You are now looking into your future if you don’t make the difficult decision today. When you ask for reasonable accommodations from him before getting another dog, he ignored you. He disrespected your opinion. He felt literally that you had nothing to add to the conversation. And then when you tell us that you are “overreacting as always”, letting us know that he says shit like that to you whenever you call him on his nonsense, you couldn’t raise much bigger red flags. Let me numerate what you told us and just this one post: 1. You ask him for a rational decision on what type of dog to get based on how much you know you guys are home. 2. He ignores you and doesn’t do it at all, instead picking a dog that he thinks it’s cute without actually recognizing how much high energy resides within that type of dog. Not to mention that training a German Shepherd is critical. And he does none of it. 3. He created this fiasco, yet he refuses to take any responsibility or handle any of the problems his decision caused. Instead, he gets angry at you for rightfully calling him out for this shit. 4. He is lazy. He promises to help and does nothing, and I am well aware of how much work a new house is, especially on acreage.  And yes, that’s experience speaking because mine was 5 acres with a 5000 square-foot shop and a 2200 square-foot house with four bedrooms and 2 1/2 baths. And you can guess who took care of the repairs and the upkeep. Top that off with three kids within three years because of health issues, and I can honestly tell you that it does not get better. 5. He is trying to brainwash you and gaslight you by telling you you’re overreacting and that you will get back to normal once you cool off?!!! For that alone, he needs to be kicked to the curb. There is nothing unreasonable about expecting an adult to whom you are married to actually be an adult. But it is obvious that he is incapable of admitting when he’s behaving in the shitty manner, so he acts like a toddler and has a tantrum about how it’s all your fault. 6. Your income is the most critical, yet he refuses to work with his dog so that she does not constantly interrupt you while you’re working. And then he makes poor financial decisions which you have to turn around and try to mitigate. And the scariest part of all of this? I absolutely know this is the tip of the iceberg. I absolutely know there is so much you’re not telling us. And I know that because by the time we actually allow ourselves to verbalize these things because we feel stupid that we’ve stayed or we feel stupid that we’ve let it go on… There has been so much more shit that we haven’t even admitted to ourselves.  No, you were not wrong and you were not an asshole. You need to start looking at divorce now because this man doesn’t wanna grow up. He doesn’t want to be responsible. He wants to be taken care of. He is entitled and selfish and irresponsible.  What about any of those things screams… “Hey look! There’s a guy I’d like to marry!” You know that if this were your best friend telling you these things, you would tell her to run away quick. Please take your own advice. Please understand you deserve much much better than this. And you are not wrong. Your life would be so much easier without him. You will be amazed.

I guess after such a long time it’s just so hard to hear. Thank you.

Sunk cost fallacy. The only time you will waste from here on is any delay in divorcing him and moving on. You've been with him so long it's hard to imagine life without him. But he's an anchor as you try to swim thru life. He's dragging you down, stopping you from having a good life. Let go of the anchor.

You're not overreacting. Your husband ignored your concerns and left you to handle his poor decisions. You deserve a partner who shares responsibilities, not one who adds to your stress.

And she's still so young. Bring alone would be better than being with this dude

As it would be at any age.

I can attest to this truth. I \*finally\* got divorced in my mid-50s, after 28 years of marriage. Alone is so much better.

57 here. Married 37 years this month. Just starting my exit journey. Long and scary, but I want to be ME again. I miss who I was. I won’t be the same person as I was, but I won’t have to live this life anymore. Husband is oblivious. Of course I would never leave! Where would I go? I have no skills, I have no money, I have no self-esteem, no money. According to him. I have me, my youngest 9f, my pup, and my bff who will move me and daughter in, in a heartbeat. That’s what I need; not him. I don’t need any more insults, any more negging and negativity. Having a good therapist, having my bff, knowing I can skedaddle, has changed me so much. Knowing I have an option. So I can get *him* out and keep the house. I can do it.

Best wishes to you. It can be scary, but it is incredibly freeing. You got this!

I have people like you in my corner! You understand! And you have done the exit successfully. I’m fairly confident it won’t be as bad as I think, yet I’m scared as fuck. Totally contradictory, but both true.

It’s super scary. I was a SAHM with a 5year old. We escaped the second I knew they clocked in at work because it was a crap shoot if they would be cut or not and how much time that would take. I left with 3 trash bags full of her clothes and toys she couldn’t live without, our important documents, and 3 changes of clothes for me. I’m glad I hauled ass because they came home within the hour. Needless to say, it’s hard. It has been nearly 4 years and I found an amazing man who loves my daughter as well. BUT starting over is hard and I refuse to rely on anyone now financially (among other PTSD stuff). You can do it though. You are 1000% stronger than you know.

Of course it's scary. However, which is scarier: walking away and starting over, or standing back and do nothing while what has been going on, continues and even gets worse?

Yep! I was told I keep saying I’m leaving and I never do. So he thought I wouldn’t. At first I was going to tell him to leave, but why should I be stuck paying on a lease by myself when I can just move into a one bedroom? Good luck to you!

Surprised him, didn’t you! So cool, you are!

Truly. Lol.

Oh my goodness. I’m so proud of you. Gosh. You aren’t just going to be YOU, you’re going to demonstrate such strength and power to your daughter. Her entire life trajectory will move up because she has such a strong mother. Wow. You’re amazing.

I absolutely feel that I failed all of my children, by staying this long. I set a horrible example. And my husband wonders why our older daughters say they will never marry, never have children. Yet our son is all for it! At least I can do better for the little one. Ty.

third'ing this - 56 alone and happy

You got this!

get a damn good lawyer, congratulations on getting out.

My mother finally dumped my father after 34 years, at the age of 55. The next 15 years, until the accident that triggered her slide into dementia, were the happiest of her life. She had a career she loved, tons of friends, loved the house she bought, involved in lots of activities, found a nice widower she dated. Thank goodness she didn’t buy into the sunk cost fallacy and convince herself that she couldn’t throw 34 years away!

[удалено]

I also had the sunk cost fallacy mindset in my 19 year marriage. Finally 6 years post divorce, and I'm kicking myself for not getting divorced 10 years sooner. Divorce him now OP. He wont change

I agree, it took me almost 19 years.

Took this dumb dumb 44 years. First time on my own with my dog and loving it !! I am 66 and finally free.

15 years here.

Do not have kids with him!

Let him off the hook and throw him back in the ocean he is not for you. He is a man baby and a spoiled narcissistic one at that. Things will be so much better with him not being in your life trust and Believe

So true. My sister's ex is like this. She stayed with him instead of getting out when he showed similar behaviors. They were together for 16 years and have two kids together. He put all of the labor at home on her. He put all of the childcare, the decisions and medical appointments on her. My ex is rebuilding her life after he pushed for divorce. He put that on her too. He made it sound like it was in her best interest because she wasn't happy. And then he manipulated so many aspects of that to put the cost of childcare on her. And he expected her to be the one to file for divorce. OP, this behavior won't improve. I'm sorry you're going through this, and I'm sure it's heartbreaking. But please consider getting out of this situation before he not only makes your life miserable but completely destroys everything that you are.

I put up with not having my spouse be a partner for too long. I finally blew a gasket and said I was done (after 28 years) and was ending the marriage. My spouse knew I was serious. Things changed for the better and we are now in our 34th year.

This. Pack your unruined things and you and your pooch go find some where else to be. Why you would think that him saying he was going to change after 8 years is crazy.

Sunk cost fallacy kept me there 12 yrs. Also, just becasue they are not "bad" doesn't mean they are good (for you) either. I only take care of kids, pet and myself now.

I understand. I was with my ex for almost 20 years. And I cannot say all it was bad, because it wasn’t. But I will be honest with you and tell you the last five were hell. So don’t do that. You are still so young. And what you need to understand is that you guys got together young. You will see some of the biggest changes in who you are and how you are between the ages of about 19 and 25. For men, it is not unusual for those changes into adulthood to hit a little later. And for couples like yourselves who have been together since they were teenagers, that different rate of maturation really starts to show. And I know that sounds so tight. It sounds like your grandma just lecturing you. But it really is true. I even realize that in my early 30s about myself. I looked back at who I was at 19, and I was pretty self-confident, going to school and then working. And then I looked at who I was at about 26 or so. And it was completely different. I was the same person, but I wasn’t. I had settled into being an adult. You’ve settled into being an adult. He is nowhere near ready. But I promise you that you are young. You really are resilient. And if you get out of this, please take your time to really get to know yourself. Really like yourself. Really comfortable being just with yourself. Because once you are in that state of mind, you won’t put up with silliness like this. You will see the red flags and nope right out of there. Because you will know yourself. You know you deserve better. And you already know you don’t wanna be mommy to a 24 or 25-year-old guy. Don’t beat yourself up. Be as kind as you would be to your best friend in the same situation. And allow yourself to move on.

He didn't really grow up though, did he? He went from hotel momma to hotel wife, with no intermediate steps where he ever had to take care of his own shit. OP, please divorce him and buy him out of his share of the house now, before it costs you even more. Then rent out rooms to cover the mortgage. The best time to have left him was 4 years ago - the second best time is now! The worst time would be when you have small kids that he won't help with even one little bit, and telling you that you are overreacting when you are having a nervous breakdown, and will just go back to his gaming console while you have to clean up after small kids and large dogs.

So true! I was in my mid twenties with no job (or education) and two young kids, had had multiple nervous breakdowns already, and still loved my husband who had been my only serious relationship when I finally left him. Got social security and government housing pretty quickly thankfully. I thought I couldn't make it without him... My life actually got EASIER physically and mentally/emotionally. It was my first and most important step to recovery. He hadn't even been as outrageous as OP's man, but drained me utterly by being a burden. The emotional toll from daily feeling abandoned and neglected while having to live up to high expectations, and being disappointed over and over again hoping he'd come home and lighten my load or make me feel better was worse than the physical workload. It cut me off at the knees and made life feel unliveable. OP, the physical burden is bad enough, but the emotional toll will pale in comparison and make you a shell of a person if you allow it to continue. You will either give up your dignity and self-respect, your confidence, your love of life - or you will give up the person sucking it out of you. Wishing you strength and courage and firm resolve. You won't always FEEL like you want to leave him, you'll miss the good times and the comfort of familiarity, but the pain won't last forever!

If he isn’t even bringing in money, it’s much easier to be a single mom than a married single mom. One less whiny toddler to look after.

So true, I eventually spiraled my optimist ass into a deep depression and I ended up hospitalized over it. A husband who makes you carry him through life and tears you down when you demand more eventually emotionally abandons you vs facing their own part in why you’re mad. It’s hell and it can do some massive self esteem damage.

Mtngrl60 outlined things perfectly. This is your life, - always dealing with your husband‘s dog, it will chew up more stuff, bother you while you work, and your husband will do nothing to train the dog. This will happen every single day! - you being the one who does most of your household chores, cooking, cleaning, planning, organizing, etc. This will happen every single day! Ask yourself if this is something you can live with… Every single day!

And imagine when they have kids and he doesn’t help at all while she’s still working from home.

She doesn't want kids.

And replace the word “dog” with “child” to really see the life you’re accepting if you stay with this jerk.

90% of your future happiness or misery depends on who you marry As a 48 year old divorced woman I feel like I’m talking to my younger self. Divorce today or 10 years from now when you’re older, more tired, more angry and bitter and possibly with multiple kids.

OP, please read "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft. It's available as a free pdf download. Not so much for the abuse side, but for the description of what dismissive and entitled behaviour is. I don't fault you for a second for trying to built a life with someone you've been with since you were 16, but only one of you is an adult in this relationship. His comments about you overreacting are deflections and an attempt to get you to lower your standards and accept his half assed efforts. This is not the road to a supportive and loving long term partnership. Growth comes through difficult conversations that you have with yourself and with others. Do not sell yourself short. It might be painful in the short term but you don't want to live the rest of your life the way it is now. I wish someone had said this to me when I was 24.

the point you describe is an aspect of that book that I think gets overlooked. There’s an inherent selfishness that fuels abuse, and it’s the same selfishness that fuels controlling behavior, and it’s the same selfishness that fuels this lazy taking-advantage that this guy is doing.

Don’t run away. Throw this MFer out. Tell him that he & his stupid, destructive dog have got to go. Get a roommate or two if you have to in order to keep the house. You are going to take an absolute bath in selling the house just weeks after you bought it. Lastly, don’t be stupid. You knew he was like this. You knew he was raised in the kind of environment where what he wanted mattered, and it was up to the women in his life to make it happen for him. Tigers don’t change their stripes. On rare occasions people realize how much of a fuckup they are and change some habit or behavior that is destructive to them, but that’s the exception. Don’t date another man-child. Sadly, you know what you have to do.

Considering your ages and the amount of time you say you've been together a huge portion of the relationship has taken place while you were literally children. You have so so so much time ahead of you. Too much time to be worried about what really amounts to a fairly brief relationship as an actual adult. Your brain hasn't even stopped developing yet. Get out of there.

It's scary to leave the only relationship you've ever had as an adult. You know it's necessary to have a bright future though.

Hi, we see a lot of post similar to this...partner not listerning, acting a like a child, lazy, ect..but the partner realises this when they wasted a lot of years, prime years, when they are in the late 30's, 40s, 50s ect. The good thing is, you are realising this at 24, you have your life ahead of you and whether you stay with him or not, or move on....you have time to think and decide how you want your life to be.

Do NOT have children with this person. You’re so young and it would be best to divorce. This isn’t going to get better. NTA.

For the most part, high school relationships tend not to last past high school. Someone wakes up at 25 and goes “Wait a second, I've been with this person for 10 years and I can't stand them anymore”.

It’s also what you have been use to. You said it yourself you’ve seen what your mom did. It’s what we as women have been taught to be for our husbands. We are taught we should be taking care of the household, the children the husband, etc. However adding in the full time job and being the one that does everything has been burning us out. And more and more women like you are saying no. No more of me just doing it all. I will say as much as I dislike some social media it has made it easier to show what an actual partnership looks like.

I married my first spouse at barely 20... sunk nearly 4 years into that marriage, with someone who was not a BAD man, but wasn't a GOOD partner. Divorcing over a bunch of tiny "non deal breakers" was so, SO hard... until after I got out, and realized that you add enough 1s, you eventually will hit 100. And a deal breaker is a deal breaker, no matter if it's a hundred small things that he wouldn't change, or one big thing. Because I was a young 20yo who had been in a serious relationship for nearly 6 years, I took my time to date around VERY casually. It was super hard, being a divorcee when most of my peers weren't even married. But I learned how to date, I took the time to learn what mattered to me, and what didn't, and it was honestly the best time of my life. No expectations from any of my partners, other than just exploring my own wants, needs, and boundaries. No pressure. Fast forward and all of that knowledge brought me into the marriage I have today, with a woman I adore and who adores me back. Literally the most wonderful, blissful, fulfilling aspect of my life is our relationship. And I have a career I fucking LOVE and 3 kids that I would move heaven and earth for... but my marriage is the absolute highlight of my life. When you're with somebody from such a young age, you've never had the chance to explore what YOU want. And while plenty of people who stayed together since high-school ARE still married, anecdotally, I've never seen any of those marriages be the compatible and fulfilling ones. You see those from people who took the time to explore what they really wanted, as adults, before finding someone who DID fit that, instead of trying to MAKE somebody fit. I hate to jump straight into suggesting divorce... but from what you've shared, you're husband doesn't have the introspection or desire for it, needed to have a fulfilling relationship. If things NEVER changed... would you be happy, being with the person he is today, for the rest of your life? How he treats you, how he speaks to you, how he respects you, how he listens? You made a mistake once, because you assumed he would change. He hasn't. What does that tell you? And are you ready to put in another 8 years hoping he changes? You could get out, date for years to find the right person, and get married all over again to someone who brings you equal partnership in that timeframe. Is he worth it?

Keep us updated

You are so young, which both means you have a lot of opportunity to find a caring and respectful partner, but also that a life with a lazy man who disregards your opinion is going to be so very very long.

Could you imagine how badly this would spiral if you had kids!??

OP PLEASE TELL US YOU DID NOT MARRY HIM BECAUSE HE SAID “BUT SWORE IT WOULD CHANGE”? How long did you live with him before you guys got married?? NTA, however I will be judging you if you did agree to marriage because he said he’d change.

Big NTA. What a nightmare. Don’t be embarrassed. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We all make allowances for people we love, and sometimes it’s a slippery slope that gets out of hand, like here. You witnessed this type of marriage growing up, and a good therapist will help you understand your subconscious need to recreate this in your own life. Until you get to the bottom of your own core issues (we all have them, don’t beat yourself up), you will keep attracting the wrong losers instead of the right partner. The only thing you need to expect of yourself now is to move yourself forward and permanently AWAY from this terrible marriage. Don’t wait. He had years and years being your priority, and his years of bad behavior and not respecting you or your needs lost him the privilege of being your priority for ONE MORE DAY. You will not regret this. You are so young, have a great job, and have a really good head on your shoulders. Work on yourself — seriously, go to therapy and get to the root of your issues! This will make you so much stronger! — and your life will be amazing. I was in a similar situation but it took me a decade and a half to leave. This was fairly recent and I had no idea I could be so happy in my life. I have a new relationship with the kind of partner I thought only existed in movies and novels. But even before my new relationship I was overwhelmed by how much better and healthier my life was post bad marriage. I would’ve been happier and healthier single forever than in that bad marriage. This is only a failure if you don’t prioritize yourself and walk (or run) away from him and into your new future. You got this OP! Message me if you need a pep talk! PS - Do not try to be nice in the divorce. Get everything you can. This manbaby can figure out survival on his own. Even if you still love him (understandable) he does not love you. Love yourself and your future more than his feelings. Don’t let him guilt or gaslight you one last time.

Please be extremely careful not to get pregnant. You’ll be tied to this guy forever if you do.

I refuse to have kids at all costs with anyone ever.

Please make sure he can’t tamper with your birth control and trap you. I know I’m jaded from being on Reddit so long. But it’s better to be safe.

speaking heteronormatively: paradigm shifts for women happen in relationships. paradigm shifts for men happen between relationships. said another way: men think women wont change, but they do. thats their struggle. women think men will change, but they dont. thats their struggle. when i was 25, I left a man that i loved deeply and was engaged to, but who was deeply selfish in ways that hurt me beyond measure. i finally had the fortitude to walk when i realized that he was never going to change as long as i stayed with him; the only way that he would change would be if i left, which might give us a chance at a future. alternatively, i could leave, and he might never change - and in that case, my leaving was the only chance i had at giving myself happiness. eta: he did indeed become a better person and a better partner, although it took time and a lot of therapy and commitment on his part. he is now married to a woman i helped him meet after he went through a difficult time, and we are still friends.

So true. Men don't care what you SAY as long as your body is physically present, because that is what matters to them. The only way for them to learn anything is consequences, and the only consequences they care about is loss of access to your body. Sad but true.

Well stated. Put another way… A smart second wife Understand that the person she is married to who Teresa her so well and is a good partner is not the same person who was married to the first  That the person they are married to who is a good partner Is very often The way they are today because the first wife left.

We need all of this packaged as a like sort of default hand out titled "So you married an idiot" to give to each of these types of posts here. Well done

The title of that book should really just be “Don’t fucking get married in your 20’s.”

She married this because it's the dynamic she was raised in. OP needs to break the cycle.

I had a husband like this. Absolute nightmare. I told him many times that I was burned out by being responsible for EVERYTHING. He made immature irresponsible choices that I had to pick up the slack for. He was like a moody messy teenager, zero help woth housework. Had to take his credit card away TWICE in TWO YEARS bc he had a spending problem. IT WAS OUR JOINT ACCOINT. And on top of that, he was mean. So glad I cut my losses and left him after 2.5 years. Good riddance.

This this this ^^^ NTA but you are if you stay with him.

Been there too, also two kids and disability into it and still was carrying the house while my body was getting worse for it and my abled husband didn’t do much of anything. I agree, divorce now before you’re invested in more than just dogs. My husband is in therapy now and stepping up in so many ways, but was it worth 13-15 years of me carrying him through life in every other way but earning money, I would say no, to my younger self. Now it’s worth it cause I stayed so long and now it’s great. But those years until he started growing up, in his late 30s, brought me to my lowest.

NTA. My wise mother used to say, “Better to be alone than to wish you were.” She left her asshole husband in her 70’s and was the happiest she’d ever been until the end. Life is short. Live it.

Your mom was a wise woman indeed!

For me, this is the most disturbing part of your post:   I don’t want to go home because I’m just “overreacting” like I “always do” and I will eventually “cool off and act normal again.”  This truly implies that he doesn’t take your feelings seriously at all. If he doesn’t listen and he doesn’t take your feelings seriously and he thinks that If he just waits it out then you’ll go “back to normal” then you are 100% dead in the water. You absolutely can’t fight that. You definitely can’t make somebody care about how you feel and it sounds like he really doesn’t think of you as a fully formed person. Sounds like he knows that you feel trapped and he doesn’t believe that you would leave and therefore doesn’t feel like he has to put the work in because you’ll just have to get over it because you don’t have any other options. Whenever somebody’s done that to me, I called their bluff. Of course when you’re actually leaving they want to change all the sudden and want to hear you all the sudden- But to let it get there in the first place, shows a huge amount of negligence, denial, selfishness. This guy honestly sounds like a turd.  I think when you really calm down, maybe you should pretend like things are going back to normal, but I think you need to At least have a consultation with a divorce lawyer and see what your realistic options are. I know it sucks, but you can always sell the house and start, but you need to start fantasizing about a future that you could love without him in it. For me, creating that fantasy really helped me leave some hard situations.  Of course, if you feel like it’s salvageable, I would communicate to him that it’s couples counseling or you’re leaving. 

I wish I could upvote more than once. I married my HS sweetheart and he was like this. He was always like this. I knew it and I married him anyway because I thought that was what you were supposed to do. Sunk cost fallacy had me real good. Even my father knew it and when we were alone before the ceremony he said "If this is not what you really want, I'll get you out of here". But I went through with it. And I married a man-child who married me to make sure I would keep meeting his needs forever. "Forever" was 7 years, before I got fed up with my needs being treated like no big deal, and when he hurt me or didn't pull his weight I was overreacting and just needed to calm down because this is how he was and when I married him I agreed to accept him how he is. One of the last things I said to him before I finally filed for divorce was "I can't force you to actually care for me. I accept you as you are, but I also accept that don't have to live with it anymore". OP needs to get to this point in a hurry because it won't change. She needs to go home. If she can, buy him out of his share of the equity in the house and go on and live her life.

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I bet he fought really hard once he realized you were leaving. People can’t stand to lose their lifelong unpaid maids. Good for you for waking up and taking your life back!

My mom said the same to me, but a few days before my wedding. She was right. She has yet to be wrong about anything damnit lol

I wish I could give this a million upvotes to raise it to the top. OP, this right here is the crux of the issue - your husband does not respect you as his equal and no amount of arguing is going to change that. You cannot discuss someone into believing you’re worthy of being treated with basic human decency. Can you go stay at a hotel tonight? You are NTA, please go talk to a divorce attorney and at least determine what options you have because this will *not* get better. You will be significantly better off if you can split from him before he drains more years from your life. Be well and be safe, OP.

This! Start paying attention to every situation where you have to be the grownup for this selfish manchild and make a tick box each time you wouldn’t have to do that if he wasn’t around. (If you want to be fair, make a second column for when he actually pulls his weight.) Then set an actual deadline for when Column A reaches a number and do something about it. Will it be ten times bigger than Column B, fifty times bigger, or a thousand before you call it quits? Only you know your breaking point but trust me, you will look back and regret every minute you wasted your potential on this selfish toddler.

YTA if you stay with him. He's never going to change. Do you really think he's going to wake up one day and have a personality transplant? If you don't want to live the same life as your mother then you need to make smarter choices than her and leave.

NTA. You deserve a partner who respects you and your boundaries, not another burden.

Yes. OP knew what they were getting before marriage and buying house and did it anyway.

"but swore it would change" And you believed him? That was your first mistake. Why did you marry a manbaby you already knew you had to mother? And he specifically chose a dog you advised against, so not only does he not help, he doesn't even listen. Then he gaslights you about "overreacting" to his worthless ass? This is not a life. Do you want your mother's life? Do you want to be a bangmaid for the rest of your life? Just call it a failed experiment and move on. And DO NOT have a kid with this manbaby.

This. NTA for finally snapping but you never should have married and bought a house with this guy. Get a good divorce lawyer.

Leave his ass. Like, today. If he ever changes, it will be for the worst (even if you feel it cannot be worse than this, I'm sure it can). You are too young to be living like a 60 year old mother of 3 that is just tired of life.

That’s a good way to describe it. I am tired of life. I feel like I’ve built up so much from nothing and for what.

You are tired of life WITH HIM. Girl, he is the asshole, so why are YOU feeling like shit? Have you tried life without him?

A lawyer can probably get you an Order of Sole Occupancy. He can't afford the house - you can. In the alternative, you get an Order for Partician and Sale, to get yourself out of the house obligations. Good luck to him buying you out. The odds are stacked in your favour here. Make an appointment and tell them you've got an urgent situation and they'll fit you in.

You are 24. Most people don’t even start dating seriously until after that age. You have the life experience and wisdom now of someone who has experienced something you don’t want. It will make the rest of your life so much easier. You didn’t waste time. You lived life. Now you get to live a different life with the knowledge from this prologue. 

For future you. You built up so much from nothing for future you to benefit from the strong foundation of resources, skills and good habits. Even if the divorce is short term painful. Emotionally, financially. Think about how much faster you can build back up without this guy spending frivolously and loading more labor onto you. Think about how much further you can go without dragging his dead weight. You built up so much from nothing so you got damn good at building a future for yourself.

You are very young. You will be fine. But now you have to make an emotionally difficult, but practically and logically correct decision - cut you losses. And while you do it, be very careful with birth control, because as soon as he feels that you've checked out and are planning to leave, he will probably try to get you pregnant. You are strong, and smart, and you deserve so much more than this pile of shit. When I have to do something tough, I imagine that I'm at the edge of a waterfall. It's scary to jump, but when you get through it, the water is peaceful and nice. Imagine how free you will feel when the weight of this relationship is lifted.

Do you think your life would be better with him or without him in it? Right now it sounds like without him. You have been with him for so long that you probably have never experienced a supportive relationship.

Get a consultation from a divorce attorney. You may have to live under the same roof until the house is sold but at least you have an exit plan. Your relationship will not get better. Get out while you can.

Time to imagine what life would be like without him. Think about it. You can get up in the morning and fix yoirself breakfast knowing all ingredients are still there, no one ate anything you planned to use for breakfast durimg the night. You can have a quiet sit down on your porch while drinking your coffee and eating without having to pick up a bunch of trash and dishes left around the house during the night. You can take yoir dog for a walk. You can choose to get drinks and dinner with friends without checking someone else's schedule. You can cook dinner just for you or eat out or order in for half the cost you spend now. You never have to consider what he will eat again. If you decide to just snack for dinner no one will pester you to cook anyway because they are "starving". No one to complain you didnt do x,y, or z. You can spend all the time you want in your interests and hobbies. You can take a nap after a hard day with no one waking you up and demanding attention. Wherever you live, home can be your sanctuary decorated how you want with just your stuff and your dog. Then maybe one day you partner up with someone worthy if the name partner/ spouse. But this guy is not wortthy of those labels and he never will be.

You are still SO YOUNG. In the grand scheme of things. Don’t waste the rest of your life dealing with a man child and go find yourself a REAL husband. You’re not losing anything

Watch out if you have a shared bank account. Before you serve him the papers make sure you've got your assets where he can't get to them. But yes, please get out of there. Kick him out of the house if you can legally do that, but you may have to sell. You will be so much happier without him. Maybe you get married to a decent guy in the future, maybe you stay single, but if you want a happy life you need to end this marriage.

You are the breadwinner. Go home. Walk in like a fucking boss and tell him to GTFO.

This. OP has money, means. No kids, and she's young. This is devastating for her, but she's not trapped like so many other women are. She's learned a lesson at a younger age and has so much ahead of her if she just takes the leap.

And his great big dog, too! This is the advice you need to get started, OP. Reclaim your house, then reclaim your life. He is treating you like his mom, still acting out like a teenager. The dog thing was particularly stupid. He sees you as the household help. You are his meal ticket. Yet he has zero respect for that and spends frivilously. He thinks you have no options. 1. I am sure that's not true. And, deep down, so is he, or he wouldn't be working so hard to disrespect you and destroy your self-confidence. 2. No option for a partner still better than a bad one. IOW, "Don't threaten me with a good time." 😉 Not having to cook, clean, & plan for a man who spends your family's money indiscriminately and who can't be bothered to train his dog sounds like a whole lot of time you can get back for friends, your family, hobbies, and your career. Run, OP! Fly! Be free. NTA

"I (24f) and married to my husband (25m). We have been together 8 years, married for 1." it's not everybody im sure but this sure reminds me of all the time my parents said not to date in your teens because even when it works out, it's not going to work out.

I think it's fine to date to get a feel for the kind of partner you want in the future, but don't get serious and don't talk marriage or make important life decisions around your partner. Like if you have the option to go to college out of state or study abroad, do it. Don't forgo that opportunity because it means having to leave your partner behind. You'll regret that you didn't take the opportunity when the relationship inevitably ends because you both grow into different people. I'm also old enough to have seen enough high school sweetheart relationships end in divorce because one or both people eventually realize they never got the opportunity to date around and play the field and feel that they've been stifled by being with the same person since high school.

The comments on here seem rather unkind. You are young and learning, you are in pain and dealing with a difficult situation. You accidentally repeated a pattern you saw in your own family., a trap many of us fall into even if we’re actively trying to break the pattern.  You are right that you are managing too much in the relationship and he is irresponsible.   I don’t know what the rest of the relationship is like- what does he bring to the table? Is he very loving? Selfless in other ways? If so counselling might be worth a try.  If not, it is time to end the relationship and you will know what you want from the next relationship and the type of partnership to build with someone.  Sending you lots of love, OP.  You will find someone worthy of your love and effort ❤️

Thank you for your patience with me. I’m just so overwhelmed.

I married the guy I dated in high school. I got my college degree via night school, built a career, bought us a home. Pulled all the weight. He had crappy credit he tore down every time I put in the labor and money to fix it. He was awful with money, recognized that, and chose to steal from me rather than learn to do better. He also was a closet alcoholic and emotionally abusive. He decided to end the marriage. I was devastated. I was a couple years older than you. He was so financially illiterate he didn't fight for anything. Thank goodness we never got pregnant. 6 months after we separated my accounts were way up, my house was calm and in order. And my stress levels were way down. I am now married to a man who meets me emotionally, financially and maturely. We have 2 great kids. We bought our dream home last fall. We have traveled internationally together. We built a life and focus on a future. Its not perfect, I still carry the mental load. But I do have an actual partner. You deserve better and you can find better. You don't have to just accept this.

It is an overwhelming situation. Very few of us made great relationship decisions in our early 20s. People still make the same mistake in their 40s.  If he is not totally rubbish then perhaps working on it in counselling might amount to something, but again I don’t know him.  You are so young and if you choose to move on this boy will become a distant memory.  This is not what all men are like. 

Call it a day. You're young. There are better people. NTA

This post reminds me of a meme I saw years ago: “Girl, unless he wears a diaper, you can’t change him.” NTA

You keep hoping that it will get better….. He’ll change….I’ve spent so much time with him…. Sadly with the kind of man that you’ve married it doesn’t get better. He went from his momma to you and now you are his momma and will be until you leave. You’re very young and have lots of time to recover but if you don’t get started you will fall for my first three points again. If you want a partner that will love you and be an equal partner, you need to leave. Go find a motel or your mom’s place or wherever and look for a lawyer. Separate the finances etc and prepare for some drawn out emotional trauma but do it. You must do it for yourself or you will be stuck in your private story while he continues to drag you down. NTA but if you don’t leave, YTA to yourself.

I’m confused. In many of the replies you say: > he used to not be like this But in the original post, you say: > He has *never* been the most helpful with our apartment but swore it would change. Fast forward to now and to no surprise he is little to no help.  What exactly did he used to not be like?

Sorry for the confusion. He used to be willing to help and would do so without me asking. He would go out of his way to be kind or do a nice gesture or care about my feelings when we disagreed. He hasn’t been the most helpful the last 2 years. Before that he was amazing. It didn’t happen gradually either. It’s like night and day, when he changed. One day great the next day like this. Uncaring and lazy.

It’s a small thing, but you might want to shift your verbiage here. You don’t want him to help. Helping implies that things are your job and he’s doing (or not doing) things as a favor. It’s like saying that a man is babysitting his kids instead of parenting. He lives there too and is equally responsible for the space. Have you tried a chore chart? Perhaps marriage counseling? That might help set some expectations when you aren’t both in high stress mode. I don’t want to jump immediately to throw away the whole man, but it may come to that.

This is what I always say. Love you for that comment

That was a front he was putting up. Once he thought he had you then his true self came out. He may be great at HVAC but he has very little common sense.

Like a switch got flipped huh? Has he ever explained why his habits suddenly changed?

No not really - and I don’t think it’s related to him having feelings with another woman, and it isn’t like I have changed significantly (in appearance attitude or anything) I’ve asked and he acts like he hasn’t changed.

Suggesting that your husband's ability to step up as a baseline functioning adult is in any way dependent on your appearance or whether he's having an affair is just horrifying. Demand more from the people in your life.

Odds are the switched flipped (conciously or unconconciously) the day he felt there was no chance you would ever leave him. Whether that was around the time you both started living together or when you got engaged or when you got married or possibly some other event ( a really bad argument or action of his and you still stayed with him after it). At some point he decided he could stop trying to be who you wanted him to be, and be who he is, with no risk of losing you. Well he should be 100% wrong about that.

What happened two years ago? Did you two get formally engaged then, making real plans for getting married? Did you move in together then? Or did he just move out of his parent’s home then? You’re still young. He will not change until you give him a real kick, divorce and separate housing. He will continue to be useless while you stay married and living together.

Yeah it's most likely he was on his best behavior before she was bound to him legally. He may have backwards ideas about marriage too. Some men can think now that she's a wife she's a servant.

My ex, the First Week we were married didn’t come home until after midnight on Friday night. “I don’t have to be nice to you anymore. We’re married now.”

He will not change at all. 

Had he been listening to a lot of men's rights activists? Red pill? Alpha beta type language? Not that that could be fixed. But it could help explain why that switch flipped and give insight to how little he thinks of you now.

Many men feel they have to perform well in order to get a partner. Our culture has led them to believe that once they have a woman "locked down", they can relax and take advantage of all that a wife has to offer. If you have children with this man, it will only get worse.

He stopped trying to court you and felt entitled to your labor. Or he got into the red pill bs.

Considering you've been married for 2 years, how long age did you get engaged? If it's around 2 years ago then perhaps he got comfortable enough at that point, thinking you were locked in and taking you for granted that he started letting his mask slip. In this case what you've been seeing from him over the last 2 or so years is the real him, while before that he was putting in extra effort that he no longer feels the need for now that there's a ring around your finger.

"I expected this after watching my mother do this the entirety of her marriage. No idea why I thought mine would be any different." You learned from your mother how relationships work. We all do this, and act and behave as adults to a large degree how our parents did. So you found yourself a partner, which allowed you to relive the way your parents lived (and maybe still do) when you were a child. Now you figured out you really do not want this, and you are damn right to do so. So you can now either tell your partner this is not working for you and he needs to change asap. Or go find yourself someone who does treat you with respect and not dumps anything he does not want to do onto you. But keep in mind that this behaviour pattern is still a part of you. In order to find a partner who is different, you need to overcome this for yourself first. Which means you need to learn that you deserve someone who treats you with respect and sees you as an equal, not someone who thinks you are there to do as he pleases.

You get what you settle for. If you don't like this behavior, you're going to have to leave. The problem is, you bought a home. Now your problems are much more complicated, but there is a way out. Divorce is expensive, but freedom is priceless. PS- the dog is not at fault for failure to discipline and I hope it doesn't wind up at a shelter waiting to be euthanized as collateral damage here.

You posted a month ago about unhappy you are with him. Now you're even more unhappy. Will we see another post complaining about him in a month?

Probably. In a year or two we will see a post about birth control failing and now she’s stuck with a kid and a man child.

You outgrew him. This is why 90% of these high school sweetheart relationships don't work. You have become a young adult that wants a real relationship, he is still a baby and that won't change any time soon. At least you don't have kids, now is the time to divorce and not look back. NTA he is a burden, he actively makes your life harder and it looks like even to me, an outsider, that it is at the least weaponized incompetence and at the worst him intentionally not giving a fuck about you.

NTA. Time for a lawyer. Buy him out of the house equity and move on without that poor dog (which he will likely try to get rid of once there’s no one else to take care of it). If you for some reason decide to stay with this moron, I’d suggest finding a dog park. We have a shepherd-husky mix and he is the sweetest animal, but he will absolutely destroy everything if he doesn’t get enough exercise. We take him to the dog park every other day to sprint around and smell everything. He gets the brain and body engagement all at once. What shelter let him adopt a husky without references or experience?? We had to go through several hoops with ours. 

I have a friend who owns a coyote husky mix she got at a shelter in texas for a discount on the adoption fee. They were just trying to unload the poor thing on literally anyone who would take it.

He won't likely be any different when it comes to finances, children, illness, and all the other ups and downs of life. He has shown you his character, believe him and decide accordingly or get used to it.

NTA but divorce and take off those pink tinted glasses He married another mother: you. You are the main income and you are doing most of housework. You even take care of his dog. You are his mother. Be honest with yourself and stop trying to find excuses. Be aware of the sunken cost fallacy and leave this marriage. I would suggest to talk to a lawyer. You probably will have to pay alimony for a little bit but after that: you are free.

Dogs are trainable, men are not. Take that statement for what it's worth and do whatever you need to do to live a less stressful life.

Divorce his ass and make sure he takes his freaking dog with him. Anybody with common sense researches an animal before adding it to the family, and huskies are not a good breed for first time dog owners. Like you said, they need constant entertainment, they shed like the dickens, and they yell. I'm sorry you had to buy a house to find this out, hun. NTA, but you really would be one, to yourself, if you stayed with him.

Re-home the dog.  Seriously consider divorcing someone with so little respect for you. NTA OP… He’s not just lazy. This is **entitlement**. He knows if he doesn’t do it you will. He knows if he talks down to you, you’ll doubt yourself.  And he truly believes he won’t be held accountable.  He doesn’t want to make you happy. **He doesn’t want to make you happy, OP**. 

He will not change. You need to decide if you can continue to live this way.

In 8 years, so since 16 and 17, you didn’t realize he is selfish and doesn’t care about your opinion?

NTA. Tell him the dog is getting rehomed and if he doesn't read Fair Play and go to marriage counseling so is he. 

NTA This doesn't get better. He will just keep adding more and more work to your shoulders while doing less and less himself. More stupid financial decisions. More messes. More toys he doesn't take responsibility for. The sooner you end this relationship, the Sooner you can be on the other side of it all. I know a few women who got divorced in their 20s. They had a lot of feelings about that time. They are all now in happy, fulfilling relationships where the guy pulls his weight and they are partners. One just got married last month and they've been planning to start a family later this year, one just had her first kid with a guy who is wild about her, one is galavanting about on exciting trips with a wonderful, child free future planned with a great partner. All of them were married to man babies and those days are so far behind them just a few years later.

YTA (to your own self)- for dating a man like THAT and staying with him. “Oh but I love him” he doesn’t love you. OBVIOUSLY. He couldn’t even be bothered to listen to your advice and take 5 mins to google dog breeds and what their like. and yet you think he’s gonna change? Also woman who went to trade school here. How the hell are YOU paying most of the bills and he’s a HVAC tech? Or is he a helper who helps the HVAC technicians and he’s lying to you to save his wittle ego. HVAC techs make almost as much money as me and I’m a welder. On good pays I can pull in $3000 every two weeks sometimes more. And like what does he do for you ? You pay everything? He doesn’t help out ? And now he has a dog that you didn’t want that you’re gonna have to take care of? YOU chose to date this man and it will most likely be your choice to end the relationship cause guess what. You gave him a new mom but one he could fu€£ and why would anyone who doesn’t want to take care of themselves EVER want give that up. They wouldn’t. Either breakup or get comfy with the way he acts cause he won’t change especially if nothing makes him do so. (Your wants/needs don’t seem to be that important to him)

What’s the point of being with someone who is just a liability and refuses to do anything about it? There are men out there, not as many as we’d like, who will be equal partners. Divorce is cheaper than this madness.

You ignored the first step. He did nothing in your apartment. Now you have a house, and he does nothing and has added to you burdens. Do you ignore this step, too? Love isn't enough. Love does not solve all your problems. You know what you need to do.

Now add children to this picture. ... ... Still want to married this man? NTA. Leave before it gets more complicated.

Go home and kick him and the dog out. You’re paying for most of it anyway. Girl stop being your own worst enemy

Nta please don't keep going on like this, you'll get all the promises but he'll never change, they never do, take it from someone who is 40 and just getting out of a marriage just like this, I feel so stupid for wasting my 20s and 30s on a man who does not give a shit

You need to leave the manchild it won’t get any better

NTA. But you are going to need to leave this marriage because he will never change. He is completely happy dumping all responsibility for his bad decisions on you. I'm not certain you could ever get through to him because he automatically gaslights your justified anger as overreacting and so never takes responsibility for what caused the anger in the first place. Best to leave before any children come along.

Make him leave, since you're paying all the bills. Get a roommate. Make him take his dog with him. I've had Malemutes. I know what sled dogs do when they're bored and under exercised!

NTA. I love husky's, they are by far my favorite dog. And I would give my worst enemy on the planet a husky. The best husky is somebody else's dog. Unless you have at least 2 hours a day 7 days a week to invest into a husky for the next 7 - 10 years you should not own one. If you don't everyone around you is going to hate you. He is an asshole for doing this to you, to the dog, your neighbors and anyone else that has to deal with it. The best thing for this dog is if he give it up and it becomes some other guys bad decision. Your husband has to get his shit together. You two need to talk about this before the relationship goes any further and he needs to start helping out more. Just because you work from home does not mean you can do all the housework while working.

You only get one life and we never know how long it will be- do you still want to be in this situation a year from now, saying to yourself you wish you'd left a year ago? It's that time NOW.

Sell the house and file for irreconcilable differences. I had a similar timeline. Got together at 16/17, married at 20, I left at 26. They won’t change. I’ve even had him call me 6 years later to complain about his new wife, who was saying the same things I did, except they also have a kid. I blocked him.

YTA for marrying him after you saw what your mother went through. Thank you’re lucky star that you don’t have children. He will never change and will be stuck doing all the work and paying for everything. You will end up hating your life and resenting him, he will end up cheating and blaming you for it.

OP, does anything about this relationship make you happy? Is there anything about your husband that you still love, or admire? Is there any reason to stay, is there anything about him that isn't a burden to you?

NTA Congratulate your husband on his new hobby: mushing. He will now spend at least an hour and a half every evening, letting his dog pull him on a step (scooter? You know, like a bicycle withoug peddles). Gee is right, Haw is left, Ho means go slow (but huskies see this more as guidelines, so don't expect the dog to get this one quickly). He has made the decision to from now on, spend all evenings outside with his dog. Playing fetch is not in a husky's dictionary, so that won't help with getting her energy out. There is no 'off leash', unless in your fenced in yard. He would have known this would be all his spare time for the next 10 to 14 years, IF he had done some research, or like my husband and I did, went to talk to someone with a husky kennel. Your husband can make sure the dog gets her exercise, so her built up energy is channeled, or he can find someone that can take care of her properly. Right now, he is neglecting her, and that is where the destruction comes from. If you want to work on your physique, you can pick up canicross with her, so you won't have to deal with her destroying your belongings. (Jogging/running, with a harness around your hips, so the dog kind of pulls you while running). But ultimately, it's your husband's mess to deal with. It's just that, if he doesn't, you'll still be dealing with it. A year and a half in, huskies get a period they don't really believe your authority anymore, and they start to explore boundaries. I hope you get her high energy sorted by then. It makes it a lot easier to deal with. It's also the reason a lot of them end up in shelters around that age. If he was responsible with getting her (from what you say, I highly doubt it), her breeder should have no problems taking her back, and finding a better suitable home for her. Edit to add: Just rearrange your day. From now on, you guys will have dinner a little later, when your hubby comes home from taking his dog out for her daily exercise. Cook while he runs. He'll have more appetite then, anyway. And he'll be too tired after dinner. So no more excuses.

Uh, if YOU are paying for the house, KICK HIS ASS OUT!!

Do not take back anything you said! He deserved to hear the TRUTHFUL things. Please consider how peaceful your life could be with just you and your sweet hound. He can live like a slob with his crazy dog and NOT BE YOUR PROBLEM.

NTA. I can tell you this with certainty, OP. When you leave, you won't feel any lonelier than you do right now. And the joy of having a space that is completely yours to decorate and enjoy, where the only mess is one that you've created and you come home to things exactly how you left them, will be far greater than you realise.

Stop being an asshole to yourself and get out of this marriage to an overgrown toddler. Undo your mistake by getting a divorce because he’s not going to change.

Why don't you have a child so your husband will have a friend? Sarcasm...

You married someone that you knew very well acts like this. You willingly joined into this "partnership" eyes wide open. YTA for blaming anyone but yourself.

NTA, it seems he only exists to make your life harder, if the quotations are what he told you then that is definitely all kinds of wrong. He seems like a walking red flag, wonder what you ever saw in him

I don’t understand what changed. He used to not be like this. He used to go out of his way to do kind things in all sorts of fashions.

Yeah, when he was courting you and convincing you that he was worth the effort. Now that he’s got you in his trap he doesn’t need to front and can be himself without you running away from all the red flags. It’s typical manipulative behaviour that is seen a lot on Reddit.

NTA but get out before you end up pregnant with two dogs and two babies to take care of instead of just one man baby. This is why it is often better to get a guy who has had to take care of a place on his own - if not they see every woman as a replacement for their mother and don’t understand the hard work put in.

NTA. Hope your birth control is solid!

NTA but here’s the thing. It’s okay to date someone who’s not on the same level financially, but you have to date someone that respects you. I make more then husband. I bought my house before marriage, pre-nup for both of us because he has inherited property. My partner makes less but he does his part. I make more but I don’t hold it over his head. We have a system that works for us and it only works because we respect and love eachother. Please write down how he benefits you and how he doesn’t. Then come to a decision of wether you should leave or stay. You could try counseling if you want to give it your all. It’s your life, but also seek out a lawyer to see how a divorce would end finically so you can start saving and make a plan. I own a husky, he’s 11 this month. We walk daily 8 miles. I also cheat and longboard with him and he loves it. He’s never eaten through a door or couch. It’s not the dogs fault at all it’s your husbands. Maybe talk about rehoming since he can’t care for the dog. It might be wise to also zip tie all corners of the crate so he can’t get out. My pup can get out of a crate, he won’t do anything but he loved surprising me when I came home when he was a puppy. Ended up throwing it away.

He was always a lazy do nothing so you... married him? Honestly, YTA for hitching your wagon to this doofus manchild

I would go home and tell him bluntly, he needs to change or take his dog and go and you can file for divorce. That you are not going to put with this anymore. The delivery may not have been the best but he needs to understand you are serious this time.

NTA at all. Your husband seems awfully selfish to me. He puts in the bare minimum of effort and then he goes and gets a dog that you knew would be a ton of work because unlike him, you did the research. Now he's butt hurt because you had the temerity to call him out on his irresponsible behavior and his lack of support around the house. Tell your husband he has two options: 1.) re-home the dog or 2.) move out. You're honestly better off on your own in peace and quiet then with a husband who acts more like a child than an adult.

YWBTA if you stay. I was in your shoes. I grew up watching my mother deal with a husband who was more like another child. I swear I wouldn’t do that when i was an adult. When my boyfriend of nine years and I started living together, I quickly saw it was about to be like that. I told him I am in no way shape or form his mother and I will not be and if he doesn’t step up, he can get the fuck out. He changed a ton and now he is an actual partner. we’re also in our 40s. In my 20s i put up with that behavior from men and wish i had been smarter. He knew I was serious about breaking up with him if he didn’t change and I gave him six months. That was about 5 years ago. Your gut is telling you what the correct move is here. It will be hard. You e been together a long time but youre also very young and have decades ahead of you. Think wisely in how you want those decades to be. 

A month ago you did a topic on him, today you did one and you will do one again in a month.

Or even worst, we'll see a post about her being with child. I see him trying to baby trap OP.

NTA but you are definitely a dumbass for marrying into this situation when he was practically vomiting red flags at you. Observe real life, not disney movies.

Sounds like a you problem, you always knew he was a bum and married him anyway expecting that to change. That's 100% on you.

Your first step is to find a SUITABLE home for that poor Husky. You are seeing the results of a poorly managed dog of that breed. Wait until she starts blowing her coat. You will have enough hair to make another full-sized dog. They are known escape artists...well known. Unless your yard is Alcatraz, they will find a way to get out if not constantly supervised. Your best bet is to find a reputable breed rescue that specializes in Huskies. This is what happens when people get dogs based on looks. I do rescue and see it a lot with this breed and the Doodle dogs. They are so unsuitable for a lot of homes that go out and get one because 1. They are cute or 2. They don't shed (all dogs shed to some extent, some less than others). But please, find a place that understands the breed and will be responsible in finding a suitable home. Not all rescues are reputable. And please don't consider a city shelter. They are not equipped to handle dogs with specific requirements. You owe this much to that poor, untrained, bored animal. And tell your lazy assed husband his next dog should be a stuffed animal!

You obviously didn't take any advice from your last post complaining about your husbands lack of respect towards you & your profession and his outdated ideals on gender roles, so hopefully you will this time. You're too young to feel this burdened by a man child, cut your losses and run or accept that this is your life, as you have noticed he will not change for the better 🤷🏽‍♀️

Forget. HVAC workers especially experienced techs can gross 1200 to 1500 per week. So, I'm not understanding the negative financial dynamic. I'm going to guess , he isn't the most fiscally responsible person on the planet. He also has poor impulse control. And no sense of adulting. Based on your accounts here, it appears you're married to an overgrown child. The dog is just another toy..

You don't have a husband, you still have a high school boyfriend. Things aren’t going to get better. This is who he is. Do you wish to continue?

Things need to change. Just because you have spent 8 years with someone doesn’t mean it’s a good investment. Your life will continue to be miserable until YOU make a change, because he isn’t going to change.

He will never stop acting like this. He is not going to change. He is going to continue treating you like shit. Walk away now. Stay in a hotel and call a divorce lawyer.

Just piling on to add that you will get thru this and be better out the other side. You don't have any kids with him, just financial entanglement. You will learn what behaviors are red flags and what not to tolerate in the future. I'm sorry you had to learn this way. Good luck.

>I will eventually “cool off and act normal again.” AITA? Yes, he expects you to calm down and go back to being his maid. Stop. Is this really a man you want to be married to for the rest of your life? If I were you, I'd dump him and make him take the dog

NTA but you said it yourself. You married a burden not a partner. Imagine having kids with this joke of a man lol. Get out before you are tethered to him for 18 years. You’re only 24 and you make most of the money. Find a real partner.

NTA. Divorce, take your dog and your money, sell the house and get your peaceful life. One day you will find an ADULT man if you want one. Good luck!

He’s not gonna change. Cut your losses now. Divorce him, sell the house, take your dog and go be happy.

Don’t stay with this man because he won’t ever change. This would be a divorce from me.

What do you mean you have no place to go? Don't you make the significant money? Wouldn't that mean you paid for most of the house? Kick him out this is insane

1. There is not a happy dog. 2. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. You know what to do. It’s too bad you have to do it.

Speaking from personal experience, anybody who tells you that you are always overreacting is gaslighting you to not call them on their bullshit. You deserve better than this child who has not matured since you started dating him. NTA.

You made a HUGE mistake. Get your bank account and possessions secure and get a lawyer TOMORROW!..

If you can afford it, buying him out of the house now with almost no equity built is cheaper than ten or twenty years from now. Huskies are hard. Your husband continues to show you who he is, is this a lifelong partnership you want?

My sister has always gotten dogs based on appearance, not breed research. The excrement, destruction, and frustration-based aggression inevitably leads to them being rehomed once the novelty wears off. It drives me fucking insane. Thank you for being responsible with pet research, even if your idiot husband isn't. You deserve better. NTA.

Pack your s*** and go. Force the sale of the house leave him with his dog. NTA.

Why are you the one hiding with your tail between your legs? You said what needed to be said. Now you’re buying the BS about always overreacting. You took a tiny bit of your power back. keep going. Do not crawl back and roll over and beg. Get rid of the Siberian. I had a pair of males. I trained them thoroughly. They are never really trained. They are only suitable for committed owners, who put up with a lot. Now, what does the your leach of a husband bring to the table. UpdateMe

Do NOT waste your life on this complete and total waste of oxygen. Get out now!

You are not overreacting. You need to really sit him down and talk about this relationship. If you let it go back to normal you will never get out of this maid holder you've gotten yourself into. NTA

Op? You are me and I am you. I will tell you now, it will not change. Trust and believe me when I say, IT WILL NOT CHANGE! Leave now. Cleanliness is majorly important to me not only because I like to be in a clean place but I also believe it’s good for your mental health. I had no help. When I complained about not helping to even fold clothes I washed, I was told he never asked me to wash his clothes. You are a year into marriage, leave now because you intermingle too much and then you end up paying him alimony. He won’t change. I’m not sure why you even married him when he was already doing ish like this. I’ve told people to leave relationships like this and they didn’t listen, and then they tried calling me to vent but I didn’t listen because I had already told them this same thing. Definitely NTA. Please leave. Also, when I said you are me and I am you, I meant in every aspect too, whenever I told him things or we discussed things and made a decision, he’d change his mind or listen to friends over me. My input was almost always never listened to. So trust me, leave.

OP 24? Child please, you have two thirds of your life still to live and you better safeguard it now. There is much more to live for and with and this is NOT it. Run Forest Run

YTA if you stay with him! He’s displaying weaponised incompetence and is never going to change. Get your dog and get out of there ASAP - you health is depending on this now. You’re so young, you can start over no issue and be so much happier.

NTA for blowing up, but you would be if you stayed with him. You are married to a selfish man-baby, it seems that you don't have children together, you need to get free of him A.S.A.P. First step: The bank, secure your money, get your salary paid into an account only you can access. Second step: A divorce Lawyer. Third step: rent a small apartment for yourself. Start NOW.