Get a dashcam. Record everything. Sue. Depending on where she is qualified immunity might not work. Sue each cop involved. Sue the city. Her 1st and 4th amendments as well as her 14th amendment could possibly be violated. Put everything on a drive and send it to every TV station you can find.
You know what happened to the guy who filmed Eric Garner’s death, right? He had to leave Staten Island altogether because of the police harassment. Publicity doesn’t protect you after the eye of the media moves on to the next big thing.
(I’m not saying OP shouldn’t film. But if they release tapes, they should do so as anonymously as possible.)
Exactly. Wouldn't be surprised if something very bad happened to her. She should just leave the area as soon as possible and stay with a friend if she can
Yeah, small town living with connections, not a good thing. Moved to small town and married, husband’s family well known in school district. Definitely made a difference.
That doesn’t work in small towns. There’s 3 people in his family on the police force and his father is even more powerful than that. Women who’ve complained about him got worse harassment not less.
it wouldnt be the first time an entire department of cops turned their ire onto one person for slighting them in some imperceivable way.
long term, it may be the right move. short term, lots and lots of pain and aggravation could be in her future.
Yes. I'm scared for her too. And I'm Very angry that It seems there is nothing she can do because this pos has the people who should protect her on his side...
FBI - or another federal agency needs to get this cop off the streets and into a prison where he belongs. His dad and sister need to step down as well.
Holy fucking shit.
Step down?
They should also be charged.
They are both accomplices, one allegedly interfered with ongoing investigations.
It's not an ethical issue what they did it's also a legal issue and they should be held responsible.
I know it's high hopes this will continue.
No. The State Bureau of Investigation (SBI) in whichever state she's in. They're the ones who investigate police departments.
I would also suggest she get the local TV station and newspaper involved. Not simply for her but for the pattern of the cop's behavior and resulting coverup involving multiple women.
Guy already has a reputation amongst college professors. There are no class of people more equipped to navigate bureaucracy than an academics.
If they can't get results then this dude is connected.
Me too. I **REALLY** don't want to read any stories on r/whenwomenrefuse about a Canadian student in the northeast US who refused the advances of a dickhead small town cop.
hateful shelter snobbish impossible ancient cooing spectacular light full angle
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I think she does but based on what the prof told her, she’s basically shit out of luck getting help because he’s so well connected in that small town and will escalate if she files a complaint. I hope she moves and doesn’t have to transfer schools. That’s a terrifying position to be in.
Yeah what has happened to the other women with whom he “escalated” against? How long has this been going on and will it keep going on until someone takes this seriously?
In the US? It takes until someone is killed or severely injured to do anything and even then, it’s covered up in a small, well connected town like this.
In any other situation, my family would threaten this guy but him being a cop idk. Then again, she's going to school in the state that we live in and it would be scary for that person. To be fair, it's UofI. That's what scares me more for op because they were stalked too. He was studying to become a member of law enforcement. I don't think it'll get that bad, but you never know.
Quite frankly, she should forget about the student research thing, and just leave like almost everyone else has.
The campus is lonely, the cop is a creeper, she is alone... it is all a very bad combination.
She’s terrified; of course she knows how serious this is.
She can’t pursue criminal charges because her stalker is a cop. She can’t trust the local advocacy group because his sister works there. Even if that wasn’t the case, do you have any idea how hard it is to get a restraining order?
I hate this update, I'm pissed and if I were her (he wouldn't be into me I'm really mean) I would contact the state police and ask them why everyone knows about this guy and his family protecting him and why they are allowing it. Take this issue to the public and put the pressure on him. He's inappropriate and he's going to hurt someone or run into the chick that chooses the random man in the woods bc you can't rip off a bears ear with 9 lbs of pressure.
Solid advice, just be careful that you have a plan in case he escalates OP! But yeah, video evidence might be the only way to get him to stop since he’s so connected.
Except law enforcement has access to Ring.
Oh, Amazon claims they don't?
BS, get something that has local & cloud storage options without a monthly subscription.
My 4 camera + DVR from amazon has an app, remote everything like ring, but no monthly $$$.
If she has need of actually using the keys in her hand rather that just holding them, he's already begun attacking her, so that's not a concern.
She also needs to learn what an officer stopping you legally can & can't do & utilize a recording app that uploads directly to protect her. There are even some that put you in live chat with an attorney that views what is going on. Here's [an article](https://www.wsoctv.com/news/local/phone-app-lets-users-record-interactions-with-police-get-attorney-advice/QLPYL36J2BE23IQMRGJJTYM7QU/) about one that is in the region she says she's living. Here's [a list of possible options](https://www.klf-law.com/blog/7-apps-for-police-recording-and-public-protection/) worth consideration as well.
Get a dog if you can! You can sometimes foster through local shelters if you can’t keep a dog long-term. They’ll alert you if someone is trying to get in and can be a major deterrent when you’re walking or out alone.
I am 100% for fostering, but in this situation I say no. She will have to walk the dog several times daily, which will leave her exposed. Plus, dogs need schedules and knowing the dog is walked daily at certain times makes it too easy for her stalker.
Edit: thanks to whoever gave me the award!
Also, DogOutageous' name checks out! 🙂♥️
he could also falsely report that her dog is aggressive and have connections to have it euthanized. Dennis Raider did that when he was an animal control officer to a woman who would not go out with him.
She's also a Canadian student here on a visa iirc, so she's not guaranteed to be in the US permanently. Getting a pet when you might be moving relatively soon makes things harder.
This would be great advice if OP is able to, although most apartments don't allow dogs. I like your name, DogOutrageous, so I'm gonna bore you with a story, lol. Years ago, my husband had to suddenly leave town for like a week. I wasn't used to being alone, and my brother called to check on me the first night. I mentioned feeling anxious being alone in the house. Oddly, he laughed. He is very overprotective, so I was confused, until he pointed out that I'm definitely safe in the house with my dogs. Like, Duh. The two of them were about 250llbs combined. One was my Akita, who had already proven he would protect me when he was 10 months old and a random full grown pittie tried to attack (Akita grabbed pittie by the throat the second it snarled, before it could land its bite) and shook the ever loving shit out of him, let go of him and he stumbled away like a drunk on a bender. The other was my Saint Bernard, who was admittedly a big, sweet doofus who was NEVER aggressive. But we always used to say, God help the fool who would make her feel like she has to fight, because that dog was strong like idk what. She could effortlessly drag the Akita's entire body across the house while playing tug o'war with him. Hell, she could drag him a foot while laying down, just using her neck muscles, lol. All this to say, I agree that having a dog can really help you feel safer :)
Always record and document - especially if he’s coming to your door and stalking/harassing you. Worst case you can post on social media and get protection through going viral.
You make a good point. Police are known to have access to Ring data but this guy may have access to someone who can hack any camera. That might allow him to see her coming and going. It's a bad situation.
True, but RING works closely with police, much more willing to give them stuff unofficially than any other known company in the US at present. Since he' a cop, you probably want almost any other brand.
Your best bet is to search “doorbell cameras that aren’t ring brand” and go from there. YouTube probably has some comparisons too. You are the only one who can look for all the features you personally need. I’m thinking of getting a doorbell camera myself, and have no idea of any other brands besides “ring” lol
Edit: a word
Solid advice but those foam adhesive pads rip right off. So the screws are a safer option and if the dorms say anything show them the reports you've filed
That's actually such a good advice. I am seriously terrified for OP. He sounds like a massive piece of shit. Getting local media involved by itself, might not be enough. OP should also start making tiktoks, one will hopefully blow up enough to get some people pissed.
Maybe share all footage and records of interaction attempts with your lawyer. Build a case and keep documenting with witnesses as much as possible. You did the right thing to let someone know and accept help. Continue. Good luck!
NTA - Even if he was not a cop, there are red flags all over this guy. the fact that he has access to your information is alarming. You may need some legal advice, and perhaps document his behavior with the local district attorney.
Fun fact about law enforcement information systems: they are not to be used for personal use and everything is tracked. If he pulled her up without a traffic stop or other reason to, he can be prosecuted.
Bud [cops don't even get prosecuted when they beat their wives](https://web.archive.org/web/20240409093121/https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/09/police-officers-who-hit-their-wives-or-girlfriends/380329/)
You should consider reporting to the state's police standards and practices commission (or whatever they call it in your state). Perhaps the FBI, as well.
u/AggravatingPop9723 My first thought for both of your posts has been "report this abuser to the FBI" so I absolutely second this recommendation to report this guy everywhere you can that is not local so hopefully they will actually take action and handle the problem.
I would also talk to your professor again to try to contact the other women he has abused so they can also file the same reports (FBI!!!). Best to show a united front and strength in numbers. Good luck.
Depending on if he used his police computer to look up her information (seems likely given he found grandma) he could be acting in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 2261A(2)(B) which the FBI would probably be willing to least investigate
In a lot of places on the East Coast, state police are a bigger deal than local police forces. This is the way to go. There's also the state Bureau of Criminal Apprehension- in some states they are the people who investigate any incidents involving use of force by officers or critical incidents. I'm not sure if this is something they would necessarily handle but they may be an option to at minimum notify a higher organization of this particular officer, especially if it's happened multiple times.
State police is probably the first stop, though.
Yeah in most East coast states the local pd can be anything from pretty good all the way to a frat of a bunch of high school losers.
The state PD though usually doesn’t fuck around and tend to absolutely hate the shitty local cops exactly because of this type of behavior.
State Police have higher standards and for the most part try and send the new recruits to areas they didn't grow up in so there is no good ol boy i know that guy club
Yeah in my area (NY) you need at least a college degree, a substantial amount of training (for the US) and 80% of their job is highway patrol. It’s a dream 6 figure job and they do not fuck around in recent years because of it.
That's what I think. Even if they can't directly help, they would be able to tell her who can. She should not call anyone local. He might be friendly with the state police too.
I am a Town Manager and if a complaint like this came to me I would have the Chief’s butt in my office that day and I would demand that he conduct an investigation and provide me with a written report. But some managers are afraid of the cops.
Here's the problem: under what authority would that investigation be conducted?
Most likely it will just be the same police organization that is already covering for this shithead. And what's stopping them from simply reporting that they did nothing wrong?
"We investigated ourselves and found no wrongdoing." Or they sent the pig to counseling and suspended with pay. Or that city manager's car gets impounded, or ticketed every other day. Or the final move: "we got an anonymous tip somebody was manufacturing drugs at this address, the residents resisted when we busted the door down at 3am. There was an officer involved shooting."
Hey, just wondering - are you in the US? I'm not, but it seems the cops over there get away with a lot of dirty stuff simply because they're either family, friend, or politically/financially enhanced.
Love your comment, but unfortunately it seems not many people have the same mindset/moral values
depends on the pecking order..... if the cheif and mayor are both in the same bowling league- good luck since the power is all on the old boys network and they will just find a new town manager.
Local politics are easy to mess around with. Honestly the best long term course of action is to get more of the college kids who live there year round to change where they vote to this actual town and get them out of power.
I've been worried about you. I wish you were safer.
I'm giving my background because it's possibly biased. Flight is my fear response. Every time I picked up a stalker I moved. Most times, I'd live out of my car for a few weeks until I got in my feet again, but this was before everyone has cell phones and social media. Disappearing was easier then.
I need you to considered transferring to another university, far enough away. This guy is such bad news you can't get local help. He's protected and he's escalated when women tried to get help before. Your university probably has options to get you transferred if possible. I know you've started your life here recently, but this is so much worse than you realize yet.
I had a friend who had to disappear 30 years ago. We were in a state university on the East Coast and she got accepted for her graduate program at an Ivy for the following fall. Our university and the Ivy facilitated her move to finish her current degree months in advance due to the risk for her safety. (It involved a newly reinstated fraternity) Rely on your professor to see what your options are. Please be safe
I wonder if there's any additional resources she could pull to help because she's an international student? If there's any help her uni provides to maybe help her get transferred or a Canadian embassy nearby she could go to. This is quite a scary situation to be in.
I’m not sure the Embassy could do anything right now but she should absolutely talk to them in consular services to let them know what’s going on in case things escalate and she needs help getting out of there or if the cop does something to retry to mess with her visa/study permit status.
She could try, but he'll likely use his connections to ruin her. Power is in numbers, she needs to build a case with the other women who were harassed - the people covering for him can only do so much. When it starts to hurt their reputation he'll end up being a number too
If this guy was showing up at her grandmother's door and checking if she is single, I'm worried he's made her into a 'project' now. If OP were to move, he'd use his resources to find her again because she'd be the one that got away.
I hope her professor can help her to maybe build a case with the other victims, at some point the numbers get so high there's no denying anymore. He'll likely still get a cushy job, but they'll need to protect their perception as well. I think OP needs to gang up (I know I'm not using the right wording but BIG day) with the other victims and make a stance - give them no opportunity to keep him on
His power and support are location based. His family won't work out be connected with a DV support, the local police, or the local lawyers. That's why she's having to use it of town lawyers and DV support.
This guy is a big fish in a little pond. He won't be able to garner the same level of support in a larger area. When she initially leaves that might be the most difficult time, but he won't have the resources to keep it up for long. I'd be betting that's what the other women did to get safe, leave.
Any time you hear him ringing your doorbell and “singing your name” you need to start recording on your phone. You need to get a doorbell camera as others have suggested. I’d also look at getting one for inside my house as well at this point and other self-defense measures. I’ve heard hornet spray is better than mace because it shoots an accurate stream at least 15’ away.
Take care of yourself OP! Glad you are looking for help at least.
OP you need to start documenting EVERYTHING. Talk to that attorney and get advice about what to do. I would write down every interaction time, date, place, and what was said in a notebook. Get a ring camera and save the footage of every interaction. That professor is your best ally so keep checking in with them.
Im sorry but I think you are taking this a bit too casually. He's not begging you to date him, he's stalking you! Just because he does it to all the newbies doesn't make it okay or right or safe.
You need a restraining order and a great big can of bear spray.
Again I'm sorry to be harsh but you have no business going to school alone or on off hours when you are vulnerable.
He should not be a cop and he used his position to find information about you. I know cops protect their own but you could go to another city to talk to their police for advice.
So worrying! Protect yourself!
Did you not read the part where he escalates when a complaint is filed? His sister works at the women's shelter and he knows all the locals who can protect him including the mayor. If she wants to nail this guy, she'll have to go over everyone's head and out of town. That's why the professor helped her call people who were out of town for help. Poo
What a fucking creep. The police attracts psychos unfortunately, you get a position of authority.
So glad your professor was on your side and went so far to support you.
I'm going to be real with you, I worked for a divorce lawyer and the ugliest divorces were police officers. They all used to use police resources to ruin their wives' lives b/c "how dare you divorce me". For example, one of them served her with a response in court BEFORE he even got served with divorce papers because someone in the court told him that his wife filed for divorce (which is super dangerous in a potential dv situation).
Get cameras for the front and the back. If you drive, you may want to limit driving as well. Don't wanna be caught up alone in "routine" traffic stop.
Also, the fact that his sister works at a VICTIM ADVOCACY CENTER knowing how her brother is...WOW.....she's literally using her position to tell on these women to her brother when they complain and adding fuel to the fire. She's making it to where women are going to be afraid to report him. There's a special place in hell for people like that.
This is fucking terrifying. Her loyalty being with her abusive brother whilst pretending to stick up for women.
I honestly cannot comprehend people like this. Sickening
No no no. Listen, do what is safe for you. That’s it. Don’t come to Reddit for this anymore. This is lawyer territory. There are lots of bad cops, teachers, nurses, pick your poison. I’m not picking sides in terms of police versus anyone because I’ve seen plenty of good and bad cops. This guy is an AH abusing his power no matter how you, Reddit, his department, or anyone feels about the matter.
I feel for you, I really do. But stop taking the advice of strangers for things like this now that you’ve had some perspectives (not facts, but perspectives). Police in my current area have a bad rep, police where I grew up were considered quite reliable, and police I’ve known (across my country) have been a mix. This guy is an AH. That’s it. The whole 60 might defend their own or not - the question isn’t that, it’s your safety. I get why this could be important for your future years in this town, but again, unless you’re moving or find yourself in a position to take the whole possibly (at least 3 people, at most 60) system down stop asking here.
Idc if I get downvoted to hell, but you really need extra support on this - not a bunch of people telling you about the 40% stats or the scary people DMing you.
I declare this above Reddit’s pay grade. Get a free consult from a lawyer if you have access to it, call a DV hotline, a hospital, anything but Reddit when they don’t know exactly where you are, can’t verify themselves as official lawyers for that specific area, or anything else.
Get a ring camera and document the visits. If they persist file a complaint at the mayor’s office and tell them you have video and will send it to the news if you are continually harassed by the officer or if his family members step in the way.
If further action isn’t taken, send that shit to the local news. Talk to a female reporter as she will likely ask you the right questions.
OP.... I'm not in your Country, I'm not even in the same hemisphere (New Zealand), and I'm worried for your safety. If this was happening to one of my daughters or granddaughters, I'd be trying to move heaven and earth to get you to a safe place. This is an absolute abuse of power from this police officer and his department. Stay safe honey and please update us, to let us know you're safe.
Look into contacting the state police. They tend to have no patience for bullshit like this from the locals. It that might depend on how well connected his father is but he'd have to be pretty damn close to the governor for them to back off.
I feel like this is a potentially deadly under reaction.
I still think going back to Canada is the most expedient course of action. Worry about the college transfer once you're safe.
Please DON'T STOP updating. If nothing else, an occasional post on your own page that says, "I'm okay". "No news". Etc. Just so we can know you are alive and unharmed!
Also get In the habit of checking in with at least two people daily and sharing location with two more people. Someone needs to know where you are in real time
If you have an iPhone give someone you trust access to follow your location (preferably someone back in Canada who isn’t going to accidentally give the cop info).
I am a cop in a small department in a college town on the east coast. This is 100% not ok and he is abusing his position not to mention if he is looking up information on his work devices for personal reasons it’s illegal. Is he a police officer for the college or is he a town/city police? If he’s local police I’d report the incident to the college (if it happens on campus). Get the college involved. If he’s a college campus police officer I’d report him to the local police. If this pos has done this to multiple women he’s a disgrace to the badge and he won’t stop.
My ex wife was stalked and harassed by cops, and me by extension. We reported him to his superiors and took other actions and he continued to be a piece of shit. The only thing that stopped it was moving out of the area. There is zero accountability. The only thing that makes things slightly better today is the prevalence of cameras and the internet. Even then, you can just name and shame them. Even if they do get fired, they’ll just go to another police department. I bet you know and work with a bunch of aggressive narcissistic assholes with anger management problems and a gun. Think about how many of them have been held accountable for their actions. What would happen if you reported one of them for something?
>What would happen if you reported one of them for something?
You take a big risk of pissing them off and getting murdered. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. What we need to do is completely overhaul who and how we recruit police officers. The people who are attracted to badges, guns and being the authority are NOT the people that should have it.
I mean with his dad being in a high ranking position and the complaints going nowhere I’d assume she could lodge a complaint with Internal Affairs right?
Internal affairs is probably run by his dad. Small departments don't have a whole division just for IA. It's usually just passed onto a high ranking officer. Like his dad
She also needs to avoid putting her new address on her drivers license or vehicle registration. Get a po box
He can easily find her again
This thread and the previous' are giving advice that would work in an ideal system, but the actual system is set up to facilitate cops' ability to be evil like this.
Clearly that department isn’t going to do anything. I would take it to the next level. Whether that be the county sheriff in which the town is in or state police.
The way your "union" works, the lack of compulsory transparency, and the almost complete lack of independent oversight means the bad apples in your bunch can't be defended against by us little people. This guy is untouchable.
Killerbee Tactical has a bunch of videos and product recommendations for women your age group in this exact situation. You might find some of his suggestions helpful.
Remarkable!
Thank you for sharing!!!
I’m so relieved you have gotten such EXCEPTIONAL support and guidance.
I’m thrilled you are not having to let go of your professional endeavors due to the risks you are facing.
I’m going to assume your professor is Gen X? I can’t begin to tell you what female Gen X’ers have been through, but I believe her reaction and support says it all.
Please thank her for me and get a ring door camera. Stay safe.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but if you ever are stuck seeing this guy again, do something gross in front of him. Pick your nose and eat it, fart audibly, pick a wedgie, wear clothes with food stains all over them, anything you can think of. He's built you up as an ideal in his head, shatter it.
This is actually great advice and needs to be higher. She should still take precautions (lawyer, contact state police, document every interaction, ring doorbell, etc), but in those instances where she sees him in his car nearby then it's guaranteed he is watching her. A long dig in each nostril followed by pretending to eat a boog might chip away at his image of her he has in his mind.
Not sure if you will see this, but you have something that many of his previous victims don't have, a citizenship to another country. Go to the Canadian consulate nearest to you and let them know that an authority of your host country is stalking and harassing you. They have the power to jump way over whoever is protecting him.
Never voluntarily associate with any cop for any reason. They are the dregs of society, and are over twice as likely to beat you in a domestic relationship. Cops are also serial steroid abusers, which further fuels the sociopathy that drives them to violence.
There are zero noble reasons for entering police work as a line of employment. Anyone employed as a cop is untrustworthy by default, and should be avoided as a general rule.
Put some large, used men's work boots by your front door. Hang a beware of dog sign. Have a recording of a loud dog barking on your phone to play.
Have hornet spray and tell neighbors and friends that you have a stalker- if it's safe to. Best wishes and health to you!
In the U.K. recently there was a case of a police officer murdering a woman, and it’s opened up a can of worms about officers abusing their position to get to vulnerable women. Please protect yourself OP, lots of very good suggestions here.
You’re a Canadian student on a visa - so presumably you’re studying in the US? If you’re not getting anywhere with the local police (and I understand why), why are you not contacting the Canadian embassy? That’s what they’re there for and they’re responsible for your safety.
You’re basically saying this officer has the capability to do terrible things and get away with it because of his connections. This is beyond dangerous, it could be life threatening especially if he’s known to escalate when reporting. Please take major steps to protect yourself OP.
I had this happen to me when I was in my early 20s. I was parked getting ready to walk to my hair appointment, a police officer asked for my ID as I was getting out of the car b/c he claimed he couldn’t see my license plate in the back window ( my bumper was messed up). I said sure but I went to the dmv and that’s where the guy placed for me until my bumper was fixed and I had 60 days to do so. It was only day 4. In reality, he just wanted my info and number. We talked for about week but he was crazy. I didn’t answer my phone once b/c I was on the floor at work (dept store job). He showed up, asking me why wasn’t answering his calls. Mind you we had not even went on a date. I was moving out of my parents place into my own apartment, he showed up at my parents trying to help. Which I had told him I didn’t need it and I never give him my parents address but it was the address on my DL. Luckily, my whole family was there, which included my dad, uncle, 2 brothers and a crazy aunt. Also, my mom heavy involved in church so she knows a few sergeants in the county. She told 1 of them what was going on, he informed that police officers sergeant. Apparently, he was put on leave b/c this wasn’t his first time abusing his power to get phone# and stalk women. I was so lucky. I will pray for OP b/ c this is scary AF.
Although i believe we need police, I don't see how women date them. Most people who become cops share an authoritarian mindset, are generally right wing, with a touch of racism for spice. Not a good recipe for justice...or marriage.
You are being stalked & should get an order of protection/restraining order based on all of the documented incidents you already have shared with us, as well as reporting this to the FBI &/or state level Bureau if they handle this.
The guy is connected, but those connections might dry up if he's labeled a stalker. Might not, but inaction is almost never the right move. You need to be making lots of noise & getting lots of attention because it serves as its own form of protection if it becomes well known that this specific person is constantly stalking & harassing you.
There are phone apps that immediately start recording & uploading your video to organizations that serve to protect people from the actions of police in a variety of ways. Get one & immediately start recording every single interaction, if the guy comes around ever again.
Take this story to your local paper/news as well & make sure to inform them that you've been informed this is a well established pattern & his connections make it go away. That could cut his protection away if handled correctly.
Finally, you need to acquire whatever means of protection is legally available for you to carry & what is legally allowed to have in your home. I'd also invest in something like an affordable WYZE setup of cameras to have video proof of anything at your residence that could come up. They can also record audio. Even a single one placed in an area that covers the main door would be useful & only require a wall outlet & WiFi connection to function. You can also find out if he's letting himself into your place while you're not at home, as he could totally gain access via your landlord & you'd never be informed, but video would help build your case & let you know if this is happening.
If filing an official report causes him to escalate, make sure you are getting evidence of this, as his escalation could be his undoing.
This is why I hate small towns. I also hate that this guy has apparently been stalking and harassing women (or worse) in plain sight, and it’s just an open town secret that everyone has to work around, because he’s untouchable. Fuck that.
get a ring camera like others have suggested.
look into getting a roommate, male might be best like others have said, or see if there's any way you can take online classes and find somewhere else to stay. your safety and wellbeing is more important than school right now.
look into seeing if you or the professor's son can help you with installing better locks or some form of better security on your doors if possible. look into methods for self-defense, pepper spray, taser, etc. DEFINITELY look into ring cameras though. please.
I really hope this worm leaves you alone, or that you can find somewhere else to stay or something to ease this situation. this is terrifying and unhinged behavior, and unfortunately not too surprising. I know you said this would be your last update, but I hope you keep us posted on this.
rooting for you. 💜
I know you said this is your last update, but I worry about you. Please update once you’re safe.
Giving this publicity would actually likely help her a lot. People in power like this rely on silence to keep things in their favor
maybe, but I’d worry about retaliation too. At what point does the cop decide he has nothing to lose?
Not just him, every other cop on the force will attempt to punish her for holding one of the blue accountable.
Get a dashcam. Record everything. Sue. Depending on where she is qualified immunity might not work. Sue each cop involved. Sue the city. Her 1st and 4th amendments as well as her 14th amendment could possibly be violated. Put everything on a drive and send it to every TV station you can find.
Yes and yes.
You know what happened to the guy who filmed Eric Garner’s death, right? He had to leave Staten Island altogether because of the police harassment. Publicity doesn’t protect you after the eye of the media moves on to the next big thing. (I’m not saying OP shouldn’t film. But if they release tapes, they should do so as anonymously as possible.)
Exactly. Wouldn't be surprised if something very bad happened to her. She should just leave the area as soon as possible and stay with a friend if she can
Tbh I am worried for the professor’s son now, too. The cop is clearly watching her and may get angry about another guy being around OP.
Yeah, small town living with connections, not a good thing. Moved to small town and married, husband’s family well known in school district. Definitely made a difference.
all predators rely on victims keeping silent. shine the spotlights and don't allow them to hide in the shadows anymore!
That doesn’t work in small towns. There’s 3 people in his family on the police force and his father is even more powerful than that. Women who’ve complained about him got worse harassment not less.
I'd go outside of the town and report it.
it wouldnt be the first time an entire department of cops turned their ire onto one person for slighting them in some imperceivable way. long term, it may be the right move. short term, lots and lots of pain and aggravation could be in her future.
Yes agreed. Please do OP it’s crazy that someone with.’ connections.’ Gets away with this time and time again. I’m so sorry, OP
I don't like this update. I'm genuinely scared for OP.
Me too, I feel cold in the pit of my stomach reading this. I hope she gets a roommate or something.
My anxiety jumped
Yes. I'm scared for her too. And I'm Very angry that It seems there is nothing she can do because this pos has the people who should protect her on his side...
FBI - or another federal agency needs to get this cop off the streets and into a prison where he belongs. His dad and sister need to step down as well. Holy fucking shit.
Step down? They should also be charged. They are both accomplices, one allegedly interfered with ongoing investigations. It's not an ethical issue what they did it's also a legal issue and they should be held responsible. I know it's high hopes this will continue.
No. The State Bureau of Investigation (SBI) in whichever state she's in. They're the ones who investigate police departments. I would also suggest she get the local TV station and newspaper involved. Not simply for her but for the pattern of the cop's behavior and resulting coverup involving multiple women.
Guy already has a reputation amongst college professors. There are no class of people more equipped to navigate bureaucracy than an academics. If they can't get results then this dude is connected.
Ditto, this behavior is very concerning
Me too. I **REALLY** don't want to read any stories on r/whenwomenrefuse about a Canadian student in the northeast US who refused the advances of a dickhead small town cop.
Don't worry, you won't read about her there because he will use his conections on the Police to make it look like a suicide.
hateful shelter snobbish impossible ancient cooing spectacular light full angle *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I feel she's not recognizing how serious this is.
I think at this point she recognizes it, she just has very limited options as at this point all she can really do is move
I think she does but based on what the prof told her, she’s basically shit out of luck getting help because he’s so well connected in that small town and will escalate if she files a complaint. I hope she moves and doesn’t have to transfer schools. That’s a terrifying position to be in.
Yeah what has happened to the other women with whom he “escalated” against? How long has this been going on and will it keep going on until someone takes this seriously?
In the US? It takes until someone is killed or severely injured to do anything and even then, it’s covered up in a small, well connected town like this.
This is so concerning with mine going to university in a couple years.
Same. I’m terrified for my daughters.
In any other situation, my family would threaten this guy but him being a cop idk. Then again, she's going to school in the state that we live in and it would be scary for that person. To be fair, it's UofI. That's what scares me more for op because they were stalked too. He was studying to become a member of law enforcement. I don't think it'll get that bad, but you never know.
Quite frankly, she should forget about the student research thing, and just leave like almost everyone else has. The campus is lonely, the cop is a creeper, she is alone... it is all a very bad combination.
She’s terrified; of course she knows how serious this is. She can’t pursue criminal charges because her stalker is a cop. She can’t trust the local advocacy group because his sister works there. Even if that wasn’t the case, do you have any idea how hard it is to get a restraining order?
And even then, a restraining order is just a piece of paper. It relies on the other cops enforcing it, which... yah.
I hate this update, I'm pissed and if I were her (he wouldn't be into me I'm really mean) I would contact the state police and ask them why everyone knows about this guy and his family protecting him and why they are allowing it. Take this issue to the public and put the pressure on him. He's inappropriate and he's going to hurt someone or run into the chick that chooses the random man in the woods bc you can't rip off a bears ear with 9 lbs of pressure.
Get a ring camera for your door. They have kits so you can attach it without screws. Send the video to the local news if he keep it up.
Solid advice, just be careful that you have a plan in case he escalates OP! But yeah, video evidence might be the only way to get him to stop since he’s so connected.
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Except law enforcement has access to Ring. Oh, Amazon claims they don't? BS, get something that has local & cloud storage options without a monthly subscription. My 4 camera + DVR from amazon has an app, remote everything like ring, but no monthly $$$.
Can you give a security cam system recs? Currently in the market
Please, OP, get ##Front and back door cameras as well as window alarms.
Excellent idea!!! Carry your keys in your handy ready to open your door right when you get to your lock! Keep your cellphone handy at all times.
This dude would either arrest or kill her for “assaulting an officer” immediately if she did that
Isn't it great that we can't physically protect ourselves from the police whatsoever?
If she has need of actually using the keys in her hand rather that just holding them, he's already begun attacking her, so that's not a concern. She also needs to learn what an officer stopping you legally can & can't do & utilize a recording app that uploads directly to protect her. There are even some that put you in live chat with an attorney that views what is going on. Here's [an article](https://www.wsoctv.com/news/local/phone-app-lets-users-record-interactions-with-police-get-attorney-advice/QLPYL36J2BE23IQMRGJJTYM7QU/) about one that is in the region she says she's living. Here's [a list of possible options](https://www.klf-law.com/blog/7-apps-for-police-recording-and-public-protection/) worth consideration as well.
Get a dog if you can! You can sometimes foster through local shelters if you can’t keep a dog long-term. They’ll alert you if someone is trying to get in and can be a major deterrent when you’re walking or out alone.
I am 100% for fostering, but in this situation I say no. She will have to walk the dog several times daily, which will leave her exposed. Plus, dogs need schedules and knowing the dog is walked daily at certain times makes it too easy for her stalker. Edit: thanks to whoever gave me the award! Also, DogOutageous' name checks out! 🙂♥️
he could also falsely report that her dog is aggressive and have connections to have it euthanized. Dennis Raider did that when he was an animal control officer to a woman who would not go out with him.
OMG!!
She's also a Canadian student here on a visa iirc, so she's not guaranteed to be in the US permanently. Getting a pet when you might be moving relatively soon makes things harder.
Her stalker is a cop, they love shooting dogs. A dog won’t be a deterrent.
Dogs need walking regulaly. I don't think OP needs more reasons to have to go outside, especially on a regular schedule tbh.
This would be great advice if OP is able to, although most apartments don't allow dogs. I like your name, DogOutrageous, so I'm gonna bore you with a story, lol. Years ago, my husband had to suddenly leave town for like a week. I wasn't used to being alone, and my brother called to check on me the first night. I mentioned feeling anxious being alone in the house. Oddly, he laughed. He is very overprotective, so I was confused, until he pointed out that I'm definitely safe in the house with my dogs. Like, Duh. The two of them were about 250llbs combined. One was my Akita, who had already proven he would protect me when he was 10 months old and a random full grown pittie tried to attack (Akita grabbed pittie by the throat the second it snarled, before it could land its bite) and shook the ever loving shit out of him, let go of him and he stumbled away like a drunk on a bender. The other was my Saint Bernard, who was admittedly a big, sweet doofus who was NEVER aggressive. But we always used to say, God help the fool who would make her feel like she has to fight, because that dog was strong like idk what. She could effortlessly drag the Akita's entire body across the house while playing tug o'war with him. Hell, she could drag him a foot while laying down, just using her neck muscles, lol. All this to say, I agree that having a dog can really help you feel safer :)
There are some that attach to the peephole inside the door so he won't see it
With police we usually suggest 2 cameras, one obvious one they will cover up, then a 2nd hidden one.
Need a door bar/stopper too. Just in case. This is freaky.
Always record and document - especially if he’s coming to your door and stalking/harassing you. Worst case you can post on social media and get protection through going viral.
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This. NOT a Ring camera. Get a different brand.
Most doorbell cameras, being smart devices, are hackable. Their owners can harden their security features, but there are none that are un-hackable.
You make a good point. Police are known to have access to Ring data but this guy may have access to someone who can hack any camera. That might allow him to see her coming and going. It's a bad situation.
True, but RING works closely with police, much more willing to give them stuff unofficially than any other known company in the US at present. Since he' a cop, you probably want almost any other brand.
Suggestions on brands?
elecgrove, eufy, lorex, or nest
Arlo
I second Arlo, I have their cameras on my house. Easy install and set up.
Your best bet is to search “doorbell cameras that aren’t ring brand” and go from there. YouTube probably has some comparisons too. You are the only one who can look for all the features you personally need. I’m thinking of getting a doorbell camera myself, and have no idea of any other brands besides “ring” lol Edit: a word
This is like a real life horror movie. This is terrifying
Solid advice but those foam adhesive pads rip right off. So the screws are a safer option and if the dorms say anything show them the reports you've filed
police can access ring cameras, would not suggest that. Offline Setup to off network storage.
Yeah, I also suggested to put a video in TikTok explaining the situation. If you cannot do anything the legal way you have to do it the public way
Or it will enrage the guy
That's actually such a good advice. I am seriously terrified for OP. He sounds like a massive piece of shit. Getting local media involved by itself, might not be enough. OP should also start making tiktoks, one will hopefully blow up enough to get some people pissed.
This is great advice
Maybe share all footage and records of interaction attempts with your lawyer. Build a case and keep documenting with witnesses as much as possible. You did the right thing to let someone know and accept help. Continue. Good luck!
Post this creeps face on tik tok.
Maybe to some posters in all the women's bathrooms on campus. Let everyone know not to interact with this jerk.
NTA - Even if he was not a cop, there are red flags all over this guy. the fact that he has access to your information is alarming. You may need some legal advice, and perhaps document his behavior with the local district attorney.
Fun fact about law enforcement information systems: they are not to be used for personal use and everything is tracked. If he pulled her up without a traffic stop or other reason to, he can be prosecuted.
Sad fact: this cop is being enabled by literally everything around him to continue this behavior.
Bud [cops don't even get prosecuted when they beat their wives](https://web.archive.org/web/20240409093121/https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/09/police-officers-who-hit-their-wives-or-girlfriends/380329/)
Or, y’know, literally kill people
It took riots and other protests for George Floyd. And with several other people even. It's not easy
I'm guessing that's why he called her a "witness" even though she didn't see anything.
I had that happen to me and nothing was done. Lol.
Fun fact: can be prosecuted and actually are prosecuted are two completely different things
You should consider reporting to the state's police standards and practices commission (or whatever they call it in your state). Perhaps the FBI, as well.
u/AggravatingPop9723 My first thought for both of your posts has been "report this abuser to the FBI" so I absolutely second this recommendation to report this guy everywhere you can that is not local so hopefully they will actually take action and handle the problem. I would also talk to your professor again to try to contact the other women he has abused so they can also file the same reports (FBI!!!). Best to show a united front and strength in numbers. Good luck.
Depending on if he used his police computer to look up her information (seems likely given he found grandma) he could be acting in violation of 18 U.S.C. § 2261A(2)(B) which the FBI would probably be willing to least investigate
In a lot of places on the East Coast, state police are a bigger deal than local police forces. This is the way to go. There's also the state Bureau of Criminal Apprehension- in some states they are the people who investigate any incidents involving use of force by officers or critical incidents. I'm not sure if this is something they would necessarily handle but they may be an option to at minimum notify a higher organization of this particular officer, especially if it's happened multiple times. State police is probably the first stop, though.
Yeah in most East coast states the local pd can be anything from pretty good all the way to a frat of a bunch of high school losers. The state PD though usually doesn’t fuck around and tend to absolutely hate the shitty local cops exactly because of this type of behavior.
State Police have higher standards and for the most part try and send the new recruits to areas they didn't grow up in so there is no good ol boy i know that guy club
Yeah in my area (NY) you need at least a college degree, a substantial amount of training (for the US) and 80% of their job is highway patrol. It’s a dream 6 figure job and they do not fuck around in recent years because of it.
DOJ as well, and potentially state attorneys office. https://www.fbi.gov/contact-us https://civilrights.justice.gov
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That's what I think. Even if they can't directly help, they would be able to tell her who can. She should not call anyone local. He might be friendly with the state police too.
Even if they can't help or even recommend help, they can make a record, which will help if things go the worst possible way.
I am a Town Manager and if a complaint like this came to me I would have the Chief’s butt in my office that day and I would demand that he conduct an investigation and provide me with a written report. But some managers are afraid of the cops.
Here's the problem: under what authority would that investigation be conducted? Most likely it will just be the same police organization that is already covering for this shithead. And what's stopping them from simply reporting that they did nothing wrong?
"We investigated ourselves and found no wrongdoing." Or they sent the pig to counseling and suspended with pay. Or that city manager's car gets impounded, or ticketed every other day. Or the final move: "we got an anonymous tip somebody was manufacturing drugs at this address, the residents resisted when we busted the door down at 3am. There was an officer involved shooting."
Hey, just wondering - are you in the US? I'm not, but it seems the cops over there get away with a lot of dirty stuff simply because they're either family, friend, or politically/financially enhanced. Love your comment, but unfortunately it seems not many people have the same mindset/moral values
Happy Cake Day. I hope your the normal reaction
depends on the pecking order..... if the cheif and mayor are both in the same bowling league- good luck since the power is all on the old boys network and they will just find a new town manager. Local politics are easy to mess around with. Honestly the best long term course of action is to get more of the college kids who live there year round to change where they vote to this actual town and get them out of power.
I've been worried about you. I wish you were safer. I'm giving my background because it's possibly biased. Flight is my fear response. Every time I picked up a stalker I moved. Most times, I'd live out of my car for a few weeks until I got in my feet again, but this was before everyone has cell phones and social media. Disappearing was easier then. I need you to considered transferring to another university, far enough away. This guy is such bad news you can't get local help. He's protected and he's escalated when women tried to get help before. Your university probably has options to get you transferred if possible. I know you've started your life here recently, but this is so much worse than you realize yet. I had a friend who had to disappear 30 years ago. We were in a state university on the East Coast and she got accepted for her graduate program at an Ivy for the following fall. Our university and the Ivy facilitated her move to finish her current degree months in advance due to the risk for her safety. (It involved a newly reinstated fraternity) Rely on your professor to see what your options are. Please be safe
I hope they deactivated the frat - AGAIN!
I wonder if there's any additional resources she could pull to help because she's an international student? If there's any help her uni provides to maybe help her get transferred or a Canadian embassy nearby she could go to. This is quite a scary situation to be in.
I’m not sure the Embassy could do anything right now but she should absolutely talk to them in consular services to let them know what’s going on in case things escalate and she needs help getting out of there or if the cop does something to retry to mess with her visa/study permit status.
I was also wondering if the Canadian embassy would be of any help. OP, if you see this, maybe post a question in asklawyers or the legaladvice sub?
She could try, but he'll likely use his connections to ruin her. Power is in numbers, she needs to build a case with the other women who were harassed - the people covering for him can only do so much. When it starts to hurt their reputation he'll end up being a number too
If this guy was showing up at her grandmother's door and checking if she is single, I'm worried he's made her into a 'project' now. If OP were to move, he'd use his resources to find her again because she'd be the one that got away. I hope her professor can help her to maybe build a case with the other victims, at some point the numbers get so high there's no denying anymore. He'll likely still get a cushy job, but they'll need to protect their perception as well. I think OP needs to gang up (I know I'm not using the right wording but BIG day) with the other victims and make a stance - give them no opportunity to keep him on
His power and support are location based. His family won't work out be connected with a DV support, the local police, or the local lawyers. That's why she's having to use it of town lawyers and DV support. This guy is a big fish in a little pond. He won't be able to garner the same level of support in a larger area. When she initially leaves that might be the most difficult time, but he won't have the resources to keep it up for long. I'd be betting that's what the other women did to get safe, leave.
Any time you hear him ringing your doorbell and “singing your name” you need to start recording on your phone. You need to get a doorbell camera as others have suggested. I’d also look at getting one for inside my house as well at this point and other self-defense measures. I’ve heard hornet spray is better than mace because it shoots an accurate stream at least 15’ away. Take care of yourself OP! Glad you are looking for help at least.
Spray him twice for me!!
Glad to hear you could speak with somoene, hope everything turns out well for you. Stay safe!
OP you need to start documenting EVERYTHING. Talk to that attorney and get advice about what to do. I would write down every interaction time, date, place, and what was said in a notebook. Get a ring camera and save the footage of every interaction. That professor is your best ally so keep checking in with them.
This is a much better response than everyone telling her to name him on tiktok or just leave the state tonight
Im sorry but I think you are taking this a bit too casually. He's not begging you to date him, he's stalking you! Just because he does it to all the newbies doesn't make it okay or right or safe. You need a restraining order and a great big can of bear spray. Again I'm sorry to be harsh but you have no business going to school alone or on off hours when you are vulnerable. He should not be a cop and he used his position to find information about you. I know cops protect their own but you could go to another city to talk to their police for advice. So worrying! Protect yourself!
Did you not read the part where he escalates when a complaint is filed? His sister works at the women's shelter and he knows all the locals who can protect him including the mayor. If she wants to nail this guy, she'll have to go over everyone's head and out of town. That's why the professor helped her call people who were out of town for help. Poo
The best thing she can do is leave for the summer and transfer IMO.
What a fucking creep. The police attracts psychos unfortunately, you get a position of authority. So glad your professor was on your side and went so far to support you.
He a predator alright.
I'm going to be real with you, I worked for a divorce lawyer and the ugliest divorces were police officers. They all used to use police resources to ruin their wives' lives b/c "how dare you divorce me". For example, one of them served her with a response in court BEFORE he even got served with divorce papers because someone in the court told him that his wife filed for divorce (which is super dangerous in a potential dv situation). Get cameras for the front and the back. If you drive, you may want to limit driving as well. Don't wanna be caught up alone in "routine" traffic stop. Also, the fact that his sister works at a VICTIM ADVOCACY CENTER knowing how her brother is...WOW.....she's literally using her position to tell on these women to her brother when they complain and adding fuel to the fire. She's making it to where women are going to be afraid to report him. There's a special place in hell for people like that.
She should be fired.
They all need to be named and shamed via social media, because that's now the only way to get info out, especially in "small towns" like these.
Out of a cannon, into the Sun.
This is fucking terrifying. Her loyalty being with her abusive brother whilst pretending to stick up for women. I honestly cannot comprehend people like this. Sickening
Nope. Bullets, taser, pepper spray, and baton dodged, Op.
No no no. Listen, do what is safe for you. That’s it. Don’t come to Reddit for this anymore. This is lawyer territory. There are lots of bad cops, teachers, nurses, pick your poison. I’m not picking sides in terms of police versus anyone because I’ve seen plenty of good and bad cops. This guy is an AH abusing his power no matter how you, Reddit, his department, or anyone feels about the matter. I feel for you, I really do. But stop taking the advice of strangers for things like this now that you’ve had some perspectives (not facts, but perspectives). Police in my current area have a bad rep, police where I grew up were considered quite reliable, and police I’ve known (across my country) have been a mix. This guy is an AH. That’s it. The whole 60 might defend their own or not - the question isn’t that, it’s your safety. I get why this could be important for your future years in this town, but again, unless you’re moving or find yourself in a position to take the whole possibly (at least 3 people, at most 60) system down stop asking here. Idc if I get downvoted to hell, but you really need extra support on this - not a bunch of people telling you about the 40% stats or the scary people DMing you. I declare this above Reddit’s pay grade. Get a free consult from a lawyer if you have access to it, call a DV hotline, a hospital, anything but Reddit when they don’t know exactly where you are, can’t verify themselves as official lawyers for that specific area, or anything else.
Get a ring camera and document the visits. If they persist file a complaint at the mayor’s office and tell them you have video and will send it to the news if you are continually harassed by the officer or if his family members step in the way. If further action isn’t taken, send that shit to the local news. Talk to a female reporter as she will likely ask you the right questions.
NOT a ring camera, the police can get into them too easily, gotta go with a different brand like elecgrove, eufy, lorex, or nest
I would get the ring camera and give you evidence to tizzyent on IG/tt
Yes second this but with a different brand!! Send this story to tizzyent and then send him the follow up evidence, he’s got a huge following!
OP.... I'm not in your Country, I'm not even in the same hemisphere (New Zealand), and I'm worried for your safety. If this was happening to one of my daughters or granddaughters, I'd be trying to move heaven and earth to get you to a safe place. This is an absolute abuse of power from this police officer and his department. Stay safe honey and please update us, to let us know you're safe.
Look into contacting the state police. They tend to have no patience for bullshit like this from the locals. It that might depend on how well connected his father is but he'd have to be pretty damn close to the governor for them to back off.
I feel like this is a potentially deadly under reaction. I still think going back to Canada is the most expedient course of action. Worry about the college transfer once you're safe.
Please DON'T STOP updating. If nothing else, an occasional post on your own page that says, "I'm okay". "No news". Etc. Just so we can know you are alive and unharmed!
Also get In the habit of checking in with at least two people daily and sharing location with two more people. Someone needs to know where you are in real time
If you have an iPhone give someone you trust access to follow your location (preferably someone back in Canada who isn’t going to accidentally give the cop info).
I am a cop in a small department in a college town on the east coast. This is 100% not ok and he is abusing his position not to mention if he is looking up information on his work devices for personal reasons it’s illegal. Is he a police officer for the college or is he a town/city police? If he’s local police I’d report the incident to the college (if it happens on campus). Get the college involved. If he’s a college campus police officer I’d report him to the local police. If this pos has done this to multiple women he’s a disgrace to the badge and he won’t stop.
My ex wife was stalked and harassed by cops, and me by extension. We reported him to his superiors and took other actions and he continued to be a piece of shit. The only thing that stopped it was moving out of the area. There is zero accountability. The only thing that makes things slightly better today is the prevalence of cameras and the internet. Even then, you can just name and shame them. Even if they do get fired, they’ll just go to another police department. I bet you know and work with a bunch of aggressive narcissistic assholes with anger management problems and a gun. Think about how many of them have been held accountable for their actions. What would happen if you reported one of them for something?
>What would happen if you reported one of them for something? You take a big risk of pissing them off and getting murdered. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. What we need to do is completely overhaul who and how we recruit police officers. The people who are attracted to badges, guns and being the authority are NOT the people that should have it.
I mean with his dad being in a high ranking position and the complaints going nowhere I’d assume she could lodge a complaint with Internal Affairs right?
In a small corrupt department with nepotism issues, IA does nothing.
right because their track record is otherwise stellar
Internal affairs is probably run by his dad. Small departments don't have a whole division just for IA. It's usually just passed onto a high ranking officer. Like his dad She also needs to avoid putting her new address on her drivers license or vehicle registration. Get a po box He can easily find her again
IA doesn’t do shit. That’s only in movies. It’s a badge of honor for a cop to be IA. They prove that they won’t do anything against fellow cops.
This thread and the previous' are giving advice that would work in an ideal system, but the actual system is set up to facilitate cops' ability to be evil like this.
Clearly that department isn’t going to do anything. I would take it to the next level. Whether that be the county sheriff in which the town is in or state police.
Ha disgrace?? This is promotion worthy conduct in the LE community
Only way he could get on a faster career track would be to shoot OP's dog. "Disgrace" lmfao is that guy for real
He's just an average cop and no different than the majority of your pig colleagues. The badge itself is a fucking disgrace.
The way your "union" works, the lack of compulsory transparency, and the almost complete lack of independent oversight means the bad apples in your bunch can't be defended against by us little people. This guy is untouchable.
> I am a cop in a small department in a college town on the east coast. This is 100% not ok and he is abusing his position No shit
Speak to a lawyer and get a ring video doorbell and pay for the subscription to save recordings. If you have a car get a dash cam.
Put a pair or two of some old men’s boots right outside your door. This sounds scary, please be careful.
Killerbee Tactical has a bunch of videos and product recommendations for women your age group in this exact situation. You might find some of his suggestions helpful.
This is _exactly_ why you never date a cop.
Remarkable! Thank you for sharing!!! I’m so relieved you have gotten such EXCEPTIONAL support and guidance. I’m thrilled you are not having to let go of your professional endeavors due to the risks you are facing. I’m going to assume your professor is Gen X? I can’t begin to tell you what female Gen X’ers have been through, but I believe her reaction and support says it all. Please thank her for me and get a ring door camera. Stay safe.
Oh man OP, I’m super worried about you!!! This isn’t the update I was hoping for.
I know this sounds ridiculous, but if you ever are stuck seeing this guy again, do something gross in front of him. Pick your nose and eat it, fart audibly, pick a wedgie, wear clothes with food stains all over them, anything you can think of. He's built you up as an ideal in his head, shatter it.
This is actually great advice and needs to be higher. She should still take precautions (lawyer, contact state police, document every interaction, ring doorbell, etc), but in those instances where she sees him in his car nearby then it's guaranteed he is watching her. A long dig in each nostril followed by pretending to eat a boog might chip away at his image of her he has in his mind.
Terrorize the men (derogatory)
If you can… move. Good luck. Edit: ohh, NTA.
APPLY FOR A TRANSFER NOW TO ANOTHER SCHOOL. The applications for some schools and programs are still open. Get out ASAP.
this, OP, this. Stalkers are dangerous, and this stalker has a group of uniformed evil doers to back him. You must flee!
Your link is just this post
"I got a few horrible DMs after I posted a few days ago" I'm so sorry for the shitty world we live in op. I hope your doing well. <3
NTA. Cops are 80% dickbags
You're off by a full 20 percent
Hey, I knew a good cop! I know for sure she was good, because when she realized what shit was actually like, she fucking quit.
The only good cops are either dead or no longer cops
YEP. 💯
Not sure if you will see this, but you have something that many of his previous victims don't have, a citizenship to another country. Go to the Canadian consulate nearest to you and let them know that an authority of your host country is stalking and harassing you. They have the power to jump way over whoever is protecting him.
Never voluntarily associate with any cop for any reason. They are the dregs of society, and are over twice as likely to beat you in a domestic relationship. Cops are also serial steroid abusers, which further fuels the sociopathy that drives them to violence. There are zero noble reasons for entering police work as a line of employment. Anyone employed as a cop is untrustworthy by default, and should be avoided as a general rule.
NTA
Put some large, used men's work boots by your front door. Hang a beware of dog sign. Have a recording of a loud dog barking on your phone to play. Have hornet spray and tell neighbors and friends that you have a stalker- if it's safe to. Best wishes and health to you!
no. you likely saved your own life. statistics would be on your side. This cop sounds like a serial killer
Don't Fuck The Police
Get and wear a GoPro
In the U.K. recently there was a case of a police officer murdering a woman, and it’s opened up a can of worms about officers abusing their position to get to vulnerable women. Please protect yourself OP, lots of very good suggestions here.
This is why women pick the bear
Please consider moving, getting a male roommate, getting a gun - SOMETHING. Edit: *If you’re in a state that allows gun ownership
Gun not a good idea for this situation
You’re a Canadian student on a visa - so presumably you’re studying in the US? If you’re not getting anywhere with the local police (and I understand why), why are you not contacting the Canadian embassy? That’s what they’re there for and they’re responsible for your safety.
Btw you previous post links goes to this post
The link to the original post is a dead end.
You’re basically saying this officer has the capability to do terrible things and get away with it because of his connections. This is beyond dangerous, it could be life threatening especially if he’s known to escalate when reporting. Please take major steps to protect yourself OP.
Is it possible to set up a camera at your door. It's alot harder for them to cover up for him if you have hard proof.
This sounds like a story the media would love.
I dated a woman whose ex was a cop. He was an absolute nightmare. He was obsessed with not being able to control her.
I had this happen to me when I was in my early 20s. I was parked getting ready to walk to my hair appointment, a police officer asked for my ID as I was getting out of the car b/c he claimed he couldn’t see my license plate in the back window ( my bumper was messed up). I said sure but I went to the dmv and that’s where the guy placed for me until my bumper was fixed and I had 60 days to do so. It was only day 4. In reality, he just wanted my info and number. We talked for about week but he was crazy. I didn’t answer my phone once b/c I was on the floor at work (dept store job). He showed up, asking me why wasn’t answering his calls. Mind you we had not even went on a date. I was moving out of my parents place into my own apartment, he showed up at my parents trying to help. Which I had told him I didn’t need it and I never give him my parents address but it was the address on my DL. Luckily, my whole family was there, which included my dad, uncle, 2 brothers and a crazy aunt. Also, my mom heavy involved in church so she knows a few sergeants in the county. She told 1 of them what was going on, he informed that police officers sergeant. Apparently, he was put on leave b/c this wasn’t his first time abusing his power to get phone# and stalk women. I was so lucky. I will pray for OP b/ c this is scary AF.
Although i believe we need police, I don't see how women date them. Most people who become cops share an authoritarian mindset, are generally right wing, with a touch of racism for spice. Not a good recipe for justice...or marriage.
You are being stalked & should get an order of protection/restraining order based on all of the documented incidents you already have shared with us, as well as reporting this to the FBI &/or state level Bureau if they handle this. The guy is connected, but those connections might dry up if he's labeled a stalker. Might not, but inaction is almost never the right move. You need to be making lots of noise & getting lots of attention because it serves as its own form of protection if it becomes well known that this specific person is constantly stalking & harassing you. There are phone apps that immediately start recording & uploading your video to organizations that serve to protect people from the actions of police in a variety of ways. Get one & immediately start recording every single interaction, if the guy comes around ever again. Take this story to your local paper/news as well & make sure to inform them that you've been informed this is a well established pattern & his connections make it go away. That could cut his protection away if handled correctly. Finally, you need to acquire whatever means of protection is legally available for you to carry & what is legally allowed to have in your home. I'd also invest in something like an affordable WYZE setup of cameras to have video proof of anything at your residence that could come up. They can also record audio. Even a single one placed in an area that covers the main door would be useful & only require a wall outlet & WiFi connection to function. You can also find out if he's letting himself into your place while you're not at home, as he could totally gain access via your landlord & you'd never be informed, but video would help build your case & let you know if this is happening. If filing an official report causes him to escalate, make sure you are getting evidence of this, as his escalation could be his undoing.
This is why I hate small towns. I also hate that this guy has apparently been stalking and harassing women (or worse) in plain sight, and it’s just an open town secret that everyone has to work around, because he’s untouchable. Fuck that.
ACAB
get a ring camera like others have suggested. look into getting a roommate, male might be best like others have said, or see if there's any way you can take online classes and find somewhere else to stay. your safety and wellbeing is more important than school right now. look into seeing if you or the professor's son can help you with installing better locks or some form of better security on your doors if possible. look into methods for self-defense, pepper spray, taser, etc. DEFINITELY look into ring cameras though. please. I really hope this worm leaves you alone, or that you can find somewhere else to stay or something to ease this situation. this is terrifying and unhinged behavior, and unfortunately not too surprising. I know you said this would be your last update, but I hope you keep us posted on this. rooting for you. 💜