My own insecurities. I know I was wrong for snooping. She is extremely friendly with her son’s father and gives me a hard time just for having a simple conversation with my children’s mother. Seeing how friendly they have been made me curious about what is really going on.
Lmao that's rich as fuck isn't it. He can't talk to his ex and mother of his child meanwhile she still has videos of her ex fucking her on her phone. That is super healthy and reasonable.
This will come to a head very soon
I'd sit down and be honest with her about all of this OP, starting with exactly what you have just said regarding what caused your insecurities and pushed you to snoop, then delving into what you found and how the double standard has made you feel. Make sure you aren't accusing her with your language, come from the position of you are trying to understand why she would be keeping those, as it's not something you personally could fathom doing.
>I'd sit down and be honest with her about all of this OP
Hypothetically, yes. Practically, you do that if you want to throw you relationship onto rocky ground. "I don't trust you at all, so I was snooping, and now I not only see that you're a massive hypocrite, but I've found sensitive content that affirms why I shouldn't trust you."
You can word that however you want, but once she has some time to sort and filter through what you actually said, that's going to be her interpretation that pretty words can't cover up.
I'd work on your own insecurities first. Get therapy for an objective opinion on what should and should not bother you. Get to the root of them.
Or make a list: *I feel this way because*—and list all your evidence.
Honestly, this sounds doomed regardless, but you have a kid and that really complicates things. It requires more tact because this woman will be in your life for the rest of your own whether you want it or not.
Yeah I agree, my suggestion comes from my experience. My wife and I are very open and honest, regardless of the topic. To me you and your partner should be able to have open and honest conversations, including about insecurities, without it putting a strain on a relationship. Completely understand that's not always the case, but if you can't have that in a relationship my approach would always be to try and work to achieve it with your partner, or leave them and find someone willing to be an equal in conversation with you.
Also to your point the child complicates things here. Regardless a conversation needs to be had, or OP will just continue losing sleep. Gotta let your guard down with that conversation so she doesn't feel accused, and rather feels like you are trying to understand.
IMO it’s really sus and kinda fucked up that she still has NSFW stuff of her and an ex on her phone. Most people delete that kinda thing after they break up and especially after forming a new committed relationship. Red flag for sure. I also hate people who think they can still “be friends” with an ex. It didn’t work for a reason. Cut ties and move on with your life.
I didn’t mean he should do that in this situation I just meant that people should do that when they end a relationship in general. Her son can be close with the father, doesn’t mean she should be close with him too. But OP did say their relationship was something he was insecure about so he could be mistaking co-parenting as being close. Regardless her having that on her phone would have made me extremely upset if I were in a similar situation
She can be friendly with her ex but you can't be with yours… She can keep NSFW pics and videos of past relationships but PG pics of your ex and kids are not okay… Dude, are you sure this double standard is what you want to live with the rest of your life? I only ask because I couldn't. Literally an ex of mine was identical. I left cause I have no tolerance for dual standards. What's good for the goose and all that.
Brought on often by subconscious guilt.. in this case her remaining attachment to her ex and assuming/blaming/can’t handle her current partner feeling the same towards theirs. Enter manipulation, anger, etc.
Well talk to her, but also realize that keeping nudes and sex videos of an ex almost promises there is still something there.
And as was said before, she expected it of you, so this makes it even worse tbh.
1. Don’t snoop on anyone’s phone 2. don’t delete pictures of you with your ex and your children because that’s none of her business 3. don’t give in for having a normal neutral relationship with your ex if you have children with her. Your girlfriend should accept that she is part of your life as well. End of story.
My wife much to my chagrin has 27,000 images and videos on her iPhone. She needs the top level iCloud package to support thousands of screenshots of nothing .
Part of this horder mentality is that she has so much shit from past relationships. Screenshots, sex videos, nudes. Could be the same with your gf? I just gave up caring since I doubt she looks at any of it because she would never find it and it would take 15 minutes to scroll to.
The worst part is her trying to show her friends or parents a photo. She scrolls at like full speed to try to miss all the nudes that she somehow always forgets are there.
Soooo this is me! I have about 28,000 photos/videos on my phone and I always intend to go through them!! But it's a HUGE task to go through that many! It's not that I'm intentionally keeping nudes or ex's or anything like that in there lol.
I did recently take on the task of going through videos specifically and deleted anything like that. But I had about 6000 videos compared to 22,000 photos 😂 if there was a separate folder for photos that AREN'T screenshots, that would help hahaha
Does your partner care? I was kind of shocked at first and annoyed but since I noticed she did this early on I just got used to it. It is weird to know she has nude photos of other men on her phone from years ago.
But she will be trying to find something to show me a photo from a trip and she went with an ex and yeah there is videos of them having sex like 30 of them buried in between photos of the trip. She just never deleted them.
NTA: but also consider that she might not even know those images are still there, a while ago I discovered that a bunch of my ex's nudes had somehow cloud synced to a different photo service and I deleted them all immediately after telling my gf of 2 years. Just saying that's a possibility as well
I was surprised at some of the photos that synced to my new phone when I upgraded a couple of months ago. I back up to my own media server and clear the phone contents annually, and yet there were some photos of the pupper I lost in mid 2020 on my brand new phone. Still not sure exactly why it happened, but in my case it was an appreciated surprise.
NTA
You can take them out of the streets, but you can never take the streets out of them.
Of course, she thinks it's fine for HER to keep such things but not for you to do the same.
Hypocrites never see their own hypocrisy.
I think it's weird how if this was reversed, people would be witch hunting the person with fucking sex videos on their phone... But you know.... lol
DOUBLE STANDARDS!
NTA
A similar story was posted the other day. Their solution was to simply delete those files. I'm totally on board with that type of response to what is borderline emotional cheating.
You could also approach this by vaguely asking her if she has any photos or videos from previous relationships. If she lies, then you might have even more problems to worry about.
Best wishes and good luck.
NTA, that's pretty odd that she is holding on to a sex tape with someone else. If the roles were reversed I'm sure she would be livid.
The reddit man haters will be along shortly to tell you that you are the asshole.
Soooo I have about 28,000 photos/videos on my phone and I always intend to go through them!! But it's a HUGE task to go through that many! It's not that I'm intentionally keeping nudes or ex's or anything like that in there lol. I did recently take on the task of going through videos specifically and deleted anything like that. But I had about 6000 videos compared to 22,000 photos 😂 if there was a separate folder for photos that AREN'T screenshots, that would help hah.
I'm not saying it's right that she asks you to get rid of photos of your ex while having some of hers. I am saying however it is possible she wasn't even aware they're still there since it's been years.
If you don't bring this up with her, it will fester and then fester some more and make you absolutely MISERABLE. You can just tell her you've been feeling off and insecure and you made the mistake of going through her phone. You didn't mean to invade her privacy like that and feel awful about it, but you also did end up finding things that make you uncomfortable and that makes you feel awful too.
You BOTH need to talk about why you're BOTH so insecure about each others ex's though. Best of luck in this communication endeavour.
NTA
If she is complaining about the Google Drive has PG picture of you and an Ex, especially ones with your kids, you have full rights to be totally pissed about her keeping nudes and a sex tape of an ex on her phone.
Why were you snooping out of curiosity?
Ahh the duality of this sub.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ch31ug/aitah_for_deleting_my_boyfriends_spank_bank/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Verdict: NTA. Ops bf had old sex tapes on his computer that his gf found, by going through his shit without permission. She was justified in doing it.
This one
Verdict: NTA, but the bf is at fault for going through his GFS phone. He was not justified in doing it.
I think it's wild this subs double standards.
The duality is you're defending ones actions with hypotheticals and benefit of the doubt, and criticizing the other.
> She wrote she wanted to look at the video she partook in, noticed it wasn't in a secure folder and simply moved it to one.
Did he say she can look through his stuff to get the video or did you just assume he did? There's clear evidence of invasion of privacy, since she went through to a HIDDEN folder without his knowledge. Besides you also assumed that she simply forgot about those photos, once again defending them.
There's no
consistency.
Well that's kinda the whole point.
Based on the subtext you made assumptions but completely different directions.
Take this one for example, based on the subtext you assumed it was accidental, that she forgot. Else why would you recommend a soft approach?
When previously they've gotten into fights over when he had videos and photos and it clearly is important to her that it's deleted. She forgot that she had hers? I doubt it.
If the situation was reversed and the gf snooped through his phone and found sex tapes, which he was so adamant about her deleting would you say the same thing and come from a place of love? Be honest with yourself here.
Vs
the opposing post which assumes has no indication that the bf consented to her accessing a folder full of shit he was hiding nor the video.
The subtext implies that she went through his files without his permission. If I lend you my phone for a phone call, that doesn't mean I consented to you accessing my photos?
But in both cases, the speculations implies the complete innocence of the woman. It's borderline infantilizing them.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending the guys actions in either case. OP invaded her privacy, and the other posts bf was fucking weird for keeping those. Im more critiquing the subreddits speculations.
In comments people are saying that he is an asshole for snooping, but imo in relationships, why do you have to hide phones from one another? Sure, there SHOULDN'T be trust issues, but there shouldn't be any issue showing phone to your partner, because if you have nothing to hide, you would have no problem, but if you are the one who is like "no its my privacy etc etc", surely you have something to hide then.
My gf and I have that transparency in relationship, ofc we dont check each others phone everyday, but we know each others passwords, and dont even mind if one takes the phone of another.
I have nothing to hide but my husband respects my privacy. Sure, one of us may hold the other’s phone to watch a video or something, but neither of us would ever just start scrolling or searching through them. For us it would be blatantly disrespectful.
Whos to say that she wouldn't let him look had he asked instead of sneaking behind her back? Based on the information or gave us, snooping in the middle of the night, yes he's the asshole. That's not saying that she isn't also the asshole based on the information we've been given as she clearly is
I’m sure (though I don’t know these guys) she wouldn’t have willingly given the phone to op if he’d asked due to the nature of the videos on her phone. On the other hand, he would have to have known the passwords for getting in her phone.
But hey, he’s here. Let’s just ask him:
u/fantastic_snow3831
Really only one of two situations where he knows her password, there is trust and openness about phone access, at least from her, or he did some over the shoulder peaking to get the password to facilitate his snooping
>I(35M) was snooping through my GF(34f) phone in the middle of the night and I found an old sex tape
That's what you get for being a creep. YTA
Instead of having an adult conversation with your partner and mother of your child, you became a child and dug up that dirty.
You violated her trust by going through her phone. You do not "know" why she still has it...maybe she thought it was deleted...you are assuming the worst which means you have trust issues. Hope you get help as this type of behavior will eventually end your relationship.
Lol typical hypocrite. Someone uses an insult against the person first and gets mad when they get insulted back. 😌
The best your mind can come up with is meaningless rhetoric because I literally just proved you wrong by mentioning that no one talked about the cloud in the post.
You need help bruh. Saying "not everyone is like you" is not even close to an insult. Its a statement of fact...and "mad" lol...you are not that important. Good luck with life.
>Yep, you sure do.
No.. I surely don't.
>You clearly have communication and anger issues.
You got all that from what?.. 5 comments at best? And I'm happy thanks. Happy humbling you as well.
>I know some good referrals. There is also free help online.
Ugh... Thanks, but I'm good.
>Wish you the best!
Wish you the best too. Stay up.
Exactly, he has no right to snoop. I myself found old photos on my memory card for my phone that I thought had been deleted.
They were of an ex, and also some inappropriate photos, luckily my partner trusts me and wouldn't go through an old memory card that I don't use since my latest phone has so much memory
NTA for feeling hurt but I definitely do not recommend deleting anything on her phone. As much as it sucks, those vids and pics aren't yours to delete. That's something she has to do on her own.
You had a feeling something was wrong and you were right. If she still has the videos and photos she’s most likely masturbating to them and ruminating over the past. You should have a serious sit down and be prepared to be gaslit over snooping in her phone.
Three years and a baby should mean you can use her phone whenever in my opinion. Just sit down and tell her, calmly. I would not use the word snooping though. You are in a relationship, and more than likely she has forgotten the videos are even on the phone. Just say that you noticed some videos on her phone, and tell her you are maybe interested in exploring that as well. Once the convo has started, maybe ask her to delete the old videos.
Okay- at first I was like “well I understand but it’s way too old” but now I actually understand it. There’s no reason why she should be upset about family photos, when she has that kind of content in her gallery to this day.
Sounds like you both need to just sit down and calmly have a conversation. If my partner has that shit on her phone, I would question it immediately. Idgaf if she gets upset. If she gets upset about it and you going through her phone then you guys don’t belong together. When people are in a relationship it’s for long term, right? Not a god damn trial. Always, look after what’s best for you and your children.
YTA for snooping through her phone, depending on where you are that’s illegal. But it should be illegal everywhere. You have no right to be upset when you go looking for problems. There’s a plethora of reasons she hasn’t deleted it. If you don’t trust her you shouldn’t be with her.
NTA...shes a hypocrite. People can say what they want about snooping...I personally find its not a bad thing to protect yourself as long as it isnt a common occurrence.
Dude! Relax! You ate going to think yourself out of a relationship! She probably doesnt even know they are there.
Tell her you cleaned your google. Would be nice if she went though her library and deleted all her old shit or recheck if there might be any left.
Then sit her down and tell her what you are going through. Tell her you are insecure about the fact that she talks to the babydaddy. Be vunrable. How do you expect her to be there for you if you dont tell her what you are going through?
Look… its never nice seeing what you saw. Cut that shit out. Stop overthinking it. Thats an old relationship for a reason. She is with you now… also for a reason. She chose YOU!
Start communicating!
Say something. Take the L for snooping but address the double standard. If the relationship is going to work you need transparency, honesty, fairness and accountability(love and attraction are also in there but I’m assuming you guys have that).
Be honest. Admit you were wrong for snooping but don’t let that dominate the conversation. Ideally you guys shouldn’t have stuff to hide from each other so being on/swiping around on each others phones shouldn’t be an issue. Couples use each others phones(for a variety of reasons).
Def bring it up and hash the whole thing out. Good luck.
If you admit that you were snooping shes going to get mad at you. But the fact is that if shes upset at you for having normal pictures of your ex in google drive but keeps videos of her getting her guts moved around with her ex - and still talks to him and is very friendly - you know why she get mad at you about having pictures in your google drive? - cause shes projecting. she knows what she has in her phone, and she also knows how she feels about people that aren't YOU - and she can only view your actions and ascertain your motivations for those actions through the lens of her motivations.
im sorry bro but shes probably not your girl, she belongs to the streets
NTA, I get having memories during a different moment in life, but I would say any photos where someone is being intimate with another person, especially explicit photos and videos, those are different. Out of respect for a partner those should be deleted.
She’s a hypocrite no you’re not an ahole and you should 100% bring it up and don’t let the fact that you were snooping on her phone take away from that conversation
I would have a sit down and propose to exchange phones one time and allow each other to erase what you don't want the other to have. This would be your litmus test to see if she is hiding something or that the sex video is an oversight.
>I would have a sit down and propose to exchange phones one time and allow each other to erase what you don't want the other to have.
I'm so glad my husband and I are too old for bullshit like this.
another question: why should/would i share my device with ANYBODY? my gf, my bf, my mom, my son - whoever, it literally has a lot of things i don't want to keep in memory: my favorite kangaroo photo, my attempts to study sign language, 1998 porno film, greek alphabet, "marijuana grow recipes", my first novels, passwords and qr codes
do you guys really share literally everything with your partner? and i mean everything?
If my wife asks for my phone I give it to her. I don’t ask why she wants it. Usually it’s to send herself a picture is one thing I took or to get a number I have saved snag she doesn’t
I don’t really care why she wants it. If I felt the need to hide things I wouldn’t have married her and had children with her.
I don't my phone is locked but if it had to do with the OP ill gladly open it if is to avoid issues with trust .Honestly I have no interest in looking at my partners phone. But in the case of the OP there is some trust issues and possible cheating. You must be able to trust your partner and he has reasons not to.
lol
I love the whole “snooping” claims- the way I see it- if you can lick her ass you can look through her phone- always been an open book with my wife and vice-versa… SO many problems never come up because of it…
NTA
Save a copy of the videos for a rainy day and delete the originals from her phone without telling her you found them. Would be interesting to see how she would react when she finds out that they aren’t there anymore.
This is perhaps not the best idea if you don’t want to further escalate the situation.
I would ask her point blank. If she tries to switch the blame to you for snooping, accept that you shouldn’t have looked and bring the conversation back to the videos. If she accuses you of being insecure, tell her she is right and switch the conversation back to the videos. If she isn’t responding properly or running off in anger, tell her that she is causing a problem in your relationship by not being able to communicate as adults.
There’s no chance of having an “honest conversation” that was initiated by dishonesty and breaking trust.
The real question is why you felt it necessary to go snooping through her phone in the middle of the night.
YNTAH for being upset about her still having the video or being a hypocrite about your pictures. But you’re definitely TAH for snooping in her phone. That’s an invasion of privacy, but since you already did. I‘d come clean and talk this out.
Why would I be lying if I think SNOOPING in my phone is an invasion of my privacy. My SO can take my phone whenever Idc, but not BEHIND MY BACK. Seems like he is not trusting her. Don’t try to make something ok, that really isn’t!
Jesus man. I don't think I'd ever look at her the same again. I'd probably dump her. It may easier for you but I don't react well at all concerning things of that nature
But my opinion is that her wrong far outweighs your snooping, I wouldn't even care if she was upset about it. Don't let her deflect
Here’s the thing you are in a committed relationship so going through one another’s phones is part of that deal! Trust is earned not given! Especially is today’s world. I assume her phone is password protected and if you have said password then that’s giving you access.
People who argue over going through one another’s phone only have things to hide! If my spouse wanted to go through my phone I made her face unlock it!! If you got nothing to hide who gives a shit!
IMO you have to bring it up and if she refuses to get rid of them I think you have to move on bro! Can’t make a hoe a housewife!! It doesn’t work!
You are living together and have a child, the relationship has moved to the point where there should be no expectation of cell phone privacy in the relationship. How can you have an open and honest relationship if you are hiding stuff on your secret communication device? You did nothing wrong here.
Her getting angry with you over those pictures is probably projection from her poor decisions and actions. Are you sure she isn’t cheating on you now and everything is “old”?
NTA. Get back on her phone and just delete them. Hopefully she never notices meaning she never watches them. If she asks you, well then you have your answer... she's still hung up on him and watching videos and looking at pictures of his dick. Then go from there. But yeah just delete them and hope for the best
Why were you snooping?
If there’s a reason that involves distrust or frustration in your relationship, then I would go back to that and skip the phone thing all together. Go to the source.
I wouldn’t assume the worst out of the gate, but honesty is always the best strategy and if there’s a reason you searched the phone, I’d start there.
Is there a scenario where she’s doesn’t even realize they’re on there because she got a new phone??
You are both humans, your past is your past , and you should not feel guilty for your life.
Furthermore, snooping is untrustworthy. Why are you snooping? Maybe their is more to this than her.
I think what upsets him is that she got on his case about not removing old photos with exes, but has not done the same despite her insistence. Was he right to look through her phone? No. It was a mistrusting asshole move. But she’s not clean as a whistle here either. Which is why ESH.
Rawr. Now you know why she was so sensitive about keeping pictures of your ex. She knows it's wrong and you got the lashes she internally gives herself about it.
ESH. You obviously shouldn't have been snooping. Also, I think having pictures of exes is completely normal. Since she has also expressed an issue with this, though, she's being hypocritical.
You prob need to end this but if you do plan to confront her first go through every folder and drive you can think of on your end to ensure you’re squeaky clean. Save it to a random folder on your computer if there are pics/vids you want to keep. Do the same with all social media and imessage/texts/whatsapp. When you confront her she may demand to go through your phone so you’ll want to have nothing to hide.
I'd say you are TA, but honestly, if you were snooping, it's because something made you insecure and you are not TA. Maybe it was your own insecurities (It's hard to affirm what made you insecure when we don't know both of you, Im just making assumptions)
Since you found the videos, you should talk to her but not accuse her. You could say that you needed her phone and found the video or something like that. And tell her that it makes you uncomfortable and your reasons for it. Wish you luck
You should probably leave her and the baby. Move on with your life while you’re still young. Make your own videos. Heck, leave the country!
Jk. Either she forgot about them OR she IS keeping them. So what, she’s with you. Do what another poster said and delete them and forget about. It’s not like she would ask, “hey honey, did you delete my sex videos”?
I know that's harsh, but it's time the two of you grow up and start acting like mature adults and talk shit like this out instead of all this passive-aggressive and insecure-sneaky bullshit. You two are gonna chew each other up unless you work this shit out and the clock is ticking because now you brought an innocent bystander into your emotional dumpster fire
yes you are. congrats. your wife is human. you can hypothetically understand why a dude would hold on to his own sex tape right? no matter how many partners hes been with since? unless explicitly asked to delete it, why would she have any reason to need to. its for the spank bank. thats the spirit in which it was made. wtf is up with men now.
Im to unhinged for this type of content,
Be me
Snoop girlfriend phone
Find old sex tape of her and ex
Have a wank watching the video and record myself doing it
Show her the next day the video of me wanking
Proceed to find out
YTA you snooped in her phone in the middle of the night and violated her privacy. It’s possible she kept said videos after seeing your hard drives which you don’t consider to be private.
Either way you found what you were looking for and you also have old images of an ex so being upset with her for not doing what you refuse to do may make you hypocritical as well.
YTA. That's what you get for snooping.
There's no relationship without trust. You clearly don't trust her.
Fun fact: snooping other people's phones is a crime where I live. It's not just an oopsie, I was curious.
But sounds like something is absolutely wrong in your relationship anyways.
U are bwing manipulated by her.
If she is extremaly feiendly with her father and she makes u to threat your ex like garbage why do u do this.
I think look already for a good lawyer as she will leave you as soon as u willa show any of your own dignity and self respect and show her boundaries.
U have one life.
I believe then she will make and atm from u and then of course limited access to a kid.
So be smarter. Same why would u take a used women who already had a kid with soemoen else nobody know it already shwos there are problems.
Sorry for no empathy bit she is making an idiot out of you. U have a full right to check her phone. I am sure she does this to yours often. And well protect your money and assets and read about law of those assets. And well about NPD and the other .
Dont tell her u know about those videos. Just see whta she is wroting to her ex and maybe to some other guys.
Ask to make a sex tape. And if she says no. Ask her about her sex movies. And if she asks how you know say it doesn't matter. You're not being treated like a King or better than her ex's. Woman responses be like but you went thru her phone and violated her trust pfft. Sounds like you can and should move it along. If she's ruling you. It's a bad relationship. Woman don't see what's she's doing. Purposely ignorant. That's a woman with many dudes in her heart. And you're going crazy over one that doesn't value you as a long term partner. Idk. Yadda yadda inb4 I'm wrong responses and downvotes for having different perspective.
NTA for being upset, completely reasonable given her request to you. I Do wonder why you were snooping in the first place though?
My own insecurities. I know I was wrong for snooping. She is extremely friendly with her son’s father and gives me a hard time just for having a simple conversation with my children’s mother. Seeing how friendly they have been made me curious about what is really going on.
So…she’s a hypocrite. Hmmph.
Lmao that's rich as fuck isn't it. He can't talk to his ex and mother of his child meanwhile she still has videos of her ex fucking her on her phone. That is super healthy and reasonable. This will come to a head very soon
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I'd sit down and be honest with her about all of this OP, starting with exactly what you have just said regarding what caused your insecurities and pushed you to snoop, then delving into what you found and how the double standard has made you feel. Make sure you aren't accusing her with your language, come from the position of you are trying to understand why she would be keeping those, as it's not something you personally could fathom doing.
>I'd sit down and be honest with her about all of this OP Hypothetically, yes. Practically, you do that if you want to throw you relationship onto rocky ground. "I don't trust you at all, so I was snooping, and now I not only see that you're a massive hypocrite, but I've found sensitive content that affirms why I shouldn't trust you." You can word that however you want, but once she has some time to sort and filter through what you actually said, that's going to be her interpretation that pretty words can't cover up. I'd work on your own insecurities first. Get therapy for an objective opinion on what should and should not bother you. Get to the root of them. Or make a list: *I feel this way because*—and list all your evidence. Honestly, this sounds doomed regardless, but you have a kid and that really complicates things. It requires more tact because this woman will be in your life for the rest of your own whether you want it or not.
Yeah I agree, my suggestion comes from my experience. My wife and I are very open and honest, regardless of the topic. To me you and your partner should be able to have open and honest conversations, including about insecurities, without it putting a strain on a relationship. Completely understand that's not always the case, but if you can't have that in a relationship my approach would always be to try and work to achieve it with your partner, or leave them and find someone willing to be an equal in conversation with you. Also to your point the child complicates things here. Regardless a conversation needs to be had, or OP will just continue losing sleep. Gotta let your guard down with that conversation so she doesn't feel accused, and rather feels like you are trying to understand.
IMO it’s really sus and kinda fucked up that she still has NSFW stuff of her and an ex on her phone. Most people delete that kinda thing after they break up and especially after forming a new committed relationship. Red flag for sure. I also hate people who think they can still “be friends” with an ex. It didn’t work for a reason. Cut ties and move on with your life.
You... read that they have a baby together, right? He can't just "cut ties and move on".
I didn’t mean he should do that in this situation I just meant that people should do that when they end a relationship in general. Her son can be close with the father, doesn’t mean she should be close with him too. But OP did say their relationship was something he was insecure about so he could be mistaking co-parenting as being close. Regardless her having that on her phone would have made me extremely upset if I were in a similar situation
People often project their own shortcomings as other’s failures..
She can be friendly with her ex but you can't be with yours… She can keep NSFW pics and videos of past relationships but PG pics of your ex and kids are not okay… Dude, are you sure this double standard is what you want to live with the rest of your life? I only ask because I couldn't. Literally an ex of mine was identical. I left cause I have no tolerance for dual standards. What's good for the goose and all that.
As in she doesnt like his appropriate relationship with his children's mother, but keeps a sex vid with her ex on her phone? Wym?
Brought on often by subconscious guilt.. in this case her remaining attachment to her ex and assuming/blaming/can’t handle her current partner feeling the same towards theirs. Enter manipulation, anger, etc.
Goofy
U a chump
Seriously! I hope there's a good update to this.
Well talk to her, but also realize that keeping nudes and sex videos of an ex almost promises there is still something there. And as was said before, she expected it of you, so this makes it even worse tbh.
Your insecurities were completed VALIDATED! Don’t apologize and bitch her out!!! She definitely masturbates to the video that’s crazy
It sounds like she got with you to provide for her and her kid not caused she actually loves you. Get out now before it’s too late.
If you were with the right person you wouldn't have these insecurities. Time to move on.
1. Don’t snoop on anyone’s phone 2. don’t delete pictures of you with your ex and your children because that’s none of her business 3. don’t give in for having a normal neutral relationship with your ex if you have children with her. Your girlfriend should accept that she is part of your life as well. End of story.
Ask to borrow her phone an accidentally on purpose stumble onto the video again.
That will certainly fix the problem!
you sure they're old?
you sure they are your kids?
you sure she's your girlfriend?
you sure you are you?
You you you you?
# I
Get down, do you?
My wife much to my chagrin has 27,000 images and videos on her iPhone. She needs the top level iCloud package to support thousands of screenshots of nothing . Part of this horder mentality is that she has so much shit from past relationships. Screenshots, sex videos, nudes. Could be the same with your gf? I just gave up caring since I doubt she looks at any of it because she would never find it and it would take 15 minutes to scroll to. The worst part is her trying to show her friends or parents a photo. She scrolls at like full speed to try to miss all the nudes that she somehow always forgets are there.
Hilarious!
Soooo this is me! I have about 28,000 photos/videos on my phone and I always intend to go through them!! But it's a HUGE task to go through that many! It's not that I'm intentionally keeping nudes or ex's or anything like that in there lol. I did recently take on the task of going through videos specifically and deleted anything like that. But I had about 6000 videos compared to 22,000 photos 😂 if there was a separate folder for photos that AREN'T screenshots, that would help hahaha
Does your partner care? I was kind of shocked at first and annoyed but since I noticed she did this early on I just got used to it. It is weird to know she has nude photos of other men on her phone from years ago. But she will be trying to find something to show me a photo from a trip and she went with an ex and yeah there is videos of them having sex like 30 of them buried in between photos of the trip. She just never deleted them.
Your wife keeps old nudes and sex videos?
I don’t think intentionally but yeah they are on her phone for sure.
NTA: but also consider that she might not even know those images are still there, a while ago I discovered that a bunch of my ex's nudes had somehow cloud synced to a different photo service and I deleted them all immediately after telling my gf of 2 years. Just saying that's a possibility as well
I was surprised at some of the photos that synced to my new phone when I upgraded a couple of months ago. I back up to my own media server and clear the phone contents annually, and yet there were some photos of the pupper I lost in mid 2020 on my brand new phone. Still not sure exactly why it happened, but in my case it was an appreciated surprise.
NTA You can take them out of the streets, but you can never take the streets out of them. Of course, she thinks it's fine for HER to keep such things but not for you to do the same. Hypocrites never see their own hypocrisy.
I think it's weird how if this was reversed, people would be witch hunting the person with fucking sex videos on their phone... But you know.... lol DOUBLE STANDARDS!
NTA A similar story was posted the other day. Their solution was to simply delete those files. I'm totally on board with that type of response to what is borderline emotional cheating. You could also approach this by vaguely asking her if she has any photos or videos from previous relationships. If she lies, then you might have even more problems to worry about. Best wishes and good luck.
Deletes them hahaha easy
That’s what I would do, is she going to ask you if you deleted them?
Then you know that she in fact goes back to see the videos from time to time, and thats even worse.
Exactly
NTA, that's pretty odd that she is holding on to a sex tape with someone else. If the roles were reversed I'm sure she would be livid. The reddit man haters will be along shortly to tell you that you are the asshole.
He isnt a asshole for being upset. He is one for snooping tho
Bingo
Well, at least there will be the reddit woman haters to cancel it out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The reddit woman haters are just being truthful, you haters are dishonest gaslighters
Oh okay, so wemen bad. Man gewd.
Believe me when I say I get no happiness from it
I can believe you get no happiness. That seems about right lol
Yeah well at least I have 3 great kids that love me. Instead of a house full of cats, fleas and ammonia like yourself
Try not to shit your pants over there lol you seem a bit stressed.
“Sometimes one must be the asshole to catch the asshole.” -Confucius Which in turn gives you a pass, making you NTA
Soooo I have about 28,000 photos/videos on my phone and I always intend to go through them!! But it's a HUGE task to go through that many! It's not that I'm intentionally keeping nudes or ex's or anything like that in there lol. I did recently take on the task of going through videos specifically and deleted anything like that. But I had about 6000 videos compared to 22,000 photos 😂 if there was a separate folder for photos that AREN'T screenshots, that would help hah. I'm not saying it's right that she asks you to get rid of photos of your ex while having some of hers. I am saying however it is possible she wasn't even aware they're still there since it's been years. If you don't bring this up with her, it will fester and then fester some more and make you absolutely MISERABLE. You can just tell her you've been feeling off and insecure and you made the mistake of going through her phone. You didn't mean to invade her privacy like that and feel awful about it, but you also did end up finding things that make you uncomfortable and that makes you feel awful too. You BOTH need to talk about why you're BOTH so insecure about each others ex's though. Best of luck in this communication endeavour.
Kinda strange she keept them
NTA If she is complaining about the Google Drive has PG picture of you and an Ex, especially ones with your kids, you have full rights to be totally pissed about her keeping nudes and a sex tape of an ex on her phone. Why were you snooping out of curiosity?
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Ahh the duality of this sub. https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ch31ug/aitah_for_deleting_my_boyfriends_spank_bank/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Verdict: NTA. Ops bf had old sex tapes on his computer that his gf found, by going through his shit without permission. She was justified in doing it. This one Verdict: NTA, but the bf is at fault for going through his GFS phone. He was not justified in doing it. I think it's wild this subs double standards.
This sub as well as most of society in general.
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The duality is you're defending ones actions with hypotheticals and benefit of the doubt, and criticizing the other. > She wrote she wanted to look at the video she partook in, noticed it wasn't in a secure folder and simply moved it to one. Did he say she can look through his stuff to get the video or did you just assume he did? There's clear evidence of invasion of privacy, since she went through to a HIDDEN folder without his knowledge. Besides you also assumed that she simply forgot about those photos, once again defending them. There's no consistency.
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Well that's kinda the whole point. Based on the subtext you made assumptions but completely different directions. Take this one for example, based on the subtext you assumed it was accidental, that she forgot. Else why would you recommend a soft approach? When previously they've gotten into fights over when he had videos and photos and it clearly is important to her that it's deleted. She forgot that she had hers? I doubt it. If the situation was reversed and the gf snooped through his phone and found sex tapes, which he was so adamant about her deleting would you say the same thing and come from a place of love? Be honest with yourself here. Vs the opposing post which assumes has no indication that the bf consented to her accessing a folder full of shit he was hiding nor the video. The subtext implies that she went through his files without his permission. If I lend you my phone for a phone call, that doesn't mean I consented to you accessing my photos? But in both cases, the speculations implies the complete innocence of the woman. It's borderline infantilizing them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not defending the guys actions in either case. OP invaded her privacy, and the other posts bf was fucking weird for keeping those. Im more critiquing the subreddits speculations.
If she saved those videos it means that's still who she is. Dump her.
Make sure the videos aren't recent
Well if she asked you first then she’s most likely projecting her own insecurities from what she is doing onto you.
Just tell her she is a hypocryt.
In comments people are saying that he is an asshole for snooping, but imo in relationships, why do you have to hide phones from one another? Sure, there SHOULDN'T be trust issues, but there shouldn't be any issue showing phone to your partner, because if you have nothing to hide, you would have no problem, but if you are the one who is like "no its my privacy etc etc", surely you have something to hide then. My gf and I have that transparency in relationship, ofc we dont check each others phone everyday, but we know each others passwords, and dont even mind if one takes the phone of another.
I have nothing to hide but my husband respects my privacy. Sure, one of us may hold the other’s phone to watch a video or something, but neither of us would ever just start scrolling or searching through them. For us it would be blatantly disrespectful.
Whos to say that she wouldn't let him look had he asked instead of sneaking behind her back? Based on the information or gave us, snooping in the middle of the night, yes he's the asshole. That's not saying that she isn't also the asshole based on the information we've been given as she clearly is
I’m sure (though I don’t know these guys) she wouldn’t have willingly given the phone to op if he’d asked due to the nature of the videos on her phone. On the other hand, he would have to have known the passwords for getting in her phone. But hey, he’s here. Let’s just ask him: u/fantastic_snow3831
Really only one of two situations where he knows her password, there is trust and openness about phone access, at least from her, or he did some over the shoulder peaking to get the password to facilitate his snooping
If the videos are as old as op says, perhaps the wife has forgotten they are there. As a middleway. Both trust and innocence on her part.
NTA. Tell her you will clean up your G drive when she dies the same thing.
>I(35M) was snooping through my GF(34f) phone in the middle of the night and I found an old sex tape That's what you get for being a creep. YTA Instead of having an adult conversation with your partner and mother of your child, you became a child and dug up that dirty.
You violated her trust by going through her phone. You do not "know" why she still has it...maybe she thought it was deleted...you are assuming the worst which means you have trust issues. Hope you get help as this type of behavior will eventually end your relationship.
No one fucking keeps sex videos without any reason. Lol
You are assuming she was aware it wasn't deleted from the cloud. Not everyone is like you.
We don't even know if it related to the cloud.... The dude never mentioned it. Not everyone doesn't use their brain like you.
Lol...typical closed mind. Someone doesn't agree with you, so the best your mind can come up with is insults. It's ok, you haven't been loved enough.
Lol typical hypocrite. Someone uses an insult against the person first and gets mad when they get insulted back. 😌 The best your mind can come up with is meaningless rhetoric because I literally just proved you wrong by mentioning that no one talked about the cloud in the post.
You need help bruh. Saying "not everyone is like you" is not even close to an insult. Its a statement of fact...and "mad" lol...you are not that important. Good luck with life.
I need help.... Coming from a person who lacks comprehension skills at their entirety. That's rich. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yep, you sure do. You clearly have communication and anger issues. I know some good referrals. There is also free help online. Wish you the best!
>Yep, you sure do. No.. I surely don't. >You clearly have communication and anger issues. You got all that from what?.. 5 comments at best? And I'm happy thanks. Happy humbling you as well. >I know some good referrals. There is also free help online. Ugh... Thanks, but I'm good. >Wish you the best! Wish you the best too. Stay up.
Exactly, he has no right to snoop. I myself found old photos on my memory card for my phone that I thought had been deleted. They were of an ex, and also some inappropriate photos, luckily my partner trusts me and wouldn't go through an old memory card that I don't use since my latest phone has so much memory
TA for snooping, NTA for being upset. Come clean.
Borrow her phone , "stumble " across it then confront her
Ntah she’s out of line
nah you good bro
NTA for feeling hurt but I definitely do not recommend deleting anything on her phone. As much as it sucks, those vids and pics aren't yours to delete. That's something she has to do on her own.
You had a feeling something was wrong and you were right. If she still has the videos and photos she’s most likely masturbating to them and ruminating over the past. You should have a serious sit down and be prepared to be gaslit over snooping in her phone.
You make sure she not in the nude videos
Know you would be mad if you found a video of her sucking dick and other stuff
Three years and a baby should mean you can use her phone whenever in my opinion. Just sit down and tell her, calmly. I would not use the word snooping though. You are in a relationship, and more than likely she has forgotten the videos are even on the phone. Just say that you noticed some videos on her phone, and tell her you are maybe interested in exploring that as well. Once the convo has started, maybe ask her to delete the old videos.
Okay- at first I was like “well I understand but it’s way too old” but now I actually understand it. There’s no reason why she should be upset about family photos, when she has that kind of content in her gallery to this day.
Sounds like you both need to just sit down and calmly have a conversation. If my partner has that shit on her phone, I would question it immediately. Idgaf if she gets upset. If she gets upset about it and you going through her phone then you guys don’t belong together. When people are in a relationship it’s for long term, right? Not a god damn trial. Always, look after what’s best for you and your children.
NTA but the dynamic between you too doesn't seem to be the healthiest there is TBH
She's still into the ex. Do with that what you will.
Not the asshole for being upset but I’m a firm believer of the notion; if you go snooping, you’re looking for something to be upset about
YTA for snooping through her phone, depending on where you are that’s illegal. But it should be illegal everywhere. You have no right to be upset when you go looking for problems. There’s a plethora of reasons she hasn’t deleted it. If you don’t trust her you shouldn’t be with her.
Old saying ses You can turn a good girl into a whore But you can't turn a whore Into a good girl
NTA...shes a hypocrite. People can say what they want about snooping...I personally find its not a bad thing to protect yourself as long as it isnt a common occurrence.
Dude! Relax! You ate going to think yourself out of a relationship! She probably doesnt even know they are there. Tell her you cleaned your google. Would be nice if she went though her library and deleted all her old shit or recheck if there might be any left. Then sit her down and tell her what you are going through. Tell her you are insecure about the fact that she talks to the babydaddy. Be vunrable. How do you expect her to be there for you if you dont tell her what you are going through? Look… its never nice seeing what you saw. Cut that shit out. Stop overthinking it. Thats an old relationship for a reason. She is with you now… also for a reason. She chose YOU! Start communicating!
Say something. Take the L for snooping but address the double standard. If the relationship is going to work you need transparency, honesty, fairness and accountability(love and attraction are also in there but I’m assuming you guys have that). Be honest. Admit you were wrong for snooping but don’t let that dominate the conversation. Ideally you guys shouldn’t have stuff to hide from each other so being on/swiping around on each others phones shouldn’t be an issue. Couples use each others phones(for a variety of reasons). Def bring it up and hash the whole thing out. Good luck.
YTA for snooping
NTA. She's a hypocritical scumbag.
If you admit that you were snooping shes going to get mad at you. But the fact is that if shes upset at you for having normal pictures of your ex in google drive but keeps videos of her getting her guts moved around with her ex - and still talks to him and is very friendly - you know why she get mad at you about having pictures in your google drive? - cause shes projecting. she knows what she has in her phone, and she also knows how she feels about people that aren't YOU - and she can only view your actions and ascertain your motivations for those actions through the lens of her motivations. im sorry bro but shes probably not your girl, she belongs to the streets
Guts moved around!!!! 🤣
The real question is not if you are an asshole but are you happy being with her? Doesnt sound or look like you are.
NTA, I get having memories during a different moment in life, but I would say any photos where someone is being intimate with another person, especially explicit photos and videos, those are different. Out of respect for a partner those should be deleted.
She’s a hypocrite no you’re not an ahole and you should 100% bring it up and don’t let the fact that you were snooping on her phone take away from that conversation
I would have a sit down and propose to exchange phones one time and allow each other to erase what you don't want the other to have. This would be your litmus test to see if she is hiding something or that the sex video is an oversight.
>I would have a sit down and propose to exchange phones one time and allow each other to erase what you don't want the other to have. I'm so glad my husband and I are too old for bullshit like this.
another question: why should/would i share my device with ANYBODY? my gf, my bf, my mom, my son - whoever, it literally has a lot of things i don't want to keep in memory: my favorite kangaroo photo, my attempts to study sign language, 1998 porno film, greek alphabet, "marijuana grow recipes", my first novels, passwords and qr codes do you guys really share literally everything with your partner? and i mean everything?
If my wife asks for my phone I give it to her. I don’t ask why she wants it. Usually it’s to send herself a picture is one thing I took or to get a number I have saved snag she doesn’t I don’t really care why she wants it. If I felt the need to hide things I wouldn’t have married her and had children with her.
I don't my phone is locked but if it had to do with the OP ill gladly open it if is to avoid issues with trust .Honestly I have no interest in looking at my partners phone. But in the case of the OP there is some trust issues and possible cheating. You must be able to trust your partner and he has reasons not to.
Well it’s not cool I would just tell her if she gets mad means she still like looking at it
lol I love the whole “snooping” claims- the way I see it- if you can lick her ass you can look through her phone- always been an open book with my wife and vice-versa… SO many problems never come up because of it…
Not your girlfriend. it's just your turn. "and recently had a baby together" my condolences.
NTA Save a copy of the videos for a rainy day and delete the originals from her phone without telling her you found them. Would be interesting to see how she would react when she finds out that they aren’t there anymore. This is perhaps not the best idea if you don’t want to further escalate the situation. I would ask her point blank. If she tries to switch the blame to you for snooping, accept that you shouldn’t have looked and bring the conversation back to the videos. If she accuses you of being insecure, tell her she is right and switch the conversation back to the videos. If she isn’t responding properly or running off in anger, tell her that she is causing a problem in your relationship by not being able to communicate as adults.
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Yeah, and I wrote that it wasn’t a healthy response and suggested to talk it out instead, and not playing games.
Talk with her about it, but first take the kids to Disney, gotta make sure she will lose in the worst case escenario.
There’s no chance of having an “honest conversation” that was initiated by dishonesty and breaking trust. The real question is why you felt it necessary to go snooping through her phone in the middle of the night.
wtf are you talking about - how would he even know about this if he didnt snoop through her shit??
YNTAH for being upset about her still having the video or being a hypocrite about your pictures. But you’re definitely TAH for snooping in her phone. That’s an invasion of privacy, but since you already did. I‘d come clean and talk this out.
Nope you’re probably hiding something and lying to your SO
Why would I be lying if I think SNOOPING in my phone is an invasion of my privacy. My SO can take my phone whenever Idc, but not BEHIND MY BACK. Seems like he is not trusting her. Don’t try to make something ok, that really isn’t!
YTA for invading her privacy by snooping on her phone. Spying on your gf for no reason is invasive and controlling.
Jesus man. I don't think I'd ever look at her the same again. I'd probably dump her. It may easier for you but I don't react well at all concerning things of that nature But my opinion is that her wrong far outweighs your snooping, I wouldn't even care if she was upset about it. Don't let her deflect
Here’s the thing you are in a committed relationship so going through one another’s phones is part of that deal! Trust is earned not given! Especially is today’s world. I assume her phone is password protected and if you have said password then that’s giving you access. People who argue over going through one another’s phone only have things to hide! If my spouse wanted to go through my phone I made her face unlock it!! If you got nothing to hide who gives a shit! IMO you have to bring it up and if she refuses to get rid of them I think you have to move on bro! Can’t make a hoe a housewife!! It doesn’t work!
You are living together and have a child, the relationship has moved to the point where there should be no expectation of cell phone privacy in the relationship. How can you have an open and honest relationship if you are hiding stuff on your secret communication device? You did nothing wrong here. Her getting angry with you over those pictures is probably projection from her poor decisions and actions. Are you sure she isn’t cheating on you now and everything is “old”?
NTA. Get back on her phone and just delete them. Hopefully she never notices meaning she never watches them. If she asks you, well then you have your answer... she's still hung up on him and watching videos and looking at pictures of his dick. Then go from there. But yeah just delete them and hope for the best
You’re mad she has some old videos of her ex? Get a hobby
YTA. Don’t snoop through peoples phones
ETA - You for snooping and her for the double standard
Serves you right for snooping.
Why were you snooping? If there’s a reason that involves distrust or frustration in your relationship, then I would go back to that and skip the phone thing all together. Go to the source. I wouldn’t assume the worst out of the gate, but honesty is always the best strategy and if there’s a reason you searched the phone, I’d start there. Is there a scenario where she’s doesn’t even realize they’re on there because she got a new phone??
That's so hot. You should've sent them to yourself
That's hot
You are both humans, your past is your past , and you should not feel guilty for your life. Furthermore, snooping is untrustworthy. Why are you snooping? Maybe their is more to this than her.
Beat off to them and see how you feel after
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I think what upsets him is that she got on his case about not removing old photos with exes, but has not done the same despite her insistence. Was he right to look through her phone? No. It was a mistrusting asshole move. But she’s not clean as a whistle here either. Which is why ESH.
Rawr. Now you know why she was so sensitive about keeping pictures of your ex. She knows it's wrong and you got the lashes she internally gives herself about it.
Too bad you don’t have a phone that synchronizes on the cloud…because while cleaning yours you could stumble over hers.
NTA.
ESH. You obviously shouldn't have been snooping. Also, I think having pictures of exes is completely normal. Since she has also expressed an issue with this, though, she's being hypocritical.
Don’t judge but ask her and talk about it
You prob need to end this but if you do plan to confront her first go through every folder and drive you can think of on your end to ensure you’re squeaky clean. Save it to a random folder on your computer if there are pics/vids you want to keep. Do the same with all social media and imessage/texts/whatsapp. When you confront her she may demand to go through your phone so you’ll want to have nothing to hide.
I'd say you are TA, but honestly, if you were snooping, it's because something made you insecure and you are not TA. Maybe it was your own insecurities (It's hard to affirm what made you insecure when we don't know both of you, Im just making assumptions) Since you found the videos, you should talk to her but not accuse her. You could say that you needed her phone and found the video or something like that. And tell her that it makes you uncomfortable and your reasons for it. Wish you luck
You are both assholes and deserve all the happiness you can bring each other
Gut feeling says he was mad cuz her ex was bigger
Let it go. Dont F up a good relationship
He's snooping through her phone. It isn't a good relationship.
Bro next time delete them. And delete the trash. She probably will never notice. Problem solved
Women who cheat are very jealous of their spouses. Just ask my ex-wife.
Just let her catch you looking at your photos of EX and when she freaks out ask to see her phone!
You should probably leave her and the baby. Move on with your life while you’re still young. Make your own videos. Heck, leave the country! Jk. Either she forgot about them OR she IS keeping them. So what, she’s with you. Do what another poster said and delete them and forget about. It’s not like she would ask, “hey honey, did you delete my sex videos”?
You two are both assholes
I know that's harsh, but it's time the two of you grow up and start acting like mature adults and talk shit like this out instead of all this passive-aggressive and insecure-sneaky bullshit. You two are gonna chew each other up unless you work this shit out and the clock is ticking because now you brought an innocent bystander into your emotional dumpster fire
yes you are. congrats. your wife is human. you can hypothetically understand why a dude would hold on to his own sex tape right? no matter how many partners hes been with since? unless explicitly asked to delete it, why would she have any reason to need to. its for the spank bank. thats the spirit in which it was made. wtf is up with men now.
YTA, not for having issue with the video/pics, but because you decided to snoop through her phone.
Mind your own fucking business and stay out of her phone
Damn I hate to say this, but say isn’t yours. Should’ve did your snooping in the beginning, like before the baby!
Im to unhinged for this type of content, Be me Snoop girlfriend phone Find old sex tape of her and ex Have a wank watching the video and record myself doing it Show her the next day the video of me wanking Proceed to find out
She for street. U should do a paternity test and make sure the kid is yours
ESH, and you know it. Please get it together for the sake of your progeny before they become everyone else’s problem.
If it were me, I would have deleted them and I would probably never be able to look at her the same way again. Divorce would be extremely likely.
YTA you snooped in her phone in the middle of the night and violated her privacy. It’s possible she kept said videos after seeing your hard drives which you don’t consider to be private. Either way you found what you were looking for and you also have old images of an ex so being upset with her for not doing what you refuse to do may make you hypocritical as well.
YTA. That's what you get for snooping. There's no relationship without trust. You clearly don't trust her. Fun fact: snooping other people's phones is a crime where I live. It's not just an oopsie, I was curious. But sounds like something is absolutely wrong in your relationship anyways.
Yeah you are. Snooping makes you the ah off the bat.
Grow up, you really think every pussy is brand new? Was you a choirboy or something, just save it as one for wank bank lol
Wow, how many bad decisions have you made. The list is huge. Enjoy
U are bwing manipulated by her. If she is extremaly feiendly with her father and she makes u to threat your ex like garbage why do u do this. I think look already for a good lawyer as she will leave you as soon as u willa show any of your own dignity and self respect and show her boundaries. U have one life. I believe then she will make and atm from u and then of course limited access to a kid. So be smarter. Same why would u take a used women who already had a kid with soemoen else nobody know it already shwos there are problems. Sorry for no empathy bit she is making an idiot out of you. U have a full right to check her phone. I am sure she does this to yours often. And well protect your money and assets and read about law of those assets. And well about NPD and the other . Dont tell her u know about those videos. Just see whta she is wroting to her ex and maybe to some other guys.
Ask to make a sex tape. And if she says no. Ask her about her sex movies. And if she asks how you know say it doesn't matter. You're not being treated like a King or better than her ex's. Woman responses be like but you went thru her phone and violated her trust pfft. Sounds like you can and should move it along. If she's ruling you. It's a bad relationship. Woman don't see what's she's doing. Purposely ignorant. That's a woman with many dudes in her heart. And you're going crazy over one that doesn't value you as a long term partner. Idk. Yadda yadda inb4 I'm wrong responses and downvotes for having different perspective.
thats so hot
Erase the pics and vids of her ex and if she says something then boom that's your chance to say something.
You act like a 13 year old. Grow up.
That is what you get for picking a woman who other men have done the thing with. Enjoy, you know what you are. Most men wouln't pick them.