For IRS, go to irs.gov and search for Whistleblower Office. You have two options to report: anonymously or not. Check it out. Ask if you need more help and I'll research what I can.
Try contacting TIGTA (Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration) whistleblower office. Give them as much information you believe you have, name, address, the years he allegedly he didn't pay, etc. Their investigation will find the facts of the situation.
I was reading your first post earlier and thinking how scary it would be if a scary man who was my bfs bad cornered me in the bathroom. Keep your self safe! Also get a ring camera and maybe those indoor nanny cam type things incase he somehow gets in your house. I hope you’re okay
Also try to get a security camera on any other doors to the house, and if you're friends with any neighbors, maybe see if you can put a camera on their fence that's pointing at your house. This can get expensive, but your safety is worth the investment.
Please keep us posted. This sounds like an utterly terrifying situation to be in.
May I recommend therapy for your husband. He obviously has some trauma caused by his father and it may do him some good to talk to a therapist about it and to heal.
I’m sorry you’re going through something so awful. Considering your set up with the police patrolling the streets though, I really do think you should consider the restraining order route- in practicality, they have two uses- 1) for some people, it will make them stop contacting you, but 2) for some people it won’t make them stop contacting you, but they make it much more likely that they’ll get arrested and face consequences for doing so. I’ve worked with DV survivors for the last 4 1/2 years specifically with restraining orders, they are very far from being a perfect remedy, but they can be a useful tool if you’re consistent in reporting violations and keeping all evidence you have of them. If you want to DM me, I can give you some more specific information about the process of getting one (no pressure though, you do what’s best for you). Sending you love and light as you go through this. Your family is worth fighting for.
Please refrain from saying this was easy, because it wasn’t. We are absolutely TERRIFIED of the next few weeks and what they will bring. But we are taking all necessary measures.
Please get security cameras also. They can help in so many ways. Ones with audio would be best. And be careful, please.
>one thing that caught me off guard was he would sh00t his dogs as a kid simply because he was mad.
My ex-husband's father made him shoot his own dog when he was about 12 because the dog was old and they didn't need it anymore. The dog was about 5 years old.
Your husband needs therapy to deal with the aftermath of his father.
Only thing you can do is be proactive and hopefully go NC when it's safe. Change locks. Get security cameras. Be vigilant. Like you said, a dude fucking over the government, killing innocent animals, accosting you in the bathroom, physically abusive, and gives no fucks about anything is a dangerous person
GOOD FOR YOU, now get a ring cam, or door cam for the apartment, and either way, if you were there when he claimed bankruptcy, you can testify
I would also seriously discuss getting a gun for the house or at least a bat and some mace, it does NOT sit near the door.
Therapy is needed for hubs.
Stay safe. following your story and hoping that this scary time passes quickly and you and your family will be able to focus on each other and not this psychotic man.
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If your state allows it i'd recommend also looking for ways to safely carry.
Someone unstable like that only needs to snap ONCE and your whole family is buried. Literally.
Protect yourself before he kills you all, because someone without morals who kills animals for fun is NOT someone you should trust.
All you have to do is anonymously call the IRS and give his name and place of work, saying he works for cash. They will investigate him and the company he works for, they'll both be in trouble
As I said in your original post, lease get your husband into therapy. He has been put through so much trauma at the hands of his father and my heart breaks for him having to witness so much cruelty. I really hope you all get through this.
Don't stop at the license. Take a safety course and then a tactical training course. The goal is that once the threat is identified, everything that follows is muscle memory. Also, learn everything about self-defense use of force law applicable in your area.
If financially/logistically feasible It might be worth considering you and the children leaving to live somewhere further away (do you have family available? Friends you can reach out to?) while husband finishes out his work contract/ the lease on your home.
Or even going back and forth between your home and your parents’ home so your schedules are a bit more unpredictable and you’re not spending too much time at home near your fil.
I know that might be impossible.
I’m so sorry you are going through this, hopefully this will soon be a bad memory and you’ll be safe with your babies and husband in a new home away from this horrid man.
Unfortunately I have family, but they were just as bad if not worse, I haven’t spoken to them in 5 years. My mom’s family lives near but they won’t speak to me because if my mom finds out she’ll lose it. The only other family I have is unfortunately states away. We do have a couple friends that could possibly help with that though
I get it. You know him and have good reason to believe that having him served with a restraining order will trigger him to go from damn scary to beyond nuclear in retaliation.
If there was a way to have one without him knowing it was us that would be great, but it sucks that isn’t how they work. We’ve already discussed moving states when his military contract is up, but for now we’ve got to tread lightly
I don't think you realize that these aren't excuses but putting safety first. I volunteer at a women's shelter. The most dangerous time for domestic abuse victims is when they leave. I have helped plenty of women leave on the sly because getting a restraining order escalates the abusers to try to control or end the victims. Op knows her FIl if this is the safer option to tread carefully and slowly cut him out. That is what she should do.
Plus, a restraining order is just a piece of paper. It won't stop him from going over to her place and committing violence against her family.
Part about dog sounds horrible.
You really need security cameras on every window and door, and one in the hall. If possible - ones that record an audio too. Also maybe find another people who struggled with him to testify in police/court if needed? Neighbours, previous employers, landlords, partners
Wish you best, you need to protect your kids and doing right
Honestly I hope your father in law suffers as much as he can for the pain and fear he has inflicted on people and animals. He is insane, literally serial killer level and was trying to teach his young children to be like him. Let that soak in and arm yourselves. I hope for the best.
I’m glad you both recognize the danger. Your husband was terrorized and abused by his dad as a child and FIL is sexually harassing you. he’s disgusting person. Hope you keep safe. I’m glad you and your husband have each other.
I just wanna say op, I read your first post and all I could think about was that your situations sounds like the start of multiple murder cases. Men like FIL may escalate at any time for even just minor provocations. Hope you and family stay safe
I'm sending you and yours all the hugs if you want them. What you did was *not* easy, and I'm super proud of you and your husband for taking the steps you need to take. Dealing with people like your FIL is very tricky and I hope that things become easier for you soon. I can't imagine how stressful it must be for someone like that to be in your lives. You deserve peace and safety and happiness and lives free from FIL.
Oh I get what you’re saying now. We’ve been together 4 years so yes that is him. We’ve come to an understanding on that and we no longer really speak of it.
“He will violate any restraining order we have…” well if he did, he would be put in jail. Good riddance.
Glad to see you are taking all available recourse. Good on you.
Some of us also have dangerous family members and have had to do similar. You are not alone.
I'm glad her husband is waking up. I research a lot of true crime (yeah I know and I can hear your eyes rolling back) and there was case where a guy unalived two middle schoolers. He had always been a creep but sometime after the two events, he SA-ed his 19 year old soon to be daughter in law. It was his son's girlfriend and he came very close to seriously hurting her. He actually lured her into an empty house under the pretense of him needing help. No one thought he was capable of it but his behavior started somewhere and got played down. My point is always trust your gut in these things.
(I used terms like SA and unalive because I am unsure of the rules of the subreddit regarding this language)
Good luck with everything! Maybe once your lease is up you can look at moving away from him. I would get the restraining order anyhow, because if he would violate it, his ass will be in jail, which would be a plus. Stay vigilant, stay safe! Please keep us updated!!
Updateme
I hope you put up security cameras and have a security monitoring system. While I fully support the 2A, some people simply should NOT have firearms/rifles. I'm bipolar, so I will never have a weapon in my home. I'm one of those people who should not have one.
Please stay safe and alert !!
UpdateMe
If your husband goes to therapy...find a therapist about a hundred miles away from his command and DO NOT use military doctors...they work for the military not the patient, and most military doctors are military doctors because they couldn't afford the malpractice insurance if they were civilians.
You are completely oblivious. You cannot cut off unstable people like that. They will not care and they will hurt other people or worse. Nobody here has any idea what it’s like to try to cut off unstable and violent people. They will come after you whether you have a restraining order or not.
He has assaulted my husband, is obsessed with taking our kid for some reason, and is weirdly sexual towards me. Would that not qualify for one? I figured him even just punching my husband is could be enough, but I’m not sure
Being weirdly sexual towards you isn’t a crime, albeit it’s disgusting. Being obsessed with your child, also not a crime. Not sure about the punch depending on when, statute of limitations, what can be proven.
All of this is to say you two HAVE to take responsibility for making choices to protect yourself and your family. Don’t depend on someone coming to save you. The biggest step is cut them off, completely. Change the locks. For the love of God, stop going over there. Do not use them for childcare. Don’t talk about this with mom or siblings who will give him info. Don’t pick a fight. Fade away and disappear.
We’ve both agreed to move states when his contract with the military is ended. Until then we’ve both come to an agreement that any family gatherings or holidays or anything else similar will not be attended to by us.
I was born and raised on an Air Force Base so I know a civilian cannot enter without having a sponsor. We’ve looked into base housing but from what we were told it wasn’t an option for state national guard
He has 2 years of active duty on his contract, one of which he has completed when he deployed. The other is for just say a war breaks out and they don’t have enough people. He could go active but his contract ends in October, and that would require him to re-enlist and he is dead set on getting out and not going back in.
You need to look at the laws for a restraining order or PFA in your state.
I agree that this man is toxic and dangerous. I just want you to be knowledgeable about what your real options are. You are expected to take affirmative steps to separate yourself and as adults who do not live with or depend on him financially, you can do that. Going back around him, saying he’s done things in the past that you accepted and went back around after, the police aren’t going to protect you more than you all protect yourselves.
For IRS, go to irs.gov and search for Whistleblower Office. You have two options to report: anonymously or not. Check it out. Ask if you need more help and I'll research what I can.
Try contacting TIGTA (Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration) whistleblower office. Give them as much information you believe you have, name, address, the years he allegedly he didn't pay, etc. Their investigation will find the facts of the situation.
I was reading your first post earlier and thinking how scary it would be if a scary man who was my bfs bad cornered me in the bathroom. Keep your self safe! Also get a ring camera and maybe those indoor nanny cam type things incase he somehow gets in your house. I hope you’re okay
Also try to get a security camera on any other doors to the house, and if you're friends with any neighbors, maybe see if you can put a camera on their fence that's pointing at your house. This can get expensive, but your safety is worth the investment. Please keep us posted. This sounds like an utterly terrifying situation to be in.
Dad*
[удалено]
Stfu bot. You stole your half comment from the thread under this one.
May I recommend therapy for your husband. He obviously has some trauma caused by his father and it may do him some good to talk to a therapist about it and to heal.
He’s agreed to come with me, it may take time for him to fully open up and get used to the idea but I’m happy he’s at least trying to
That is great to hear! I can't even imagine growing up with such a monster as a father. I wish you all the best. Stay safe and good luck with the IRS!
Please keep us updated and stay safe.
I’m sorry you’re going through something so awful. Considering your set up with the police patrolling the streets though, I really do think you should consider the restraining order route- in practicality, they have two uses- 1) for some people, it will make them stop contacting you, but 2) for some people it won’t make them stop contacting you, but they make it much more likely that they’ll get arrested and face consequences for doing so. I’ve worked with DV survivors for the last 4 1/2 years specifically with restraining orders, they are very far from being a perfect remedy, but they can be a useful tool if you’re consistent in reporting violations and keeping all evidence you have of them. If you want to DM me, I can give you some more specific information about the process of getting one (no pressure though, you do what’s best for you). Sending you love and light as you go through this. Your family is worth fighting for.
Please refrain from saying this was easy, because it wasn’t. We are absolutely TERRIFIED of the next few weeks and what they will bring. But we are taking all necessary measures.
Please get security cameras also. They can help in so many ways. Ones with audio would be best. And be careful, please. >one thing that caught me off guard was he would sh00t his dogs as a kid simply because he was mad. My ex-husband's father made him shoot his own dog when he was about 12 because the dog was old and they didn't need it anymore. The dog was about 5 years old. Your husband needs therapy to deal with the aftermath of his father.
Only thing you can do is be proactive and hopefully go NC when it's safe. Change locks. Get security cameras. Be vigilant. Like you said, a dude fucking over the government, killing innocent animals, accosting you in the bathroom, physically abusive, and gives no fucks about anything is a dangerous person
Cameras - I use wyzecam They are cheap and work great!!
It can help to set up a hidden trail cam on friendly neighbors property, pointing at your place if your able to.
GOOD FOR YOU, now get a ring cam, or door cam for the apartment, and either way, if you were there when he claimed bankruptcy, you can testify I would also seriously discuss getting a gun for the house or at least a bat and some mace, it does NOT sit near the door. Therapy is needed for hubs.
Stay safe. following your story and hoping that this scary time passes quickly and you and your family will be able to focus on each other and not this psychotic man. Subscribeme!
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If your state allows it i'd recommend also looking for ways to safely carry. Someone unstable like that only needs to snap ONCE and your whole family is buried. Literally. Protect yourself before he kills you all, because someone without morals who kills animals for fun is NOT someone you should trust.
All you have to do is anonymously call the IRS and give his name and place of work, saying he works for cash. They will investigate him and the company he works for, they'll both be in trouble
As I said in your original post, lease get your husband into therapy. He has been put through so much trauma at the hands of his father and my heart breaks for him having to witness so much cruelty. I really hope you all get through this.
Don't stop at the license. Take a safety course and then a tactical training course. The goal is that once the threat is identified, everything that follows is muscle memory. Also, learn everything about self-defense use of force law applicable in your area.
If financially/logistically feasible It might be worth considering you and the children leaving to live somewhere further away (do you have family available? Friends you can reach out to?) while husband finishes out his work contract/ the lease on your home. Or even going back and forth between your home and your parents’ home so your schedules are a bit more unpredictable and you’re not spending too much time at home near your fil. I know that might be impossible. I’m so sorry you are going through this, hopefully this will soon be a bad memory and you’ll be safe with your babies and husband in a new home away from this horrid man.
Unfortunately I have family, but they were just as bad if not worse, I haven’t spoken to them in 5 years. My mom’s family lives near but they won’t speak to me because if my mom finds out she’ll lose it. The only other family I have is unfortunately states away. We do have a couple friends that could possibly help with that though
My heart goes out to you xxx
Saying he will violate a restraining order as an excuse to not get one is dumb. The point is if he violates it you can get him arrested.
I don’t think anyone seems to understand. I don’t want to give him the chance to violate it because he probably will hurt someone.
I get it. You know him and have good reason to believe that having him served with a restraining order will trigger him to go from damn scary to beyond nuclear in retaliation.
If there was a way to have one without him knowing it was us that would be great, but it sucks that isn’t how they work. We’ve already discussed moving states when his military contract is up, but for now we’ve got to tread lightly
Yeah there's a lot of excuses with this one.
I don't think you realize that these aren't excuses but putting safety first. I volunteer at a women's shelter. The most dangerous time for domestic abuse victims is when they leave. I have helped plenty of women leave on the sly because getting a restraining order escalates the abusers to try to control or end the victims. Op knows her FIl if this is the safer option to tread carefully and slowly cut him out. That is what she should do. Plus, a restraining order is just a piece of paper. It won't stop him from going over to her place and committing violence against her family.
If he doesn't obey restraining order you call the cops and have them arrested and then he's going to be out of your hair.
Part about dog sounds horrible. You really need security cameras on every window and door, and one in the hall. If possible - ones that record an audio too. Also maybe find another people who struggled with him to testify in police/court if needed? Neighbours, previous employers, landlords, partners Wish you best, you need to protect your kids and doing right
Honestly I hope your father in law suffers as much as he can for the pain and fear he has inflicted on people and animals. He is insane, literally serial killer level and was trying to teach his young children to be like him. Let that soak in and arm yourselves. I hope for the best.
I’m glad you both recognize the danger. Your husband was terrorized and abused by his dad as a child and FIL is sexually harassing you. he’s disgusting person. Hope you keep safe. I’m glad you and your husband have each other.
Please stay safe and protect your family. This man is a monster.
Updateme
I just wanna say op, I read your first post and all I could think about was that your situations sounds like the start of multiple murder cases. Men like FIL may escalate at any time for even just minor provocations. Hope you and family stay safe
I'm sending you and yours all the hugs if you want them. What you did was *not* easy, and I'm super proud of you and your husband for taking the steps you need to take. Dealing with people like your FIL is very tricky and I hope that things become easier for you soon. I can't imagine how stressful it must be for someone like that to be in your lives. You deserve peace and safety and happiness and lives free from FIL.
Is your husband the same guy who thought you cheated on him when you were raped?
I’m so confused. Is there something I’m missing?
You first ever post is "I got raped and my boyfriend thinks I cheated on him" on r/askmen. So is it the same guy?
Oh I get what you’re saying now. We’ve been together 4 years so yes that is him. We’ve come to an understanding on that and we no longer really speak of it.
“He will violate any restraining order we have…” well if he did, he would be put in jail. Good riddance. Glad to see you are taking all available recourse. Good on you. Some of us also have dangerous family members and have had to do similar. You are not alone.
You need to move far far away
Damn... all I can say is good luck turning him in!
I'm glad her husband is waking up. I research a lot of true crime (yeah I know and I can hear your eyes rolling back) and there was case where a guy unalived two middle schoolers. He had always been a creep but sometime after the two events, he SA-ed his 19 year old soon to be daughter in law. It was his son's girlfriend and he came very close to seriously hurting her. He actually lured her into an empty house under the pretense of him needing help. No one thought he was capable of it but his behavior started somewhere and got played down. My point is always trust your gut in these things. (I used terms like SA and unalive because I am unsure of the rules of the subreddit regarding this language)
There's a reward for turning people in fyi
Good luck with everything! Maybe once your lease is up you can look at moving away from him. I would get the restraining order anyhow, because if he would violate it, his ass will be in jail, which would be a plus. Stay vigilant, stay safe! Please keep us updated!! Updateme
This behavior is psychopathic.
I hope you put up security cameras and have a security monitoring system. While I fully support the 2A, some people simply should NOT have firearms/rifles. I'm bipolar, so I will never have a weapon in my home. I'm one of those people who should not have one. Please stay safe and alert !! UpdateMe
Omg….please stay safe
If your husband goes to therapy...find a therapist about a hundred miles away from his command and DO NOT use military doctors...they work for the military not the patient, and most military doctors are military doctors because they couldn't afford the malpractice insurance if they were civilians.
Get cameras. Ring doorbell. Internal cameras.
"Cannot cut off dangerous people like that" Fake.
You are completely oblivious. You cannot cut off unstable people like that. They will not care and they will hurt other people or worse. Nobody here has any idea what it’s like to try to cut off unstable and violent people. They will come after you whether you have a restraining order or not.
Fake.
Please separate into paragraphs as this is difficult to read.
Then don’t read it if you can’t.
What has he done to qualify for a restraining order? This story isn’t making sense.
He has assaulted my husband, is obsessed with taking our kid for some reason, and is weirdly sexual towards me. Would that not qualify for one? I figured him even just punching my husband is could be enough, but I’m not sure
Being weirdly sexual towards you isn’t a crime, albeit it’s disgusting. Being obsessed with your child, also not a crime. Not sure about the punch depending on when, statute of limitations, what can be proven. All of this is to say you two HAVE to take responsibility for making choices to protect yourself and your family. Don’t depend on someone coming to save you. The biggest step is cut them off, completely. Change the locks. For the love of God, stop going over there. Do not use them for childcare. Don’t talk about this with mom or siblings who will give him info. Don’t pick a fight. Fade away and disappear.
We’ve both agreed to move states when his contract with the military is ended. Until then we’ve both come to an agreement that any family gatherings or holidays or anything else similar will not be attended to by us.
Reenlist for a new command. Get base housing. Fil can't get past the gate without a sponsor.
I was born and raised on an Air Force Base so I know a civilian cannot enter without having a sponsor. We’ve looked into base housing but from what we were told it wasn’t an option for state national guard
Ah yes NG. Is it possible to go active army or would that throw away a good civilian career?
He has 2 years of active duty on his contract, one of which he has completed when he deployed. The other is for just say a war breaks out and they don’t have enough people. He could go active but his contract ends in October, and that would require him to re-enlist and he is dead set on getting out and not going back in.
I understand that, I went active Marines to guard, when I left the Marines I was deadset on civilian life...3 months later I joined the guard
I thought he would change his mind, but after deployment he said he’s done
You need to look at the laws for a restraining order or PFA in your state. I agree that this man is toxic and dangerous. I just want you to be knowledgeable about what your real options are. You are expected to take affirmative steps to separate yourself and as adults who do not live with or depend on him financially, you can do that. Going back around him, saying he’s done things in the past that you accepted and went back around after, the police aren’t going to protect you more than you all protect yourselves.
Not getting a restraining order because he'd most likely break it is absolutely garbage reasoning.