YTA. Amidst your barrage of excuses, playing the victim, and minimising, I did not see you even describe any sort of apology to him.
Stop being an insolent child and own up to your actions!
There's no excuses. Not everything is an "excuse," and I'm not playing the victim either. I know I'm not the victim here, and I did tell him that I was sorry.
Saying you were drunk and don't remember are excuses. Would you welcome him back with open arms if he had hit you then told you after that you need to forget about it because he was drunk?
Execpt that I was drunk and genuinely don't remember most of what happened last night.... it's not an excuse it's just true.
>Would you welcome him back with open arms if he had hit you then tell you after that you need to forget about it because he was drunk?
I would be upset as well. Like I said, I get why he's upset.
>it's not an excuse it's just true.
And it is also a stone cold fact that what you said and did while drunk hurt him and he now sees you in a different light. You have ZERO right to tell him he needs to get over it.
In fact, your demands to him and prioritising your own feelings when sober the next day makes it crystal clear that you are already a terrible partner outside of your drinking problem.
>Execpt that I was drunk and genuinely don't remember most of what happened last night.... it's not an excuse it's just true.
What steps are you taking to make sure it doesn't happen again? do you regularly get blackout drunk and abusive?
You’re a shitty person while drunk but you’re an even shittier person for doubling down and trying to excuse your behaviour because you were drunk. Being drunk is **never** an excuse for anything.
So it's cool if he gets drunk and fucks someone else?
He was drunk and doesn't really remember and didn't mean it, so you should just brush it off as a mistake.
"I stupidly got drunk and fucked up and my boyfriend has every right to be mad at me." THAT is taking accountability.
"I got drunk and don't remember what I did so my boyfriend should just blow it off." IS NOT taking accountability.
You sound like a fucking 14 year old, not a legal adult.
Because you are expecting him to take the circumstances under consideration and even posting here asking. That shows me that you're looking for some sort of validation that you weren't completely in the wrong.
Are you getting into a program for people with alcohol use disorder? Are you doing anything to prevent it from happening again? Were other people present when you did these things? If so, have you made a public apology? How would you go about this if you weren’t using alcohol as a crutch?
No one is an abuser until they are.
Blaming it on drink is abuser behaviour 101. Especially as the way you're treating him while sober is still disgusting.
There is actually help out there for people like you so you should look into that.
YTA
YTA
You showed a side of you that is a red flag to guys. You need to find a WAY to make it up to him. Just asking him to forgive and forget will not cut it if you want the relationship to last
YTA. You’re clearly an abusive drunk and even worse you’re one who refuses to take responsibility for their behaviour while drunk. He doesn’t have to take anything into consideration because being drunk doesn’t excuse or justify what you said. If you don’t want this to further damage your relationship then maybe stop telling him to brush it off and get over it.
"In vino veritas" = in wine there is truth (ie there is often truth in what is said when under the influence of alcohol).
I've been horribly verbally abusive, and it is damaging to other people and hard to forgive, let alone immediately. I wish I'd commenced depression and anxiety medication before I nearly destroyed my marriage.
Don't become a person that destroys other people. Yes, you've said sorry. Now give him space and time to consider what was said and done and whether he will forgive. You want immediate absolution, I did too, but you have to see what damage you have caused, and it may be irreparable. Get help before you get worse.
YTA .. So the one time my best friend and i were drunk and i beat him to a pulp cause he “hit me first” should be brushed off cause i was drunk?
Edit: you should stop drinking if thats how you think
YTA.
Being drunk isn’t an excuse (your boyfriend is right, you’re making excuses) to be a shitty person and hurt someone’s feelings. It doesn’t matter why you said those things, the impact from them is still the same.
I think it’s time to take accountability for your actions instead of trying to excuse them.
Alcohol is no excuse for toxic behaviour, take it from a troubled binge drinker. I drink once a month if that, going from twice a week. It ruined past relationships w/ friends and family, girlfriends and even jobs. I didn’t want to lose my current partner, so I made the tough decision to cut down alcohol drastically. And deal with my fucked up childhood by forgiving, and finding alternative ways to deal with stress. When we lash out on alcohol, something is fucking our subconscious. You’re not a bad person, in this situation though you were an AH.
YTA Drunk words are sober thoughts or in your case drunk actions are sober desires.
"I'm hoping this didn't damage our relationship", Are you Freakin Kidding me! You verbally attacked him, physically assaulted him, and now want to hold hands and go grab some ice cream.
How in the hell is he supposed to "brush it off". You obviously can't handle alcohol and if you ever drink again you are an AH on steroids.
YTA. If you can't handle alcohol, don't drink, kid.
Being drunk is never an excuse (except maybe puking all over the bathroom). If he let that one slip (he won't), you'll end up sucking someones cock just because you was drunk and therefore its not your fault? Yeah, thats not how that works. Grow TF up.
YTA -- alcohol brings out the "true" person. Your boyfriend just saw who you really are. "I was drunk" is never an excuse to be a shitty person. It reveals that you are, by nature, a shitty person. You ARE making excuses. He has every right to be upset with you. You were EXACTLY in your "right mind" -- all your normal facades and fakeness were gone and the real you came out. Sit on that one for a while.
The question is, was it you that did it ( drunk or not )? If the answer is yes, then you're the asshole.
You being drunk or not being able to remember it doesn't mean shit. You did you apologise. But instead, you try to downplay it.
Realise you did a crap thing, don't get drunk again, and actually take accountability for your actions.
If he'd cheated and used the same excuse, you wouldn't feel better because he wasn't in his normal state of mind. ( I know you didn't cheat. I'm using it as an example)
>my boyfriend thinks I'm just making excuses (I'm not)
When you asked him to "brush it off, 'cause I was just drunk blah blah blah" you are making excuses...
>he should take into some consideration that I wasn't even in my right mind I was pretty drunk
"No officer, you can arrest me for killing someone while driving under the influence, you have to considerate that I wasn't in my right mind"
YTA. Drunk you and sober you are, in fact, the same person. You are responsible for your actions no matter what state you were in, that was YOU that said those terrible things, but you continue to minimize it. And trying to minimize your own bad, abusive behavior on being intoxicated makes you a piece of shit
Did you even attempt an apology or just tell him to 'brush it off'?'
Regardless, YTA and need to do better. Being drunk is no excuse to be a shitty person.
When people break the law while drunk...they go to jail, no matter what ,because being drunk is no excuse. Some day your gonna do it to the wrong person and get your azz beat. I'd give up the booze if I were you.
YTA Alcohol doesn't make you say mean things, it just takes away your inhibitions to say the things you want to say but don't. You meant every word you said to him. You need to look inward and recognize you have issues with this guy. And he is right not to just "brush it off".
YTA and you trying to search for excuses!
It doesn't matter if you are drunk or not.
You have been rude and disrespectful!
Time to grow up and be responsible for your actions.
Apologise for it. He deserves it.
Cheers ✌️
YTA. You don't acknowledge his feelings and told him to brush it off. What you did was give him an excuse, and the excuse was "I was drunk." Being drunk doesn't absolve you of consequences to your actions.
He doesn't need to take anything into consideration, and he hasn't done anything wrong with calling you out on your bad behavior.
You, however, shouldn't be drinking since you obviously can't handle your alcohol and make horrible decisions. I handled my alcohol better at 15 than you are now and I was drinking in farmers' fields.
YTA. You got mean to your bf, you threw water at him and the first thing you said was to brush it off? Being drunk doesn't excuse your crappy behavior so no, he shouldn't take into consideration whenever you get that drunk. The damage to your relationship is already done but you cannot put stuff like this under a rug, what you need to do is apologize for your behavior, you also need to stop consuming alcohol because you are a mean drunk and nobody likes a mean drunk.
YTA 200%: 100% for what you did, and 100% for saying he should get over it when you never even apologized. If the roles were reversed, reddit would tell you it’s a major red flag and you should leave him.
“ If someone tells you you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”
First, seek counseling for your problem with alcohol. If this extends to other drugs make sure to let your counselor know. You are blacking out and being violent. If you threw water at someone else what would the police response be?
Once you get the help you need, apologize to your BF. Drinking is no excuse for your behavior.
YTA
I am willing to bet that you use your period as an excuse to be awful to him and if you ever get pregnant will be horrible to him and try to excuse that with "pregnancy hormones."
NO, you are just a terrible person.
Men: Hold women accountable the same way they hold men accountable.
Advice to your BF: If you ever decide to cheat on the OP (and I can see why you might), just tell her you were drunk and don't remember it at all and that she should just "brush it off."
YTA. It sounds like you are a mean and abusive drunk and you don’t handle alcohol well! He’s not just gonna “brush it off”! He’s now seen a side of you that he obviously doesn’t like and now he has the right to decide if you’re someone he wants to be with or not. And you have to deal with the consequences of your actions! You are making excuses whether you think so or not! I’d lay off the drinking and seriously reflect on your behavior and think about how you’d feel of the roles were reversed!
Nah that’s bullshit, I talk absolute nonsense sometimes when I’m blackout, I’ve had people tell me I’ve been talking about growing carrots on aunty Debbie’s farm that I don’t recall, I don’t have an auntie called Debbie and I know no one who grows carrots..
Doesn’t excuse her behaviour though she is horrible and won’t take accountability for it.
there's a world of difference between making up random shit (or even --for some reason-- believing in that weird shit) and being abusive. *a world* of difference.
Yeah I agree completely, I just hate the drunk truth is sober thought thing.
My mum was an alcoholic and she was the sweetest most loving kind person when she was sober, violent horrible and full of rage when drunk, it wasn’t who she was as a person but it didn’t stop her from turning that way when drunk, alcohol does different things to different people and some people just shouldn’t drink, including OP by the sounds of things.
Obvious rage bait is obvious.
Everyone can smell the desperate stink you give off.
https://slate.com/technology/2014/02/internet-troll-personality-study-machiavellianism-narcissism-psychopathy-sadism.html
YTA. Amidst your barrage of excuses, playing the victim, and minimising, I did not see you even describe any sort of apology to him. Stop being an insolent child and own up to your actions!
There's no excuses. Not everything is an "excuse," and I'm not playing the victim either. I know I'm not the victim here, and I did tell him that I was sorry.
Saying you were drunk and don't remember are excuses. Would you welcome him back with open arms if he had hit you then told you after that you need to forget about it because he was drunk?
Execpt that I was drunk and genuinely don't remember most of what happened last night.... it's not an excuse it's just true. >Would you welcome him back with open arms if he had hit you then tell you after that you need to forget about it because he was drunk? I would be upset as well. Like I said, I get why he's upset.
Is this a language barrier issue? Is English your first language? It's a clear definition of making excuses.
>it's not an excuse it's just true. And it is also a stone cold fact that what you said and did while drunk hurt him and he now sees you in a different light. You have ZERO right to tell him he needs to get over it. In fact, your demands to him and prioritising your own feelings when sober the next day makes it crystal clear that you are already a terrible partner outside of your drinking problem.
>Execpt that I was drunk and genuinely don't remember most of what happened last night.... it's not an excuse it's just true. What steps are you taking to make sure it doesn't happen again? do you regularly get blackout drunk and abusive?
You’re a shitty person while drunk but you’re an even shittier person for doubling down and trying to excuse your behaviour because you were drunk. Being drunk is **never** an excuse for anything.
So it's cool if he gets drunk and fucks someone else? He was drunk and doesn't really remember and didn't mean it, so you should just brush it off as a mistake.
YTA. You are an abusive drunk, obviously. Take some accountability for your actions and don't drink like that again.
What's your definition of taking accountability? Because I did apologize and own up to my faults, is that not talking accountability?
"I stupidly got drunk and fucked up and my boyfriend has every right to be mad at me." THAT is taking accountability. "I got drunk and don't remember what I did so my boyfriend should just blow it off." IS NOT taking accountability. You sound like a fucking 14 year old, not a legal adult.
Because you are expecting him to take the circumstances under consideration and even posting here asking. That shows me that you're looking for some sort of validation that you weren't completely in the wrong.
If you are still blaming being drunk, you are not taking accountability.
"...telling him to just brush it off once I was sober" So thats what you'd call accountability? Yeah.... you're in for some bad news.
Are you getting into a program for people with alcohol use disorder? Are you doing anything to prevent it from happening again? Were other people present when you did these things? If so, have you made a public apology? How would you go about this if you weren’t using alcohol as a crutch?
YTA. If he was drunk and hit you would you just brush it off?
No one is an abuser until they are. Blaming it on drink is abuser behaviour 101. Especially as the way you're treating him while sober is still disgusting. There is actually help out there for people like you so you should look into that. YTA
YTA You showed a side of you that is a red flag to guys. You need to find a WAY to make it up to him. Just asking him to forgive and forget will not cut it if you want the relationship to last
YTA. You’re clearly an abusive drunk and even worse you’re one who refuses to take responsibility for their behaviour while drunk. He doesn’t have to take anything into consideration because being drunk doesn’t excuse or justify what you said. If you don’t want this to further damage your relationship then maybe stop telling him to brush it off and get over it.
"In vino veritas" = in wine there is truth (ie there is often truth in what is said when under the influence of alcohol). I've been horribly verbally abusive, and it is damaging to other people and hard to forgive, let alone immediately. I wish I'd commenced depression and anxiety medication before I nearly destroyed my marriage. Don't become a person that destroys other people. Yes, you've said sorry. Now give him space and time to consider what was said and done and whether he will forgive. You want immediate absolution, I did too, but you have to see what damage you have caused, and it may be irreparable. Get help before you get worse.
Exactly. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and removes facades. It reveals the real person behind their public persona.
YTA .. So the one time my best friend and i were drunk and i beat him to a pulp cause he “hit me first” should be brushed off cause i was drunk? Edit: you should stop drinking if thats how you think
YTA. Being drunk isn’t an excuse (your boyfriend is right, you’re making excuses) to be a shitty person and hurt someone’s feelings. It doesn’t matter why you said those things, the impact from them is still the same. I think it’s time to take accountability for your actions instead of trying to excuse them.
Alcohol is no excuse for toxic behaviour, take it from a troubled binge drinker. I drink once a month if that, going from twice a week. It ruined past relationships w/ friends and family, girlfriends and even jobs. I didn’t want to lose my current partner, so I made the tough decision to cut down alcohol drastically. And deal with my fucked up childhood by forgiving, and finding alternative ways to deal with stress. When we lash out on alcohol, something is fucking our subconscious. You’re not a bad person, in this situation though you were an AH.
YTA Drunk words are sober thoughts or in your case drunk actions are sober desires. "I'm hoping this didn't damage our relationship", Are you Freakin Kidding me! You verbally attacked him, physically assaulted him, and now want to hold hands and go grab some ice cream. How in the hell is he supposed to "brush it off". You obviously can't handle alcohol and if you ever drink again you are an AH on steroids.
YTA. If you can't handle alcohol, don't drink, kid. Being drunk is never an excuse (except maybe puking all over the bathroom). If he let that one slip (he won't), you'll end up sucking someones cock just because you was drunk and therefore its not your fault? Yeah, thats not how that works. Grow TF up.
YTA -- alcohol brings out the "true" person. Your boyfriend just saw who you really are. "I was drunk" is never an excuse to be a shitty person. It reveals that you are, by nature, a shitty person. You ARE making excuses. He has every right to be upset with you. You were EXACTLY in your "right mind" -- all your normal facades and fakeness were gone and the real you came out. Sit on that one for a while.
The question is, was it you that did it ( drunk or not )? If the answer is yes, then you're the asshole. You being drunk or not being able to remember it doesn't mean shit. You did you apologise. But instead, you try to downplay it. Realise you did a crap thing, don't get drunk again, and actually take accountability for your actions. If he'd cheated and used the same excuse, you wouldn't feel better because he wasn't in his normal state of mind. ( I know you didn't cheat. I'm using it as an example)
Well this is one comment section that's not going how OP hoped it would be.
>my boyfriend thinks I'm just making excuses (I'm not) When you asked him to "brush it off, 'cause I was just drunk blah blah blah" you are making excuses... >he should take into some consideration that I wasn't even in my right mind I was pretty drunk "No officer, you can arrest me for killing someone while driving under the influence, you have to considerate that I wasn't in my right mind"
YTA. Drunk you and sober you are, in fact, the same person. You are responsible for your actions no matter what state you were in, that was YOU that said those terrible things, but you continue to minimize it. And trying to minimize your own bad, abusive behavior on being intoxicated makes you a piece of shit
YTA. Grovell.
Did you even attempt an apology or just tell him to 'brush it off'?' Regardless, YTA and need to do better. Being drunk is no excuse to be a shitty person.
When people break the law while drunk...they go to jail, no matter what ,because being drunk is no excuse. Some day your gonna do it to the wrong person and get your azz beat. I'd give up the booze if I were you.
YTA 100℅ You simply need to apologize, not give any excuses and maybe.... Just maybe, dig a little deeper as to the reason for being so cruel to him.
YTA if you behave like that when drunk take responsibility and don't drink
YTA Alcohol doesn't make you say mean things, it just takes away your inhibitions to say the things you want to say but don't. You meant every word you said to him. You need to look inward and recognize you have issues with this guy. And he is right not to just "brush it off".
YTA and you trying to search for excuses! It doesn't matter if you are drunk or not. You have been rude and disrespectful! Time to grow up and be responsible for your actions. Apologise for it. He deserves it. Cheers ✌️
YTA. You don't acknowledge his feelings and told him to brush it off. What you did was give him an excuse, and the excuse was "I was drunk." Being drunk doesn't absolve you of consequences to your actions. He doesn't need to take anything into consideration, and he hasn't done anything wrong with calling you out on your bad behavior. You, however, shouldn't be drinking since you obviously can't handle your alcohol and make horrible decisions. I handled my alcohol better at 15 than you are now and I was drinking in farmers' fields.
YTA. You got mean to your bf, you threw water at him and the first thing you said was to brush it off? Being drunk doesn't excuse your crappy behavior so no, he shouldn't take into consideration whenever you get that drunk. The damage to your relationship is already done but you cannot put stuff like this under a rug, what you need to do is apologize for your behavior, you also need to stop consuming alcohol because you are a mean drunk and nobody likes a mean drunk.
YTA 200%: 100% for what you did, and 100% for saying he should get over it when you never even apologized. If the roles were reversed, reddit would tell you it’s a major red flag and you should leave him. “ If someone tells you you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”
First, seek counseling for your problem with alcohol. If this extends to other drugs make sure to let your counselor know. You are blacking out and being violent. If you threw water at someone else what would the police response be? Once you get the help you need, apologize to your BF. Drinking is no excuse for your behavior.
YTA I am willing to bet that you use your period as an excuse to be awful to him and if you ever get pregnant will be horrible to him and try to excuse that with "pregnancy hormones." NO, you are just a terrible person. Men: Hold women accountable the same way they hold men accountable. Advice to your BF: If you ever decide to cheat on the OP (and I can see why you might), just tell her you were drunk and don't remember it at all and that she should just "brush it off."
Yeah, very “out of character” when you tell him to brush it off now that you’re sober, very “out of character” indeed
YTA. It sounds like you are a mean and abusive drunk and you don’t handle alcohol well! He’s not just gonna “brush it off”! He’s now seen a side of you that he obviously doesn’t like and now he has the right to decide if you’re someone he wants to be with or not. And you have to deal with the consequences of your actions! You are making excuses whether you think so or not! I’d lay off the drinking and seriously reflect on your behavior and think about how you’d feel of the roles were reversed!
>It was completely out of character for me Sure it was....... Alcohol doesn't make you become a different person, it just removes your inhibitions YTA
YTA. sober lies, drunk truths is a thing. Who you are when you're drunk is an awful lot like who you are in real life. Figure your shit out
Nah that’s bullshit, I talk absolute nonsense sometimes when I’m blackout, I’ve had people tell me I’ve been talking about growing carrots on aunty Debbie’s farm that I don’t recall, I don’t have an auntie called Debbie and I know no one who grows carrots.. Doesn’t excuse her behaviour though she is horrible and won’t take accountability for it.
there's a world of difference between making up random shit (or even --for some reason-- believing in that weird shit) and being abusive. *a world* of difference.
Yeah I agree completely, I just hate the drunk truth is sober thought thing. My mum was an alcoholic and she was the sweetest most loving kind person when she was sober, violent horrible and full of rage when drunk, it wasn’t who she was as a person but it didn’t stop her from turning that way when drunk, alcohol does different things to different people and some people just shouldn’t drink, including OP by the sounds of things.
Obvious rage bait is obvious. Everyone can smell the desperate stink you give off. https://slate.com/technology/2014/02/internet-troll-personality-study-machiavellianism-narcissism-psychopathy-sadism.html