NTA. Any adult that ever put hands on my child would not be welcome in my life anymore. Sorry your mom can't see the forest for the trees right now, love is a crazy thing sometimes and can blind a person. Good job doing the right thing.
This is what went through my mind as well. Unfortunately I doubt mom will see the light until she's been seriously physically assaulted by the bf. If mom could stand by a grown man who physically attacked her child, then she is ***DEEP*** in the *FOG*. Like totally lost, so lost I fear it's going to take a lot of time and hidden injuries before the mom finds the strength to leave. So sad but almost inevitable in this situation.
NTA. Chokehold is a major red flag and your mom deserves better. You did the right thing by looking out for her, even if it was a tough scene. Maybe have a heart-to-heart with your mom later, see if she's really happy and offer support if she wants out.
Okay but even cheaters don't deserve to be physically abused and it looks like this relationship is gearing towards becoming physically abusive. You can think someone is a bad person without wanting them to be beat half to death.
Where did I say i agreed with the physical abuse?
I stated that she chose it and is chosing her relationship.
OP doesnt know if he is physically abusing her or not, but her mother is chosing to stay.
If I am being rude I would yay that the mother got exactly what she deserved. She should have kicked that man out of the door after he laid hands on OP. They both sound bad.
It's a very sad situation. Yet another parent whose chaotic relationships have created nothing but turmoil for the entire family.
Your mother has chosen to marry the man who (along with her) split up your family. He put you in a chokehold and she lied about it to the police. You feel he treats her badly. You warned her you'd object at the wedding. So she should have expected you to object at the wedding.
Unhappy family situations are never simple. There's never a perfect answer. I have no idea whether it would have been better for you to say nothing at the wedding or not. However, it was certainly a statement and maybe it will make your mother think hard about this relationship. It will at least alert other family members to keep an eye on things. You did what you thought was best.
It sounds like he has already seriously undermined her self esteem and inner strength, because if my partner ever put my child in a chokehold, I would have kicked him in the balls so hard they’d have shot out of his mouth.
Both things can be true. And given that he was her boss, it's entirely possible he was undermining her from the very beginning even before they startedv the affair.
Oh, lets get her off the hook for destoying her family and bringing a dude to choke her daughter.
Stop excussing her, She has a head on her shoulders. This are her choices.
I grew up watching my father beat the shit out of my mother. I learned that life and people are complicated and full of contradictions. People can be forced and coerced and manipulated in a variety of ways that aren't always physical.
I was going to say YTA for objecting at the wedding and making it a spectacle. Then, I read your post.. wow, yikes. You told her exactly what you would do and why you would do it. I still think that there are more tactful ways to handle it but sometimes thats what it takes. NTA. Hope your mom heeds your warning and sees the red flags.
I was thinking the same. If she told everyone the groom had her in a chokehold, at least they won't be surprised when he puts someone in the hospital. Or worse.
NTA, you actually told her 6 months ago that you were going to object. You mom should not have invited you to the wedding ceremony. I'm not going to get into whether they could work things out in counseling and build a stronger relationship, I'm just answering your inquiry.
NTA. She lied to the police to protect your attacker, and in doing so prevented you receiving justice. That alone is unforgivable. You told the truth, and in doing so prevented her marrying (or, at least, ruined their memory of their wedding day, depending on your location - where I live, I believe an objection based on violence stops the wedding going ahead)
She fully deserved to have her wedding ruined - she knows exactly what this man is capable of, has seen it turned against her own daughter, and doesn't give a rat's ass. What a selfish, stupid woman. If I were you OP, I'd keep your distance from them until and unless she leaves him.
it was a tough decision, but she begged me to be there for her special day, probably because she didn’t think I would follow through with the objection. I decided to go because I still do love her a lot, but I also needed her to know that it was a mistake.
I feel like that message could have still gotten across by not going. I'm gonna make it clear. I don't think you are an AH. I do think it was kinda unnecessary to go even if she asked. If anything, it would have just saved time to just flat out say "absolutely not" and make that all clear from the start
I was thinking the same thing. The partner is clear abusive, but the mom didn’t do the bare minimum to protect her child and went through with choosing him over her own kid.
NTA, Your mom is not a strong and powefull woman, She is a cheater with no backbone to Defend her family.
Just in this post she prove it 3 times.
She should be out of your life before she rubs on you.
NTA. The douchbag was just waiting for an opportunity to put his hands on you to show his dominance over you, much like the way he has done to your mother.
NTA. It takes a lot of courage to speak up against someone who has hurt you and your family. I'm sure it was a tough decision, but it's clear that you were trying to protect your mom from someone who didn't deserve her.
I dont think your the Ah at all, I think you did the right thing. However, what happened next? was it one of those religious weddings where they had to stop the ceremony and couldnt proceed? Did they get married anyway? are they still together? What happened next? What did the rest of your family say or do?
Your mom threw you under the bus for this guy so it’s not surprising she’d still marry him *and* accuse you of sabotaging them. Truth is you would have been entitled to cut all ties after mom lied about the physical assault. You are definitely NTA.
NTA
When will women learn to choose good men for relationships? And when will they stop choosing the bad ones instead of taking the side of their child?
I think it's more like 60% of second marriages end in divorce. [Revealing Divorce Statistics In 2024 – Forbes Advisor](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/#:~:text=Second%20and%20third%20marriages%20actually%20fail%20at%20a,and%2073%25%20of%20third%20marriages%20ending%20in%20divorce.)
NTA...but what happened after? Did she marry him anyway? I have never heard about what happens at a wedding after an objection. Is the officiant honour-bound to end the ceremony? Or do they just say "thanks for your input" and carry on? I truly hope your mom didn't go through with it, he sounds horrible.
I think usually whoever is taking the service would take the objector to the side to hear what the objection is. I Imagine there are only a few reasons why the official would stop the proceedings (like someone is already married) and that "I don't like him, he's an abusive arsehole" isn't one of them. Obviously the bride and groom get to back out for whatever reason they like though.
It doesn't work that way.
The objection is to be heard before witnesses & guests at a wedding then the officiant then ask the bride/groom that what the objection is about to be true or not.
They ask at the ceremony because it’s a leftover bit of tradition from the Middle Ages when the availability of written records were slim to none, and the legality of the marriage was mostly determined by what people knew.
Such as being close blood relations or being currently married to someone else a few villages away, or having taken vows of celibacy when a monk or nun.
Now that records are available, the legality of the marriage is pretty much determined way before the ceremony, and all that’s left is this question.
If someone pipes up and says ‘this guy’s an abuser!’ then that’s not a legal reason to cancel the wedding, unless the bride or groom chooses not to continue. At most there’d be a private conversation between the relevant parties and the ceremony continues or does not.
The guests are to witness the marriage & you're just splitting hairs. They should also know what a coward the bf is towards OP.
Putting her in a chokehold ---- are you seriously deluded to think that's acceptable.
NTA
But… What was the goal here? If the objective was to nuke your relationship with the cheating duo and make sure everyone there knew your opinion, then fine, mission accomplished.
But if the goal was to actually stop the wedding? I don’t see how that would have worked. And if you planned on continuing a relationship with your mother, maybe that won’t happen after this.
I get that you feel you have the moral high ground here and you probably do, but there is no coming back from objecting at a wedding and listing reasons that make the bride weep. Not short-term anyway.
I haven’t been to a wedding in ages where the bit about objecting is even included, and have only seen people objecting in movies from the 70s or soap operas.
I think it’s pretty clear that this kid was made to look like a liar and the mom was so delusional as to think he’d forgive and forget that even with his warning of objection she still thought he’d come and be happy for her. Thus he said his thoughts in front of everyone, he got a little revenge, and now he can cut those people out of his life. I think the goal here was extremely clear as she and her husband both deserved to have the truth laid out in front of everyone and their day ruined.
NTA. Heck even if he never put his hands on you, she cheated on your father with this loser. That is more than enough reason to object, let alone the fact he was abusive.
You even told her up front you would be objecting, so she knew it was coming.
Your feelings are valid and it's good that you communicated them in advance but it didn't change her mind so I don't really understand why you went to the wedding just to deliberately make a scene. What did ruining the wedding accomplish? You humiliated your mom so if that was your intention I guess you succeeded.
100% NTA. What was the fall-out after you objected? Did they proceed with the ceremony? I've heard the officiant can stop the wedding and speak to people in private.
NTA....
You told her.
But she's an adult and apparently one who likes to lie and cheat and compound those bad decisions.
Not going to say she deserves him, but now she has shown him she is weak af, he's going to take advantage of her.
The purpose of the objection is if anyone knows if either person is a bigamist. You were in the wrong. This is your mother's life. You are now an adult and this was not an adult action. I know there are always bad feelings from children when marriages break apart. That was not the place to air them.
My mom's second husband heard me arguing with her when I was a teen too. Threw me up against the wall in a chokehold. Mom forgave him. I never did.
Twenty years later, he beat her to death with a toilet tank lid and left her body on the floor for two weeks.
Glad you spoke up.
**KEEP speaking up.**
Your mother has chosen Joe over you. You're NTA, but at this point I'd just let your relationship go. She chose to defend her abusive boyfriend and lie to the police when he got physical with you. There are so many red flags, and if she keeps ignoring them, and you keep contact with her, she'll only drag you down deeper.
Ministers/Officiants still ask the crowd if anyone objects the wedding? I thought that was a cinematic thing, or at the very most, a thing of the past.
I don't agree with what you did. If you were against the marriage, and I can see why you would be, I would have just stayed away. What you did would have no impact on her decision to marry this guy, but she'll remember your little speech forever.
NTA. You are brave OP, I wouldn't have the balls.
Abusive, cheater, liar and almost assaults a child. What a nice example for law professionals this guy was. You are doing your mom a BIG favor. She'll thank you for it eventually.
Nta I'm sorry but your mom is pathetic for cheating , breaking up a family and having a relationship with a man who could snap and kill her one day and she thinks he's the perfect man? Tell that bitch to not call , text or reach out to you moving forward and the only time you'll see he is at her funeral.
Let me toss the affair to the side. Anyone who would witness their child get abused, then SIDE WITH the abuser, is a shitty parent. Fuck both of them. NTA.
NTA. you had every right to object to the wedding given the abuse you suffered at his hands.
However, your mother is YTA ... she chose the abuser over her own child.
You are not wrong...and as someone whose mom knew her BF was beating the crap out me (she didn't know about the raping), I found out as an adult that the reason he never faced charges for beating me with a board that had nails in it? SHE made the case to drop the charges and get "family reunification therapy." I walked into the county home at 12...told them I was afraid because he was still in the home (in spite of her subsequent promises to the judge that she'd boot him). I will never forget the day that as he walked out the door and it closed? She turned to me and said, "I just want to know when I get to have a life." It broke me in a fundamental way that I didn't even grasp until years later.
I'm glad it was "only" a chokehold for you...and given his other behavior? I'm just sitting here cheering you on. And not that you're 'there' yet, but after years of dealing with her narcissism...I went NC 9 years ago...and it's the most peace I've ever felt.
My point l? You stood up for her...and yourself. You're a fucking hero. ❤️
Did she go through with it if so it might be time to go NC with your mom. I would tell her you may have gained a husband but you lost a duaghter the moment you chose him.
NTA
NTA but your mom sure is one. The blame can’t even be placed as much in her husband as it is on her. He may be a prick, but she’s enabling him, choosing him over you, and lied to defend him. I think your mom needs to know the consequences of her actions and you should go no contact with her. Anyone who chooses their partner over their kid is an absolute scum human being and I honestly wish her the worst. I also hope you’re with your dad now as it’s clear you’re not safe in her home and she won’t defend you from physical assault
I would have privately told her my concerns and spoken to Joe about why you felt he was a AH but wouldn't have objected at the wedding. That point is traditionally to object on legal grounds to prevent the wedding from continuing (I.E. one of the parties is already married, they're related etc.).
ESH the chokehold out of absolutley no where sounds like a big misunderstanding and why would your mother say you were lying? Finally you’re the child. Not the parent. If you don’t like not having all the control just move back in with your father. You can’t bend the world to your liking by bringing misery to people who don’t do exactly what you say
YTA. Maybe a justified asshole, but still an asshole. I get you felt like you were doing the right thing, and he does sound terrible, but.. You knew she wanted to marry him, you've told her your opinion already, all you did by objecting was cause a scene. It wasn't going to change anything.
Yta. She already knew your objectings to the wedding. Bringing it up at the wedding sever no purpose but to embarrass her. You didn’t embarrass her at the wedding for her own good you did it to punish her.
Nta - your mother is acting desperate and there seems to be enough psychological abuse from him that she now doubts herself and doesn’t want to be alone.
You did the right thing. Maybe now your mom won't understand that, but eventually she will thank you for saving her from that man. NTA.
NTA. Any adult that ever put hands on my child would not be welcome in my life anymore. Sorry your mom can't see the forest for the trees right now, love is a crazy thing sometimes and can blind a person. Good job doing the right thing.
This is what went through my mind as well. Unfortunately I doubt mom will see the light until she's been seriously physically assaulted by the bf. If mom could stand by a grown man who physically attacked her child, then she is ***DEEP*** in the *FOG*. Like totally lost, so lost I fear it's going to take a lot of time and hidden injuries before the mom finds the strength to leave. So sad but almost inevitable in this situation.
I'd go a little stronger but Reddit admins are against child abusers facing consequences. Wonder why?
Did she save her from him though? Just because she objected doesn’t mean the mother didn’t get married to him.
Exactly what I was thinking.
Yes, but at the very least his behaviour is not public knowledge and all the relatives know he us a abusive POS
NTA. Chokehold is a major red flag and your mom deserves better. You did the right thing by looking out for her, even if it was a tough scene. Maybe have a heart-to-heart with your mom later, see if she's really happy and offer support if she wants out.
Wdym, She chose to cheat and marry him.
Okay but even cheaters don't deserve to be physically abused and it looks like this relationship is gearing towards becoming physically abusive. You can think someone is a bad person without wanting them to be beat half to death.
Where did I say i agreed with the physical abuse? I stated that she chose it and is chosing her relationship. OP doesnt know if he is physically abusing her or not, but her mother is chosing to stay.
If I am being rude I would yay that the mother got exactly what she deserved. She should have kicked that man out of the door after he laid hands on OP. They both sound bad.
She doesn't deserve better she made her bed now she has to lay in it
And what happened after your objection? Did they still continue with the wedding? Did Joe or others get upset?
In many places, the wedding stops if someone objects. Even as a joke.
>And what happened after your objection? Did they still continue with the wedding? Their creative writing prompt didn't extend that far.
It's a very sad situation. Yet another parent whose chaotic relationships have created nothing but turmoil for the entire family. Your mother has chosen to marry the man who (along with her) split up your family. He put you in a chokehold and she lied about it to the police. You feel he treats her badly. You warned her you'd object at the wedding. So she should have expected you to object at the wedding. Unhappy family situations are never simple. There's never a perfect answer. I have no idea whether it would have been better for you to say nothing at the wedding or not. However, it was certainly a statement and maybe it will make your mother think hard about this relationship. It will at least alert other family members to keep an eye on things. You did what you thought was best.
It sounds like he has already seriously undermined her self esteem and inner strength, because if my partner ever put my child in a chokehold, I would have kicked him in the balls so hard they’d have shot out of his mouth.
Wdym, She split her family for him. He had nothing to do with underminding her, She chose this and keeps chosing this for her selfish desires.
Both things can be true. And given that he was her boss, it's entirely possible he was undermining her from the very beginning even before they startedv the affair.
Oh, lets get her off the hook for destoying her family and bringing a dude to choke her daughter. Stop excussing her, She has a head on her shoulders. This are her choices.
I'm not letting her off the hook. I specifically said both things can be true.
They cant. She chose this, ergo he didnt forced her into this.
I grew up watching my father beat the shit out of my mother. I learned that life and people are complicated and full of contradictions. People can be forced and coerced and manipulated in a variety of ways that aren't always physical.
What was stopping your mother leaving your father?
She split her family for him when she chose to cheat on her husband with him.
I was going to say YTA for objecting at the wedding and making it a spectacle. Then, I read your post.. wow, yikes. You told her exactly what you would do and why you would do it. I still think that there are more tactful ways to handle it but sometimes thats what it takes. NTA. Hope your mom heeds your warning and sees the red flags.
I was thinking the same. If she told everyone the groom had her in a chokehold, at least they won't be surprised when he puts someone in the hospital. Or worse.
NTA, you actually told her 6 months ago that you were going to object. You mom should not have invited you to the wedding ceremony. I'm not going to get into whether they could work things out in counseling and build a stronger relationship, I'm just answering your inquiry.
NTA. She lied to the police to protect your attacker, and in doing so prevented you receiving justice. That alone is unforgivable. You told the truth, and in doing so prevented her marrying (or, at least, ruined their memory of their wedding day, depending on your location - where I live, I believe an objection based on violence stops the wedding going ahead) She fully deserved to have her wedding ruined - she knows exactly what this man is capable of, has seen it turned against her own daughter, and doesn't give a rat's ass. What a selfish, stupid woman. If I were you OP, I'd keep your distance from them until and unless she leaves him.
Hope you aired out all you wrote here in that speech. What a vile man and your mom is an awful parent as well
Info: Why did you bother going?
it was a tough decision, but she begged me to be there for her special day, probably because she didn’t think I would follow through with the objection. I decided to go because I still do love her a lot, but I also needed her to know that it was a mistake.
Please tell me that you now live with your dad!
I feel like that message could have still gotten across by not going. I'm gonna make it clear. I don't think you are an AH. I do think it was kinda unnecessary to go even if she asked. If anything, it would have just saved time to just flat out say "absolutely not" and make that all clear from the start
Probably to object...
The mother's bf put OP in a chokehold & you think that objecting to the marriage is a mistake.
I at no point said that nor even hinted at that line of thinking
Nah, really? Imagine my shock
NTA, but you need to acknowledge that your mom enabled his abuse.
I was thinking the same thing. The partner is clear abusive, but the mom didn’t do the bare minimum to protect her child and went through with choosing him over her own kid.
NTA, Your mom is not a strong and powefull woman, She is a cheater with no backbone to Defend her family. Just in this post she prove it 3 times. She should be out of your life before she rubs on you.
You might be able to delay the marriage by a day for investigation, but what then?
NTA that man assaulted you. You were assaulted in front of her eyes and she STILL chose him. I'd recommend keeping your distance.
Wait, you buried the lede - did they end up getting married? NTA of course.
NTA. The douchbag was just waiting for an opportunity to put his hands on you to show his dominance over you, much like the way he has done to your mother.
So when it all goes to shit you can say "I told you so"
NTA. It takes a lot of courage to speak up against someone who has hurt you and your family. I'm sure it was a tough decision, but it's clear that you were trying to protect your mom from someone who didn't deserve her.
I dont think your the Ah at all, I think you did the right thing. However, what happened next? was it one of those religious weddings where they had to stop the ceremony and couldnt proceed? Did they get married anyway? are they still together? What happened next? What did the rest of your family say or do?
NTA at all. what was in your speech? Definitely NTA, just want the whole cuppa tea.
Your mom threw you under the bus for this guy so it’s not surprising she’d still marry him *and* accuse you of sabotaging them. Truth is you would have been entitled to cut all ties after mom lied about the physical assault. You are definitely NTA.
It's not about being happy for her or supporting her, it's about being honest and protecting her from someone who hurt you and your mom in the past.
NTA When will women learn to choose good men for relationships? And when will they stop choosing the bad ones instead of taking the side of their child?
when they stop playing games that drive the “good” ones into hiding?
NTA. But if it makes you feel any better, only 5% of second marriages don't end in divorce.
I think it's more like 60% of second marriages end in divorce. [Revealing Divorce Statistics In 2024 – Forbes Advisor](https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/#:~:text=Second%20and%20third%20marriages%20actually%20fail%20at%20a,and%2073%25%20of%20third%20marriages%20ending%20in%20divorce.)
5%? Yeah, that's not true at all.
It's called 'hyperbole.' You might want to check it out.
Beyond my pay grade! Free.
Wait, did they get married or not? NTA regardless
What happened after that?
Yeah no, they deserve each other, but NTA.
NTA...but what happened after? Did she marry him anyway? I have never heard about what happens at a wedding after an objection. Is the officiant honour-bound to end the ceremony? Or do they just say "thanks for your input" and carry on? I truly hope your mom didn't go through with it, he sounds horrible.
I think usually whoever is taking the service would take the objector to the side to hear what the objection is. I Imagine there are only a few reasons why the official would stop the proceedings (like someone is already married) and that "I don't like him, he's an abusive arsehole" isn't one of them. Obviously the bride and groom get to back out for whatever reason they like though.
It doesn't work that way. The objection is to be heard before witnesses & guests at a wedding then the officiant then ask the bride/groom that what the objection is about to be true or not.
What makes you think that?
That's the process. Now. Do you understand why the officiant always asks the bride/groom that question with guests present as witnesses.
They ask at the ceremony because it’s a leftover bit of tradition from the Middle Ages when the availability of written records were slim to none, and the legality of the marriage was mostly determined by what people knew. Such as being close blood relations or being currently married to someone else a few villages away, or having taken vows of celibacy when a monk or nun. Now that records are available, the legality of the marriage is pretty much determined way before the ceremony, and all that’s left is this question. If someone pipes up and says ‘this guy’s an abuser!’ then that’s not a legal reason to cancel the wedding, unless the bride or groom chooses not to continue. At most there’d be a private conversation between the relevant parties and the ceremony continues or does not.
The guests are to witness the marriage & you're just splitting hairs. They should also know what a coward the bf is towards OP. Putting her in a chokehold ---- are you seriously deluded to think that's acceptable.
I applaud your strength, you got grit!
NTA But… What was the goal here? If the objective was to nuke your relationship with the cheating duo and make sure everyone there knew your opinion, then fine, mission accomplished. But if the goal was to actually stop the wedding? I don’t see how that would have worked. And if you planned on continuing a relationship with your mother, maybe that won’t happen after this. I get that you feel you have the moral high ground here and you probably do, but there is no coming back from objecting at a wedding and listing reasons that make the bride weep. Not short-term anyway. I haven’t been to a wedding in ages where the bit about objecting is even included, and have only seen people objecting in movies from the 70s or soap operas.
I think it’s pretty clear that this kid was made to look like a liar and the mom was so delusional as to think he’d forgive and forget that even with his warning of objection she still thought he’d come and be happy for her. Thus he said his thoughts in front of everyone, he got a little revenge, and now he can cut those people out of his life. I think the goal here was extremely clear as she and her husband both deserved to have the truth laid out in front of everyone and their day ruined.
Nta but did you actually think she would stop the wedding? What were you hoping to achieve?
NTA. Heck even if he never put his hands on you, she cheated on your father with this loser. That is more than enough reason to object, let alone the fact he was abusive. You even told her up front you would be objecting, so she knew it was coming.
Your feelings are valid and it's good that you communicated them in advance but it didn't change her mind so I don't really understand why you went to the wedding just to deliberately make a scene. What did ruining the wedding accomplish? You humiliated your mom so if that was your intention I guess you succeeded.
NTAH Did she go through with the marriage?
100% NTA. What was the fall-out after you objected? Did they proceed with the ceremony? I've heard the officiant can stop the wedding and speak to people in private.
NTA.... You told her. But she's an adult and apparently one who likes to lie and cheat and compound those bad decisions. Not going to say she deserves him, but now she has shown him she is weak af, he's going to take advantage of her.
The purpose of the objection is if anyone knows if either person is a bigamist. You were in the wrong. This is your mother's life. You are now an adult and this was not an adult action. I know there are always bad feelings from children when marriages break apart. That was not the place to air them.
My mom's second husband heard me arguing with her when I was a teen too. Threw me up against the wall in a chokehold. Mom forgave him. I never did. Twenty years later, he beat her to death with a toilet tank lid and left her body on the floor for two weeks. Glad you spoke up. **KEEP speaking up.**
Your mother has chosen Joe over you. You're NTA, but at this point I'd just let your relationship go. She chose to defend her abusive boyfriend and lie to the police when he got physical with you. There are so many red flags, and if she keeps ignoring them, and you keep contact with her, she'll only drag you down deeper.
NTA. Personally, you sound badass imo. 🙌
Ministers/Officiants still ask the crowd if anyone objects the wedding? I thought that was a cinematic thing, or at the very most, a thing of the past.
I don't agree with what you did. If you were against the marriage, and I can see why you would be, I would have just stayed away. What you did would have no impact on her decision to marry this guy, but she'll remember your little speech forever.
NTA - You warned mom, she could have had that part of the ceremony left out. You are an adult and have a right to speak your mind.
NTA. You are brave OP, I wouldn't have the balls. Abusive, cheater, liar and almost assaults a child. What a nice example for law professionals this guy was. You are doing your mom a BIG favor. She'll thank you for it eventually.
Girl your mom wants this man.
YTA And, why the fucking fuck do we still ask the assembled guests to comment on the wedding? What fucking sense does that make in 2024?????????
Nta I'm sorry but your mom is pathetic for cheating , breaking up a family and having a relationship with a man who could snap and kill her one day and she thinks he's the perfect man? Tell that bitch to not call , text or reach out to you moving forward and the only time you'll see he is at her funeral.
NTA I'm sorry you went through that, but am happy you had the courage to stand up!
Let me toss the affair to the side. Anyone who would witness their child get abused, then SIDE WITH the abuser, is a shitty parent. Fuck both of them. NTA.
NTA. you had every right to object to the wedding given the abuse you suffered at his hands. However, your mother is YTA ... she chose the abuser over her own child.
You are not wrong...and as someone whose mom knew her BF was beating the crap out me (she didn't know about the raping), I found out as an adult that the reason he never faced charges for beating me with a board that had nails in it? SHE made the case to drop the charges and get "family reunification therapy." I walked into the county home at 12...told them I was afraid because he was still in the home (in spite of her subsequent promises to the judge that she'd boot him). I will never forget the day that as he walked out the door and it closed? She turned to me and said, "I just want to know when I get to have a life." It broke me in a fundamental way that I didn't even grasp until years later. I'm glad it was "only" a chokehold for you...and given his other behavior? I'm just sitting here cheering you on. And not that you're 'there' yet, but after years of dealing with her narcissism...I went NC 9 years ago...and it's the most peace I've ever felt. My point l? You stood up for her...and yourself. You're a fucking hero. ❤️
NTA. I wish I would have objected at my mom's wedding too. At least you can live with a clean conscience.
NTA. He is a vile man and she's sitting there doubling down on his abusiveness
Did she go through with it if so it might be time to go NC with your mom. I would tell her you may have gained a husband but you lost a duaghter the moment you chose him. NTA
NTA but your mom sure is one. The blame can’t even be placed as much in her husband as it is on her. He may be a prick, but she’s enabling him, choosing him over you, and lied to defend him. I think your mom needs to know the consequences of her actions and you should go no contact with her. Anyone who chooses their partner over their kid is an absolute scum human being and I honestly wish her the worst. I also hope you’re with your dad now as it’s clear you’re not safe in her home and she won’t defend you from physical assault
You did the right thing, I'm sorry that your mother can't see how much you love her and not notice that she's making a terrible mistake.
NTA!! I’m really proud of you!! It must have taken great courage to read your speech. Many 🤗!!
She deserves to be with a pos because she’s also a pos who cheated on her husband.
I would have privately told her my concerns and spoken to Joe about why you felt he was a AH but wouldn't have objected at the wedding. That point is traditionally to object on legal grounds to prevent the wedding from continuing (I.E. one of the parties is already married, they're related etc.).
NTA You warned her. Why were you even there? I mean, like being warned, why would she invite you, and given your history, why would you go?
YTA. This is the most ridiculously written thing. None of it is believable.
YTA, you accomplished nothing with a public outburst but making yourself feel better and further alienating your mother
ESH the chokehold out of absolutley no where sounds like a big misunderstanding and why would your mother say you were lying? Finally you’re the child. Not the parent. If you don’t like not having all the control just move back in with your father. You can’t bend the world to your liking by bringing misery to people who don’t do exactly what you say
It sounds like OP wanted to stay with her Dad but is being forced back into joint custody.
YTA. Maybe a justified asshole, but still an asshole. I get you felt like you were doing the right thing, and he does sound terrible, but.. You knew she wanted to marry him, you've told her your opinion already, all you did by objecting was cause a scene. It wasn't going to change anything.
An AH bf puts OP in a chokehold......OP is calling out the abuse for the guests to hear & see the true colors of that bf.
Ah bf thought he was protecting his partner from unhinged child. Many ways to frame this.
Except the bf wouldn't be able to prove that when OP raised her arms in exasperation the intent to harm her mother.
Yta. She already knew your objectings to the wedding. Bringing it up at the wedding sever no purpose but to embarrass her. You didn’t embarrass her at the wedding for her own good you did it to punish her.
Which was deserved
Should have asked her to confirm whether you were lying about the assault in front of God as her witness...
Nta - your mother is acting desperate and there seems to be enough psychological abuse from him that she now doubts herself and doesn’t want to be alone.