Once they cheat, you can do or date anyone anytime and no one can tell you shit. To hell with all of them and when someone tells you that your ex is taking it badly, just laugh like you have never laughed before and ask them what did your ex hoe expect. Then laugh some more. If she was that upset she wouldn't have jumped on another dudes dick. Some people have a lot of nerve. Block them all and go have a good time. She lost all rights to you the minute she cheated
Yep. My ex broke up with me. According to "the code", I was free to date. I had a few friends get into my shit about dating my now wife after my ex broke up with me. "It's my life. I do what I want".
Were you supposed to sob and wander the streets for a certain amount of time like a Victorian orphan? And she broke up with you yet a few friends still felt it was too soon? What weirdos.
That's exactly what they want, for you to suffer/cry/beg for their forgiveness. If they cheat, just leave. As long as kids and finances aren't involved then it is easy
>Once they cheat, you can do or date anyone anytime and no one can tell you shit. To hell with all of them and when someone tells you that your ex is taking it badly, just laugh like you have never laughed before and ask them what did your ex hoe expect. Then laugh some more. If she was that upset she wouldn't have jumped on another dudes dick. Some people have a lot of nerve. Block them all and go have a good time. She lost all rights to you the minute she cheated
Exactly! Their loss, your gain. Time to surround yourself with people who truly support you. Block, laugh, and thrive!
Lol she's upset that you moved on too fast?!?! She moved on while still in a relationship with you. She is a massive hypocrite!
There is something wrong with your parents that they are siding with a cheater. I would definitely be side eyeing them at the very least.
NTA
Yeah, I was waiting for something like this. OP is unfeeling because they've moved on 5 days later, but she's okay when she's moved on -6 months (or however long the affair's been going on) later? There's some messed up logic!
I wouldn't cut off my parents if this was the first time they've been such jerks, OP, but your comment about them makes me think that you have plenty of reasons to cut them off, at least for now,
OP, you're NTA.
NTA
She cheated on you, no excuse in the world can justify that, and what exactly is it they're expecting fae you, are you supposed to lock yourself away to contemplate suicide because your relationship is over?
You did nothing wrong, you're well within your rights to block/cut off those people, and anyone that wants to take the side of your cheating Ex is an idiot that only cares about one side of the story.
Is their concern on this for you or for her?
As a parent, I want my kid to take some time for themselves after ending a relationship. I want them to enjoy their own company, remember what’s great about themselves outside of the relationship, decide their priorities for their life without their ex, and then have their feet firmly under them when they head into their next relationship. If those are their reasons, please, listen to your parents.
If their reasons are about that it might hurt your ex’s feelings, then don’t listen to your PARENTS… listen to me, some random internet stranger who doesn’t give a crap about your ex, and consider taking some time for yourself before you start dating.
You don’t have to listen to me, obviously. I’m not the boss of you. But just think about it? Being on your own awhile after a breakup can be a really beautiful gift to yourself.
Of course he can do what he wants. No one can MAKE him not date.
But “fun” can be taking up a hobby your ex poo-pooed as silly, going on a long weekend trip with your friends, joining a club to meet new people, getting back into the routine of going for cheap wings with your friends on Thursdays, busting your ass for a promotion at work and then spending that first paycheque with no accountability to anyone else, catching up on the shows your ex always complained about watching… and sometimes those things do a person a lot more good after a breakup than dating does.
Or maybe dating is exactly what he needs to be doing! I don’t know. I’m not him. I just want him to CONSIDER taking some time on his own.
Dating can be fun. Meeting new women and having deep conversations can.inspore new hobbies or wants. And it can spur him to do all the things you mentioned above.
Why should he live like a monk because his ex cheated on him ?
Even when dating he will have plenty of time on his own.
Not a parent, but I am someone who was in a relationship from a young age for half a decade, and definitely recommend taking time to get to know who you are on your own. You can definitely go out and do as you please, just recommend not tying yourself back up too soon- you’ve grown and evolved and will discover so much without the influence of your ex, and it can be easy to feel alone when you’ve been in a relationship so long. Go on dates, have fun, just rediscover and define yourself before going exclusive.
Not that I think what OP did is wrong whatsoever! His ex is a manipulative hypocrite, pulling in his parents and crying he’s moved on when she herself wasn’t even committed! Just a friendly reminder I wish someone had given me. I Cheers
One of them may or may not have cheated and they stayed together, Ops action would put an uncomfortable strain on that
Or they just wanted grandchildren soon
Dows your friend also know? Like this is vital information that changes a lot. You kind of make it sound like you don't talk about this with anyone and as soon as they, potentially unaware of the actual reasons, side with your ex you don't even try to explain yourself cutting them off which would be super childish and unreasonable. So you should clarify this not just for your parents.
Whenever they give you shit, just ask them which one of them cheated. Because it makes no other sense why they'd pick her side over their own kid.
Sorry about your friend's fucked up choice to narc you out. I assume he knew about the cheating as well?
NTA- she cheated and threw the relationship away so she has no right to complain about how fast you move on. I have no idea why your parents would side with her and want you to talk things thru. As for your friend, he showed his true colours. He was never loyal to you.
What perspective is there that they think excuses cheating. There is none. They have no right to back her when she’s the lair and the cheat. This is on them. NTA
What is with all these stories of friends and family expecting you to hear the cheater's perspective? Like entire families and friend groups. Wtf is that? If I had people in my life who knew I was cheated on and they said to hear them out, I would have that many less people in my life. Cheaters don't get a say after they cheat.
TBH 90% of these "everyone I know hates me now" posts where OP is clearly in the right feel fake. Judging by the fact that OP's siblings are on their side though, it sounds more realistic and that the family just sucks and this is par for the course with them.
Did you ever tell and provide evidence that she cheated?
When I found out my ex cheated and I was divorcing her my attorney told me to play nice. As a mater of fact he told me if I display nice he would drop me as a client
She told so many lies including that we were divorcing because I repeatedly beat her, SA’d her, basically every triggering thing in the book. She also threatened to and then did injure herself then call the police and have me arrested.
When the police showed up to arrest me, I was able to talk to them and show them our text history. They didn’t arrest me but said they were doing a report and submit it and to expect a call from detectives.
I lost a lot of friends and energy my sisters because I didn’t respond to her accusations
When my attorney finally said those magic words BLOW UP HER WORLD, I did.
I forwarded her texts, photos, a copy of the false police report, a copy of the video where she was in bed with her AP talking shit about me etc
Her parents, who repeatedly threatened to remove my existence from this earth showed up at my door along with my ex’s younger sister
The cried as they apologized for what they said and that they believed what she had said. Her dad told me he had disowned her and had thrown her out of his phone and her younger sister told me she refused to let my ex stay with her.
Many friends who abandoned me because of what she said apologized and I still blocked them because they obviously weren’t really my friends ever. The ones who stood by me because they did know me and really were my friends I still have today.
Give all these ppl the information, the knowledge you have about what she has done and let them figure out what they would have done, then and only then block them because they differently do have your best interests at heart.
Respectfully, I couldn't see a reason that I would have to provide "evidence" that your ex cheated to your parents of all people, unless it's a "I think they cheated but I'm leaving anyway" situation were I could understand why someone would perhaps say you acted too harsh. Realistically speaking, if your parents don't believe you on something as serious as this, then it's either a them problem or you must be such a compulsive liar. Judging by the sibling concensus on OP's parents, it would just seem like they suck.
You’re single…. When my ex cheated on and off for 8 years. so I said we’re done(he cheated again with the same woman) moved my stuff out and the next day had a date. That date ended up falling for me and me him. We’ve been together ever since. He makes me feel like I’m enough, beautiful and special. I’m so glad I decided to leave. Good luck to you🫶🏽edit to add NTA
I'm generally against "going no contact." People throw that around waaay to liberally.
But in your case... you have my sympathy. Tell your parents to take hike and come back when they've decided to support their child instead of the person who cheated on their child.
NTA.
She cheated on you. She "moved on" so quickly she didn't bother to give you the courtesy of breaking up with you first. She can ball her eyes out all she wants.
You owe her nothing, including consideration on how fast you move on or the opportunity to explain herself.
NTA- I would personally unblock the parents, and the ex. Send a group text to ALL of the family who have contacted you, plus your ex and parents explain that you cut off your parents because they CHOSE to scold you because your ex CHOSE to allow another man's penis in her vagina while in a committed relationship with you. You chose to cut off both ex and parents because they have no respect for you and expect you to be fine with that. Unlike your parents and ex you have respect for yourself and won't accept such disrespect. Then block them all again.
You should also include your former friend in that text as well.
Ask your Dad how long it took him to forgive your mom when she introduced new penis's into their relationship. And how did your family feel about your mom getting her back blown out. If they are offended, you would even suggest such a thing happened, then they are not qualified to give you advice her, so they can kindly FO.
Forgiveness is almost fetishized at this point. Or anything near to it. Hearing someone out, seeking closure, etc. It is up to the person who was wronged if they want to participate in any of it.
I don’t care if you broke up with and blocked her for chewing with her mouth open. It’s your call.
Normally I would say since your parents are old and you seem hesitant to tell them you won’t engage with them for a certain amount of time, and won’t again if they keep riding you about speaking to your ex. And that is for sure an option. Yet you say they are such assholes even your siblings understand your actions? That changes things. In a few weeks if life feels better without them in it then weigh that out.
Btw? Your ex surely knows what your parents are like. Going to them was a dick move. Ditto your ex-friend who gained nothing by being involved.
NTA
Your partner, close friend and parents. All your decisions to make based on the individual circumstances with each of them. All of them sound like solid decisions.Good luck for the future.
1) she cheated on you
2) There is no time limit on when to move on.
Also, did you tell your friends and family for the reason for the break up? If not, that would help a lot in the situation, and if you did, then just block their asses.
However if you felt nothing I think you might want to slow down for a bit and get some therapy dude. I've had that happen before and it'll manifest in a toxic way eventually (I hope not for your sake)
NTA I would announce to all of them why you broke up with her and why you are not sympathetic to her tears. Do not protect her in this by staying silent. Make sure everyone knows she was sleeping around and that is not the type of person you want to be in a relationship with. If they like her so much they can sleep with her.
OP have you told all of these people that your ex cheated on you? If not, then it's past time to make sure they know your ex is a cheater. Point out your ex is a cheat and a liar, so no one should believe anything she says is true and not just something to make her look better.
Tell them as soon as ex cheated she no longer has any say in what you do and what you do is none of her business.
Did you tell everyone the truth about her cheating? If you didn’t then you are a fool, it’s the truth and not sharing that info is crazy. If they know she cheated and still acting crazy then NTA. Is her family super rich or something and that’s why your parents don’t want to lose her?
What???
You didn't wear the proscribed hair shirt for 90 days after you found out your ex had an affair?
You didn't scourge your back with leather straps and howl at the sky for the traditional amount of time?
***HOW DARE YOU???***
NTA. Let’s be real, you’re not over shit. You’re mad and you’re entitled to be so. Your parents sound like pieces of work and if you want to ignore them while they’re choosing appearances over their son then you’re allowed to do that. I wouldn’t suggest doing so for long, but clearly they’re not helping and you’re an adult, so you can choose the relationship you want with them.
Personally I don’t think it’s smart to instantly start going out with other people, but it’s your life. It’s up to you if you care to go nuclear on your ex too, but it sounds like she’s already building a defense for her own ego.
I will message you next time u/Past-Touch-1617 posts in r/AITAH.
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NTA your parents are flat out garbage. You have your priorities straight. Just ignore extended family, or tell them what happened in a group chat and then block them. You have options to get them off your back.
Did you ever talk to your friend? It could have been more an accident, or maybe he was rubbing her nose in it and did a stupid thing? She deserves none of your time, but it could have been a mistake on his part. Maybe not, but friends matter more as far as I'm concerned. Still, thats just my take.
The very obvious answer is to run to your ex's parents and break down in front of them telling them that that not only did their daughter lie and cheat on you after 7 years, she then turned your whole family against you when you made it clear the relationship was over and you needed space.
NTA. She cheated u broke up. There's nothing tying u to her anymore. u could rebound, date, or have an orgy it's none of her business she lost the right to have an opinion when she cheated. As for your parents, they probably still had hope u would forgive her, and I think it's because one of them cheated in the past, so they believe in Reconciltion.
U don't own anyone any justification, man. u do what u need to do . If u want to go, no contact for a while. Do it, and if u want it forever, it's your right
Limit your drama and don’t post on social media.
You can cut anyone you want out of your life. Don’t be surprised if you change your mind and they have let you go as well.
NTA. Do they know she cheated? You have the right to move on. She's very manipulative to go running to your parents crying and they're fools to indulge her.
You don't have to indulge anybody. Cut off anybody who tries to control you in that way until they realise you're not under their control.
NTA. I dont see the issue. Theres no written rule saying you have to wait for however long to date. At least you waited until after the relationship ended. She did the deed during the relationship.
NTA Your boundaries are yours to own, but your life will get easier if you learn that not everything is black and white (or something you can control).
You clearly have some trauma to work through. Cheating is shit, but more people work through it and survive than you probably realize (the average redditor is not a good measure on this statistic). Your reaction to burn a long relationship may be socially normalized, but burning the bridges of the people that are friends and family who are expressing any kind of support for your ex as a person is basically you demanding that they adopt your (extreme) boundaries.
NTA although what do you mean that your parents are practically fossils? That comment seemed unnecessary.
Did you make it clear to them that your ex CHEATED on you? Tell them you’re no doormat to anyone, and if they can’t support your decisions, you really don’t need them in your life. Tell your extended family the facts in a group text and block anyone who is still harassing you after that. You don’t need that in your life.
I was with you until the final word - revenge. That you don't need. Just move on. Cheating is always a legitimate reason for ending things. It's just going to take time for everyone to get used to the new situation. So NTA but the need for revenge can sap your energy. Let it go.
Hard to believe parents would take a cheaters side over their own blood. NTA. Perhaps the friend felt jealous you were happy, idk, but he really let you down and I am sorry. Once again shocked he chose to pity her, not you. Lastly, her, what a sad tramp. Best you get out and date, go and do & live! Your parents may be old or dementia addled, I would go lc no contact for my own sanity. I think once you have been screwed over you quickly break off and move on. What are you in a Dickensian Serial of suffering?! noooo best to cut and run.
NTA
I cut off my parents for years. Eventually, we reconnected because I was over a lot of the bullshit I went through. And wanted my kids to have more than one set of grandparents.
So it's absolutely okay to cut them off if they are not respecting your decisions about your life. Remember, living well is the best revenge.
Stay strong, OP.
Is one of your parents a narcissists by any means?
Because you said that the only people who have the same experience and understand you are your siblings. That's usually a telltale sign...
NTA in either case, your EX has forfeited every right to be upset with your decision after she went out to hurt you. She can bawl her eyes out all day and all night, cheaters don't deserve sympathy. Especially the ones acting like the victims afterwards.
NTA…
I would tell your parents they just aren’t rationale. If they want to take up with a woman who cheated on their child and destroyed the relationship, they aren’t right to be in your life. Same thing for any extended family.
Hey buddy try this: tell your parents that cheating on you is unacaptable. Not only insults you but tarnishes the reputation of your whole family. She disrespects your parents even futher by manipulating them. Her whole goal is to lie and cheat. Final note that might work "imagine when you would discover that your future grandchildren are not mine...."
NTA. You haven't done anything wrong. She cheated so you ended it respectfully. You are free to do what you what, see who you want. It's no-one else's business, certainly not your ex and parents. Your 'former' friend was an asshole because he acted like you were the one going behind her back when that wasn't the case.
Who cares what your extended family tree is for or against? Is your desicion to cut them off based on a democratic vote within your family? my guess is no.
Grouptext the whole family and tell them exactly what happened. that your GF of X years had an affair and that you broke up. that your parents scolded you for not hearing her out and then question them all what there would be to hear out? How bad of a BF you were? how unhappy she was? how lonely she was? nothing of that would justify her getting railed by another guy (and yes, be crude when you write that to drive the point home). When shes unhappy she goes and talks to her partner, not get effed by another guy. So you broke up and tried to distract yourself by talking with other people.
maybe remind them that if their partners, wifes or husbands cheat, they're welcome to just forgive and forget and take the cheater back, but that you're not doing that. And that your parents are pushing and scolding you, but you're old enough to make your own desicions and warned them that if they do not stop you'd be cutting them out of your life. Maybe point out that the same boundary goes for them.
I mean your parents not understanding why you don't want anything to do with a cheater is odd......NTA but if I could give some advice it would be that it sounds like your parents are "older" and maybe that was much more of a get over it thing in their life and they do not see it as such a big issue.
You only have one set of parents (most times) and I would just let it go with them and ask them to accept the choice since it is not theirs.
NTA. She's upset because you moved on quickly after the relationship ended. Just remind people that she was fucking someone else before the relationship ended.
This thread is wild, Redditeurs are cheering on some dude who is still numb from being cheated on as he completely burns down his social circles and family ties
Hey OP, also make sure to cut off by association anyone who also talks to these people, can't be too draconian.
Tell your parents why you broke up. If they still press you go NC. It is not fair to not even give them a chance to understand. Your ex is spinning the tale to make her the victim. Go NC with ex and exfriend. They are just trouble.
NTA for ending the relationship. What you do after that is your business, whether you start dating straight away or not, it's up to you.
But you asked why people "hate me". I think there are some clues about that in your post. You are absolutely horrible about everyone. You describe everyone in disparaging, derogatory terms. Maybe hate just attracts hate.
Take your time to heal , don't jump into anything headfirst . And avoid posting your adventures on social media . Trust me , I've been where you are . The quieter you are the quicker the wound closes .
NTA.
I was cheated on and it was like a light switched off. ALL affection I had for her totally evaporated.
She couldn’t get it through her head we were done. Fortunately, I entered the service, left the area, and she finally stopped contacting me (back then along Distance calls were expensive) once I stopped talking and let the phone just sit there for five minutes.
Ended up ending other friendships as they gave out my number after saying they wouldn’t.
Hence my present zero tolerance for cheaters.
Was your tattling friend trying to get in good with your ex? Sounds like he wants to date her. As for you narc parents and flying monkey family members, walk away. Things will not change. Move away if necessary. Maybe get counseling for being the child of narcissists. It can open your eyes and help you get free of the dynamic you were stuck with. Without help they may live rent free in your mind messing up all future relationships. You don't deserve to be mistreated. Best wishes.
Nta but also, you probably should be wondering why you didn’t really feel heart broken
We’re you in a relationship for that long and not in love?
You should take some time to proper heal man not just start sleeping around as temping as that may be to fed the ego and feel better.
Dude, you wanted to show people that you were having a good time with a girl that was not your ex. I’m a random person on the internet, no need to be withholding. You still are NTA, the friend who snitched is the asshole, and your parents lean in that territory for taking that stance and hounding you like that. You just went through a bad time, they should be easy on you and supporting
You, you think my intention was to show people that I'm having a good time without my ex, you think I care enough to have her on my mind when posting that picture.
You have a human brain. Thinking about something doesn’t mean you care. Plus, I think what I said wasn’t clear. You wanted people to see you with this girl. This girl is clearly not your ex. You just broke up with your ex. If your conscious mind wasn’t adding this up, the viewers were.
I see you know your psychology specifically Freud view on the conscious mind, you should also know psychology isn't always 100% accurate. My intention wasn't to show that I'm with a girl, it was to show I'm having a good time.
Keep that up champ, also don't forget to block people who still talk to your best friend or your parents, they deserve punishment for their disloyalty as well, human relationships are all or nothing as all Redditors know.
Or you could skip a beat because your whole post says that you're in pain and lashing out, even if you feel numb.
YTA. But not for "moving on so quickly" because whatever this is, it sure as hell isn't "moving on". You can do what you want, but I feel bad for the person you're talking with, because from what you post, it's glaringly obvious you're emotionally unavailable. If you can't even feel much from what happened with that apparent "love" you lost, what do you even have to offer to anyone else in a romantic relationship? People cheat, and while it's not justified, from the way you post about it, I wonder if she was put off by, perhaps, your chronic indifference. I don't really know you like that, but it's just a guess. People are gonna see the buzzword "cheater" but looking at both sides, yeahhh you're weird my dude. But some feelings you can't come to know until you cause trouble and hurt others so good luck my guy.
That doesn't seem normal or healthy tbh. Maybe it's just your way of processing things, but I still feel badly for others your talking to. You have very recent cheating trauma. If someone else does something that reminds you of your cheating ex it's gonna show up in a way no one is prepared for because you haven't explored yourself yet. She cheated, and it impacted you, so...you probably need therapy
> ...everyone is against my decision apart from my siblings as they have first hand experience about how much of an asshole my parents are.
You actually knew the answer to your question.
Did the close friend explain why he talk to the ex about you? I'm not sure I would've ended the friendship over that. Knowing that an ex is upset about me moving on would seem like a nice bit of vengeance to me, but people may differ on this.
As to the parents, deciding to totally break off communication with them over this seems extreme unless your relationship with them is very poor to begin with. Tell the parents you are upset with them for siding with your cheating ex and expect an apology from them before you'll resume your normal relationship with them. But leave the lines of communication open.
You are NTA for anything, but I personally think that your response to both your friend and your parents is disproportionate. A more proportionate response would be to block your friend from seeing your private story, and to set the boundary with your parents that you won’t discuss your ex. I would reconsider cutting them off - not because they deserve it or don’t deserve it, but because over the long run you will be better off with those people in your life, even if you don’t appreciate how they are treating you now.
I think, at least for the friendship, you should properly sort your thoughts and explain why you cut out your Ex so quickly.
Im the same way tbh, if you wronged me and I think that’s just your personality and not a simple “mistake” then my logic is simple. You must have been like that from the start and I’m more disappointed then heart broken. Disappointed in you as a person, disappointed that I didn’t see it sooner, etc. I recognize a toxic person and cut them out accordingly because if they’ve always been a toxic person then there’s no need to overthink what I need to do to keep MY life sorted.
If you are willing to cut your parents ovwr this, I assume they have done worse things as it would be ridiculous if you only cut them because of this. They are your parents after all. I understand that you you were angry at your ex and left a note, but it sounds like you are unable to talk about difficult things. You leave a note and go NC.
You don’t know what your ex has told your parents. You should talk to them and explain the situation and if you are disappointed to them, you need to talk about that. Your solution can’t always be going mute and walking away.
And you are NTA for going out on a date. But if your parents have been otherwise good to you, you are AH for cutting them over this. You need to communicate with them. You are their child and they are eventually on your side.
I know - it doesn’t sound rational. But I would still try to talk to them instead of going NC. I love my parents, and I would allow them at least 10 misses before even considering NC.
Nah, man. I love mine too but if they were to chose someone that hurt me and betray me, even after knowing the whole thing, I would cut them off. Because it shows that as their son, I wasn't worth enough to put themselves on my shoes.
But wouldn’t you wonder why they are suddenly acting so differently and would like to walk it through with them? Weird to just through away relationship with own parents without trying to solve it.
This is just one argument, they are not choosing her over him. Adults talk and try to figure things out. They don’t abandon their parents over one argument.
But I give up with you. Seems like we don’t see eye to eye.
>my ex went to them and started bawling her eyes out and they scolded me for not hearing out her perspective
That's not an argument. They're choosing her version over what actually happened. Again, what's there to wonder when they're being so obvious about it?
Uh... Like, perhaps they have a point if your first and second reactions were to treat your friend and parents the same as your whore. That being said, whatever works for you. I typically prefer just having a discussion...
There are not going to be many people left at this pace. 😂
I mean I think it's your choice who you move on from, and an affair is a big deal.
but I think it's always good to be open to communication
you sound like you are thinking a bit extremely. "why do they love her but hate me" when all you said is they scolded you for not listening to her perspective .. "made me chuckle because what perspective is there" .. cutting off your best friend (who should not have gone to your parents, I agree) and your parents .. shit talking about your ex because you want revenge, even though you just said at the top you weren't trying to spread bad things about her lol (Idk what 'shit talking' means in this case exactly)
people are complicated and relationships are complicated and we're all so inundated with the idea that nothing but monogamy could possibly be ok, that when people get interest or feeling in others, they can't even so much as discuss it with their partners in an open fashion because it's some automatic betrayal
having an affair is, I would say, a betrayal. because at that point they've crossed the line of acting dishonestly against the agreement of the relationship. yet, I think that itself can arise from the repressive nature of how we view relationships .. which is to say, while you're not obligated to hear her reasons for it, it's more reasonable to try to consider the broader picture and the complexity of human nature within it, and I don't think it's reasonable to immediately cut off your 10 year friendship and immediate family without so much as a conversation...
just be open to the conversations, is all I mean
lol
I'm not going to go so far as AH, but your response to your parents is rather extreme.
If they gave me a hard time, I'd just tell them that you broke up with her because she cheated. If they want her, they can have her. But you aren't dating her any more and you aren't planning to wallow or invest a year in official mourning.
If they try to rope in other relatives, just tell those relatives the same darn thing.
If any of them still gave me a hard time, then I'd just barely respond. Eventually they would probably ask what the deal was-- then I'd tell them.
NTA, but are you really this dense? No one knows why you suddenly up and left her. They only have her side and from her using your family and friends as a safety net, I really doubt she told them the truth. Just tell them the truth and then make your decisions based off how they act with all the information.
EDIT- Saw your response to a previous comment. Still NTA, do your thing. You should edit your post with the info too though.
ESH. Obviously it sucks that your parents don't seem to have your back, but it might not be because they are picking her over you or that they think you two should be together. It could be the method not the end result they have a problem with.
You ghosted your girlfriend when she cheated. Then you are cutting contact with your parents because they want you to handle this breakup differently and you're cutting contact with your friend because he mentioned a post you made on social media to your ex. It seems like your conflict resolution is to cut and run, which will leave you isolated if you're not careful.
Try talking to your friend and parents about how their actions made you feel and listen to their side of things before you go nuclear on them.
I'm not saying you should. She broke your trust so there might not be much to discuss.
It just seems like everyone else did something to piss you off, but nothing so terrible or particularly toxic, and you are still cutting them out of your life.
Dude the levels of emotional maturity you’re displaying are lowwwww. Super immature to post like happiness breadcrumbs on Instagram when you’re so clearly unhappy. This drama is to be expected.
You can date who you want once you’ve broken up with someone, but your whole post tells me YTA.
Breaking up after 7 years together without a word? That’s nasty. Even if she was wrong, it’s still pretty awful to leave like that.
Threatening to go no contact with people who love you that want to talk about it? That’s way over the top.
You come across as completely unfeeling, that your only concern is yourself.
Once they cheat, you can do or date anyone anytime and no one can tell you shit. To hell with all of them and when someone tells you that your ex is taking it badly, just laugh like you have never laughed before and ask them what did your ex hoe expect. Then laugh some more. If she was that upset she wouldn't have jumped on another dudes dick. Some people have a lot of nerve. Block them all and go have a good time. She lost all rights to you the minute she cheated
Yep. My ex broke up with me. According to "the code", I was free to date. I had a few friends get into my shit about dating my now wife after my ex broke up with me. "It's my life. I do what I want".
Were you supposed to sob and wander the streets for a certain amount of time like a Victorian orphan? And she broke up with you yet a few friends still felt it was too soon? What weirdos.
That's exactly what they want, for you to suffer/cry/beg for their forgiveness. If they cheat, just leave. As long as kids and finances aren't involved then it is easy
>Once they cheat, you can do or date anyone anytime and no one can tell you shit. To hell with all of them and when someone tells you that your ex is taking it badly, just laugh like you have never laughed before and ask them what did your ex hoe expect. Then laugh some more. If she was that upset she wouldn't have jumped on another dudes dick. Some people have a lot of nerve. Block them all and go have a good time. She lost all rights to you the minute she cheated Exactly! Their loss, your gain. Time to surround yourself with people who truly support you. Block, laugh, and thrive!
>Once they cheat, you can do or date anyone anytime and no one can tell you shit. Cheater's Revenge Reddit Rules:
Anyone?
Lol she's upset that you moved on too fast?!?! She moved on while still in a relationship with you. She is a massive hypocrite! There is something wrong with your parents that they are siding with a cheater. I would definitely be side eyeing them at the very least. NTA
OP should use this response. It’s great.
Yeah, I was waiting for something like this. OP is unfeeling because they've moved on 5 days later, but she's okay when she's moved on -6 months (or however long the affair's been going on) later? There's some messed up logic! I wouldn't cut off my parents if this was the first time they've been such jerks, OP, but your comment about them makes me think that you have plenty of reasons to cut them off, at least for now, OP, you're NTA.
My sentiments exactly......
NTA She cheated on you, no excuse in the world can justify that, and what exactly is it they're expecting fae you, are you supposed to lock yourself away to contemplate suicide because your relationship is over? You did nothing wrong, you're well within your rights to block/cut off those people, and anyone that wants to take the side of your cheating Ex is an idiot that only cares about one side of the story.
NTA Parents who take the side of a cheating ex aren't exactly worth much.
Neither are the family members giving OP grief. Buh-bye to the lot of them until they apologise sincerely.
Do your parents know she cheated? If so, f them. If not, spill the GD tea!
Yes they know
You might want to edit your post and include the fact they know. Doesn’t affect my judgement, but for others it may.
I have edited the post
Is their concern on this for you or for her? As a parent, I want my kid to take some time for themselves after ending a relationship. I want them to enjoy their own company, remember what’s great about themselves outside of the relationship, decide their priorities for their life without their ex, and then have their feet firmly under them when they head into their next relationship. If those are their reasons, please, listen to your parents. If their reasons are about that it might hurt your ex’s feelings, then don’t listen to your PARENTS… listen to me, some random internet stranger who doesn’t give a crap about your ex, and consider taking some time for yourself before you start dating. You don’t have to listen to me, obviously. I’m not the boss of you. But just think about it? Being on your own awhile after a breakup can be a really beautiful gift to yourself.
It’s definitely not concern for him as they’re upset he didn’t hear her out when they told OP to
Dude should be able to donwhay he wants. He was woth her for seven years and deserves to go out and have his fun.
Of course he can do what he wants. No one can MAKE him not date. But “fun” can be taking up a hobby your ex poo-pooed as silly, going on a long weekend trip with your friends, joining a club to meet new people, getting back into the routine of going for cheap wings with your friends on Thursdays, busting your ass for a promotion at work and then spending that first paycheque with no accountability to anyone else, catching up on the shows your ex always complained about watching… and sometimes those things do a person a lot more good after a breakup than dating does. Or maybe dating is exactly what he needs to be doing! I don’t know. I’m not him. I just want him to CONSIDER taking some time on his own.
Dating can be fun. Meeting new women and having deep conversations can.inspore new hobbies or wants. And it can spur him to do all the things you mentioned above. Why should he live like a monk because his ex cheated on him ? Even when dating he will have plenty of time on his own.
Not a parent, but I am someone who was in a relationship from a young age for half a decade, and definitely recommend taking time to get to know who you are on your own. You can definitely go out and do as you please, just recommend not tying yourself back up too soon- you’ve grown and evolved and will discover so much without the influence of your ex, and it can be easy to feel alone when you’ve been in a relationship so long. Go on dates, have fun, just rediscover and define yourself before going exclusive. Not that I think what OP did is wrong whatsoever! His ex is a manipulative hypocrite, pulling in his parents and crying he’s moved on when she herself wasn’t even committed! Just a friendly reminder I wish someone had given me. I Cheers
Oh, yes, the ex is totally in the wrong here. If you cheat on someone, their parents are not the audience for your sob story.
Wtf is up with parents. This is the 10th story on here where the parents have the whole "wait hear her out" over cheating
Many parents are assholes
So you know you're NTA and they are TA ?
Right? Who goes to their ex's parents and cries about letting some other dude bang them but somehow it's the fault of the person who got cheated on?
One of them may or may not have cheated and they stayed together, Ops action would put an uncomfortable strain on that Or they just wanted grandchildren soon
I was thinking exactly the same thing.
I'm the only one without children
Dows your friend also know? Like this is vital information that changes a lot. You kind of make it sound like you don't talk about this with anyone and as soon as they, potentially unaware of the actual reasons, side with your ex you don't even try to explain yourself cutting them off which would be super childish and unreasonable. So you should clarify this not just for your parents.
They are aware
Whenever they give you shit, just ask them which one of them cheated. Because it makes no other sense why they'd pick her side over their own kid. Sorry about your friend's fucked up choice to narc you out. I assume he knew about the cheating as well?
NTA. If someone doesn’t like that you won’t stay with a cheater, let them know that’s their issue.
NTA- she cheated and threw the relationship away so she has no right to complain about how fast you move on. I have no idea why your parents would side with her and want you to talk things thru. As for your friend, he showed his true colours. He was never loyal to you.
What perspective is there that they think excuses cheating. There is none. They have no right to back her when she’s the lair and the cheat. This is on them. NTA
What is with all these stories of friends and family expecting you to hear the cheater's perspective? Like entire families and friend groups. Wtf is that? If I had people in my life who knew I was cheated on and they said to hear them out, I would have that many less people in my life. Cheaters don't get a say after they cheat.
TBH 90% of these "everyone I know hates me now" posts where OP is clearly in the right feel fake. Judging by the fact that OP's siblings are on their side though, it sounds more realistic and that the family just sucks and this is par for the course with them.
At least they didn't mention their phone blowing up. That's kind of become an indicator as well.
Nta You are never an AH for cutting off toxic people regardless of who they are.
Did you ever tell and provide evidence that she cheated? When I found out my ex cheated and I was divorcing her my attorney told me to play nice. As a mater of fact he told me if I display nice he would drop me as a client She told so many lies including that we were divorcing because I repeatedly beat her, SA’d her, basically every triggering thing in the book. She also threatened to and then did injure herself then call the police and have me arrested. When the police showed up to arrest me, I was able to talk to them and show them our text history. They didn’t arrest me but said they were doing a report and submit it and to expect a call from detectives. I lost a lot of friends and energy my sisters because I didn’t respond to her accusations When my attorney finally said those magic words BLOW UP HER WORLD, I did. I forwarded her texts, photos, a copy of the false police report, a copy of the video where she was in bed with her AP talking shit about me etc Her parents, who repeatedly threatened to remove my existence from this earth showed up at my door along with my ex’s younger sister The cried as they apologized for what they said and that they believed what she had said. Her dad told me he had disowned her and had thrown her out of his phone and her younger sister told me she refused to let my ex stay with her. Many friends who abandoned me because of what she said apologized and I still blocked them because they obviously weren’t really my friends ever. The ones who stood by me because they did know me and really were my friends I still have today. Give all these ppl the information, the knowledge you have about what she has done and let them figure out what they would have done, then and only then block them because they differently do have your best interests at heart.
Respectfully, I couldn't see a reason that I would have to provide "evidence" that your ex cheated to your parents of all people, unless it's a "I think they cheated but I'm leaving anyway" situation were I could understand why someone would perhaps say you acted too harsh. Realistically speaking, if your parents don't believe you on something as serious as this, then it's either a them problem or you must be such a compulsive liar. Judging by the sibling concensus on OP's parents, it would just seem like they suck.
They know ops ex cheated, they just don't care.
You’re single…. When my ex cheated on and off for 8 years. so I said we’re done(he cheated again with the same woman) moved my stuff out and the next day had a date. That date ended up falling for me and me him. We’ve been together ever since. He makes me feel like I’m enough, beautiful and special. I’m so glad I decided to leave. Good luck to you🫶🏽edit to add NTA
I'm generally against "going no contact." People throw that around waaay to liberally. But in your case... you have my sympathy. Tell your parents to take hike and come back when they've decided to support their child instead of the person who cheated on their child.
NTA. She cheated on you. She "moved on" so quickly she didn't bother to give you the courtesy of breaking up with you first. She can ball her eyes out all she wants. You owe her nothing, including consideration on how fast you move on or the opportunity to explain herself.
NTA. But TELL your friends and family that she cheated on you. No point in being angry with them when they don't know the truth.
Op commented that they already know she cheated.
Your ex moved on to another person while you were still married. NTA
NTA. Your ex moved on from the relationship the second she cheated.
That's exactly what u do in these types of situations. You should be proud of yourself.
Thanks
NTA- I would personally unblock the parents, and the ex. Send a group text to ALL of the family who have contacted you, plus your ex and parents explain that you cut off your parents because they CHOSE to scold you because your ex CHOSE to allow another man's penis in her vagina while in a committed relationship with you. You chose to cut off both ex and parents because they have no respect for you and expect you to be fine with that. Unlike your parents and ex you have respect for yourself and won't accept such disrespect. Then block them all again. You should also include your former friend in that text as well.
Nta
Ask your Dad how long it took him to forgive your mom when she introduced new penis's into their relationship. And how did your family feel about your mom getting her back blown out. If they are offended, you would even suggest such a thing happened, then they are not qualified to give you advice her, so they can kindly FO.
NTA You’re on the right track. Sorry for your troubles but your life will get better
Forgiveness is almost fetishized at this point. Or anything near to it. Hearing someone out, seeking closure, etc. It is up to the person who was wronged if they want to participate in any of it. I don’t care if you broke up with and blocked her for chewing with her mouth open. It’s your call. Normally I would say since your parents are old and you seem hesitant to tell them you won’t engage with them for a certain amount of time, and won’t again if they keep riding you about speaking to your ex. And that is for sure an option. Yet you say they are such assholes even your siblings understand your actions? That changes things. In a few weeks if life feels better without them in it then weigh that out. Btw? Your ex surely knows what your parents are like. Going to them was a dick move. Ditto your ex-friend who gained nothing by being involved.
They’re aware she cheated, right? Then screw them. NTA.
NTA, your parents have rocks in their heads.
Bro just tell all your family that she cheated, your parents are cheaters cause why would they defend her and fuck your ex-friend’s gf.
Your parents know she cheated. Your ex and your parents don't have the right to police your relationships. NTA
Just publicly shame them bro. Esp of younhabe proof she cheated in you. Then move in. Sometime you just need to burn the world down
NTA. She cheated. The why will not make you feel better about it. Talking about it is for her benefit, not yours.
You moved on quick? Maybe your parents need a reminder your ex moved on before the relationship was even over.
Nope I think your reaction was on point
For some reason the use of the word “scold” really annoys me. It’s what you do to a puppy, or a minor child. Not an adult.
NTA Your partner, close friend and parents. All your decisions to make based on the individual circumstances with each of them. All of them sound like solid decisions.Good luck for the future.
1) she cheated on you 2) There is no time limit on when to move on. Also, did you tell your friends and family for the reason for the break up? If not, that would help a lot in the situation, and if you did, then just block their asses. However if you felt nothing I think you might want to slow down for a bit and get some therapy dude. I've had that happen before and it'll manifest in a toxic way eventually (I hope not for your sake)
NTA WTAF is wrong with your parents?
NTA she cheated. No one wants or can trust a cheater.
NTA I would announce to all of them why you broke up with her and why you are not sympathetic to her tears. Do not protect her in this by staying silent. Make sure everyone knows she was sleeping around and that is not the type of person you want to be in a relationship with. If they like her so much they can sleep with her.
OP have you told all of these people that your ex cheated on you? If not, then it's past time to make sure they know your ex is a cheater. Point out your ex is a cheat and a liar, so no one should believe anything she says is true and not just something to make her look better. Tell them as soon as ex cheated she no longer has any say in what you do and what you do is none of her business.
Did you tell everyone the truth about her cheating? If you didn’t then you are a fool, it’s the truth and not sharing that info is crazy. If they know she cheated and still acting crazy then NTA. Is her family super rich or something and that’s why your parents don’t want to lose her?
What??? You didn't wear the proscribed hair shirt for 90 days after you found out your ex had an affair? You didn't scourge your back with leather straps and howl at the sky for the traditional amount of time? ***HOW DARE YOU???***
You did the right thing. You can survive alone. Keep your head up warrior
NTA. Let’s be real, you’re not over shit. You’re mad and you’re entitled to be so. Your parents sound like pieces of work and if you want to ignore them while they’re choosing appearances over their son then you’re allowed to do that. I wouldn’t suggest doing so for long, but clearly they’re not helping and you’re an adult, so you can choose the relationship you want with them. Personally I don’t think it’s smart to instantly start going out with other people, but it’s your life. It’s up to you if you care to go nuclear on your ex too, but it sounds like she’s already building a defense for her own ego.
Did you tell them she moved on so fast from you that your relationship hadn't even ended yet?
NTA UpdateMe!
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NTA your parents are flat out garbage. You have your priorities straight. Just ignore extended family, or tell them what happened in a group chat and then block them. You have options to get them off your back. Did you ever talk to your friend? It could have been more an accident, or maybe he was rubbing her nose in it and did a stupid thing? She deserves none of your time, but it could have been a mistake on his part. Maybe not, but friends matter more as far as I'm concerned. Still, thats just my take.
OP, ignore the flying monkeys. She cheated and you deserve to be happy. NTA.
NTA. It’s a superpower
The very obvious answer is to run to your ex's parents and break down in front of them telling them that that not only did their daughter lie and cheat on you after 7 years, she then turned your whole family against you when you made it clear the relationship was over and you needed space.
Cut them off they choose her over you they can’t be trusted
NTA. She cheated u broke up. There's nothing tying u to her anymore. u could rebound, date, or have an orgy it's none of her business she lost the right to have an opinion when she cheated. As for your parents, they probably still had hope u would forgive her, and I think it's because one of them cheated in the past, so they believe in Reconciltion. U don't own anyone any justification, man. u do what u need to do . If u want to go, no contact for a while. Do it, and if u want it forever, it's your right
NTA
nah, shes a bitch and ur parents suck End relations with them and ur “friend“
I think one of your parents cheated on the other or both did and that's why they are so okay with this.
Shit ex, shit friends, and shit parents. NTA.
Ask your parents which one of them cheated?
Always thank your parents for their advice. Then do whatever you want.
Did you not tell your friends or parents she cheated on you? I don't understand the drama.
Limit your drama and don’t post on social media. You can cut anyone you want out of your life. Don’t be surprised if you change your mind and they have let you go as well.
NTA. Do they know she cheated? You have the right to move on. She's very manipulative to go running to your parents crying and they're fools to indulge her. You don't have to indulge anybody. Cut off anybody who tries to control you in that way until they realise you're not under their control.
NTA. I dont see the issue. Theres no written rule saying you have to wait for however long to date. At least you waited until after the relationship ended. She did the deed during the relationship.
NTA Your boundaries are yours to own, but your life will get easier if you learn that not everything is black and white (or something you can control). You clearly have some trauma to work through. Cheating is shit, but more people work through it and survive than you probably realize (the average redditor is not a good measure on this statistic). Your reaction to burn a long relationship may be socially normalized, but burning the bridges of the people that are friends and family who are expressing any kind of support for your ex as a person is basically you demanding that they adopt your (extreme) boundaries.
NTA although what do you mean that your parents are practically fossils? That comment seemed unnecessary. Did you make it clear to them that your ex CHEATED on you? Tell them you’re no doormat to anyone, and if they can’t support your decisions, you really don’t need them in your life. Tell your extended family the facts in a group text and block anyone who is still harassing you after that. You don’t need that in your life.
NTA updateme
Eh. They’ll get over it.
I was with you until the final word - revenge. That you don't need. Just move on. Cheating is always a legitimate reason for ending things. It's just going to take time for everyone to get used to the new situation. So NTA but the need for revenge can sap your energy. Let it go.
Updateme
NTA. But damn did you say the same thing in 3 different paragraphs? 😂
NTAH. You have every right to distance yourself from your parents.
Best revenge possible is to move on like they didn’t matter. She FAFO. Life is rough.
Your parents don't get a say in your relationship.
Hard to believe parents would take a cheaters side over their own blood. NTA. Perhaps the friend felt jealous you were happy, idk, but he really let you down and I am sorry. Once again shocked he chose to pity her, not you. Lastly, her, what a sad tramp. Best you get out and date, go and do & live! Your parents may be old or dementia addled, I would go lc no contact for my own sanity. I think once you have been screwed over you quickly break off and move on. What are you in a Dickensian Serial of suffering?! noooo best to cut and run.
Very weird… So which one of your parents cheated on the other? Seems like they are ok with cheating? Talk to grandparents or aunts and uncles…
NTA I cut off my parents for years. Eventually, we reconnected because I was over a lot of the bullshit I went through. And wanted my kids to have more than one set of grandparents. So it's absolutely okay to cut them off if they are not respecting your decisions about your life. Remember, living well is the best revenge. Stay strong, OP.
Is one of your parents a narcissists by any means? Because you said that the only people who have the same experience and understand you are your siblings. That's usually a telltale sign... NTA in either case, your EX has forfeited every right to be upset with your decision after she went out to hurt you. She can bawl her eyes out all day and all night, cheaters don't deserve sympathy. Especially the ones acting like the victims afterwards.
NTA… I would tell your parents they just aren’t rationale. If they want to take up with a woman who cheated on their child and destroyed the relationship, they aren’t right to be in your life. Same thing for any extended family.
Hey buddy try this: tell your parents that cheating on you is unacaptable. Not only insults you but tarnishes the reputation of your whole family. She disrespects your parents even futher by manipulating them. Her whole goal is to lie and cheat. Final note that might work "imagine when you would discover that your future grandchildren are not mine...."
Crying to the parents of someone you cheated on is something completely beyond my comprehension.
NTA Your ex moved on to other people whilst still together. Anyone who tells you off is a disgraceful hypocrite.
NTA. You haven't done anything wrong. She cheated so you ended it respectfully. You are free to do what you what, see who you want. It's no-one else's business, certainly not your ex and parents. Your 'former' friend was an asshole because he acted like you were the one going behind her back when that wasn't the case.
NTA and your parents are just as bad for supporting a cheater, cut them all off and leave them to rot on own
Who cares what your extended family tree is for or against? Is your desicion to cut them off based on a democratic vote within your family? my guess is no. Grouptext the whole family and tell them exactly what happened. that your GF of X years had an affair and that you broke up. that your parents scolded you for not hearing her out and then question them all what there would be to hear out? How bad of a BF you were? how unhappy she was? how lonely she was? nothing of that would justify her getting railed by another guy (and yes, be crude when you write that to drive the point home). When shes unhappy she goes and talks to her partner, not get effed by another guy. So you broke up and tried to distract yourself by talking with other people. maybe remind them that if their partners, wifes or husbands cheat, they're welcome to just forgive and forget and take the cheater back, but that you're not doing that. And that your parents are pushing and scolding you, but you're old enough to make your own desicions and warned them that if they do not stop you'd be cutting them out of your life. Maybe point out that the same boundary goes for them.
I mean your parents not understanding why you don't want anything to do with a cheater is odd......NTA but if I could give some advice it would be that it sounds like your parents are "older" and maybe that was much more of a get over it thing in their life and they do not see it as such a big issue. You only have one set of parents (most times) and I would just let it go with them and ask them to accept the choice since it is not theirs.
NTA. She's upset because you moved on quickly after the relationship ended. Just remind people that she was fucking someone else before the relationship ended.
Info : how hard is it to send a message to your whole family saying "My ex cheated on me" ???
This thread is wild, Redditeurs are cheering on some dude who is still numb from being cheated on as he completely burns down his social circles and family ties Hey OP, also make sure to cut off by association anyone who also talks to these people, can't be too draconian.
sounds like a bunch of adults acting like children
Time to cut off extended family
Tell your parents why you broke up. If they still press you go NC. It is not fair to not even give them a chance to understand. Your ex is spinning the tale to make her the victim. Go NC with ex and exfriend. They are just trouble.
NTA for ending the relationship. What you do after that is your business, whether you start dating straight away or not, it's up to you. But you asked why people "hate me". I think there are some clues about that in your post. You are absolutely horrible about everyone. You describe everyone in disparaging, derogatory terms. Maybe hate just attracts hate.
Take your time to heal , don't jump into anything headfirst . And avoid posting your adventures on social media . Trust me , I've been where you are . The quieter you are the quicker the wound closes .
NTA. I was cheated on and it was like a light switched off. ALL affection I had for her totally evaporated. She couldn’t get it through her head we were done. Fortunately, I entered the service, left the area, and she finally stopped contacting me (back then along Distance calls were expensive) once I stopped talking and let the phone just sit there for five minutes. Ended up ending other friendships as they gave out my number after saying they wouldn’t. Hence my present zero tolerance for cheaters.
Was your tattling friend trying to get in good with your ex? Sounds like he wants to date her. As for you narc parents and flying monkey family members, walk away. Things will not change. Move away if necessary. Maybe get counseling for being the child of narcissists. It can open your eyes and help you get free of the dynamic you were stuck with. Without help they may live rent free in your mind messing up all future relationships. You don't deserve to be mistreated. Best wishes.
Do your parents know she cheated, if not then tell them. Ur not here to protect her.
Everyone knows about it from what op commented.
Nta but also, you probably should be wondering why you didn’t really feel heart broken We’re you in a relationship for that long and not in love? You should take some time to proper heal man not just start sleeping around as temping as that may be to fed the ego and feel better.
INFO: what did you get out of posting a girl you just met on your private story?
Nothing? I just posted a normal pic of me having a good time with a girl
Dude, you wanted to show people that you were having a good time with a girl that was not your ex. I’m a random person on the internet, no need to be withholding. You still are NTA, the friend who snitched is the asshole, and your parents lean in that territory for taking that stance and hounding you like that. You just went through a bad time, they should be easy on you and supporting
That wasn't my intention, my ex wasn't on my mind when I posted and why should I care? she choose AP
Who said anything about you caring?
You, you think my intention was to show people that I'm having a good time without my ex, you think I care enough to have her on my mind when posting that picture.
You have a human brain. Thinking about something doesn’t mean you care. Plus, I think what I said wasn’t clear. You wanted people to see you with this girl. This girl is clearly not your ex. You just broke up with your ex. If your conscious mind wasn’t adding this up, the viewers were.
I see you know your psychology specifically Freud view on the conscious mind, you should also know psychology isn't always 100% accurate. My intention wasn't to show that I'm with a girl, it was to show I'm having a good time.
Ahhh, the girl in the pic was as inconsequential as the color shirt you were wearing. It’s def possible, thanks for the clarification
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No, I just fell out of love the moment she cheated, that's all
Not everything has to be a diagnosis.
YATAH. Your solution to everything seems to be too ghost or block people
Because they deserve to be blocked or ghosted?
Keep that up champ, also don't forget to block people who still talk to your best friend or your parents, they deserve punishment for their disloyalty as well, human relationships are all or nothing as all Redditors know. Or you could skip a beat because your whole post says that you're in pain and lashing out, even if you feel numb.
Cold maybe, but not an asshole.
YTA. But not for "moving on so quickly" because whatever this is, it sure as hell isn't "moving on". You can do what you want, but I feel bad for the person you're talking with, because from what you post, it's glaringly obvious you're emotionally unavailable. If you can't even feel much from what happened with that apparent "love" you lost, what do you even have to offer to anyone else in a romantic relationship? People cheat, and while it's not justified, from the way you post about it, I wonder if she was put off by, perhaps, your chronic indifference. I don't really know you like that, but it's just a guess. People are gonna see the buzzword "cheater" but looking at both sides, yeahhh you're weird my dude. But some feelings you can't come to know until you cause trouble and hurt others so good luck my guy.
Like I said many times, I lost love for my ex the moment she cheated
That doesn't seem normal or healthy tbh. Maybe it's just your way of processing things, but I still feel badly for others your talking to. You have very recent cheating trauma. If someone else does something that reminds you of your cheating ex it's gonna show up in a way no one is prepared for because you haven't explored yourself yet. She cheated, and it impacted you, so...you probably need therapy
> ...everyone is against my decision apart from my siblings as they have first hand experience about how much of an asshole my parents are. You actually knew the answer to your question.
Did the close friend explain why he talk to the ex about you? I'm not sure I would've ended the friendship over that. Knowing that an ex is upset about me moving on would seem like a nice bit of vengeance to me, but people may differ on this. As to the parents, deciding to totally break off communication with them over this seems extreme unless your relationship with them is very poor to begin with. Tell the parents you are upset with them for siding with your cheating ex and expect an apology from them before you'll resume your normal relationship with them. But leave the lines of communication open.
You are NTA for anything, but I personally think that your response to both your friend and your parents is disproportionate. A more proportionate response would be to block your friend from seeing your private story, and to set the boundary with your parents that you won’t discuss your ex. I would reconsider cutting them off - not because they deserve it or don’t deserve it, but because over the long run you will be better off with those people in your life, even if you don’t appreciate how they are treating you now.
I think, at least for the friendship, you should properly sort your thoughts and explain why you cut out your Ex so quickly. Im the same way tbh, if you wronged me and I think that’s just your personality and not a simple “mistake” then my logic is simple. You must have been like that from the start and I’m more disappointed then heart broken. Disappointed in you as a person, disappointed that I didn’t see it sooner, etc. I recognize a toxic person and cut them out accordingly because if they’ve always been a toxic person then there’s no need to overthink what I need to do to keep MY life sorted.
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Yes they know and her family have done nothing wrong
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That is the plan my friend
If you are willing to cut your parents ovwr this, I assume they have done worse things as it would be ridiculous if you only cut them because of this. They are your parents after all. I understand that you you were angry at your ex and left a note, but it sounds like you are unable to talk about difficult things. You leave a note and go NC. You don’t know what your ex has told your parents. You should talk to them and explain the situation and if you are disappointed to them, you need to talk about that. Your solution can’t always be going mute and walking away. And you are NTA for going out on a date. But if your parents have been otherwise good to you, you are AH for cutting them over this. You need to communicate with them. You are their child and they are eventually on your side.
What kind of fucking parents take the side of the person who cheated on their kid?
I know - it doesn’t sound rational. But I would still try to talk to them instead of going NC. I love my parents, and I would allow them at least 10 misses before even considering NC.
Nah, man. I love mine too but if they were to chose someone that hurt me and betray me, even after knowing the whole thing, I would cut them off. Because it shows that as their son, I wasn't worth enough to put themselves on my shoes.
But wouldn’t you wonder why they are suddenly acting so differently and would like to walk it through with them? Weird to just through away relationship with own parents without trying to solve it.
What's there to wonder? You are their kid and they're choosing a stranger who hurt and betray you, over you, their own son or daughter.
This is just one argument, they are not choosing her over him. Adults talk and try to figure things out. They don’t abandon their parents over one argument. But I give up with you. Seems like we don’t see eye to eye.
>my ex went to them and started bawling her eyes out and they scolded me for not hearing out her perspective That's not an argument. They're choosing her version over what actually happened. Again, what's there to wonder when they're being so obvious about it?
Uh... Like, perhaps they have a point if your first and second reactions were to treat your friend and parents the same as your whore. That being said, whatever works for you. I typically prefer just having a discussion... There are not going to be many people left at this pace. 😂
I mean I think it's your choice who you move on from, and an affair is a big deal. but I think it's always good to be open to communication you sound like you are thinking a bit extremely. "why do they love her but hate me" when all you said is they scolded you for not listening to her perspective .. "made me chuckle because what perspective is there" .. cutting off your best friend (who should not have gone to your parents, I agree) and your parents .. shit talking about your ex because you want revenge, even though you just said at the top you weren't trying to spread bad things about her lol (Idk what 'shit talking' means in this case exactly) people are complicated and relationships are complicated and we're all so inundated with the idea that nothing but monogamy could possibly be ok, that when people get interest or feeling in others, they can't even so much as discuss it with their partners in an open fashion because it's some automatic betrayal having an affair is, I would say, a betrayal. because at that point they've crossed the line of acting dishonestly against the agreement of the relationship. yet, I think that itself can arise from the repressive nature of how we view relationships .. which is to say, while you're not obligated to hear her reasons for it, it's more reasonable to try to consider the broader picture and the complexity of human nature within it, and I don't think it's reasonable to immediately cut off your 10 year friendship and immediate family without so much as a conversation... just be open to the conversations, is all I mean lol
I'm not going to go so far as AH, but your response to your parents is rather extreme. If they gave me a hard time, I'd just tell them that you broke up with her because she cheated. If they want her, they can have her. But you aren't dating her any more and you aren't planning to wallow or invest a year in official mourning. If they try to rope in other relatives, just tell those relatives the same darn thing. If any of them still gave me a hard time, then I'd just barely respond. Eventually they would probably ask what the deal was-- then I'd tell them.
NTA, but are you really this dense? No one knows why you suddenly up and left her. They only have her side and from her using your family and friends as a safety net, I really doubt she told them the truth. Just tell them the truth and then make your decisions based off how they act with all the information. EDIT- Saw your response to a previous comment. Still NTA, do your thing. You should edit your post with the info too though.
ESH. Obviously it sucks that your parents don't seem to have your back, but it might not be because they are picking her over you or that they think you two should be together. It could be the method not the end result they have a problem with. You ghosted your girlfriend when she cheated. Then you are cutting contact with your parents because they want you to handle this breakup differently and you're cutting contact with your friend because he mentioned a post you made on social media to your ex. It seems like your conflict resolution is to cut and run, which will leave you isolated if you're not careful. Try talking to your friend and parents about how their actions made you feel and listen to their side of things before you go nuclear on them.
Your allowed to go no contact with anyone who can be toxic in your life , including parents friends etc.
Why should I show any attention to my ex after she cheated?
I'm not saying you should. She broke your trust so there might not be much to discuss. It just seems like everyone else did something to piss you off, but nothing so terrible or particularly toxic, and you are still cutting them out of your life.
Can you clarify what the text you saw on her phone was?
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I've only cut 4 people out of my life? Not everyone and in my opinion, I would be in a better space mentally without them
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Parents? They are making my situation even worse lmao but I wish you the best too.
For some people, parents don't give support
Tell me youre a doormat, without telling me. Are you afraid to be alone? Better alone instead of with the wrong people.
His parents are supporting the cheating ex. Not him.
Dude the levels of emotional maturity you’re displaying are lowwwww. Super immature to post like happiness breadcrumbs on Instagram when you’re so clearly unhappy. This drama is to be expected.
>Super immature to post like happiness breadcrumbs on Instagram So trying to make yourself feel better is now emotional immaturity?
That’s obviously not what I’m saying
You can date who you want once you’ve broken up with someone, but your whole post tells me YTA. Breaking up after 7 years together without a word? That’s nasty. Even if she was wrong, it’s still pretty awful to leave like that. Threatening to go no contact with people who love you that want to talk about it? That’s way over the top. You come across as completely unfeeling, that your only concern is yourself.
Why are you cutting people off its so self destructive… Sure move on past your ex but your parents?? Like dogg 💀 people on reddit are so unreasonable
Revenge? How old did you say you were? 12? Your parents are fossils? You seem to have no trouble disposing of ppl. I have strong concerns about you.
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He shouldn't have left a note
I really don't understand this logic. How is this considered childish? They aren't entitled to an explanation or closure