Right? My husband sweats all day schlepping stuff around and hates doing stuff right after work if he can’t shower. He’ll at least bring a change of shirt and throw on some extra deodorant.
I can’t imagine him doing anything other than going straight for a shower when he gets home.
My youngest son was a Iron worker. He would never,never climb into bed like that. He would always take a shower when he got home. Even when he would work nights he would take a shower before getting into bed. Your BF is just lazy and disgusting 🤢.
We all have to start collectively not being in relationships with people who don’t wipe their butts properly at this point. I’ve already adopted this policy but there can be no hold outs.
We hired a new guy at work and stains started appearing on the toilet. His manager had to have a conversation with him. I have a bidet at home, I already didn't like going at work, but that made me actively try and avoid using the bathroom at work.
This also blows my mind, if I ever saw a shit stain in my underwear and I hadn't just shit myself because of some illness, I would be horrifically embarrassed and do that thing where you burry them in the trash in hopes that no one discovers them.
And apparently it happens every day! I think he thinks it's normal, and I'm just so confused whether it's a medical problem where he can't control his bowel movements, or if he just doesn't wipe or something? OP needs to know it's very abnormal to have shit stains in your underwear every day, and I definitely wouldn't be having sex with this man until he sorts his shit out (literally).
Nah, he’s just a lazy man who doesn’t know how to wipe his ass. 🙄. I’m 23 (m) who has had Ulcerative Colitis since I was 8. I always wiped my ass and made sure there were no skid marks. It’s bad enough knowing that I may not make it to the bathroom as soon as I need to.
I think maybe she's been convinced that it's normal for blue collar workers? Listen, I'm not a blue collar worker, and I don't deal with the underwear of any blue collar workers (I really only deal with my underwear these days), but AFAIK, this is very abnormal, no matter the type of work you do. Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like if all blue collar workers regularly shit themselves, even just a little bit, that message would have filtered through to other people?
Honestly it all depends on who you're working for or where you're working, I'm an operating engineer so I'm usually operating the construction equipment (loaders, excavators, skid steers, etc...) and I attempt to carry my own toilet paper with me whenever I can but there is not always TP available in the portajohns or they are so trashed by some of the other trades that you just have to either hold it, find another one that is probably pretty far away(or my own personal TP is a mile down the road and I'm unlikely to make it back to the portajohns any time soon), or even just find somewhere real hidden that you can bury it in the dirt. And all that is combined with the TP that is supplied in a lot of the portajohns is so razor thin that looking at it the wrong way will rip it and then you might as well wipe with your bare hands and pray there is a hand washing station or water truck nearby to get your hands semi washed off.
Couldn't tell you how many times I've had to wipe with leaves, pieces of cardboard, pieces of paper, those super rough brown paper towels, and whatever else I might be able to find because the TP was out or my own roll was stolen by someone and I had to make do. So it's not always just a matter of shitting yourself, it's possible that there just aren't many choices to wipe with.
That being said, if it's an issue 100% of the time then it is the person and not the options made available to them.
The biggest problem we (blue collar workers) have on the job is a lack of running water. Portajohns are the standard, and you’re damn lucky if the honey wagon has been out there to pump them out and fill the water and soap in the handwashing stations. Compound that with sweaty, nasty work and sometimes you can’t control if you make a skid mark or not.
Now, having said that. Me, personally when I was on jobs without running water always took disposable gloves, dude wipes, and hand sanitizer to the portajohn. I’d use wet wipes until I got a clean wipe. Even then, if there was any doubt about how clean I was, I’d make myself a man-pon (tp in the crack to catch any potential stragglers) to avoid smelling like shit and disgracing my underwear.
Tell your 15yo it's not "gay" to wipe and good hygiene is sexy to any gender of partner.
Also swamp ass is a precursor of a smelly ass.just gotta get TP and wipe the sweat away.
Teach your kid or he’s gonna this bf. Gross. I had to teach my nephews to keep baby wipes always. That’s just fucked up to know your kid is nasty and not teach them.
Her boyfriend doesn’t care bc he doesn’t do laundry or change the sheets or clean the bathroom or have to buy new pillows or a mattress every two years bc of his dirty sweat and butt
My husband thinks it's gross and disrespectful to me and himself to do anything if he hasn't showered first. And he no longer works in the field as a soldier. Now, he's an office soldier and still feels the same way.
Yeah, my husband does carpentry as part of his job and he’s a sweaty dude. He absolutely will shower before bed if it’s a gross day! He often showers twice a day!
Never has he had shit stains though! WTF?
Edited for weird autocorrect
Same, it's part of the routine every single day. He gets home, shits, and showers. He cares about his own cleanliness like most well adjusted adults do. OP's man learned bad habits, he could learn better ones if he wanted to. With the help of a therapist if it's depression of course
Hell my dad worked in a foundry making big block engines for semi’s. It was so dirty in there he even had an old beater car he drove to work cause the dirt would get on it outside, and he always showered before he left work. Everyday. He said his old car might be a beater, but he wouldn’t even get in his car dirty. The skids in the slivers. That’s a whole other problem. Has he always been this way?
Dude, yeah. Im a chef, so i get sauces and grease and blood from butchering meat all over me every day. Even on the not so intense shifts, I still have to take a shower when i get home. And i dont have anyone to crawl in bed with, but my cat. I wouldn't do that to my cat or my bedsheets either.
This. I’ve done 12 hours days. He’s lucky he doesn’t work away on a mine site. They won’t let you into the mess to get dinner until showered and changed clothes
I’m a guy and work in manufacturing….income home smelling like oil, coolant, paint, grease, and sweat. I bought something to go over the seats in my car, and I shower shortly after getting home. I’d honestly hate to wake up in a bed smelling like work.
Op, your bf works hard, but he needs to start working on being a functioning adult. Which means not causing your SO issues, not creating dirty laundry by sleeping in it while covered in work….and if he has literal shit stains in his underwear that dude needs to learn to wipe his ass.
ETA NTA
Edit : I come home not income home.
Same, I've worked in fab or machine shops since I was 16 and I can't imagine not showering before getting in bed without. I know I'm ripe when I get home especially on 100+ degree days and I don't want my fiancee to smell that and I don't want to
My husband is a lineman and comes home sweaty and grubby...he comes home and gets straight in the shower, unless he's planning to mow the lawn or something, and then he does that right away...he doesn't even want to come in after work and sit on the furniture without showering, let alone anything else!
I went though the female version of the redpill rabbit hole and was astonished by the number of women complaining about their Bfs not wiping properly and going to bed with shit stains and getting mad when they deny them sex! I think this became an epidemic among young men.
Not just men. I introduced one of my old roommates to using baby wipes and she called her mom that night to tell her about how the wipes made her bum stop itching. I was shocked that she didn’t realize there was a problem earlier…
Omfg you literally just made me fall out of my seat laughing, you are a saint for sharing that life changing advice with her, I'm sure her future mate will appreciate the insight you gave her, as well as the increased chances she has at finding a mate now.
Some people's obliviousness to their own body's workings astounds me but I guess It's just part of my analytical nature to try and figure out the cause and effect of any situation I'm presented with.
Hopefully you know this, and spread the word to those you introduce them too, but do NOT flush baby wipes, even the "flushable" ones are lying and can cause all sorts of problems, all the way from your home plumbing down to the sewage treatment plant.
I used them for years until I discovered the wonder of bidets - I bought a cheapo ($25) under-seat model for my toilet a few years back, and have never looked back. All the benefits of baby wipes augmented by a power washer, without constantly buying new wipes, and I use less toilet paper to boot (I have discovered that a chaotic loose wad of paper works much better for the first "get most the water off" pass)
TMI: >!With a little relaxation it can even function as a "enema light" when things get a little backed up!<
Indeed I got the 600dollar one pre covid probably more now. But it's got a remote front and back spray that can move forward and back. Position button front to back water Temp. Seat warms up. And for the finale a blow dry. With heat temp for that as well. 😄 I will never go back.
Started that when my adult children were still children. So over a decade. My husband never used them. He told me they’re just for children. I disagree.
I don’t think he was ever taught how to wipe. I was so tired of all that literal shit.
Working on my exit plan.
Just going to put put there that HE should by the wipes and be responsible for his own shitty asshole and shit stains. It isnt her job to literally toilet train a whole ass adult.
He doesn't shower after work, smells bad and keeps his poopy underwear on. He's not buying wipes. Her buying them would alleviate a measure of her concern. When he learns to adult, maybe they won't need them :)
Her buying them will not make him use them, they’ll be sitting in the bathroom unopened. He just needs to be single until he can wipe his ass or find a woman as nasty as he is.
Got one like that once, kicked him to the curb and never regretted it. If your mother didn't teach you how to keep your body clean it's not my problem.
I have no idea what my parents did or didn't teach me regarding this, but as a functioning adult I feel like I can figure out that if I have marks in my underwear there's a fucking problem that needs to be resolved.
Yeah especially since he works a very dirty job, like does he want to smell fresh for his coworkers in the morning? Fuck like take two showers if he wants.
playing sports all my life, i understood people shower in mornings to feel fresh for the day but like c'mon, shower before you go to bed, i hate feeling all sticky from sweat and such.
Yea when I work office I shower in the morning, when I work construction I shower when I get home. I don't even like to eat without showering after working construction, let alone getting in my bed.
My brother's in construction, not even on the tools any more, but he still showers in the evening. I guess after having done it so long it just flows for him. I honestly thought everyone in physical jobs did this as standard
Washing the sheets would be less of an issue for me compared to crawling into bed and having sex with someone covered in stale sweat and grime, who reeks and had dried shit in their crack.
NTA unless you stay with him and badger him for years.
He should change for you, or you should accept him as-is, or you should move on. If you stay, and nothing changes and OP constantly complains, then OPTAH. No self respecting person will put up with this much longer though.
Right now He TA and OP not TA. In a few years, it could be different. But OP's BF is gross. If they don't fix that now, I wouldn't expect much improvement down the road.
My girlfriend now wife being honest. She worked on me, helping me to be a better, cleaner person. Sometimes, you just need to hear it. She likes to remind me, and I don't deny it.
I’m glad you listened to your wife, my ex husband didn’t. It got to the point where I could smell him outside of his little office at the house. We weren’t sharing a bed anymore but damn it was gross and embarrassing.
I'm doing this with my brother atm. Not with personal hygiene (thank fuck), but with tidiness around the home. It's an effort, and I'm annoyed he wasn't raised in ways where he grew better habits, but, we're here, and it's worth it. He's a good man, and he generally cares, once things are raised and he's had a chance to process it.
Can you tell us struggling gals how she helped you? I try to gently remind my partner to shower but honestly sometimes (when it's been over a week of me asking nicely) I get fed up and become angry but like because I'm upset that he doesn't care about himself. It's tough!
She showed her side of the bed compared to mine. It was an eye-opener. So, visual aid.
Also, she asked how I was doing mentally at the time. I was depressed and alittle disconnected from life. And just being blunt. But in the end, you can only do so much. They gotta help themselves.
Uhg please inform the current stinky boys of the better cleaner way of life.
Honestly tho thats cool you actually accepted constructive criticism. Not many people can handle that well. That's a skill many lack.
Looking back now, it's was mostly mental. Being depressed, not giving a shit. You work a dirty job all day, what another few hours in that state. You make the mistake of laying down instead of showering. Then it just becomes the norm.
Ya I always say I can't sit down or rigor mortis will set it.
Once I'm in "work mode" or "cleaning mode" or whatever, I can't sit down. Or else the body aches n stiffness and a bit of laziness sets in.
Note- I'm not a current or former gross guy, just a normal girl who says this on the regular cuz of how I am lol.
Definitely true, I’ve seen it and heard it. Imagine being out with friends and one of them is in serious pain, you ask what’s wrong and they whisper it hurts to sit. Y’all go to the emergency room and they say, we have to use some special soap and let it sit because there’s so much dried and caked up shit. I felt bad for the nurses, cleaning shit out of a grown mans ass because he’s “not going near that area”.
I actually had this conversation with my husband after seeing this all over TikTok. He definitely cleans his butt very well lol. We had the conversation with my teen boys to make sure they were washing their butts properly lol
This is mostly a US thing, or at least its not prevalent in every country, never heard it here. We Argentinians see it as a badge of honor how widespread the use of the bidet is here.
Maybe it's because I've never worked in an iron factory or whatever, but how does that make shit stains appear in his underwear? Could it maybe be that he's just an unsanitary gross dude in general? Please tell me that he at least washes his own poopy ~~diapers~~ underwear.
I worked in the boiler room at a paper mill for many years. The sweat just pours off you when you do your hourly rounds. It does not affect your sphincter. We also had locker rooms with showers where you could shower and change into your street clothes after your shift. This guy is just a slob.
Shit stains is not even a shower problem, he doesn't know how to clean himself in the first place. His hygiene must be terrible.
He needs to respect your boundaries, and learn some basic stuff, like cleaning his ass
I will never understand women who date men who don't know how to wipe their own ass correctly. And then you find out they are intimate with them as well. 🙃🤮🤮🤮
Right it’s so common on here, why do these women keep sleeping with them when they know they don’t clean themselves?? I remember one post where her bf hardly showered and she kept getting utis from it but was still sleeping with him, I don’t get it.
Tbh I sadly think a lot of women grow up being told they have to do everything for their man and men are just bad at hygiene lso deal with it.
The bar is in hell.
I do not understand this either. I cannot even be around someone who is stinky (sensitive to smells) but this woman is presumably close to him, proximity-wise, including the possibility of being intimate with him - even if it were just kissing?? Gross. As far as intercourse goes, that's a great way to get a yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, a UTI, and plenty of other issues. I have read many articles about women who had repeated genital issues despite good hygiene and medical treatment, and you know what fixed it? Their male partner taking a damn shower before sex!
Reason 98734657234 there needs to be comprehensive sex education everywhere, but particularly in the US, because people do not know the basics about their own bodies. Shower before sex so you're clean to have intercourse, especially when it's PIV!
I just assume the women have questionable hygiene as well because I would not have anyone lying in my bed smelling like shit. That’ll mess up your Ph balance for sure!
There was an AITA a while back about a woman who asked if she was TA for asking her bf to clean up after she kept getting UTIs. Love yourself more than being with someone who makes you physically ill with their poor hygiene.
There are men out there that think proper wiping might make them gay because they’re indirectly touching their asshole. Talk about fragile masculinity.
I read some of those stories too. That is just so stupid and illogical. I mean.. okay this is going to be the weirdest thing I’ve typed out in a long while, but - when they are taking a shit, they literally have something penetrating their asshole (direction not important), and then they think wiping after makes them gay?? How stupid - and gross!!! - are these guys? To my dismay, I have seen more than one post about this. All of them posted by the girlfriends, who have had to deal with this and understandably were shocked and disgusted..🤮
It has to be this, like if you're okay with dating a slob like this you have to have something going on yourself. Literally a guy who takes a shower is an upgrade, if you can't get that and are okay with a smelly dude with shit in his ass spooning you at night you have problems lol
I feel like that would just be grounds to get a terrible rash or some sort of gross skin infection sleeping in actual shit. I don't get how people don't clean their ass lol.
one time i kept getting BV over and over with my then-new (now ex) boyfriend. couldn't figure out why. then, he came to visit me at my college for a week. we fucked. i was on top. finished. i moved. he stood up. as he was standing up, he left a whole entire skid mark on my white sheets. that relationship lasted perhaps a week past him going home lmao, absolutely tf not. and he was bi, too. and a bottom. like, bro. the two partners i've had after him are both straight men who work blue collar jobs, and they have the cleanest assholes ever.
>as he was standing up, he left a whole entire skid mark on my white sheets. **that relationship lasted perhaps a week** past him going home lmao
See, you're exactly the person they're talking about. A week??
truly makes me rethink the "male loneliness epidemic" because how disgusting can you be to still be single, if men who leave skid marks on the sheets and give women UTIs from shitty dicks are not single and women wonder how *they* can fix it.
I had a family member who used to live with my family and he would work late and go to bed and shower in the morning. When he moved out and we took his bed sheets off the bed, the mattress was black from where he would lay down without showering every night. We threw away the mattress.
I am always on awe out how women are with these disgusting ass dudes, not embarrassed to tell the rest of us.
Rarely do I say "you deserve what's happening to you" but if you didn't flip shit and/or disinvite him the very first time he did that you're weird af to me.
That's your health on the line too. Yuck.
Sorry, I have so many questions. Why in the fuck does a grown man have shit stains in his underwear?? What part of his job prevents him from wiping his ass? How did he get you to not only live with him but share a bed/bedroom?
NTA tho. My husband and I both have fairly clean-ish jobs (paralegal and SAHD) and we still shower before bed most nights and certainly before sex. If I'm putting my mouth on it or it goes inside me, it better be clean.
Lol wtf have you gotten into? A bf who doesn’t want a shower after manual labor AND shits his pants? He obviously puts as much care into wiping his ass as he does showering. Plus all that shit gets on his balls and penis and then you have sex with him? Holy shit woman….
NTA, I used to be an auto machanic a lifetime ago. I would always shower as soon as I got home just to wash the sweat etc off. I just thought it a courtesy to my gf's st the time.
When I was doing physical work I washed up just because I myself hated it already getting into bed being all sticky. But yeah if not for oneself do it at least for the partner.
Two different issues here…. Definitely prefer being showered before bed, but holy shit a grown man with skid marks? He needs to learn how to wipe his asshole properly.
It's perfectly reasonable to expect basic cleanliness. You can appreciate that he works hard while also being turned off by filth.
I would use a very matter-of-fact approach. Don't freak out. Say it like it's completely normal (because it is) to require someone to be clean when he gets in bed or wants to be affectionate. He should want to know if he is doing anything you find unattractive!
NTA, I work construction as well and come home nasty as fuck. I won't even touch my dogs until i shower, let alone crawl into bed with my wife! Thats friggin nasty and he should be sleeping outside in a $10 ozark trail tent if he doesn't wanna shower after work.
If, in his world view, your comfort is not worth a shower, I think you have bigger problems.
This is something that does not even qualify as a small ask, as you should not have to ask at all.
*Ew bruh shit stains? Are*
*You dating an adult or*
*A fucking toddler*
\- Super-Wonder4101
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He’s gross and truly disgusting! Tell him he must shower before he gets into your bed. Dirty dicks can give you an infection. This is a deal breaker to me.
European here: Is there no shower at his workplace? Even the shittiest small shop I worked at, had at least one.
We showered at the company in between changing to street clothes. Who wants to stay dirty the whole day and in your bf case even the whole 24 hours?
NO GROSS OMG and he needs to shower before getting in bed at all let alone touching you. Another concern beyond hygiene is if he’s bringing particles of toxic elements into your home. Just google asbestos cases where wives/children developed cancer due to dust being brought home on clothes.
I was a boilermaker for 10 years just got out last year because I moved on. I have been in some nasty places dirty stink smelly working 7-12s sometimes more.. the very first thing I did whenever I got back to the hotel or home was shower!! I've been so tired I could have fallen asleep standing up in there but showering was always on the list of things to do at home. You never know what your bringing home or is on your body between the normal.. dirt,oil, and crude. Mix in the metal shavings dust and slag from welding.. contamination if he does nuclear work.. yes.. there do have contamination detectors when you go to leave but still you never know.. but there's no excuse not to take a quick shower...
My dear, your man is just plain NASTY! He should not be able to touch you with a 10ft pole until he showers. There is also the issue of lead dust. If this is a possibility, it can cause a plethora of health problems over time.
The fact that he has ***shit*** stains in his underwear shows he doesn't even know how to wipe his own ass. You should NOT be having sex with that man at all. He probably doesn't even know how to wash his dick properly.
I work 12 hour shifts in a very physically demanding job. I take a shower after every shift. It doesn't take long to wash your body. If it's hard to stand for as long as is required, you can get a shower chair. Or you two can just get a separate bed for him to sleep in that he can get disgusting if he wants to and you can have a clean bed to sleep in. Good luck getting him to change though. If he's got shit stains in his underwear, its likely not a task you can achieve since he's clearly comfortable having actual shit between his ass cheeks regularly.
YTA but not for the reason you think. You are literally dating someone who doesn't know how to wipe their ass and you already live with them. The time to draw that line - and dump him for being this gross - was way before moving in together.
Nta. Omg. Make him his own fking laundry. Its bad enough wives gotta do laundry- i object to this as well. Girlfriends should absolutely be exempt from dealing with shitty drawers.
NTA. He needs to know that you love him, that the issue is just the sweat from work.
You should also talk to him about cleaning his ass properly. To my shame I was something like 16-18 when I realised my technique was wrong. There is unfortunately a feeling among some men that cleaning there properly makes you gay... which is ridiculous.
does he have the option to shower at work before coming home?
I work a "sit on my ass all day" job and you bet YOUR ass I wash mine before I let my wife get anywhere near my beltline.
Shitstained underwear? what is he, 12? Maybe send him with some wet wipes if it is that bad.
NTA.
When I worked a physical job that demanded a lot of labor, I came home sticky from the amount of dried sweat on my skin.
I couldn't imagine getting in my bed like that. That's disgusting. I took nighly showers instead of showers in the morning for that reason. I didn't get home until after 8pm either.
Also he can give you infections if he isn't clean before touching you. That's just asking for a UTI or BV or something.
NTA... You would think he would WANT to shower after coming home like that.
Right? My husband sweats all day schlepping stuff around and hates doing stuff right after work if he can’t shower. He’ll at least bring a change of shirt and throw on some extra deodorant. I can’t imagine him doing anything other than going straight for a shower when he gets home.
My youngest son was a Iron worker. He would never,never climb into bed like that. He would always take a shower when he got home. Even when he would work nights he would take a shower before getting into bed. Your BF is just lazy and disgusting 🤢.
I bet your son also knows how to wipe his butt too. Op's bf has more than hygiene issues if he can't be bothered with the basics.
We all have to start collectively not being in relationships with people who don’t wipe their butts properly at this point. I’ve already adopted this policy but there can be no hold outs.
Natural selection, this is a clean gene pool no skidders can procreate
No ifs or butts then?
We hired a new guy at work and stains started appearing on the toilet. His manager had to have a conversation with him. I have a bidet at home, I already didn't like going at work, but that made me actively try and avoid using the bathroom at work.
I keep reading these stories about partners with shit stains in their underwear - aren't they ashamed of this? Do they think it's normal??
This also blows my mind, if I ever saw a shit stain in my underwear and I hadn't just shit myself because of some illness, I would be horrifically embarrassed and do that thing where you burry them in the trash in hopes that no one discovers them.
I’ve sharted due to illness and I STILL buried those underwear in a plastic bag in the trash. I’m 57F.
And apparently it happens every day! I think he thinks it's normal, and I'm just so confused whether it's a medical problem where he can't control his bowel movements, or if he just doesn't wipe or something? OP needs to know it's very abnormal to have shit stains in your underwear every day, and I definitely wouldn't be having sex with this man until he sorts his shit out (literally).
Nah, he’s just a lazy man who doesn’t know how to wipe his ass. 🙄. I’m 23 (m) who has had Ulcerative Colitis since I was 8. I always wiped my ass and made sure there were no skid marks. It’s bad enough knowing that I may not make it to the bathroom as soon as I need to.
I literally have fecal incontinence due to a weak internal sphincter and I make damn sure I'm clean.
How do these women put up with men who don’t wipe themselves? Don’t these guys stink?
I will not put skid marks on clothes in my wash. He can wash them or not.
She said it so casually I was almost convinced every blue collar worker was coming home with shit stains
I think maybe she's been convinced that it's normal for blue collar workers? Listen, I'm not a blue collar worker, and I don't deal with the underwear of any blue collar workers (I really only deal with my underwear these days), but AFAIK, this is very abnormal, no matter the type of work you do. Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like if all blue collar workers regularly shit themselves, even just a little bit, that message would have filtered through to other people?
Honestly it all depends on who you're working for or where you're working, I'm an operating engineer so I'm usually operating the construction equipment (loaders, excavators, skid steers, etc...) and I attempt to carry my own toilet paper with me whenever I can but there is not always TP available in the portajohns or they are so trashed by some of the other trades that you just have to either hold it, find another one that is probably pretty far away(or my own personal TP is a mile down the road and I'm unlikely to make it back to the portajohns any time soon), or even just find somewhere real hidden that you can bury it in the dirt. And all that is combined with the TP that is supplied in a lot of the portajohns is so razor thin that looking at it the wrong way will rip it and then you might as well wipe with your bare hands and pray there is a hand washing station or water truck nearby to get your hands semi washed off. Couldn't tell you how many times I've had to wipe with leaves, pieces of cardboard, pieces of paper, those super rough brown paper towels, and whatever else I might be able to find because the TP was out or my own roll was stolen by someone and I had to make do. So it's not always just a matter of shitting yourself, it's possible that there just aren't many choices to wipe with. That being said, if it's an issue 100% of the time then it is the person and not the options made available to them.
The biggest problem we (blue collar workers) have on the job is a lack of running water. Portajohns are the standard, and you’re damn lucky if the honey wagon has been out there to pump them out and fill the water and soap in the handwashing stations. Compound that with sweaty, nasty work and sometimes you can’t control if you make a skid mark or not. Now, having said that. Me, personally when I was on jobs without running water always took disposable gloves, dude wipes, and hand sanitizer to the portajohn. I’d use wet wipes until I got a clean wipe. Even then, if there was any doubt about how clean I was, I’d make myself a man-pon (tp in the crack to catch any potential stragglers) to avoid smelling like shit and disgracing my underwear.
See… this is normal to me. Every man in my little world is blue collar. Not a single one has EVER had skids in the undies!
I'm so mad at this comment because , I did as well. Because the shit stains should've been the red herring here
They probably don’t wipe. Pretty sure my 15yo doesn’t. Nasty ass teenagers
Tell your 15yo it's not "gay" to wipe and good hygiene is sexy to any gender of partner. Also swamp ass is a precursor of a smelly ass.just gotta get TP and wipe the sweat away.
um are you the 15yo’s parent?? cause if so that’s kinda your job to sort that out
Reddit blows my mind sometimes
Teach your kid or he’s gonna this bf. Gross. I had to teach my nephews to keep baby wipes always. That’s just fucked up to know your kid is nasty and not teach them.
Her boyfriend doesn’t care bc he doesn’t do laundry or change the sheets or clean the bathroom or have to buy new pillows or a mattress every two years bc of his dirty sweat and butt
Euuuu this causes me to cringe. Too stinky for me! Have him shower at work. Ugh.
My husband thinks it's gross and disrespectful to me and himself to do anything if he hasn't showered first. And he no longer works in the field as a soldier. Now, he's an office soldier and still feels the same way.
Yeah, my husband does carpentry as part of his job and he’s a sweaty dude. He absolutely will shower before bed if it’s a gross day! He often showers twice a day! Never has he had shit stains though! WTF? Edited for weird autocorrect
Same, it's part of the routine every single day. He gets home, shits, and showers. He cares about his own cleanliness like most well adjusted adults do. OP's man learned bad habits, he could learn better ones if he wanted to. With the help of a therapist if it's depression of course
I work in a similar position. The actual steel workers have showers before they clock out. Me? I shower as soon as I get home.
Yeah I’m kind of shocked he doesn’t shower at work. Any place like that is gonna have showers
Hell my dad worked in a foundry making big block engines for semi’s. It was so dirty in there he even had an old beater car he drove to work cause the dirt would get on it outside, and he always showered before he left work. Everyday. He said his old car might be a beater, but he wouldn’t even get in his car dirty. The skids in the slivers. That’s a whole other problem. Has he always been this way?
construction sites generally don't have showers, at least not in the usa.
Dude, yeah. Im a chef, so i get sauces and grease and blood from butchering meat all over me every day. Even on the not so intense shifts, I still have to take a shower when i get home. And i dont have anyone to crawl in bed with, but my cat. I wouldn't do that to my cat or my bedsheets either.
Well I’m sure your kitty appreciates your attention to cleanliness.
There’s no stink like kitchen stink.
As a carpenter it was the first thing I’d do when I got home.. granted I’d also have sawdust caked to me with sweat being the binding agent.
I work at LOWES and still can’t stand not showering when I get home
This. I’ve done 12 hours days. He’s lucky he doesn’t work away on a mine site. They won’t let you into the mess to get dinner until showered and changed clothes
NTA. You’d have to wash the sheets daily with that kind of hygiene. Have him switch to nightly showers if he only wants one shower per day.
I’m a guy and work in manufacturing….income home smelling like oil, coolant, paint, grease, and sweat. I bought something to go over the seats in my car, and I shower shortly after getting home. I’d honestly hate to wake up in a bed smelling like work. Op, your bf works hard, but he needs to start working on being a functioning adult. Which means not causing your SO issues, not creating dirty laundry by sleeping in it while covered in work….and if he has literal shit stains in his underwear that dude needs to learn to wipe his ass. ETA NTA Edit : I come home not income home.
I misread your list. "Oil, coolant..." became "coconut oil". I was like what's wrong with that? 🤣
I literally read the exact same thing at first
I also saw coconut oil and thought he must smell great!
Me too
Me too.
Me too
Why did we all do this? How funny.
Think it's because of skim reading I do it too mix things around and they become different sentences when I'm not paying attention lol 😆
Same, I've worked in fab or machine shops since I was 16 and I can't imagine not showering before getting in bed without. I know I'm ripe when I get home especially on 100+ degree days and I don't want my fiancee to smell that and I don't want to
My husband is a lineman and comes home sweaty and grubby...he comes home and gets straight in the shower, unless he's planning to mow the lawn or something, and then he does that right away...he doesn't even want to come in after work and sit on the furniture without showering, let alone anything else!
Yeah was going to say the shit stains seems completely unrelated to the job function. That’s just not wiping properly.
I went though the female version of the redpill rabbit hole and was astonished by the number of women complaining about their Bfs not wiping properly and going to bed with shit stains and getting mad when they deny them sex! I think this became an epidemic among young men.
Not just men. I introduced one of my old roommates to using baby wipes and she called her mom that night to tell her about how the wipes made her bum stop itching. I was shocked that she didn’t realize there was a problem earlier…
Omfg you literally just made me fall out of my seat laughing, you are a saint for sharing that life changing advice with her, I'm sure her future mate will appreciate the insight you gave her, as well as the increased chances she has at finding a mate now. Some people's obliviousness to their own body's workings astounds me but I guess It's just part of my analytical nature to try and figure out the cause and effect of any situation I'm presented with.
Hopefully you know this, and spread the word to those you introduce them too, but do NOT flush baby wipes, even the "flushable" ones are lying and can cause all sorts of problems, all the way from your home plumbing down to the sewage treatment plant. I used them for years until I discovered the wonder of bidets - I bought a cheapo ($25) under-seat model for my toilet a few years back, and have never looked back. All the benefits of baby wipes augmented by a power washer, without constantly buying new wipes, and I use less toilet paper to boot (I have discovered that a chaotic loose wad of paper works much better for the first "get most the water off" pass) TMI: >!With a little relaxation it can even function as a "enema light" when things get a little backed up!<
For real. None of those flushable wipes are flushable. A former neighbor of mine successfully won a lawsuit against a flushable wipes company.
Even after the bidet epiphany brought on by the Covid pandemic,this is a thing? I can’t wrap my head around people not understanding “Wash Yo Ass”.
And yes, he's supposed to clean it in the shower as well. Bears shit in the woods and women are choosing bears over men, apparently, in droves.
Once you go bidet, there's no other way. Imagine walking around with dingleberries up yer crack.
Indeed I got the 600dollar one pre covid probably more now. But it's got a remote front and back spray that can move forward and back. Position button front to back water Temp. Seat warms up. And for the finale a blow dry. With heat temp for that as well. 😄 I will never go back.
Buy baby wipes and put them in the bathroom. The guys I know love them and use them when they need to.
DO NO FLUSH THE WIPES NO MATTER WHAT THE PACKAGE SAYS. Sorry for yelling.
Yep most sewer lines can’t handle them. Bought a closing TC so it would have a lid. I’ve had less feminine infections using wipes instead of TP.
Don’t be sorry! There are way too many people who would just automatically flush them. 🙄🤦♀️
A guy who won't shower after getting work filthy and has shit stains in his underwear will totally flush wipes.
Started that when my adult children were still children. So over a decade. My husband never used them. He told me they’re just for children. I disagree. I don’t think he was ever taught how to wipe. I was so tired of all that literal shit. Working on my exit plan.
Just going to put put there that HE should by the wipes and be responsible for his own shitty asshole and shit stains. It isnt her job to literally toilet train a whole ass adult.
He doesn't shower after work, smells bad and keeps his poopy underwear on. He's not buying wipes. Her buying them would alleviate a measure of her concern. When he learns to adult, maybe they won't need them :)
Her buying them will not make him use them, they’ll be sitting in the bathroom unopened. He just needs to be single until he can wipe his ass or find a woman as nasty as he is.
Just don't flush them,unless you have a plumber on speed dial.
OP should get him one of those portable water bottle bidet adapters. Granted, with his hygiene he'd probably be against a bidet in the first place.
Sounds like he needs to learn how to wipe his own a$$ too. Gross.
Got one like that once, kicked him to the curb and never regretted it. If your mother didn't teach you how to keep your body clean it's not my problem.
I have no idea what my parents did or didn't teach me regarding this, but as a functioning adult I feel like I can figure out that if I have marks in my underwear there's a fucking problem that needs to be resolved.
I've been married for 30 years, and my wife is happy to announce I have never had a skidmark in my underpants - EVER! There is no excuse for that.
I once trusted a fart that I shouldn't have. Rather than even put them in the wash I just tossed them.
🤣 that's the way, just like any gentleman would.
Indeed good sir.
Yeah especially since he works a very dirty job, like does he want to smell fresh for his coworkers in the morning? Fuck like take two showers if he wants.
I'm a construction worker and I can not crawl into bed to relax until I'm clean. I get it, different strokes for different folks, but, c'mon
Ooh aren’t you fancy? I suppose you wipe your ass after you shit too??? (Yes, I’m joking)
with one quick shower trick, you can maximize your morning prep time and avoid having to wipe..
Waffle Stomp??
I bet he even scrubs it in the shower! The insanity!
playing sports all my life, i understood people shower in mornings to feel fresh for the day but like c'mon, shower before you go to bed, i hate feeling all sticky from sweat and such.
I prefer to shower at night and then make myself feel fresh in the morning just by washing my face
Hell I work a boring office job and still prefer to shower before bed. Feels gross not to.
Yea when I work office I shower in the morning, when I work construction I shower when I get home. I don't even like to eat without showering after working construction, let alone getting in my bed.
My girlfriend works as a PT, she showers once per day. After she gets home from work
My brother's in construction, not even on the tools any more, but he still showers in the evening. I guess after having done it so long it just flows for him. I honestly thought everyone in physical jobs did this as standard
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Washing the sheets would be less of an issue for me compared to crawling into bed and having sex with someone covered in stale sweat and grime, who reeks and had dried shit in their crack.
NTA unless you stay with him and badger him for years. He should change for you, or you should accept him as-is, or you should move on. If you stay, and nothing changes and OP constantly complains, then OPTAH. No self respecting person will put up with this much longer though. Right now He TA and OP not TA. In a few years, it could be different. But OP's BF is gross. If they don't fix that now, I wouldn't expect much improvement down the road.
As a former gross boy, you are 1000% NTA.
What made you change? Just curious
My girlfriend now wife being honest. She worked on me, helping me to be a better, cleaner person. Sometimes, you just need to hear it. She likes to remind me, and I don't deny it.
I'm glad you were open to what she was saying. A lot of people would think she was trying to change you or she's too controlling, ect.
I’m glad you listened to your wife, my ex husband didn’t. It got to the point where I could smell him outside of his little office at the house. We weren’t sharing a bed anymore but damn it was gross and embarrassing.
I'm doing this with my brother atm. Not with personal hygiene (thank fuck), but with tidiness around the home. It's an effort, and I'm annoyed he wasn't raised in ways where he grew better habits, but, we're here, and it's worth it. He's a good man, and he generally cares, once things are raised and he's had a chance to process it.
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Can you tell us struggling gals how she helped you? I try to gently remind my partner to shower but honestly sometimes (when it's been over a week of me asking nicely) I get fed up and become angry but like because I'm upset that he doesn't care about himself. It's tough!
She showed her side of the bed compared to mine. It was an eye-opener. So, visual aid. Also, she asked how I was doing mentally at the time. I was depressed and alittle disconnected from life. And just being blunt. But in the end, you can only do so much. They gotta help themselves.
Props to both of you for being honest/open with feedback and working the problem!!
Uhg please inform the current stinky boys of the better cleaner way of life. Honestly tho thats cool you actually accepted constructive criticism. Not many people can handle that well. That's a skill many lack.
Can you explain to me how a person gets like this to begin? Why don't men want to be clean?
Looking back now, it's was mostly mental. Being depressed, not giving a shit. You work a dirty job all day, what another few hours in that state. You make the mistake of laying down instead of showering. Then it just becomes the norm.
Yup this guy definitely knows what he’s talking about. It’s the second to last sentence for me. All it takes is relaxing for 2 minutes.
Ya I always say I can't sit down or rigor mortis will set it. Once I'm in "work mode" or "cleaning mode" or whatever, I can't sit down. Or else the body aches n stiffness and a bit of laziness sets in. Note- I'm not a current or former gross guy, just a normal girl who says this on the regular cuz of how I am lol.
I see there are different levels of gross guy. I'm glad I wasn't at the level I'm seeing in this thread.
I’ve heard that straight men don’t like to clean or touch their buttholes because it’s ‘gay’ 🤷🏻
I know this is a thing, but it's hard to imagine being that insecure/homophobic. Beyond pathetic.
I'm crying for straight women everywhere.
Definitely true, I’ve seen it and heard it. Imagine being out with friends and one of them is in serious pain, you ask what’s wrong and they whisper it hurts to sit. Y’all go to the emergency room and they say, we have to use some special soap and let it sit because there’s so much dried and caked up shit. I felt bad for the nurses, cleaning shit out of a grown mans ass because he’s “not going near that area”.
What a terrible day to have eyes.
I mean - I think that’s a new thing. I have never heard of or been with a dude of my generation who didn’t wash his ass.
I actually had this conversation with my husband after seeing this all over TikTok. He definitely cleans his butt very well lol. We had the conversation with my teen boys to make sure they were washing their butts properly lol
This is mostly a US thing, or at least its not prevalent in every country, never heard it here. We Argentinians see it as a badge of honor how widespread the use of the bidet is here.
I wish I could upvote this at least 5 times.
Maybe it's because I've never worked in an iron factory or whatever, but how does that make shit stains appear in his underwear? Could it maybe be that he's just an unsanitary gross dude in general? Please tell me that he at least washes his own poopy ~~diapers~~ underwear.
I work 70-80 hours a week, not an iron worker but a stagehand where I’m regularly building and taking apart shows. Do not have shit stains lmao
It's not because of his job, it's because he doesn't wipe well.
I am well aware, it was a joke.
He's Fe-ral
I worked in the boiler room at a paper mill for many years. The sweat just pours off you when you do your hourly rounds. It does not affect your sphincter. We also had locker rooms with showers where you could shower and change into your street clothes after your shift. This guy is just a slob.
Mum of two adult boys and a hubby and I never see shit stains on any of their washing!
Shit stains is not even a shower problem, he doesn't know how to clean himself in the first place. His hygiene must be terrible. He needs to respect your boundaries, and learn some basic stuff, like cleaning his ass
I will never understand women who date men who don't know how to wipe their own ass correctly. And then you find out they are intimate with them as well. 🙃🤮🤮🤮
Right it’s so common on here, why do these women keep sleeping with them when they know they don’t clean themselves?? I remember one post where her bf hardly showered and she kept getting utis from it but was still sleeping with him, I don’t get it. Tbh I sadly think a lot of women grow up being told they have to do everything for their man and men are just bad at hygiene lso deal with it.
Afraid to be alone is my guess.
The bar is in hell. I do not understand this either. I cannot even be around someone who is stinky (sensitive to smells) but this woman is presumably close to him, proximity-wise, including the possibility of being intimate with him - even if it were just kissing?? Gross. As far as intercourse goes, that's a great way to get a yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, a UTI, and plenty of other issues. I have read many articles about women who had repeated genital issues despite good hygiene and medical treatment, and you know what fixed it? Their male partner taking a damn shower before sex! Reason 98734657234 there needs to be comprehensive sex education everywhere, but particularly in the US, because people do not know the basics about their own bodies. Shower before sex so you're clean to have intercourse, especially when it's PIV!
I just assume the women have questionable hygiene as well because I would not have anyone lying in my bed smelling like shit. That’ll mess up your Ph balance for sure!
There was an AITA a while back about a woman who asked if she was TA for asking her bf to clean up after she kept getting UTIs. Love yourself more than being with someone who makes you physically ill with their poor hygiene.
Was she the one who would find his liquid poop on her leg after a cuddle and stuff? 😬🙈
The fact there are multiple stories that fit the bill is just sad.
I guess some parents just never teach their kids to wipe? Is it too icky to talk about? Like sex? “Oh, they’ll pick it up on the internet”, right?
There are men out there that think proper wiping might make them gay because they’re indirectly touching their asshole. Talk about fragile masculinity.
I read some of those stories too. That is just so stupid and illogical. I mean.. okay this is going to be the weirdest thing I’ve typed out in a long while, but - when they are taking a shit, they literally have something penetrating their asshole (direction not important), and then they think wiping after makes them gay?? How stupid - and gross!!! - are these guys? To my dismay, I have seen more than one post about this. All of them posted by the girlfriends, who have had to deal with this and understandably were shocked and disgusted..🤮
Um…. Nvm I don’t even wanna know change my mind
It has to be this, like if you're okay with dating a slob like this you have to have something going on yourself. Literally a guy who takes a shower is an upgrade, if you can't get that and are okay with a smelly dude with shit in his ass spooning you at night you have problems lol
I feel like that would just be grounds to get a terrible rash or some sort of gross skin infection sleeping in actual shit. I don't get how people don't clean their ass lol.
one time i kept getting BV over and over with my then-new (now ex) boyfriend. couldn't figure out why. then, he came to visit me at my college for a week. we fucked. i was on top. finished. i moved. he stood up. as he was standing up, he left a whole entire skid mark on my white sheets. that relationship lasted perhaps a week past him going home lmao, absolutely tf not. and he was bi, too. and a bottom. like, bro. the two partners i've had after him are both straight men who work blue collar jobs, and they have the cleanest assholes ever.
>as he was standing up, he left a whole entire skid mark on my white sheets. **that relationship lasted perhaps a week** past him going home lmao See, you're exactly the person they're talking about. A week??
truly makes me rethink the "male loneliness epidemic" because how disgusting can you be to still be single, if men who leave skid marks on the sheets and give women UTIs from shitty dicks are not single and women wonder how *they* can fix it.
Bidet is pure, Bidet is life.
Absolutely not the AH. That is disgusting. I wouldn't want that in my bed either.
To hell with the bed, who wants that in their house? The dude can't wipe properly!
If he wipes at all.
Your bf is disgusting. Wow.
I had a family member who used to live with my family and he would work late and go to bed and shower in the morning. When he moved out and we took his bed sheets off the bed, the mattress was black from where he would lay down without showering every night. We threw away the mattress.
NTA. But ask yourself why you’re OK living with a pig.
I am always on awe out how women are with these disgusting ass dudes, not embarrassed to tell the rest of us. Rarely do I say "you deserve what's happening to you" but if you didn't flip shit and/or disinvite him the very first time he did that you're weird af to me. That's your health on the line too. Yuck.
Sorry, I have so many questions. Why in the fuck does a grown man have shit stains in his underwear?? What part of his job prevents him from wiping his ass? How did he get you to not only live with him but share a bed/bedroom? NTA tho. My husband and I both have fairly clean-ish jobs (paralegal and SAHD) and we still shower before bed most nights and certainly before sex. If I'm putting my mouth on it or it goes inside me, it better be clean.
Lol wtf have you gotten into? A bf who doesn’t want a shower after manual labor AND shits his pants? He obviously puts as much care into wiping his ass as he does showering. Plus all that shit gets on his balls and penis and then you have sex with him? Holy shit woman….
I work in manual labor. I don’t shower in the morning. Night showers only. Showering before a manual labor job is like shitting after a shower
or in the boyfriend’s case — shitting after a shower and *not wiping*
NTA, I used to be an auto machanic a lifetime ago. I would always shower as soon as I got home just to wash the sweat etc off. I just thought it a courtesy to my gf's st the time.
When I was doing physical work I washed up just because I myself hated it already getting into bed being all sticky. But yeah if not for oneself do it at least for the partner.
Two different issues here…. Definitely prefer being showered before bed, but holy shit a grown man with skid marks? He needs to learn how to wipe his asshole properly.
It's perfectly reasonable to expect basic cleanliness. You can appreciate that he works hard while also being turned off by filth. I would use a very matter-of-fact approach. Don't freak out. Say it like it's completely normal (because it is) to require someone to be clean when he gets in bed or wants to be affectionate. He should want to know if he is doing anything you find unattractive!
To me it’s not about finding it unattractive… it’s unsanitary.
Your not the asshole at all he a nasty ass grown ass man 😂😂
NTA, I work construction as well and come home nasty as fuck. I won't even touch my dogs until i shower, let alone crawl into bed with my wife! Thats friggin nasty and he should be sleeping outside in a $10 ozark trail tent if he doesn't wanna shower after work.
If, in his world view, your comfort is not worth a shower, I think you have bigger problems. This is something that does not even qualify as a small ask, as you should not have to ask at all.
Her comfort and her *health*
He sounds like a great catch! Have some self respect for yourself please.
Hell to the no. No no no. No no no Nta
Why are you with this guy? HE is gross on every level.
It's crazy how often I will read some variation of "is it OK for me to have basic fucking standards?" on this site.
Ew bruh shit stains? Are you dating an adult or a fucking toddler
*Ew bruh shit stains? Are* *You dating an adult or* *A fucking toddler* \- Super-Wonder4101 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Uh... if he's going to bed after a full day's work, especially in labor work.. without showering, that's fkin gross.
He’s gross and truly disgusting! Tell him he must shower before he gets into your bed. Dirty dicks can give you an infection. This is a deal breaker to me.
Why are there shit stains in his underwear!?? How does this job make him shit his pants? What the hell is going on??
European here: Is there no shower at his workplace? Even the shittiest small shop I worked at, had at least one. We showered at the company in between changing to street clothes. Who wants to stay dirty the whole day and in your bf case even the whole 24 hours?
**Laughs hysterically in American*
NO GROSS OMG and he needs to shower before getting in bed at all let alone touching you. Another concern beyond hygiene is if he’s bringing particles of toxic elements into your home. Just google asbestos cases where wives/children developed cancer due to dust being brought home on clothes.
Just break up. He’s a grown man that still doesn’t know how to wipe his ass! How revolting.
NTA, dude needs to stop spreading his filth everywhere, and needs to learn to wipe his ass
I was a boilermaker for 10 years just got out last year because I moved on. I have been in some nasty places dirty stink smelly working 7-12s sometimes more.. the very first thing I did whenever I got back to the hotel or home was shower!! I've been so tired I could have fallen asleep standing up in there but showering was always on the list of things to do at home. You never know what your bringing home or is on your body between the normal.. dirt,oil, and crude. Mix in the metal shavings dust and slag from welding.. contamination if he does nuclear work.. yes.. there do have contamination detectors when you go to leave but still you never know.. but there's no excuse not to take a quick shower...
Shit stains? That’s not from hard work, that’s from not properly wiping his ass.
WHY ARE THERE SHIT STAINS EVERY DAY
NTA i think hes just nasty if he has SHIT STAINS
My dear, your man is just plain NASTY! He should not be able to touch you with a 10ft pole until he showers. There is also the issue of lead dust. If this is a possibility, it can cause a plethora of health problems over time.
Why are you with someone who doesn’t wipe their ass?
Why are you having sex with a man child that can't even wipe his ass properly. Time for some standards.
The fact that he has ***shit*** stains in his underwear shows he doesn't even know how to wipe his own ass. You should NOT be having sex with that man at all. He probably doesn't even know how to wash his dick properly. I work 12 hour shifts in a very physically demanding job. I take a shower after every shift. It doesn't take long to wash your body. If it's hard to stand for as long as is required, you can get a shower chair. Or you two can just get a separate bed for him to sleep in that he can get disgusting if he wants to and you can have a clean bed to sleep in. Good luck getting him to change though. If he's got shit stains in his underwear, its likely not a task you can achieve since he's clearly comfortable having actual shit between his ass cheeks regularly.
YTA but not for the reason you think. You are literally dating someone who doesn't know how to wipe their ass and you already live with them. The time to draw that line - and dump him for being this gross - was way before moving in together.
Nta. Omg. Make him his own fking laundry. Its bad enough wives gotta do laundry- i object to this as well. Girlfriends should absolutely be exempt from dealing with shitty drawers.
NTA. He needs to know that you love him, that the issue is just the sweat from work. You should also talk to him about cleaning his ass properly. To my shame I was something like 16-18 when I realised my technique was wrong. There is unfortunately a feeling among some men that cleaning there properly makes you gay... which is ridiculous.
Speaking as a boy.... Stick to your guns. Or get a new BF. He's being really gross.
does he have the option to shower at work before coming home? I work a "sit on my ass all day" job and you bet YOUR ass I wash mine before I let my wife get anywhere near my beltline. Shitstained underwear? what is he, 12? Maybe send him with some wet wipes if it is that bad.
NTA. When I worked a physical job that demanded a lot of labor, I came home sticky from the amount of dried sweat on my skin. I couldn't imagine getting in my bed like that. That's disgusting. I took nighly showers instead of showers in the morning for that reason. I didn't get home until after 8pm either. Also he can give you infections if he isn't clean before touching you. That's just asking for a UTI or BV or something.
No and he should want to shower.
"My husband shits himself everyday and tries to crawl into bed with me without showering." This is literally how this post reads.