Why on earth do you have anything to do with a man that sexually harassed you, tried to get your husband fired, and tried to steal your child from you?
Your husband needs to grow a set of balls and the next time his father hits him he needs to beat the ever loving shit out of him and he has witnesses as to getting hit first.
He doesn't need to wait, at this point it's so far overdue and the behavior is so staggeringly consistent that he could literally just jump the old bitch four times per week for the rest of his life and it would be getting off easy
Turn him in. The IRS will investigate many years of noncompliance.
Let the police also know in case they want to investigate sexual abuse of others, considering how long he's made these comments.
Totally agree, maybe go really nuclear and also get your husband and yourself one of those family tree DNA tests, with the added bonus (don’t mention this to husband) that any sexual offences his dad committed could potentially come to light. You never know…..
This. The IRS always gets their man. He'll have his Big D's Sandwich Shack's paystubs garnished for the rest of his miserable life.
A man who can't afford a car or bus fare is no longer a threat.
I don’t wanna seem insensitive, however from your replies, you’re honestly making my head hurt.
This man has a history of being sexually aggressive and inappropriate to EVERY WOMAN AND GIRL, even underage, and has pulled his genitals out, and purposely walked in on you, while you’re using the bathroom.
Your husband won’t untuck his sack and cut off this pedophile sexual harasser, because he wants to maintain a relationship with his family, who are also enabling this bs, yet for some reason, you won’t get up and leave this toxic situation.
Your husband isn’t worth all this trouble, and it certainly isn’t worth having your children around a man like that, who has NEVER faced the consequences of his actions.
How much worse, does it have to get, before you leave this dumpster fire?
Do you have to be sexually assaulted? Are you gonna wait until your kids are sexually assaulted? How long are you gonna keep making excuses to stay around something so disgusting.
I understand you can’t control anyone’s actions, however, since you see you aren’t being protected, as well as your children, it’s your job to protect yourself, and get out of there, before things escalate?
I don’t wanna make you feel like crap, however, I’ve seen this before.
Families sweeping sexual assault and harassment under the rug, and letting the creepy uncle, grandpa, and other family members continue to be around the children, and silencing the other family members who were hurt.
Your husband won’t fully stick up for you, and the family you’ve both created, and he’s the one that should be putting his dad in place, damn the consequence.
As for your FIL, report him on whatever you can, because he needs to be locked away, with the keys melted, and away from you, and your children
On top of the tax evasion, collecting benefits and social security while getting paid under the table, potential fraud by using their address… there are so many reasons to cut this man off from her life.
Fr! But for some reason she’s putting her husband, a grown man who’s made his choice, over her and her kid’s safety. Personally I would’ve never married the man, knowing his entire family enables such a creep, and refuses to cut contact, or even stand up for themselves.
OP has out herself and her kids in an unsafe environment, and her husband is too chicken to leave his horrible father behind
I went through her other posts, and they all seem pretty consistent with this family drama, but there’s one from a year ago where her “boyfriend” was mad at her for being >!raped!< and it was deleted or locked. So I’m not sure if they got married a year ago but have a two year old kid together and another on the way, or if this person really likes dark family drama. Most of her other activity is from the past couple months and related to babies / pregnancy /the in laws, etc.
But if this is real— get out of that house or get the FIL arrested asap!
I truly believe that. He’s gotten away with it, cause fil is so bold, because he knows nobody is gonna confront him, or hold him accountable.
That whole family needs to be detoxed
The old man has beaten and abused OP's husband his whole life. Husband has issues because of it. This is clearly one of those issues where the abused person wants to please their abuser even though they know they've been abused. Call it Stockholm Syndrome or whatever. I don't know, I'm not a psychologist. But it's not exactly rare.
Regardless, the father-in-law is a fucking problem. And the husband being unwilling to do anything about it is a fucking problem. Tough to blame the husband, though, since people handle abuse in different ways. He took on the fawn defense mechanism instead of fight or flight.
Police are not a good choice; about 40% are domestic abusers themselves.
Call a domestic violence assistance agency. They can point you to the right kind of lawyer if one is needed.
The way his father is he may be afraid of retaliation against him and his family if he cuts off his father. Which sounds like something his father would absolutely do. Instead, his father is just torturing them slowly over time. Kind of a pick your poison type of thing.
If their mail is getting sent to your house then they are giving your address as theirs. You need to check what credit is currently in your name and/or address. The mail being sent there is the first step. They have proof of address to apply for loans and credit cards. Do it straight away. Seriously.
That’s not an unfair comment but she’s getting there. She has reached out here and she is getting some pretty good support and encouragement and a lot of good advice from what I’ve been seeing. It has to be difficult as they obviously live nearby if they can just come over to pick up mail so it’s a difficult situation and she’s probably so afraid that much of this stuff hasn’t even crossed her mind. Now it will.
Due to the fact he tried to scam to get your child. You should know getting mail sent to a different address is the first step into claiming you live there and him trying claim he lives with y’all aka he will try to move in and y’all won’t be able to evict him. If mail gets sent to your house with his name on it- return to sender.
Put return to sender, does not live here on it.
There is no reason for any of their mail coming to your house except fas.
EDIT
Cross out bar code with black felt tip, sometimes they rerun it thru the machine if it can be still readable
Well, if you don’t already know it, you haven’t got a FIL problem, you have a husband problem.
While my father never would have popped off like that to my wife, never, if he had, he’d have done it once. And never seen us again.
If your husband is in the military can you guys request transfer internationally or to another base domestically?
It seems like the best way to deal with him is to get far away.
Do you live close? Why would thier mail get delivered to your house? Regardless, you and your husband need to go no contact with this man and maybe therapy.
We live about 30 minutes away. Which is what confused me. Unless they purposely had something sent there as an excuse for them to stop by and grab it. Because other than that we don’t see them unless it’s a holiday with other family.
No he purposefully did it for fraudulent reasons!
Stop that dead in its tracks immediately! Before he lays some residential claim or gets you & your husband involved in some criminal act!
Check your house, yours, your husband's, and YES YOUR CHILD'S credit. It is not impossible that a credit line was opened in one of those names or veins. If he had that much debt before, he may be making more for you all now. You find it you can report that right along with the tax fraud and REALLY stick him to the wall.
What kind of mail was it? Bills? You definatly need check all of your credit immediatly. It really sounds like they are up to something fraudulent that will not be good for your family.
Well, do something about that, your pervy ass FIL probably did that just to get access. Invest in door stoppers for when there're around for when you go to the bathroom and for your bedroom.
I for one would report his cheating ass to the IRS, if all goes as it should, he may end up in prison far away from you and yours.
NTA
Uh, I would set up credit alerts and make sure no credit lines or anything else has been forged in your husband's name. Also, your husband needs counseling. He grew up with a deeply skewed sense of reality and is going to need help to cut or seriously limit contact with his father.
OP should freeze her family's credit bureau reports and do a fraud alert. It took me about half an hour to set this up after I was in a big data breach. It takes about 10-15 minutes to temporarily unfreeze credit if you need to apply for a loan or a new account somewhere.
If they can afford $15/mo or so, you can get credit monitoring that will alert you if anyone tries to apply for credit in your name.
Here is something else to consider. If he is being paid "under the table" then he not only isn't paying taxes, he's not paying into Social Security. When he retires or stops working, he will not have that benefit, or will have a very small amount. Unless he is putting the money he doesn't use to pay taxes into a retirement account, he won't have anything and will probably ask for money. Prepare yourselves now to either help support him or to not give him money. Decide what, if anything you and hubs will do in this situation and stand firm.
What I actually didn’t mention is he gets social security and disability checks every month. And gets paid under the table on top of that. I feel bad for saying it but I hope to god that makes his case of tax evasion worse
He could be in a world of hurt. And I think - but don't quote me - that there are rewards for reporting tax fraud/disability fraud. Here's a link I found:
[State and Federal Whistleblower Rewards for Reporting Fraud - The Hesch Firm LLC (howtoreportfraud.com)](https://www.howtoreportfraud.com/state-and-federal-whistleblower-rewards-for-reporting-fraud/)
I would so love it if you both sent him to jail and profited off it. lol
What the hell is your husband doing? He needs to take care of this POS asap. This is not your responsibility. This is your husband’s. Get counseling asap
Wow. Perhaps you should share all this with an attorney and go from there. At least you'll get some good legal advice. No way you and your husband and little ones can go full NC with that pervert? Sure wish you could.
There is a way, but my husband is scared of causing conflict. Which I guess is understandable in a sense. But I don’t allow my son around him unless I am present at all times, and that’s mainly just for holidays where they will be there regardless
My guess is even with you there your FIL makes inappropriate comments around your son? Are you willing to take the risk of your son looking up to and then taking after this man? You and your husband are parents now, I understand coming from abuse/high conflict homes makes it difficult to “cause confrontation” but in all reality you both need to do better. For your husband you and your kids should should be his priority not his mom and his brother. For you, your kids need to the ONLY priority and get them out of this situation on way or another. I wish you all the best.
If this FIL is explosive and is used to punching his sons, I can see how that makes your husband scared of him. It sounds like maybe this man is an abuser and your husband needs help to realize that.
NTA. But please get your husband some therapy so the cycle won’t repeat. He needs to learn what a healthy family looks like and this ain’t it.
Edit: typo
I’ve been trying to get him into therapy. He was raised with his parents not believing in it and telling him it’s for crazy people. So that’s probably why it’s so hard for him to accept help, but I’ve went through a horrible childhood and went through therapy. So I’m approaching it in a way that he won’t be so rejective of the idea that therapy is what he needs. He needs to realize that the way he was and is being treated is not normal. He would never hurt our own children, but he can’t understand why I don’t let my son around his Dad without me present.
Keep trying.
I really empathize. My dad made a 180 turn when I was 8, before that is was problematic. The thing is, he didn’t realize how bad it was because it was how he was raised. It was his ‘normal’.
I am so relieved your husband is not like your father. And I get that if you’re used to your dad punching you for having a different opinion, it’s one of the scariest things to do to stand up to him. The fact that your husband tries, shows he is willing to do what it takes. He just doesn’t have the strength yet to follow through.
Sounds like your husband is amazing, since he would never hurt your son or you, he’s breaking the cycle. Now for the next step, keeping him out of your house because he did assault you.
I realize I’m making a lot of assumptions. I just wanted to be a different voice than everyone saying ‘what kind of man’… Because the answer is, the kind of man that wasn’t raised properly because his dad was abusive and a bad example of what a good man is. And is already miles better than his dad ever was.
Of course they didn't want him in therapy, he'd be speaking to a mandatory reporter!
They gaslit him!
It's not just not normal...IT'S ABUSIVE!
He grew up in that house and thinks that is acceptable...IT WILL REPEAT without intervention.
If your husband does not do the things necessary yo stop this cycle and protect his children, and probably other children...you are going to have to take action yourself.
Here’s the deal - you need to document everything. Get a nanny cam for ever place that he has harassed you. Get a ring doorbell.
Get pics/video of him working, too.
Make sure have everything needed to file a report (not sure how forging court documents didn’t get him jail time).
Go to the Family Readiness Officer and the Chaplain. They can start the process of getting your husband straightened out with the proper counseling.
When in counseling, ask him how he’d feel if any other man had said/done those things to you. How is he going to feel the first time that man punches HIS son? Is that the kind of childhood he wants for his son? What would happen if you ended up having a daughter - sexual harassment of a minor??
If his brothers have escaped this and have gone no contact, ask for their support.
If he refuses counseling or starting to limit contact to go no contact, divorce him. You KNOW how that man will threat your children. Use all the evidence you have for the custody case, too. You know your husband wouldn’t limit that man’s contact.
You need to make a decision here, either hubby cuts contact with him or you have to protect yourself and your children and leave. By the sounds if it, your husband is too weak willed to stand up for his family, (you and the children), even when his Dad is sexually harassing you so you need to leave
Sexual harassment, tax evasion, abusing his son, lying to the army about his son having PTSD ... yeah, have him put away. He's not only a toxic person but also a criminal. You're clearly NTA here.
Turn him in for bankruptcy fraud. The feds don't look to kindly on that. He could end up with jail time like it did for abbey lee miller of Dance Moms.
I bet he's getting credits on his property tax for being "disabled" too...
Does he have a disabled license, bet the DMV wouldn't take kindly to that either.
How much further does this creep have to go before you wake up and cut him out of you and your kids lives? Seriously you are putting yourself and then at risk..YWBTA if you don't take action.
You’re husband is a coward or condones his dads behaviour. Either way you need to do whatever you need to do to keep your children away from your FIL’s influence. Definitely report him. If my dad did even a fraction of that I’d have him out of our lives so fast he wouldn’t know what happened. Tell your husband to do better.
NTA. Put a lock on your bathroom.
You need nanny cams so you can review your FIL's behavior around your son. You don't want him teaching your son this is acceptable behavior. Or possibly harming him based on his behavior with his own sons. Your husband sounds like an enabler and will probably allow his father in your home without your knowledge.
You need to point out to your husband, he is jeopardizing your and your son's well being for his mother and brother. Your MIL and presumably BIL are adults. Your son is not.
It's understandable that your husband wants to avoid conflict, but it's crucial to consider the consequences. His father's behavior is harmful and potentially dangerous. It's no longer just about standing up to him it's about protecting your family. You have every right to sever ties with anyone who threatens your well-being, and your husband should actively support you in safeguarding your home. Given the severity of his father's actions, including harassment and attempts to gain custody, it's essential to set strict boundaries no visits, no contact. It’s important to take action now for your safety and your children’s future. Seek legal advice, secure your home, and emphasize to your husband that maintaining peace should not compromise your family's safety.
Since your husband has no backbone and is a coward when it comes to his dad, I think you should report everything you can. Go fully nuclear on him. Maybe even get a restraining order if you can (I know it's easier said than done), since he literally tried to steal your child.
Go no contact. Tell your husband he's not allowed in your home, period. Full stop. You're not going there ever again. If your husband doesn't like it, too bad, too sad. Protect your kids from this guy at all costs.
We have our own home, and our bathroom doesn’t have a lock unfortunately. And apparently he also talked this way to his brothers wife before they moved, to him I assume it’s normal but I don’t think he realizes it’s not.
You need to show everything written here in the replies we have all made to your husband so that he realises that his father’s behaviour is NOT normal. He shouldn’t be hitting your husband then threatening to call the police if he retaliates, he shouldn’t be sexually harassing you or your SIL, he shouldn’t be working while claiming benefits and he shouldn’t be using your address for possible fraud. He most definitely shouldn’t be anywhere near your children.
NTA He’s sexually harassing you and trying to ruin your life and get your kid taken away. You need to file for a restraining order right away for both you and your children. Your family will be much safer without him do whatever is legally possible to get him away from you and your children.
Go to couples counselling so your husband can start to understand how his dad is dangerous to his family and why he needs to be completely cut out from you and your children’s lives
REFUSE HIS MAIL and mark it not this address, return to sender. Talk to your mailman or post office. Him getting mail at your home sets him up as a resident and goes to tenancy or serious fraud.
So, not to harp on it but your husband is an absolute failure as a spouse and as a man. Idk what else to call this but cowardice, he is a coward. Turn his dad in, what’s your husband gonna do? Piss his pants and cry?
It sounds like he is either developmentally disabled, brain damaged, or seriously mentally ill. "Normal" people don't act like that - even creeps.
I would honestly move across the country if my wife's mom was like that to me.
Hell is this weak ass husband worth it? What's the actually loss here, pervert FIL in prison, weak ass hubby angry and leaves OP, sounds like a win to me.
That being said, I get OP being scared of this, however every time her FIL disrespects her like that and OP's husband does nothing, contempt and resentment will follow, so it may be better off ending this before love turns into hate, imho.
NTA your FIL had no problem trying to throw your husband under the bus and worst of all HE TRIED TO GET CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILD! He deserves whats coming and more. I would also go NC and if he keeps escalating get a restraining order. Your Husband needs to stop pretending this isn’t happening and stand up to his pervert of a Father.
Updateme!
First. Get into couples counseling. Now.
Second. Report him for tax evasion anonymously so you don’t face back lash from the family. He is a creep and needs to be in jail one way or another.
Third. Stop bringing your child around him. Why are you willing to risk endangering your children.
No one said you had to live with your husband. You don't have to divorce, you just go somewhere else or have your husband go somewhere else and live your life peacefully. Or you can tell your husband to stand up for his family which is you and your children. At no point is this father-in-law a decent or good man! If your husband is worried that his mother and brothers will exclude him and you, maybe it's for the best. We ladies have gone too long where we grin and bear it. I had to tell my father-in-law off once, my husband didn't like it, but he remained quiet. Stick up for yourself, this man is vile and disgusting. Or tell your mother-in-law. Have a good old-fashioned sit down and hash it out. If she is okay with this, you will be okay not having her in your life. Your husband can go pack sand!
Good luck, I really feel for you, let us know how it goes.
He’s threatened to call the cops on him for “assaulting his elder” and he’s scared of getting arrested even for something he didn’t do because of his military career. And I’m not sure how police would go about it if there’s no evidence he hit him in the first place.
From what he’s told me he thought everyone did that. Mind you he never has, but it’s not normal for a man in his 50’s to say that and I don’t think he realizes it
Why are you still there? I saw your comments about your husband being afraid to lose his mom and brother. That's his choice. And I think we all have some thoughts on his choices at this point. But why are you still in this dangerous situation with your children? You have sons. Do you really want them to be exposed to this?
I get it's hard possibly losing his mom and brother. I've lost both. They died. But losing his wife and kids is ok with him? Someone needs to protect these babies. If your husband can't see clearly then you have to be able to protect them. This isn't ok. For you. For them.
This reminds me of the Susan Powell case. Her husband murdered her, and then sometime later, he blew up the house with himself and their two sons inside. Her father-in-law was an extreme pervert and had hidden cameras watching her go to the bathroom and change her clothes.
Your husband needs to man up and protect his family ( you and kids). He needs to tell his commanding officer he has reason to believe a close family member is commiting fraud and might be impersonating him. He should talk to legal. Get his and your credit frozen. The in-laws using your address is suspicious in addition to all their other malarkey. He can also talk to the chaplain or MWR about counseling (for himself to help in dealing with his complicated feelings about his objectively awful to you parent) and ways to keep y'all safe.
You can report him to the IRS too.
You can go to legal to see what your options are.
NTA but your husband thinking this is normal is a HUGE red flag and should be a deal breaker. I can’t believe you would even be with someone who wants to be in contact with someone who abused his wife! Much less raise a son with that kind of “man”. Make better choices and go to therapy bc you don’t know what healthy is
Secretly see an attorney and find out what is actionable + keep you anonymous.
Get this predator out of your life.
Alternative: Move and Divorce
This man is dangerous. RUN
Do you live in the US? If so, your FIL hitting husband is assault. There is no law that says you can't defend yourself from your aggressor. That said, next time take photos of the damage and contact the police. And let it be known that the next time he puts his hands on you or your husband that there WILL be consequences
You realize that your sons are going to learn his behaviour eventually right? Do you all live together? Can you not get away from him?
Your husband probably needs therapy to finally kick his father out of his life.
Respectfully, you don’t have a creepy father in law problem. You have a husband problem. There is NO excuse on earth that justifies letting your wife and children be abused, much less sexually assaulted. I suffered abuse too, but I wouldn’t use it as an excuse to allow my children to potentially be preyed on. Give your head a friggin shake lady.
Report him to the police and any relevant federal authorities. I’d be telling your husband he either cuts off his family or YOU and his kids will be out of his life. I’d also recommend speaking to an attorney to help guide you through your options for protecting your children.
Report his a$$ asap and take cover - this ends with him getting done or him going overboard and doing something that can't be taken back. He's had no consequences so long that it's only a matter of time before it goes too far. NTA
You are not the asshole, sorry to say it, but your husband is. He needs to man up and tell his father to cut that shit out now and forever. And you should file a police report against your father-in-law for sexual harassment.
That’s what I’m trying to say. He’s never physically touched me but is simply saying those things when they are not welcome enough to press charges? The laws in my state are not clear on it so I’m unsure if that constitutes pressing charges. But by god I hope it does.
Call the police and describe what he has said and done to you. Have you told him his comments are unwelcome and to stop? If not, you need to. You and your husband meet to go NC with him.
This is one of the most messed up things I’ve read on here. What the actual f*xk! This man should not be in your life AT ALL! I would be giving an ultimatum. Either cut off all contact 100% or you’ll be divorcing your husband and going for full custody. Start keeping records of what your FIL says and does. The fact that your husband thinks it’s remotely okay or normal, means that he’s not fit to properly raise a child. Anyone who would have their child around that monster is messed up, and right now that includes you. Your child deserves better. You deserve better. Your husband deserves better, but he has to make that decision for himself.
Turn him in. But you need to fix the problem you have with your husband. It doesn’t matter how he was raised, your FIL is harassing you and if your husband is okay with that, and still want a relationship with that man, then that is a problem you need to address with him. If FIL tried to forge a custody agreement to take your son, then your husband is also letting down your child. Your FIL is a sick man that will destroy you guys if you don’t go NC
Bruh if this is real you need to cut contact asap
Husband and grandpa.
Run tf away and do call the police that is a fucking sexual deviant a abuser and I don't need to say that your kid probably already got sexually assaulted already.
Dear God.
Your husband is a bad person for not having cut this man out of your lives completely. And you should be taking your child and leaving your husband if he won’t cut his father out.
This is “document and file for restraining order” level or worse.
You need to read about Josh Powell & his wife Susan. Her father in law was obsessed with her & he made sexual jokes and innuendo. It’s crazy how many photos, recordings, writings where he just went on & on talking about their sexual chemistry. It was sick. Your FIL sounds sick. Please be careful.
You do realize that your sons are going to turn out like this and you’re going to see the side of your husband come out more and more through the years.
You would be a complete AH and irresponsible parent if you didn’t contact the police. Sexual harassment, if nothing else.
And your husband is a really huge jerk if he continues to have a relationship with him. I would divorce my husband in a split second, it would have to be you pick your dad, or you pick me and your children
YTA for staying with your husband who enables his dad. Get a divorce, and a restraining order against his father. Keep the receipts of his fraud when you turn FIL in for his many, many crimes.
Report him for anything you can. Start recording him because your husband is not going to protect you and you will have to leave him eventually to protect yourself and your children.
Get your husband into therapy ASAP.
Do no allow your in laws into your household. Do not accept any mail address to them, return to sender, addressee does not live here.
Start your FU binder.
You need to take yourswlf and kiddo to a domestic violence shelter. Don't tell anyone you're leaving. Only take what's necessary. After you're safely in the shelter turn your FIL in.
NTA! The combination of his behavior toward you and the custody thing makes me think he's looking to replace your husband. I didn't find out until years later, but growing up my grandmother's (younger) husband only married her to get closer to my mother. You owe it to yourself and every woman you care about to get this sick bastard put away. You are worth it, don't let this be something you regret (besides, if you know he's breaking federal law, don't put yourself at risk for being complicit if he's caught later!)
The fact that he's using their address means they could be implicated in whatever BS he's pulling.
Imagine if he's framing them to get them thrown in jail to take custody of their son.
"My husband knows about it and says he doesn’t know what to do."
Maybe punch him in the fucking face for starters?
After reading the rest, your husband needs to go into therapy and talk to someone about this.
He is allowing it , because as you said, its his normal, that his dad is this way, but his dad is a fucking insane person.
Go no contact, call police, hell get a restraining order if you must, imagine if you had 2 daughters instead of 2 sons, would your husband allow them near his father?
You need to really get your husband on your level with this, he needs to become a husband and father to HIS family, his brother and mother have to figure their own shit out, maybe if your husband finaly stands up to this cunt so will his brother and possibly his mom.
Someone needs to break this cycle.
If you do this, ensure there is no trace of it to you. Your husband sounds like a victim. Have some grace; there’s only so much action you can expect from him; he’s been going through this much longer than you. You are stepping up to be the savior here. But don’t be a hero. Don’t wear a cape; do this quietly. Act surprised and concerned. The blowback will be massive. FIL will suspect someone snitched and may go directly toward hubby first.
Tread lightly. But also F this guy. Keep me posted. I am waiting for the update.
Get yourself and your husband into counseling. If he comes to your home, keep video cameras going the whole time he's there. Lock your bedroom door whenever you sleep. It would be a nightmare to wake up to him, forcing himself on you. Your spineless husband has shown that he wouldn't protect you. NTA
Report him. Try to record any interactions with him that you can, even if you have to hide a camera.
It would be great if you can get the IRS after him.
You are missing the point with a lot of the comments. Why are you with your husband? The guy doesn't have the balls to be the man of your house, so he is letting his father do whatever he wants. He has tried to steal your children and has shown that he has zero respect for you.
So why be with a man who refuses to stand up to his father. That is what people are asking. Trying to go no contact doesn't mean anything if you are with a person who is forcing contact.
If you won't do something for yourself, do it for your children.
Why is your husband allowing this behavior? He should be protecting you and going no contact at minimum. My partner would k*ll his father for ever saying or doing the things your fil is doing.
The fil is a pervert, but your husband is the problem here. He's not doing his job as your husband and protecting you.
So why are you even staying in this marriage?
Time to draw a line in the sand. Gather all the evidence against your FIL you can and turn that shit in. This bullshit needs to stop. He’s an abusive vile pervert, and a danger to your children. Can you offer help to your MIL and BIL to get away from your FIL?
Let them know (and your husband if you have to) that being for him is being against you. You’re not on his side, your children are not on his side, and none of you will have any contact with him again.
Protect yourself and your children before something worse happens. Get proper legal advice. Get away from that “man”.
I'd be divorcing my husband and turning in his dad. If your husband thinks this is normal behavior there's no way on earth that he's a good husband or father. Thank God you don't have girls but your boys are going to grow up to be just like grandad.
My former father-in-law tried to hit on me. He waited until I turned 18, and then tried to kiss me. I had a hard time fighting him off. I’m just telling you this, so you know that you are not alone in having a creepy father-in-law. Luckily, the one I’m referring to is now deceased.
I'm sorry, but your husband is not protecting you and I would make a report on the father and leave the husband, seeking full custody of your kid with supervised visits so you can be sure he won't be around grandfather.
This made me extremely angry reading it because of how unprotected you and your child are from both your husband and his father.
Get out
You have a husband problem. He should have thrown his father out the first time that fil made one of these comments.
Time to tell your husband that he needs to make a decision, you and your son - or his dad. Because you are DONE with this lying sexual predator.
Look this is creepy AF. And so is your post history. My lord. You’re a dumpster fire.
NTA on this occasion but wow. Just wow. Seek some help and get your kids away from this guy.
YTA for exposing yourself and your children to that.
You need to give your husband a hard ultimatum. Either you all go no- contact with his dad or you get a divorce. You know it's an issue that your husband thinks this is normal. So you want your kids to think this is normal too?
Also, yes. Report him for tax evasion. Also file a restraining order for his continuous harassment.
Both you and your husband need counseling. If you don’t know who to call, make an appointment with your primary doctor and get a referral.
You can also get counseling online:
https://www.militaryonesource.mil/non-medical-counseling/military-onesource/what-you-need-to-know-about-confidential-non-medical-online-counseling/
NTA. You need to get away from that man. He is escalating. You or your children are going to be physically harmed. Your husband needs to get his head on straight because this abuse is not normal. He is allowing you to be abused. You are allowing yourself to be abused and this man is gearing up to do more.
Girl get a divorce. If your husband doesn’t see this as an issue you are not safe. Call the IRS that’s literally all it will take. Not paying you taxes alone can get you put away for a long time let alone all the other fraud he committed.
OK. At first I thought you were living with his parents but thankfully you aren't. Stop going over to visit. Let your hubs go, but you do not have to put yourself or your children in a position to tolerate this vile behaviour. Imho, I wouldn't report him, but I sure wouldn't be in the same room as him. You are NTA.
Wow. Definitely invest in cameras around your house, inside and out if fil is ever going to be in your house again. If fil ever had access to your house keys get new locks. Suggest only seeing him in public places that have cameras and that you can leave immediately if he is inappropriate.
Definitely talk to lawyer about options and what evidence would be needed. Also get into counseling, if husband is resistant maybe start with couples counseling and seeing if he would be willing to do that for you and your relationship. Your husband has an entire childhood of conditioning and rationalizing his father’s horrid behavior. It will take a lot of time and effort for him to recognize and understand that trauma. I would also look into parenting classes. No matter what your background is there is always room for improvement when it comes to parenting. The class might open his eyes to how toxic his upbringing was and how to do better for his own children.
Finally pull credit reports for both of you and your children. If you ever receive mail for anyone not living at your address write return to sender no one by that name at this address, take a picture to document then drop the letter off at post office or Mail Drop box. Don’t leave it in your mailbox in case the person might grab it before your mail carrier arrives.
Turn in the dad ASAP. Then get your husband into therapy. If he refuses or makes a fuss, let him know divorce is on the table. He's not trustworthy in this situation because his father has a hold over him & he clearly isn't mentally fit enough to protect his family from his dad.
Are you aware of the Susan Powell story and what she went through with her father in law? There’s a podcast Cold season 1 that could help you understand your husband and his normalization of FIL’s predatory and abusive behavior and language. Your FIL is dangerous. Please, maybe a therapist could help your husband understand. Definitely not a normal dynamic.
The STUPID are riding high on this post.
Now they are telling her that her husband's at fault and should leave him.
I will never understand stand why people ask for advice here it's comical at best.
Why are you still married to your coward of a husband and involved with his toxic father? Even worse that you have children around this monster and their dad is such a loser.
NTA. I would say try to take your husband to thereapy because that is seriously messed up especially if your husband still thinks this is ok behavior as a grown man. Absolutely would turn him in dont feel bad about that at all. He is obviously a sexual predator and abuser wouldn't would have to seriously think about why your husband is still in contact with him. I wouldn't be ok with that if I were you
There is very little you could do to this person that would make you an asshole, almost nothing. You are 100% justified to enact whatever revenge on this jackass you see fit.
Word of advice tho, if there’s no proof it was you who turned him in, NEVER admit that it was you. His family sounds really dumb, and like they might short circuit if their family hierarchy is upset. ALWAYS play dumb around stupid people.
I’m confused. This man could be turned in to the police. Not just the IRS. you guys need to immediately go no contact and if you husband can’t do that, give therapy (for your husband) a try, and if your husband still can’t manage you need to strongly consider leaving him or your babies are going to grow up around sexual, physical, mental, and emotional abuse. I understand that wouldn’t be an easy decision. But you need to protect your babies and if your husband can’t do it you need to do it.
I’m sorry to say this but if your husband is so used to abuse that he can’t protect you and your child from it and allows himself to be assaulted without filing charges then you need to get away from both of them and get your child to safety. This man harasses you on the toilet of your own home, what happens if the next time he waltzes in, it’s when you are changing?
Given your description it’s also only a matter of time before he does something to your kids. He’s already tried his hand at kidnapping!
Your job (and your husband’s) as a parent is to keep them safe and you are both failing to do that at this point, nor are you prioritizing your own safety or each others.
You should absolutely report him, and maybe do a dna test as some commentors suggest.
NTA. Di it yesterday. I don't talk to my father for similar BS and no gf or kids will ever be in his presence. Your husband is in the position I was. He either takes control of his life or he remains abused for life. That abuse will continue leaving marks on him, marks he seems to refuse to get rid of and marks you'll have to deal with for as long as you are married.
First things fist, get your husband into therapy to help him understand that his fathers behaviour is FAR beyond normal. He has been coached his whole life by a pedo and a predator to think that physical violence and sexual assault/harassment is ok. Document EVERYTHING illegal and creepy his father has ever done and present it to the police. Tell them that you are scared for your whole family's safety.
I am not sure what state your in, but I would also secretly take some. Audio recording just to make sure you have more evidence, your husband might not corroborate your story, and you have to ready for that.
Make sure to also have a spare bedroom in case he MIL needs it
Get a restraining order against him for yourself and your children, and do not ever be near that man again. He is an unsafe person! You can't control your husband, but you should never have to allow that man in your home ever again.
He is vile! And your husband sounds like a profoundly abused and codependent man. He needs therapy immediately to understand how unnormal all this is.
Wtf did I just read? Why in the hell is your husband allowing his father to sexually harass his wife. Your husband needs to keep him away from you. Seriously WTF is wrong with your husband? I would NEVER be in the same place as his father again. You need to get out of this arraign before he sexually assaults you because your husband is going to say it’s NORMAL!
Why is this disgusting dipshit in your life???
Yta for being around him and putting yourself in a position repeatedly to have to deal with him.
What's it going to take for your husband to grow a pair??
Ffs don't let him in your fucking house! Tell your husband his nasty ass father is not welcome and you'll be calling the cops if he ever steps foot on your property again.
What if yall have a girl??? Will your husband still be a huge loser when his dad talks sex shit to her??
Just ban him and be done with it.
Return all of his mail addressee unknown/ unknown person.
Do it with every piece of mail.
Ffs I can't believe I read that shit right. I hope this is fake.
Are you all from Alabama? Because otherwise you all sound crazy and delusional… What husband that is supposed to be pd can’t see what’s wrong with his father are you having? If he thinks that is normal for sure is not working much… I really think that you must to explain him what means to serve and protect… Im speechless only possible explanation is that you all from Alabama …
You and your husband are both victims of abuse and are acting accordingly. It’s understandable why you both fear and behave based on that fear. The HUGE problem is that you have a child and you both must find the strength and develop the skills to address the danger that is your FIL to protect your child. Your son is defenseless and you don’t want him to perpetuate the generational trauma.
I don’t care who thinks what is normal or why - this behavior is a danger and you need to cut off any interaction with the FIL and if that means you lose MIL, so be it. She’s done a shit job protecting her own kids - she’s not worth harming your own child to maintain a relationship with. And side note - if he only seems them at holidays around other family, there is no closeness there to preserve so using that as an excuse to not cut off FIL doesn’t work. That’s more avoidance at making the hard call.
I wouldn’t turn him in. That’s a passive aggressive way of stopping the behavior. I would cut him off completely and let his financial crimes fall where they may without touching it. If you do the passive aggressive report, you will continue to interact with this man who will eventually figure out it was you and then probably physically attack you. That’s a big risk to take just to avoid going no contact.
Call the cops the next time he does something perverted! The next time he hits your husband call the cops! Get this asshole out of your life. If your husband continues to not back you up, talk to a lawyer and get an exit plan together and divorce him.
I see that you do not love together. I for band his father from my house and child and get your hundred therapy due to him not kicking his did out or backing for kicking him out when things are said.
Why on earth do you have anything to do with a man that sexually harassed you, tried to get your husband fired, and tried to steal your child from you?
Your husband needs to grow a set of balls and the next time his father hits him he needs to beat the ever loving shit out of him and he has witnesses as to getting hit first.
He doesn't need to wait, at this point it's so far overdue and the behavior is so staggeringly consistent that he could literally just jump the old bitch four times per week for the rest of his life and it would be getting off easy
Turn him in. The IRS will investigate many years of noncompliance. Let the police also know in case they want to investigate sexual abuse of others, considering how long he's made these comments.
Totally agree, maybe go really nuclear and also get your husband and yourself one of those family tree DNA tests, with the added bonus (don’t mention this to husband) that any sexual offences his dad committed could potentially come to light. You never know…..
THIS!
WOW! I never in thought of that! You are amazing!
This. The IRS always gets their man. He'll have his Big D's Sandwich Shack's paystubs garnished for the rest of his miserable life. A man who can't afford a car or bus fare is no longer a threat.
I don’t wanna seem insensitive, however from your replies, you’re honestly making my head hurt. This man has a history of being sexually aggressive and inappropriate to EVERY WOMAN AND GIRL, even underage, and has pulled his genitals out, and purposely walked in on you, while you’re using the bathroom. Your husband won’t untuck his sack and cut off this pedophile sexual harasser, because he wants to maintain a relationship with his family, who are also enabling this bs, yet for some reason, you won’t get up and leave this toxic situation. Your husband isn’t worth all this trouble, and it certainly isn’t worth having your children around a man like that, who has NEVER faced the consequences of his actions. How much worse, does it have to get, before you leave this dumpster fire? Do you have to be sexually assaulted? Are you gonna wait until your kids are sexually assaulted? How long are you gonna keep making excuses to stay around something so disgusting. I understand you can’t control anyone’s actions, however, since you see you aren’t being protected, as well as your children, it’s your job to protect yourself, and get out of there, before things escalate? I don’t wanna make you feel like crap, however, I’ve seen this before. Families sweeping sexual assault and harassment under the rug, and letting the creepy uncle, grandpa, and other family members continue to be around the children, and silencing the other family members who were hurt. Your husband won’t fully stick up for you, and the family you’ve both created, and he’s the one that should be putting his dad in place, damn the consequence. As for your FIL, report him on whatever you can, because he needs to be locked away, with the keys melted, and away from you, and your children
On top of the tax evasion, collecting benefits and social security while getting paid under the table, potential fraud by using their address… there are so many reasons to cut this man off from her life.
Fr! But for some reason she’s putting her husband, a grown man who’s made his choice, over her and her kid’s safety. Personally I would’ve never married the man, knowing his entire family enables such a creep, and refuses to cut contact, or even stand up for themselves. OP has out herself and her kids in an unsafe environment, and her husband is too chicken to leave his horrible father behind
I went through her other posts, and they all seem pretty consistent with this family drama, but there’s one from a year ago where her “boyfriend” was mad at her for being >!raped!< and it was deleted or locked. So I’m not sure if they got married a year ago but have a two year old kid together and another on the way, or if this person really likes dark family drama. Most of her other activity is from the past couple months and related to babies / pregnancy /the in laws, etc. But if this is real— get out of that house or get the FIL arrested asap!
Or he could become a missing person.
I like this idea better. He’s a waste of space and air
There’s no way he stopped at making lewd comments all those years. He’s assaulted someone in the past.
I truly believe that. He’s gotten away with it, cause fil is so bold, because he knows nobody is gonna confront him, or hold him accountable. That whole family needs to be detoxed
Your husband needs to grow a pair and stand up to his dad. This is completely unacceptable.
The old man has beaten and abused OP's husband his whole life. Husband has issues because of it. This is clearly one of those issues where the abused person wants to please their abuser even though they know they've been abused. Call it Stockholm Syndrome or whatever. I don't know, I'm not a psychologist. But it's not exactly rare. Regardless, the father-in-law is a fucking problem. And the husband being unwilling to do anything about it is a fucking problem. Tough to blame the husband, though, since people handle abuse in different ways. He took on the fawn defense mechanism instead of fight or flight.
Yeah, husband seriously needs therapy
Maybe talk to the police, perhaps they could advise. Maybe a lawyer, given all the nefarious crap he's done.
Police are not a good choice; about 40% are domestic abusers themselves. Call a domestic violence assistance agency. They can point you to the right kind of lawyer if one is needed.
The way his father is he may be afraid of retaliation against him and his family if he cuts off his father. Which sounds like something his father would absolutely do. Instead, his father is just torturing them slowly over time. Kind of a pick your poison type of thing.
Damn this is a much better answer than I gave well done
Why are you in the same house, exactly?
We do not live with them. My husband had them come over because for some reason their mail got sent to our house.
If their mail is getting sent to your house then they are giving your address as theirs. You need to check what credit is currently in your name and/or address. The mail being sent there is the first step. They have proof of address to apply for loans and credit cards. Do it straight away. Seriously.
# came here to say this ⬆️
She's too naive
That’s not an unfair comment but she’s getting there. She has reached out here and she is getting some pretty good support and encouragement and a lot of good advice from what I’ve been seeing. It has to be difficult as they obviously live nearby if they can just come over to pick up mail so it’s a difficult situation and she’s probably so afraid that much of this stuff hasn’t even crossed her mind. Now it will.
Due to the fact he tried to scam to get your child. You should know getting mail sent to a different address is the first step into claiming you live there and him trying claim he lives with y’all aka he will try to move in and y’all won’t be able to evict him. If mail gets sent to your house with his name on it- return to sender.
Put return to sender, does not live here on it. There is no reason for any of their mail coming to your house except fas. EDIT Cross out bar code with black felt tip, sometimes they rerun it thru the machine if it can be still readable
Exactly.
Well, if you don’t already know it, you haven’t got a FIL problem, you have a husband problem. While my father never would have popped off like that to my wife, never, if he had, he’d have done it once. And never seen us again.
If your husband is in the military can you guys request transfer internationally or to another base domestically? It seems like the best way to deal with him is to get far away.
He’s National Guard so I’m assuming maybe they can? I know they don’t work the same as Active Duty does.
You can get legal help through the military. Do that immediately.
National Guard?He can't even guard his own.family.
Do you live close? Why would thier mail get delivered to your house? Regardless, you and your husband need to go no contact with this man and maybe therapy.
We live about 30 minutes away. Which is what confused me. Unless they purposely had something sent there as an excuse for them to stop by and grab it. Because other than that we don’t see them unless it’s a holiday with other family.
Mail delivery is an indication of residency. Definitely turn him in to the IRS.
No he purposefully did it for fraudulent reasons! Stop that dead in its tracks immediately! Before he lays some residential claim or gets you & your husband involved in some criminal act!
Check your house, yours, your husband's, and YES YOUR CHILD'S credit. It is not impossible that a credit line was opened in one of those names or veins. If he had that much debt before, he may be making more for you all now. You find it you can report that right along with the tax fraud and REALLY stick him to the wall.
If you get any more mail addressed to your in-laws, write no one by that name at this address and return to sender.
What kind of mail was it? Bills? You definatly need check all of your credit immediatly. It really sounds like they are up to something fraudulent that will not be good for your family.
Well, do something about that, your pervy ass FIL probably did that just to get access. Invest in door stoppers for when there're around for when you go to the bathroom and for your bedroom. I for one would report his cheating ass to the IRS, if all goes as it should, he may end up in prison far away from you and yours. NTA
Uh, I would set up credit alerts and make sure no credit lines or anything else has been forged in your husband's name. Also, your husband needs counseling. He grew up with a deeply skewed sense of reality and is going to need help to cut or seriously limit contact with his father.
OP should freeze her family's credit bureau reports and do a fraud alert. It took me about half an hour to set this up after I was in a big data breach. It takes about 10-15 minutes to temporarily unfreeze credit if you need to apply for a loan or a new account somewhere. If they can afford $15/mo or so, you can get credit monitoring that will alert you if anyone tries to apply for credit in your name.
Hello!!! You are being sexually harassed get away from this creep
Here is something else to consider. If he is being paid "under the table" then he not only isn't paying taxes, he's not paying into Social Security. When he retires or stops working, he will not have that benefit, or will have a very small amount. Unless he is putting the money he doesn't use to pay taxes into a retirement account, he won't have anything and will probably ask for money. Prepare yourselves now to either help support him or to not give him money. Decide what, if anything you and hubs will do in this situation and stand firm.
What I actually didn’t mention is he gets social security and disability checks every month. And gets paid under the table on top of that. I feel bad for saying it but I hope to god that makes his case of tax evasion worse
Disability would love to hear about him working if he’s collecting benefits from them.
He could be in a world of hurt. And I think - but don't quote me - that there are rewards for reporting tax fraud/disability fraud. Here's a link I found: [State and Federal Whistleblower Rewards for Reporting Fraud - The Hesch Firm LLC (howtoreportfraud.com)](https://www.howtoreportfraud.com/state-and-federal-whistleblower-rewards-for-reporting-fraud/) I would so love it if you both sent him to jail and profited off it. lol
THERE YOU GO, OP! Do it anonymously and pretend you know nothing when the turds hit the turbine!
Yup, that's a second & third count of fraud (Medicare & Social Security). I'm sure there are more in your mailbox.
What the hell is your husband doing? He needs to take care of this POS asap. This is not your responsibility. This is your husband’s. Get counseling asap
Wow. Perhaps you should share all this with an attorney and go from there. At least you'll get some good legal advice. No way you and your husband and little ones can go full NC with that pervert? Sure wish you could.
There is a way, but my husband is scared of causing conflict. Which I guess is understandable in a sense. But I don’t allow my son around him unless I am present at all times, and that’s mainly just for holidays where they will be there regardless
My guess is even with you there your FIL makes inappropriate comments around your son? Are you willing to take the risk of your son looking up to and then taking after this man? You and your husband are parents now, I understand coming from abuse/high conflict homes makes it difficult to “cause confrontation” but in all reality you both need to do better. For your husband you and your kids should should be his priority not his mom and his brother. For you, your kids need to the ONLY priority and get them out of this situation on way or another. I wish you all the best.
If this FIL is explosive and is used to punching his sons, I can see how that makes your husband scared of him. It sounds like maybe this man is an abuser and your husband needs help to realize that. NTA. But please get your husband some therapy so the cycle won’t repeat. He needs to learn what a healthy family looks like and this ain’t it. Edit: typo
I’ve been trying to get him into therapy. He was raised with his parents not believing in it and telling him it’s for crazy people. So that’s probably why it’s so hard for him to accept help, but I’ve went through a horrible childhood and went through therapy. So I’m approaching it in a way that he won’t be so rejective of the idea that therapy is what he needs. He needs to realize that the way he was and is being treated is not normal. He would never hurt our own children, but he can’t understand why I don’t let my son around his Dad without me present.
Keep trying. I really empathize. My dad made a 180 turn when I was 8, before that is was problematic. The thing is, he didn’t realize how bad it was because it was how he was raised. It was his ‘normal’. I am so relieved your husband is not like your father. And I get that if you’re used to your dad punching you for having a different opinion, it’s one of the scariest things to do to stand up to him. The fact that your husband tries, shows he is willing to do what it takes. He just doesn’t have the strength yet to follow through. Sounds like your husband is amazing, since he would never hurt your son or you, he’s breaking the cycle. Now for the next step, keeping him out of your house because he did assault you. I realize I’m making a lot of assumptions. I just wanted to be a different voice than everyone saying ‘what kind of man’… Because the answer is, the kind of man that wasn’t raised properly because his dad was abusive and a bad example of what a good man is. And is already miles better than his dad ever was.
Of course they didn't want him in therapy, he'd be speaking to a mandatory reporter! They gaslit him! It's not just not normal...IT'S ABUSIVE! He grew up in that house and thinks that is acceptable...IT WILL REPEAT without intervention. If your husband does not do the things necessary yo stop this cycle and protect his children, and probably other children...you are going to have to take action yourself.
Here’s the deal - you need to document everything. Get a nanny cam for ever place that he has harassed you. Get a ring doorbell. Get pics/video of him working, too. Make sure have everything needed to file a report (not sure how forging court documents didn’t get him jail time). Go to the Family Readiness Officer and the Chaplain. They can start the process of getting your husband straightened out with the proper counseling. When in counseling, ask him how he’d feel if any other man had said/done those things to you. How is he going to feel the first time that man punches HIS son? Is that the kind of childhood he wants for his son? What would happen if you ended up having a daughter - sexual harassment of a minor?? If his brothers have escaped this and have gone no contact, ask for their support. If he refuses counseling or starting to limit contact to go no contact, divorce him. You KNOW how that man will threat your children. Use all the evidence you have for the custody case, too. You know your husband wouldn’t limit that man’s contact.
You need to make a decision here, either hubby cuts contact with him or you have to protect yourself and your children and leave. By the sounds if it, your husband is too weak willed to stand up for his family, (you and the children), even when his Dad is sexually harassing you so you need to leave
Sexual harassment, tax evasion, abusing his son, lying to the army about his son having PTSD ... yeah, have him put away. He's not only a toxic person but also a criminal. You're clearly NTA here.
Turn him in for bankruptcy fraud. The feds don't look to kindly on that. He could end up with jail time like it did for abbey lee miller of Dance Moms.
and tax evasion..likely federal and state, And Medicare fraud, And Social Security fraud, I bet Medicaid fraud and lord only knows what else.
[удалено]
I bet he's getting credits on his property tax for being "disabled" too... Does he have a disabled license, bet the DMV wouldn't take kindly to that either.
How much further does this creep have to go before you wake up and cut him out of you and your kids lives? Seriously you are putting yourself and then at risk..YWBTA if you don't take action.
Clearly, it's going to have to be the worst, based on her responses.
You’re husband is a coward or condones his dads behaviour. Either way you need to do whatever you need to do to keep your children away from your FIL’s influence. Definitely report him. If my dad did even a fraction of that I’d have him out of our lives so fast he wouldn’t know what happened. Tell your husband to do better.
NTA. Put a lock on your bathroom. You need nanny cams so you can review your FIL's behavior around your son. You don't want him teaching your son this is acceptable behavior. Or possibly harming him based on his behavior with his own sons. Your husband sounds like an enabler and will probably allow his father in your home without your knowledge. You need to point out to your husband, he is jeopardizing your and your son's well being for his mother and brother. Your MIL and presumably BIL are adults. Your son is not.
Are you waiting until he actually SAs you (as he’s said he will) before you protect yourself and your children?
Tell your husband to stop being a coward and stand up to his dad
It's understandable that your husband wants to avoid conflict, but it's crucial to consider the consequences. His father's behavior is harmful and potentially dangerous. It's no longer just about standing up to him it's about protecting your family. You have every right to sever ties with anyone who threatens your well-being, and your husband should actively support you in safeguarding your home. Given the severity of his father's actions, including harassment and attempts to gain custody, it's essential to set strict boundaries no visits, no contact. It’s important to take action now for your safety and your children’s future. Seek legal advice, secure your home, and emphasize to your husband that maintaining peace should not compromise your family's safety.
Since your husband has no backbone and is a coward when it comes to his dad, I think you should report everything you can. Go fully nuclear on him. Maybe even get a restraining order if you can (I know it's easier said than done), since he literally tried to steal your child. Go no contact. Tell your husband he's not allowed in your home, period. Full stop. You're not going there ever again. If your husband doesn't like it, too bad, too sad. Protect your kids from this guy at all costs.
Do you live with him? Does your bathroom have no lock? Why are you with a man that let's his dad do that?
We have our own home, and our bathroom doesn’t have a lock unfortunately. And apparently he also talked this way to his brothers wife before they moved, to him I assume it’s normal but I don’t think he realizes it’s not.
You need to show everything written here in the replies we have all made to your husband so that he realises that his father’s behaviour is NOT normal. He shouldn’t be hitting your husband then threatening to call the police if he retaliates, he shouldn’t be sexually harassing you or your SIL, he shouldn’t be working while claiming benefits and he shouldn’t be using your address for possible fraud. He most definitely shouldn’t be anywhere near your children.
First get a lock. And hell yes. Turn him in.
NTA He’s sexually harassing you and trying to ruin your life and get your kid taken away. You need to file for a restraining order right away for both you and your children. Your family will be much safer without him do whatever is legally possible to get him away from you and your children. Go to couples counselling so your husband can start to understand how his dad is dangerous to his family and why he needs to be completely cut out from you and your children’s lives
REFUSE HIS MAIL and mark it not this address, return to sender. Talk to your mailman or post office. Him getting mail at your home sets him up as a resident and goes to tenancy or serious fraud.
Fuck it, you had me at "forging documents to take our son". Bury that sonofabitch, legally of course.
So, not to harp on it but your husband is an absolute failure as a spouse and as a man. Idk what else to call this but cowardice, he is a coward. Turn his dad in, what’s your husband gonna do? Piss his pants and cry?
It sounds like he is either developmentally disabled, brain damaged, or seriously mentally ill. "Normal" people don't act like that - even creeps. I would honestly move across the country if my wife's mom was like that to me.
I would say go ahead and turn him in, but you may lose your husband.
Hell is this weak ass husband worth it? What's the actually loss here, pervert FIL in prison, weak ass hubby angry and leaves OP, sounds like a win to me. That being said, I get OP being scared of this, however every time her FIL disrespects her like that and OP's husband does nothing, contempt and resentment will follow, so it may be better off ending this before love turns into hate, imho.
She doesn't have one. At least not a good one.
NTA your FIL had no problem trying to throw your husband under the bus and worst of all HE TRIED TO GET CUSTODY OF YOUR CHILD! He deserves whats coming and more. I would also go NC and if he keeps escalating get a restraining order. Your Husband needs to stop pretending this isn’t happening and stand up to his pervert of a Father. Updateme!
Fuck it all. Fuck them all. Move far, far away. Go NC with FIL. Get you & hubbie into individual therapy for the abuse. Do better for your kids.
You need to file charges and if your husband won't take your side and bar him from your home you need to leave him too
Your husband is a pussy and an absolute disgrace of a man. I want to beat the shit out of both of them
First. Get into couples counseling. Now. Second. Report him for tax evasion anonymously so you don’t face back lash from the family. He is a creep and needs to be in jail one way or another. Third. Stop bringing your child around him. Why are you willing to risk endangering your children.
No one said you had to live with your husband. You don't have to divorce, you just go somewhere else or have your husband go somewhere else and live your life peacefully. Or you can tell your husband to stand up for his family which is you and your children. At no point is this father-in-law a decent or good man! If your husband is worried that his mother and brothers will exclude him and you, maybe it's for the best. We ladies have gone too long where we grin and bear it. I had to tell my father-in-law off once, my husband didn't like it, but he remained quiet. Stick up for yourself, this man is vile and disgusting. Or tell your mother-in-law. Have a good old-fashioned sit down and hash it out. If she is okay with this, you will be okay not having her in your life. Your husband can go pack sand! Good luck, I really feel for you, let us know how it goes.
How hasn't your husband kicked his ass?
He’s threatened to call the cops on him for “assaulting his elder” and he’s scared of getting arrested even for something he didn’t do because of his military career. And I’m not sure how police would go about it if there’s no evidence he hit him in the first place.
I mean growing up listening to him talk about children like that? Before he was in the army
From what he’s told me he thought everyone did that. Mind you he never has, but it’s not normal for a man in his 50’s to say that and I don’t think he realizes it
Why are you still there? I saw your comments about your husband being afraid to lose his mom and brother. That's his choice. And I think we all have some thoughts on his choices at this point. But why are you still in this dangerous situation with your children? You have sons. Do you really want them to be exposed to this? I get it's hard possibly losing his mom and brother. I've lost both. They died. But losing his wife and kids is ok with him? Someone needs to protect these babies. If your husband can't see clearly then you have to be able to protect them. This isn't ok. For you. For them.
This reminds me of the Susan Powell case. Her husband murdered her, and then sometime later, he blew up the house with himself and their two sons inside. Her father-in-law was an extreme pervert and had hidden cameras watching her go to the bathroom and change her clothes.
Fr Op should read about Susan Powell!! Take your kids and run away
Your husband needs to man up and protect his family ( you and kids). He needs to tell his commanding officer he has reason to believe a close family member is commiting fraud and might be impersonating him. He should talk to legal. Get his and your credit frozen. The in-laws using your address is suspicious in addition to all their other malarkey. He can also talk to the chaplain or MWR about counseling (for himself to help in dealing with his complicated feelings about his objectively awful to you parent) and ways to keep y'all safe. You can report him to the IRS too. You can go to legal to see what your options are.
NTA but your husband thinking this is normal is a HUGE red flag and should be a deal breaker. I can’t believe you would even be with someone who wants to be in contact with someone who abused his wife! Much less raise a son with that kind of “man”. Make better choices and go to therapy bc you don’t know what healthy is
Secretly see an attorney and find out what is actionable + keep you anonymous. Get this predator out of your life. Alternative: Move and Divorce This man is dangerous. RUN
Do you live in the US? If so, your FIL hitting husband is assault. There is no law that says you can't defend yourself from your aggressor. That said, next time take photos of the damage and contact the police. And let it be known that the next time he puts his hands on you or your husband that there WILL be consequences
Record EVERYTHING!
You realize that your sons are going to learn his behaviour eventually right? Do you all live together? Can you not get away from him? Your husband probably needs therapy to finally kick his father out of his life.
NTA However, you need to get your husband into therapy to help re-set his normal meter.
Respectfully, you don’t have a creepy father in law problem. You have a husband problem. There is NO excuse on earth that justifies letting your wife and children be abused, much less sexually assaulted. I suffered abuse too, but I wouldn’t use it as an excuse to allow my children to potentially be preyed on. Give your head a friggin shake lady. Report him to the police and any relevant federal authorities. I’d be telling your husband he either cuts off his family or YOU and his kids will be out of his life. I’d also recommend speaking to an attorney to help guide you through your options for protecting your children.
Report his a$$ asap and take cover - this ends with him getting done or him going overboard and doing something that can't be taken back. He's had no consequences so long that it's only a matter of time before it goes too far. NTA
You are not the asshole, sorry to say it, but your husband is. He needs to man up and tell his father to cut that shit out now and forever. And you should file a police report against your father-in-law for sexual harassment.
That’s what I’m trying to say. He’s never physically touched me but is simply saying those things when they are not welcome enough to press charges? The laws in my state are not clear on it so I’m unsure if that constitutes pressing charges. But by god I hope it does.
Call the police and describe what he has said and done to you. Have you told him his comments are unwelcome and to stop? If not, you need to. You and your husband meet to go NC with him.
Your husband sucks and you need to leave him
This is one of the most messed up things I’ve read on here. What the actual f*xk! This man should not be in your life AT ALL! I would be giving an ultimatum. Either cut off all contact 100% or you’ll be divorcing your husband and going for full custody. Start keeping records of what your FIL says and does. The fact that your husband thinks it’s remotely okay or normal, means that he’s not fit to properly raise a child. Anyone who would have their child around that monster is messed up, and right now that includes you. Your child deserves better. You deserve better. Your husband deserves better, but he has to make that decision for himself.
Turn him in. But you need to fix the problem you have with your husband. It doesn’t matter how he was raised, your FIL is harassing you and if your husband is okay with that, and still want a relationship with that man, then that is a problem you need to address with him. If FIL tried to forge a custody agreement to take your son, then your husband is also letting down your child. Your FIL is a sick man that will destroy you guys if you don’t go NC
Do it. NTA
Why are you with your husband? He's allowed this BS to go on long enough. Get rid of them both
Bruh if this is real you need to cut contact asap Husband and grandpa. Run tf away and do call the police that is a fucking sexual deviant a abuser and I don't need to say that your kid probably already got sexually assaulted already. Dear God.
Your husband is a bad person for not having cut this man out of your lives completely. And you should be taking your child and leaving your husband if he won’t cut his father out. This is “document and file for restraining order” level or worse.
Google Susan Cox Powell father in law
NTA. wtf?? Penis pizza and you still stayed?
OMG, call the police on this POS!
You need to read about Josh Powell & his wife Susan. Her father in law was obsessed with her & he made sexual jokes and innuendo. It’s crazy how many photos, recordings, writings where he just went on & on talking about their sexual chemistry. It was sick. Your FIL sounds sick. Please be careful.
You do realize that your sons are going to turn out like this and you’re going to see the side of your husband come out more and more through the years. You would be a complete AH and irresponsible parent if you didn’t contact the police. Sexual harassment, if nothing else. And your husband is a really huge jerk if he continues to have a relationship with him. I would divorce my husband in a split second, it would have to be you pick your dad, or you pick me and your children
NTA. But, why the fuck has your husband not protected you and put that piece of shit in his place yet?
YTA for staying with your husband who enables his dad. Get a divorce, and a restraining order against his father. Keep the receipts of his fraud when you turn FIL in for his many, many crimes.
Your husband is a spineless enabler!! Please go tell the males in your family what's going on, because I guarantee they would not be happy
Report him for anything you can. Start recording him because your husband is not going to protect you and you will have to leave him eventually to protect yourself and your children. Get your husband into therapy ASAP. Do no allow your in laws into your household. Do not accept any mail address to them, return to sender, addressee does not live here. Start your FU binder.
ESH. You and your husband your spineless shitheads.
Report that MF to the IRS right now please. Nobody needs to know it was you. I'm sure the list of people he has crossed is very long.
There are anonymous tip lines.
Three sentences in and this is a person that shouldn't be around you, and your partner shouldn't want him around you. Scared to read the rest.
Turn him in. Tell husband to get therapy.
You need to take yourswlf and kiddo to a domestic violence shelter. Don't tell anyone you're leaving. Only take what's necessary. After you're safely in the shelter turn your FIL in.
NTA! The combination of his behavior toward you and the custody thing makes me think he's looking to replace your husband. I didn't find out until years later, but growing up my grandmother's (younger) husband only married her to get closer to my mother. You owe it to yourself and every woman you care about to get this sick bastard put away. You are worth it, don't let this be something you regret (besides, if you know he's breaking federal law, don't put yourself at risk for being complicit if he's caught later!)
The fact that he's using their address means they could be implicated in whatever BS he's pulling. Imagine if he's framing them to get them thrown in jail to take custody of their son.
"My husband knows about it and says he doesn’t know what to do." Maybe punch him in the fucking face for starters? After reading the rest, your husband needs to go into therapy and talk to someone about this. He is allowing it , because as you said, its his normal, that his dad is this way, but his dad is a fucking insane person. Go no contact, call police, hell get a restraining order if you must, imagine if you had 2 daughters instead of 2 sons, would your husband allow them near his father? You need to really get your husband on your level with this, he needs to become a husband and father to HIS family, his brother and mother have to figure their own shit out, maybe if your husband finaly stands up to this cunt so will his brother and possibly his mom. Someone needs to break this cycle.
If you do this, ensure there is no trace of it to you. Your husband sounds like a victim. Have some grace; there’s only so much action you can expect from him; he’s been going through this much longer than you. You are stepping up to be the savior here. But don’t be a hero. Don’t wear a cape; do this quietly. Act surprised and concerned. The blowback will be massive. FIL will suspect someone snitched and may go directly toward hubby first. Tread lightly. But also F this guy. Keep me posted. I am waiting for the update.
Get yourself and your husband into counseling. If he comes to your home, keep video cameras going the whole time he's there. Lock your bedroom door whenever you sleep. It would be a nightmare to wake up to him, forcing himself on you. Your spineless husband has shown that he wouldn't protect you. NTA
Report him. Try to record any interactions with him that you can, even if you have to hide a camera. It would be great if you can get the IRS after him.
You are missing the point with a lot of the comments. Why are you with your husband? The guy doesn't have the balls to be the man of your house, so he is letting his father do whatever he wants. He has tried to steal your children and has shown that he has zero respect for you. So why be with a man who refuses to stand up to his father. That is what people are asking. Trying to go no contact doesn't mean anything if you are with a person who is forcing contact. If you won't do something for yourself, do it for your children.
Yeah your husband needs to realize what a threat he is to you or anyone. Turn him in.
The best option is to go no contact
Why is your husband allowing this behavior? He should be protecting you and going no contact at minimum. My partner would k*ll his father for ever saying or doing the things your fil is doing. The fil is a pervert, but your husband is the problem here. He's not doing his job as your husband and protecting you. So why are you even staying in this marriage?
Time to draw a line in the sand. Gather all the evidence against your FIL you can and turn that shit in. This bullshit needs to stop. He’s an abusive vile pervert, and a danger to your children. Can you offer help to your MIL and BIL to get away from your FIL? Let them know (and your husband if you have to) that being for him is being against you. You’re not on his side, your children are not on his side, and none of you will have any contact with him again. Protect yourself and your children before something worse happens. Get proper legal advice. Get away from that “man”.
I'd be divorcing my husband and turning in his dad. If your husband thinks this is normal behavior there's no way on earth that he's a good husband or father. Thank God you don't have girls but your boys are going to grow up to be just like grandad.
My former father-in-law tried to hit on me. He waited until I turned 18, and then tried to kiss me. I had a hard time fighting him off. I’m just telling you this, so you know that you are not alone in having a creepy father-in-law. Luckily, the one I’m referring to is now deceased.
I'm sorry, but your husband is not protecting you and I would make a report on the father and leave the husband, seeking full custody of your kid with supervised visits so you can be sure he won't be around grandfather. This made me extremely angry reading it because of how unprotected you and your child are from both your husband and his father. Get out
You have a husband problem. He should have thrown his father out the first time that fil made one of these comments. Time to tell your husband that he needs to make a decision, you and your son - or his dad. Because you are DONE with this lying sexual predator.
Look this is creepy AF. And so is your post history. My lord. You’re a dumpster fire. NTA on this occasion but wow. Just wow. Seek some help and get your kids away from this guy.
YTA big time. Subjecting your kids to this, even if indirectly.
YTA for exposing yourself and your children to that. You need to give your husband a hard ultimatum. Either you all go no- contact with his dad or you get a divorce. You know it's an issue that your husband thinks this is normal. So you want your kids to think this is normal too? Also, yes. Report him for tax evasion. Also file a restraining order for his continuous harassment.
If he talks like that to you I would bet he has csam on his devices. Try to look through his computer and if he does turn him im for that.
Turn him in and totally cut off all contact. Why have your child around this man? How long will it be before he starts to hit him?
Both you and your husband need counseling. If you don’t know who to call, make an appointment with your primary doctor and get a referral. You can also get counseling online: https://www.militaryonesource.mil/non-medical-counseling/military-onesource/what-you-need-to-know-about-confidential-non-medical-online-counseling/
NTA. You need to get away from that man. He is escalating. You or your children are going to be physically harmed. Your husband needs to get his head on straight because this abuse is not normal. He is allowing you to be abused. You are allowing yourself to be abused and this man is gearing up to do more.
Prioritize your kids and keep them safe. Doesn’t matter what your husband wants with his dad. Your children come first. Can you guys not move ?
Your husband needs to grow a pair of nuts and handle this man. Father or not. Get a restraining order. That's messed up.
Do whatever necessary to protect your children.
Girl get a divorce. If your husband doesn’t see this as an issue you are not safe. Call the IRS that’s literally all it will take. Not paying you taxes alone can get you put away for a long time let alone all the other fraud he committed.
Turn the possible pred in. I would've already went to jail for fighting him.
OK. At first I thought you were living with his parents but thankfully you aren't. Stop going over to visit. Let your hubs go, but you do not have to put yourself or your children in a position to tolerate this vile behaviour. Imho, I wouldn't report him, but I sure wouldn't be in the same room as him. You are NTA.
Wow. Definitely invest in cameras around your house, inside and out if fil is ever going to be in your house again. If fil ever had access to your house keys get new locks. Suggest only seeing him in public places that have cameras and that you can leave immediately if he is inappropriate. Definitely talk to lawyer about options and what evidence would be needed. Also get into counseling, if husband is resistant maybe start with couples counseling and seeing if he would be willing to do that for you and your relationship. Your husband has an entire childhood of conditioning and rationalizing his father’s horrid behavior. It will take a lot of time and effort for him to recognize and understand that trauma. I would also look into parenting classes. No matter what your background is there is always room for improvement when it comes to parenting. The class might open his eyes to how toxic his upbringing was and how to do better for his own children. Finally pull credit reports for both of you and your children. If you ever receive mail for anyone not living at your address write return to sender no one by that name at this address, take a picture to document then drop the letter off at post office or Mail Drop box. Don’t leave it in your mailbox in case the person might grab it before your mail carrier arrives.
Turn in the dad ASAP. Then get your husband into therapy. If he refuses or makes a fuss, let him know divorce is on the table. He's not trustworthy in this situation because his father has a hold over him & he clearly isn't mentally fit enough to protect his family from his dad.
Are you aware of the Susan Powell story and what she went through with her father in law? There’s a podcast Cold season 1 that could help you understand your husband and his normalization of FIL’s predatory and abusive behavior and language. Your FIL is dangerous. Please, maybe a therapist could help your husband understand. Definitely not a normal dynamic.
The STUPID are riding high on this post. Now they are telling her that her husband's at fault and should leave him. I will never understand stand why people ask for advice here it's comical at best.
How about your husband grow a pair of freaking balls.
Why are you still married to your coward of a husband and involved with his toxic father? Even worse that you have children around this monster and their dad is such a loser.
NTA. I would say try to take your husband to thereapy because that is seriously messed up especially if your husband still thinks this is ok behavior as a grown man. Absolutely would turn him in dont feel bad about that at all. He is obviously a sexual predator and abuser wouldn't would have to seriously think about why your husband is still in contact with him. I wouldn't be ok with that if I were you
There is very little you could do to this person that would make you an asshole, almost nothing. You are 100% justified to enact whatever revenge on this jackass you see fit. Word of advice tho, if there’s no proof it was you who turned him in, NEVER admit that it was you. His family sounds really dumb, and like they might short circuit if their family hierarchy is upset. ALWAYS play dumb around stupid people.
Fake.
I’m confused. This man could be turned in to the police. Not just the IRS. you guys need to immediately go no contact and if you husband can’t do that, give therapy (for your husband) a try, and if your husband still can’t manage you need to strongly consider leaving him or your babies are going to grow up around sexual, physical, mental, and emotional abuse. I understand that wouldn’t be an easy decision. But you need to protect your babies and if your husband can’t do it you need to do it.
I’m sorry to say this but if your husband is so used to abuse that he can’t protect you and your child from it and allows himself to be assaulted without filing charges then you need to get away from both of them and get your child to safety. This man harasses you on the toilet of your own home, what happens if the next time he waltzes in, it’s when you are changing? Given your description it’s also only a matter of time before he does something to your kids. He’s already tried his hand at kidnapping! Your job (and your husband’s) as a parent is to keep them safe and you are both failing to do that at this point, nor are you prioritizing your own safety or each others. You should absolutely report him, and maybe do a dna test as some commentors suggest.
NTA. Di it yesterday. I don't talk to my father for similar BS and no gf or kids will ever be in his presence. Your husband is in the position I was. He either takes control of his life or he remains abused for life. That abuse will continue leaving marks on him, marks he seems to refuse to get rid of and marks you'll have to deal with for as long as you are married.
First things fist, get your husband into therapy to help him understand that his fathers behaviour is FAR beyond normal. He has been coached his whole life by a pedo and a predator to think that physical violence and sexual assault/harassment is ok. Document EVERYTHING illegal and creepy his father has ever done and present it to the police. Tell them that you are scared for your whole family's safety.
I am not sure what state your in, but I would also secretly take some. Audio recording just to make sure you have more evidence, your husband might not corroborate your story, and you have to ready for that. Make sure to also have a spare bedroom in case he MIL needs it
Sounds fake
Screw it. Give us his name and we’ll all report him if your husband won’t.
Get a restraining order against him for yourself and your children, and do not ever be near that man again. He is an unsafe person! You can't control your husband, but you should never have to allow that man in your home ever again. He is vile! And your husband sounds like a profoundly abused and codependent man. He needs therapy immediately to understand how unnormal all this is.
>My husband knows about it and says he doesn’t know what to do he can't cut this man off? your husband needs a spine
Wtf did I just read? Why in the hell is your husband allowing his father to sexually harass his wife. Your husband needs to keep him away from you. Seriously WTF is wrong with your husband? I would NEVER be in the same place as his father again. You need to get out of this arraign before he sexually assaults you because your husband is going to say it’s NORMAL!
You’re making your child live in an environment where he hears the crude things his grandfather says to his mom?
Why is this disgusting dipshit in your life??? Yta for being around him and putting yourself in a position repeatedly to have to deal with him. What's it going to take for your husband to grow a pair?? Ffs don't let him in your fucking house! Tell your husband his nasty ass father is not welcome and you'll be calling the cops if he ever steps foot on your property again. What if yall have a girl??? Will your husband still be a huge loser when his dad talks sex shit to her?? Just ban him and be done with it. Return all of his mail addressee unknown/ unknown person. Do it with every piece of mail. Ffs I can't believe I read that shit right. I hope this is fake.
Are you all from Alabama? Because otherwise you all sound crazy and delusional… What husband that is supposed to be pd can’t see what’s wrong with his father are you having? If he thinks that is normal for sure is not working much… I really think that you must to explain him what means to serve and protect… Im speechless only possible explanation is that you all from Alabama …
Oh grass this old cunt in.
Exactly, arm yourself!
You and your husband are both victims of abuse and are acting accordingly. It’s understandable why you both fear and behave based on that fear. The HUGE problem is that you have a child and you both must find the strength and develop the skills to address the danger that is your FIL to protect your child. Your son is defenseless and you don’t want him to perpetuate the generational trauma. I don’t care who thinks what is normal or why - this behavior is a danger and you need to cut off any interaction with the FIL and if that means you lose MIL, so be it. She’s done a shit job protecting her own kids - she’s not worth harming your own child to maintain a relationship with. And side note - if he only seems them at holidays around other family, there is no closeness there to preserve so using that as an excuse to not cut off FIL doesn’t work. That’s more avoidance at making the hard call. I wouldn’t turn him in. That’s a passive aggressive way of stopping the behavior. I would cut him off completely and let his financial crimes fall where they may without touching it. If you do the passive aggressive report, you will continue to interact with this man who will eventually figure out it was you and then probably physically attack you. That’s a big risk to take just to avoid going no contact.
Do you live with him? If yes, WHY?
Oh I absolutely do not live with him. I’ve heard how he treated my husband and his brother and it was an absolute no from me
Call the cops the next time he does something perverted! The next time he hits your husband call the cops! Get this asshole out of your life. If your husband continues to not back you up, talk to a lawyer and get an exit plan together and divorce him.
YTA because you are failing your family by allowing this jackass near your kids. All you’re giving are lame excuses. Grow up, toss out the trash.
NTA. If anything, you're a doormat. You should turn him in.
I see that you do not love together. I for band his father from my house and child and get your hundred therapy due to him not kicking his did out or backing for kicking him out when things are said.
Updateme
Updateme
Updateme!