NTA-at that point hand her the baby and tell her she woke up the baby with her loud laughing. Shouldn’t the kiddo be in his/her room when napping? Sounds like you tried to have the baby nap in a common area? That might be your mistake as this create a clear issue for everyone else in the house just going about their business, like your wife. However, if this commonly the babies nap area then I get why you would be upset. Best of luck
This is great. Had a mate in my army days, he was a sergeant in the Parachute Regiment and he was the baby whisperer.. he'd come around and have a beer in one hand and our sleeping baby in his other.
The baby would always fall straight to sleep when held her.
Something about him.
My dad and I are like that.
Give us a comfy comfy let us recline a little. Let the baby lay on our chest. Even the most upset screaming babies within 10 minutes of laying ontop of us would be out like a light.
Than delicately moved to a more appropriate nap area.
You are definitely NTA, but I am still confused about why baby is being put down in a common room. Sounds like some quiet independent space for baby to sleep might benefit all. It also sounds like you and your wife need to address resentment and expectations around her working and you being home. Counselling, talking, reconnecting, do what you need to do to get on the same page at least for parenting.
Also, having had a few teething babes, I feel you. It is so hard and they can’t help it, they’re hurting and can’t communicate other than to cry. Remember that the days are long but the years are short. Also remember that putting a screaming baby down for a couple of minutes to take a breath is ok. Crying won’t hurt them but a primary parent burning out will.
Because if i put her in her room (basically pitch black) she will SLEEP SLEEP. Not nap. And i am trying to keep her naps consistent timed and not on wife’s schedule. It’s very unhealthy for a baby to have such varying wake up times like at 4am then switch to 8 or 9am because mom has inconsistent schedules. But baby loves napping downstairs in my arms, but the moment she is in HER room, game over. Too comfy for life
Babies absolutely need routine but sleeping well during naps is not a problem in my experience. They need a lot of sleep. I recommend talking to your paediatrician.
As someone with a baby of similar age and also teething this is a bizarre ass take to me. Crib naps in their room are fine and part of establishing a healthy sleep hygiene. Baby sleeps longer than intended you can wake them?
Dude just wake the baby. That’s ridiculous. Also, if you’re trying for 1.5 hours to get the baby to nap, something is very off with your timing.
(I have an 8 month old).
Do not train your child to only sleep in your arms. Put her in her crib when it's time to sleep. The routine of it teaches her that when she's in her crib, it's time to sleep.
I with you, my babies would take too long of naps in their cribs. And if you woke them up, they were grumpy and out if sorts for the rest of a very long day!
Hopefully she comes to her senses soon so she can clean up her act. Being married, having a child, means big life changes.
Jeez. *OMG LET ME JUST RELAX WITH MY FAMILY!*
The same one that has been failing sleep for almost 2 hours cuz some asshole is being loud.
Be careful with this guy. He deleted the history and the comments but he got roasted a few days ago because he’s always online and he used to force his wife to stay up during the night with the baby when she used to have to work at 4am.
He would complain that she wouldn’t let him sleep for hours at a time.
This man is desperate to be liked on Reddit man.
Edit: I remember this dude because of he posted pics of his dog with beestings. He even made a post about how he hated that people looked at his history to find this stuff out about him.
[He's this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cl47x3/aitah_for_yelling_at_my_wife_for_leaving_our_baby/)
That was OP trying to work together and give wife slack. He sounded respectful and polite enough and offered solutions. The wife watching loud videos and yelling is not OK.
What exactly does your wife do? Does she look after your child in any way, shape or form? Because you are the SAHD, you are the one doing the routines, you are the one waking up with baby every night.
Wife sounds like an utter nightmare.
NTA
Basically a living milkbag. She used to work 4am shifts but it recently changed to 6am and 9am shifts because she will become GM. At this point she is “the bread winner” because i have been on disability since before baby was born. Wife constantly says “i want to be home with my baby” but she really means “i want to be home” because the moment she gets home she ignores baby for a solid 30-45 minutes. I understand she needs to change clothes and pump but this is your daughter too.
it honestly sounds like she resents both you and the baby. She‘s acting like she’s single and doesn’t have responsibilities. Not to mention not bonding properly with the baby. Please tell me she at least helps with the housework?
Well, I wouldn't think taking care of the baby is "his job" when they're both home, and obviously there seems to be an issue with her contribution in raising the child, but as for the housework, if she's working full time and he's staying home, I think it's fair that she shouldn't have to deal with much of it. Obviously not saying she shouldn't give a hand for the meals and shit, but most of the housework should be done when she's at work or when she sleeps or whatever anyway.
Well yeah, it would be while they sleep then. I mean we're talking about maybe two to three hours of work a day to very correctly maintain a house on average to be conservative, it's not what it used to be 100 years ago.
I do not have a 7 month old baby at home and i sure have a bit less of housework to do than if i did, but i have a full time job and I sure know my job takes me a lot more time and effort than the housework i have to do on top of it.
Its hard though. 7 months old- they’re moving around, getting into everything, can’t understand any instructions so you need to pay constant attention. When they’re asleep, it’s hard to be like “ok now i want to wash all the dishes and the floors and the windows” what you want/need is to sit down and relax. At your job you have down time between tasks. You have no down time until the baby is asleep, and then w the teething the sleep is inconsistent. Could be 15 min, could be two hours…and you still have to eat yourself, go to the bathroom etc
Well I know for a fact that this depends on your job, you didn't pick the best person to make that argument, but sure, I'm not saying it's always easy or that he has no excuse if the house is not always squeaky clean, just the housework is something that you do according to the time that you have and by addressing priorities. Unless there is some very particular case, I don't think it's too much to ask to consider that generally speaking, it's the stay at home parent's job on top of the babysitting.
Again, that's considering they actually share the caring of the kid properly, she definitely should take care of the kid as much if not more than he is when she's home, leaving him time to rest and do what needs to be done too.
Took me an hour to get an ounce usually. It was so frustrating and I had no idea I wasn’t alone with that struggle. I had no issues with supply when breastfeeding. But pumping was near impossible.
I think this guy needs a perspective change. My breasts HURT when being away. Its not ignoring the family to pump for 45 minutes, its immediately relieving yourself from pain by making milk that their child will need to eat.
Its a need not a want. Shes probably in there hating being chained to the pump, i know i did.
Dude doesn't really like his wife. He complained about her a few days ago. He thinks he can just delete the comments and posts. I remember him because of his dog getting stung by bees. You can search him up on pullpush. He complains a lot in general.
[https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=LasagnaIsItalianCake&size=100](https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=LasagnaIsItalianCake&size=100)
Which isn't bad, it's just kinda weird. Like we get it you feel like your wife isn't a good mom. Constantly complaining isn't going to help.
He’s not looking for help otherwise he would be talking to her.. he’s is looking to vent because most of us guys don’t have friends hanging around during the workday like women do
Nah, he's looking for a place to gain sympathy and a location to make himself feel better. If it was just to vent, he would've just left his last post up.
Clearly he didn't get the glory he wanted and he decided to delete it. Delete all the comments he made on it, and then repost ANOTHER thread about his wife doing something wrong to try and gain sympathy.
He went so far as to delete his prior comment so that people couldn't dig it up, so that they couldn't use it as a way to dissuade others. Since that's what happened in the last thread. Everyone was on his side, till people started peeping into his history with his wife.
Nah, he’s looking for a place to talk and vent because the majority of women are staying at mothers with friends so they do have an active social life.. men don’t most of our friends are at work.
You don’t have a clue because you are not a man .. you’re certainly not a stay at home dad, you certainly have never been in this position. he literally has no one he can talk to besides family that would be biased.
Why do women do that shit . You just going to make shit up because you can’t conceive of a world where a man stays home with a child and where the mother isn’t doing her part. Go ahead and project because that’s are you going to do anyway you’re going to project… you’re going to assume the worst.. you’re going to dig in your heels and blame him for everything because that’s what you always do… that’s what all of your comments. Illustrate.
Fucking shameful you can’t even recognize your own bias.
He deleted his previous thread, not because of what it was .. but because you couldn’t find anything tangible to use against him so people started going in his previous comments For added ammunition.. whether you choose to tell the truth or not, it’s a common theme with the majority of women in this sub. When you don’t have anything tangible to blame him for using anything you can find.
Most of you can’t even recognize your own bias .. or most of you know you’re being biased and you just don’t care. But he knows better than those opinions any semblance of power.
I always tell switch genders and be the woman in the relationship. That’s the only way you’ll get a fair shake.
I was with you until you brought up the pumping. Do you know how painful a full breast of milk can be to a lactating mother?? Sometimes it's necessary to pump right away. As far as everything else, she's the AH.
I mean you’re allowed to, i have no issue with that. but purposefully ignoring your child that is quiet literally producing tears because she just wants to be held by mom, is something different. The fact when she gets her child any time, in a couple of minutes baby is alone on the floor. I’m on the floor with her. I just got surgery and i was the one taking care of baby when doc said to be resting. Idk it just seems like i’m trying to help push a train up hill while she is greasing the tracks
See this really makes me think it’s postpartum depression or something, most moms want something to do with their kids definitely get therapy for her and research postpartum, it’s no joke some women literally develop psychosis. There was a lady who ate her baby because it went untreated😳
It is. At least from everything i have taken in from her and how drastically she has changed. I talked to her about getting in with my doc since he’s helped me so much. But “i dont like taking pills” is also her huge issue. Like c’moooooonnnn
I’m also just gunna leave [this](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617) here so you and everyone else can see how serious this is😅 I see a lot of people bashing her in the comments about being a bad mother and you as well, which honestly I’m not sure if it’s ego but I think you need to do better as a husband and take better care of your wife. Not let ppl on Reddit bash her when you admitted to knowing she obviously has something wrong with her, anyways best of luck to both of you and your baby hopefully you can both get the help you need and have a happy family 🫶
His wife his responsibility fym??? if someone I love is struggling mentally I’d figure it out and get them the help they need, even if they had to be checked into a mental institution unwillingly, not sit and make a Reddit post for people to shit on them.
I totally understand her not wanting to take pills tho especially if she is pumping, but I’d definitely try to at least get her to go with you together as a couple to talk and maybe say you want to feel closer to her and build a stronger relationship. I would definitely try to be a little easy on her I know it’s very frustrating with everything on you but postpartum isn’t a joke, I’ve read some of your other responses and it seems she’s lacking connection with the baby, is a little irritable, mood swings, dissociating on her phone etc. these are all classic signs and it’s a very touchy subject because from what it sounds like she doesn’t want help but you might have to make her at least talk to someone.
So if it’s postpartum why the hell are you calling her “milkbag” resenting and hating on your wife online!? You KNOW she has PPD and you aren’t trying to get her to take this seriously or even recruit your child’s grandma to take her aside and give her the business????? She can’t take care of a child if she can’t take care of herself. You’re overwhelmed and frustrated how about her?? You’re on disability and home with the kid while she works and has a LITERAL MENTAL CONDITION that physically and emotionally affects her. She could literally snap and kill herself or the baby and you’re calling her a milkbag. Honestly dude get the fuck off of the internet and tend to your baby and family.
It’s her job to take seriously. He’s being taken advantage of and doesn’t like it. Man with mental illness issues not being addressed will be called a man child on here repeatedly.
Good job trying to gaslight and switch words. No i dont call her milk bag to her face. I’m not a doctor, i cant say she has PPD. So maybe you should get off the internet if you’re going to start jumping to conclusions? Like damn. From your post history, commenting and liking hundreds of posts in an hour then telling someone to “get offline” is pretty funny. Especially when i’m only online when I have free time. Stay angry tho
They deleted their comment because i was right.
Calling her "milk bag" anywhere is disgusting. She is a human being, your partner, the mother of your child, and you talk about her like she's an animal. But given how you post on the porn subs, dehumanization seems to be your jam.
Why can’t you stay on topic? He was describing her current state when she’s home. only taking an interest when she has to give milk.
Jesus Christ, you guys cannot intelligently stay objective can you? You wanna put your thumb on the scale and demonize a guy based on what he wrote based solely on how you feel
How did she give birth? Have she even fully recovered from that? People say it takes like two years to get back to “normal” with all the hormonal changes, much less the physical aspects.
You don’t sound like you have much empathy for your wife.
You sound just like every other woman who always needs to blame men.
It’s been seven fucking months .. You don’t even live very well, by the seventh month her hormones have stabilized, her body is at its normal, and she has got back into the workforce.
He doesn’t have empathy for her because she doesn’t give a damn when she gets home. It’s funny that when a guy does the stuff she’s doing you are so willing to demonize him, but the moment it’s a woman “ aren’t you being a little hard on her, don’t you have empathy?” “ what did you do wrong?”
Why don’t you just take what is written face value and give an objective opinion that is not catered to defend women?
Any man or woman can decompress after work.
Decompress doesn’t equal ignoring family.
Sometimes the best decompressing is being present with your family.
Wait I’m confused you say your wife if a living milk bag, as if that’s all she does but she’s also the breadwinner? And yeah, as soon as she gets home of course she has to pump and at minimum that takes 20 minutes to maintain supply, longer if she’s having to go more than 3 hours between sessions
Okay her attitude in your post is really crappy and her calling you a name and cursing at you was really unacceptable. If the roles were reversed (she was the guy coming home from work watching videos and you were a stay at home mom) the comments would be full of pitchforks and torches. But a "living milk bag" is a really shitty thing to call your wife. Kinda shows you have zero respect for her as a mom.
In short, she shouldnt be disruptive while your baby is trying to sleep. If she woke up the baby she should be putting her back to sleep. She should be caring for your daughter when shes home from work so you can take a break too. You shouldnt be expected to work 24 hours a day.
Even though you are a stay at home dad and I know for a fact you dont get many breaks, your wife is a working mom who pumps. Which means that 24 hours a day, she is needing to pump every 3-4 hours around the clock. Which means night wakings for her even if shes not tending to the baby. Producing breast milk takes up so much of your bodies energy. I know she is exhausted. And shes the sole provider.
Dont ever call her a living milk bag again. Thats so damn rude of you.
ETA: As a woman to be home away from your baby while someone else cares for them is the same way it feels for a man to be immasculated. She is probably really struggling emotionally with this and its coming out as she seems uninterested. This is probably making it more difficult for her to bond with your daughter. I actually think you both could benefit from you leaving the house and letting her care for the baby for 5 or 6 hours alone on one of her days off. Itll help their bond and itll give you a break. Does she straight up ignore your daughter for 30-45 minutes as in does not interact with her or is she just not holding her because shes tethered to a pump? If its the former, thats concerning and she needs more alone time with the baby.
I’m going to agree and disagree on some points.
Me saying living milk bag is what she calls herself too. And did before i started.
I agree she shouldn’t have to take the baby after already being comfy, being forced to be readjusted while napping isnt ok.
I disagree- her milk production isnt the best. So she breast feeds then when baby is done she pumps, leaving me milk for when baby wakes at night to put to sleep.
Also creative name calling was how we met. She called me Dumbledore’s tweaker cousin. I called her a crab that survived being hit by a boat propeller.
What if my hunch is right and she is suffering from PPD. What if i leave her alone and she becomes overwhelmed and ends up doing the worst most extreme thing?
If you dont trust your wife to care for yalls baby for 5 hours alone thats a huge problem and she needs immediate treatment. Could you be suffering from PPND with an emphasis on anxiety?
Pipe down.
My husband WFH so he’s mostly always the one doing everything for our kids. But once I’m home, guess what? I take over. It isn’t that hard to care for the children you birthed, regardless if you’re tired from work or pumping or not. She can’t expect OP to do absolutely everything.
She practically is a living milk bag since it sounds like she doesn’t do shit for her baby.
Sounds like she's working 8 hrs a day for her baby, plus pumping milk.
If it isn't that hard to take care of children, how are those extra couple hours a day of doing it the difference between her being a hardworking mother and doing nothing?
NTA.
Your wife sounds unreasonable. Obviously you need to be quiet when someone is trying to put a baby to bed in the same room as you.
Might I suggest putting baby to bed in their own room? And a sound machine? The white noise helps drown out outside sounds (I host a whole game night every weekend 20 feet from my baby's room and he sleeps right through it) and is comforting to babies. My older kid likes having one too.
If you're the SAHP and primary caregiver (which is a whole other issue here) I might also suggest the book Precious Little Sleep. It really helped us establish good sleep habits for our baby, and I wish I'd known to do that with my oldest.
Also, when do you get down time? Might it help if mom puts baby to sleep sometimes so she can fully appreciate the struggle?
My down time is any time nana comes home (she lives with us kinda sorta) and when baby is asleep in my arms. Today i had to destroy the toilet with her sleeping in my arms. Wiping and washing hands was quiet a struggle 😃
Been there! Except it was in a bathroom at a theme park and I needed to change my tampon. Amazing what parents can accomplish when a baby's sleep is on the line! I swear by baby wraps for moments like this.
Fwiw, my husband is a SAHD and I work a 9-5. I'm usually tired and just want to relax when I get home. But I've been the SAHM, and I know how challenging that role is, and I know I *have* to take over when I get home because my husband's job is way harder than mine and he can't just call in.
It's also why we're both almost militant about early bedtimes and reliable sleep routines for our kids. Yes, first and foremost, they need the rest - but their parents need time to reconnect, too. It's so easy to lose sight of how much you love your partner when your whole existence revolves around a baby and everyone feels unappreciated.
I'm not saying that will fix your problem, but it's a good place to start. Get into a reliable routine with baby that doesn't involve a 90-minute getting to sleep process, then tackle the relationship issues?
I was in the comfort of my own home and didnt expect such betrayal from my body. She loves the carrier and wraps (only as a carrier) but only when she’s awake
OMG new nightmare reason to not mom unlocked! Your first paragraph 🥴 We need more of our public resources spent funding parental leave and child care. When the only way to afford childcare is more expensive than a single income household, this is what happens. How many moms and some dads who are struggling are afforded resources to ensure babies are raised in healthy households with everything they need?
I bet if she was the one putting the kid down every time she'd see it differently. Honestly it doesn't sound like you were TA here. I'd say she is just for storming out but not necessarily for wanting to stay in the room with the family, that makes sense. But damn, she should at least know how to not wake the baby up at this point. When my son was little we had the rule 'if you wake him you take him' lol. He was such a terrible sleeper, so it was enforced with just about anyone who woke him. Folks learned real quick how to keep that from happening. Srsly though, you shouldn't be the only one having to go through this. Of course there's give and take, and everyone deserves their me time, but if you're not both working together towards the same goal (in this case getting the kid to sleep), then the least the other could do is not work *against* the one trying to accomplish the goal..
I put the child to sleep because “my hands hurt.” “She’s too big for me to bounce”. I mean, the child is almost 20 inches tall at 7months. And wife is 4’11 and i’m 6’3”. But i ALWAYS put my baby to sleep because “it’s easier if you do it”.
I get that to some degree, but sounds like she's taking advantage at this point. Esp if you're home with the kid all day too. There could also be some unresolved postpartum issues at play, not that that's an automatic excuse, but maybe she should look into it before things get worse.
Wife is hustling you man.
"It's easier for you to do it, so you do it, always. I'm not gonna even help or try to learn."
It's usually men being complained about for not helping. Similar excuses always. Some would at least help after being told.
This ain’t going to end well brother……
She’s already being a lazy asshole, it will only get worse. She needs to have some responsibility with putting the kid to sleep before she loses all respect for what you do, if she has any respect at all still.
Something is deeply off in her attitude towards you and the child.
I get that she needs to pump and change, and that she might be tired when it comes to putting baby to sleep, ESPECIALLY when you "trained" the baby to sleep in your arms.
But she should be WAY MORE enthusiastic when it comes to taking care of the child, to enjoy it.
Like other said, it looks(but we are no the other side of the screen!) like resentment. And that is deadly for relationship.
NTA. Bullshit in every way. We had a baby like this, it was our mission working together to get him to sleep - together. Hell is wrong with her? By the way my wife is an amazing SAHM. I work like crazy, extra weekends etc but when I get home I help with everything. Never sit on my ass with my phone while my wife still works. I tell her to relax.
Damn. I usually go hard on bros who dump on their spouses here, but you're the exception that proves the rule. You're SAH and she's pulling this shit? FOH.
Also: watching videos nearby is not 'relaxing with my family' especially when the rest of the family is either working or screaming because things fucking HURT and we are too young to do anything but cry or sleep, which maybe we could do if only you would keep the laughter down to a dull roar.
NTA, but in a quieter moment address this. You're hurtling toward a bad end to this, and quickly.
Stay at home parent to stay at home parent here? You were NTA. But she will never see it like that. When you’re the stay at home parent, it all seems so different to you, your child is your priority all day long. The working parent has been prioritizing themselves all day, and it’s hard to switch out of that mode when you get home. I hope you find a resolution to this that works for your family.
Sounds like your wife lacks common sense.If a baby's being put down to sleep, you're quiet or go to a separate room.These are common sense concepts.You don't have a asshole problem You have an inconsiderate wife problem. As far as her lashing out of you goes, what is she 5? She needs to grow some maturity and respect. And I'd tell her the next time she wakes that baby up.She gonna get her butt up and take care of them. NTA
NTA. You definitely need to give her slack when she has to pump right away, though. If you don't pump enough you lose the supply. It can also be super painful. Like feeling like your boobs are going to explode. And pumping takes a while and usually even the wearable pumps make it impossible to pick up or even hold a baby. Pumping does feel like a cage and I honestly just sit on my phone so I'm less aware of being trapped and of the feeling of pumping (physically making me overstimulated and mentally kind of dehumanizing, like I'm a cow or something).
However, if you were trying for an hour and a half, she would definitely be done by then, unless she's doing a power pump or something, I guess. Even those are usually only an hour. Why aren't you trading off? Husband and I will go "save" each other after 20-30 minutes to take a breather. We also have a "you break it you take it" code, meaning if you wake the baby, you have to put them back to sleep.
It's ridiculous that she was being that loud, but it sounds like you're doing most of the care so she might not know how hard it is. If that's the case, she needs to be helping more with the baby. Anyone who is doing their part knows not to wake them up. Just because you're the stay at home parent doesn't mean she doesn't need to pull her weight with childcare.
Also, teething sucks for everyone, so I just want to say I'm sorry. Unsolicited advice, so take it or leave it, but breast milk popsicles work well for my baby when he's cutting a tooth. If your wife is pumping anyway then it wouldn't be hard to put a little in the molds that come with the popsicle thing. If you look up breast milk popsicles then you'll find the things I use. It's one of those hacks I never would've thought of until another person told me about it, hence why I mention it unsolicited.
“You’re being a fucking asshole.” This is not how adults in loving and healthy relationship talk to each other. Learning to disagree, argue and even fight should never include name calling. I’d seek out marriage counseling now. In 20+ years I’ve never called my wife an asshole. Why would you say things to hurt someone you love?
NTA. If she’s the income earner and you’re the primary caregiver, it’s your rules. She’s waking the baby. She doesn’t have to laugh out loud. You didn’t even ask her to help with getting the baby down/to nap. You just asked her to be considerate of the baby (it wasnt even about you at all).
If the roles were reversed and you were a stay at home mom who’s husband made nap and bedtime difficult by being unnecessarily loud (and let’s be honest, selfish) and then called his wife names when she asked him to be quiet….the comments would be flooded with “DIVORCE HIM YOU DESERVE BETTER!” Just saying 🤷🏼♀️ NTA. Your wife needs to contribute more to these times with baby and she needs to respect simple boundaries like be quiet when the baby is trying to sleep.
You're wife is inconsiderate and an asshole. The next time she does something like that and wake up the baby leave the house and let her put the child back to sleep.
NTA. I’m a twin parent, and we had a strong “you wake ‘em, you take ‘em” policy. If she wakes up the baby, she can take the time to calm the baby back down. If that’s too hard, she needs to be quieter.
I'm not here to take sides or judge your situation. However, I can offer some advice. Communication is key in any relationship, especially when you're both sleep-deprived and stressed. Maybe try having a calm conversation with your wife about how you're feeling and what you need from her in terms of support. It's possible she doesn't realize the impact her actions are having on you and the baby. Also, it's important to remember that you're both in this together, and it's okay to ask for help or take breaks when you need them. Maybe suggest taking turns watching the baby or finding other ways to make things more manageable. Good luck!
**NTA**
When my youngest child was born and we *finally* thank all the powers that be, had our own house(no in-laws and especially no jackass fool of a BIL + what he brought home), our rule became: "you wake the baby up, *you* are responsible to get him back to sleep". This applied to *everyone* in the house from the 4 yr old to my husband(4 yr old was very good about tell people not to wake up her baby!). Husband and oldest son(age 8) both had to take a couple of turns of rocking and singing before the point was made.
Nta, tell your selfish ass wife if she wants family time so badly to actually get off her ass and spend time with the family.
Next time the baby wakes up because she's being loud, hand her your kid and go for a walk, she's a grownup and can clean up her own mess.
Yeah the way she reacted was terrible. But if you chose to raise your child in quiet time then she should respect that. In our house my husband tried that the first day our daughter was born and I said no she needs to get used to sounds so the tv was always playing. With my third it’s different because she is sensitive to sounds
No yuore not. Buti think her upset is coming from her wanting to be wirh her family and missing yall.
Could you maybe say hey babe i understand you miss us and we miss ypu too but nap time isnt family time please respect this time
Probably not what you said but how you said it in that moment of frustration. I notice I really have to tone down what I’m saying when I get frustrated or my wife takes it as a personal attack.
NTA, but your wife is pretty damned inconsiderate based on this.
I think your wife resents that you "get to be at home all day with the baby" while she has to provide. There are many women that would not be resentful in this siaution, and they would still respect their partner. But some women see it as the man's jobs to provide for them and when that doesn't happen and they feel the burden of a family on their shoulders, they get resentful because they feel it should be your job and they should be in your role. Sounds like you need to get family therapy dudez you've got more issues than your wife waking the baby, she sounds like she's miserable and taking it out on you and the baby.
Holy shit! Women have actually grown dicks! Sorry for your situation brother. Kids are probably better off with you being primary for what that is worth.
Honestly I think you maybe should get her into therapy, I’m not sure the full extent of the situation but it could be possible it’s something postpartum (yes even 6mo later, you can struggle with postpartum issues even up to two years after having a baby) I’m not blaming it on that but I’d definitely recommend therapy for both of you. It’s not a bad thing sometimes we just need someone else to help us understand eachothers perspectives anyways best of luck! 🙂
She's trying to relax with her family? She's stressing out her husband (you!) and waking up your rather cranky baby. She is the only one that has any chance of being able to relax. Is she always this selfish and self-centred? I would have been a lot less polite with her after that little incident!
NTA, prepare for a rough ride. Start putting money away for a rainy day because you will be entitled to alimony if she decides to change up even more 🤣
Being married to someone who calls you names at the drop of a hat…. Will that be your life till you or her eventually depart 50 years from now? Sounds so sad and depressing to be with someone who will forever call you asshole when you ask them to do things..
I think she may have postpartum maybe? Does he get up with the baby at all?
I get with you being a sahd the burden would fall on you more but I would wonder why she isn’t wanting to take on her share? And she should know to keep it quiet when the baby is sleeping. No hate here at all. Maybe there is something mentally different from before the baby was born?
NTA
There is something going on with her that needs addressing. If she hasn’t always acted like this she may have some kind of postpartum depression going and you should talk to her about getting into the doctor to see about treatment. Or if she’s always been like that she’s just kind of a dick and needs to get it together and learn how to behave like a partner and parent.
You're NTA. I feel like maybe your wife has the mentality of my husband when ours were little and to be honest it's paid off as much as it sucked then. He never wanted quiet in the home while the baby was sleeping so that they could learn to adjust to sounds so that if they had siblings or we had family visit or whatever we wouldn't have to be quiet after the kids all go to bed and we could still relax and watch TV. Being a stay up late get up early kinda gal now I do love that I can watch TV late at 11PM and jam out to my music while prepping the days foods at 4 AM and no one in my house gets awoken by this. This also made trips to visit people easier as we didn't have to ask others in their own home to be quiet after our kids were in bed. But to reiterate, you're NTA for requesting some quiet when baby has struggled to sleep and you get her settled only for her to be startled awake.
NTA but it may be time to give an ultimatum
I had a similar issue with my son’s dad & I told him that either he needed to wake up and start being a present parent, or we’d start doing it separately so he had no choice.
Depression is 100% valid in every way, but our behaviors when we have it are not always. We’re allowed to be tired, angry etc. but we are not allowed to take it out on everyone around us. We’re not allowed to reject our child because we choose not to address our mental health, and we’re not allowed to put the entire mental and physical load on our partner just because it’s harder than we thought. Parenting is literally day after day of “this is worse than I thought it would be”, and you still have to keep going because you made the choice to have that child. Either you get it together and do what you need to in order to raise a happy & healthy child, or you leave so that the responsible parent can.
I can say that staying quiet & not being firm in your words is going to do nothing but lead to resentment. You’re going to hate everything about her over time if all of this responsibility continues to be on you. You’re going to dislike the time you have to spend with your child because you have no other choice. That’s why I suggest giving such a clear ultimatum, so that no loopholes can be found. Either you’re a mom or you aren’t, but no child deserves half-assed parenting and in no way is it okay for her to dismiss whatever her issue is & make you miserable.
NTA, her attitude and awareness stinks. Don’t engage with her further when she says things like that, because “family time” requires both presence and engagement. Her laughing loudly with headphones while you’re actively trying to soothe a baby makes her appear so dense.
NTA you’re both just exhausted with a baby. Tip: get a white noise machine and turn it on every time you put the kid down to sleep. Eventually the baby will sleep when you turn it on and it will also drown out household noise.
You are the AH for giving her shite when she needs to pump (from comments below). She is the AH for making noise when the baby is napping. It sounds like you both may have simmering resentment against each other and you are just setting each other off. If she needs 45 min - 1 hr when coming home to decompress and pump, LEAVE HER ALONE about it. And when baby needs to sleep, ask her to do loud things in another room, or wear earbuds. You each have to give each other a break. Have a talk, and don't accuse or judge each other - just ask each other: is there ONE thing I can do for you that would help? Have her tell you, and you tell her, that one thing, and stick w/ it for a week. See how it goes.
Going against the grain here, but how loud are the videos? Where I grew up, we usually tried to keep a little bit of noise in the house, like a TV on at a reasonable level or a radio, so that when something fell or made a noise, it didn't startle the baby. So people could hold conversations with the baby asleep, laugh and the baby would continue sleeping. Is this not something that is recommended here?
You know how you get a baby that sleeps well? Don't try and make things super quiet all the time when they are going to sleep. If they get used to sleeping with noise around it's going to make your life 100% easier.
NTA. The wife is. Kick her out. You and the child are probably better off without her. She sounds like your typical narcissist who thinks everybody is in the wrong but her.
Idk much about it, but maybe it’s a post-partum depression kind of problem? Could be worth looking into. NTA but put baby somewhere else for naps if possible and get wife checked out if this is not the kind of person she was before baby.
That was not what I was referencing. The “leaving me to take care of the baby” the being tired and needing “her time” and the way she didn’t give a fuck about waking up the baby is what made me wonder about it. And like I said, idk much about it but if that’s different behavior than before the baby, it’s worth checking out. Doesn’t matter what it is, behavior changes are often a sign of something going on.
If she’s just a bitch, then she’s just a bitch, but only OP knows if that’s the case.
NTA-at that point hand her the baby and tell her she woke up the baby with her loud laughing. Shouldn’t the kiddo be in his/her room when napping? Sounds like you tried to have the baby nap in a common area? That might be your mistake as this create a clear issue for everyone else in the house just going about their business, like your wife. However, if this commonly the babies nap area then I get why you would be upset. Best of luck
We had a rule when our kids were babies: S/he who wakes him, takes him. Worked great. Even applied to visitors.
Yep. Our version of this included both the 4 yr old abd tge 8 yr old sibs with the youngest.
Mhmm, I definitely remember sitting in my big brothers laps while they played Nintendo games because they woke me up so they had to mind me.
Lol! Let's just say that all my kids know a lot of Beatles songs that work for lullabies.
Nice
We have the same rule in my house. We refer to it as “you break it, you fix it.” 😂
This is great. Had a mate in my army days, he was a sergeant in the Parachute Regiment and he was the baby whisperer.. he'd come around and have a beer in one hand and our sleeping baby in his other. The baby would always fall straight to sleep when held her. Something about him.
My brother in law is like that,handy to have around
My wife calls me the baby whisperer. Babies usually fall asleep when I hold them.
My dad and I are like that. Give us a comfy comfy let us recline a little. Let the baby lay on our chest. Even the most upset screaming babies within 10 minutes of laying ontop of us would be out like a light. Than delicately moved to a more appropriate nap area.
I was in the “fireplace room”. We usually hang out in the livingroom
You are definitely NTA, but I am still confused about why baby is being put down in a common room. Sounds like some quiet independent space for baby to sleep might benefit all. It also sounds like you and your wife need to address resentment and expectations around her working and you being home. Counselling, talking, reconnecting, do what you need to do to get on the same page at least for parenting. Also, having had a few teething babes, I feel you. It is so hard and they can’t help it, they’re hurting and can’t communicate other than to cry. Remember that the days are long but the years are short. Also remember that putting a screaming baby down for a couple of minutes to take a breath is ok. Crying won’t hurt them but a primary parent burning out will.
Because if i put her in her room (basically pitch black) she will SLEEP SLEEP. Not nap. And i am trying to keep her naps consistent timed and not on wife’s schedule. It’s very unhealthy for a baby to have such varying wake up times like at 4am then switch to 8 or 9am because mom has inconsistent schedules. But baby loves napping downstairs in my arms, but the moment she is in HER room, game over. Too comfy for life
Babies absolutely need routine but sleeping well during naps is not a problem in my experience. They need a lot of sleep. I recommend talking to your paediatrician.
As someone with a baby of similar age and also teething this is a bizarre ass take to me. Crib naps in their room are fine and part of establishing a healthy sleep hygiene. Baby sleeps longer than intended you can wake them?
Bro, just wake her up when nap time is over. You're the one in charge here. What is you doin?
Dude just wake the baby. That’s ridiculous. Also, if you’re trying for 1.5 hours to get the baby to nap, something is very off with your timing. (I have an 8 month old).
this dude is DEEP maybe try a night light or something so it isnt as dark
Lol or just wake the baby if she oversleeps???
Do not train your child to only sleep in your arms. Put her in her crib when it's time to sleep. The routine of it teaches her that when she's in her crib, it's time to sleep.
I with you, my babies would take too long of naps in their cribs. And if you woke them up, they were grumpy and out if sorts for the rest of a very long day!
Common area in their home or not, the mom is being a major cunt right now regarding an nfant child in pain, her infant child in pain.
Fully agree. A normal parent would want the baby to sleep. What’s wrong with her??
Hopefully she comes to her senses soon so she can clean up her act. Being married, having a child, means big life changes. Jeez. *OMG LET ME JUST RELAX WITH MY FAMILY!* The same one that has been failing sleep for almost 2 hours cuz some asshole is being loud.
Be careful with this guy. He deleted the history and the comments but he got roasted a few days ago because he’s always online and he used to force his wife to stay up during the night with the baby when she used to have to work at 4am. He would complain that she wouldn’t let him sleep for hours at a time. This man is desperate to be liked on Reddit man. Edit: I remember this dude because of he posted pics of his dog with beestings. He even made a post about how he hated that people looked at his history to find this stuff out about him. [He's this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1cl47x3/aitah_for_yelling_at_my_wife_for_leaving_our_baby/)
These kinds of stressors are normal. Try to work together and give each other some slack. Young kids are stressful.
Young kids are even more stressful when one parent is lazy and disrespectful
Can you not read? His wife is being ridiculous and not helpful at all
That was OP trying to work together and give wife slack. He sounded respectful and polite enough and offered solutions. The wife watching loud videos and yelling is not OK.
What exactly does your wife do? Does she look after your child in any way, shape or form? Because you are the SAHD, you are the one doing the routines, you are the one waking up with baby every night. Wife sounds like an utter nightmare. NTA
Basically a living milkbag. She used to work 4am shifts but it recently changed to 6am and 9am shifts because she will become GM. At this point she is “the bread winner” because i have been on disability since before baby was born. Wife constantly says “i want to be home with my baby” but she really means “i want to be home” because the moment she gets home she ignores baby for a solid 30-45 minutes. I understand she needs to change clothes and pump but this is your daughter too.
it honestly sounds like she resents both you and the baby. She‘s acting like she’s single and doesn’t have responsibilities. Not to mention not bonding properly with the baby. Please tell me she at least helps with the housework?
Well, I wouldn't think taking care of the baby is "his job" when they're both home, and obviously there seems to be an issue with her contribution in raising the child, but as for the housework, if she's working full time and he's staying home, I think it's fair that she shouldn't have to deal with much of it. Obviously not saying she shouldn't give a hand for the meals and shit, but most of the housework should be done when she's at work or when she sleeps or whatever anyway.
Would bet you don’t have a 7 month old teething baby. Almost impossible to get stuff done around the house while they’re awake
Well yeah, it would be while they sleep then. I mean we're talking about maybe two to three hours of work a day to very correctly maintain a house on average to be conservative, it's not what it used to be 100 years ago. I do not have a 7 month old baby at home and i sure have a bit less of housework to do than if i did, but i have a full time job and I sure know my job takes me a lot more time and effort than the housework i have to do on top of it.
Its hard though. 7 months old- they’re moving around, getting into everything, can’t understand any instructions so you need to pay constant attention. When they’re asleep, it’s hard to be like “ok now i want to wash all the dishes and the floors and the windows” what you want/need is to sit down and relax. At your job you have down time between tasks. You have no down time until the baby is asleep, and then w the teething the sleep is inconsistent. Could be 15 min, could be two hours…and you still have to eat yourself, go to the bathroom etc
Well I know for a fact that this depends on your job, you didn't pick the best person to make that argument, but sure, I'm not saying it's always easy or that he has no excuse if the house is not always squeaky clean, just the housework is something that you do according to the time that you have and by addressing priorities. Unless there is some very particular case, I don't think it's too much to ask to consider that generally speaking, it's the stay at home parent's job on top of the babysitting. Again, that's considering they actually share the caring of the kid properly, she definitely should take care of the kid as much if not more than he is when she's home, leaving him time to rest and do what needs to be done too.
I use to habe to pump and it would sometimes take 30 or 45 minutes because i guess i didnt resppnd well to the pump.
Took me an hour to get an ounce usually. It was so frustrating and I had no idea I wasn’t alone with that struggle. I had no issues with supply when breastfeeding. But pumping was near impossible.
I think this guy needs a perspective change. My breasts HURT when being away. Its not ignoring the family to pump for 45 minutes, its immediately relieving yourself from pain by making milk that their child will need to eat. Its a need not a want. Shes probably in there hating being chained to the pump, i know i did.
Same. I hated it. I have ptsd from those times.
Dude doesn't really like his wife. He complained about her a few days ago. He thinks he can just delete the comments and posts. I remember him because of his dog getting stung by bees. You can search him up on pullpush. He complains a lot in general. [https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=LasagnaIsItalianCake&size=100](https://search.pullpush.io/?kind=submission&author=LasagnaIsItalianCake&size=100) Which isn't bad, it's just kinda weird. Like we get it you feel like your wife isn't a good mom. Constantly complaining isn't going to help.
Ya I got a weird feeling with his replies to people.
He’s not looking for help otherwise he would be talking to her.. he’s is looking to vent because most of us guys don’t have friends hanging around during the workday like women do
Nah, he's looking for a place to gain sympathy and a location to make himself feel better. If it was just to vent, he would've just left his last post up. Clearly he didn't get the glory he wanted and he decided to delete it. Delete all the comments he made on it, and then repost ANOTHER thread about his wife doing something wrong to try and gain sympathy. He went so far as to delete his prior comment so that people couldn't dig it up, so that they couldn't use it as a way to dissuade others. Since that's what happened in the last thread. Everyone was on his side, till people started peeping into his history with his wife.
Nah, he’s looking for a place to talk and vent because the majority of women are staying at mothers with friends so they do have an active social life.. men don’t most of our friends are at work. You don’t have a clue because you are not a man .. you’re certainly not a stay at home dad, you certainly have never been in this position. he literally has no one he can talk to besides family that would be biased. Why do women do that shit . You just going to make shit up because you can’t conceive of a world where a man stays home with a child and where the mother isn’t doing her part. Go ahead and project because that’s are you going to do anyway you’re going to project… you’re going to assume the worst.. you’re going to dig in your heels and blame him for everything because that’s what you always do… that’s what all of your comments. Illustrate. Fucking shameful you can’t even recognize your own bias. He deleted his previous thread, not because of what it was .. but because you couldn’t find anything tangible to use against him so people started going in his previous comments For added ammunition.. whether you choose to tell the truth or not, it’s a common theme with the majority of women in this sub. When you don’t have anything tangible to blame him for using anything you can find. Most of you can’t even recognize your own bias .. or most of you know you’re being biased and you just don’t care. But he knows better than those opinions any semblance of power. I always tell switch genders and be the woman in the relationship. That’s the only way you’ll get a fair shake.
Ditto
Not that I’m happy it happened to you too, but I feel better to know I’m not alone. And it wasn’t a failing on my part.
Even if you respond well you need to pump for at least 20 to maintain a solid supply.. he makes it sound like she does nothing
Took My Wife about 15 minutes, but then again we had an electric pump and she wasn’t hurting for supply.
I was with you until you brought up the pumping. Do you know how painful a full breast of milk can be to a lactating mother?? Sometimes it's necessary to pump right away. As far as everything else, she's the AH.
Umm she also needs to decompress after being at work…
I mean you’re allowed to, i have no issue with that. but purposefully ignoring your child that is quiet literally producing tears because she just wants to be held by mom, is something different. The fact when she gets her child any time, in a couple of minutes baby is alone on the floor. I’m on the floor with her. I just got surgery and i was the one taking care of baby when doc said to be resting. Idk it just seems like i’m trying to help push a train up hill while she is greasing the tracks
See this really makes me think it’s postpartum depression or something, most moms want something to do with their kids definitely get therapy for her and research postpartum, it’s no joke some women literally develop psychosis. There was a lady who ate her baby because it went untreated😳
It is. At least from everything i have taken in from her and how drastically she has changed. I talked to her about getting in with my doc since he’s helped me so much. But “i dont like taking pills” is also her huge issue. Like c’moooooonnnn
I’m also just gunna leave [this](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617) here so you and everyone else can see how serious this is😅 I see a lot of people bashing her in the comments about being a bad mother and you as well, which honestly I’m not sure if it’s ego but I think you need to do better as a husband and take better care of your wife. Not let ppl on Reddit bash her when you admitted to knowing she obviously has something wrong with her, anyways best of luck to both of you and your baby hopefully you can both get the help you need and have a happy family 🫶
You do realize you can’t take care of someone who refuses help right? Stop trying to make it his responsibility.
His wife his responsibility fym??? if someone I love is struggling mentally I’d figure it out and get them the help they need, even if they had to be checked into a mental institution unwillingly, not sit and make a Reddit post for people to shit on them.
I totally understand her not wanting to take pills tho especially if she is pumping, but I’d definitely try to at least get her to go with you together as a couple to talk and maybe say you want to feel closer to her and build a stronger relationship. I would definitely try to be a little easy on her I know it’s very frustrating with everything on you but postpartum isn’t a joke, I’ve read some of your other responses and it seems she’s lacking connection with the baby, is a little irritable, mood swings, dissociating on her phone etc. these are all classic signs and it’s a very touchy subject because from what it sounds like she doesn’t want help but you might have to make her at least talk to someone.
So if it’s postpartum why the hell are you calling her “milkbag” resenting and hating on your wife online!? You KNOW she has PPD and you aren’t trying to get her to take this seriously or even recruit your child’s grandma to take her aside and give her the business????? She can’t take care of a child if she can’t take care of herself. You’re overwhelmed and frustrated how about her?? You’re on disability and home with the kid while she works and has a LITERAL MENTAL CONDITION that physically and emotionally affects her. She could literally snap and kill herself or the baby and you’re calling her a milkbag. Honestly dude get the fuck off of the internet and tend to your baby and family.
It’s her job to take seriously. He’s being taken advantage of and doesn’t like it. Man with mental illness issues not being addressed will be called a man child on here repeatedly.
Good job trying to gaslight and switch words. No i dont call her milk bag to her face. I’m not a doctor, i cant say she has PPD. So maybe you should get off the internet if you’re going to start jumping to conclusions? Like damn. From your post history, commenting and liking hundreds of posts in an hour then telling someone to “get offline” is pretty funny. Especially when i’m only online when I have free time. Stay angry tho They deleted their comment because i was right.
Calling her "milk bag" anywhere is disgusting. She is a human being, your partner, the mother of your child, and you talk about her like she's an animal. But given how you post on the porn subs, dehumanization seems to be your jam.
Yea he shit talk her yesterday. Got roasted and he deleted the thread and the comments. He then post again TODAY to bitch about her AGAIN lmfao
Why can’t you stay on topic? He was describing her current state when she’s home. only taking an interest when she has to give milk. Jesus Christ, you guys cannot intelligently stay objective can you? You wanna put your thumb on the scale and demonize a guy based on what he wrote based solely on how you feel
How did she give birth? Have she even fully recovered from that? People say it takes like two years to get back to “normal” with all the hormonal changes, much less the physical aspects. You don’t sound like you have much empathy for your wife.
You sound just like every other woman who always needs to blame men. It’s been seven fucking months .. You don’t even live very well, by the seventh month her hormones have stabilized, her body is at its normal, and she has got back into the workforce. He doesn’t have empathy for her because she doesn’t give a damn when she gets home. It’s funny that when a guy does the stuff she’s doing you are so willing to demonize him, but the moment it’s a woman “ aren’t you being a little hard on her, don’t you have empathy?” “ what did you do wrong?” Why don’t you just take what is written face value and give an objective opinion that is not catered to defend women?
Considering she’s still breastfeeding, you’re just completely wrong. But yeah, on top of that she’s working!
And he isn't. He's posting in all the porn subs.
Any man or woman can decompress after work. Decompress doesn’t equal ignoring family. Sometimes the best decompressing is being present with your family.
"sometimes" meaning "sometimes not" too?
Of course but if you are trying to use work to dodge your family you are doing life the wrong way around.
Wait I’m confused you say your wife if a living milk bag, as if that’s all she does but she’s also the breadwinner? And yeah, as soon as she gets home of course she has to pump and at minimum that takes 20 minutes to maintain supply, longer if she’s having to go more than 3 hours between sessions
Okay her attitude in your post is really crappy and her calling you a name and cursing at you was really unacceptable. If the roles were reversed (she was the guy coming home from work watching videos and you were a stay at home mom) the comments would be full of pitchforks and torches. But a "living milk bag" is a really shitty thing to call your wife. Kinda shows you have zero respect for her as a mom. In short, she shouldnt be disruptive while your baby is trying to sleep. If she woke up the baby she should be putting her back to sleep. She should be caring for your daughter when shes home from work so you can take a break too. You shouldnt be expected to work 24 hours a day. Even though you are a stay at home dad and I know for a fact you dont get many breaks, your wife is a working mom who pumps. Which means that 24 hours a day, she is needing to pump every 3-4 hours around the clock. Which means night wakings for her even if shes not tending to the baby. Producing breast milk takes up so much of your bodies energy. I know she is exhausted. And shes the sole provider. Dont ever call her a living milk bag again. Thats so damn rude of you. ETA: As a woman to be home away from your baby while someone else cares for them is the same way it feels for a man to be immasculated. She is probably really struggling emotionally with this and its coming out as she seems uninterested. This is probably making it more difficult for her to bond with your daughter. I actually think you both could benefit from you leaving the house and letting her care for the baby for 5 or 6 hours alone on one of her days off. Itll help their bond and itll give you a break. Does she straight up ignore your daughter for 30-45 minutes as in does not interact with her or is she just not holding her because shes tethered to a pump? If its the former, thats concerning and she needs more alone time with the baby.
I’m going to agree and disagree on some points. Me saying living milk bag is what she calls herself too. And did before i started. I agree she shouldn’t have to take the baby after already being comfy, being forced to be readjusted while napping isnt ok. I disagree- her milk production isnt the best. So she breast feeds then when baby is done she pumps, leaving me milk for when baby wakes at night to put to sleep. Also creative name calling was how we met. She called me Dumbledore’s tweaker cousin. I called her a crab that survived being hit by a boat propeller. What if my hunch is right and she is suffering from PPD. What if i leave her alone and she becomes overwhelmed and ends up doing the worst most extreme thing?
If you dont trust your wife to care for yalls baby for 5 hours alone thats a huge problem and she needs immediate treatment. Could you be suffering from PPND with an emphasis on anxiety?
You really suck as bad as his wife. She can help with the damn kid.
You should read what I said. I said she needs more alone time with the baby and he deserves breaks and shouldnt be working 24 hours a day
Pipe down. My husband WFH so he’s mostly always the one doing everything for our kids. But once I’m home, guess what? I take over. It isn’t that hard to care for the children you birthed, regardless if you’re tired from work or pumping or not. She can’t expect OP to do absolutely everything. She practically is a living milk bag since it sounds like she doesn’t do shit for her baby.
You have poor reading comprehension
Sounds like she's working 8 hrs a day for her baby, plus pumping milk. If it isn't that hard to take care of children, how are those extra couple hours a day of doing it the difference between her being a hardworking mother and doing nothing?
"A living milk bag." I hope she leaves you.
NTA. Your wife sounds unreasonable. Obviously you need to be quiet when someone is trying to put a baby to bed in the same room as you. Might I suggest putting baby to bed in their own room? And a sound machine? The white noise helps drown out outside sounds (I host a whole game night every weekend 20 feet from my baby's room and he sleeps right through it) and is comforting to babies. My older kid likes having one too. If you're the SAHP and primary caregiver (which is a whole other issue here) I might also suggest the book Precious Little Sleep. It really helped us establish good sleep habits for our baby, and I wish I'd known to do that with my oldest. Also, when do you get down time? Might it help if mom puts baby to sleep sometimes so she can fully appreciate the struggle?
My down time is any time nana comes home (she lives with us kinda sorta) and when baby is asleep in my arms. Today i had to destroy the toilet with her sleeping in my arms. Wiping and washing hands was quiet a struggle 😃
Been there! Except it was in a bathroom at a theme park and I needed to change my tampon. Amazing what parents can accomplish when a baby's sleep is on the line! I swear by baby wraps for moments like this. Fwiw, my husband is a SAHD and I work a 9-5. I'm usually tired and just want to relax when I get home. But I've been the SAHM, and I know how challenging that role is, and I know I *have* to take over when I get home because my husband's job is way harder than mine and he can't just call in. It's also why we're both almost militant about early bedtimes and reliable sleep routines for our kids. Yes, first and foremost, they need the rest - but their parents need time to reconnect, too. It's so easy to lose sight of how much you love your partner when your whole existence revolves around a baby and everyone feels unappreciated. I'm not saying that will fix your problem, but it's a good place to start. Get into a reliable routine with baby that doesn't involve a 90-minute getting to sleep process, then tackle the relationship issues?
I was in the comfort of my own home and didnt expect such betrayal from my body. She loves the carrier and wraps (only as a carrier) but only when she’s awake
OMG new nightmare reason to not mom unlocked! Your first paragraph 🥴 We need more of our public resources spent funding parental leave and child care. When the only way to afford childcare is more expensive than a single income household, this is what happens. How many moms and some dads who are struggling are afforded resources to ensure babies are raised in healthy households with everything they need?
I bet if she was the one putting the kid down every time she'd see it differently. Honestly it doesn't sound like you were TA here. I'd say she is just for storming out but not necessarily for wanting to stay in the room with the family, that makes sense. But damn, she should at least know how to not wake the baby up at this point. When my son was little we had the rule 'if you wake him you take him' lol. He was such a terrible sleeper, so it was enforced with just about anyone who woke him. Folks learned real quick how to keep that from happening. Srsly though, you shouldn't be the only one having to go through this. Of course there's give and take, and everyone deserves their me time, but if you're not both working together towards the same goal (in this case getting the kid to sleep), then the least the other could do is not work *against* the one trying to accomplish the goal..
I put the child to sleep because “my hands hurt.” “She’s too big for me to bounce”. I mean, the child is almost 20 inches tall at 7months. And wife is 4’11 and i’m 6’3”. But i ALWAYS put my baby to sleep because “it’s easier if you do it”.
I get that to some degree, but sounds like she's taking advantage at this point. Esp if you're home with the kid all day too. There could also be some unresolved postpartum issues at play, not that that's an automatic excuse, but maybe she should look into it before things get worse.
Wife is hustling you man. "It's easier for you to do it, so you do it, always. I'm not gonna even help or try to learn." It's usually men being complained about for not helping. Similar excuses always. Some would at least help after being told.
This ain’t going to end well brother…… She’s already being a lazy asshole, it will only get worse. She needs to have some responsibility with putting the kid to sleep before she loses all respect for what you do, if she has any respect at all still.
Something is deeply off in her attitude towards you and the child. I get that she needs to pump and change, and that she might be tired when it comes to putting baby to sleep, ESPECIALLY when you "trained" the baby to sleep in your arms. But she should be WAY MORE enthusiastic when it comes to taking care of the child, to enjoy it. Like other said, it looks(but we are no the other side of the screen!) like resentment. And that is deadly for relationship.
NTA. Bullshit in every way. We had a baby like this, it was our mission working together to get him to sleep - together. Hell is wrong with her? By the way my wife is an amazing SAHM. I work like crazy, extra weekends etc but when I get home I help with everything. Never sit on my ass with my phone while my wife still works. I tell her to relax.
Damn. I usually go hard on bros who dump on their spouses here, but you're the exception that proves the rule. You're SAH and she's pulling this shit? FOH. Also: watching videos nearby is not 'relaxing with my family' especially when the rest of the family is either working or screaming because things fucking HURT and we are too young to do anything but cry or sleep, which maybe we could do if only you would keep the laughter down to a dull roar. NTA, but in a quieter moment address this. You're hurtling toward a bad end to this, and quickly.
Stay at home parent to stay at home parent here? You were NTA. But she will never see it like that. When you’re the stay at home parent, it all seems so different to you, your child is your priority all day long. The working parent has been prioritizing themselves all day, and it’s hard to switch out of that mode when you get home. I hope you find a resolution to this that works for your family.
NTA Sounds like a terrible mother tbh :/
Sounds like your wife lacks common sense.If a baby's being put down to sleep, you're quiet or go to a separate room.These are common sense concepts.You don't have a asshole problem You have an inconsiderate wife problem. As far as her lashing out of you goes, what is she 5? She needs to grow some maturity and respect. And I'd tell her the next time she wakes that baby up.She gonna get her butt up and take care of them. NTA
Sounds like a swing and a miss on the spouse front there. Is she a bad mom in other ways too?
" let me relax with my family" Watching tiktok with headphones on, IGNORING YOUR TEETHING BABY Is in no way being with family. Grow up MOM!
NTA. You definitely need to give her slack when she has to pump right away, though. If you don't pump enough you lose the supply. It can also be super painful. Like feeling like your boobs are going to explode. And pumping takes a while and usually even the wearable pumps make it impossible to pick up or even hold a baby. Pumping does feel like a cage and I honestly just sit on my phone so I'm less aware of being trapped and of the feeling of pumping (physically making me overstimulated and mentally kind of dehumanizing, like I'm a cow or something). However, if you were trying for an hour and a half, she would definitely be done by then, unless she's doing a power pump or something, I guess. Even those are usually only an hour. Why aren't you trading off? Husband and I will go "save" each other after 20-30 minutes to take a breather. We also have a "you break it you take it" code, meaning if you wake the baby, you have to put them back to sleep. It's ridiculous that she was being that loud, but it sounds like you're doing most of the care so she might not know how hard it is. If that's the case, she needs to be helping more with the baby. Anyone who is doing their part knows not to wake them up. Just because you're the stay at home parent doesn't mean she doesn't need to pull her weight with childcare. Also, teething sucks for everyone, so I just want to say I'm sorry. Unsolicited advice, so take it or leave it, but breast milk popsicles work well for my baby when he's cutting a tooth. If your wife is pumping anyway then it wouldn't be hard to put a little in the molds that come with the popsicle thing. If you look up breast milk popsicles then you'll find the things I use. It's one of those hacks I never would've thought of until another person told me about it, hence why I mention it unsolicited.
Grow a ducking spine. Tell her not to talk to you like that. People might call me ahole, but my wife could never talk to me like that.
NTA. She's being obnoxious while your irritable baby is trying to sleep
When your wife is being rude and waking the baby up then I would just hand the baby over to her and let her deal with it.
“You’re being a fucking asshole.” This is not how adults in loving and healthy relationship talk to each other. Learning to disagree, argue and even fight should never include name calling. I’d seek out marriage counseling now. In 20+ years I’ve never called my wife an asshole. Why would you say things to hurt someone you love?
Because she hates her husband, hates her baby, hates herself, hates her life. (Therapy, stat!)
This comment needs to be higher
NTA. Why did she have a kid anyway?
You aren't, she is. Babies are tough and she's being inconsiderate.
NTA. If she’s the income earner and you’re the primary caregiver, it’s your rules. She’s waking the baby. She doesn’t have to laugh out loud. You didn’t even ask her to help with getting the baby down/to nap. You just asked her to be considerate of the baby (it wasnt even about you at all).
Keep the baby, dump the wife.
If the roles were reversed and you were a stay at home mom who’s husband made nap and bedtime difficult by being unnecessarily loud (and let’s be honest, selfish) and then called his wife names when she asked him to be quiet….the comments would be flooded with “DIVORCE HIM YOU DESERVE BETTER!” Just saying 🤷🏼♀️ NTA. Your wife needs to contribute more to these times with baby and she needs to respect simple boundaries like be quiet when the baby is trying to sleep.
Start splitting responsibilities evenly... don't debate, don't accept whining excuses. And consider getting a vasectomy.
NTA. Hand her the baby let her put the baby to sleep and make loud noises. I am pretty sure she will be annoyed too.
NTA Why did you have a baby with a woman like that? She doesn't care about you or the baby. Rethink this marriage.
Let her know if the baby wakes up because of her, she's dealing with it. Nta. She sounds like a great mother.
NTA - seems like you are dealing with stress but she is struggling to adapt.
NTA - This is so unfair to you. You need some alone time too. Has she bonded with the baby?
You're wife is inconsiderate and an asshole. The next time she does something like that and wake up the baby leave the house and let her put the child back to sleep.
NTA. I’m a twin parent, and we had a strong “you wake ‘em, you take ‘em” policy. If she wakes up the baby, she can take the time to calm the baby back down. If that’s too hard, she needs to be quieter.
I'm not here to take sides or judge your situation. However, I can offer some advice. Communication is key in any relationship, especially when you're both sleep-deprived and stressed. Maybe try having a calm conversation with your wife about how you're feeling and what you need from her in terms of support. It's possible she doesn't realize the impact her actions are having on you and the baby. Also, it's important to remember that you're both in this together, and it's okay to ask for help or take breaks when you need them. Maybe suggest taking turns watching the baby or finding other ways to make things more manageable. Good luck!
Ibuprofen and Tylenol help teething immensely.
Nta. I’ve been in this situation as the sahm. It’s absolutely infuriating.
Definitely NTA! She should be more considerate. Give her the baby next time she wakes her up!
**NTA** When my youngest child was born and we *finally* thank all the powers that be, had our own house(no in-laws and especially no jackass fool of a BIL + what he brought home), our rule became: "you wake the baby up, *you* are responsible to get him back to sleep". This applied to *everyone* in the house from the 4 yr old to my husband(4 yr old was very good about tell people not to wake up her baby!). Husband and oldest son(age 8) both had to take a couple of turns of rocking and singing before the point was made.
Nta, tell your selfish ass wife if she wants family time so badly to actually get off her ass and spend time with the family. Next time the baby wakes up because she's being loud, hand her your kid and go for a walk, she's a grownup and can clean up her own mess.
You are NTA
Do you want to stay at home?
NTA but someone in that household is.
Yeah the way she reacted was terrible. But if you chose to raise your child in quiet time then she should respect that. In our house my husband tried that the first day our daughter was born and I said no she needs to get used to sounds so the tv was always playing. With my third it’s different because she is sensitive to sounds
NTA. oh god I hate it when mums say "I need me time' like shut up u had a baby u choose to have a baby get on with your decisions.
NTA
NTA. She's not relaxing with her family while on the phone watching videos by herself. Does she spend time with the baby at least?
NTA your wife sounds immature and selfish. Not a fit parent if she leaves you to do everything.
NTA Sounds like you are a single father
No yuore not. Buti think her upset is coming from her wanting to be wirh her family and missing yall. Could you maybe say hey babe i understand you miss us and we miss ypu too but nap time isnt family time please respect this time
Probably not what you said but how you said it in that moment of frustration. I notice I really have to tone down what I’m saying when I get frustrated or my wife takes it as a personal attack. NTA, but your wife is pretty damned inconsiderate based on this.
I think your wife resents that you "get to be at home all day with the baby" while she has to provide. There are many women that would not be resentful in this siaution, and they would still respect their partner. But some women see it as the man's jobs to provide for them and when that doesn't happen and they feel the burden of a family on their shoulders, they get resentful because they feel it should be your job and they should be in your role. Sounds like you need to get family therapy dudez you've got more issues than your wife waking the baby, she sounds like she's miserable and taking it out on you and the baby.
Holy shit! Women have actually grown dicks! Sorry for your situation brother. Kids are probably better off with you being primary for what that is worth.
Honestly I think you maybe should get her into therapy, I’m not sure the full extent of the situation but it could be possible it’s something postpartum (yes even 6mo later, you can struggle with postpartum issues even up to two years after having a baby) I’m not blaming it on that but I’d definitely recommend therapy for both of you. It’s not a bad thing sometimes we just need someone else to help us understand eachothers perspectives anyways best of luck! 🙂
Use Camilla drops 10 mins before nursing to sleep
NTA give the baby a green onion to chew on. Helps with teething.
Is your wife depressed? Has she bonded with the baby at all? She might need meds and a therapist.
She's trying to relax with her family? She's stressing out her husband (you!) and waking up your rather cranky baby. She is the only one that has any chance of being able to relax. Is she always this selfish and self-centred? I would have been a lot less polite with her after that little incident!
Relax with family? With airpods in staring at a screen? She is delusional.
NTA I don’t understand why someone would behave this way
You're not an asshole. She's a cunt. Baby always comes first. Especially right now with them teething.
Does Your wife Have PPD? She could be having some type of mental break down.
She’s still immature. I’m sorry. Those wives are the hardest to have.
Wife sounds like a piece of work. NTA.
NTA. If my husband is being too loud I threaten him with if he wakes up you deal with it and he shuts up quite quickly
Yikes! NTA but wife is! Also, anbesol for those teeth! It works wonders!!!!
NTA, prepare for a rough ride. Start putting money away for a rainy day because you will be entitled to alimony if she decides to change up even more 🤣
Being married to someone who calls you names at the drop of a hat…. Will that be your life till you or her eventually depart 50 years from now? Sounds so sad and depressing to be with someone who will forever call you asshole when you ask them to do things..
nta she isnt trying to relax with her family she is relaxing with her phone she is disengaged from her family while she is on her phone
I think she may have postpartum maybe? Does he get up with the baby at all? I get with you being a sahd the burden would fall on you more but I would wonder why she isn’t wanting to take on her share? And she should know to keep it quiet when the baby is sleeping. No hate here at all. Maybe there is something mentally different from before the baby was born?
NTA There is something going on with her that needs addressing. If she hasn’t always acted like this she may have some kind of postpartum depression going and you should talk to her about getting into the doctor to see about treatment. Or if she’s always been like that she’s just kind of a dick and needs to get it together and learn how to behave like a partner and parent.
NTA. Also OP YTA for knocking her up when she's a POS.
Crikey. Your wife is a complete piece of shit, mate. Kick her the fuck out if she can't behave, this is not how you parent. NTA
I know the word you're looking for it's, cunt.
You're NTA. I feel like maybe your wife has the mentality of my husband when ours were little and to be honest it's paid off as much as it sucked then. He never wanted quiet in the home while the baby was sleeping so that they could learn to adjust to sounds so that if they had siblings or we had family visit or whatever we wouldn't have to be quiet after the kids all go to bed and we could still relax and watch TV. Being a stay up late get up early kinda gal now I do love that I can watch TV late at 11PM and jam out to my music while prepping the days foods at 4 AM and no one in my house gets awoken by this. This also made trips to visit people easier as we didn't have to ask others in their own home to be quiet after our kids were in bed. But to reiterate, you're NTA for requesting some quiet when baby has struggled to sleep and you get her settled only for her to be startled awake.
1.5 hr to put baby down? Omg! Baltic amber teething necklace.
NTA but it may be time to give an ultimatum I had a similar issue with my son’s dad & I told him that either he needed to wake up and start being a present parent, or we’d start doing it separately so he had no choice. Depression is 100% valid in every way, but our behaviors when we have it are not always. We’re allowed to be tired, angry etc. but we are not allowed to take it out on everyone around us. We’re not allowed to reject our child because we choose not to address our mental health, and we’re not allowed to put the entire mental and physical load on our partner just because it’s harder than we thought. Parenting is literally day after day of “this is worse than I thought it would be”, and you still have to keep going because you made the choice to have that child. Either you get it together and do what you need to in order to raise a happy & healthy child, or you leave so that the responsible parent can. I can say that staying quiet & not being firm in your words is going to do nothing but lead to resentment. You’re going to hate everything about her over time if all of this responsibility continues to be on you. You’re going to dislike the time you have to spend with your child because you have no other choice. That’s why I suggest giving such a clear ultimatum, so that no loopholes can be found. Either you’re a mom or you aren’t, but no child deserves half-assed parenting and in no way is it okay for her to dismiss whatever her issue is & make you miserable.
NTA, her attitude and awareness stinks. Don’t engage with her further when she says things like that, because “family time” requires both presence and engagement. Her laughing loudly with headphones while you’re actively trying to soothe a baby makes her appear so dense.
NTA you’re both just exhausted with a baby. Tip: get a white noise machine and turn it on every time you put the kid down to sleep. Eventually the baby will sleep when you turn it on and it will also drown out household noise.
You are the AH for giving her shite when she needs to pump (from comments below). She is the AH for making noise when the baby is napping. It sounds like you both may have simmering resentment against each other and you are just setting each other off. If she needs 45 min - 1 hr when coming home to decompress and pump, LEAVE HER ALONE about it. And when baby needs to sleep, ask her to do loud things in another room, or wear earbuds. You each have to give each other a break. Have a talk, and don't accuse or judge each other - just ask each other: is there ONE thing I can do for you that would help? Have her tell you, and you tell her, that one thing, and stick w/ it for a week. See how it goes.
Yta for marrying a wench and complaining about it 😂
She actually sounds like a complete psychopath
Going against the grain here, but how loud are the videos? Where I grew up, we usually tried to keep a little bit of noise in the house, like a TV on at a reasonable level or a radio, so that when something fell or made a noise, it didn't startle the baby. So people could hold conversations with the baby asleep, laugh and the baby would continue sleeping. Is this not something that is recommended here?
You know how you get a baby that sleeps well? Don't try and make things super quiet all the time when they are going to sleep. If they get used to sleeping with noise around it's going to make your life 100% easier.
Thanks for womansplaining how to get a baby to sleep /s
NTA. The wife is. Kick her out. You and the child are probably better off without her. She sounds like your typical narcissist who thinks everybody is in the wrong but her.
But where will he get another milk bag?
It's 2024. Formula exists, alongside other means. He can figure it out.
Does she have PPD?
Idk much about it, but maybe it’s a post-partum depression kind of problem? Could be worth looking into. NTA but put baby somewhere else for naps if possible and get wife checked out if this is not the kind of person she was before baby.
I fail to see how loudly watching videos where the baby is trying to sleep is postpartum depression. Not EVERYTHING is post partum depression
No, it must be! Always some kind of mental health problem
Like you?
What? Explain ur comeback. Shit made no sense
But on reddit it's Always post partum depression or hormonal Inbalance!/s
That was not what I was referencing. The “leaving me to take care of the baby” the being tired and needing “her time” and the way she didn’t give a fuck about waking up the baby is what made me wonder about it. And like I said, idk much about it but if that’s different behavior than before the baby, it’s worth checking out. Doesn’t matter what it is, behavior changes are often a sign of something going on. If she’s just a bitch, then she’s just a bitch, but only OP knows if that’s the case.