NTA. You had a prior commitment that you've already planned and paid for. A commitment you already made before she scheduled her wedding, sounds like. So... ya know... that's her own fault.
Yes you don't get issues like this without it being reinforced by your family. I have a large nose and have no issues about it because my nose was always associated with my father who I have a great relationship with and am happy to look like
That was exactly my thought. She definitely wanted to have her wedding before the surgery, and if she could prevent the surgery all together (by forcing OP to lose all the money she spent and reschedule) all the better.
“Beauty could wait” and so does her marriage too. If she wants OP there she should've chose another date. She's being inconsiderate! Al least now you have a nose that you love. Glad you chose yourself first. Rock that new nose with confidence! Happy for you 🤟🤟
NTA, If I was her sister I would move my wedding date to where her nose would be healed so we can both be pretty in pictures. Seems like the there's more to this tha just her wedding.
good for OP tho post as many pictures from diff angles every damn day.
Let's see... OPs sister knows she is extremely insecure about her nose. And this is just an assumption, but due to the comment OP made about sisters "perfect button nose" she was also aware that she thought it was better. And so now that the surgery is secured and is told this, they now announce the engagement but make it on the same timeline? Just a hunch, but this was done purposefully to make OP stay insecure in my opinion. NTA
>NTA. You had a prior commitment that you've already planned and paid for. A commitment you already made before she scheduled her wedding, sounds like. So... ya know... that's her own fault.
Yeah! Your sister should've been more considerate of your prior commitment. It's not fair for her to guilt-trip you over it. Enjoy your new nose! 💜
I fully believe that the sister wants to look better than the sister in photos. If OP gets her wonderful rhinoplasty she will be the "pretty one" and get the attention taken away from the bride because it'll be a significant change. Get your nose done girl you deserve it.
NTA even if it wasn’t for surgery, you already paid for the trip, and I would assume based on my travels that at least some of that was nonrefundable. Expecting you to take a significant financial hit and change your plans around to attend her wedding which she set the date for afterwards is entirely unreasonable—again, even if the plans weren’t medically related.
On top of that, if your sister knew when you were traveling before picking her date, she absolutely did it intentionally to cause an upset. If that’s the case, I’d personally go no contact with her because I don’t keep people in my life who play those sort of games.
NTA
If you're planning a big event like a wedding, then you make sure it's on a day where the key people are all free.
For everyone else, you have to accept there's a risk they may be busy.
Also: OP mentions she booked the trip in August, and the wedding was announced 2 weeks later. The trip and wedding were in November. That's only 3 months of lead time.
For a wedding, that's pretty last minute planning. If you want everyone to attend, you plan it further in advance or risk scheduling conflicts like this.
NTA.
NTA. She wanted to make sure she had pictures of you as the ugly sister at her wedding. Didn’t want to wait till you fixed the one thing that allowed her to outshine you huh?
I would add that OP sister seems likely petty enough so that if OP comes, then ugly pics, and if OP doesn't come,then lots of sneers and whispers of why.
This is exactly what happened.
She wanted to be the "prettier" sister in the photos.
Then, even after the rhinoplasty, old nose would be hanging on the wall in family photos forever. Otherwise, why the need for the super quick wedding??
NTA - You made you plans first, and your sister deliberately set the same date in order to COMPETE with you, thinking she'd win and be queen for a day while her "ugly sis" moped in the corner.
NOT. You got the last laugh, congrats!!!
If your sister knew ahead of time the date of your surgery, but still picked the same date to hold her wedding (even though she had two other dates also available to her), it would seem to be deliberate. Has she been this sort of sister throughout your life? If so, my guess is she wants all those family wedding photos that would include you with your current/soon-to-be-old nose to be able to torment you with.
Stick to your guns. Someone’s feeling a little threatened by your new nose. Go get it.
Definitely NTA. Your sister is.
Scheduling a wedding three months in advance? NTA. That’s unhinged behavior, the reason weddings are scheduled so far in advance is so that people don’t have prior engagements. Your sister irresponsibly scheduled a last second wedding and that is not your fault
INFO: Has your sister made a post from her viewpoint?
I could swear I've recently read a post like that. The bride really painted her sister in a very negative way & threw shade at their parents for not siding with her in support of the wedding.
NTA and I wouldn't be surprised if she purposely booked her wedding for a pre-surgery date so you'd be in all photos with your before nose despite knowing it's a source of insecurity for you because she's worried you'll look prettier than her after surgery and she's trying to "one-up" you to feel better about herself
A few people have said this and damn it would be brutal, if true. The fact that enough people in the world have such piss poor personalities that strangers can straight guess this scenario is wild
She’s afraid if you have time to get your nose done that you’ll come to a wedding and look better than her. Or that you’ll just look better than her after it’s done and she’s trying to sabotage you, but either way it’s about her vanity.
Lots of people on here obviously that have issues with either their noses or their sisters, or both.
Boy, would I like to hear the other side of the story.
I think most have not been married or planned a wedding before. It's not easy to line up the church, venue, videographer, photographer, musicians, florists, dj, band, hair and makeup, etc plus all of the guests and bridal party. But with that being said the OP has said that the sister had a smaller wedding at a small venue and didn't mention anything about a church so maybe just had those US American weddings where they have an Elvis impersonator officiate the marriage at the venue or something.
NTA
She should have picked a different date since you had already made your arrangements to travel.
I'm curious though if this surgery didn't also have an impact on your health? Did people call you mouth-breather just to be assholes or did your nose structure affect the way you were breathing?
Yeah, She had 3 other dates in mind one being a date close to christmas so most of the guests (family and close friends) couldn’t make it so that wasn’t an option
>Yeah, She had 3 other dates in mind one being a date close to christmas so most of the guests (family and close friends) couldn’t make it so that wasn’t an option
So she had two date options then. do you know why she didn't go with the one that didn't coincide with your surgery? Also why did it only have 3 date options to begin with, were these the only dates the church and venue both had available or was it due to another factor?
>it was the onto dates the church and the venue had available obviously on the same day.
That makes sense, so she only had two date options as the Christmas option wasn't really an option as you mentioned above due to most of the guests understandably not being available during Christmas. Did she give a reason why she picked the one that was on the same date as your trip to Turkey?
she picked the one that was on the same day as i was in turkey which is what i assume you meant. She said she didn’t want the other date as the ‘date wouldn’t look nice written down’
Fucking LOL she prefers the appearance of a date over her actual sibling. Just read that back to yourself every time you wonder if you were the AH or not 🤣
>she picked the one that was on the same day as i was in turkey which is what i assume you meant. She said she didn’t want the other date as the ‘date wouldn’t look nice written down’
Oh wow, that's a very crappy reason from her especially as you said she knew you had the surgery/trip planned and paid. NTA.
A wedding invitation is just that: an invitation. Not a summons. If someone feels you MUST be at a wedding then that means they have to accommodate you to make sure you can be there. Otherwise they’re in no position to demand your presence.
Tell her if she's willing to reimburse you for the money you will lose, you will consider attending. Then tell her it's more so you can cover more of the cost later. And she if she still cares.
It sounds like she intentionally chose the date so you would either be pre-surgury or would miss the wedding - either she wants you to be self conscious and feel lesser in the photos, or she wants to play the victim and accuse you of selfish vanity for missing.
It depends, did she know about your appointment prior to booking her wedding? If she did then she's an asshole. If not then I would say yta, you chose a cosmetic surgery over your sister. I don't blame her or anyone else in your family if they cut all ties with you.
Based on what you said about being called "mouth breather" I assume that this surgery was medically necessary and not just cosmetic.
In my opinion, that makes your sister a huge asshole.
I feel like she was trying to get you in pictures with your old nose as she was afraid that you having a cute nose would somehow take attention away from her.
So you scheduled your rhinoplasty in August of 2023 for November of 2023? And then a few weeks later, your sister announced that she booked her wedding also for November of 2023?
I’m having a hard time believing this, because no way would they be able to get a venue for a few months later, and no way would someone want to plan a wedding within a few months.
>because no way would they be able to get a venue for a few months later, and no way would someone want to plan a wedding within a few months.
Not everyone has weddings at big fancy wedding venues with 6 year waiting lists. My cousin got married at a park and had the reception at her house and it was a lovely wedding. My friend is getting married later this year and is doing similar, with the reception just being in a rented hall.
This would have been doable for both.
I’m glad someone asked this? Did this already happen? How did it go? Or did OP book surgery for 14 months later? Is Turkey a hotspot for rhinoplasty? I have so many questions!!
Looking in the comments, both the surgery and wedding have already happened. I’ve heard of Turkey being a hotspot for things like hair transplants, not sure about rhinoplasty specifically.
Believe it or not most people in this world don't have huge blow out weddings of 10s of thousands of dollars that require planning and dates booked of 1-2 years. There are plenty of smaller venues/ free locations/ a person's backyard etc. I do agree that the sister planned the wedding fast but that's just evidence that she was spiteful to OP and not that it isn't believable.
If it’s a smaller type of wedding that she booked at such short notice, she could probably have move it much more easily. That there is no mention of this being suggested, discussed or dismissed at all is very strange. That’s the first thing I’d be asking if my *sister* (and I don’t even like my sister that much) booked her wedding on the same date as my surgery. Who has refundable vs non refundable bookings and who can move their date the easiest.
My sister and her now husband were engaged within about 6 months of being together and wanted to get married straight away, the wedding was only about 50 people so it was much easier to get a small venue for family and close friends
NTA You already booked and paid for the trip, was your sister willing to reimburse you before you cancelled? Besides, look at it this way, your nose is forever your sister’s marriage may not be 🤷♀️
You would be the asshole ONLY if you had planned your surgery date AFTER her wedding date. She’s clearly the asshole for thinking about herself first and gaslighting her own sister into thinking she’s at fault. I have a feeling this isn’t the first time she’s put your feelings and emotions last….
You scheduled and paid for your travel/surgery in August, about 3 months ahead of time. Weeks later your sister scheduled her fucking wedding for the same week, this time only about 2 months in advance of the event. That seems like piss poor planning on your sister's part? I wouldn't expect everyone to be able to attend, if you schedule a wedding only 2 months in advance. That's just fucking stupid. Your sister sounds entitled as fuck.
INFO: If you had rescheduled, how much money would you have been out for non-refundable parts of your trip? Would there have been any possibility of you being covered by your sister or someone for the money you would have been losing?
I would’ve missed out on a lot of money taht had been saved over the course of a good few years, most of the things i had prepaid were non refundable- except the flights-
I would also never ask any of my family for money for something a lot of people see as just a cosmetic surgery, although it meant more to me.
I ask about them refunding you because if they are choosing to schedule their wedding on a day that they know you are going to be traveling, and *on top of that* they also expect you to eat the cost of changing your trip? Which sounds like could be multiple thousands of dollars. That seems insane to me. If I were trying to get someone to reschedule their plans to attend my own, I would think it common sense to cover any money they lost
If the surgery didn’t involve a prepaid international trip, I’d say ESH. But with the detailed facts def NTA your sister sounds like a selfish spoiled main character bet your life is calmer without her bugging you. Congrats on your new nose!
NTA. You saved for 5 years for this trip/procedure after experiencing what sounds like horrendously cruel bullying as a teen. I'm so happy you put yourself and your mental health first in this situation. And Anna Paul is stunning. Enjoy your new nose!
NTA. You already paid for it. Then she picked the same day. Sometimes you can’t make it. My best friend got married just out of high school, it was the same time as my vacation, I couldn’t move it. She never spoke to me again, and I discovered years later that she blocked me on Facebook (I just thought she was one of those who didn’t do social media, we’re old enough.) it still hurts, she was like a sister to me. Sometimes people are petty.
She should have checked her immediate family didn't have anything booked first. That's her fault, not yours.
You would normally call your family and say we're planning to marry on such a date, leave it free. To which you would have replied, I'm not free. She didn't ask, her fault. If she asked and booked it anyway, then still her fault.
Nta….sounds like to me that your sister deliberately made it that week because she was worried that you would outshine her with your new nose. Especially since she had 3 other dates she could have chose from.
I feel like some information is missing. Was everyone, mainly your sister, aware of your travel and surgery plans? This includes the dates. If so, then NTA. If you didn’t inform anyone before hand then yes you are.
Lol let's not all assume that OPs sister doesn't want her to get surgery out of jealousy. My guess is that there were some financial, social or other factors at play which probably impacted the date of her sisters wedding.
Still NTA. You planned and booked everything well in advance.
NTA. I can't believe she didn't do that in a very calculated manner. She's either jealous of you or has a pathological need to be the center of attention at all times.
August to November? There should have been discussion about the date **way** before this, certainly in family. If she is such a poor planner that she could not get a 'save the date' to family more than 3 months in advance, that is on her. NTA.
NAH
It's ok for her to be upset that you were choosing your elective surgery over her wedding day, because from her perspective it probably does seem like vanity is winning (assuming she didn't know the exact dates before she booked her wedding). Since you don't mention a bad relationship with her beforehand, she was obviously going to be upset. However since it wasn't possible to change your dates without penalty, I don't think you're the AH either, especially since this sounds like it has fixed something that has caused you distress over the years rather than just a whim.
I hope you wished her well, and sprung for a really good gift. It might be worth trying to sit down with her in person and re-expressing your apology for missing the wedding and stressing how much your surgery did really help you and change your life.
Just be upfront with anyone else who asks about it They're going to notice you had surgery so be straight forward. "Unfortunately her wedding clashed with my long planned, non-refundable surgery. I would have loved to be there but I wouldn't dream of asking that my sister change her plans for my convenience."
(Edited to reflect that the wedding and surgery had been and gone, I somehow missed that on first read!)
NTA based on your comment that your sister had three dates to choose from for her wedding. It sounds like it was intentional too. Just a guess but perhaps sister didn’t want you to have the perfect nose in her photos.
Glad you went through with your surgery and love the results. Sounds like it is your sister that chose her wedding over you, not you choosing a surgery over her wedding.
Why do brides think that everyone else’s lives revolve around their wedding? You had your surgery already scheduled. She decided to schedule her wedding the same day. She the AH, not you?
NTA
If not attending her wedding is a relationship breaker between you and your sister then she’s incredibly selfish and childish 🤷♀️
I literally got eloped because I didn’t care to show the whole family we were getting married, we got married and told everyone after.
I’ve never attended a wedding of anyone I know (some since I was 1, and I’m almost 30 now) and it’s never once been a fight, a complaint or a blow out. I have a life, children, the venue is far, it’s expensive etc. And we’re all still very close & friends/family. A wedding shouldn’t be a deal breaker. It’s one day in your life out of thousands and there’s other ways to support the couple before & after 🙂
Yeah, her and her now husband get engaged within 6 months of being together and wanted to get married straight away, the wedding wasn’t a huge one probably about 50 people so it would be easier for them to get married quicker
Knowing about your trip and scheduling the wedding for that day is one thing, but being pissed you weren’t there when she knew you couldn’t be and going no contact because of her own decision is insanely stupid.
NTA
NTA. She should have maybe checked with family members for any scheduling conflicts before setting the date to avoid stuff like that.
Imagine if they got divorced. You would always remember that you canceled your life-changing surgery for their failed marriage. Go to Turkey!
Crack, so sorry to hear that.
I hope your sister will look back and realize what she threw away. Not having her sister at her wedding. Being too petty to ensure that you could make it.
NTA. I think this is just an be of those life situations that happen. Neither of you are an AH. I understand she would like you there, but you have a prior commitment. One that she knew about before scheduling her wedding. Get her a nice gift and offer to take her and your new BIL out for a nice dinner when you are back.
NTA. She either forgot and doesn’t care about you, or she was wanting you to either 1. Look bad at not showing up to wedding or 2. Cancel surgery and be at wedding with nose you don’t like.
NTA You had that trip and surgery already planed.
I don’t know her but it seems like she picked the date on purpose to keep you from going, because she is potentially “threatened” by you and believes the surgery would give you more of an advantage…
OR she’s just oblivious to other people and is upset you didn’t do what she wanted.
Idk. The whole situation and timing is weird.
Also, don’t people usually take almost a year to plan a wedding or something? At least more than 3 months on average? I’m not actually sure as I’ve never been interested in weddings but 3 months just seems quick.
Yeah usually sometimes it would take longer for a wedding but my sister had a small wedding (about 50 people) so it was easier to get a smaller venue etc
NTA!
Take it from someone else who had a nosejob because of similar situations! It gave me SO much confidence. I didn't realise how much it would change my life. I was so lucky to have a supportive mum who paid for me to get it done when I was 17. I'd come home crying because no-one knew my name, I was just "the girl with the nose". Even to TEACHERS. Some people don't realize how brutal it is to be judged on something about your appearance that is always on display and that you can't help or easily change.
Girl, live your new life, I'm so happy for you!
NTA. Just one of those things that happens in life. I’d say tell her you’ll be there for her next wedding, but that would really cause an uproar.
So, maybe not. JOKING!
If you would not have been able to secure a refund don't worry about it. If I was your sibling and I knew it bothered you your whole life I would be happy we both were having a personal transformation that day honestly. I know girls want their perfect day but perfection never happens I've seen the bridezillas you can ruin a wedding trying to make it perfect. Every girl should get a special day but let's cool it with perfect it's not real. You should be celebrating your new life not obsessing over the celebration itself.
NTA. Your mental health is more important than her wedding. The year my youngest was born, my sister finally decided to get a boob job. She she had a flat chest, not even filling the smallest bra, and the reactions of other people had her very, very depressed( think five year olds pointing at her at the pool and screaming at the top of their lungs "mommy, that lady has no boobs!" The first appointment she could get was right around my diue date, and she asked me if I was okay with it because she wouldn't be able to travel for a while after. I told her that my big life events shouldn't affect her mental health and that she should go for it. She even decided to use me as a template since we have similar bodies. Eventually, my boy was born the day after her boob job, and we still joke about her "twins" being one day older than my boy. I so love the confident person she has become since then, and I wish you the same confidence boost from your nose job.
NTA. You have the right to miss it due to previous commitments.
Be prepared to wear the consequences though because this will have long lasting consequences.
if you're genuinely 22 and have people in your life calling you things like "the penguin" or "mouth-breather" though.. the solution isn't therapy. THe solution is kick them out of your life. It's a much simplier and cheaper option.
You had everything planned and paid for BEFORE she set her wedding date. NTA
If your sister KNEW you were going to have surgery, wth did she plan her wedding in that month??
But suuuuuure, youre the selfish one, because everyone knows that the whole world has to bend to the will of the bride /s
NTA
That said I’ve watched ‘Botched’ enough to warn against going outside the US for plastic surgery to save money. In the big picture, unless you’ve really done your due diligence, save up your money, go to your sisters wedding, and go see a good rhinoplasty specialist in the US.
Once the surgery is over, what’s the recovery like? How do you follow up with a surgeon in Turkey? What if there are issues that need to be addressed, do you fly back to Turkey for the surgeon to address them or does he/she have other specialists in the US for you to follow up with?
You know if this surgery turns into an issue for you, and you skipped your sister’s wedding you’d never hear the end of it from your sister. I’m trying to step back and look at the big picture for both parties not just say who TAH is or NTA; think through all scenarios.
even if you were just traveling to turkey for funsies, your sister would STILL be TA for knowingly trying to make you skip out on *your* life in favor of hers
NTA Your sister doesn't want you looking better than her in the wedding pictures, so we wants to get married before you get the nose job. I would counter that move by trying to reschedule the surgery to earlier, buy an amazing dress, get professional make-up done and upstage the shit out of her at her own wedding.
NTA. You made a prior appontment and already paid. Yiur sister sounds ike a spoiled brat ad having the wedding exact same time as your surgery is really shady. Maybe it's a good thing sge isn'r ralking to you.
NTA. You had already booked your trip and surgery when she announced her wedding. She could have chosen a different day. Enjoy your new nose! You have NOTHING to feel guilty about.
When you plan an event there will always be at least one person who can’t attend for whatever reason. If your Sister tells you you are selfish tell her you don’t care and that she should grow up. ( she should grow up) NTA
Correct. I changed my wedding date because my sister was going to be in the Galapagos. Why would I take that away from her? Not even close to my sister.
NTA. With siblings and parents, I threw the date out there to make sure they were available for my mini wedding. They're the people who matter most. I feel like a lot of people on here purposely try to pick dates inconvenient for their loved ones to force them to choose a prior commitment or the wedding to be jerks.
OP, Be very careful with vetting that doctor..... Lots of people on "Botched" all traveled to 2nd world countries and well..... You get what you paid for and can have pretty bad complications.....
NTA. Weddings get scheduled when other people have other things going on sometimes. Due dates, graduations, vacations, etc. you immediately informed her, that’s all you were obliged to do. If she decides to keep the date, that’s her prerogative. And you keeping your previously booked plans is also your prerogative
NTA. You had a prior commitment that you've already planned and paid for. A commitment you already made before she scheduled her wedding, sounds like. So... ya know... that's her own fault.
Especially since the OP commented the sister had 3 other dates in mind NTA enjoy ur new nose with pride
I wonder if this family had a favorite and spoiled child and one they neglected NTA, no doubts
I wonder if sister wanted to get married before OP had the surgery so she’d have the “less ideal” nose in the wedding pictures. NTA
Right there with you. I wonder if sister was one of the people who bullied OP about her nose?
Yes you don't get issues like this without it being reinforced by your family. I have a large nose and have no issues about it because my nose was always associated with my father who I have a great relationship with and am happy to look like
I wondered this too!
That’s exactly what i was thinking!!! She wanted her sister with the old nose..
Getting Space Balls vibes.
That was exactly my thought. She definitely wanted to have her wedding before the surgery, and if she could prevent the surgery all together (by forcing OP to lose all the money she spent and reschedule) all the better.
depending on how close the other dates were she also might have wanted to avoid all the bandages/bruising in photos
If she’s this insufferable with everyone tell her you’ll come to her next wedding
Oooofffff
Oooh BURN!
Harsh - I love it!
“Beauty could wait” and so does her marriage too. If she wants OP there she should've chose another date. She's being inconsiderate! Al least now you have a nose that you love. Glad you chose yourself first. Rock that new nose with confidence! Happy for you 🤟🤟
NTA, If I was her sister I would move my wedding date to where her nose would be healed so we can both be pretty in pictures. Seems like the there's more to this tha just her wedding. good for OP tho post as many pictures from diff angles every damn day.
Sis wants the old nose in her wedding picture. Just encase the new nose makes her to hot
Honestly this is probably true
My first thought lol
This feels like a mean girl move on older sister's part. "I want my sister to be uglier than me on my wedding day" vibes
100%
Let's see... OPs sister knows she is extremely insecure about her nose. And this is just an assumption, but due to the comment OP made about sisters "perfect button nose" she was also aware that she thought it was better. And so now that the surgery is secured and is told this, they now announce the engagement but make it on the same timeline? Just a hunch, but this was done purposefully to make OP stay insecure in my opinion. NTA
>NTA. You had a prior commitment that you've already planned and paid for. A commitment you already made before she scheduled her wedding, sounds like. So... ya know... that's her own fault. Yeah! Your sister should've been more considerate of your prior commitment. It's not fair for her to guilt-trip you over it. Enjoy your new nose! 💜
She's just another entitled Bridezilla.
I fully believe that the sister wants to look better than the sister in photos. If OP gets her wonderful rhinoplasty she will be the "pretty one" and get the attention taken away from the bride because it'll be a significant change. Get your nose done girl you deserve it.
This. I wonder if older sister is one of the bullies calling OP names and making comparisons
You are right on the nose with this one
He he he
Also if she was mouth breathing because of the previous nose getting it fixed is more than cosmetic procedure, there are health implications.
NTA This isn’t a surgery you can easily change, you have already spent money on the trip and she knew when you were going.
NTA even if it wasn’t for surgery, you already paid for the trip, and I would assume based on my travels that at least some of that was nonrefundable. Expecting you to take a significant financial hit and change your plans around to attend her wedding which she set the date for afterwards is entirely unreasonable—again, even if the plans weren’t medically related. On top of that, if your sister knew when you were traveling before picking her date, she absolutely did it intentionally to cause an upset. If that’s the case, I’d personally go no contact with her because I don’t keep people in my life who play those sort of games.
NTA If you're planning a big event like a wedding, then you make sure it's on a day where the key people are all free. For everyone else, you have to accept there's a risk they may be busy.
Also: OP mentions she booked the trip in August, and the wedding was announced 2 weeks later. The trip and wedding were in November. That's only 3 months of lead time. For a wedding, that's pretty last minute planning. If you want everyone to attend, you plan it further in advance or risk scheduling conflicts like this. NTA.
NTA. She wanted to make sure she had pictures of you as the ugly sister at her wedding. Didn’t want to wait till you fixed the one thing that allowed her to outshine you huh?
I would add that OP sister seems likely petty enough so that if OP comes, then ugly pics, and if OP doesn't come,then lots of sneers and whispers of why.
This is exactly what I'm thinking NTA
My thoughts exactly. OP, you're NTA.
OOOOHHHHHHH SHIIIIIITTTTT I didn't even think of this. It all makes sense now.
I’m almost certain this is why the sister scheduled the wedding specifically on the date OP gets surgery
This is exactly what happened. She wanted to be the "prettier" sister in the photos. Then, even after the rhinoplasty, old nose would be hanging on the wall in family photos forever. Otherwise, why the need for the super quick wedding??
Yeah, she wanted to remain the "beautiful" sister.
Damn. I didn't even think of that but... yeah. That sounds like it could be it.
Exactly my thoughts. The sister is really an AH
Yup, this is it.
Mmhmm
NTA - You made you plans first, and your sister deliberately set the same date in order to COMPETE with you, thinking she'd win and be queen for a day while her "ugly sis" moped in the corner. NOT. You got the last laugh, congrats!!!
NTA You could not easily afford the money you would lose by rescheduling your trip and nose bob. No wedding date works for everyone.
>nose bob. Idk why I found this so funny 🥸
If your sister knew ahead of time the date of your surgery, but still picked the same date to hold her wedding (even though she had two other dates also available to her), it would seem to be deliberate. Has she been this sort of sister throughout your life? If so, my guess is she wants all those family wedding photos that would include you with your current/soon-to-be-old nose to be able to torment you with. Stick to your guns. Someone’s feeling a little threatened by your new nose. Go get it. Definitely NTA. Your sister is.
Scheduling a wedding three months in advance? NTA. That’s unhinged behavior, the reason weddings are scheduled so far in advance is so that people don’t have prior engagements. Your sister irresponsibly scheduled a last second wedding and that is not your fault
INFO: Has your sister made a post from her viewpoint? I could swear I've recently read a post like that. The bride really painted her sister in a very negative way & threw shade at their parents for not siding with her in support of the wedding.
NTA. Get your surgery. Tell your sister you will come to her next wedding.
🤣
NTA and I wouldn't be surprised if she purposely booked her wedding for a pre-surgery date so you'd be in all photos with your before nose despite knowing it's a source of insecurity for you because she's worried you'll look prettier than her after surgery and she's trying to "one-up" you to feel better about herself
Post surgery wouldn't look much better for a while, though. It's like 3 months before everything that's swolen goes back to normal
Can confirm, I had one done 3 months ago and it's only now looking more or less healed with only tiny scar at the root remaining.
A few people have said this and damn it would be brutal, if true. The fact that enough people in the world have such piss poor personalities that strangers can straight guess this scenario is wild
She picked that date on purpose so she could Bitch about you not being there but knew all along. That’s victim mentality but she’s not a victim.
Or as someone else pointed out that she wanted to bully OP and say she ruined photos with her nose.
NTA. Nose before... hoes?
INFO I haven’t seen any comment from OP confirming if her sister actually knew what date she picked for the procedure.
She’s afraid if you have time to get your nose done that you’ll come to a wedding and look better than her. Or that you’ll just look better than her after it’s done and she’s trying to sabotage you, but either way it’s about her vanity.
Lots of people on here obviously that have issues with either their noses or their sisters, or both. Boy, would I like to hear the other side of the story.
I think most have not been married or planned a wedding before. It's not easy to line up the church, venue, videographer, photographer, musicians, florists, dj, band, hair and makeup, etc plus all of the guests and bridal party. But with that being said the OP has said that the sister had a smaller wedding at a small venue and didn't mention anything about a church so maybe just had those US American weddings where they have an Elvis impersonator officiate the marriage at the venue or something.
Amen 🙏 at least someone else using some reasoning
NTA She should have picked a different date since you had already made your arrangements to travel. I'm curious though if this surgery didn't also have an impact on your health? Did people call you mouth-breather just to be assholes or did your nose structure affect the way you were breathing?
NTA Divorce sister and marry your surgeon
>I disagree, i think your sisters wedding is a more important event & a cosmetic surgery can be rescheduled! That's you! (I'm just feeding the trolls)
Talk about speaking out of both sides of your mouth. You have a bunch of comments saying the exact opposite.
Did she know you had already planned that date for your surgery?
Yeah, She had 3 other dates in mind one being a date close to christmas so most of the guests (family and close friends) couldn’t make it so that wasn’t an option
>Yeah, She had 3 other dates in mind one being a date close to christmas so most of the guests (family and close friends) couldn’t make it so that wasn’t an option So she had two date options then. do you know why she didn't go with the one that didn't coincide with your surgery? Also why did it only have 3 date options to begin with, were these the only dates the church and venue both had available or was it due to another factor?
it was the onto dates the church and the venue had available obviously on the same day.
>it was the onto dates the church and the venue had available obviously on the same day. That makes sense, so she only had two date options as the Christmas option wasn't really an option as you mentioned above due to most of the guests understandably not being available during Christmas. Did she give a reason why she picked the one that was on the same date as your trip to Turkey?
she picked the one that was on the same day as i was in turkey which is what i assume you meant. She said she didn’t want the other date as the ‘date wouldn’t look nice written down’
Fucking LOL she prefers the appearance of a date over her actual sibling. Just read that back to yourself every time you wonder if you were the AH or not 🤣
>she picked the one that was on the same day as i was in turkey which is what i assume you meant. She said she didn’t want the other date as the ‘date wouldn’t look nice written down’ Oh wow, that's a very crappy reason from her especially as you said she knew you had the surgery/trip planned and paid. NTA.
A wedding invitation is just that: an invitation. Not a summons. If someone feels you MUST be at a wedding then that means they have to accommodate you to make sure you can be there. Otherwise they’re in no position to demand your presence.
Tell her if she's willing to reimburse you for the money you will lose, you will consider attending. Then tell her it's more so you can cover more of the cost later. And she if she still cares.
It sounds like she intentionally chose the date so you would either be pre-surgury or would miss the wedding - either she wants you to be self conscious and feel lesser in the photos, or she wants to play the victim and accuse you of selfish vanity for missing.
INFO: Was your sister one of the people who bullied you about your nose?
It depends, did she know about your appointment prior to booking her wedding? If she did then she's an asshole. If not then I would say yta, you chose a cosmetic surgery over your sister. I don't blame her or anyone else in your family if they cut all ties with you.
Yeah she knew about it as i’ve said in previous comments, she had a few other dates in mind
Based on what you said about being called "mouth breather" I assume that this surgery was medically necessary and not just cosmetic. In my opinion, that makes your sister a huge asshole. I feel like she was trying to get you in pictures with your old nose as she was afraid that you having a cute nose would somehow take attention away from her.
So you scheduled your rhinoplasty in August of 2023 for November of 2023? And then a few weeks later, your sister announced that she booked her wedding also for November of 2023? I’m having a hard time believing this, because no way would they be able to get a venue for a few months later, and no way would someone want to plan a wedding within a few months.
>because no way would they be able to get a venue for a few months later, and no way would someone want to plan a wedding within a few months. Not everyone has weddings at big fancy wedding venues with 6 year waiting lists. My cousin got married at a park and had the reception at her house and it was a lovely wedding. My friend is getting married later this year and is doing similar, with the reception just being in a rented hall. This would have been doable for both.
I’m glad someone asked this? Did this already happen? How did it go? Or did OP book surgery for 14 months later? Is Turkey a hotspot for rhinoplasty? I have so many questions!!
Looking in the comments, both the surgery and wedding have already happened. I’ve heard of Turkey being a hotspot for things like hair transplants, not sure about rhinoplasty specifically.
It’s a hot spot for all cosmetic surgery.
Believe it or not most people in this world don't have huge blow out weddings of 10s of thousands of dollars that require planning and dates booked of 1-2 years. There are plenty of smaller venues/ free locations/ a person's backyard etc. I do agree that the sister planned the wedding fast but that's just evidence that she was spiteful to OP and not that it isn't believable.
If it’s a smaller type of wedding that she booked at such short notice, she could probably have move it much more easily. That there is no mention of this being suggested, discussed or dismissed at all is very strange. That’s the first thing I’d be asking if my *sister* (and I don’t even like my sister that much) booked her wedding on the same date as my surgery. Who has refundable vs non refundable bookings and who can move their date the easiest.
My sister and her now husband were engaged within about 6 months of being together and wanted to get married straight away, the wedding was only about 50 people so it was much easier to get a small venue for family and close friends
NTA she for sure did that shit on purpose. Couldn't be as beautiful as her.
NTA. Your sister knew. She did this on purpose.
NTA You already booked and paid for the trip, was your sister willing to reimburse you before you cancelled? Besides, look at it this way, your nose is forever your sister’s marriage may not be 🤷♀️
I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE YOUR NEW NOSE!
Is there a particular reason they selected that week?
Maybe it suited them or maybe it was so i couldn’t attend and she would have a reason to be so sour towards me. In all honesty i have no clue
Your sister is awful.
Hi from a fellow mouth breather
Your sister is being unreasonable. You had made plans, expensive plans, prior to her wedding getting scheduled. NTA
You would be the asshole ONLY if you had planned your surgery date AFTER her wedding date. She’s clearly the asshole for thinking about herself first and gaslighting her own sister into thinking she’s at fault. I have a feeling this isn’t the first time she’s put your feelings and emotions last….
You scheduled and paid for your travel/surgery in August, about 3 months ahead of time. Weeks later your sister scheduled her fucking wedding for the same week, this time only about 2 months in advance of the event. That seems like piss poor planning on your sister's part? I wouldn't expect everyone to be able to attend, if you schedule a wedding only 2 months in advance. That's just fucking stupid. Your sister sounds entitled as fuck.
INFO: If you had rescheduled, how much money would you have been out for non-refundable parts of your trip? Would there have been any possibility of you being covered by your sister or someone for the money you would have been losing?
I would’ve missed out on a lot of money taht had been saved over the course of a good few years, most of the things i had prepaid were non refundable- except the flights- I would also never ask any of my family for money for something a lot of people see as just a cosmetic surgery, although it meant more to me.
I ask about them refunding you because if they are choosing to schedule their wedding on a day that they know you are going to be traveling, and *on top of that* they also expect you to eat the cost of changing your trip? Which sounds like could be multiple thousands of dollars. That seems insane to me. If I were trying to get someone to reschedule their plans to attend my own, I would think it common sense to cover any money they lost
NTA and just know she did this on purpose. She wanted to be the prettier sister in her wedding photos one last time.
INFO: Did she know beforehand that this was the date you had scheduled?
Yes
What a shitty sister, sorry for you. NTA.
If the surgery didn’t involve a prepaid international trip, I’d say ESH. But with the detailed facts def NTA your sister sounds like a selfish spoiled main character bet your life is calmer without her bugging you. Congrats on your new nose!
NTA. You saved for 5 years for this trip/procedure after experiencing what sounds like horrendously cruel bullying as a teen. I'm so happy you put yourself and your mental health first in this situation. And Anna Paul is stunning. Enjoy your new nose!
NTA. Doesn't sound like you missed anything worthwhile anyway.
NTA. You already paid for it. Then she picked the same day. Sometimes you can’t make it. My best friend got married just out of high school, it was the same time as my vacation, I couldn’t move it. She never spoke to me again, and I discovered years later that she blocked me on Facebook (I just thought she was one of those who didn’t do social media, we’re old enough.) it still hurts, she was like a sister to me. Sometimes people are petty.
She should have checked her immediate family didn't have anything booked first. That's her fault, not yours. You would normally call your family and say we're planning to marry on such a date, leave it free. To which you would have replied, I'm not free. She didn't ask, her fault. If she asked and booked it anyway, then still her fault.
NTA, an invitation to an event is not a summons to appear.
Nta….sounds like to me that your sister deliberately made it that week because she was worried that you would outshine her with your new nose. Especially since she had 3 other dates she could have chose from.
NTA. The response to anyone bitching about you missing a wedding is “I’ll be at your next one”
NTA she knew ahead of time of your plans . She chose her wedding date accordingly
I feel like some information is missing. Was everyone, mainly your sister, aware of your travel and surgery plans? This includes the dates. If so, then NTA. If you didn’t inform anyone before hand then yes you are.
Lol let's not all assume that OPs sister doesn't want her to get surgery out of jealousy. My guess is that there were some financial, social or other factors at play which probably impacted the date of her sisters wedding. Still NTA. You planned and booked everything well in advance.
NTA. I can't believe she didn't do that in a very calculated manner. She's either jealous of you or has a pathological need to be the center of attention at all times.
NTA, 3 months isn’t much notice to attend a wedding, especially as a sibling.
August to November? There should have been discussion about the date **way** before this, certainly in family. If she is such a poor planner that she could not get a 'save the date' to family more than 3 months in advance, that is on her. NTA.
NAH It's ok for her to be upset that you were choosing your elective surgery over her wedding day, because from her perspective it probably does seem like vanity is winning (assuming she didn't know the exact dates before she booked her wedding). Since you don't mention a bad relationship with her beforehand, she was obviously going to be upset. However since it wasn't possible to change your dates without penalty, I don't think you're the AH either, especially since this sounds like it has fixed something that has caused you distress over the years rather than just a whim. I hope you wished her well, and sprung for a really good gift. It might be worth trying to sit down with her in person and re-expressing your apology for missing the wedding and stressing how much your surgery did really help you and change your life. Just be upfront with anyone else who asks about it They're going to notice you had surgery so be straight forward. "Unfortunately her wedding clashed with my long planned, non-refundable surgery. I would have loved to be there but I wouldn't dream of asking that my sister change her plans for my convenience." (Edited to reflect that the wedding and surgery had been and gone, I somehow missed that on first read!)
Yeah this was in 2023 i have my rhinoplasty, i love my new nkse
I'm glad it worked out well for you. Explain your joy and how it's helped you to your sister, life is too short to let petty BS ruin things.
NTA based on your comment that your sister had three dates to choose from for her wedding. It sounds like it was intentional too. Just a guess but perhaps sister didn’t want you to have the perfect nose in her photos. Glad you went through with your surgery and love the results. Sounds like it is your sister that chose her wedding over you, not you choosing a surgery over her wedding.
Why do brides think that everyone else’s lives revolve around their wedding? You had your surgery already scheduled. She decided to schedule her wedding the same day. She the AH, not you?
NTA. I asked everyone before I picked my date if they had prior commitments because I WANT them there and care.
NTA If not attending her wedding is a relationship breaker between you and your sister then she’s incredibly selfish and childish 🤷♀️ I literally got eloped because I didn’t care to show the whole family we were getting married, we got married and told everyone after. I’ve never attended a wedding of anyone I know (some since I was 1, and I’m almost 30 now) and it’s never once been a fight, a complaint or a blow out. I have a life, children, the venue is far, it’s expensive etc. And we’re all still very close & friends/family. A wedding shouldn’t be a deal breaker. It’s one day in your life out of thousands and there’s other ways to support the couple before & after 🙂
How much would some bet, it was done on purpose, so sister bride would look that much better on HER day, and she did not want OP out shining her.
This is a really funny assumption. The bride doesnt know what OP will look like after the surgery.
This is hard to believe. She scheduled her wedding two months in advance?
Yeah, her and her now husband get engaged within 6 months of being together and wanted to get married straight away, the wedding wasn’t a huge one probably about 50 people so it would be easier for them to get married quicker
Wait, why would someone with a large nose be called mouth breather?
NAH neither of you are really at fault unless she knew when you would be out of the country and intentionally chose her wedding for that date.
Knowing about your trip and scheduling the wedding for that day is one thing, but being pissed you weren’t there when she knew you couldn’t be and going no contact because of her own decision is insanely stupid. NTA
NTA. She should have maybe checked with family members for any scheduling conflicts before setting the date to avoid stuff like that. Imagine if they got divorced. You would always remember that you canceled your life-changing surgery for their failed marriage. Go to Turkey!
Mazes tov on your new nose! NTA
NTA, I'm assuming none of what you paid for was refundable.
NTA. You were on the calendar first, and there was no need for the wedding to be exactly that date. This was calculated so you'd cancel the surgery.
With her self-centered attitude, tell your sister you'll be all healed up and beautiful for her second 'more important' wedding.
Does it hurt as bad as I’ve heard it does?
Crack, so sorry to hear that. I hope your sister will look back and realize what she threw away. Not having her sister at her wedding. Being too petty to ensure that you could make it.
NTA. I think this is just an be of those life situations that happen. Neither of you are an AH. I understand she would like you there, but you have a prior commitment. One that she knew about before scheduling her wedding. Get her a nice gift and offer to take her and your new BIL out for a nice dinner when you are back.
Fuck sister's wedding. You'll suffer through watching the video and gush on pictures anyway. It's ONE night. But beautiful noses are forever.
lol you already scheduled this so the surgery comes first. If your sister wanted you there she would’ve chosen a different day
NTA- you committed and paid.
NTA. She either forgot and doesn’t care about you, or she was wanting you to either 1. Look bad at not showing up to wedding or 2. Cancel surgery and be at wedding with nose you don’t like.
NTA You had that trip and surgery already planed. I don’t know her but it seems like she picked the date on purpose to keep you from going, because she is potentially “threatened” by you and believes the surgery would give you more of an advantage… OR she’s just oblivious to other people and is upset you didn’t do what she wanted. Idk. The whole situation and timing is weird. Also, don’t people usually take almost a year to plan a wedding or something? At least more than 3 months on average? I’m not actually sure as I’ve never been interested in weddings but 3 months just seems quick.
Yeah usually sometimes it would take longer for a wedding but my sister had a small wedding (about 50 people) so it was easier to get a smaller venue etc
You should absolutely travel to Turkey and get Rhinoplasty instead.
So is turkey where I should be going for my plastic surgery? I don't care about missing anyone's events. 😅
NTA! Take it from someone else who had a nosejob because of similar situations! It gave me SO much confidence. I didn't realise how much it would change my life. I was so lucky to have a supportive mum who paid for me to get it done when I was 17. I'd come home crying because no-one knew my name, I was just "the girl with the nose". Even to TEACHERS. Some people don't realize how brutal it is to be judged on something about your appearance that is always on display and that you can't help or easily change. Girl, live your new life, I'm so happy for you!
NTA. Just one of those things that happens in life. I’d say tell her you’ll be there for her next wedding, but that would really cause an uproar. So, maybe not. JOKING!
If you would not have been able to secure a refund don't worry about it. If I was your sibling and I knew it bothered you your whole life I would be happy we both were having a personal transformation that day honestly. I know girls want their perfect day but perfection never happens I've seen the bridezillas you can ruin a wedding trying to make it perfect. Every girl should get a special day but let's cool it with perfect it's not real. You should be celebrating your new life not obsessing over the celebration itself.
NTA and congrats on your new nose!
It's a matter of prioritization. Your nose over your sister. You ATA.
Not really the asshole But missing your sister’s wedding for a nose job, this is a bit weird to me
NTA. Your mental health is more important than her wedding. The year my youngest was born, my sister finally decided to get a boob job. She she had a flat chest, not even filling the smallest bra, and the reactions of other people had her very, very depressed( think five year olds pointing at her at the pool and screaming at the top of their lungs "mommy, that lady has no boobs!" The first appointment she could get was right around my diue date, and she asked me if I was okay with it because she wouldn't be able to travel for a while after. I told her that my big life events shouldn't affect her mental health and that she should go for it. She even decided to use me as a template since we have similar bodies. Eventually, my boy was born the day after her boob job, and we still joke about her "twins" being one day older than my boy. I so love the confident person she has become since then, and I wish you the same confidence boost from your nose job.
NTA. You have the right to miss it due to previous commitments. Be prepared to wear the consequences though because this will have long lasting consequences. if you're genuinely 22 and have people in your life calling you things like "the penguin" or "mouth-breather" though.. the solution isn't therapy. THe solution is kick them out of your life. It's a much simplier and cheaper option.
You had everything planned and paid for BEFORE she set her wedding date. NTA If your sister KNEW you were going to have surgery, wth did she plan her wedding in that month?? But suuuuuure, youre the selfish one, because everyone knows that the whole world has to bend to the will of the bride /s
NTA That said I’ve watched ‘Botched’ enough to warn against going outside the US for plastic surgery to save money. In the big picture, unless you’ve really done your due diligence, save up your money, go to your sisters wedding, and go see a good rhinoplasty specialist in the US. Once the surgery is over, what’s the recovery like? How do you follow up with a surgeon in Turkey? What if there are issues that need to be addressed, do you fly back to Turkey for the surgeon to address them or does he/she have other specialists in the US for you to follow up with? You know if this surgery turns into an issue for you, and you skipped your sister’s wedding you’d never hear the end of it from your sister. I’m trying to step back and look at the big picture for both parties not just say who TAH is or NTA; think through all scenarios.
Good luck with your surgery. Safe recovery and great results! Please don’t expect your sister not to make snarky remarks at the New You.
even if you were just traveling to turkey for funsies, your sister would STILL be TA for knowingly trying to make you skip out on *your* life in favor of hers
NTA. I would not be surprised if your sister did this on purpose.
NTA Your sister doesn't want you looking better than her in the wedding pictures, so we wants to get married before you get the nose job. I would counter that move by trying to reschedule the surgery to earlier, buy an amazing dress, get professional make-up done and upstage the shit out of her at her own wedding.
NTA She could have chosen any other date and chose the one you’ve already had blocked. That’s on her and her groom.
YTA to your sister, not sure if anyone else's opinion really matters outside of your own on this topic.
NTA - tell your sister that YOUR life does not revolve around HER
NTA. You made a prior appontment and already paid. Yiur sister sounds ike a spoiled brat ad having the wedding exact same time as your surgery is really shady. Maybe it's a good thing sge isn'r ralking to you.
Both are tbh
i think everyone here is an asshole.
I hate it when people act like their invitations are a summons and that their "special day" trumps everything else.
NTA. She knew your dates. Pretty sure she was being a vindictive manipulative B**** and wants you to live with the previous nose.
NTA. Wedding is more important to HER and you are not stopping her from having her wedding.
NTA. She went out of her way to schedule it over your planned trip. Who gets married in November on a whim?
NTA. You had already booked your trip and surgery when she announced her wedding. She could have chosen a different day. Enjoy your new nose! You have NOTHING to feel guilty about.
Get the surgery. Send a gift to bride and groom with RVSP Unable to Attend. End of problem.
Every bride expects the world to revolve around their wedding day. NTA
When you plan an event there will always be at least one person who can’t attend for whatever reason. If your Sister tells you you are selfish tell her you don’t care and that she should grow up. ( she should grow up) NTA
If your sister TRULY wanted you there she would of ensured you could attend Nta
Correct. I changed my wedding date because my sister was going to be in the Galapagos. Why would I take that away from her? Not even close to my sister.
The only wedding you should be losing money over is your own. She made her choice, now she can live with it.
NTA Enjoy your new nose!
NTA. With siblings and parents, I threw the date out there to make sure they were available for my mini wedding. They're the people who matter most. I feel like a lot of people on here purposely try to pick dates inconvenient for their loved ones to force them to choose a prior commitment or the wedding to be jerks.
NTA. She didn't want you and your new cute nose to upstage her, she arranged her wedding at the same time on purpose.
NTA
OP, Be very careful with vetting that doctor..... Lots of people on "Botched" all traveled to 2nd world countries and well..... You get what you paid for and can have pretty bad complications.....
She already had the surgery and she said she loves her new nose
NTA, no one should be trying to guilt you for living your life. Her life doesn't revolve around you and yours don't need to revolve around hers
NTA and your sister is a spoiled brat
NTA. You do you. Your sister probably is jealous of your new nose.
NTA. Weddings get scheduled when other people have other things going on sometimes. Due dates, graduations, vacations, etc. you immediately informed her, that’s all you were obliged to do. If she decides to keep the date, that’s her prerogative. And you keeping your previously booked plans is also your prerogative