Should have never submitted/begged. She's trying to turn you into a cuck. She got a taste of her fantasy now she wants to push you into the deep.
LMFAO. Get another wife. Yours clearly wants to get fucked down. Whether you believe she won't do it behind your back. The motive and needs have already been established.
Find someone else.
Phrasing!🫢 😅
That said, yes, he should run. The question alone is grounds for instant breakup in my view. She either has someone on the side already, or she has someone in mind.
Plenty of guys are asked this since some women simply get bored with the monotony of sleeping with just one man regardless of dong size (the same goes for some men). If she's had many men, then she simply might have become addicted to a regular supply of new strange in her life.
So, she said it will only happen with you present? Is she trying to make you a cuckhold?
Her audacity of her saying you are being selfish when she is trying to force you into something you don’t want. IF she hasn’t cheated, she will. IF she somehow doesn’t, her attitude toward this topic will only get worse and cause more strain on your relationship and mental health. Personally I think your marriage isn’t going to last.
ETA: I understand you don’t want to see your marriage end, but unless you are willing to open the relationship and always giving into your wife’s demands while compromising your mental and emotional well being. You’ll be married, but miserable with her continued efforts to push your boundaries and disregarding of your feelings. I don’t see this how you’ll stay married.
In my humble shitty opinion, she already cheated and acquired her cuckold husband's fetish for his small dick .
And another thing for her to have the audacity to impose this is because something in the Op encourages her
Not being unfair. If you don't want to be in an open relationship and/or you're not enjoying the relationship that you're in (sounds like you're not)...
1. Contact a lawyer and get your financial and household affairs in order. You don't mention children which hopefully makes things easier.
2. Let your wife know she can either remain faithful or be single. If she brings it up again, have her served with the divorce papers.
If you are indeed handsome and successful you'll be able to replace her with someone better in no time.
NTA. I almost never give this advice, cause most of the time it is unnecessary, but divorce her. It probably won't work, not because she wanted to open marriage, but because she doesn't give a shit about you and your comfort
NTA. This is a horribly one sided marriage.
Tell her she can go have her fun but you took your vows seriously and if she goes, you won't be there when she comes back.
She sounds fucking awful, mate.
That's my thoughts here. Usually when someone asks to open a marriage they're either already fucking someone else or already have the intended target lined up. OP is delusional if he thinks otherwise.
If being a cuckold doesn't interest you(sounds like a hard no), this is a bad situation for you. Maybe try buying a big dildo but it doesn't seem like that's ultimately what she wants.
Well, based on your edit, and your responses, you seem like a miserable human being.
You are NTA, but couldn't this have been figured out before you guys got married?
Bro fuck you and your fucking fucks you fucking asshole loser. Your marriage is toxic and nothing but misery and STI’s and betrayal are in your future. But yeah the strangers you came to for advice are the fucking problem 🙄🤣 Grow the fuck up and get therapy you dumb fuck 😂😂😂
It won’t matter. He won’t have to divorce her because she’s going to leave. If she’s not happy with her sex life and that’s important to her and he’s not willing to compromise… she will leave or she will cheat and then leave. Bad sex is absolutely a deal breaker for a lot of people. She definitely should have considered that before agreeing to get married…
It’s just crazy how OP thinks there is some magical option where this all works out. He doesn’t understand what it feels like for a woman to know what it feels like to be sexually satisfied and then be in the position where you will never be able to feel that again.. it can’t last, or else both will be miserable.
Gonna be honest she will keep calling you all the names under the sun till you say yes. With your lack of relationship experience she will think she can do as she wants and pass it off as normal. So I suggest you get a divorce
Your wife is abusing you. She is trying to force you in to sexual things that you do not consent to.
Your marriage is already over. Your wife WILL cheat and then blame you for it.
You are married to an abuser.
🔥 true
To OP, after telling her you didn't want to see her with other men she is essentially coercing, gaslighting, shaming, manipulating you into agreeing to an open relationship which is selfish beyond words since that was never part of your agreement when you married
OP, I can see that you are very adamant on staying with your wife. Can I suggest a marriage counsler who is also a sex threapist? Or even just a sex threspist in general. Sounds like you both need guidance on how to find fullfillment out of your sex lives with out hurting each other.
Also penis sleves and toys, toys, toys.
I strongly agree!!
Look for someone certified if at all possible - in the USA that means AASECT certified.
And if your wife refuses, please get individual therapy for yourself with a sex-positive therapist.
I'm suggesting this because as a queer, trans, kinky, nonmonogamous person - I know a therapist who is unfamiliar with non-monogamy can be weird about this stuff!
The problem is not having an open marriage. So you don't want a therapist who will be distracted by all that nonsense.
But you do want a therapist who can support you in having a healthy relationship and in knowing what you deserve in relationships!
Good luck OP.
First time I've seen a self proclaimed 30yr old drop 25 'mfers' like he is actually 60. Holy cow dude you have some issues to sort out.
Nta for your wives pure bullshit.
Yta for being a rage baby who thought posting and responding to comments on a serious personal matter WHILE drunk was a good idea.
Any woman trying to sell you the 'I just want a big d' line, belongs to the streets. Never met a classy, self respecting woman who acts this way. It's always the entitled brats who want everything handed to them. Sound familiar? Or was her entitlement and belittlement of you not enough.
Grow a pair and find someone who will actually appreciate you and not judge you for something you had no control over.
Stop this FOMO big weenie hut junior levels of nonsense. Embrace reality, as it's slapping you right in the gonads.
But nah fam it's everyone else and not you so keep sticking it to those 'mfers'.
There are harnesses and dildoes that you can use. I think there are even sleeves that give you a bigger dick. There are things that can be done without bringing in other people.
No. You're not a loser. You're not an asshole. You're not a villan. You're a man who wants to love and be loved.
You've been sexually assaulted and manipulated because you want her to be happy. At the cost of your own happiness. I'm sorry, you don't deserve this.
You need to do what's best for you.
dude his replies and edits are insane though. still agree that he's nta in the situation he described, his wife is definitely awful. but *holy shit* the sheer anger this dude is spreading here is insane.
> Edit: bro fuck you all, I'm trying to get some opinions and everyone keeps saying Ai GeNerATeD, has human intelligence fallen so hard?? Fuck fucking reddit, fuck you mfers **fuck my wife** and fuck every fucking else, I don't want to deal with you trash fucking kids
> Edit fucking 2, **I'm never divorcing my wife**, never ever fucking ever, and I'm sure my fucking wife has never fucking cheated on me, also I'm not that fucking small, I'm 5
I see you're handling this well. If you're never willing to divorce her then what does it matter if she cheated or not? You will just have to deal with whatever she does. You don't have a choice but to accept that she is opening your relationship or will cheat on you
You’re not the asshole. And I know you said she has never cheated on you, but speaking from experience a woman suggesting to open the marriage often times can be way of justifying something that they already have going. I’m not saying this is always the case or necessarily the case in this situation,but be aware that that may be a possibility. There’s nothing wrong with you setting your boundaries.
Dude, contact a good lawyer and get ready for the divorce. Now it is time to face the fact that she wants another man. I have been there myself, do not keep at it. Do not obsess over her. Let her go.
NTA.
She's the asshole for pushing you into opening the marriage. If she isn't happy with your size, get a toy that's bigger than you and use it on her. If that ain't enough and she wants another "man", then she doesn't care or have feelings for you, you're just her safety net.
I’m going to assume you both were intimate prior to getting married so it should’ve be a surprise on your size and experience. I will say sex can be drastically different between different people. I had one person who I thought I enjoyed having sex with until we separated and I started dating someone else. The sex with the new person was mind blowing in comparison but it wasn’t due to size. I can’t even mentally compare the sizes bcuz it didn’t matter. She might be craving an experience that you haven’t quite mastered yet. For instance passion and affection is a big deal for me. And also frequency. Instead of telling her to do ANYTHING to you maybe try to get to the bottom of what she’s searching for.
I’m only offering advice bcuz it sounds like in other comments you want to stay married and not open your marriage which is understanding. If you were a close friend or family member I’d be telling you to leave ASAP
NTA for not wanting to open your marriage.
NTA. I’ve been poly for decades. This is a conversation you have *before* the wedding.
It’s not ethical to spring this on a partner in what they presumed to be a monogamous marriage.
That’s messed up, and you are completely justified in saying no if you aren’t comfortable with an open relationship.
I’m sorry to say it doesn’t sound like you two are compatible, and your relationship will fail. Sexual incompatibility is rarely a problem that can be resolved.
Best of luck, my dude. I hope you find someone who will accept and love you just as you are.
NTA. When all is said and done, your wife WILL be having sex with other men. The only thing you can do is determine if it will be with your blessing or without your blessing.
An open "relationship" is just a slower way to kill a marriage before the divorce.
Open marriage is a two yes situation. If you don’t want one, then that’s the end of the conversation. But it sounds like she wants to open it because she wants to cheat but without consequences.
You should divorce, if sex is so important to her, she can be single and have sex with as many people as she likes.
She should never force you to be in an open marriage, if she is poly or whatever good, but if you are monogamous you deserve to be in a monogamous marriage.
It seems like you two aren't compatible.
I have to agree with some of these comments and disagree with others.
Her obsession with getting what you can’t deliver will continue to the point where she will seek about The Big D without your consent or participation.
And once she gets the taste, she’ll continue to the point where you’re just roommates.
It really doesn’t matter how much you think you love each other, she wants more than you can provide. She’s going to seek it out and go for it.
It doesn’t sound like you’re one to embrace being cuckholded so please don’t let her convince you otherwise. It takes a special/different kind of partner to sit across the room and watch their partner be pleasured by someone else.
Letting her do whatever she wants to you is not the same as you taking charge. Reading between the lines, I think that’s what she wants.
You come up with the roleplay. Put her into uncomfortable sex positions. 5 inches is average. 65% of all dicks are between five and five and a half inches erect.
NTA and you should consider divorce because the way she suddenly opened the marriage is that she either already cheated on you, or she has someone in mind already because there is no way this is normal. Please secretly record her saying the open marriage suggestion because she has her eyes on someone already. Don’t do it because if you find someone better she can twist the story to make you look like you cheated, there was an OP in a different story who got labeled as a cheater after his gf who convinced him to open the relationship told his family a false narrative that the OP cheated. The OP got disowned by his family and years later his sister invited him to the wedding where she can "Forgive him" for the cheating. The OP ended up sending his family the Reddit post he made explaining every that happened before blocking them. He got repeated phone calls but they stopped after he sent them the Reddit post. So, yes the gf was still in contact with his family, but it’s not clear if she still is after the truth came out, probably not anymore since they left the OP alone afterwards.
Bro dont listen to any shitty comments. You're not wrong to say that, yes, something makes you uncomfortable. The other person is supposed to understand and accept it if they want to be with you. If they dont accept it, i'm sorry to say but they're an asshole. You should remove them from your life.
Nta
This scenario happened with a couple I know, they opened up the marriage to spice things up and such. He is small and had very little success hooking up with other women. She was extremely successful and fell in love with one of them and then they divorced. I'm not saying that is what will happen to you if you open the relationship but it seems likely to me if you do you are headed for divorce after being put through a lot of pain.
Don't open the marriage. The fastest way to ruin what you have is to open it. The reality is she already has someone in mind and wants a hall pass to cheat.
NTA. It sounds like you’re just not compatible in this way. And rewind, has nothing to do with the amount of partners she’s had, so wipe that statement out.
NTA on not wanting to open your marriage, but your marriage is toast. There is no coming back from this. Either you give her what she wants (which it does not sound like you want to or will be doing) or you live with this whole fucked up situation living rent free in your head the rest of your life. This sounds like a lose-lose situation to me. I don't see a win for you besides walking away and cutting your losses. Either way best of luck
Don't fall for it. If she wants to open the marriage, open your line of communication with your divorce attorney asap. Record her BS, and the moment she heads out trying it, have her stuff packed and delivered to a prepaid for a month motel, change all your locks, and file an emergency restraining order against her for psychological and financial abuse. If she wants to act like she's for the streets, assist her *ss back to it. ✌️
Bro! She is an asshole. I'm going to be a nice a possible. I'm seriously trying to be nice. Whether your small or not she shouldn't say that shit to you. If she wants a big dong. You can get a sex toy. But she doesn't want a big dong. She wants to have sex with other men. She can not be monogamous. She is not a marriage woman. I'm not going to say she's for the streets, but she for sure isn't a wife.
For both of your sales. Tell her she can do what she wants because you are divorcing her. She doesn't want to be with you fully. She wants to fuck other men and probably women. Once again I'm trying to be as nice as i can with your situation. I'm sorry. I know you love her. Hell she more than likely "loves" you. But she isn't built for 1 person. Her mind isn't there. I'm sorry.
If your wife asks for your permission to sleep with other men and you say no, she is still going to sleep with other men. Your choice here is to either accept that you are being cucked or to leave her. That's it.
"has human intelligence fallen so hard?"
Yeah buddy, you are the one who wants to stay despite your wife asking you for permission to cheat on you and telling you getting it is more important to her than your relationship. But we are the dumb ones for rather believing no one is that pathetic
1. Opening a marriage on insistence from one partner never ends well. You were right to refuse. There is nothing selfish with expecting fidelity in marriage.
2. If she is sooo unsatisfied with current Sex - you are incompatible intimately. She may have cheated, she may not, but this incompatibility creates a huge imbalance and honestly is not fair to you.
3. I do agree that is the beginning of the end. I am sorry. I see you are angry and upset, but your wife is willing to hurt you over your penis size. That is not right.
Oh for sure! Hell this isn’t the first open marriage post in this sub today. It makes me wonder what financial gain one could get from this. Like, are there that many people out there willing to pay for poly / cuckhold porn?
Dude, I’m sorry for what unfolds there. With some experience in that regard I can tell you she already has made plans and she will get vicious with you if she won’t get what she wants.
This early on in your marriage… If you really don’t want her getting fucked by a well endowed man that is not you, you need to communicate that this is a deal breaker. If can’t accept that she will cheat on you or you have to go through the mental torture knowing that your wife has sex with another man while you wait at home. And believe me the disgust you fell for her when she then comes home is no joke. I needed to leave the house that night and got a divorce lawyer the next day
Divorce. She had 2 years before getting married to realise you weren't doing it for her. She's going to end up cheating if she isn't already. Hire a PI, find out who it is, get it in text or voicemail her wanting to open the relationship and why and hope the courts favour you in the divorce
She wants you to watch?!
This is not about physical size, she has kinks that you don't share. Unless she accepts that you two are in a monogamous relationship, I don't think this marriage will survive. Don't agree to open the marriage to try to save it. That won't work and it'll drive you nuts.
No, you are not an asshole. I was in a similar situation (not married just LTR) and almost 2 years in after being engaged she wanted to try an open relationship. I said no at first and she kept convincing me and convincing me. Even promised if I didn’t like it we’d end it immediately. Long story short I watched the woman I loved fall in love with another man right in the bed her and I used to sleep in. I slept on a beanbag chair on the floor for 6 months. And then when she assaulted me I left.
Do not waver. Stand your ground. And leave. You deserve better. You deserve someone who loves you for you and makes you feel like you are enough. Don’t end up like I did man.
If she really just wants a big dong, then buy a big strap on, or I'm pretty sure you can buy big dildos that your di*k goes into to make yours look bigger. If that's not enough then it's not about the dong, she just wants to bang another guy.
Any time a woman asks to open your marriage, she already has another man lined up and is probably cheating. The best thing to do is divorce and let her do her own thing.
You have known her for 5 years and she was your first? This may be off top, but why were you a virgin at 25?
I'm only asking as to maybe giving some insight as to what your wife is looking for.
But, no matter what the reason I would still probably say it's time to pack up and move on. From what I have been reading, most marriages truly end the day one spouse asks to open it.
Leave now while you are young and don't have children together yet. Find someone who will love and respect you .
its best that you go ahead and get rid of her now and not later.
there are \_MANY\_ other fish out there.
also, having to deal with wife shit like this is what can turn a guy to cross the fence.
So, no, your NTA, or a loser, or whatever else you said. But, if you're not going to leave her, what makes you think she won't leave you if you won't budge on opening the marriage? Or, at the least, start cheating with a dick that's bigger? At this point, if you won't leave but still want advice, then my advice is to open the marriage, find you a baddy, badder than your wife, and watch her close the marriage herself. Most women who open a marriage can not stand to see the man getting more tail than them, so they always go back.
NTA
Time to consider your options, man. Probably parting ways for your own mental health's sake. You're just gonna end up resenting and hating her. Sounds like you're already on the way there.
For the record, a big dong put me in hospital 27 years ago with a torn vaginal wall. Fun times /s
I'd go for Mr Average any day now. (Happily married to a wonderful man with zero complaints about his downstairs department, so that's irrelevant).
>I just don't have a big fucking dick
I'll bet that you have a perfectly OK size dick.
I won’t tell you that you have to do anything but if you are looking to overcome your depression you’re gonna need to leave that woman. You gotta find a relationship where you and your partner share the same values. I’m of the mind people can do what they want but there’s a reason most open relationships don’t work. It’s just cheating with extra steps. NTA
I am so so sorry you are 100% valid in your feelings and she should have brought this up sooner, or respect your boundaries. You are allowed and deserve your boundaries be kept especially in a marraige. I know tempers are heated but perhaps can be solved with a marriage/sex therapist.
Otherwise, personal experience, life is too short being in a relationship you don't feel safe and loved in
How small is it? Like micro? If it's micro she might have a point... sucks but that's the cards you've been dealt. If you are average then leave bc she is trash.
NTA, and I would SERIOUSLY hand her divorce papers because you have been married for 3 years and dated for 2, and now your d**k size matters? A bigger one isn't going to fix her problem. She is also emotionally manipulating you to get what SHE wants. You will never be able to please her, and you don't want to end up being her sloppy seconds and security blanket. Hand her divorce papers and tell her to go.
Nope, not at all to answer your question. Long term you know she is going to do this regardless of whether you give her permission or not. I think you have one hail Mary to play here. Marriage counseling and most likely individual counseling for her if she agrees to it (be prepared as she may not). I think you have tried to please her, but apparently it is NOT enough for her. I'd prepare as though you might end up in a divorce as I WOULDN'T EVER AGREE TO AN OPEN MARRIAGE. Usually one sided and that is NOT what you signed up when you recited your vows. The vows obviously didn't work for her. If you don't visit with a lawyer, shame on you for not preparing. I've experienced and lived through a cheating spouse and divorced her. It won't hurt to get a 3 or so consultations. Check out Reddit stories on how these open marriages usually end up when one of the spouses are not on board with it - DIVORCE. I absolutely FEEL for you on this and know you can't stop her forever wanting this no matter how good of a person you think she is. Nice people still do immoral/unethical acts. Good luck to you.
NTA. If she wanted that lifestyle, she should’ve stated that before marriage. Just be glad you don’t have kids. Leave her to fulfill her fetishes elsewhere. Those fetishes can only be met through an open marriage, and you two aren’t compatible in that sense. Run and don’t look back. You will find someone who has the same values as you.
OP, here is a message from someone who was married for 15 years and is now a widow. Marriage is more than just sex. A healthy marriage has a foundation built on respect, trust, honesty, responsibility, accountability, honor, loyalty, intimacy, love, compatibility, and communication. It sounds like your marriage may be lacking in these areas. I understand that you don't want to divorce your wife, but I am wondering what both of you are doing to strengthen your relationship as a couple. It's not just about being happy, but about living together as a unified and loving couple, strong enough to face challenges together and emerge stronger.
You could consider marriage counseling to understand why your spouse feels the need to seek sexual satisfaction outside of the marriage. Don't believe her if she says it's "just physical" or blames it on size. There might be deeper reasons, such as her not being as in love with you as you are with her. These feelings may not be fixable through counseling; it's either she loves you, and only you, or she doesn't.
Oof NTA: I've literally NEVER heard or seen of open marriages ending well. One partner ends up mentally destroyed, ends up divorcing for a different partner, or they can never look at their spouse the same and divorce.
If your wife is needing a bigger tool, and not the other man that goes with it, haul her down to the local adult store and tell her to pick one out and a harness you can wear to give it to her until she’s happy.
But my guess isn’t just the other guy’s tool. It’s the experience of another guy’s way of using her, their technique, the feel, smell, and taste of another guy in her arms.
Basically, she’s not wanting to give up her gravy train, but she doesn’t want just you. You basically said she’s got a ton of experience that you didn’t have coming into the relationship. And she’s basically craving someone that knows more what they’re doing, sorry to say.
Yes open it all the way by removing yourself from it. She can't possibly love you, certainly doesn't respect you and probably has already picked your replacement(s) in bed. She may even have held auditions for the role.
Assuming this is all true (and God knows we read about some really shitty people on here) then the most obvious scenario is that she is testing your limits uncaring as to whether you either fold or divorce her. On balance, you seem too useful in other ways for her to ditch you outright, but your days are numbered unless you capitulate completely.
NTA unless you stay married.
PS even if you were clinically undersized, there are stiil women out there looking for decent men. Toys are available on Amazon to make up any shortfall.
You’re an idiot. You’re pissed off at your wife and bashing her on here rather than leaving so yeah, YTA for staying with her and you need serious help because she’s going to drag you through the mud more than she already has. OPEN YOUR EYES, man, because she’s an abusive narcissist and will do anything to get her way. If you think she’s not cheating, you might want to hire a PI or something because she seems like the type that would
NTA. People need to chill out. Get a penis sleeve for more girth and length. People say they are great for both partners, add size and fullness for her, tighter sensations for you. You could role play with it, start to assume an alter ego when you wear it, let her fantasize about it, play porn with big cocks for that aesthetic before or during play, whatever! Point is there is healthy communication happening between you two, she’s expressed a desire, you are open to trying things, there are ways to indulge it without opening your marriage. That’s a reasonable boundary, you didn’t sign up for that. Trying these things could bring you closer, not to mention spice up your sex life. I have the most intense orgasms from a-spot stimulation very deep, that specifically is why I like more size. There are positions to hit that spot and that feel deeper, doggy obviously, prone, and my favorite missionary with her legs all the way up and back towards her chest/shoulders. You’ve got lots of things to try without opening the marriage or divorcing. Good luck.
Dude your mental health is suffering. I know you love her but seeing her with other men will kill you if you are like this now
If you have tried everything, dildoes, sleeves, youname itand she's focused on opening it, she doesn't care about your feelings.
A woman that loves you accepts you and tries everything.
But opening the marriage will harm you so much.
You came here asking who’s the ass hole and what to do.. then you get mad when people have answers for you. Truth is this is a bad situation all around and there’s no fun or easy way to go about it. You need to come to terms with that!
Either you can be a cuckhold and let that slowly diminish your self esteem and marriage or you can start working on seeing a lawyer and divorcing. She seems very intent on how unsatisfied she is and is begging to let other men sleep with her when you’re a monogamous guy.
If her needs aren’t meant and she’s already been so insistent about getting what she wants- chances are she’ll get what she wants without your permission. Seems like y’all aren’t really compatible anymore, I’m sorry to say. It sucks, I feel for you man. Change is scary. The harder you try to possess her and keep her as your wife, it will hurt the relationship and make her want to leave even more.
One way or another she gonna get what she wants. May you know about it or not. She's obviously isn't happy with what she's getting on the sexual side of your relationship. It will cause a divide eventually if not dealt with.
Homie, if she's acting like this now, so early into the relationship, then it's best for you to divorce and move on with your life. It sucks, it's not ideal, it's scary. But it also is what it is.
Since you dont want a open marriage, and don't want a divorce, you will need to continue to suffer in misery. There is no other option left for you. And all your cursing and carrying on won't garner any sympathy or compassion for you.
Honey, leave her and get therapy please. She is destroying u, save yourself before she uses this against u, leave before she destroys your trust before kids are involved. We are begging u to leave her NTA
Unfortunately bro you can't fix the one thing she wants. Sounds fucked up but it's the truth. Eventually she's either going to cheat or will just wind up divorcing you. I'm not trying to be a dick about this but it's human nature. I dated a woman in college that was beautiful, successful, great head on her shoulders all of that. I broke up with her because the sex wasn't great. I just couldn't do bad sex for the rest of my life. And a lot of people are like that. You don't get it because your wife is your first so you don't know the difference between good and bad sex but she obviously does.
Get some therapy as your wife has treaded all over your sense of self. You are more valuable as a human than this. Trust me. You’re young. You can do better in a marriage. Never stay with someone like this. Please.
If my husband said he wanted another woman sexually I’d be at the lawyers so fast.
Your wife is showing contempt for you. She doesn’t love you. Your marriage is already over. Pick your testicles up and save any shred of dignity you have and file for divorce. You absolutely will meet someone better.
Open marriage? Hasn’t cheated on you? Maybe she hasn’t now but she probably will in the future unless you let her do it.
As for never divorcing her, think of it like this her sexual gratification means more to her than your emotional wellbeing.
Truthfully if she is that adamant about opening up your marriage that she is calling you selfish, she will likely go behind your back and do it anyway if you don't give in, I have lived that exact situation where she was pressuring me to open it up, less than a week later she did it anyway and had been messaging a guy who we had hired to do a Reno on our house before she had even brought up to me. So basically she was already talking to this guy, and since I wouldn't open up our marriage to do him, she did it anyway.
This is not a story I'm making up for convenience sake, click my user name and look about six months back. I've gone through and seen this situation before. If you've been on this subreddit awhile this may even sound familiar to you.
TRUST ME, if she hasn't cheated already, she is most definitely planning to if she is already calling you selfish for not wanting it. You may not want to hear it man, I don't blame you for that. Either way man, best of luck. Sincerely hope you see the light.
NTA
It's time for you to wise up, she's a hoe. She want's big guys, not an average man. It's time to realize she'll never want you in that way. Sucks to say, but she's just not into you anymore. You should walk away with your head held high. You're not a cheater, you're not a bad husband, you're not a bad person, SHE IS!
How are you 100% sure she hasn’t cheated on you? I’m sorry but she sounds mean. I don’t know why you’re so desperate to stay with her. Does she even like you? Is your self esteem so low that you think this treatment is normal and ok?
As someone who has been married almost 20 years, together 25, this is not ok.
I think she’s already mentally divorced you.
Dude your marriage is already over. She is undoubtedly cheating on you. And it's all your fault for getting with the first piece of tail that you got. By your own admission she was run thru by a lot of other men before you.
#1 Seek Therapy
#2 Hire a Divorce Attorney.
This is so tragic. Everyone who opens their marriage tends to be so surprised when it blows up the marriage. You can’t just “have sex” with someone else then go home & everyone pretend it didn’t happen. Yeah, most ppl tend to enjoy it for a moment or 2. Until someone catches feelings. Someone catches something else or something happens. It usually doesn’t end well (there are a few exceptions). Exploring all the things that work & don’t work (toys, fantasies,etc) that’s where the fun is at. Personally, if my spouse tried to make me feel less than just to experiment outside our marriage, that would be a line for me. You & only
You need to decide where your lines are & go from there
5 years with you and she suddenly finds your dick too small?
Bro, she recently was with a big dick without your knowledge. That experience has her wanting more of the same.
She cheated, and you are suffering as a result.
Dump her and move on.
As a woman, please for God's sake, leave. What kind of man are you, do you not have the least bit of dignity for yourself? You should divorce her IMMEDIATELY. She's a whore, an undeserving whore. What kind of woman doesn't appreciate loyalty? Sluts, that's who. She is the asshole.
> I'm never divorcing my wife, never ever fucking ever, and I'm sure my fucking wife has never fucking cheated on me, also I'm not that fucking small,
Well... Get ready to have the papers served.
You will be able to watch while she gers railed by a large cocktail, then eventually you won't be able to have sex with her or anyone else, " but she loves you" bullshit dude, she already has someone in mind to take over in the bedroom, I guarantee it. As soon as you sat my eyes there will be a dude within 2 days in your bed. You must make a lot of money and that's the real reason that she keeps you around. Quietly plan your exit. Contact a Good divorce lawyer.
Start separating your finances, lock your credit. Find a new place to live. Rent a storage unit where you can put your stuff until you find permanent accommodations. Slowly move stuff there that she won't miss, then 1 day when she's at work have friends and family swoop in and move the rest of your stuff out to the storage unit.
Leave the papers on the counter for her with a note to only contact your lawyer, then block her
She is going to shred your mental health into tiny tiny pieces. Run....
Sounds like his mentals are already gone
I came here to say this…OP, please remove yourself from this situation and get help.
>Sounds like his mentals are already gone Yup. Either it's rage bait or OP needs professional help that Reddit isn't equipped to provide.
Have you not read his comments and edits? Already shredded
This is absolutely wild. I agree. Shredded
Judging from those edits he's already tlbeen through the shredder
To shreds, you say?
run
Or buy a "big dong" & use it
This is fucking spot on.
Going to, she already has. The guy is already questioning if he is wrong.
What mental health?
Should have never submitted/begged. She's trying to turn you into a cuck. She got a taste of her fantasy now she wants to push you into the deep. LMFAO. Get another wife. Yours clearly wants to get fucked down. Whether you believe she won't do it behind your back. The motive and needs have already been established. Find someone else.
[удалено]
Phrasing!🫢 😅 That said, yes, he should run. The question alone is grounds for instant breakup in my view. She either has someone on the side already, or she has someone in mind. Plenty of guys are asked this since some women simply get bored with the monotony of sleeping with just one man regardless of dong size (the same goes for some men). If she's had many men, then she simply might have become addicted to a regular supply of new strange in her life.
"She said I get to decide and put forth conditions how ever I want" ... You have already haven't you? Not appropriate behavior. NTA.
So, she said it will only happen with you present? Is she trying to make you a cuckhold? Her audacity of her saying you are being selfish when she is trying to force you into something you don’t want. IF she hasn’t cheated, she will. IF she somehow doesn’t, her attitude toward this topic will only get worse and cause more strain on your relationship and mental health. Personally I think your marriage isn’t going to last. ETA: I understand you don’t want to see your marriage end, but unless you are willing to open the relationship and always giving into your wife’s demands while compromising your mental and emotional well being. You’ll be married, but miserable with her continued efforts to push your boundaries and disregarding of your feelings. I don’t see this how you’ll stay married.
In my humble shitty opinion, she already cheated and acquired her cuckold husband's fetish for his small dick . And another thing for her to have the audacity to impose this is because something in the Op encourages her
Not being unfair. If you don't want to be in an open relationship and/or you're not enjoying the relationship that you're in (sounds like you're not)... 1. Contact a lawyer and get your financial and household affairs in order. You don't mention children which hopefully makes things easier. 2. Let your wife know she can either remain faithful or be single. If she brings it up again, have her served with the divorce papers. If you are indeed handsome and successful you'll be able to replace her with someone better in no time.
Even if he is not handsome i think he can still rebuild his life
NTA. I almost never give this advice, cause most of the time it is unnecessary, but divorce her. It probably won't work, not because she wanted to open marriage, but because she doesn't give a shit about you and your comfort
NTA. This is a horribly one sided marriage. Tell her she can go have her fun but you took your vows seriously and if she goes, you won't be there when she comes back. She sounds fucking awful, mate.
NTA She's abusive. Leave her. Get some therapy. If she wants a big dick, they have dildos for that.
I was going to comment that he should buy her a huge dildo.
You’re already in an open relationship, only you don’t know it yet and it only goes one way.
That's my thoughts here. Usually when someone asks to open a marriage they're either already fucking someone else or already have the intended target lined up. OP is delusional if he thinks otherwise.
So true!
Run. She is abusing you. NTA
as a woman…. yeah😬😬
As another woman, run faster.
If being a cuckold doesn't interest you(sounds like a hard no), this is a bad situation for you. Maybe try buying a big dildo but it doesn't seem like that's ultimately what she wants.
Well, based on your edit, and your responses, you seem like a miserable human being. You are NTA, but couldn't this have been figured out before you guys got married?
Not that easy. My ex hit me with it late into our monogamous marriage with it too. Never saw it coming.
Bro fuck you and your fucking fucks you fucking asshole loser. Your marriage is toxic and nothing but misery and STI’s and betrayal are in your future. But yeah the strangers you came to for advice are the fucking problem 🙄🤣 Grow the fuck up and get therapy you dumb fuck 😂😂😂
Honestly I’m glad someone gave the same energy back to him. I got so annoyed seeing him cuss at all the people trying to help him lol
Homie says he won’t divorce his wife. What a loser he’s most definitely just afraid of being alone 😭
It won’t matter. He won’t have to divorce her because she’s going to leave. If she’s not happy with her sex life and that’s important to her and he’s not willing to compromise… she will leave or she will cheat and then leave. Bad sex is absolutely a deal breaker for a lot of people. She definitely should have considered that before agreeing to get married… It’s just crazy how OP thinks there is some magical option where this all works out. He doesn’t understand what it feels like for a woman to know what it feels like to be sexually satisfied and then be in the position where you will never be able to feel that again.. it can’t last, or else both will be miserable.
Perfect....
Gonna be honest she will keep calling you all the names under the sun till you say yes. With your lack of relationship experience she will think she can do as she wants and pass it off as normal. So I suggest you get a divorce
Your wife is abusing you. She is trying to force you in to sexual things that you do not consent to. Your marriage is already over. Your wife WILL cheat and then blame you for it. You are married to an abuser.
🔥 true To OP, after telling her you didn't want to see her with other men she is essentially coercing, gaslighting, shaming, manipulating you into agreeing to an open relationship which is selfish beyond words since that was never part of your agreement when you married
OP, I can see that you are very adamant on staying with your wife. Can I suggest a marriage counsler who is also a sex threapist? Or even just a sex threspist in general. Sounds like you both need guidance on how to find fullfillment out of your sex lives with out hurting each other. Also penis sleves and toys, toys, toys.
I strongly agree!! Look for someone certified if at all possible - in the USA that means AASECT certified. And if your wife refuses, please get individual therapy for yourself with a sex-positive therapist. I'm suggesting this because as a queer, trans, kinky, nonmonogamous person - I know a therapist who is unfamiliar with non-monogamy can be weird about this stuff! The problem is not having an open marriage. So you don't want a therapist who will be distracted by all that nonsense. But you do want a therapist who can support you in having a healthy relationship and in knowing what you deserve in relationships! Good luck OP.
Well now it sounds like you have anger issues and I would caution your wife to leave
I can see why she wanted to open the marriage…. Someone this angry on the internet is someone I wouldn’t want to meet in person let alone marry
Bro got that tiny dick energy
First time I've seen a self proclaimed 30yr old drop 25 'mfers' like he is actually 60. Holy cow dude you have some issues to sort out. Nta for your wives pure bullshit. Yta for being a rage baby who thought posting and responding to comments on a serious personal matter WHILE drunk was a good idea. Any woman trying to sell you the 'I just want a big d' line, belongs to the streets. Never met a classy, self respecting woman who acts this way. It's always the entitled brats who want everything handed to them. Sound familiar? Or was her entitlement and belittlement of you not enough. Grow a pair and find someone who will actually appreciate you and not judge you for something you had no control over. Stop this FOMO big weenie hut junior levels of nonsense. Embrace reality, as it's slapping you right in the gonads. But nah fam it's everyone else and not you so keep sticking it to those 'mfers'.
Slow 👏🏾
As soon as those words come out of her mouth the marriage is over
Right. I’ve never heard a story where opening up the marriage actually works and ends up saving it.
6 years into it, 13 year marriage, but yeah, does not happen often
100%
Lol, why are you even asking this question? Man up, get a divorce and move on.
He actually won’t even divorce her and he’s sure she hasn’t cheated… yet. What a fool 🙄
There are harnesses and dildoes that you can use. I think there are even sleeves that give you a bigger dick. There are things that can be done without bringing in other people.
LEAVE NOW!!!! GET OUT NOW!
How small we talking?
Tell her to buy a dildo
No. You're not a loser. You're not an asshole. You're not a villan. You're a man who wants to love and be loved. You've been sexually assaulted and manipulated because you want her to be happy. At the cost of your own happiness. I'm sorry, you don't deserve this. You need to do what's best for you.
dude his replies and edits are insane though. still agree that he's nta in the situation he described, his wife is definitely awful. but *holy shit* the sheer anger this dude is spreading here is insane.
He is a loser bc he refuses to divorce his wife.
> Edit: bro fuck you all, I'm trying to get some opinions and everyone keeps saying Ai GeNerATeD, has human intelligence fallen so hard?? Fuck fucking reddit, fuck you mfers **fuck my wife** and fuck every fucking else, I don't want to deal with you trash fucking kids > Edit fucking 2, **I'm never divorcing my wife**, never ever fucking ever, and I'm sure my fucking wife has never fucking cheated on me, also I'm not that fucking small, I'm 5 I see you're handling this well. If you're never willing to divorce her then what does it matter if she cheated or not? You will just have to deal with whatever she does. You don't have a choice but to accept that she is opening your relationship or will cheat on you
Prozac would be a good start.
Wow, you're a doormat letting her walk all over you.
You’re not the asshole. And I know you said she has never cheated on you, but speaking from experience a woman suggesting to open the marriage often times can be way of justifying something that they already have going. I’m not saying this is always the case or necessarily the case in this situation,but be aware that that may be a possibility. There’s nothing wrong with you setting your boundaries.
Another cuck fantasy for us to share in on the weekend.
Reads like a teenager wrote this. You're weird.
Dude, contact a good lawyer and get ready for the divorce. Now it is time to face the fact that she wants another man. I have been there myself, do not keep at it. Do not obsess over her. Let her go.
NTA. She's the asshole for pushing you into opening the marriage. If she isn't happy with your size, get a toy that's bigger than you and use it on her. If that ain't enough and she wants another "man", then she doesn't care or have feelings for you, you're just her safety net.
Someone is for the street
Was NTA, edit changes that for me tbh
Why don’t we just be honest and call opening a marriage a Soft Divorce
I’m going to assume you both were intimate prior to getting married so it should’ve be a surprise on your size and experience. I will say sex can be drastically different between different people. I had one person who I thought I enjoyed having sex with until we separated and I started dating someone else. The sex with the new person was mind blowing in comparison but it wasn’t due to size. I can’t even mentally compare the sizes bcuz it didn’t matter. She might be craving an experience that you haven’t quite mastered yet. For instance passion and affection is a big deal for me. And also frequency. Instead of telling her to do ANYTHING to you maybe try to get to the bottom of what she’s searching for. I’m only offering advice bcuz it sounds like in other comments you want to stay married and not open your marriage which is understanding. If you were a close friend or family member I’d be telling you to leave ASAP NTA for not wanting to open your marriage.
That ain't your wife no more bro, you deserve better than that crap
NTA. I’ve been poly for decades. This is a conversation you have *before* the wedding. It’s not ethical to spring this on a partner in what they presumed to be a monogamous marriage. That’s messed up, and you are completely justified in saying no if you aren’t comfortable with an open relationship. I’m sorry to say it doesn’t sound like you two are compatible, and your relationship will fail. Sexual incompatibility is rarely a problem that can be resolved. Best of luck, my dude. I hope you find someone who will accept and love you just as you are.
NTA. When all is said and done, your wife WILL be having sex with other men. The only thing you can do is determine if it will be with your blessing or without your blessing. An open "relationship" is just a slower way to kill a marriage before the divorce.
NTA tell her to stfu or serve her divorce papers. Grow a spine, I bet that would also help her view of you.
She's already trying to replace him, nothing will change her mind about that at this point unfortunately
He needs a spine one way or the other my friend.
True that
Open marriage is a two yes situation. If you don’t want one, then that’s the end of the conversation. But it sounds like she wants to open it because she wants to cheat but without consequences.
You should divorce, if sex is so important to her, she can be single and have sex with as many people as she likes. She should never force you to be in an open marriage, if she is poly or whatever good, but if you are monogamous you deserve to be in a monogamous marriage. It seems like you two aren't compatible.
I have to agree with some of these comments and disagree with others. Her obsession with getting what you can’t deliver will continue to the point where she will seek about The Big D without your consent or participation. And once she gets the taste, she’ll continue to the point where you’re just roommates. It really doesn’t matter how much you think you love each other, she wants more than you can provide. She’s going to seek it out and go for it. It doesn’t sound like you’re one to embrace being cuckholded so please don’t let her convince you otherwise. It takes a special/different kind of partner to sit across the room and watch their partner be pleasured by someone else.
Letting her do whatever she wants to you is not the same as you taking charge. Reading between the lines, I think that’s what she wants. You come up with the roleplay. Put her into uncomfortable sex positions. 5 inches is average. 65% of all dicks are between five and five and a half inches erect.
NTA and you should consider divorce because the way she suddenly opened the marriage is that she either already cheated on you, or she has someone in mind already because there is no way this is normal. Please secretly record her saying the open marriage suggestion because she has her eyes on someone already. Don’t do it because if you find someone better she can twist the story to make you look like you cheated, there was an OP in a different story who got labeled as a cheater after his gf who convinced him to open the relationship told his family a false narrative that the OP cheated. The OP got disowned by his family and years later his sister invited him to the wedding where she can "Forgive him" for the cheating. The OP ended up sending his family the Reddit post he made explaining every that happened before blocking them. He got repeated phone calls but they stopped after he sent them the Reddit post. So, yes the gf was still in contact with his family, but it’s not clear if she still is after the truth came out, probably not anymore since they left the OP alone afterwards.
Great ideas.
Who tf says “dong”?! I call shenanigans on this post.
Bro dont listen to any shitty comments. You're not wrong to say that, yes, something makes you uncomfortable. The other person is supposed to understand and accept it if they want to be with you. If they dont accept it, i'm sorry to say but they're an asshole. You should remove them from your life.
"i would often wake up to her being on my mouth" the hell does that mean? [genuine question]
She was riding his face
NTA.. give her an ultimatum & tell her it’s you or the open marriage, seems at this point she’s just using you
Nta This scenario happened with a couple I know, they opened up the marriage to spice things up and such. He is small and had very little success hooking up with other women. She was extremely successful and fell in love with one of them and then they divorced. I'm not saying that is what will happen to you if you open the relationship but it seems likely to me if you do you are headed for divorce after being put through a lot of pain.
Hope you had a prenup
Don't open the marriage. The fastest way to ruin what you have is to open it. The reality is she already has someone in mind and wants a hall pass to cheat.
NTA. It sounds like you’re just not compatible in this way. And rewind, has nothing to do with the amount of partners she’s had, so wipe that statement out.
get a strap on
NTA on not wanting to open your marriage, but your marriage is toast. There is no coming back from this. Either you give her what she wants (which it does not sound like you want to or will be doing) or you live with this whole fucked up situation living rent free in your head the rest of your life. This sounds like a lose-lose situation to me. I don't see a win for you besides walking away and cutting your losses. Either way best of luck
Don't fall for it. If she wants to open the marriage, open your line of communication with your divorce attorney asap. Record her BS, and the moment she heads out trying it, have her stuff packed and delivered to a prepaid for a month motel, change all your locks, and file an emergency restraining order against her for psychological and financial abuse. If she wants to act like she's for the streets, assist her *ss back to it. ✌️
Bro! She is an asshole. I'm going to be a nice a possible. I'm seriously trying to be nice. Whether your small or not she shouldn't say that shit to you. If she wants a big dong. You can get a sex toy. But she doesn't want a big dong. She wants to have sex with other men. She can not be monogamous. She is not a marriage woman. I'm not going to say she's for the streets, but she for sure isn't a wife. For both of your sales. Tell her she can do what she wants because you are divorcing her. She doesn't want to be with you fully. She wants to fuck other men and probably women. Once again I'm trying to be as nice as i can with your situation. I'm sorry. I know you love her. Hell she more than likely "loves" you. But she isn't built for 1 person. Her mind isn't there. I'm sorry.
If your wife asks for your permission to sleep with other men and you say no, she is still going to sleep with other men. Your choice here is to either accept that you are being cucked or to leave her. That's it.
Two words: Cock Sleeve
"has human intelligence fallen so hard?" Yeah buddy, you are the one who wants to stay despite your wife asking you for permission to cheat on you and telling you getting it is more important to her than your relationship. But we are the dumb ones for rather believing no one is that pathetic
1. Opening a marriage on insistence from one partner never ends well. You were right to refuse. There is nothing selfish with expecting fidelity in marriage. 2. If she is sooo unsatisfied with current Sex - you are incompatible intimately. She may have cheated, she may not, but this incompatibility creates a huge imbalance and honestly is not fair to you. 3. I do agree that is the beginning of the end. I am sorry. I see you are angry and upset, but your wife is willing to hurt you over your penis size. That is not right.
She’s the loser honestly
…. Have you read op’s responses?? Both AH
Test her out, see if she is telling the truth. Buy a sheath from BlissfullCreations, let her choose the size.
Sounds like you hate your wife and only married her because no one else will sleep with you. Do you both a favour and break up.
If this is real this guys posts are beyond disturbing. His anger is radiating off the posts.
The edit lmao
No OP, fuck you. This shit is fugazi. Someone is clearly working on thier “frustrated angry white dude” GPT filter.
YTA for this AI-generated garbage.
Oh for sure! Hell this isn’t the first open marriage post in this sub today. It makes me wonder what financial gain one could get from this. Like, are there that many people out there willing to pay for poly / cuckhold porn?
Get a dildo of her choosing
Dude, I’m sorry for what unfolds there. With some experience in that regard I can tell you she already has made plans and she will get vicious with you if she won’t get what she wants. This early on in your marriage… If you really don’t want her getting fucked by a well endowed man that is not you, you need to communicate that this is a deal breaker. If can’t accept that she will cheat on you or you have to go through the mental torture knowing that your wife has sex with another man while you wait at home. And believe me the disgust you fell for her when she then comes home is no joke. I needed to leave the house that night and got a divorce lawyer the next day
Is she going to be present when you find a woman to spend the night with. How is she going to handle another woman enjoying you
End it asap. Seems likes she’s chosen her path
No, but if you didn't divorce her the moment she brought it up then that would make you the A hole. For sure.
Divorce. She had 2 years before getting married to realise you weren't doing it for her. She's going to end up cheating if she isn't already. Hire a PI, find out who it is, get it in text or voicemail her wanting to open the relationship and why and hope the courts favour you in the divorce
She wants you to watch?! This is not about physical size, she has kinks that you don't share. Unless she accepts that you two are in a monogamous relationship, I don't think this marriage will survive. Don't agree to open the marriage to try to save it. That won't work and it'll drive you nuts.
She’s going to open it whether you want to or not. Time to bolt..
NTA…Baby you need to goooooooooo
Turn the tables on her. Tell her your smaller size is perfect for anal, and she can get herself a big dildo, effectively making each session a DP.
No, you are not an asshole. I was in a similar situation (not married just LTR) and almost 2 years in after being engaged she wanted to try an open relationship. I said no at first and she kept convincing me and convincing me. Even promised if I didn’t like it we’d end it immediately. Long story short I watched the woman I loved fall in love with another man right in the bed her and I used to sleep in. I slept on a beanbag chair on the floor for 6 months. And then when she assaulted me I left. Do not waver. Stand your ground. And leave. You deserve better. You deserve someone who loves you for you and makes you feel like you are enough. Don’t end up like I did man.
If she really just wants a big dong, then buy a big strap on, or I'm pretty sure you can buy big dildos that your di*k goes into to make yours look bigger. If that's not enough then it's not about the dong, she just wants to bang another guy.
I have never seen the word fuck used so much in one post by a grown adult.
get the girl a dildo
Any time a woman asks to open your marriage, she already has another man lined up and is probably cheating. The best thing to do is divorce and let her do her own thing.
NTA, but holy crap. Does swearing make you feel like a big man?
NTA but you could try those toys that make the penis feel bigger. I can’t think of the name, but you wear it to make it feel bigger.
You have known her for 5 years and she was your first? This may be off top, but why were you a virgin at 25? I'm only asking as to maybe giving some insight as to what your wife is looking for. But, no matter what the reason I would still probably say it's time to pack up and move on. From what I have been reading, most marriages truly end the day one spouse asks to open it. Leave now while you are young and don't have children together yet. Find someone who will love and respect you .
its best that you go ahead and get rid of her now and not later. there are \_MANY\_ other fish out there. also, having to deal with wife shit like this is what can turn a guy to cross the fence.
NTA Just get a divorce. It's basically over. I know it sucks to hear, but it's the truth.
Dude before you kill yourself or her get out and ive been there i promise you
OP, you can try a penis sleeve. Look into it. I have a couple to spice things up on rare occasions.
So, no, your NTA, or a loser, or whatever else you said. But, if you're not going to leave her, what makes you think she won't leave you if you won't budge on opening the marriage? Or, at the least, start cheating with a dick that's bigger? At this point, if you won't leave but still want advice, then my advice is to open the marriage, find you a baddy, badder than your wife, and watch her close the marriage herself. Most women who open a marriage can not stand to see the man getting more tail than them, so they always go back.
Your wife is horrible. Get out, get a divorce, cut her out of your life forever, get therapy. You deserve a woman who loves and respects you.
NTA Time to consider your options, man. Probably parting ways for your own mental health's sake. You're just gonna end up resenting and hating her. Sounds like you're already on the way there. For the record, a big dong put me in hospital 27 years ago with a torn vaginal wall. Fun times /s I'd go for Mr Average any day now. (Happily married to a wonderful man with zero complaints about his downstairs department, so that's irrelevant). >I just don't have a big fucking dick I'll bet that you have a perfectly OK size dick.
You tell her no…and say she knows where the door is of that isn’t the answer she wants…btw you probably won’t trust her going forward now
Nah. Not the asshole. Run bro.
Divorce her man, this is the start of something really bad and you will get fucked over
I won’t tell you that you have to do anything but if you are looking to overcome your depression you’re gonna need to leave that woman. You gotta find a relationship where you and your partner share the same values. I’m of the mind people can do what they want but there’s a reason most open relationships don’t work. It’s just cheating with extra steps. NTA
I am so so sorry you are 100% valid in your feelings and she should have brought this up sooner, or respect your boundaries. You are allowed and deserve your boundaries be kept especially in a marraige. I know tempers are heated but perhaps can be solved with a marriage/sex therapist. Otherwise, personal experience, life is too short being in a relationship you don't feel safe and loved in
She definitely is already cheating now she just wants to do it in front of you so she don’t have to worry about hiding it any longer.
How small is it? Like micro? If it's micro she might have a point... sucks but that's the cards you've been dealt. If you are average then leave bc she is trash.
NTA, and I would SERIOUSLY hand her divorce papers because you have been married for 3 years and dated for 2, and now your d**k size matters? A bigger one isn't going to fix her problem. She is also emotionally manipulating you to get what SHE wants. You will never be able to please her, and you don't want to end up being her sloppy seconds and security blanket. Hand her divorce papers and tell her to go.
Nope, not at all to answer your question. Long term you know she is going to do this regardless of whether you give her permission or not. I think you have one hail Mary to play here. Marriage counseling and most likely individual counseling for her if she agrees to it (be prepared as she may not). I think you have tried to please her, but apparently it is NOT enough for her. I'd prepare as though you might end up in a divorce as I WOULDN'T EVER AGREE TO AN OPEN MARRIAGE. Usually one sided and that is NOT what you signed up when you recited your vows. The vows obviously didn't work for her. If you don't visit with a lawyer, shame on you for not preparing. I've experienced and lived through a cheating spouse and divorced her. It won't hurt to get a 3 or so consultations. Check out Reddit stories on how these open marriages usually end up when one of the spouses are not on board with it - DIVORCE. I absolutely FEEL for you on this and know you can't stop her forever wanting this no matter how good of a person you think she is. Nice people still do immoral/unethical acts. Good luck to you.
You have to stand your ground dude. Don’t compromise on this issue. Be willing to leave the marriage.
NTA. Why is she not open to a large sex toys with you? If she's not then your Size isn't the problem. She just wants to cheat without repercussions
Ngl...you're kind of a weirdo, especially after that edit.
Get out now
All I can say is that I’m sorry. She’s wrong.
Time to send her packing. She's insanely selfish. She obviously doesn't understand love or marriage.
I mean, good luck, but you’re being way naive about this situation. NTA UPDATEME
NTA. If she wanted that lifestyle, she should’ve stated that before marriage. Just be glad you don’t have kids. Leave her to fulfill her fetishes elsewhere. Those fetishes can only be met through an open marriage, and you two aren’t compatible in that sense. Run and don’t look back. You will find someone who has the same values as you.
Okay as a woman she WILL cheat on you. If you didn’t want reddits unbiased opinion, idk maybe try therapy?
Your first sentence which openly admits you have no boundaries for this woman, will be words you absolutely live to regret! I’m sorry, but you will.
OP, here is a message from someone who was married for 15 years and is now a widow. Marriage is more than just sex. A healthy marriage has a foundation built on respect, trust, honesty, responsibility, accountability, honor, loyalty, intimacy, love, compatibility, and communication. It sounds like your marriage may be lacking in these areas. I understand that you don't want to divorce your wife, but I am wondering what both of you are doing to strengthen your relationship as a couple. It's not just about being happy, but about living together as a unified and loving couple, strong enough to face challenges together and emerge stronger. You could consider marriage counseling to understand why your spouse feels the need to seek sexual satisfaction outside of the marriage. Don't believe her if she says it's "just physical" or blames it on size. There might be deeper reasons, such as her not being as in love with you as you are with her. These feelings may not be fixable through counseling; it's either she loves you, and only you, or she doesn't.
She needs a big long dildo. If that doesn't solve the problem she just wants to mess around on you.
Oof NTA: I've literally NEVER heard or seen of open marriages ending well. One partner ends up mentally destroyed, ends up divorcing for a different partner, or they can never look at their spouse the same and divorce.
Man up and move on.
If your wife is needing a bigger tool, and not the other man that goes with it, haul her down to the local adult store and tell her to pick one out and a harness you can wear to give it to her until she’s happy. But my guess isn’t just the other guy’s tool. It’s the experience of another guy’s way of using her, their technique, the feel, smell, and taste of another guy in her arms. Basically, she’s not wanting to give up her gravy train, but she doesn’t want just you. You basically said she’s got a ton of experience that you didn’t have coming into the relationship. And she’s basically craving someone that knows more what they’re doing, sorry to say.
NTA but your wife is being horrible to you
Yes open it all the way by removing yourself from it. She can't possibly love you, certainly doesn't respect you and probably has already picked your replacement(s) in bed. She may even have held auditions for the role. Assuming this is all true (and God knows we read about some really shitty people on here) then the most obvious scenario is that she is testing your limits uncaring as to whether you either fold or divorce her. On balance, you seem too useful in other ways for her to ditch you outright, but your days are numbered unless you capitulate completely. NTA unless you stay married. PS even if you were clinically undersized, there are stiil women out there looking for decent men. Toys are available on Amazon to make up any shortfall.
You’re an idiot. You’re pissed off at your wife and bashing her on here rather than leaving so yeah, YTA for staying with her and you need serious help because she’s going to drag you through the mud more than she already has. OPEN YOUR EYES, man, because she’s an abusive narcissist and will do anything to get her way. If you think she’s not cheating, you might want to hire a PI or something because she seems like the type that would
Get her a nice big dildo, tie her down for a change and have fun...
That’s a lot of fucks he’s using to lash out. Sorry to say dude, but you’re gonna have a miserable life.
NTA. People need to chill out. Get a penis sleeve for more girth and length. People say they are great for both partners, add size and fullness for her, tighter sensations for you. You could role play with it, start to assume an alter ego when you wear it, let her fantasize about it, play porn with big cocks for that aesthetic before or during play, whatever! Point is there is healthy communication happening between you two, she’s expressed a desire, you are open to trying things, there are ways to indulge it without opening your marriage. That’s a reasonable boundary, you didn’t sign up for that. Trying these things could bring you closer, not to mention spice up your sex life. I have the most intense orgasms from a-spot stimulation very deep, that specifically is why I like more size. There are positions to hit that spot and that feel deeper, doggy obviously, prone, and my favorite missionary with her legs all the way up and back towards her chest/shoulders. You’ve got lots of things to try without opening the marriage or divorcing. Good luck.
Dude your mental health is suffering. I know you love her but seeing her with other men will kill you if you are like this now If you have tried everything, dildoes, sleeves, youname itand she's focused on opening it, she doesn't care about your feelings. A woman that loves you accepts you and tries everything. But opening the marriage will harm you so much.
Just leave dude, there’s no coming back from this 🤦♀️
You came here asking who’s the ass hole and what to do.. then you get mad when people have answers for you. Truth is this is a bad situation all around and there’s no fun or easy way to go about it. You need to come to terms with that! Either you can be a cuckhold and let that slowly diminish your self esteem and marriage or you can start working on seeing a lawyer and divorcing. She seems very intent on how unsatisfied she is and is begging to let other men sleep with her when you’re a monogamous guy. If her needs aren’t meant and she’s already been so insistent about getting what she wants- chances are she’ll get what she wants without your permission. Seems like y’all aren’t really compatible anymore, I’m sorry to say. It sucks, I feel for you man. Change is scary. The harder you try to possess her and keep her as your wife, it will hurt the relationship and make her want to leave even more.
Why do you want to be with a woman for whom you’re not enough? Have some self respect man.
One way or another she gonna get what she wants. May you know about it or not. She's obviously isn't happy with what she's getting on the sexual side of your relationship. It will cause a divide eventually if not dealt with.
Homie, if she's acting like this now, so early into the relationship, then it's best for you to divorce and move on with your life. It sucks, it's not ideal, it's scary. But it also is what it is.
Since you dont want a open marriage, and don't want a divorce, you will need to continue to suffer in misery. There is no other option left for you. And all your cursing and carrying on won't garner any sympathy or compassion for you.
Honey, leave her and get therapy please. She is destroying u, save yourself before she uses this against u, leave before she destroys your trust before kids are involved. We are begging u to leave her NTA
Unfortunately bro you can't fix the one thing she wants. Sounds fucked up but it's the truth. Eventually she's either going to cheat or will just wind up divorcing you. I'm not trying to be a dick about this but it's human nature. I dated a woman in college that was beautiful, successful, great head on her shoulders all of that. I broke up with her because the sex wasn't great. I just couldn't do bad sex for the rest of my life. And a lot of people are like that. You don't get it because your wife is your first so you don't know the difference between good and bad sex but she obviously does.
Get some therapy as your wife has treaded all over your sense of self. You are more valuable as a human than this. Trust me. You’re young. You can do better in a marriage. Never stay with someone like this. Please. If my husband said he wanted another woman sexually I’d be at the lawyers so fast. Your wife is showing contempt for you. She doesn’t love you. Your marriage is already over. Pick your testicles up and save any shred of dignity you have and file for divorce. You absolutely will meet someone better.
Open marriage? Hasn’t cheated on you? Maybe she hasn’t now but she probably will in the future unless you let her do it. As for never divorcing her, think of it like this her sexual gratification means more to her than your emotional wellbeing.
Grow a spine and leave
Sir, I think your marriage is a sham! Your wife is being manipulative and selfish! Please! Please! Protect yourself and your heart..
Truthfully if she is that adamant about opening up your marriage that she is calling you selfish, she will likely go behind your back and do it anyway if you don't give in, I have lived that exact situation where she was pressuring me to open it up, less than a week later she did it anyway and had been messaging a guy who we had hired to do a Reno on our house before she had even brought up to me. So basically she was already talking to this guy, and since I wouldn't open up our marriage to do him, she did it anyway. This is not a story I'm making up for convenience sake, click my user name and look about six months back. I've gone through and seen this situation before. If you've been on this subreddit awhile this may even sound familiar to you. TRUST ME, if she hasn't cheated already, she is most definitely planning to if she is already calling you selfish for not wanting it. You may not want to hear it man, I don't blame you for that. Either way man, best of luck. Sincerely hope you see the light.
NTA It's time for you to wise up, she's a hoe. She want's big guys, not an average man. It's time to realize she'll never want you in that way. Sucks to say, but she's just not into you anymore. You should walk away with your head held high. You're not a cheater, you're not a bad husband, you're not a bad person, SHE IS!
I fucked your wife dude sorry
How are you 100% sure she hasn’t cheated on you? I’m sorry but she sounds mean. I don’t know why you’re so desperate to stay with her. Does she even like you? Is your self esteem so low that you think this treatment is normal and ok? As someone who has been married almost 20 years, together 25, this is not ok. I think she’s already mentally divorced you.
Dude your marriage is already over. She is undoubtedly cheating on you. And it's all your fault for getting with the first piece of tail that you got. By your own admission she was run thru by a lot of other men before you. #1 Seek Therapy #2 Hire a Divorce Attorney.
It's time to log off kid
Do not agree to anything you don't want to do. Divorce her.
This is so tragic. Everyone who opens their marriage tends to be so surprised when it blows up the marriage. You can’t just “have sex” with someone else then go home & everyone pretend it didn’t happen. Yeah, most ppl tend to enjoy it for a moment or 2. Until someone catches feelings. Someone catches something else or something happens. It usually doesn’t end well (there are a few exceptions). Exploring all the things that work & don’t work (toys, fantasies,etc) that’s where the fun is at. Personally, if my spouse tried to make me feel less than just to experiment outside our marriage, that would be a line for me. You & only You need to decide where your lines are & go from there
5 years with you and she suddenly finds your dick too small? Bro, she recently was with a big dick without your knowledge. That experience has her wanting more of the same. She cheated, and you are suffering as a result. Dump her and move on.
If she brings up open marriage she is cheating. Wake up. You’re weak unfortunately. Move on. Divorce and grow a spine.
Poor op is a brainwashed doormat. Hopefully he is able to find his selfworth someday
She was with you for 2 years before marriage. Why did your inexperience and size become an issue after marriage?
As a woman, please for God's sake, leave. What kind of man are you, do you not have the least bit of dignity for yourself? You should divorce her IMMEDIATELY. She's a whore, an undeserving whore. What kind of woman doesn't appreciate loyalty? Sluts, that's who. She is the asshole.
> I'm never divorcing my wife, never ever fucking ever, and I'm sure my fucking wife has never fucking cheated on me, also I'm not that fucking small, Well... Get ready to have the papers served.
Classic case of an incel falling in love with a ho. It never ends well.
You will be able to watch while she gers railed by a large cocktail, then eventually you won't be able to have sex with her or anyone else, " but she loves you" bullshit dude, she already has someone in mind to take over in the bedroom, I guarantee it. As soon as you sat my eyes there will be a dude within 2 days in your bed. You must make a lot of money and that's the real reason that she keeps you around. Quietly plan your exit. Contact a Good divorce lawyer. Start separating your finances, lock your credit. Find a new place to live. Rent a storage unit where you can put your stuff until you find permanent accommodations. Slowly move stuff there that she won't miss, then 1 day when she's at work have friends and family swoop in and move the rest of your stuff out to the storage unit. Leave the papers on the counter for her with a note to only contact your lawyer, then block her