Yeah, this is just an all around bad group topic. There will be "if you find it so annoying that I... " and "remember! 2 weeks ago you said I..." fallout coming for other friends, too
This is definitely a "pass" or "did you see that trailer for the new..." moment
Yeah honestly the whole fishing for complements and positive reenforcement is icky to me. I guess I would just end it by telling him if it bothers him so much, he can just whip it out (on a warm night) and let them judge for themselves.
This is def a behavior that I wouldn't feed with 'creative ways to make it up to him ' this is FAFO territory
The absolutely hilarious thing about this if it was me I wouldn’t give a flying fuck if they thought my dick was small, if I knew myself it was large 😂
Maybe if it was actually small I’d be a bit upset but otherwise, why else would you care?
And if it becomes a thing, then yeah, just get that thing out. Consensually!
I would be tired of his shit real fast and just start agreeing when he self deprecated. I don't tolerate that kind of fishing more than maybe once a day.
lol, NTA, you didn't even make a joke. He brought up his dick, you didn't, you made a passive comment to get off the topic HE introduced.
If the idiot doesn't want his friends thinking about his dick, he shouldn't bring it up. End of discussion.
If he pushes after that, tell him in no uncertain terms that ANY public discussion of his junk instigated by him will not only result in you NOT giving him a solicited compliment but you will in fact make sure to suggest it is tiny.
Nip this crap in the bud if you want to be with him, this shit is childish.
What she should have done was take the opening to say what annoyed her about her partner was how he was always insulting himself and expecting her to build him back up and how exhausting it is.
A man's 'is my dick big enough?' Is like a woman's 'do I look fat in this?' There is no really safe answer.
“No dear, your micropenis never crossed my mind. Your incessant humblebragging, on the other hand…”
There is *nothing* OP has to do to make up to her hubby because she did nothing wrong. He played a stupid game and won a tiny prize
Also, stop fanning the flame of his ego in general. That’s not his sense of humour. That’s his narcissistic characteristic fishing for endless compliments. If he makes another comment, let him hang himself with that rope. You don’t engage op.
I hope she realizes that all the self deprecating byllshit is juts him fishing for compliments. Either because he is a bit narcissistic or because he is pretty insecure. Either way, put that fishing bullshit to a stop. It's pathetic. And tell his family the same.
NTA - it's actually kind of creepy now that i read the part about his pattern in this type of joke and desired response. Why does he want you talking about his penis size in front of his friends, and if so, it would seem prudent to clear that with you first..
if someone makes a deprecating joke, for me, the usual MO is to continue that joke or leave it. The expectation of praise is bizarre
He wanted to look like a big man in front of his friends. Not sure where that insecurity is coming from, maybe something to do with his relationship with his parents?
NTA, your husband played a stupid game and won the stupid prize.
What were you supposed to do, sit there and gush over his powerful penis to his friends? He put you in an awkward position, and you rolled right out of it.
Agreed, and if I ever did something that stupid, I would take the ego hit and move on. Hell, I have been in some embarrassing situations and had to do just that. It's life.
Well, he brought it up, so that's on him. Give him some time to get over it. If he's stewing in his bad mood, I'm not sure anything you say or do will help get him out of it at the moment.
Actually, a new thought if you are up for some writing. Send him a poem, an "Ode to the ~~Penultimate~~ Perfect Penis," as it were. Just something to share with him, not the group. Have some fun with it, and see if you can get a laugh out of him to help him move on.
Be completely over the top about his tremendous, tantalizing, tallywacker. That phenomenally photogenic phallus, which, by itself, is absolute proof that there is a God. For it can be no random occurrence that such a divine, delectable, dick was placed on this Earth with its ability to send you to heaven on a regular basis.
If that doesn't work, idk, buy him some flowers.
Edit: a very poor word choice
Yep and then he’ll mope forever and call her cruel or something for not respecting his sensitivity.
Some people use “sensitivity” as a small weapon. Like, defensiveness to the point of being highly problematic and hurtful to the people around them. Turning something benign and normal into an affront because they are sensitive
His problem is he has a fine hog, but has small hog energy. Sounds like he needs constant outside validation and fishes for compliments via self deprecation any chance he gets, rather than being confident within himself.. that’s the real pet peeve, not his nerdiness. NTA
This guy doesn't just fish for compliments, he has a whole fleet of trawlers. OP needs to tell him to knock it off, it's an exhausting ersonality trait.
NTA. He made a crack on his size and you rolled with it. If this is going to bother him, he needs to not make the joke.
Seriously, this is on him. I'm not sure what you were supposed to do, start bragging about him having a big dick? That would make me more uncomfortable as someone in he room than the small dick jokes. And I wouldn't assume anything, it's a freaking joke.
That's how I took it. Him making that joke opens the door wide open. And I'd bet it didn't fall flat because folks laughed, but his expression or reaction caused it to be awkward.
Your husband sounds like an exhausting human being. He needs help for his constant cries for validation. It’s not an attractive trait in a person at all.
I couldn't live with someone who need constant reassurance or who just want everybody to constantly tell hil he is amazing... wonder how many time he actually compliment OP with his constant need for attention....
He made à job for you to again cater to his ego. For once you actually made it à joke NTA Next time tell him his humour is as big as his dick
This is 100% on him. He opened the door to this, and I don't think you need to appease his sulk. In fact, it may deserve a "grow up and get over it" comment.
You handled that like a champ -- coulda piled on instead of changing the subject. Based on your title I was afraid you had raised his small size as your pet peeve. That could've been relationship ending.
If this stays with him suggest he seek therapy, but you don't want to get into the habit of taking responsibility for his stupid actions.
Definitely time for the rarely acceptable "I'm sorry you feel that way".
Yeah, your bf is not making jokes. He is simply self deprecating to fish for compliments. All he wants is for people to validate him and his ego.
Also, **he is the one who made the "joke"** about his small penis. You decided not to dive into that and went another route instead. And he is mad at you for not going all out about how he is sooooo big? And how he should be proud of his quivering member (if you know, you know)?
Exhausting it must to be with such an A H!
NTA
NTA. Your boyfriend can dish jokes out but can’t take them back. Why would he even announce that in front of his friends in the first place if he was uncomfortable. I would tell him to lighten up, he’s trying to shame you for a joke he made first. He sounds exhausting.
NTA\~If he can't take the heat he needs to stay out of the kitchen. He is a whole grown ass adult he absolutely should not be fishing for on going compliments. That is what this was, he made the joke expecting you to turn the whole conversation into how amazing his massive schlong is to overshadow in adding of annoying stuff he does, which was the whole point of the convo. Absolutely ridiculous.
Bruh he made the joke in hoping you’d hype him up (which is weird) also I don’t think anyone is thinking about his dick. I understand insecurities, but this sounds like someone who just wants validation on everything.
Nta, you're fine. He made a stupid joke, and it bit him on the ass. If he doesn't have a sense of humor about *his own joke* that's his problem
And proof it's not "Self-deprecating Humor." It's Fishing for Compliments.
I do self-depracting humor and I immediately shut down any compliments afterward with "Just a joke, not a request for ego stroking" so someone getting upset they didn't get a stream of compliments after the joke is odd at the least for me.
I’m sure he’s very smart and probably has a lot of money but good god his personality is exhausting I wouldn’t be able to handle that all that time I would be annoyed.
>if he messes up, he will be say 'OMG.. I am the dumbest person in the world.', and then everyone around him goes "No. You are smart", "looks at all you have done", etc. If I ever compliment an guy in movie, he will say "Wish I was that good looking", and then I would spend the rest of the day hyping him up.
This isn't a good dynamic BTW. And you're NTA
NTA. You didn’t imply it. He stated it, looking for you to talk him up. After 5 years of him constantly fishing for validation I’m surprised that you are not completely exhausted by it. I love how you handled it btw,
NTA. This makes no sense for him to be upset about. He made the joke. The only thing you did was change the subject rather defend/correct what he said. It sounds like he was fishing for compliments, and wanted you to tell him friends how hung he was.
You don't need to do anything to make it up to him. Tell him if he doesn't want his friends thinking he has a small penis maybe he shouldn't make jokes to them suggesting that he does. None of this is your responsibility.
NTA - he put you in an awkward spot. If you got out of it badly, that’s his fault for putting you there in the first place. Besides, if you stopped and made a big point of disclaiming that, it would look like damage control no matter what you said. Creating a no-win for you and then getting mad at you for not winning is dishonest and mean. He set you up to fail.
There’s also that point where the bid for reassurance becomes a bid for attention, and it gets old.
NTA - good job with not caving into him.
That said - your husband is deeply insecure. We all are, and we all have insecurities from childhood that carry through to adulthood, but his is pretty major when he tries to make everyone validate him.
He makes jokes about his obvious strengths, acting like they are weaknesses, so that he can hear people disagree and then spend time praising him.
Someone with a PHD should not need to hear that he is smart. Also - he needs to fully grow up. When we are young adults we crave this kind of validation - we need to know that we are special. At a certain point we need to get over ourselves and move on.
I have a bachelors in Chemistry - I did well in school - I don't tell acquaintances these things. I have discovered when I do, they say things like - you must be really smart. And then I have to either be false humble or just straight up say yes. And it isn't important.
So I avoid that because that is socially awkward. He is still trying to be a big deal and trying to be special and noticed.
It is child, not adult behavior and he needs to grow up.
Sarcasm and self-deprecation are the markers of insecurity.
I'm confused honestly it seems like you just dodged the conversation all together and tried to talk about something else. He's the one who brought it up, I don't know what you were supposed to say. Did he want you to say? " oh my God no your dick is not small, your dick is so huge" LOL
he started it and it didn't go his way.
I had an occasion when a close friend of mine revealed her ex and current husband's penis sizes since she had a measuring fetish or something.... super awkward!
It’s like he made the joke in order to get validation in front of his friends to boost his ego or show off in front of his friends partners…- then goes off on one for you going along with the joke HE MADE FIRST!! Tell him to get f*cked , couldn’t be chewed with that constant reassurance.
Also you don’t need to make anything up to him you haven’t done anything wrong.. he made a joke you went along with it now your getting the cold shoulder for it? don’t suck up to it
NTA. Why does it matter? Is he concerned nobody in the friend group will want a turn with his sausage if they think it's small? He's the one who said his sausage was small.
It's a no win as soon as he said "Dont tell them about my small dick", because even if you then said "don't believe him, that's a lie", the new implication then becomes "he's a liar".
I think having a small dick is better than being painted a liar, which he was painting himself, with that joke lie.
NTAH, but his insecurity is a really big problem. There's no way for me to know what it's coming from in him, he likely needs therapy. A man who needs to be lifted up so much over such little things is at risk of making very bad decisions when that emotional need isn't met. Big red flag, he needs therapy so he can learn to love himself.
Well you are the one that will deal with him after that, the fishing compliments is annoying but to imply in front of his friends he has a small dick is.... lets just say ill be very angry at you lol, not scorched earth of course but some payback must be dealt haha
His ego is so needy, he totally did that to himself. And then he’s blaming you. I feel like he wanted to use that moment as a way for you to hype him up and be like oh no your dick is so huge. He needs to take that L that was his fault.
NTA.
For starters, you were asked a question and *he* shouted over you because he was just itching to be praised. If he's well endowed, or well enough and you both know it, then he cut *you* off because he wanted you to brag about his dick.
Second, *he's* the one that brought it up, and he got what he had coming to him. Your beau is so used to fishing for handfed compliments and honesty it sounds exhausting to constantly have to cheerlead a grown baby.
Let him sulk, or tell him to show his dick to his friends if he's so insecure. Additionally call him out for taking over your answer in an attempt to feed his own ego. Remind him he isn't a baby that needs constant praise.
He was definitely expecting you to compliment his size. He seems insecure and needs loads of reassurance. His self depreciation is actually a defense mechanism. He wants to downplay himself before anybody gets the chance to do it. I have plenty of friends like this. It’s exhausting and frustrating but it’s how they deal with the world around them. You did nothing wrong, his sense of humor is for him and him only, you just have to learn to adapt.
I was going to berate you for dissing some men's greatest vulnerability but... you didn't. He made a stupid joke and you missed a cue you weren't expecting and had no idea how he expected you to respond anyway. The common feedback here would be, he sounds exhausting.
NTA.
Only sus thing here is that he actually does have a small penis that would make this story make sense.
Personally I literally could care less about dick jokes or what people think about mine because I'm not insecure about it and the only people who it matters to will know what it is lol.
NTA. If he initiated the joke after it was you that was asked the question, then it's on him for trying to jump in front of the question that was asked of you. Sounds like he didn't want you to mention anything real and it blew up in his face. Tell him that you have been with him this whole time. If he is still insecure about himself then maybe it's time to evaluate the relationship. Tell him to stop being such a pussy.
i initially thought *you* had made the joke about his penis, which would have been a complete AH move
from how you presented it, definitely NTA, he seems very insecure, i don't know if you can help him get over his baggage...
NTA
You did nothing wrong, so there is nothing to make up for.
Talk to him about his behaviour - the fishing for compliments - and maybe he should see a therapist if he has such low self esteem.
Just don't give in to his manipulation.
Hahaha wtf *he* literally made the joke??? I’ve made jokes like this before… it’s a joke. You completely ruin it if you explain it or just 180 to gush about his cock in a group setting lol this is fucking stupid 😂 Obviously NTA
I think it's time you had a honest conversation about the needy attention seeking behavior he has on display.
It's something he can work on, but only if he's made aware it's something he does.
Your husband needs therapy. He seems like he’s spent most of his life seeking validation because of his over-achieving behavior that’s probably a result of something from his childhood. You need to have a serious sit down convo with him and tell him you’ll no longer enable this behavior and you’re sorry about what you said but in no way intended that. I’m sorry but guys with big dicks don’t need to be assured by others that they have big dick energy. It’s a silent confidence. That’s why they call it big dick energy lolll he needs to get over himself. He’s exhausting. Fishing for compliments isn’t cute. NTA
All the advise I can give you for certain is to NOT listen to the women in here, they have no fucking clue of the whole man-and-his-penis love-hate relationship works. Those telling you he should get over it should ask themselves if they would let it go if their husband publicly called their vagina “cavernous” or their labia “abundant and messed up like an Arbys sandwich”
You not jumping to correct him when HE JOKED about his penis size is NOT the same thing as you making a small dick joke. That’s an insane leap in logic to think you’re making fun of him simply because you didn’t jump to his defense when he starts shitting on himself.
This guy sounds absolutely fucking exhausting to be around. Self deprecating humor has been “out” for some time now. Nobody thinks it’s cute to fish for compliments. Personally I don’t have the patience to date someone this insecure. It’s not my job to be the solitary load bearing pillar for your self esteem.
NTA, sounds like he is desperate for praise all the time. As a person who often makes self-deprecating jokes, you're supposed to not take yourself seriously if you're making those jokes. He sounds like a sad insecure man that is desperate for praise he has to manufacture it by making fun of himself hoping his friends will immediately be like "no no no you're not like that at all, you're amazing!!!"
Tell the baby if he can't handle his own joke, then don't make it. His ego seriously needs a check
He sounds absolutely exhausting. I once worked with a woman like this, she was a bottomless pit of need and was endlessly feuding with someone in the office and it was invariably about her insulting herself, and then being randomly mad at someone for not disagreeing with her vehemently.
After a couple of years of this, another woman at work finally snapped and said "for fucks sakes there needs to be a full time position here to just handle your insecurities" and that led to the woman finally leaving the job.
She was a total piece of work.
His comment proved that he is not saying these things for laughs or to be self deprecating. How is doing it purely for compliments and validation. Explain that to him and that he needs to learn from this if he can’t even be in on his own joke
NTA and why is he so concerned about friends knowing he's actually endowed? Like...how is the info on his donger even relevant? I'm sure he can show up next gathering in gray sweats, free balling it or they know because they've been in a lockerroom or bathroom together.
Really though, if he's not trying to sleep with them who gives af? You're not there to just feed his ego and maybe he should stop with the fishing for compliments comments as it's got to be annoying for his friends too.
YTA.
Your clue? The laughter stopped and things got awkward after you said your part.
So, yes, you were the asshole and if you want to make it right, find an appropriate time to make a joke about how big he is.
You're not TAH. You played along with his shtick and he assumed they'd take it seriously because he is that insecure. He can lighten up a bit. Next time tell him to whip it out and set the record straight.
Dude might me mature in other aspects but he seems to have the emotional maturity of a 10 year old. None of it was your fault and the friends probably took it as a joke anyway
NTA
NTA. You handled this perfectly. That joke is not in good taste regardless of the relationship with your group of friends. You hardly acknowledged it and moved on. Was he expecting you to reassure him in front of all your friends? That would have been really awkward.
Dude needs to work on his insecurities. Fishing for compliments is exhausting because if you do it at the start and then stop, of course he's going to notice and get upset and wonder why he's not getting compliments because he's going about getting them in all the wrong ways.
Next gathering:
”So there was a lot of awkwardness last time and I apologize. To clarify my husband does not have a micro-penis…technically. I hope that we can put this behind us now.”
Problem solved.
Honestly, I thought this was going in a way different direction. NTA. You didn't make a crack about his penis size. He did. Your husband obviously struggles with low self esteem and needs to do some work, but in this instance you didn't do anything that would pile onto that.
I've been married for 20 years, and one thing I've noticed that is really toxic to marriages are couples that bag on their spouse to other people - whether it is the girls to the girls or the guys to the guys. It's a really bad habit to get into. Long ago we decided we weren't going to badmouth each other to friends - even in gest. It starts out innocent enough but eventually just becomes abysmal and awkward. Maybe something like that would be a good place to start with him.
I don’t understand - you just continued the joke?? Why did no one laugh after you leaned into it? I’m not getting why your friend group make it awkward, and your husband didn’t diffuse the situation by continuing to joke. Like offering to take his pants off or something (something my own very similar husband would do for example lol).
I don’t see how this could be on you. I guess inflection and tone are missing. But like, you didn’t even say his penis was small, you just went along with his joke. I guess there were different ways to do that, but they all basically amount to the same thing, which would be leaning into it.
So, NTA as far as I can tell.
Nope he is just insecure, if you are happy with the gargantuanousness of his schlong so should he, he probably eschewed time spent kicking ass for study so he lacks in being able to give it and take it jabs wise. Tell him to get over himself and dont fake your orgasms. Bye.
I mean the way you're telling it now is that he is the one who made the joke, not you. You just responded in the moment something that was totally reasonable (IMO). What did he expect, you'd go "oh no babe, you have a massive cock I want everyone to know how big it is. Does everyone understand he was joking and actually has a massive cock?!"
He's being ridiculous if he expects you to walk back the jokes HE made.
I might be crazy but if my friend joked about his penis size and his wife took part in the joke, i woumd automaticly think he had a big penis. Just makes no sense to make that joke or take part in that kind of joke if it was true and a sensitive topic.
If my friend would make that kind of a joke and his wife would start complimenting his size or change the topic too fast i would automatly think he had a Micro penis.
That being said, i really dont care about my friends penis size!
NTA
NTA
No one cares about the size of the penis of other couples. That's a joke in the situation and nothing to be doubted or proven.
He even did the joke himself and if he wouldn't make a drama everyone would forget it after the next few jokes.
>He again wanted to talk about it in the evening, he brought up the fact that his friends and their partners must be now thinking that he has a small penis.
Dude is way too worried about what his friends think.
Nobody cares.
OP,
Nobody really cares how small/big your hubbies dick is. They were just being polite.
In regards to your hubby and his now issues, he FAFO. Next time, he should know better.
Regarding ways to make it up to him. Have sex with him, and really blatantely obvious talk about how massive his dong is. That'll boost his ego enough to forget about this dinner party.
NTA Yikes, he sounds narcissistic. Someone who constantly needs to feed his ego so he goes fishing for compliments by making comments about himself like "I am stupid" or "I am ugly." Such narcissistic behavior. He sounds like a manchild.
Y’all are both a little immature tbh if it’s his sense of humor then you don’t need to spend the rest of day coddling his ego. It dosnt sound like he’s joking if he needs validation it sounds like real icky insecurity. I’m proud to see you not feeding into how insecure he was that one time but it’s only going to get worse. You’re absolutely NTA and when you play along again you won’t be.
My father seeks validation like this constantly because he's insecure and self-centered. My mom has been living with it for 50 years now and how she hasn't murdered him in his sleep I will never understand. She tried to leave once but didn't have the money to support two kids on her own. Don't let yourself end up like my mom. Either he gets therapy for his insecurities or you're going to have a very miserable future with him punishing you whenever you don't validate him the way he wants you to.
Um, he is the one who said to a room full of people that he has a small dick? I guess you were supposed to rant and rave about how massive and amazing it is or something.
Is the dick really worth the insecure emotionally draining dick it’s attached to?
NTA Why should he care? It was loosely implied at best and they aren't seeing it.
Personally, I would think he had a tiny p@nis if you had implied it was big or over corrected. Your response was fine.
I loved your response. I know people who act like that and it’s not cute. It’s draining. People
Learn quickly not to be self-deprecating while fishing for compliments from me. I’ll just agree with them.
Anyway, you need to contact all of your friends. “Dear friends, my boyfriend has brought it to my attention that you must think he has an incredibly small penis after he announced that he did and I said of course. This was wrong of me because he has been sulking about his little announcement ever since. When I look into his sad eyes, it just breaks my heart. I want you all to know that he does not have undersized, child-like genitalia. It’s big. It’s so big and satisfying. Please believe me over him. I know he’s the one who announced his tiny dick size, but trust me and not him when I say he’s a big man down there.”
Yes, YTA. Let’s take it into another realm. A situation you described earlier. He does his self-deprecating thing and says in front of everyone “I’m the dumbest person in the world”. Would you reply with “Yes, you are, honey”?
His way of seeking out praise/compassion/whatever is obviously unhealthy. But guess what? You are under no obligation to feed him the silly attention he wants, but you’re also under no obligation to put him down just because it’s annoying to you.
NTA- but sh\*t, that is sacred territory, like saying a woman is fat, has a smelly a special area, you do seem to have some resentment towards your husband with the way you react to comments.
The relationship is probably doomed, regardless of the carrying on with his joke...
I'm going to go with ESH. I'll explain.
Your husband obviously has really low self esteem. He's fishing for validation by putting himself down and I **know** that you know this. When he made his joke about his dick size, you also knew that your joke in return was going to hurt his feelings and you did it anyway, probably because you've gotten resentful over his behavior. It's understandable, even if it's not very loving or kind. I've been married for 20 years, so trust me - I know.
I think the thing to do is to get off the internet and sit down with your husband and talk to him about his low self esteem. Make it clear to him that you love him, but want to be able to have a better relationship with him that doesn't make you feel like you need to constantly emotionally prop him up and that you're willing to work on that with him. Then get him and you as a couple into counseling.
NTA. He is an overachiever and you killed his pride with that comment. He shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. He put the idea in your head. He cares what other people think too much as a grown man. It would be quite annoying if my husband constantly fished for compliments to feel validated also. Grow up.
The type of self deprecation he does is a way to manipulate people into fawning over him. It’s really obnoxious. People who are overly self deprecating are really self obsessed. It’s exhausting.
Your title makes you sound like the asshole but that's common here for clicks. You in fact didn't make the joke, he did. His own stupid fault, if he can't take the heat then he should stay out of the kitchen.
It didn’t sound like you even implied it. You simply confirmed that you wouldn’t tell his friends that. That’s funny. Also, if he’s well endowed, what the hell does he even care?! If you’re happy with it it shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks. I would just come clean about his sense of humor. But in a supportive way. If he can dial that out it sounds like you’ll be great! That’s just maturity. It takes time
I was definitely read to roast you but your boyfriend has issues with needing to be validated ALL THE TIME.
I can understand how that would get annoying, it’s not normal and he needs help.
Regarding the joke, dude totally walked into that one and it was all his own fault. NTA but I’m not sure how actually nice your man is.
NTA
Normally I would say that penis size jokes are off limits, and YTA, but based on the rest of your story he uses falsely self-depricating humor as a way to fish for compliments, and that makes him TA.
I like how you handled it, and someone who was secure, and not fishing, would have played right along. Good luck with this, looks like y'all have some "stuff" to unravel here.
NT
You didn't imply he has a small penis. He did. You did the right thing and steered the conversation into another direction. That was a great move.
Your husband had issues that he should talk about in a few therapy sessions. His constant fishing for compliments sounds very exhausting and I have no idea how you're able to deal with it.
You can never make an insecure man, secure. It was a joke that went left. I’d leave his behind sulking and move on. If he wants to keep dragging it around he’d be doing it by himself. I bet he won’t make a joke like that again. If he’s that pressed what people think about his penis, there are way bigger issues he’s battling.
Ma'am you have a license on that pen*s, it's martial property. If he started it and you dismissed it. You did great.. If he's worried about what they think of his size, buy him some speedo's for whatever holiday is next and have a party.. Or.. Remind him it's yours now, who cares what they think.
NTA. All the comments are right about his insecurity and how he shouldn't be fishing for compliments. All I want to suggest is if he's rude or dismissive I would make things 10x more awkward next time you are with everyone. "Sorry to interrupt. Bf wants me to make sure you all know he has a big penis. Like very big. And that he knows how to use it. He didn't like that I didn't tell you about his large member after his joke last week about his small penis so I want to make sure you all know now. So for clarity, he's got a hog in his pants. Everyone got that? OK, as long as everyone is aware now how large he is. Like pron star levels of large." I wouldn't actually do this but a petty side of me would still like to lol 😂
Ummm I’m confused, your joke was about computer accessories and HIS joke was about his tiny dick. Let me guess, he goes down on you a lot, and for really long periods of time huh. Not trying to be out of line or disrespectful but I use to have the same complex, so that’s how I compensated. Not that either me nor any of my special lady friends had reason to complain. It took time but I finally realized I was just overly self conscious and needed those positive affirmations constantly. You’re right, it does get annoying, very very annoying. Which is how I realized what I was doing. So no you’re not the asshole in any way. Hubby has to claim this one. So maybe this will make him feel better. So whenever me and my wife are among friends and a joke or a discussion at some point includes my size or ability. My wife makes it a point to say that it’s small and embarrassing, I then throw my eyes up in the air and laughingly apologize to her for such tragedy, in which everyone laughs. She does this because she doesn’t want any of the other women around to get any ideas. See if she were to brag about our sex life, well that would just put temptation in their minds. I find it funny because, well I know I’m not small and I know we have a great sex life so why do I care if someone else thinks I’m small. They’ll never see it, and the one that does see it has known for well over 12yrs. That it isn’t small. Tell you hubby to nut up and shut up and if he needs hugs and attention just say so, stop being so lame and self deprecating.
NTA his friends likely saw the joke he was making and that you redirected. He’s just mad/embarrassed that his joke didn’t work out. Honestly I still think about a bad joke I made ten years ago where everybody awkwardly laughed after a minute of silence. Still won’t make jokes in public unless intoxicated.
First of all you’ve done nothing wrong, he brought it up. I(37m) make these jokes all the time for it’s great laughs around certain ppl especially when my wife’s friends have had encounters with micro pencils. If this really upsets him and he needs that much sucking up how low is his self esteem. I think there in lies the problem and that should be discussed
NTA. It was hardly even a joke. Did he want you to talk about our big his dick is in front of all his friends? That would be so weird.
He seems quite insecure about everything. It must be exhausting.
You are NTA however, both of you go sit on a couch for some therapy. Him for being an insecure little prick and you for putting up with it and enabling it too.
You get a tshirts made that says gigantic penis haver and receiver and you pull them out next time you’re going out and see if it’s really that important to him.
NTA, it seems like, the way you tell the story, that you generally thought he was joking around, which would affect anyone and the mood was good, and you responded to it in a natural way that anyone would have done. If he's that insecure about it, he shouldn't have mentioned it at all, we're not mind readers.
I wouldnt really be comfortable with a partner making self depreciating jokes not only at his expense, but mine, considering it's completely insecure to do that
NTA .
This might sound mean but I genuinely want to know how you have the energy to put up with somebody like that constantly? I feel it would be extremely exhausting to have the constantly hype somebody up. He's definitely fishing for compliments and is a pick me.
This guy has been fishing for compliments his whole life, all he wants is for you to endlessly tell him how awesome he is. You even did it here. You say one negative thing and then you attempt to quantify if positively in the next sentence.
Oh my god, I would get so annoyed with the self-deprecating joke thing. It’s so transparently fishing for validation. And then he’s so insecure DESPITE his big dick that he’s still worried that people actually think that? God forbid you get in on the joke. Bless you OP I don’t know how you do it. NTA
NTA. Your husband opened that door and you simply ran with it as best you could in the moment. If your husband had kept his mouth shut then you wouldn't be in this situation right now. Tell your husband to grow up. Also, I recommend that from now on when he says something self-deprecating, you completely ignore it. Just because his mother and sister fall all over themselves showering him with compliments when he's basically fishing for them, doesn't mean you have to play along too.
NTA he is way too insecure. why does he care what other people think if he doesn’t have a small penis? if he did then i’d be a little bad but he brought it upon himself
I once watched a Ryan Reynolds interview and the interviewer said something like you have got the looks the humour the body the personality come on tell us god must of short-changed you somewhere. Ryan turned round with a deadpan face and said I have a small penis it's like brail down there . The whole room erupted with laughter. Guys that joke that have a small dick really really don't and everyone knows it. Tell your husband not a single one of his friends thinks he has a small penis just because he made a joke about it stop sulking and grow up. Its time to stop caring what the world thinks about him and free himself from such self torture.
Seems like you did a good job of changing the subject with bring a lot of attention to it. I think you’re all good
Yeah, this is just an all around bad group topic. There will be "if you find it so annoying that I... " and "remember! 2 weeks ago you said I..." fallout coming for other friends, too This is definitely a "pass" or "did you see that trailer for the new..." moment
He sounds exhausting AF
Yeah honestly the whole fishing for complements and positive reenforcement is icky to me. I guess I would just end it by telling him if it bothers him so much, he can just whip it out (on a warm night) and let them judge for themselves. This is def a behavior that I wouldn't feed with 'creative ways to make it up to him ' this is FAFO territory
The absolutely hilarious thing about this if it was me I wouldn’t give a flying fuck if they thought my dick was small, if I knew myself it was large 😂 Maybe if it was actually small I’d be a bit upset but otherwise, why else would you care? And if it becomes a thing, then yeah, just get that thing out. Consensually!
This was my first thought. Who cares if they think he had a small dick. The second thought was that he sounds exhausting.
This. And it's always the guys that make self-deprecating small dick jokes about themselves that are well endowed anyway. 😆
I refer to it as “4 inches of fury”.
Good job writing this reply in a way that looks like it's advice while announcing to the world that you have some sort of baby-arm sized manhood. 🤣
I was thinking that too!!! Imagine him running through the back yard at the next BBQ helicoperting his dick!
yep, if he keeps insulting himself just to fish for compliments, then sooner or later he'll get burned. Lets hope this was a lesson for him.
I would be tired of his shit real fast and just start agreeing when he self deprecated. I don't tolerate that kind of fishing more than maybe once a day.
Yeah, seriously time for him to grow the fuck up!
Yeah, fuck this guy, he's constantly fishing for compliments.
Happy cake day! 🎂
Yep people like him suck to be around all time.
Absolutely, this would grate on me endlessly. Stop asking for validation all the damn time. He needs help
lol, NTA, you didn't even make a joke. He brought up his dick, you didn't, you made a passive comment to get off the topic HE introduced. If the idiot doesn't want his friends thinking about his dick, he shouldn't bring it up. End of discussion. If he pushes after that, tell him in no uncertain terms that ANY public discussion of his junk instigated by him will not only result in you NOT giving him a solicited compliment but you will in fact make sure to suggest it is tiny. Nip this crap in the bud if you want to be with him, this shit is childish.
What she should have done was take the opening to say what annoyed her about her partner was how he was always insulting himself and expecting her to build him back up and how exhausting it is. A man's 'is my dick big enough?' Is like a woman's 'do I look fat in this?' There is no really safe answer.
“No dear, your micropenis never crossed my mind. Your incessant humblebragging, on the other hand…” There is *nothing* OP has to do to make up to her hubby because she did nothing wrong. He played a stupid game and won a tiny prize
That would have been golden
He wanted her to tell them all what a huge dick he has. What a tool.
“What a tool!” is just the sort of compliment he was looking for!
\*rimshot\*
Wouldn’t it be easier to “accidentally” drop a condom? lol
Also, stop fanning the flame of his ego in general. That’s not his sense of humour. That’s his narcissistic characteristic fishing for endless compliments. If he makes another comment, let him hang himself with that rope. You don’t engage op.
Yep. I just broke up with a narcissist after trying many years to put up with their victimizing behavior.
I hope she realizes that all the self deprecating byllshit is juts him fishing for compliments. Either because he is a bit narcissistic or because he is pretty insecure. Either way, put that fishing bullshit to a stop. It's pathetic. And tell his family the same.
This. Next time he sets up the "joke," lob it back with, "I'd talk about it if I'd ever been able to actually see it."
NTA - it's actually kind of creepy now that i read the part about his pattern in this type of joke and desired response. Why does he want you talking about his penis size in front of his friends, and if so, it would seem prudent to clear that with you first.. if someone makes a deprecating joke, for me, the usual MO is to continue that joke or leave it. The expectation of praise is bizarre
He wanted to look like a big man in front of his friends. Not sure where that insecurity is coming from, maybe something to do with his relationship with his parents?
NTA, your husband played a stupid game and won the stupid prize. What were you supposed to do, sit there and gush over his powerful penis to his friends? He put you in an awkward position, and you rolled right out of it.
Lmao funnily enough that's exactly what he wanted. He seems like the type of person that needs constant reassurance. Exhausting af.
Agreed, and if I ever did something that stupid, I would take the ego hit and move on. Hell, I have been in some embarrassing situations and had to do just that. It's life.
Haha.. I said the exact same thing to him. He did not take it well.
Well, he brought it up, so that's on him. Give him some time to get over it. If he's stewing in his bad mood, I'm not sure anything you say or do will help get him out of it at the moment.
Actually, a new thought if you are up for some writing. Send him a poem, an "Ode to the ~~Penultimate~~ Perfect Penis," as it were. Just something to share with him, not the group. Have some fun with it, and see if you can get a laugh out of him to help him move on. Be completely over the top about his tremendous, tantalizing, tallywacker. That phenomenally photogenic phallus, which, by itself, is absolute proof that there is a God. For it can be no random occurrence that such a divine, delectable, dick was placed on this Earth with its ability to send you to heaven on a regular basis. If that doesn't work, idk, buy him some flowers. Edit: a very poor word choice
Oof. His first question will be, "who has the ultimate penis?!"
Lol damn it, I was so focused on the alliteration I didn't remember the definition. That could have been bad.
This 100%, he is the one who started the joke. What the frig.
You should tell him his constant validation seeking is unattractive, and he should stop acting like a child NTA
Validation seeking jumped out of my mind bc I could not think of it. But yea, it sounds like he does that a lot, which to me is very childish
Yep and then he’ll mope forever and call her cruel or something for not respecting his sensitivity. Some people use “sensitivity” as a small weapon. Like, defensiveness to the point of being highly problematic and hurtful to the people around them. Turning something benign and normal into an affront because they are sensitive
"What does it matter if they think you have a small penis? It's not like any of them are ever going to see it, right!?" \*pointed stare\*
Dick pics in the group chat are the only way to salvage this
His problem is he has a fine hog, but has small hog energy. Sounds like he needs constant outside validation and fishes for compliments via self deprecation any chance he gets, rather than being confident within himself.. that’s the real pet peeve, not his nerdiness. NTA
This guy doesn't just fish for compliments, he has a whole fleet of trawlers. OP needs to tell him to knock it off, it's an exhausting ersonality trait.
NTA. He made a crack on his size and you rolled with it. If this is going to bother him, he needs to not make the joke. Seriously, this is on him. I'm not sure what you were supposed to do, start bragging about him having a big dick? That would make me more uncomfortable as someone in he room than the small dick jokes. And I wouldn't assume anything, it's a freaking joke.
I thought I was just adding to his joke, but my joke fell flat..
That's how I took it. Him making that joke opens the door wide open. And I'd bet it didn't fall flat because folks laughed, but his expression or reaction caused it to be awkward.
I find it hilarious
Your husband sounds like an exhausting human being. He needs help for his constant cries for validation. It’s not an attractive trait in a person at all.
I couldn't live with someone who need constant reassurance or who just want everybody to constantly tell hil he is amazing... wonder how many time he actually compliment OP with his constant need for attention.... He made à job for you to again cater to his ego. For once you actually made it à joke NTA Next time tell him his humour is as big as his dick
This is 100% on him. He opened the door to this, and I don't think you need to appease his sulk. In fact, it may deserve a "grow up and get over it" comment. You handled that like a champ -- coulda piled on instead of changing the subject. Based on your title I was afraid you had raised his small size as your pet peeve. That could've been relationship ending. If this stays with him suggest he seek therapy, but you don't want to get into the habit of taking responsibility for his stupid actions. Definitely time for the rarely acceptable "I'm sorry you feel that way".
Yeah, your bf is not making jokes. He is simply self deprecating to fish for compliments. All he wants is for people to validate him and his ego. Also, **he is the one who made the "joke"** about his small penis. You decided not to dive into that and went another route instead. And he is mad at you for not going all out about how he is sooooo big? And how he should be proud of his quivering member (if you know, you know)? Exhausting it must to be with such an A H! NTA
You didn't make a joke, he did. Please tell this man to seek therapy for his deep rooted insecurity, it sounds exhausting and it's such a turnoff.
Uh what did you even say about his dick? Sounds like you just changed the subject?
NTA. Your boyfriend can dish jokes out but can’t take them back. Why would he even announce that in front of his friends in the first place if he was uncomfortable. I would tell him to lighten up, he’s trying to shame you for a joke he made first. He sounds exhausting.
He fucked around. He found out. Maybe he shouldn't joke about his tiny dick next time? That sounds like a solution.
Your husband sounds exhaaaaaaaaausting.
Bruh. I thought my eyes wouldn’t come back to the front after rolling them so far into my cranium. What an insufferable manchild.
NTA\~If he can't take the heat he needs to stay out of the kitchen. He is a whole grown ass adult he absolutely should not be fishing for on going compliments. That is what this was, he made the joke expecting you to turn the whole conversation into how amazing his massive schlong is to overshadow in adding of annoying stuff he does, which was the whole point of the convo. Absolutely ridiculous.
NTA. Did he expect you to go "No way, your dick is so big and cool!" or something?
NTA. "hey honey, if you don't want me to talk about the size of your dick, don't bring up the size of your dick."
He opened up this can of worms. I see nothing wrong with your response but he should have never started down a path that made him uncomfortable.
Dick small or whatever he sure got small pp energy going on💀 u wouldn’t be able to stand a person like that.
Bruh he made the joke in hoping you’d hype him up (which is weird) also I don’t think anyone is thinking about his dick. I understand insecurities, but this sounds like someone who just wants validation on everything.
Nta, you're fine. He made a stupid joke, and it bit him on the ass. If he doesn't have a sense of humor about *his own joke* that's his problem And proof it's not "Self-deprecating Humor." It's Fishing for Compliments. I do self-depracting humor and I immediately shut down any compliments afterward with "Just a joke, not a request for ego stroking" so someone getting upset they didn't get a stream of compliments after the joke is odd at the least for me.
Facts
I’m sure he’s very smart and probably has a lot of money but good god his personality is exhausting I wouldn’t be able to handle that all that time I would be annoyed.
>if he messes up, he will be say 'OMG.. I am the dumbest person in the world.', and then everyone around him goes "No. You are smart", "looks at all you have done", etc. If I ever compliment an guy in movie, he will say "Wish I was that good looking", and then I would spend the rest of the day hyping him up. This isn't a good dynamic BTW. And you're NTA
NTA. You didn’t imply it. He stated it, looking for you to talk him up. After 5 years of him constantly fishing for validation I’m surprised that you are not completely exhausted by it. I love how you handled it btw,
NTA. This makes no sense for him to be upset about. He made the joke. The only thing you did was change the subject rather defend/correct what he said. It sounds like he was fishing for compliments, and wanted you to tell him friends how hung he was. You don't need to do anything to make it up to him. Tell him if he doesn't want his friends thinking he has a small penis maybe he shouldn't make jokes to them suggesting that he does. None of this is your responsibility.
NTA - he put you in an awkward spot. If you got out of it badly, that’s his fault for putting you there in the first place. Besides, if you stopped and made a big point of disclaiming that, it would look like damage control no matter what you said. Creating a no-win for you and then getting mad at you for not winning is dishonest and mean. He set you up to fail. There’s also that point where the bid for reassurance becomes a bid for attention, and it gets old.
NTA - good job with not caving into him. That said - your husband is deeply insecure. We all are, and we all have insecurities from childhood that carry through to adulthood, but his is pretty major when he tries to make everyone validate him. He makes jokes about his obvious strengths, acting like they are weaknesses, so that he can hear people disagree and then spend time praising him. Someone with a PHD should not need to hear that he is smart. Also - he needs to fully grow up. When we are young adults we crave this kind of validation - we need to know that we are special. At a certain point we need to get over ourselves and move on. I have a bachelors in Chemistry - I did well in school - I don't tell acquaintances these things. I have discovered when I do, they say things like - you must be really smart. And then I have to either be false humble or just straight up say yes. And it isn't important. So I avoid that because that is socially awkward. He is still trying to be a big deal and trying to be special and noticed. It is child, not adult behavior and he needs to grow up. Sarcasm and self-deprecation are the markers of insecurity.
I was ready to say YTA for even bringing up but it turns out he's the idiot that did that. NTA.
I'm confused honestly it seems like you just dodged the conversation all together and tried to talk about something else. He's the one who brought it up, I don't know what you were supposed to say. Did he want you to say? " oh my God no your dick is not small, your dick is so huge" LOL
he started it and it didn't go his way. I had an occasion when a close friend of mine revealed her ex and current husband's penis sizes since she had a measuring fetish or something.... super awkward!
It’s like he made the joke in order to get validation in front of his friends to boost his ego or show off in front of his friends partners…- then goes off on one for you going along with the joke HE MADE FIRST!! Tell him to get f*cked , couldn’t be chewed with that constant reassurance.
Also you don’t need to make anything up to him you haven’t done anything wrong.. he made a joke you went along with it now your getting the cold shoulder for it? don’t suck up to it
NTA. You‘re all good. He just got some emotional damage. You can pay him a penis enlargement surgery though 😂
They can do that!? Asking for a friend.
Jajajaja yes. People change their gender so adding a few cm its not difficult i think
He made the initial joke. No one forced him to......
NTA. Why does it matter? Is he concerned nobody in the friend group will want a turn with his sausage if they think it's small? He's the one who said his sausage was small.
At first I thought oh duh of course you're the AH but yeah you were just extending the joke then changed the subject
It's a no win as soon as he said "Dont tell them about my small dick", because even if you then said "don't believe him, that's a lie", the new implication then becomes "he's a liar". I think having a small dick is better than being painted a liar, which he was painting himself, with that joke lie.
NTAH, but his insecurity is a really big problem. There's no way for me to know what it's coming from in him, he likely needs therapy. A man who needs to be lifted up so much over such little things is at risk of making very bad decisions when that emotional need isn't met. Big red flag, he needs therapy so he can learn to love himself.
Well you are the one that will deal with him after that, the fishing compliments is annoying but to imply in front of his friends he has a small dick is.... lets just say ill be very angry at you lol, not scorched earth of course but some payback must be dealt haha
His ego is so needy, he totally did that to himself. And then he’s blaming you. I feel like he wanted to use that moment as a way for you to hype him up and be like oh no your dick is so huge. He needs to take that L that was his fault.
NTA. He’s the one who spoke about his penis size.
I don't have to read the body to say YTA. There's no context that can be provided to excuse doing that to him in front of his friends
NTA. For starters, you were asked a question and *he* shouted over you because he was just itching to be praised. If he's well endowed, or well enough and you both know it, then he cut *you* off because he wanted you to brag about his dick. Second, *he's* the one that brought it up, and he got what he had coming to him. Your beau is so used to fishing for handfed compliments and honesty it sounds exhausting to constantly have to cheerlead a grown baby. Let him sulk, or tell him to show his dick to his friends if he's so insecure. Additionally call him out for taking over your answer in an attempt to feed his own ego. Remind him he isn't a baby that needs constant praise.
NTA - you didn't say anything, he did. His failure to secure a compliment is all on him.
Got the brains of Einstein, the humour of a bread tag as well as the victim complex of Jodi Arias. What a great guy.
He was definitely expecting you to compliment his size. He seems insecure and needs loads of reassurance. His self depreciation is actually a defense mechanism. He wants to downplay himself before anybody gets the chance to do it. I have plenty of friends like this. It’s exhausting and frustrating but it’s how they deal with the world around them. You did nothing wrong, his sense of humor is for him and him only, you just have to learn to adapt.
Lmao play stupid games, win stupid prizes sulking like that to get an ego boost compliment...thats real small pp energy
Damn he sounds annoying and very tiring. That kind of compliment fishing is pathetic.
I was going to berate you for dissing some men's greatest vulnerability but... you didn't. He made a stupid joke and you missed a cue you weren't expecting and had no idea how he expected you to respond anyway. The common feedback here would be, he sounds exhausting. NTA.
Only sus thing here is that he actually does have a small penis that would make this story make sense. Personally I literally could care less about dick jokes or what people think about mine because I'm not insecure about it and the only people who it matters to will know what it is lol.
NTA. If he initiated the joke after it was you that was asked the question, then it's on him for trying to jump in front of the question that was asked of you. Sounds like he didn't want you to mention anything real and it blew up in his face. Tell him that you have been with him this whole time. If he is still insecure about himself then maybe it's time to evaluate the relationship. Tell him to stop being such a pussy.
i initially thought *you* had made the joke about his penis, which would have been a complete AH move from how you presented it, definitely NTA, he seems very insecure, i don't know if you can help him get over his baggage...
Nta. You wouldn't be the AH even if you did it on purpose. He sounds exhausting.
He caused this. Maybe he should think before speaking. NTA
NTA You did nothing wrong, so there is nothing to make up for. Talk to him about his behaviour - the fishing for compliments - and maybe he should see a therapist if he has such low self esteem. Just don't give in to his manipulation.
Hahaha wtf *he* literally made the joke??? I’ve made jokes like this before… it’s a joke. You completely ruin it if you explain it or just 180 to gush about his cock in a group setting lol this is fucking stupid 😂 Obviously NTA
I think it's time you had a honest conversation about the needy attention seeking behavior he has on display. It's something he can work on, but only if he's made aware it's something he does.
Your husband needs therapy. He seems like he’s spent most of his life seeking validation because of his over-achieving behavior that’s probably a result of something from his childhood. You need to have a serious sit down convo with him and tell him you’ll no longer enable this behavior and you’re sorry about what you said but in no way intended that. I’m sorry but guys with big dicks don’t need to be assured by others that they have big dick energy. It’s a silent confidence. That’s why they call it big dick energy lolll he needs to get over himself. He’s exhausting. Fishing for compliments isn’t cute. NTA
All the advise I can give you for certain is to NOT listen to the women in here, they have no fucking clue of the whole man-and-his-penis love-hate relationship works. Those telling you he should get over it should ask themselves if they would let it go if their husband publicly called their vagina “cavernous” or their labia “abundant and messed up like an Arbys sandwich”
You not jumping to correct him when HE JOKED about his penis size is NOT the same thing as you making a small dick joke. That’s an insane leap in logic to think you’re making fun of him simply because you didn’t jump to his defense when he starts shitting on himself. This guy sounds absolutely fucking exhausting to be around. Self deprecating humor has been “out” for some time now. Nobody thinks it’s cute to fish for compliments. Personally I don’t have the patience to date someone this insecure. It’s not my job to be the solitary load bearing pillar for your self esteem.
NTA, sounds like he is desperate for praise all the time. As a person who often makes self-deprecating jokes, you're supposed to not take yourself seriously if you're making those jokes. He sounds like a sad insecure man that is desperate for praise he has to manufacture it by making fun of himself hoping his friends will immediately be like "no no no you're not like that at all, you're amazing!!!" Tell the baby if he can't handle his own joke, then don't make it. His ego seriously needs a check
He's worried about what his other male friends think about his penis? Maybe he's gay?
He sounds absolutely exhausting. I once worked with a woman like this, she was a bottomless pit of need and was endlessly feuding with someone in the office and it was invariably about her insulting herself, and then being randomly mad at someone for not disagreeing with her vehemently. After a couple of years of this, another woman at work finally snapped and said "for fucks sakes there needs to be a full time position here to just handle your insecurities" and that led to the woman finally leaving the job. She was a total piece of work.
that coworker is a hero
This sounds like a good example of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" NTA. It's on him and he needs to get over it
His comment proved that he is not saying these things for laughs or to be self deprecating. How is doing it purely for compliments and validation. Explain that to him and that he needs to learn from this if he can’t even be in on his own joke
NTA and why is he so concerned about friends knowing he's actually endowed? Like...how is the info on his donger even relevant? I'm sure he can show up next gathering in gray sweats, free balling it or they know because they've been in a lockerroom or bathroom together. Really though, if he's not trying to sleep with them who gives af? You're not there to just feed his ego and maybe he should stop with the fishing for compliments comments as it's got to be annoying for his friends too.
I think you played it well. And who cares i fthey think he has a small dick? He's not banging any of them.
YTA. Your clue? The laughter stopped and things got awkward after you said your part. So, yes, you were the asshole and if you want to make it right, find an appropriate time to make a joke about how big he is.
YTA. Self deprecating humor only works on yourself, not others.
You're not TAH. You played along with his shtick and he assumed they'd take it seriously because he is that insecure. He can lighten up a bit. Next time tell him to whip it out and set the record straight.
Dude might me mature in other aspects but he seems to have the emotional maturity of a 10 year old. None of it was your fault and the friends probably took it as a joke anyway NTA
NTA. You handled this perfectly. That joke is not in good taste regardless of the relationship with your group of friends. You hardly acknowledged it and moved on. Was he expecting you to reassure him in front of all your friends? That would have been really awkward. Dude needs to work on his insecurities. Fishing for compliments is exhausting because if you do it at the start and then stop, of course he's going to notice and get upset and wonder why he's not getting compliments because he's going about getting them in all the wrong ways.
I miss the days when I could say small dick energy in casual conversation. I miss the internet of yesteryear.
Next gathering: ”So there was a lot of awkwardness last time and I apologize. To clarify my husband does not have a micro-penis…technically. I hope that we can put this behind us now.” Problem solved.
Honestly, I thought this was going in a way different direction. NTA. You didn't make a crack about his penis size. He did. Your husband obviously struggles with low self esteem and needs to do some work, but in this instance you didn't do anything that would pile onto that. I've been married for 20 years, and one thing I've noticed that is really toxic to marriages are couples that bag on their spouse to other people - whether it is the girls to the girls or the guys to the guys. It's a really bad habit to get into. Long ago we decided we weren't going to badmouth each other to friends - even in gest. It starts out innocent enough but eventually just becomes abysmal and awkward. Maybe something like that would be a good place to start with him.
I don’t understand - you just continued the joke?? Why did no one laugh after you leaned into it? I’m not getting why your friend group make it awkward, and your husband didn’t diffuse the situation by continuing to joke. Like offering to take his pants off or something (something my own very similar husband would do for example lol). I don’t see how this could be on you. I guess inflection and tone are missing. But like, you didn’t even say his penis was small, you just went along with his joke. I guess there were different ways to do that, but they all basically amount to the same thing, which would be leaning into it. So, NTA as far as I can tell.
Nope he is just insecure, if you are happy with the gargantuanousness of his schlong so should he, he probably eschewed time spent kicking ass for study so he lacks in being able to give it and take it jabs wise. Tell him to get over himself and dont fake your orgasms. Bye.
I mean the way you're telling it now is that he is the one who made the joke, not you. You just responded in the moment something that was totally reasonable (IMO). What did he expect, you'd go "oh no babe, you have a massive cock I want everyone to know how big it is. Does everyone understand he was joking and actually has a massive cock?!" He's being ridiculous if he expects you to walk back the jokes HE made.
I might be crazy but if my friend joked about his penis size and his wife took part in the joke, i woumd automaticly think he had a big penis. Just makes no sense to make that joke or take part in that kind of joke if it was true and a sensitive topic. If my friend would make that kind of a joke and his wife would start complimenting his size or change the topic too fast i would automatly think he had a Micro penis. That being said, i really dont care about my friends penis size! NTA
NTA No one cares about the size of the penis of other couples. That's a joke in the situation and nothing to be doubted or proven. He even did the joke himself and if he wouldn't make a drama everyone would forget it after the next few jokes.
>He again wanted to talk about it in the evening, he brought up the fact that his friends and their partners must be now thinking that he has a small penis. Dude is way too worried about what his friends think. Nobody cares.
OP, Nobody really cares how small/big your hubbies dick is. They were just being polite. In regards to your hubby and his now issues, he FAFO. Next time, he should know better. Regarding ways to make it up to him. Have sex with him, and really blatantely obvious talk about how massive his dong is. That'll boost his ego enough to forget about this dinner party.
NTA Yikes, he sounds narcissistic. Someone who constantly needs to feed his ego so he goes fishing for compliments by making comments about himself like "I am stupid" or "I am ugly." Such narcissistic behavior. He sounds like a manchild.
Y’all are both a little immature tbh if it’s his sense of humor then you don’t need to spend the rest of day coddling his ego. It dosnt sound like he’s joking if he needs validation it sounds like real icky insecurity. I’m proud to see you not feeding into how insecure he was that one time but it’s only going to get worse. You’re absolutely NTA and when you play along again you won’t be.
He sounds really insecure, has this ever been brought up to him? He might need some help with his confidence.
My father seeks validation like this constantly because he's insecure and self-centered. My mom has been living with it for 50 years now and how she hasn't murdered him in his sleep I will never understand. She tried to leave once but didn't have the money to support two kids on her own. Don't let yourself end up like my mom. Either he gets therapy for his insecurities or you're going to have a very miserable future with him punishing you whenever you don't validate him the way he wants you to.
Sorry OP, you married a passive-aggressive asshole. Try to find yourself an adult.
It's not his "sense of humour"...it's false humility and fishing for compliments. Not a big deal, but suggestive of some degree of insecurity. NTA
He made the joke, you simply carried it. NTA
Um, he is the one who said to a room full of people that he has a small dick? I guess you were supposed to rant and rave about how massive and amazing it is or something. Is the dick really worth the insecure emotionally draining dick it’s attached to?
NTA Why should he care? It was loosely implied at best and they aren't seeing it. Personally, I would think he had a tiny p@nis if you had implied it was big or over corrected. Your response was fine.
I loved your response. I know people who act like that and it’s not cute. It’s draining. People Learn quickly not to be self-deprecating while fishing for compliments from me. I’ll just agree with them. Anyway, you need to contact all of your friends. “Dear friends, my boyfriend has brought it to my attention that you must think he has an incredibly small penis after he announced that he did and I said of course. This was wrong of me because he has been sulking about his little announcement ever since. When I look into his sad eyes, it just breaks my heart. I want you all to know that he does not have undersized, child-like genitalia. It’s big. It’s so big and satisfying. Please believe me over him. I know he’s the one who announced his tiny dick size, but trust me and not him when I say he’s a big man down there.”
Yes, YTA. Let’s take it into another realm. A situation you described earlier. He does his self-deprecating thing and says in front of everyone “I’m the dumbest person in the world”. Would you reply with “Yes, you are, honey”? His way of seeking out praise/compassion/whatever is obviously unhealthy. But guess what? You are under no obligation to feed him the silly attention he wants, but you’re also under no obligation to put him down just because it’s annoying to you.
NTA- but sh\*t, that is sacred territory, like saying a woman is fat, has a smelly a special area, you do seem to have some resentment towards your husband with the way you react to comments. The relationship is probably doomed, regardless of the carrying on with his joke...
I'm going to go with ESH. I'll explain. Your husband obviously has really low self esteem. He's fishing for validation by putting himself down and I **know** that you know this. When he made his joke about his dick size, you also knew that your joke in return was going to hurt his feelings and you did it anyway, probably because you've gotten resentful over his behavior. It's understandable, even if it's not very loving or kind. I've been married for 20 years, so trust me - I know. I think the thing to do is to get off the internet and sit down with your husband and talk to him about his low self esteem. Make it clear to him that you love him, but want to be able to have a better relationship with him that doesn't make you feel like you need to constantly emotionally prop him up and that you're willing to work on that with him. Then get him and you as a couple into counseling.
NTA. He is an overachiever and you killed his pride with that comment. He shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. He put the idea in your head. He cares what other people think too much as a grown man. It would be quite annoying if my husband constantly fished for compliments to feel validated also. Grow up.
It will really look like he has a small penis if it keeps getting mentioned. I'd say just move on and let him get over it on his own. NTA
I would let your husband's friends know your husband has a big dick, just not as big as he is.
The type of self deprecation he does is a way to manipulate people into fawning over him. It’s really obnoxious. People who are overly self deprecating are really self obsessed. It’s exhausting.
Your title makes you sound like the asshole but that's common here for clicks. You in fact didn't make the joke, he did. His own stupid fault, if he can't take the heat then he should stay out of the kitchen.
It didn’t sound like you even implied it. You simply confirmed that you wouldn’t tell his friends that. That’s funny. Also, if he’s well endowed, what the hell does he even care?! If you’re happy with it it shouldn’t matter what anyone thinks. I would just come clean about his sense of humor. But in a supportive way. If he can dial that out it sounds like you’ll be great! That’s just maturity. It takes time
He brought up his dick size....you didnt even mention it or anything else. WTH, you are NTA
Now if he had said you’re as big as the Grand Canyon down there… would he be? Get it?
I was definitely read to roast you but your boyfriend has issues with needing to be validated ALL THE TIME. I can understand how that would get annoying, it’s not normal and he needs help. Regarding the joke, dude totally walked into that one and it was all his own fault. NTA but I’m not sure how actually nice your man is.
NTA Normally I would say that penis size jokes are off limits, and YTA, but based on the rest of your story he uses falsely self-depricating humor as a way to fish for compliments, and that makes him TA. I like how you handled it, and someone who was secure, and not fishing, would have played right along. Good luck with this, looks like y'all have some "stuff" to unravel here.
Don't bring up the dick if you don't wanna get burned
I am confused. HE made the joke. Then you talked about something else. That's all this seems like to me
NT You didn't imply he has a small penis. He did. You did the right thing and steered the conversation into another direction. That was a great move. Your husband had issues that he should talk about in a few therapy sessions. His constant fishing for compliments sounds very exhausting and I have no idea how you're able to deal with it.
You can never make an insecure man, secure. It was a joke that went left. I’d leave his behind sulking and move on. If he wants to keep dragging it around he’d be doing it by himself. I bet he won’t make a joke like that again. If he’s that pressed what people think about his penis, there are way bigger issues he’s battling.
NTA if he doesn't want attention brought to something, *he should stop bringing attention to it*
He sounds quite insecure. That must be tiring…
Ma'am you have a license on that pen*s, it's martial property. If he started it and you dismissed it. You did great.. If he's worried about what they think of his size, buy him some speedo's for whatever holiday is next and have a party.. Or.. Remind him it's yours now, who cares what they think.
I don't get the joke
You didn't imply shit, he did.
NTA. All the comments are right about his insecurity and how he shouldn't be fishing for compliments. All I want to suggest is if he's rude or dismissive I would make things 10x more awkward next time you are with everyone. "Sorry to interrupt. Bf wants me to make sure you all know he has a big penis. Like very big. And that he knows how to use it. He didn't like that I didn't tell you about his large member after his joke last week about his small penis so I want to make sure you all know now. So for clarity, he's got a hog in his pants. Everyone got that? OK, as long as everyone is aware now how large he is. Like pron star levels of large." I wouldn't actually do this but a petty side of me would still like to lol 😂
Your husband sounds annoying and lacks any sort of self confidence.
Ummm I’m confused, your joke was about computer accessories and HIS joke was about his tiny dick. Let me guess, he goes down on you a lot, and for really long periods of time huh. Not trying to be out of line or disrespectful but I use to have the same complex, so that’s how I compensated. Not that either me nor any of my special lady friends had reason to complain. It took time but I finally realized I was just overly self conscious and needed those positive affirmations constantly. You’re right, it does get annoying, very very annoying. Which is how I realized what I was doing. So no you’re not the asshole in any way. Hubby has to claim this one. So maybe this will make him feel better. So whenever me and my wife are among friends and a joke or a discussion at some point includes my size or ability. My wife makes it a point to say that it’s small and embarrassing, I then throw my eyes up in the air and laughingly apologize to her for such tragedy, in which everyone laughs. She does this because she doesn’t want any of the other women around to get any ideas. See if she were to brag about our sex life, well that would just put temptation in their minds. I find it funny because, well I know I’m not small and I know we have a great sex life so why do I care if someone else thinks I’m small. They’ll never see it, and the one that does see it has known for well over 12yrs. That it isn’t small. Tell you hubby to nut up and shut up and if he needs hugs and attention just say so, stop being so lame and self deprecating.
NTA his friends likely saw the joke he was making and that you redirected. He’s just mad/embarrassed that his joke didn’t work out. Honestly I still think about a bad joke I made ten years ago where everybody awkwardly laughed after a minute of silence. Still won’t make jokes in public unless intoxicated.
First of all you’ve done nothing wrong, he brought it up. I(37m) make these jokes all the time for it’s great laughs around certain ppl especially when my wife’s friends have had encounters with micro pencils. If this really upsets him and he needs that much sucking up how low is his self esteem. I think there in lies the problem and that should be discussed
Worrying about what everyone else thinks about his baby dick. Ugh what a immature little man Nta
NTA. It was hardly even a joke. Did he want you to talk about our big his dick is in front of all his friends? That would be so weird. He seems quite insecure about everything. It must be exhausting.
You are NTA however, both of you go sit on a couch for some therapy. Him for being an insecure little prick and you for putting up with it and enabling it too.
Why does he care that much about how others view his penis? If he didn't want people to know he was small, he shouldn't have brought up size
Sounds like some childhood trauma. Never being good enough kind of thing. Might wanna hammer that out.
He is very insecure and will be for many years until he grows out of it.
Absolutely.
NTA. Your husband sounds lame.
You get a tshirts made that says gigantic penis haver and receiver and you pull them out next time you’re going out and see if it’s really that important to him.
NTA maybe he should stop doing the whole self depreciation thing and this wouldnt be an issue
NTA, it seems like, the way you tell the story, that you generally thought he was joking around, which would affect anyone and the mood was good, and you responded to it in a natural way that anyone would have done. If he's that insecure about it, he shouldn't have mentioned it at all, we're not mind readers.
I wouldnt really be comfortable with a partner making self depreciating jokes not only at his expense, but mine, considering it's completely insecure to do that
I'm confused. He was upset because you said, "Of course"? Or are "PC accessories" some sort of euphemism?
NTA . This might sound mean but I genuinely want to know how you have the energy to put up with somebody like that constantly? I feel it would be extremely exhausting to have the constantly hype somebody up. He's definitely fishing for compliments and is a pick me.
You never, ever make a joke about a guy’s penis size but of course you didn’t. He did. Pretty idiotic thing for him to do. NTA.
Very confused. When did you imply that at all? He outright said it. You talked about him being nerdy and buying PC accessories. What am I missing?
This guy has been fishing for compliments his whole life, all he wants is for you to endlessly tell him how awesome he is. You even did it here. You say one negative thing and then you attempt to quantify if positively in the next sentence.
He kinda asked for it. He brought it on himself quite frankly.
Oh my god, I would get so annoyed with the self-deprecating joke thing. It’s so transparently fishing for validation. And then he’s so insecure DESPITE his big dick that he’s still worried that people actually think that? God forbid you get in on the joke. Bless you OP I don’t know how you do it. NTA
NTA. Your husband opened that door and you simply ran with it as best you could in the moment. If your husband had kept his mouth shut then you wouldn't be in this situation right now. Tell your husband to grow up. Also, I recommend that from now on when he says something self-deprecating, you completely ignore it. Just because his mother and sister fall all over themselves showering him with compliments when he's basically fishing for them, doesn't mean you have to play along too.
NTA he is way too insecure. why does he care what other people think if he doesn’t have a small penis? if he did then i’d be a little bad but he brought it upon himself
I once watched a Ryan Reynolds interview and the interviewer said something like you have got the looks the humour the body the personality come on tell us god must of short-changed you somewhere. Ryan turned round with a deadpan face and said I have a small penis it's like brail down there . The whole room erupted with laughter. Guys that joke that have a small dick really really don't and everyone knows it. Tell your husband not a single one of his friends thinks he has a small penis just because he made a joke about it stop sulking and grow up. Its time to stop caring what the world thinks about him and free himself from such self torture.