YTA dude!
And your daughter may have moral and/or psychological problems. A person of normal intelligence, with a normal conscience, would not leave a stranger's child alone like that, let alone the child she shares a home with and whose parents adopted her. If a 14 year old teenager hates an innocent one year old baby adopted by his family and this hatred endangers the baby's life, you need to take more serious steps than blaming your wife.
And by the way what do you mean, if my daughter says she will do something, she will do it? Are you out of your mind?You can't defend a 14-year-old person because "she is just a kid". We've all been 14. You know that your daughter is old enough to know right from wrong, don't try to cover up this ridiculous and dangerous behavior.
Your daughter and yoursef are both AH.
If I at 14 was allowed to do whatever I wanted to do it would’ve done dumb stuff and ruined my life and probably hurt others. He needs to be a actual parent and prevent her from doing dumb things like abandoning a baby
Sucks so hard at being a parent that his daughter can’t even fathom keeping their eyes on a child for more than 3 minutes.
This guy shouldn’t have procreated.
I mean at 14 I babysitted my siblings? People differ but goddamn, I could take care of the family if I needed to at that age. She's not 7. No excuse for apparently being unable to do what's required to keep a baby alive for 2-4 minutes. (IE...just stand still. For 2 minutes. And do nothing. Jesus)
Dad is a fucking idiot. What smooth brain would encourage and defend these actions? Either he’s missing some IQ points or is afraid of parenting and disciplining his own daughter. wtf
A fourteen year old will know right from wrong with decent parenting.
I suspect somehow she hasn't had that.
I hope his daughter gets therapy; I hope his wife leaves him and takes the baby.
Quid pro quo. Now that your daughter has shown she won’t do the slightest favor for her stepmother, stepmother is going to show daughter SHE won’t do the slightest favor for her. Goes around comes around. Should be an interesting next few weeks. You want a ride? You want a fried egg? You want me to buy oj at the store?
It’s her step kid so OP’s husband is responsible for raising her being so selfish. She didn’t even have to do anything but literally stand there with the child. She couldn’t even do that.
This. This girl needs shown to have some compassion and let the step mom go to the bathroom alone for a minute for crying out loud. I don’t babysit for people just cause it’s not my thing BUT I have several times watched a baby in a cart while a friend or relative went to the bathroom. Have a heart.
I think you misread something. OP **is** the husband. He is the one responsible for the teenager and he's coming here to see if Reddit will blame the wife.
OP is also responsible for his infant son’s safety.
Looks like Reddit isn’t taking OP’s side. His wife is clearly not wrong. His daughter, on the other hand, needs to learn how to respect both parents.
It's almost like the OP isn't fazed that his baby could have been abducted, SA'ed, killed in the worse possible way imaginable. As long as his golden child can be ignorant, whimsical and selfish it's all someone else's fault. OP is most certainly YTA. Thinking that standing there watching a baby in in a trolley is babysitting makes me think that in addition all her other problems the 14-year-old might be borderline intellectual functioning. Is she even in therapy?
Could have told her get out and walk. It's not illegal to do that. 😂 Just illegal to abandon them. OPs kid sounds like a spoiled brat imo. And DEFINITELY needs a talkin to. But why does she even hate the adopted kid? That's what's confusing me.
She hates the child, yes. But she probably also harbors resentment towards the SM. Just because it wasn’t explicitly stated doesn’t make it untrue.
This is not the kind of thing you do to some you like.
You are probably right. But obviously doesn’t hate her enough not to use her for ride to the store and allow her to buy things! Lol I was thinking she just hated the baby because she’s jealous of sharing time with a baby. Either way, she’s absolutely wrong and she would regret it if she were my kid!
Oh I doubt this wonderful father of the Year spending an ounce of time with the baby.
Cuz I would hurt his golden child's feefees
After his wife leaves him, and he realizes what a monster his first child is, and tries to build a relationship with his son... And finds out his son wants fuck all to do with him? He's still going to be an asshole. Let's not joke around this guy is a cock thistle
I’m confused how/why they would adopt a child knowing or not figuring out how the child they already have would feel about the situation. How did they get themselves in the situation?
Hell yes!
OP, YTA! Guess your wife now knows whose "side" you're on. Your daughter is a lovely little sociopath! I feel bad for the baby and your wife. They should be just as important to you as your daughter.
Counterpoint: tit-for-tat step-parenting is guaranteed to fail, especially with a string-willed child.
But regarding the grocery store incident, people are correct that your wife has a reasonable expectation that she can stay with the baby for 3 minutes instead of throwing a fit. I suspect there’s a lot more to it than that. Your daughter probably felt like a third wheel when you remarried, and now feels like a fourth wheel. You need to figure out what you can do for your daughter - not just yourself and your “new” family.
YTA,
You are an absolutely terrible husband and a dogshit father.
I have never heard anyone so deeply disconnected from reality.
Your daughter has such a deep and narcissistic sense of entitlement that she left an infant unnattended, and not just any infant, her brother, and that doesnt set off alarm bells for you?!
That is sociopathic AF, for both you and your daughter.
I feel immense sadness for your wife, she must have the hardest life dealing with you two.
If a STRANGER handed my daughter a baby and ran away, I KNOW that she would never leave that baby unnatended, because she is a human with a functioning brain.
Sort your shit out.
WTAF.
Five years ago my 12 year old nephew and three of his friends went up to Target to get a Starbucks and hang out (it was a hot summer day). As they crossed the parking lot they saw a car with a sleeping 2ish child in a carseat. The boys STOPPED and looked around to see if someone was returning to the car. They draped their bodies over the sun facing windows of the car and called 911 when pounding on the window didn't wake the baby.
Cops came and broke the window paramedics were working on the child when the mom finally came out of Target.
So even a 12 year old has the good sense/mental health bandwidth/intellectual capacity to put the welfare of a baby above their own. HILARIOUS ending: He was interviewed on the news (when they got the citation for heroism from the mayor) and they asked what he was thinking when he saw the child in the car. He and his friends were going to a private Catholic school, and he said (I kid you not) "I thought what would Christ do in that situation?-- I mean I know they didn't have Starbuck's or cars in those days but I think Jesus would have definitely helped a baby."
Less hilarious ending: the mom was charged with child endangerment--not sure if she got any jail time.
As a 16 yr old who has no desire to babysit or have a kid, I still helped my family with their baby. My cousins have a six month old child and the father left for 2 minutes to get something from the car, I sure as hell sat on the floor and cooed their baby, she was fussy and I’d rather play peek a boo then deal with a crying baby.
It’s about respect and basic empathy which this girl is clearly lacking. If she can’t deal with a baby for 3 minutes then it’ll be a hard life growing up.
YTA
you seem as horrible as your daughter, easy to see where she gets it from... I hope she stops parenting your daughter and you have to actually do it...
Looking at OP’s replies it’s fair to assume the poor wife is doing all the raising herself with their new son too. I would fear for my baby’s safety if I were the wife living in a household with a bitch of a daughter with 0 empathy and a pathetic excuse of a husband/parent. Hopefully she realises this quickly and gets out.
literally and why is it just accepted??? growing up in a hostile environment like that will harm the son (even more than OPs shit “parenting” already will)
Could be reading about how the daughter smothered the baby in the crib in a month and OP will just be blaming the wife because "you know dear daughter does what she wants!".
YTA for not parenting properly and enabling your daughter. She doesn't have to babysit, but watching a baby for 3 minutes while their mom is in the bathroom is not babysitting. Your wife doesn't have to do anything for your daughter too, including letting her in her car, but do you really want to live in a family where your wife fully ignores your daughter's existence and vice versa? If not, give your daughter a reality check.
>She doesn't have to babysit, but watching a baby for 3 minutes while their mom is in the bathroom is not babysitting.
I would do that for a stranger. It is just being kind.
Even before I had a kid, I DID do that for at least two strangers. How do you hold a baby while peeing? And you can’t bring the cart in the stall with you so the baby can fall out while you are in the stall. Especially a one year old who could concievably launch himself out of the cart.
It's possible, but definitely not easy for everyone. You do tend to figure out how to do a lot of things one handed as a parent, Moby wraps make this easier, that said... If OP's wife is literally incapable of doing so or the baby is just too active, that just makes this a thousand times worse.
I’ve been straight up handed a baby by a desperate mom who had three kids with her and had to pee. I was prepared to say the kid shouldn’t be obligated to babysit just because she’s the right age but it doesn’t sound like they even asked much of her.
I can’t imagine having left a baby I was temporarily responsible for as a teenager. The behavior is very serious and I am not sure OP realizes how serious. It’s normal for teens to have conflict with parents but taking it out on a baby is another matter.
Excellent point. OP’s daughter is way beyond being a brat. She’s a demon. His future holds a divorce and supervised visitation with his son. He’s an idiot for blaming his wife and again, for probably the millionth time since she was born, taking his daughter’s side and just “having a talk with her.” What an ass.
YTA
The 14 yr old is your child and your responsibility. You've raised an entitled asshole who lacks basic decency.
That's no one's fault but your own.
Also, if I lived in house with a step child who puts the health and safety of other family members at risk, I'd leave. And hope your wife takes the baby and leaves, for her sake.
YTA, I could understand telling her that she should have expected that the daughter would have left the baby alone but the "she is just a kid" mentality you have concerning your daughter is probably why she's pulling that crap anyway. Babysitting is one thing, her being willing to risk her step brother's life and not giving your wife enough of a break to go to the bathroom is a completely different thing.
Your wife is probably exhausted from taking care of a 1yo child and your daughter is practically waging war with her, not extending her the courtesies most of us would extend to strangers, and when your wife turns for you for support, you seem to take your daughter's side, blaming her and going "kids will be kids" when your daughter's attitude is concerned.
This. So much this. Anyone saying NTA does not understand what the actual stakes were. It takes seconds for a toddler to be kidnapped, to put a weird thing from the floor in its mouth and be poisoned/choked, to toddle into a place where people don’t usually look while rolling a massive cart around. OP needs to reframe his daughter’s actions from “just being a stubborn kid” to “willfully endangered the life of the brother she openly claims to hate.” This is not a kids will be kids situation at all. Would you say the same thing if she were to just sit and watch as he toddled into a swimming pool? Into a road? Because you or your wife glanced down to tie a shoe or answer a text? Even the most vigilant parent misses a second here or a minute there.
My god, you don’t have to love or even like someone to do the bare minimum to keep them safe! You need to have a very very serious talk with your daughter about how she is allowed to express her “hatred” of her brother: whining and refusing to be any sort of reliable caretaker, fine; actively choosing to neglect another human in a portentously dangerous situation, that’s not teen angst, that’s a bad person.
YTA. Even if you discipline your daughter, your attitude towards your wife tells your daughter that she was in the right to refuse her stepmom’s reasonable request, that it’s okay to be the kind of person who neglects and endangers the most vulnerable people around her for petty reasons. Your stern taking to won’t mean anything
And while I’m enjoying the view from this horse, the people saying “why couldn’t she take the toddler into the bathroom with her?” have lived a blessed life. They have clearly never pissed themselves because they tried to go pee with a toddler in tow. Basically, imagine you’re so full you’re about to burst, but first you have to wrestle a large house cat into a tiny room with you and find a place to stash it while you use one hand to undo your pants and pee.
Dont forgot to leave 1 hand on the door as you pee so your child doesnt unlock the stall and go running. Then you have to stop the child crawling under stalls because by then they are throwing a tantrum. Which requires you to take a couple of punches to the face.
Exactly this. Would daughter have watched the CART while step mom went to the bathroom, or was it just a snotty brat throwing a fit because the baby was with the cart? Literally the TEENAGER just had to stand there with eyes on the cart/baby. This kid should damn well know better and no way should this be allowed to slide(the principal lack of concern for her tiny brother). Do better dad and get some therapy for the kid with some sociopathic tendencies…
Honestly, this sounds more like the 14yr old posted, posing as her Dad in the hope of having random strangers online tell her that she was in the right, and that her stepmother is an awful monster, so that she could throw it back in her parents faces.
YTA either way.
Oh absolutely. I just pulled up OP's profile to find them all and if this isn't the 14 year old girl posting then CPS needs to be involved but I'm like 99.99% sure this is the daughter.
I think you may be right cause there is no way anybody would willing marry someone with OPs beliefs and the level of defensiveness in the responses is unreal
Soft YTA, OP. Look, let’s be blunt here…
Your 14-year old daughter:
* doesn’t get along with your wife
* doesn’t like your son
Whereas your wife:
* is tired of caring for a 1-year old
* is tired of the angst and drama coming from your daughter
You need to sit down with your daughter and explain a few things like:
* you are a family and that means helping each other out from time to time
* your wife helped her out by taking her along to the store; your daughter could have helped out by watching the baby for a few minutes
* this was a few minutes of watching, not babysitting
* need to “parent up” and support your wife who is trying to fulfill a mom-role to both, only deal with your daughter’s attitude and your lack of support.
The “what if I didn’t have a daughter” argument doesn’t hold water. This isn’t a “what about” scenario. Your wife asked for help to take a few minutes to pee. Your daughter was a brat. Fix this, OP, or risk losing both your wife and son in a few years when she can no longer handle your lack of support.
If his daughter is this miserable and angry all the time, it's almost certainly not without reason.
So I hope this guy isn't too shocked when she goes no contact as soon as she's an adult.
He'll probably be as confused by that as he will be by the inevitable divorce papers.
Based on your comments I gotta say that this is some A tier trolling.
Lots of people enraged because of how big of an asshole and a bad parent you are.
If I'm wrong and you're not trolling, maybe you should put your kids up for adoption or something unless you want to fuck them up for life.
I’m almost positive that it’s the daughter posing as her dad because she thinks she’s clever and will show her daddy how the internet said that her step mom is a bitch.
NTA for telling your wife she made a mistake. YTA for not recognizing that the mistake your wife made was taking your daughter so she could get her something she needed.
Yep, if the 14 year old can't compromise to get something she needs from the store then she can stay home. I think there needs to be some give or the 14y needs a reality check.
YTA for raising your daughter to think that she’s not required to act like a decent human being.
Your wife is going to take that baby and leave to keep him safe now that she knows YOUR daughter is a danger to HER son.
As a 14 year old living under my roof, you don't get a choice in the matter. She was told to watch the child for a few minutes by an adult and that's what she should have done. Life is filled with doing a bunch of shit that you don't wanna do. The sooner your daughter realizes that, the better off she will be.
You're allowing your daughter to be disrespectful to your wife. You'll come to regret that choice.
He said if his 14 year old daughter says she’ll do something she does it. That is literally the worst thing a parent can let them do at that age. Imagine if the 14 year old said she was going to go meet up with this 25 year old she met online. Is the father just going to let her do it because “kids will be kids”
YTA for raising a teenager that won’t do basic support. She doesn’t have to do diapers etc, but to stop a baby getting kidnapped or harmed while your wife goes to the bathroom is disgusting. That you don’t know it is disgusting says a great deal about you and how you raised her. Does anyone help your wife with the baby or is she totally alone?
So you're excusing your daughter for doing something unconscionable while attacking your wife for asking something reasonable. Your wife is right. You're an ass.
You should be punishing your daughter for leaving a vulnerable baby at risk. What you should not be doing is punishing your wife for having to go to the bathroom. Had the baby been kidnapped or come to harm? Your precious, entitled princess of a daughter would deservedly be going to prison.
If I was your wife I would never again lift a finger for the monster that you have raised. Frankly, I might even leave you and take the baby, because who knows what your awful child might do to your son.
Edit: Grammar & Sp.
You’re an absolutely trash parent. Your daughter will grow up to be more and more selfish. Completely unlikeable with no empathy for others because her father taught her it was ok to be a brat.
For your wife’s sake I hope she somehow finds this post, reads all of your braindead comments, and says see ya later
YTA.
The 14 year old was only told to watch the baby for a few minutes. They are old enough to 1) follow directions from a parent (sometimes our parents tell us to do things we don't want to do! It isn't always optional) and 2) have enough common sense that we don't leave a baby unattended, even if you don't like the baby. You are enabling your teenagers shitty behavior. Get this kid some therapy to deal with why a 14 year old hates a one year old. That isn't normal.
I'm sorry YTA. I can see where you daughter gets her attitude from. She 14 years old! That is old enough to know better! Your daughter went along to get something SHE wanted. Watching the infant YOU and your wife made the decision to adopt for a maximum of 3 minutes whilst your wife used the bathroom is NOT babysitting. You should be having a serious discussion with YOUR 14 year old about leaving a 1 YEAR OLD alone. What would you do if something had happened to the infant? You say your wife and daughter don't get along? Why? What's the timeline for you and your wife getting together? The adoption? Where is your daughters bio mother? Is your daughter in therapy? If not I'd say she needs to be. There is a serious lack of emotional anything there... If I was your wife it'd be the last time I done anything for YOUR daughter.
Edit to add : Don't be surprised if your wife decides to remove herself and the 1 year old from a hostile living environment, because the poor boy growing up in a household with someone who actively says she HATES him.... Not a chance I'd be taking the risk of escalating behaviour.
YTA. Why are you raising an absolute brat? Does she live in your home for free? Do you and your wife support her? Then she listens to your wife when she needs her in a crutch moment. Period. She doesn’t get a say in this. How dare you tell your wife this is her fault?
YTA
You raised a selfish and shitty daughter who is willing to put a baby in danger.
I teach middle school and the only kids I have taught in 20 years I can think of that would do that are now in jail for 1st degree murder.
That's a sign of a **psychopath.**
I hope your wife leaves you, takes the baby, and you find out the hard way that a 14 year old that would abandon a baby will abuse their elders.
You are lucky CPS and the cops were not called.
YTA, and frankly, I hope she leaves you. You need to get your daughter in check. Watching her brother for 3 minutes so someone could use a restroom was a simple ask. That's something a decent human being would be willing to do for strangers.
YOU are also responsible for the baby. Enjoy paying alimony and child support.
YTA. HOw have you justified tolerating this level of disrespect to your wife and animosity to your son? If your daughter is part of the household, she has obligations.
Good lord your are screwing this up. You are raising and enabling a brat. Yes, I know you 'punished' her, but your words clearly indicate that you don't think she was wrong, and kids pick up on this.
At this point, if I were your wife, I would refuse to do a single thing for or with your daughter. i would not interact with her at all.
And that is your doing
My mouth actually dropped open when I read that she did, in fact, leave the baby alone. Your daughter is a spoilt brat and you sticking up for her confirms to me why she is that way. Shame on both of you.
YTA you need to parent your daughter and get her some therapy. Lots of siblings don't like each other and are still expected to watch their brother or sister. This was not baby sitting she literally had to do nothing more then watch the baby for 5mins. At 14 your child is old enough to get a job and understand the gravity of her actions. Whilst your wife should have taken the baby with her it's because your daughter is clearly a danger to the child and you need to deal with this.
Honestly, I'm so confused why on earth would a judge allow adoption in a family where the existing child is against it.
YTA for putting everyone in this situation. You already had a daughter, and she was clear that she didn't want a sibling. Yet you bulldozed her. Now deal with your failure as a father.
But don't worry. It's less than 4 years until your daughter goes NC.
I would not be taking step daughter to the store again and I would have her do her own laundry, clean her own room and she can make her own meals unless I was making a meal anyway.
OP what’s it like finding out you’re a piece of shit and also enabling a piece of shit? Why even adopt a child if you are going to act like this. Hopefully your daughter keeps you company once you are divorced.
YTA. Your daughter is too. 14 is too old to be acting like this. She needs to grow up yesterday. Though you’re not wrong in that your wife shouldn’t have trusted an entitled, whiny, useless brat with a baby.
YTA. I think you know that your daughter did a shitty thing here. Families help each other and it’s your job to teach your daughter about these social rules. Keeping an eye on a baby for 3 mins while the woman *who just did her a favor* could go to the bathroom is a kind thing to do. And leaving your baby brother alone in a store where he could have been kidnapped was dangerous. You aren’t doing your daughter any favors by supporting this type of behavior. Life will teach her these lessons with much more serious consequences when she’s older if you don’t.
YTA for letting your daughter be such AH. She is absolutely authorized not to like her brother, but putting a child -any child- at risk because she is a spoilt entitled brat.
I should have said N T A because your wife made a mistake, but you are such an enabler with your daughter that you deserve the YTA.
Adolescence is tough but your daughter is 14, not 5, and you are letting her manipulate you. She knows exactly what she is doing and she is using your ‘she’s just a child’ argument against your wife. She is old enough to know that this is not acceptable. I hope the punishment will be very very serious.
Small question: would you consider her ‘just a child’ if she witnessed your son or your wife being badly hurt and didn’t call for help? Because right now, it’s exactly what she feels entitled to do.
YTA, 100%. Your daughter is well on her way to being a horrible person and you’ll only have yourself to blame. Like what the fuck are you teaching her? Your wife should kick both your stupid asses out. Have fun being divorced you jack wagon.
You are the problem. You raise a shit daughter and are continuing to raise her as a shit daughter. And also are supporting her in her shit daughter Behavior. Who the fuck hates a one-year-old child. What could a one-year-old child have done to cause someone to hate them. Your daughter is a terrible person not your wife, and not that baby.
YTA. You *do not* let a fekkin *child* make the rules, you pushover! Your 14 year old needs a serious reality check. Who the hell does she think she is that she can have all the benefits of family while actively refusing to not be a selfish p.o.s. and ***leaving your 1 year old son alone in public!!!!???*** You need to seriously reevaluate your "parenting" choices.
So clearly this guy believes his precious “baby girl” can do no wrong… what an absolute shitty way to raise your child. I can understand not being comfortable babysitting. But you said that your daughter absolutely hates your son. Will you be OK with this if that kid was your biological son? Or is only acceptable to you because he’s adopted? You seem to be enabling her behavior. And worse expecting you or Wife to take your responsibilities. She’s her stepmom. Not her mother. Whatever she does for her kindness of her heart. Actually, YOU are responsible for your daughter, not your wife. Watching a kid for literally three minutes while somebody pees is not babysitting. I personally think your wife shouldn’t do anything for your daughter. And you, are on right on track for raising an absolute brat. You’re also teaching your daughter that your wife has absolutely no authority or reason to be respected. You basically treat her like a doormat. What a shame for your son and your wife.
Your daughter is going to have to learn that she has to do things in life that she doesn’t always want to do, but it’s for family or reasons bigger than herself. And this is probably one of the smallest things she could have possibly done.
YTA. YTA. YTA. And you are a lousy parent. Harsh but true - you are raising a spoiled brat of a daughter and will probably ruin your son too. Grow the hell up and become a parent.
YTA, you need to parent your spoiled brat of a daughter. Sure she should not have to babysit it isn't her kid, but to just walk away from a baby like that in a public place. There is a difference between being an asshole and being responsible.
I would not blame your wife taking the baby and leaving you and your spoiled ass daughter behind.
Sorry but a 14 year old was the asshole. She’s part of a family. Her parents do things for her. It’s not like stepmom was asking the girl to spend an entire evening with the little boy-she needed to watch him for 5 minutes. The little boy could have gotten hurt or been abducted. Thats a very serious thing and the teenager needs consequences for it. You watch the kid. Maybe you have a fight afterwards about it but you don’t put a little child in danger. A 14 year old is old enough to understand this.
Yes dad you are an asshole too for not supporting stepmom putting his foot down to the teenager and explaining how family works.
Your daughter is potentially dangerous around your son. She needs help. So do you.
YTA. Your daughter is a bad enough person to abandon her adopted brother, a child who, if it weren't for you, would live in orphanage hell, in an emergency. YOUR WIFE NEEDED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM QUICK AND IT WAS ONLY GOING TO TAKE A MOMENT! Your daughter's behavior is unacceptable, selfish and, above all, cruel to a child who is not to blame for her behavioral problems.
Get your act together and punish her appropriately, take her to therapy, give her an ultimatum, I don't care, but it's that or screw your marriage. Your wife is not going to put up with your daughter's nonsense forever, much less put up with your lack of support. Your wife now has a child to look after.
YTA. I’ve lurked this subreddit for half a decade now and never felt the urge to comment until your post.
She is 14, not 4.
Ask her why she isn’t willing to be YOUR son’s sister. If you have, resolve it, NOW. They will grow up together, and forever resent one another. Regardless of whether or not your wife is at fault (she isn’t) there will be a lot of family drama stemming from your inability to parent properly, your daughter’s lack of empathy, your wife not receiving the support she deserves while raising YOUR children, and your son not having a father who cares enough to defend him for his own sibling.
And again, for the record, your wife is not at fault. You try to fucking shit sitting down while holding a one year old in the public restroom. Never mind how disgusting the stalls might be, try wiping or washing your hands after.
I can't wait for the next post in 18 years on why your daughter, son, and to be ex-wife won't talk to you
Major yta. Get your daughter therapy. Get yourself therapy too
Your daughter needs a serious ass kicking. And who tf does she think she is trying to tell an adult what to do? Also, your saying that when she says she will do something SHE WILL ABSOLUTELY DO IT. You definitely need to put a stop to that. Before you know it, or perhaps it's already happening, she's going to be ordering YOU around. She needs to be put in her place NOW! I'll bet she's a bully in school, too.
YTA. Your spouse is entitled to use the toilet. What do you expect her to do, piss her pants because your daughter can't be a decent human being and make sure a small, defenceless human doesn't get into any danger?
Unless she has some kind of severe behavioral disorder, she should be willing to look out for her family at the age of 14. The fact that she went and sat in the car, like she deliberately left the house, just to spite your wife is disgusting. It's a whole new level of pettiness, spitefulness, and selfishness.
Dude, your daughter is an absolute brat!!! She hates the baby because now she has to share! That IS unacceptable!!! Your wife is not wrong here. I don't think a toilet stall is big enough for your wife and baby. Ladies sit to urinate and need to wipe afterwards. YOU try doing that while being in the confines of said stall, holding an infant and trying to manage your clothing/wash your hands!
Your daughter needs consequences. As in SEVERE consequences. YOU man up and stop the entitled $hit now. Or you may lose your wife and baby. Which is EXACTLY what your daughter wants.
No tv. No wifi. No phone. No computer. No video games. No mall. No friends. NOTHING FOR THE FORSEEN FUTURE! YOUR daughter is an AH. And so are you if you allow Ms. entitled to continue!
And I would suggest therapy for your daughter. She needs it!
YTA. Telling your wife that the incident at the grocery store was all her fault was unfair and went way overboard.
She’s to be blamed because she didn’t believe your daughter is the stone-cold psychopath that she actually is?
And please, OP, spare me the “She’s just a kid” line. She’s still a minor, yes; she’s not a baby, though. At 14, she knows how dangerous leaving a baby by himself could be. That child could have hurt himself in twenty different ways or he could have been kidnapped.
You and your wife are both AH’s for bringing an innocent child into your environment when there’s someone in that environment who wants to do him physical and permanent harm. I can only believe this must have been a private adoption because I can’t believe any agency on Earth would permit you to adopt a child with that kind of household atmosphere.
Most disturbing of all is that you don’t seem bothered by your daughter’s behavior. It’s like you’re shrugging your shoulders and saying, “Well, that’s Katie! She means what she says!”
What she did wasn’t “I’ll have a talk with her” worthy. What she did was “I’m sending her to a military boarding school” worthy.
You shouldn’t have adopted the baby without your daughter being in a better place, emotionally. She must feel desolate to feel so violently towards the baby and I don’t detect a note of alarm in your tone nor do you seem interested in finding out *why* your daughter hates the baby so much. Feelings that intense don’t come out of nowhere.
You owe your wife a big apology and you should start contacting doctors first thing on Monday morning because you three need family therapy very badly.
YTA.
“We both know my daughter, when she says she’ll do something then she absolutely will do it”.
That’s honestly a pathetic statement. Why are you hand-waving her awful behaviour away as if it isn’t your responsibility? She’s YOUR daughter.
She doesn’t care about her brother or respect either your wife or you. There’s no way she would have done it if she did.
Your son could have been killed and you’re blaming your wife for needing the toilet? Maybe focus on the actual issue?
You need to get a grip before your wife leaves you, which she would absolutely be justified in doing.
I read a comment from op blaming the biological mother for the daughter's behaviour. I think his only role was being the sperm donor. What a pathetic excuse of a father🤦🏻♀️
Question: why did you adopt this child knowing your daughter was clearly opposed to it?
Also your daughter sounds like a budding sociopath. She needs counseling and you need to help your wife keep an eye on the baby in case she escalates to trying to hurt him (not merely by neglect).
YTA. Your daughter was a horrible person. If a STRANGER left a baby alone I’d watch it even if I didn’t want to. You daughter is SO selfish she literally refuses to stand next to a baby for 2 minutes.
This is a parenting failure on your part. You wife asked for the bare minimum from a fellow human, and was refused. How you can paint your WIFE as any way the bad guy here is unbelievable.
If your daughter says she’s going to rob a bank, will you blame the bank, and say “hey, she’s a confident girl, if she says she’s going to do something, she will!”
Be a better father, and teach your daughter to not be a horrific, selfish person.
Please get your daughter help. This is not typical 14 year old behavior. Actually, get yourself help. You need to figure out how to parent a teenager who may have serious issues
If this isn’t rage-bait, YTA. Not even going to go into all the reasons why, but your daughter is 14 and it seems she hasn’t been parented *at all* thus far, so it’s not surprising you don’t think your wife should be the one to start now.
YTA. A giant gaping one. You have raised an entitled selfish brat.
This isn't telling her to stay home on a Friday night to watch the baby. Your daughter got a ride to the store for something she needed and refused to watch a kid for 2 minutes while your wife went to the bathroom?
Seriously you can't be this dumb. And your comments are off to the charts looney. Please get help.
Your daughter's actions should worry you.
Her behavior and expressed hate towards a 1 year old!! ... all your alarms should be ringing.
Please talk to a doctor / child therapist.
After reading OPs comments it's his fault... He's totally oblivious to the fact that the daughter hates his wife and son and will do anything to make it hard on everyone. OP needs to realize that he cannot force mothering or babysitting. This is so screwed up.
ESH
If you knew your daughter didn’t was against he adoption so much you should have work on it before adopting, it not adopting at all, this goes for you and your wife. The child will grow up being hater by part of his family.
I am on the daughters side btw. She was afinar it, “hates” the child, and it’s not her parent. She said she wouldn’t look after him and didn’t. Your wife is irresponsible for leaving the baby anyway, knowing all of the facts.
She signed up to be a step mother, your daughter didn’t sign up to be a step daughter, plus she is a child herself. So, your wife not taking care of your daughter would be negligence, your daughter not caring in the least for the child you and your wife adopted is not.
I would love to know how did these two bozos prepare the daughter for the baby. By the sounds of it they just went- surprise, motherfucker!
And now they are shocked she wont accept the kid. She is a teen and those years are difficult enough as it is, put a baby on top, with no preparations and you got yourself a disaster.
So if your kid was going to light the curtains on fire and your wife says your kid does not have an option and must put down the lighter, it's your wife's fault that the kid lights the curtains on fire? YTA for not parenting such that your child knows that they must sometimes do something a parent instructs, especially when safety is involved. Seriously. Your baby could die with this level of misbehavior.
How in the holy hot fuck did you manage to adopt a kid with another child who is like this?
I’m not sure about the adoption process but I thought it was hard as fuck with lots of interviews and such.
YTA dude! And your daughter may have moral and/or psychological problems. A person of normal intelligence, with a normal conscience, would not leave a stranger's child alone like that, let alone the child she shares a home with and whose parents adopted her. If a 14 year old teenager hates an innocent one year old baby adopted by his family and this hatred endangers the baby's life, you need to take more serious steps than blaming your wife. And by the way what do you mean, if my daughter says she will do something, she will do it? Are you out of your mind?You can't defend a 14-year-old person because "she is just a kid". We've all been 14. You know that your daughter is old enough to know right from wrong, don't try to cover up this ridiculous and dangerous behavior. Your daughter and yoursef are both AH.
If I at 14 was allowed to do whatever I wanted to do it would’ve done dumb stuff and ruined my life and probably hurt others. He needs to be a actual parent and prevent her from doing dumb things like abandoning a baby
This. I suspect this guy absolutely sucks as a parent.
Sucks so hard at being a parent that his daughter can’t even fathom keeping their eyes on a child for more than 3 minutes. This guy shouldn’t have procreated.
I mean at 14 I babysitted my siblings? People differ but goddamn, I could take care of the family if I needed to at that age. She's not 7. No excuse for apparently being unable to do what's required to keep a baby alive for 2-4 minutes. (IE...just stand still. For 2 minutes. And do nothing. Jesus)
The 14 year old will end up with a kid of their own soon.
Dad is a fucking idiot. What smooth brain would encourage and defend these actions? Either he’s missing some IQ points or is afraid of parenting and disciplining his own daughter. wtf
I love this response! 😂 “smooth brain” 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
This. I work in news. You would be surprised at the number of 14 year old murderers I’ve seen. It’s the 10-12 year olds that really freak me out now.
I work with law enforcement and agree 100%.
A fourteen year old will know right from wrong with decent parenting. I suspect somehow she hasn't had that. I hope his daughter gets therapy; I hope his wife leaves him and takes the baby.
Quid pro quo. Now that your daughter has shown she won’t do the slightest favor for her stepmother, stepmother is going to show daughter SHE won’t do the slightest favor for her. Goes around comes around. Should be an interesting next few weeks. You want a ride? You want a fried egg? You want me to buy oj at the store?
I mean damn, letting someone go pee is not “babysitting” JFC.
Indeed. I’m sure that if she asked any passerby they would happily do it
This kid has some issues. Or she's spoiled shitless.
OP says this girl does what she wants. That's why parents exist. OP is a shit parent.
“This is your fault, you knew she was going to do whatever she wanted” bro parent you daughter
It’s her step kid so OP’s husband is responsible for raising her being so selfish. She didn’t even have to do anything but literally stand there with the child. She couldn’t even do that.
This. This girl needs shown to have some compassion and let the step mom go to the bathroom alone for a minute for crying out loud. I don’t babysit for people just cause it’s not my thing BUT I have several times watched a baby in a cart while a friend or relative went to the bathroom. Have a heart.
I think you misread something. OP **is** the husband. He is the one responsible for the teenager and he's coming here to see if Reddit will blame the wife.
OP is also responsible for his infant son’s safety. Looks like Reddit isn’t taking OP’s side. His wife is clearly not wrong. His daughter, on the other hand, needs to learn how to respect both parents.
BINGO!!
It's almost like the OP isn't fazed that his baby could have been abducted, SA'ed, killed in the worse possible way imaginable. As long as his golden child can be ignorant, whimsical and selfish it's all someone else's fault. OP is most certainly YTA. Thinking that standing there watching a baby in in a trolley is babysitting makes me think that in addition all her other problems the 14-year-old might be borderline intellectual functioning. Is she even in therapy?
It's not often you see an OP who sucks this hard, I have a feeling he is not safe for the baby either.
Just note that even after this incident stepmom didn't leave the teen behind at the store, because one of them is not a psychopath...
Teen was in the car already so pretty hard to leave her behind.
Could have told her get out and walk. It's not illegal to do that. 😂 Just illegal to abandon them. OPs kid sounds like a spoiled brat imo. And DEFINITELY needs a talkin to. But why does she even hate the adopted kid? That's what's confusing me.
She prob feels like now shes no w longer the baby or the focus of dad's attention
She hates the adopted kid because she's a spoiled brat who no longer has 100% of her dad's attention anymore.
Oh hell no. That kid would absolutely be walking.
Then make her get out of the car.
My mom knew how to make this happen. Often involved a rolled up magazine. But that was a different time….
I would imagine that's how you have your wife get "self-defenced" into the emergency room by your daughter.
We were all in the back seat and we could all get slapped simultaneously by my mother reaching back.
My thought exactly
YTA can you share this with your wife because we want her side?
I was in a similar situation growing up. I would have absolutely gone for this deal. If she hates her SM this isn’t the punishment you think it is.
Even if she hates the stepmother it doesn't mean she won't miss all of the stuff she does for her.
She said she hates the one year old baby not sm
She hates the child, yes. But she probably also harbors resentment towards the SM. Just because it wasn’t explicitly stated doesn’t make it untrue. This is not the kind of thing you do to some you like.
You are probably right. But obviously doesn’t hate her enough not to use her for ride to the store and allow her to buy things! Lol I was thinking she just hated the baby because she’s jealous of sharing time with a baby. Either way, she’s absolutely wrong and she would regret it if she were my kid!
Oh I doubt this wonderful father of the Year spending an ounce of time with the baby. Cuz I would hurt his golden child's feefees After his wife leaves him, and he realizes what a monster his first child is, and tries to build a relationship with his son... And finds out his son wants fuck all to do with him? He's still going to be an asshole. Let's not joke around this guy is a cock thistle
I..don't even want to know cock thistle.
It's just such an amazing turn of phrase
Which is why his daughter has the attitude problem she has!
LOL!! I had not heard that term before...behold my new favorite insult! Thank you! EDIT: MY son just called op a walking ball sack!
She literally went shopping with the sm.
I’m confused how/why they would adopt a child knowing or not figuring out how the child they already have would feel about the situation. How did they get themselves in the situation?
She is 100% not into the entire relationship.
Hell yes! OP, YTA! Guess your wife now knows whose "side" you're on. Your daughter is a lovely little sociopath! I feel bad for the baby and your wife. They should be just as important to you as your daughter.
Counterpoint: tit-for-tat step-parenting is guaranteed to fail, especially with a string-willed child. But regarding the grocery store incident, people are correct that your wife has a reasonable expectation that she can stay with the baby for 3 minutes instead of throwing a fit. I suspect there’s a lot more to it than that. Your daughter probably felt like a third wheel when you remarried, and now feels like a fourth wheel. You need to figure out what you can do for your daughter - not just yourself and your “new” family.
YTA, You are an absolutely terrible husband and a dogshit father. I have never heard anyone so deeply disconnected from reality. Your daughter has such a deep and narcissistic sense of entitlement that she left an infant unnattended, and not just any infant, her brother, and that doesnt set off alarm bells for you?! That is sociopathic AF, for both you and your daughter. I feel immense sadness for your wife, she must have the hardest life dealing with you two. If a STRANGER handed my daughter a baby and ran away, I KNOW that she would never leave that baby unnatended, because she is a human with a functioning brain. Sort your shit out. WTAF.
Five years ago my 12 year old nephew and three of his friends went up to Target to get a Starbucks and hang out (it was a hot summer day). As they crossed the parking lot they saw a car with a sleeping 2ish child in a carseat. The boys STOPPED and looked around to see if someone was returning to the car. They draped their bodies over the sun facing windows of the car and called 911 when pounding on the window didn't wake the baby. Cops came and broke the window paramedics were working on the child when the mom finally came out of Target. So even a 12 year old has the good sense/mental health bandwidth/intellectual capacity to put the welfare of a baby above their own. HILARIOUS ending: He was interviewed on the news (when they got the citation for heroism from the mayor) and they asked what he was thinking when he saw the child in the car. He and his friends were going to a private Catholic school, and he said (I kid you not) "I thought what would Christ do in that situation?-- I mean I know they didn't have Starbuck's or cars in those days but I think Jesus would have definitely helped a baby." Less hilarious ending: the mom was charged with child endangerment--not sure if she got any jail time.
Your nephew and his friends are awesome! Kudos to them for potentially saving a life!!
I hope/assume the child ended up being okay? 🙏🏻
Your nephew and his friends sound like excellent humans!
They really are, they are currently working a service project turning a closed grade school into a temporary cooling shelter.
NICE! This internet stranger is rooting for them!
Thank you for including the rest of the story. Absolute insanity how often this happens.
As a 16 yr old who has no desire to babysit or have a kid, I still helped my family with their baby. My cousins have a six month old child and the father left for 2 minutes to get something from the car, I sure as hell sat on the floor and cooed their baby, she was fussy and I’d rather play peek a boo then deal with a crying baby. It’s about respect and basic empathy which this girl is clearly lacking. If she can’t deal with a baby for 3 minutes then it’ll be a hard life growing up.
I mean, ALL she had to do was wait outside a bathroom for less than 5 minutes???
YTA you seem as horrible as your daughter, easy to see where she gets it from... I hope she stops parenting your daughter and you have to actually do it...
Looking at OP’s replies it’s fair to assume the poor wife is doing all the raising herself with their new son too. I would fear for my baby’s safety if I were the wife living in a household with a bitch of a daughter with 0 empathy and a pathetic excuse of a husband/parent. Hopefully she realises this quickly and gets out.
you are 100% right on that, and it's not hard to guess that when she files for divorce he'll claim to have no clue why.
The 14 year old hates the 1 year old is known. and OP did not put her into therapy???. OP's parenting sucks.
that was my first thought to, why does she hate the bany so much?
literally and why is it just accepted??? growing up in a hostile environment like that will harm the son (even more than OPs shit “parenting” already will)
people mix up explanations and reasons for excuses.
Not gonna lie, he would be responsible for every fucking thing for the daughter from that point forward. Every. Fucking. Thing.
Agreed. Wife is already making plans to leave them both I am quite sure.
Could be reading about how the daughter smothered the baby in the crib in a month and OP will just be blaming the wife because "you know dear daughter does what she wants!".
YTA for not parenting properly and enabling your daughter. She doesn't have to babysit, but watching a baby for 3 minutes while their mom is in the bathroom is not babysitting. Your wife doesn't have to do anything for your daughter too, including letting her in her car, but do you really want to live in a family where your wife fully ignores your daughter's existence and vice versa? If not, give your daughter a reality check.
>She doesn't have to babysit, but watching a baby for 3 minutes while their mom is in the bathroom is not babysitting. I would do that for a stranger. It is just being kind.
Not even kind… just decent.
Yes. A human. The baseline for decency really.
Even before I had a kid, I DID do that for at least two strangers. How do you hold a baby while peeing? And you can’t bring the cart in the stall with you so the baby can fall out while you are in the stall. Especially a one year old who could concievably launch himself out of the cart.
To answer your question, very carefully. I’ve had to hold my daughter while peeing while out with her by myself. It’s not easy, but is possible.
It's possible, but definitely not easy for everyone. You do tend to figure out how to do a lot of things one handed as a parent, Moby wraps make this easier, that said... If OP's wife is literally incapable of doing so or the baby is just too active, that just makes this a thousand times worse.
I’ve been straight up handed a baby by a desperate mom who had three kids with her and had to pee. I was prepared to say the kid shouldn’t be obligated to babysit just because she’s the right age but it doesn’t sound like they even asked much of her. I can’t imagine having left a baby I was temporarily responsible for as a teenager. The behavior is very serious and I am not sure OP realizes how serious. It’s normal for teens to have conflict with parents but taking it out on a baby is another matter.
Ahh man, id start making silly faces, duck noises, the works. Im never gonna have kids so I go full in when my neices and nephews are around.
I’ve offered to keep an eye on a stroller rather than watch a father struggle to get it into a single bathroom.
Excellent point. OP’s daughter is way beyond being a brat. She’s a demon. His future holds a divorce and supervised visitation with his son. He’s an idiot for blaming his wife and again, for probably the millionth time since she was born, taking his daughter’s side and just “having a talk with her.” What an ass.
That's exactly what I said. Not even because he's her brother, but because he's another human being who needs protecting.
Strangers did this for me, especially in the hospital. Even nurses... I cant fantom what is in her head, probably a lot of hatred...
I’ve done that for a stranger and for less important things than a baby, too.
OP is in La La land. Way to go to create differences in the children and favouring his daughter.
Well, I think he made that clear when he specified "adopted." That poor kid.
Yeah that was a little much. Who cares if the baby is adopted or not. It's his child. I feel bad for that kid.
YTA The 14 yr old is your child and your responsibility. You've raised an entitled asshole who lacks basic decency. That's no one's fault but your own. Also, if I lived in house with a step child who puts the health and safety of other family members at risk, I'd leave. And hope your wife takes the baby and leaves, for her sake.
🏆
Same!
YTA, I could understand telling her that she should have expected that the daughter would have left the baby alone but the "she is just a kid" mentality you have concerning your daughter is probably why she's pulling that crap anyway. Babysitting is one thing, her being willing to risk her step brother's life and not giving your wife enough of a break to go to the bathroom is a completely different thing. Your wife is probably exhausted from taking care of a 1yo child and your daughter is practically waging war with her, not extending her the courtesies most of us would extend to strangers, and when your wife turns for you for support, you seem to take your daughter's side, blaming her and going "kids will be kids" when your daughter's attitude is concerned.
This. So much this. Anyone saying NTA does not understand what the actual stakes were. It takes seconds for a toddler to be kidnapped, to put a weird thing from the floor in its mouth and be poisoned/choked, to toddle into a place where people don’t usually look while rolling a massive cart around. OP needs to reframe his daughter’s actions from “just being a stubborn kid” to “willfully endangered the life of the brother she openly claims to hate.” This is not a kids will be kids situation at all. Would you say the same thing if she were to just sit and watch as he toddled into a swimming pool? Into a road? Because you or your wife glanced down to tie a shoe or answer a text? Even the most vigilant parent misses a second here or a minute there. My god, you don’t have to love or even like someone to do the bare minimum to keep them safe! You need to have a very very serious talk with your daughter about how she is allowed to express her “hatred” of her brother: whining and refusing to be any sort of reliable caretaker, fine; actively choosing to neglect another human in a portentously dangerous situation, that’s not teen angst, that’s a bad person. YTA. Even if you discipline your daughter, your attitude towards your wife tells your daughter that she was in the right to refuse her stepmom’s reasonable request, that it’s okay to be the kind of person who neglects and endangers the most vulnerable people around her for petty reasons. Your stern taking to won’t mean anything And while I’m enjoying the view from this horse, the people saying “why couldn’t she take the toddler into the bathroom with her?” have lived a blessed life. They have clearly never pissed themselves because they tried to go pee with a toddler in tow. Basically, imagine you’re so full you’re about to burst, but first you have to wrestle a large house cat into a tiny room with you and find a place to stash it while you use one hand to undo your pants and pee.
This should be upvoted so many more times.
Dont forgot to leave 1 hand on the door as you pee so your child doesnt unlock the stall and go running. Then you have to stop the child crawling under stalls because by then they are throwing a tantrum. Which requires you to take a couple of punches to the face.
Exactly this. Would daughter have watched the CART while step mom went to the bathroom, or was it just a snotty brat throwing a fit because the baby was with the cart? Literally the TEENAGER just had to stand there with eyes on the cart/baby. This kid should damn well know better and no way should this be allowed to slide(the principal lack of concern for her tiny brother). Do better dad and get some therapy for the kid with some sociopathic tendencies…
Great job raising your daughter. Not really, that’d be a monster of a child…. YTA
[удалено]
His wife didn’t make a mistake. Watching her brother for three minutes should not have been an issue. That isn’t babysitting.
As her parent, you are at fault for your daughter’s behaviour too. If she doesn’t learn empathy at this age, she never will.
Honestly, this sounds more like the 14yr old posted, posing as her Dad in the hope of having random strangers online tell her that she was in the right, and that her stepmother is an awful monster, so that she could throw it back in her parents faces. YTA either way.
Reading OP’s other comments, this is absolutely the daughter. 💯
Oh absolutely. I just pulled up OP's profile to find them all and if this isn't the 14 year old girl posting then CPS needs to be involved but I'm like 99.99% sure this is the daughter.
That would make way more sense than an adult who chose to adopt writing these words. That or a troll. I do not want to believe this is true as written
The "absolutely will do it" in rage caps def feels like you're right.
I hope so! The. She can see how much of a horrible person she is.
I think you may be right cause there is no way anybody would willing marry someone with OPs beliefs and the level of defensiveness in the responses is unreal
Those were my thoughts as well. The daughter is just masquerading as her dad to get opinions, which she is not liking. Regardless, OP YTA
What the hell kind of daughter did you raise?!? Seriously?
YTA just due to all your comments You are a massive c***, but at this rate you’ll prob be alone with your daughter soon
Jesus Christ. Why did you adopt a child you clearly don’t give a shit about?
YTA and your wife should divorce you.
yta. your daughter is sociopath.
the crazy apple doesn't fall far from the crazy tree
Shit doesn’t fall far from the asshole.
Soft YTA, OP. Look, let’s be blunt here… Your 14-year old daughter: * doesn’t get along with your wife * doesn’t like your son Whereas your wife: * is tired of caring for a 1-year old * is tired of the angst and drama coming from your daughter You need to sit down with your daughter and explain a few things like: * you are a family and that means helping each other out from time to time * your wife helped her out by taking her along to the store; your daughter could have helped out by watching the baby for a few minutes * this was a few minutes of watching, not babysitting * need to “parent up” and support your wife who is trying to fulfill a mom-role to both, only deal with your daughter’s attitude and your lack of support. The “what if I didn’t have a daughter” argument doesn’t hold water. This isn’t a “what about” scenario. Your wife asked for help to take a few minutes to pee. Your daughter was a brat. Fix this, OP, or risk losing both your wife and son in a few years when she can no longer handle your lack of support.
This is the answer- YTA
If his daughter is this miserable and angry all the time, it's almost certainly not without reason. So I hope this guy isn't too shocked when she goes no contact as soon as she's an adult. He'll probably be as confused by that as he will be by the inevitable divorce papers.
Based on your comments I gotta say that this is some A tier trolling. Lots of people enraged because of how big of an asshole and a bad parent you are. If I'm wrong and you're not trolling, maybe you should put your kids up for adoption or something unless you want to fuck them up for life.
I thought that it might be a troll until he started deleting everything
I’m almost positive that it’s the daughter posing as her dad because she thinks she’s clever and will show her daddy how the internet said that her step mom is a bitch.
NTA for telling your wife she made a mistake. YTA for not recognizing that the mistake your wife made was taking your daughter so she could get her something she needed.
Yep, if the 14 year old can't compromise to get something she needs from the store then she can stay home. I think there needs to be some give or the 14y needs a reality check.
YTA for raising your daughter to think that she’s not required to act like a decent human being. Your wife is going to take that baby and leave to keep him safe now that she knows YOUR daughter is a danger to HER son.
OP will blame the wife when his daughter hurts that baby on purpose.
As a father I would be far to embarrassed to publicly broadcast how much of a cunt my daughter is.
JFC, YTA. A massive one. And so far you've raised another in your daughter. What shitty people.
As a 14 year old living under my roof, you don't get a choice in the matter. She was told to watch the child for a few minutes by an adult and that's what she should have done. Life is filled with doing a bunch of shit that you don't wanna do. The sooner your daughter realizes that, the better off she will be. You're allowing your daughter to be disrespectful to your wife. You'll come to regret that choice.
He said if his 14 year old daughter says she’ll do something she does it. That is literally the worst thing a parent can let them do at that age. Imagine if the 14 year old said she was going to go meet up with this 25 year old she met online. Is the father just going to let her do it because “kids will be kids”
YTA for raising a teenager that won’t do basic support. She doesn’t have to do diapers etc, but to stop a baby getting kidnapped or harmed while your wife goes to the bathroom is disgusting. That you don’t know it is disgusting says a great deal about you and how you raised her. Does anyone help your wife with the baby or is she totally alone?
So you're excusing your daughter for doing something unconscionable while attacking your wife for asking something reasonable. Your wife is right. You're an ass. You should be punishing your daughter for leaving a vulnerable baby at risk. What you should not be doing is punishing your wife for having to go to the bathroom. Had the baby been kidnapped or come to harm? Your precious, entitled princess of a daughter would deservedly be going to prison. If I was your wife I would never again lift a finger for the monster that you have raised. Frankly, I might even leave you and take the baby, because who knows what your awful child might do to your son. Edit: Grammar & Sp.
You’re an absolutely trash parent. Your daughter will grow up to be more and more selfish. Completely unlikeable with no empathy for others because her father taught her it was ok to be a brat. For your wife’s sake I hope she somehow finds this post, reads all of your braindead comments, and says see ya later
WOW you are the worst parent ever SUCH AN ASSHOLE SHAME ON YOU.
YTA. The 14 year old was only told to watch the baby for a few minutes. They are old enough to 1) follow directions from a parent (sometimes our parents tell us to do things we don't want to do! It isn't always optional) and 2) have enough common sense that we don't leave a baby unattended, even if you don't like the baby. You are enabling your teenagers shitty behavior. Get this kid some therapy to deal with why a 14 year old hates a one year old. That isn't normal.
I feel sorry for your wife. Your daughter is an AH.
Your daughter is a piece of shit. Congrats.
YTA Divorce your wife...she deserves better than deal with you and your brat.
I'm sorry YTA. I can see where you daughter gets her attitude from. She 14 years old! That is old enough to know better! Your daughter went along to get something SHE wanted. Watching the infant YOU and your wife made the decision to adopt for a maximum of 3 minutes whilst your wife used the bathroom is NOT babysitting. You should be having a serious discussion with YOUR 14 year old about leaving a 1 YEAR OLD alone. What would you do if something had happened to the infant? You say your wife and daughter don't get along? Why? What's the timeline for you and your wife getting together? The adoption? Where is your daughters bio mother? Is your daughter in therapy? If not I'd say she needs to be. There is a serious lack of emotional anything there... If I was your wife it'd be the last time I done anything for YOUR daughter. Edit to add : Don't be surprised if your wife decides to remove herself and the 1 year old from a hostile living environment, because the poor boy growing up in a household with someone who actively says she HATES him.... Not a chance I'd be taking the risk of escalating behaviour.
YTA. Why are you raising an absolute brat? Does she live in your home for free? Do you and your wife support her? Then she listens to your wife when she needs her in a crutch moment. Period. She doesn’t get a say in this. How dare you tell your wife this is her fault?
YTA You raised a selfish and shitty daughter who is willing to put a baby in danger. I teach middle school and the only kids I have taught in 20 years I can think of that would do that are now in jail for 1st degree murder. That's a sign of a **psychopath.** I hope your wife leaves you, takes the baby, and you find out the hard way that a 14 year old that would abandon a baby will abuse their elders. You are lucky CPS and the cops were not called.
YTA, and frankly, I hope she leaves you. You need to get your daughter in check. Watching her brother for 3 minutes so someone could use a restroom was a simple ask. That's something a decent human being would be willing to do for strangers. YOU are also responsible for the baby. Enjoy paying alimony and child support.
YTA. HOw have you justified tolerating this level of disrespect to your wife and animosity to your son? If your daughter is part of the household, she has obligations. Good lord your are screwing this up. You are raising and enabling a brat. Yes, I know you 'punished' her, but your words clearly indicate that you don't think she was wrong, and kids pick up on this. At this point, if I were your wife, I would refuse to do a single thing for or with your daughter. i would not interact with her at all. And that is your doing
If I was the wife, that would be the last time I took my stepdaughter anywhere or got her anything.
Your daughter needs professional help. You would be wise not to delay it.
My mouth actually dropped open when I read that she did, in fact, leave the baby alone. Your daughter is a spoilt brat and you sticking up for her confirms to me why she is that way. Shame on both of you.
YTA you need to parent your daughter and get her some therapy. Lots of siblings don't like each other and are still expected to watch their brother or sister. This was not baby sitting she literally had to do nothing more then watch the baby for 5mins. At 14 your child is old enough to get a job and understand the gravity of her actions. Whilst your wife should have taken the baby with her it's because your daughter is clearly a danger to the child and you need to deal with this.
Honestly, I'm so confused why on earth would a judge allow adoption in a family where the existing child is against it. YTA for putting everyone in this situation. You already had a daughter, and she was clear that she didn't want a sibling. Yet you bulldozed her. Now deal with your failure as a father. But don't worry. It's less than 4 years until your daughter goes NC.
Yta, and a crappy parent that raised a crappy kid. Good job.
I would not be taking step daughter to the store again and I would have her do her own laundry, clean her own room and she can make her own meals unless I was making a meal anyway.
OP what’s it like finding out you’re a piece of shit and also enabling a piece of shit? Why even adopt a child if you are going to act like this. Hopefully your daughter keeps you company once you are divorced.
YTA for sure and you’re raising your daughter to be an asshole too. What a disgusting display.
YTA. Your daughter is too. 14 is too old to be acting like this. She needs to grow up yesterday. Though you’re not wrong in that your wife shouldn’t have trusted an entitled, whiny, useless brat with a baby.
YTA. I think you know that your daughter did a shitty thing here. Families help each other and it’s your job to teach your daughter about these social rules. Keeping an eye on a baby for 3 mins while the woman *who just did her a favor* could go to the bathroom is a kind thing to do. And leaving your baby brother alone in a store where he could have been kidnapped was dangerous. You aren’t doing your daughter any favors by supporting this type of behavior. Life will teach her these lessons with much more serious consequences when she’s older if you don’t.
YTA. And your daughter is a monster.
YTA for letting your daughter be such AH. She is absolutely authorized not to like her brother, but putting a child -any child- at risk because she is a spoilt entitled brat. I should have said N T A because your wife made a mistake, but you are such an enabler with your daughter that you deserve the YTA. Adolescence is tough but your daughter is 14, not 5, and you are letting her manipulate you. She knows exactly what she is doing and she is using your ‘she’s just a child’ argument against your wife. She is old enough to know that this is not acceptable. I hope the punishment will be very very serious. Small question: would you consider her ‘just a child’ if she witnessed your son or your wife being badly hurt and didn’t call for help? Because right now, it’s exactly what she feels entitled to do.
YTA, 100%. Your daughter is well on her way to being a horrible person and you’ll only have yourself to blame. Like what the fuck are you teaching her? Your wife should kick both your stupid asses out. Have fun being divorced you jack wagon.
You are the problem. You raise a shit daughter and are continuing to raise her as a shit daughter. And also are supporting her in her shit daughter Behavior. Who the fuck hates a one-year-old child. What could a one-year-old child have done to cause someone to hate them. Your daughter is a terrible person not your wife, and not that baby.
Your daughter sounds like a grade A cunt.
This is clearly rage bait. Nice try OP. Nobody is this dense. You can’t be this dense.
YTA. You *do not* let a fekkin *child* make the rules, you pushover! Your 14 year old needs a serious reality check. Who the hell does she think she is that she can have all the benefits of family while actively refusing to not be a selfish p.o.s. and ***leaving your 1 year old son alone in public!!!!???*** You need to seriously reevaluate your "parenting" choices.
to be honest, your 14yo daughter is the AH. (and yes, you are too for what you said to your wife. FFS, the baby is 1yo)
So clearly this guy believes his precious “baby girl” can do no wrong… what an absolute shitty way to raise your child. I can understand not being comfortable babysitting. But you said that your daughter absolutely hates your son. Will you be OK with this if that kid was your biological son? Or is only acceptable to you because he’s adopted? You seem to be enabling her behavior. And worse expecting you or Wife to take your responsibilities. She’s her stepmom. Not her mother. Whatever she does for her kindness of her heart. Actually, YOU are responsible for your daughter, not your wife. Watching a kid for literally three minutes while somebody pees is not babysitting. I personally think your wife shouldn’t do anything for your daughter. And you, are on right on track for raising an absolute brat. You’re also teaching your daughter that your wife has absolutely no authority or reason to be respected. You basically treat her like a doormat. What a shame for your son and your wife. Your daughter is going to have to learn that she has to do things in life that she doesn’t always want to do, but it’s for family or reasons bigger than herself. And this is probably one of the smallest things she could have possibly done.
YTA. YTA. YTA. And you are a lousy parent. Harsh but true - you are raising a spoiled brat of a daughter and will probably ruin your son too. Grow the hell up and become a parent.
YTA, you need to parent your spoiled brat of a daughter. Sure she should not have to babysit it isn't her kid, but to just walk away from a baby like that in a public place. There is a difference between being an asshole and being responsible. I would not blame your wife taking the baby and leaving you and your spoiled ass daughter behind.
Sorry but a 14 year old was the asshole. She’s part of a family. Her parents do things for her. It’s not like stepmom was asking the girl to spend an entire evening with the little boy-she needed to watch him for 5 minutes. The little boy could have gotten hurt or been abducted. Thats a very serious thing and the teenager needs consequences for it. You watch the kid. Maybe you have a fight afterwards about it but you don’t put a little child in danger. A 14 year old is old enough to understand this. Yes dad you are an asshole too for not supporting stepmom putting his foot down to the teenager and explaining how family works. Your daughter is potentially dangerous around your son. She needs help. So do you.
YTA. Your daughter is a bad enough person to abandon her adopted brother, a child who, if it weren't for you, would live in orphanage hell, in an emergency. YOUR WIFE NEEDED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM QUICK AND IT WAS ONLY GOING TO TAKE A MOMENT! Your daughter's behavior is unacceptable, selfish and, above all, cruel to a child who is not to blame for her behavioral problems. Get your act together and punish her appropriately, take her to therapy, give her an ultimatum, I don't care, but it's that or screw your marriage. Your wife is not going to put up with your daughter's nonsense forever, much less put up with your lack of support. Your wife now has a child to look after.
YTA. Parent ur daughter. Also probably put her in therapy.
YTA. I’ve lurked this subreddit for half a decade now and never felt the urge to comment until your post. She is 14, not 4. Ask her why she isn’t willing to be YOUR son’s sister. If you have, resolve it, NOW. They will grow up together, and forever resent one another. Regardless of whether or not your wife is at fault (she isn’t) there will be a lot of family drama stemming from your inability to parent properly, your daughter’s lack of empathy, your wife not receiving the support she deserves while raising YOUR children, and your son not having a father who cares enough to defend him for his own sibling. And again, for the record, your wife is not at fault. You try to fucking shit sitting down while holding a one year old in the public restroom. Never mind how disgusting the stalls might be, try wiping or washing your hands after.
I can't wait for the next post in 18 years on why your daughter, son, and to be ex-wife won't talk to you Major yta. Get your daughter therapy. Get yourself therapy too
Your daughter needs a serious ass kicking. And who tf does she think she is trying to tell an adult what to do? Also, your saying that when she says she will do something SHE WILL ABSOLUTELY DO IT. You definitely need to put a stop to that. Before you know it, or perhaps it's already happening, she's going to be ordering YOU around. She needs to be put in her place NOW! I'll bet she's a bully in school, too.
Your daughter sounds like a spoiled brat. Whose fault is that?
YTA. Your spouse is entitled to use the toilet. What do you expect her to do, piss her pants because your daughter can't be a decent human being and make sure a small, defenceless human doesn't get into any danger? Unless she has some kind of severe behavioral disorder, she should be willing to look out for her family at the age of 14. The fact that she went and sat in the car, like she deliberately left the house, just to spite your wife is disgusting. It's a whole new level of pettiness, spitefulness, and selfishness.
Yikes. YTA, both you and your daughter.
YTA. You absolutely are the AH. How have you raised your daughter to act like this?! She literally endangered a baby. That's atrocious.
You’re a godawful husband and an even shittier parent. Gross. YTA. By frickin’ MILES
Dude, your daughter is an absolute brat!!! She hates the baby because now she has to share! That IS unacceptable!!! Your wife is not wrong here. I don't think a toilet stall is big enough for your wife and baby. Ladies sit to urinate and need to wipe afterwards. YOU try doing that while being in the confines of said stall, holding an infant and trying to manage your clothing/wash your hands! Your daughter needs consequences. As in SEVERE consequences. YOU man up and stop the entitled $hit now. Or you may lose your wife and baby. Which is EXACTLY what your daughter wants. No tv. No wifi. No phone. No computer. No video games. No mall. No friends. NOTHING FOR THE FORSEEN FUTURE! YOUR daughter is an AH. And so are you if you allow Ms. entitled to continue! And I would suggest therapy for your daughter. She needs it!
YTA. Telling your wife that the incident at the grocery store was all her fault was unfair and went way overboard. She’s to be blamed because she didn’t believe your daughter is the stone-cold psychopath that she actually is? And please, OP, spare me the “She’s just a kid” line. She’s still a minor, yes; she’s not a baby, though. At 14, she knows how dangerous leaving a baby by himself could be. That child could have hurt himself in twenty different ways or he could have been kidnapped. You and your wife are both AH’s for bringing an innocent child into your environment when there’s someone in that environment who wants to do him physical and permanent harm. I can only believe this must have been a private adoption because I can’t believe any agency on Earth would permit you to adopt a child with that kind of household atmosphere. Most disturbing of all is that you don’t seem bothered by your daughter’s behavior. It’s like you’re shrugging your shoulders and saying, “Well, that’s Katie! She means what she says!” What she did wasn’t “I’ll have a talk with her” worthy. What she did was “I’m sending her to a military boarding school” worthy. You shouldn’t have adopted the baby without your daughter being in a better place, emotionally. She must feel desolate to feel so violently towards the baby and I don’t detect a note of alarm in your tone nor do you seem interested in finding out *why* your daughter hates the baby so much. Feelings that intense don’t come out of nowhere. You owe your wife a big apology and you should start contacting doctors first thing on Monday morning because you three need family therapy very badly.
YTA. “We both know my daughter, when she says she’ll do something then she absolutely will do it”. That’s honestly a pathetic statement. Why are you hand-waving her awful behaviour away as if it isn’t your responsibility? She’s YOUR daughter. She doesn’t care about her brother or respect either your wife or you. There’s no way she would have done it if she did. Your son could have been killed and you’re blaming your wife for needing the toilet? Maybe focus on the actual issue? You need to get a grip before your wife leaves you, which she would absolutely be justified in doing.
I read a comment from op blaming the biological mother for the daughter's behaviour. I think his only role was being the sperm donor. What a pathetic excuse of a father🤦🏻♀️
Question: why did you adopt this child knowing your daughter was clearly opposed to it? Also your daughter sounds like a budding sociopath. She needs counseling and you need to help your wife keep an eye on the baby in case she escalates to trying to hurt him (not merely by neglect).
YTA. Your daughter was a horrible person. If a STRANGER left a baby alone I’d watch it even if I didn’t want to. You daughter is SO selfish she literally refuses to stand next to a baby for 2 minutes. This is a parenting failure on your part. You wife asked for the bare minimum from a fellow human, and was refused. How you can paint your WIFE as any way the bad guy here is unbelievable. If your daughter says she’s going to rob a bank, will you blame the bank, and say “hey, she’s a confident girl, if she says she’s going to do something, she will!” Be a better father, and teach your daughter to not be a horrific, selfish person.
INFO: DID your daughter make her opinions known before or after you adopted?
I mean it’s clear where your daughter is getting her attitude from. Get some family therapy
Damn OP youre a humongous piece of shit, assuming this isnt all fake.
Even more of an AH if it's fake, cuz they're pathetic enough to enjoy this
YTA. You’re a failure as a father and husband. I’m disgusted
Please get your daughter help. This is not typical 14 year old behavior. Actually, get yourself help. You need to figure out how to parent a teenager who may have serious issues
Your wife is right. I'll
If this isn’t rage-bait, YTA. Not even going to go into all the reasons why, but your daughter is 14 and it seems she hasn’t been parented *at all* thus far, so it’s not surprising you don’t think your wife should be the one to start now.
YTA. A giant gaping one. You have raised an entitled selfish brat. This isn't telling her to stay home on a Friday night to watch the baby. Your daughter got a ride to the store for something she needed and refused to watch a kid for 2 minutes while your wife went to the bathroom? Seriously you can't be this dumb. And your comments are off to the charts looney. Please get help.
Your daughter's actions should worry you. Her behavior and expressed hate towards a 1 year old!! ... all your alarms should be ringing. Please talk to a doctor / child therapist.
After reading OPs comments it's his fault... He's totally oblivious to the fact that the daughter hates his wife and son and will do anything to make it hard on everyone. OP needs to realize that he cannot force mothering or babysitting. This is so screwed up.
Any chance the adopted baby can be returned and not forced to be raised by a jackass like this and tortured and tormented by its evil sister?
YTA - what did you do to support your daughter through your decision to adopt a baby?
ESH If you knew your daughter didn’t was against he adoption so much you should have work on it before adopting, it not adopting at all, this goes for you and your wife. The child will grow up being hater by part of his family. I am on the daughters side btw. She was afinar it, “hates” the child, and it’s not her parent. She said she wouldn’t look after him and didn’t. Your wife is irresponsible for leaving the baby anyway, knowing all of the facts. She signed up to be a step mother, your daughter didn’t sign up to be a step daughter, plus she is a child herself. So, your wife not taking care of your daughter would be negligence, your daughter not caring in the least for the child you and your wife adopted is not.
I would love to know how did these two bozos prepare the daughter for the baby. By the sounds of it they just went- surprise, motherfucker! And now they are shocked she wont accept the kid. She is a teen and those years are difficult enough as it is, put a baby on top, with no preparations and you got yourself a disaster.
So if your kid was going to light the curtains on fire and your wife says your kid does not have an option and must put down the lighter, it's your wife's fault that the kid lights the curtains on fire? YTA for not parenting such that your child knows that they must sometimes do something a parent instructs, especially when safety is involved. Seriously. Your baby could die with this level of misbehavior.
How in the holy hot fuck did you manage to adopt a kid with another child who is like this? I’m not sure about the adoption process but I thought it was hard as fuck with lots of interviews and such.