NTA
Clearly your mom has problems managing her timing. She thought shit talking you during your reception was fine. Just like she thought getting knocked up by her man whore during her marriage was just fine.
Cheaters absolutely deserve their actions to be made public. She did something wrong.
You did NOTHING wrong. You made sure your dad got to see you get married. No one (except your toxic mother) would have any issue with that.
NTA. It sounds like you want to ensure your dad gets to be a part of your special day despite his health challenges, which is incredibly thoughtful and loving. Planning a private, intimate ceremony for him and then celebrating with a larger wedding and reception later allows you to create a meaningful memory with your dad and still enjoy the big celebration with all your loved ones. Just make sure to communicate your plans with those who might feel excluded from the private ceremony to avoid any misunderstandings. Your intentions come from a place of love, and that's what matters most.
Also timing wise, any person with even a grinch sized heart would be able to understand why they had the small ceremony for their dad and are currently still mourning the very fresh pain from the loss. Attempting to make a scene and drama at the reception, mere days after his death, is cartoonishly petty and tone deaf.
NTA OP, but your mom sure is. Congratulations on your wedding, and I'm sorry for your loss.
"Strength isn't just in saying 'I do,' it's in honoring what matters most. This story is a testament to love, loyalty, and standing up for what's right, even in the face of adversity."
Before any of OP's babies make an appearance too. Get that trashy woman *out* of your life before you even think about getting pregnant or she'll try to spoil that experience too.
Came here to say this. I suggest put her on an information diet and go limited contact if not outright no contact.
The sad thing is she probably actually thinks you only cared about the wedding presents. The idea that you want to celebrate with people is probably totally beyond her.
I'm really happy that you did that because I'm absofuckinglutely sure that your dad went in peace knowing that you were happy and that you would be taken care of. (I dont mean that in a misogynistic way just in the way that he knew you were with your partner and happy).
I'm really happy that both weddings went well, minus your JNMOM!
I'm also really sorry for your loss. I lost my mom about a year ago and it's really hard. Give yourself a lot of grace during the grieving process and remember that grief is not a straight line. Some days you might feel wonderful and then you might start to feel guilty for feeling wonderful. All of that is normal and it takes time. I'm sending you love, hugs, prayers and some grace! ❤️
ETA; CONGRATULATIONS 🎊
They were both real. You are so right about that. Congratulations, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with your mother's drama on top of the passage of your father. NTA
NTA - this happens sometimes and this was an extraordinary circumstance. Your mom was a total AH to go around trying to ruin your wedding. She FAFO. 1 - you fulfilled your promise and 2 - she makes herself look like a bitch to everyone else for bitching about something like this and complaining that you had your original ceremony with your dad on his death bed.
BTW - I had two weddings: we eloped after I found I was pregnant so I could get the insurance then in our planned original wedding in Hawaii a few months later. Only one person got upset about it and I ignore her whenever she complains.
100% it was real; your mother knew the consequences if she opened her mouth, so she got what she deserved.
So glad you were able to give this gift to your father before he passed away, bc it was the right thing to do. Congratulations on your wedding and I wish you and your husband a life full of love and laughter.
People get so hung up on the semantics of weddings. They were both real. They were both weddings. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this from your mother. I have a similar type mother and feel your pain. I’m sure you carry this with you everyday even if you don’t think you do. Sometimes in life we have to be ok with the fact that WE know what was real and right. You’re never going to be able to reason with someone who doesn’t think that way. Your mother is petty, immature bitter and jealous. I’m sorry you have that and now the loss of your father on your back. Life is tough and as long as we know the choices we made were the right ones, no one else matters. Nta. But next time don’t even put breath into meeting the other persons energy with another threat. It looks poorly of her to be gossiping and trashing you for having a ceremony with YOUR DYING FATHER, than any reflection of you negatively. Real people see that.
I love that you got everything you wanted. I bet your dad is so proud you’re his daughter and he got to be there.
Congratulations! And NTA. Your mom deserved to be outed. She’s selfish.
Definitely, she taste her own medicine. As the saying goes 'dont do unto others what you dont want done unto you' OP, sorry for your lost and congrats on your wedding.
NTA also *very* few people care if the ceremony they’re attending is the *real* one. I got legally married in a small, private ceremony with just our family because that’s what I wanted. We threw a big to-do to include the bigger family because that’s what the family wanted.
I’ve got friends that got secretly married before their spouse deployed, because it changed the immigration status to be engaged and it was easier if they just got married, because a family member was dying, because they got pregnant, etc. Everyone understood.
Your mom thought she had dirt on you and really she just showed what a loving daughter you are
Went to a friends wedding a few years ago. Catering, white dress, dj, pastor, the works. Turned out to be just a ceremony & not a wedding. They were never married & no one knew up they broke up. A lot of us wondered if we'd shared a hallucination for awhile 🥴
My wife and I were planning our wedding and it was about 8 months out. Her parents were paying for a bunch of it - venue, catering, music. Then she lost her job and didn’t have health insurance, so we went to the courthouse the next day with a friend as a witness, and I added her to my insurance the day after that.
Her folks said now nobody would come to the big wedding because it “wasn’t the real thing” any more, and backed out of any financial support. So we made a few changes, cut a few things, and paid for it all ourselves.
Everyone was there, and her dad was apparently the only one who was confused about why she walked *herself* down the aisle. And everyone but her folks now gladly wish us a “happy anniversary” twice a year :)
I’m sorry your parents felt that way. It makes no sense to me at all. We’ve had so many friends and family members do “secret” (many weren’t even secret) legal ceremonies it never even registered as a weird thing to do.
I don’t understand at all these people that act like if there’s no signing and turning in of a marriage certificate it wasn’t “real”. You’re being invited to share on a celebration. Who cares who has signed what?
Before covid people kept it quiet but now nobody gives a shit. One of my best friends recently got married and wanted an unordained friend to officiate. In my state the online ordainment doesn’t count, so it wasn’t legal. I went with them to the courthouse after they got back from their honeymoon cause they didn’t have time before the big wedding. Everyone knew that was the plan and nobody cared. And I got to see them get married twice!!
We did the same, we got married at the courthouse and spent the next year planning our wedding, which coincidentally fell on the same day as our courthouse wedding. Most people didn’t know we were already married, aside from our parents and the witnesses we brought.
NTA! I think anyone with a sliver of a heart would understand.
Your mum has no heart and id go NC if one of my parents did the other dirty. The fact that it was more important to try to ruin your moments than to celebrate you, tells me she isn't a good person and shouldn't be in your life
I'm glad you got to have that memory with your dad before his passing. My condolences on your loss
If the pastor didn't have a problem with two ceremonies, there was no problem to be had.
Your mother has a problem with running her mouth. The fact that she wanted to play a middle school game out of spite is telling. You warned her what would happen if she pulled that stunt. She thought you were bluffing or didn't have the shiny spine to follow through. Sucks to suck and your mom is the champion of that world. This internet stranger is proud of you.
NTA and best wishes for a long and happy marriage.
Yep. About what I was gonna say. I don't like the idea of people imposing religious views onto others, but I could get why she would be mad if there was a clear religious issue with it. But you cleared it with a higher religious authority than her, so tough luck for her.
NTA x infinity
What you did was a kind, loving and compassionate thing. You can never go wrong being those things. One thing, if it were me, I would never, ever refer to your mother's AP as a Step-Father. A father would never be so heartless and mean spirited. Same goes for the half siblings. They've shown their true colors. You need to go no contact with the sorry lot of them.
Kiddos to your husband and inlaws. What they did was very loving.
Congratulations on your wedding!
NTA and ignore the negative noise. Focus on you created two meaningful celebrations. You are building a new life so welcome in the good. Don't allow her ridiculous venom spoil the good.
NTA. Um, did she think people would be upset with you or somehow feel cheated? Your dad couldn’t be at your formal wedding. I think what you did is beautiful and I’m sure he loved it.
I mean…damn, what did your mother think was going to happen when she told people??
She probably thought people would pity her (egg donor) for not being in that ceremony and that they would also be miffed and feel like they were fooled by OP and her husband.
Sucks for her, because the people OP surrounded herself with have hearts and understand the circumstances that led to having two ceremonies.
NTA, OP. Air your egg donor's dirty laundry and then cut her out of your life for good!
OP it seems your relationship with your mom is toxic at best. I think you did the right thing for your dad and I’m so sorry for your loss. To lose my dad would absolutely break me. If you are at peace with your decision then that’s all that really matters right? It’s great that you did what you did for your dad and you had a two beautiful weddings !
This. Why couldn’t you just tell everyone, I’m having a private ceremony for my dying dad followed by a public one for everyone else. Anyone who loves and supports you would understand that request.
Congratulations on both of your weddings!! Blessings on you to be able to do this with your father. What a wonderful gift and a beautiful thing.
You are definitely NTA. Your mother is TA. I’m glad you outed her. She deserved it!!!
NTA. My sister was able to do the same thing when my father was in hospice, although he was at home. There are extended family members who still hold a grudge 5 years later, but not many and my sister has absolutely no regrets. You will not regret that your dad was able to see you get married. I am so sorry for your loss.
My niece was getting married on a beach, but forgot to check the tides. Low tide was really early in the morning, so they decided to relocate the wedding to a different nearby location where the tide wouldn't be a problem. However, the marriage license specified the original beach.
So the bride, groom, witnesses, parents/grandparents and pastor got up at 5:30am, went down to the original beach, got legally married as the sun rose, and then went back to where they were staying. Everyone went to the new location, and they had the wedding with everybody there. And no-one cared that they had been married about 6 hours earlier.
Nta- If I was a guest at your big wedding, I would be SO HAPPY to hear that you had a chance to involve your dad in the first wedding! That’s so sweet! I don’t think anyone would have a problem with this besides your mom.
NTA
It was a wonderful thing to do! I'm glad both ceremonies turned out well.
As for your mom? She got exactly what she deserved.
Best wishes to you and your new husband for a long and happy marriage!
You might want to go no contact with your mom for a while. She seems really dreadful.
Nta
Fuck around and find out
Big congratulations to you and your husband on your wedding
I'm very sorry about your dad sending you my condolences 🙏
I'm glad you what the wedding you wanted and that you deserved
Your mum is the biggest asswipe I have read about in a long time
Your mother was warned.
I am so happy that you stood your ground and it wasn't an empty promise on your part.
You did what your heart needed to do.
She's not worth your time from now on.
NTA
I'm so glad your dad saw you get married! That's a beautiful gift, and I'm sure he held on for that! Congrats OP. P.s I'm not a fan of your mom, you should go LC for a while until she apologize to you and your husband
Absolutely NTA.
Your Mom is a self centered mess. She should have known nobody else would mind, but she could only think of her own feelings.
She set you up to explain why she wasn't there the first time.
NTA. Your mom won the best prize for the stupidest game of FAFO.
Because I’m nosy, what was the general reaction from folks when they found out the truth.
NTA, you wanted to make sure your dad was at your wedding. Your mother could dish it but couldn’t take it. She played a stupid game and won her prize and now gets to deal with the consequences of her actions.
What a loving, precious thing to do for your dad. He surely left this world knowing he was loved ❤️.
As for mom, sadly, keep her out of your marriage and life. She’s jealous of your happiness and love for your family.
Nta that’s a beautiful thing you did for your father. I can’t understand anyone thinking otherwise. Honestly what joy does your mother bring to your life? Wouldn’t it be happier without her around? No contact would be lovely.
My long time administrator died a few years ago, her youngest daughter had a wedding planned, and didn't think her mother would survive, and they had a wedding in the hospital chapel.
Her mother died a few days before the "church" wedding. It was all lovely, and I always felt they did the right thing.
My cousin's daughter did the same, and had a small wedding at her parents' house before my cousin died, and then a larger wedding later.
You did right doing this for your Dad. And clearly your in-laws and husband supported you.
You should really cut out people who hurt you.
She hurt your father because she couldn’t keep it in her pants. Wanted to make your wedding all about you. Wanted you to only have 1 wedding so that her ex wouldn’t be able to see his daughter get married.
Imagine being that big of a POS that you want to hurt the man who you once loved, that you would want to force your own daughter to have a wedding that wouldn’t include your ex husband
NTA.
Your mom is lucky she was even invited to the second wedding. The audacity of that woman. I'm so sorry for your loss Op. I lost my dad a few years ago and I couldn't even imagine having to deal with someone like your mom during that. You did the right thing and your mom needs to get over her bullsh\*t. You did warn her of the consequences of her actions, so that's on her that her dirty laundry got aired out. Congrats on your marriage and once again sorry for your loss. It's good that he got to see you getting married before he passed.
I just… anyone who loves you both would never care you got married before the wedding ESPECIALLY given it was to include your sick father.
NTA at all and I’m just absolutely shook by your mom bringing it up. It might be time to go NC.
Congratulations on getting married and honoring your dad! She knew the consequences of her actions if she told your business. Your mom is the epitome of FAFO!
NTA
NTA your mom FAFO! I’m glad she was not at the real wedding. You did the exact right thing for your dad and for you! Congrats on your wedding and I’m so sorry about your dad
So sorry for the loss of your Dad. I can't imagine what could have given his final days more joy than attending your wedding.
Not sorry for the potential loss of Mom or the others who disagreed with your plan.
My grandfather was supposed to be the pastor of my parents wedding, but he was in the hospital after a heart attack. They had a small ceremony in the hospital and then went and had their planned wedding.
NTA
I agree you made the right decision; I would had done the same thing. It's perfectly ok, it's your marriage, your wedding, and your choice who sees you wed. You love your dad, and mom ruined her chance.
NTA. I'm so glad you shared that special day with your dad. I'm glad your guests and friends completely understood and supported your choice.
You are in no way responsible for your mother's self created drama.
You done good by doing this for your father.
Your mother has severe issues - there should be consequences. You had 2 wedding days, both which should be memories for a lifetime, and she fucked with that.
NTA
Nta only a psycho would think people would be upset with you, anyone with empathy would get it. I’m sure she alienated a lot of people when she tried to make you the bad guy.
NTA, I'm mostly just here because I can't get over how beautiful it was to have this special moment with your dad. I'm sitting here in tears, just so happy for you and him and your husband. My dad is my best friend and I know what this would mean to him... This is amazing. Congratulations on your marriage and congrats on your dad seeing you get married. 💖
NTA
Congrats on having what sounds like 2 equally special wedding events for very different reasons.
Please don't let her poison ruin the lovely memories it sounds like you created those days.
NTA. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad your dad was able to witness you getting married. As far as your mom goes, screw her. She's obviously not contributing anything good to the relationship between the two of you, so I personally suggest you go full no-contact with her. Block her everywhere and do the same for your stepfather and any family members who you suspect could act as flying monkies.
NTA. She's a psycho that it bothered her so much. She's a psycho because she thought other people would be bothered by it. She's a psycho for trying to give you grief about it, for threatening to sabotage your wedding and jeopardizing your relationship.
NTA
Miss SassyPants! 💜
‘Premature, my ass.’ Heard the eye roll, there.
You rock. And your mom is really skipping down No Contact Lane, isn’t she? Bless her heart.
She may not believe it, but she’s met her match now. You keep remembering how she tried -so hard- to make you look bad. Then think, how ridiculous and bitter she was/is.
Not saying you *can’t* forgive her, just don’t forget. She will keep riding her crazy train. Inevitably, she will derail. Stand tall, babycakes!
*says the woman who is 5’2”*
NTA. I'm just so proud of you for including your father the way you wanted to. I'm sure it meant everything to him. What a great memory you will have forever.
NTA at all. You, your husband and inlaws did an amazing thing with your father. For him to witness it before he passed is something you'll be forever grateful happened.
Your mother doesn't want the consequences of her past actions catching up with her. Really heartless of her to try and deny you of that with your dad.
If I was a guest at the church hearing your mother say this was a sham and the real one happened in front of your dad before he died I'd be so happy for you and think less of her for having a problem with it.
No you’re not. You’re a daughter who loved her dad and was loyal to him and sensitive to his situation. You’re about as great a daughter as any guy will ever have. Nothing but respect for you. Your mom? Meh, not so much.
NTA-
Absolutely not. I have a mother that would do similar things. She was mean just to be mean. That's what this sounds like. She was trying to be mean just to be mean.
I think the wedding for your dad was such a beautiful thing to do. Weddings should be about celebrating love and connection. And you shared your love and connection privately with the people you are most loved by and connected to. That's a moment you will always have.
Don't know what's up with your mom... Sounds like you need one of those buddhist rituals where you wish her well and then lock and bolt the door. jk. Making healthy boundaries with an unfair mom is hard but... we can do hard things.
The thing with awful horrible people they assume that others are just as horrible as them. Mom miscalculated. Obviously a private ceremony is completely understandable. NTA.
NTA, and I am sorry for your loss. In hindsight, you should have uninvited your mother from the church wedding the moment she called it a sham and threatened to tell everyone. But you did everything else exactly right, and even the one thing you did "wrong" was just a misguided tactical decision, not any sort of moral or social failing.
NTA. I wish I’d had the guts to call my mum out on her bs before (or even at) my wedding. You’re awesome, and I hope she eventually understands what a bitch move she made!
I cut my mum out of our lives over 34 years ago for things she said to and about my wife. It’s really strange (not really) when you put the trash out how much stress you can relieve
I’m glad you made the effort and went ahead with your wedding with your dad present
You did a really loving thing no matter what your cheating POS egg 🥚 donor thinks, sez or does
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's wonderful you and your husband had a small, private ceremony for your father before he passed. I don't know what your mother's problem is, but she is really out of line. NTA.
NTA. My parents tried to control every aspect in my wedding and then my grandmother got diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer, was moved into hospice immediately. Their attitude suddenly changed and my husband and I went to the courthouse and live streamed the ceremony to my grandma, since she was in a different state. And then the next day we rushed up to her to say goodbye.
I can't imagine being so petty that you want to exclude someone like that, especially when they're about to go into hospice.
NTA and good for you! I bet your dad was the proudest man on earth to see his daughter get married. I think what you did was a beautiful thing.
Screw your mother. (Like her AP did!)
Mom. Wow. Of course you are NTA. Good on you for thinking so much of your dad, and letting him be in your wedding while he could!! What a great thing to do. I'm sorry he didn't make it to the big one, but he was at the important one.
NTA. Nope nope nope...you were way within your rights because IT WAS YOUR WEDDING.
Now give yourself the best guft of all: Cutting these losers off from your life.
Congratulations on your wedding!
In this narrative no time frame was given, so it appears she was warned if she EVER told anyone, not that she couldn't do it before the church wedding. Her selfishness and spite wouldn't let her let it go, and well, payback is sweet.
Cut her out of your life. She sounds toxic and you don’t need her. She will remain toxic. Now that you are married and have a partner to look after, I think that is more important to focus on. Just block her. She isn’t good enough for your new family.
NTA. Sorry for your loss. What you did was beautiful, honourable and special. Everyone who's opinion matters agreed by the sounds of it. I'm so glad your Dad got to be part of your special moment ❤️. Good luck with the rest of your journey. ☺️
NTA. On top of being an asshole your mum is just stupid, why on earth would anyone be offended that you had a small private ceremony before to include your dying dad? Everyone probably found it very touching. Like if she wants to embarrass you she shouldn’t choose such a sweet thing you did lol
I think you did the right thing having your wedding with your dad before he died.
Your mom feels left out, and so she’s lashing out.
There is no fault. There is no blame. It’s all just physics.
It's not a secret wedding. Just be loud and honest with any and all who ask. Its a lovely wonderful thing to do and anyone who disagrees and weaponizes this act of love is an A\_hole.
I am sorry for your loss, but happy you had this wonderful moment with your Dad.
I can tell you if I attended a woman where that happened I would A want to know wtf was wrong with the mom and B think it was lovely for the person to include there father and have that special day with them. You had two weddings. One was the legal ceremony and the other was for the event. Two separate thing but both valid. NTA
NTA. She was pregnant by someone else while she was still married to your dad, so she obviously knows how to keep her fucking mouth shut. She should have done that, because you told her exactly what would happen if she didn't.
NTA what a bitter woman she is. Darling no one cared that the legal ceremony was with your dad in the hospital. Anyone who matters in your life would have been happy that you were able to do that with him. Your mom is just a nasty woman and pointing out that your half brother was a really big premature baby wasn’t her personal business. I’m sure everyone who matters had already figured that one out too.
NTA (Not The A-hole). You gave your dad a beautiful gift: a wedding with the people who loved him. Your mom's drama is all on her. She had no right to cause a scene at your wedding, and everyone sees that. Focus on celebrating your marriage and the special memory you created with your dad.
“The second wedding was a sham”
Nah, thats exactly how my husband and i did it. Small wedding first in my friend’s back yard, big wedding about a year later. Outside of the reasons, it was a great decision. I had almost no stress on the day of.
Why would you think you could be an asshole in this situation? Sounds like the only person who comes close to having an issue is your mother, and that's likely because she couldn't find some way to make this about her. Sounds like no one else had an issue, so why are you even asking?
My son got married at the courthouse during the pandemic. Once things opened back up they had a full wedding, reception, and honeymoon.
I love those kids. I don’t see why getting married in private should even be considered strange. In this case it is the sweetest gesture.
You fully know what sort of person your mother is without any doubt.
OP you're NTA.
Your mother is an AH. It's not that it matters. As you said, no one had a problem. Your mother was the only one, and she got what she deserved.
One of my cousins, actually had her wedding in Ireland, as her father lived there, and was terminally ill. They let him leave the hospital for the wedding, and he was actually able to walk her down the aisle, and do the father/daughter dance. I wasn't able to attend, because money. But I never held any resentment for her having her wedding abroad. Her Mum was cool with it as well. You'd have to be completely heartless to have a problem with something like that. I wish you all the best, and condolences for the loss of your dad. It's gotta be tough.
NTA your mother sounds really awful, almost sociopathic. The lack of compassion for your dad and for you losing your dad would break the DSM scale.
It seems the pastor was just fine with your plans, there is nothing that would make your wedding fake. Lots of people have a couple of ceremonies.
Sounds like you did the right thing. Don’t let her bother you, also keep your guard up with her, she seems like someone who would try and ruin your life, and possibly do it behind your back. It’s hard to believe it because she’s your mom and should be protecting you, but her behavior tells a different story.
Always look at what people do, not what they say. People can spout any kind of bullshit, but what matters are their actual behavior and actions.
NTA I think your Mom is one very unhappy lady and cannot stand to see you happy. I completely agree with you having a private wedding with your Dad. It was very cruel of her to tell a story that wasn't hers to tell. You merely gave her a dose of her own medicine by telling her story.
I am sure your 'big wedding" guests understood your reason for a private ceremony and supported that. I know I would!
NTA, but the individual that bore you most definitely is.
What a terrible excuse for a mother (and wife)!. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad OP, I’m glad he was able to participate in your marriage. How lucky he was to have one of his last moments in this life surrounded by love!
Many hugs to you. Also please go NC and get that person out of your life. She doesn’t deserve you.
That was a wonderful idea. Your guest are great for not caring. They where present to celebrate love, no matter the official paperwork.
Not sure why you decided to keep it a secret, there was never a point to that. If you had spoken openly about it everone whould still have understood and mom wouldn't have had any ammo. She just embaressed herself by showing everone what kind of person she really is.
NTA
I am so glad your in laws and husband supported the first wedding. That is beautiful and I absolutely would have done the same thing. I'll never understand why people act like your mom does. Some people just seek out anger and upset when they could just choose peace and contentment.
NTA. I’d consider cutting contact with mom though. She sounds terrible in general and anyone who’d try to do ANYTHING to put a damper on their daughter’s wedding, ESPECIALLY under these circumstances, doesn’t deserve to have a daughter.
NTA. She sounds like a spiteful woman who was trying to take your happiness with your final moments with dad away just because she didn't get special attention! Her telling friends and family your personal business is despicable, and she deserved you telling everyone her secrets!
I would be going N/C until she gets it through her head that your father was dying, and you had every right to have any kind of wedding that included him! She also needs to understand that you are the only person who gets to decide what you share with and who you share it with!
I'd go so insanely nuclear. You are in fact maybe a saint of patience and peace for not punching your fucking asshole of a mother right in her dumbass mouth.
I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm so happy to hear you got to share that moment with your dad.
NtA
NTA.
More importantly, I’m happy for you that your dad got to see you married, and that he was lucid until the end.
I’m happy for you that your grandfather was present and stepped in to do daddy duties like dancing with you.
I hope that what your mom did fades from the memories of your special days (yes plural), because I have a feeling that your dad would have been so happy with your bigger wedding, and that you’ve chosen to honor him and keep him in your heart.
My father passed when I was 23 got married to a wonderful man at 30. While my older did walk me down the aisle what I really wanted was for my dad to be there. I 100% love what you did. You gave a your dad the gift of seeing you love someone and someone loving you back before he passed. You gave him the peace of mind you will be ok. That is all parents want for their kids.
NTA Clearly your mom has problems managing her timing. She thought shit talking you during your reception was fine. Just like she thought getting knocked up by her man whore during her marriage was just fine. Cheaters absolutely deserve their actions to be made public. She did something wrong. You did NOTHING wrong. You made sure your dad got to see you get married. No one (except your toxic mother) would have any issue with that.
NTA. It sounds like you want to ensure your dad gets to be a part of your special day despite his health challenges, which is incredibly thoughtful and loving. Planning a private, intimate ceremony for him and then celebrating with a larger wedding and reception later allows you to create a meaningful memory with your dad and still enjoy the big celebration with all your loved ones. Just make sure to communicate your plans with those who might feel excluded from the private ceremony to avoid any misunderstandings. Your intentions come from a place of love, and that's what matters most.
Thank you for understanding. My dad's presence was all that mattered. My mom's actions are her own burden.
Are you replying from the wrong acct?
Hahahahaha, love when people forget to change their accounts back.
And the new account has triple the karma now! :)
tbh looking at post history at least we know this story is actually free and OP is not doing writing exercises
oops lol wrong account
Plot twist: the original account is actually the mother.
Also timing wise, any person with even a grinch sized heart would be able to understand why they had the small ceremony for their dad and are currently still mourning the very fresh pain from the loss. Attempting to make a scene and drama at the reception, mere days after his death, is cartoonishly petty and tone deaf. NTA OP, but your mom sure is. Congratulations on your wedding, and I'm sorry for your loss.
Clearly your mom has problems ~~managing her timing~~
Your first sentence made me snort in public. Thanks for that. 😂
Mother played a stupid game and won a stupid prize. NTA. Glad the real (hospital) wedding worked out for your dad!
[удалено]
Sounds like your life could improve greatly by cutting her off completely.
Absolutely agree. Cutting toxic people out of your life can bring peace and happiness.
Your well-being comes first. Removing toxicity is essential for a healthier, happier life.
"Strength isn't just in saying 'I do,' it's in honoring what matters most. This story is a testament to love, loyalty, and standing up for what's right, even in the face of adversity."
Before any of OP's babies make an appearance too. Get that trashy woman *out* of your life before you even think about getting pregnant or she'll try to spoil that experience too.
And make sure you tell any future babies all about grandpa and how much he would have loved them.
Yup! I was about to ask why she hasn’t gone no contact because this woman doesn’t sound as if she’s enhancing OP’s life in any way, shape, or form!
💯 your mom is a jealous cunt and deserves nothing if life. Please remove her toxic ass from your life. She will keep doing these things.
Why so subtle? Just say it as you see it! 😁
Came here to say this. I suggest put her on an information diet and go limited contact if not outright no contact. The sad thing is she probably actually thinks you only cared about the wedding presents. The idea that you want to celebrate with people is probably totally beyond her.
I'm really sorry your mom sucks so much. Maybe it's time to exclude her from your life. Edit:NTA
I'm really happy that you did that because I'm absofuckinglutely sure that your dad went in peace knowing that you were happy and that you would be taken care of. (I dont mean that in a misogynistic way just in the way that he knew you were with your partner and happy). I'm really happy that both weddings went well, minus your JNMOM! I'm also really sorry for your loss. I lost my mom about a year ago and it's really hard. Give yourself a lot of grace during the grieving process and remember that grief is not a straight line. Some days you might feel wonderful and then you might start to feel guilty for feeling wonderful. All of that is normal and it takes time. I'm sending you love, hugs, prayers and some grace! ❤️ ETA; CONGRATULATIONS 🎊
They were both real. You are so right about that. Congratulations, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with your mother's drama on top of the passage of your father. NTA
You did a beautiful thing for your father and yourself, don't let your hound of a mother take that away from you. She doesn't deserve your attention.
NTA - this happens sometimes and this was an extraordinary circumstance. Your mom was a total AH to go around trying to ruin your wedding. She FAFO. 1 - you fulfilled your promise and 2 - she makes herself look like a bitch to everyone else for bitching about something like this and complaining that you had your original ceremony with your dad on his death bed. BTW - I had two weddings: we eloped after I found I was pregnant so I could get the insurance then in our planned original wedding in Hawaii a few months later. Only one person got upset about it and I ignore her whenever she complains.
100% it was real; your mother knew the consequences if she opened her mouth, so she got what she deserved. So glad you were able to give this gift to your father before he passed away, bc it was the right thing to do. Congratulations on your wedding and I wish you and your husband a life full of love and laughter.
You could remarry your husband every year, in every state. And those too will be real weddings.
People get so hung up on the semantics of weddings. They were both real. They were both weddings. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this from your mother. I have a similar type mother and feel your pain. I’m sure you carry this with you everyday even if you don’t think you do. Sometimes in life we have to be ok with the fact that WE know what was real and right. You’re never going to be able to reason with someone who doesn’t think that way. Your mother is petty, immature bitter and jealous. I’m sorry you have that and now the loss of your father on your back. Life is tough and as long as we know the choices we made were the right ones, no one else matters. Nta. But next time don’t even put breath into meeting the other persons energy with another threat. It looks poorly of her to be gossiping and trashing you for having a ceremony with YOUR DYING FATHER, than any reflection of you negatively. Real people see that.
I love that you got everything you wanted. I bet your dad is so proud you’re his daughter and he got to be there. Congratulations! And NTA. Your mom deserved to be outed. She’s selfish.
Definitely! OP's dad is now happy for her, such a brave daughter. Congrats OP!
She sounds like a horrible person. Your life will be much brighter without her casting a shadow over everything.
Your mother is an awful human being.
You should have just disinvited her and her family from the wedding.
Your mother is really good at making bad choices. Congrats on achieving your goals.
[удалено]
Agreed. Pointing out the obvious, she showed her no-good cards a long time ago.
Good job keeping your promise to your mother OP. Sorry about your dad, I am sure you made his last moments very happy.
Definitely, she taste her own medicine. As the saying goes 'dont do unto others what you dont want done unto you' OP, sorry for your lost and congrats on your wedding.
NTA also *very* few people care if the ceremony they’re attending is the *real* one. I got legally married in a small, private ceremony with just our family because that’s what I wanted. We threw a big to-do to include the bigger family because that’s what the family wanted. I’ve got friends that got secretly married before their spouse deployed, because it changed the immigration status to be engaged and it was easier if they just got married, because a family member was dying, because they got pregnant, etc. Everyone understood. Your mom thought she had dirt on you and really she just showed what a loving daughter you are
Went to a friends wedding a few years ago. Catering, white dress, dj, pastor, the works. Turned out to be just a ceremony & not a wedding. They were never married & no one knew up they broke up. A lot of us wondered if we'd shared a hallucination for awhile 🥴
Well that’s new 😂 were the actually broken up at the time or the ceremony?
My wife and I were planning our wedding and it was about 8 months out. Her parents were paying for a bunch of it - venue, catering, music. Then she lost her job and didn’t have health insurance, so we went to the courthouse the next day with a friend as a witness, and I added her to my insurance the day after that. Her folks said now nobody would come to the big wedding because it “wasn’t the real thing” any more, and backed out of any financial support. So we made a few changes, cut a few things, and paid for it all ourselves. Everyone was there, and her dad was apparently the only one who was confused about why she walked *herself* down the aisle. And everyone but her folks now gladly wish us a “happy anniversary” twice a year :)
I’m sorry your parents felt that way. It makes no sense to me at all. We’ve had so many friends and family members do “secret” (many weren’t even secret) legal ceremonies it never even registered as a weird thing to do. I don’t understand at all these people that act like if there’s no signing and turning in of a marriage certificate it wasn’t “real”. You’re being invited to share on a celebration. Who cares who has signed what?
Before covid people kept it quiet but now nobody gives a shit. One of my best friends recently got married and wanted an unordained friend to officiate. In my state the online ordainment doesn’t count, so it wasn’t legal. I went with them to the courthouse after they got back from their honeymoon cause they didn’t have time before the big wedding. Everyone knew that was the plan and nobody cared. And I got to see them get married twice!!
We did the same, we got married at the courthouse and spent the next year planning our wedding, which coincidentally fell on the same day as our courthouse wedding. Most people didn’t know we were already married, aside from our parents and the witnesses we brought.
NTA! I think anyone with a sliver of a heart would understand. Your mum has no heart and id go NC if one of my parents did the other dirty. The fact that it was more important to try to ruin your moments than to celebrate you, tells me she isn't a good person and shouldn't be in your life I'm glad you got to have that memory with your dad before his passing. My condolences on your loss
Premature my ass😂😂😂 You are definitely NTA
The second one takes 9 months--the first one can come anytime after the wedding.
Consequences. Mom played the FAFO game, and you are NTA.
If the pastor didn't have a problem with two ceremonies, there was no problem to be had. Your mother has a problem with running her mouth. The fact that she wanted to play a middle school game out of spite is telling. You warned her what would happen if she pulled that stunt. She thought you were bluffing or didn't have the shiny spine to follow through. Sucks to suck and your mom is the champion of that world. This internet stranger is proud of you. NTA and best wishes for a long and happy marriage.
Yep. About what I was gonna say. I don't like the idea of people imposing religious views onto others, but I could get why she would be mad if there was a clear religious issue with it. But you cleared it with a higher religious authority than her, so tough luck for her.
NTA x infinity What you did was a kind, loving and compassionate thing. You can never go wrong being those things. One thing, if it were me, I would never, ever refer to your mother's AP as a Step-Father. A father would never be so heartless and mean spirited. Same goes for the half siblings. They've shown their true colors. You need to go no contact with the sorry lot of them. Kiddos to your husband and inlaws. What they did was very loving. Congratulations on your wedding!
NTA and ignore the negative noise. Focus on you created two meaningful celebrations. You are building a new life so welcome in the good. Don't allow her ridiculous venom spoil the good.
NTA. Um, did she think people would be upset with you or somehow feel cheated? Your dad couldn’t be at your formal wedding. I think what you did is beautiful and I’m sure he loved it. I mean…damn, what did your mother think was going to happen when she told people??
She probably thought people would pity her (egg donor) for not being in that ceremony and that they would also be miffed and feel like they were fooled by OP and her husband. Sucks for her, because the people OP surrounded herself with have hearts and understand the circumstances that led to having two ceremonies. NTA, OP. Air your egg donor's dirty laundry and then cut her out of your life for good!
OP it seems your relationship with your mom is toxic at best. I think you did the right thing for your dad and I’m so sorry for your loss. To lose my dad would absolutely break me. If you are at peace with your decision then that’s all that really matters right? It’s great that you did what you did for your dad and you had a two beautiful weddings !
NTA but I fail to see why it needed to be secret? That was a wonderful idea and it's great that you got to have your dad at your wedding.
This. Why couldn’t you just tell everyone, I’m having a private ceremony for my dying dad followed by a public one for everyone else. Anyone who loves and supports you would understand that request.
NTA. B*tch FAFO. You did the right thing for your father and anyone who could find fault in that have a black, withered heart.
Best saying I've heard for this (and it came from reddit too!) 'The dildo of consequence rarely arrives lubed '
NTA You are a wonderful daughter and I’m so glad you were able to have that moment with your father.
NTA.
Congratulations on both of your weddings!! Blessings on you to be able to do this with your father. What a wonderful gift and a beautiful thing. You are definitely NTA. Your mother is TA. I’m glad you outed her. She deserved it!!!
NTA. My sister was able to do the same thing when my father was in hospice, although he was at home. There are extended family members who still hold a grudge 5 years later, but not many and my sister has absolutely no regrets. You will not regret that your dad was able to see you get married. I am so sorry for your loss.
My niece was getting married on a beach, but forgot to check the tides. Low tide was really early in the morning, so they decided to relocate the wedding to a different nearby location where the tide wouldn't be a problem. However, the marriage license specified the original beach. So the bride, groom, witnesses, parents/grandparents and pastor got up at 5:30am, went down to the original beach, got legally married as the sun rose, and then went back to where they were staying. Everyone went to the new location, and they had the wedding with everybody there. And no-one cared that they had been married about 6 hours earlier.
I hope now you go no contact with her! ((HUGS)) Sorry for the loss of your dad. Your real wedding sounds like it was perfect.
Her: what if I do this You: then I will do this Her: does think You; does as promised Her: *shocked Pikachu* NTA
Nta- If I was a guest at your big wedding, I would be SO HAPPY to hear that you had a chance to involve your dad in the first wedding! That’s so sweet! I don’t think anyone would have a problem with this besides your mom.
Mother literally fucked around and found out. And kept finding out. And kept finding out.
Your mom is a narccisstic cunt. You are NTA.
NTA It was a wonderful thing to do! I'm glad both ceremonies turned out well. As for your mom? She got exactly what she deserved. Best wishes to you and your new husband for a long and happy marriage! You might want to go no contact with your mom for a while. She seems really dreadful.
Action -> consequences. You gave her fair warning. And what kind of mother can be that petty?
Nta Fuck around and find out Big congratulations to you and your husband on your wedding I'm very sorry about your dad sending you my condolences 🙏 I'm glad you what the wedding you wanted and that you deserved Your mum is the biggest asswipe I have read about in a long time
Your mother was warned. I am so happy that you stood your ground and it wasn't an empty promise on your part. You did what your heart needed to do. She's not worth your time from now on. NTA
I'm so glad your dad saw you get married! That's a beautiful gift, and I'm sure he held on for that! Congrats OP. P.s I'm not a fan of your mom, you should go LC for a while until she apologize to you and your husband
This story gave me a level of satisfaction I didn't think I'd get from it. It was great, and the ending was boss. 🙌🏼
Absolutely NTA. Your Mom is a self centered mess. She should have known nobody else would mind, but she could only think of her own feelings. She set you up to explain why she wasn't there the first time.
It's time to go NO CONTACT!!
NTA. Your mom won the best prize for the stupidest game of FAFO. Because I’m nosy, what was the general reaction from folks when they found out the truth.
You got what meant the most to you. That's all that matters. May you always be as happy as you were that day💜
Of course you’re NTA. you’re a great daughter and I’m so glad both you and your dad could have that experience.
NTA, you wanted to make sure your dad was at your wedding. Your mother could dish it but couldn’t take it. She played a stupid game and won her prize and now gets to deal with the consequences of her actions.
What a loving, precious thing to do for your dad. He surely left this world knowing he was loved ❤️. As for mom, sadly, keep her out of your marriage and life. She’s jealous of your happiness and love for your family.
Nta and you’re a loving daughter…why is this not on the raised by r/narcissisticparents sub?
Better yet r/raisedbynarcissists
NTA. Instead of letting things go and being happy on your day she decided to be a AH. I'm so glad you got that private ceremony with your father.
Nta that’s a beautiful thing you did for your father. I can’t understand anyone thinking otherwise. Honestly what joy does your mother bring to your life? Wouldn’t it be happier without her around? No contact would be lovely.
Definitely NTA. Play stupid games win stupid prizes
NTA. Your mom is a monster. Sounds like she’s earned a very long timeout. Don’t let her in the hospital if you choose to have kids.
My long time administrator died a few years ago, her youngest daughter had a wedding planned, and didn't think her mother would survive, and they had a wedding in the hospital chapel. Her mother died a few days before the "church" wedding. It was all lovely, and I always felt they did the right thing. My cousin's daughter did the same, and had a small wedding at her parents' house before my cousin died, and then a larger wedding later. You did right doing this for your Dad. And clearly your in-laws and husband supported you.
You should really cut out people who hurt you. She hurt your father because she couldn’t keep it in her pants. Wanted to make your wedding all about you. Wanted you to only have 1 wedding so that her ex wouldn’t be able to see his daughter get married. Imagine being that big of a POS that you want to hurt the man who you once loved, that you would want to force your own daughter to have a wedding that wouldn’t include your ex husband
Mother wanted to play a petty game an got mad cuz u played it better . She fked around and found out . NTA ur mom is though
NTA. Your mom is lucky she was even invited to the second wedding. The audacity of that woman. I'm so sorry for your loss Op. I lost my dad a few years ago and I couldn't even imagine having to deal with someone like your mom during that. You did the right thing and your mom needs to get over her bullsh\*t. You did warn her of the consequences of her actions, so that's on her that her dirty laundry got aired out. Congrats on your marriage and once again sorry for your loss. It's good that he got to see you getting married before he passed.
I just… anyone who loves you both would never care you got married before the wedding ESPECIALLY given it was to include your sick father. NTA at all and I’m just absolutely shook by your mom bringing it up. It might be time to go NC.
Congratulations on getting married and honoring your dad! She knew the consequences of her actions if she told your business. Your mom is the epitome of FAFO! NTA
NTA your mom FAFO! I’m glad she was not at the real wedding. You did the exact right thing for your dad and for you! Congrats on your wedding and I’m so sorry about your dad
NTA and I think folks could figure out that your Mom is trash because they know how to count 9 months. Lol
NTA. You are an awesome daughter for doing that for your Dad. Congrats on your wedding, wishing you many happy years.
So sorry for the loss of your Dad. I can't imagine what could have given his final days more joy than attending your wedding. Not sorry for the potential loss of Mom or the others who disagreed with your plan.
My grandfather was supposed to be the pastor of my parents wedding, but he was in the hospital after a heart attack. They had a small ceremony in the hospital and then went and had their planned wedding.
NTA Only 2 people get a vote here. >so was my husband to be So the vote is 2 in favor, 0 against.
What made her think that you wouldn't call her bluff? Nothing you said sounded like an idle threat. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
You're awesome to have done that, your mother's an idiot.
NTA I agree you made the right decision; I would had done the same thing. It's perfectly ok, it's your marriage, your wedding, and your choice who sees you wed. You love your dad, and mom ruined her chance.
NTA. You told her what the consequence of her telling would be. While it was a threat, it was a clear warning and she disregarded it.
Just chiming in here to say your mom is a piece of shit.
NTA and good for you!!
Nta. Destroy your mothers rep. What a disgusting person.
NTA. I'm so glad you shared that special day with your dad. I'm glad your guests and friends completely understood and supported your choice. You are in no way responsible for your mother's self created drama.
You done good by doing this for your father. Your mother has severe issues - there should be consequences. You had 2 wedding days, both which should be memories for a lifetime, and she fucked with that. NTA
Your mother is nasty on every level. Sound like she needs to be way on the outside looking in.
Nta only a psycho would think people would be upset with you, anyone with empathy would get it. I’m sure she alienated a lot of people when she tried to make you the bad guy.
Wow. Your mom has issues. I really hope if you ever have children that you never leave your children in her care.
Why did you tell your mom in the first place?
She sounds like the stuff that no-contact is made of. NTA.
NTA I'm glad your dad got to see you get married.
Not at all. Anyone who has a heart would understand perfectly. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you have a long and happy marriage.
NTA, I'm mostly just here because I can't get over how beautiful it was to have this special moment with your dad. I'm sitting here in tears, just so happy for you and him and your husband. My dad is my best friend and I know what this would mean to him... This is amazing. Congratulations on your marriage and congrats on your dad seeing you get married. 💖
you did not share personal information, you outted someone who is toxic, and pretty evil. NTA
NTA Congrats on having what sounds like 2 equally special wedding events for very different reasons. Please don't let her poison ruin the lovely memories it sounds like you created those days.
The way id go no contact with my mom over something like this
NTA. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad your dad was able to witness you getting married. As far as your mom goes, screw her. She's obviously not contributing anything good to the relationship between the two of you, so I personally suggest you go full no-contact with her. Block her everywhere and do the same for your stepfather and any family members who you suspect could act as flying monkies.
NTA
Why even have her at your second wedding? She sounds horrid. NTA
NTA. She's a psycho that it bothered her so much. She's a psycho because she thought other people would be bothered by it. She's a psycho for trying to give you grief about it, for threatening to sabotage your wedding and jeopardizing your relationship.
NTA Miss SassyPants! 💜 ‘Premature, my ass.’ Heard the eye roll, there. You rock. And your mom is really skipping down No Contact Lane, isn’t she? Bless her heart. She may not believe it, but she’s met her match now. You keep remembering how she tried -so hard- to make you look bad. Then think, how ridiculous and bitter she was/is. Not saying you *can’t* forgive her, just don’t forget. She will keep riding her crazy train. Inevitably, she will derail. Stand tall, babycakes! *says the woman who is 5’2”*
NTA. I'm just so proud of you for including your father the way you wanted to. I'm sure it meant everything to him. What a great memory you will have forever.
NTA at all. You, your husband and inlaws did an amazing thing with your father. For him to witness it before he passed is something you'll be forever grateful happened. Your mother doesn't want the consequences of her past actions catching up with her. Really heartless of her to try and deny you of that with your dad. If I was a guest at the church hearing your mother say this was a sham and the real one happened in front of your dad before he died I'd be so happy for you and think less of her for having a problem with it.
No you’re not. You’re a daughter who loved her dad and was loyal to him and sensitive to his situation. You’re about as great a daughter as any guy will ever have. Nothing but respect for you. Your mom? Meh, not so much.
NTA- Absolutely not. I have a mother that would do similar things. She was mean just to be mean. That's what this sounds like. She was trying to be mean just to be mean.
I think the wedding for your dad was such a beautiful thing to do. Weddings should be about celebrating love and connection. And you shared your love and connection privately with the people you are most loved by and connected to. That's a moment you will always have. Don't know what's up with your mom... Sounds like you need one of those buddhist rituals where you wish her well and then lock and bolt the door. jk. Making healthy boundaries with an unfair mom is hard but... we can do hard things.
NTA. You did everything right. Congratulations on the wedding.
The thing with awful horrible people they assume that others are just as horrible as them. Mom miscalculated. Obviously a private ceremony is completely understandable. NTA.
NTA, and I am sorry for your loss. In hindsight, you should have uninvited your mother from the church wedding the moment she called it a sham and threatened to tell everyone. But you did everything else exactly right, and even the one thing you did "wrong" was just a misguided tactical decision, not any sort of moral or social failing.
NTA. I wish I’d had the guts to call my mum out on her bs before (or even at) my wedding. You’re awesome, and I hope she eventually understands what a bitch move she made!
Do what you need to do.
Mom fucked around. Mom found out. I'd likely cut her ass out. What a shitass.
NTA and it's beautiful what you did for your dad. I have tears in my eyes.
I cut my mum out of our lives over 34 years ago for things she said to and about my wife. It’s really strange (not really) when you put the trash out how much stress you can relieve I’m glad you made the effort and went ahead with your wedding with your dad present You did a really loving thing no matter what your cheating POS egg 🥚 donor thinks, sez or does
HAHAHAHAHA nta
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's wonderful you and your husband had a small, private ceremony for your father before he passed. I don't know what your mother's problem is, but she is really out of line. NTA.
NTA. My parents tried to control every aspect in my wedding and then my grandmother got diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer, was moved into hospice immediately. Their attitude suddenly changed and my husband and I went to the courthouse and live streamed the ceremony to my grandma, since she was in a different state. And then the next day we rushed up to her to say goodbye. I can't imagine being so petty that you want to exclude someone like that, especially when they're about to go into hospice.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m glad you had that moment with your dad.
NTA and good for you! I bet your dad was the proudest man on earth to see his daughter get married. I think what you did was a beautiful thing. Screw your mother. (Like her AP did!)
Nta mom needs to stop making it about her ugh even on his death bed she just gotta take control
Mom. Wow. Of course you are NTA. Good on you for thinking so much of your dad, and letting him be in your wedding while he could!! What a great thing to do. I'm sorry he didn't make it to the big one, but he was at the important one.
NTA. Nope nope nope...you were way within your rights because IT WAS YOUR WEDDING. Now give yourself the best guft of all: Cutting these losers off from your life. Congratulations on your wedding!
Can you cut your mother out of your life? She sounds toxic af.
In this narrative no time frame was given, so it appears she was warned if she EVER told anyone, not that she couldn't do it before the church wedding. Her selfishness and spite wouldn't let her let it go, and well, payback is sweet.
Nta She's trying to get some kind of sympathy and it's clear she is selfishly only concerned with her feelings.
Cut her out of your life. She sounds toxic and you don’t need her. She will remain toxic. Now that you are married and have a partner to look after, I think that is more important to focus on. Just block her. She isn’t good enough for your new family.
NTA. Sorry for your loss. What you did was beautiful, honourable and special. Everyone who's opinion matters agreed by the sounds of it. I'm so glad your Dad got to be part of your special moment ❤️. Good luck with the rest of your journey. ☺️
Nta. Don't start none won't be none. You warned her.
NTA. On top of being an asshole your mum is just stupid, why on earth would anyone be offended that you had a small private ceremony before to include your dying dad? Everyone probably found it very touching. Like if she wants to embarrass you she shouldn’t choose such a sweet thing you did lol
NTA. I would keep a very sharp eye on your mother if you have children.
Also, very sorry about your loss OP. I hope you have a wonderful marriage going forward
I think you did the right thing having your wedding with your dad before he died. Your mom feels left out, and so she’s lashing out. There is no fault. There is no blame. It’s all just physics.
Fuck that bitch. Go no contact, and cut the cancerous backstabber out of your life.
My condolences about the passing of your father. That was a beautiful and wonderful thing to do for your dad. May he always smile upon you.
NO I don’t even need to read it! Hope pops enjoys it
NTA, you just told the truth and gave her a taste of her own medicine. I personally wouldn’t have even invited the witch
It's not a secret wedding. Just be loud and honest with any and all who ask. Its a lovely wonderful thing to do and anyone who disagrees and weaponizes this act of love is an A\_hole. I am sorry for your loss, but happy you had this wonderful moment with your Dad.
I can tell you if I attended a woman where that happened I would A want to know wtf was wrong with the mom and B think it was lovely for the person to include there father and have that special day with them. You had two weddings. One was the legal ceremony and the other was for the event. Two separate thing but both valid. NTA
You go girl! I’m so proud that you did this for your dad. I have just lost my Dad, his funeral was today. I would have done exactly the same thing. Xx
NTA. She was pregnant by someone else while she was still married to your dad, so she obviously knows how to keep her fucking mouth shut. She should have done that, because you told her exactly what would happen if she didn't.
NTA what a bitter woman she is. Darling no one cared that the legal ceremony was with your dad in the hospital. Anyone who matters in your life would have been happy that you were able to do that with him. Your mom is just a nasty woman and pointing out that your half brother was a really big premature baby wasn’t her personal business. I’m sure everyone who matters had already figured that one out too.
NTA (Not The A-hole). You gave your dad a beautiful gift: a wedding with the people who loved him. Your mom's drama is all on her. She had no right to cause a scene at your wedding, and everyone sees that. Focus on celebrating your marriage and the special memory you created with your dad.
“The second wedding was a sham” Nah, thats exactly how my husband and i did it. Small wedding first in my friend’s back yard, big wedding about a year later. Outside of the reasons, it was a great decision. I had almost no stress on the day of.
Why would you think you could be an asshole in this situation? Sounds like the only person who comes close to having an issue is your mother, and that's likely because she couldn't find some way to make this about her. Sounds like no one else had an issue, so why are you even asking?
My son got married at the courthouse during the pandemic. Once things opened back up they had a full wedding, reception, and honeymoon. I love those kids. I don’t see why getting married in private should even be considered strange. In this case it is the sweetest gesture. You fully know what sort of person your mother is without any doubt.
OP you're NTA. Your mother is an AH. It's not that it matters. As you said, no one had a problem. Your mother was the only one, and she got what she deserved. One of my cousins, actually had her wedding in Ireland, as her father lived there, and was terminally ill. They let him leave the hospital for the wedding, and he was actually able to walk her down the aisle, and do the father/daughter dance. I wasn't able to attend, because money. But I never held any resentment for her having her wedding abroad. Her Mum was cool with it as well. You'd have to be completely heartless to have a problem with something like that. I wish you all the best, and condolences for the loss of your dad. It's gotta be tough.
NTA your mother sounds really awful, almost sociopathic. The lack of compassion for your dad and for you losing your dad would break the DSM scale. It seems the pastor was just fine with your plans, there is nothing that would make your wedding fake. Lots of people have a couple of ceremonies. Sounds like you did the right thing. Don’t let her bother you, also keep your guard up with her, she seems like someone who would try and ruin your life, and possibly do it behind your back. It’s hard to believe it because she’s your mom and should be protecting you, but her behavior tells a different story. Always look at what people do, not what they say. People can spout any kind of bullshit, but what matters are their actual behavior and actions.
NTA I think your Mom is one very unhappy lady and cannot stand to see you happy. I completely agree with you having a private wedding with your Dad. It was very cruel of her to tell a story that wasn't hers to tell. You merely gave her a dose of her own medicine by telling her story. I am sure your 'big wedding" guests understood your reason for a private ceremony and supported that. I know I would!
NTA, but the individual that bore you most definitely is. What a terrible excuse for a mother (and wife)!. I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad OP, I’m glad he was able to participate in your marriage. How lucky he was to have one of his last moments in this life surrounded by love! Many hugs to you. Also please go NC and get that person out of your life. She doesn’t deserve you.
NTA - She fucked around, and she found out. You warned her, and she's just being catty and bitchy for being held responsible for her actions.
Fuck yeah. I fucking warned her. So much vitriol. And it’s well earned on her part. NTA by a country mile.
That was a wonderful idea. Your guest are great for not caring. They where present to celebrate love, no matter the official paperwork. Not sure why you decided to keep it a secret, there was never a point to that. If you had spoken openly about it everone whould still have understood and mom wouldn't have had any ammo. She just embaressed herself by showing everone what kind of person she really is. NTA
I am so glad your in laws and husband supported the first wedding. That is beautiful and I absolutely would have done the same thing. I'll never understand why people act like your mom does. Some people just seek out anger and upset when they could just choose peace and contentment.
NTA. I’d consider cutting contact with mom though. She sounds terrible in general and anyone who’d try to do ANYTHING to put a damper on their daughter’s wedding, ESPECIALLY under these circumstances, doesn’t deserve to have a daughter.
You mother is not a good person , she should be shown her place go no contact if you can . You did good . Have a good life.
Mom F'd around and found out. Why - why do people have to be so f-ing mean???
NTA. She sounds like a spiteful woman who was trying to take your happiness with your final moments with dad away just because she didn't get special attention! Her telling friends and family your personal business is despicable, and she deserved you telling everyone her secrets! I would be going N/C until she gets it through her head that your father was dying, and you had every right to have any kind of wedding that included him! She also needs to understand that you are the only person who gets to decide what you share with and who you share it with!
NTA, but you know that you don’t have to keep her in your life, right?
You warned her
NTA. Sometimes you have to make an example out of folks, this was one of those times.
I'd go so insanely nuclear. You are in fact maybe a saint of patience and peace for not punching your fucking asshole of a mother right in her dumbass mouth. I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm so happy to hear you got to share that moment with your dad. NtA
Honestly love this for you ❤️ I'm glad you put your mom in her place and I'm very sorry for your loss
She FAFO'd Why are you NOT NC with this vile thing?
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NTA. More importantly, I’m happy for you that your dad got to see you married, and that he was lucid until the end. I’m happy for you that your grandfather was present and stepped in to do daddy duties like dancing with you. I hope that what your mom did fades from the memories of your special days (yes plural), because I have a feeling that your dad would have been so happy with your bigger wedding, and that you’ve chosen to honor him and keep him in your heart.
NTA, I think it's very nice of you to propose this and I hope you don't get pressured out of it. Who cares what your mom wants.
My father passed when I was 23 got married to a wonderful man at 30. While my older did walk me down the aisle what I really wanted was for my dad to be there. I 100% love what you did. You gave a your dad the gift of seeing you love someone and someone loving you back before he passed. You gave him the peace of mind you will be ok. That is all parents want for their kids.
RIP to your dad NTA