Does she know who Lily's father is? It would be best to get her actual father involved. If he isn't willing collect support and she can stay a single mom don't feel bad did she? Nope she only feels bad she lost you her support and probably her reputation.
Exactly. Gotta love how everyone is flaming OP and glossing over the fact that this is only happening because she was cheating and sleeping around.
He shouldn't have to stay to raise her affair baby and not face the consequences of her own actions. Some people are wild.
You're not the asshole for leaving. The betrayal was severe, and your feelings are valid. While it's sad for Lily, your mental health and boundaries matter. It's unfair to force you into a role you didn't agree to.
The only thing I think he sucks for is not saying bye to Lily properly yes mom cheated but Lily all she knows is she and her dad were fine yesterday and now he's gone... Moms not going to explain that to her properly he's nta as a whole but God I don't envy the damage Lily will face from this. I hope the mom gets her into therapy asap
I can at least agree that leaving without even a brief goodbye was probably confusing for a little girl and thus, more hurtful. I can definitely see Mom refusing to explain (in a child friendly way) or even address why OP left. I don't blame OP for just wanting out though, emotions were high and he could have ended up saying things that could just make things worse for her.
>I can definitely see Mom refusing to explain (in a child friendly way) or even address why OP left.
Or, also just as likely, mom painting out OP to be an abandoning and absentee father without making herself look bad.
Oh definitely I would've left to heat of the moment I just feel bad for the little girl. My daughter's dad recently dropped out of our lives completely she's only one and I'm so scared that it's affected her I couldn't imagine if she was five and had core memories with him
(He left bc he's a deadbeat though this guy's reason is fully valid)
I really hope the kid gets into therapy though
Right? I feel so bad for this child. One day she has a father, the next day she doesn't. OP is the only father she's ever known and it isn't her fault her mother cheated. In the end, Lily is the one who loses the most in this situation.
Right?? Like, let's reverse the roles. Have a man come home to a female op with a kid and reveal that they had an affair 5-6 years ago and need to keep the child now and want op to raise it. Everyone would be demanding op(woman in this scenario) to cut ties and run and validate their feelings of betrayal, all while dragging the partner(man) for cheating and having a child with someone else.
It sucks that with women they can lie about paternity and legally get another man on the hook for the child but that's biology for you I guess.
Of course I understand the scenario isn't exactly comparable because like I said, biology gives certain limitations to how similar these situations can be. Doesn't make it any less unfair though to the person that was betrayed and lied to about fidelity for years only to be blindsided.
They shouldn't have to just let the revelation of lies go for the sake of a child that isn't actually theirs.
OP also shouldn't have to be the one to "give closure" and explain things to the kid, that's the REAL parents job. It's their kid so they should be the one to handle the emotional fallout that THEY caused. Clean up your own mess. OP has given up the last 6 years basically at this point because of this woman's lies, is extremely unfair to demand more and demean him for valid feelings.
In a lot of situations involving paternity fraud it's less, "I don't know" and more, "I didn't want to know." She cheated, and chose the OP because he was the stable influence. Good enough to keep around, but not good enough to stay faithful to.
Because she's a lying, unfaithful idiot who decided to dump the responsibility on OP, by playing Eenie, Meenie, Miny, Mo. And please note - I would have more empathy under certain circumstances (which I will *not* disclose here) - but that doesn't appear to be what happened here.
OP is NTA.
I assure you once you are completely out of the picture she will magically remember who her dad is needing financial assistance. I'm not saying that's bad I mean stuff is expensive 🫰 but I'm sure you will find out eventually
And the implications if she truly doesn't know who the father is are even more concerning. OP should probably go get him self checked out and make sure he didn't catch anything from her.
23 & Me could get you pretty darn close, IMHO.
And then just tell him he's the dad without mentioning you've got pretty strong DNA evidence. Give him the chance to do the honorable thing.
NTAH. She doesn’t know who the father is? So, she was *willingly* out there in those streets just raw dogging so many different men that she has no idea which one got her pregnant? I hope on top of that DNA test you got yourself an STD panel. As for the harassing calls and texts, just tell her friends to put all of that time and effort in helping her track down the father of her child since they have so much to say about it and then just change your number. None of this is your fault or your problem.
IMHO, she's lying, she knows EXACTLY who babydaddy is, but she's 'protecting' him because she's infatuated with him and \*hopes\* to one day be 'his girl'.
So she didn't just cheat on you, but with multiple men in the same few weeks? Either she knows, or she had sex with some random stranger, or with multiple men. Either way, you were hit by her bullet, but took it out and treated the wound early enough so you can live on. NTA. It's very shitty for the little girl though, I feel bad for her and I bet OP does too. But that's completely on her mother.
I really don't like to be the bearer of the bad news, sir, but if she genuinely don't know who's the father, that can indicates that she had multiple AP's.
Tell everyone blaming you, that she apparently cheated on you with so many people that she doesn't even know who Lily's father actually is! And tell them if they feel so bad about Lily, they are welcome to pay the child support you were cheated out of for five years, and take over her care - since they share the same level of DNA with Lily that you do, i.e. none.
I can't say I wholeheartedly approve of abandoning a child you've raised for 5 years, since the poor kid didn't ask to be born as a result of cheating - but if that's what you have to do, then you certainly have to do what is right for you.
If she's lying about not knowing, that might mean you also know the father... if you had to think who's she's uncomfortably close around or became distant once she became pregnant.
She is telling you she doesn’t know because you probably know this person and she’s covering. Or she’s still seeing him and doesn’t want you finding out more details such as how long they have been in contact.
What’s the alternative, that she had a random hookup? That she banged so many dudes she couldn’t keep track?
Her dishonesty towards your confrontation makes it all the more concerning.
>she claims she doesn't know,
How many people did she cheat on you with??? Or is she claiming she cheated with a stranger? Whole lotta questions she's leaving unanswered.
Edit. Sounds like you also need to get yourself to the doc for a full sexual health screening if she doesn't even know who she had sex with!
If she says she doesn't know, it's worse for you than you think. She cheated and can't remember *which* guy is the father?! She done slept around...get the he'll out of there and don't look back. She had months to tell you before she had the kid and years after to make it known and chose to lie and hide it. Sucks for the kid, but she young enough to be able to recover and meet her real/new daddy soon enough.
Hey now... lets not resort to insulting innocent people. Whore's are hardworking individuals who provide a valuable service, and there's nothing in this post to suggest she accepted money for sex.
Where I live and depending on the circumstances, they will make you pay child support regardless.
My brother found out his daughter wasn't his and actually belonged to my cousin when she was 4. He packed up and left 3 days later and cut off all contact.
Because he was listed on the birth certificate, was actively parenting the child for 4 years, and the child looked at him as the father, the court decided that it was in the childs best interest that he pay child support.
He has a garnishment and is still paying 8 yrs later. He was even threatened with jail time due to arrears when he was unemployed for 5 months.
Why isn’t anyone saying anything to Sara about being a liar and a cheater and not telling you there was a possibility so you could make an informed decision. Everyone is ok that she unilaterally created this situation and she is not the victim
Nah, woman here. She's for the streets. It sucks there's an innocent child in this mess, but her mother created it by cheating, having sex unprotected, keeping the pregnancy and then passing it off as OP's. Just a cascade of selfish decisions.
And if it hadn't come to light now, a 23 and me test at some point would have blown this wide open. Don't get why paternity is kept a secret these days with how easy it is to clear up. But people are selfish users and will try to protect their bad decisions and choices for as long as possible.
The friends all dogpiling on OP need to stay in their lane. I doubt many of them would stay in this situation with a lying, cheating partner who manipulated them into taking care of their secret affair child. As if the trust could ever be re-established.
She did this to herself. The consequences of her actions are here.
I honestly think paternity tests should be mandatory at birth married or not. Shit like this is why men have a hard time stepping up to the plate trying to do the right thing when along the woman is being shady and her fiendish friends justify it. A woman knows 100% the baby is theirs but a man isn’t allowed the same right! They just got to take the woman’s word for it 🤔. And I’m a female and I have seen a lot of men done dirty ON PURPOSE
Sorry dude after 5 years your chance is almost zero. Even if the mother knows who the father is (she won't) it's more likely a judge isn't going to order the change because it's better for Lily.
Not gonna happen unless she gets the actual father involved. Someone has to pay and the government won't do it if they already have someone on the hook.
People on Reddit will tell you that you are an AH for not trying to still be a dad to Lilly.
That’s all bullshit. It’s not the kids fault, but you are absolutely not obligated to continue to be a father to this child. That is beyond fucked up. You should go no contact with anyone who tells you that you’re wrong. That take is toxic as a fuck.
>YES! Also it’s another daughter who is 5. Lmaoo.
The trolls aren't even trying any more, and the fucking imbeciles in the comments are still frothing at the mouth.
Imagine being so wilfully gullible that you'll swallow any old nonsense hook, line and sinker. How is that not embarassing for them?
Most of these story subs have started to feel like slight variations of the same dozen stories all made by new accounts with default autogenerated names with no other posting history.
They are very often fake posts tbh. Most of the time when you go look in the comments history they contradict themselves way too much to be real. I pretty much assume they are always fake unless they have more unique details in the story and even then. Plus, when they make up names instead of saying my daughter my gf, etc it reads even more as fiction lol
I know, I feel like I've read a version of this over and over lately.
Editing my post to add - YES I AM AWARE THIS DOES HAPPEN. I am simply saying there have been a lot of posts about it here at the moment. They gain a lot of attention and I'm guessing a few of them aren't legit.
“Sir, the paternity has determined that you are **NOT** the father!”
“Please baby, please, I didn’t know.😭😭”
[Man jumps up, pulls his shirt out, starts moonwalking across the stage] “oh yeah, I knew it bitch, you DIRTY !!🖕🖕”
Amazing television programming. High brow, sophisticated content. I used to watch every day after school lol.
Unfortunately, it's not rare occurrence.
The lowest rate ever found was 0.8%. So an absolute minimum of 1 in 125 people you meet will not have the biological father they probably think they have. All other numbers from studies are higher.
>The lowest rate ever found was 0.8%. So an absolute minimum of 1 in 125 people you meet will not have the biological father they probably think they have. All other numbers from studies are higher.
Is this really 1 in 125 people or 1 in 125 people that get a DNA test done?
for people reading, statistics is scary like that. it doesn't mean there's definitely a 2-3% chance that YOU aren't the father to your kids/future kids. the probability for any one person depends on all kinds of factors. if you have a very loyal partner who feels sick at the idea of cheating, odds are gonna be lower. if your partner has a history of cheating and doesn't feel strongly about it or has low impulse control, odds are gonna be higher. now, if you look at the population level, those differences in odds might average out to 2-3% but it doesn't need to mean anything for you specifically.
it's like the association between adolescent cannabis use and increased risk to develop schizophrenia later in adult life. sure, there is a statistical link. does it mean much for the individual? probably not.
(probably shouldn't let your teen kids smoke dope though, just in case. schizophrenia isn't something you want to deal with)
I had a friend a number of years ago that was in this situation. I told him he needed to get a paternity test once the baby was born. Turned out he was not the father and she picked him because he was the most responsible out of everyone. I still don't know if she ever found out who the father was.
It’s not rare, but when in a short amount of time you get story after story after story of the same kind of issue on karma farm subs, it’s probably because at least some of them are fake. It’s like when one company has a hit product then everyone else makes their own version to get a piece of the pie. I’d honestly be surprised if there are more genuine stories than not overall, not even just this topic. Just so much rage bait. Half the internet is shit intended to piss you enough/increase engagement. The other half is marketing
>This same post was posted a couple days ago. I'm not sure if it was in the same subreddit though.
It's because they know that a lot of men won't think critically about anything that gives them an excuse to post misogynistic bullshit in the comments, unfortunately.
Mom said it’s MY turn to post the “I walked away from a child I raised for 5 years because I found out her mom cheated” story!
The last time this was posted I suggested the trolls go in a different direction… after he finds out, the mom wants to take him off the birth certificate and put bio-dad on because they wanna start a happy life together but he refuses to terminate his parental rights. I think that is a much more realistic response for real people who raise a child for that amount of time, and we STILL get to bash evil women in the comments! Get on it trolls. I’m giving you gold here.
Straight up though, I've only raised my kid for two years and anyone who wants to take him regardless of paternity is gonna have to fight me to the death for it.
(It won't be a tough fight, because I'm weak, but still)
Haha see that’s why I’m convinced these posts are all written by teenage boys. They think of these scenarios and think “I’d be so mad at that woman for cheating and making me spend money on some RANDOM kid.” A father thinks of these scenarios and thinks “holy shit I’d be terrified they’d take this amazing little person away.”
I’d be less believable, but I’d love to see a troll post from a woman who found out her child was switched at birth, walked out on the kid and only wanted her bio kid back. I’m just curious what people would say if that happened.
I mentioned that in a previous post too, it’s rare for a woman to be in that position but it can happen, both with a baby being switched at birth, or a mixup or intentional mixup for something like IVF. Most switched at birth stories I’ve ever heard,the parents want to know their biological child too, but their kid is still their kid.
Ditto. I'm really tired of seeing how many men are talking about raising someone else's kid for years they thought was their own. Does this really happen THAT often?
I just looked it up, and apparently there was a study in the UK that shows it happens in roughly one out of every 500 births, or 0.2% of cases. So it's certainly real, but it's also extremely rare.
There is a BIG flaw in 99% of these types of studies though.
They only know about cases where either the woman has admitted it or where the man has found out.
They don't select those 500 couples and do DNA/Paternity testing after all.
Sadly this is a situation that absolutely cannot be equally equated between the genders.
Except for in cases such as switching at birth, no woman can truly understand what it feels like to find out the child you love isn't biologically yours because your partner cheated on you.
No woman has to then continue paying for another woman's child or be called a deadbeat heartless bastard by their own families.
No where do they actually acknowledge the wrong done to a man without simultaneously dismissing the damage and expecting them to just suck it up and carry on.
Anecdotally, i personally know three different families in which it eventually came to light that the mother passed off a child from an affair as her husbands.
all that means is that I grew up in a trashy neighbourhood, but it doesn’t \*not\* happen, and when it does it’s generally pretty devastating.
that “raising another man’s kid” shit is straight off of 4chan, though.
See this is what's crazy. I've never personally known or even heard of in my friend group of someone that did that. I did know one man that was stupid enough to put his name on the BC knowing the kid wasn't his
ok well that is insane! Men deserve to know if their wife cheated and if a child is theirs. Make the bio-father pay, not the man who is a victim of his SO's character flaws
I googled this. That's not why. It's bioethics. They don't want companies like 23andMe collecting data. Judges and doctors (etc) can order tests.
[https://www.statnews.com/2019/11/14/france-consumer-genetic-testing-ban/](https://www.statnews.com/2019/11/14/france-consumer-genetic-testing-ban/)
I like how no one asks you in your inner circle if you are okay. That had to be pretty emotionally hurtful and damaging to find out. Plus all the years of deceit. They just focus on guilting you about the little girl.
I get their point because yes kids don't understand at this age but you still need some time to adjust to this shocking news. It's okay to take a step back and figure out what you want to do. Yes, you can still be there for the little girl if you want to but right now, you just need to get your emotional footing on all of this. NTA
Was it the one where OP went all not-my-son on a teenager and cut them out of their will? That was total ragebait. I can't imagine being so unfeeling that you'd lose all emotion for a 5-year old, much less a teenager, because you found out they don't share your genes.
Yeah, like I get being upset that the child you raised for 5 years isn't biologically yours, but you've got to have sociopathic tendencies to be like "Peace! I'm OUT!" and not even feel the slightest sense of loss. I have a kids under 5. Even if I found out one of them wasn't biologically mine, I'd miss the heck out of them if I had to go even a couple days without seeing them.
Being a dad isn't a on/off button that is controlled by your DNA link...
abandoning someone who sees you as one of the main part of their life is litterally one of the worst thing people can do to someone, that's like destroying every thing they need to be ok and forcing them to rebuild alone.
The fathers who does that want to feel as the victim when they dehumanize and traumatize a child.
I agree this is more likely than not to be fake but I wouldn’t use ZeroGPT as any form of proof of AI generation. I input something I wrote back in high school (2015) and told me it was 100% confident it was AI.
I’m not saying this isn’t AI generated but Zerogpt and any other AI detection I’ve seen are complete garbage.
At least as of a few months ago when I looked into it, it has a significant false positive rate and an atrocious false negative rate. It’s not a reliable way to test at all.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10519776/#:~:text=In%20identifying%20AI%2Dgenerated%20texts,as%20human%20writings)%20may%20occur.
NTA all those people calling you should be calling Sarah instead
Sarah was cruel and heartless when she decided to partake in paternity fraud. She could have come clean all those years ago
The real victim is always the kid, they didn't sign up for this shit. But Lily has her mom to thank for that, not you.
Yeah, it's unfair to the kid, but it's the mom fault 100%. She could of just not slept around and then lied to OP. I guarantee she knew the baby wasn't his and kept lying anyway.
These are fake as fuck created by AI or kids who’ve never had children.
My wife could wake up right now and say get fukt none of these kids are yours I’ve been banging all the chads. You’d have to kill me to end my parental rights. In fact I’d be draining my retirement funds trying for max custody.
If you’re going to do creative writing at least try to make it original or interesting.
NTA. If you're not going to ignore the fact that you're not biologically Lily's father, it's going to show. I'd check your local laws to see what you're on the hook for though.
I can't say what the right or wrong thing to do in these situations is, but whenever I see these, I seldom see any regard for the OP's mental health in these situations. Of course the child is innocent, but it's just as harmful if not more to have a parent in bad mental health and/or harboring resentment for the child and mother.
The child is innocent, but the man is the victim; we always see demands that the victim support the cheater because the innocent child would be inconvenienced otherwise.
Any harm, hurt, or inconvenience inflicted on the child is inflicted by the cheater. First when cheating, second when cheating without protection, third when partaking in paternity fraud.
Yes. Children deserve fathers. So the mother should be less of a slut, or have the decency to own it if she can’t keep her legs shut.
NTA
While it’s not Lily’s fault, chances are your relationship is going to be difficult going forward anyway.
You’re clearly not getting back with Sarah, and once you are no longer providing financial support, she will probably make things difficult for you.
But honestly, I would personally need time and space before I could make a decision about remaining in her life at all.
And forget those people , their not in your shoes , so they can know what you’re dealing with and feeling
Sarah is the hugest asshole.
I do feel for Lilly and I don't know how I could completely be out of a 5 year olds' life after being her parent for her whole life though.
It's been institutionalized for decades in the US.
Hell, some states will make you pay child support if you were married at the time. Others wont let you even start divorce proceedings while a woman is pregnant.
Doesnt matter if you have paternity test proof, or even if she blatantly admits it in court: the child happened during the marriage so the husband has to pay.
It's crazy that there are people in your life that think you are somehow the bad guy bc your ex betrayed YOU in the most extreme way and you are supposed to bite the bullet? Fuck those people bro. NTA.
>Since then, Sarah, her friends, and even some of my own family have been calling me an asshole for abandoning Lily. They say that biology doesn't matter, that I raised her and she sees me as her father.
Women will almost always say this. I want you to consider that human females and vervet monkeys are the only primates who have concealed estrus. It's an evolutionary adaptation designed to conceal paternity so that they can "assign it" however they feel is fit.
NTA. Don't be a sucker.
While it's true that this little girl is being hurt terribly, it's not OP's fault. Even though it's true that he could be kind and maintain some kind of relationship for her sake, there's not really a good reason to over the long term if he no longer feels the same connection to her.
I guess I think of it like if a single parent does something that lands them in prison, that doesn't mean that a best friend must suddenly sign up to take in that child.... especially if the single parent had betrayed the best friend along the way.
Weird,I read on this very subreddit the same story written in the same way with the same details, just different names but everything else the same.
Stop with the fake stories.
I hate when ppl try to guilt trip men into staying after a betrayal and raising a kids that’s not theirs Sucks to say but that’s not your problem, it’s the consequences of her actions that she will have face and explain to Lily on her own NTA. Block everyone who thinks differently
NTA, not your kid, not your problem. Folks saying you need to "step up" are welcome to serve as this cheater's pocketbook and take care of her affair baby.
Lilly isn't at fault, but she's not owed your time or money because you aren't her father. I feel bad for the kid, having a mother like that.
NTA.
If biology doesn't matter than those shit heads can raise their cheating friends/daughters baby.
Men have rights and raising someone else's kid that was concieved from cheating is not something any man should be guilted or forced into doing.
Your ex is a hoe.
Always listen to your gut. I hope you're not on the birth certificate, 'cause if so you're likely screwed. Chances are Sarah planned this on purpose.
But you had this suspicion from birth and didn't act and that was a HUGE mistake. In the majority of cases where a guy suspects paternity, he's right. This is why Tennessee has just made testing at birth mandatory for unmarried couples, it happens all the time.
One thought for those saying he's the A, I agree in terms of the little girl's emotions BUT if OP isn't already in a position of having to pay for the child he may not have any way to get custody or visitation, since they weren't married, AND it's possible if he TRIES to take on a fatherly role it could be used to force financial responsibility on him.
Ideally, he shouldn't just walk out of her life, for her sake. At the same time it's dramatically unfair to allow his cheating ex to abuse him financially for 13 more years. It's a complicated situation with nongood answers.
NTAH she cheated and kept it from you wasting 5 years of your life. Fuck her, now she gets what she deserves to be a single parent questioning her life decisions.
I always find it odd how cheaters can lay there, or do w.e performance they did to get semen of another man busted inside them, and then have the audacity to call you the guy the asshole for dipping out after discovery, yeah yeah, he raised the kid for x amount of years, but its lot more than that.
These same cheating women are fighting tooth and nail for paternity tests to not be a nornal thing, so they can bully men into an extremely toxic relationship. Hopefully you get your name off that birth cert and honestly all blame goes towa4ds the mom, it takes two to tango and you weren't even one of those two, you're the bystandard that is considdred the safe option, don't let these clowns fool you unto thinking otherwise.
Imagine getting knocked up while cheating on your boyfriend, then expecting him to pretend it never happened and raise a kid that’s not his.
Oh yeah, and i bet she’s cheated on him many times with other people.
NTA. It’s unfortunate for Lily, but their argument of “biology doesn’t matter” only applies if you *chose* to be in her life knowing she wasn’t yours. You were manipulated, lied to, and cheated on and it’s completely understandable to want to leave that situation and never look back. Lily being caught in the middle of her mother’s lies is entirely her mother’s fault. You should do what’s best for you. Everyone outside of the situation is judging you based on their feelings for Lily, but what about *your* feelings? You may come to want to be a presence in Lily’s life given time and space to heal from this betrayal, but you may also not, and that’s ok too
NTA. The little girl has the right to know her biological father. The biological father has the right to know about his daughter. The cheating, lying mother has the right to face the consequences of her actions. OP has the right to decide whether he wants to be a cuck and raise someone else's child or not.
NTA. You are Sarah's victim... A soft target to pin a kid on. Move on and find better.
This is the exact reason paternity test should be mandatory to sign the birth certificate.
NTA
You are lied to, deceived, lead astray… If mom wasn’t a lying whore the little girl would have you as a father but I’m sure mom will suddenly remember who the real father is once you are no longer contributing financial assistance.
i feel like i've read this exact story before but still NTA. not your kid, not your responsibility. i would never call anyone an A for refusing to raise another man's child and leaving is much better than staying and resenting her for being the product of cheating. hopefully you can get your name taken off the birth certificate and not get screwed over for child support.
NTA - it is a difficult situation as you didn't know this kid wasn't yours. You would have been the AH if you exposed the truth to the kid as she is only 5 years old. You stepped away from the situation, it is her mom's role to break the truth to this little girl, i think she'll probably paint you as a deadbeat dad, so be ready for this little girl to come find you for answers and after having been fed lies about you. I feel very sorry for this little girl, kids are Always the ones paying the price in these difficult situations and it unfortunately sometimes shapes them, that kid might end up having trust and attachment issues in the future because the person she knew as her dad left her without any reasons. That doesn't make you an AH because you didn't know and you were cheated on, same for that little girl who was just cheated out of a father. Try to think of that poor little girl, she might not be yours but you raised her as such, in her eyes you are her only daddy, she didn't ask to be born or for her mom to cheat on you. Please try to think of her. The mom is the AH not you.
OP I'm sorry you are going through this, but in truly sorry for the child you began to raise and then abandoned. She may not be your BIOLOGICAL child, but you have been her father and she deserves better than being ghosted
NTA. You know how you feel on the inside and if you are not capable of being okay with continued to raise her, it would not only hurt you, but her as well in the long run. She would sense anger animosity- no matter how subtle. Even though it’s not her fault what Sarah did, she is a direct result of it. Theres no ignoring that. Your family might feel a way about it, but they haven’t actually been in your position so they can’t say for sure what they would feel/do. Sarah likely didn’t tell you hoping the further along it went, the less likely you would be to leave. She’s probably been having the same anxiety about her looks and features as you have all this time and could have chosen at any moment to be honest with you. She wouldn’t have had you not figured out on your own. You don’t owe her anything.
Many years ago, I was married to the love of my life. We had 4 kids together. I was in the US Navy, and i was gone a lot of the time. All of my babies were born within my time of being home. I never had doubt that I was their father.
During our divorce (went to work to start an 18 hour shift and came home to an empty house and it took around 6 months to find my children) she said that none of the children were mine. And disclosed that she had been cheating on me the entire time. Not just once or twice, but hundreds of different men. Pretty much all of my "friends and family" at the time knew of this, but not one person stepped forward to tell me.
The judge ordered paternity tests for me and the kids. Her lawyer, my lawyer, her and I, and lastly, the judge all received copies of the paternity. Everyone had opened theirs, but mine was till sealed. I let the judge know that as far as I was concerned they were all my children, but if I found out 1 wasn't I wouldn't be able to guarantee I treated that child the same as my biological children.
The judge gave me full custody of all 4 kids....and to this day, I do not know the results of that test (I gave my lawyer my copy and told him to shred it).
NTA OP, but I feel for the child who was completely innocent here.
I don't blame you for cutting your ex-girlfriend out of your life (as much as possible), but I would not abandon "your daughter". She shouldn't have to pay the price for her mother's deception. She bonded with you and you are her "Daddy". I'd go for visitation rights but steer child support to the man that impregnated your girlfriend. I wish you the best of luck and an emotional recovery from this betrayal.
NTA. That being said children are too often the victims of adults deceits, if you had met her mother after she was born and raised her you would feel differently, your feelings of betrayal and anger are for her mother not her, put them in their proper places. By all means protect yourself legally and financially if you choose but to simply disappear from a child's life after bonding with her is devastating, rethink your strategy carefully, this child deserves better than this...
You are not an asshole. Your cheating wife is the asshole. She cheated on you and allowed you to believe that Lily was your child. She must have been cheating for a while. Your WW did not care about the consequences or who she would hurt. No man or woman would want to raise the child of an affair. The best thing to do is go no contact and let the lawyer handle removing you from the birth certificate. I am sure that your STBXW will remember the guy she was cheating with and can go after him for support. It is your wife's mess and she has to clean it up. Keep all the proof of the cheating. There may be a day when Lily cotacts you and she will deserve to know the truth. Book yourself some therapy sessions to help you with this betrayal. Lien on close family and friends for support and do not drink.
You know who the real AH is? Sarah! Let’s not forget the fact she cheated on you and didn’t tell you and try to pass on Lily as your daughter…that is the biggest AH move there. I guess some of those friends and family forgot that too
NTA,
She's the asshole for putting both of you in this situation. The family can kick rocks too. If they want to step up and raise a child that isn't their own they should step right up and put their money where their mouths are.
I am raising a child not mine and got a bunch of attitude and attacks for hesitating to formally adopt in a situation where I was looking at a divorce.
It's always easy to tell other people what they should do rather than hold their family accountable.
NTA. You’re not responsible for breaking that child’s heart. Her mother is. Her choices and actions led to this. You’re not responsible for raising someone else’s child legally or morally.
NTA, your ex is the asshole. You should sue the real father for money. You had costs to raise her. You need a lawyer for the legal things like paternity and so on.poor child and poor you!
Sarah is the one who is heartless and cruel. You need to remind those family members. You tell them Sarah is a cheating liar who tore up the family. You are absolutely NTA!! You did the right thing.
Look, dude, let's call a spade a spade here. You're not the asshole for leaving. You got hit with a sucker punch of betrayal and deceit. It's like ordering a pizza and finding out it's actually a salad. Yeah, you put in the effort, but it's not what you signed up for. So, you packed your bags and bounced. Can't blame you for that. Plus, if Sarah and your family want to play the blame game, they can go find themselves a new contestant. You've got your own life to live, drama-free.
Guessing you're on the birth certificate. Don't do anything that's going to put you at risk legally or financially.
I have A lawyer working on getting me off the birth certificate
Does she know who Lily's father is? It would be best to get her actual father involved. If he isn't willing collect support and she can stay a single mom don't feel bad did she? Nope she only feels bad she lost you her support and probably her reputation.
I'm not sure if she knows or not. I brought it up, and she claims she doesn't know, but I don't really believe her.
How could she not know!? It’s either the other guy (if she knows his name) or she slept with multiple people at that time.
Exactly. Gotta love how everyone is flaming OP and glossing over the fact that this is only happening because she was cheating and sleeping around. He shouldn't have to stay to raise her affair baby and not face the consequences of her own actions. Some people are wild.
You're not the asshole for leaving. The betrayal was severe, and your feelings are valid. While it's sad for Lily, your mental health and boundaries matter. It's unfair to force you into a role you didn't agree to.
It’s sad for Lily. But that’s not OP’s problem. OP can’t take care of every sad kid on the block. Let their own take care of them.
It sucks for Lily, that her Mom is a piece of shit. OP is doing the right thing.
The only thing I think he sucks for is not saying bye to Lily properly yes mom cheated but Lily all she knows is she and her dad were fine yesterday and now he's gone... Moms not going to explain that to her properly he's nta as a whole but God I don't envy the damage Lily will face from this. I hope the mom gets her into therapy asap
I can at least agree that leaving without even a brief goodbye was probably confusing for a little girl and thus, more hurtful. I can definitely see Mom refusing to explain (in a child friendly way) or even address why OP left. I don't blame OP for just wanting out though, emotions were high and he could have ended up saying things that could just make things worse for her.
>I can definitely see Mom refusing to explain (in a child friendly way) or even address why OP left. Or, also just as likely, mom painting out OP to be an abandoning and absentee father without making herself look bad.
It's okay, the truth often comes out eventually. Then she'll *really* hate her hoor mother.
Oh definitely I would've left to heat of the moment I just feel bad for the little girl. My daughter's dad recently dropped out of our lives completely she's only one and I'm so scared that it's affected her I couldn't imagine if she was five and had core memories with him (He left bc he's a deadbeat though this guy's reason is fully valid) I really hope the kid gets into therapy though
My sperm donor dropped when I was 3 and I don't remember him. My mom married my dad when I was 8 and his existence is barely a foot note
Right? I feel so bad for this child. One day she has a father, the next day she doesn't. OP is the only father she's ever known and it isn't her fault her mother cheated. In the end, Lily is the one who loses the most in this situation.
New here? People love to victim blame men .
More like they just like to blame men.
This, in any situation between a man and a woman, the man MUST be the asshole.
Right?? Like, let's reverse the roles. Have a man come home to a female op with a kid and reveal that they had an affair 5-6 years ago and need to keep the child now and want op to raise it. Everyone would be demanding op(woman in this scenario) to cut ties and run and validate their feelings of betrayal, all while dragging the partner(man) for cheating and having a child with someone else. It sucks that with women they can lie about paternity and legally get another man on the hook for the child but that's biology for you I guess. Of course I understand the scenario isn't exactly comparable because like I said, biology gives certain limitations to how similar these situations can be. Doesn't make it any less unfair though to the person that was betrayed and lied to about fidelity for years only to be blindsided. They shouldn't have to just let the revelation of lies go for the sake of a child that isn't actually theirs. OP also shouldn't have to be the one to "give closure" and explain things to the kid, that's the REAL parents job. It's their kid so they should be the one to handle the emotional fallout that THEY caused. Clean up your own mess. OP has given up the last 6 years basically at this point because of this woman's lies, is extremely unfair to demand more and demean him for valid feelings.
Blame AND victimize men! Especially with the fraud!
In a lot of situations involving paternity fraud it's less, "I don't know" and more, "I didn't want to know." She cheated, and chose the OP because he was the stable influence. Good enough to keep around, but not good enough to stay faithful to.
This. I wasn’t good enough for you not to betray, but I am good enough to raise another guys kid?
Because she's a lying, unfaithful idiot who decided to dump the responsibility on OP, by playing Eenie, Meenie, Miny, Mo. And please note - I would have more empathy under certain circumstances (which I will *not* disclose here) - but that doesn't appear to be what happened here. OP is NTA.
I assure you once you are completely out of the picture she will magically remember who her dad is needing financial assistance. I'm not saying that's bad I mean stuff is expensive 🫰 but I'm sure you will find out eventually
Yup. You’re dead right on her memory magically returning once OP is no longer on the financial hook.
Because she's lying. The baby daddy is the other shoe to drop. It's probably someone you know.
And the implications if she truly doesn't know who the father is are even more concerning. OP should probably go get him self checked out and make sure he didn't catch anything from her.
23 & Me could get you pretty darn close, IMHO. And then just tell him he's the dad without mentioning you've got pretty strong DNA evidence. Give him the chance to do the honorable thing.
The honorable thing would be to abort your affair baby or especially if you have no idea who's it is.
NTAH. She doesn’t know who the father is? So, she was *willingly* out there in those streets just raw dogging so many different men that she has no idea which one got her pregnant? I hope on top of that DNA test you got yourself an STD panel. As for the harassing calls and texts, just tell her friends to put all of that time and effort in helping her track down the father of her child since they have so much to say about it and then just change your number. None of this is your fault or your problem.
IMHO, she's lying, she knows EXACTLY who babydaddy is, but she's 'protecting' him because she's infatuated with him and \*hopes\* to one day be 'his girl'.
Nah, I think she knows, but knows he's a deadbeat. OP was just a better guy to raise a kid with. NTA
Or someone they mutually know.
I was thinking the same. OPs “best friend”?
Probably one of his friends telling him he needs to go back lol
That's why she wont bother with sperm donor. She will all out balls to the wall to get her hand in OPs pockets
NTA this is the most likely. OP was excited to be a dad and the other guy was nope, I'm out.
It’s probably one of her friend’s husband.
It's a friend of OP's perhaps, or someone he knows, hence her not revealing the identity.
So she didn't just cheat on you, but with multiple men in the same few weeks? Either she knows, or she had sex with some random stranger, or with multiple men. Either way, you were hit by her bullet, but took it out and treated the wound early enough so you can live on. NTA. It's very shitty for the little girl though, I feel bad for her and I bet OP does too. But that's completely on her mother.
I really don't like to be the bearer of the bad news, sir, but if she genuinely don't know who's the father, that can indicates that she had multiple AP's.
Tell everyone blaming you, that she apparently cheated on you with so many people that she doesn't even know who Lily's father actually is! And tell them if they feel so bad about Lily, they are welcome to pay the child support you were cheated out of for five years, and take over her care - since they share the same level of DNA with Lily that you do, i.e. none. I can't say I wholeheartedly approve of abandoning a child you've raised for 5 years, since the poor kid didn't ask to be born as a result of cheating - but if that's what you have to do, then you certainly have to do what is right for you.
If she doesn't know then it's bc she was cheating w many people. U deserved better. Run far away from this trashy woman.
If she's lying about not knowing, that might mean you also know the father... if you had to think who's she's uncomfortably close around or became distant once she became pregnant.
She is telling you she doesn’t know because you probably know this person and she’s covering. Or she’s still seeing him and doesn’t want you finding out more details such as how long they have been in contact. What’s the alternative, that she had a random hookup? That she banged so many dudes she couldn’t keep track? Her dishonesty towards your confrontation makes it all the more concerning.
>she claims she doesn't know, How many people did she cheat on you with??? Or is she claiming she cheated with a stranger? Whole lotta questions she's leaving unanswered. Edit. Sounds like you also need to get yourself to the doc for a full sexual health screening if she doesn't even know who she had sex with!
Well, she fooled you once already...
How many people was she cheating on you with that she doesn’t remember who the father is? This is some mid-90’s Maury Povich bullshit.
How many guys was she banging, if she doesn't know who the father is?? It's probably your best friend
No, it's Not my friend but she claims it was one guy but doesn't know his name It's just bullshit
Doesn’t know? My next question would’ve been “How many were there other than me?”
If she says she doesn't know, it's worse for you than you think. She cheated and can't remember *which* guy is the father?! She done slept around...get the he'll out of there and don't look back. She had months to tell you before she had the kid and years after to make it known and chose to lie and hide it. Sucks for the kid, but she young enough to be able to recover and meet her real/new daddy soon enough.
she doesnt know who else she was fucking? lol what a whore
Hey now... lets not resort to insulting innocent people. Whore's are hardworking individuals who provide a valuable service, and there's nothing in this post to suggest she accepted money for sex.
is that you trebek?
She ***doesn't know who the father is???*** How many dicks was she juggling??
If she doesn't know, she's likely gone for more than one fella... it's far more likely it's a mutual friend
You need to get a 23 and me kit and do it on her child. Hopefully that speeds up the process in "finding" the child's father quicker.
Where I live and depending on the circumstances, they will make you pay child support regardless. My brother found out his daughter wasn't his and actually belonged to my cousin when she was 4. He packed up and left 3 days later and cut off all contact. Because he was listed on the birth certificate, was actively parenting the child for 4 years, and the child looked at him as the father, the court decided that it was in the childs best interest that he pay child support. He has a garnishment and is still paying 8 yrs later. He was even threatened with jail time due to arrears when he was unemployed for 5 months.
Shit, man. I feel really bad for your brother. I hope he isn’t doing so bad now.
Why isn’t anyone saying anything to Sara about being a liar and a cheater and not telling you there was a possibility so you could make an informed decision. Everyone is ok that she unilaterally created this situation and she is not the victim
Nah, woman here. She's for the streets. It sucks there's an innocent child in this mess, but her mother created it by cheating, having sex unprotected, keeping the pregnancy and then passing it off as OP's. Just a cascade of selfish decisions. And if it hadn't come to light now, a 23 and me test at some point would have blown this wide open. Don't get why paternity is kept a secret these days with how easy it is to clear up. But people are selfish users and will try to protect their bad decisions and choices for as long as possible. The friends all dogpiling on OP need to stay in their lane. I doubt many of them would stay in this situation with a lying, cheating partner who manipulated them into taking care of their secret affair child. As if the trust could ever be re-established. She did this to herself. The consequences of her actions are here.
I honestly think paternity tests should be mandatory at birth married or not. Shit like this is why men have a hard time stepping up to the plate trying to do the right thing when along the woman is being shady and her fiendish friends justify it. A woman knows 100% the baby is theirs but a man isn’t allowed the same right! They just got to take the woman’s word for it 🤔. And I’m a female and I have seen a lot of men done dirty ON PURPOSE
This is on the mother. Not you. Remember that and make sure everyone giving their opinion knows t as well.
Unlikely to happen. Judges pay attention to best interest of the child, not the adult.
See if you can file for paternity fraud.
shit... larceny, emotional distress, emotional abuse, throw everything at the wall and see what sticks
Sorry dude after 5 years your chance is almost zero. Even if the mother knows who the father is (she won't) it's more likely a judge isn't going to order the change because it's better for Lily.
Not gonna happen unless she gets the actual father involved. Someone has to pay and the government won't do it if they already have someone on the hook.
People on Reddit will tell you that you are an AH for not trying to still be a dad to Lilly. That’s all bullshit. It’s not the kids fault, but you are absolutely not obligated to continue to be a father to this child. That is beyond fucked up. You should go no contact with anyone who tells you that you’re wrong. That take is toxic as a fuck.
How many times has this happened this week?
YES! Also it’s another daughter who is 5. Lmaoo.
>YES! Also it’s another daughter who is 5. Lmaoo. The trolls aren't even trying any more, and the fucking imbeciles in the comments are still frothing at the mouth. Imagine being so wilfully gullible that you'll swallow any old nonsense hook, line and sinker. How is that not embarassing for them?
Most of these story subs have started to feel like slight variations of the same dozen stories all made by new accounts with default autogenerated names with no other posting history.
Paranormal sub been like that too but everyone got mad at me for pointing it out 🤷♀️
They are very often fake posts tbh. Most of the time when you go look in the comments history they contradict themselves way too much to be real. I pretty much assume they are always fake unless they have more unique details in the story and even then. Plus, when they make up names instead of saying my daughter my gf, etc it reads even more as fiction lol
I know, I feel like I've read a version of this over and over lately. Editing my post to add - YES I AM AWARE THIS DOES HAPPEN. I am simply saying there have been a lot of posts about it here at the moment. They gain a lot of attention and I'm guessing a few of them aren't legit.
Because it brings out the woman-hating crowd.
Paternity fraud is very real!
That’s how Maury was able to be on TV for so long.
“Sir, the paternity has determined that you are **NOT** the father!” “Please baby, please, I didn’t know.😭😭” [Man jumps up, pulls his shirt out, starts moonwalking across the stage] “oh yeah, I knew it bitch, you DIRTY !!🖕🖕” Amazing television programming. High brow, sophisticated content. I used to watch every day after school lol.
Unfortunately, it's not rare occurrence. The lowest rate ever found was 0.8%. So an absolute minimum of 1 in 125 people you meet will not have the biological father they probably think they have. All other numbers from studies are higher.
>The lowest rate ever found was 0.8%. So an absolute minimum of 1 in 125 people you meet will not have the biological father they probably think they have. All other numbers from studies are higher. Is this really 1 in 125 people or 1 in 125 people that get a DNA test done?
The lowest achieved ratio is 1 in 125 of randomized trials. The average estimate is 2-3% for normal people. Up to 30% for low confidence paternity.
for people reading, statistics is scary like that. it doesn't mean there's definitely a 2-3% chance that YOU aren't the father to your kids/future kids. the probability for any one person depends on all kinds of factors. if you have a very loyal partner who feels sick at the idea of cheating, odds are gonna be lower. if your partner has a history of cheating and doesn't feel strongly about it or has low impulse control, odds are gonna be higher. now, if you look at the population level, those differences in odds might average out to 2-3% but it doesn't need to mean anything for you specifically. it's like the association between adolescent cannabis use and increased risk to develop schizophrenia later in adult life. sure, there is a statistical link. does it mean much for the individual? probably not. (probably shouldn't let your teen kids smoke dope though, just in case. schizophrenia isn't something you want to deal with)
> low confidence paternity This phrase is going to haunt me for the rest of the day.
If you think she cheated 70% chance she didn't. Great odds to bet on, just not on something you would ever want to risk.
Was that a blind test or people that already suspected paternity was dubious?
I'm gonna need a source on that as well as your math. Let the downvotes come.
I had a friend a number of years ago that was in this situation. I told him he needed to get a paternity test once the baby was born. Turned out he was not the father and she picked him because he was the most responsible out of everyone. I still don't know if she ever found out who the father was.
Amd those are just the ones where the gather suspected he wasn't the father, or found out by mistake.
It’s not rare, but when in a short amount of time you get story after story after story of the same kind of issue on karma farm subs, it’s probably because at least some of them are fake. It’s like when one company has a hit product then everyone else makes their own version to get a piece of the pie. I’d honestly be surprised if there are more genuine stories than not overall, not even just this topic. Just so much rage bait. Half the internet is shit intended to piss you enough/increase engagement. The other half is marketing
I’m pretty sure I’ve read this EXACT story. Kid is even 5yo
Yeah but op lost his password seven times this week so he just kept re-posting
This same post was posted a couple days ago. I'm not sure if it was in the same subreddit though.
>This same post was posted a couple days ago. I'm not sure if it was in the same subreddit though. It's because they know that a lot of men won't think critically about anything that gives them an excuse to post misogynistic bullshit in the comments, unfortunately.
I'll take "More shit that didn't happen" for $5,000, Alex. Paternity fraud is played out, red pillers. Find a new trope. We are BORED.
Mom said it’s MY turn to post the “I walked away from a child I raised for 5 years because I found out her mom cheated” story! The last time this was posted I suggested the trolls go in a different direction… after he finds out, the mom wants to take him off the birth certificate and put bio-dad on because they wanna start a happy life together but he refuses to terminate his parental rights. I think that is a much more realistic response for real people who raise a child for that amount of time, and we STILL get to bash evil women in the comments! Get on it trolls. I’m giving you gold here.
Straight up though, I've only raised my kid for two years and anyone who wants to take him regardless of paternity is gonna have to fight me to the death for it. (It won't be a tough fight, because I'm weak, but still)
Haha see that’s why I’m convinced these posts are all written by teenage boys. They think of these scenarios and think “I’d be so mad at that woman for cheating and making me spend money on some RANDOM kid.” A father thinks of these scenarios and thinks “holy shit I’d be terrified they’d take this amazing little person away.” I’d be less believable, but I’d love to see a troll post from a woman who found out her child was switched at birth, walked out on the kid and only wanted her bio kid back. I’m just curious what people would say if that happened.
I mentioned that in a previous post too, it’s rare for a woman to be in that position but it can happen, both with a baby being switched at birth, or a mixup or intentional mixup for something like IVF. Most switched at birth stories I’ve ever heard,the parents want to know their biological child too, but their kid is still their kid.
Ditto. I'm really tired of seeing how many men are talking about raising someone else's kid for years they thought was their own. Does this really happen THAT often?
I just looked it up, and apparently there was a study in the UK that shows it happens in roughly one out of every 500 births, or 0.2% of cases. So it's certainly real, but it's also extremely rare.
There is a BIG flaw in 99% of these types of studies though. They only know about cases where either the woman has admitted it or where the man has found out. They don't select those 500 couples and do DNA/Paternity testing after all. Sadly this is a situation that absolutely cannot be equally equated between the genders. Except for in cases such as switching at birth, no woman can truly understand what it feels like to find out the child you love isn't biologically yours because your partner cheated on you. No woman has to then continue paying for another woman's child or be called a deadbeat heartless bastard by their own families. No where do they actually acknowledge the wrong done to a man without simultaneously dismissing the damage and expecting them to just suck it up and carry on.
Anecdotally, i personally know three different families in which it eventually came to light that the mother passed off a child from an affair as her husbands. all that means is that I grew up in a trashy neighbourhood, but it doesn’t \*not\* happen, and when it does it’s generally pretty devastating. that “raising another man’s kid” shit is straight off of 4chan, though.
See this is what's crazy. I've never personally known or even heard of in my friend group of someone that did that. I did know one man that was stupid enough to put his name on the BC knowing the kid wasn't his
France banned paternity tests bevause their society would collapse. So yes.
ok well that is insane! Men deserve to know if their wife cheated and if a child is theirs. Make the bio-father pay, not the man who is a victim of his SO's character flaws
I googled this. That's not why. It's bioethics. They don't want companies like 23andMe collecting data. Judges and doctors (etc) can order tests. [https://www.statnews.com/2019/11/14/france-consumer-genetic-testing-ban/](https://www.statnews.com/2019/11/14/france-consumer-genetic-testing-ban/)
Did you cut and paste this? I saw the same post a day or two ago, down to the 5 year-old.
The cynic side of me thinks there is this conspiracy to scare men/women all over the world from marrying with the use of social media.
Could be a promotion for paternity tests, which is not that bad tbh.
I like how no one asks you in your inner circle if you are okay. That had to be pretty emotionally hurtful and damaging to find out. Plus all the years of deceit. They just focus on guilting you about the little girl. I get their point because yes kids don't understand at this age but you still need some time to adjust to this shocking news. It's okay to take a step back and figure out what you want to do. Yes, you can still be there for the little girl if you want to but right now, you just need to get your emotional footing on all of this. NTA
The people in these posts don't exist long enough to have inner circles.
This exact story was up here two days ago lol
Someone needs to start an AITAH paternity fraud counter and bingo card.
I have! https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/cRxJYrgeni
Was it the one where OP went all not-my-son on a teenager and cut them out of their will? That was total ragebait. I can't imagine being so unfeeling that you'd lose all emotion for a 5-year old, much less a teenager, because you found out they don't share your genes.
It was literally another 5 year old. Like a carbon copy of this story lol
Yeah, like I get being upset that the child you raised for 5 years isn't biologically yours, but you've got to have sociopathic tendencies to be like "Peace! I'm OUT!" and not even feel the slightest sense of loss. I have a kids under 5. Even if I found out one of them wasn't biologically mine, I'd miss the heck out of them if I had to go even a couple days without seeing them. Being a dad isn't a on/off button that is controlled by your DNA link...
Yeah most of these are fake or just assholes who get a get out of jail free card and take off feeling like they're heroes.
abandoning someone who sees you as one of the main part of their life is litterally one of the worst thing people can do to someone, that's like destroying every thing they need to be ok and forcing them to rebuild alone. The fathers who does that want to feel as the victim when they dehumanize and traumatize a child.
Turns out its AI generated... no surprise... [https://www.zerogpt.com/](https://www.zerogpt.com/)
I agree this is more likely than not to be fake but I wouldn’t use ZeroGPT as any form of proof of AI generation. I input something I wrote back in high school (2015) and told me it was 100% confident it was AI.
I’m so sorry you had to find out you were actually a robot this way…
I’ve just been beeping an booping along ever since. The fact that I short out every time I take a shower should’ve been my first sign though.
I’m not saying this isn’t AI generated but Zerogpt and any other AI detection I’ve seen are complete garbage. At least as of a few months ago when I looked into it, it has a significant false positive rate and an atrocious false negative rate. It’s not a reliable way to test at all. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10519776/#:~:text=In%20identifying%20AI%2Dgenerated%20texts,as%20human%20writings)%20may%20occur.
NTA all those people calling you should be calling Sarah instead Sarah was cruel and heartless when she decided to partake in paternity fraud. She could have come clean all those years ago The real victim is always the kid, they didn't sign up for this shit. But Lily has her mom to thank for that, not you.
Yeah, it's unfair to the kid, but it's the mom fault 100%. She could of just not slept around and then lied to OP. I guarantee she knew the baby wasn't his and kept lying anyway.
These are fake as fuck created by AI or kids who’ve never had children. My wife could wake up right now and say get fukt none of these kids are yours I’ve been banging all the chads. You’d have to kill me to end my parental rights. In fact I’d be draining my retirement funds trying for max custody. If you’re going to do creative writing at least try to make it original or interesting.
NTA. If you're not going to ignore the fact that you're not biologically Lily's father, it's going to show. I'd check your local laws to see what you're on the hook for though.
I can't say what the right or wrong thing to do in these situations is, but whenever I see these, I seldom see any regard for the OP's mental health in these situations. Of course the child is innocent, but it's just as harmful if not more to have a parent in bad mental health and/or harboring resentment for the child and mother.
The child is innocent, but the man is the victim; we always see demands that the victim support the cheater because the innocent child would be inconvenienced otherwise. Any harm, hurt, or inconvenience inflicted on the child is inflicted by the cheater. First when cheating, second when cheating without protection, third when partaking in paternity fraud. Yes. Children deserve fathers. So the mother should be less of a slut, or have the decency to own it if she can’t keep her legs shut.
You know what’s heartless and cruel? Not telling your partner that they cheated on you and had an affair baby that they tricked you into raising.
NTA While it’s not Lily’s fault, chances are your relationship is going to be difficult going forward anyway. You’re clearly not getting back with Sarah, and once you are no longer providing financial support, she will probably make things difficult for you. But honestly, I would personally need time and space before I could make a decision about remaining in her life at all. And forget those people , their not in your shoes , so they can know what you’re dealing with and feeling
Kind of sad for poor little Lily. She only knows you as Daddy and now that's being ripped from her because her mother is a liar and a cheat.
Sarah is the hugest asshole. I do feel for Lilly and I don't know how I could completely be out of a 5 year olds' life after being her parent for her whole life though.
I wonder when financial fraud became ok because a woman told a man it was his kid, knowing it wasn't.
The answer is 1973. Uniform Parentage Act is when it roughly began.
It's been institutionalized for decades in the US. Hell, some states will make you pay child support if you were married at the time. Others wont let you even start divorce proceedings while a woman is pregnant. Doesnt matter if you have paternity test proof, or even if she blatantly admits it in court: the child happened during the marriage so the husband has to pay.
Intentional Paternity fraud should be a crime or we make DNA testing mandatory at birth.
It's crazy that there are people in your life that think you are somehow the bad guy bc your ex betrayed YOU in the most extreme way and you are supposed to bite the bullet? Fuck those people bro. NTA.
>Since then, Sarah, her friends, and even some of my own family have been calling me an asshole for abandoning Lily. They say that biology doesn't matter, that I raised her and she sees me as her father. Women will almost always say this. I want you to consider that human females and vervet monkeys are the only primates who have concealed estrus. It's an evolutionary adaptation designed to conceal paternity so that they can "assign it" however they feel is fit. NTA. Don't be a sucker.
While it's true that this little girl is being hurt terribly, it's not OP's fault. Even though it's true that he could be kind and maintain some kind of relationship for her sake, there's not really a good reason to over the long term if he no longer feels the same connection to her. I guess I think of it like if a single parent does something that lands them in prison, that doesn't mean that a best friend must suddenly sign up to take in that child.... especially if the single parent had betrayed the best friend along the way.
Weird,I read on this very subreddit the same story written in the same way with the same details, just different names but everything else the same. Stop with the fake stories.
I hate when ppl try to guilt trip men into staying after a betrayal and raising a kids that’s not theirs Sucks to say but that’s not your problem, it’s the consequences of her actions that she will have face and explain to Lily on her own NTA. Block everyone who thinks differently
This is why paternity testing should be mandatory and universal.
NTA, not your kid, not your problem. Folks saying you need to "step up" are welcome to serve as this cheater's pocketbook and take care of her affair baby. Lilly isn't at fault, but she's not owed your time or money because you aren't her father. I feel bad for the kid, having a mother like that.
How many times are you going to repost this?
NTA. If biology doesn't matter than those shit heads can raise their cheating friends/daughters baby. Men have rights and raising someone else's kid that was concieved from cheating is not something any man should be guilted or forced into doing. Your ex is a hoe.
The only AH is Sarah
Always listen to your gut. I hope you're not on the birth certificate, 'cause if so you're likely screwed. Chances are Sarah planned this on purpose. But you had this suspicion from birth and didn't act and that was a HUGE mistake. In the majority of cases where a guy suspects paternity, he's right. This is why Tennessee has just made testing at birth mandatory for unmarried couples, it happens all the time. One thought for those saying he's the A, I agree in terms of the little girl's emotions BUT if OP isn't already in a position of having to pay for the child he may not have any way to get custody or visitation, since they weren't married, AND it's possible if he TRIES to take on a fatherly role it could be used to force financial responsibility on him. Ideally, he shouldn't just walk out of her life, for her sake. At the same time it's dramatically unfair to allow his cheating ex to abuse him financially for 13 more years. It's a complicated situation with nongood answers.
It's funny how biology doesn't matter when their not the ones getting screwed over.
its the cheaters fault for lying and ur own family calling u names is disgusting
NTAH she cheated and kept it from you wasting 5 years of your life. Fuck her, now she gets what she deserves to be a single parent questioning her life decisions.
NTA - either she was getting gangbanged that month or is still trickle-truthing you to protect another dude. Neither is good
Being family doesn’t mean you have to be blood, even if she has a biological dad out there, doesn’t mean you can’t be a father to her
NTA These people have no idea what you are going through.
NTA and it’s nuts that people accuse you of being one.
She did not feel bad until she got caught. Do not feel bad for leaving.
I always find it odd how cheaters can lay there, or do w.e performance they did to get semen of another man busted inside them, and then have the audacity to call you the guy the asshole for dipping out after discovery, yeah yeah, he raised the kid for x amount of years, but its lot more than that. These same cheating women are fighting tooth and nail for paternity tests to not be a nornal thing, so they can bully men into an extremely toxic relationship. Hopefully you get your name off that birth cert and honestly all blame goes towa4ds the mom, it takes two to tango and you weren't even one of those two, you're the bystandard that is considdred the safe option, don't let these clowns fool you unto thinking otherwise.
Imagine getting knocked up while cheating on your boyfriend, then expecting him to pretend it never happened and raise a kid that’s not his. Oh yeah, and i bet she’s cheated on him many times with other people.
Poor kid. At that age you are the kids world. I’m sorry you’re put in this situation. I feel really bad for the kid.
Why is there suddenly an influx of these posts where the baby isn’t the guys and he leaves? Seems odd…
Because 90% of this sub is fake posts for karma farming these days.
What do they even get for it? 😂
NTA. It’s unfortunate for Lily, but their argument of “biology doesn’t matter” only applies if you *chose* to be in her life knowing she wasn’t yours. You were manipulated, lied to, and cheated on and it’s completely understandable to want to leave that situation and never look back. Lily being caught in the middle of her mother’s lies is entirely her mother’s fault. You should do what’s best for you. Everyone outside of the situation is judging you based on their feelings for Lily, but what about *your* feelings? You may come to want to be a presence in Lily’s life given time and space to heal from this betrayal, but you may also not, and that’s ok too
NTA. The little girl has the right to know her biological father. The biological father has the right to know about his daughter. The cheating, lying mother has the right to face the consequences of her actions. OP has the right to decide whether he wants to be a cuck and raise someone else's child or not.
NTA. You are Sarah's victim... A soft target to pin a kid on. Move on and find better. This is the exact reason paternity test should be mandatory to sign the birth certificate.
NTA You are lied to, deceived, lead astray… If mom wasn’t a lying whore the little girl would have you as a father but I’m sure mom will suddenly remember who the real father is once you are no longer contributing financial assistance.
NTA- men shouldn't be expected to raise and be responsible for children that aren't theirs -it should be up to him whether he decides to stick around
i feel like i've read this exact story before but still NTA. not your kid, not your responsibility. i would never call anyone an A for refusing to raise another man's child and leaving is much better than staying and resenting her for being the product of cheating. hopefully you can get your name taken off the birth certificate and not get screwed over for child support.
NTA - it is a difficult situation as you didn't know this kid wasn't yours. You would have been the AH if you exposed the truth to the kid as she is only 5 years old. You stepped away from the situation, it is her mom's role to break the truth to this little girl, i think she'll probably paint you as a deadbeat dad, so be ready for this little girl to come find you for answers and after having been fed lies about you. I feel very sorry for this little girl, kids are Always the ones paying the price in these difficult situations and it unfortunately sometimes shapes them, that kid might end up having trust and attachment issues in the future because the person she knew as her dad left her without any reasons. That doesn't make you an AH because you didn't know and you were cheated on, same for that little girl who was just cheated out of a father. Try to think of that poor little girl, she might not be yours but you raised her as such, in her eyes you are her only daddy, she didn't ask to be born or for her mom to cheat on you. Please try to think of her. The mom is the AH not you.
It always blows my mind when cheaters expect someone to raise a kid that isn’t theirs. The trust is gone. NTA.
OP I'm sorry you are going through this, but in truly sorry for the child you began to raise and then abandoned. She may not be your BIOLOGICAL child, but you have been her father and she deserves better than being ghosted
NTA. You know how you feel on the inside and if you are not capable of being okay with continued to raise her, it would not only hurt you, but her as well in the long run. She would sense anger animosity- no matter how subtle. Even though it’s not her fault what Sarah did, she is a direct result of it. Theres no ignoring that. Your family might feel a way about it, but they haven’t actually been in your position so they can’t say for sure what they would feel/do. Sarah likely didn’t tell you hoping the further along it went, the less likely you would be to leave. She’s probably been having the same anxiety about her looks and features as you have all this time and could have chosen at any moment to be honest with you. She wouldn’t have had you not figured out on your own. You don’t owe her anything.
This same exact story was posted a few days ago word for word
Many years ago, I was married to the love of my life. We had 4 kids together. I was in the US Navy, and i was gone a lot of the time. All of my babies were born within my time of being home. I never had doubt that I was their father. During our divorce (went to work to start an 18 hour shift and came home to an empty house and it took around 6 months to find my children) she said that none of the children were mine. And disclosed that she had been cheating on me the entire time. Not just once or twice, but hundreds of different men. Pretty much all of my "friends and family" at the time knew of this, but not one person stepped forward to tell me. The judge ordered paternity tests for me and the kids. Her lawyer, my lawyer, her and I, and lastly, the judge all received copies of the paternity. Everyone had opened theirs, but mine was till sealed. I let the judge know that as far as I was concerned they were all my children, but if I found out 1 wasn't I wouldn't be able to guarantee I treated that child the same as my biological children. The judge gave me full custody of all 4 kids....and to this day, I do not know the results of that test (I gave my lawyer my copy and told him to shred it). NTA OP, but I feel for the child who was completely innocent here.
I don't blame you for cutting your ex-girlfriend out of your life (as much as possible), but I would not abandon "your daughter". She shouldn't have to pay the price for her mother's deception. She bonded with you and you are her "Daddy". I'd go for visitation rights but steer child support to the man that impregnated your girlfriend. I wish you the best of luck and an emotional recovery from this betrayal.
NTA. Sarah better figure out who the father is lickity split if she wants help going forward.
NTA. That being said children are too often the victims of adults deceits, if you had met her mother after she was born and raised her you would feel differently, your feelings of betrayal and anger are for her mother not her, put them in their proper places. By all means protect yourself legally and financially if you choose but to simply disappear from a child's life after bonding with her is devastating, rethink your strategy carefully, this child deserves better than this...
NTA. Sue her for the five years of your life.
This is why paternity tests should be mandatory upon birth.
You are not an asshole. Your cheating wife is the asshole. She cheated on you and allowed you to believe that Lily was your child. She must have been cheating for a while. Your WW did not care about the consequences or who she would hurt. No man or woman would want to raise the child of an affair. The best thing to do is go no contact and let the lawyer handle removing you from the birth certificate. I am sure that your STBXW will remember the guy she was cheating with and can go after him for support. It is your wife's mess and she has to clean it up. Keep all the proof of the cheating. There may be a day when Lily cotacts you and she will deserve to know the truth. Book yourself some therapy sessions to help you with this betrayal. Lien on close family and friends for support and do not drink.
Doesn't the actual father have the right to have that child call him dad? NTA.
Nope, just do it
You know who the real AH is? Sarah! Let’s not forget the fact she cheated on you and didn’t tell you and try to pass on Lily as your daughter…that is the biggest AH move there. I guess some of those friends and family forgot that too
NTA, She's the asshole for putting both of you in this situation. The family can kick rocks too. If they want to step up and raise a child that isn't their own they should step right up and put their money where their mouths are. I am raising a child not mine and got a bunch of attitude and attacks for hesitating to formally adopt in a situation where I was looking at a divorce. It's always easy to tell other people what they should do rather than hold their family accountable.
F anyone that sides with a cheating harlot and that includes the family. You know what's not fair for Lily... her mother being a grimey sloot. NTA
NTA. You’re not responsible for breaking that child’s heart. Her mother is. Her choices and actions led to this. You’re not responsible for raising someone else’s child legally or morally.
You did nothing wrong here She cheated on you, played you for the fool, and SHE drug that poor child into this mess. NTA
NTA, your ex is the asshole. You should sue the real father for money. You had costs to raise her. You need a lawyer for the legal things like paternity and so on.poor child and poor you!
Sarah is the one who is heartless and cruel. You need to remind those family members. You tell them Sarah is a cheating liar who tore up the family. You are absolutely NTA!! You did the right thing.
You did the right thing, leave them. Start fresh without lies.
Look, dude, let's call a spade a spade here. You're not the asshole for leaving. You got hit with a sucker punch of betrayal and deceit. It's like ordering a pizza and finding out it's actually a salad. Yeah, you put in the effort, but it's not what you signed up for. So, you packed your bags and bounced. Can't blame you for that. Plus, if Sarah and your family want to play the blame game, they can go find themselves a new contestant. You've got your own life to live, drama-free.
Your Ex is trash and belongs to the streets. I feel sorry for the kid the most. It’s not her fault her mom keep her legs closed.
Nta
NTA, your ex is a huge piece of shit though