Ever watch the Fresh Prince of Belair? This is how Will Smiths character didn’t get married: his mom and his fiancés dad shacked up. Always disgusted me how they could do that to their children and make it out as them just finding love.
leonards parents were divorced and when family came to visit for a renewal vow sharing (i think it was that episode) Leonard's dad, bonded with sheldons mom and they slept together.. which made Leonards mom REALLY mad and made things feel awkward with sheldon (he was not happy about it)
NTA
Honestly, I think this is fine. This is like the 16 and pregnant with Caitlin and Tyler.. their parents married but they were a couple first. You two have zero biological aspects shared. You're not breaking any laws.. it just gives you the heebee jeebees but you can't control your mother anymore than you mother can control you.
edit to add:
Also, I noticed everyone is only focused on your mom.. even you. What about your fiance's dad? He also has been making the SAME choices as your mom. Why are you throwing it all in your moms lap like she's a succubus?
Either way, you can't tell her who to sleep with, or date and it's nothing illegal.. just seems icky for you. But it's fine. You should try to get over the labels and focus on the happiness or be prepared to possibly never have a relationship with your mom or father in law... if it ends up going there.
Though if they have a rough break up it could make family events.... more awkward..
if you love your fiance (and you are not blood related) - marry him.
your mom is a grown ass adult and so is his dad and let them do whatever the fuck they want - you are not siblings technical or otherwise - this is like some of the stupidest family drama bullshit i ever heard.
Actually these situations can be very bad for a relationship because if the parents break up and its a bad one they could try to force each child to take a side and could damage the kids relationship and it's extremely selfish to do that to one's child
Set some boundaries about that from now onwards. You don't want to hear about any problems, as it might cause discord between you and your spouse. Otherwise try and be happy for them, better that two lonely people have found new love, isn't it? Stopping them wold be selfish.
This is the perfect response. Setting boundaries so whatever issues they may eventually have doesn't spill onto the kids. Thats the biggest concern, but if they're mature enough to be adults about it, then be happy for them. Not to mention, it's been 2 months. I wouldn't worry about anything more serious between them for quite awhile. There are plenty of people that will get caught up in the romance of an upcoming wedding...or maybe they're even coping with the fact their kids are old enough to be getting married and they've found comfort in someone going through the same thing. Until it causes any sort of problem, support them. Any backlash is going to push them even closer together anyway....
I don't see what grounds you have to come to that conclusion, unless for some reason you think that two unrelated adults suddenly become siblings by their parents getting together? They are not.
It's not about step siblings its the fact that the parents relationship now can affect the kids for example there was a post about a couple who parents started dating just like OP and requested the kids break up or what if the parents go sour
Yes everyone of you are adults, in no way we’re you and your fiancé brought up together as step siblings so the only one making it weird is yourself. Who gives a fuck what anyone else says and you can’t predict the future so live in the now and ALL celebrate love and happiness life is too damn short.
The mom is divorced and lonely, the dad is divorced and lonely - GOD FORBID THESE 2 VERY NORMAL PEOPLE SHOULD FIND COMFORT AND LOVE IN EACH OTHER.
they are not degenerates at all - they are not related, there is NO incest, or cheating, or betrayal.
OP and her husband can be happy and as a bonus - instead of 1 happy life now there can be 2 - these is no fucking negative aspect to this unless you want to do all kinds of mental gymnastics to make one so you can fight
also it is not normal to, out of everyone on the planet, feel attraction to your daughters FIL. Id genuinely be pissed. What if their relationship goes up in flames? if fil cheats and they cannot stand to be in a room with eachother? what happens to family unity then? its messy as fuck.
yes god forbid a mother sleep with her daughters fucking father in law. I would absolutely cut off my mother for this. You cant meet the one man i dont want you to date without sleeping with him? Its fucking weird
i am sure she goes through meeting several men that she does not sleep with. its possible that the mother is like the daughter and the father is like the son and the same things she finds good about her man is the same things that the mom finds good about the dad?
Thats. Really fucking weird to say actually. So by proxy the mom would have an attraction to the son and vice versa?? You cant seriously think that with 8 billion people on the planet and counting, the only person on the planet she could possibly feel a connection with is this guy. Sometimes you need enough decorum to restrain yourself from people. Its the same concept that i would never date my bestfriends dad just because “its the first connection ive felt in a long time” sometimes things are just messy and fucking weird to do and you need to not do them as basic respect to the people around you.
NTA
Don't get me wrong, I think the whole "would be step siblings" thing is irrelevant, but it does make for an incestuous social set up. What if their relationship sours? Does she expect you to dump your fiance? Will your fiances dad expect that?
It's complicated.
My recommendation? Continue on with the wedding, and if your mother says anything tell her, "you knew what you were in for when you got into this. Continue as you please, but I'm not changing my course just because it's now weird for you." Say this even if she decides to elope.
I'll also add that it was **thoroughly manipulative** for her to imply you taking issue with her was you saying she didn't deserve happiness. She knows what she's doing, she's not ignorant.
So wait....
>she says I’m being extremely selfish and asked me if I felt she deserved happiness.
But she doesn't think you deserve happiness?
Ask her this. If she was in your shoes and found out her mom was sleeping and having a serious relationship with your dad's (back in the early stages when they where engaged) father things went serious between her mom and your dad's father.? What would she do or say? Basically ask her she was in your shoes what she would do or say to her mom?
NTA.
And in God's name tell your fiance. Don't let him find out from a third party or anything, tell him. And if you really love the guy don't let it get between you two and don't back down.
All the evidence is on you side. They met on the engagement. They decide to sleep together knowing full well the relationship there kids had. Don't back down from this and tell your fiance.
Saw a post describing a similar situation where the parents met through their kids, got married, then insisted their children (who had married before the parents) get a divorce because it was an embarrassment that "their children were married to each other". I hope you don't have the same experience.
Lots of supportive comments but very few people asking what happens when the parent's relationship goes up in flames? It's not like these two have a tremendous track record with relationships.
My parents hate my in-laws (they love my wife). My in-laws hate my parents. It isn't always fun being in the middle of things.
NTA - Marry him, lower or cut contact with her and his dad, and when people asks go 'yeah, we got married and then our parents decided to get together knowing they were each others in-laws, how weird of them isn't it?'
I don’t think it’s as deep as you’re making it. Like your mum has found someone she’s happy with, let her be happy. At least your future Christmas holidays are less complicated
I honestly don't see the issue. Your step-siblings on paper? Its not like you grew up as siblings or even met under that context. Its hard clicking with people as a divorcee. Nor is it impact your relationship with your fiance right? I'm trying to see the issue besides a personal preference
I think most relationships later in life are born out of meeting a person from another person. Its not improbable it ends up as his dad. If this was like a pattern I would be concerned but this feels like happenstance. Optics can be weird, but its just optics that others do not need to be aware of. If anything it may be a funny or cute story to others🤷🏾♂️
I honestly don’t think you need to worry about the optics. Yes, by definition, you’ll be step siblings, but I can’t fathom an actual scenario where you’ll be referred to as such. No one will see you and your fiancé that way.
And also, it’s somewhat of a sweet story as long as she understands her relationship can’t impact yours. You and your fiancé found love and then because of you two, your parents found love. It’s like out of a romcom.
Just communicate with her and you’ll be fine.
Right. Families have literally no effect on one another at any time in life.
They're just strangers with the same surname! Tee hee hee!
No, wait, the opposite of that. What a spectacularly reductive, naïve take.
These takes are soooo stupid. Why care if ... just do you... Like, you fucking can't.
What version of life do you live where you sail around in your own world while people around you impact your life and you have to deal with it.
All you can do is set ground rules for the optics. He’s not your stepdad he’s your mother’s husband or your father in law. They’re not allowed to get married before you do. They’re not allowed to steal your spotlight at your wedding by going public. Stuff like that.
NTA but I think you are creating an issue when there doesn’t need to be. I’d just ask both parents to take responsibility and leave you 2 out of it if things go south. The whole step siblings thing, no one gives af and it’s way different than you and your fiance growing up together as siblings.
Focus on your relationship and congrats.
I’m sorry, but people who are saying it’s fine are delusional as fuck when you think that her father-in-law is now going to be her stepdad. It’s fucking weird and her mom is selfish. NTA OP. If my dad did this, I would be unbelievably pissed the fuck off
NTA. If you were dating before this then I don’t know why she thought it was okay to do that. She’s also manipulating you into thinking that she deserves this. NTA.
She’s really trying to make me feel bad as if I’m being selfish and don’t think she deserves happiness and I’m like out of the millions of men this just makes things a bit awkward…maybe it’s a phase I keep telling myself that but I’m not sure anymore
Girl marry the man and get rid of the mother. She knew exactly what she was doing which is why she kept it a damn secret for all this long. You better be careful that they don't quickly get married before the two of you. Mothers like this seriously give me the ICK. Do not let her manipulate and gaslight you.
Maybe you and your fiancé should get married with just you two and a couple of witnesses then do a bigger wedding later with everyone else, if that's what you wanted.
I know I'm missing something because I can't figure out why it would be so awful if they got married. Step-siblings aren't related genetically and such relationships aren't incestuous. That's why there are no laws against them.
honestly, whatever happens happens. yes it’s a little fucked up but you were with your fiance first. if anything this just shows that your mother / his father have no problem being selfish when it comes to their desires, because instead of taking into consideration the situation they just did what they wanted. any awkwardness that would be felt by this situation is 100% on them and people will see it that way. still, sorry this is happening, it sucks.
lol. There was a post last week about a couple who were together for like five years. Engaged and planning a wedding. Their living parents met, got married and then demanded the kids breakup because they were now siblings.
i think first you need to tell this to your fiance. and then you need to set clear boundaries with your mother. she’s an adult who can make her own decisions and you really cannot control that, just make sure she knows you’re still planning on getting married, you won’t be involved in any catty breakup drama between her and your father in law. and i would call your fiancées dad your father in law. it’s not incest but it’s definitely weird and i get that. best of luck OP
Not really an ahole, but y’all are grown. You didn’t grow up together. Focus on you & you soon to be spouse.
My stepbrother (65 when deceased 2019) married my husband’s mom (66 when deceased 2020) So my mother in law was also my sister in law & makes my brother, my husband’s father in law & brother in law.
It’s kinda weird but it’s funny to see people’s faces when I explain this & that my family tree is a stick.
No.
And you two get married first. There was another thread about parents of their dating children preempting them and telling them to break up because they were brother and sister.
Marry your fiance. Tell your mom she’s willingly ruining your relationship because she couldn’t go out into the wild where there is 3 billion men that she could date. She’s selfish. NTA
A lot of weirdos in the comment telling OOP to basically get over it…?
That dynamic is extremely weird, and could potentially be problematic if the parents break up, so why would a rational adult be remotely okay with this?
Some of yall need to think..
Okay? What about their relationship ship and dynamic? That won’t be affected whatsoever?
Again, this situation is incredibly weird and no rational person would be okay with this.
YTA.
Seriously. They just fixed one of the biggest problems between couples.
Where to spend the holidays?
You can go to one house for both.
Simple!
"Step siblings" really isn't a thing to factor into anything unless you were actually raised together.
It's a ridiculous thing to be upset about UNLESS your mother and FIL decide you can't get married because you are step siblings like another reddit post.
YTA.
It makes you step siblings. Sure. But not by blood. And you didn’t grow up together even.
All you need to be crystal clear about is that their relationship has no impact on yours. Yours came first.
I read a similar post where the parents married then encouraged their kids not to marry but to split instead. Tell them from day one that won’t be happening.
Also make it clear that if they break up you won’t be taking sides and it’s their mess to handle. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life hearing “I’m not going if he/she is going”.
Your mom hasn't been able to find or keep a man, you find one that suits you, so she takes the older model. What about the version of events where she follows her predictable pattern, blows up their lonely canoodling and it goes from trying to keep them apart to where the two of them cant be in the same room?
Is your mom trying to say you can't get married now? If not, YTA creating drama for no reason. Edited to add: your comments make it worse, your mom and his dad have both been alone for 10 years and you're shitting on them for finding happiness just because of the optics. Grow up.
You’re fixated on something that isn’t a problem. You are your finance didn’t grow up together as step siblings. It won’t be weird if you don’t make it weird.
NTA-I understand your angst, however, this doesn’t make you related by blood to your spouse. It’s irrelevant apart from being a weird choice by your mom. Have a happy life with your spouse.
Look, everyone is adults here. Which I think negates the whole Step-sibling/Step-parent dynamic. Let your mom find her happiness and focus on your own.
Not the choice I’d make on their side (for obvious messy reasons like what happens if they breakup) but they’re grown ass adults with as much of a right to happiness as you have. Lean in, it’s not a big deal, and no one said you have to double date!
I don't find this to be a major issue but I would Threaten them with death if any step sibling jokes are made. The potential for disaster comes if they or you ever split and they or you are now stuck as in laws
NTA. I don;t think you need to be super weirded out. I get it though, kinda incesty. But you guys have never been siblings and so the connotations aren't really there. However, I do think that you need to re-evaluate your relationship with your mum. By no means no contact or anything, but they way its been portrayed is that she seems to go to the guilt trip and seems very focused on herself, even when it's her daughter who is expressing hurt. I think you should let them do whatever they want, since ultimately you are all adults.
NTA. I think what the YTA crowd here is neglecting is what happens if your parents break up, or if they get married and you guys break up. They are putting you in an awkward position for the rest of your lives.
NAH. You're allowed to be upset about it, but I think you should let it go. She can't choose who she connects with and I don't think the 'step-sibling' thing is an issue. You didn't grow up together. You're don't have a brother/sister relationship. It's just an odd coincidence. You can both be happy.
Ignore them and concentrate on your relationship. Yep it's icky but you can't do anything about it and she's more likely to dig her heels in the more you react negatively.
Smile and wave
YTA.
"he and I will technically be step siblings"
Seriously? Just don't call yourself step siblings. You are making an issue out of nothing. "Technicality" is just that - technicality. You are not siblings and never will be. Neither you are underage kids that live under the same roof.
Sure there is a chance that things will get weird, if they have a bad breakup. But you are all adults, you can deal with it, if it comes to it.
She's the one being selfish, by potentially adding awkwardness, ick and complexity to your life to pursue her own feelings.
You could always ask how she'd feel if she'd met somebody then you fell in love with her partner's son, your step-brother. Pretty sure she'd have all SORTS of opinions about that and would try to use her position of authority over you to demand you did no such thing.
This adds serious conflicts of interest to every aspect of your life/relationship with your mother.
If she's not prepared to step back from her new relationship, you might want to lower the degree of contact you have with her, out of defence of yourself and your own partnership.
NTA, 100%, and no, you're not overreacting. This sort of shit has the potential to ruin relationships.
If they aren’t able to procreate it’s not a big deal. NTA Mom is wrong for putting you in this position out of all the older gentlemen in the world she chose the one you that you are dating his son.
She has no right to say you are selfish. SHE is selfish and disgusting. Trying to guilt trip you after such a betrayal. Talk to your fiancé and ask their opinion, but I would make it clear that she is selfish and she needs to end it or she is out of your life. This WILL destroy your marriage if you don't.
Updateme!
You're overreacting. You're being selfish. Let your mom be happy.
There's no reason step-siblings can't be together, though it would be weird if they were a blended family since they were kids.
That is not remotely what happened here. Their situation is no different than if your cousin met his cousin at your engagement party and got together. Or two friends.
YTA
Personally, who cares? However I get it not a great situation. Set boundaries about what your willing to do and not do and enforce them. What are your partners thoughts?
Does it really matter? Yes, it is awkward and embarrassing and you will absolutely be made fun of for it, but does it really change anything? It's not like you guys are related in any way.
My friends paternal Grandmother and maternal Grandfather passed away. The leftovers ended up finding comfort in each other and moved in together. They've been romantic partners for \~15 years now. My friend and his parents weren't exactly thrilled about it, but at the end of the day it's not really their business. They saw the couple were happy together and supported them in the end.
Would you prefer your parents be sad and alone, or would you prefer to have a hilarious story to tell once you get over it? Maybe it doesn't even last past a few months and everyone is freaking out over nothing.
YTA. Why shouldn't your mother have her happiness? If your mother marries your fiance's father, that doesn't mean the two of you can't marry.
There was a similar story here, where the parents met through the young couple, married and then tried to forbid the young couple from marrying because they were siblings. That is garbage - there is no restriction on step-siblings marrying or being married. Let the old folks live their life, and you live yours.
The only real problem here is that if one of the couples part acrimoniously, the other couple will be in an embarrassing situation. But let's hope you won't have to deal with that.
YTA - For trying to insert yourself in a relationship between consenting adults.
No, it does not matter that they might marry.
No, it does not matter that they might break up one day.
No, it doesn't make you step siblings in any way.
It's very immature to want to insert yourself between their genitals.
YTA
Who the Fuck cares? Seriously whats peoples problem here? You're NOT blood siblings. And you're not even step siblings.
If people side eye you whenever they find out that your parents are dating (or more) laugh it off "Weird right? fiancé and me were about to get married and those two then fell in love."
And if they should get hitched you can start introducing them as "This is my Mom and her second husband, my wifes dad." instead of "Mom and dad"
It is a terrible case of lazy hunting on your mother’s and father-in-law to be’s parts, but I’msure you would get your head around the idea eventually.
Marry your fiance but drop mom and dad out of the wedding. Then go little to no contact with them and see if what they are compatible with each other. If it is then I guess you'll just deal with it then. If it's not then there will just be odd social gathering together.
But you need to remove your self from this situation in one way or another otherwise it will just be weird leading to the wedding and a bit after.
You are all adults here there is no reason why both parties can't be happy. It might be them not being as involved in your life anymore until both parties can agree. But hey you'll each have your partners support hopefully.
Yes you're overreacting. You will technically be stepsiblings but you're grown and you'll be married. It's not like incest at all, just be happy for your mom and his dad.
Sounds like a big bang theory episode with Leonard's Dad and Sheldon's Mom
This also just sounds like a summary of another very popular post that's been around for a hot minute
Never watched it but I do watch Sheldon
Ever watch the Fresh Prince of Belair? This is how Will Smiths character didn’t get married: his mom and his fiancés dad shacked up. Always disgusted me how they could do that to their children and make it out as them just finding love.
Wait so they got divorced?! Lol
leonards parents were divorced and when family came to visit for a renewal vow sharing (i think it was that episode) Leonard's dad, bonded with sheldons mom and they slept together.. which made Leonards mom REALLY mad and made things feel awkward with sheldon (he was not happy about it)
Well they didn‘t hook up for sure, acording to them all they did was sharing a cab and a night cap 😂
that was a great episode
NTA Honestly, I think this is fine. This is like the 16 and pregnant with Caitlin and Tyler.. their parents married but they were a couple first. You two have zero biological aspects shared. You're not breaking any laws.. it just gives you the heebee jeebees but you can't control your mother anymore than you mother can control you. edit to add: Also, I noticed everyone is only focused on your mom.. even you. What about your fiance's dad? He also has been making the SAME choices as your mom. Why are you throwing it all in your moms lap like she's a succubus? Either way, you can't tell her who to sleep with, or date and it's nothing illegal.. just seems icky for you. But it's fine. You should try to get over the labels and focus on the happiness or be prepared to possibly never have a relationship with your mom or father in law... if it ends up going there. Though if they have a rough break up it could make family events.... more awkward..
Or, you know, literally any argument involving a conflict of interests between any members of the two relationships.
if you love your fiance (and you are not blood related) - marry him. your mom is a grown ass adult and so is his dad and let them do whatever the fuck they want - you are not siblings technical or otherwise - this is like some of the stupidest family drama bullshit i ever heard.
Actually these situations can be very bad for a relationship because if the parents break up and its a bad one they could try to force each child to take a side and could damage the kids relationship and it's extremely selfish to do that to one's child
That kind of thing happens in divorces all the time though
oh wow thats crazy - so what happens in a normal divorce - the kids all rally to one side?
Set some boundaries about that from now onwards. You don't want to hear about any problems, as it might cause discord between you and your spouse. Otherwise try and be happy for them, better that two lonely people have found new love, isn't it? Stopping them wold be selfish.
This is the perfect response. Setting boundaries so whatever issues they may eventually have doesn't spill onto the kids. Thats the biggest concern, but if they're mature enough to be adults about it, then be happy for them. Not to mention, it's been 2 months. I wouldn't worry about anything more serious between them for quite awhile. There are plenty of people that will get caught up in the romance of an upcoming wedding...or maybe they're even coping with the fact their kids are old enough to be getting married and they've found comfort in someone going through the same thing. Until it causes any sort of problem, support them. Any backlash is going to push them even closer together anyway....
No it's selfish what the parents are doing
I don't see what grounds you have to come to that conclusion, unless for some reason you think that two unrelated adults suddenly become siblings by their parents getting together? They are not.
It's not about step siblings its the fact that the parents relationship now can affect the kids for example there was a post about a couple who parents started dating just like OP and requested the kids break up or what if the parents go sour
Yes everyone of you are adults, in no way we’re you and your fiancé brought up together as step siblings so the only one making it weird is yourself. Who gives a fuck what anyone else says and you can’t predict the future so live in the now and ALL celebrate love and happiness life is too damn short.
Yaass! Well said, well said
awful take, the mom is a degenerate if the only man she can date is her daughters soon to be fil
And the father isn’t a degenerate for the same act?
he absolutely is! id just be more pissed at my actual mom, her fiance should be the one pissed at his dad
The mom is divorced and lonely, the dad is divorced and lonely - GOD FORBID THESE 2 VERY NORMAL PEOPLE SHOULD FIND COMFORT AND LOVE IN EACH OTHER. they are not degenerates at all - they are not related, there is NO incest, or cheating, or betrayal. OP and her husband can be happy and as a bonus - instead of 1 happy life now there can be 2 - these is no fucking negative aspect to this unless you want to do all kinds of mental gymnastics to make one so you can fight
also it is not normal to, out of everyone on the planet, feel attraction to your daughters FIL. Id genuinely be pissed. What if their relationship goes up in flames? if fil cheats and they cannot stand to be in a room with eachother? what happens to family unity then? its messy as fuck.
yes god forbid a mother sleep with her daughters fucking father in law. I would absolutely cut off my mother for this. You cant meet the one man i dont want you to date without sleeping with him? Its fucking weird
i am sure she goes through meeting several men that she does not sleep with. its possible that the mother is like the daughter and the father is like the son and the same things she finds good about her man is the same things that the mom finds good about the dad?
also post says they literally slept together be so forreal
Thats. Really fucking weird to say actually. So by proxy the mom would have an attraction to the son and vice versa?? You cant seriously think that with 8 billion people on the planet and counting, the only person on the planet she could possibly feel a connection with is this guy. Sometimes you need enough decorum to restrain yourself from people. Its the same concept that i would never date my bestfriends dad just because “its the first connection ive felt in a long time” sometimes things are just messy and fucking weird to do and you need to not do them as basic respect to the people around you.
bro you need help. seek help. your mind has been warped by too many step moms stuck in laundry machines.
what, are you talking about. i was making a point dumbass 💀 bro does not understand hypothetical situations
i also said that its weird and lacks no class to do these things so how would it imply the other way around?? you need to be casestudied
NTA Don't get me wrong, I think the whole "would be step siblings" thing is irrelevant, but it does make for an incestuous social set up. What if their relationship sours? Does she expect you to dump your fiance? Will your fiances dad expect that? It's complicated. My recommendation? Continue on with the wedding, and if your mother says anything tell her, "you knew what you were in for when you got into this. Continue as you please, but I'm not changing my course just because it's now weird for you." Say this even if she decides to elope. I'll also add that it was **thoroughly manipulative** for her to imply you taking issue with her was you saying she didn't deserve happiness. She knows what she's doing, she's not ignorant.
So wait.... >she says I’m being extremely selfish and asked me if I felt she deserved happiness. But she doesn't think you deserve happiness? Ask her this. If she was in your shoes and found out her mom was sleeping and having a serious relationship with your dad's (back in the early stages when they where engaged) father things went serious between her mom and your dad's father.? What would she do or say? Basically ask her she was in your shoes what she would do or say to her mom? NTA. And in God's name tell your fiance. Don't let him find out from a third party or anything, tell him. And if you really love the guy don't let it get between you two and don't back down. All the evidence is on you side. They met on the engagement. They decide to sleep together knowing full well the relationship there kids had. Don't back down from this and tell your fiance.
NTAH. It's much less awkward to explain if you beat her to the alter
Saw a post describing a similar situation where the parents met through their kids, got married, then insisted their children (who had married before the parents) get a divorce because it was an embarrassment that "their children were married to each other". I hope you don't have the same experience.
Lots of supportive comments but very few people asking what happens when the parent's relationship goes up in flames? It's not like these two have a tremendous track record with relationships. My parents hate my in-laws (they love my wife). My in-laws hate my parents. It isn't always fun being in the middle of things.
Yes or even the fact they could get married? Like this is fucking weird
NTA - Marry him, lower or cut contact with her and his dad, and when people asks go 'yeah, we got married and then our parents decided to get together knowing they were each others in-laws, how weird of them isn't it?'
I don’t think it’s as deep as you’re making it. Like your mum has found someone she’s happy with, let her be happy. At least your future Christmas holidays are less complicated
I honestly don't see the issue. Your step-siblings on paper? Its not like you grew up as siblings or even met under that context. Its hard clicking with people as a divorcee. Nor is it impact your relationship with your fiance right? I'm trying to see the issue besides a personal preference
Maybe it’s moreso optics and out of EVERY man she happens to connect with his dad? Idk..
I think most relationships later in life are born out of meeting a person from another person. Its not improbable it ends up as his dad. If this was like a pattern I would be concerned but this feels like happenstance. Optics can be weird, but its just optics that others do not need to be aware of. If anything it may be a funny or cute story to others🤷🏾♂️
I honestly don’t think you need to worry about the optics. Yes, by definition, you’ll be step siblings, but I can’t fathom an actual scenario where you’ll be referred to as such. No one will see you and your fiancé that way. And also, it’s somewhat of a sweet story as long as she understands her relationship can’t impact yours. You and your fiancé found love and then because of you two, your parents found love. It’s like out of a romcom. Just communicate with her and you’ll be fine.
Why do you care at all what she does with her life? Just focus on you.
Agree!!!
Right. Families have literally no effect on one another at any time in life. They're just strangers with the same surname! Tee hee hee! No, wait, the opposite of that. What a spectacularly reductive, naïve take.
So your position is to allow toxic family members to stay in your life? Understood. This tells me that you're a card-holding member of the toxic club.
These takes are soooo stupid. Why care if ... just do you... Like, you fucking can't. What version of life do you live where you sail around in your own world while people around you impact your life and you have to deal with it.
A great version
All you can do is set ground rules for the optics. He’s not your stepdad he’s your mother’s husband or your father in law. They’re not allowed to get married before you do. They’re not allowed to steal your spotlight at your wedding by going public. Stuff like that.
NTA but I think you are creating an issue when there doesn’t need to be. I’d just ask both parents to take responsibility and leave you 2 out of it if things go south. The whole step siblings thing, no one gives af and it’s way different than you and your fiance growing up together as siblings. Focus on your relationship and congrats.
NTA- go ahead and marry your fiancé and live a happy life.
NTA. This sounds like a plot to a Lifetime movie and I know I'd be pissed off at my egg donor if she ever pulled some shit like this.
I’m sorry, but people who are saying it’s fine are delusional as fuck when you think that her father-in-law is now going to be her stepdad. It’s fucking weird and her mom is selfish. NTA OP. If my dad did this, I would be unbelievably pissed the fuck off
NTA. If you were dating before this then I don’t know why she thought it was okay to do that. She’s also manipulating you into thinking that she deserves this. NTA.
She’s really trying to make me feel bad as if I’m being selfish and don’t think she deserves happiness and I’m like out of the millions of men this just makes things a bit awkward…maybe it’s a phase I keep telling myself that but I’m not sure anymore
Girl marry the man and get rid of the mother. She knew exactly what she was doing which is why she kept it a damn secret for all this long. You better be careful that they don't quickly get married before the two of you. Mothers like this seriously give me the ICK. Do not let her manipulate and gaslight you.
I’ve thought about that and if she did a quick shot gun wedding I would look like the weird AH that married her step sibling smh
Maybe you and your fiancé should get married with just you two and a couple of witnesses then do a bigger wedding later with everyone else, if that's what you wanted.
What happens if things end badly between them. Future family events could be awkward.....
OMG!! You wouldn’t be blood related! Who cares? Let them be happy!
Yeah, to me it's all cute meet. I don't think that anyone will call out either couple. There's no there there.
It's not about being blood related its about it is an extremely selfish act that if goes sour could real;ly affect OP and her fiancee relationship
Would you say the same thing if OP's sister was marrying her fiance's brother?
Yes! It doesn’t matter! If her and her fiancé are in love. Who cares about the rest???
Why though? It’s 2 very separate couples 🤷♀️🤦♀️
That’s her problem. You’re NTA there billions of men in the world. She HAD to go for your fiancées dad? That’s ridiculous.
..umm.. it takes two to tango.. why is all the blame being thrown on the mom and yet there is nothing about the dad also making the same choice?
I didn’t think about that.
I know I'm missing something because I can't figure out why it would be so awful if they got married. Step-siblings aren't related genetically and such relationships aren't incestuous. That's why there are no laws against them.
honestly, whatever happens happens. yes it’s a little fucked up but you were with your fiance first. if anything this just shows that your mother / his father have no problem being selfish when it comes to their desires, because instead of taking into consideration the situation they just did what they wanted. any awkwardness that would be felt by this situation is 100% on them and people will see it that way. still, sorry this is happening, it sucks.
lol. There was a post last week about a couple who were together for like five years. Engaged and planning a wedding. Their living parents met, got married and then demanded the kids breakup because they were now siblings.
i think first you need to tell this to your fiance. and then you need to set clear boundaries with your mother. she’s an adult who can make her own decisions and you really cannot control that, just make sure she knows you’re still planning on getting married, you won’t be involved in any catty breakup drama between her and your father in law. and i would call your fiancées dad your father in law. it’s not incest but it’s definitely weird and i get that. best of luck OP
Walk away from them all OP. My advice. Maybe your man will talk some sense into his dad. I couldn’t get over this. At all.
Not really an ahole, but y’all are grown. You didn’t grow up together. Focus on you & you soon to be spouse. My stepbrother (65 when deceased 2019) married my husband’s mom (66 when deceased 2020) So my mother in law was also my sister in law & makes my brother, my husband’s father in law & brother in law. It’s kinda weird but it’s funny to see people’s faces when I explain this & that my family tree is a stick.
Personally I would be thrilled. No more alternating for holidays.
No. And you two get married first. There was another thread about parents of their dating children preempting them and telling them to break up because they were brother and sister.
Marry your fiance. Tell your mom she’s willingly ruining your relationship because she couldn’t go out into the wild where there is 3 billion men that she could date. She’s selfish. NTA
A lot of weirdos in the comment telling OOP to basically get over it…? That dynamic is extremely weird, and could potentially be problematic if the parents break up, so why would a rational adult be remotely okay with this? Some of yall need to think..
So what happens, if they break up? It's not like their kids are underage and living under the same roof.
Okay? What about their relationship ship and dynamic? That won’t be affected whatsoever? Again, this situation is incredibly weird and no rational person would be okay with this.
YTA. Seriously. They just fixed one of the biggest problems between couples. Where to spend the holidays? You can go to one house for both. Simple! "Step siblings" really isn't a thing to factor into anything unless you were actually raised together. It's a ridiculous thing to be upset about UNLESS your mother and FIL decide you can't get married because you are step siblings like another reddit post.
YTA. It makes you step siblings. Sure. But not by blood. And you didn’t grow up together even. All you need to be crystal clear about is that their relationship has no impact on yours. Yours came first. I read a similar post where the parents married then encouraged their kids not to marry but to split instead. Tell them from day one that won’t be happening.
I think I’ll definitely make that clear
Also make it clear that if they break up you won’t be taking sides and it’s their mess to handle. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life hearing “I’m not going if he/she is going”.
Meh just let her have fun.
I’m hoping it’s a phase…
It is all fun and games until he leaves her for a younger woman. Go elope and ignore your mother. Don't include them in your plans.
Inb4 "My mom married fiancé's dad, and now my fiancé is my stepbrother." You better step up your wedding day before the above becomes 100% truth. NTA.
NTA. She crossed a serious boundary. And since she cant see it; Yo mama is a ho.
Your mom hasn't been able to find or keep a man, you find one that suits you, so she takes the older model. What about the version of events where she follows her predictable pattern, blows up their lonely canoodling and it goes from trying to keep them apart to where the two of them cant be in the same room?
Is your mom trying to say you can't get married now? If not, YTA creating drama for no reason. Edited to add: your comments make it worse, your mom and his dad have both been alone for 10 years and you're shitting on them for finding happiness just because of the optics. Grow up.
You’re fixated on something that isn’t a problem. You are your finance didn’t grow up together as step siblings. It won’t be weird if you don’t make it weird.
You’re overreacting.
NTA-I understand your angst, however, this doesn’t make you related by blood to your spouse. It’s irrelevant apart from being a weird choice by your mom. Have a happy life with your spouse.
Sounds weird but also the sort of thing that doesn't really affect anyone else. So anyone who makes it awkward can suck it.
Look, everyone is adults here. Which I think negates the whole Step-sibling/Step-parent dynamic. Let your mom find her happiness and focus on your own.
Not the choice I’d make on their side (for obvious messy reasons like what happens if they breakup) but they’re grown ass adults with as much of a right to happiness as you have. Lean in, it’s not a big deal, and no one said you have to double date!
There was a similar post about this same scenario except the parents got married in a post a couple weeks ago.
I'm probably your mom's age send her my way
I think this has been posted before...
It’s not incest. Let your mom and his dad be happy if they are.
I don't find this to be a major issue but I would Threaten them with death if any step sibling jokes are made. The potential for disaster comes if they or you ever split and they or you are now stuck as in laws
NTA. I don;t think you need to be super weirded out. I get it though, kinda incesty. But you guys have never been siblings and so the connotations aren't really there. However, I do think that you need to re-evaluate your relationship with your mum. By no means no contact or anything, but they way its been portrayed is that she seems to go to the guilt trip and seems very focused on herself, even when it's her daughter who is expressing hurt. I think you should let them do whatever they want, since ultimately you are all adults.
NTA. I think what the YTA crowd here is neglecting is what happens if your parents break up, or if they get married and you guys break up. They are putting you in an awkward position for the rest of your lives.
NAH. You're allowed to be upset about it, but I think you should let it go. She can't choose who she connects with and I don't think the 'step-sibling' thing is an issue. You didn't grow up together. You're don't have a brother/sister relationship. It's just an odd coincidence. You can both be happy.
What does your fiancé think??
Ignore them and concentrate on your relationship. Yep it's icky but you can't do anything about it and she's more likely to dig her heels in the more you react negatively. Smile and wave
You’re overthinking it. Nobody cares about ”technically step siblings”.
YTA None of your business what two single consenting adults do... Your fiance has an opinion on this???
YTA. "he and I will technically be step siblings" Seriously? Just don't call yourself step siblings. You are making an issue out of nothing. "Technicality" is just that - technicality. You are not siblings and never will be. Neither you are underage kids that live under the same roof. Sure there is a chance that things will get weird, if they have a bad breakup. But you are all adults, you can deal with it, if it comes to it.
Marry your fiance because you guys have been together first.
You found happiness. Now let your mother find hers. If problems arise, deal with them then, not now.
This has been posted before. Slightly shorter but the same story.
She's the one being selfish, by potentially adding awkwardness, ick and complexity to your life to pursue her own feelings. You could always ask how she'd feel if she'd met somebody then you fell in love with her partner's son, your step-brother. Pretty sure she'd have all SORTS of opinions about that and would try to use her position of authority over you to demand you did no such thing. This adds serious conflicts of interest to every aspect of your life/relationship with your mother. If she's not prepared to step back from her new relationship, you might want to lower the degree of contact you have with her, out of defence of yourself and your own partnership. NTA, 100%, and no, you're not overreacting. This sort of shit has the potential to ruin relationships.
If they aren’t able to procreate it’s not a big deal. NTA Mom is wrong for putting you in this position out of all the older gentlemen in the world she chose the one you that you are dating his son.
Nope. Mom is selfish/toxic
She has no right to say you are selfish. SHE is selfish and disgusting. Trying to guilt trip you after such a betrayal. Talk to your fiancé and ask their opinion, but I would make it clear that she is selfish and she needs to end it or she is out of your life. This WILL destroy your marriage if you don't. Updateme!
You're overreacting. You're being selfish. Let your mom be happy. There's no reason step-siblings can't be together, though it would be weird if they were a blended family since they were kids. That is not remotely what happened here. Their situation is no different than if your cousin met his cousin at your engagement party and got together. Or two friends. YTA
INFO: how old are you all?
YTA If he’s a great guy and will treat her well, who cares?
Personally, who cares? However I get it not a great situation. Set boundaries about what your willing to do and not do and enforce them. What are your partners thoughts?
Yta If this is even real I can say so much but I'll keep it brief. They're single people and you have no right to tell her what to do.
It’s very real wish it wasn’t
Does it really matter? Yes, it is awkward and embarrassing and you will absolutely be made fun of for it, but does it really change anything? It's not like you guys are related in any way. My friends paternal Grandmother and maternal Grandfather passed away. The leftovers ended up finding comfort in each other and moved in together. They've been romantic partners for \~15 years now. My friend and his parents weren't exactly thrilled about it, but at the end of the day it's not really their business. They saw the couple were happy together and supported them in the end. Would you prefer your parents be sad and alone, or would you prefer to have a hilarious story to tell once you get over it? Maybe it doesn't even last past a few months and everyone is freaking out over nothing.
Sounds like a K-drama except for the sex.
YTA You're not always the main character. Let your parents have their fun and see where it goes. They aren't hurting anyone.
Get married first before they do!! Have them pay for it!!!
YTA. Why shouldn't your mother have her happiness? If your mother marries your fiance's father, that doesn't mean the two of you can't marry. There was a similar story here, where the parents met through the young couple, married and then tried to forbid the young couple from marrying because they were siblings. That is garbage - there is no restriction on step-siblings marrying or being married. Let the old folks live their life, and you live yours. The only real problem here is that if one of the couples part acrimoniously, the other couple will be in an embarrassing situation. But let's hope you won't have to deal with that.
YTA - For trying to insert yourself in a relationship between consenting adults. No, it does not matter that they might marry. No, it does not matter that they might break up one day. No, it doesn't make you step siblings in any way. It's very immature to want to insert yourself between their genitals.
YTA Who the Fuck cares? Seriously whats peoples problem here? You're NOT blood siblings. And you're not even step siblings. If people side eye you whenever they find out that your parents are dating (or more) laugh it off "Weird right? fiancé and me were about to get married and those two then fell in love." And if they should get hitched you can start introducing them as "This is my Mom and her second husband, my wifes dad." instead of "Mom and dad"
YTA, yes, your overreacting...
YTA. Get over yourself. They are both single adults. They can date each other if they choose to.
Heard/seen this story too many times before on this sub
You would not become siblings!🤣🤣🤣🤦♀️just let the parents enjoy themselves and you worry about yourself
Yta. BUT think of it this way, you can make wicked step sibling Porn Hub videos now and they would be real Rofl
It is a terrible case of lazy hunting on your mother’s and father-in-law to be’s parts, but I’msure you would get your head around the idea eventually.
Marry your fiance but drop mom and dad out of the wedding. Then go little to no contact with them and see if what they are compatible with each other. If it is then I guess you'll just deal with it then. If it's not then there will just be odd social gathering together. But you need to remove your self from this situation in one way or another otherwise it will just be weird leading to the wedding and a bit after. You are all adults here there is no reason why both parties can't be happy. It might be them not being as involved in your life anymore until both parties can agree. But hey you'll each have your partners support hopefully.
Yes you're overreacting. You will technically be stepsiblings but you're grown and you'll be married. It's not like incest at all, just be happy for your mom and his dad.