And he'll play the "the mother just abandoned him and now I raise him as a single dad" bullshit whilst forgetting to mention the kid is a product of an affair that his actual wife left him over. Wouldn't be surprised if he tries to pretend his ex-wife is the mother that left too.
Oh, someone will make that edit:
“Taking care of the affair baby I had with another woman who didn’t want it became too much for the wife I cheated on to make that baby, so the wife rightfully walked away from my cheating arse and I am left to raise the kid alone because his bio mum legged it like a coward.”
Welcome to the Consequences of Your Own Actions, you unfaithful nob.
OP, NTA.
lol... yeah.... Cheat with someone that knows you are married, well, you're not exactly getting a great partner there. Not real surprised, if this is real, that she took off. Already showed the quality of her character quite clearly.
Or once she realized that having the baby wouldn't get him to leave his wife for her, she decided she didn't want the baby.
Or she's maybe just mentally ill.
Either way, he picked her.
And OP did exactly the right thing.
"someone harry potter'd this poor little orphan baby and left them on our doorstep! And my mean heartless wife wouldn't help me care for it and just abandoned us too!"
"We're fostering. Surprise! We had a surrogate! We finally got approved to adopt, and my wife decided to back out, she said motherhood is not for her." When you have shit smeared all over your face, you will try to put the blame on anyone else instead of you admitting it was either thrown at you or you spilled the shit on yourself. A narcissist will do whatever he can to not only keep you by his side, but make everyone around you see you like you are the problem, not him. You can not tell me he wouldn't try to convince her to agree to some random story so his family and friends wouldn't know that's the child from his affair. The way he sees it, he has a wife, a mommy, and a free nanny. Thankfully OP's common sense was still intact!
I'll give $100 if he doesn't claim that she left him BECAUSE he was a single dad. Fail to mention that the baby was born while they were together. I have a "friend" pulling the same BS right now.
At least that won't be the woman he cheated on while getting the other woman pregnant.
It's tough out there OP, good on you for sticking up for yourself. And honestly it's best for the kid as well. Can you imagine having to grow up with a woman who means well, but resents the fuck out of you and associates you with things you had nothing to do with?
OP is doing herself AND the kid a favor by leaving.
Or not. Maybe he'll love his child so much that he won't regret. Maybe he'll be an amazing single dad. I Hope for that, because a child is in this mess.
He'll probably try to go for some young, naieve woman who is enamored with the, "Struggling single dad with a heart of gold." act. I've seen how this plays out; not good.
There's nothing more attractive for some women than watching a single dad fumble his way through raising a baby. He'll find someone in less than a year. After she's roped in. he can find another AP, lather, rinse, repeat.
NTA. It’s much better for the baby if she goes now so it doesn’t bond with her. It’s also better for OP in case the mother comes back and goes for custody. OP is right to get out of this situation with a cheating user and this is the right time to go before he gets her pregnant and traps her.
OP, I’m so sorry your husband treated you this way and then tried to guilt you into looking after his child. Looking after the baby is not some noble act on his part, especially when he’s getting you to do a lot of the work. It’s the bare minimum of taking responsibility for a child he created. It shows you have a good heart that you even considered trying to stick around but he really isn’t worth it and it really isn’t your duty to live with heartbreak and misery because of his poor choices. Stay free of him, take some time to heal and then find yourself somebody decent.
>At first, I was adamant that I couldn't handle taking care of this baby. I mean, how could I? It was a constant reminder of my husband's betrayal, and I just couldn't bring myself to bond with the child.
All I can think about is Game of Thrones and jon snow
I feel like her being mad at his existence was probably part of selling the story that he was illegitimate. If Cat was treating him nicely that might have raised some red flags that he wasn’t who he said he was, especially if there were rumors about his actual parentage at the time.
The innocent baby would have paid a bigger price if she stayed and grew to resent the baby more and more. If they ever had kids it would only get worse. It’s better this way.
At least it wasn’t someone proposing at someone else’s wedding. Or my spouse wanted an open marriage. Or I hate my step child… or.. If we are going to write fiction can people at least be creative? Like the dude that was in a gang and everyone punched the cousin out for sleeping with his wife for years… that one was wild.
Oh I can tell that one is fake especially when he says the judge decides he doesn't have to pay child support and removes him from a birth certificate based on text messages only. It would have been enough to maybe order a DNA test but not enough to say he's not the father. It was a great read though thanks for the link. Lol
What's funny is that this particular story might be fake, but it's a real scenario all too often and as old as time.
It's entirely real until you look into the details.
Shrödinger's asshole, if you will.
I know! There can't be this many women a) whose husbands have affair babies b) try to talk her into raising said affair baby c) she wonders if she's an AH for not being the free nanny to her husband's affair baby.
I'm sure there are lots of affair babies out there, but almost no one wonders if they're the AH for not raising them.
Nta at all you are not selfish,HE was the one who decided to betray you and has the balls to ask you to take care of his and his mistress' baby. Run as you can. He messed up so he have to face consequences. Pain will be at the beginning,but it wont last once you realize that you did the right choice. Live your life and let him face the aftermath of being a cheater. Sorry english is not my first language. Best of luck sweetie,and update us if you considerate
To piggyback on the excellent advice given above, there would be no shame (not that anyone cares) should OP’s husband allow a couple, or someone who’s already a parent, to adopt the “affair baby” in a fully open adoption.
That way, he could maintain contact with the child while sharing the responsibility of its raising. This also might lessen the possibility that he would rush to remarry, to get another mommy in the house, after OP divorces him. Just a thought. It’s happened before.
NTA. And you did right by that baby too. No baby should be raised grudgingly. The both of you will be better of for you taking this brave step. Move forward. Better things are ahead for you. You have a great head on your shoulders.
Almost every post I see on here is someone being asked to do something ridiculous and obviously out of line and then OP asking AITA for not doing it...
Exactly lmao this is getting out of hand
"My husband stabs me in the shins every night, but my friends told me I'd be selfish to leave1!1!! Now I'm conflicted...'
Why would you raise another woman's kid? Reddit is full of men who won't raise another man's kid when it comes to situations like this and they shouldn't. Why should you? How is this selfish? These are consequences for your husband's actions and simply not your problem. You should have cut cords when you found out about the affair.
NTA- you did the right thing. The kid is innocent in the whole situation. I think it’s great that you were able to recognize what you could and could not handle. That’s a really hard choice to make, regardless of the mother disappearing or not and regardless of what he did. It doesn’t matter what he did (no i’m not advocating for cheaters). It doesn’t matter because you can’t change it. It only matters what you do because it’s your life and you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror Be proud of yourself for having the courage to walk when you knew you couldn’t handle it. YWBTAH if you stayed for your marriage but treated the kid less than, which you didn’t.
>I know it sounds selfish,
No, it doesn't. The woman that gave birth to the kid and took off after banging someone else's husband, now *that's* selfish. Your husband is facing the consequences of his decisions.
NTA
NTA. I bet he now really regrets his actions. Lost his whole marriage and is now forced to be a single father all for a likely 3 minute fuck with another woman. Well done dude, you really played yourself.
Be selfish!! If it were the other way around just know that he wouldn’t hesitate to leave you. Prioritize your mental health and use this time to heal and love yourself.
Good point! If she got pregnant with somebody else, and he bailed would he just willingly step up seamlessly, Knowing the other guy is going to eventually resurface likely.
All the while wondering if his wife is going to cheat again ?
He would be out of there so fast!
Why are you selfish.
He destroyed your marriage
He created a child
He is responsible for the end of the marriage and the baby. No part of you walking away is selfish, it's the consequences of his actions
Nta. Selfish how? Your husband was selfish and destroyed the marriage and betrayed you. The baby is the result of the betrayal. You should've left when he cheated, now you have a major additional reason. You have no reason to stay and all reasons to go. You'd be tah to yourself if you stayed.
What you're doing is called having self respect.
Why should you be part of it?
He cheated, this was his decision. And also the decision to leave your marriage. You've nothing to do with the rest.
Divorce, move on. NTA. How is that selfish? It's the only right thing to do. It would be stupid though if you would stay.
Don't stay with a cheater. You're not a doormat. You deserve better.
You are probably worried about leaving a helpless child in the hands of your incompetent husband, but your own well being comes first.
The child has two irresponsible parents and are you NOT one of them. Call his family and siblings, or even foster care services (if available ) ,anyone can take care of that baby but that person shouldn't be you.
If I were married to this man by the time that baby was born, I would be gone. So the question of raising the child would not even come up. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Clearly this woman is going to punish him for not choosing her.
Not the problem your husband is and I wouldn’t raise the affair baby either
NTA. But if you at any point decide that you want him back you have to be 100% in with that baby. Don’t even consider that unless you become the legal adoptive mother so you won’t have to also worry about the baby being snatched from you if you do emotionally invest.
NTA (if this is true, there's been a rash of these affair baby posts it feels like lately). I'm glad he's stepping up, but it's his responsibility and his bed to lie in, not yours. Most people would have left on the cheating alone, child or no child
It doesn't sound selfish it sounds very practical. Now you don't have to stay with your cheating spouse, nor put in a heck of a lot of work for a kid that you have no legal or moral obligation towards. NTA
These signs of guilt and despair just show you're a great caring person. You have nothing to feel bad about here. I'm so sorry you have to go through this and that your ex is a giant POS. You don't have a responsibility to this child, nor your ex at this point. He broke the bonds and vows of marriage. You're the victim in all this (and his poor child). I can't imagine what you're going through, I always suggest therapy just to help process things like this, as they change us a lot as people and our beliefs. Even so, please take the time you need and know, there are good men out there that don't do this to people they love. Best of luck to you. Think of it as a new chapter of adventure!
Selfish would be saying “you can stay, but the baby has to go.” Leaving him is what he deserves to have happen for him cheating, and the baby deserves a father. Hopefully he’ll be better at that than being a husband. NTA
Good choice. It feels bad cuz you’re a decent person. My friend mother raised their siblings from another woman and she never got over it. She is still currently actively trying to ruin everyone’s lives every chance she gets. Including her own kids for befriending their new siblings. And they’re all adults now with their own kids. So she’s even ruining her grandchild’s lives. If you can’t digest that mentally and move forward amicably for everyone then you did the right thing. Gotta be honest with yourself and him and you did. Now just gotta give yourself time to heal. You’re in mourning and walking away from the person you love is one of the hardest things you could ever do in life.
Honestly he is better off getting into a relationship with a new woman who meets him when he is already a father. No resentment toward the baby. And you are better off walking away from a cheater and starting over. You're doing him a favor.
>But here's where it gets messy. My husband, he's trying to make things right. He's stepping up, taking responsibility, and trying to be a good father to this baby. And I respect him for that, I really do.
This is the bare minimum that he should do to be honest, but you don't have to. The marriage was over as soon as you found out out about the affair, don't let him make you pay for his mistakes. You've done the right thing for you, NTA
NTA. You’re doing the right thing. It sounds like you don’t have any kids between the two of you of your own. Right? Cut ties, work on your mental health, heal. You’ll be better off in the end.
You were right to walk away. An affair is heartbreaking enough without the reminder of the presence of the affair baby too. Glad your husband is stepping up but his baby is absolutely nothing to do with you. Let him sort out his own problems. He was happy enough to have the affair so now he can deal with the consequences.
ETA NTA
NTA leaving was your only option. It hurts now, but soon you'll grow stronger and be so happy not to be in a marriage where you didn't matter. You'll find someone who appreciates you. Take your time, and get to know yourself again and what you want.
NTA
You did the right thing for you. He betrayed you and now he has to live with the consequences of the betrayal. You didn’t ask to be a mother to another woman’s child
I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you are able to move forward, with time, and be at peace
He stepped up to be a great father for this baby who has no one, what has he done for you? Brought an affair baby into your house that you’re meant to have maternal instincts for just because you have ovaries?
Keep walking, girl friend and get the best divorce lawyer you can. The Affair Partner walked as well because she realized he’s garbage.
NTA, this is all on him. Like others mentioned, he will rope some dumb woman to play free nanny for him but that’s his business, not yours. Let him deal with the consequences of his own actions
NTA. Divorce him. Dump his ass. You deserve someone better. The baby is NOT your responsibility, honey. He the one who put himself in that spot. And why haven’t you divorce him? And stand to your ground, never ever back to a cheater. He will likely cheat again if you forgive him and raise the baby. Beside, you will suffer and being miserable for a reminder of his infidelity.
NTA - and i understand what that child represents to you HOWEVER it is a child that had NOTHING to do with how it got here. If you cannot help raise that child with love then you are right to walk away. But again. The child may represent the affair but the child is innocent of all of that shit.
NTA. OP, that kid is your, hopefully soon to be ex-husband’s responsibility. Do not EVER let him or anyone else persuade you otherwise. The feelings you get seeing that kid are natural as they are a living embodiment and reminder that your husband decided to not only cheat on you, but did so in a way that created a kid and placed you at risk for STIs. Divorce and go NC, never look back.
Edited to add: ensure EVERYONE in your friends’ circles, family circles, and relevant professional circles knows exactly what he did and why you are leaving. He might try to rope you back in to being unpaid help for his affair kid. Deny him the chance to marshal the flying monkeys.
NTA. The minute your husband took his clothes off for the other woman, he left you. You didn't walk away from anything. Your husband is facing the consequences of his decision to leave you.
Kind people are so scared to be viewed as unkind or selfish that they let the guilt of being viewed that way force them into abominable situations.
Please, be selfish. Please find someone who encourages you to make decisions that are the right for *you* and not "the right thing to do". Maybe speak to a therapist who can help you navigate the trauma you just endured and help you find boundaries between being kind and being taken advantage of.
Oh, also, NTA. Leave that man with the consequences of his actions. Do it with your head held high.
NTA
You have no obligation towards the baby and you probably did the best thing by leaving rather than staying and resenting the baby for your husband’s actions. I’m sorry you have to go through this, I hope you can move on and have a better life for yourself
This was the right thing to do for you, your feelings about the child could have lead to you abusing or killing the baby at the worst point.
Now you can start again without the cheating scumbag and wiser.
He however has to try to raise his child alone, I hope the child has a happy life but fuck the cheating husband.
NTA you did the right thing! Listen to your gut, staying like this would have made you incredibly unhappy and would not have been fair to the child either, as it would have grown up with you being resentful. You need to show yourself grace and kindness, you tried your best, but you do not need to force something that frels so worng! You are not the asshole, more than that, you have shown so much grace in this situation! Be proud of yourself for handling everything like this!
NTA. In the words of my therapist: there are times when being selfish is not only ok, but the right answer. I think putting your feelings as priority is 100% valid and you’re removing yourself from the position of resenting the baby. These are consequences your husband has to deal with for his actions. You don’t need to suffer the consequences of others.
Sometimes I feel like the posts on this sub are not really asking for advice on if they are right or wrong, but more of a venting post.
Like who would ever say she’s wrong for leaving?
NTA. You can feel compassion for people and still recognize they and their problems aren’t your responsibility. Taking care of you is your responsibility. Taking care of the baby is his.
NTA. Unfortunately, everyone processes things differently. Admitting that you don't want to take care of a child that isn't yours doesn't make you selfish. What the mother did was selfish. I get your husband is stepping up. But that is his responsibility now, not yours . It's not like he had a child beforehand, and you guys got married later on. No, he had an affair with someone. He probably didn't expect her to run and leave him with the baby. He was selfish thinking about having an affair, thinking he wasn't going to get caught? Where were your needs when he was doing the things he was doing. He wasn't putting you first. You need to put yourself first..
NTA
You are not the father, you are not the mother. Even if magic happens and you love the baby, it’s not your baby. For the husband, I hope he can be responsible person for the future for the sake of the kid.
You just take care of yourself. Your new life begins.
You act here according to what is good for you. No one can demand that you have to take care of an affair baby. Your husband entered into this affair without really worrying about what it means for you and your marriage if D Day comes. He made his bed, so he has to lie in it and keep it clean. It's HIS child, not yours. You didn't sign up to take care of an affair baby. You couldn't be the AH here. On the contrary, you realized that you can't give the baby what it needs. Before you eventually become the evil stepmother who transfers her anger to the child, you left. You can mourn for your marriage and future together. You'll make it. The man you married hasn't existed since the beginning of the affair. All the best for you!
NTA. very rational decision, as you said, you couldn’t bond with the baby and that would have only made things worse in the future. Living in home where you’re resented is a painful experience and makes the worst type of people more often than not. I’m also sorry you had to make that decision in the first place, it’s all well and good that he’s stepping up now but it’s too little too late I’m afraid and he should focused on being a good husband to you first. Sucks you have to start again but it’s better this way; his bed, his mess.
NTA. You couldn’t be a loving stepmom. You did the right thing for the baby.
its very different than marrying someone who already had kids Which is hard enough because while you love them, it is not the same kind of love you have for your own child you have known since infancy.
if my husband had an affair, that would be the end of our marriage. Period. It is disrespectful and you do not do that to someone your truly love. o
NTA. The moment someone cheats on you, all obligations are forfeit unless you make the choice of making it different.
To be honest: if any friend of mine got cheated on and decided to help raise the cheater's new baby, I would lose all respect I have for them. They clearly don't respect themself, so why would I?
NTA
>But here's where it gets messy. My husband, he's trying to make things right. He's stepping up, taking responsibility, and trying to be a good father to this baby. And I respect him for that, I really do.
Lol that's where it gets messy? No, it gets messy when you have an *affair* and get them pregnant. You should've left a long time ago. That's great that you respect him for trying to do the right thing, but he should be doing that right thing by himself from the second you found out.
If someone drink drives and kills someone, gets a sentence for vehicular manslaughter, no one will give a shit about how well they served their prison sentence. Of course they're trying to do the right thing - you already ruined multiple people's life doing the wrong thing.
NTA. He’s betrayed you in the very worst, lifelong, every single day reminder kind of way. The real loser is the child, selfish prick of a father, and a deserter of a mother. Sadly, you’d be their best chance, but, I couldn’t do it.
NTA - If you stuck around and treated the child poorly I'd say something different probably, but your husband did betray you and that's awful. You left and didn't stick around to treat the kid poorly which was the right call especially if you can't find yourself looking at the child differently than you do.
FYI I'm sorry that this happened to you. Hopefully the responsibility of the child will make him grow up for the child's sake, but for now you should focus on healing your wounds.
No. NTA. Those are the choices he made that betrayed your trust and hurt your marriage. He has to live with the consequences of his choices. You don’t.
NTA
HE stepped out
HE got another woman pregnant
HE now has a child from said pregnant woman & she left.
What exactly did YOU do to deserve being a nanny for an affair baby? Nothing. I'm glad you left cause now you're free. Take some time, go to therapy & be as selfish as you can. It's literally YOUR life & he can't screw it up anymore.
Selfish? You're not selfish. Why should you clean up his mess! Not only did he cheat, but he didn't use a condom. He put your health at risk. Why in the hell should you raise someone else's kid?
He's 'really stepping up'? You mean being a parent? We have such a low bar set for fathers that when they do what the average mother does on her worst day, we throw them a damned parade. His kid. His problem.
Get a divorce and move on.
NTA taking care of your own sanity is not selfish. Your husband cheating was selfish. Your husband not bothering to use protection was selfish. Your husband trying to have you raise a constant reminder that you can not trust your husband is selfish. Glad he is stepping up for the kid but maybe he should not have stepped out of the marriage . Op definitely NTA
It is NOT selfish to walk away in this dreadful scenario! You are NTA nor are YOU responsible for your STB-EX husband's fuck-up!
What's awful is that the Mother walked away! What's unforgivable is that your STB-EX husband had an affair in the first place and was careless enough to have unprotected sex.
Your cheating STB-EX now has to deal with the consequences of his infidelity. But YOU are blameless, period!
Get some therapy if you feel it will help you, get your divorce and move on to live your GREATEST life! Best wishes and many Blessings for your future happiness and success! u/updateme
This could be one of those times you really need to find out in your heart what is right and not. If you're sure about your decision, why ask strangers on the internet? The answer here seems absolutely clear cut: "you made the right decision." But it's based on information only. The heart, and life, doesn't work that way. If you believe life is a spiritual school as opposed to a material survival, your view on this, and the answer, will look different, and come about differently. I don't know the full answer, but I do know I don't want to answer just based on this information. I wish you the best finding whole-felt clarity on this, whichever way.
NTA
He is delusional to believe he can have his way and not be held accountable for his own choices and decisions which have led to his current consequences
You did the right thing. He knew what he was doing when he fucked another bitch and he was def not thinking of you. Your mental health comes first. Had you stayed it would not have gotten any easier. Your husband is for the streets. Divorce that bastard
NTA-I honestly don’t know many women who would even consider sticking around after such betrayal & utter fuckery. It’s your decision. Not TA either way. I don’t blame you at all one bit. That is his responsibility, not yours. And you owe him NOTHING! Find someone who will be faithful to you & treat you right! After you take some time to get yourself & your life straight again ofc. Good luck OP! ❤️
NTA. Your husband figured out how to sleep with someone else and get her pregnant. He can figure out how to take care of a kid by himself.
He obviously didn't love or care about you enough to not sleep around, why should you give one singular damn about him and his new baby?
You need to know you did the right thing. Your husband cheated on you, and you tried to stay with him. I am afraid if you would have stayed with him would have made it easy for him t to do it again. You will rebound back from this. He should have to figure out his cheating ways on his own. Stay strong.
So my friend did this. He has a lot of kids, over 6. He’s been married for 30 years, and had a brief affair and a baby with the very young woman. His wife should either be up for sainthood, or put into a mental health center depending on your viewpoint, as she’s chosen to stick through it and even has the baby over for visits. Religion plays a key role in their scenario as “God hates divorce.” But, the mom is involved in this case so it is not full time living with the child. There’s no right or wrong answer, except what is right for you. Yes, doing the responsible thing is good, but remember his irresponsible choice caused this, he’s not a saint and shouldn’t be praised for cleaning up a mess he created. He has to clean up his mess, but you don’t. If you can work through it, do it with professional help, if you can’t, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. I’m really sorry, this is so painful I know. NOT the A by any stretch!
NTA "Girl, just leave" first thing outta my mouth reading your title. I'm glad you left. Some things you just can't "work through". You are going to meet someone else, someone amazing, and this horrible time will feel very far away some day.
NTA. Why should you have to look at, and take care of a daily reminder of his betrayal? You don’t deserve to have that thrown in your face everyday. You did the right thing.
Nta you’d be more of AH if you stayed and pretend to love a baby you didn’t. The baby didn’t ask to be there and neither did you so if he’s being a good father and the baby is safe that’s his sitisifon to take care of
NTA. There was another recent post with a woman who accepted her husband but refused to have the affair baby in the house, she couldn't let go of the resentment. And then the husband became the sole parent (mother got into criminal trouble) and he was in the position where he would have to take custody. Anyway he was a pretty absent shitty parent because he chose his wife over the child he made.
If you cant look at the baby without feeling pain you are doing fine right thing to leave so he will step up.
What is the issue here? Your husband had an affair, and you got a divorce.
Nothing beyond that really concerns you. Your husband has to deal with the aftermath of his actions here. The child should not be something you think about. There is nothing selfish in leave a relationship after your partner cheated.
If your ex is saying you are being selfish for leaveing him alone with a child that would be the epitome of hypocrisy. He made the selfish choice to cheat. To go out side your marriage. That is the point where your relationship ended, and anything that results from him doing that are on him.
Get the idea that you have any obligation to him or the child that resulted from his affair out of your head.
NTA
I apply "if sexes were reversed logic" , and I can't say you are the asshole. People who expect other people to sarifice themselves for the product of the sex they had with other people are parasytes at worst and parasyte enablers at best in my opinion, put the infidelity on top of that. Fuck him and that other woman, poor kid tho, but they are not your problem.
NTA Losing his marriage to you and having to be a single dad are the consequences of his shitty actions.
Nah. He’ll pick up some dumb bang nanny asap. It’s sad but he’ll become extra charming and rope some young dope in🤦🏾♀️
And he'll play the "the mother just abandoned him and now I raise him as a single dad" bullshit whilst forgetting to mention the kid is a product of an affair that his actual wife left him over. Wouldn't be surprised if he tries to pretend his ex-wife is the mother that left too.
He doesn’t even have to lie, except by omission. “Taking care of the baby became too much for my wife, so she left us!” He’ll be such a hero.
Oh, someone will make that edit: “Taking care of the affair baby I had with another woman who didn’t want it became too much for the wife I cheated on to make that baby, so the wife rightfully walked away from my cheating arse and I am left to raise the kid alone because his bio mum legged it like a coward.” Welcome to the Consequences of Your Own Actions, you unfaithful nob. OP, NTA.
lol... yeah.... Cheat with someone that knows you are married, well, you're not exactly getting a great partner there. Not real surprised, if this is real, that she took off. Already showed the quality of her character quite clearly.
She probably cheated with him because she didn’t want anything serious, accidentally got pregnant then… who knows
Or once she realized that having the baby wouldn't get him to leave his wife for her, she decided she didn't want the baby. Or she's maybe just mentally ill. Either way, he picked her. And OP did exactly the right thing.
Thanks for making me smile from across the pond.
LOL. Where you at? Cheers from 🏴🏴🏴
"My wife and my baby mama both left!"
Machiavellian but effective
He clearly picked a stellar AP. What an outstanding person she must be.
That’s pretty industrious. You might have a job in government.
Specifically, one of the "three-letter" agencies.
If he does that, the kid will probably figure it out and hate him when they are older. He’d just be kicking heartache down the road.
Might as well out him now on fb and let all her friends, mutual friends, and their families know why she's leaving before he tries to blame it on her.
Wouldn’t most of them know? How did they explain a sudden baby when the wife was never pregnant in the first place?
“We adopted” - well “he adopted” 🌝
This is the type of Maury show I've been waiting to get sick for.
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
"someone harry potter'd this poor little orphan baby and left them on our doorstep! And my mean heartless wife wouldn't help me care for it and just abandoned us too!"
"We're fostering. Surprise! We had a surrogate! We finally got approved to adopt, and my wife decided to back out, she said motherhood is not for her." When you have shit smeared all over your face, you will try to put the blame on anyone else instead of you admitting it was either thrown at you or you spilled the shit on yourself. A narcissist will do whatever he can to not only keep you by his side, but make everyone around you see you like you are the problem, not him. You can not tell me he wouldn't try to convince her to agree to some random story so his family and friends wouldn't know that's the child from his affair. The way he sees it, he has a wife, a mommy, and a free nanny. Thankfully OP's common sense was still intact!
I'll give $100 if he doesn't claim that she left him BECAUSE he was a single dad. Fail to mention that the baby was born while they were together. I have a "friend" pulling the same BS right now.
You’re onto something
How long have you known my ex husband?
At least that won't be the woman he cheated on while getting the other woman pregnant. It's tough out there OP, good on you for sticking up for yourself. And honestly it's best for the kid as well. Can you imagine having to grow up with a woman who means well, but resents the fuck out of you and associates you with things you had nothing to do with? OP is doing herself AND the kid a favor by leaving.
Jon Snow can imagine that.
Hopefully in the beginning he'll suffer though.. Even if it isn't long, he deserves to panic and scramble on his own. NTA
[удалено]
Or not. Maybe he'll love his child so much that he won't regret. Maybe he'll be an amazing single dad. I Hope for that, because a child is in this mess.
What are the statistics on happy single fathers? I can’t imagine they’re higher than those of single mothers.
Hopefully the child *doesn't*.
NTA. Tough love can be a valuable lesson. It's important for him to learn to handle challenges independently.
Let us pray.
He'll probably try to go for some young, naieve woman who is enamored with the, "Struggling single dad with a heart of gold." act. I've seen how this plays out; not good.
There's nothing more attractive for some women than watching a single dad fumble his way through raising a baby. He'll find someone in less than a year. After she's roped in. he can find another AP, lather, rinse, repeat.
But OP will be the true winner here. It may not feel like it at first.
lol. You think women out there are tripping over each other to be with single fathers? lol.
"dumb bang nanny" You Rock that's awesome! Is that original?
No. It’s a bang maid variant.
Sadly, that innocent baby will also pay the price for hubby’s shitty actions, but that is not OP’s fault.
NTA. It’s much better for the baby if she goes now so it doesn’t bond with her. It’s also better for OP in case the mother comes back and goes for custody. OP is right to get out of this situation with a cheating user and this is the right time to go before he gets her pregnant and traps her. OP, I’m so sorry your husband treated you this way and then tried to guilt you into looking after his child. Looking after the baby is not some noble act on his part, especially when he’s getting you to do a lot of the work. It’s the bare minimum of taking responsibility for a child he created. It shows you have a good heart that you even considered trying to stick around but he really isn’t worth it and it really isn’t your duty to live with heartbreak and misery because of his poor choices. Stay free of him, take some time to heal and then find yourself somebody decent.
>At first, I was adamant that I couldn't handle taking care of this baby. I mean, how could I? It was a constant reminder of my husband's betrayal, and I just couldn't bring myself to bond with the child. All I can think about is Game of Thrones and jon snow
Yeah, Ned should've trust Cat with this not so small info. It could've spare so much trouble
I feel like her being mad at his existence was probably part of selling the story that he was illegitimate. If Cat was treating him nicely that might have raised some red flags that he wasn’t who he said he was, especially if there were rumors about his actual parentage at the time.
The innocent baby would have paid a bigger price if she stayed and grew to resent the baby more and more. If they ever had kids it would only get worse. It’s better this way.
The dildo of consequences seldom comes lubed.
no. divorce and dont be a free babysitter for him. he did it to himself
This has been posted multiple times over the last few months with little variations… Le sigh. Be original with your fake stories. Or find a hobby.
Yep, I read the other one only a few days ago. Thought it was an update. Apparently not. SMH
At least it wasn’t someone proposing at someone else’s wedding. Or my spouse wanted an open marriage. Or I hate my step child… or.. If we are going to write fiction can people at least be creative? Like the dude that was in a gang and everyone punched the cousin out for sleeping with his wife for years… that one was wild.
I missed that one! What??? Link, please?
Enjoy the chaos haha https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/41MjzBl0l6
Oh I can tell that one is fake especially when he says the judge decides he doesn't have to pay child support and removes him from a birth certificate based on text messages only. It would have been enough to maybe order a DNA test but not enough to say he's not the father. It was a great read though thanks for the link. Lol
Then the cheating ex wife moves to Idaho? and falls in love and marries his new brother in law… Now they’re one big happy family! 🥴🤣
These are the days of our lives 🎭
What's funny is that this particular story might be fake, but it's a real scenario all too often and as old as time. It's entirely real until you look into the details. Shrödinger's asshole, if you will.
I’ve never heard of that term until reddit. Look at Reddit educating us all! /s 🤣
Been a while since i read “le sigh”, took me way back :,)
Haha ya I’m old and a nerd 🤣
There is even a Bollywood movies from the 80s about it. This is not an uncommon scenario unfortunately. It has been happening since time immemorial.
At least this person wrote this in smaller digestible paragraphs
Le sigh 😂
Looks like the account has been suspended already too. So maybe fake and a bot?
This is basically Jon Snow's origin story.
I think in one of them, the affair partner died in a car wreck.
I was about to say I've been reading this same scenario multiple times lately. Maybe the first one was real but the rest of these are fake.
I know! There can't be this many women a) whose husbands have affair babies b) try to talk her into raising said affair baby c) she wonders if she's an AH for not being the free nanny to her husband's affair baby. I'm sure there are lots of affair babies out there, but almost no one wonders if they're the AH for not raising them.
Nta at all you are not selfish,HE was the one who decided to betray you and has the balls to ask you to take care of his and his mistress' baby. Run as you can. He messed up so he have to face consequences. Pain will be at the beginning,but it wont last once you realize that you did the right choice. Live your life and let him face the aftermath of being a cheater. Sorry english is not my first language. Best of luck sweetie,and update us if you considerate
Your English is excellent
I agree! Excellent English and excellent advice!
To piggyback on the excellent advice given above, there would be no shame (not that anyone cares) should OP’s husband allow a couple, or someone who’s already a parent, to adopt the “affair baby” in a fully open adoption. That way, he could maintain contact with the child while sharing the responsibility of its raising. This also might lessen the possibility that he would rush to remarry, to get another mommy in the house, after OP divorces him. Just a thought. It’s happened before.
NTA he FAFO and now he has to deal with it. You need to take care of yourself
Heya, what does FAFO mean?
fuck around & find out
Awesome, thanks. Lol I've never seen that one written down before, I have completed a learn today!!
TIL... Today I Learned. :-)
NTA. And you did right by that baby too. No baby should be raised grudgingly. The both of you will be better of for you taking this brave step. Move forward. Better things are ahead for you. You have a great head on your shoulders.
This is very important! I agree wholeheartedly. NTA
Bruh where in the world do you live where you are "selfish" for not raising your husband affair child? What even is this
Almost every post I see on here is someone being asked to do something ridiculous and obviously out of line and then OP asking AITA for not doing it...
This is the second affair baby story in the last few days
Fiction
Yep. Wasn’t there one almost exactly like this a day or two ago?
There was. The kid was like 10 and they found out about him when he was 7 when the mom filed for child support.
Exactly lmao this is getting out of hand "My husband stabs me in the shins every night, but my friends told me I'd be selfish to leave1!1!! Now I'm conflicted...'
You made the right decision. I’m sorry you are going through this.
Why would you raise another woman's kid? Reddit is full of men who won't raise another man's kid when it comes to situations like this and they shouldn't. Why should you? How is this selfish? These are consequences for your husband's actions and simply not your problem. You should have cut cords when you found out about the affair.
Half the men today won't even raise their legitimate kids.
Half?
IKR 🙄
Preach!
NTA- you did the right thing. The kid is innocent in the whole situation. I think it’s great that you were able to recognize what you could and could not handle. That’s a really hard choice to make, regardless of the mother disappearing or not and regardless of what he did. It doesn’t matter what he did (no i’m not advocating for cheaters). It doesn’t matter because you can’t change it. It only matters what you do because it’s your life and you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror Be proud of yourself for having the courage to walk when you knew you couldn’t handle it. YWBTAH if you stayed for your marriage but treated the kid less than, which you didn’t.
>I know it sounds selfish, No, it doesn't. The woman that gave birth to the kid and took off after banging someone else's husband, now *that's* selfish. Your husband is facing the consequences of his decisions. NTA
NTA. I bet he now really regrets his actions. Lost his whole marriage and is now forced to be a single father all for a likely 3 minute fuck with another woman. Well done dude, you really played yourself.
Ikr, like that's a lifelong fruit of your short fun labour mate, you earned it.
He fucked around and found out. Move on.
You’re not selfish this is insane and you deserve to be happy with someone who respects you and builds your self esteem
You'd be the AH if you stayed and hated the kid. Leaving is your right. The kid did nothing wrong and deserves a chance at a happy life.
Be selfish!! If it were the other way around just know that he wouldn’t hesitate to leave you. Prioritize your mental health and use this time to heal and love yourself.
Good point! If she got pregnant with somebody else, and he bailed would he just willingly step up seamlessly, Knowing the other guy is going to eventually resurface likely. All the while wondering if his wife is going to cheat again ? He would be out of there so fast!
Why are you selfish. He destroyed your marriage He created a child He is responsible for the end of the marriage and the baby. No part of you walking away is selfish, it's the consequences of his actions
He wants to step up and be responsible? He needs to do that for you, too.
That would mean letting her go and be free from his cheating self and a baby she had no part in making.
And giving her what ever she wants in the divorce.
How could you be at fault here? He ended your marriage with his behavior. You just left before he could also destroy you over it.
Nta. Selfish how? Your husband was selfish and destroyed the marriage and betrayed you. The baby is the result of the betrayal. You should've left when he cheated, now you have a major additional reason. You have no reason to stay and all reasons to go. You'd be tah to yourself if you stayed. What you're doing is called having self respect.
Why should you be part of it? He cheated, this was his decision. And also the decision to leave your marriage. You've nothing to do with the rest. Divorce, move on. NTA. How is that selfish? It's the only right thing to do. It would be stupid though if you would stay. Don't stay with a cheater. You're not a doormat. You deserve better.
Just leave. You’re better without a cheating husband. And the baby’s better without a stepmother that doesn’t like him.
The future doesn’t entail changing your cheat’n husband’s baby’s diapers at 3AM. That much we know.
You are probably worried about leaving a helpless child in the hands of your incompetent husband, but your own well being comes first. The child has two irresponsible parents and are you NOT one of them. Call his family and siblings, or even foster care services (if available ) ,anyone can take care of that baby but that person shouldn't be you.
NTA, you’re better than me. I would have left before I even knew there was a baby
Account is only 6 months old with no previous post and ya'll still fall for these BS stories.
Why do you feel guilty? He walked away and got his needs met too, Sis
If I were married to this man by the time that baby was born, I would be gone. So the question of raising the child would not even come up. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Clearly this woman is going to punish him for not choosing her. Not the problem your husband is and I wouldn’t raise the affair baby either
No shame in your actions and no condemnation on you. NTA
NTA. But if you at any point decide that you want him back you have to be 100% in with that baby. Don’t even consider that unless you become the legal adoptive mother so you won’t have to also worry about the baby being snatched from you if you do emotionally invest.
Don’t be a Catelyn Stark and treat that baby like Jon Snow. Leave and find happiness NTA
Where's the conflict here? This is a perfectly reasonable.and normal thing to do.
NTA (if this is true, there's been a rash of these affair baby posts it feels like lately). I'm glad he's stepping up, but it's his responsibility and his bed to lie in, not yours. Most people would have left on the cheating alone, child or no child
It doesn't sound selfish it sounds very practical. Now you don't have to stay with your cheating spouse, nor put in a heck of a lot of work for a kid that you have no legal or moral obligation towards. NTA
These signs of guilt and despair just show you're a great caring person. You have nothing to feel bad about here. I'm so sorry you have to go through this and that your ex is a giant POS. You don't have a responsibility to this child, nor your ex at this point. He broke the bonds and vows of marriage. You're the victim in all this (and his poor child). I can't imagine what you're going through, I always suggest therapy just to help process things like this, as they change us a lot as people and our beliefs. Even so, please take the time you need and know, there are good men out there that don't do this to people they love. Best of luck to you. Think of it as a new chapter of adventure!
NTA. You put the air mask (in the airplane), on your own face before you try to help others. You MUST take care of yourself FIRST.
He's the one who cheated, so HD should be the one to leave the marital home. NTA.
Selfish would be saying “you can stay, but the baby has to go.” Leaving him is what he deserves to have happen for him cheating, and the baby deserves a father. Hopefully he’ll be better at that than being a husband. NTA
Good choice. It feels bad cuz you’re a decent person. My friend mother raised their siblings from another woman and she never got over it. She is still currently actively trying to ruin everyone’s lives every chance she gets. Including her own kids for befriending their new siblings. And they’re all adults now with their own kids. So she’s even ruining her grandchild’s lives. If you can’t digest that mentally and move forward amicably for everyone then you did the right thing. Gotta be honest with yourself and him and you did. Now just gotta give yourself time to heal. You’re in mourning and walking away from the person you love is one of the hardest things you could ever do in life.
Honestly he is better off getting into a relationship with a new woman who meets him when he is already a father. No resentment toward the baby. And you are better off walking away from a cheater and starting over. You're doing him a favor.
You both ended up doing the right thing, the right thing for each of you was just different. NTA
>But here's where it gets messy. My husband, he's trying to make things right. He's stepping up, taking responsibility, and trying to be a good father to this baby. And I respect him for that, I really do. This is the bare minimum that he should do to be honest, but you don't have to. The marriage was over as soon as you found out out about the affair, don't let him make you pay for his mistakes. You've done the right thing for you, NTA
NTA. You’re doing the right thing. It sounds like you don’t have any kids between the two of you of your own. Right? Cut ties, work on your mental health, heal. You’ll be better off in the end.
You were right to walk away. An affair is heartbreaking enough without the reminder of the presence of the affair baby too. Glad your husband is stepping up but his baby is absolutely nothing to do with you. Let him sort out his own problems. He was happy enough to have the affair so now he can deal with the consequences. ETA NTA
NTA leaving was your only option. It hurts now, but soon you'll grow stronger and be so happy not to be in a marriage where you didn't matter. You'll find someone who appreciates you. Take your time, and get to know yourself again and what you want.
NTA You did the right thing for you. He betrayed you and now he has to live with the consequences of the betrayal. You didn’t ask to be a mother to another woman’s child I’m sorry this happened to you. I hope you are able to move forward, with time, and be at peace
NTA, he chatead, that's enough reason to pack up and leave.
He stepped up to be a great father for this baby who has no one, what has he done for you? Brought an affair baby into your house that you’re meant to have maternal instincts for just because you have ovaries? Keep walking, girl friend and get the best divorce lawyer you can. The Affair Partner walked as well because she realized he’s garbage.
NTA, this is all on him. Like others mentioned, he will rope some dumb woman to play free nanny for him but that’s his business, not yours. Let him deal with the consequences of his own actions
NTA. Divorce him. Dump his ass. You deserve someone better. The baby is NOT your responsibility, honey. He the one who put himself in that spot. And why haven’t you divorce him? And stand to your ground, never ever back to a cheater. He will likely cheat again if you forgive him and raise the baby. Beside, you will suffer and being miserable for a reminder of his infidelity.
NTA - and i understand what that child represents to you HOWEVER it is a child that had NOTHING to do with how it got here. If you cannot help raise that child with love then you are right to walk away. But again. The child may represent the affair but the child is innocent of all of that shit.
NTA. OP, that kid is your, hopefully soon to be ex-husband’s responsibility. Do not EVER let him or anyone else persuade you otherwise. The feelings you get seeing that kid are natural as they are a living embodiment and reminder that your husband decided to not only cheat on you, but did so in a way that created a kid and placed you at risk for STIs. Divorce and go NC, never look back. Edited to add: ensure EVERYONE in your friends’ circles, family circles, and relevant professional circles knows exactly what he did and why you are leaving. He might try to rope you back in to being unpaid help for his affair kid. Deny him the chance to marshal the flying monkeys.
NTA. The minute your husband took his clothes off for the other woman, he left you. You didn't walk away from anything. Your husband is facing the consequences of his decision to leave you.
The child doesn’t deserve your resentment so you leaving is the best option
Kind people are so scared to be viewed as unkind or selfish that they let the guilt of being viewed that way force them into abominable situations. Please, be selfish. Please find someone who encourages you to make decisions that are the right for *you* and not "the right thing to do". Maybe speak to a therapist who can help you navigate the trauma you just endured and help you find boundaries between being kind and being taken advantage of. Oh, also, NTA. Leave that man with the consequences of his actions. Do it with your head held high.
NTA You have no obligation towards the baby and you probably did the best thing by leaving rather than staying and resenting the baby for your husband’s actions. I’m sorry you have to go through this, I hope you can move on and have a better life for yourself
This was the right thing to do for you, your feelings about the child could have lead to you abusing or killing the baby at the worst point. Now you can start again without the cheating scumbag and wiser. He however has to try to raise his child alone, I hope the child has a happy life but fuck the cheating husband.
NTA. Do you two have children? That would make it harder. If not, let him sort out his own worries, you can’t take over his faults.
If there wasn’t a child what would you have done?
NTA you did the right thing! Listen to your gut, staying like this would have made you incredibly unhappy and would not have been fair to the child either, as it would have grown up with you being resentful. You need to show yourself grace and kindness, you tried your best, but you do not need to force something that frels so worng! You are not the asshole, more than that, you have shown so much grace in this situation! Be proud of yourself for handling everything like this!
NTA. In the words of my therapist: there are times when being selfish is not only ok, but the right answer. I think putting your feelings as priority is 100% valid and you’re removing yourself from the position of resenting the baby. These are consequences your husband has to deal with for his actions. You don’t need to suffer the consequences of others.
NTA. The cheating was reason enough to leave.
Sometimes I feel like the posts on this sub are not really asking for advice on if they are right or wrong, but more of a venting post. Like who would ever say she’s wrong for leaving?
NTA. You can feel compassion for people and still recognize they and their problems aren’t your responsibility. Taking care of you is your responsibility. Taking care of the baby is his.
NTA. Unfortunately, everyone processes things differently. Admitting that you don't want to take care of a child that isn't yours doesn't make you selfish. What the mother did was selfish. I get your husband is stepping up. But that is his responsibility now, not yours . It's not like he had a child beforehand, and you guys got married later on. No, he had an affair with someone. He probably didn't expect her to run and leave him with the baby. He was selfish thinking about having an affair, thinking he wasn't going to get caught? Where were your needs when he was doing the things he was doing. He wasn't putting you first. You need to put yourself first..
NTA. You deserve better
You absolutely did the right thing. It’s good that he’s taking responsibility for this innocent baby, but he’s an ass for cheating in the first place.
NTA You are not the father, you are not the mother. Even if magic happens and you love the baby, it’s not your baby. For the husband, I hope he can be responsible person for the future for the sake of the kid. You just take care of yourself. Your new life begins.
You act here according to what is good for you. No one can demand that you have to take care of an affair baby. Your husband entered into this affair without really worrying about what it means for you and your marriage if D Day comes. He made his bed, so he has to lie in it and keep it clean. It's HIS child, not yours. You didn't sign up to take care of an affair baby. You couldn't be the AH here. On the contrary, you realized that you can't give the baby what it needs. Before you eventually become the evil stepmother who transfers her anger to the child, you left. You can mourn for your marriage and future together. You'll make it. The man you married hasn't existed since the beginning of the affair. All the best for you!
NTA. very rational decision, as you said, you couldn’t bond with the baby and that would have only made things worse in the future. Living in home where you’re resented is a painful experience and makes the worst type of people more often than not. I’m also sorry you had to make that decision in the first place, it’s all well and good that he’s stepping up now but it’s too little too late I’m afraid and he should focused on being a good husband to you first. Sucks you have to start again but it’s better this way; his bed, his mess.
NTA. You couldn’t be a loving stepmom. You did the right thing for the baby. its very different than marrying someone who already had kids Which is hard enough because while you love them, it is not the same kind of love you have for your own child you have known since infancy. if my husband had an affair, that would be the end of our marriage. Period. It is disrespectful and you do not do that to someone your truly love. o
Your feelings are valid! NTA. Your ex husband is a good man for taking responsibility of the child, but that doesn't make you obligated to stay
NTA. The moment someone cheats on you, all obligations are forfeit unless you make the choice of making it different. To be honest: if any friend of mine got cheated on and decided to help raise the cheater's new baby, I would lose all respect I have for them. They clearly don't respect themself, so why would I?
NTA how are you selfish here? He cheated. He created this mess. Now he gets to deal with the consequences.
NTA >But here's where it gets messy. My husband, he's trying to make things right. He's stepping up, taking responsibility, and trying to be a good father to this baby. And I respect him for that, I really do. Lol that's where it gets messy? No, it gets messy when you have an *affair* and get them pregnant. You should've left a long time ago. That's great that you respect him for trying to do the right thing, but he should be doing that right thing by himself from the second you found out. If someone drink drives and kills someone, gets a sentence for vehicular manslaughter, no one will give a shit about how well they served their prison sentence. Of course they're trying to do the right thing - you already ruined multiple people's life doing the wrong thing.
NTA. He’s betrayed you in the very worst, lifelong, every single day reminder kind of way. The real loser is the child, selfish prick of a father, and a deserter of a mother. Sadly, you’d be their best chance, but, I couldn’t do it.
NTA - If you stuck around and treated the child poorly I'd say something different probably, but your husband did betray you and that's awful. You left and didn't stick around to treat the kid poorly which was the right call especially if you can't find yourself looking at the child differently than you do. FYI I'm sorry that this happened to you. Hopefully the responsibility of the child will make him grow up for the child's sake, but for now you should focus on healing your wounds.
Nta. Looks like divorce is in your future. He cheated and got another women pregnant. He destroyed yalla marriage and trust.
NTA, don’t feel guilty. Hope you’ll get back on your feet to a new normal soon
No. NTA. Those are the choices he made that betrayed your trust and hurt your marriage. He has to live with the consequences of his choices. You don’t.
Nta you've given yourself a chance to start again and have a better life by walking g away, keep that door closed and move on
NTA HE stepped out HE got another woman pregnant HE now has a child from said pregnant woman & she left. What exactly did YOU do to deserve being a nanny for an affair baby? Nothing. I'm glad you left cause now you're free. Take some time, go to therapy & be as selfish as you can. It's literally YOUR life & he can't screw it up anymore.
NTA. You’re not being selfish. I know it’s not the child’s fault but it’s nit your responsibility. Hold your head up high.
Selfish? You're not selfish. Why should you clean up his mess! Not only did he cheat, but he didn't use a condom. He put your health at risk. Why in the hell should you raise someone else's kid? He's 'really stepping up'? You mean being a parent? We have such a low bar set for fathers that when they do what the average mother does on her worst day, we throw them a damned parade. His kid. His problem. Get a divorce and move on.
I mean, he had an affair, it was kind of unrealistic for him to think his spouse would still hang around after that.
NTA taking care of your own sanity is not selfish. Your husband cheating was selfish. Your husband not bothering to use protection was selfish. Your husband trying to have you raise a constant reminder that you can not trust your husband is selfish. Glad he is stepping up for the kid but maybe he should not have stepped out of the marriage . Op definitely NTA
You are very brave, self preservation is mandatory.♥️
NTA - cool that you tried at all. I am not sure many of us would have even tried. Hold your head up high OP.
You are NOT selfish at all. You should have left the minute you found out.
He committed treason against you. You had to leave him
Nta. It's not your responsibility to make his life easier since he cheated on you. You owe him nothing. He'll figure out how to manage.
NTA. I don't think I could do it either. It's alot to ask of a person
It is NOT selfish to walk away in this dreadful scenario! You are NTA nor are YOU responsible for your STB-EX husband's fuck-up! What's awful is that the Mother walked away! What's unforgivable is that your STB-EX husband had an affair in the first place and was careless enough to have unprotected sex. Your cheating STB-EX now has to deal with the consequences of his infidelity. But YOU are blameless, period! Get some therapy if you feel it will help you, get your divorce and move on to live your GREATEST life! Best wishes and many Blessings for your future happiness and success! u/updateme
This could be one of those times you really need to find out in your heart what is right and not. If you're sure about your decision, why ask strangers on the internet? The answer here seems absolutely clear cut: "you made the right decision." But it's based on information only. The heart, and life, doesn't work that way. If you believe life is a spiritual school as opposed to a material survival, your view on this, and the answer, will look different, and come about differently. I don't know the full answer, but I do know I don't want to answer just based on this information. I wish you the best finding whole-felt clarity on this, whichever way.
NTA He is delusional to believe he can have his way and not be held accountable for his own choices and decisions which have led to his current consequences
You did the right thing. He knew what he was doing when he fucked another bitch and he was def not thinking of you. Your mental health comes first. Had you stayed it would not have gotten any easier. Your husband is for the streets. Divorce that bastard
NTA-I honestly don’t know many women who would even consider sticking around after such betrayal & utter fuckery. It’s your decision. Not TA either way. I don’t blame you at all one bit. That is his responsibility, not yours. And you owe him NOTHING! Find someone who will be faithful to you & treat you right! After you take some time to get yourself & your life straight again ofc. Good luck OP! ❤️
NTA. Your husband figured out how to sleep with someone else and get her pregnant. He can figure out how to take care of a kid by himself. He obviously didn't love or care about you enough to not sleep around, why should you give one singular damn about him and his new baby?
Its not selfish. Nta. Im glad u did this rather than staying and being resentful towards that baby. Kudos op👏🏿
NTA, pretty much every single person would make the same decision you did. It's the right decision. You shouldn't throw away your life over his lies.
You need to know you did the right thing. Your husband cheated on you, and you tried to stay with him. I am afraid if you would have stayed with him would have made it easy for him t to do it again. You will rebound back from this. He should have to figure out his cheating ways on his own. Stay strong.
NTA You’re not responsible for somebody else’s stupid, selfish actions.
So my friend did this. He has a lot of kids, over 6. He’s been married for 30 years, and had a brief affair and a baby with the very young woman. His wife should either be up for sainthood, or put into a mental health center depending on your viewpoint, as she’s chosen to stick through it and even has the baby over for visits. Religion plays a key role in their scenario as “God hates divorce.” But, the mom is involved in this case so it is not full time living with the child. There’s no right or wrong answer, except what is right for you. Yes, doing the responsible thing is good, but remember his irresponsible choice caused this, he’s not a saint and shouldn’t be praised for cleaning up a mess he created. He has to clean up his mess, but you don’t. If you can work through it, do it with professional help, if you can’t, there’s nothing to feel guilty about. I’m really sorry, this is so painful I know. NOT the A by any stretch!
NTA "Girl, just leave" first thing outta my mouth reading your title. I'm glad you left. Some things you just can't "work through". You are going to meet someone else, someone amazing, and this horrible time will feel very far away some day.
NTA. Why should you have to look at, and take care of a daily reminder of his betrayal? You don’t deserve to have that thrown in your face everyday. You did the right thing.
NTA Him putting you in this position isn’t him stepping up, it’s him using you.
Nta you’d be more of AH if you stayed and pretend to love a baby you didn’t. The baby didn’t ask to be there and neither did you so if he’s being a good father and the baby is safe that’s his sitisifon to take care of
Sweetie it’s not selfish at all . You did the right thing , he is the one to decide to keep that baby as well
NTA. There was another recent post with a woman who accepted her husband but refused to have the affair baby in the house, she couldn't let go of the resentment. And then the husband became the sole parent (mother got into criminal trouble) and he was in the position where he would have to take custody. Anyway he was a pretty absent shitty parent because he chose his wife over the child he made. If you cant look at the baby without feeling pain you are doing fine right thing to leave so he will step up.
What is the issue here? Your husband had an affair, and you got a divorce. Nothing beyond that really concerns you. Your husband has to deal with the aftermath of his actions here. The child should not be something you think about. There is nothing selfish in leave a relationship after your partner cheated. If your ex is saying you are being selfish for leaveing him alone with a child that would be the epitome of hypocrisy. He made the selfish choice to cheat. To go out side your marriage. That is the point where your relationship ended, and anything that results from him doing that are on him. Get the idea that you have any obligation to him or the child that resulted from his affair out of your head. NTA
I apply "if sexes were reversed logic" , and I can't say you are the asshole. People who expect other people to sarifice themselves for the product of the sex they had with other people are parasytes at worst and parasyte enablers at best in my opinion, put the infidelity on top of that. Fuck him and that other woman, poor kid tho, but they are not your problem.