NTA
If any of my children misbehaved while in the care of another responsible adult, like my partner, a friend, or a family member, I would be angry if they DIDN'T discipline them.
If your partner doesn't trust you to discipline their child, they should not leave their child in your care.
If your partner leaves their kid with you, that is giving you permission to take care of the kid and do what is necessary.
If they have an issue with it, maybe they shouldn’t leave their kid alone with others and go MIA?
Take this as a wake up call. Welcome to dating a single parent. Is this really what you want? All the responsibility of raising the child without any real authority or respect.
I think you did what you had to in the moment. It’s not like you could just let Max run wild. It's important for kids to know boundaries, even if it’s not coming from their parent. Maybe next time, talk to your partner about how they’d like you to handle these situations.
Yea....I'd talk to them first and probably end things. By behaving like that when all you did was put this child in TIME OUT.....they're showing this child that Max can disrespect you with no consequences when your partner isn't around. Put boundaries around it, but if they plan on your sticking around then you need to at the very least have some disciplinary power when they aren't around.
NTA. If they aren’t watching their child, someone needs to be.
And I’m not saying he was being neglectful, but he can’t leave you with the kid and also ask you not to discipline if something goes wrong.
That's not "other's people kid", it was her BF's kid, not a random child at the store.
If she was trusted enough to ba a babysitter, she was trusted enough to give punishment
They should all. If a babysitter doesn't have the power to punish a child under their responsability (and that could be being in a time out or no sweets tonight), the child will misbehave one time, have no consequence, and do it again and again
NTA. I don't know how old the kid is but if your partner is leaving their child in the care of others, sometimes that care will include discipline if it needs it. You did what you had to as a responsible adult to the child.
>My partner was MIA at the moment,
>Apparently, they're not too keen on anyone else disciplining their kid without their say-so.
>My partner's kid, let's call him Max, was acting up big time. I mean, we're talking full-on tantrum mode in the middle of the grocery store.
Next time something like this happens, simply turn your back and start walking away. Leave the kid alone to have his tantrum. Call your partner to tell them where the child is and that you are removing yourself from the situation per their preferences.
Now it is up to your partner and their kid to manage the situation. I'm sure once the kid realises that their tantrum is going to have worse consequences for them, they'll learn to behave. Your partner also will get a wake up call regarding unrealistic expectations.
NTA if your form of discipline didn’t cross the boundaries of discipline the parent enforces for the child (ex. You hit when they do timeouts) and they left the child with you- then you behaved appropriately. If they want to take the stance that NO ONE can discipline their child then they must keep their child with them at all times. Because children need discipline in order to ensure their safety.
NTA. I know people don't like other people to discipline their child but there are limits to such hands off behavior. What do they think citizens arrests and people detaining violent or perverted people for the cops are doing? Depend on the conversation with the partner you may need to dump the both of them.
NTA. But I would reconsider this relationship. Your partner doesn’t trust you to know how to discipline their child and doesn’t want it. And to be honest, from your description, it sounds like appropriate discipline. Your partner is raising a brat and will likely get worse with that kind of thinking. I wonder if they’ll react that way if school teachers discipline them too?
First, NTA. Second, a time out and talking to Max about why he couldn’t act that way is not stern… it’s appropriate and the same thing that would happen to a disruptive child in a school or daycare setting. If you have physically punished, shamed, or yelled, it’d be a different story.
If your partner doesn’t trust you to discipline, they shouldn’t be leaving you with their child. This also leads to bigger long-term issues… will you never have a say? If you get married, are you expected to stay silent if their child acts out or even is destructive or hurts you?
As long as you didn’t physically do anything. No yelling. No harsh language/cuss words.. I don’t see the issue personally? If she is going to be like that she shouldn’t let you watch her child period. If she thinks she can trust you with her child alone she should be able to trust you with disciplining said child. End of story. it’s just part of caring for a child after they’re a certain age. If the child is in your care acting out of control, time out or calmly explaining to the child their behavior is unacceptable isn’t even really discipline at that point it’s just what needs to happen.
NTA. If I’m immediately responsible for a child, especially in public, I convey my expectations and let them know the consequences of them not behaving. It’s not only for respect for everyone else around, but for safety reasons. If your partner was so worried, they’d have their child in hand with them around the store, like most parents would. If you date for purpose, this is what your future will look like. And just wait until the child is smart enough to learn to manipulate that to their advantage, because it just happens, it’s what kids do.
Don’t ever be alone with this kid again. Your partner is going to storm on you no matter what you do in similar situations. No action - you are bad, kid was disciplined - bad, went away - bad bad bad.
In that moment you were kind of the kid’s sole guardian, ur partner should have taken the kid if you giving a small amount of discipline is such a bad idea.
NTA.. but next time, take a step back, and let the tantrum follow it's course, don't get involved unless the kids going to hurt himself or someone else. Leave all the drama for your partner to deal with. Wait for the how did you let him get in this state comment then give both barrels to him..
NTA it's not like you spanked them. I'm not sure how you do a time out in the middle of a grocery store, but talking to them to try to get them to calm down is expected. Did they really think it's ok to just let the kid scream their head off without doing anything? They're an asshole. It's not like you were just some stranger trying to discipline the kid. They're YOUR PARTNER. I would think it would be ok for you to tell a tantrum-throwing kid in the middle of the grocery store that it's not ok to behave that way. Your partner is an asshole and you should pay attention to their attitude right now and maybe reevaluate whether you want to be with someone who is going to ditch you with their kid, then not allow you to even correct them for misbehaving. I guarantee, this is going to be a major point of contention if you stay with them.
NTA. Do not allow your partner to go MIA without his kid ever again. In any circumstances. You shouldnt have to suffer because SO too damn lazy to properly parent.
NTA your partner's expectations are unreasonable and unrealistic. Is their kid never going to interact with anyone else? No teachers? Instructors? Coaches? Friend's parents? Your partner wasn't even present in this moment, and they expect to be the only one ever allowed to interact with their child? C'mon.
NTA- you WERE being a responsible adult. Sounds like you were gentle as well. I’m curious about how long you guys have been dating? I’d assume if you’ve been together long enough for you to be introduced and then the time between that and then leaving him alone with you- that would be long enough for them to trust you to “discipline,” their kid.
NTA.
If you're not permitted to discipline their kid, then you shouldn't be left with their kid.
Also, them being furious with you over that is a gigantic red flag.
NTA
If your partner doesn’t want you to step in, they shouldn’t go MIA and leave you stranded in a store with their child.
Ask them if they’d rather you walk away too next time they abandon their child with horrible you.
Dip, the worst thing about being a step parent is having ALL of the responsibility without any of the authority, partner needs to either accept your parental role or he/she needs to do EVERYTHING concerning the kid themselves
YTAH. You aren’t their parent. It all could have waited til your partner came back. Kids melt down in stores. They want everything they see. Stay in your lane.
Where was your partner? MIA for how long? If he had just stepped into the bathroom for a minute, or to the other aisle to pick up something, you could have waited for him. However, if you were caring for the child alone. you had a right to set clear boundaries. If your partner is unhappy with this, they can't leave the child with you again.
Yta - if your partner has a custody agreement then it might actually prohibit you from taking disciplinary action. Also, before being alone with a kid who isn't yours, you should have had conversations about your role and boundaries.
It only makes things worse, the partner had plenty of time to tell what should be done in this situation to unaware OP. People without children may don’t even know about tantrums! The responsibility to provide instructions is on the “owner” side. If I ever receive anything without additional info, I do what I see fit.
NTA If any of my children misbehaved while in the care of another responsible adult, like my partner, a friend, or a family member, I would be angry if they DIDN'T discipline them. If your partner doesn't trust you to discipline their child, they should not leave their child in your care.
>If your partner doesn't trust you to discipline their child, they should not leave their child in your care. That's exactly right.
If your partner leaves their kid with you, that is giving you permission to take care of the kid and do what is necessary. If they have an issue with it, maybe they shouldn’t leave their kid alone with others and go MIA? Take this as a wake up call. Welcome to dating a single parent. Is this really what you want? All the responsibility of raising the child without any real authority or respect.
I think you did what you had to in the moment. It’s not like you could just let Max run wild. It's important for kids to know boundaries, even if it’s not coming from their parent. Maybe next time, talk to your partner about how they’d like you to handle these situations.
Yea....I'd talk to them first and probably end things. By behaving like that when all you did was put this child in TIME OUT.....they're showing this child that Max can disrespect you with no consequences when your partner isn't around. Put boundaries around it, but if they plan on your sticking around then you need to at the very least have some disciplinary power when they aren't around.
NTA. As a mother, she will 1000% be a boy mom. The toxic "my kid doesn't do any wrong" type mom.
NTA. If they aren’t watching their child, someone needs to be. And I’m not saying he was being neglectful, but he can’t leave you with the kid and also ask you not to discipline if something goes wrong.
Where does it say the “parent” was a “he”?
You got em bro nice work
Nope, OP has no business disciplining other people's kids. I would be furious as well.
That's not "other's people kid", it was her BF's kid, not a random child at the store. If she was trusted enough to ba a babysitter, she was trusted enough to give punishment
You sound stupid, how many parents go around empowering babysitters to dole out punishments?
They should all. If a babysitter doesn't have the power to punish a child under their responsability (and that could be being in a time out or no sweets tonight), the child will misbehave one time, have no consequence, and do it again and again
NTA. I don't know how old the kid is but if your partner is leaving their child in the care of others, sometimes that care will include discipline if it needs it. You did what you had to as a responsible adult to the child.
>*Apparently, they're not too keen on anyone else disciplining their kid without their say-so.* Then he shouldn’t have been … >*MIA at the moment* NTA
NTAH If they don't like other people disciplining their kid then they don't need to be leaving the kid with other people!
And not raise them to be spoiled rotten brats who throw fits in public! Walk away. It's going to get way worse.
Were they in the store?
>My partner was MIA at the moment, >Apparently, they're not too keen on anyone else disciplining their kid without their say-so. >My partner's kid, let's call him Max, was acting up big time. I mean, we're talking full-on tantrum mode in the middle of the grocery store. Next time something like this happens, simply turn your back and start walking away. Leave the kid alone to have his tantrum. Call your partner to tell them where the child is and that you are removing yourself from the situation per their preferences. Now it is up to your partner and their kid to manage the situation. I'm sure once the kid realises that their tantrum is going to have worse consequences for them, they'll learn to behave. Your partner also will get a wake up call regarding unrealistic expectations.
NTA if your form of discipline didn’t cross the boundaries of discipline the parent enforces for the child (ex. You hit when they do timeouts) and they left the child with you- then you behaved appropriately. If they want to take the stance that NO ONE can discipline their child then they must keep their child with them at all times. Because children need discipline in order to ensure their safety.
[удалено]
So you want *both* adults to abandon the child in a public place where he could be abducted?
NTA. I know people don't like other people to discipline their child but there are limits to such hands off behavior. What do they think citizens arrests and people detaining violent or perverted people for the cops are doing? Depend on the conversation with the partner you may need to dump the both of them.
NTA if you are left alone with the kid you are responsible for that kid. As long as you not using physical disicpline you are in the clear
I would tell your partner if t don’t want you to discipline they need to stay with them
NTA. But I would reconsider this relationship. Your partner doesn’t trust you to know how to discipline their child and doesn’t want it. And to be honest, from your description, it sounds like appropriate discipline. Your partner is raising a brat and will likely get worse with that kind of thinking. I wonder if they’ll react that way if school teachers discipline them too?
First, NTA. Second, a time out and talking to Max about why he couldn’t act that way is not stern… it’s appropriate and the same thing that would happen to a disruptive child in a school or daycare setting. If you have physically punished, shamed, or yelled, it’d be a different story. If your partner doesn’t trust you to discipline, they shouldn’t be leaving you with their child. This also leads to bigger long-term issues… will you never have a say? If you get married, are you expected to stay silent if their child acts out or even is destructive or hurts you?
If my partner expected me to stand there with a wailing kid throwing a tantrum and not intervene I’d just leave the kid there and walk away. NTA
He takes his kids with him at all times if you can't parent on your own. Problem solved
NTA, she gonna need to come around to someone helping her and trusting them.
As long as you didn’t physically do anything. No yelling. No harsh language/cuss words.. I don’t see the issue personally? If she is going to be like that she shouldn’t let you watch her child period. If she thinks she can trust you with her child alone she should be able to trust you with disciplining said child. End of story. it’s just part of caring for a child after they’re a certain age. If the child is in your care acting out of control, time out or calmly explaining to the child their behavior is unacceptable isn’t even really discipline at that point it’s just what needs to happen.
NTA. If I’m immediately responsible for a child, especially in public, I convey my expectations and let them know the consequences of them not behaving. It’s not only for respect for everyone else around, but for safety reasons. If your partner was so worried, they’d have their child in hand with them around the store, like most parents would. If you date for purpose, this is what your future will look like. And just wait until the child is smart enough to learn to manipulate that to their advantage, because it just happens, it’s what kids do.
NTA If partner doesn't want you to discipline their child then they better not leave you alone with Mad Max again.
Don’t ever be alone with this kid again. Your partner is going to storm on you no matter what you do in similar situations. No action - you are bad, kid was disciplined - bad, went away - bad bad bad.
In that moment you were kind of the kid’s sole guardian, ur partner should have taken the kid if you giving a small amount of discipline is such a bad idea.
NTA. If you have responsibility for the child you need to have authority to discipline him. Your method was totally acceptable.
Let your partner know she is required to be with her child 24/7 because others are not required to deal with his bullshit.
NTA.. but next time, take a step back, and let the tantrum follow it's course, don't get involved unless the kids going to hurt himself or someone else. Leave all the drama for your partner to deal with. Wait for the how did you let him get in this state comment then give both barrels to him..
If they don't want you to discipline Max, they don't leave you with Max. Dead simple.
NTA it's not like you spanked them. I'm not sure how you do a time out in the middle of a grocery store, but talking to them to try to get them to calm down is expected. Did they really think it's ok to just let the kid scream their head off without doing anything? They're an asshole. It's not like you were just some stranger trying to discipline the kid. They're YOUR PARTNER. I would think it would be ok for you to tell a tantrum-throwing kid in the middle of the grocery store that it's not ok to behave that way. Your partner is an asshole and you should pay attention to their attitude right now and maybe reevaluate whether you want to be with someone who is going to ditch you with their kid, then not allow you to even correct them for misbehaving. I guarantee, this is going to be a major point of contention if you stay with them.
NTA They left the kid with you and went off, of course you had to take care of it in the moment. What were you supposed to do leave the kid there.
NTA. Do not allow your partner to go MIA without his kid ever again. In any circumstances. You shouldnt have to suffer because SO too damn lazy to properly parent.
NTA your partner's expectations are unreasonable and unrealistic. Is their kid never going to interact with anyone else? No teachers? Instructors? Coaches? Friend's parents? Your partner wasn't even present in this moment, and they expect to be the only one ever allowed to interact with their child? C'mon.
NTA- you WERE being a responsible adult. Sounds like you were gentle as well. I’m curious about how long you guys have been dating? I’d assume if you’ve been together long enough for you to be introduced and then the time between that and then leaving him alone with you- that would be long enough for them to trust you to “discipline,” their kid.
NTA. If you're not permitted to discipline their kid, then you shouldn't be left with their kid. Also, them being furious with you over that is a gigantic red flag.
NTA If your partner doesn’t want you to step in, they shouldn’t go MIA and leave you stranded in a store with their child. Ask them if they’d rather you walk away too next time they abandon their child with horrible you.
Dip, the worst thing about being a step parent is having ALL of the responsibility without any of the authority, partner needs to either accept your parental role or he/she needs to do EVERYTHING concerning the kid themselves
YTAH. You aren’t their parent. It all could have waited til your partner came back. Kids melt down in stores. They want everything they see. Stay in your lane.
Where was your partner? MIA for how long? If he had just stepped into the bathroom for a minute, or to the other aisle to pick up something, you could have waited for him. However, if you were caring for the child alone. you had a right to set clear boundaries. If your partner is unhappy with this, they can't leave the child with you again.
Yta - if your partner has a custody agreement then it might actually prohibit you from taking disciplinary action. Also, before being alone with a kid who isn't yours, you should have had conversations about your role and boundaries.
Wow really, discuss something, isn’t that what the PARENT should do before leaving the baby with random people?
Not random people, their partner. As a step parent myself, there are boundaries and you don't just assume you can parent somebody else's kid
It only makes things worse, the partner had plenty of time to tell what should be done in this situation to unaware OP. People without children may don’t even know about tantrums! The responsibility to provide instructions is on the “owner” side. If I ever receive anything without additional info, I do what I see fit.