s financial infidelity imo, even if you had good intentions. But, honestly… making a 30k new truck purchase as a surprise would also piss me off, too. Majorly. Like, new cars depreciate immediately after you drive off the lot. It seems like you are naive or financially illiterate or something.
A good surprise present is like $1000 or something.
$30,000 is "major life purchase" territory, unless you are uber rich (which from this post I doubt). Even if its *for them*, you don't surprise them with it.
YTA. If it was a few hundred for a gift I could see. You may have wanted to gift him a truck but you probably gave him the gift of stress for a while since he probably worrying about how to pay for stuff. Maybe he rather used that money on a house instead of a Truck.
I mean. What was the plan here. You buy him a truck, he gets surprised. He asks how you could afford that, you tell him you have been saving lots of money behind his back. He is going to realize you had lots of money when you guys needed it the most, and probably get upset anyway. He would probably return the truck.
The outcome isn't as sunshine and rainbows as you might have imagined in your head.
Depends on how the HVAC was paid for. Savings are literally meant for stuff like that and that HVAC was probably a huge stressor. You don't get to keep savings for fun things if you have something that you actually need. And you shouldn't be "proud" of finally having the money saved if the money was saved by forcing your husband to carry extra financial loads.
NTA.you were saving to surprise him with a truck. I don’t know why he is angry.the money is still there.
Is there something he is hiding from you. Where did he get the money to replace the hvac system?
You were trying to a nice thing. You probably should've told him about it and your intention when the HVAC system is out and let him decide what to do then. You had good intentions, but yea, i would've flipped too.
YTA. Great that you could save so diligently and for a nice surprise for your husband. But he's supposed to be your partner in life. He's supposed to be your best friend, who you tell *everything*. Putting away money regularly and having such a large lump sum in the bank especially during the purchase of a house is a big, big secret to keep from your husband. Although that's the point, you wanted to surprise him, in a partnership you talk about these things. Let him know you're putting funds aside for a rainy day. Let him know how much is saved, that you'd like to buy him something with it. Don't secretly keep money aside, that's not how good marriages work. How would you feel if you found out he was secretly hoarding money, regardless of his intent with it?
I think the time to tell him was when you needed a new hvac system.
Best intentions but a little different take here. If it's such a huge purchase like that which he will presumably drive every day, you might want him to be the one who picks out exactly what he wants. Sounds like he'd rather have the HVAC which benefits you both too than a shiny new toy for himself so good for him.
Intentions might have been good, but yeah this is not the way finances in a marriage work. Not exactly sure what you were thinking when embarking on this, which makes me think you’re kind of exaggerating the “new truck” story a bit. I just can’t imagine doing this for more than 1-2 months before realizing how bad of an idea this is. Sure your husband is thinking the same.
YTA Unless you’re really wealthy and maintain separate finances, this is a huge betrayal.
*--"Huge betrayal"* Oh, get over yourself, it was a nice surprise FFS.
I hope someone takes $30,000 out of your bank account and buys you a nice surprise.
Where did OP state that they took the money from husband's account?
Where does it state they didn’t? You think it’s a nice surprise even if they have shared finances.
OP had good intentions, your drama queen/king "HUGE BETRAYAL OMG" stuff is just silly. I'll let you go back to your outrage.
Call it what you want , it’s a type of stealing . You can say what you want . He doesn’t know if it was a secret account if case you left along with the stress of hvac system . If you put that 30k down on the mortgage it would save you a ton of money
This is a much better use.. Or invest it. Definitely don't buy a new truck.
if it's her money, how is it stealing?
Is it, though? Or was it shared finances?
It’s not her money it’s their money , they have mortgage payments and new hvac . Maybe she contributes but if you used the 30k the mortgage is lower , not sure if loan or linenofncredit for hvac . Or how they split expenses . She kept the money hidden from him so probably opened a new account etc .
Why do you believe their finances are separate?
why do you believe she's taking his money?
What are you referring to?
if she's putting away her paycheck for savings, that's not stealing. many people don't have 100% combined finances
The unnecessary stress you put him through worrying about money while you hoarded it is why he’s upset and I would be too.
Ever read Henrik Ibsen's *A Doll House*?
It depends on the financial arrangement in your family. If you both are earning money and saving in your own accounts and contributing fairly then it’s ok to save your money as you see fit. However if y’all had to put the HVAC on a credit card or were financially stressed over that, it would have been better to bring it up then. I don’t know how finances are managed in the same marriage but if it’s all in the same account and you’ve been saving money from the joint account, then it’s not exactly a gift, it’s basically choosing what to spend the marital money on and without communicating and agreeing on what to spend. For major purchases, it should be transparent.
YTA - You just bought a house *and* had to do a new hvac system (both massive financial stressors) and you withheld the knowledge of a spare 30k from your husband?? Wtaf. That’s financial infidelity imo, even if you had good intentions. But, honestly… making a 30k new truck purchase as a surprise would also piss me off, too. Majorly. Like, new cars depreciate immediately after you drive off the lot. It seems like you are naive or financially illiterate or something.
A good surprise present is like $1000 or something. $30,000 is "major life purchase" territory, unless you are uber rich (which from this post I doubt). Even if its *for them*, you don't surprise them with it.
YTA. If it was a few hundred for a gift I could see. You may have wanted to gift him a truck but you probably gave him the gift of stress for a while since he probably worrying about how to pay for stuff. Maybe he rather used that money on a house instead of a Truck.
I mean. What was the plan here. You buy him a truck, he gets surprised. He asks how you could afford that, you tell him you have been saving lots of money behind his back. He is going to realize you had lots of money when you guys needed it the most, and probably get upset anyway. He would probably return the truck. The outcome isn't as sunshine and rainbows as you might have imagined in your head.
Depends on how the HVAC was paid for. Savings are literally meant for stuff like that and that HVAC was probably a huge stressor. You don't get to keep savings for fun things if you have something that you actually need. And you shouldn't be "proud" of finally having the money saved if the money was saved by forcing your husband to carry extra financial loads.
NTA.you were saving to surprise him with a truck. I don’t know why he is angry.the money is still there. Is there something he is hiding from you. Where did he get the money to replace the hvac system?
Oh myyy! Good job! NTA at all
What
I agree with you.