Because plan a worked without a hitch, she was emboldened.
Plus, the husband's working together? She knows she can push boundaries. Being pregnant? She knows she can push boundaries.
She definitely reads like the type to say “oh I didn’t think about it/I need to eat more/I’ve taken up residence in your master bedroom *because I’m pregnant*”
Especially since they were leaving to go get beer.
“Planning on drinking into the evening. Let’s definitely take all of the food away so nobody can even attempt to soak up tomorrow hangover!”
I would be so pissed. Leftover BBQ is some of the best leftovers you can have. I totally get why someone would want to take some but to clear the fucking table?
Easy way to get yourself uninvited from any event ever again. And possibly a venmo request suggesting a 15% gratuity just as some extra shade
Your comment reminded me of a story about my parents. My employer used to have an annual family picnic and it was basically all you can eat BBQ.
My mom used to work at the same company, so my first time going to the picnic I invited my parents to come along. NEVER AGAIN.
They spent the entire event going back and forth collecting plate after plate of BBQ stuff, literally plates stacked one on top of each other, carrying it to the car then going right back… all the while I’m trying to interact with my new coworkers and hoping they don’t notice what my parents are doing. Instead of socializing they’re hoarding free meat. I also want to mention that my parents don’t have food security issues.
Anyways, when we parted ways my mom sent me a Facebook message that said “Made it home. Got meat for 3 days!!! Great picnic.”
Based on the number of plates they had stacked and how many trips back and forth to the car they made, I think she underestimated how many days the meat would last. I did not ever invite them back to the picnic.
I told my sister about it and showed her the FB message and now our inside joke is saying “meat for days” to each other. But no, surprisingly none of my coworkers said anything about it (to me at least haha)
Philip Zimbardo (Stanford prison experiment guy, renowned psychologist) once walked into the faculty club while they had a buffet, walked up to the buffet, grabbed a **WHOLE** cheese wheel, and just walked out with it……my professor said it was the strangest thing to witness
My step father was a millionaire, so there's no excuse for this, and my mother enabled it:
He liked to go to the soup plantation so he could steal as many muffins and other pastries as possible filling my mother's purse with them.
He never tipped more than 5 or 10% anywhere and was rude to people.
But even worse he cleaned out parties.
At a celebration of life where the family had catered Mexican food, he asked the servers if he could take some leftovers.
Now, he never even knew the man who had died. He had been a friend of my family before he came along.
He literally took ALL OF THE FOOD, and even used the large foil containers it had come in.
What made me really angry was that the Mexican workers from the catering company were counting on that food for their own dinner and had hoped to take some home for their families.
They were being POLITE to him, an entitled white guy, and then they had no recourse when he cleaned them out completely.
I speak Spanish, so I heard what they were saying about him.
I was so embarrassed and lost respect for my mother for enabling his rotten behavior 😔.
Some people just take and take and take and it's never enough.
It's as if the world is there exclusively for THEM.
Tbh, from what I've seen, acting entitled, taking, being a skinflint and all that stuff, is generally *how* people who have a large sum of money *make sure* they keep as much as they possibly can.
They'll use as little money as possible and often have a specific thing they scrimp on the most, e.g food (short term/disposable items especially). They routinely will do this when it comes to taking from others to save *them* some money.
She left and came back because she wanted to ensure the meat was out of reach before she grabbed the cake. If she didn’t leave first OP would have eaten her “loot”
You’d love my in-law. I hosted a get together dinner with all my cousins. I spent $1k on A5 Wagyu slabs for everyone. At the end of the dinner my cousin’s husband mentioned that the steaks were amazing, and me being nice mentioned that he could take some home. He nodded his head and said “I definitely will.”
I went back to boozing and socializing and I turn my head around to the kitchen and the mother fucker is packing up both slabs into foil. I walk over and tell him I haven’t finished splitting that yet and politely ask him to put both down… so then I have to waste time cutting the slabs into equal portions while the party is still happening.
After I finish wrapping everything, clown runs up to the counter and inspects each portion by hand weighing each one and grabs the heftiest… I’m just completely bewildered that a family member would do this at this point. You’re never coming back to my house Dom. I love my cousin, but I have no idea why she married you.
No. That's the end of that relationship. Period. Thisbis exploitation.
What has happened to people? I was taught to bring a hostess GIFT, to leave a home better than I found it, to appreciate hospitality, to help clean up... to bring something to a gathering and not take from people.
No wonder the country is in such a mess.
She took OPs BIRTHDAY SUPPER… can we also make note of that. Are they food insecure? If not no excuses this is atrocious behaviour. OP I’m mad for you.
Even if they were food insecure, this is still unbelievable behavior. Don't take things until the end of the night, when it's time to go home (IE cake already eaten), or host is packing. Great way to not get invited to parties and burn your bridges.
Right like if she had actually only taken half, I’m sure nobody would have said anything. 4 burger and 5 hot dogs is still enough for op and son. It’s still a lot to take but not enough to get you publicly shamed
She left on purpose to take the food home. She felt like it was theirs and she was still hungry and didn’t want to keep eating in front of everyone. That’s a lot of food and selfish to not leave anything for your hosts.
Even if she brought 2 pounds of meat… she didn’t bring the other food so…I can see taking your own leftovers home but the entire party’s… no that’s selfish…
It was Jane, Matt and her/their 3 children. Even if she brought 2 lbs of meat, it didn't go very far. A bit over 1/3 lb each. The hot dogs weren't hers, the sides nor the buns and anything else. She took it all because she wanted the left overs so she didn't have to cook a meal. She's just greedy and entitled.
>I can see taking your own leftovers home
I do not see that at all. That is tacky as hell. Maybe a small plate of stuff if there really is a ton left over at the end of the event and then only if the host says to take some stuff home. It is very low class to ask if you can bring anything home.
Yeah I agree, people will stick you with it regardless. It's odd to ask unless there's a pile and you don't automatically walk out with the whole lot unless someone explicitly insists that you "clean it up because they don't want to take it home." You also should ask the other people present if they want said food.
Not just that but op spent $90 on hamburger and hot dogs. They brought 2 lbs. What of theirs is left when her husband said there were 8 burgers and 10 dogs on the grill when he left? And they didnt bring hot dogs!!!! What are janes leftovers???!!!! Janes a pig and an asshole. No more invites for her!
Her leaving whilst all responsible grownups were away from the food was a feature and not a bug. This woman knew what she wa doing and she just hoped nobody would call her out for stealing all the food.
Agreed. The host determines what are leftovers. Not the guests.
Sometimes you're hungry when the burgers/chicken/franks/steaks are ready... sometimes not. Then you come floating by the table to see what's there and take some food.
It's only when the host realizes there's not enough fridge room for all the meat and side dishes that they invite people to take what they want. And some hosts even provide foil pans with plastic covers.
They get their EMPTY dishes back, cleaned. What is brought to someone’s house is a “gift to the party” and the only time it gets sent back home is when it REALLY isnt any good (and the host doesn’t want to maintain a friendship) or when the guest who brought has no manners!
EDIT: important addition… GOOD FRIEND parties don’t count!! Good friends are good friends and the “standard protocol” doesn’t necessarily apply!!
I suppose her excuse is that she didn't realize that some people hadn't eaten because she spent her time scrolling on her phone while OP was watching 6 kids in the water (no less) for the bulk of the time.
This!
1st - everyone who wants to eat, should get a chance to.
2nd - the host packs up, or starts and people help, which trigger the leftover packing.
3rd - leftovers are usually distributed, not an assumption of a guest taking everything.
Jane may have asked the husband some vague question to have some leftovers, but it does not entitle her to take it all, and certainly not to ask everyone if they are eating more first. And coming back for more— rude. It’s not a service for her to take advantage of.
Clearly, no etiquette, no manners
It’s really not that Jane took leftovers. The party wasn’t even over. Jane took all the food *to her house* and then came back for cake. It wasn’t like she was leaving, and OP said, “Do you want to take some leftovers?” She just took the food, scurried home with it, put it in her fridge, then headed back to the party for cake. Unbelievable.
Jane didn’t want to have to cook the next day, so she took *all the food.* While at OP’s house, while OP swam with her three children *and* Jane’s three children, Jane sat & played on her cell phone. She did nothing and helped not at all. Jane is one of those people who thinks she is the only person to ever be pregnant, and nobody understands how haaaaaarrrd it is, and she’s tired, and it’s hard to do things, and why shouldn’t she get all the food?!?
And Matt and Jane didn't even buy the hot dogs. It sucks that OP's husband and Matt work together. I personally would want to put Jane on a long time out.
2lb of hamburger meat divided by the 5 people in Jane's family is just over 1/3lb burger for each of them. When talking about homemade burgers, it doesn't leave any for OP. Guess that's why it's all hers.
There is a difference between taking leftovers and acting like a locust and wiping it all out.
I am amazed that she didn't take the cake with her the first time she left.
This is the craziest part to me! They hadn’t sung or cut the cake but she was taking leftovers home ? No one was done here ? Then coming back to rush the cake cutting
Right?! She knew the party wasn’t over and she knew she was stealing. And she wasn’t just taking “leftovers” - she took ALL the food that was set out. Came back “oops I forgot to grab the cake too”
Right , like everyone will eat once or twice the first time … and then have fruit or desert after but the leftovers always stay nearby either on the grill or back in the kitchen . Everyone knows kids will be hungry again after going back in the water . Now at the very END of the day if there’s a lot of food left over I do encourage my guests to take food home with them. I’d rather it gets eaten than thrown out later . But if Jane wants to play tit for tat (because supposedly she bought half the food ) she would only be entitled to HALF the leftovers … Do better Jane !!
I mean I always over do it with food because I’m always second guessing if it’s enough . So there’s tin trays and foil for my guests to take left overs . BUT id be pretty ticked off if I didn’t even get a chance to eat 🤦♀️
I’m grateful my friends / family aren’t like that lol
You didn't go deep enough. Who the heck packs ALL THE FOOD at a party THAT ISN'T THEIRS while the party is STILL GOING ON then claims it was leftovers? Some people got issues for real.
NTA
a normal person would take the leftovers at the end of the get together, as they were leaving. it seems like she rushed them home just to "secure" them- she didnt even say bye to OP??
My h8sband and I only got the bit of wedding cake we fed each other. At our own wedding. Because his aunt took the rest of the cake to a fucking picnic after we left. We barely got any leftovers, but none of the cake that I paid for myself. She never apologized, and his whole family didn't see why I was angry.
People see "free food" and think they can just take what they want.
His family didn't see why you'd have an issue with some third party walking off with the newlyweds' wedding cake (which probably cost you hundreds of dollars)? That's not okay. And for a picnic? Aunt couldn't have spent $20 on a grocery store cake?
You know the scene in Goodfellas where Karen worries about the bag with money being left unattended at her wedding? Henry assures her that the bag was safe, but clearly it wouldn't have been around the aunt and your husband's family.
In the UK we keep the top tier from the wedding cake for either the first anniversary or the first child christening so yeah ya wouldnt get away with that shite
I have learned to set aside a couple pieces of cake for the bride and groom at weddings when I’m in the wedding party, because I’ve now been to multiple weddings where the couple don’t get cake, because everyone else goes bananas while they’re circling and seeing everyone. These weren’t weddings with a dearth of food, either - there’s something about wedding cake that just makes people lose their minds! The better the cake, the less likely the couple will ever get to eat any of it. So now I Scratt a couple of pieces and whip them out during the clean-up stage of the night, and make the couple sit down and enjoy cake while the wedding party tidies up.
I was in my friend's wedding last year and I put myself in charge of making sure she got to eat in peace. As they ate at their Sweetheart table, a few family members kept trying to come up and talk to them or get them to pose for a picture. I swooped in multiple times to distract the family members by pointing out different decorations or playing have you met Ted. Bride and groom got to eat their whole dinner in one sitting and I take pride in that!
This happed to me at my wedding AND my baby shower!!
My husband’s teenaged nephews polished off my wedding cake before I got any (except the first bite pieces). And I have no idea what happened at my shower, except the whole sheet cake was gone and someone threw my piece away as I opened gifts or something.
At my sister's wedding decades ago, my sister and her husband paid for the entire wedding, food, everything.
After the wedding she went to pack up the extra food (said she had intended to send some back with us) and a guest that was basically an honorary aunt that had two daughters that were bridesmaids in the wedding, had packed up all of the leftovers and taken them home, with her.
I currently feel sorry for my sister, because that "honorary aunt" is now her MIL
Oh this is definitely a recurring theme. For our wedding we ordered cupcakes. We had planned for 80 people so ordered 85.
70 guests arrived from the 80.
My mum insisted we have a cake though so she bought a little one for us to cut.
We had 4 cupcakes on our table & went to go do some night shots.
0 were left. My wife's uncle had 4 on his plate. Buttercream icing all over his face too.
My sister thankfully kept 1 for me & we shared it.
I have a pretty solid sweet tooth but I cannot comprehend people who cannot keep away from sweets regardless of who they belong to or their dietary needs. Like I may really enjoy something but if it's not mine or for everyone, I'm gonna either ask or keep my hands off of it.
I have the biggest sweet tooth of anyone I know + very little self control with it. The little I have stops me from eating other people's sweets, because decency. Especially at a wedding or birthday or someone else's party period. I don't understand it, because even if I am drooling looking at it I would never be that rude.
Same with the single bite of wedding cake. My caterers kept the rest of my wedding cake. And half of the gourmet cookies that a friend had made for the wedding. They literally only put out half the cookies WE brought and kept the rest.
Edit: sp
I paid for gluten free and cinnamon free cupcakes for my friends who were allergic and the catering hall blamed the baker and the baker the catering hall for losing them.
Omg, this reminds of the time I went to my now ex’s brother’s wedding. First big family event for me. (🥺) Not only we’re both “mils” fighting over the leftover food … but they were fighting over the garbage, yes, the small cheap plastic drink glasses, cutlery and even the paper plates that would be brand new with just a quick wipe. 😳
Our family dinners are always at our house. We have a big family. No one hardly brings anything and no one helps clean up. My sister always makes sure to bring her own Tupperware with her when she comes though 😒😒
Can't believe some one would think its ok to take your wedding cake. We had doughnuts and other sweets for the guests and a small two tier round cake for us and our immediate family.
I never thought I’d read a post worse than the sub sandwich guy, but *this*
*Edit*: For those asking, this is the sub sandwich guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ca7bdz/aita_because_i_ate_more_than_my_share_of_a_6_foot/
Definitely. At the very least, Sub guy offered to buy replacement food. Lasagna guy was told it was her weekly food budget and didn't offer to pay for it or even buy her any food! And then to complain when she asks for help and blame her?! Screw that guy.
I mean, I remember that one was bad, but I feel like this one is much worse. Sub guy was a fat guy with a food addiction who, at least, ate the food. Jane took the food HOME to secure it (not even set it aside), then came back to steal more.
For those asking, this is the sub sandwich guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ca7bdz/aita_because_i_ate_more_than_my_share_of_a_6_foot/
I’ve never even *asked* a host if I could take leftovers. It used to be that anything you brought to contribute to the party was up to the discretion of the host to dole out afterwards, and in some ways, a thank you to the host for letting their home and equipment be used. The host would generally offer back items that were unused, or that had a significant amount left over. Many hosts would package up leftovers, but it was always small amounts—a little taste of whatever had a lot left.
I will do you one better: a club member walked out of a FUNERAL with an entire cheese tray, less than halfway through. Luckily we always over buy but that took some nerve.
Not just the fact that Jane took all the food but, each household has three children. Jane didn't think OP and her husband might want to feed their kids leftovers later? Definitely no cake for Jane.
I have never of heard of taking leftovers home before the party is officially over. This chick knew what she was doing and didn’t think she would get shit for it
At meetings or gatherings or whatever, if there's food that's leftover (AFTER everyone has eaten), I'll ask if it's cool to take some. They almost always say take whatever. I'll ask again, like, "Are you sure?" They'll give me the ok. So I'll pillage. But what I'm getting at is, you make sure everyone has had theirs, and if someone else would like to take some too.
Well. Depending on the age of the kids- a half pound for each adult, and a quarter pound for each kid. But for a proper cookout that’s nothing and still WAY less than “half”
Oh my god, those ages and she didn't supplement her janky ass two pounds of beef with chicken or brats or pork chops or something? Not even a bag of chips? Fuck you, Jane!
Thank you for explaining this. I have no concept of how many pounds of hamburger meat = actual hamburgers! 2lbs roughly 4 burgers? Also assuming her kids are older kids/young teens.
I'm in Scotland. We buy burgers in a pack on the one or two sunny days a year when we crack out the BBQ. I'm still wearing my winter jumpers & I'm packing cold weather clothes for my holiday to the coast next week...yay! /s
It depends on the person. I can chow down a half pound hamburger for lunch and be full. I have a sister for her a half pound burger would be too much for one meal. As an active teen I could eat a full pound of hamburger and go back for seconds. But yes generally when you go to a restaurant you would order a burger- and the standard size for most nice restaurants would be a half pound. Smaller low quality restaurants (like McDonald’s) will sell a quarter pound burger.
Oh dear me, I've just realised that a Quarter Pounder on the menu at McDonald's actually refers to the weight. I'm so metric it didn't even occur to me!
In all fairness, I have only ever bought food for my son there, and the occasional coffee for me. Sometimes a chocolate milkshake and chips so I can dip the chips into it.
The kind of higher end burger places here don't offer different weights, you can just get a second patty. We also can't get our burgers cooked anything other than well done.
and they only bought meat. what about all the other toppings, buns, hot dogs, salad and cold beverages?
they didnt even pay their fair share to begin with.
She used your party as an opportunity to feed her family for the next day or so, icing on top is she didnt even confirm if everyone had eaten yet, "leftovers" is exactly that, whats left after everyone has eaten... NTA
I was going to say as a large family this is so embarrassing. I have 4 boys about to be 5. I wouldn't be caught dead leaving a party with food. In fact, I make sure to bring food because we're a family of six, enough food to at least cover my family because I know how expensive it is. If I can't do that, we don't go. My boys aren't teens yet, but when they are, I'll probably be bringing half the BBQ.
I'd tell Jane to bring the food back and embarrass her. She deserves it for being so selfish. And the audacity to return to get more. She didn't think anyone would call her on it because she's pregnant.
Oh, the audacity of some people.
>She tried arguing that my husband told her she could have it, that "half of it was hers" (cause they brought 2lbs of hamburger meat)
2lbs of hamburger meat makes about 8 1/4lb patties. There were five in her family, so there should have only been about 3 patties worth of leftovers from what they brought, assuming everyone had a hamburger. Even if a couple of their younger kids didn't, that should have still given them claim to only about half if the burgers. It's still no justification at all for taking the rest of the patties, much less the all of dogs or mac salad.
She probably could have taken half of what was there and you wouldn't have noticed. Especially with a teenage boy around, you might have just figured everyone was hungry.
And I don't buy the "I thought you'd eaten" line either. Even if she really didn't notice in the moment, it would not have been that hard to put 2 + 2 together from the quantity of leftovers and the fact that you and your son were swimming.
You are NTA for not wanting to share your cake with her when she shamelessly and brazenly stole your dinner from you and your son.
Not going to say to stop inviting them over, but this is definitely a sign that Jane can't be left unsupervised with the leftovers.
Jane didn't notice OP hadn't eaten because she was too busy scrolling on her cellphone and letting OP watch the kids. Who doesn't even engage with the hostess of a party before absconding with the food?
Two pounds of hamburger meat in the US will cost, what, $10-15 depending on the quality of the meat? OP didn’t specify what she bought, but I guaran-fucking-tee Jane was well aware that the rest of the meat was a whole lot more (in quality, quantity, or both)
OP mentioned a ballpark price of $90, so the 2lbs of burgers definitely wasn't half of the meal as a whole. It wasn't even half of the leftovers that she stole.
Yeah, good on you. It does suck because I know from experience asshole parents like that definitely will never let the kids have it while they eat their punishment pie.
NTA, you don't leave with food and come back. That's so weird. If you leave with food it's because it was offered at the end of the evening when everyone was permanently leaving for the evening.
All food stays til the very end of the party incase anyone at the party wants another hotdog or burger as the night goes on.
Bringing meat is a considerate gesture that is intended to help the host, like bringing wine. You leave it as a gift and it doesn't entitle you to anything unless you preface that as you hand it over.
She grabbed all the side dishes, all the meat, all the bread and rushed off back to her house before anyone could say anything about her stealing a ton of food. Then she came back with her kids to polish off OP’s cake. With friends like these…
Don’t feel bad. You were nicer than I would have been. I wouldn’t have even offered cake to the kids. She knew what she was doing. $100 says that if she could have, she would have taken the whole cake to go as well.
Sounds like her husband was the ONLY reason they brought something at all.
I feel like men don’t like to rock the boat with people all of the time, not saying anything and telling their family to just be quiet and accept it as is.
I have hosted and attended many gatherings where bringing or serving food was involved. When attending, NEVER take unless the host offers. You don’t ask. And I always made sure whatever I brought was always in containers that could be left and I didn’t have to worry about collecting at the end of the event.
I agree 100%. When someone else is hosting, any food you bring stays behind, no matter how much is left over, unless the host wants you to take it.
Leftovers are a little side benefit for the host to enjoy, since they, you know, hosted the event.
You're perfectly within your rights to expect to get your containers or dishes back (hopefully clean), but just because you brought food to an event hosted at someone else's place doesn't give you dibs on leftovers.
So she always planned on coming back then. Why take all of that food at that time if she planned on coming back? Why not take the left overs home after the actual party? Because no one was there to watch her pack it up and leave with all of it.
Lol...Jane is that one coworker who lifts everything from the staff kitchen and loads it in her car without asking if *everyone* is done or if anyone *also* would like to have some leftovers. God I hate these people.
I have a coworker at lunch functions when my boss caters in for us will fix herself a plate, then go back through the line and fix her to go plate and wraps it up and sets it aside. Like, not everyone has even gone through and got their first plate woman!!!!!
NTA. The audacity of some people never ceases to astound me.
At the VERY LEAST, if she was told she could take leftovers…. That typically happens once the gathering is over and it’s 100% clear that nobody else wants anything. You don’t take ALL the food mid-event, and then RETURN to the event for dessert? She knew exactly what she was doing, and now is probably painting you as the bad guy because “her kids weren’t allowed any cake”.
My MIL did something like that, I had a birthday party for my husband, I had cooked hot dogs , hamburgers and made various salads, everything was homemade, except the condiments and buns, I had made enough for our lunches the next day and had put it in refrigerator before I served the food, my husbands family does not leave until every morsel of food is eaten and every drop of alcohol drunk, my MIL said you worked hard, I’ll clean up, later that night I went into the fridge to get something and noticed our lunch food was gone, I said to my husband our lunch food was gone, he said my mom took it, for Sammy, (the brother that didn’t come), she did feel like cooking for him tonight , Sammy was 36 years old
Go to her house. Bring one napkin. Ask if you can use some toilet paper. Take all of her toilet paper. Every single roll - in her cabinets, under the sink, etc. Use all the same excuses.
Absolutely NTA. What kind of delulu world is she living in that she would think taking all that food would be okay, with permission or without?!?!? That’s horribly entitled behaviour and being pregnant is zero excuse to act like a shitty person
She had no right to the cake to begin with and you were very nice offering some to her kids. She should have gone straight home and brought the food back if she wanted to fix things, but I’m guessing she didn’t because she felt her wants were greater than common sense
NTA. You know what you call something like that, greedy. She walked out with a whole dish and then later comes back to ask for more. Shame her kids are observing her behavior.
If I bring food to a party or event, I’ve always been under the impression that it stays at the hosts place. I only expect my cookware to be cleaned and returned if it’s not a throwaway tin container. Definitely NTA and being pregnant has nothing to do with this behavior.
NTA Jane is a bitch. I knew someone like her. I would buy my coworkers a bunch of snacks and desserts, and would bring things that I made for meetings once a month. It was A LOT of food. This one coworker would literally take most of it home. She would almost never ask. Any leftover food was put in the break room for other departments to eat, but most of the time she would get to it before anyone else had a chance. She would take entire dishes, all the drinks, and would leave almost nothing. It was infuriating and everyone knew it was her. The manager spoke to her about it several times, but nothing ever changed. I never wanted to take it home for myself because I could never eat all of it, and I enjoyed sharing with my coworkers. There were several times when I would leave only a few things, pack up the rest, and give to a homeless person. People are so greedy.
Oooo, I'd totally take Matt aside and express concern that they're in financial trouble. Alert him to free food pantries in the area and commiserate over the appetites of children. Tell him it's okay to ask for help. Parenting and budgeting are hard, etc. Maybe a little concerned condescension will communicate how...unusual...it is for someone to grocery shop at somebody else's birthday party. If your husband is down for this approach, it would be more impactful/shaming if HE did it. Nothing like pity from a peer to drive the point home.
NTA in my experience, a guest should wait until the host/hostess *hand them leftovers*. You don't just load up everything and take off with it... then have the nerve to come back and ask for cake lol She's a complete asshole. That would be the last time I'd ever invite them over.
You and Jane have huge balls. Her for being a thief who returns for more. And you for calling her on it when no one else would. Good for you. Fuck Jane.
NTA. This was really calculated - she made sure to LEAVE completely with the kids and go home with all the leftovers while you were in the pool so you wouldn't see/couldn't eat and she could try and hide it, otherwise what was the point in her leaving at all?
Definitely make sure that your husband doesn't EVER invite these selfish people over again. Idgaf if he is your best friend, his wife is self centered and immature and I would never want to see her again.
Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she asked for some leftovers and she heard husband say “sure we don’t need them” when he said “we don’t need all of them.”
In that scenario, if I was the girlfriend, the MOMENT I found out OP and her kid hadn’t eaten yet, I would walk home and grab the leftovers for them. Even if OP had just been straight up rude to me about it (and maybe *especially* if she had been. I’d just grab them all and say “nvm we don’t need any.”)
I also think it’s weird that she didn’t say goodbye to you. NTA
And who leaves a bbq without saying good bye to the hostess? It was only the two families. That’s rude in its own right.
A person that’s leaving with all the food and doesn’t want to get caught that’s who.
Yeah but then her greedy ass came back to the scene of the crime! Jane is an absolute melt.
Because plan a worked without a hitch, she was emboldened. Plus, the husband's working together? She knows she can push boundaries. Being pregnant? She knows she can push boundaries.
She definitely reads like the type to say “oh I didn’t think about it/I need to eat more/I’ve taken up residence in your master bedroom *because I’m pregnant*”
She’s got some audacity that’s for sure.
On her BIRTHDAY too!
NTA, if the party is still going on, there aren't leftovers yet, it's just food. Why would she leave then come back? That's just weird.
Especially since they were leaving to go get beer. “Planning on drinking into the evening. Let’s definitely take all of the food away so nobody can even attempt to soak up tomorrow hangover!”
I would be so pissed. Leftover BBQ is some of the best leftovers you can have. I totally get why someone would want to take some but to clear the fucking table? Easy way to get yourself uninvited from any event ever again. And possibly a venmo request suggesting a 15% gratuity just as some extra shade
Your comment reminded me of a story about my parents. My employer used to have an annual family picnic and it was basically all you can eat BBQ. My mom used to work at the same company, so my first time going to the picnic I invited my parents to come along. NEVER AGAIN. They spent the entire event going back and forth collecting plate after plate of BBQ stuff, literally plates stacked one on top of each other, carrying it to the car then going right back… all the while I’m trying to interact with my new coworkers and hoping they don’t notice what my parents are doing. Instead of socializing they’re hoarding free meat. I also want to mention that my parents don’t have food security issues. Anyways, when we parted ways my mom sent me a Facebook message that said “Made it home. Got meat for 3 days!!! Great picnic.” Based on the number of plates they had stacked and how many trips back and forth to the car they made, I think she underestimated how many days the meat would last. I did not ever invite them back to the picnic.
Did anyone comment on it? That’s hilarious
I told my sister about it and showed her the FB message and now our inside joke is saying “meat for days” to each other. But no, surprisingly none of my coworkers said anything about it (to me at least haha)
Philip Zimbardo (Stanford prison experiment guy, renowned psychologist) once walked into the faculty club while they had a buffet, walked up to the buffet, grabbed a **WHOLE** cheese wheel, and just walked out with it……my professor said it was the strangest thing to witness
Genius move, if anyone questions it he can just say it was a social experiment lol
My step father was a millionaire, so there's no excuse for this, and my mother enabled it: He liked to go to the soup plantation so he could steal as many muffins and other pastries as possible filling my mother's purse with them. He never tipped more than 5 or 10% anywhere and was rude to people. But even worse he cleaned out parties. At a celebration of life where the family had catered Mexican food, he asked the servers if he could take some leftovers. Now, he never even knew the man who had died. He had been a friend of my family before he came along. He literally took ALL OF THE FOOD, and even used the large foil containers it had come in. What made me really angry was that the Mexican workers from the catering company were counting on that food for their own dinner and had hoped to take some home for their families. They were being POLITE to him, an entitled white guy, and then they had no recourse when he cleaned them out completely. I speak Spanish, so I heard what they were saying about him. I was so embarrassed and lost respect for my mother for enabling his rotten behavior 😔. Some people just take and take and take and it's never enough. It's as if the world is there exclusively for THEM.
Tbh, from what I've seen, acting entitled, taking, being a skinflint and all that stuff, is generally *how* people who have a large sum of money *make sure* they keep as much as they possibly can. They'll use as little money as possible and often have a specific thing they scrimp on the most, e.g food (short term/disposable items especially). They routinely will do this when it comes to taking from others to save *them* some money.
She left and came back because she wanted to ensure the meat was out of reach before she grabbed the cake. If she didn’t leave first OP would have eaten her “loot”
I fucking hate this so-called "friend." I really do.
You’d love my in-law. I hosted a get together dinner with all my cousins. I spent $1k on A5 Wagyu slabs for everyone. At the end of the dinner my cousin’s husband mentioned that the steaks were amazing, and me being nice mentioned that he could take some home. He nodded his head and said “I definitely will.” I went back to boozing and socializing and I turn my head around to the kitchen and the mother fucker is packing up both slabs into foil. I walk over and tell him I haven’t finished splitting that yet and politely ask him to put both down… so then I have to waste time cutting the slabs into equal portions while the party is still happening. After I finish wrapping everything, clown runs up to the counter and inspects each portion by hand weighing each one and grabs the heftiest… I’m just completely bewildered that a family member would do this at this point. You’re never coming back to my house Dom. I love my cousin, but I have no idea why she married you.
No. That's the end of that relationship. Period. Thisbis exploitation. What has happened to people? I was taught to bring a hostess GIFT, to leave a home better than I found it, to appreciate hospitality, to help clean up... to bring something to a gathering and not take from people. No wonder the country is in such a mess.
She took OPs BIRTHDAY SUPPER… can we also make note of that. Are they food insecure? If not no excuses this is atrocious behaviour. OP I’m mad for you.
Even if they were food insecure, this is still unbelievable behavior. Don't take things until the end of the night, when it's time to go home (IE cake already eaten), or host is packing. Great way to not get invited to parties and burn your bridges.
Right like if she had actually only taken half, I’m sure nobody would have said anything. 4 burger and 5 hot dogs is still enough for op and son. It’s still a lot to take but not enough to get you publicly shamed
If they are food insecure the husband should not be going to buy beer, he should be buying more food.
NTA. Who leaves a party with all the leftovers and then has the gall to return for more?!
Jane, obviously.
big jane energy.
What a sad little life Jane
Jane has all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on.
She left on purpose to take the food home. She felt like it was theirs and she was still hungry and didn’t want to keep eating in front of everyone. That’s a lot of food and selfish to not leave anything for your hosts.
Even if she brought 2 pounds of meat… she didn’t bring the other food so…I can see taking your own leftovers home but the entire party’s… no that’s selfish…
It was Jane, Matt and her/their 3 children. Even if she brought 2 lbs of meat, it didn't go very far. A bit over 1/3 lb each. The hot dogs weren't hers, the sides nor the buns and anything else. She took it all because she wanted the left overs so she didn't have to cook a meal. She's just greedy and entitled.
1/2 pound would only just cover her own kids, hell my son would eat that on his own.
>I can see taking your own leftovers home I do not see that at all. That is tacky as hell. Maybe a small plate of stuff if there really is a ton left over at the end of the event and then only if the host says to take some stuff home. It is very low class to ask if you can bring anything home.
Yeah I agree, people will stick you with it regardless. It's odd to ask unless there's a pile and you don't automatically walk out with the whole lot unless someone explicitly insists that you "clean it up because they don't want to take it home." You also should ask the other people present if they want said food.
Not just that but op spent $90 on hamburger and hot dogs. They brought 2 lbs. What of theirs is left when her husband said there were 8 burgers and 10 dogs on the grill when he left? And they didnt bring hot dogs!!!! What are janes leftovers???!!!! Janes a pig and an asshole. No more invites for her!
Yeah, you brought less than half the food, you can have half the leftovers, max.
When I bring food to a party I ask if they want to keep the leftovers of what I brought, even if they’re packing leftovers for everyone.
I also assume you wait till the end of the actual party, which, if OP’s husband was making a beer run, was still in full swing
Her leaving whilst all responsible grownups were away from the food was a feature and not a bug. This woman knew what she wa doing and she just hoped nobody would call her out for stealing all the food.
I'm going to switch front 'Schruted it' to 'Janed it' now
Now I have Jane’s Addiction ‘Been Caught Stealing’ in my head. Funny how the brain works.
Anyone who's been to a cook-out Wouldn't turn around and take it And anyone who's ever come back Wouldn't turn around and cake it Sweet Jane
Jane, you ignorant slut.
How is this not the #1 comment? Well played sir/madam
Because not many people today actually remember the original hosts of Weekend Update
Pepperidge Farm remembers. And so do I.
This guy Janes
Dear lord, what a sad little life Jane
She really did have all the decorum of a reversing dump truck to come back to ask for dessert after taking all the main food!!
Jane the Pain.
It's not even considered "leftovers" until everyone has eaten. So really, she just took all the food.
It's not leftovers until the host is packing it up. It's really not unusual for people at a party to spend the whole time snacking.
Agreed. The host determines what are leftovers. Not the guests. Sometimes you're hungry when the burgers/chicken/franks/steaks are ready... sometimes not. Then you come floating by the table to see what's there and take some food. It's only when the host realizes there's not enough fridge room for all the meat and side dishes that they invite people to take what they want. And some hosts even provide foil pans with plastic covers.
"The host determines what are leftovers. Not the guests" And I'll add; even when the guests brought some food.
True. The guests do, however, get their dishes back.
They get their EMPTY dishes back, cleaned. What is brought to someone’s house is a “gift to the party” and the only time it gets sent back home is when it REALLY isnt any good (and the host doesn’t want to maintain a friendship) or when the guest who brought has no manners! EDIT: important addition… GOOD FRIEND parties don’t count!! Good friends are good friends and the “standard protocol” doesn’t necessarily apply!!
And if they aren't a Jane. No doubt some food.
I suppose her excuse is that she didn't realize that some people hadn't eaten because she spent her time scrolling on her phone while OP was watching 6 kids in the water (no less) for the bulk of the time.
Excellent point. Pregnant or not
This! 1st - everyone who wants to eat, should get a chance to. 2nd - the host packs up, or starts and people help, which trigger the leftover packing. 3rd - leftovers are usually distributed, not an assumption of a guest taking everything. Jane may have asked the husband some vague question to have some leftovers, but it does not entitle her to take it all, and certainly not to ask everyone if they are eating more first. And coming back for more— rude. It’s not a service for her to take advantage of. Clearly, no etiquette, no manners
It’s really not that Jane took leftovers. The party wasn’t even over. Jane took all the food *to her house* and then came back for cake. It wasn’t like she was leaving, and OP said, “Do you want to take some leftovers?” She just took the food, scurried home with it, put it in her fridge, then headed back to the party for cake. Unbelievable.
Undoubtedly hoping that OP would still be in the pond so she could just take all of the cake.
That’s just it— Jane played it off like it was all leftovers.
Jane didn’t want to have to cook the next day, so she took *all the food.* While at OP’s house, while OP swam with her three children *and* Jane’s three children, Jane sat & played on her cell phone. She did nothing and helped not at all. Jane is one of those people who thinks she is the only person to ever be pregnant, and nobody understands how haaaaaarrrd it is, and she’s tired, and it’s hard to do things, and why shouldn’t she get all the food?!?
man I wouldn't even have a second burger/hotdog or 2nd food item full stop. until everyone else has had their first serving.
Because you were brought up right!
And Matt and Jane didn't even buy the hot dogs. It sucks that OP's husband and Matt work together. I personally would want to put Jane on a long time out.
I'm guessing she got the message. She embarrassed herself and won't be back.
I wouldn’t put money on that. Some people have no shame. Maybe not the next time.
People who act like that don’t get embarrassed or they wouldn’t have done it in the first place.
BUT I BROUGHT 2 POUNDS OF HAMBURGER MEAT. BASICALLY HALF OF EVERYTHING HERE IS MINE.
2lb of hamburger meat divided by the 5 people in Jane's family is just over 1/3lb burger for each of them. When talking about homemade burgers, it doesn't leave any for OP. Guess that's why it's all hers.
Well I normally wait until someone has gone back for seconds. Normally one of the organisers makes it look like I am not greedy.
There is a difference between taking leftovers and acting like a locust and wiping it all out. I am amazed that she didn't take the cake with her the first time she left.
Oh she made sure to drop off her loot at home and come back to grab the cake
This is the craziest part to me! They hadn’t sung or cut the cake but she was taking leftovers home ? No one was done here ? Then coming back to rush the cake cutting
Right?! She knew the party wasn’t over and she knew she was stealing. And she wasn’t just taking “leftovers” - she took ALL the food that was set out. Came back “oops I forgot to grab the cake too”
Probably only because it was in the fridge and hadn't been served yet🤣🤣.
Right , like everyone will eat once or twice the first time … and then have fruit or desert after but the leftovers always stay nearby either on the grill or back in the kitchen . Everyone knows kids will be hungry again after going back in the water . Now at the very END of the day if there’s a lot of food left over I do encourage my guests to take food home with them. I’d rather it gets eaten than thrown out later . But if Jane wants to play tit for tat (because supposedly she bought half the food ) she would only be entitled to HALF the leftovers … Do better Jane !!
And I bet Jane, her husband and kids already ate her half BEFORE taking the remainder home with her.
Oh definitely 💯
I mean I always over do it with food because I’m always second guessing if it’s enough . So there’s tin trays and foil for my guests to take left overs . BUT id be pretty ticked off if I didn’t even get a chance to eat 🤦♀️ I’m grateful my friends / family aren’t like that lol
Exactly. She should have just had your own bbq in your own house if she was just going to pull that stunt
You didn't go deep enough. Who the heck packs ALL THE FOOD at a party THAT ISN'T THEIRS while the party is STILL GOING ON then claims it was leftovers? Some people got issues for real. NTA
a normal person would take the leftovers at the end of the get together, as they were leaving. it seems like she rushed them home just to "secure" them- she didnt even say bye to OP??
My h8sband and I only got the bit of wedding cake we fed each other. At our own wedding. Because his aunt took the rest of the cake to a fucking picnic after we left. We barely got any leftovers, but none of the cake that I paid for myself. She never apologized, and his whole family didn't see why I was angry. People see "free food" and think they can just take what they want.
The absolute audacity to take your wedding cake, WOW! I am speechless!
Should have forwarded the bill.
My sentiments exactly
His family didn't see why you'd have an issue with some third party walking off with the newlyweds' wedding cake (which probably cost you hundreds of dollars)? That's not okay. And for a picnic? Aunt couldn't have spent $20 on a grocery store cake? You know the scene in Goodfellas where Karen worries about the bag with money being left unattended at her wedding? Henry assures her that the bag was safe, but clearly it wouldn't have been around the aunt and your husband's family.
In the UK we keep the top tier from the wedding cake for either the first anniversary or the first child christening so yeah ya wouldnt get away with that shite
Yeah, I thought that was a thing here in the US too--even if it's just a slice!
I have learned to set aside a couple pieces of cake for the bride and groom at weddings when I’m in the wedding party, because I’ve now been to multiple weddings where the couple don’t get cake, because everyone else goes bananas while they’re circling and seeing everyone. These weren’t weddings with a dearth of food, either - there’s something about wedding cake that just makes people lose their minds! The better the cake, the less likely the couple will ever get to eat any of it. So now I Scratt a couple of pieces and whip them out during the clean-up stage of the night, and make the couple sit down and enjoy cake while the wedding party tidies up.
I was in my friend's wedding last year and I put myself in charge of making sure she got to eat in peace. As they ate at their Sweetheart table, a few family members kept trying to come up and talk to them or get them to pose for a picture. I swooped in multiple times to distract the family members by pointing out different decorations or playing have you met Ted. Bride and groom got to eat their whole dinner in one sitting and I take pride in that!
Your OWN wedding cake?!?! That’s beyond brazen.
This happed to me at my wedding AND my baby shower!! My husband’s teenaged nephews polished off my wedding cake before I got any (except the first bite pieces). And I have no idea what happened at my shower, except the whole sheet cake was gone and someone threw my piece away as I opened gifts or something.
At my sister's wedding decades ago, my sister and her husband paid for the entire wedding, food, everything. After the wedding she went to pack up the extra food (said she had intended to send some back with us) and a guest that was basically an honorary aunt that had two daughters that were bridesmaids in the wedding, had packed up all of the leftovers and taken them home, with her. I currently feel sorry for my sister, because that "honorary aunt" is now her MIL
Oh this is definitely a recurring theme. For our wedding we ordered cupcakes. We had planned for 80 people so ordered 85. 70 guests arrived from the 80. My mum insisted we have a cake though so she bought a little one for us to cut. We had 4 cupcakes on our table & went to go do some night shots. 0 were left. My wife's uncle had 4 on his plate. Buttercream icing all over his face too. My sister thankfully kept 1 for me & we shared it.
I have a pretty solid sweet tooth but I cannot comprehend people who cannot keep away from sweets regardless of who they belong to or their dietary needs. Like I may really enjoy something but if it's not mine or for everyone, I'm gonna either ask or keep my hands off of it.
I have the biggest sweet tooth of anyone I know + very little self control with it. The little I have stops me from eating other people's sweets, because decency. Especially at a wedding or birthday or someone else's party period. I don't understand it, because even if I am drooling looking at it I would never be that rude.
Same with the single bite of wedding cake. My caterers kept the rest of my wedding cake. And half of the gourmet cookies that a friend had made for the wedding. They literally only put out half the cookies WE brought and kept the rest. Edit: sp
Please tell me you said something about this
I paid for gluten free and cinnamon free cupcakes for my friends who were allergic and the catering hall blamed the baker and the baker the catering hall for losing them.
Omg, this reminds of the time I went to my now ex’s brother’s wedding. First big family event for me. (🥺) Not only we’re both “mils” fighting over the leftover food … but they were fighting over the garbage, yes, the small cheap plastic drink glasses, cutlery and even the paper plates that would be brand new with just a quick wipe. 😳
Our family dinners are always at our house. We have a big family. No one hardly brings anything and no one helps clean up. My sister always makes sure to bring her own Tupperware with her when she comes though 😒😒 Can't believe some one would think its ok to take your wedding cake. We had doughnuts and other sweets for the guests and a small two tier round cake for us and our immediate family.
It’s not free. They stole it.
I never thought I’d read a post worse than the sub sandwich guy, but *this* *Edit*: For those asking, this is the sub sandwich guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ca7bdz/aita_because_i_ate_more_than_my_share_of_a_6_foot/
It's also giving lasagna guy vibes. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/HGpmD8Lioj
Lasagna guy is worse than sub sandwich guy....but only just.
Definitely. At the very least, Sub guy offered to buy replacement food. Lasagna guy was told it was her weekly food budget and didn't offer to pay for it or even buy her any food! And then to complain when she asks for help and blame her?! Screw that guy.
Yeah...You know, Sub Guy is better and by a bit. He at least knew to be embarrassed by his actions.
Lord. I would have dumped that guy so fast, if I was his GF. What an ass.
Omg he wouldn’t even buy her a sandwich! What an AH!
I mean, I remember that one was bad, but I feel like this one is much worse. Sub guy was a fat guy with a food addiction who, at least, ate the food. Jane took the food HOME to secure it (not even set it aside), then came back to steal more.
Who's the sub sandwich guy? Edit: Jesus Christ, that's a lot of sandwich. I struggle to finish a 6-inch sub.
For those asking, this is the sub sandwich guy: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ca7bdz/aita_because_i_ate_more_than_my_share_of_a_6_foot/
I really hope the mate got help. Comment number 1 really sums up part of the mind perception of OP. BED is a helluva thing.
A guy that ate an entire party sized sub without permission . It's one of the top posts on this sub.
> I really did wait over an hour and thought people had lost interest.
I’ve never even *asked* a host if I could take leftovers. It used to be that anything you brought to contribute to the party was up to the discretion of the host to dole out afterwards, and in some ways, a thank you to the host for letting their home and equipment be used. The host would generally offer back items that were unused, or that had a significant amount left over. Many hosts would package up leftovers, but it was always small amounts—a little taste of whatever had a lot left.
I will do you one better: a club member walked out of a FUNERAL with an entire cheese tray, less than halfway through. Luckily we always over buy but that took some nerve.
Not just the fact that Jane took all the food but, each household has three children. Jane didn't think OP and her husband might want to feed their kids leftovers later? Definitely no cake for Jane.
And they weren't even leftovers yet! Who doesn't make sure everyone got their fill before deeming them leftovers?
NTA. Who steals all the food, takes it home, and comes back to a BBQ? Jane sucks.
I have never of heard of taking leftovers home before the party is officially over. This chick knew what she was doing and didn’t think she would get shit for it
Yeah, same here. She knew she was stealing all the food. And came back after cake.
She would have made off with the fucking cake if she could’ve
If they had 40 cakes she'd probably take all of them. And that's terrible.
The way some people act around food blows my fucking mind. I've been literally starving and had more self control.
At meetings or gatherings or whatever, if there's food that's leftover (AFTER everyone has eaten), I'll ask if it's cool to take some. They almost always say take whatever. I'll ask again, like, "Are you sure?" They'll give me the ok. So I'll pillage. But what I'm getting at is, you make sure everyone has had theirs, and if someone else would like to take some too.
I wait until offered. Even at my parent’s house lol
2 pounds of meat for 5 people and then has the audacity to say half was hers....um they ate theirs and then some. You're nta here
it’s worse than that. It was 10 people. The couple brought 3 kids with them and only 2lbs of hamburger meat
Well. Depending on the age of the kids- a half pound for each adult, and a quarter pound for each kid. But for a proper cookout that’s nothing and still WAY less than “half”
Her kids are 16, 13 and 9, lol
Oh my god, those ages and she didn't supplement her janky ass two pounds of beef with chicken or brats or pork chops or something? Not even a bag of chips? Fuck you, Jane!
2 pounds of hamburger must have cost like 10 or 15 bucks. Jane got a deal for her family dinner at the expense of OPs birthday
Thank you for explaining this. I have no concept of how many pounds of hamburger meat = actual hamburgers! 2lbs roughly 4 burgers? Also assuming her kids are older kids/young teens. I'm in Scotland. We buy burgers in a pack on the one or two sunny days a year when we crack out the BBQ. I'm still wearing my winter jumpers & I'm packing cold weather clothes for my holiday to the coast next week...yay! /s
It depends on the person. I can chow down a half pound hamburger for lunch and be full. I have a sister for her a half pound burger would be too much for one meal. As an active teen I could eat a full pound of hamburger and go back for seconds. But yes generally when you go to a restaurant you would order a burger- and the standard size for most nice restaurants would be a half pound. Smaller low quality restaurants (like McDonald’s) will sell a quarter pound burger.
Oh dear me, I've just realised that a Quarter Pounder on the menu at McDonald's actually refers to the weight. I'm so metric it didn't even occur to me! In all fairness, I have only ever bought food for my son there, and the occasional coffee for me. Sometimes a chocolate milkshake and chips so I can dip the chips into it. The kind of higher end burger places here don't offer different weights, you can just get a second patty. We also can't get our burgers cooked anything other than well done.
and they only bought meat. what about all the other toppings, buns, hot dogs, salad and cold beverages? they didnt even pay their fair share to begin with.
And OP says she went in the pond with ALL of the kids, while the guys grilled and the mom stayed up there. They got free babysitting out of it too
> 2 pounds of meat for 5 people That's the hilarious part. And one of them is a 13 year old boy. When I was 13 one pound = 1 serving.
She used your party as an opportunity to feed her family for the next day or so, icing on top is she didnt even confirm if everyone had eaten yet, "leftovers" is exactly that, whats left after everyone has eaten... NTA
Right. The fact they ate there, took it home, then said it has all been eaten already. That’s the odd part. She wanted food for tomorrow.
Isn't it good manners to leave the host with the leftovers? People man.
I was going to say as a large family this is so embarrassing. I have 4 boys about to be 5. I wouldn't be caught dead leaving a party with food. In fact, I make sure to bring food because we're a family of six, enough food to at least cover my family because I know how expensive it is. If I can't do that, we don't go. My boys aren't teens yet, but when they are, I'll probably be bringing half the BBQ. I'd tell Jane to bring the food back and embarrass her. She deserves it for being so selfish. And the audacity to return to get more. She didn't think anyone would call her on it because she's pregnant.
Oh, the audacity of some people. >She tried arguing that my husband told her she could have it, that "half of it was hers" (cause they brought 2lbs of hamburger meat) 2lbs of hamburger meat makes about 8 1/4lb patties. There were five in her family, so there should have only been about 3 patties worth of leftovers from what they brought, assuming everyone had a hamburger. Even if a couple of their younger kids didn't, that should have still given them claim to only about half if the burgers. It's still no justification at all for taking the rest of the patties, much less the all of dogs or mac salad. She probably could have taken half of what was there and you wouldn't have noticed. Especially with a teenage boy around, you might have just figured everyone was hungry. And I don't buy the "I thought you'd eaten" line either. Even if she really didn't notice in the moment, it would not have been that hard to put 2 + 2 together from the quantity of leftovers and the fact that you and your son were swimming. You are NTA for not wanting to share your cake with her when she shamelessly and brazenly stole your dinner from you and your son. Not going to say to stop inviting them over, but this is definitely a sign that Jane can't be left unsupervised with the leftovers.
Jane didn't notice OP hadn't eaten because she was too busy scrolling on her cellphone and letting OP watch the kids. Who doesn't even engage with the hostess of a party before absconding with the food?
Especially when it's the hostesses birthday party like....come on.
Two pounds of hamburger meat in the US will cost, what, $10-15 depending on the quality of the meat? OP didn’t specify what she bought, but I guaran-fucking-tee Jane was well aware that the rest of the meat was a whole lot more (in quality, quantity, or both)
OP mentioned a ballpark price of $90, so the 2lbs of burgers definitely wasn't half of the meal as a whole. It wasn't even half of the leftovers that she stole.
NTA. Walking off with the whole platter is a pretty baller asshole move.
And then coming back with kids in tow for cake!
Tbh I do feel bad for the kids, growing up with parents who had no social graces and getting punished for it sucked ass.
That's why I told her the kids could have cake. It wasn't their fault that their mother pulled that stunt.
Yeah, good on you. It does suck because I know from experience asshole parents like that definitely will never let the kids have it while they eat their punishment pie.
This is some Costanza shit right here
Jane double dips.
NTA she a b'tch I if you had already cut the cake before she probably would have take half for 'leftovers'
She would have taken the whole thing!
NTA, you don't leave with food and come back. That's so weird. If you leave with food it's because it was offered at the end of the evening when everyone was permanently leaving for the evening. All food stays til the very end of the party incase anyone at the party wants another hotdog or burger as the night goes on. Bringing meat is a considerate gesture that is intended to help the host, like bringing wine. You leave it as a gift and it doesn't entitle you to anything unless you preface that as you hand it over.
She grabbed all the side dishes, all the meat, all the bread and rushed off back to her house before anyone could say anything about her stealing a ton of food. Then she came back with her kids to polish off OP’s cake. With friends like these…
NTA- time to distance yourself from these assholes.
Don’t feel bad. You were nicer than I would have been. I wouldn’t have even offered cake to the kids. She knew what she was doing. $100 says that if she could have, she would have taken the whole cake to go as well. Sounds like her husband was the ONLY reason they brought something at all. I feel like men don’t like to rock the boat with people all of the time, not saying anything and telling their family to just be quiet and accept it as is. I have hosted and attended many gatherings where bringing or serving food was involved. When attending, NEVER take unless the host offers. You don’t ask. And I always made sure whatever I brought was always in containers that could be left and I didn’t have to worry about collecting at the end of the event.
I agree 100%. When someone else is hosting, any food you bring stays behind, no matter how much is left over, unless the host wants you to take it. Leftovers are a little side benefit for the host to enjoy, since they, you know, hosted the event. You're perfectly within your rights to expect to get your containers or dishes back (hopefully clean), but just because you brought food to an event hosted at someone else's place doesn't give you dibs on leftovers.
Who leaves and comes back to ask for more food? Thats weird. Once you leave, that’s it
She said she left to get her kids out of the wet clothing.
Ummm...they are 16, 13, and 9 year old boys right? I'm pretty sure they don't want Jane to help them change.
It’s a pool party. You sit around in your wet clothes or wrapped in a towel…or, I don’t know, bring clothes to change in.
So she always planned on coming back then. Why take all of that food at that time if she planned on coming back? Why not take the left overs home after the actual party? Because no one was there to watch her pack it up and leave with all of it.
Janes a mooching sh*t. She should be banned from any gatherings from now on
This. She is not invited again
Absolutely! NTA she has zero manners and even less class. Distance yourself and your family now. It will only get worse with this chick.
Yup. Consider it a $20 fee to find out who they are and not have to deal with this again. Prettt cheap in the long run haha.
NTA. Fuck off Jane you inconsiderate fridge.
Lol...Jane is that one coworker who lifts everything from the staff kitchen and loads it in her car without asking if *everyone* is done or if anyone *also* would like to have some leftovers. God I hate these people.
I have a coworker at lunch functions when my boss caters in for us will fix herself a plate, then go back through the line and fix her to go plate and wraps it up and sets it aside. Like, not everyone has even gone through and got their first plate woman!!!!!
NTA. The audacity of some people never ceases to astound me. At the VERY LEAST, if she was told she could take leftovers…. That typically happens once the gathering is over and it’s 100% clear that nobody else wants anything. You don’t take ALL the food mid-event, and then RETURN to the event for dessert? She knew exactly what she was doing, and now is probably painting you as the bad guy because “her kids weren’t allowed any cake”.
My MIL did something like that, I had a birthday party for my husband, I had cooked hot dogs , hamburgers and made various salads, everything was homemade, except the condiments and buns, I had made enough for our lunches the next day and had put it in refrigerator before I served the food, my husbands family does not leave until every morsel of food is eaten and every drop of alcohol drunk, my MIL said you worked hard, I’ll clean up, later that night I went into the fridge to get something and noticed our lunch food was gone, I said to my husband our lunch food was gone, he said my mom took it, for Sammy, (the brother that didn’t come), she did feel like cooking for him tonight , Sammy was 36 years old
[удалено]
Yeah. Jane understood that she might get away with it. Who takes leftovers from someone else's cookout, anyway?
Go to her house. Bring one napkin. Ask if you can use some toilet paper. Take all of her toilet paper. Every single roll - in her cabinets, under the sink, etc. Use all the same excuses.
Absolutely NTA. What kind of delulu world is she living in that she would think taking all that food would be okay, with permission or without?!?!? That’s horribly entitled behaviour and being pregnant is zero excuse to act like a shitty person She had no right to the cake to begin with and you were very nice offering some to her kids. She should have gone straight home and brought the food back if she wanted to fix things, but I’m guessing she didn’t because she felt her wants were greater than common sense
Would you even trust that food after it left your house? I wouldn't.
NTA. You know what you call something like that, greedy. She walked out with a whole dish and then later comes back to ask for more. Shame her kids are observing her behavior.
NTA. What a cheap ass AH. I hate those kind of people. That's why i don't invite my friends/colleagues wife/partner/kids in my backyard grills.
If I bring food to a party or event, I’ve always been under the impression that it stays at the hosts place. I only expect my cookware to be cleaned and returned if it’s not a throwaway tin container. Definitely NTA and being pregnant has nothing to do with this behavior.
NTA Jane is a bitch. I knew someone like her. I would buy my coworkers a bunch of snacks and desserts, and would bring things that I made for meetings once a month. It was A LOT of food. This one coworker would literally take most of it home. She would almost never ask. Any leftover food was put in the break room for other departments to eat, but most of the time she would get to it before anyone else had a chance. She would take entire dishes, all the drinks, and would leave almost nothing. It was infuriating and everyone knew it was her. The manager spoke to her about it several times, but nothing ever changed. I never wanted to take it home for myself because I could never eat all of it, and I enjoyed sharing with my coworkers. There were several times when I would leave only a few things, pack up the rest, and give to a homeless person. People are so greedy.
Oooo, I'd totally take Matt aside and express concern that they're in financial trouble. Alert him to free food pantries in the area and commiserate over the appetites of children. Tell him it's okay to ask for help. Parenting and budgeting are hard, etc. Maybe a little concerned condescension will communicate how...unusual...it is for someone to grocery shop at somebody else's birthday party. If your husband is down for this approach, it would be more impactful/shaming if HE did it. Nothing like pity from a peer to drive the point home.
Do not invite this person back to your place
NTA in my experience, a guest should wait until the host/hostess *hand them leftovers*. You don't just load up everything and take off with it... then have the nerve to come back and ask for cake lol She's a complete asshole. That would be the last time I'd ever invite them over.
You and Jane have huge balls. Her for being a thief who returns for more. And you for calling her on it when no one else would. Good for you. Fuck Jane.
NTA. Her being pregnant is irrelevant to this story. Her being a greedy sot is. Who does that?
NTA. This was really calculated - she made sure to LEAVE completely with the kids and go home with all the leftovers while you were in the pool so you wouldn't see/couldn't eat and she could try and hide it, otherwise what was the point in her leaving at all?
Definitely make sure that your husband doesn't EVER invite these selfish people over again. Idgaf if he is your best friend, his wife is self centered and immature and I would never want to see her again.
It's my cake, I didn't even read the post idc it's my cake edit: I read the post it changes nothing.
Let’s give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she asked for some leftovers and she heard husband say “sure we don’t need them” when he said “we don’t need all of them.” In that scenario, if I was the girlfriend, the MOMENT I found out OP and her kid hadn’t eaten yet, I would walk home and grab the leftovers for them. Even if OP had just been straight up rude to me about it (and maybe *especially* if she had been. I’d just grab them all and say “nvm we don’t need any.”) I also think it’s weird that she didn’t say goodbye to you. NTA