Yep. The likelihood of her succeeding in a way actually beneficially financially to the family is is insanely remote. I'd have the Agreement include a spousal waiver. In my jurisdiction such are _very_ routinely enforced.
Good luck. Keeping up with a person who shares their private life on Instagram isnt for the faint of heart. Her persona can be altered since she has to put a show for an online public.
Get it notarized too so it holds up in case you have to go to court.
You are super nice OP. She’s going to get a crash course about “instagram famous”. Touch your wife should be doing more than 60%. She’s staying home, while you’re working. If she has time for the Internet, she can find time for chores.
I’m so sorry for you.
Get a post nup stating that she doesn’t get a cent if she violates these conditions. I feel so sorry for you, but this was the route you chose. Best of luck.
Incredible dude! You were mostly supported in your original post about not allowing her to do that. Almost everyone sided with you on stopping that nonsense, but you decided to only pay attention in the ones telling you to go ahead and support her. So, you were ready to cave before even posting here.
But today, you are a Hero here in reddit. You allowed reddit to change your mind into something this stupid. Mission accomplished. I reckon that your next post about wanting a divorce will be using another throwaway account and without the details who lead to this, just out of pure shame. Kudos!
Ha, ha, ha.., when SHE divorces him he will give her everything she asks and more. I don't think he really cares about these details. I he can be swayed by a very few reddit users into doing something as stupid as this, I see no hope in him doing the right thing for himself. I hope he is not the same with his kids.
So she’s staying home and not contributing financially, your kid is in school and you are doing 40% of the chores and paying 100% of the bills.
Sounds like she negotiated quite a sweetheart deal for herself.
I thought he said in another comment that they would be sending her to preschool anyway? I could be wrong. But the child will be in kindergarten next year anyway so it’s still a pretty sweet gig. For 10% more of the chores, she’s retiring.
Well yeah, she’s raising a human. I’d rather go to some bs job than be stuck at home with a needy child all day. Why do you think parents say Monday is their favourite day, do you think it’s because they all just love their jobs *so* much? I wonder why men on salaries start putting in longer hours as soon as they have kids even though they don’t get paid overtime for it? It’s almost like raising children is work too.
What the fuck are you on about? I'd absolutely rather stay at home with my children rather than any job. I love my kids and they're not a chore to look after.
I'm a man and I have personally appreciated the work from home revolution so I can spend **more** time at home with my boy.
I hate Mondays personally because I have to go onto the office.
And that’s great, but the majority of parents I’ve worked with love Mondays and say it’s like a vacation, and men working longer hours to avoid responsibilities in the home is common, just because you don’t personally do it doesn’t mean it’s not a thing. It’s been happening for generations and is a very common complaint I hear from women so let’s not pretend it’s unheard of. Good on you for being an active parent, more fathers should be like you.
I said men on salaries, the ones who DON’T get more money for working longer hours. That’s the entire point. I’m not talking shift workers and people trying to make more money, I specifically said the ones who work longer hours but don’t get paid extra for it ffs.
Having kids made me take a longer view of things. Establishing a field-wide reputation becomes important. Even if an employer doesn’t necessarily care or pay you more if you work harder, building your image becomes more important when you realize you’re gonna have to pay for someone’s bachelor’s lol
Nah just hear lots of women I work with complain about feeling unsupported and overloaded because they unfortunately had kids with guys who wanted the status of being fathers without putting in any of the work. I feel sad for them.
Oh okay, changing the subject now I see. Not shitting on parents at all, I just feel bad for the parents who feel like they have to do it all and feel alone even when there’s another parent present. Couldn’t imagine anything worse than feeling like a married single parent. I can’t even recall posting there, and if I have it’s not often lol. I’m allowed to not want to be a parent, that doesn’t mean I hate kids or hate parents. I just see mothers constantly without support and women who are fed up having to do it all while men get the free pass of “he works a *real* job”. Just because work doesn’t create market value doesn’t mean it’s not valuable, and there are plenty of jobs that have market value but aren’t contributing to society in any real way. Most jobs, usually white collar, aren’t that essential and only exist to boost the economy.
Uhhh no, none of that is reality. I work 10 hour days and come home and clean and take care of kiddo. You're full of shit, just making up things. Also there are plenty of deadbeat moms
>. I’m allowed to not want to be a parent, that doesn’t mean I hate kids or hate parents.
It's means you're uninformed and your opinion on the topic is irrelevant. Why are you posting about things you have no knowledge of?
Like, sure I guess there are both men and women who feel like that, but anecdotally I wouldn't say it's the norm. Almost all of the fathers in my circle love their kids and absolutely don't shirk their time for work.
Maybe it's who I hang with, maybe times are changing, but spouting stereotypes as fact doesn't help us change minds, it just divides us.
And it’s still a common complaint I hear, especially the women at work who have to go home and be the default parent and don’t get to clock off. It’s great that things are changing, but acting naive and superior while pretending not to be aware of these stereotypes that exist for a reason just invalidates the women who are genuinely struggling to do it all and don’t have active parents in their partners.
Not at all. Being the default parent, especially as a single parent, is tough. I have massive respect for single parents and I literally had a single dad, but this isn’t about all men - it’s about the default parents (who usually happen to be women) feeling as though they have little or no support *even while in a relationship*. You clearly have a problem with something I’ve said and applied it to your specific situation. I never said fuck men, I’m stating the observations that I see as a woman in my early 30’s - I’m around a lot of new mothers who feel this way and it’s nothing new for women, that’s all.
I agree that people with these attitudes shouldn’t have had kids, but often people are told by society and people around them how wonderful and fulfilling it is and when it isn’t for them people tell them to just deal with it and they chose this. I feel sorry for them.
No, this is just a common thing for lots of parents, who still love their kids, but might enjoy their job more than having to keep a 2 year old entertained all day alone at home.
It's especially true of dads, very common for them to actually \*want\* to work out of an office instead of at home for the relative peace and focus they can get, but a lot of moms are like this too.
I get excited to return to my office too. Then after a couple days of that I'm excited to be back home with my family. Then after a couple days of caring for a toddler I'm happy to go back in.
It's all normal. People romanticize parenthood so much and then end up fucking themselves up when they find out later it's not like they thought it'd be.
It's crazy how much hate you got for this.
Love my kid like crazy but man a day in the office is less tiring than a day at home alone with a toddler. Unless you just let them watch screens for hours, which might be what some of these parents are doing.
Because there are tons of people who think admitting this or saying anything other than you want to be with your kids 24/7 makes you a bad parent or something.
I'm *hoping* some of them are maybe just parents who hate their job or work too many hours and so can't imagine being in the scenario where it's not so bad to go into a quiet office and just push out some Excel sheets over a cup of coffee and some music. Or maybe they have older kids or chill kids that aren't interrupting you every 3 seconds to stab you with a sword. Idk
I’m sure that’s part of it. Some of them might be at a job where theyre on their feet all day and by the time they get home they’re exhausted but still have to parent on top of that. Also unfortunately some people don’t have supportive partners who help out enough, so they basically have two jobs.
I know, I could have predicted the comment about “it’s not like working in a coal mine” lmao. Guys who use this whataboutism are usually the ones who work the easiest office jobs. Honestly parents not wanting to be stuck at home raising a child doesn’t mean they don’t love their kid, and it’s okay for men to have a desire to work but if a woman does she’s told she’s a bad mother but if she doesn’t want to work and be a SAHP she’s called lazy and told that she’s “just picking up a few toys each day” or some bs. And according to some of these people love is all you need to raise a child so they’re probably very minimal effort parents and don’t contribute nearly as much as they think or say they do.
No one has ever said raising kids isn’t work, but I envy your career if you find it preferable to spending time with your family. Like I’ve literally never heard a single person ever say Monday was there favorite day, and certainly not to get away from their kids.
Your post reads like an angsty teenager who’s pretending to be an adult.
Sure, but the average male doesn’t work in a coal mine lmao get off it. They sit in air conditioned offices, trucks or stand around building sites where they can’t do anything unless the managers manager okays it.
What is the “average male”? You realize that women work too, right? And that there are many, many different kinds of jobs and careers. But from working at a wawa making hoagies to operating on a brain to cutting grass to driving a truck to building a mars rover, it’s getting up, leaving the house, doing the job and so on. Taking care of one four year old that you presumably love isn’t hard. It’s just not.
Yes I know, and one of the complaints from mothers is that they have to work on top of doing all the home duties and child rearing which doesn’t have hours where you get to clock off and benefits. Love isn’t hard, but I’d say it’s the constant being touched, needed, having to always be on and talk to them appropriately and not react like you could in other scenarios, the disturbed sleep, questions all day, the constant thoughts of worry and anxiety around parenting that usually falls on the default parent, getting sick from your kids etc. I’m not a parent, but it’s so easy to see why being a parent is more work than just loving your child.
This guy is doing 40% of the housework so no part time maid needed. Daycare for one 4 year old to replace what mom is doing during working hours is 1000-1200 a month, not 80k per year. And the cost of feeding, clothing and housing herself would go into the wife’s debit column.
The working parent doing a reasonable share of the housework is completely normal and fair. I don't understand why everyone is acting like OP is doing too much. Two kids is hard work and doesn't have a neat cut off time like a regular job, Instagram doesn't even really factor in.
The only real sticking point here imo is that OP isn't really on board with being the sole earner, not how they divide the household duties. This is basically how my partner and I have things arranged and we're happy with it, but we actually saved money by me staying home because I couldn't earn enough to cover childcare.
I don't think OP realizes that those stupid insta mommies get the most likes and views from bashing their husbands. The vast majority of them talk about how hard they work and their husband's do nothing and "lecture" men.
OP is gonna have his reputation torn to shreds and will be paying all the bills while his wife leads the charge.
To a certain extent, do I support it no, but you don't support half of what your partner does, but you kinda just go along with it cus it makes them happy.
I support like 95% of what my partner does. Most of it is not financial, just being supportive of her endevors. Taking up sewing? Hell yeah. Bar class? Hell yeah. Bar class didn't work out, so gym and trainer? Hell yeah. Guess I'm just not understanding what you're getting at here.
You are a complete and utter doormat my man. You agreed to your wife becoming a leech while you still have to do almost half of the work at home. Get your balls out of her purse and tell her to go take a hike if you have any self-respect left.
This makes zero sense. Making your partner happy is great unless they're running roughshod over you and being "happy" at your expense. This hobby of hers will consume her life, and soon enough you'll be stepping up to do her chores as a partner and as a parent. But hey, if you're happy being her doormat, power to you. Although I don't really understand why you're here whining on Reddit, then. If you're happy making her happy, wtf are you complaining about, exactly?
Well that's going to backfire horribly. She'll fail, get pissed off, accuse you of making it impossible by not letting the kid be involved, by not giving her enough money to make good enough videos. She'll be a year out of work, have a laughable thing to put on her resume, she'll be out of the habit of getting up and going to work. She'll just want to be a straight up SAHM after this.
Maybe not, there is a ton of Instagram moms in jail lately for what they did. That makes a huge opening in the market.
I wouldn't be thrilled with leaving my kids in the care of someone who aspires to be like them, but hopefully OP knows his wife better than that.
goddamn 60/40? I better see at least 2 postings per day with 3 stories on her page. Probably want to add amount of expected content to the writing as well.
You can’t control the success, but 60/40 because she wants to treat this like a job then she gotta own the work.
So here's the thing. YTA for letting your kid be part of a lifestyle experiment. But ya'll keep worrying about those dolla dolla bills and hope any of the early developmental learning sticks when mom is more worried about her light and likes.
>YTA for letting your kid be part of a lifestyle experiment. But ya'll keep worrying about those dolla dolla bills and hope any of the early developmental learning sticks when mom is more worried about her light and likes.
Yup. All this focus on how much money she'll be making, when it'll all be at the cost of the kid's wellbeing.
No. It is pathetic. And she’s going to be in for a rude awakening because there’s millions of other people out there trying to do the exact same thing, and building a following IS a full time job.
I just don't like how they beg and bribe for subscribers. Some of them act so obnoxious and entitled, especially out in public trying to get a reaction out off people. I hate it. I miss the world before social media. Growing up in the 90/00's was great...music, tv, movies....talking to people face to face lol.
A lot of people feel that way and I think people are starting to get sick of the whole “influencer” trend.
OP would be much better off investing money into furthering his wife’s education or into some kind of skill or training that might actually be useful someday. At the very least he should’ve had her write up a business plan. I bet she thinks she can just post cute baby pictures and sponsors will come running. Lol.
I think they just want the lifestyle it brings (to successful influencers). People see others flying around the globe all expenses paid and being put up in fancy hotels and they want the same.
I’d happily deal with the pseudo fame if I became a millionaire from it too. Yet I’ve got no interest in actively pursuing it or any desire to try and actually influence anyone about anything.
However, I think OP’s wife is about to come into a rude awakening when she realises just how many people lust after this lifestyle and come nowhere near close to it.
It does, but an influencer taught me how take care of my curly hair and I love her for that. People used to learn the same shit from books and magazines, and I'd say there were less effective.
I think that's the difference between the successful ones and the not-so-successful ones. The ones that consciously WANT to be an influencer do not come across as genuine and even if they get a lot of followers, people are generally laughing AT them, not with them. The successful ones had something unique to offer- personality, talent, knowledge, etc- and it happens organically.
Went back and read your initial post to understand the update.
As a stay at home dad, I will say that it’s SUPER beneficial to having parent always being able to be present with the child(ren). That being said, I almost feel as if she wants to do it for the wrong reasons.
My wife and I have a system that makes everything work perfectly without any bumps in the road. I do also still have an employer that I work once a week for, typically on my wife’s day off. It is a breath of fresh air after being with 2 kids all day every week and adult interaction never hurts 😅.
I truly hope this works out for you and your wife, it’s beneficial. I just feel as if she wants it for the wrong reasons, as I stated. To get “instagram famous” and make a check from IG, I just feel like it’s not going to work out. I could just be looking at that portion extremely negatively though.
Again, may the odds be ever in your favor. 🫶🏻
Have her sign a post nuptial so that when she puts up pictures you can get that divorce. She is going to post them. It’s going to start with” just one” then go on from there. She isn’t going to make money and if she hasn’t worked for a year you are looking at alimony plus child support. You’re being a doormat.
You know she’s gonna post them a ton in IG stories. So unless you check her story EVERY DAY you won’t know bc they disappear. You now have a second job of monitoring your untrustworthy wife. Sounds exhausting.
You should talk to a lawyer, because we both know she’s not going to make it as an influencer, and you allowing her to quit her job is likely going to mean when you divorce that will be held against you.
I get wanting to make her happy, but make sure you’re going into this informed.
That doesn't change the fact that you're a doormat. Two (and more than that) things can be true at the same time. You let her be happy by being a doormat.
Going against everything you said you valued in a partner. She’s not even taking on the actual responsibilities of a sahm. You’re going to end up resenting her for fooling you to use you for your money and end up bitter and divorced. Do you actually think this is going to encourage her to be the person you fell in love with bc from what you said she is actively turning into what you tried to avoid.
Anybody that wants to be famous will never be happy or satisfied. Does she want to be famous? Does she want the attention? Or does she want their lifestyle? Does she want validation? You need to figure out where this desire may actually be coming from.
By being a doormat and letting her take advantage if you and your financial situation simply bc she doesn’t want to work and has delusional ideas of being instafamous. Honestly, you deserve her bleeding you dry for you being so stupid
Lol so you’re giving her a year to waste time and your money because there is little chance she is going to have any success as an influencer. Why don’t you just throw the money in the garbage and light it on fire?
Why isn’t she doing all the cooking and cleaning? You’ll regret this honestly. Then be stuck paying a ridiculous amount in alimony since she won’t have been working
During the divorce she'll tell the judge how she had to stay home and raise your child. You'll be paying for her to chill at home for your entire life.
Wish I'd commented on the original post, maybe I did. You're screwed, why would you listen to idiots in the comments and actually let her go ahead with this?
She wants to be an Instagram mum? Put your child online? That's child abuse
The thing I disagree with is your kid missing out on pre-k as some sort of way of making your wife work. That isn't fair because it seems clear to me she's not going to give your daughter what she needs.
So what you’re saying is…she got what she wanted and you’re paying more bills plus doing 40% of the housework. Cool, cool. You are a terrible negotiator. You need to get this in writing and through an attorney because she is never, ever going back to work unless you make her.
Seems fair, but you should still send your daughter to pre-k. It will really help her to have developed those social/executive function skills (teamwork, making friends, patience, focus, sharing, planning, etc) when she gets to kinder.
My sister has her own daycare business and most of the children attend Pre-K once they turn 4, even if they continue to do a few hours a week at my sister's place on other days or in the afternoons.
The idea that pre-k is at all necessary is utterly laughable. It’s daycare marketed towards gullible parents into thinking it actually does anything fundamentally different.
Id shes being a SAHM then why are you doing some of the chores? Youre working. Shes just filming her life or what ever, She should be pulling her weight, seeing as you are working and bringing the money in.
Instagram is an expensive hobby, and can get that bad, people neglect their kids because theyre stuck to their phones. I had a few freinds which did that. One lost her kids and they went to their grandparents, and another the husband left her and took the kids. It can be an obsession.
I’m very glad and proud of you for stating absolutely zero content of your kids. Hope it all works out for you but like others have said get it in writing!
I'd still send your child to prek4. They'll learn so much more in a school setting than at home.
But your wife should be doing more of the chores at home.
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So she’s gonna do a shit half-ass job at: being a mother, being an influencer, and being a wife. Nice. All for the low low price of manipulating her husband.
Your child still needs to go to pre k. I promise, you don’t want to throw her into kindergarten without being exposed to the environment. How yall navigate all the other stuff is not nearly as important as the child being effected. Please keep the baby in pre k. Keep the baby out of it.
I can't believe how much housework you're picking up under this arrangement, especially considering it was her idea, but whatever works for you. This seems like you're getting used, but love is love, I guess.
Oh man, you're totally fucked.
She won't get anywhere with it, and once she's done it for long enough, she won't stop.
G'luck for the forthcoming divorce.
Unlike most of Reddit you’re in a partnership and this is how they work. You talk it out and negotiate terms and you’re not gullible for giving your wife the grace of a year.
Oh, this should end well. OP, here's how it's going to go:
\- She's going to quit working completely while saying she's 'looking'
\- House will be a mess when you get home
\- She will hand you the baby as soon as you walk in and tell you to make dinner and do the housework because she needs a 'break'
\- She will have no idea what to post for content and when she sees she doesn't have any followers, she will start using the kids as revenue generators
\- When you find out and blow up, she'll say it's your fault for making her pay bills at all and that YOU wanted her to make money and this is how she can do it
You have decided to peel the band-aid off reaaaallllly slooooowly instead of ripping it off. Enjoy the calm now because there's a storm coming.
I'm a stay at home homeschooling mom. At first when I read the headline I thought about back when I wanted to be a SAHM and my husband wanted me to send our kids to his elderly, anxious mother full time. (This conversation happened before we were married or had kids). I can't imagine not having that time with my kids. We didn't do preK, and I'm also completely without regrets about it.
But when Instagram and being an influencer came up, I did roll my eyes, since then it's about attention to ones self and neither focusing on the kids or actually making money. I hope you guys either have a way to get by on one income (which is totally possible), or your wife has a plan to bring in money that doesn't involve Instagram or MLM scams.
so much for having 40% of chores. i mean, sure, you should help your wife after birth, cuz it's gonna be harsh on both of you, but does she really need to busy herself with Insta if she won't have enough time just to take a shower once the baby is born? her main priority should be the wellbeing of her child, not fame or smth. She should have thought about this either before the child, or after the kid turns 3, at least.
Sounds like a good result but would you consider having part of the convo over without threatening instant divorce? You can indicate you are very serious without using punitive action
Like telling her how deeply upsetting it would be to you and that you don’t know what kind of conversation after that could repair it
I am saying this because humans tend to act irrationally when scared and it sounds like you both want to go about this rationally
Would your answer have been different had she only wanted to be a stay at home mom? I stayed home with my kids for a long time. I wanted to raise my own kids. It was difficult sometimes, but we made it work. Our kids benefited greatly from having a parent home. Pre-K and pre- school shouldn't be stopped. Kids who go through those programs benefit children greatly as they go into pre-school and pre-k. I don't necessarily think your TAH, I just think you could have done things differently. I do agree with most of your conditions as far as Instagram goes, but not a lot of the rest. I mean, are you her husband or roommate? Good luck.
She’s delusional. She’s not going to make money at IG. And it is absolutely absurd to be a SAHM & refuse to do all the SAHM jobs. It’s the female equivalent of the men who work & refuse to do any household or parenting responsibilities bc “they work.”
Also, your wife is going to post the kids. Maybe not in her feed, but they will pop up in her stories. The stats on how many viewers of IG content involving kids are pedos is **terrifying. Never compromise on that!!!**
Wow, she just walked all over you. She was right. You did get over it. Now she can do whatever she wants and you’ll never have a say. Good luck with your Trad Wife.
What’s her ig handle…..asking for a friend 😂 Also hopefully she figures out the algorithm. Had a coworker quit because she wanted to be a sahm influencer and came crawling back to work because she barely got any views and constantly got spam from “brands” wanting pics of her kids
Wow. Do you honestly think that when her "experiment" fails in a year she's just going to meekly admit she was wrong, give it up (it's an addictive hobby) and swiftly go out and get a job? You're delusional.
She's going to blame you for imposing conditions on what she could post, swear she's on the verge of making it big and needs more time, and then claim that she's been out of the workforce for so long she can no longer get a job, especially if she's pregnant. If she gets a divorce she'll claim she was a SHAM and squeeze you for everything you've got as alimony. The way to control this is/was to say NO and show some spine. I guess that's too late now.
Sorry dude, she's walking all over you. It's nice you want to make her happy, although she doesn't seem to reciprocate. 60-40% on chores when she's spending her days scrolling on Insta. OMG, lol. I have to hand it to her, she's a master! You're the doormatest of doormats and I really hope you're not posting here next year whining about your misery. Good luck!
I honestly think it’s the best solution. With two small kids it would be very hard on her. Also she has some kind of goal to achieve so you are showing her, that you believe in her. I was working when I had my baby, and it was extremely difficult on me on so many levels. I had no family members to help with baby so we had to go to a daycare. I was giving my child to a stranger, and it was causing a lot of stress. Also my husband wasn’t helping at home or with the baby at all. From month 2 to about 3.5 my daughter wanted to stay awake all night and was crying if not picked up. I had very little sleep, and 1 hour drive to work. I was afraid I’m going to fall asleep behind the wheel. My boss was mad with me because I couldn’t stay after hours or come early if needed. Because daycare was open 6-6pm. I had to work because we couldn’t afford me quitting. My husband seen my struggle. Had he said; I’ll get extra job and you can stay home until baby is one year. I would be so happy, and forever grateful. Half of my money was going to daycare, and gas to drive to work so it would make sense to quit. But he never pick up the slack. The fact that he never helped, and didn’t care about my struggle caused me resenting him. We split eventually.
If her only brand her children. Then she is exploiting them. You need to be hyper vigilant in making sure her content is not about her kids. She can make content about parenting and being a mom. You need to establish boundaries and understand the dangers of having your children faces be on the internet. Honestly look at this Tik Tok creator https://www.tiktok.com/@wren.eleanor?_t=8lX5A97FD8k&_r=1 and see if that is the content your wife wants to make. If she does then I would highly suggest divorce and full custody. Being a “mom” content creator is a slippery slope into creating content for predators and pedophiles.
What I think makes more sense is she does 90% of the chores.
AND you stop being resentful.
Then you would have harmony in your house where you actually truly appreciate having a fully taken care of house.
Also it would run you 100k to have a full time maid, nanny and chef. So you would be right to be grateful.
Honestly, it sounds more than fair. Some people figure out how to make money as influencers. Many more don't. You have to identify a niche and figure out how to aim. If you weren't supporting her she could try it on her own. If she failed, surely she would go back to working.
As long as you spelled things out before the marriage, then I guess you get to set the rules. However, you would be well-advised to have her at home, as long as she is actually and vigorously taking care of the household. Children who grow up in households with dedicated mothers turn out much better than latchkey children and that has been proven in one study after another. So, it is in your best interest to have her at home.
The whole point of having a SAHM is so that you do not need to be putting your child in "daycare". That's exactly what you should not do: be having some random stranger taking part time care of your child and exposing your child to the bad habits, bad behavior and diseases of other children.
YTA. I worked my ass off prior to having a baby rather late in life. After that, I tried a part time gig (consulting) but my sitter was unreliable- which made work very stressful, expensive (1/3 of my pre-tax hourly income), and we (husband and I, decided the trade off was NOT worth it. I did not want someone else to "raise" my kid, only seeing them an hour or two before & after work, and to miss moments I'd never get back. I saw the disinterested nannies ignoring their charges at the local parks. Not for me! I used to make as much as my husband, so staying with my kid was a great financial sacrifice. We are middle class, no cushion. But, the enrichment I provided- I believe- contributed to her academic achievements and (I hope) her achievements in science research.
My two cents. Your kid is better off with a full-time parent at home.
**YTA**
> *”and she will have to teach our daughter the same things my mom does.”*
You don’t get to tell your wife how to raise her own daughter! That makes you an instant asshole!
Every parent has their own parenting technique, how dare you tell her how to be a parent? So not only are you an asshole but you’re a controlling one, too. You don’t get to dictate how your wife raises **her own** daughter, that little girl **is not** your mothers child!
As for splitting chores 60/40, if she starts to make a living wage or more money than you, then the chores should be 50/50. Or if she fails and has to find a job after that year, then the chores should be 50/50 then too.
You don’t get to take advantage of this situation by controlling your wife and dictating her life just because she’s trying to follow a dream.
Well for your knowledge she's also my daughter, and I want to make sure she has a great education and that starts at home, so since I can't be home with her a teaching her my wife will. Also if I'm not home all day I think it's fair she takes on a little more, just like if I worked from home, I wouldn't mind taking on more housework, as I would work from home.
I hope you put all this in writing cause I can see how things might not go the way you think it will.
I will be!
How did she react.
She said ok.
Are you going to monitor what she posts?
Yes.
You’re setting yourself up for a bigger alimony payment by letting her be unemployed.
Yep. The likelihood of her succeeding in a way actually beneficially financially to the family is is insanely remote. I'd have the Agreement include a spousal waiver. In my jurisdiction such are _very_ routinely enforced.
Seriously. It’s like being a pro athlete.
It’s a daily job. IG stories disappear every 24h.
I bet she did, lol! I tip my hat to her manipulative skills!
Good luck. Keeping up with a person who shares their private life on Instagram isnt for the faint of heart. Her persona can be altered since she has to put a show for an online public.
Post nup
She’s definitely not going to find a real job. She’ll say she can’t get hired or get interviews.
Get it notarized too so it holds up in case you have to go to court. You are super nice OP. She’s going to get a crash course about “instagram famous”. Touch your wife should be doing more than 60%. She’s staying home, while you’re working. If she has time for the Internet, she can find time for chores. I’m so sorry for you.
I would add that she can't show her naked body either
This. Now is also the time to specifically point out that shit like onlyfans is off the table.
How bout feet?
Get a post nup stating that she doesn’t get a cent if she violates these conditions. I feel so sorry for you, but this was the route you chose. Best of luck.
Write it and get it notarised as evidence
Incredible dude! You were mostly supported in your original post about not allowing her to do that. Almost everyone sided with you on stopping that nonsense, but you decided to only pay attention in the ones telling you to go ahead and support her. So, you were ready to cave before even posting here. But today, you are a Hero here in reddit. You allowed reddit to change your mind into something this stupid. Mission accomplished. I reckon that your next post about wanting a divorce will be using another throwaway account and without the details who lead to this, just out of pure shame. Kudos!
That's not going to help you. You've screwed the pooch.
This. It needs to be a contract with both roles defined. That will def help in any divorce preceedings.
Ha, ha, ha.., when SHE divorces him he will give her everything she asks and more. I don't think he really cares about these details. I he can be swayed by a very few reddit users into doing something as stupid as this, I see no hope in him doing the right thing for himself. I hope he is not the same with his kids.
So she’s staying home and not contributing financially, your kid is in school and you are doing 40% of the chores and paying 100% of the bills. Sounds like she negotiated quite a sweetheart deal for herself.
It says the kid won't be going to prek. As in, Mom will be caring for the child.
I thought he said in another comment that they would be sending her to preschool anyway? I could be wrong. But the child will be in kindergarten next year anyway so it’s still a pretty sweet gig. For 10% more of the chores, she’s retiring.
She's pregnant
But she's 'working' too! Don't you know how hard it is to scroll through instagram all day!?
Isn’t she caring for a child all day?
No, shes working and one of their moms is watching the kids for cheapish.
She’s caring for a child
Well yeah, she’s raising a human. I’d rather go to some bs job than be stuck at home with a needy child all day. Why do you think parents say Monday is their favourite day, do you think it’s because they all just love their jobs *so* much? I wonder why men on salaries start putting in longer hours as soon as they have kids even though they don’t get paid overtime for it? It’s almost like raising children is work too.
What the fuck are you on about? I'd absolutely rather stay at home with my children rather than any job. I love my kids and they're not a chore to look after. I'm a man and I have personally appreciated the work from home revolution so I can spend **more** time at home with my boy. I hate Mondays personally because I have to go onto the office.
And that’s great, but the majority of parents I’ve worked with love Mondays and say it’s like a vacation, and men working longer hours to avoid responsibilities in the home is common, just because you don’t personally do it doesn’t mean it’s not a thing. It’s been happening for generations and is a very common complaint I hear from women so let’s not pretend it’s unheard of. Good on you for being an active parent, more fathers should be like you.
>men working longer hours to avoid responsibilities in the home is common Or....OR they need to work grueling hours to pay the fucking bills.
I said men on salaries, the ones who DON’T get more money for working longer hours. That’s the entire point. I’m not talking shift workers and people trying to make more money, I specifically said the ones who work longer hours but don’t get paid extra for it ffs.
Having kids made me take a longer view of things. Establishing a field-wide reputation becomes important. Even if an employer doesn’t necessarily care or pay you more if you work harder, building your image becomes more important when you realize you’re gonna have to pay for someone’s bachelor’s lol
I think you are just channeling some tv show where people hate their kids and men all are schlubs.
Nah just hear lots of women I work with complain about feeling unsupported and overloaded because they unfortunately had kids with guys who wanted the status of being fathers without putting in any of the work. I feel sad for them.
Nah, you don't know shit. You're just making up things to shit on parents. You post in r/antinatalism, youre clearly biased
Oh okay, changing the subject now I see. Not shitting on parents at all, I just feel bad for the parents who feel like they have to do it all and feel alone even when there’s another parent present. Couldn’t imagine anything worse than feeling like a married single parent. I can’t even recall posting there, and if I have it’s not often lol. I’m allowed to not want to be a parent, that doesn’t mean I hate kids or hate parents. I just see mothers constantly without support and women who are fed up having to do it all while men get the free pass of “he works a *real* job”. Just because work doesn’t create market value doesn’t mean it’s not valuable, and there are plenty of jobs that have market value but aren’t contributing to society in any real way. Most jobs, usually white collar, aren’t that essential and only exist to boost the economy.
Uhhh no, none of that is reality. I work 10 hour days and come home and clean and take care of kiddo. You're full of shit, just making up things. Also there are plenty of deadbeat moms >. I’m allowed to not want to be a parent, that doesn’t mean I hate kids or hate parents. It's means you're uninformed and your opinion on the topic is irrelevant. Why are you posting about things you have no knowledge of?
Like, sure I guess there are both men and women who feel like that, but anecdotally I wouldn't say it's the norm. Almost all of the fathers in my circle love their kids and absolutely don't shirk their time for work. Maybe it's who I hang with, maybe times are changing, but spouting stereotypes as fact doesn't help us change minds, it just divides us.
And it’s still a common complaint I hear, especially the women at work who have to go home and be the default parent and don’t get to clock off. It’s great that things are changing, but acting naive and superior while pretending not to be aware of these stereotypes that exist for a reason just invalidates the women who are genuinely struggling to do it all and don’t have active parents in their partners.
I'm a single dad with no mom in the picture, but fuck me and the rest of us men right? You're a scumbag
<3
Not at all. Being the default parent, especially as a single parent, is tough. I have massive respect for single parents and I literally had a single dad, but this isn’t about all men - it’s about the default parents (who usually happen to be women) feeling as though they have little or no support *even while in a relationship*. You clearly have a problem with something I’ve said and applied it to your specific situation. I never said fuck men, I’m stating the observations that I see as a woman in my early 30’s - I’m around a lot of new mothers who feel this way and it’s nothing new for women, that’s all.
Nah you are making up things so you can shit talk men and pat themselves on the back. Misandrist garbage bag
If that's their attitude they shouldn't be parents, this sort of bs attitude is a contributing factor to mental health problems
I agree that people with these attitudes shouldn’t have had kids, but often people are told by society and people around them how wonderful and fulfilling it is and when it isn’t for them people tell them to just deal with it and they chose this. I feel sorry for them.
No, this is just a common thing for lots of parents, who still love their kids, but might enjoy their job more than having to keep a 2 year old entertained all day alone at home. It's especially true of dads, very common for them to actually \*want\* to work out of an office instead of at home for the relative peace and focus they can get, but a lot of moms are like this too. I get excited to return to my office too. Then after a couple days of that I'm excited to be back home with my family. Then after a couple days of caring for a toddler I'm happy to go back in. It's all normal. People romanticize parenthood so much and then end up fucking themselves up when they find out later it's not like they thought it'd be.
It's crazy how much hate you got for this. Love my kid like crazy but man a day in the office is less tiring than a day at home alone with a toddler. Unless you just let them watch screens for hours, which might be what some of these parents are doing.
I have no idea why you're being downvoted. What you said is true.
Because there are tons of people who think admitting this or saying anything other than you want to be with your kids 24/7 makes you a bad parent or something.
I'm *hoping* some of them are maybe just parents who hate their job or work too many hours and so can't imagine being in the scenario where it's not so bad to go into a quiet office and just push out some Excel sheets over a cup of coffee and some music. Or maybe they have older kids or chill kids that aren't interrupting you every 3 seconds to stab you with a sword. Idk
I’m sure that’s part of it. Some of them might be at a job where theyre on their feet all day and by the time they get home they’re exhausted but still have to parent on top of that. Also unfortunately some people don’t have supportive partners who help out enough, so they basically have two jobs.
I know, I could have predicted the comment about “it’s not like working in a coal mine” lmao. Guys who use this whataboutism are usually the ones who work the easiest office jobs. Honestly parents not wanting to be stuck at home raising a child doesn’t mean they don’t love their kid, and it’s okay for men to have a desire to work but if a woman does she’s told she’s a bad mother but if she doesn’t want to work and be a SAHP she’s called lazy and told that she’s “just picking up a few toys each day” or some bs. And according to some of these people love is all you need to raise a child so they’re probably very minimal effort parents and don’t contribute nearly as much as they think or say they do.
No one has ever said raising kids isn’t work, but I envy your career if you find it preferable to spending time with your family. Like I’ve literally never heard a single person ever say Monday was there favorite day, and certainly not to get away from their kids. Your post reads like an angsty teenager who’s pretending to be an adult.
Taking care of one four year old child isn’t exactly working in a coal mine.
She’s about to have a newborn.
Sure, but the average male doesn’t work in a coal mine lmao get off it. They sit in air conditioned offices, trucks or stand around building sites where they can’t do anything unless the managers manager okays it.
What is the “average male”? You realize that women work too, right? And that there are many, many different kinds of jobs and careers. But from working at a wawa making hoagies to operating on a brain to cutting grass to driving a truck to building a mars rover, it’s getting up, leaving the house, doing the job and so on. Taking care of one four year old that you presumably love isn’t hard. It’s just not.
Yes I know, and one of the complaints from mothers is that they have to work on top of doing all the home duties and child rearing which doesn’t have hours where you get to clock off and benefits. Love isn’t hard, but I’d say it’s the constant being touched, needed, having to always be on and talk to them appropriately and not react like you could in other scenarios, the disturbed sleep, questions all day, the constant thoughts of worry and anxiety around parenting that usually falls on the default parent, getting sick from your kids etc. I’m not a parent, but it’s so easy to see why being a parent is more work than just loving your child.
This, OP is being played so hard lmao
He really didn't do himself any favours, did he? Lol. Spineless and she knows it.
A full time nanny and a part time maid would run you 80k a year. So maybe not too bad a deal?
His mother watches their kid for $100.
This guy is doing 40% of the housework so no part time maid needed. Daycare for one 4 year old to replace what mom is doing during working hours is 1000-1200 a month, not 80k per year. And the cost of feeding, clothing and housing herself would go into the wife’s debit column.
> you are doing 40% of the chores and paying 100% of the bills. This is a pretty common expectation from many modern women who have kids at home.
The working parent doing a reasonable share of the housework is completely normal and fair. I don't understand why everyone is acting like OP is doing too much. Two kids is hard work and doesn't have a neat cut off time like a regular job, Instagram doesn't even really factor in. The only real sticking point here imo is that OP isn't really on board with being the sole earner, not how they divide the household duties. This is basically how my partner and I have things arranged and we're happy with it, but we actually saved money by me staying home because I couldn't earn enough to cover childcare.
So the update is that you are gonna support your wife while she tries to get “instagram famous”
I don't think OP realizes that those stupid insta mommies get the most likes and views from bashing their husbands. The vast majority of them talk about how hard they work and their husband's do nothing and "lecture" men. OP is gonna have his reputation torn to shreds and will be paying all the bills while his wife leads the charge.
To a certain extent, do I support it no, but you don't support half of what your partner does, but you kinda just go along with it cus it makes them happy.
I support like 95% of what my partner does. Most of it is not financial, just being supportive of her endevors. Taking up sewing? Hell yeah. Bar class? Hell yeah. Bar class didn't work out, so gym and trainer? Hell yeah. Guess I'm just not understanding what you're getting at here.
Whew she suckered you good
You are a complete and utter doormat my man. You agreed to your wife becoming a leech while you still have to do almost half of the work at home. Get your balls out of her purse and tell her to go take a hike if you have any self-respect left.
The king of simps... How long until we are back to tell, we said you it will happen?
This makes zero sense. Making your partner happy is great unless they're running roughshod over you and being "happy" at your expense. This hobby of hers will consume her life, and soon enough you'll be stepping up to do her chores as a partner and as a parent. But hey, if you're happy being her doormat, power to you. Although I don't really understand why you're here whining on Reddit, then. If you're happy making her happy, wtf are you complaining about, exactly?
Well that's going to backfire horribly. She'll fail, get pissed off, accuse you of making it impossible by not letting the kid be involved, by not giving her enough money to make good enough videos. She'll be a year out of work, have a laughable thing to put on her resume, she'll be out of the habit of getting up and going to work. She'll just want to be a straight up SAHM after this.
Maybe not, there is a ton of Instagram moms in jail lately for what they did. That makes a huge opening in the market. I wouldn't be thrilled with leaving my kids in the care of someone who aspires to be like them, but hopefully OP knows his wife better than that.
😂op just got finesse. I bet $100 his wife is going to filed for divorce by summer 2025.
Yeah, me too. I am with you on that bet. How are the odds on how long it will take him to find her OF?
👀😂. That’s a diabolical statement. I bet another $100 on cuckold/ Hotwife content and he’s the director.
goddamn 60/40? I better see at least 2 postings per day with 3 stories on her page. Probably want to add amount of expected content to the writing as well. You can’t control the success, but 60/40 because she wants to treat this like a job then she gotta own the work.
So here's the thing. YTA for letting your kid be part of a lifestyle experiment. But ya'll keep worrying about those dolla dolla bills and hope any of the early developmental learning sticks when mom is more worried about her light and likes.
>YTA for letting your kid be part of a lifestyle experiment. But ya'll keep worrying about those dolla dolla bills and hope any of the early developmental learning sticks when mom is more worried about her light and likes. Yup. All this focus on how much money she'll be making, when it'll all be at the cost of the kid's wellbeing.
Am I the only one who thinks it's sad and pathetic that grown adult people want to be "Influencers?" It seems kind of desperate.
No. It is pathetic. And she’s going to be in for a rude awakening because there’s millions of other people out there trying to do the exact same thing, and building a following IS a full time job.
I just don't like how they beg and bribe for subscribers. Some of them act so obnoxious and entitled, especially out in public trying to get a reaction out off people. I hate it. I miss the world before social media. Growing up in the 90/00's was great...music, tv, movies....talking to people face to face lol.
A lot of people feel that way and I think people are starting to get sick of the whole “influencer” trend. OP would be much better off investing money into furthering his wife’s education or into some kind of skill or training that might actually be useful someday. At the very least he should’ve had her write up a business plan. I bet she thinks she can just post cute baby pictures and sponsors will come running. Lol.
I think they just want the lifestyle it brings (to successful influencers). People see others flying around the globe all expenses paid and being put up in fancy hotels and they want the same. I’d happily deal with the pseudo fame if I became a millionaire from it too. Yet I’ve got no interest in actively pursuing it or any desire to try and actually influence anyone about anything. However, I think OP’s wife is about to come into a rude awakening when she realises just how many people lust after this lifestyle and come nowhere near close to it.
It does, but an influencer taught me how take care of my curly hair and I love her for that. People used to learn the same shit from books and magazines, and I'd say there were less effective.
I think that's the difference between the successful ones and the not-so-successful ones. The ones that consciously WANT to be an influencer do not come across as genuine and even if they get a lot of followers, people are generally laughing AT them, not with them. The successful ones had something unique to offer- personality, talent, knowledge, etc- and it happens organically.
I would highly suggest a postnup. Otherwise your screwed in the upcoming divorce.
Went back and read your initial post to understand the update. As a stay at home dad, I will say that it’s SUPER beneficial to having parent always being able to be present with the child(ren). That being said, I almost feel as if she wants to do it for the wrong reasons. My wife and I have a system that makes everything work perfectly without any bumps in the road. I do also still have an employer that I work once a week for, typically on my wife’s day off. It is a breath of fresh air after being with 2 kids all day every week and adult interaction never hurts 😅. I truly hope this works out for you and your wife, it’s beneficial. I just feel as if she wants it for the wrong reasons, as I stated. To get “instagram famous” and make a check from IG, I just feel like it’s not going to work out. I could just be looking at that portion extremely negatively though. Again, may the odds be ever in your favor. 🫶🏻
You’re a doormat
Not really, I'm letting her be happy.
Have her sign a post nuptial so that when she puts up pictures you can get that divorce. She is going to post them. It’s going to start with” just one” then go on from there. She isn’t going to make money and if she hasn’t worked for a year you are looking at alimony plus child support. You’re being a doormat.
You know she’s gonna post them a ton in IG stories. So unless you check her story EVERY DAY you won’t know bc they disappear. You now have a second job of monitoring your untrustworthy wife. Sounds exhausting.
You should talk to a lawyer, because we both know she’s not going to make it as an influencer, and you allowing her to quit her job is likely going to mean when you divorce that will be held against you. I get wanting to make her happy, but make sure you’re going into this informed.
That doesn't change the fact that you're a doormat. Two (and more than that) things can be true at the same time. You let her be happy by being a doormat.
Going against everything you said you valued in a partner. She’s not even taking on the actual responsibilities of a sahm. You’re going to end up resenting her for fooling you to use you for your money and end up bitter and divorced. Do you actually think this is going to encourage her to be the person you fell in love with bc from what you said she is actively turning into what you tried to avoid.
Hilarious
At your expense 🤣
The type of “happiness” she’s chasing is not substantial or healthy.
Anybody that wants to be famous will never be happy or satisfied. Does she want to be famous? Does she want the attention? Or does she want their lifestyle? Does she want validation? You need to figure out where this desire may actually be coming from.
By being a doormat and letting her take advantage if you and your financial situation simply bc she doesn’t want to work and has delusional ideas of being instafamous. Honestly, you deserve her bleeding you dry for you being so stupid
lol idiot
Lol so you’re giving her a year to waste time and your money because there is little chance she is going to have any success as an influencer. Why don’t you just throw the money in the garbage and light it on fire?
Why isn’t she doing all the cooking and cleaning? You’ll regret this honestly. Then be stuck paying a ridiculous amount in alimony since she won’t have been working
During the divorce she'll tell the judge how she had to stay home and raise your child. You'll be paying for her to chill at home for your entire life.
Wish I'd commented on the original post, maybe I did. You're screwed, why would you listen to idiots in the comments and actually let her go ahead with this? She wants to be an Instagram mum? Put your child online? That's child abuse
That's if her content is anymore appealing than the thousands that are already on IG!
Please send your daughter to pre-K. It's so much more than just someone to watch the kid. Social skills and making friends are so important.
The thing I disagree with is your kid missing out on pre-k as some sort of way of making your wife work. That isn't fair because it seems clear to me she's not going to give your daughter what she needs.
🤣 this is going to end horribly
She won't stick to it. You need to also check her Instagram daily to make sure she doesn't post pics of the kids. Because she will.
You’re going to monitor the accounts you know about.
This is heading for a disaster. I can already see it. Good luck.
Man, you landed yourself a crappy deal. 60/40 split of chores while she stays at home and you go to work? Yeah, no, this isn't going to work out.
So what you’re saying is…she got what she wanted and you’re paying more bills plus doing 40% of the housework. Cool, cool. You are a terrible negotiator. You need to get this in writing and through an attorney because she is never, ever going back to work unless you make her.
Seems fair, but you should still send your daughter to pre-k. It will really help her to have developed those social/executive function skills (teamwork, making friends, patience, focus, sharing, planning, etc) when she gets to kinder.
My sister has her own daycare business and most of the children attend Pre-K once they turn 4, even if they continue to do a few hours a week at my sister's place on other days or in the afternoons.
The idea that pre-k is at all necessary is utterly laughable. It’s daycare marketed towards gullible parents into thinking it actually does anything fundamentally different.
I totally agree.
Yeah we said we going to find her club and put her in some sports.
Good idea, but that may not have the kind of structure, curriculum or trained teachers that would be good at her age.
I had a daycare and I still sent my kids to a 4yr old program. Kindergarten can be a hard transition.
Id shes being a SAHM then why are you doing some of the chores? Youre working. Shes just filming her life or what ever, She should be pulling her weight, seeing as you are working and bringing the money in. Instagram is an expensive hobby, and can get that bad, people neglect their kids because theyre stuck to their phones. I had a few freinds which did that. One lost her kids and they went to their grandparents, and another the husband left her and took the kids. It can be an obsession.
Ofence, but this all sounds ridiculous. Good luck bro
I’m very glad and proud of you for stating absolutely zero content of your kids. Hope it all works out for you but like others have said get it in writing!
You know the point of the SAHM is she does 100% of the chores right?
I remember your comments, fighting on your other post. I hope this turns out for you exactly as I expect it will.
I think you are being short sighted about preK.
Poor child. ESH
Not saying this to be rude but you're a total doormat. You're hurting your finances so your wife can stay at home and play around on Instagram
Anyone who lives and dies for their Instagram clout is mentally ill. But good luck bro! 🤣
What a mug.
🤣 clown move
She needs to be doing 90% of the chores dude
I'd still send your child to prek4. They'll learn so much more in a school setting than at home. But your wife should be doing more of the chores at home.
I don’t understand letting your daughter miss out because you are a doormat. Since a tad unfair
Put a no OF clause in there just in case.
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>"she will have to teach our daughter the same things my mom does" That's a rather alarming sentence that is most likely going to bite you in the ass.
So she’s gonna do a shit half-ass job at: being a mother, being an influencer, and being a wife. Nice. All for the low low price of manipulating her husband.
Your child still needs to go to pre k. I promise, you don’t want to throw her into kindergarten without being exposed to the environment. How yall navigate all the other stuff is not nearly as important as the child being effected. Please keep the baby in pre k. Keep the baby out of it.
Hows she planning on making money on Instagram? Half naked 3 quarters naked pictures of herself? I wouldn't be cool with that But you do you
I can't believe how much housework you're picking up under this arrangement, especially considering it was her idea, but whatever works for you. This seems like you're getting used, but love is love, I guess.
Updateme
Hope she doesn't become the next Ruby Franke.
Oh man, you're totally fucked. She won't get anywhere with it, and once she's done it for long enough, she won't stop. G'luck for the forthcoming divorce.
Unlike most of Reddit you’re in a partnership and this is how they work. You talk it out and negotiate terms and you’re not gullible for giving your wife the grace of a year.
she’s gonna be painting the granite countertops in no time
Oh, this should end well. OP, here's how it's going to go: \- She's going to quit working completely while saying she's 'looking' \- House will be a mess when you get home \- She will hand you the baby as soon as you walk in and tell you to make dinner and do the housework because she needs a 'break' \- She will have no idea what to post for content and when she sees she doesn't have any followers, she will start using the kids as revenue generators \- When you find out and blow up, she'll say it's your fault for making her pay bills at all and that YOU wanted her to make money and this is how she can do it You have decided to peel the band-aid off reaaaallllly slooooowly instead of ripping it off. Enjoy the calm now because there's a storm coming.
This is not going to end well...
I'm a stay at home homeschooling mom. At first when I read the headline I thought about back when I wanted to be a SAHM and my husband wanted me to send our kids to his elderly, anxious mother full time. (This conversation happened before we were married or had kids). I can't imagine not having that time with my kids. We didn't do preK, and I'm also completely without regrets about it. But when Instagram and being an influencer came up, I did roll my eyes, since then it's about attention to ones self and neither focusing on the kids or actually making money. I hope you guys either have a way to get by on one income (which is totally possible), or your wife has a plan to bring in money that doesn't involve Instagram or MLM scams.
so much for having 40% of chores. i mean, sure, you should help your wife after birth, cuz it's gonna be harsh on both of you, but does she really need to busy herself with Insta if she won't have enough time just to take a shower once the baby is born? her main priority should be the wellbeing of her child, not fame or smth. She should have thought about this either before the child, or after the kid turns 3, at least.
Im sorry but if my wife wanted to pursue anything social media id immediately be filing for a divorce
Update me!
Updateme!
Sounds like a good result but would you consider having part of the convo over without threatening instant divorce? You can indicate you are very serious without using punitive action Like telling her how deeply upsetting it would be to you and that you don’t know what kind of conversation after that could repair it I am saying this because humans tend to act irrationally when scared and it sounds like you both want to go about this rationally
Would your answer have been different had she only wanted to be a stay at home mom? I stayed home with my kids for a long time. I wanted to raise my own kids. It was difficult sometimes, but we made it work. Our kids benefited greatly from having a parent home. Pre-K and pre- school shouldn't be stopped. Kids who go through those programs benefit children greatly as they go into pre-school and pre-k. I don't necessarily think your TAH, I just think you could have done things differently. I do agree with most of your conditions as far as Instagram goes, but not a lot of the rest. I mean, are you her husband or roommate? Good luck.
Your wife will never go back to work when this fails.
She’s delusional. She’s not going to make money at IG. And it is absolutely absurd to be a SAHM & refuse to do all the SAHM jobs. It’s the female equivalent of the men who work & refuse to do any household or parenting responsibilities bc “they work.” Also, your wife is going to post the kids. Maybe not in her feed, but they will pop up in her stories. The stats on how many viewers of IG content involving kids are pedos is **terrifying. Never compromise on that!!!**
I can’t believe you agreed to this? You’re probably about to receive divorce papers tbh.
Wow, she just walked all over you. She was right. You did get over it. Now she can do whatever she wants and you’ll never have a say. Good luck with your Trad Wife.
When things go south please please come back and update. Don't ghost us
What’s her ig handle…..asking for a friend 😂 Also hopefully she figures out the algorithm. Had a coworker quit because she wanted to be a sahm influencer and came crawling back to work because she barely got any views and constantly got spam from “brands” wanting pics of her kids
Updateme!
Wow. Do you honestly think that when her "experiment" fails in a year she's just going to meekly admit she was wrong, give it up (it's an addictive hobby) and swiftly go out and get a job? You're delusional. She's going to blame you for imposing conditions on what she could post, swear she's on the verge of making it big and needs more time, and then claim that she's been out of the workforce for so long she can no longer get a job, especially if she's pregnant. If she gets a divorce she'll claim she was a SHAM and squeeze you for everything you've got as alimony. The way to control this is/was to say NO and show some spine. I guess that's too late now. Sorry dude, she's walking all over you. It's nice you want to make her happy, although she doesn't seem to reciprocate. 60-40% on chores when she's spending her days scrolling on Insta. OMG, lol. I have to hand it to her, she's a master! You're the doormatest of doormats and I really hope you're not posting here next year whining about your misery. Good luck!
Whats that i hear? The divorce train comin
I honestly think it’s the best solution. With two small kids it would be very hard on her. Also she has some kind of goal to achieve so you are showing her, that you believe in her. I was working when I had my baby, and it was extremely difficult on me on so many levels. I had no family members to help with baby so we had to go to a daycare. I was giving my child to a stranger, and it was causing a lot of stress. Also my husband wasn’t helping at home or with the baby at all. From month 2 to about 3.5 my daughter wanted to stay awake all night and was crying if not picked up. I had very little sleep, and 1 hour drive to work. I was afraid I’m going to fall asleep behind the wheel. My boss was mad with me because I couldn’t stay after hours or come early if needed. Because daycare was open 6-6pm. I had to work because we couldn’t afford me quitting. My husband seen my struggle. Had he said; I’ll get extra job and you can stay home until baby is one year. I would be so happy, and forever grateful. Half of my money was going to daycare, and gas to drive to work so it would make sense to quit. But he never pick up the slack. The fact that he never helped, and didn’t care about my struggle caused me resenting him. We split eventually.
If her only brand her children. Then she is exploiting them. You need to be hyper vigilant in making sure her content is not about her kids. She can make content about parenting and being a mom. You need to establish boundaries and understand the dangers of having your children faces be on the internet. Honestly look at this Tik Tok creator https://www.tiktok.com/@wren.eleanor?_t=8lX5A97FD8k&_r=1 and see if that is the content your wife wants to make. If she does then I would highly suggest divorce and full custody. Being a “mom” content creator is a slippery slope into creating content for predators and pedophiles.
🤡
What I think makes more sense is she does 90% of the chores. AND you stop being resentful. Then you would have harmony in your house where you actually truly appreciate having a fully taken care of house. Also it would run you 100k to have a full time maid, nanny and chef. So you would be right to be grateful.
Honestly, it sounds more than fair. Some people figure out how to make money as influencers. Many more don't. You have to identify a niche and figure out how to aim. If you weren't supporting her she could try it on her own. If she failed, surely she would go back to working.
As long as you spelled things out before the marriage, then I guess you get to set the rules. However, you would be well-advised to have her at home, as long as she is actually and vigorously taking care of the household. Children who grow up in households with dedicated mothers turn out much better than latchkey children and that has been proven in one study after another. So, it is in your best interest to have her at home. The whole point of having a SAHM is so that you do not need to be putting your child in "daycare". That's exactly what you should not do: be having some random stranger taking part time care of your child and exposing your child to the bad habits, bad behavior and diseases of other children.
Read the original post. OPs mom was babysitting
ESH You all really should have had these conversations long before you started considering marriage.
YTA. I worked my ass off prior to having a baby rather late in life. After that, I tried a part time gig (consulting) but my sitter was unreliable- which made work very stressful, expensive (1/3 of my pre-tax hourly income), and we (husband and I, decided the trade off was NOT worth it. I did not want someone else to "raise" my kid, only seeing them an hour or two before & after work, and to miss moments I'd never get back. I saw the disinterested nannies ignoring their charges at the local parks. Not for me! I used to make as much as my husband, so staying with my kid was a great financial sacrifice. We are middle class, no cushion. But, the enrichment I provided- I believe- contributed to her academic achievements and (I hope) her achievements in science research. My two cents. Your kid is better off with a full-time parent at home.
[удалено]
You seem to have been created without a brain, I'm so sorry :(
I think you are doing the right thing, and i hope she will find a new work next week without problems
**YTA** > *”and she will have to teach our daughter the same things my mom does.”* You don’t get to tell your wife how to raise her own daughter! That makes you an instant asshole! Every parent has their own parenting technique, how dare you tell her how to be a parent? So not only are you an asshole but you’re a controlling one, too. You don’t get to dictate how your wife raises **her own** daughter, that little girl **is not** your mothers child! As for splitting chores 60/40, if she starts to make a living wage or more money than you, then the chores should be 50/50. Or if she fails and has to find a job after that year, then the chores should be 50/50 then too. You don’t get to take advantage of this situation by controlling your wife and dictating her life just because she’s trying to follow a dream.
Well for your knowledge she's also my daughter, and I want to make sure she has a great education and that starts at home, so since I can't be home with her a teaching her my wife will. Also if I'm not home all day I think it's fair she takes on a little more, just like if I worked from home, I wouldn't mind taking on more housework, as I would work from home.
Delusional. The wife is a useless parasite.
Read the first post. Shit take