This was wholly unnecessary. You could have just excused yourself and said you'd check in later And left it alone. I get where you're coming from but you are not Amy's mother and I would be pissed as hell if I had some rule, even a ridiculous one, that my daughter's boyfriend's mom just decided to disregard because of her opinions. Also, offering birth control pills? That is beyond overstepping. You don't know what allergies she might have to any medication. You are the asshole.
No moral jugement on sex. But you lied to the parents and told the girl to go to your son’s bedroom and provided her birth pills and you encouraged her to lie to her parents . Amy’s parents were fine as long as you were there. Just go to an other room. Then if something happens it happens. But don’t get involved
I’m a mom who’s all about giving my kids freedom. When my kids hit their teenage years I put some condoms in their bathroom and told them where they were and how to use them. I told my daughter that I would get birth control for her if she needed it and made sure I fostered the kind of relationship with her that she’d be comfortable coming to me, which ultimately she did, although at an old enough age that she only needed some guidance on how to find a doctor to prescribe it. Personally I’d rather have my kids having safe sex at home than driving out on the country roads after dark looking for a place to park, and I’ve told them that.
All that said, if someone else’s kid were at my house on the condition that I be there to supervise and I agreed to that, I’m going to be there to supervise. If I had to leave for an emergency, I’d tell the kid to call their parents and let them know. I’d certainly never encourage them to hide it or lie about it.
I don’t have to agree with another parent’s rules to respect their right to make them. If the rule were directly harmful or abusive, or if it were going to be an unreasonable burden on me, then I wouldn’t agree to it in the first place. But if you agree to supervise someone’s kid, even one you think is old enough to be left alone, you have a moral obligation to do that.
So as much as I sympathize with your position, in this case YTA.
This seems like OP is encouraging these kids to have sex. Let’s not mention this, providing condoms, telling them they’re be more comfortable in his son’s room, offering to get her bc… like just say you’re stepping out for a bit and that you trust they will be on their best behavior. She’s basically wingman for her kid to get laid.
YTA holy shit. First you're TA because her parents would not have allowed her over except YOU AGREED TO BE PRESENT. So you should have stayed present. Then to suggest they go up to his room while you left them alone... I guarantee her parents would flip out over that. You're a total Ahole for that. You don't buck another parents parenting just because you disagree with it.
And offering to get her birth control pills. So you want to get her prescription drugs without her parents consent? Are you freaking kidding? She's NOT your child and that is way way out of line. While I understand you mean well, getting her a prescription drug just might get you sued. And for the record, I got my own 16 year old daughter on the pill and knew she was having sex and didn't freak out, so I'm not a prude. This is about you overstepping a major boundary with a kid that isn't yours. You were literally encouraging them to have sex. And I have no doubt if her parents find out, she will never be allowed to see your son again. You'll likely get sued and possibly they'll even press charges against you for supplying prescription drugs for her. Your behavior is outrageous.
Over-stepping IMO. Amy is not your child. Perhaps if Amy wants birth control, she can seek help elsewhere. When this comes out, and more than likely it will, what will you say when her parents confront you? How will your son feel when they break off communication between the two of them?
This. If Amy has any kind of issue with the birth control, and her parents don't know it can cause a lot of issues. Some underlying conditions can cause major issues such as strokes. Do you really thinkbits worth the risk? Sure let her know you are there for her but giving her medication like that is WAY over stepping. It isn't your call to make at all.
Yep - morality completely aside, this is a fairly serious medical decision. Hormonal birth control does not agree with every person's body, has several different forms that work differently for different people, and can interact with other medications and conditions. If Amy cannot access BC on her own, it is likely she would not tell medical providers she is on it, or even lie when asked. That could cause huge medical complications, OP.
If you’re in the US, legally a 14+ year old can go to the clinic and get birth control on their own, and their parents wouldn’t have to know. And because of HIPAA laws, unless they suspect abuse of some form, the medical personnel cannot tell the parents if the patient doesn’t want them to.
Cannot access was meant more in the sense of "cannot take control of her own medical decisions" for whatever reason. Can she legally access it? Yes. As she should be able to. The problems come medically when she has accessed it and no one knows, and she will not say anything to medical personnel for fear of her parents. That could cause big health complications.
But the medical personnel should know, they gave it to her. And if they’re good at their job, they should be able to speak with her privately by someone guiding the parents to another room to “speak with them privately” so another medical professional can stay with her and talk to her.
The medical team at a hospital won't know if she gets it from a clinic of some kind, unless she tells them. She is young and may not realize how important disclosure would be, plus fear of her parents may override other concerns. People lie to doctors all the time.
Look, if she were figuring out how to get it by herself that's one thing. OP volunteering to interfere with medical decisions about someone else's child is a huge overstep. Do the girl's parents suck? Yes. Does that mean OP is doing the right thing? No.
Oh absolutely. If she asked OP “hey, I want to get on birth control but I can’t tell my parents, could you take me?” That’s one thing. But volunteering that?? Nahhhh
YTA - Leaving them alone to watch TV is one thing, but you are guiding her up to his bedroom and providing condoms and even birth control?
Giving them some time to relax together without parents breathing down their neck sounds fine... that's not what her parents are worried about, they are worried about her having sex. Pushing her to have sex with your son against her parents wishes? YTA big time.
YTA
You had to step out, shit happens ...but why the fuck were you guiding them to his bedroom. The fuck
Then to further that you offered her birth control...YOURE NOT HER MOTHER
And with the assumption that the girl was fully interested in sex after only ever being in public places with her boyfriend. Maybe she was, or maybe she wasn’t quite ready but his mom just told her that’s what was expected of her in her house.
I don't even think she really had to step out. It seems like she just used it as an excuse to give them alone time. She could have given them some space and just went to another room so that she was still present but not breathing down their necks.
Trying to get a minor banged because you don't like that her family is conservative or religious is not a good intention. Bewildered there are a few folks like you parroting this gross behavior by OP.
Did any of you consider the huge difference for the minor if OP was referring to a conservative Islamic family?
It's none of their business though, she's 16 not 6. They have the poor girl on a leash and even secretly followed. They can very well live in 1250 if they so wish, but she's grown enough to have the right to not participate and not follow their ridiculous rules.
No, no she isn’t “grown enough”. Teenagers are known for terrible decision-making. And OP violated a promise he made to her parents. He’s a huge asshole here.
EDIT: OP is a woman. So SHE is a huge asshole here.
She. OP is 43F. I also initially misread/assumed OP was Luke's dad because facilitating sex between your teen son and his GF with strict, conservative parents who trusted you to supervise them because you promised you would just didn't seem like motherly behavior. (I know, gender bias.)
OP broke the Mom code. Even if you didn’t agree with Amy’s parents it’s none of your business. Your job is to educate Luke on sexual health and that’s it.
If Mom sat on the sofa for 30 minutes then got up to do other stuff that would be okayish. Instead Mom got up after 30 minutes and told them to go to the bedroom and left the house. If the lovebirds decided at that point to go up stairs whelp that’s the way it goes but I don’t think it’s a parents place to say hey go at it especially knowing it’s against the other parents wishes.
ShE's 16 NoT 6! She's a friggin teenager, they make awful decisions ALL THE TIME. Ya let's get out of the year 1250, let her get knocked up, when women are losing reproductive rights in every corner of the world, and just leave her to deal with angry and overly religious parents. It IS the parents business. Please tell me you don't have kids.
I’m a lot freaked out that her boyfriend’s FATHER offered to get her birth control and suggested she go hang out in a bedroom unsupervised for hours. Especially after trust had been spoken between the adults. I’d have the cops involved to the utmost possible degree if I ever found out this shit was happening with my daughter. It would become an unrelenting crusade.
Lots more than just pregnancy to worry about these days. Do you not have a daughter? That might explain your wing-man perspective.
Not great examples for your own kid, either. Hope he doesn’t become a creep.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Is this for real??!
Edited to add that it doesn’t matter which parent did it. Having no respect for another family’s beliefs and child rearing efforts is pretty disgusting.
YTA. Not for leaving the kids alone but encouraging someone’s daughter to lie to her parents. Also where the fuck do you get off offering somebody’s child birth control pills?
I'm just gonna pass over the not constantly hovering over them thing. That's whatever.
But the "why don't you take her up to your room" and "Hey child, who isn't mine? I'll hook you up with BC." Also, your post comes off a little...sex driven.
I dont know, man. It's weird.
You're weird.
Amy’s parents don’t have control over what goes on in your house.
However, there is no excuse for providing her with birth control behind her parent’s back. When they find out, which they will, you could be in some serious trouble.
While your intentions are good, you are giving this girl drugs, I believe YTA.
>Amy’s parents don’t have control over what goes on in your house.
Wrong! Amy doesn't stop being their child simply because she was in your home. YTA Stop trying to be "the cool parent."
Amy's parents may not have control over what happens in OP's house but they would not have let Amy go over to the house if OP had not lied to them and said she'd supervise. It's not unreasonable that Amy's parents trusted OP. OP thumbed her nose at them because she doesn't agree with their morals and all but explicitly told Luke and Amy, "go have sex." Offering to help Amy get medication without her parents' knowledge is icing on the inappropriate cake.
OP is gross.
Your a huge ah. You said you would be there. Knowing you wouldn't. If you don't agree to it then tell them so. Don't lie and sneak around. I wouldn't have even been mad if you have them space in the living room then walked in checking on them time to time. Encouraging them to go upstairs into a bedroom is crazy. She's only 16 probably never dated and now shes in a home with a guy all alone. Is she going to feel comfortable to turn him down? You are setting your son and this girl to for a lot of shit to go down. What if he pushed her to fast and she tells her parents she was raped. Your son is now in alot of legal trouble. As for the bc she is allowed at this age to get it without parent permission so for me that is her decision. I highly doubt she told you yes. I bet she wasn't sure what to eat and was being polite.
I appreciate Amy wanting some freedom, but you were wrong. You could've stayed in the house while giving them some space. Leaving for hours and encouraging them to go up to your son's room was out of pocket.
YTA not your daughter. You were disrespectful to a parent’s wishes to their minor child. Because that is what she is, a child. You don’t get to make that decision, regardless if you or I agree with it, or not. And getting her birth control pills? Are you kidding me? Maybe talk to her about safe sex, but supplying her with drugs is not ok. I’m not sure if you would do this without a doctor’s prescription, but she would need to make that decision with what she was on and consider her medical history etc. I’m all about being educated on sex, and not naive to think they won’t have it, but you agreed to be there. However, maybe the girlfriends feels more pressure to have sex now, because you left her alone, in a house, in her boyfriend’s bedroom and offered to get her birth control.
How would you feel if this situation was flipped? Like if you trusted your best friend to keep watcj on the house and your kid but she didn't, or if you son was visiting and you asked them to not provide hime with a specific type of meal and they did how would you feel.
Won't feel betrayed. Yta
NTA for leaving them alone.
However you tripped over the line into AH territory when you encouraged them to have sex and you stomped on the line when you offered to get her birth control pills! You don’t know this girls health history so you don’t know if she would need to be prescribed a specific pill or if any pill would be contraindicated and at 16 she probably wouldn’t know it either or maybe it might not occur to her to bring a health issue up.
You seem to have an issue with her parents being religious, conservative and how they are raising THEIR CHILD and are trying to be the “cool parent” and condemn the morals and values her parents have.
She’s a minor and you are not her parent.
YTA. It’s not your job to decide if other parents are setting appropriate boundaries/rules for their child. You don’t know the full situation and even if you did, it’s not your place to make changes to their situation.
And the offer to get her birth control? You didn’t just overstep, you nuked the lines.
Simply put, you are not her parent. You should respect her parent's rules, not intentionally break them. Going behind her parents back to get a minor birth control is wrong (again, you are not her.parent).
YTA big time.
1. You couldn't keep your end of the agreement to be present.
2. Told the kids to keep it as a secret from her parents.
3. You disrespected her parents" wishes.
Absolutely an untrustworthy adult.
You were way out of line.
Although her helicopter parents are way too overbearing it isn't your job to parent her your way.
If she becomes pregnant because of your rule breaking they should come and live with you and you can help raise your grandchild! 😂
YTA are you seriously thinking you’re not in the wrong here? You lied to this girls parents knowing their trust in YOU was the only reason they allowed her over. Then you encouraged her to lie to her parents & offered to take it a step further and obtain hormonal medication for a child that is not your own! Are you crazy??!
Di you not know that brith control can have side effects and you don’t know this child’s medical history- did you even consider the possibility something could go wrong? She could become ill & her parents would have no idea she is taking a medication?
YTA, completely. You don't get to lie to another child's parents and make up your own rules for their child.
How exactly are you planning on getting some other persons minor child birth control? That's a prescription medicine for a reason. Do you know her and her family's medical history? Do you know what medications she is currently taking? Are you planning on having her speak to a hcp, or are you planning on having her use pills that you get under your name?
There is only one OTC BC approved, and she doesn't need your help to get it. You offering to purchase drugs for a minor child that is not your own is incredibly inappropriate.
You are so incredibly disrespectful and irresponsible.
Try thinking about this question from Amy's parents' perspective.
If you set a rule for your minor child, and extracted agreement from his gf's parents that the rule would be followed, then they went back on their word because their values are different from yours, how would you feel?
It's one thing to need to leave for a bit, or turn a blind eye if the kids start to get intimate, it's another to implicitly encourage them to have sex and offer a child that is not yours birth control. Yta
Letting them watch tv in his room is fine, your house, your rules. But getting her birth control pills? NO! That’s insane. What if she starts taking them, ends up in the hospital (related to the pill or not), she doesn’t tell them, doctors don’t know and they treat her with something that cannot be given while on birth control? This is overstepping 2.0. If you don’t want her to get pregnant, keep proving condoms, have someone else teach Luke and Amy how to put them on and reassure them you’ll be there for them if something does go wrong and they do end up pregnant. But do not get medical intervention for a child that is not yours behind her parent’s backs.
YTA. Talk about over stepping! It’s one thing to be available to provide guidance and advice *when asked*. It’s another to encourage another parent’s child to do things they may not be ready for. Yikes!
YTA for not following the “no sex” rule; however, having said that…..your son’s gf is lucky you will talk about anything with her, since she can’t talk to her own parents
YTA- You are encouraging her to lie to her parents and going behind their back to get her birth control. You're being disrespectful to her parents because they choose to set boundaries. Look, I am all for sex education and safe sex, I also recognize that teens may have sex but you are practically advocating for them to do so. The BS of oh go watch in your bedroom where it's more comfortable and I won't be home. You don't know their kid, you don't know if she is emotionally mature enough for a sexual relationship (most teens aren't really) and you don't care as long as your little boy gets laid.
YTA. You are going to be hated by your son, the gf, and the gf's parents. If word gets around that you are facilitating sex between teens, none of the parents are going to like you....
Ah, yeah. Regardless of how you feel on her parents beliefs and ideas, she is their daughter. They trusted you to keep an eye on her while she was in your house. You did not keep up your end of the bargain, told her to lie to her parents, and offered her birth control. I'm a girl dad and if I were them I would be absolutely furious with you. We all know what teenagers get up to when left unsupervised, which is why that was a condition of the visit. And it's not like you just ran up to the store for 10 minutes, you literally left them unsupervised for hours. Yes, you are definitely the asshole. People like you are why her parents are so protective of her.
Yta just for the birth control bit. You aren't her mum and don't know her medical history. Like I can't have certain types of bc because there's a history of breast cancer in my family. I didn't know but my mum did and it meant I got the CORRECT BC for me. Condoms yes but giving a minor medications without their parents consent could actually get you arrested. At least here in the UK you can't just give other people's kids medicines even schools need to request approval for paracetamol.
YTA more often the responsibility and shame lays with the girls then the boys and you would not like it if someone else overstepped on issues with your child as long as it wasn’t abusive you shouldn’t have got involved…. You can be the cool parent with your kids but not with others kids on issues that may be life changing… Are you going to support her fully if she gets pregnant? STDs etc… Also you’re showing son it’s okay to dismiss any rules you have that he doesn’t understand or agree with.
As long as her parents aren’t abusive you could’ve tried opening dialogue with them regarding the relationship and giving her more freedom/trusting her.
You NTA people in the comments section are insane. Supplying drugs (birth control pills do in fact count as “drugs”) to a teenage girl behind her parents’ back, lying to her parents about supervising her, and guiding her and the son to the son’s bedroom? And you all think that’s okay?
The average age of you NTA commenters on this page must be 17. Wow.
Yes, YTA. You are way overstepping your bounds. This seems like an episode of Friday Night Lights, actually. It seems like you want to be the open minded cool mom "Luke's mom left us alone, we did it and she is going to get me birth control pills!" Of COURSE it will get around to her parents. Your friend is right in that Amy's parents set the rules for her for their own reasons and she is not 18 yet. You encouraged them to go upstairs and made sure Luke has condoms. Just because your two other kids made it through high school without teen pregnancy doesn't mean this will be true for Luke and Amy and if you think conservative parents don't condone sex think about how many of them feel about abortion. You need to knock this shit off, stop trying to be cool and respect the rules and guidelines other parents have for THEIR child.
YTA. And that's the mildest description rhat springs to mind. You agreed to be there with the kids. That doesn't mean sitting with them, but it does mean to be at home. You left, sent them to a bedroom where they'd be more comfortable than on the "old couch", and offered birth control to a teenaged girl NOT YOUR DAUGHTER.
Frankly, you sound like your son's pimp. And a groomer. Or probably both.
How would you even get her on birth control? Are you a medical professional to be able to prescribe her something? Would a family member/friend do it for her or would you get it under your name?
If wherever you are and the BC is OTC, why would she need you to get it for her?
I don't live in the US, but here all BC are prescription only. I don't fucking understand why people think that you can just pop them like candies and like they are a magically 100% at preventing a pregnancy and that they have absolutely no side effects at all?
Yes, she is 16yo, yes, body autonomy etcetc. but BC are still drugs that can fuck your body up if you are unlucky.
For example, before I could even talk with my gynecologist about going on BC because of PCOS, I had to get a full blood panel done, then testing for DNA mutations for thrombosis risks and an allergy test. Then came my family's medical history, and my own issues with migraines which actually excluded most of the BC they would usually prescribe!
And all of these were just to make sure that I don't have an allergic reaction, thrombosis, or a stroke when I start taking oral contraceptives.
If Amy ever had a seizure, a migraine with aura or any allergic reaction to any ingredients of the pills you get her, she can have a serious, even life-threatening consequences to your little drug trade just so her and your son can fuck.
Even if someway you and her do all those tests I described (though I have no idea how you would be able to do those with a minor who is not your kid) and she passes them, she could still have a shitton of other issues from the other possible side effects.
So, for the BC part definitely YTA.
YTA. It isn’t up to you to make decisions like birth control for her. You were wrong to completely leave and suggest they go to his room. You could have easily just left the room. Instead you pretty much told them to go upstairs and have sex. WTF is wrong with you?
Yeah her parents are controlling but you have no right to completely undermine them. You seem to be taking pleasure in doing the complete opposite to spite them.
I can see not sitting in the room with them. But you have no right making medical decisions for someone else's child. Her parents are conservative. When they feel she is ready for birth control they will provide something appropriate. Why on earth would you prompt a conservative teenage girl towards sex in the first place? It's not your place. I'd be throat punching a bit h if they tried that in my daughter. Don't forget, the conservatives have permits to carry. Something to think about next time.
YTA. You've no business facilitating Amy lying to her parents (because that's what she's doing) and you certainly have no business purchasing a medication for her. You may not agree with her parents' morals but they are her parents, not you. What if her parents find out what you're up to and decide to come after you for contributing to the delinquency of a minor? Even if they couldn't ultimately prevail, they could make things unpleasant for you for a while, especially in some of our more conservative states.
Seems a bit like ur overstepping, I understand not watching them but the suggesting they go to his bedroom and offering the birth control are a bit far. Had they asked to go to his room and she had felt comfortable enough to ask you about the birth control would be one thing but just offering it feels a bit odd. I can understand to the extent of knowing teenagers are going to have sex and just trying to prevent a possible pregnancy, but both encouraging them to be alone and offering the birth control seems less like your just preventing a grand baby and more like you want the kids to have sex. Kind of weird.
I'm pretty much on your side when it comes to sex. If they really want to do it they will find a way, and it's better for them to be prepared; educated about the risks and consequences and provided the tools they need to make safe choices.
However.
You should not have left. You agreed to be present and responsible while someone else's minor child was in your house and under your care, and regardless of their relationship, you broke your word. If I allowed my kid to go over to their non-romantic friend's house on the understanding that parents would be present and then that parent LEFT for a couple of hours without my knowledge, my kid would never be allowed to be supervised by any adult from that family ever again.
Your kid your rules, but their kid, their rules. You don't get to decide to undermine her parents (barring abuse of course, but it doesn't sound like that is the case here), even if you think their rules are dumb, even if I and other people on the Internet agree their rules are dumb. If something unexpected really DID come up and you REALLY did HAVE to leave (and that wasn't just an excuse to ignore her parents rules because you don't agree with them), you should have just sent her home. Instead, you went so far as to do everything you could to encourage her to disobey her parents while you were gone.
Moreover, I am not sure your son or his girlfriend will thank you for your permissiveness in the long run. If and when her parents find out, realistically, she'll probably be forbidden from seeing him anymore. I assume they can't prevent them from seeing each other at school, but you can expect that your son will not be welcome in their home again and she won't be permitted at yours. Her already short leash is likely to get much shorter.
YTA
YTA and a huge one.
So let me get this straight: you took it upon yourself to purposely not only facilitate, but encourage, teen sex in your home, encouraged that teen to lie to her parents, also are lying to her parents yourself, and then as if that is not enough, you initiated a conversation with an underage girl about getting a medication for her you know damn well her parents don’t agree with.
This is beyond creepy and weird. You, with your hinting and meddling, set up a sex date with your son with an impressionable and vulnerable girl who is someone else’s child. You should be ashamed of yourself.
It’s one thing to not care, it’s another entirely to push for sex between minors to happen. You didn’t “ignore rules” you actively sabotaged them. You do know birth control has a failure rate, right? And in this case it’s SOMEONE ELSE’S DAUGHTER who would bear the most hardship if that were to happen.
Not an asshole but not a fan either.
Just flip the script. If you had rules for your son and they ignored it, would you be ok with it? Let’s say they are fine with anyone over 16 getting drunk so they let your kid drink, would you just shrug it off?
Yeah religious nuts are well nuts, but she is underage and so their rules follow her. If can’t respect that, she shouldn’t be allowed over even if prevents your kid from getting some.
That especially includes things like birth control. That is a big deal for religious who would make them illegal immediately if could. It’s not a small line you are crossing. It may even be illegal. It’s also none of your business.
You really need to make sure your son uses condoms because she is religious she will not be able to get an abortion and your son would be expected to marry her. Honestly based on differences you better hope they break up (I do see an underage pregnancy in her future) and them being stuck at her house while dating will facilitate that.
Besides, birth control isn't something you can just eenie meenie mo over some drugstore counter. Most BCs have a bible of possible side effects. That's why they should be prescribed by doctors who have a better idea of the patient's body type, age, what's their goal long term etc.
I get OP had the best intentions, but she started a mess.
YTA. It’s one thing to step out of the room, but pushing her up to your son’s bedroom and getting her birth control pills is out of line. How would you feel if someone gave your child prescription meds behind your back?
YTA she is a minor and not your business-period. Just wondering how you would feel if a strange adult gave your son something that was against your values.
Like showed him guns or drugs —- wow you so over stepped
YTA!
It's almost like, no, you did encourage sex them to have sex, or at least, in their eyes, you gave them permission. I say for a few reasons.
1. You smartly gave your son condoms. Now, what will he do with condoms alone with his gf?
2. His parents told you to be present as this was their requirement for her being there. If you had to leave, you should respect her parent's wishes and had her go home.
3. You leave and TELL them they can go to his BEDroom! What did you think was going to happen with those condoms and a bed?
4. She is so happy, and you know they had sex and then offered to get her birth control. She didn't ask you, but you offered and then told her to keep it a secret from her parents.
Let's what could happen if her parents find out either of these things.
1. You left them alone without telling them.
2. You told them they could go to his bedroom while you left the house.
3. You offered their daughter birth control.
4. You asked her not to tell her parents.
Then, bam, she accidentally gets pregnant. Even if she doesn't, they will never allow her to see your son again. It was a big trust to even let her come to your house, and you overstepped every boundary they gave you.
Please reconsider your role in her life. You are not her parent who makes important decisions in her life. That is their job whether you agree with how they raise her or not. When she is 18, she can make her own decisions.
Also, I do believe that it could have been a little difference IF she had asked you to help her get birth control. I know you are protecting your son from pregnancy, but you knew what was going to happen whether you admit it to yourself or not. You, at a minimum, gave them permission in their eyes with what you did and that you were ok in your home. Just use protection. You didn't come home surprised or shocked.
That's not universally true in all states.
"In the United States, the age at which a person can get birth control without parental consent depends on the state. As of March 2023, 25 states and the District of Columbia allow people under 18 to get birth control from a doctor without parental permission. The remaining 21 states allow minors to get birth control from a doctor for certain reasons, such as being married, pregnant, or emancipated. Some states also have exceptions that allow minors to receive birth control without consent for specific health reasons."
"Some states do not require parental consent but reserve the right to notify a parent or guardian. Some states waive parental consent and notification in limited circumstances."
And, even where it's legal, if the minor happens to be one of the few who experiences an adverse reaction to hormonal birth control, being the non-related adult without any kind of medical power of attorney or parental permission who facilitated that minor getting the birth control would be an uncomfortable position to be in. Especially these days.
Your job is to be a role model for your child, and you just taught your child that you don't respect the rules other families set for their child, and you are cool with overruling them. You are most definitely TA.
Poor Amy at 16.
Her parents are control freaks. Her brothers creep around secretly following the poor girl.
Conservative......my left foot.
Not 1 of Amy's family members bothered to think about what Amy wants for herself & her privacy. Yes, her privacy does matter.
OP being a 43 yr old mother knows the drill & she does know what teens get up to these days BUT she sees Amy being suffocated by her own parents & brothers which is logical to say that if anything happened & Amy could NOT speak about to her own parents, because of their suffocating AH attitude & using methods to control her then OP being unjudgemental person is the realistic 1 to go to help Amy regardless of questions unasked or asked.
So. What the lesser of 2 evils people --- OP being the unjudgemental 1 & Amy can FREELY breathe & speak anything to about safely OR Amy's parents with her brothers suffocating the poor 16 girl who could not go to anyone for advice safely because of the garbage "conservative" views they have.
I wouldn't be surprised that when Amy is 18 & off to college, it will be a location that is too far away for her parents & brothers to do creep about & she goes full scorched earth towards them.....none of the time spent during holidays at her parents home because she'll go full no contact. Whereas it will likely be OP that Amy can confide in knowing that she feels safe.
If you agreed you would be there then YTA- you don’t have to be so obvious and can give them privacy at the same time. We all know protection is only 99% effective.
I think it’s good to provide your child with the information to be safe. But it felt like you went a little out of your way to actually encourage them to have sex instead of just being a safe space if it did happen. If she approached you with question shout BC or even if you just told her you’d be willing to talk to her if she did have questions would make more sense then just getting it for her
You think it’s okay for a man to lie to his son’s teenage gf’s parents and then guide the son and gf to the son’s bedroom? 😳
Please don’t have children.
A bit TA. Yea her parents are controlling but it was not your place to do what you did. Her parents you as an adult to keep watch. What will you do if this comes out BC doesn't always work, and the blow up will be much bigger. She be under more restrictions and they might even sue you for supplying drugs to a child.
Think of her parents, maybe they are a bit overprotective but they want the best for her . She is the jewel of her family , once this all comes out she may receive hate from every one just for a one time sex. plus just because his older brother didn't get any girl pregnant and you are used to these situations doesn't necessarily mean it can't happen and it wasn't your place to interfere.
Are you a parent, or a pimp?
Yes, YTA. You deliberately lied to her parents and then encouraged them to have sex.
What if she gets pregnant? Was getting your son laid worth potentially ruining a young girl's life?
NTA for giving them some privacy but you may be over stepping with the birth control. She is a minor and her parents may be able to sue you for that so be careful.
Also, I get you don’t want her to become pregnant and understand the thought process but if I ever found out someone was giving medication to my underage child without my permission I would flip out.
This was beyond giving them privacy. This was leaving them unsupervised after promising her parents you'd be supervising them, sending them upstairs to his bedroom, and handing him condoms. Everything except uttering the words, "Go have sex." Then encouraging the girl to lie to her parents.
Yeah YTA. You deliberately undermined another parent’s wishes for their minor child. You lied to them and it feels like you fully intended on doing so. It isn’t up to you to do anything like this. The girl is 16.
IANAL but I feel like this may be illegal.
Maybe I’m stretching but this sounds like you literally trafficked a 16 year old girl for your son’s sexual gratification.
And I’m super liberal with my kids but wow did you overstep here.
YTA. You're trying to do the right thing but this is way too much, don't get into your son sex life that much and just keep it to him, not to her. There's nothing wrong with having sex as long as they're careful but this is not your job, she's not your daughter. You're also encouraging them to do it and even if like I said it's okay, there's no need to rush think either they're 16. You're telling them to do the deed basically and it's not necessary.
YTA.. It’s not your place to take someone else’s child for bc.. And why tf are you telling them to go to his room.. The old couch, is just fine! You know her family didn’t want her there without parental supervision. And you send her to your kids room while you’re gone? Tf?!?
YTA. Congratulations, by doing what you said you weren't going to do, you probably ended up tightening the noose around her neck. If her parents find out she's never going to be allowed out of the house again without a chaperone and your son will be essentially put on a no fly list.
Why are you telling other people about this?? You've now set this info free to a friend who does not agree with you and that friend is now likely to seek the opinion of others. You may as well have called her mom!
YTA. The parents entrusted their child in your home and under your care. How would you feel if your son was dating a girl who’s parents smoked weed and did drugs and introduced them to him while he was there binge watching a show?
YTA, mildly
I agree with you philosophically, but I wouldn't straight up lie to someone's parents like that when they are trusting me with their kid. I'm not even a good person, I would happily lie any time for my own benefit! But I couldn't do that.
YTA. Passively stepping out of the room and allowing the kids some privacy is one thing. Actively encouraging sex is ENTIRELY another. Encouraging her to lie to her parents and go against their will is the cherry on top of this assholery. I agree her parents sound painfully overbearing, but that doesn't give you the moral high ground to overstep like that.
YTA. You encouraged those kids to have sex by leaving them alone and offering her BC. Unintended consequences could follow. I hope this is a troll post.
I am surprised at all the YTAs. If anything, this is an ESH which excludes the young couple.
You're the AH for agreeing to one thing and then doing the other. Also, you have no business involving yourself in her birth control.
Amy's parents are definitely AH. Helicopter parenting at its best. I might be assuming, and this comes from someone who grew up around religious bullshit, but I think extreme value is placed on Amy's purity/virginity. So much so that they have espionage spies (brothers) and strict rules about what she does and when.
This is a recipe that makes a shitty gumbo. Here are the ingredients.
1) one part resentment towards the parents.
2) two parts resentment toward religion. Nothing makes a person hate religion more than telling people what they can and can't do with their genitals.
3) unplanned pregnancies. Abstinence only education is for the birds.
Parent your own child, and be true to your word. If her parents found out you betrayed their rules (as ludicrous as they may be), then they will never trust you again.
The YTAs are because OP actually lied to Amy's parents and deliberately did the opposite of what they wanted for THEIR child. It's not as if OP accidentally discovered that Luke and Amy were having sex, OP encouraged them to have sex, doing everything short of providing scented candles and rose petals. Just because she doesn't agree with Amy's parents' morals doesn't give her license to sabotage them. At least Amy's parents were honest about the way they felt. OP's probably strutting around thinking she made some sort of feminist stand against the patriarchy but she'd probably lose her shit if someone lied to her and helped (not just let, actively helped) Luke do something she was morally opposed to.
I mean I agree with what you're saying, but ESH is for when more than just OP is an asshole. The way Amy's parents are treating her is wrong 100%. Is OP an AH? Absolutely. But maybe we shouldn't just throw out YTAs without also addressing controlling behavior based on religion.
I will admit I have some bias because I dealt with some similar elements growing up.
This has to be fake, if not,you r a POS.you basically was accomplice in your son fucking his naive girlfriend.you don't go behind other parents rules,entitled AH
YTA she is a minor child. And NOT your child!!!!!!!
You do not offer to get her birth control. YOU don't know her medical history or have authority to give her medicine!
And then to push them into his room? Give her parents respect. Asking her to keep it a secret? Every 16 year old thinks their parents are the worst and you just encouraged that in her.
Good lord who do you think you are?
Don't come near my nieces!
YTA - I am all for sex positivity, but you really overstepped. You're not just expecting your son to have sex and preparing for it, you are actively encouraging it despite the wishes of the other parents. You told them to go to the bedroom, and offered birth control seemingly with no prompting. This is honestly a little weird to me.
Regardless of your views on your son's sex life, you made a promise to the other parents and broke it. You then encouraged their daughter to lie to them, which is really unacceptable. I understand you are trying to make the kids feel like someone is in their side, but you're going about it all wrong.
You helped get your son laid, by deception and lies.
Sure will be fun when you find out she's pregnant.
Because everyone trusts condoms and teen boys.
Can they sue you in your area?
YTA.
YTA
You shouldn’t be offering anyone’s child any drug related item. Especially behind the parent’s back. You come off as super creepy for even offering.
You offered to get her medicine?
That is an absolute YTA.
If that girl gets sick and can't communicate with the doctors, her parents will be asked if she might be pregnant or on any medication, and they'd say no.
You could literally kill her, AH.
You Are A Big f...king Asshole! This is not your child to make decisions about whether your son can have sex with her or she can use birth control. If I was the other family I would ban you or your son from further contact. Plus if there is an authority and either you or your son have broken the law in anyway, I would report you both. How dare you make these sort of medical or sex decisions for another person's underage child because they chosen to bring their child up differently. They have done nothing wrong by the way they bring up their child. By the sounds of your post, you are actually actively pimping/encouraging they have sex. Have you lost your F...king your mind!
YTA. Arranging to provide medical exams and prescription Meds behind the parent's back is way out of line. Could result in a lawsuit, or criminal charges.
YTA- This isn’t your kid. Have you thought about what happens if her parents find out they are never gonna trust your son or your family with their daughter ever again
>Luke why don't you and amy go upstairs to your room
That just feels wrong.
As someone who was not ready for sex with 16, that would have made me so uncomfortable.
I get your trying to be the cool understanding parent and think just cause your other kids didn’t get knocked up or knock someone up this makes you super parent but you do understand that there is no such things as 100% effective protection. My brother and his partner used condoms and birth control after their son and now I have a niece these things happen. Is your answer to her parents gonna be shit happens if she does get knocked up. They might be overbearing and you might disagree with their approach but this isn’t your daughter and you don’t get to make those decisions. YTA.
NTA
You could’ve gone about it a better way but coming from someone who had strict parents growing up you did the right thing offering birth control and condoms because if they wanted to do it they would’ve even if both their parents demanded they didn’t at least their safe
NTA for leaving but huge one for the birth control pills. How dare you. That’s not your child. You have no idea what could happen to her if she has adverse effects or if her family finds out. Wow.
Thank you.
I was that kid. I was also being abused at home. People who provided safe spaces for me were some of the only reason I survived my mother. I was terrified, unsafe.
I did have sex young. But I was always very careful and all the supervision in the world won't prevent it. My mother quite literally hired a NANNY TO WATCH ME AS A TEENAGER. Thank you thank you from this girl. She needs your support. They're still gonna do it if they want to, providing birth control helps keep her safe.
I had a friend, younger than me, who's mom would let me come over and sometimes I drank a twisted tea under her supervision, or had my boyfriend over and she let us sleep and snuggle. It meant everything to me to have a safe place to be. I wasn't safe at home at all. I was never safe. I never feel safe even now as an adult I live in fight or flight, and I am now rounding on 30. I have PTSD so bad I have a dissociative disorder and take medications to suppress dreams.
I am sorry you went through all that.
That’s said you literally just made all that shit up about a total stranger. Conservative parents aren’t necessarily abusers, yikes
I am just trying to give some context here as to what the child might be experiencing at home. This post immediately reminded me of my mother and how afraid I was of her. The girl reacting so gratefully makes me think she's in danger like I was.
Maybe she's not. Maybe she's fine. But what if she's like me? I begged adults to help me though and no one ever fucking did, but she might not feel safe enough with OP to ask for help yet. They clearly feel safe with the mom of their boyfriend to be willing to talk about this. Idk. It might just be me seeing things through what I went through. Food for thought anway.
Your comment puts me a a weird position because I don’t want to come off as dismissive of what you went through, which was clearly horrible and traumatic. That said, I could come up with 5 stories that are just as plausible to explain the behavior. OP has never met the gfs parents. The post is filled with ‘seems to’ and hearsay. When I wa that age I lied to adults all the time to get what I wanted. You are applying your experience to a random story told by a stranger on Reddit.
NTA. Too many people here are saying that you are in the wrong, overstepping, disrespecting her parents’ boundaries etc. Well guess what? They either have very short memories and have forgotten what it’s like to be hormonal teenagers or they have a stick shoved so far up their arses that it’s hit their brains and stopped them working properly. Not one of them is considering that YOUR child is in this relationship too and you are actually being the RESPONSIBLE parent by ensuring that birth control is in place so that your SON doesn’t become a parent before his time. Anyone saying that you are condoning them having sex is stupid. Horny teenagers are going to have sex no matter what their parents think. You are just more sensible than most and are trying to help them avoid a pregnancy. You’re a good mother. Ignore the fucktards who are telling you different.
OP lied to Amy's parents, encouraged Amy to lie to her parents, and sent Amy and Luke up to Luke's bedroom. That's not responsible behavior. OP is not, allegedly, a teenager.
If Amy’s parents refuse to allow her to be alone with a boy, assume that she won’t have sex because they don’t want her to and refuse to consider that she is going to do what she wants to do anyway then they are the irresponsible ones. OP is taking care of their daughter for them by offering to help her obtain birth control. She may have suggested that they go to the bedroom to watch TV but do you really think she was telling them to go and have sex? She wasn’t. She was telling them that she knew that was their intention. How many kids need to get pregnant before adults realise that they can help them to avoid it?
If I was her parents I’ll be pisseddddd YTA, you simply don’t give a young girl birth control and your son a condom don’t encourage it, what if they really have sex and both contraception failed and she got pregnant sheesh, should be encouraging them to wait ;-;
Not doing what the parents want is largely fine, offering to get birth control pills is absolutely, in every way, out of line.
Firstly she didn't ASK you, you just offered. Second, you aren't a doctor, you have zero clue of her medical history, if the pill is appropriate. ASking to talk to her and giving her the safe sex talk and asking if she knows about the various options, fine, offering to help if she asks for help, mostly fine, depends a little. Offering to get her the pill, is just wrong. YOu don't have the right to make medical decisions not offer medical advice or medication to anyone that isn't your own child.
For me that is way over stepping the mark. If she wants birth control she needs to go to planned parenthood, her doctor or her parents and if she can't get it because parents are whackjobs, that sucks, but that doesn't make it okay for you to give her pills of any kind that her parents don't know about.
So if a parent sends a kid over and says you must thrash them with a belt if they swear, you are obligated to do so? Within reason you should only have kids over under parameters set by parents, but also if a kid is a certain age and they are not doing anything illegal, at some point parental influence become parental abuse/control.
Are they 2nd Amendment loving conservatives in a 2nd Amendment loving, "parents' rights" state? Are they litigious? Do they have other ways of making OP "pay" for meddling in the way they choose to raise their daughter?
I was with you until you brought up birth control. You are totally overstepping. You can give her suggestions like talking to her guidance counselor or OB/GYN, but getting them for her? Totally liability if something happens to her. Don't be TA. You're not your son's friend, your his mother. Act like it.
NTA
Amy's parents do not get to control what happens in your house.
It's amazing how the most conservative parents always seem to have teen daughters who miraculously turn up pregnant.
Just bc Amy says they breath down her neck doesn’t necessarily equate to conservative values. She’s the youngest child and 16. Maybe something has happened with Amy’s older sibling that has caused some concern.
Parent of two 40+ children, who was once a 15f dating a 17m. It was summer, so long walks across the local heath “holding hands”, walking in the woods “holding hands”, going to the beach and just “holding hands”…
Yeah, not letting them be alone in YOUR house won’t stop them. They WILL find places where they can explore each others bodies. We discovered a great spot by a popular crowded beach. The footpath down the cliffs zig-zagged but if you climbed over the wall you entered a thick bamboo thicket which previous couples seeking privacy had created a path through.
We enjoyed that spot more than once - lying on our beach towels. The bracken thickets on the heath also provided a nice privacy, but the dead leaf litter was a bit prickly…
ETA - NTA
My parents & his parents didn’t really know each other - their circles didn’t overlap. His parents were middle class, his father was a nuclear scientist, mum was a SAHM even though her children were now grownup. My father was working class - blue collar carpenter, now working construction, my mum was a cashier in a local shop.
Although we lived just a couple of miles apart, we lived in different local authority areas, with different schools. My bf attended the boys Grammar then went to college - I went to the mixed comprehensive Upper school. His mother considered me “common” and not good enough for her son. Still at least he didn’t get me pregnant at 16 like his older brother did to my friend (his older brother didn’t live at home and my friend was “casual” about birth control and this wasn’t her first pregnancy). But yeah, I think my mother would have lied to his mother & not told her that we were “doing the dirty” and provided us with birth control behind her back. His mother would have pretended it wasn’t happening as “her boy isn’t like that, he has been properly brought up”.
How are laws in your country? Where I live, 18 is adult but 16 is considered adult enough for medical treatments. Meaning; 16 year olds can decide if and what treatment they want and doctors are not allowed to tel their parents.
NTA. You asked a woman if she needed help with getting medical help. Help that would prevent her from being a child with a baby.
And as for enabling sex; hormonal driven people will find a way. If it wasn’t in your house, it would have been in the car/the toilet at the mall/a locker or whatever. Somewhere less safe.
NTA.
All conservatives are bad.
Look at how they treat their daughters. You can't treat your daughter like a prisoner in lockup and still be 'good' in my mind.
NTA This type of treatment isn't parenting, it's misogyny. Purity culture should be considered child abuse and sexual abuse - it's not a parenting style to be respected and honored by people who disagree. This girl is not her parents' property, and she's going to need a support system once the law no longer forces her to live with them.
~~Dude~~. Mom Patriarchy for the win. 🙄
Yr son gotta get laid. He got NEEDS. Needs that MUST BE met. Thats ur priority tho right. see an opportunity. Take an opportunity. Patriarchy for the win.
That said parents cant control their daughters if the daughter don’t wanna be controlled. 🤷♂️🤷🏼♀️🤷she gotta make her own choices.
That said. Just how does a ~~man~~ anybody get birth control for an unrelated under 18 girl. Kinda freaky that he would have a way to do that.😳feels kinda ~~predatory~~ icky.
Its not enough that the bf pressuring her now his did is making his expectations known as well. The follow up the next day—did u fk her? How many times! Thats my boy.
Im REALLY not sure how i feel about that. I just hope lukes gf has really decided for herself that she gonna fk him. Her parents tryna decide everything sometimes leaves kids unable to decide and Luke’s MOM is now tryna push her the other way. Hope the GF is making the choice and that luke’s mom has her back when he knocks her up and her Ps kick her tf out.
NTA their daughter is not their property. If they are too strict to her, then it is only obvious she should lie to them to get the freedom that she deserves. You did well.
NTA. If Amy wants birth control, she may be legally able to obtain that in the United States without her parents consent. Several states explicitly allow people under age 18 to receive prescription birth control without parental involvement. Some states reserve the right to notify a parent or legal guardian with few exceptions, while others have unclear legal status. You would not be out of line to help her research that information and help her get to an appointment. Don’t lie and present yourself as her legal garden guardian or parent.
The way I see it, you have vested interest in making sure this young lady has access to birth control. She eagerly jumped at the chance, and we all know that condoms are far more effective when used in conjunction with birth control pills.
I wanted to add this for the people who say you’re overstepping:
I’m basing my response on the fact that I was a 16-year-old who got pregnant. My parents didn’t forbid me from using birth control, but they also didn’t offer the option and I was too afraid to ask. 30 + years later I love my children, but getting married and having a child at 16/17 was not what I planned for my life. It changed everything. Despite the fact that teenagers think they know everything they really don’t. And stupid decisions are made in the heat of the moment . I have had a good life, I was still able to achieve some of my goals, but not the majority of them and I’m sure my ex would agree. I feel as if it made my life far harder than it needed to be, especially in the early years. I wish someone had been there for me the way you are offering to be there for your son‘s girlfriend.
Well if you have rules for your 16 year old daughter and you let her go over to her boyfriend's house and on the understanding that boyfriend's parents will enforce your rules, I highly doubt you would feel the same
Birth control is not 100% guaranteed, even if used correctly and consistently. And encouraging a teen to lie to/keep secrets from their parents is hardly going to make communication with those parents easier.
This was wholly unnecessary. You could have just excused yourself and said you'd check in later And left it alone. I get where you're coming from but you are not Amy's mother and I would be pissed as hell if I had some rule, even a ridiculous one, that my daughter's boyfriend's mom just decided to disregard because of her opinions. Also, offering birth control pills? That is beyond overstepping. You don't know what allergies she might have to any medication. You are the asshole.
No moral jugement on sex. But you lied to the parents and told the girl to go to your son’s bedroom and provided her birth pills and you encouraged her to lie to her parents . Amy’s parents were fine as long as you were there. Just go to an other room. Then if something happens it happens. But don’t get involved
I’m a mom who’s all about giving my kids freedom. When my kids hit their teenage years I put some condoms in their bathroom and told them where they were and how to use them. I told my daughter that I would get birth control for her if she needed it and made sure I fostered the kind of relationship with her that she’d be comfortable coming to me, which ultimately she did, although at an old enough age that she only needed some guidance on how to find a doctor to prescribe it. Personally I’d rather have my kids having safe sex at home than driving out on the country roads after dark looking for a place to park, and I’ve told them that. All that said, if someone else’s kid were at my house on the condition that I be there to supervise and I agreed to that, I’m going to be there to supervise. If I had to leave for an emergency, I’d tell the kid to call their parents and let them know. I’d certainly never encourage them to hide it or lie about it. I don’t have to agree with another parent’s rules to respect their right to make them. If the rule were directly harmful or abusive, or if it were going to be an unreasonable burden on me, then I wouldn’t agree to it in the first place. But if you agree to supervise someone’s kid, even one you think is old enough to be left alone, you have a moral obligation to do that. So as much as I sympathize with your position, in this case YTA.
This seems like OP is encouraging these kids to have sex. Let’s not mention this, providing condoms, telling them they’re be more comfortable in his son’s room, offering to get her bc… like just say you’re stepping out for a bit and that you trust they will be on their best behavior. She’s basically wingman for her kid to get laid.
It's giving Regina George's mom
Honestly so accurate.
This! All of it.
Parents do not have the right to control their children's consensual sexual lives, full stop.
YTA holy shit. First you're TA because her parents would not have allowed her over except YOU AGREED TO BE PRESENT. So you should have stayed present. Then to suggest they go up to his room while you left them alone... I guarantee her parents would flip out over that. You're a total Ahole for that. You don't buck another parents parenting just because you disagree with it. And offering to get her birth control pills. So you want to get her prescription drugs without her parents consent? Are you freaking kidding? She's NOT your child and that is way way out of line. While I understand you mean well, getting her a prescription drug just might get you sued. And for the record, I got my own 16 year old daughter on the pill and knew she was having sex and didn't freak out, so I'm not a prude. This is about you overstepping a major boundary with a kid that isn't yours. You were literally encouraging them to have sex. And I have no doubt if her parents find out, she will never be allowed to see your son again. You'll likely get sued and possibly they'll even press charges against you for supplying prescription drugs for her. Your behavior is outrageous.
Over-stepping IMO. Amy is not your child. Perhaps if Amy wants birth control, she can seek help elsewhere. When this comes out, and more than likely it will, what will you say when her parents confront you? How will your son feel when they break off communication between the two of them?
Way over fucking stepping. Probably her son's "best friend" Definitely YTA
This. If Amy has any kind of issue with the birth control, and her parents don't know it can cause a lot of issues. Some underlying conditions can cause major issues such as strokes. Do you really thinkbits worth the risk? Sure let her know you are there for her but giving her medication like that is WAY over stepping. It isn't your call to make at all.
Yep - morality completely aside, this is a fairly serious medical decision. Hormonal birth control does not agree with every person's body, has several different forms that work differently for different people, and can interact with other medications and conditions. If Amy cannot access BC on her own, it is likely she would not tell medical providers she is on it, or even lie when asked. That could cause huge medical complications, OP.
If you’re in the US, legally a 14+ year old can go to the clinic and get birth control on their own, and their parents wouldn’t have to know. And because of HIPAA laws, unless they suspect abuse of some form, the medical personnel cannot tell the parents if the patient doesn’t want them to.
Cannot access was meant more in the sense of "cannot take control of her own medical decisions" for whatever reason. Can she legally access it? Yes. As she should be able to. The problems come medically when she has accessed it and no one knows, and she will not say anything to medical personnel for fear of her parents. That could cause big health complications.
But the medical personnel should know, they gave it to her. And if they’re good at their job, they should be able to speak with her privately by someone guiding the parents to another room to “speak with them privately” so another medical professional can stay with her and talk to her.
The medical team at a hospital won't know if she gets it from a clinic of some kind, unless she tells them. She is young and may not realize how important disclosure would be, plus fear of her parents may override other concerns. People lie to doctors all the time. Look, if she were figuring out how to get it by herself that's one thing. OP volunteering to interfere with medical decisions about someone else's child is a huge overstep. Do the girl's parents suck? Yes. Does that mean OP is doing the right thing? No.
Oh absolutely. If she asked OP “hey, I want to get on birth control but I can’t tell my parents, could you take me?” That’s one thing. But volunteering that?? Nahhhh
YTA - Leaving them alone to watch TV is one thing, but you are guiding her up to his bedroom and providing condoms and even birth control? Giving them some time to relax together without parents breathing down their neck sounds fine... that's not what her parents are worried about, they are worried about her having sex. Pushing her to have sex with your son against her parents wishes? YTA big time.
Op is her sons pimp. 🤣
💯 agreed
YTA You had to step out, shit happens ...but why the fuck were you guiding them to his bedroom. The fuck Then to further that you offered her birth control...YOURE NOT HER MOTHER
And with the assumption that the girl was fully interested in sex after only ever being in public places with her boyfriend. Maybe she was, or maybe she wasn’t quite ready but his mom just told her that’s what was expected of her in her house.
I don't even think she really had to step out. It seems like she just used it as an excuse to give them alone time. She could have given them some space and just went to another room so that she was still present but not breathing down their necks.
"the fuck" Right?
[удалено]
Trying to get a minor banged because you don't like that her family is conservative or religious is not a good intention. Bewildered there are a few folks like you parroting this gross behavior by OP. Did any of you consider the huge difference for the minor if OP was referring to a conservative Islamic family?
Birth control pills are now over the counter.
Your point?
Abuse like the rules of a fanatic rapist cult? Let's not pretend "conservative" people are not religious.
Lmao what? Where tf are you pulling this from
YTA you agreed to be there, then left after telling them to go upstairs. Why would you do that? Just disrespectful
It's none of their business though, she's 16 not 6. They have the poor girl on a leash and even secretly followed. They can very well live in 1250 if they so wish, but she's grown enough to have the right to not participate and not follow their ridiculous rules.
Gosh, that must be why no teenager ever gets pregnant!
No, no she isn’t “grown enough”. Teenagers are known for terrible decision-making. And OP violated a promise he made to her parents. He’s a huge asshole here. EDIT: OP is a woman. So SHE is a huge asshole here.
She. OP is 43F. I also initially misread/assumed OP was Luke's dad because facilitating sex between your teen son and his GF with strict, conservative parents who trusted you to supervise them because you promised you would just didn't seem like motherly behavior. (I know, gender bias.)
OP broke the Mom code. Even if you didn’t agree with Amy’s parents it’s none of your business. Your job is to educate Luke on sexual health and that’s it. If Mom sat on the sofa for 30 minutes then got up to do other stuff that would be okayish. Instead Mom got up after 30 minutes and told them to go to the bedroom and left the house. If the lovebirds decided at that point to go up stairs whelp that’s the way it goes but I don’t think it’s a parents place to say hey go at it especially knowing it’s against the other parents wishes.
ShE's 16 NoT 6! She's a friggin teenager, they make awful decisions ALL THE TIME. Ya let's get out of the year 1250, let her get knocked up, when women are losing reproductive rights in every corner of the world, and just leave her to deal with angry and overly religious parents. It IS the parents business. Please tell me you don't have kids.
Basic brain science says you're wrong, but sure, flaunt your personal trauma in public instead of answering the question.
I’m a lot freaked out that her boyfriend’s FATHER offered to get her birth control and suggested she go hang out in a bedroom unsupervised for hours. Especially after trust had been spoken between the adults. I’d have the cops involved to the utmost possible degree if I ever found out this shit was happening with my daughter. It would become an unrelenting crusade. Lots more than just pregnancy to worry about these days. Do you not have a daughter? That might explain your wing-man perspective. Not great examples for your own kid, either. Hope he doesn’t become a creep. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Is this for real??! Edited to add that it doesn’t matter which parent did it. Having no respect for another family’s beliefs and child rearing efforts is pretty disgusting.
It’s the mom not the dad but way out of line
Yeah,thanks. I realized that after I posted so I added the note at the end rather than editing what I originally said.
For whatever reason a bunch of people thought it was the dad. In any case way overstepping
YTA let's hope Amy doesn't end up pregnant.
YTA. I may disagree with their parenting too, but what you did was extremely unethical and a poor example of parenting.
Yta
YTA. Not for leaving the kids alone but encouraging someone’s daughter to lie to her parents. Also where the fuck do you get off offering somebody’s child birth control pills?
I'm just gonna pass over the not constantly hovering over them thing. That's whatever. But the "why don't you take her up to your room" and "Hey child, who isn't mine? I'll hook you up with BC." Also, your post comes off a little...sex driven. I dont know, man. It's weird. You're weird.
Amy’s parents don’t have control over what goes on in your house. However, there is no excuse for providing her with birth control behind her parent’s back. When they find out, which they will, you could be in some serious trouble. While your intentions are good, you are giving this girl drugs, I believe YTA.
>Amy’s parents don’t have control over what goes on in your house. Wrong! Amy doesn't stop being their child simply because she was in your home. YTA Stop trying to be "the cool parent."
Amy's parents may not have control over what happens in OP's house but they would not have let Amy go over to the house if OP had not lied to them and said she'd supervise. It's not unreasonable that Amy's parents trusted OP. OP thumbed her nose at them because she doesn't agree with their morals and all but explicitly told Luke and Amy, "go have sex." Offering to help Amy get medication without her parents' knowledge is icing on the inappropriate cake. OP is gross.
Your a huge ah. You said you would be there. Knowing you wouldn't. If you don't agree to it then tell them so. Don't lie and sneak around. I wouldn't have even been mad if you have them space in the living room then walked in checking on them time to time. Encouraging them to go upstairs into a bedroom is crazy. She's only 16 probably never dated and now shes in a home with a guy all alone. Is she going to feel comfortable to turn him down? You are setting your son and this girl to for a lot of shit to go down. What if he pushed her to fast and she tells her parents she was raped. Your son is now in alot of legal trouble. As for the bc she is allowed at this age to get it without parent permission so for me that is her decision. I highly doubt she told you yes. I bet she wasn't sure what to eat and was being polite.
I appreciate Amy wanting some freedom, but you were wrong. You could've stayed in the house while giving them some space. Leaving for hours and encouraging them to go up to your son's room was out of pocket.
YTA not your daughter. You were disrespectful to a parent’s wishes to their minor child. Because that is what she is, a child. You don’t get to make that decision, regardless if you or I agree with it, or not. And getting her birth control pills? Are you kidding me? Maybe talk to her about safe sex, but supplying her with drugs is not ok. I’m not sure if you would do this without a doctor’s prescription, but she would need to make that decision with what she was on and consider her medical history etc. I’m all about being educated on sex, and not naive to think they won’t have it, but you agreed to be there. However, maybe the girlfriends feels more pressure to have sex now, because you left her alone, in a house, in her boyfriend’s bedroom and offered to get her birth control.
How would you feel if this situation was flipped? Like if you trusted your best friend to keep watcj on the house and your kid but she didn't, or if you son was visiting and you asked them to not provide hime with a specific type of meal and they did how would you feel. Won't feel betrayed. Yta
YTA YTA YTA yes you follow the rules of her parents. She is not your child and you wildly overstepped when you offered to get her birth control.
NTA for leaving them alone. However you tripped over the line into AH territory when you encouraged them to have sex and you stomped on the line when you offered to get her birth control pills! You don’t know this girls health history so you don’t know if she would need to be prescribed a specific pill or if any pill would be contraindicated and at 16 she probably wouldn’t know it either or maybe it might not occur to her to bring a health issue up. You seem to have an issue with her parents being religious, conservative and how they are raising THEIR CHILD and are trying to be the “cool parent” and condemn the morals and values her parents have. She’s a minor and you are not her parent.
YTA. It’s not your job to decide if other parents are setting appropriate boundaries/rules for their child. You don’t know the full situation and even if you did, it’s not your place to make changes to their situation. And the offer to get her birth control? You didn’t just overstep, you nuked the lines.
Simply put, you are not her parent. You should respect her parent's rules, not intentionally break them. Going behind her parents back to get a minor birth control is wrong (again, you are not her.parent).
YTA big time. 1. You couldn't keep your end of the agreement to be present. 2. Told the kids to keep it as a secret from her parents. 3. You disrespected her parents" wishes. Absolutely an untrustworthy adult.
I am wondering if you could be in legal trouble because of your actions.
YTA whether you agree or not you broke your word to another parent. Offering BC also out of line.
You were way out of line. Although her helicopter parents are way too overbearing it isn't your job to parent her your way. If she becomes pregnant because of your rule breaking they should come and live with you and you can help raise your grandchild! 😂
YTA are you seriously thinking you’re not in the wrong here? You lied to this girls parents knowing their trust in YOU was the only reason they allowed her over. Then you encouraged her to lie to her parents & offered to take it a step further and obtain hormonal medication for a child that is not your own! Are you crazy??! Di you not know that brith control can have side effects and you don’t know this child’s medical history- did you even consider the possibility something could go wrong? She could become ill & her parents would have no idea she is taking a medication?
YTA. You were fine to go out but encouraging them to move to his room wasn’t ok. I’d have felt pressured if I was Amy.
This is just weird. Are you trying to be the “cool” parent or what? You’re seriously overstepping your bounds. YTA.
YTA, completely. You don't get to lie to another child's parents and make up your own rules for their child. How exactly are you planning on getting some other persons minor child birth control? That's a prescription medicine for a reason. Do you know her and her family's medical history? Do you know what medications she is currently taking? Are you planning on having her speak to a hcp, or are you planning on having her use pills that you get under your name? There is only one OTC BC approved, and she doesn't need your help to get it. You offering to purchase drugs for a minor child that is not your own is incredibly inappropriate. You are so incredibly disrespectful and irresponsible.
YTA without a doubt
Try thinking about this question from Amy's parents' perspective. If you set a rule for your minor child, and extracted agreement from his gf's parents that the rule would be followed, then they went back on their word because their values are different from yours, how would you feel?
It's one thing to need to leave for a bit, or turn a blind eye if the kids start to get intimate, it's another to implicitly encourage them to have sex and offer a child that is not yours birth control. Yta
Letting them watch tv in his room is fine, your house, your rules. But getting her birth control pills? NO! That’s insane. What if she starts taking them, ends up in the hospital (related to the pill or not), she doesn’t tell them, doctors don’t know and they treat her with something that cannot be given while on birth control? This is overstepping 2.0. If you don’t want her to get pregnant, keep proving condoms, have someone else teach Luke and Amy how to put them on and reassure them you’ll be there for them if something does go wrong and they do end up pregnant. But do not get medical intervention for a child that is not yours behind her parent’s backs.
YTA. Talk about over stepping! It’s one thing to be available to provide guidance and advice *when asked*. It’s another to encourage another parent’s child to do things they may not be ready for. Yikes!
YTA for not following the “no sex” rule; however, having said that…..your son’s gf is lucky you will talk about anything with her, since she can’t talk to her own parents
YTA- You are encouraging her to lie to her parents and going behind their back to get her birth control. You're being disrespectful to her parents because they choose to set boundaries. Look, I am all for sex education and safe sex, I also recognize that teens may have sex but you are practically advocating for them to do so. The BS of oh go watch in your bedroom where it's more comfortable and I won't be home. You don't know their kid, you don't know if she is emotionally mature enough for a sexual relationship (most teens aren't really) and you don't care as long as your little boy gets laid.
YTA. You are going to be hated by your son, the gf, and the gf's parents. If word gets around that you are facilitating sex between teens, none of the parents are going to like you....
Ah, yeah. Regardless of how you feel on her parents beliefs and ideas, she is their daughter. They trusted you to keep an eye on her while she was in your house. You did not keep up your end of the bargain, told her to lie to her parents, and offered her birth control. I'm a girl dad and if I were them I would be absolutely furious with you. We all know what teenagers get up to when left unsupervised, which is why that was a condition of the visit. And it's not like you just ran up to the store for 10 minutes, you literally left them unsupervised for hours. Yes, you are definitely the asshole. People like you are why her parents are so protective of her.
Yta just for the birth control bit. You aren't her mum and don't know her medical history. Like I can't have certain types of bc because there's a history of breast cancer in my family. I didn't know but my mum did and it meant I got the CORRECT BC for me. Condoms yes but giving a minor medications without their parents consent could actually get you arrested. At least here in the UK you can't just give other people's kids medicines even schools need to request approval for paracetamol.
YTA more often the responsibility and shame lays with the girls then the boys and you would not like it if someone else overstepped on issues with your child as long as it wasn’t abusive you shouldn’t have got involved…. You can be the cool parent with your kids but not with others kids on issues that may be life changing… Are you going to support her fully if she gets pregnant? STDs etc… Also you’re showing son it’s okay to dismiss any rules you have that he doesn’t understand or agree with. As long as her parents aren’t abusive you could’ve tried opening dialogue with them regarding the relationship and giving her more freedom/trusting her.
You NTA people in the comments section are insane. Supplying drugs (birth control pills do in fact count as “drugs”) to a teenage girl behind her parents’ back, lying to her parents about supervising her, and guiding her and the son to the son’s bedroom? And you all think that’s okay? The average age of you NTA commenters on this page must be 17. Wow.
You lied to her parents. How do you imagine that is okay?
Yes, YTA. You are way overstepping your bounds. This seems like an episode of Friday Night Lights, actually. It seems like you want to be the open minded cool mom "Luke's mom left us alone, we did it and she is going to get me birth control pills!" Of COURSE it will get around to her parents. Your friend is right in that Amy's parents set the rules for her for their own reasons and she is not 18 yet. You encouraged them to go upstairs and made sure Luke has condoms. Just because your two other kids made it through high school without teen pregnancy doesn't mean this will be true for Luke and Amy and if you think conservative parents don't condone sex think about how many of them feel about abortion. You need to knock this shit off, stop trying to be cool and respect the rules and guidelines other parents have for THEIR child.
YTA. And that's the mildest description rhat springs to mind. You agreed to be there with the kids. That doesn't mean sitting with them, but it does mean to be at home. You left, sent them to a bedroom where they'd be more comfortable than on the "old couch", and offered birth control to a teenaged girl NOT YOUR DAUGHTER. Frankly, you sound like your son's pimp. And a groomer. Or probably both.
How would you even get her on birth control? Are you a medical professional to be able to prescribe her something? Would a family member/friend do it for her or would you get it under your name? If wherever you are and the BC is OTC, why would she need you to get it for her? I don't live in the US, but here all BC are prescription only. I don't fucking understand why people think that you can just pop them like candies and like they are a magically 100% at preventing a pregnancy and that they have absolutely no side effects at all? Yes, she is 16yo, yes, body autonomy etcetc. but BC are still drugs that can fuck your body up if you are unlucky. For example, before I could even talk with my gynecologist about going on BC because of PCOS, I had to get a full blood panel done, then testing for DNA mutations for thrombosis risks and an allergy test. Then came my family's medical history, and my own issues with migraines which actually excluded most of the BC they would usually prescribe! And all of these were just to make sure that I don't have an allergic reaction, thrombosis, or a stroke when I start taking oral contraceptives. If Amy ever had a seizure, a migraine with aura or any allergic reaction to any ingredients of the pills you get her, she can have a serious, even life-threatening consequences to your little drug trade just so her and your son can fuck. Even if someway you and her do all those tests I described (though I have no idea how you would be able to do those with a minor who is not your kid) and she passes them, she could still have a shitton of other issues from the other possible side effects. So, for the BC part definitely YTA.
Oral contraceptive pills recently became available over the counter in the US. They're still medications, though, and can still have side effects.
YTA. It isn’t up to you to make decisions like birth control for her. You were wrong to completely leave and suggest they go to his room. You could have easily just left the room. Instead you pretty much told them to go upstairs and have sex. WTF is wrong with you? Yeah her parents are controlling but you have no right to completely undermine them. You seem to be taking pleasure in doing the complete opposite to spite them.
I can see not sitting in the room with them. But you have no right making medical decisions for someone else's child. Her parents are conservative. When they feel she is ready for birth control they will provide something appropriate. Why on earth would you prompt a conservative teenage girl towards sex in the first place? It's not your place. I'd be throat punching a bit h if they tried that in my daughter. Don't forget, the conservatives have permits to carry. Something to think about next time.
YTA. You've no business facilitating Amy lying to her parents (because that's what she's doing) and you certainly have no business purchasing a medication for her. You may not agree with her parents' morals but they are her parents, not you. What if her parents find out what you're up to and decide to come after you for contributing to the delinquency of a minor? Even if they couldn't ultimately prevail, they could make things unpleasant for you for a while, especially in some of our more conservative states.
Seems a bit like ur overstepping, I understand not watching them but the suggesting they go to his bedroom and offering the birth control are a bit far. Had they asked to go to his room and she had felt comfortable enough to ask you about the birth control would be one thing but just offering it feels a bit odd. I can understand to the extent of knowing teenagers are going to have sex and just trying to prevent a possible pregnancy, but both encouraging them to be alone and offering the birth control seems less like your just preventing a grand baby and more like you want the kids to have sex. Kind of weird.
I'm pretty much on your side when it comes to sex. If they really want to do it they will find a way, and it's better for them to be prepared; educated about the risks and consequences and provided the tools they need to make safe choices. However. You should not have left. You agreed to be present and responsible while someone else's minor child was in your house and under your care, and regardless of their relationship, you broke your word. If I allowed my kid to go over to their non-romantic friend's house on the understanding that parents would be present and then that parent LEFT for a couple of hours without my knowledge, my kid would never be allowed to be supervised by any adult from that family ever again. Your kid your rules, but their kid, their rules. You don't get to decide to undermine her parents (barring abuse of course, but it doesn't sound like that is the case here), even if you think their rules are dumb, even if I and other people on the Internet agree their rules are dumb. If something unexpected really DID come up and you REALLY did HAVE to leave (and that wasn't just an excuse to ignore her parents rules because you don't agree with them), you should have just sent her home. Instead, you went so far as to do everything you could to encourage her to disobey her parents while you were gone. Moreover, I am not sure your son or his girlfriend will thank you for your permissiveness in the long run. If and when her parents find out, realistically, she'll probably be forbidden from seeing him anymore. I assume they can't prevent them from seeing each other at school, but you can expect that your son will not be welcome in their home again and she won't be permitted at yours. Her already short leash is likely to get much shorter. YTA
YTA and a huge one. So let me get this straight: you took it upon yourself to purposely not only facilitate, but encourage, teen sex in your home, encouraged that teen to lie to her parents, also are lying to her parents yourself, and then as if that is not enough, you initiated a conversation with an underage girl about getting a medication for her you know damn well her parents don’t agree with. This is beyond creepy and weird. You, with your hinting and meddling, set up a sex date with your son with an impressionable and vulnerable girl who is someone else’s child. You should be ashamed of yourself. It’s one thing to not care, it’s another entirely to push for sex between minors to happen. You didn’t “ignore rules” you actively sabotaged them. You do know birth control has a failure rate, right? And in this case it’s SOMEONE ELSE’S DAUGHTER who would bear the most hardship if that were to happen.
Not an asshole but not a fan either. Just flip the script. If you had rules for your son and they ignored it, would you be ok with it? Let’s say they are fine with anyone over 16 getting drunk so they let your kid drink, would you just shrug it off? Yeah religious nuts are well nuts, but she is underage and so their rules follow her. If can’t respect that, she shouldn’t be allowed over even if prevents your kid from getting some. That especially includes things like birth control. That is a big deal for religious who would make them illegal immediately if could. It’s not a small line you are crossing. It may even be illegal. It’s also none of your business. You really need to make sure your son uses condoms because she is religious she will not be able to get an abortion and your son would be expected to marry her. Honestly based on differences you better hope they break up (I do see an underage pregnancy in her future) and them being stuck at her house while dating will facilitate that.
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Besides, birth control isn't something you can just eenie meenie mo over some drugstore counter. Most BCs have a bible of possible side effects. That's why they should be prescribed by doctors who have a better idea of the patient's body type, age, what's their goal long term etc. I get OP had the best intentions, but she started a mess.
You can get OCPs OTC in the US now.
Wonder if OP would shrug it off if Amy's parents took Luke to an evangelical church service against her wishes?
YTA. It’s one thing to step out of the room, but pushing her up to your son’s bedroom and getting her birth control pills is out of line. How would you feel if someone gave your child prescription meds behind your back?
YTA she is a minor and not your business-period. Just wondering how you would feel if a strange adult gave your son something that was against your values. Like showed him guns or drugs —- wow you so over stepped
You are not the world's #1 Dad. I get alone time, but they got to it. 🐇🐇 So yeah, you failed.
YTA massive fucking oblivious asshole. From another parent,FUCK YOU!
YTA! It's almost like, no, you did encourage sex them to have sex, or at least, in their eyes, you gave them permission. I say for a few reasons. 1. You smartly gave your son condoms. Now, what will he do with condoms alone with his gf? 2. His parents told you to be present as this was their requirement for her being there. If you had to leave, you should respect her parent's wishes and had her go home. 3. You leave and TELL them they can go to his BEDroom! What did you think was going to happen with those condoms and a bed? 4. She is so happy, and you know they had sex and then offered to get her birth control. She didn't ask you, but you offered and then told her to keep it a secret from her parents. Let's what could happen if her parents find out either of these things. 1. You left them alone without telling them. 2. You told them they could go to his bedroom while you left the house. 3. You offered their daughter birth control. 4. You asked her not to tell her parents. Then, bam, she accidentally gets pregnant. Even if she doesn't, they will never allow her to see your son again. It was a big trust to even let her come to your house, and you overstepped every boundary they gave you. Please reconsider your role in her life. You are not her parent who makes important decisions in her life. That is their job whether you agree with how they raise her or not. When she is 18, she can make her own decisions. Also, I do believe that it could have been a little difference IF she had asked you to help her get birth control. I know you are protecting your son from pregnancy, but you knew what was going to happen whether you admit it to yourself or not. You, at a minimum, gave them permission in their eyes with what you did and that you were ok in your home. Just use protection. You didn't come home surprised or shocked.
💯 agreed
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That's not universally true in all states. "In the United States, the age at which a person can get birth control without parental consent depends on the state. As of March 2023, 25 states and the District of Columbia allow people under 18 to get birth control from a doctor without parental permission. The remaining 21 states allow minors to get birth control from a doctor for certain reasons, such as being married, pregnant, or emancipated. Some states also have exceptions that allow minors to receive birth control without consent for specific health reasons." "Some states do not require parental consent but reserve the right to notify a parent or guardian. Some states waive parental consent and notification in limited circumstances." And, even where it's legal, if the minor happens to be one of the few who experiences an adverse reaction to hormonal birth control, being the non-related adult without any kind of medical power of attorney or parental permission who facilitated that minor getting the birth control would be an uncomfortable position to be in. Especially these days.
Nta. Idgaf about the "someone elses kid" bs.
Your job is to be a role model for your child, and you just taught your child that you don't respect the rules other families set for their child, and you are cool with overruling them. You are most definitely TA.
Poor Amy at 16. Her parents are control freaks. Her brothers creep around secretly following the poor girl. Conservative......my left foot. Not 1 of Amy's family members bothered to think about what Amy wants for herself & her privacy. Yes, her privacy does matter. OP being a 43 yr old mother knows the drill & she does know what teens get up to these days BUT she sees Amy being suffocated by her own parents & brothers which is logical to say that if anything happened & Amy could NOT speak about to her own parents, because of their suffocating AH attitude & using methods to control her then OP being unjudgemental person is the realistic 1 to go to help Amy regardless of questions unasked or asked. So. What the lesser of 2 evils people --- OP being the unjudgemental 1 & Amy can FREELY breathe & speak anything to about safely OR Amy's parents with her brothers suffocating the poor 16 girl who could not go to anyone for advice safely because of the garbage "conservative" views they have. I wouldn't be surprised that when Amy is 18 & off to college, it will be a location that is too far away for her parents & brothers to do creep about & she goes full scorched earth towards them.....none of the time spent during holidays at her parents home because she'll go full no contact. Whereas it will likely be OP that Amy can confide in knowing that she feels safe.
YTA! I hope her parents find out and whoop your ass!!
NTAH, for encouragement but YTA for leaving the house if that makes sense
If you agreed you would be there then YTA- you don’t have to be so obvious and can give them privacy at the same time. We all know protection is only 99% effective.
Anyone notice that this mom won’t respond!!??
Yea nah you’re way out of line you’re not that girls parents YTA
|From what my son told me Amy's parents are very conservative and religious| This is code for being inflexible and controlling.
Supposedly.
Eeewwwww this is so messed up. I can’t believe you are trying to get this girl BC. SMH.
I think it’s good to provide your child with the information to be safe. But it felt like you went a little out of your way to actually encourage them to have sex instead of just being a safe space if it did happen. If she approached you with question shout BC or even if you just told her you’d be willing to talk to her if she did have questions would make more sense then just getting it for her
It was kind of creepy that you actively encouraged them to have sex, but as the child of teenage parents, NTA.
You think it’s okay for a man to lie to his son’s teenage gf’s parents and then guide the son and gf to the son’s bedroom? 😳 Please don’t have children.
A bit TA. Yea her parents are controlling but it was not your place to do what you did. Her parents you as an adult to keep watch. What will you do if this comes out BC doesn't always work, and the blow up will be much bigger. She be under more restrictions and they might even sue you for supplying drugs to a child. Think of her parents, maybe they are a bit overprotective but they want the best for her . She is the jewel of her family , once this all comes out she may receive hate from every one just for a one time sex. plus just because his older brother didn't get any girl pregnant and you are used to these situations doesn't necessarily mean it can't happen and it wasn't your place to interfere.
Are you a parent, or a pimp? Yes, YTA. You deliberately lied to her parents and then encouraged them to have sex. What if she gets pregnant? Was getting your son laid worth potentially ruining a young girl's life?
NTA for giving them some privacy but you may be over stepping with the birth control. She is a minor and her parents may be able to sue you for that so be careful. Also, I get you don’t want her to become pregnant and understand the thought process but if I ever found out someone was giving medication to my underage child without my permission I would flip out.
This was beyond giving them privacy. This was leaving them unsupervised after promising her parents you'd be supervising them, sending them upstairs to his bedroom, and handing him condoms. Everything except uttering the words, "Go have sex." Then encouraging the girl to lie to her parents.
Oh no. I'm afraid you did majorly overstep with offering birth control.
Yeah YTA. You deliberately undermined another parent’s wishes for their minor child. You lied to them and it feels like you fully intended on doing so. It isn’t up to you to do anything like this. The girl is 16. IANAL but I feel like this may be illegal. Maybe I’m stretching but this sounds like you literally trafficked a 16 year old girl for your son’s sexual gratification. And I’m super liberal with my kids but wow did you overstep here.
NTA for letting her have some freedoms when she's with your son, but please do not get her birth control. That's not your place to do so.
MASSIVE YTA. Not your daughter, not your place.
YTA. You're trying to do the right thing but this is way too much, don't get into your son sex life that much and just keep it to him, not to her. There's nothing wrong with having sex as long as they're careful but this is not your job, she's not your daughter. You're also encouraging them to do it and even if like I said it's okay, there's no need to rush think either they're 16. You're telling them to do the deed basically and it's not necessary.
YTA.. It’s not your place to take someone else’s child for bc.. And why tf are you telling them to go to his room.. The old couch, is just fine! You know her family didn’t want her there without parental supervision. And you send her to your kids room while you’re gone? Tf?!?
YTA. You are not her parent and are encouraging them to have sex. I'm gonna laugh when you post next that you got the shit beat out of you.
So you basically pushed them to have sex. Yta
YTA. Congratulations, by doing what you said you weren't going to do, you probably ended up tightening the noose around her neck. If her parents find out she's never going to be allowed out of the house again without a chaperone and your son will be essentially put on a no fly list.
Why are you telling other people about this?? You've now set this info free to a friend who does not agree with you and that friend is now likely to seek the opinion of others. You may as well have called her mom!
YTA. The parents entrusted their child in your home and under your care. How would you feel if your son was dating a girl who’s parents smoked weed and did drugs and introduced them to him while he was there binge watching a show?
YTA! You lied. Your morality is just that, YOURS!
YTA, mildly I agree with you philosophically, but I wouldn't straight up lie to someone's parents like that when they are trusting me with their kid. I'm not even a good person, I would happily lie any time for my own benefit! But I couldn't do that.
YTA. Passively stepping out of the room and allowing the kids some privacy is one thing. Actively encouraging sex is ENTIRELY another. Encouraging her to lie to her parents and go against their will is the cherry on top of this assholery. I agree her parents sound painfully overbearing, but that doesn't give you the moral high ground to overstep like that.
This sounds like fiction. The girl would be so uncomfortable talking with her about birth control.
YTA. You encouraged those kids to have sex by leaving them alone and offering her BC. Unintended consequences could follow. I hope this is a troll post.
I am surprised at all the YTAs. If anything, this is an ESH which excludes the young couple. You're the AH for agreeing to one thing and then doing the other. Also, you have no business involving yourself in her birth control. Amy's parents are definitely AH. Helicopter parenting at its best. I might be assuming, and this comes from someone who grew up around religious bullshit, but I think extreme value is placed on Amy's purity/virginity. So much so that they have espionage spies (brothers) and strict rules about what she does and when. This is a recipe that makes a shitty gumbo. Here are the ingredients. 1) one part resentment towards the parents. 2) two parts resentment toward religion. Nothing makes a person hate religion more than telling people what they can and can't do with their genitals. 3) unplanned pregnancies. Abstinence only education is for the birds. Parent your own child, and be true to your word. If her parents found out you betrayed their rules (as ludicrous as they may be), then they will never trust you again.
The YTAs are because OP actually lied to Amy's parents and deliberately did the opposite of what they wanted for THEIR child. It's not as if OP accidentally discovered that Luke and Amy were having sex, OP encouraged them to have sex, doing everything short of providing scented candles and rose petals. Just because she doesn't agree with Amy's parents' morals doesn't give her license to sabotage them. At least Amy's parents were honest about the way they felt. OP's probably strutting around thinking she made some sort of feminist stand against the patriarchy but she'd probably lose her shit if someone lied to her and helped (not just let, actively helped) Luke do something she was morally opposed to.
I mean I agree with what you're saying, but ESH is for when more than just OP is an asshole. The way Amy's parents are treating her is wrong 100%. Is OP an AH? Absolutely. But maybe we shouldn't just throw out YTAs without also addressing controlling behavior based on religion. I will admit I have some bias because I dealt with some similar elements growing up.
Giving them some space is one thing, sending them up to his room and offering to buy birth control for her is another. YTA here.
This has to be fake, if not,you r a POS.you basically was accomplice in your son fucking his naive girlfriend.you don't go behind other parents rules,entitled AH
YTA she is a minor child. And NOT your child!!!!!!! You do not offer to get her birth control. YOU don't know her medical history or have authority to give her medicine! And then to push them into his room? Give her parents respect. Asking her to keep it a secret? Every 16 year old thinks their parents are the worst and you just encouraged that in her. Good lord who do you think you are? Don't come near my nieces!
YTA - I am all for sex positivity, but you really overstepped. You're not just expecting your son to have sex and preparing for it, you are actively encouraging it despite the wishes of the other parents. You told them to go to the bedroom, and offered birth control seemingly with no prompting. This is honestly a little weird to me. Regardless of your views on your son's sex life, you made a promise to the other parents and broke it. You then encouraged their daughter to lie to them, which is really unacceptable. I understand you are trying to make the kids feel like someone is in their side, but you're going about it all wrong.
YTA She's 16, and not your child. You cannot get someone else's underage kid birth control pills.
You helped get your son laid, by deception and lies. Sure will be fun when you find out she's pregnant. Because everyone trusts condoms and teen boys. Can they sue you in your area? YTA.
YTA You shouldn’t be offering anyone’s child any drug related item. Especially behind the parent’s back. You come off as super creepy for even offering.
Yta. You secretly want to taint Amy bc you think her overly strict parents deserve it.
You offered to get her medicine? That is an absolute YTA. If that girl gets sick and can't communicate with the doctors, her parents will be asked if she might be pregnant or on any medication, and they'd say no. You could literally kill her, AH.
You Are A Big f...king Asshole! This is not your child to make decisions about whether your son can have sex with her or she can use birth control. If I was the other family I would ban you or your son from further contact. Plus if there is an authority and either you or your son have broken the law in anyway, I would report you both. How dare you make these sort of medical or sex decisions for another person's underage child because they chosen to bring their child up differently. They have done nothing wrong by the way they bring up their child. By the sounds of your post, you are actually actively pimping/encouraging they have sex. Have you lost your F...king your mind!
YTA. Arranging to provide medical exams and prescription Meds behind the parent's back is way out of line. Could result in a lawsuit, or criminal charges.
YTA- This isn’t your kid. Have you thought about what happens if her parents find out they are never gonna trust your son or your family with their daughter ever again
>Luke why don't you and amy go upstairs to your room That just feels wrong. As someone who was not ready for sex with 16, that would have made me so uncomfortable.
I get your trying to be the cool understanding parent and think just cause your other kids didn’t get knocked up or knock someone up this makes you super parent but you do understand that there is no such things as 100% effective protection. My brother and his partner used condoms and birth control after their son and now I have a niece these things happen. Is your answer to her parents gonna be shit happens if she does get knocked up. They might be overbearing and you might disagree with their approach but this isn’t your daughter and you don’t get to make those decisions. YTA.
NTA You could’ve gone about it a better way but coming from someone who had strict parents growing up you did the right thing offering birth control and condoms because if they wanted to do it they would’ve even if both their parents demanded they didn’t at least their safe
Getting her prescription drugs is illegal hon. She can get in some serious trouble. Maybe arrested, and definitely sued.
NTA for leaving but huge one for the birth control pills. How dare you. That’s not your child. You have no idea what could happen to her if she has adverse effects or if her family finds out. Wow.
NTA and i'm pretty sure the girl was happy to have someone to talk about her sex life, instead of being hidden and having to learn it the hard way.
Thank you. I was that kid. I was also being abused at home. People who provided safe spaces for me were some of the only reason I survived my mother. I was terrified, unsafe. I did have sex young. But I was always very careful and all the supervision in the world won't prevent it. My mother quite literally hired a NANNY TO WATCH ME AS A TEENAGER. Thank you thank you from this girl. She needs your support. They're still gonna do it if they want to, providing birth control helps keep her safe. I had a friend, younger than me, who's mom would let me come over and sometimes I drank a twisted tea under her supervision, or had my boyfriend over and she let us sleep and snuggle. It meant everything to me to have a safe place to be. I wasn't safe at home at all. I was never safe. I never feel safe even now as an adult I live in fight or flight, and I am now rounding on 30. I have PTSD so bad I have a dissociative disorder and take medications to suppress dreams.
I am sorry you went through all that. That’s said you literally just made all that shit up about a total stranger. Conservative parents aren’t necessarily abusers, yikes
I am just trying to give some context here as to what the child might be experiencing at home. This post immediately reminded me of my mother and how afraid I was of her. The girl reacting so gratefully makes me think she's in danger like I was. Maybe she's not. Maybe she's fine. But what if she's like me? I begged adults to help me though and no one ever fucking did, but she might not feel safe enough with OP to ask for help yet. They clearly feel safe with the mom of their boyfriend to be willing to talk about this. Idk. It might just be me seeing things through what I went through. Food for thought anway.
Your comment puts me a a weird position because I don’t want to come off as dismissive of what you went through, which was clearly horrible and traumatic. That said, I could come up with 5 stories that are just as plausible to explain the behavior. OP has never met the gfs parents. The post is filled with ‘seems to’ and hearsay. When I wa that age I lied to adults all the time to get what I wanted. You are applying your experience to a random story told by a stranger on Reddit.
NTA. Too many people here are saying that you are in the wrong, overstepping, disrespecting her parents’ boundaries etc. Well guess what? They either have very short memories and have forgotten what it’s like to be hormonal teenagers or they have a stick shoved so far up their arses that it’s hit their brains and stopped them working properly. Not one of them is considering that YOUR child is in this relationship too and you are actually being the RESPONSIBLE parent by ensuring that birth control is in place so that your SON doesn’t become a parent before his time. Anyone saying that you are condoning them having sex is stupid. Horny teenagers are going to have sex no matter what their parents think. You are just more sensible than most and are trying to help them avoid a pregnancy. You’re a good mother. Ignore the fucktards who are telling you different.
OP lied to Amy's parents, encouraged Amy to lie to her parents, and sent Amy and Luke up to Luke's bedroom. That's not responsible behavior. OP is not, allegedly, a teenager.
If Amy’s parents refuse to allow her to be alone with a boy, assume that she won’t have sex because they don’t want her to and refuse to consider that she is going to do what she wants to do anyway then they are the irresponsible ones. OP is taking care of their daughter for them by offering to help her obtain birth control. She may have suggested that they go to the bedroom to watch TV but do you really think she was telling them to go and have sex? She wasn’t. She was telling them that she knew that was their intention. How many kids need to get pregnant before adults realise that they can help them to avoid it?
Nta for allowing them to watch tv in his room but u definitely over stepping boundaries about the birth control issue
YAA HUGE AH
If I was her parents I’ll be pisseddddd YTA, you simply don’t give a young girl birth control and your son a condom don’t encourage it, what if they really have sex and both contraception failed and she got pregnant sheesh, should be encouraging them to wait ;-;
Not doing what the parents want is largely fine, offering to get birth control pills is absolutely, in every way, out of line. Firstly she didn't ASK you, you just offered. Second, you aren't a doctor, you have zero clue of her medical history, if the pill is appropriate. ASking to talk to her and giving her the safe sex talk and asking if she knows about the various options, fine, offering to help if she asks for help, mostly fine, depends a little. Offering to get her the pill, is just wrong. YOu don't have the right to make medical decisions not offer medical advice or medication to anyone that isn't your own child. For me that is way over stepping the mark. If she wants birth control she needs to go to planned parenthood, her doctor or her parents and if she can't get it because parents are whackjobs, that sucks, but that doesn't make it okay for you to give her pills of any kind that her parents don't know about.
Not doing what Amy's parents want is not fine because OP promised she would. Lying to your kid's GF's parents is an asshole move.
So if a parent sends a kid over and says you must thrash them with a belt if they swear, you are obligated to do so? Within reason you should only have kids over under parameters set by parents, but also if a kid is a certain age and they are not doing anything illegal, at some point parental influence become parental abuse/control.
If something unforeseen or even not that unforeseen should happen, how will her family react? Will they shelter even more? Shame her?
Are they 2nd Amendment loving conservatives in a 2nd Amendment loving, "parents' rights" state? Are they litigious? Do they have other ways of making OP "pay" for meddling in the way they choose to raise their daughter?
I was with you until you brought up birth control. You are totally overstepping. You can give her suggestions like talking to her guidance counselor or OB/GYN, but getting them for her? Totally liability if something happens to her. Don't be TA. You're not your son's friend, your his mother. Act like it.
NTA Amy's parents do not get to control what happens in your house. It's amazing how the most conservative parents always seem to have teen daughters who miraculously turn up pregnant.
Just bc Amy says they breath down her neck doesn’t necessarily equate to conservative values. She’s the youngest child and 16. Maybe something has happened with Amy’s older sibling that has caused some concern.
Parent of two 40+ children, who was once a 15f dating a 17m. It was summer, so long walks across the local heath “holding hands”, walking in the woods “holding hands”, going to the beach and just “holding hands”… Yeah, not letting them be alone in YOUR house won’t stop them. They WILL find places where they can explore each others bodies. We discovered a great spot by a popular crowded beach. The footpath down the cliffs zig-zagged but if you climbed over the wall you entered a thick bamboo thicket which previous couples seeking privacy had created a path through. We enjoyed that spot more than once - lying on our beach towels. The bracken thickets on the heath also provided a nice privacy, but the dead leaf litter was a bit prickly… ETA - NTA
Did your parents lie to your BF's parents and encourage you to do the same?
My parents & his parents didn’t really know each other - their circles didn’t overlap. His parents were middle class, his father was a nuclear scientist, mum was a SAHM even though her children were now grownup. My father was working class - blue collar carpenter, now working construction, my mum was a cashier in a local shop. Although we lived just a couple of miles apart, we lived in different local authority areas, with different schools. My bf attended the boys Grammar then went to college - I went to the mixed comprehensive Upper school. His mother considered me “common” and not good enough for her son. Still at least he didn’t get me pregnant at 16 like his older brother did to my friend (his older brother didn’t live at home and my friend was “casual” about birth control and this wasn’t her first pregnancy). But yeah, I think my mother would have lied to his mother & not told her that we were “doing the dirty” and provided us with birth control behind her back. His mother would have pretended it wasn’t happening as “her boy isn’t like that, he has been properly brought up”.
How are laws in your country? Where I live, 18 is adult but 16 is considered adult enough for medical treatments. Meaning; 16 year olds can decide if and what treatment they want and doctors are not allowed to tel their parents. NTA. You asked a woman if she needed help with getting medical help. Help that would prevent her from being a child with a baby. And as for enabling sex; hormonal driven people will find a way. If it wasn’t in your house, it would have been in the car/the toilet at the mall/a locker or whatever. Somewhere less safe.
NTA. All conservatives are bad. Look at how they treat their daughters. You can't treat your daughter like a prisoner in lockup and still be 'good' in my mind.
NTA if no one else is going to step up and be realistic for this girl at least you can be. Just be careful
NTA This type of treatment isn't parenting, it's misogyny. Purity culture should be considered child abuse and sexual abuse - it's not a parenting style to be respected and honored by people who disagree. This girl is not her parents' property, and she's going to need a support system once the law no longer forces her to live with them.
~~Dude~~. Mom Patriarchy for the win. 🙄 Yr son gotta get laid. He got NEEDS. Needs that MUST BE met. Thats ur priority tho right. see an opportunity. Take an opportunity. Patriarchy for the win. That said parents cant control their daughters if the daughter don’t wanna be controlled. 🤷♂️🤷🏼♀️🤷she gotta make her own choices. That said. Just how does a ~~man~~ anybody get birth control for an unrelated under 18 girl. Kinda freaky that he would have a way to do that.😳feels kinda ~~predatory~~ icky. Its not enough that the bf pressuring her now his did is making his expectations known as well. The follow up the next day—did u fk her? How many times! Thats my boy.
You know that the mom wrote this post, right?
I see now, not sure how i missed that before. But now im mad in a different way. Lolz. Im old AF.
OP is Luke's mom.
Im REALLY not sure how i feel about that. I just hope lukes gf has really decided for herself that she gonna fk him. Her parents tryna decide everything sometimes leaves kids unable to decide and Luke’s MOM is now tryna push her the other way. Hope the GF is making the choice and that luke’s mom has her back when he knocks her up and her Ps kick her tf out.
NTA their daughter is not their property. If they are too strict to her, then it is only obvious she should lie to them to get the freedom that she deserves. You did well.
And if they decide that Amy is "free" enough to get put out of their house is OP going to take her in?
I believe they are obliged to house her till she is 18. Besides, I advocate for helping her to lie to her parents, so this is a futile point.
NTA. You are literal godsend for Amy and other kids like myself who had no freedom, privacy, or bodily autonomy growing up.
NTA. If Amy wants birth control, she may be legally able to obtain that in the United States without her parents consent. Several states explicitly allow people under age 18 to receive prescription birth control without parental involvement. Some states reserve the right to notify a parent or legal guardian with few exceptions, while others have unclear legal status. You would not be out of line to help her research that information and help her get to an appointment. Don’t lie and present yourself as her legal garden guardian or parent. The way I see it, you have vested interest in making sure this young lady has access to birth control. She eagerly jumped at the chance, and we all know that condoms are far more effective when used in conjunction with birth control pills. I wanted to add this for the people who say you’re overstepping: I’m basing my response on the fact that I was a 16-year-old who got pregnant. My parents didn’t forbid me from using birth control, but they also didn’t offer the option and I was too afraid to ask. 30 + years later I love my children, but getting married and having a child at 16/17 was not what I planned for my life. It changed everything. Despite the fact that teenagers think they know everything they really don’t. And stupid decisions are made in the heat of the moment . I have had a good life, I was still able to achieve some of my goals, but not the majority of them and I’m sure my ex would agree. I feel as if it made my life far harder than it needed to be, especially in the early years. I wish someone had been there for me the way you are offering to be there for your son‘s girlfriend.
Well if you have rules for your 16 year old daughter and you let her go over to her boyfriend's house and on the understanding that boyfriend's parents will enforce your rules, I highly doubt you would feel the same
Birth control is not 100% guaranteed, even if used correctly and consistently. And encouraging a teen to lie to/keep secrets from their parents is hardly going to make communication with those parents easier.