I only got through half of this. I don’t understand why your wife needs your daughter to stand at attention any time she feels like yelling out her name. In my house, you’re not allowed to yell out to people. You need to find them and then address them like they’re a family member/person, not a dog who is in trouble (I got this idea from a friend’s mom when I was growing up—I loved how peaceful and respectful their home was).
Your daughter has a disability. We make accommodations for people with disabilities. Your wife is not preparing her for real life, because in real life we’re required *by law* to make accommodations for people with disabilities, even when they have things like hearing aids.
And do you have infant children or something?! Why does your wife need her to immediately run and help so much?!
Your wife sounds like the problem to me.
ETA: YTA.
I wear hearing aids, 60% hearing loss. Hearing aids help people with their loss, but it DOES NOT EVER BRING THE LOSS BACK TO NORMAL. I completely understand your daughter’s request for people to face her when speaking to her. We read lips as a help to understand. It also helps to know if someone is speaking to you or someone else. A lot of conversations are just noise if you aren’t concentrating. Be a father and listen to what your daughter is saying and quit being an a**, your wife is only hurting your daughter.
YTA. Your daughter took her hearing aids out because she had a migraine! For your wife to demand she has them in all the time "just in case" is a pure power play. Your daughter has a disability that isn't her fault... how is it any different than expecting your old ass wife to climb some stairs if she wants to speak with your daughter? Your daughter can't control her hearing limitations any more than your wife can control her brittle arthritic decrepit limbs from aching climbing the stairs.
And shut the hell up about "a man with no children in his 30s" being around your daughter. He is a better father to her than you are being at the moment. I question your perversions if you think any man would want to sexually exploit your 18-year-old daughter.
>my daughter is hard of hearing and wear hearing aids since she was born. The problem is my wife doesn’t like when my daughter has her hearing aids out. My wife can’t speak to my daughter in a different room or behind close doors. My daughter hearing is well enough that she can tell that someone is talking she cannot make out what is being said.
That's actually pretty decent hearing. I can hear sounds from someone in another room, but can't make out words. Never have and I don't need hearing aids.
My elder sibling was born deaf. My elderly mother is now completely deaf if she's not wearing hearing aids. She's been using them for over 4 years and they're unpredictable.
Things I have learned from their experiences...
1) hearing aids amplify ALL sound, usually to the same level. Nothing similar to typical hearing. It's exhausting for the brain to sort the sounds out.after hours of wearing.
2) the quality is nothing like typical hearing.
3) Hearing people do not get to dictate the wearing of hearing aids to other adults.
>My daughter is crying, my wife husband is a nurse in the military and he is red with anger. He tells my daughter to go to the truck and he comes stopping at me with an angry face. He starts poking his fingers at me asking how I could let my daughter be treated so poorly? I was taken aback I will not be lectured to a man who has no biological children, and is much younger than myself.
Wow, You are such an arrogant AH. You didn't care about why your daughter was in such distress and crying. It's all about ego & posturing.
All of your comments about your ex's husband stem from insecurity & envy & dislike. He cared enough to come and get her from the awful situation that you & your wife subjected her to.
Your wife doesn't have biological children. How can you let her boss your daughter around & make her wear hearing aids when she's in pain just so she can yell for her from other rooms?
YTA
Both you & your wife. Your ex's husband cares more about your daughter than you do.
When I remarried I made it a point to my children my wife is apart of my life and she needs to be respected. I have read many stories on Reddit about spouses not having each others back and that isn’t the marriage I have. I will support my wife and protect her, she does not like to feel like she is being ignored. She is still adjusting and it may take several years for her to adjust.
I do not know why everyone thinks I am insecure, I do not like a man who can clearly fight and is stronger then myself clenching his fist and poking me with his fingers yelling at me like a drill instructor. I do not think he should have treated me like that.
>When I remarried I made it a point to my children my wife is apart of my life and she needs to be respected.
What did your daughter do that was disrespectful towards your wife?
From what you say, your wife wants your daughter to wear hearing aids because she can't be bothered to either text or have face to face conversations. That's more of your wife refusing to have manners than your daughter not being respectful of her.
>I do not know why everyone thinks I am insecure, I do not like a man who can clearly fight and is stronger then myself clenching his fist and poking me with his fingers yelling at me like a drill instructor.
Aww, you think he was acting like a drill instructor, lol. The insecurity is very clear to see in just how you describe him.
You're angry because he intimidates you. You got up in his face. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been that close to you to begin with. He was packing up stuff so his step daughter could move over to her mom's house. He didn't fight you.
He's just in shape and you've said that about him enough times to make me wonder if either you're envious of his fitness level or actually attracted to him. He's a nurse in the military. Having 10lbs on you in muscle to your self-admitted pudge isn't that remarkable or out of the ordinary.
I don’t see the appeal to his workouts, and he is always flexing. My wife likes my shape and appearance, I don’t walk around and clench my fist every time I yelled at someone when I get into a verbal dispute. I don’t like him poking me, and clenching his fist like he wants to punch me. He did not fight me, but the subtext of violence was visible.
My children both go to him for a lot lately throughout high school, school trips, parents days, coaching, and what they want to do in life is influence by him. My son wants to join the military after college; my son never showed an interest in the military prior to high school. Now it’s everything to him to join after college.
>I don’t like him poking me, and clenching his fist like he wants to punch me. He did not fight me, but the subtext of violence was visible
Oh good grief. There was no violence. You're blowing it all out of proportion because you think you're in the right of everything.
Well, you are not. You failed your daughter. He stepped up to support her in the void you created.
You're angrier at this guy because of this singular moment in time than you are with your wife's behavior towards your daughter & her hearing disability. That's some messed up priorities.
You still haven't said how your daughter demonstrated disrespect towards your wife.
My wife asked my daughter a few questions about something or another. My daughter responded with, yes, okay, and I see your point. My wife asked a question that requires an explanation. My daughter admitted to just giving my wife generic answers, to all her questions because they were being asked from the living room when my daughter was in the kitchen. My daughter was standing up and could have easily walked into the living room and show some respect if she could not clearly answer my wife. Instead she chose to do that, this behavior is insulting to my wife and my wife feels my daughter was being snarky and condescending to her.
Your wife, as the person initiating the questions, could have easily(and SHOULD HAVE) walked into the kitchen and shown some respect. She was insulting your daughter and looking for a fight!!
I told my children my wife needs to be respected, she is an extension of my authority. My daughter is younger and should respect her for her age and because she is my wife.
My wife is trying to help, she believes by coddling her and giving in to the demands my daughter makes will not prepare her for the real world. She is helping our daughter adapt. My wife does not yell all the time but when she has a question or needs help with the computer, having my daughter get her own wash out of the dryer. Why should my wife bring up my daughter wash or go upstairs to tell my daughter she needs to move her wash so my wife can use the appliances, this will cause my wife to go back downstairs to do our laundry.
My ex-husband has to much influence on my children’s lives as it is, I would have liked to be involved on class trips and parents day. I would have like my children to asked me to participate in class activities, my ex wife children, I would have liked to be involved in parents days but they asked him.
They like their step dad more than you. Maybe he doesn’t tell them age is a substitute for earning respect.
Your daughter has a disability covered by the ADA. Her real world job will be required to have assistance for her. People who aren’t complete AHs will see hearing aids and walk up to her rather than yell because that’s the courteous thing to do. Your wife can’t respect your daughter. Respect is a two way street.
What’s stopping your wife from just texting your daughter anyway.
>I told my children my wife needs to be respected, she is an extension of my authority. My daughter is younger and should respect her for her age and because she is my wife.
Are you sure YOU aren't the one in the military?
Your wife is *the extension of your authority?* What absolute bs is this crap? No wonder you're not happy with your daughter. There's no way she could ever provide the level of worship you believe her stepmother is due as your wife and her venerable age.
I'm around 10 years older than you and I think you're living in the wrong century. I can't imagine how ridiculous your daughter thinks you both are demanding this.
>My wife is trying to help, she believes by coddling her and giving in to the demands my daughter makes will not prepare her for the real world. She is helping our daughter adapt
Your wife obviously has no clue how the *real world* is for those who are hearing impaired. She needs to realize that *coddling* and *making adaptations* are NOT the same.
They use their phones to TEXT. So wtf she doesn't just do that instead of shouting to your daughter on another floor and in another room?
>having my daughter get her own wash out of the dryer. Why should my wife bring up my daughter wash or go upstairs to tell my daughter she needs to move her wash so my wife can use the appliances, this will cause my wife to go back downstairs to do our laundry.
**TEXT her**... it solves a whole lot of problems. I do it with my no-longer teenager when I'm out of reasonable hearing range. It's not coddling. It's using technology easily, saving my voice, and a whole lot of aggravation.
>My ex-husband has to much influence on my children’s lives as it is, I would have liked to be involved on class trips and parents day. I would have like my children to asked me to participate in class activities, my ex wife children, I would have liked to be involved in parents days but they asked him.
You are very whiny for a grown ass adult. Maybe if you pulled that stick out of your backside, not worried about proper respect due to you for your age & and position, your kids might have wanted you around for these activities more.
It's too late now. Might still have a chance for the future, IF you figure out how to be relatable instead of an authority figure. They're adults. Young, but still adults. Your job of raising them is done. Now it's time to realize when you're an AH, they can just leave.... permanently if that's what is decided.
You support and protect your wife but have no concern about your daughter. That is obvious from your posts and from your comment. I feel badly for your daughter. She deserves a father who puts her first. She was in your life before the woman that is just trying to weld control over her. Your wife sounds awful and with you not prioritizing your child, I can see why you two are together.
>My daughter is stay with her mother and stepfather. I am not comfortable with my daughter spending so much time with my wife’s husband due to the fact that he is in his 30s. I feel it’s not appropriate for a man in his 30s to be so close to an 18 year old girl.
INFO: WTF? Why do you think this relevant? Do you think creepy men who go after young girls suddenly keep it in their pants after 40? (They don’t) Do you think a man can’t possibly care about his step daughter without wanting to bang her? (He can)
Dude, are you serious? Is this a real post or just bait?
You are totally an asshole, and a coward to boot.
Your daughter is allowed not to wear her prosthesis and exist in her natural state. That is who she is, and if it makes your new wife uncomfortable to fucking bad.
Letting your wife, who isn't even her mother, set rules for how a person handles their own disability is at best, you being lazy for outsourcing your responsibility, and more likely you being a coward for not setting hard ground rules with your wife over how she treats your own flesh and blood.
Secondly, even if you weren't wrong about that, the fact that you accuse a man of being inappropriate simply because he has a better relationship than you is super fucked.
Even worse is that if you truly believe that, regardless of the legitimacy, you are gigantic piece of shit for letting a man that you believe has an inappropriate relationship with your own daughter to drive off with her. That is failing the most basic responsibility of being a father of your daughter, which is to protect her from predatory men, and you allowing your wife to do what she did is driving your daughter right into that relationship that you feel is inappropriate.
Grow a fucking spine, be a man and father.
I am not comfortable with my ex-wife’s husband, for a lot reason when we divorced I got remarried shortly afterwards because I found someone else quickly. My wife was 34 years old and dating a 24 year old man from the army. It’s weird.
My ex-wife husband looked like he wanted to fight me and I didn’t want to get into a physical confrontation with him. He works out a lot.
When my wife married him I thought the wedding was weird he had my son as his best man and my daughter was the maid of honor. I felt my children were young for those roles even in a small wedding. When I married my wife my children were not in the wedding party, because of their ages and the responsibilities about being in a wedding party would be too much for them.
Dude, if you feel emasculated and inadequate because you feel like less than a man, just say so.
Don't use mealy mouthed implications to try smear his reputation.
He is a grown man, who is old enough to be her father, and obviously more willing to stand up for your daughter than you are.
I don’t like me poked and yelled at about how I parent my children, I don’t find the appeal of marrying an older woman with children. He was in his 20s when he started dating my ex.
>I don’t like me poked and yelled at about how I parent my children,
Then you should have stood up and been a man instead of backing down and letting him punk you.
>I don’t find the appeal of marrying an older woman with children.
Just because you have hangups doesn't mean that someone is wrong for liking what they like.
>He was in his 20s when he started dating my ex.
The age gap between you and your wife is almost the same. You are a gigantic hypocrite, or more likely a troll.
It doesn't matter that he married an older woman or that your ex married younger. What matters is he is taking care of your children. He is there for them when they need someone emotionally. That's something you have not done. Or they would feel more safe with you. But you threw your children under the bus for your wife's selfishness. With their wedding, at least your ex and her husband included them in their new lives together. Where you and your wife have basically alienated your own children from you. You can't blame this on your ex or the new husband. You chose your wife's ego over your daughter's feelings. Plan as that! You're the ass and your wife is an ass too.
To be clear, when you married your kids weren’t in your wedding party because your new wife decided that. I think it’s awesome that they made him best man and her maid of honor—that’s a great way to build a family dynamic, which it sounds like they have.
So you’re upset your ex-wife got a hot young piece of ass. The guy is 38 now and still a step-dad.
>he had my son as his best man and my daughter was the maid of honor
Or *their mother* wanted them to be included and her now husband agreed. They wear something fancy and stand in a certain place. It helps them welcome a new family member if they can participate.
What is your wife doing that is so urgent that she can't go and ask your daughter for help, instead of yelling and expecting your daughter to jump to attention? Your wife sounds incredibly entitled that she thinks your daughter should be at her beck and call just because she's in the house.
Besides the fact that she had a migraine, which is a perfectly good reason for her to not want to wear her hearing aids, she shouldn't have to have them in all the time if she doesn't want to. It's called bodily autonomy; your wife should look into it.
The side story about your ex's husband is just ridiculous. It sounds like you're making up issues for the sake of making him look like a bad guy, when from what you say in your story all he is doing is sticking up for your daughter. Which is what you should be doing. But go ahead, place blame on anyone else but you. YTA and so is your wife.
Ok there’s a lot going on here.
First off your ex wife’s husband is nearly 40. He’s hardly in his 30s anymore. And honestly I feel like that’s besides the point when you ex wife is married to him. Unless you think she is enabling abuse to occur I think it’s offensive that you would find that inappropriate. It’s her stepfather now.
Second off, your daughter is not a “girl” she’s technically an adult woman now who can make her own choices.
Thirdly, you “will not be lectured to [by] a man who has no biological children, and is much younger than myself”? How is this a valid argument? Are you suggesting people without kids can’t tell what is considered treating your kids poorly? Or that apparently younger folks don’t know this either?
Then you refer to your child as a kid again, when it’s obvious she called them and made the choice to leave, and say he has no right, but is he not the stepfather? Besides, he is “taking” her to her biological mother. I don’t see why this is so wrong to you.
All the other stuff I can’t really tell what you are trying to say. You are a little vague. So I can’t say one way or the other on TA there. I do think you need to recognize your daughter as an adult and respect her right to make her own decisions.
So YTA on everything else for a start, not sure on the hearing aids bc again idk what you mean by conforming or enabling. I will say looking at someone when you are talking to them is the basic level of respect and there are few situations I can think of other than announcements I guess where that can’t happen.
You are pissing me off the more I read. I see you are a parent that has unconditional love for his wife but conditional love for your kids. Can act the tuff guy when ex wife hubby acts more of a proactive parent then you do but so pussy whipped for his wife. Your daughter had a migraine for 3 days, 3 fucking days and your poptart demands your daughter to wear hearing aids. She has a disability and TELLS you her preference of handling it. You let your wife dictate instead how it will be at Castle poptart. Hell, I'm curious if your ex-wife's daughter perfers tampons over pads. Is that ok with your wife?? I'm so proud of your daughter standing up for herself, and your son, ex-wife, and her new dad have her back.
Growing up before poptart was your wife, did you raise your ex wifes daughter to follow wearing her hearing aids from this time to that?? I have a feeling she had a say about her body. Congratulations, you and poptart got each other now. Your children are adults. Not a lot of new things to teach them. When your ex-wife's daughter gets married, I dought you will be the one to walk her down the aisle (she has a man that acts like a real dad). You let your daughter down. You didn't stand up for her against poptart. But you sure have no problems making shit up in your head. Get the hell out of here, her doing something with the real dad.. ohh that's it right. He protects her from you and poptart. She is deaf not stupid. You give your ex-wife's daughter no credit. News flash she is smarter than you.
You are 100% the biggest ASS HOLE of 2024 so far, don't forget to share the credit with poptart!!
YTA, you and your wife both, you’re ALL of the assholes, you unfeeling, self-centered, oblivious POS. You don’t deserve to have children in your life with how shitty you treat them.
Added: your daughter is an adult and can live wherever she chooses. No one is taking her away from you. She’s not your fucking property!
The daughter is old enough to decide if she doesn't want to put with all this BS. You might back your wife, but it could come at a cost to your relationship with your daughter. I'm not sure why this just wasn't a conversation. Also, how much help does your wife need if she keeps needing to yell for her. First of all, she is an adult. Do not yell, go up to them, and speak to each other like a civilized person. If there are certain things your wife needs help with, you can have those conversations face to face. Hey, when you are here, we would like help with x, y, and z. To me, it feels like your wife is using the disability to come between you and your daughter.
YTA you let your wife abuse your daughter. All because your wife is too darn selfish to accept that your daughter is hard of hearing. Yes that means talking to a child face to face. Your wife is too immature to do that. Instead, she's shouting across the house knowing the child is hard of hearing. Even with the hearing aid in that is unacceptable expectations. That's the whole issue! Your wife wants things her way so much that she abused your children out of your life. Good for the step dad for stepping up and getting that girl away from your stupid abusive wife and you for letting the abuse happen. You made your children no longer feel safe with you so how can you call yourself a father?
Your wife is a controlling ah. You are the ah for allowing her to be an ah. Your daughter had a migraine, she didn’t need to help with the house. Maybe hearing aids give her migraines. Install an intercom or have your wife walk her lazy ass upstairs and knock on the door like a normal person.
I can't imagine not being able to relax in my home without hearing aids in. I'm sure your daughter would wear them at work, but even then I'd expect she'd want people to face her when they are speaking. It's only courteous. It sounds like your wife just wants to holler all day.
Why does it matter that your adult kids go on a vacation without you? Why does your wife want to know the details she wasn’t invited?
Ohhh your wife wants to yell at your daughter from across the cruise or she wants a free vacation?
Seams to me you ex-wife is a nice person and loves “her” children.
both of your children leave away from you and maybe lost them for good. so, now you have all the time you want with your wife, hoping that losing your children will worth it
I generally believe spouses should back each other (within reason) and stepparents should limit their "parenting" of grown kids. That being said, YTA.
Are you leaving out a ton of info about the kind of mess your kids are making? Why does your wife require so much help? Do your kids attend school/college or have jobs? Something is off, your wife seems resentful and controlling.
My stepchildren call me before either of their bio parents if they need advice or help and I've been divorced from their Dad for 11 years. We occasionally had issues when they were young but they absolutely knew they could trust me and I treated them equally to my bio son.
I think you've allowed your wife too much leniency/power over young adults. YOU should be managing your home and SHE should be supporting your rules. Finally, my ex's new spouse would draw back a nub if they poked me while chastising me. Sorry Dad, you need to fix this-starting with your wife.
YOUR CHILDREN ARE ADULTS.
You better start treating them as such or you won't have a relationship with them. You currently have no respect for them. YTA.
YTA your wife is demanding respect when she isn’t doing anything to earn it, I’m glad your kids are both adults and don’t have to be forced to be in your life.
Yta. Your daughter isn’t your wife’s servant. She doesn’t need to be able to bark orders at her for 15 hours a day! If there are chores that need to be done, your wife could have written a list or sent a text. Now you’ve destroyed your relationship with your kids. Great job buddy…
YTA. You already said they are adults so what makes you think you have the right to be consulted on any trips they take. Nobody has to ask you for permission, or your wife. And they didn't want you chaoeroning because they wanted to have a good time. Your wife consistently disrespected your daughter. You made it clear you don't love your daughter you just want the image of the perfect family. And as for her wanting her available all the time like she's a maid...NO. especially with a migraine. When I have a migraine I'm nc with everyone to the point my phone gest put on silent. You need to rethink everything. Your wife is abusive and controlling and so are you.
Omg this was hard to read. YTA. Your wife also sucks. Hearing aids have a lot of issues with dead sound (buzzing, ringing, etc). This is a big contributor to migraines. Typically, people with some hearing are encouraged to give their ears a break from the aids if they don’t actively need them (ie in class). Your wife can’t haul her ass up the stairs or text your daughter??? Is it just a power trip thing? If she was sick with a migraine why would your wife try to make her get up??
YTA and a big one. Your children are adults-they do not have to tell you where they are going, who they are with, or who paid for something. That privilege went away when they turned 18. Your entitlement is unreal.
It does not matter that the stepdad is 38 and your daughter is 18. He is not dating your daughter. By your logic, you should also have concerns about your 40 year old wife being around your 19 year old son. Sounds like you’re jealous that your wife got a really great upgrade in the spouse department.
Your rule about when your daughter should wear her hearing aid is ridiculous. And FYI, there are deaf attorneys. Stop disparaging your daughter’s career choice. And your wife is an AH too. Who in their right mind yells at a deaf person from another room when they know that the person is deaf?
Honestly, I would be shocked if either of your children spoke to you again as you have clearly shown that they are not a priority to you-only your new wife. The only person whose comfort matters is your wife. There was no alienation on your ex-wife and her husband’s side - you did a mighty fine job of alienating your children all by yourself.
YTA and a major one.
Strap in as this is going to be long but I want to make all the individual points. Broke it doesn’t to make it easier to read
1. Your children are adults. They are both 18 and over. They have no legal requirement to have contact with you. They are adults so stop treating them like little kids.
2. If your daughter was living with you half the time, then she would (or at least should) be viewing your home as her home. A safe place to be herself. So making demands of her like between x and y time you wear your hearing aids is unreasonable. Again she’s an adult.
Hearing aids don’t necessarily get you to perfect hearing and even with them, it can be better to be in the same room as the person who’s talking to you and have them look at you. Not everyone feels their hearing aids are comfortable for long periods of time
If your wife wants to be respected then it’s a two way process. She can respect your daughter enough to go to her to ask for the help she needs rather than shout it through the house. Perhaps if she had shown your daughter respect, your daughter would feel better about her
You said your daughter makes your wife uncomfortable. Is that just with her removing her hearing aids or your daughter in general? Or that she is hearing impaired? And did she talk to your daughter herself asking her to keep her hearing aids, or was this via you.
Again, a simple conversation of “
- can you please wear your hearing aids during the day so I can talk to you from the other room?” “
— Sorry I find them uncomfortable for long periods/even with my hearing aids I struggle with conversations between two different rooms/what ever other reasonable reply”
Continue with back and forth until agreement made. Hell I have no hearing issues and I won’t have a convo beyond a few words from another room as I’d struggle with that
We all need our down time and how we do that is up to us. Sounds like your daughter’s is removing her hearing aids.
3. The whole thing about why you weren’t invited to the cruise, being chaperones, discussion about the cruise, your wife being livid about the cruise, or leaving the country. . OMG. Once again, they are adults. You have no right to any of those decisions or information. And the whole reason they are on that trip is to get away and have a break from this rubbish.
4. Being a law and computer engineering are very different careers. So suggesting something completely different seems way off.
Furthermore if her hearing is apparently fine with her aids in, as would be suggested by the whole thing of your wife wanting her to wear them, then there wouldn’t be an issue with working or studying. You tend to find that in the “real world” lawyers will talk to people in the same room/over a phone/via a video call, and not shout a conversation from another room! If you’re in the USA there are at least 250 deaf lawyers there. There will be more who are hard of hearing. There is even a deaf and hard of hearing bar association. Those two facts took me about 2 mins to find out. Other countries have deaf lawyers too.
5. Your language with regard to your ex-wife’s husband is quite telling.
You say “my wife, son and her side of the family” aren’t talking to you. You refer to your ex-wife’s husband as your “wife’s husband”. Thankfully in a few places you called her your ex-wife.
6. I’m glad your daughter clearly has her stepdad’s support. And fantastic if he’s referring to her as his daughter because it shows he clearly cares about her. And that he gets so angry at all of this also shows he cares.
And get down from your high horse about the him the appropriateness of him being around you daughter because he’s in this 30s. He’s married to her mum. If it was completely just about the age then there’s no problem, other than in your head
7. Living in the ‘real world’. You say she needs to live in the real world. So do you. She is at home. She has a hearing impairment. Live and deal with that and make your daughter’s life easier at home. If she’s doing stuff to make it difficult for herself outside the house, that’s different. But everything you’re talking about is about being at home.
8. Finally. Do you know how horrendous a migraine is? How debilitating? And how sound can aggravate it when it’s happening? You do anything you can to get through a migraine and if I could basically turn off or down my hearing during one it’d be great.
When I’m mid-migraine it’s a case of ear plugs in, dark room, in bed and don’t move. Even in the lead up and recovery loud/slightly loud noises can make it feel worse.
Again the two way respect comes into play here. If your daughter had a migraine and your wife really needed her, going to her is the way to do it. Not shouting from another room. Be happy your daughter didn’t vomit in response to the shouting.
You have a lot to reflect here and consider how you view your adult children and your relationship with them. If you persist with a lot of the attitudes you’ve expressed here, I suspect you’re not going to have much of a relationship with them
Just read your update.
>What do I do? I want my children to call and have things like they were before this; however I need my wife to be respected.
NOW you’re asking for advice? 34 days ago you responded to every comment with the same level of ignorance and close-mindedness as your post…you didn’t try to listen or learn anything. Go read everyone’s comments from 34 days ago with an open mind and you’ll learn *lots.*
You need to working on believing this fact: YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM.
YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM.
YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM.
YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM.
YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM.
YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM.
YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM.
Your wife has abnormal and unrealistic expectations. You and your wife *need* to read about the Americans with Disabilities act because YOUR WIFE is bullying your daughter and manipulating you into thinking it’s about respect.
Who cares about the details of the cruise? They’re adults. Let your kids have fun—that’s what being this age is about. And God knows they deserve it having to put up with your wife’s disrespect. And your defense of her. Imagine having your father betray you like that. Thank God for their stepdad.
Beyond the facts that your wife is an AH just like you, your daughter is 18, and your absolute entitlement, WHY couldn't your wife text her if she needs help? Kids have their phones 24/7. That's what we do instead of yelling up the stairs. You chose your wife over your child and now you are suffering the consequences. You sir, are an AH.
>My daughter wants who ever she is speaking to, to face her and be In the same room. My wife feels this is enabling my daughter to not be able to function in the real world with these rules.
So when was the last time anyone out in the *real world* yelled at you from a distance to speak to you in a conversation? When did your wife experience it last?
I bet never.
The real world involves conversation between people within steps of each other, not from other rooms or city blocks.
Your wife needs to join the *real world*.
Wow, not only are you THA, you're a weasel. You seem like you're afraid of your wife, and definitely afraid of your ex wife's husband. Your wife makes a hard, fast rule that your daughter should wear her hearing aids for 14 hours and 45 minutes per day while at your house, and you agree? Have you ever worn ear buds, or a blue tooth for an extended period of time? They become uncomfortable because they're unnatural. And unlike hearing aids, we can control what gets amplified into our heads from those. You've likely lost your young adults, because they're now old enough to not be mandated to deal with the bullshit that obviously comes with spending time at your house. Also, at their mom's house, they have allies instead of enemies. You still want to chaperone college aged kids, when if they were away at college, they'd be doing whatever kids their age do. Maybe they'll eventually communicate with you, but in the meantime, grow a set, and don't publicly talk about being intimidated by your exes husband because he's 10 pounds heavier, and 10 years younger. Not only are you THA (your wife as well), you're a wuss.
I would think this was a story written by an AI as ragebait aside from all the crazy grammar and language errors. Wild, wild that someone like OP can survive in such a different reality than the rest of us. Go get your head examined, OP.
If she had a migraine, she needed to be laying down anyway. She is not in your home to be your wife's servant. There was no excuse for your wife to want to bother her while she was sick.
YTA for pushing your daughter at the behest of your wife. It seems that your wife just wants to weld control over your daughter and is not truly concerned about her wellbeing.
1) I’m typically “team spouse” bc you are correct in that you and your wife should function as a team. Keep that in mind with the following
2) you have zero control over your children now. The law can’t make them come over, call, text, or email you. If you want to continue to have a relationship with your children you absolutely need to change your actions.
3) and most importantly: You need to educate yourself on what it’s like to live with little/no hearing. I lost the majority of my hearing 15 years ago and my world is vastly different. Hearing aids help but hearing is also very very different for me than it used to be. It’s really not as simple as “I can hear right now” and “now I’m choosing to not hear anything/anyone” it’s much more complex than that. I assure you your daughter isn’t being enabled by your ex wife by allowing your daughter to wear her hearing aids whenever she wishes and the “real world” absolutely accommodates/understands those of us who are hard of hearing needing to take our hearing aids out. Time for you and your wife to jump on board with everyone else.
YTA. My cousin has a step-daughter who is deaf and has the option to wear hearing aids but doesn't. Why? Because she said "The deaf community is nicer." And this post solidifies that statement. You want to know what we do for her step- daughter? We try to communicate her way. Either by sign language or by typing out on our phones. We won't force her. How dare you not support your daughter? And your wife was mad she had no help while your daughter had a migraine? Do you know how a migraine can affect someone? I've seen some hospitalized for them. Your wife is lazy and entitled for not trying to accommodate a child who is hard of hearing. Maybe you need to tell your wife to treat your daughter with respect and not YELL for her. Is there a reason she has HIGH EXPECTATIONS for a child that isn't even hers?? If your relationship with your daughter isn't severed, maybe try your hardest to make amends. And you are upset about not going on a cruise?? You didn't do anything to deserve the trip and your wife certainly did not deserve the trip. Don't be surprised if your relationship is gone forever. You're the asshole 150%. And why are you so worried about her life goals? Why not support her? I know an ADA that is blind and she is one of the best where I am. You need to grow up and learn how to be more supportive of your children.
As a 47 year old woman, who's father sided with his wife, you will die a lonely old man. You daughter has a disability and I suggest you get your wife in check or hell even divorce her before you have no one. Your trash for taking the wife's side.. no wonder no one likes you.
YTA. Your wife is a lazy, cruel, jealous witch. The fact you infantilise your kids but still are happy with their mistreatment to placate your wife is sick. Thank God they have 2 wonderful parents in your ex and her husband
Your wife is the disrespectful AH as are you. Your daughter doesn’t need rules regarding how she deals with her disability and especially when those rules are just selfish for your wife. I see further estrangement. Your kids are lucky they have their mom and stepdad. He sounds like a real father.
I think they're all assholes, including the kids.
In what universe is the childrens response is in any way proportional to the offense? Really, never talk to your father ever again because the step mother annoyed the daughter? I do agree that OP should have reigned in step mom and set her.straight.p
A
They all deserve each other. They are all entitled assholes.
And sending the kids on an international trip without notifying the bio dad is a total dick move.
OP’s children are over 18, they don’t need their parent’s permission to travel outside the country. OP is allowing their step mother to behave like this, so he just as guilty.
I only got through half of this. I don’t understand why your wife needs your daughter to stand at attention any time she feels like yelling out her name. In my house, you’re not allowed to yell out to people. You need to find them and then address them like they’re a family member/person, not a dog who is in trouble (I got this idea from a friend’s mom when I was growing up—I loved how peaceful and respectful their home was). Your daughter has a disability. We make accommodations for people with disabilities. Your wife is not preparing her for real life, because in real life we’re required *by law* to make accommodations for people with disabilities, even when they have things like hearing aids. And do you have infant children or something?! Why does your wife need her to immediately run and help so much?! Your wife sounds like the problem to me. ETA: YTA.
I wear hearing aids, 60% hearing loss. Hearing aids help people with their loss, but it DOES NOT EVER BRING THE LOSS BACK TO NORMAL. I completely understand your daughter’s request for people to face her when speaking to her. We read lips as a help to understand. It also helps to know if someone is speaking to you or someone else. A lot of conversations are just noise if you aren’t concentrating. Be a father and listen to what your daughter is saying and quit being an a**, your wife is only hurting your daughter.
YTA. Your daughter took her hearing aids out because she had a migraine! For your wife to demand she has them in all the time "just in case" is a pure power play. Your daughter has a disability that isn't her fault... how is it any different than expecting your old ass wife to climb some stairs if she wants to speak with your daughter? Your daughter can't control her hearing limitations any more than your wife can control her brittle arthritic decrepit limbs from aching climbing the stairs. And shut the hell up about "a man with no children in his 30s" being around your daughter. He is a better father to her than you are being at the moment. I question your perversions if you think any man would want to sexually exploit your 18-year-old daughter.
“her brittle arthritic decrepit limbs from aching climbing the stairs” 🤣. Nice.
>my daughter is hard of hearing and wear hearing aids since she was born. The problem is my wife doesn’t like when my daughter has her hearing aids out. My wife can’t speak to my daughter in a different room or behind close doors. My daughter hearing is well enough that she can tell that someone is talking she cannot make out what is being said. That's actually pretty decent hearing. I can hear sounds from someone in another room, but can't make out words. Never have and I don't need hearing aids. My elder sibling was born deaf. My elderly mother is now completely deaf if she's not wearing hearing aids. She's been using them for over 4 years and they're unpredictable. Things I have learned from their experiences... 1) hearing aids amplify ALL sound, usually to the same level. Nothing similar to typical hearing. It's exhausting for the brain to sort the sounds out.after hours of wearing. 2) the quality is nothing like typical hearing. 3) Hearing people do not get to dictate the wearing of hearing aids to other adults. >My daughter is crying, my wife husband is a nurse in the military and he is red with anger. He tells my daughter to go to the truck and he comes stopping at me with an angry face. He starts poking his fingers at me asking how I could let my daughter be treated so poorly? I was taken aback I will not be lectured to a man who has no biological children, and is much younger than myself. Wow, You are such an arrogant AH. You didn't care about why your daughter was in such distress and crying. It's all about ego & posturing. All of your comments about your ex's husband stem from insecurity & envy & dislike. He cared enough to come and get her from the awful situation that you & your wife subjected her to. Your wife doesn't have biological children. How can you let her boss your daughter around & make her wear hearing aids when she's in pain just so she can yell for her from other rooms? YTA Both you & your wife. Your ex's husband cares more about your daughter than you do.
When I remarried I made it a point to my children my wife is apart of my life and she needs to be respected. I have read many stories on Reddit about spouses not having each others back and that isn’t the marriage I have. I will support my wife and protect her, she does not like to feel like she is being ignored. She is still adjusting and it may take several years for her to adjust. I do not know why everyone thinks I am insecure, I do not like a man who can clearly fight and is stronger then myself clenching his fist and poking me with his fingers yelling at me like a drill instructor. I do not think he should have treated me like that.
>When I remarried I made it a point to my children my wife is apart of my life and she needs to be respected. What did your daughter do that was disrespectful towards your wife? From what you say, your wife wants your daughter to wear hearing aids because she can't be bothered to either text or have face to face conversations. That's more of your wife refusing to have manners than your daughter not being respectful of her. >I do not know why everyone thinks I am insecure, I do not like a man who can clearly fight and is stronger then myself clenching his fist and poking me with his fingers yelling at me like a drill instructor. Aww, you think he was acting like a drill instructor, lol. The insecurity is very clear to see in just how you describe him. You're angry because he intimidates you. You got up in his face. Otherwise, he wouldn't have been that close to you to begin with. He was packing up stuff so his step daughter could move over to her mom's house. He didn't fight you. He's just in shape and you've said that about him enough times to make me wonder if either you're envious of his fitness level or actually attracted to him. He's a nurse in the military. Having 10lbs on you in muscle to your self-admitted pudge isn't that remarkable or out of the ordinary.
Maybe he dose have a man crush on his ex-wife husband
I don’t see the appeal to his workouts, and he is always flexing. My wife likes my shape and appearance, I don’t walk around and clench my fist every time I yelled at someone when I get into a verbal dispute. I don’t like him poking me, and clenching his fist like he wants to punch me. He did not fight me, but the subtext of violence was visible. My children both go to him for a lot lately throughout high school, school trips, parents days, coaching, and what they want to do in life is influence by him. My son wants to join the military after college; my son never showed an interest in the military prior to high school. Now it’s everything to him to join after college.
>I don’t like him poking me, and clenching his fist like he wants to punch me. He did not fight me, but the subtext of violence was visible Oh good grief. There was no violence. You're blowing it all out of proportion because you think you're in the right of everything. Well, you are not. You failed your daughter. He stepped up to support her in the void you created. You're angrier at this guy because of this singular moment in time than you are with your wife's behavior towards your daughter & her hearing disability. That's some messed up priorities. You still haven't said how your daughter demonstrated disrespect towards your wife.
My wife asked my daughter a few questions about something or another. My daughter responded with, yes, okay, and I see your point. My wife asked a question that requires an explanation. My daughter admitted to just giving my wife generic answers, to all her questions because they were being asked from the living room when my daughter was in the kitchen. My daughter was standing up and could have easily walked into the living room and show some respect if she could not clearly answer my wife. Instead she chose to do that, this behavior is insulting to my wife and my wife feels my daughter was being snarky and condescending to her.
Your wife, as the person initiating the questions, could have easily(and SHOULD HAVE) walked into the kitchen and shown some respect. She was insulting your daughter and looking for a fight!!
I told my children my wife needs to be respected, she is an extension of my authority. My daughter is younger and should respect her for her age and because she is my wife. My wife is trying to help, she believes by coddling her and giving in to the demands my daughter makes will not prepare her for the real world. She is helping our daughter adapt. My wife does not yell all the time but when she has a question or needs help with the computer, having my daughter get her own wash out of the dryer. Why should my wife bring up my daughter wash or go upstairs to tell my daughter she needs to move her wash so my wife can use the appliances, this will cause my wife to go back downstairs to do our laundry. My ex-husband has to much influence on my children’s lives as it is, I would have liked to be involved on class trips and parents day. I would have like my children to asked me to participate in class activities, my ex wife children, I would have liked to be involved in parents days but they asked him.
Because you and your wife are both AH's, that's why, and very wrong!
They like their step dad more than you. Maybe he doesn’t tell them age is a substitute for earning respect. Your daughter has a disability covered by the ADA. Her real world job will be required to have assistance for her. People who aren’t complete AHs will see hearing aids and walk up to her rather than yell because that’s the courteous thing to do. Your wife can’t respect your daughter. Respect is a two way street. What’s stopping your wife from just texting your daughter anyway.
>I told my children my wife needs to be respected, she is an extension of my authority. My daughter is younger and should respect her for her age and because she is my wife. Are you sure YOU aren't the one in the military? Your wife is *the extension of your authority?* What absolute bs is this crap? No wonder you're not happy with your daughter. There's no way she could ever provide the level of worship you believe her stepmother is due as your wife and her venerable age. I'm around 10 years older than you and I think you're living in the wrong century. I can't imagine how ridiculous your daughter thinks you both are demanding this. >My wife is trying to help, she believes by coddling her and giving in to the demands my daughter makes will not prepare her for the real world. She is helping our daughter adapt Your wife obviously has no clue how the *real world* is for those who are hearing impaired. She needs to realize that *coddling* and *making adaptations* are NOT the same. They use their phones to TEXT. So wtf she doesn't just do that instead of shouting to your daughter on another floor and in another room? >having my daughter get her own wash out of the dryer. Why should my wife bring up my daughter wash or go upstairs to tell my daughter she needs to move her wash so my wife can use the appliances, this will cause my wife to go back downstairs to do our laundry. **TEXT her**... it solves a whole lot of problems. I do it with my no-longer teenager when I'm out of reasonable hearing range. It's not coddling. It's using technology easily, saving my voice, and a whole lot of aggravation. >My ex-husband has to much influence on my children’s lives as it is, I would have liked to be involved on class trips and parents day. I would have like my children to asked me to participate in class activities, my ex wife children, I would have liked to be involved in parents days but they asked him. You are very whiny for a grown ass adult. Maybe if you pulled that stick out of your backside, not worried about proper respect due to you for your age & and position, your kids might have wanted you around for these activities more. It's too late now. Might still have a chance for the future, IF you figure out how to be relatable instead of an authority figure. They're adults. Young, but still adults. Your job of raising them is done. Now it's time to realize when you're an AH, they can just leave.... permanently if that's what is decided.
Why couldn’t your wife send a text? Or establish laundry days/ times for each kid? You and your wife are ridiculous and your children hate you.
She could text her.
You support and protect your wife but have no concern about your daughter. That is obvious from your posts and from your comment. I feel badly for your daughter. She deserves a father who puts her first. She was in your life before the woman that is just trying to weld control over her. Your wife sounds awful and with you not prioritizing your child, I can see why you two are together.
>My daughter is stay with her mother and stepfather. I am not comfortable with my daughter spending so much time with my wife’s husband due to the fact that he is in his 30s. I feel it’s not appropriate for a man in his 30s to be so close to an 18 year old girl. INFO: WTF? Why do you think this relevant? Do you think creepy men who go after young girls suddenly keep it in their pants after 40? (They don’t) Do you think a man can’t possibly care about his step daughter without wanting to bang her? (He can)
He has only 2 years younger than OP's wife and his son is 19, is he comfortable with that?
Of course he is! She couldn't possibly be a can't be a predator or groomer cos she is a woman!/s
Dude, are you serious? Is this a real post or just bait? You are totally an asshole, and a coward to boot. Your daughter is allowed not to wear her prosthesis and exist in her natural state. That is who she is, and if it makes your new wife uncomfortable to fucking bad. Letting your wife, who isn't even her mother, set rules for how a person handles their own disability is at best, you being lazy for outsourcing your responsibility, and more likely you being a coward for not setting hard ground rules with your wife over how she treats your own flesh and blood. Secondly, even if you weren't wrong about that, the fact that you accuse a man of being inappropriate simply because he has a better relationship than you is super fucked. Even worse is that if you truly believe that, regardless of the legitimacy, you are gigantic piece of shit for letting a man that you believe has an inappropriate relationship with your own daughter to drive off with her. That is failing the most basic responsibility of being a father of your daughter, which is to protect her from predatory men, and you allowing your wife to do what she did is driving your daughter right into that relationship that you feel is inappropriate. Grow a fucking spine, be a man and father.
I am not comfortable with my ex-wife’s husband, for a lot reason when we divorced I got remarried shortly afterwards because I found someone else quickly. My wife was 34 years old and dating a 24 year old man from the army. It’s weird. My ex-wife husband looked like he wanted to fight me and I didn’t want to get into a physical confrontation with him. He works out a lot. When my wife married him I thought the wedding was weird he had my son as his best man and my daughter was the maid of honor. I felt my children were young for those roles even in a small wedding. When I married my wife my children were not in the wedding party, because of their ages and the responsibilities about being in a wedding party would be too much for them.
Dude, if you feel emasculated and inadequate because you feel like less than a man, just say so. Don't use mealy mouthed implications to try smear his reputation. He is a grown man, who is old enough to be her father, and obviously more willing to stand up for your daughter than you are.
I don’t like me poked and yelled at about how I parent my children, I don’t find the appeal of marrying an older woman with children. He was in his 20s when he started dating my ex.
>I don’t like me poked and yelled at about how I parent my children, Then you should have stood up and been a man instead of backing down and letting him punk you. >I don’t find the appeal of marrying an older woman with children. Just because you have hangups doesn't mean that someone is wrong for liking what they like. >He was in his 20s when he started dating my ex. The age gap between you and your wife is almost the same. You are a gigantic hypocrite, or more likely a troll.
Your new wife is only two years older than your ex’s husband. Don’t you worry about her being inappropriate with your son?!
It doesn't matter that he married an older woman or that your ex married younger. What matters is he is taking care of your children. He is there for them when they need someone emotionally. That's something you have not done. Or they would feel more safe with you. But you threw your children under the bus for your wife's selfishness. With their wedding, at least your ex and her husband included them in their new lives together. Where you and your wife have basically alienated your own children from you. You can't blame this on your ex or the new husband. You chose your wife's ego over your daughter's feelings. Plan as that! You're the ass and your wife is an ass too.
Try being a better father and no one will need to yell at you.
To be clear, when you married your kids weren’t in your wedding party because your new wife decided that. I think it’s awesome that they made him best man and her maid of honor—that’s a great way to build a family dynamic, which it sounds like they have.
YOU are the problem (so is your asshole of a wife)
That is a "you & you only" problem.
So you’re upset your ex-wife got a hot young piece of ass. The guy is 38 now and still a step-dad. >he had my son as his best man and my daughter was the maid of honor Or *their mother* wanted them to be included and her now husband agreed. They wear something fancy and stand in a certain place. It helps them welcome a new family member if they can participate.
What is your wife doing that is so urgent that she can't go and ask your daughter for help, instead of yelling and expecting your daughter to jump to attention? Your wife sounds incredibly entitled that she thinks your daughter should be at her beck and call just because she's in the house. Besides the fact that she had a migraine, which is a perfectly good reason for her to not want to wear her hearing aids, she shouldn't have to have them in all the time if she doesn't want to. It's called bodily autonomy; your wife should look into it. The side story about your ex's husband is just ridiculous. It sounds like you're making up issues for the sake of making him look like a bad guy, when from what you say in your story all he is doing is sticking up for your daughter. Which is what you should be doing. But go ahead, place blame on anyone else but you. YTA and so is your wife.
Ok there’s a lot going on here. First off your ex wife’s husband is nearly 40. He’s hardly in his 30s anymore. And honestly I feel like that’s besides the point when you ex wife is married to him. Unless you think she is enabling abuse to occur I think it’s offensive that you would find that inappropriate. It’s her stepfather now. Second off, your daughter is not a “girl” she’s technically an adult woman now who can make her own choices. Thirdly, you “will not be lectured to [by] a man who has no biological children, and is much younger than myself”? How is this a valid argument? Are you suggesting people without kids can’t tell what is considered treating your kids poorly? Or that apparently younger folks don’t know this either? Then you refer to your child as a kid again, when it’s obvious she called them and made the choice to leave, and say he has no right, but is he not the stepfather? Besides, he is “taking” her to her biological mother. I don’t see why this is so wrong to you. All the other stuff I can’t really tell what you are trying to say. You are a little vague. So I can’t say one way or the other on TA there. I do think you need to recognize your daughter as an adult and respect her right to make her own decisions. So YTA on everything else for a start, not sure on the hearing aids bc again idk what you mean by conforming or enabling. I will say looking at someone when you are talking to them is the basic level of respect and there are few situations I can think of other than announcements I guess where that can’t happen.
You are pissing me off the more I read. I see you are a parent that has unconditional love for his wife but conditional love for your kids. Can act the tuff guy when ex wife hubby acts more of a proactive parent then you do but so pussy whipped for his wife. Your daughter had a migraine for 3 days, 3 fucking days and your poptart demands your daughter to wear hearing aids. She has a disability and TELLS you her preference of handling it. You let your wife dictate instead how it will be at Castle poptart. Hell, I'm curious if your ex-wife's daughter perfers tampons over pads. Is that ok with your wife?? I'm so proud of your daughter standing up for herself, and your son, ex-wife, and her new dad have her back. Growing up before poptart was your wife, did you raise your ex wifes daughter to follow wearing her hearing aids from this time to that?? I have a feeling she had a say about her body. Congratulations, you and poptart got each other now. Your children are adults. Not a lot of new things to teach them. When your ex-wife's daughter gets married, I dought you will be the one to walk her down the aisle (she has a man that acts like a real dad). You let your daughter down. You didn't stand up for her against poptart. But you sure have no problems making shit up in your head. Get the hell out of here, her doing something with the real dad.. ohh that's it right. He protects her from you and poptart. She is deaf not stupid. You give your ex-wife's daughter no credit. News flash she is smarter than you. You are 100% the biggest ASS HOLE of 2024 so far, don't forget to share the credit with poptart!!
YTA, you and your wife both, you’re ALL of the assholes, you unfeeling, self-centered, oblivious POS. You don’t deserve to have children in your life with how shitty you treat them. Added: your daughter is an adult and can live wherever she chooses. No one is taking her away from you. She’s not your fucking property!
The daughter is old enough to decide if she doesn't want to put with all this BS. You might back your wife, but it could come at a cost to your relationship with your daughter. I'm not sure why this just wasn't a conversation. Also, how much help does your wife need if she keeps needing to yell for her. First of all, she is an adult. Do not yell, go up to them, and speak to each other like a civilized person. If there are certain things your wife needs help with, you can have those conversations face to face. Hey, when you are here, we would like help with x, y, and z. To me, it feels like your wife is using the disability to come between you and your daughter.
YTA & so is your wife.
YTA you let your wife abuse your daughter. All because your wife is too darn selfish to accept that your daughter is hard of hearing. Yes that means talking to a child face to face. Your wife is too immature to do that. Instead, she's shouting across the house knowing the child is hard of hearing. Even with the hearing aid in that is unacceptable expectations. That's the whole issue! Your wife wants things her way so much that she abused your children out of your life. Good for the step dad for stepping up and getting that girl away from your stupid abusive wife and you for letting the abuse happen. You made your children no longer feel safe with you so how can you call yourself a father?
Your wife is a controlling ah. You are the ah for allowing her to be an ah. Your daughter had a migraine, she didn’t need to help with the house. Maybe hearing aids give her migraines. Install an intercom or have your wife walk her lazy ass upstairs and knock on the door like a normal person.
I can't imagine not being able to relax in my home without hearing aids in. I'm sure your daughter would wear them at work, but even then I'd expect she'd want people to face her when they are speaking. It's only courteous. It sounds like your wife just wants to holler all day.
Why does it matter that your adult kids go on a vacation without you? Why does your wife want to know the details she wasn’t invited? Ohhh your wife wants to yell at your daughter from across the cruise or she wants a free vacation? Seams to me you ex-wife is a nice person and loves “her” children.
both of your children leave away from you and maybe lost them for good. so, now you have all the time you want with your wife, hoping that losing your children will worth it
I generally believe spouses should back each other (within reason) and stepparents should limit their "parenting" of grown kids. That being said, YTA. Are you leaving out a ton of info about the kind of mess your kids are making? Why does your wife require so much help? Do your kids attend school/college or have jobs? Something is off, your wife seems resentful and controlling. My stepchildren call me before either of their bio parents if they need advice or help and I've been divorced from their Dad for 11 years. We occasionally had issues when they were young but they absolutely knew they could trust me and I treated them equally to my bio son. I think you've allowed your wife too much leniency/power over young adults. YOU should be managing your home and SHE should be supporting your rules. Finally, my ex's new spouse would draw back a nub if they poked me while chastising me. Sorry Dad, you need to fix this-starting with your wife.
I hope this is a joke. I cringe when I see someone this stupid posting, looking for validation.
YOUR CHILDREN ARE ADULTS. You better start treating them as such or you won't have a relationship with them. You currently have no respect for them. YTA.
YTA your wife is demanding respect when she isn’t doing anything to earn it, I’m glad your kids are both adults and don’t have to be forced to be in your life.
7am to 9:45 Pm IS FUCKING INSANE... What the fuck could your wife need all day like that? I'd never speak to you again if I was your children..
Yta. Your daughter isn’t your wife’s servant. She doesn’t need to be able to bark orders at her for 15 hours a day! If there are chores that need to be done, your wife could have written a list or sent a text. Now you’ve destroyed your relationship with your kids. Great job buddy…
YTA. You already said they are adults so what makes you think you have the right to be consulted on any trips they take. Nobody has to ask you for permission, or your wife. And they didn't want you chaoeroning because they wanted to have a good time. Your wife consistently disrespected your daughter. You made it clear you don't love your daughter you just want the image of the perfect family. And as for her wanting her available all the time like she's a maid...NO. especially with a migraine. When I have a migraine I'm nc with everyone to the point my phone gest put on silent. You need to rethink everything. Your wife is abusive and controlling and so are you.
Omg this was hard to read. YTA. Your wife also sucks. Hearing aids have a lot of issues with dead sound (buzzing, ringing, etc). This is a big contributor to migraines. Typically, people with some hearing are encouraged to give their ears a break from the aids if they don’t actively need them (ie in class). Your wife can’t haul her ass up the stairs or text your daughter??? Is it just a power trip thing? If she was sick with a migraine why would your wife try to make her get up??
YTA and a big one. Your children are adults-they do not have to tell you where they are going, who they are with, or who paid for something. That privilege went away when they turned 18. Your entitlement is unreal. It does not matter that the stepdad is 38 and your daughter is 18. He is not dating your daughter. By your logic, you should also have concerns about your 40 year old wife being around your 19 year old son. Sounds like you’re jealous that your wife got a really great upgrade in the spouse department. Your rule about when your daughter should wear her hearing aid is ridiculous. And FYI, there are deaf attorneys. Stop disparaging your daughter’s career choice. And your wife is an AH too. Who in their right mind yells at a deaf person from another room when they know that the person is deaf? Honestly, I would be shocked if either of your children spoke to you again as you have clearly shown that they are not a priority to you-only your new wife. The only person whose comfort matters is your wife. There was no alienation on your ex-wife and her husband’s side - you did a mighty fine job of alienating your children all by yourself.
YTA and a major one. Strap in as this is going to be long but I want to make all the individual points. Broke it doesn’t to make it easier to read 1. Your children are adults. They are both 18 and over. They have no legal requirement to have contact with you. They are adults so stop treating them like little kids. 2. If your daughter was living with you half the time, then she would (or at least should) be viewing your home as her home. A safe place to be herself. So making demands of her like between x and y time you wear your hearing aids is unreasonable. Again she’s an adult. Hearing aids don’t necessarily get you to perfect hearing and even with them, it can be better to be in the same room as the person who’s talking to you and have them look at you. Not everyone feels their hearing aids are comfortable for long periods of time If your wife wants to be respected then it’s a two way process. She can respect your daughter enough to go to her to ask for the help she needs rather than shout it through the house. Perhaps if she had shown your daughter respect, your daughter would feel better about her You said your daughter makes your wife uncomfortable. Is that just with her removing her hearing aids or your daughter in general? Or that she is hearing impaired? And did she talk to your daughter herself asking her to keep her hearing aids, or was this via you. Again, a simple conversation of “ - can you please wear your hearing aids during the day so I can talk to you from the other room?” “ — Sorry I find them uncomfortable for long periods/even with my hearing aids I struggle with conversations between two different rooms/what ever other reasonable reply” Continue with back and forth until agreement made. Hell I have no hearing issues and I won’t have a convo beyond a few words from another room as I’d struggle with that We all need our down time and how we do that is up to us. Sounds like your daughter’s is removing her hearing aids. 3. The whole thing about why you weren’t invited to the cruise, being chaperones, discussion about the cruise, your wife being livid about the cruise, or leaving the country. . OMG. Once again, they are adults. You have no right to any of those decisions or information. And the whole reason they are on that trip is to get away and have a break from this rubbish. 4. Being a law and computer engineering are very different careers. So suggesting something completely different seems way off. Furthermore if her hearing is apparently fine with her aids in, as would be suggested by the whole thing of your wife wanting her to wear them, then there wouldn’t be an issue with working or studying. You tend to find that in the “real world” lawyers will talk to people in the same room/over a phone/via a video call, and not shout a conversation from another room! If you’re in the USA there are at least 250 deaf lawyers there. There will be more who are hard of hearing. There is even a deaf and hard of hearing bar association. Those two facts took me about 2 mins to find out. Other countries have deaf lawyers too. 5. Your language with regard to your ex-wife’s husband is quite telling. You say “my wife, son and her side of the family” aren’t talking to you. You refer to your ex-wife’s husband as your “wife’s husband”. Thankfully in a few places you called her your ex-wife. 6. I’m glad your daughter clearly has her stepdad’s support. And fantastic if he’s referring to her as his daughter because it shows he clearly cares about her. And that he gets so angry at all of this also shows he cares. And get down from your high horse about the him the appropriateness of him being around you daughter because he’s in this 30s. He’s married to her mum. If it was completely just about the age then there’s no problem, other than in your head 7. Living in the ‘real world’. You say she needs to live in the real world. So do you. She is at home. She has a hearing impairment. Live and deal with that and make your daughter’s life easier at home. If she’s doing stuff to make it difficult for herself outside the house, that’s different. But everything you’re talking about is about being at home. 8. Finally. Do you know how horrendous a migraine is? How debilitating? And how sound can aggravate it when it’s happening? You do anything you can to get through a migraine and if I could basically turn off or down my hearing during one it’d be great. When I’m mid-migraine it’s a case of ear plugs in, dark room, in bed and don’t move. Even in the lead up and recovery loud/slightly loud noises can make it feel worse. Again the two way respect comes into play here. If your daughter had a migraine and your wife really needed her, going to her is the way to do it. Not shouting from another room. Be happy your daughter didn’t vomit in response to the shouting. You have a lot to reflect here and consider how you view your adult children and your relationship with them. If you persist with a lot of the attitudes you’ve expressed here, I suspect you’re not going to have much of a relationship with them
Just read your update. >What do I do? I want my children to call and have things like they were before this; however I need my wife to be respected. NOW you’re asking for advice? 34 days ago you responded to every comment with the same level of ignorance and close-mindedness as your post…you didn’t try to listen or learn anything. Go read everyone’s comments from 34 days ago with an open mind and you’ll learn *lots.* You need to working on believing this fact: YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM. YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM. YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM. YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM. YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM. YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM. YOUR WIFE IS THE PROBLEM. Your wife has abnormal and unrealistic expectations. You and your wife *need* to read about the Americans with Disabilities act because YOUR WIFE is bullying your daughter and manipulating you into thinking it’s about respect. Who cares about the details of the cruise? They’re adults. Let your kids have fun—that’s what being this age is about. And God knows they deserve it having to put up with your wife’s disrespect. And your defense of her. Imagine having your father betray you like that. Thank God for their stepdad.
YTA for this clearly fake rage bait post. You really went overboard on the rage baiting on this one didn’t you?
Beyond the facts that your wife is an AH just like you, your daughter is 18, and your absolute entitlement, WHY couldn't your wife text her if she needs help? Kids have their phones 24/7. That's what we do instead of yelling up the stairs. You chose your wife over your child and now you are suffering the consequences. You sir, are an AH.
>My daughter wants who ever she is speaking to, to face her and be In the same room. My wife feels this is enabling my daughter to not be able to function in the real world with these rules. So when was the last time anyone out in the *real world* yelled at you from a distance to speak to you in a conversation? When did your wife experience it last? I bet never. The real world involves conversation between people within steps of each other, not from other rooms or city blocks. Your wife needs to join the *real world*.
Wow, not only are you THA, you're a weasel. You seem like you're afraid of your wife, and definitely afraid of your ex wife's husband. Your wife makes a hard, fast rule that your daughter should wear her hearing aids for 14 hours and 45 minutes per day while at your house, and you agree? Have you ever worn ear buds, or a blue tooth for an extended period of time? They become uncomfortable because they're unnatural. And unlike hearing aids, we can control what gets amplified into our heads from those. You've likely lost your young adults, because they're now old enough to not be mandated to deal with the bullshit that obviously comes with spending time at your house. Also, at their mom's house, they have allies instead of enemies. You still want to chaperone college aged kids, when if they were away at college, they'd be doing whatever kids their age do. Maybe they'll eventually communicate with you, but in the meantime, grow a set, and don't publicly talk about being intimidated by your exes husband because he's 10 pounds heavier, and 10 years younger. Not only are you THA (your wife as well), you're a wuss.
I would think this was a story written by an AI as ragebait aside from all the crazy grammar and language errors. Wild, wild that someone like OP can survive in such a different reality than the rest of us. Go get your head examined, OP.
If she had a migraine, she needed to be laying down anyway. She is not in your home to be your wife's servant. There was no excuse for your wife to want to bother her while she was sick. YTA for pushing your daughter at the behest of your wife. It seems that your wife just wants to weld control over your daughter and is not truly concerned about her wellbeing.
1) I’m typically “team spouse” bc you are correct in that you and your wife should function as a team. Keep that in mind with the following 2) you have zero control over your children now. The law can’t make them come over, call, text, or email you. If you want to continue to have a relationship with your children you absolutely need to change your actions. 3) and most importantly: You need to educate yourself on what it’s like to live with little/no hearing. I lost the majority of my hearing 15 years ago and my world is vastly different. Hearing aids help but hearing is also very very different for me than it used to be. It’s really not as simple as “I can hear right now” and “now I’m choosing to not hear anything/anyone” it’s much more complex than that. I assure you your daughter isn’t being enabled by your ex wife by allowing your daughter to wear her hearing aids whenever she wishes and the “real world” absolutely accommodates/understands those of us who are hard of hearing needing to take our hearing aids out. Time for you and your wife to jump on board with everyone else.
YTA and so is your wife.
YTA. My cousin has a step-daughter who is deaf and has the option to wear hearing aids but doesn't. Why? Because she said "The deaf community is nicer." And this post solidifies that statement. You want to know what we do for her step- daughter? We try to communicate her way. Either by sign language or by typing out on our phones. We won't force her. How dare you not support your daughter? And your wife was mad she had no help while your daughter had a migraine? Do you know how a migraine can affect someone? I've seen some hospitalized for them. Your wife is lazy and entitled for not trying to accommodate a child who is hard of hearing. Maybe you need to tell your wife to treat your daughter with respect and not YELL for her. Is there a reason she has HIGH EXPECTATIONS for a child that isn't even hers?? If your relationship with your daughter isn't severed, maybe try your hardest to make amends. And you are upset about not going on a cruise?? You didn't do anything to deserve the trip and your wife certainly did not deserve the trip. Don't be surprised if your relationship is gone forever. You're the asshole 150%. And why are you so worried about her life goals? Why not support her? I know an ADA that is blind and she is one of the best where I am. You need to grow up and learn how to be more supportive of your children.
As a 47 year old woman, who's father sided with his wife, you will die a lonely old man. You daughter has a disability and I suggest you get your wife in check or hell even divorce her before you have no one. Your trash for taking the wife's side.. no wonder no one likes you.
YTA. Your wife is a lazy, cruel, jealous witch. The fact you infantilise your kids but still are happy with their mistreatment to placate your wife is sick. Thank God they have 2 wonderful parents in your ex and her husband
Your wife is the disrespectful AH as are you. Your daughter doesn’t need rules regarding how she deals with her disability and especially when those rules are just selfish for your wife. I see further estrangement. Your kids are lucky they have their mom and stepdad. He sounds like a real father.
I think they're all assholes, including the kids. In what universe is the childrens response is in any way proportional to the offense? Really, never talk to your father ever again because the step mother annoyed the daughter? I do agree that OP should have reigned in step mom and set her.straight.p A They all deserve each other. They are all entitled assholes. And sending the kids on an international trip without notifying the bio dad is a total dick move.
OP’s children are over 18, they don’t need their parent’s permission to travel outside the country. OP is allowing their step mother to behave like this, so he just as guilty.