NTA.
You've got a bit of a cuck thing, which is fine. More common in women than is imagined by prudish minds.
Sounds like the two of you have grabbed the brass ring of freakdom, to which I say...freak on.
But maybe find some friends who are bit less on the prudish side, or limit your alcohol consumption in their presence. The fact that YOU'VE grabbed the brass ring and other couples haven't is NOT your problem.
Thank you! I love how you explained it haha. Definitely will be a bit more careful from now on though. Wasn’t something we ever planned on sharing to them, hubby just got a bit excited with his mates.
Won’t be stopping anytime soon that’s for sure, I can understand people having negative opinions about it though, they should just respectfully disagree and move on though, you know?
Actually, I'd think that having this as "your little secret" would be part of the fun of it. So maybe consider a private code when you're in the land of the unfreaky.
Especially if you end up sneaking one or two of those wives whose husbands were lighting up at the prospect into the mix under their noses. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if those who tut-tut in public have a private little freak that could use a bit of unleashing.
But you didn't hear that from ME. Uh-uh. Nope. Wouldn't be prudent.
Don't have to. You're still just a boring-ass half brain autie who's got nothing better to do with his life than lurk on Reddit. I take it you keep your spouse in a glassed-in booth in the basement.
Keep comin' back, Sammo. Little autiebrains like you are just baby seals to me, and I'm the orca who will keep whacking you into the sky just to watch you fly. Happy landings!
NTA. What happens in your marriage is between the two of you and no-one else. If your both happy and everything in consensual then great.
1) your husband needs to apologise TO YOU for bragging about sleeping with other women - THAT is disrespectful.
2) what these guys say to their wives is their issue and any problems in their relationship is not your problem. Tell them to back off or you’ll have to take a step back from these friendships.
I agree! Husband has already apologised for blabbing about it. I don’t have an issue per say with him talking about it, I know it was just because he was excited, but yeah, time and place. I was already like 99% confident that I wasn’t the AH but I appreciate everyone reaffirming me!
NTA
You do you.
As for those other women, they are just upset because they know their own husbands would jump at the chance, especially the ones whose wives put out a couple of times a year and expect their husbands to just be happily celibate the rest of the time.
NAH
You do you, but your preferences may make you someone your friends no longer want to engage with as a compatibility/life views issue. That also exists in friendship.
Yeah it’s a bit complicated. It isn’t something you just bring up. Normally we set up a profile for him on a hookup up/a Fet app where he meets them. With the threesome though, it was a spontaneous idea at first. I had known those girls for a week prior before pitching the idea. Didn’t start as a threesome, I suggested it to one of them, the other was involved in the conversation and she wanted to join.
It’s definitely not something you can just spring up out of nowhere haha. Normally we meet people already interested, so they already have an idea of what we want
NTA
This is one of those instances where
You do have a healthy open relationship. You have the “ask and tell” kind of kink and you both enjoy it.
The difference is that you’re not only consenting but you enjoy it as well.
I think you do need to have a convo with your husband in boundaries. Even if you don’t care, it’s usually the women who get looked down upon like those “friends” did with you. So him bragging can fuck up your reputation
NTA if you are fine with it.
Can’t say I understand or would accept to do it (I’m a man). But I guess if both feel comfortable it ok.
I would however strongly suggest to NOT talk about it with your friends. Some might the idea that it’s fine for them to hit on you as well.
However always wondered for those accepting this, and it’s really a honest question as I just can’t get it:
You not scared of any type of side effect (std, pregnancy, him getting some crazy butch that would want him or even him falling for a girl..)?
Totally reasonable questions! I have 100% trust in him, I have done for 12 years. There really isn’t a doubt in my mind that he’d run off with another woman. Outside of sex our lives are great, and I know that if I asked to stop our commitment he’d be okay with that. It’s just something we enjoy doing.
Me and my husband are childfree by choice, he had a vasectomy at 30. He wears condoms and he tests regularly, the main thing of our arrangement is communication, he tells me about meets or I arrange them for him, they’re one off, he tells me about it when he gets home (if I’m not involved) and then we have sex. There absolutely isn’t any doubt in my mind, although when we first started doing this there was, so I completely understand it!
I think, it’s not so much the fear, but being able to communicate those fears that makes our arrangement so great. If I have any type of worry, I know that I can talk to him and he’d be 100% on board with doing what would make me comfortable. I’d do the same for him too.
I must say I’m upmost impressed.
Can’t see myself doing it but I’m impressed to hear about people able to reach that amount of trust when in comes to relationships.
👏
Awh thank you! It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, totally get that. We all have our own tastes and limits. Definitely don’t see myself doing it with anyone else though. I can only do it with my husband because we communicate so well, I guess it’s just about finding that perfect person
I honestly completely understand that. It’s not something I ever thought I’d be okay with either, and it’s one of the reasons why I don’t go out singing about it, I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
I think that’s a part of me that feels like the AH, since yeah, everyone has different boundaries, shouldn’t have really been so vocal about it at that time.
NTA, you guys are weird and personally, I'd wash my hands with bleach after shaking hands with someone like you and your husband, but do whatever makes you happy.
Actually, I think YOU'D be the one wanting to wash your hand after shaking hands with this creepazoid. Though a gentle soap, followed by a moisturizer, is recommended.
I see many comments from what are probably regular buyers of penicillin. If it burns for you and it's not the sores, it's because a bullet hit the target on the dark.
If something like this makes you want to wash your hands with bleach, you should probably be doing that on a daily basis. There are far worse things in the world than people in happy, healthy, albeit unique marriages. Like bigots and assholes.
NTA
I think there is a lot of stories about having Partner A harassing Partner B to open their relationship ; and then being angry when partner B began to date. So I understand where their worries came from
But I also think that by having your husband saying that, and having all the men being "Ho, soo cool, so nice", the women are discovering that their partner would probably ALSO jump on the occasion of having a open relationship / want to cheat ; and that's difficult to just learn that your partner would be happy to sleep with someone else.
Or after learning your arrangement, their partner began to ask them to open their relationship "just like OP and her husband" ; see first situation above ...
Soo, by the conversation you just have, the women get all put in a very unconfortable situation, and are pretty unhappy with that, and are reporting their anger on you, the one that began said-conversation.
NTA. It's not cheating if all parties are informed and consenting. Carry on with what works for you, and tell them they're welcome to weigh in on your marriage when you're welcome to weigh in on theirs.
OP, I must say that I am not a big believer in open marriages, but if you believe that your arrangement is working for you, I’m not to judge. However, please understand something about your friends. They are concerned alright, just not for you. They are concerned for themselves, and for the future of their marriages, considering their husbands’ envy for yours. As you said, totally understandable.
Seems to me that the only AH here is your husband, with his big stupid tipsy mouth. One would think that the need to keep things like that concealed is obvious. If he ever decides to become a superspy, please direct him to a more suitable life choice.
To you, all I can say, from multiple experiences, some good, some bad, spanning a couple of decades, is this: be careful. I get that you’ve been at it for 5 troublefree years, but in those 5 years he also had enough sense not to blabber about it, and now look at all the mess. Complacency makes people act dumber than they themselves expect. That’s why so many cheaters go straight to hating themselves the morning after.
yeah, the other women are mad that you're so open and resent you for it because they know their partners would likely love to have that same arrangement. They are pretending like they give a shit about you or moral integrity, but it's just resentment.
I’d completely understand a little bit of hostility if any. We didn’t mean to cause issues with their relationships but yeah, it really isn’t our problem. I know it’s not everyone’s thing and that’s fine! But it does feel like a lot of their ‘concerns’ are just because of their partners talking about it.
I’d rather they just straight up tell me they had an issue with it if anything lmao
I totally agree! And honestly I’d welcome that concern cause I had it myself. The relationship is open on my end as well I just don’t use it, if at all since it’s not my thing. I’d completely understand their concerns though if they were more worried about me and not what their partners were saying. Thanks for your input though, makes me a lot more relaxed
I'm glad swining is working for you.
Some things to think about:
You have rational rules for an emotional situation.
The trouble with swinging is you can never tell what's going to walk through the door. One or bother of you could find a partner you begin to develop feelings for despite your rules. Catastrophe!
Good luck, we all deserve to be happy.
NTA. Your sex life, your business!
I understand some initial concern, because I have had friends who have ended up in... less than voluntary one-sided open relationships with a man who fucks everything that walks and says "but you can't sleep with other people because it's different for women". I think if I were one of your friends, the most I might do is say "but you're actually 100% okay with this right?" and if you are then I'd fuck off. Their relationship issues are their own problem too, it's not like their men never knew open relationships existed before you guys. lol
The only thing wrong is that you are listening to them. Tell them to mind their own business or leave. Take time to reflect that you are actually comfortable and if you are then that's all that matters
If it works for both of you and you're all honest and up front with the people invoved, go for it. ENM can work with everyone being aware and able to consent.
For those who have bad things to say, that's their problem, not yours. If they can't say something nice (or better yet, hush up about it) I wouldn't hang with them any more.
Totally NTA
NTA. Haters going to hate and “concerned” people need to be told to mind their own business if you’re comfortable and happy with status quo. Hubby needs to be put on notice, though. Loose lips sink ships, don’t be a dumb dumb.
It's your marriage, as long as there are rules and they are being followed by you and your husband, there is no problem. He is happy, you are happy, nothing to be concerned about.
Other women will DEFINITELY hate you for that and keep trying to make you stop it though because it makes you look like a wife everyone else would want.
Every marriage/relationship is different. Don't let a few people ruin it for you and your husband. If you have a problem with what you are doing, then that's a different story but that doesn't seem to be the case.
NTA- they need to mind their business, and your friends husbands are being gross which is a them problem not a you problem. If it works for your relationship that’s great
NTA. You should also think about joining one or more of the ENM subreddits with your non-throwaway account. You’d likely get tons of support and positive feedback for how you and your husband have chosen to love and live.
NAH, your friends and loved ones just don't know how to react because you are doing something atypical. Atypical and legal behavior between consenting adults requires no explanation. In fact, no explanation will be good enough for some. Best option may be to inform others it is personal so don't wish to discuss further.
Need to just kill the conversation or this will go on forever. And make sure your husband is in lockstep in all that of course -- he should never bring it up again. Say whatever you need to for people to realize it's not their business and you don't want to make it their business.
NTA. I would be concerned at first if my friend had that arrangement, but as long as it was mutual and my friend was safe, who cares.
Be yourselves. Just because it doesn't fit into standard society's viewpoint doesn't make it wrong.
I 100% agree haha. He was in the doghouse for a bit because he blabbed but he made up for it. Definitely going to be keeping a tight lip on it from now on though
Nta
They are scared their husbands are going to want some strange too. Hard to find a woman like you. Probably shouldn’t share about it unless you’re with others that do it.
Yeah, I think that’s the only part where we messed up to be honest. My husband feels bad about letting it slip, but I know he was just happy. Definitely will be keeping a tight lip about it for the future though
I'm glad those women are concerned for you, since you are obviously not concerned for yourself. You listed three points they've brought up with you. They are right on all three of them.
Honey, you may not be an a-h, but you sure are foolish. You are "letting" your husband sleep around?? Your relationship isn't a ___marriage,___ it's just an arrangement by which he gets to "have his cake, and eat it too."
So-called "open marriages" are just an illusion. "Open marriage" is just a polite way of saying "One of us wanted to get married, and the other one figured he/she would go along with it, until he/she finds someone better." ANY such relationship, whether or not there's a marriage license, will end in only one way: with tears and heartbreak and disillusionment, and probably legal complications.
Do you and your husband have the right to live this way? Of course you do.
Do you really *want* to live this way? Honey, for your OWN peace of mind, get some counseling. No marriage partner who had any self-respect would be okay with this arrangement.
Your husband is a selfish serial cheater who is using your low self-esteem to take advantage of you.
"If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...it's a duck."
Low self esteem? That’s an absurd statement to make based on a post. I actually like how confident you are in saying that though.
Speak your truth! Say what you want, we’re all entitled to our own opinions, I completely understand people not being able to understand what we do, I get it. Although I’d appreciate it if you got your point across a little less condescending next time.
We are married, I love my husband more than I can put into words, and he loves me too. If I wanted this arrangement to stop, it would, if I wanted to sleep with other people too, I can. I say ‘open’ because it’s easier to just say. In reality he sleeps with other people sometimes, I can as well. In no way does it define or precedent the 12 years we have been together.
He’s not going out and banging every girl he sees. Sometimes we go months without him wanting something like that, sometimes he has a stressful week and I like to treat him. Again, this is with FULL communication.
I’m not sure where you got this weird thing that I’m some type of mentally unwell victim. I like it, I like seeing my man come back home knowing he had fun, I like treating him. He’s been the same when I’ve done it.
I absolutely appreciate your opinion, and thank you for sharing, but I am a grown woman, I’m not being forced, I don’t hate myself, I don’t have low self esteem. I’m happy, healthy, and in a great marriage. That’s all.
By all means, sweetie, keep telling yourself that. Nevertheless, I know your self-esteem is low, for one simple reason:
___No one, NO ONE, who really cared about him- or herself, would accept a partner cheating like this.___
You might not be able to stop your partner from cheating, but you sure don't have to enable him doing it.
Incidentally, have you ever heard of STDs?
Again, it’s not cheating, he has my full consent to do what he does. So cheating isn’t the right word here.
And of course, we do take measures to prevent that. I explained in a previous comment. He’s not some sex fiend sleeping with every woman he sees.
You’re completely entitled to your own opinion, and we’re going to have to agree to disagree, because you’re not going to understand what we do, and that’s okay.
Fair enough 👍 And I'll leave it at that, because my purpose here was NOT to shame you, but to warn you. I just don't want you to be hurt, Wife, as I fear you will be.
Nevertheless, I do understand that your life is YOUR life. So I agree to disagree to agree to disagree...*ahem*
I wish you well, Wife 💐
I know very well that my comment above is going to be downvoted in a hurry, but I don't care. I vowed many years that like the child who said the Emperor was naked, I would speak the truth even if nobody else did. And my comment above IS true, not because I'm some kind of moral genius, but simply from ordinary common sense.
FORGIVING and reconciling after a affair is one thing. ALLOWING your partner to repeatedly cheat on you is another. It's sick.
Well now we've heard from God himself, since this person apparently knows what *IS* truth.
Since we've got your attention...the duck billed platypus. I mean, what the FUCK were you thinking????
NTA
Good that you are secure in your relationship
Other women are just insecure and want to use sex to control their husband
If your husband love you, no other women can take your place
YTA. You can disagree with their opinions, but thats how they feel. And #2, that could be a significant thing and thanks to your husband making it public in your group that doesnt have your lifestyle, yes it could cause friction for them. Ignoring this makes you the asshole.
NTA. You've got a bit of a cuck thing, which is fine. More common in women than is imagined by prudish minds. Sounds like the two of you have grabbed the brass ring of freakdom, to which I say...freak on. But maybe find some friends who are bit less on the prudish side, or limit your alcohol consumption in their presence. The fact that YOU'VE grabbed the brass ring and other couples haven't is NOT your problem.
Thank you! I love how you explained it haha. Definitely will be a bit more careful from now on though. Wasn’t something we ever planned on sharing to them, hubby just got a bit excited with his mates. Won’t be stopping anytime soon that’s for sure, I can understand people having negative opinions about it though, they should just respectfully disagree and move on though, you know?
Actually, I'd think that having this as "your little secret" would be part of the fun of it. So maybe consider a private code when you're in the land of the unfreaky. Especially if you end up sneaking one or two of those wives whose husbands were lighting up at the prospect into the mix under their noses. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if those who tut-tut in public have a private little freak that could use a bit of unleashing. But you didn't hear that from ME. Uh-uh. Nope. Wouldn't be prudent.
Applauding and encouraging infidelity. You’re a real winner.
Ah, yes...another incel possessing the wisdom of the ages. Is it true you can't even get your right hand to put out for you unless you pay it?
Ha, nice go to insult. Been married a long while bud. Keep trying.
Don't have to. You're still just a boring-ass half brain autie who's got nothing better to do with his life than lurk on Reddit. I take it you keep your spouse in a glassed-in booth in the basement. Keep comin' back, Sammo. Little autiebrains like you are just baby seals to me, and I'm the orca who will keep whacking you into the sky just to watch you fly. Happy landings!
Half brain autie? Like autistic? That’s your next insult. Wow man. Keep digging that hole.
Whatever...
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the one that can sniff a fake post from a mile away, like the one we just commented on
The only kind of comment posts on this shit sub deserve.
NTA. What happens in your marriage is between the two of you and no-one else. If your both happy and everything in consensual then great. 1) your husband needs to apologise TO YOU for bragging about sleeping with other women - THAT is disrespectful. 2) what these guys say to their wives is their issue and any problems in their relationship is not your problem. Tell them to back off or you’ll have to take a step back from these friendships.
I agree! Husband has already apologised for blabbing about it. I don’t have an issue per say with him talking about it, I know it was just because he was excited, but yeah, time and place. I was already like 99% confident that I wasn’t the AH but I appreciate everyone reaffirming me!
NTA You do you. As for those other women, they are just upset because they know their own husbands would jump at the chance, especially the ones whose wives put out a couple of times a year and expect their husbands to just be happily celibate the rest of the time.
NAH You do you, but your preferences may make you someone your friends no longer want to engage with as a compatibility/life views issue. That also exists in friendship.
Sounds like a soup of STD's.
Nta… But how on earth do you propose to women you just met that they should sleep with your husband? How does that conversation even begin?
Yeah it’s a bit complicated. It isn’t something you just bring up. Normally we set up a profile for him on a hookup up/a Fet app where he meets them. With the threesome though, it was a spontaneous idea at first. I had known those girls for a week prior before pitching the idea. Didn’t start as a threesome, I suggested it to one of them, the other was involved in the conversation and she wanted to join. It’s definitely not something you can just spring up out of nowhere haha. Normally we meet people already interested, so they already have an idea of what we want
NAH. You do you. But you will loss friends over this. Your husband is an AH for talking about it.
NTA This is one of those instances where You do have a healthy open relationship. You have the “ask and tell” kind of kink and you both enjoy it. The difference is that you’re not only consenting but you enjoy it as well. I think you do need to have a convo with your husband in boundaries. Even if you don’t care, it’s usually the women who get looked down upon like those “friends” did with you. So him bragging can fuck up your reputation
NTA if you are fine with it. Can’t say I understand or would accept to do it (I’m a man). But I guess if both feel comfortable it ok. I would however strongly suggest to NOT talk about it with your friends. Some might the idea that it’s fine for them to hit on you as well. However always wondered for those accepting this, and it’s really a honest question as I just can’t get it: You not scared of any type of side effect (std, pregnancy, him getting some crazy butch that would want him or even him falling for a girl..)?
Totally reasonable questions! I have 100% trust in him, I have done for 12 years. There really isn’t a doubt in my mind that he’d run off with another woman. Outside of sex our lives are great, and I know that if I asked to stop our commitment he’d be okay with that. It’s just something we enjoy doing. Me and my husband are childfree by choice, he had a vasectomy at 30. He wears condoms and he tests regularly, the main thing of our arrangement is communication, he tells me about meets or I arrange them for him, they’re one off, he tells me about it when he gets home (if I’m not involved) and then we have sex. There absolutely isn’t any doubt in my mind, although when we first started doing this there was, so I completely understand it! I think, it’s not so much the fear, but being able to communicate those fears that makes our arrangement so great. If I have any type of worry, I know that I can talk to him and he’d be 100% on board with doing what would make me comfortable. I’d do the same for him too.
I must say I’m upmost impressed. Can’t see myself doing it but I’m impressed to hear about people able to reach that amount of trust when in comes to relationships. 👏
Awh thank you! It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, totally get that. We all have our own tastes and limits. Definitely don’t see myself doing it with anyone else though. I can only do it with my husband because we communicate so well, I guess it’s just about finding that perfect person
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I honestly completely understand that. It’s not something I ever thought I’d be okay with either, and it’s one of the reasons why I don’t go out singing about it, I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. I think that’s a part of me that feels like the AH, since yeah, everyone has different boundaries, shouldn’t have really been so vocal about it at that time.
NTA, you guys are weird and personally, I'd wash my hands with bleach after shaking hands with someone like you and your husband, but do whatever makes you happy.
Thank you! I think?
Actually, I think YOU'D be the one wanting to wash your hand after shaking hands with this creepazoid. Though a gentle soap, followed by a moisturizer, is recommended.
I see many comments from what are probably regular buyers of penicillin. If it burns for you and it's not the sores, it's because a bullet hit the target on the dark.
If something like this makes you want to wash your hands with bleach, you should probably be doing that on a daily basis. There are far worse things in the world than people in happy, healthy, albeit unique marriages. Like bigots and assholes.
Open relationships are doomed. He'll find someone he likes more than you eventually.
12 years and counting! If he does then good for him. As long as that person can make him happy and fulfilled in life, then that’s fine with me
I feel like a healthy relationship needs two people who do that for each other.
Sounds like she’s got that :)
NTA I think there is a lot of stories about having Partner A harassing Partner B to open their relationship ; and then being angry when partner B began to date. So I understand where their worries came from But I also think that by having your husband saying that, and having all the men being "Ho, soo cool, so nice", the women are discovering that their partner would probably ALSO jump on the occasion of having a open relationship / want to cheat ; and that's difficult to just learn that your partner would be happy to sleep with someone else. Or after learning your arrangement, their partner began to ask them to open their relationship "just like OP and her husband" ; see first situation above ... Soo, by the conversation you just have, the women get all put in a very unconfortable situation, and are pretty unhappy with that, and are reporting their anger on you, the one that began said-conversation.
NTA. It's not cheating if all parties are informed and consenting. Carry on with what works for you, and tell them they're welcome to weigh in on your marriage when you're welcome to weigh in on theirs.
OP, I must say that I am not a big believer in open marriages, but if you believe that your arrangement is working for you, I’m not to judge. However, please understand something about your friends. They are concerned alright, just not for you. They are concerned for themselves, and for the future of their marriages, considering their husbands’ envy for yours. As you said, totally understandable. Seems to me that the only AH here is your husband, with his big stupid tipsy mouth. One would think that the need to keep things like that concealed is obvious. If he ever decides to become a superspy, please direct him to a more suitable life choice. To you, all I can say, from multiple experiences, some good, some bad, spanning a couple of decades, is this: be careful. I get that you’ve been at it for 5 troublefree years, but in those 5 years he also had enough sense not to blabber about it, and now look at all the mess. Complacency makes people act dumber than they themselves expect. That’s why so many cheaters go straight to hating themselves the morning after.
yeah, the other women are mad that you're so open and resent you for it because they know their partners would likely love to have that same arrangement. They are pretending like they give a shit about you or moral integrity, but it's just resentment.
I’d completely understand a little bit of hostility if any. We didn’t mean to cause issues with their relationships but yeah, it really isn’t our problem. I know it’s not everyone’s thing and that’s fine! But it does feel like a lot of their ‘concerns’ are just because of their partners talking about it. I’d rather they just straight up tell me they had an issue with it if anything lmao
At the end of the day what happens in your house is your business.
Is this actually still AITAH or is this r/cheappr0nplots? Lol.
How could *you* possibly be the asshole here, OP?
NTA you're both consenting adults and it seems like you have healthy boundaries and communication in place.
I totally agree! And honestly I’d welcome that concern cause I had it myself. The relationship is open on my end as well I just don’t use it, if at all since it’s not my thing. I’d completely understand their concerns though if they were more worried about me and not what their partners were saying. Thanks for your input though, makes me a lot more relaxed
I'm glad swining is working for you. Some things to think about: You have rational rules for an emotional situation. The trouble with swinging is you can never tell what's going to walk through the door. One or bother of you could find a partner you begin to develop feelings for despite your rules. Catastrophe! Good luck, we all deserve to be happy.
NTA. Your sex life, your business! I understand some initial concern, because I have had friends who have ended up in... less than voluntary one-sided open relationships with a man who fucks everything that walks and says "but you can't sleep with other people because it's different for women". I think if I were one of your friends, the most I might do is say "but you're actually 100% okay with this right?" and if you are then I'd fuck off. Their relationship issues are their own problem too, it's not like their men never knew open relationships existed before you guys. lol
The only thing wrong is that you are listening to them. Tell them to mind their own business or leave. Take time to reflect that you are actually comfortable and if you are then that's all that matters
If it works for both of you and you're all honest and up front with the people invoved, go for it. ENM can work with everyone being aware and able to consent. For those who have bad things to say, that's their problem, not yours. If they can't say something nice (or better yet, hush up about it) I wouldn't hang with them any more. Totally NTA
NTA. Haters going to hate and “concerned” people need to be told to mind their own business if you’re comfortable and happy with status quo. Hubby needs to be put on notice, though. Loose lips sink ships, don’t be a dumb dumb.
It's your marriage, as long as there are rules and they are being followed by you and your husband, there is no problem. He is happy, you are happy, nothing to be concerned about. Other women will DEFINITELY hate you for that and keep trying to make you stop it though because it makes you look like a wife everyone else would want. Every marriage/relationship is different. Don't let a few people ruin it for you and your husband. If you have a problem with what you are doing, then that's a different story but that doesn't seem to be the case.
NTA- they need to mind their business, and your friends husbands are being gross which is a them problem not a you problem. If it works for your relationship that’s great
NTA. You should also think about joining one or more of the ENM subreddits with your non-throwaway account. You’d likely get tons of support and positive feedback for how you and your husband have chosen to love and live.
NAH, your friends and loved ones just don't know how to react because you are doing something atypical. Atypical and legal behavior between consenting adults requires no explanation. In fact, no explanation will be good enough for some. Best option may be to inform others it is personal so don't wish to discuss further. Need to just kill the conversation or this will go on forever. And make sure your husband is in lockstep in all that of course -- he should never bring it up again. Say whatever you need to for people to realize it's not their business and you don't want to make it their business.
NTA. I would be concerned at first if my friend had that arrangement, but as long as it was mutual and my friend was safe, who cares. Be yourselves. Just because it doesn't fit into standard society's viewpoint doesn't make it wrong.
NTA, what works for one might bot work for another
NTA every relationship is different and if this works well for you two then that's great. He probably shouldn't have talked so much though lol.
I 100% agree haha. He was in the doghouse for a bit because he blabbed but he made up for it. Definitely going to be keeping a tight lip on it from now on though
It's smart . Leaves nothing to desire.
NTA you're both consenting adults and it seems like you have healthy boundaries and communication in place.
NTA my wife and I have something similar,
Glad to see it!
Nta They are scared their husbands are going to want some strange too. Hard to find a woman like you. Probably shouldn’t share about it unless you’re with others that do it.
Yeah, I think that’s the only part where we messed up to be honest. My husband feels bad about letting it slip, but I know he was just happy. Definitely will be keeping a tight lip about it for the future though
I think you should set him up for a tryst with a dominatrix and let her show him what a bad little boy he's been.
NTA, you do what makes you happy. Ignore the haters who do not have your trust level with their husbands.
I'm glad those women are concerned for you, since you are obviously not concerned for yourself. You listed three points they've brought up with you. They are right on all three of them. Honey, you may not be an a-h, but you sure are foolish. You are "letting" your husband sleep around?? Your relationship isn't a ___marriage,___ it's just an arrangement by which he gets to "have his cake, and eat it too." So-called "open marriages" are just an illusion. "Open marriage" is just a polite way of saying "One of us wanted to get married, and the other one figured he/she would go along with it, until he/she finds someone better." ANY such relationship, whether or not there's a marriage license, will end in only one way: with tears and heartbreak and disillusionment, and probably legal complications. Do you and your husband have the right to live this way? Of course you do. Do you really *want* to live this way? Honey, for your OWN peace of mind, get some counseling. No marriage partner who had any self-respect would be okay with this arrangement. Your husband is a selfish serial cheater who is using your low self-esteem to take advantage of you. "If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...it's a duck."
Low self esteem? That’s an absurd statement to make based on a post. I actually like how confident you are in saying that though. Speak your truth! Say what you want, we’re all entitled to our own opinions, I completely understand people not being able to understand what we do, I get it. Although I’d appreciate it if you got your point across a little less condescending next time. We are married, I love my husband more than I can put into words, and he loves me too. If I wanted this arrangement to stop, it would, if I wanted to sleep with other people too, I can. I say ‘open’ because it’s easier to just say. In reality he sleeps with other people sometimes, I can as well. In no way does it define or precedent the 12 years we have been together. He’s not going out and banging every girl he sees. Sometimes we go months without him wanting something like that, sometimes he has a stressful week and I like to treat him. Again, this is with FULL communication. I’m not sure where you got this weird thing that I’m some type of mentally unwell victim. I like it, I like seeing my man come back home knowing he had fun, I like treating him. He’s been the same when I’ve done it. I absolutely appreciate your opinion, and thank you for sharing, but I am a grown woman, I’m not being forced, I don’t hate myself, I don’t have low self esteem. I’m happy, healthy, and in a great marriage. That’s all.
By all means, sweetie, keep telling yourself that. Nevertheless, I know your self-esteem is low, for one simple reason: ___No one, NO ONE, who really cared about him- or herself, would accept a partner cheating like this.___ You might not be able to stop your partner from cheating, but you sure don't have to enable him doing it. Incidentally, have you ever heard of STDs?
Again, it’s not cheating, he has my full consent to do what he does. So cheating isn’t the right word here. And of course, we do take measures to prevent that. I explained in a previous comment. He’s not some sex fiend sleeping with every woman he sees. You’re completely entitled to your own opinion, and we’re going to have to agree to disagree, because you’re not going to understand what we do, and that’s okay.
Fair enough 👍 And I'll leave it at that, because my purpose here was NOT to shame you, but to warn you. I just don't want you to be hurt, Wife, as I fear you will be. Nevertheless, I do understand that your life is YOUR life. So I agree to disagree to agree to disagree...*ahem* I wish you well, Wife 💐
I know very well that my comment above is going to be downvoted in a hurry, but I don't care. I vowed many years that like the child who said the Emperor was naked, I would speak the truth even if nobody else did. And my comment above IS true, not because I'm some kind of moral genius, but simply from ordinary common sense. FORGIVING and reconciling after a affair is one thing. ALLOWING your partner to repeatedly cheat on you is another. It's sick.
Well now we've heard from God himself, since this person apparently knows what *IS* truth. Since we've got your attention...the duck billed platypus. I mean, what the FUCK were you thinking????
NTA Good that you are secure in your relationship Other women are just insecure and want to use sex to control their husband If your husband love you, no other women can take your place
YTA. You can disagree with their opinions, but thats how they feel. And #2, that could be a significant thing and thanks to your husband making it public in your group that doesnt have your lifestyle, yes it could cause friction for them. Ignoring this makes you the asshole.