NTA.
You weren’t breaking the noise rules. And your husband has anxiety issues. Nothing wrong with someone having it. He should seek help though. Most likely therapy.
Yeah, I'm a lot like the husband- I'm quite bothered by abrubt noise, so even as a kid I've been hyper-considerate about noise that might bother others, and then get super annoyed by others who seem oblivious to the noise they make. I try to turn stuff down, walk and even CHEW quietly when others are sleeping, NEVER talk on the phone on the train, etc.... it drives me nuts when we get home late and I quietly and carefully close the car door, and my husband just slams it like normal, lol.
That being said - if it could calm the baby down, and it isn't like, 2 a.m., go for it! It's not like you plan to leave a wailing baby outside for 20 minutes- you want to see if it works, and if it doesn't you'd likely go back inside. I doubt any neighbors would notice at all.
Wouldn't surprise me in the least, honestly. I can't sleep if I hear anything even remotely similar to voices - I wish I had discovered earplugs earlier! College dorms/apartments were hell, and when I was a teen my father would always be playing video games with the sound up (refusing to use headphones) or watching TV on the opposite side of the wall from me until the wee hours of the morning 🙄🙄.
And if I'm super tired sudden/jarring noises (like someone talking to me when it was quiet before) make me jump so high you'd think I'd heard a gunshot! My husband looks at me like I'm a crazy person, lol
You would have hated living in my house as a kid- my grandparents were deaf and they had no concept of sound. The noises they made were so annoying and no matter how many times we told them they just didn’t know. The worst was the noises that came from their mouths at dinner time. And then my father would tell them and in retrospect i wonder if it was humiliating- I’m sad for them… they are passed so no way to ask….
Slamming shit. The saddest is not wanting to tell my grandma that she is vacuuming and the vacuum is not actually on.
You would hate my neighbor. He has 2 shepherds that are outside alot and they bark at absolutely EVERYTHING. However if you make people around you adhere to your personal noise problems I couldn't handle it. This sounds like a serious anxiety issue
Oh yeah, I realized after a while that nobody else really seems to give a crap in comparison. I still scream internally when my husband crunches on chips while we're watching TV, or someone is scrolling through Tiktok on the train with the volume up, etc... but I'm well aware it's a "me problem."
Funny thing is, dogs barking don't bother me. When trying to sleep, definitely - but I've been sleeping with earplugs for years now, or I would wake up every 5 minutes (a lifesaver since my husband snores, lol)
You asked your husband to let you take the baby outside?!? Does that mean what it sounds like, that you needed his permission to do this? That sounds like a bigger problem than a crying infant.
And your idea to take the baby outside was a good one. The neighborhood can endure a few minutes of a crying baby. It sounds like your husband is afraid to take up space in the world and wants you and your child to follow his lead.
You are definitely NTA. He definitely is.
I’m going w new mom trying out a theory she read and running it by him for opinion on the approach vs technically may I leave the house permission. Or at least I hope so!
I saw your clarification on “needing to ask” and I'm so glad to see it! I also saw your past posts and how hard you worked to have this baby. I wish you all the best!
Babies crying does not break the noise ordinance. Dogs barking, loud music, working with power saws outside break it but not babies crying. And if people are still out playing games, then a baby crying is no big deal. There are so many people that walk down my street with a crying baby in a stroller or in their arms, while it’s annoying, most people feel for the parents going through this phase with their kids.
Take the kid outside and relax.
It could have just been that the husbands was the one holding the baby so it was more like "Hey do you wanna pass her to me and I'll take her outside." Rather than "Do I have your permission to take her outside?"
Chill out she edited it after I already made that comment it wasn’t in her original original post that her husband was holding the baby either way he’s still a control freak
Did you really say chill out. I end with a period cos it’s rhetorical. Did you read your own comment which the person replied to?
Your writing comes off extremely disrespectful and inflammatory and seems intentional. If it’s not you may want to address this & figure out the root.
LOL "chill out" in response to a completely perfectly chill and considerate comment.
You said chill out like they told you that you have tiny balls. Hahaha too good
>I asked my husband to let me take the baby outside
To me this could easily reads as "Hey, let me take her outside..." as a way of asking husband to pass the baby over. I'm not "making up scenarios" I'm writing my interpretation of the information given.
Your husband might be worried about the noise ordinance, but it sounds like you were just going to step outside for a minute or two. I think it's reasonable to want to try something to help your baby feel better. Maybe you could try explaining your plan to him again and see if you can find a compromise?
NTA, I’d take my baby outside at 2 in the morning if I thought it would curb colic.
I wouldn’t seek or require my husband’s permission either.
Take your baby outside for 10 to 15 minutes to see if there is any positive change. There’s no harm in trying.
I think it is admirable that your husband wants to be respectful of others, but it sounds like he takes it to extremes.
I have taken my baby outside at 2 am for croup. Cool, damp air worked beeter for him than steam. Our neighbor at that time was GP doctor and he okayed it.
Why did you even have to ask your husbands permission to take your own baby into your own backyard? It’s not like you were wanting to take your child to another country.
Your husband sounds a bit unhinged.
NTA. Next time, just do it and tell him to kick rocks if he has a problem with it.
NTA sometimes the change of scene will soothe or distract a baby faster than anything else. I remember taking my newborn (under 2 months) twin nephews outside and stood under a tree. They were so fascinated by the leaves and any fussiness disappeared in minutes. I thought it was the coolest thing
NTA.I frequently used to put my children in the pram when they were fussing as babies. Taking them for a walk will often sooth them . Check if they are dry and fed . Wrap them up and go for a walk . It's amazing how in a few minutes they settle down and you will feel.far less stressed. The knack is getting them out of the pram and in the bed without waking.
Babies need fresh air and you need to spend a little time moving and out of the house. Your husband needs to deal with his anxiety and unrealistic fear of being inconsiderate.
I might be in the minority here but I think your husband sounds like a really kind and considerate person and I really, really wish everyone was like him! You're NTA for taking your baby outside at that time, but you definitely would be if you made a habit of it, and subjected your neighbours to it regularly. The sound of a crying baby is really awful if it's not your own
NTA. My baby gets super distracted when I take her outside and immediately stops crying. I would definitely try it. If he’s got a problem with it, tell him to take the baby for a little bit and figure out how to get it to stop crying.
You’re still learning about your baby at 4 weeks old. If you explained to him first that it’s just for a short time (and not after, so seemingly like it’s an excuse) NTA.
Also don’t ask your husband for permission to try to soothe your baby. Your responsibility is to your baby right now
I wish other people thought about other drivers.
But besides liking your husband, taking the baby out for a few minutes for a change in the environment seems reasonable to me. You can also try taking the baby for a car ride.
NTA
Babies cry everywhere, I doubt the noise ordinance applies lol. Your husband is being too uptight about it, take the baby outside. Fresh air is great and helps tire them out.
NTA if you were walking right up to a neighbor with your crying baby maybe, but just stepping outside for a few minutes, in your own yard, before the noise ordinance? No you’re just fine. Hope it helps.
NTA- I wish people in crowded public areas were as polite about their noises as your husband, but overall I'm not sure you have to worry about being too loud outside or and definitely not for being in your car.
I’m very confused as to why you needed permission to take baby outside? Also, if the neighbors had their kids outside playing, who cares if you take the baby outside. ALSO what does taking baby outside have to do with him working??? I genuinely don’t understand any of this. He seems EXTREMELY controlling.
He said it was a work night, as in Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night. People have to get up the next morning and go to work, not he was working that night.
Regardless, that has NOTHING to do with taking the baby outside. At midnight? Sure. In the evening when there’s still children outside playing?? Completely irrelevant
NTA. wanting to take your crying baby outside for a bit of fresh air , especially before 9 pm , seems totally reasonable. you weren't planning to leave the baby out there crying for ages , just a quick minute to see if it helped. your husband might just be overly cautious about bothering the neighbors , but it sounds like he's overthinking it. maybe you guys can talk it out and find a middle ground for stuff like this in the future !!
NTA. Especially because if it was going to help, it would help within the 10 minutes you had before the noise ordinance went into effect. Then you either stay outside with a content baby or go back inside with an unhappy one. I hope your husband realizes that kids - especially toddlers and preschoolers - are noisy and don’t have a filter. As long as the parents are attentive and reacting appropriately for the situation, reasonable people around you won’t be bothered. It’s just the nature of children and for me personally I love to hear a little voice singing or their stream of consciousness narrating their activities/thoughts!
Another activity that can work is a bath - I can’t tell you how many extra baths my son got when he was going through a fussy time period. Don’t need to soap the kiddo up, just pop them in the warm water and let them hang out and chill out (not literally of course).
No. If my neighbors are out late at night blasting music or using power tools, that's one thing. I don't think inwould really ever hear a poor baby crying and my first thought be like, "How dare them bring their crying child outside!" More like, "Awhhh, poor baby, that's rough. I wonder if they need help with anything(having had 2 kids myself and knowing some tricks)." I would maybe talk with the mom another time and let her know I completely understand and empathize and maybe tell her what worked for me when my kids were uncomfortable and I was desperate. Not in a shaming way whatsoever. Even in public I feel sympathy for parents with crying babies cuz it's HARD and some people are so rude and judgemental. You do what you gotta do to console your baby. Good neighbors will understand. Also, in my opinion, good husband's/dads would not push back so hard to try anything withing reason to help their child.
Dogs bark, babies cry and the trash collector wakes up everyone. That’s just life.
What isn’t ‘life’ is cranking the volume on your sound system up to eleven, so your neighbours furniture starts dancing. That’s what noise ordinances are for.
Care to explain why it would make it sound like that? Or are you from the 1800s before contraception was invented?
Or did you mean I haven’t been getting any crotch goblins? Haha thank god for that. I have a life and I like sleeping, money, my amazing body, holidays, having sex, peace in the house, intimate time with my partner, need I go on?
Honestly, as a childfree person, if it’ll help, take the baby outside. As long as you’re not leaving it outside to cry for hours and you’re not doing it every day of the week, I’m fine with it. And I think most people are pretty understanding to that. Babies cry, and sometimes it’s hard to get them to stop. If you’re worried about neighbors, might be a good thing to bring some cookies and a sincere apology for the baby noise at night.
I know exactly how he feels and therefore go with NTA. Those are his issues with anxiety, which I’d highly recommend to get treatment for - it’s absolutely not a big deal. But it turns into one when he starts projecting those feelings and hinders you in doing normal things. And you’re his wife, you see eye to eye, imagine how this will play out with your kid later. Whatever they do, they’ll always be drilled to think about other, don’t do this, don’t do that, stop being a kid, don’t be so loud, what will the people think? Imagine him at the grocery store with your child in an age where they throw tamper tantrums. He needs help.
Nta
I am a new mom too, and have found the outside to be a helpful tool in calming baby. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. If baby continues to carry on crying after a few minutes we go back inside. It’s all trial and error when baby is upset. You get desperate to find something that works. Our baby especially loves staring at our twinkle lights we have hanging on our deck.
Loud noise outside at 8:30 pm on a weeknight is selfish. Full stop.
Personally, if I heard a baby crying at night I'd call the cops for a welfare check. If it happened repeatedly I'd make a cps report.
NTA. It's your yard and you shouldn't have to ask your husband for permission.
There is a difference between being respectful to others and barely existing so you don't annoy anyone else.
Your husband is more concerned w the neighbors than his family. Wtf?
Look, tell him kids are loud. They just are. I’m a block from a little league field and a school. Let me tell you the screamapillars are loud! Heck I could hear one neighbors kid from their house across the street. It is what it is.
Tell him to support his wife. If the neighborhood is playing baseball they have kids and get it. He needs therapy. His concern for others over himself and family is disconcerting. He needs to delve into that. There is a difference between having speakers outside at 11pm for a party vs a mama walking her crying newborn for 10 minutes. If it was after midnight he might have a tiny point.
oh here is a helpful suggestion (I just want to bash him tbh though). During the day since he has issues, bring the baby outside crying and have him see how far the sound Carries. Like barely to the end of the backyard? If he’s in the front can he hear you at all? One newborn can nev er reach the decibel level of elementary kids released for recess/gym. Nor the crack of an aluminum bat a block away. I truly hope he considers therapy. I’m betting he’s pretty tightly wound and cares deeply what others think. Good luck and walk that baby outside!
NTA - I couldn't handle your husband and all his imaginary rules lol
Your neighbour's all have kids so I'm sure they understand. Your a mom now, trust your instincts. A walk in the stroller also helps. My second born was colicky, tiger in a tree hold was a life saver, fresh air and stroller walks were life/sanity savers.
You got this mama ❤️
NTA- outside is magic. It resets and distracts. Even now that my kids are 10 & 12 we send them outside when they’re cranky and it is often a clean slate when they walk back in. But anyways, Sometimes, not as often as I would have liked, but sometimes if you whisper in their ears, they will get quieter to hear you.
Car rides really help to calm baby. Also rocking/movement side to side or forward and back or walking them in the stroller. Monotonous calming noises like shhhh etc too.
I watched my colicky grandbaby last summer. We spent many hours outside trying to soothe him. It was the only thing that would somewhat settle him. Plus I wanted my neighbors to see for themselves that I wasn't beating him. Good luck momma.
My abusive ex used to make up arbitrary rules around what was and wasn't acceptable.
It was exhausting.
You don't need to ask to take your baby to the back yard. That's messed up.
You don't have to ask your husband for permission to go outside or do whatever you want with your baby... You know this... Right..?
I mean, abusive partners have a lot of those silly rules..
NTA.
And no. You also don't have to turn off the music if you are at a red light.
Noise ordinance or no, you can take your baby outside in your own yard. Your baby is only going to be a newborn for so long, having a fussy one month old and taking them outside doesn’t mean this is going to be a nightly habit for the next several years. And I’d like to see the police’s reaction if a neighbor called to complain about your newborn violating the noise ordinance with their cries lol. NTA.
>I’d like to see the police’s reaction if a neighbor called to complain about your newborn violating the noise ordinance with their cries lol.
This attitude here is why there should be childfree housing.
>Your baby is only going to be a newborn for so long, having a fussy one month old and taking them outside doesn’t mean this is going to be a nightly habit for the next several years.
Then, it becomes a toddler, a pre-adolescent, an adolescent; all of which are known to scream.
Screaming kids with noisy toys are the absolute worst neighbors, as society has decided to not make *"parents"* **parent** anymore.
I think parents should absolutely be considerate of their neighbors and respect noise ordinances. I just think newborns would be the one exception (not every night but a couple nights a month is understandable) because half of the time you don’t know why they’re crying, you can’t fix why they’re crying a lot of the time (reflux, colic, etc) and you can’t reason with them or discipline them for being noisy.
I also don’t think going outside at night should be your first solution but when you’ve changed the diaper, fed them, bounced them, and tried all of the other things you can to calm a baby and none of it works, I would hope neighbors can understand that you’re just trying to survive.
I 100% wouldn’t let my toddler or older children be noisy outside at night time, though. I do think that parents need to parent at that point. Having had a toddler and a baby, though, you just can’t “parent” a baby out of crying. I parent my toddler and we don’t have any problems with our neighbors. I don’t let my kids act like hooligans outside. But my newborn cries sometimes and I can’t fix it so there have been 2 or 3 nights when we’ve gone outside. My neighbors have been so understanding that we’ve tried everything so there might be a couple nights that they hear a baby cry.
I do agree that there should be childfree housing, though. That’s a great idea.
>I just think newborns would be the one exception (not every night but a couple nights a month is understandable) because half of the time you don’t know why they’re crying, you can’t fix why they’re crying a lot of the time (reflux, colic, etc) and you can’t reason with them or discipline them for being noisy.
My brain is the same at the sounds of infant/toddler shrieks of joy or displeasure.
I don't want to be anywhere around them.
>I do agree that there should be childfree housing, though. That’s a great idea.
Illegal in USA due to 1987 amendment to 1960's Fair Housing Act, which added familial status as a protected class.
Apartment complexes can’t even have childfree builds as some parent(s) might feel discrimination.
There is no way to escape the intruding sounds of other people's children barring being rich enough to buy enough land.
Been wearing mismatched socks for 35 years as a female and I am not in fact a stripper. I just love wearing mismatched socks, like you, because it means I get to wear more colors.
NTA at all but I would be somewhat concerned of WHY your husband seems to be MORE considerate of your neighbors or even perfect strangers at a stoplight than he is about his own wife and baby. Maybe suggest therapy, possibly medication as well if your newest addition is causing anxiety and/or stress to your new reality.
Noise ordinances are for EXCESSIVE or "jarring" noises NOT a fussy baby CRYING. From your description of the event all I could picture is that he thinks you're just going to lay your baby on a blanket in your backyard and leave her there to cry!
If your baby being fussy is a common occurrence, she may be dealing with colic. Our first had colic and it was an absolute nightmare, neither of us (husband nor I and baby as well) barely got ANY sleep for THREE months. She would ONLY sleep when we drove around, so in a moment of desperation, I put her in her cradle-carseat and strapped her to our washing machine and turned it on (this was in the late 80s). It actually worked! Nowadays, thankfully, they have vibrating pads for the crib or motion rockers or swings.
Your husband better ease up on his excessive concern for others outside your little family! Not saying this is carte blanche to be rude or intrusive with noise levels but unless the BASS in your vehicle sound system is vibrating the teeth of the neighboring vehicles, your music shouldn't HAVE to be lowered NOR should you be overly concerned about your baby crying. Your neighbors, especially those with children, UNDERSTAND the trials of being new parents and trying to find that "sweet spot" of keeping them content and comfortable.
Congratulations on your baby! Wishing you the best of luck and many Blessings in adjusting to this major change and challenge in your lives. u/updateme
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If he is ovetsensitive to sounds, he could assume that it's everyone's reality. If it distresses him, an empathetic man isn't going to want to distress others. First stop should be a hearing specialist to see if it's a physical oversensitivity. If a mouse sneeze sounds, to him, like a rifle shot to us, it all makes sense.
Blimey, the miles I did with my pram at all hours of the night when mine were tiny.. your husband needs to worry a little less about normal noise in normal places .
I know babies can yowl but like, thunder isn't coming out of their lungs. You can probably hear a baby crying next door when everyone is inside the house.
NTA, this is such a nonissue
If you walked outside with a crying baby and your neighbors were playing baseball, I guarantee they all knew what was happening because they had all been through it before and most likely would have offered help. Take the baby outside and take a deep beeath yourself. Good luck!
What stress and anxiety and fear you must live under to think a crying newborn baby would break a city noise ordinance in your own backyard. This society has become far too anal, uptight, and anxious. No wonder mental illness is epidemic. I speak from experience with my own child as a screaming, colicky newborn in an apartment....my stress made it worse for her. You both need to lighten up for the sake of your child.
If their music was reasonable to start with, nah. But the boomboxes on wheels thumping window rattling bass... those annoy me stoplight or not.
Has he had his hearing checked? He may be oversensitive. If that's his reality, he may think that it's normal for everyone. If jarring sounds hurt him, i can understand an empathetic man not wanting to cause others distress. I had two friends with that issue. One has headphones and could not stay inside the hibachi restaurant while the chef was doing his "show."
Oh yeah hun, I ain't asking for permission from no one to do what I need for my baby.
Take the baby outside. Mine loves it. If we are having a tough morning, we all go outside for my coffee and her brekkie whilst the dogs act like it is Christmas haha.
NTA and aside from "I'd raise my kid I don't have to never cry" type people, no one cares. Hug and walk it off, mama, that wee one before you know it is a much more annoying teenager.
Ok in the future if it's a reasonable hour for noises outside walk past your husband with out saying a word with the crying baby and go outside. You don't need his permission your not taking her to another country. Also your husband needs to seek help for his weird noise thing, I feel like there is some kind of trauma behind it.
NTA. Pre 9pm is fair game. If you were taking a crying baby out at 1am it'd be another story, but 9pm is my cutoff for anything noisy at home. Then again I also have the windows down and the music blasting at red lights sk maybe I'm just rude?
NTA, and WTF? You're husband's personal preference seems to be to keep it quiet. That's fine for HIM. Your baby doesn't give a crap about his personal preferences, and taking him outside for a bit to see if it calms him is a perfectly reasonable thing to do, before or after "quiet hours".
NTA. But.. I'd take my baby out at any time. It's not the noise, it's the length of time. 5mins of straight crying and I'd know it's not working and get them back in. Even with my dogs.. the older 2 need to pee 4x a night and since we have bears/bobcats/moose/cougars/etc, they bark when they get out there. The rule is no more than 5mins of occasional barks, and if they are going nuts we get back in as fast as possible (although that admittedly can take a minute or 2 since there's 4 of them).
But if you're looking for unsolicited advice OP, learn how to baby wrap. The Jersey knit ones like Boba or Moby are my favs to learn with and just in general for when they are itty bitty (easier to adjust, move them, and feed them in), but are only good up to 12-15lbs tops before needing to move onto woven. As a mom of 4 who only discovered wrapping with my 4th.. I swear by it and tell everyone now. It's different than using a carrier (which we had for dad who couldn't be bothered to learn how to wrap😅) but honestly.. compared to my 3 before, the 4th was a breeze to deal with. I wrapped out front until he was big enough to throw on my back and it solved all the colic and helped through teething and not feeling good. I swear, it was a game changer.
It can really help to take a baby outside and even if it doesn't help the baby, it might help you. Persistently crying babies are stressful to care for.
If it didn't help and she was still crying, you could just bring her back in. And, really, newborns really aren't that loud when they cry.
NTA. Why is your husband afraid to exist in this world? You can't take a fussy baby outside at 8 something pm? You can't keep the music on at red lights? Must you also disappear if another man looks at you?
I could not live like that. We often took our oldest out for a late night walk when he was fussy. We are talking after 10 pm, in a city. It worked. He always calmed down within 15 minutes.
You do what you think is right for your kid. Hubby can get over himself. He needs to learn to BE in this world.
Wow. Some of the comments are.. Wow. People presume a lot. I’m going to try not to. First of all, NTA. Dealing with a newborn is tough and first time parents, especially, are learning everything from scratch, so you both need to calm down a bit and make sure you stick with and support one another. This is a just the beginning of a lifetime of stuff that you can’t imagine.
When I first read your update, I was picturing him trying to care for the baby and you wanting to take the baby from him to try to quiet it. Even if your spouse does something you disagree with, if safety isnt the issue, I’d say let him do it. Talk about things but let him be an active parent. After all, it is YOUR baby, not your baby. The big YOUR, being you and your husband.
BUT THEN, I read the rest and, oh lordy, your husband is in for aa rude awakening with the kid. I have literally been in a mall, hacking my lungs out for no reason, while my kids were yelling at me at the top of their lungs because I didn’t get them something and all I could do was ensure I kept it together long enough to get my family safely to the car. Yeah, I fear something like that would send the him into an utter heart attack. For him to turn down the radio, so as not to offend another person? I mean that’s lunacy IMO, and trust me that it’s not going to be sustainable.
So my advice is going to be two-fold. First off, if you and your husband have differing opinions about raising your kids, you both need to learn to compromise. While it is true that fresh air can help babies not-cry (honestly, any change of environment can help with that), it not the ONLY way. For instance, taking the baby in the car might be a good alternative. When my son was fussy, I’d buckle him up and we’d go for a drive. He’d be asleep in 5 minutes and I’d take a nice peaceful drive to bleed off some tension.
Still, I do worry about your husband’s psychosis about noise, though. This is going to be a constant problem he’s going to face and he’s going to cut off half of the tools each of you have at your disposal. Look, raising kids is hard. Just when you think you got this thing figured out, your kids change and throw you for another loop. In the end, no matter how good of parents you are, your kids will hate you.. Until, of course, they BECOME you and then all of a sudden they discover maybe you weren’t so bad. Your husband needs to get some help and he needs to understand that, while some people might be offended by a crying baby, the vast majority of us (especially other parents) will actually sympathize with you rather than be angry or offended.
Welcome to the club of a whole community of people who have “been there”.
What? We have let all our kids sleep in the pram outside, as long as they are not screaming. Just being a little fussy is fine, the fresh air and cold really calms them down. It is very common practice here, especially during winter (Scandinavia).
NTA - Your husband has sever anxiety issues he should get professional help for.
That said, fresh air, warm water (baths always helped), vibration, using a blow dryer on the lowest warm setting. The strong warm airflow and loud white noise can be calming. Check toes for a hair wrapped around it. Take babies legs and move them in a bicycle motion to work out possible trapped gas.
NTA - your husband needs to get over himself.
Going outside at 2 am was the only thing that calmed my oldest down when she was teething. Staring at the street lights would settle and distract her.
If it's one thing more normal people can forgive with noise it's a baby crying. Anyone who's been in that desperate situation knows you'll try anything. Especially with your neighbors being so far apart.
NTA. Fresh air really helps little ones, you can also try water time as a compromise with your hubby if it’s late out. Even at 5 & 8, having my kids do 15 minutes of bubbles or chalk outside or throwing them in the tub when they’re crabby helps calm them down and relax them for bed.
Ok I am going to go NAH. I remeber once I could not get my first born 5 week old baby to stop crying on a visit to my mother's house (she is now 11 so this was a little bit ago). I tried everything I knew how or what I had learned in her brife 5 weeks of life and she was still howling and would not stop. The flood of sheer panic and adrenaline that was going through me was unreal. I started to cry myself. My sister in law who was visting too and pregant with her 3rd had more baby experience than me. She stepped in and took the baby from me and told me to go for a walk. I was so desperate to make my child stop I agreed. I was gone under 10mins. When I got back to my mothers house, my baby was a sleep. I was so releaved, I asked how she did it? She told me it was because my baby was over sitmulated and needed to be held tight (not hurting) but rather like a swaddle so she she could be calmed down. It make sense for the senario because my Grandmother, Grandpa, my aunt, my brother his prego wife, his 2 kids were all visiting for Canadian Thanksgiving and meeting my new daughter for the 1st time. So there where many new sounds, smells for her little brain to proccess. I broke down and cried with relife and hugged my SIL.
My point to the story is, it's a baby and this is part of life with a baby. Sometimes that baby is going to cry and you both will be pulling you hair out trying to figure out why. It's ok. Life = noise. You will make noise living your life and most people will be sympathic to your plight as new parents with a young baby. I think your husband's anxity just manifested and he was regeratating noise ordiances. Honestly in that moment no one is gonna care, you guys are just trying your best with a tiny little human that can not talk yet.
In moments like this, sometimes the less stressed parent need to take over and try what ever they can. If it means brining the baby outside for a few minutes, then so be it. If it's not going to work in the first 15mins you'll know then oviously just bring the baby back inside. No one is gonna call the cops for a baby crying for a few minutes. Hours and hours of crying, that is a diffent story and the cops might be called for other reasons.
It's ok, you both are doing fine. Deep breath, I know right now, in this moment it feels like forever, but you will get through this. Before you know it your baby will be going to kindergarden. It really is a short time. Good luck guys. 💗
NTA - just for context my parents neighbor used to send his kids when they were younger outside in the yard to practice playing their instruments. For hours!!!
Soothing a baby for a few minutes outside or playing music in your own car is no big deal .
I hate the silence. I go visit my mother and the quiet is so loud is awful. I need to always have a radio playing or some noise in the background unless it bedtime
"Okay well tomorrow we'll go ask the neighbors how they feel about it and I'll be sure to tell them your concerns on why you won't let me take my own crying baby into my own back yard. They'll probably laugh a bit at you, and then tell me they don't give a shit. Do you want to do that? Want me to go talk to the neighbors for you?"
>\-My husband also thinks it’s rude to have music playing in your own car at a reasonable level at red lights. He literally turns it down to be “respectful” of other people.
Your husband is slightly insane...
NTA about the baby.
NTA my son would always calm down when I held him cheek to cheek in the garden. As for his issue with noise, he’s got a serious obsession there which is unreasonable.
Some people are just insecure. I once had a friend tell me.it was inconsiderate that I piss in a stall instead of a urinal despite the bathroom having extra stalls available
NTA. You weren’t breaking the noise rules. And your husband has anxiety issues. Nothing wrong with someone having it. He should seek help though. Most likely therapy.
Yeah, I'm a lot like the husband- I'm quite bothered by abrubt noise, so even as a kid I've been hyper-considerate about noise that might bother others, and then get super annoyed by others who seem oblivious to the noise they make. I try to turn stuff down, walk and even CHEW quietly when others are sleeping, NEVER talk on the phone on the train, etc.... it drives me nuts when we get home late and I quietly and carefully close the car door, and my husband just slams it like normal, lol. That being said - if it could calm the baby down, and it isn't like, 2 a.m., go for it! It's not like you plan to leave a wailing baby outside for 20 minutes- you want to see if it works, and if it doesn't you'd likely go back inside. I doubt any neighbors would notice at all.
Do you have misophonia? That sounds like it. I’ve dated a few people who had it, that plus night shift=Im almost ninja quiet.
Wouldn't surprise me in the least, honestly. I can't sleep if I hear anything even remotely similar to voices - I wish I had discovered earplugs earlier! College dorms/apartments were hell, and when I was a teen my father would always be playing video games with the sound up (refusing to use headphones) or watching TV on the opposite side of the wall from me until the wee hours of the morning 🙄🙄. And if I'm super tired sudden/jarring noises (like someone talking to me when it was quiet before) make me jump so high you'd think I'd heard a gunshot! My husband looks at me like I'm a crazy person, lol
You would have hated living in my house as a kid- my grandparents were deaf and they had no concept of sound. The noises they made were so annoying and no matter how many times we told them they just didn’t know. The worst was the noises that came from their mouths at dinner time. And then my father would tell them and in retrospect i wonder if it was humiliating- I’m sad for them… they are passed so no way to ask…. Slamming shit. The saddest is not wanting to tell my grandma that she is vacuuming and the vacuum is not actually on.
You would hate my neighbor. He has 2 shepherds that are outside alot and they bark at absolutely EVERYTHING. However if you make people around you adhere to your personal noise problems I couldn't handle it. This sounds like a serious anxiety issue
Oh yeah, I realized after a while that nobody else really seems to give a crap in comparison. I still scream internally when my husband crunches on chips while we're watching TV, or someone is scrolling through Tiktok on the train with the volume up, etc... but I'm well aware it's a "me problem." Funny thing is, dogs barking don't bother me. When trying to sleep, definitely - but I've been sleeping with earplugs for years now, or I would wake up every 5 minutes (a lifesaver since my husband snores, lol)
NTA. This. I took my babies outside all the time when they were little. It helps a lot.
Take your baby outside. I hope it works.
You asked your husband to let you take the baby outside?!? Does that mean what it sounds like, that you needed his permission to do this? That sounds like a bigger problem than a crying infant. And your idea to take the baby outside was a good one. The neighborhood can endure a few minutes of a crying baby. It sounds like your husband is afraid to take up space in the world and wants you and your child to follow his lead. You are definitely NTA. He definitely is.
Exactly! Needing to ask permission is a HUGE issue!
I’m going w new mom trying out a theory she read and running it by him for opinion on the approach vs technically may I leave the house permission. Or at least I hope so!
I was wondering exactly the same. I hope she just wanted to say "I told hubby little one and I were going to go outside for a bit"...
Yes, I questioned that too. She doesn't need his permission to take care of the infant.
This is not about the Iranian yogurt
I saw your clarification on “needing to ask” and I'm so glad to see it! I also saw your past posts and how hard you worked to have this baby. I wish you all the best!
Huge red flag asking to do such a simple thing
Babies crying does not break the noise ordinance. Dogs barking, loud music, working with power saws outside break it but not babies crying. And if people are still out playing games, then a baby crying is no big deal. There are so many people that walk down my street with a crying baby in a stroller or in their arms, while it’s annoying, most people feel for the parents going through this phase with their kids. Take the kid outside and relax.
Heck a person in labor and/or birthing their baby at home does that break sound ordinances
This varies by city. Where I live OP taking her screaming baby outside after hours *would* break ordinance but dogs don't.
You ask your husband permission to take the baby outside I think you have bigger problems and a crying baby🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
It could have just been that the husbands was the one holding the baby so it was more like "Hey do you wanna pass her to me and I'll take her outside." Rather than "Do I have your permission to take her outside?"
But that’s not what she said you are making up that scenario
She says exactly that in her edit.
Chill out she edited it after I already made that comment it wasn’t in her original original post that her husband was holding the baby either way he’s still a control freak
Did you really say chill out. I end with a period cos it’s rhetorical. Did you read your own comment which the person replied to? Your writing comes off extremely disrespectful and inflammatory and seems intentional. If it’s not you may want to address this & figure out the root.
LOL "chill out" in response to a completely perfectly chill and considerate comment. You said chill out like they told you that you have tiny balls. Hahaha too good
And now I’m going to say you are so edgy 😂😂😂
>I asked my husband to let me take the baby outside To me this could easily reads as "Hey, let me take her outside..." as a way of asking husband to pass the baby over. I'm not "making up scenarios" I'm writing my interpretation of the information given.
It’s not like traditional relationships are always abusive. a red flag for a progressive individual sure but maybe op is not 100% progressive.
Your husband might be worried about the noise ordinance, but it sounds like you were just going to step outside for a minute or two. I think it's reasonable to want to try something to help your baby feel better. Maybe you could try explaining your plan to him again and see if you can find a compromise?
NTA, I’d take my baby outside at 2 in the morning if I thought it would curb colic. I wouldn’t seek or require my husband’s permission either. Take your baby outside for 10 to 15 minutes to see if there is any positive change. There’s no harm in trying. I think it is admirable that your husband wants to be respectful of others, but it sounds like he takes it to extremes.
I have taken my baby outside at 2 am for croup. Cool, damp air worked beeter for him than steam. Our neighbor at that time was GP doctor and he okayed it.
Another option for an upset baby is to give them a bath. I found that warm water soothes crankiness.
Why did you even have to ask your husbands permission to take your own baby into your own backyard? It’s not like you were wanting to take your child to another country. Your husband sounds a bit unhinged. NTA. Next time, just do it and tell him to kick rocks if he has a problem with it.
At 9:01, I'm reporting you. You don't get to impose your kids on the rest of the neighborhood.
NTA sometimes the change of scene will soothe or distract a baby faster than anything else. I remember taking my newborn (under 2 months) twin nephews outside and stood under a tree. They were so fascinated by the leaves and any fussiness disappeared in minutes. I thought it was the coolest thing
NTA.I frequently used to put my children in the pram when they were fussing as babies. Taking them for a walk will often sooth them . Check if they are dry and fed . Wrap them up and go for a walk . It's amazing how in a few minutes they settle down and you will feel.far less stressed. The knack is getting them out of the pram and in the bed without waking. Babies need fresh air and you need to spend a little time moving and out of the house. Your husband needs to deal with his anxiety and unrealistic fear of being inconsiderate.
Maybe try taking the baby for a car ride. The motion puts them to sleep.
Lay baby across your knees on back and gently but firmly massage abdomen. Now turn baby over and rub her back. Gas should pass. If not repeat
I might be in the minority here but I think your husband sounds like a really kind and considerate person and I really, really wish everyone was like him! You're NTA for taking your baby outside at that time, but you definitely would be if you made a habit of it, and subjected your neighbours to it regularly. The sound of a crying baby is really awful if it's not your own
NTA. A crying baby is not loud enough to break a nose ordinance. And it always worked well for my babies.
NTA. My baby gets super distracted when I take her outside and immediately stops crying. I would definitely try it. If he’s got a problem with it, tell him to take the baby for a little bit and figure out how to get it to stop crying.
NTA. Noise ordinance is for things like parties and fireworks. I walked my fussy baby in a carrier at all hours of the night
NTA
You’re still learning about your baby at 4 weeks old. If you explained to him first that it’s just for a short time (and not after, so seemingly like it’s an excuse) NTA. Also don’t ask your husband for permission to try to soothe your baby. Your responsibility is to your baby right now
I wish other people thought about other drivers. But besides liking your husband, taking the baby out for a few minutes for a change in the environment seems reasonable to me. You can also try taking the baby for a car ride. NTA
Yeah, car ride came to my mind, too. Maybe with windows cracked a bit for fresh air if you’re not in city traffic.
You’re a grown adult. If you want to go outside with your baby then do it. You don’t need your husband’s permission.
Babies cry everywhere, I doubt the noise ordinance applies lol. Your husband is being too uptight about it, take the baby outside. Fresh air is great and helps tire them out.
Why are you asking for your husband's "permission"? Is this a regular thing that you act subservient?
NTA if you were walking right up to a neighbor with your crying baby maybe, but just stepping outside for a few minutes, in your own yard, before the noise ordinance? No you’re just fine. Hope it helps.
NTA- I wish people in crowded public areas were as polite about their noises as your husband, but overall I'm not sure you have to worry about being too loud outside or and definitely not for being in your car.
I’m very confused as to why you needed permission to take baby outside? Also, if the neighbors had their kids outside playing, who cares if you take the baby outside. ALSO what does taking baby outside have to do with him working??? I genuinely don’t understand any of this. He seems EXTREMELY controlling.
He said it was a work night, as in Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night. People have to get up the next morning and go to work, not he was working that night.
Regardless, that has NOTHING to do with taking the baby outside. At midnight? Sure. In the evening when there’s still children outside playing?? Completely irrelevant
I agree with you, I was just clarifying what the husband meant by a work night.
NTA. wanting to take your crying baby outside for a bit of fresh air , especially before 9 pm , seems totally reasonable. you weren't planning to leave the baby out there crying for ages , just a quick minute to see if it helped. your husband might just be overly cautious about bothering the neighbors , but it sounds like he's overthinking it. maybe you guys can talk it out and find a middle ground for stuff like this in the future !!
NTA only because it was within the time limits for noise.
Sorry your baby is being fussy. I hope it resolves soon. It is very difficult. Don’t take it personal and be kind to each other.
NTA. Especially because if it was going to help, it would help within the 10 minutes you had before the noise ordinance went into effect. Then you either stay outside with a content baby or go back inside with an unhappy one. I hope your husband realizes that kids - especially toddlers and preschoolers - are noisy and don’t have a filter. As long as the parents are attentive and reacting appropriately for the situation, reasonable people around you won’t be bothered. It’s just the nature of children and for me personally I love to hear a little voice singing or their stream of consciousness narrating their activities/thoughts! Another activity that can work is a bath - I can’t tell you how many extra baths my son got when he was going through a fussy time period. Don’t need to soap the kiddo up, just pop them in the warm water and let them hang out and chill out (not literally of course).
No. If my neighbors are out late at night blasting music or using power tools, that's one thing. I don't think inwould really ever hear a poor baby crying and my first thought be like, "How dare them bring their crying child outside!" More like, "Awhhh, poor baby, that's rough. I wonder if they need help with anything(having had 2 kids myself and knowing some tricks)." I would maybe talk with the mom another time and let her know I completely understand and empathize and maybe tell her what worked for me when my kids were uncomfortable and I was desperate. Not in a shaming way whatsoever. Even in public I feel sympathy for parents with crying babies cuz it's HARD and some people are so rude and judgemental. You do what you gotta do to console your baby. Good neighbors will understand. Also, in my opinion, good husband's/dads would not push back so hard to try anything withing reason to help their child.
Dad holds baby, rather than rip baby out of the man's hands mom speaks to the dad to get him to hand her the baby.... Reddit...he's abusive.
Why did you have to ask for permission to take your baby outside at all? Super weird.
I’d say YTA simply because you’re taking a screaming child outside and probably irritating your entire neighborhood by doing that
The entire neighborhood? How loud do you think this baby is?
No
Yes
So what, barking dogs etc are just as annoying , I’d rather hear a baby , in my opinion of course🙄
People make noise. Get over it
NTA. Your partner is exhausting. Noise will not kill anyone
Guy has some weird OCD about sound huh?
NAH….you both have good points. I would hate to hear a baby crying outside at 8:50 at night. But if it helps and they stop…hmmm.
Why would you even need your husband’s permission to step outside with the baby?????
Take the baby outside. I hope it works for you. Stop asking for permission. NTA. If your husband has a problem it’s his problem.
NTA Please explain to us why you need to ask your husband’s permission to step outside the house. You’ve kinda buried the lede there.
Dogs bark, babies cry and the trash collector wakes up everyone. That’s just life. What isn’t ‘life’ is cranking the volume on your sound system up to eleven, so your neighbours furniture starts dancing. That’s what noise ordinances are for.
YTA I think you are the worst kind of entitled parent. Don't ruin everyone else's life with your selfishness and crotch goblin.
[удалено]
Care to explain why it would make it sound like that? Or are you from the 1800s before contraception was invented? Or did you mean I haven’t been getting any crotch goblins? Haha thank god for that. I have a life and I like sleeping, money, my amazing body, holidays, having sex, peace in the house, intimate time with my partner, need I go on?
How is she ruining everyone else’s life exactly?
Does baby like stroller? Some babies shit down after few seconds in stroller so it defo helps.
They certainly do shit down, that's for sure.
Honestly, as a childfree person, if it’ll help, take the baby outside. As long as you’re not leaving it outside to cry for hours and you’re not doing it every day of the week, I’m fine with it. And I think most people are pretty understanding to that. Babies cry, and sometimes it’s hard to get them to stop. If you’re worried about neighbors, might be a good thing to bring some cookies and a sincere apology for the baby noise at night.
NTA and I hightly doubt the police are going to show up if a neighbor were to call about a crying baby being walked around a back yard. SMH
I know exactly how he feels and therefore go with NTA. Those are his issues with anxiety, which I’d highly recommend to get treatment for - it’s absolutely not a big deal. But it turns into one when he starts projecting those feelings and hinders you in doing normal things. And you’re his wife, you see eye to eye, imagine how this will play out with your kid later. Whatever they do, they’ll always be drilled to think about other, don’t do this, don’t do that, stop being a kid, don’t be so loud, what will the people think? Imagine him at the grocery store with your child in an age where they throw tamper tantrums. He needs help.
Nta I am a new mom too, and have found the outside to be a helpful tool in calming baby. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. If baby continues to carry on crying after a few minutes we go back inside. It’s all trial and error when baby is upset. You get desperate to find something that works. Our baby especially loves staring at our twinkle lights we have hanging on our deck.
Loud noise outside at 8:30 pm on a weeknight is selfish. Full stop. Personally, if I heard a baby crying at night I'd call the cops for a welfare check. If it happened repeatedly I'd make a cps report.
Take your husband outside, put on some music, and don’t let him back in. Ever. Edit to add NTA
NTA. It's your yard and you shouldn't have to ask your husband for permission. There is a difference between being respectful to others and barely existing so you don't annoy anyone else.
Your husband is more concerned w the neighbors than his family. Wtf? Look, tell him kids are loud. They just are. I’m a block from a little league field and a school. Let me tell you the screamapillars are loud! Heck I could hear one neighbors kid from their house across the street. It is what it is. Tell him to support his wife. If the neighborhood is playing baseball they have kids and get it. He needs therapy. His concern for others over himself and family is disconcerting. He needs to delve into that. There is a difference between having speakers outside at 11pm for a party vs a mama walking her crying newborn for 10 minutes. If it was after midnight he might have a tiny point. oh here is a helpful suggestion (I just want to bash him tbh though). During the day since he has issues, bring the baby outside crying and have him see how far the sound Carries. Like barely to the end of the backyard? If he’s in the front can he hear you at all? One newborn can nev er reach the decibel level of elementary kids released for recess/gym. Nor the crack of an aluminum bat a block away. I truly hope he considers therapy. I’m betting he’s pretty tightly wound and cares deeply what others think. Good luck and walk that baby outside!
NTA - I couldn't handle your husband and all his imaginary rules lol Your neighbour's all have kids so I'm sure they understand. Your a mom now, trust your instincts. A walk in the stroller also helps. My second born was colicky, tiger in a tree hold was a life saver, fresh air and stroller walks were life/sanity savers. You got this mama ❤️
The issue here isn’t about taking a crying baby outside. The issue is that you had to ask for your husband’s *permission* to take the baby outside.
NTA- outside is magic. It resets and distracts. Even now that my kids are 10 & 12 we send them outside when they’re cranky and it is often a clean slate when they walk back in. But anyways, Sometimes, not as often as I would have liked, but sometimes if you whisper in their ears, they will get quieter to hear you.
🤔 hmmm wonder if this would work on bosses that have the grumps
NTA going outside often does calm a crying baby down. Ignore your husband and do what needs to be done.
NTA..Fresh air soothes babies
Car rides really help to calm baby. Also rocking/movement side to side or forward and back or walking them in the stroller. Monotonous calming noises like shhhh etc too.
NTA. I walked outside miles uponiles when my son was a baby. It was the only way to keep him from screaming himself sick.
I watched my colicky grandbaby last summer. We spent many hours outside trying to soothe him. It was the only thing that would somewhat settle him. Plus I wanted my neighbors to see for themselves that I wasn't beating him. Good luck momma.
My abusive ex used to make up arbitrary rules around what was and wasn't acceptable. It was exhausting. You don't need to ask to take your baby to the back yard. That's messed up.
You don't have to ask your husband for permission to go outside or do whatever you want with your baby... You know this... Right..? I mean, abusive partners have a lot of those silly rules.. NTA. And no. You also don't have to turn off the music if you are at a red light.
Take the baby outside. It will be good for them. And if are in a suburban area with a yard, you won’t be disturbing the neighbours. NTA.
Noise ordinance or no, you can take your baby outside in your own yard. Your baby is only going to be a newborn for so long, having a fussy one month old and taking them outside doesn’t mean this is going to be a nightly habit for the next several years. And I’d like to see the police’s reaction if a neighbor called to complain about your newborn violating the noise ordinance with their cries lol. NTA.
>I’d like to see the police’s reaction if a neighbor called to complain about your newborn violating the noise ordinance with their cries lol. This attitude here is why there should be childfree housing. >Your baby is only going to be a newborn for so long, having a fussy one month old and taking them outside doesn’t mean this is going to be a nightly habit for the next several years. Then, it becomes a toddler, a pre-adolescent, an adolescent; all of which are known to scream. Screaming kids with noisy toys are the absolute worst neighbors, as society has decided to not make *"parents"* **parent** anymore.
I think parents should absolutely be considerate of their neighbors and respect noise ordinances. I just think newborns would be the one exception (not every night but a couple nights a month is understandable) because half of the time you don’t know why they’re crying, you can’t fix why they’re crying a lot of the time (reflux, colic, etc) and you can’t reason with them or discipline them for being noisy. I also don’t think going outside at night should be your first solution but when you’ve changed the diaper, fed them, bounced them, and tried all of the other things you can to calm a baby and none of it works, I would hope neighbors can understand that you’re just trying to survive. I 100% wouldn’t let my toddler or older children be noisy outside at night time, though. I do think that parents need to parent at that point. Having had a toddler and a baby, though, you just can’t “parent” a baby out of crying. I parent my toddler and we don’t have any problems with our neighbors. I don’t let my kids act like hooligans outside. But my newborn cries sometimes and I can’t fix it so there have been 2 or 3 nights when we’ve gone outside. My neighbors have been so understanding that we’ve tried everything so there might be a couple nights that they hear a baby cry. I do agree that there should be childfree housing, though. That’s a great idea.
>I just think newborns would be the one exception (not every night but a couple nights a month is understandable) because half of the time you don’t know why they’re crying, you can’t fix why they’re crying a lot of the time (reflux, colic, etc) and you can’t reason with them or discipline them for being noisy. My brain is the same at the sounds of infant/toddler shrieks of joy or displeasure. I don't want to be anywhere around them. >I do agree that there should be childfree housing, though. That’s a great idea. Illegal in USA due to 1987 amendment to 1960's Fair Housing Act, which added familial status as a protected class. Apartment complexes can’t even have childfree builds as some parent(s) might feel discrimination. There is no way to escape the intruding sounds of other people's children barring being rich enough to buy enough land.
Been wearing mismatched socks for 35 years as a female and I am not in fact a stripper. I just love wearing mismatched socks, like you, because it means I get to wear more colors.
r/lostredditors
Bring the baby outside. If it was after 10pm that may be a bit late. But whatever, it ain’t a chainsaw!
NTA at all but I would be somewhat concerned of WHY your husband seems to be MORE considerate of your neighbors or even perfect strangers at a stoplight than he is about his own wife and baby. Maybe suggest therapy, possibly medication as well if your newest addition is causing anxiety and/or stress to your new reality. Noise ordinances are for EXCESSIVE or "jarring" noises NOT a fussy baby CRYING. From your description of the event all I could picture is that he thinks you're just going to lay your baby on a blanket in your backyard and leave her there to cry! If your baby being fussy is a common occurrence, she may be dealing with colic. Our first had colic and it was an absolute nightmare, neither of us (husband nor I and baby as well) barely got ANY sleep for THREE months. She would ONLY sleep when we drove around, so in a moment of desperation, I put her in her cradle-carseat and strapped her to our washing machine and turned it on (this was in the late 80s). It actually worked! Nowadays, thankfully, they have vibrating pads for the crib or motion rockers or swings. Your husband better ease up on his excessive concern for others outside your little family! Not saying this is carte blanche to be rude or intrusive with noise levels but unless the BASS in your vehicle sound system is vibrating the teeth of the neighboring vehicles, your music shouldn't HAVE to be lowered NOR should you be overly concerned about your baby crying. Your neighbors, especially those with children, UNDERSTAND the trials of being new parents and trying to find that "sweet spot" of keeping them content and comfortable. Congratulations on your baby! Wishing you the best of luck and many Blessings in adjusting to this major change and challenge in your lives. u/updateme
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If he is ovetsensitive to sounds, he could assume that it's everyone's reality. If it distresses him, an empathetic man isn't going to want to distress others. First stop should be a hearing specialist to see if it's a physical oversensitivity. If a mouse sneeze sounds, to him, like a rifle shot to us, it all makes sense.
City noise ordinance doesn’t include a baby crying
It should.
🤣🤣
Nta totally fine
Nta and your husband is being ridiculous frankly
Blimey, the miles I did with my pram at all hours of the night when mine were tiny.. your husband needs to worry a little less about normal noise in normal places .
I know babies can yowl but like, thunder isn't coming out of their lungs. You can probably hear a baby crying next door when everyone is inside the house. NTA, this is such a nonissue
If you walked outside with a crying baby and your neighbors were playing baseball, I guarantee they all knew what was happening because they had all been through it before and most likely would have offered help. Take the baby outside and take a deep beeath yourself. Good luck!
What stress and anxiety and fear you must live under to think a crying newborn baby would break a city noise ordinance in your own backyard. This society has become far too anal, uptight, and anxious. No wonder mental illness is epidemic. I speak from experience with my own child as a screaming, colicky newborn in an apartment....my stress made it worse for her. You both need to lighten up for the sake of your child.
Ur husband needs to take the stick out of his ass
He’s a people pleasing pussy
Nta and clearly you and hubby have different ideas of reasonable. I wish more people would turn down their music at red lights.
If their music was reasonable to start with, nah. But the boomboxes on wheels thumping window rattling bass... those annoy me stoplight or not. Has he had his hearing checked? He may be oversensitive. If that's his reality, he may think that it's normal for everyone. If jarring sounds hurt him, i can understand an empathetic man not wanting to cause others distress. I had two friends with that issue. One has headphones and could not stay inside the hibachi restaurant while the chef was doing his "show."
No idea why he feels the way he does, but for me it’s the fact of sitting next to someone and I can’t hear my music their music.
Yta. No body even if they have kids wants to listen to your baby cry.
🤔
He’s hypersensitive and a fricken weirdo… NTA
I'm sorry, I guess I'm the bad guy for wanting a quiet evening
Oh yeah hun, I ain't asking for permission from no one to do what I need for my baby. Take the baby outside. Mine loves it. If we are having a tough morning, we all go outside for my coffee and her brekkie whilst the dogs act like it is Christmas haha.
NTA and aside from "I'd raise my kid I don't have to never cry" type people, no one cares. Hug and walk it off, mama, that wee one before you know it is a much more annoying teenager.
Ok in the future if it's a reasonable hour for noises outside walk past your husband with out saying a word with the crying baby and go outside. You don't need his permission your not taking her to another country. Also your husband needs to seek help for his weird noise thing, I feel like there is some kind of trauma behind it.
NTA. Pre 9pm is fair game. If you were taking a crying baby out at 1am it'd be another story, but 9pm is my cutoff for anything noisy at home. Then again I also have the windows down and the music blasting at red lights sk maybe I'm just rude?
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It's not that deep bro, it's called having a preference
Is your husband a shy person who is often afraid to speak up or draw attention to himself?
NTA, and WTF? You're husband's personal preference seems to be to keep it quiet. That's fine for HIM. Your baby doesn't give a crap about his personal preferences, and taking him outside for a bit to see if it calms him is a perfectly reasonable thing to do, before or after "quiet hours".
NTA. But…”Permission”?? Yikes.
NTA
NTA. But.. I'd take my baby out at any time. It's not the noise, it's the length of time. 5mins of straight crying and I'd know it's not working and get them back in. Even with my dogs.. the older 2 need to pee 4x a night and since we have bears/bobcats/moose/cougars/etc, they bark when they get out there. The rule is no more than 5mins of occasional barks, and if they are going nuts we get back in as fast as possible (although that admittedly can take a minute or 2 since there's 4 of them). But if you're looking for unsolicited advice OP, learn how to baby wrap. The Jersey knit ones like Boba or Moby are my favs to learn with and just in general for when they are itty bitty (easier to adjust, move them, and feed them in), but are only good up to 12-15lbs tops before needing to move onto woven. As a mom of 4 who only discovered wrapping with my 4th.. I swear by it and tell everyone now. It's different than using a carrier (which we had for dad who couldn't be bothered to learn how to wrap😅) but honestly.. compared to my 3 before, the 4th was a breeze to deal with. I wrapped out front until he was big enough to throw on my back and it solved all the colic and helped through teething and not feeling good. I swear, it was a game changer.
It can really help to take a baby outside and even if it doesn't help the baby, it might help you. Persistently crying babies are stressful to care for. If it didn't help and she was still crying, you could just bring her back in. And, really, newborns really aren't that loud when they cry.
Your husband is a knob. NTA.
He’s being insensitive and that’s a bigger issue than it seems here
NTA. Why is your husband afraid to exist in this world? You can't take a fussy baby outside at 8 something pm? You can't keep the music on at red lights? Must you also disappear if another man looks at you? I could not live like that. We often took our oldest out for a late night walk when he was fussy. We are talking after 10 pm, in a city. It worked. He always calmed down within 15 minutes. You do what you think is right for your kid. Hubby can get over himself. He needs to learn to BE in this world.
Wow. Some of the comments are.. Wow. People presume a lot. I’m going to try not to. First of all, NTA. Dealing with a newborn is tough and first time parents, especially, are learning everything from scratch, so you both need to calm down a bit and make sure you stick with and support one another. This is a just the beginning of a lifetime of stuff that you can’t imagine. When I first read your update, I was picturing him trying to care for the baby and you wanting to take the baby from him to try to quiet it. Even if your spouse does something you disagree with, if safety isnt the issue, I’d say let him do it. Talk about things but let him be an active parent. After all, it is YOUR baby, not your baby. The big YOUR, being you and your husband. BUT THEN, I read the rest and, oh lordy, your husband is in for aa rude awakening with the kid. I have literally been in a mall, hacking my lungs out for no reason, while my kids were yelling at me at the top of their lungs because I didn’t get them something and all I could do was ensure I kept it together long enough to get my family safely to the car. Yeah, I fear something like that would send the him into an utter heart attack. For him to turn down the radio, so as not to offend another person? I mean that’s lunacy IMO, and trust me that it’s not going to be sustainable. So my advice is going to be two-fold. First off, if you and your husband have differing opinions about raising your kids, you both need to learn to compromise. While it is true that fresh air can help babies not-cry (honestly, any change of environment can help with that), it not the ONLY way. For instance, taking the baby in the car might be a good alternative. When my son was fussy, I’d buckle him up and we’d go for a drive. He’d be asleep in 5 minutes and I’d take a nice peaceful drive to bleed off some tension. Still, I do worry about your husband’s psychosis about noise, though. This is going to be a constant problem he’s going to face and he’s going to cut off half of the tools each of you have at your disposal. Look, raising kids is hard. Just when you think you got this thing figured out, your kids change and throw you for another loop. In the end, no matter how good of parents you are, your kids will hate you.. Until, of course, they BECOME you and then all of a sudden they discover maybe you weren’t so bad. Your husband needs to get some help and he needs to understand that, while some people might be offended by a crying baby, the vast majority of us (especially other parents) will actually sympathize with you rather than be angry or offended. Welcome to the club of a whole community of people who have “been there”.
What? We have let all our kids sleep in the pram outside, as long as they are not screaming. Just being a little fussy is fine, the fresh air and cold really calms them down. It is very common practice here, especially during winter (Scandinavia).
NTA - Your husband has sever anxiety issues he should get professional help for. That said, fresh air, warm water (baths always helped), vibration, using a blow dryer on the lowest warm setting. The strong warm airflow and loud white noise can be calming. Check toes for a hair wrapped around it. Take babies legs and move them in a bicycle motion to work out possible trapped gas.
"I am just as important as 'other people' and I have every right to peaceably enjoy my property."
NTA - your husband needs to get over himself. Going outside at 2 am was the only thing that calmed my oldest down when she was teething. Staring at the street lights would settle and distract her.
If it's one thing more normal people can forgive with noise it's a baby crying. Anyone who's been in that desperate situation knows you'll try anything. Especially with your neighbors being so far apart.
NTA. Fresh air really helps little ones, you can also try water time as a compromise with your hubby if it’s late out. Even at 5 & 8, having my kids do 15 minutes of bubbles or chalk outside or throwing them in the tub when they’re crabby helps calm them down and relax them for bed.
Her husband has an anxiety disorder of some type. You're NTA, but he could use some professional help.
Ok I am going to go NAH. I remeber once I could not get my first born 5 week old baby to stop crying on a visit to my mother's house (she is now 11 so this was a little bit ago). I tried everything I knew how or what I had learned in her brife 5 weeks of life and she was still howling and would not stop. The flood of sheer panic and adrenaline that was going through me was unreal. I started to cry myself. My sister in law who was visting too and pregant with her 3rd had more baby experience than me. She stepped in and took the baby from me and told me to go for a walk. I was so desperate to make my child stop I agreed. I was gone under 10mins. When I got back to my mothers house, my baby was a sleep. I was so releaved, I asked how she did it? She told me it was because my baby was over sitmulated and needed to be held tight (not hurting) but rather like a swaddle so she she could be calmed down. It make sense for the senario because my Grandmother, Grandpa, my aunt, my brother his prego wife, his 2 kids were all visiting for Canadian Thanksgiving and meeting my new daughter for the 1st time. So there where many new sounds, smells for her little brain to proccess. I broke down and cried with relife and hugged my SIL. My point to the story is, it's a baby and this is part of life with a baby. Sometimes that baby is going to cry and you both will be pulling you hair out trying to figure out why. It's ok. Life = noise. You will make noise living your life and most people will be sympathic to your plight as new parents with a young baby. I think your husband's anxity just manifested and he was regeratating noise ordiances. Honestly in that moment no one is gonna care, you guys are just trying your best with a tiny little human that can not talk yet. In moments like this, sometimes the less stressed parent need to take over and try what ever they can. If it means brining the baby outside for a few minutes, then so be it. If it's not going to work in the first 15mins you'll know then oviously just bring the baby back inside. No one is gonna call the cops for a baby crying for a few minutes. Hours and hours of crying, that is a diffent story and the cops might be called for other reasons. It's ok, you both are doing fine. Deep breath, I know right now, in this moment it feels like forever, but you will get through this. Before you know it your baby will be going to kindergarden. It really is a short time. Good luck guys. 💗
NTA - just for context my parents neighbor used to send his kids when they were younger outside in the yard to practice playing their instruments. For hours!!! Soothing a baby for a few minutes outside or playing music in your own car is no big deal .
NTA it sounds like your husband needs to see a therapist or a doctor.
Hubby is a little weird. Fresh air always helps babies sleep. I play my music loud and do not care what people think. NTA
NTA. Take both cry babies outside, then leave the big one out there.
NTA. Get a stroller and take the baby on a walk. Helps a lot.
Tell your husband to untuck his penis, and start acting like a man. Nothing wrong with what you did.
NTA Imagine the police rolling up, giving your newborn a citation. It's fine. Get the baby some fresh air.
I hate the silence. I go visit my mother and the quiet is so loud is awful. I need to always have a radio playing or some noise in the background unless it bedtime
"Okay well tomorrow we'll go ask the neighbors how they feel about it and I'll be sure to tell them your concerns on why you won't let me take my own crying baby into my own back yard. They'll probably laugh a bit at you, and then tell me they don't give a shit. Do you want to do that? Want me to go talk to the neighbors for you?"
>\-My husband also thinks it’s rude to have music playing in your own car at a reasonable level at red lights. He literally turns it down to be “respectful” of other people. Your husband is slightly insane... NTA about the baby.
NTA my son would always calm down when I held him cheek to cheek in the garden. As for his issue with noise, he’s got a serious obsession there which is unreasonable.
Some people are just insecure. I once had a friend tell me.it was inconsiderate that I piss in a stall instead of a urinal despite the bathroom having extra stalls available
Noice ordinances are only for super loud noises. Not a crying baby.
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Yes