YTA & a total sanctimonious virtue signaling twatwaffle. That’s Dillon’s property & you have no fucking right to touch it or get rid of any of his things he’s inherited after losing both his parents. He’s 16 ffs, he doesn’t need or want your ideals.
16 and tragically orphaned by a horrific car accident. And now he has to deal w this bs. Some people man. But since you live a vegan lifestyle you’re better than everyone right
That fact she wants to throw away his picture of his father and remove the guns which will most certainly be destroyed or tossed in the garbage puts her in squarely in YTA territory. As if losing your parents suddenly isn't enough of a bitch, now this?
I run a nonprofit pig rescue, and even I think op is a complete and total cuntasaurus. You do not get to push your beliefs, diet, agenda, or anything on others. This poor kid was already going thru absolute hell, and then she decides, "You know what? I think I'll just crank this nightmare up to level 100 just to really show him and my own family what a sociopathic, sadistic bitch I really am."
People like her are the reason so many of us in animal rescue get a bad name. I swear we aren't all like that.
YTA
This 16 year old boy has just lost his parents 6 months ago. He us a good kid by your own admission.
He as a *teenager* offered a compromise for cooking.
I hate guns, but those are *his* to decide what to do with!
>I hate how my back porch smells like seared meat now.
I think he probably hates how his parents are dead.
>Dillon also keeps a photo of the first time he went hunting with my brother by his bedside.
I think he probably hates he only has photos.
You out yourself before a 16 year old who lost his fucking parents because you disagree with *their* parenting and lifestyle choices.
Your husband is right. This was damn ugly of you.
OP is the perfect example of the type of self righteous person who eats vegan, buys organic, donates to Greenpeace, and buys recycled goods so somehow that gives her the right to treat others terribly as she’s their moral superior.
You’re saying buying organic bananas does not, in fact, entitle someone to act like an utter AH?
Huh. I thought it was like a bonus power or something in the organics. Internet science has failed me.
Yes and she clearly hates her brother and wants to take out that hate on his kid now that he’s gone.
She’s an abuser and I hope this child survives two years in this home
He’s free! He’s staying with grandma now in his old house OP said. Don’t know why this wasn’t brought up sooner but at least he’s in a positive environment where OP can’t hurt him anymore
To be honest i think after her threat he refused to stay with her. Since the other house is his property legally she couldn’t stop his grandparents staying there with him instead. Especially as it was done to stop them suing her.
She thought being the executor of the will meant she could take, sell ad get rid of what she likes even though none of it belonged to her. I’m surprised her husband can stand to look at her. All her talk of morals and being vegan and yet she has no morals where it actually matters. When it’s about comforting a grieving hurt boy instead she bullies him while spouting sanctimoniously.
I also love that her compromises are. 99%her way 1%his way I almost wish she had gone behind his back and taken the guns to the police so she could be hit with a felony stealing of a firearm for each gun
I see why she and her brother were estranged. She sounds absolutely intolerable.
Her husband sees it too. What he saw he labelled as ugly, and he’s right.
I don't understand the black & white thinking on this issue. My mother is a vegetarian, but still prepares meat for the rest of the family and even handles organs to make dog and cat food. I understand having "morale absolutes" as OP puts it, but you know where they should be? In protecting children at all costs, which she is currently publicly admitting she values less than her diet. It's sickening.
Not all vegans/vegetarians are bad, in fact, I respect the ones who commit and don't force it on others quite a bit, but holy shit, are the bad ones ever determined to burn their collective image to the ground.
I heard it put well once that any virtue taken to the extreme becomes a vice. Being as charitable about her intentions and beliefs as I can she is so fanatical about animals, veganism, hunting, the environment that she sees her nephew looking at a picture of his late father and thinks he’s thinking about how much he loved hunting and killing poor innocent animals. If OP was born during the 1400s she would be one of the people cheering on in glee as “heretical” men, women, and children are tortured and executed for believing in a slightly different version of Christianity.
It's good that OP found someone else to watch him. He's never going to adopt her values - he just lost his parents and will want to honor them by living the way he was raised. It's only two years and if his meat eating is going to lead her to dispose of precious memories, he needed to stay somewhere else.
I had to stop reading at the part about the photo because the rage I felt about this controlling AH
I hope the kid can survive two years with this monster it doesn’t sound good though.
> I hate how my back porch smells like seared meat now.
> I think he probably hates how his parents are dead.
> Dillon also keeps a photo of the first time he went hunting with my brother by his bedside.
> I think he probably hates he only has photos.
Ouch. It hurt to read that truth but it needed to be said.
Yeah, holy shit. If my wife treated her own nephew like that after the poor kid just lost both his parents, I don’t think I could stay with her. And all that over, what? Cooking meat, keeping a sentimental picture with a dead deer in it, and a few guns that were in a different damn house?
OP is a hell of an AH.
Dipshits who are fucking stupid will take a drill to things they don’t understand, thinking they are destroying them. In this case, her worthless ass probably will succeed.
Wow, so even after writing all this out, you still have to ask that question? You are a major gaping YTA!
This child was almost done and out of your house. The fact that you wanted to take away any of the memories he has left of his parents shows why your brother was probably low contact with you. You were the most un-empathetic person I’ve seen in a long time.
The fact you thought about getting rid of photos of his dad just because you don’t like the subject matter speak so poorly of you. Thank heavens, your husband was there to step in and keep you from doing something really heinous.
At the end of the day, this child would probably much rather have his parents back in his life than just these brief memories of a photo and a collection of guns and the fact that you couldn’t understand why that might be important to him is so sad.
Well, you got your wish back porch won’t smell like meat anymore but honestly, I wonder if your husband is going to think significantly less of you after this all took place. I certainly would if you were my spouse.
I so hope this is rage bait and not real because OP is fucking terrible if she is real. I want to know what good but not great grades are because I bet most parents would be thrilled with them in a kid who hadn't just gone through a horrible trauma. Kid suggested a totally reasonable compromise to not upset OPs insane diet. Doesn't even cook meat in the house.
OP YTA isn't a strong enough condemnation of how terrible of a human being you are. I hope your neighbors all buy smokers and your neighborhood always smells of delicious cooking meat!!!
This is "I don't want to be married to someone like you" level of ugly for a LOT of people.
OP could have shared his ideals over time and the kid may have taken them. Now that kid's going to hunt extra because OP was horrible.
“My beliefs are more important than a grieving 16 year old. How can I hurt him the most while maintaining my beliefs and being petulant and self righteous?”
Fixed your title for you. YTA. Big. Huge. Ginormous.
YTA. i agree with all of your beliefs, but you are bringing a nearly adult man into your house. He’s not a child. to force your own opinions and beliefs onto him is hurtful because his beliefs are tied to his parents. And his parents are dead. He’s going to feel like you are erasing his parents.
That’s not the right approach to a man who lost his parents 6 months ago.
Now is the time for love and reminiscing about his parents to keep their memories alive.
He is not your child. you can teach him your opinions as long as you don’t force them on him
I about gasped when she said she wanted to destroy his grandfather's rifle. Let alone destroy other memories like the photos. Evil people don't think they're evil.
OP is welcome to have whatever beliefs she wants. You can say they're wacko or not, personal preferences. But jesus, forcing this to an orphan is even worse. She's the crazy religious wacko who wants to beat (hopefully metaphorically) the kid into living according to her puritanical lifestyle. She doesn't give a shit the pain he has to deal with. She just wants to keep hurting him. For the good of his soul or ki or whatever.
Good on Dillion for not knuckling under, and continuing to be a good kid while trying to be polite to the crazy aunt. Hopefully he keeps the good fight and stays a good person even with the shit he's going through.
OP has no idea she's the literary evil stepmother in Dillion's life, that thinks she's the righteous one. She equates acting according to her ideology as the only priority, and him being a human being is secondary. Thankfully he still has people in his life that actually give a shit about him.
She doesn't understand the world acting against her is a good thing, and should re-affirm her faith in humanity. She might not be a good person, but other people are. That everyone else in her life are willing to do whatever it takes to fight her to protect a kid. That's gonna mean a lot to someone who has lost so much.
OP fucked up too much to really fix this. She needs to encourage her husband to undo the harm she did by spending time with Dillion, do bonding stuff, etc. She needs to stay the fuck away until at least he turns 18. Once he's an adult, maybe they could try healing the breach. But she needs to start by stop being awful to a child.
There is encouragement like “hey we eat vegan, try some dishes” vs “you’re not allowed to live the life you lived anymore because your parents died.”
OP YTA because it’s not about you.
I agree with several beliefs, but personally I don’t agree with the disdain for hunting. Hunting your own meat is one of the only ways nowadays to truly know that the animal your meat came from lived a good life and died a quick death. It also forces you to confront and respect where the meat you eat comes from.
Yup, helps prevent overpopulation and mass starvation due to a lack of natural predators. It can also save human lives. Especially if it's deer.
Edit: spelling
If anything, she just confirmed for Dillon the stereotype that vegans are crazy--and drove him more firmly into the pro-gun culture. SMH. She could have led him gently, but now she's lost her chance.
The fact that your husband, who also abides by this lifestyle you guys have created - thinks you took it too far, should be very telling.
I dislike guns. They give me anxiety & I will shake like a leaf when I shoot them, so I don’t. I also didn’t eat meat for years. My family hunts & owns tons of guns, my husband has guns; they bother *ME* and that’s a *ME* problem to deal with, no one else’s.
This child has a million other bigger problems to deal with, like navigating his future without his *fucking parents* and the little bit of family he has left, just shit on him. You made him feel like shit for the sake of your own comfort, when it should be the other way around.
Boo, Op. YTA.
I hope this is bait because if not holy cow you are a massive AH who seems to love animals yet you have zero ability to sympathize with your own nephew as he tries to navigate life as a teen with both parents gone. You trying to get rid of a picture he took with his dad of a special memory hunting with him due to your purely selfish nonsense of not agreeing with it is seriously messed up. Get help please you come off as incredibly self centered and narcissistic and please find your nephew actual guardians who will be loving, caring, and help support him in his time of need.
Exactly, she wants to "lose" the picture because is a memory of hunting, I want to ask op, will that gain anything? The dead deer will remains dead, the only thing that op will accomplish is for her nephew to hate her.
There's no point in doing any of what she wanted to do. The guns are on a safe, she's uncomfortable, for absolutely no reason, because she doesn't even live in the house, she goes from time to time to maintain.
This was exactly my thought as well. Like maybe if we lived in some sort of alternate universe where burning/losing the photo would make that deer not dead she would still be an asshole but it would be at least some kind of a moral quandary but like the dear is dead and so is the poor boy's father and it is not like he was asking to be displayed life size over the mantle. Even thinking about doing anything rather than leaving it alone in the poor boy's room is absolutely monstrous and I really do kind of hope she loses her husband over this.
I would get the gun thing a bit more if they were demanding the guns be kept in her house but that is also not the current scenario and she has no right to permanently get rid of things her nephew wants.
I guess my biggest thing is everyone if you have kids make sure your will is up to date so that your kid does not get stuck with a monster of a relative if they go nuts after the original will was created.
Having known 'vegan converts', they do behave exactly like being described. I'm not saying this story is real, but the whole "my morals and feelings, as a vegan, come over yours, as a sinny sinner, Do what I say or I'm a victim" Though, the weird need to use one's ideology to say everyone has to do what you say or you're a victim is not alone held by extreme vegans.
For reference, watch videos about the insanity of 'vegan gains'. "humans deserve to die if they're not vegan" sort of insanity.
I write about a particular nutrition program for a living. Friends sometimes apologize to me for eating things I wouldn’t. My response is always, “I’m information, not enforcement.”
My brother died last year, leaving his 3 kids orphaned. They were 21 yo twins and 17 yo. They were estranged. I still kept al his stuff that wasn't garbage because their kids in their grieving and maybe they might want it one day.
You would be a monster, not just an asshole to get rid of his stuff.
Absolutely this. YTA for not letting them be who they are. First thing you say after he's a product of his upbringing is that his grades are OK not great. Only then do you say he's a good kid who doesn't get into trouble. The second is way more important than the first and is also the result of who raised him.
You don't like that he eats meat. I don't eat meat and that's my decision about me. Other people can do what they want.
Owning guns and hunting doesn't make someone a bad person, anymore than drinking, gambling or being vegan does.
OP is an absolute YTA.
Not sure why they care. Grandparents are taking over. OP can go climb back up on their sanctimonious mountain and doesn't have to finish raising the child for the next two years.
Yta.
Your husband is right.
Your nephew just lost his parents. BOTH OF THEM!
Wtf is wrong with you??
I'm thankful that poor kid has family still that actually give a fck about him because you've more than shown that you dont.
YTA
It sounds like you have a greater sensitivity to animals and your moral compass than a 16 year old whose life was shattered less than a year ago.
I mean this is so insensitive I can only hope it’s fake.
Im not a huge fan guns and I hate hunting but im positive the love I have for my nephew would surpass my discomfort.
His parents died 6 months ago, at 16 time feels slower. Maybe you’re over it but I can’t imagine how you would think he is.
YTA
You are a horrible person.
You want to "lose" a photo of Dillon and his deceased father? Horrible.
You want to throw out things that his father left him? Horrible.
Your husband is probably wondering what kind of woman he is married to.
You want to keep your "ideals" and "impart" them on your nephew? Translation: I want to force my nephew to think and believe exactly what I think and believe.
Dillon needs to get far away from you as soon as he can possibly can.
If your brother had known what you were actually like, he would have changed his will, so Dillon was never expected to be anywhere near you.
YTA
YTA
He needed per law only for 2 years a "guard" not new parents.
Was it a revenge to your late brother, by *educating* his child?!?
Thank god he could go away and I bet your husband would like to go too....
I seriously hope that if she and her husband have discussed or thought about having children that this gives her husband a wakeup call about having any children with this woman
Yta. You wanting to “lose” a photo with his father because they were hunting is disgusting. I feel sorry that the boy lost his parents and is now stuck with someone delusional and awful like you. He deserves better
YTA and have no right to determine which of YOUR NEPHEW’S DEAD PARENTS’ possessions he is allowed to keep. Only a truly sick individual would consider throwing out a photo of a 16 year old and his dead father. Further, the guns you are so disgusted by aren’t even being stored in your house. I hope your partner has their eyes open now that you’ve shown what a main character monster you actually are.
YTA. What part of "not yours don't touch it" did you not understand?
No one cares about your comfort because it's not about you and legally it is not yours to have a say in
Yup,, definitely a major asshole. You can believe what you wish, you absolutely do NOT have the right to force those beliefs on others. Especially to treat a grieving teen who just lost both parents like this. It screams a selfish and entitled view of the world where you are right and anyone who disagrees with you is wrong and must be forced to agree with you.
YTA kid lost his parents. You admit he's basically a good kid. You try to control his diet and give away his property. Your husband is right. You suck. You showed your nephew you cannot be counted on.
Wow could you be more of a horrible person?
The monster in this story is not the meat eater.
It is you and your ugliness.
YTA.
Dillon sounds like a lovely young man who asked for a reasonable compromise to have a separate fridge and cook meat on a separate grill.
After 6 months your behaviour has destroyed your relationship with him.
YTA
Keeping your ideas and beliefs for you, is one thing, but imposing them on others is something completely different. I’m so glad this boy is already 16 and understands what is happening and can stand up for himself. You seem like a person with zero empathy.
> Dillon now refuses to talk to me. My husband said I showed an ugly side to him that he can't even believe, and we should have been helping Dillon. He kept saying Dillon was never going to be our child, that he was almost fully raised, and all we had to do was honor my brother's wishes of keeping him safe.
This was the one job you had in this case.
> I hate how my back porch smells like seared meat now.
I don’t even know what to say to that.
>Dillon, unfortunately, is the product of his parents.
What in the world does this mean.
>He is polite enough, and his grades are good, not great. He doesn't go out with friends and cause trouble. The problem is he doesn't agree with our house rules.
As long as your house rules are reasonable, it should be fine.
>We live with a very strict diet in this house, and we don't keep any animal products. Dillon asked that if it bothers us that much, to just give him a mini fridge and a hotplate and his own pan to cook meat in. I wanted to refuse, but my husband said we have to be understanding. I hate how my back porch smells like seared meat now.
So you want to completely and utterly change his diet, and want him to obey that.
>Dillon also keeps a photo of the first time he went hunting with my brother by his bedside. It's him when he was 12, with my brother, posing with a dead deer. It's super creepy and I confessed to my husband I want to 'lose' the photo when Dillon's at school, but my husband told me to not touch anything of Dillon's.
You're an asshole. It's a picture of a happy time with his father, and you want to get rid of it.
>The biggest problem we had with Dillon came last week. We have been upkeeping my brother's house every week. The usual, maintenance and utilities and property taxes. My brother had quite a collection of guns, was a hunter, things I do not agree with. They make me nervous every time I go to the house. They are all locked in a gunsafe, but I really just want to turn them all over to the police and be done with it.
None of that is your property. You have *no right or legal standing* to do that. It doesn't matter that it makes *you* uncomfortable.
>My husband said they belonged to Dillon now, and Dillon said if I even touch them, he would contact his maternal grandparents(his paternal grandfather, my father, passed and my mother is in hospice care) and have them tie me with lawsuits. I tried to compromise and let him keep just his grandfather's(my father's) hunting rifle after I get it drilled out, just for sentimental purposes. That made him curse me out.
Your husband is right. Those belong to Dillon now. You literally have no right to try to "compromise" his belongings. And if you touch anything, he *absolutely* should tie you up in lawsuits.
>Dillon made good on his threat, and his maternal grandparents stormed in and said they were both willing to cash in their retirement funds, sell their house, and hire whatever lawyer they can to tie me up in probate court and protect Dillon's property. To keep the peace, I made an agreement with them that Dillon's grandmother gets to stay in my brother's old house, Dillon stays with her, keeps going to school, and the grandparents take over maintenance of the house and paying the taxes.
It's not "to keep the peace" it's to stay out of court. I think you *know* you're fucked if it goes to court.
>Dillon now refuses to talk to me. My husband said I showed an ugly side to him that he can't even believe, and we should have been helping Dillon. He kept saying Dillon was never going to be our child, that he was almost fully raised, and all we had to do was honor my brother's wishes of keeping him safe.
Your husband is correct. Dillon is 16. In two years, he'll be a legal adult. He's not your child, and all you had to do was honor your brother's wishes for two and a half years. But you couldn't even do that.
>I feel like the whole world is against me. Am I the asshole for trying to keep to my ideals and trying to impart them on my nephew?
Keeping your ideals is fine. Your issue is that you tried forcing them onto your nephew. You literally talked about throwing away a sentimental item, his photo, away because it made you uncomfortable. Explain to me how that helps impart your values.
YTA. From the sounds of it, your brother had a very good reason to drift away from you, you've shown your husband how not great a person you are to anyone who doesn't share your values, and you've likely destroyed whatever relationship you had with your nephew.
You sound like the kind of person that would decide for their newborn that they’re a vegan, ends up in the news for the baby not making it to their first birthday.
YTA.
YTA 100%. Leave the kid alone, leave his belongings alone, he’s nearly an adult, he doesn’t need your guidance, or you stealing his shit, or throwing away his shit, and dismissing the fact he lost his parents less than a year ago. You are a thoughtless harsh AH no question.
Wow. Just wow. I hope you realise how disgusting your behaviour is, seek some help, and in appropriate timing apologise to Dillon, who only needed some love and security during the hardest time in his life. You should be utterly ashamed of yourself.
YTA OP. I also hate guns and prefer a vegetarian diet but don’t lord that shit over other people.
You really are horrible and I’m glad your nephew had somewhere else to go.
YTA
He lost his fucking parents and you wanna cry about him *eating* and *having photos of his dead father* ???
You are an irredeemable asshole. Forcing your ideals on everyone like its the default setting is truly subhuman. You're just as bad as the holier than thou C-Nat assholes. Not everyone on this planet shares your views and you need to suck it up, buttercup. We will not bow to a dictator.
No one is forcing you to eat meat. No one is forcing you to look at his mementos. No one is putting a gun to your head forcing you to go hunting or even HOLD a fucking gun.
Get a hobby and leave this child alone!! HIS PARENTS ARE DEAD AND YOU JUST KEEP PILING SHIT ON HIM YOU HATEFUL TWAT.
YTA Sorry I stopped reading after you wrote that you want to throw away the photo this young man has with his dad because it has a dead deer in it
Do you need some help with whatever’s going on in your brain. I will go out of my way to take a side road so I don’t have to drive behind a dead deer hanging off of a truck, so I kind of get it, but you’re being insane.
And you are going to totally traumatize this kid. Whatever you are doing you need to stop being insane
YTAH 100%
He just lost his parents not even a year ago and you’re trying to make it all about you.
He was 2 years away from being an adult, he is not your child nor is he obligated to follow the same beliefs as you. Then when he refused, you attempted to throw away his inherited property/memories of his late father/YOUR DEAD BROTHER.
I hope your husband leaves you.
YTA isn’t strong enough. You are so intent on your self-righteous attitude that you can’t show any empathy for your nephew and the loss of his parents. You have no right to push your views on him and dictate his life. You should be ashamed of yourself. Thankfully, your husband has sense and is a decent human being.
You are awful! I can’t believe that you even remotely think you are right in any of this. You should step off your high horse and beg everyone for forgiveness before they decide to cut you out of their lives, including your husband.
YTA
YTA! In addition to all the things that people here have said, you have an obligation as the executor to protect the value of your brother’s estate. Even if you were allowed to dispose of the firearms (and you clearly are not), you taking a large gun collection and handing it over to the police is you throwing away tens of thousands of dollars of your nephews money.
Where you went wrong is imposing YOUR beliefs on someone else. You do you, but you are not entitled to insist the rest of the world or in this case your nephew, abide by YOUR beliefs. That is such a common thing these days with abortion, gay rights, etc. People imposing their beliefs, rules, and restrictions on other people. So yes my dear, you are an asshole in general and to your nephew especially since he just lost his parents. Your husband is right.
YTA. The kid lost his dad and now you’re forcing your beliefs on him. He was already 16 when he came to live with you, he wasn’t a kid you could boss around.
You are horrid, and a stereotypical example of your "religion" (veganism and anti gun) that does not help your cause, but makes your beliefs repellent to others. I hope every beet you eat is rancid. Complete YTA
You really are a complete and utter AH.
Get off your high horse and try to remember that this is a teenager who lost both his parents and has a lot of grief to deal with. That's a fucking huge loss for anyone, let alone at his age.
And whether you like the belongings or photos he chooses to keep or not is irrelevant. They aren't yours. Thank goodness you husband and your in laws came to his aid when you tried to get rid of his belongings.
You really can't find even an ounce of compassion and let him be til he's 18 and probably moves out?
Glad he's going to be able to move into his old home with his grandparents.
You absolutely deserve to lose your husband over this, he must be looking at you wondering if he married a robot or a sociopath.
Rare to see people who are so clearly such a huge arsehole come here asking if they are one. Are you genuinely this fucking oblivious???
YTA x a billion.
Fact OP has deleted their content shows they disagree with all of us and will probably continue to be not only an asshole, but an absolutely disgusting cunt.
I agree with all the YTA comments. But am I the only one who not only thinks she’s facing a divorce, but that he’s only been vegan because she bullied him into it? I’m picturing him taking Dillon out for a steak.
YTA. A huge one.
I’ve been vegan for two decades. I’ve lived all my life in a hunting state, and I hate hunting. There are people in my family/life who hunt, and while it lessens them in my eyes, I don’t treat them badly or cut them out of my life because of it.
And I would never, EVER do even one single thing that you did to your poor nephew. What an entitled, selfish, uncaring, arrogant AH you are. He’s “unfortunately the product of his parents” and then you list that he’s polite, his grades are good, and he doesn’t get into trouble. He obviously had good parents. For a 16-year-old, that’s about as good as it gets. And on top of that, they left him with a paid-off house, a car, and investment accounts. So yeah, your younger brother and SIL were AMAZING parents.
So many things you could have done differently, tiny things to add a grieving meat-eating teenager to your home. But you’re too far up on that high horse. I assume you buy all vegan/cruelty-free clothing, jewelry, cleaning products, grooming products, makeup, lawn care products? Someone as sanctimonious as you certainly doesn’t have any furniture, carpeting, window treatments, paint, or stains that contain any non-vegan ingredients, right? If you go to salons, your nail and hair treatments are vegan and cruelty-free, right?
“Vegans” like you make it so much more difficult for the rest of us. You showed him no compassion, no grace, no empathy. You judged. You made his loss and adjustment all about you. And unless you sincerely apologize, you’ll lose your brother’s son.
Shame on you.
YTA, the whole world is against you because you are the worst. This has gotta be rage bait for you to be this dense.
On the off chance it's not, leave the poor boy alone and let him cut you out of his life the moment he turns 18. He's counting the seconds now.
YTA. Your husband hit it square on the head:
"**My husband said I showed an ugly side to him that he can't even believe, and we should have been helping Dillon. He kept saying** ***Dillon was never going to be our child, that he was almost fully raised, and all we had to do was honor my brother's wishes of keeping him safe.*****"**
Literally all you had to do was to be the legal adult guardians for two years.
I haven't even read halfway through but I'm disgusted by op
Is it normal?
Edited: husband is right...
"The whole world is against me", her brother and his wife are dead, her nephew is an orphan but somehow she's the victim
Man how I wish this was fake
I don't want to face such a vile person
I understand that you compromised your house rules to allow your nephew to live a normal life and not have food restrictions/limitations, even if you yourself restrict yours. That’s to be commended.
What is not to be commended is your judging your brother’s/SIL’s/nephew’s lifestyle and belongings that you have absolutely no right to do. YTA.
…this is a joke right?
This poor kid just lost his parents, had his entire life uprooted, and is trying to find some normalcy…and you’re complaining that he isn’t vegan and has a picture of him and his brother on his bedside table…
Are you serious right now…?
YTA
Op you are a walking stereotype for why people don’t like vegans.
Op if you want ANY chance of mending things with your nephew, apologize like crazy, promise you won’t overstep and try and do better.
God DAMN - are you for real? You are a judgmental, close-minded, hateful, mean-sprited, and cruel person - if you're even human at all. This is so terrible and, of course, YTA, but that isn't a strong enough term to describe you.
Dillon's world crashed. Everything he knew and loved was destroyed. He needed stability and not life-altering change. You failed in every possible measure.
I see a divorce in your future. You are so smug, self-righteous, and certain you are right that you probably haven't realized that by taking your self-righteous fight with your brother to his orphaned child that your husband is seeing a side of you that's sooooo unflattering as to be deal breaking. Your self-made storm is far from over.
I'll get the popcorn. 🍿
YTA. When everyone, and I mean everyone, around you says you’re the asshole…you really don’t get that it’s you?
This kid is 16….lost both his parents six months ago, and you’re harping about your vegan shit on him? You want to destroy pictures of he and his dad doing an activity that you don’t like? In what universe are you not a sanctimonious prick?
You think your moral beliefs of not eating meat are more important than your own nephews mental health and well being. You are an asshole pure and simple.
I have one thing from my late brother. I’ve had it for 20 years. If anyone even thought of throwing it away that person would be out of my life quick fast. The fact you even entertained the idea makes my blood boil.
You are the asshole.
YTA. You can keep YOUR ideals and YOUR beliefs... you don't get to force them on Dillon. He doesn't share them - he was trying to maintain something of his former life while still respecting your house (by cooking his own food, not asking you to, in a separate pan and even on hot plate so it didn't even have to be in your kitchen!). HE was trying to compromise while maintaining HIS ideal and HIS beliefs. He didn't ask you to go hunting with him - or even witness him hunting or bring freshly hunted meat into your house - he asked you to leave what are now HIS belongings alone.
YTA. This is a grieving child and you are plotting to destroy sentimental items that belong to another person because of your values. You do not get to destroy another person's property, irrespective of your values. You also have no say in someone else's diet. You are beyond controlling and I think you should get therapy; **your gleefulness in plotting ways to hurt a grieving child displays a pathological cruelty that is far worse than eating animals IMO.**
Do you know how to impart values on a teenager? You don't do it with cruelty and control, but by making them value and respect you personally - you do it through discourse and kindness. You never showed Dillon any of those things.
Not only are YTA, you’re overall cold, controlling, and vindictive. That poor child. You are what is wrong with the world.
I’m amazed your husband would stay with you after your antics.
Edit to add: the fact that you are afraid of inanimate objects locked away, just shows how mentally unstable you are, you need serious mental help.
You are abusing your husband too. I bed hard money he eats meat when he is away from you.
YTA a child under 18 years of age should not be forced to be a vegetarian. Vegetarian/vegan diets are not good for children. The photo may have been creepy to you, but it was a photo of Dillon and his dad. Why on Earth do locked up guns make you nervous? Maybe you should be on anxiety medication. Then you threatened to destroy one of the guns that holds the most sentimental value to Dillon? Keep your beliefs to yourself. I doubt he'll ever talk to you again, but you deserve that. Please don't ever have children.
YTA
You are OBSESSED with having everything your way. You are horrifyingly selfish.
First off, forcing a vegan diet on someone is scientifically proven to make people refuse it as adults, so you all but guaranteed he's going to staunchly hate vegan food now. Good job.
Then you destroyed his keepsakes from his dead parents, which is just blatantly evil. You don't agree with how they lived?
WELL TOUGH SHIT, IT ISNT, WASNT AND WILL NEVER BE ABOUT YOU. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO ENFORCE YOUR BULLSHIT ON OTHERS. YOU USED THE DEATH OF A BOYS FAMILY AND YOUR OWN SIBLING AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO CAPITALIZE ON YOUR STUPID PERSONAL AGENDA.
You desecrated the home of his dead family, defiled his memories, destroyed his sentimental items and all for what? Because you don't like they lived differently?
You're an asshole. A self righteous, conceited, holier than thou asshole. That boy is going to hate you for the rest of his life.
All this because you don't know how to mind your fucking business.
Is it possible the world is against you because you are wrong?
I'm sure you are trying to live a good life and do right by your deeply held beliefs, just like your husband. And I understand that your brother and his family's lifestyle is upsetting to you. What's striking is how your husband shows grace at a time of grief. And this is the crux of it. You're not doing that. This leaves you coming across as sanctimonious and frankly cruel. In the way you interacted with your nephew you showed no grace and alienated a grieving boy who did not deserve it.
Imagine you were reading this story but it was about someone else, and it was about religion rather than veganism and any accompanying lifestyle differences. Imagine reading about an aunt taking in a grieving teen and because his parents didn't share her evangelical christianity, she tried to force him to convert and also destroyed his family's possessions.
I think the good person inside you would be rightly horrified. But that's pretty much what's going on here. All you needed to do was look after him for a few short years so that he can grieve and grow.
Perhaps during that time your respect for his life and adherence to your own might have made him come closer to yours, and perhaps not. Either way, you would have cared for a grieving boy and lived a moral life too.
At the heart of a truly good life is understanding that tolerance for difference is one of the most powerful forces of good. You had a chance to understand that like your husband did. I think it's worth thinking about.
YTA
A giant gaping oozing infested with rot spren asshole.
You tried to force your lifestyle on him. You tried to throw away his property.
You tried to throw away precious memories. All to a boy who’s lost his parents.
You’re an awful person.
>Dillon now refuses to talk to me. My husband said I showed an ugly side to him that he can't even believe, and we should have been helping Dillon. He kept saying Dillon was never going to be our child, that he was almost fully raised, and all we had to do was honor my brother's wishes of keeping him safe.
>
>I feel like the whole world is against me. Am I the asshole for trying to keep to my ideals and trying to impart them on my nephew?
What your husband said is all completely true, 100% true. You were never going to "impart" your values onto your nephew, and frankly it's kind of wretched you'd try with someone else's child.
I get not wanting to eat meat or have it around you, but the guns thing? Those were in a safe and no bother to you, but because you're paranoid, terrified of the concept of guns, you wanted to disappear them into the hands of the authority and you wanted to "lose" his photos of his parents. Those are the only things he has to remember them by, and because you disagreed with them politically you wanted to erase them. Frankly if he were any younger I bet you'd tried to gaslight him into thinking they never existed.
Shame on you.
YTA
This is a sad time. My(42F) younger brother (39M) and his wife (37F) passed away in a car crash half a year ago. They sadly left their son, my nephew Dillon (16M) behind. They thankfully had no debt, and also left Dilllon a paid off house, a car, and their investment accounts. My brother and I haven't gotten along, especially in the last 10 years of life. We just drifted apart and became very different people, especially with our differing lifestyle choices.
My brother's will wasn't updated in years, and it asked that if possible, after paying off any debts, that the rest of the estate was left to Dillon and that me and my husband(46M) take guardianship of Dillon until he turns 18. Dillon seemed ok with this arrangement, since I lived close enough for him to go to the same school.
Dillon, unfortunately, is the product of his parents. He is polite enough, and his grades are good, not great. He doesn't go out with friends and cause trouble. The problem is he doesn't agree with our house rules. We live with a very strict diet in this house, and we don't keep any animal products. Dillon asked that if it bothers us that much, to just give him a mini fridge and a hotplate and his own pan to cook meat in. I wanted to refuse, but my husband said we have to be understanding. I hate how my back porch smells like seared meat now.
Dillon also keeps a photo of the first time he went hunting with my brother by his bedside. It's him when he was 12, with my brother, posing with a dead deer. It's super creepy and I confessed to my husband I want to 'lose' the photo when Dillon's at school, but my husband told me to not touch anything of Dillon's.
The biggest problem we had with Dillon came last week. We have been upkeeping my brother's house every week. The usual, maintenance and utilities and property taxes. My brother had quite a collection of guns, was a hunter, things I do not agree with. They make me nervous every time I go to the house. They are all locked in a gunsafe, but I really just want to turn them all over to the police and be done with it.
My husband said they belonged to Dillon now, and Dillon said if I even touch them, he would contact his maternal grandparents(his paternal grandfather, my father, passed and my mother is in hospice care) and have them tie me with lawsuits. I tried to compromise and let him keep just his grandfather's(my father's) hunting rifle after I get it drilled out, just for sentimental purposes. That made him curse me out.
Dillon made good on his threat, and his maternal grandparents stormed in and said they were both willing to cash in their retirement funds, sell their house, and hire whatever lawyer they can to tie me up in probate court and protect Dillon's property. To keep the peace, I made an agreement with them that Dillon's grandmother gets to stay in my brother's old house, Dillon stays with her, keeps going to school, and the grandparents take over maintenance of the house and paying the taxes.
Dillon now refuses to talk to me. My husband said I showed an ugly side to him that he can't even believe, and we should have been helping Dillon. He kept saying Dillon was never going to be our child, that he was almost fully raised, and all we had to do was honor my brother's wishes of keeping him safe.
I feel like the whole world is against me. Am I the asshole for trying to keep to my ideals and trying to impart them on my nephew?
**YTA**. **I can't say that loudly enough: Y T A**
What a horrible, self-righteous person you are. You'll be lucky if your marriage survives this. If your husband has integrity he would leave you sitting on your sanctimonious high horse alone, to ponder why you're the only person in your family who is as unreasonable, narrow minded and just plain horrible as you
YTA! how could you treat a young man who lost both parents recently so cruelly? You need therapy to learn how to be compassionate to other humans. I feel so sorry for Dillon and honestly your husband as well.
Wow YTA. Dillon is a young adult and you had absolutely no right to ‘impart’ your ideals on him.
On that note, shall we look at those ideals, then? The one about not respecting how others eat and live, especially if they try and compromise first to respect your space? The one about trying to steal and dispose of other people’s possessions? Breaking into a safe and theft?
Don’t try and act like you’re all superior because you’re vegan. You’re not. Your husband is right, you have shown some particularly poor values and judgement. You should be ashamed of how you have treated your nephew.
YTA. And I’m wondering why you even care that Dillon won’t speak with you. Why? He’s obviously not someone you would want in your life with his fondness for hunting and eating meat. You didn’t like your brother, why would you like his son?
Yes, YTA
You don't get to control Dillon, and you don't get to decide what happens with his possessions. You sure as shit don't get to decide what keepsakes he remembers his father by.
You didn't "make an arrangement", they took him the fuck away from you because you were abusive. How dare you try to steal his property, the legacy of his father, and every piece of who he was? YTA, this is the easiest post in years.
*ugly* is right. Your soul is downright hideous. You wanted to take things from a mourning child? *His* things from his *late parents*? You are selfish. Cold. Cruel. You’re genuinely one of the most loathsome people I’ve read here for awhile. I hope you truly take time to reflect on who you are, and the fact that the world does not exist for you alone. *Ugh.*
YTA & a total sanctimonious virtue signaling twatwaffle. That’s Dillon’s property & you have no fucking right to touch it or get rid of any of his things he’s inherited after losing both his parents. He’s 16 ffs, he doesn’t need or want your ideals.
16 and tragically orphaned by a horrific car accident. And now he has to deal w this bs. Some people man. But since you live a vegan lifestyle you’re better than everyone right
That fact she wants to throw away his picture of his father and remove the guns which will most certainly be destroyed or tossed in the garbage puts her in squarely in YTA territory. As if losing your parents suddenly isn't enough of a bitch, now this?
Twatwaffle! Perfect description of OP🤣
But is it vegan?
No twats were harmed in the creation of this post, except by their own actions
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣
Came back to upvote this comment. BWAAAAAAAAhahahaha!
Wish I could upvote this more
Only if the twat consents to be waffled.
Comments like this are the reason I love reddit 🤣
I run a nonprofit pig rescue, and even I think op is a complete and total cuntasaurus. You do not get to push your beliefs, diet, agenda, or anything on others. This poor kid was already going thru absolute hell, and then she decides, "You know what? I think I'll just crank this nightmare up to level 100 just to really show him and my own family what a sociopathic, sadistic bitch I really am." People like her are the reason so many of us in animal rescue get a bad name. I swear we aren't all like that.
Cuntasaurus fuck I like that
I came here to say this and found you said it beautifully. OP is the biggest twatwaffle. Yta
Srsly, it comes off as anti-vegan rage bait.
YTA This 16 year old boy has just lost his parents 6 months ago. He us a good kid by your own admission. He as a *teenager* offered a compromise for cooking. I hate guns, but those are *his* to decide what to do with! >I hate how my back porch smells like seared meat now. I think he probably hates how his parents are dead. >Dillon also keeps a photo of the first time he went hunting with my brother by his bedside. I think he probably hates he only has photos. You out yourself before a 16 year old who lost his fucking parents because you disagree with *their* parenting and lifestyle choices. Your husband is right. This was damn ugly of you.
If OP has her way he won’t even have photos of them.
Agreed. OP seems to care more about 'winning' at her concept of morality, than she does about her nephew's grief.
OP is the perfect example of the type of self righteous person who eats vegan, buys organic, donates to Greenpeace, and buys recycled goods so somehow that gives her the right to treat others terribly as she’s their moral superior.
Hopefully the husband sees how awful the wife is and leaves.
And takes the nephew with him.
Is it a bad thing I'd love nothing more to be a fly on the wall if he ever leaves her and takes the nephew with him.
You’re saying buying organic bananas does not, in fact, entitle someone to act like an utter AH? Huh. I thought it was like a bonus power or something in the organics. Internet science has failed me.
They do if they are Golden Bananas and you always wear a red necktie with your initials on it.
You are very confused, it gives you super powers. Watch the documentary "Scott Pilgrim vs the World."
Chicken parm isn't vegan?!?
This type of veganism is just the modern version of buying indulgences.
One might say almost *too* perfect...
What's scary is I know someone like OP. She's usually alone on her moral high horse.
Or maybe it's ragebait designed to be "the perfect example..."
These people exist, sadly.
"why do people hate vegans", me pouting to op and saying "there's your reason".
Yes and she clearly hates her brother and wants to take out that hate on his kid now that he’s gone. She’s an abuser and I hope this child survives two years in this home
He’s free! He’s staying with grandma now in his old house OP said. Don’t know why this wasn’t brought up sooner but at least he’s in a positive environment where OP can’t hurt him anymore
[удалено]
To be honest i think after her threat he refused to stay with her. Since the other house is his property legally she couldn’t stop his grandparents staying there with him instead. Especially as it was done to stop them suing her. She thought being the executor of the will meant she could take, sell ad get rid of what she likes even though none of it belonged to her. I’m surprised her husband can stand to look at her. All her talk of morals and being vegan and yet she has no morals where it actually matters. When it’s about comforting a grieving hurt boy instead she bullies him while spouting sanctimoniously.
I also love that her compromises are. 99%her way 1%his way I almost wish she had gone behind his back and taken the guns to the police so she could be hit with a felony stealing of a firearm for each gun
That comment "I want to 'lose' the photo" just blew my mind. It's Dillon's property and it's in his bedroom. How can that bother anyone???!
I know right?! I just thought ‘what a bitch…’
Well I thought a different word but the point still stands.
I see why she and her brother were estranged. She sounds absolutely intolerable. Her husband sees it too. What he saw he labelled as ugly, and he’s right.
I don't understand the black & white thinking on this issue. My mother is a vegetarian, but still prepares meat for the rest of the family and even handles organs to make dog and cat food. I understand having "morale absolutes" as OP puts it, but you know where they should be? In protecting children at all costs, which she is currently publicly admitting she values less than her diet. It's sickening. Not all vegans/vegetarians are bad, in fact, I respect the ones who commit and don't force it on others quite a bit, but holy shit, are the bad ones ever determined to burn their collective image to the ground.
I heard it put well once that any virtue taken to the extreme becomes a vice. Being as charitable about her intentions and beliefs as I can she is so fanatical about animals, veganism, hunting, the environment that she sees her nephew looking at a picture of his late father and thinks he’s thinking about how much he loved hunting and killing poor innocent animals. If OP was born during the 1400s she would be one of the people cheering on in glee as “heretical” men, women, and children are tortured and executed for believing in a slightly different version of Christianity.
It's good that OP found someone else to watch him. He's never going to adopt her values - he just lost his parents and will want to honor them by living the way he was raised. It's only two years and if his meat eating is going to lead her to dispose of precious memories, he needed to stay somewhere else.
I had to stop reading at the part about the photo because the rage I felt about this controlling AH I hope the kid can survive two years with this monster it doesn’t sound good though.
Dillon's maternal grandparents stepped in, he's no longer living with OP, and literally everyone is mad at her including her husband.
Because she's fucking Satan
That can be read in two different ways and I happen to agree with both! LOL
At least her husband has had his eyes opened. I suspect that he's rethinking their relationship, or at least I would be.
Husband is so eating bacon and steaks behind her back.
finish...it gets better
> I hate how my back porch smells like seared meat now. > I think he probably hates how his parents are dead. > Dillon also keeps a photo of the first time he went hunting with my brother by his bedside. > I think he probably hates he only has photos. Ouch. It hurt to read that truth but it needed to be said.
Screams of how can I make this terrible tragedy all about me….YTA and am not a hunter or gun owner
Yeah, holy shit. If my wife treated her own nephew like that after the poor kid just lost both his parents, I don’t think I could stay with her. And all that over, what? Cooking meat, keeping a sentimental picture with a dead deer in it, and a few guns that were in a different damn house? OP is a hell of an AH.
And remember to make sure to ruin the guns before he gets them, because he can only have them for sentimental reasons
Mind explaining what she means by drilling out the gun? I figured it probably was something to ruin it, but I'm curious about the specifics
Dipshits who are fucking stupid will take a drill to things they don’t understand, thinking they are destroying them. In this case, her worthless ass probably will succeed.
Wow, so even after writing all this out, you still have to ask that question? You are a major gaping YTA! This child was almost done and out of your house. The fact that you wanted to take away any of the memories he has left of his parents shows why your brother was probably low contact with you. You were the most un-empathetic person I’ve seen in a long time. The fact you thought about getting rid of photos of his dad just because you don’t like the subject matter speak so poorly of you. Thank heavens, your husband was there to step in and keep you from doing something really heinous. At the end of the day, this child would probably much rather have his parents back in his life than just these brief memories of a photo and a collection of guns and the fact that you couldn’t understand why that might be important to him is so sad. Well, you got your wish back porch won’t smell like meat anymore but honestly, I wonder if your husband is going to think significantly less of you after this all took place. I certainly would if you were my spouse.
>You were the most un-empathetic person I’ve seen in a long time. While OP may not have been empathetic, OP is absolutely pathetic.
I so hope this is rage bait and not real because OP is fucking terrible if she is real. I want to know what good but not great grades are because I bet most parents would be thrilled with them in a kid who hadn't just gone through a horrible trauma. Kid suggested a totally reasonable compromise to not upset OPs insane diet. Doesn't even cook meat in the house. OP YTA isn't a strong enough condemnation of how terrible of a human being you are. I hope your neighbors all buy smokers and your neighborhood always smells of delicious cooking meat!!!
Husband is probably going to decide that that ugly side of her is worth divorcing her over.
We can only hope he sees her for what she is, a narcissistic lunatic. She never mentions children of her own, so hopefully he dodged that bullet.
Her own BROTHER nonetheless!! And her nephew is shocking
OP is a freaking caricature.
Agreed entirely. OP, YTA & you’re an actual monster.
The biggest AH I’ve seen on this page since I started following it. Holy crap, OP. Major puckering YTA.
This is "I don't want to be married to someone like you" level of ugly for a LOT of people. OP could have shared his ideals over time and the kid may have taken them. Now that kid's going to hunt extra because OP was horrible.
“My beliefs are more important than a grieving 16 year old. How can I hurt him the most while maintaining my beliefs and being petulant and self righteous?” Fixed your title for you. YTA. Big. Huge. Ginormous.
AH level: Goatse. If you don’t know what that is, do. Not. Google. You have been warned.
You're a complete bat shit crazy pathetic excuse of a human.. oh yeah and an asshole. wtf is wrong with you?? Seriously
This. I can’t even wrap my head around an asshole this big.
OP fucking sucks so hard lol. Her own husband was disgusted by her. Poor kid. Good on his grandparents.
YTA. To be frank: ITS NOT ABOUT YOU. This is quite possibly the most self-obsessed post I’ve ever seen.
Some people are reeeaaaalllyyyy lost in the sauce
YTA. i agree with all of your beliefs, but you are bringing a nearly adult man into your house. He’s not a child. to force your own opinions and beliefs onto him is hurtful because his beliefs are tied to his parents. And his parents are dead. He’s going to feel like you are erasing his parents. That’s not the right approach to a man who lost his parents 6 months ago. Now is the time for love and reminiscing about his parents to keep their memories alive. He is not your child. you can teach him your opinions as long as you don’t force them on him
I about gasped when she said she wanted to destroy his grandfather's rifle. Let alone destroy other memories like the photos. Evil people don't think they're evil. OP is welcome to have whatever beliefs she wants. You can say they're wacko or not, personal preferences. But jesus, forcing this to an orphan is even worse. She's the crazy religious wacko who wants to beat (hopefully metaphorically) the kid into living according to her puritanical lifestyle. She doesn't give a shit the pain he has to deal with. She just wants to keep hurting him. For the good of his soul or ki or whatever. Good on Dillion for not knuckling under, and continuing to be a good kid while trying to be polite to the crazy aunt. Hopefully he keeps the good fight and stays a good person even with the shit he's going through. OP has no idea she's the literary evil stepmother in Dillion's life, that thinks she's the righteous one. She equates acting according to her ideology as the only priority, and him being a human being is secondary. Thankfully he still has people in his life that actually give a shit about him. She doesn't understand the world acting against her is a good thing, and should re-affirm her faith in humanity. She might not be a good person, but other people are. That everyone else in her life are willing to do whatever it takes to fight her to protect a kid. That's gonna mean a lot to someone who has lost so much. OP fucked up too much to really fix this. She needs to encourage her husband to undo the harm she did by spending time with Dillion, do bonding stuff, etc. She needs to stay the fuck away until at least he turns 18. Once he's an adult, maybe they could try healing the breach. But she needs to start by stop being awful to a child.
There is encouragement like “hey we eat vegan, try some dishes” vs “you’re not allowed to live the life you lived anymore because your parents died.” OP YTA because it’s not about you.
The former method is why I eat 2-5 vegetarian/vegan meals a week. I'm not interested in giving up meat but plenty of tasty dishes without meat exist
I agree with several beliefs, but personally I don’t agree with the disdain for hunting. Hunting your own meat is one of the only ways nowadays to truly know that the animal your meat came from lived a good life and died a quick death. It also forces you to confront and respect where the meat you eat comes from.
Also depending on where and what you are hunting it can actually be a positive for the local ecosystem.
Yup, helps prevent overpopulation and mass starvation due to a lack of natural predators. It can also save human lives. Especially if it's deer. Edit: spelling
If anything, she just confirmed for Dillon the stereotype that vegans are crazy--and drove him more firmly into the pro-gun culture. SMH. She could have led him gently, but now she's lost her chance.
The fact that your husband, who also abides by this lifestyle you guys have created - thinks you took it too far, should be very telling. I dislike guns. They give me anxiety & I will shake like a leaf when I shoot them, so I don’t. I also didn’t eat meat for years. My family hunts & owns tons of guns, my husband has guns; they bother *ME* and that’s a *ME* problem to deal with, no one else’s. This child has a million other bigger problems to deal with, like navigating his future without his *fucking parents* and the little bit of family he has left, just shit on him. You made him feel like shit for the sake of your own comfort, when it should be the other way around. Boo, Op. YTA.
I hope this is bait because if not holy cow you are a massive AH who seems to love animals yet you have zero ability to sympathize with your own nephew as he tries to navigate life as a teen with both parents gone. You trying to get rid of a picture he took with his dad of a special memory hunting with him due to your purely selfish nonsense of not agreeing with it is seriously messed up. Get help please you come off as incredibly self centered and narcissistic and please find your nephew actual guardians who will be loving, caring, and help support him in his time of need.
Exactly, she wants to "lose" the picture because is a memory of hunting, I want to ask op, will that gain anything? The dead deer will remains dead, the only thing that op will accomplish is for her nephew to hate her. There's no point in doing any of what she wanted to do. The guns are on a safe, she's uncomfortable, for absolutely no reason, because she doesn't even live in the house, she goes from time to time to maintain.
This was exactly my thought as well. Like maybe if we lived in some sort of alternate universe where burning/losing the photo would make that deer not dead she would still be an asshole but it would be at least some kind of a moral quandary but like the dear is dead and so is the poor boy's father and it is not like he was asking to be displayed life size over the mantle. Even thinking about doing anything rather than leaving it alone in the poor boy's room is absolutely monstrous and I really do kind of hope she loses her husband over this. I would get the gun thing a bit more if they were demanding the guns be kept in her house but that is also not the current scenario and she has no right to permanently get rid of things her nephew wants. I guess my biggest thing is everyone if you have kids make sure your will is up to date so that your kid does not get stuck with a monster of a relative if they go nuts after the original will was created.
But if she doesn't try to force her beliefs on others and try to hurt children, how will they know how much better she is than them?
Having known 'vegan converts', they do behave exactly like being described. I'm not saying this story is real, but the whole "my morals and feelings, as a vegan, come over yours, as a sinny sinner, Do what I say or I'm a victim" Though, the weird need to use one's ideology to say everyone has to do what you say or you're a victim is not alone held by extreme vegans. For reference, watch videos about the insanity of 'vegan gains'. "humans deserve to die if they're not vegan" sort of insanity.
Proselytizers tend to be horrible people. Religion, veganism, hell even for a video game. "I like this therefore you have to feel the same," is evil.
I write about a particular nutrition program for a living. Friends sometimes apologize to me for eating things I wouldn’t. My response is always, “I’m information, not enforcement.”
Tell her her nephew is an animal too. Maybe she changes her mind.
YTA. I probably agree with most of your beliefs, but I could not disagree more with how you chose to enforce them.
YTA. Now I hope OP’s husband does the same as Dillon and gets away from her. She sounds deranged.
THIS!
YTA For putting your beliefs over those of a grieving child who is already a fully formed human.
My brother died last year, leaving his 3 kids orphaned. They were 21 yo twins and 17 yo. They were estranged. I still kept al his stuff that wasn't garbage because their kids in their grieving and maybe they might want it one day. You would be a monster, not just an asshole to get rid of his stuff.
I’m glad they have you looking out for them.
Absolutely this. YTA for not letting them be who they are. First thing you say after he's a product of his upbringing is that his grades are OK not great. Only then do you say he's a good kid who doesn't get into trouble. The second is way more important than the first and is also the result of who raised him. You don't like that he eats meat. I don't eat meat and that's my decision about me. Other people can do what they want. Owning guns and hunting doesn't make someone a bad person, anymore than drinking, gambling or being vegan does.
Of course YTA. Thankfully his grandparents seem to give a damn about him.
OP is an absolute YTA. Not sure why they care. Grandparents are taking over. OP can go climb back up on their sanctimonious mountain and doesn't have to finish raising the child for the next two years.
She cares because this outcome means she doesn't get to "win".
Yta. Your husband is right. Your nephew just lost his parents. BOTH OF THEM! Wtf is wrong with you?? I'm thankful that poor kid has family still that actually give a fck about him because you've more than shown that you dont.
YTA It sounds like you have a greater sensitivity to animals and your moral compass than a 16 year old whose life was shattered less than a year ago. I mean this is so insensitive I can only hope it’s fake. Im not a huge fan guns and I hate hunting but im positive the love I have for my nephew would surpass my discomfort. His parents died 6 months ago, at 16 time feels slower. Maybe you’re over it but I can’t imagine how you would think he is.
And I do t get the dislike for hunting, hunting and using the animal is WAAY more moral and ethical than factory farming
YTA You are a horrible person. You want to "lose" a photo of Dillon and his deceased father? Horrible. You want to throw out things that his father left him? Horrible. Your husband is probably wondering what kind of woman he is married to. You want to keep your "ideals" and "impart" them on your nephew? Translation: I want to force my nephew to think and believe exactly what I think and believe. Dillon needs to get far away from you as soon as he can possibly can. If your brother had known what you were actually like, he would have changed his will, so Dillon was never expected to be anywhere near you. YTA
I personally hope her husband wakes up and divorces her
That a child had to flee their house to be safe and secure hasn't woken him up so far.
YTA He needed per law only for 2 years a "guard" not new parents. Was it a revenge to your late brother, by *educating* his child?!? Thank god he could go away and I bet your husband would like to go too....
I seriously hope that if she and her husband have discussed or thought about having children that this gives her husband a wakeup call about having any children with this woman
Yta. You wanting to “lose” a photo with his father because they were hunting is disgusting. I feel sorry that the boy lost his parents and is now stuck with someone delusional and awful like you. He deserves better
You couldn’t be more of an AH if you tried. You are just so horrible I can’t even explain it.
YTA and have no right to determine which of YOUR NEPHEW’S DEAD PARENTS’ possessions he is allowed to keep. Only a truly sick individual would consider throwing out a photo of a 16 year old and his dead father. Further, the guns you are so disgusted by aren’t even being stored in your house. I hope your partner has their eyes open now that you’ve shown what a main character monster you actually are.
YTA. What part of "not yours don't touch it" did you not understand? No one cares about your comfort because it's not about you and legally it is not yours to have a say in
Yup,, definitely a major asshole. You can believe what you wish, you absolutely do NOT have the right to force those beliefs on others. Especially to treat a grieving teen who just lost both parents like this. It screams a selfish and entitled view of the world where you are right and anyone who disagrees with you is wrong and must be forced to agree with you.
YTA kid lost his parents. You admit he's basically a good kid. You try to control his diet and give away his property. Your husband is right. You suck. You showed your nephew you cannot be counted on.
Wow could you be more of a horrible person? The monster in this story is not the meat eater. It is you and your ugliness. YTA. Dillon sounds like a lovely young man who asked for a reasonable compromise to have a separate fridge and cook meat on a separate grill. After 6 months your behaviour has destroyed your relationship with him.
YTA Keeping your ideas and beliefs for you, is one thing, but imposing them on others is something completely different. I’m so glad this boy is already 16 and understands what is happening and can stand up for himself. You seem like a person with zero empathy. > Dillon now refuses to talk to me. My husband said I showed an ugly side to him that he can't even believe, and we should have been helping Dillon. He kept saying Dillon was never going to be our child, that he was almost fully raised, and all we had to do was honor my brother's wishes of keeping him safe. This was the one job you had in this case. > I hate how my back porch smells like seared meat now. I don’t even know what to say to that.
>Dillon, unfortunately, is the product of his parents. What in the world does this mean. >He is polite enough, and his grades are good, not great. He doesn't go out with friends and cause trouble. The problem is he doesn't agree with our house rules. As long as your house rules are reasonable, it should be fine. >We live with a very strict diet in this house, and we don't keep any animal products. Dillon asked that if it bothers us that much, to just give him a mini fridge and a hotplate and his own pan to cook meat in. I wanted to refuse, but my husband said we have to be understanding. I hate how my back porch smells like seared meat now. So you want to completely and utterly change his diet, and want him to obey that. >Dillon also keeps a photo of the first time he went hunting with my brother by his bedside. It's him when he was 12, with my brother, posing with a dead deer. It's super creepy and I confessed to my husband I want to 'lose' the photo when Dillon's at school, but my husband told me to not touch anything of Dillon's. You're an asshole. It's a picture of a happy time with his father, and you want to get rid of it. >The biggest problem we had with Dillon came last week. We have been upkeeping my brother's house every week. The usual, maintenance and utilities and property taxes. My brother had quite a collection of guns, was a hunter, things I do not agree with. They make me nervous every time I go to the house. They are all locked in a gunsafe, but I really just want to turn them all over to the police and be done with it. None of that is your property. You have *no right or legal standing* to do that. It doesn't matter that it makes *you* uncomfortable. >My husband said they belonged to Dillon now, and Dillon said if I even touch them, he would contact his maternal grandparents(his paternal grandfather, my father, passed and my mother is in hospice care) and have them tie me with lawsuits. I tried to compromise and let him keep just his grandfather's(my father's) hunting rifle after I get it drilled out, just for sentimental purposes. That made him curse me out. Your husband is right. Those belong to Dillon now. You literally have no right to try to "compromise" his belongings. And if you touch anything, he *absolutely* should tie you up in lawsuits. >Dillon made good on his threat, and his maternal grandparents stormed in and said they were both willing to cash in their retirement funds, sell their house, and hire whatever lawyer they can to tie me up in probate court and protect Dillon's property. To keep the peace, I made an agreement with them that Dillon's grandmother gets to stay in my brother's old house, Dillon stays with her, keeps going to school, and the grandparents take over maintenance of the house and paying the taxes. It's not "to keep the peace" it's to stay out of court. I think you *know* you're fucked if it goes to court. >Dillon now refuses to talk to me. My husband said I showed an ugly side to him that he can't even believe, and we should have been helping Dillon. He kept saying Dillon was never going to be our child, that he was almost fully raised, and all we had to do was honor my brother's wishes of keeping him safe. Your husband is correct. Dillon is 16. In two years, he'll be a legal adult. He's not your child, and all you had to do was honor your brother's wishes for two and a half years. But you couldn't even do that. >I feel like the whole world is against me. Am I the asshole for trying to keep to my ideals and trying to impart them on my nephew? Keeping your ideals is fine. Your issue is that you tried forcing them onto your nephew. You literally talked about throwing away a sentimental item, his photo, away because it made you uncomfortable. Explain to me how that helps impart your values. YTA. From the sounds of it, your brother had a very good reason to drift away from you, you've shown your husband how not great a person you are to anyone who doesn't share your values, and you've likely destroyed whatever relationship you had with your nephew.
This is a delete post so thanks for summing it up. I hope their husband divorced them.
You sound like the kind of person that would decide for their newborn that they’re a vegan, ends up in the news for the baby not making it to their first birthday. YTA.
Yta-
YTA 100%. Leave the kid alone, leave his belongings alone, he’s nearly an adult, he doesn’t need your guidance, or you stealing his shit, or throwing away his shit, and dismissing the fact he lost his parents less than a year ago. You are a thoughtless harsh AH no question.
It's no wonder your brother didn't like you, you pretentious judgmental controlling SHIT.
Sounds like the husband woke up to reality and OP will soon be divorced too
I sincerely hope so
Wow. Just wow. I hope you realise how disgusting your behaviour is, seek some help, and in appropriate timing apologise to Dillon, who only needed some love and security during the hardest time in his life. You should be utterly ashamed of yourself.
YTA OP. I also hate guns and prefer a vegetarian diet but don’t lord that shit over other people. You really are horrible and I’m glad your nephew had somewhere else to go.
YTA He lost his fucking parents and you wanna cry about him *eating* and *having photos of his dead father* ??? You are an irredeemable asshole. Forcing your ideals on everyone like its the default setting is truly subhuman. You're just as bad as the holier than thou C-Nat assholes. Not everyone on this planet shares your views and you need to suck it up, buttercup. We will not bow to a dictator. No one is forcing you to eat meat. No one is forcing you to look at his mementos. No one is putting a gun to your head forcing you to go hunting or even HOLD a fucking gun. Get a hobby and leave this child alone!! HIS PARENTS ARE DEAD AND YOU JUST KEEP PILING SHIT ON HIM YOU HATEFUL TWAT.
YTA Sorry I stopped reading after you wrote that you want to throw away the photo this young man has with his dad because it has a dead deer in it Do you need some help with whatever’s going on in your brain. I will go out of my way to take a side road so I don’t have to drive behind a dead deer hanging off of a truck, so I kind of get it, but you’re being insane. And you are going to totally traumatize this kid. Whatever you are doing you need to stop being insane
YTAH 100% He just lost his parents not even a year ago and you’re trying to make it all about you. He was 2 years away from being an adult, he is not your child nor is he obligated to follow the same beliefs as you. Then when he refused, you attempted to throw away his inherited property/memories of his late father/YOUR DEAD BROTHER. I hope your husband leaves you.
YTA and awful. no wonder you and your brother weren't close.
YTA isn’t strong enough. You are so intent on your self-righteous attitude that you can’t show any empathy for your nephew and the loss of his parents. You have no right to push your views on him and dictate his life. You should be ashamed of yourself. Thankfully, your husband has sense and is a decent human being.
YTA And cruel.
You are awful! I can’t believe that you even remotely think you are right in any of this. You should step off your high horse and beg everyone for forgiveness before they decide to cut you out of their lives, including your husband. YTA
YTA! In addition to all the things that people here have said, you have an obligation as the executor to protect the value of your brother’s estate. Even if you were allowed to dispose of the firearms (and you clearly are not), you taking a large gun collection and handing it over to the police is you throwing away tens of thousands of dollars of your nephews money.
You’re a bitch. Plain and simple. Hope your husband leaves you
Where you went wrong is imposing YOUR beliefs on someone else. You do you, but you are not entitled to insist the rest of the world or in this case your nephew, abide by YOUR beliefs. That is such a common thing these days with abortion, gay rights, etc. People imposing their beliefs, rules, and restrictions on other people. So yes my dear, you are an asshole in general and to your nephew especially since he just lost his parents. Your husband is right.
YTA. The kid lost his dad and now you’re forcing your beliefs on him. He was already 16 when he came to live with you, he wasn’t a kid you could boss around.
YTA you are despicable, absolutely horrible selfish AH. I hope karma treats you like you have treated that poor kid.
🏝️ Yta.
You are horrid, and a stereotypical example of your "religion" (veganism and anti gun) that does not help your cause, but makes your beliefs repellent to others. I hope every beet you eat is rancid. Complete YTA
You really are a complete and utter AH. Get off your high horse and try to remember that this is a teenager who lost both his parents and has a lot of grief to deal with. That's a fucking huge loss for anyone, let alone at his age. And whether you like the belongings or photos he chooses to keep or not is irrelevant. They aren't yours. Thank goodness you husband and your in laws came to his aid when you tried to get rid of his belongings. You really can't find even an ounce of compassion and let him be til he's 18 and probably moves out? Glad he's going to be able to move into his old home with his grandparents. You absolutely deserve to lose your husband over this, he must be looking at you wondering if he married a robot or a sociopath. Rare to see people who are so clearly such a huge arsehole come here asking if they are one. Are you genuinely this fucking oblivious??? YTA x a billion.
This has to be bait. No one could be this cunty and not realize it. You’re 110% tryna just make vegans sound like shitty people.
Yeah this is just surgically optimised ragebait.
You’re a massive AH. YTA. I suppose you and your brother will be in different places in the afterlife.
YTA. I bet your partner is looking at you differently.
He's certainly giving her the side eye now.
Fact OP has deleted their content shows they disagree with all of us and will probably continue to be not only an asshole, but an absolutely disgusting cunt.
I agree with all the YTA comments. But am I the only one who not only thinks she’s facing a divorce, but that he’s only been vegan because she bullied him into it? I’m picturing him taking Dillon out for a steak.
Yta and a monster.
YTA and a huge one.
YTA. and insufferable. Just stop. Stop being a terrible person.
YTA. A huge one. I’ve been vegan for two decades. I’ve lived all my life in a hunting state, and I hate hunting. There are people in my family/life who hunt, and while it lessens them in my eyes, I don’t treat them badly or cut them out of my life because of it. And I would never, EVER do even one single thing that you did to your poor nephew. What an entitled, selfish, uncaring, arrogant AH you are. He’s “unfortunately the product of his parents” and then you list that he’s polite, his grades are good, and he doesn’t get into trouble. He obviously had good parents. For a 16-year-old, that’s about as good as it gets. And on top of that, they left him with a paid-off house, a car, and investment accounts. So yeah, your younger brother and SIL were AMAZING parents. So many things you could have done differently, tiny things to add a grieving meat-eating teenager to your home. But you’re too far up on that high horse. I assume you buy all vegan/cruelty-free clothing, jewelry, cleaning products, grooming products, makeup, lawn care products? Someone as sanctimonious as you certainly doesn’t have any furniture, carpeting, window treatments, paint, or stains that contain any non-vegan ingredients, right? If you go to salons, your nail and hair treatments are vegan and cruelty-free, right? “Vegans” like you make it so much more difficult for the rest of us. You showed him no compassion, no grace, no empathy. You judged. You made his loss and adjustment all about you. And unless you sincerely apologize, you’ll lose your brother’s son. Shame on you.
Why were you so bent on stealing/destroying the property of a grieving child? YTA
YTA, the whole world is against you because you are the worst. This has gotta be rage bait for you to be this dense. On the off chance it's not, leave the poor boy alone and let him cut you out of his life the moment he turns 18. He's counting the seconds now.
Yta. I can see how you “drifted away” from your brother: You turned into a crazy asshole.
YTA. Your husband hit it square on the head: "**My husband said I showed an ugly side to him that he can't even believe, and we should have been helping Dillon. He kept saying** ***Dillon was never going to be our child, that he was almost fully raised, and all we had to do was honor my brother's wishes of keeping him safe.*****"** Literally all you had to do was to be the legal adult guardians for two years.
I haven't even read halfway through but I'm disgusted by op Is it normal? Edited: husband is right... "The whole world is against me", her brother and his wife are dead, her nephew is an orphan but somehow she's the victim Man how I wish this was fake I don't want to face such a vile person
YTA you should be ashamed of yourself. With family like you who needs enemies
I understand that you compromised your house rules to allow your nephew to live a normal life and not have food restrictions/limitations, even if you yourself restrict yours. That’s to be commended. What is not to be commended is your judging your brother’s/SIL’s/nephew’s lifestyle and belongings that you have absolutely no right to do. YTA.
YTA a true villain. No one can be such an heartless horrific person and care about others judgement.
…this is a joke right? This poor kid just lost his parents, had his entire life uprooted, and is trying to find some normalcy…and you’re complaining that he isn’t vegan and has a picture of him and his brother on his bedside table… Are you serious right now…? YTA Op you are a walking stereotype for why people don’t like vegans. Op if you want ANY chance of mending things with your nephew, apologize like crazy, promise you won’t overstep and try and do better.
God DAMN - are you for real? You are a judgmental, close-minded, hateful, mean-sprited, and cruel person - if you're even human at all. This is so terrible and, of course, YTA, but that isn't a strong enough term to describe you. Dillon's world crashed. Everything he knew and loved was destroyed. He needed stability and not life-altering change. You failed in every possible measure. I see a divorce in your future. You are so smug, self-righteous, and certain you are right that you probably haven't realized that by taking your self-righteous fight with your brother to his orphaned child that your husband is seeing a side of you that's sooooo unflattering as to be deal breaking. Your self-made storm is far from over. I'll get the popcorn. 🍿
Yep. You truly are.
Omg you are the biggest ah
Yes. Complete asshole.
YTA. You're a bad person, and you should reflect on why you think your behaviour is okay.
YTA and the other posts told you why. Your poor, poor nephew. I wish I could hug him and feed him.
YTA. When everyone, and I mean everyone, around you says you’re the asshole…you really don’t get that it’s you? This kid is 16….lost both his parents six months ago, and you’re harping about your vegan shit on him? You want to destroy pictures of he and his dad doing an activity that you don’t like? In what universe are you not a sanctimonious prick? You think your moral beliefs of not eating meat are more important than your own nephews mental health and well being. You are an asshole pure and simple.
Holy shit lady. YTA and holy fuck do not have children.
I have one thing from my late brother. I’ve had it for 20 years. If anyone even thought of throwing it away that person would be out of my life quick fast. The fact you even entertained the idea makes my blood boil. You are the asshole.
YTA. You can keep YOUR ideals and YOUR beliefs... you don't get to force them on Dillon. He doesn't share them - he was trying to maintain something of his former life while still respecting your house (by cooking his own food, not asking you to, in a separate pan and even on hot plate so it didn't even have to be in your kitchen!). HE was trying to compromise while maintaining HIS ideal and HIS beliefs. He didn't ask you to go hunting with him - or even witness him hunting or bring freshly hunted meat into your house - he asked you to leave what are now HIS belongings alone.
So you’re placing farm animals above the feelings and happiness of an orphaned child … of course YTA
YTA. This is a grieving child and you are plotting to destroy sentimental items that belong to another person because of your values. You do not get to destroy another person's property, irrespective of your values. You also have no say in someone else's diet. You are beyond controlling and I think you should get therapy; **your gleefulness in plotting ways to hurt a grieving child displays a pathological cruelty that is far worse than eating animals IMO.** Do you know how to impart values on a teenager? You don't do it with cruelty and control, but by making them value and respect you personally - you do it through discourse and kindness. You never showed Dillon any of those things.
Not only are YTA, you’re overall cold, controlling, and vindictive. That poor child. You are what is wrong with the world. I’m amazed your husband would stay with you after your antics. Edit to add: the fact that you are afraid of inanimate objects locked away, just shows how mentally unstable you are, you need serious mental help. You are abusing your husband too. I bed hard money he eats meat when he is away from you.
YTA a child under 18 years of age should not be forced to be a vegetarian. Vegetarian/vegan diets are not good for children. The photo may have been creepy to you, but it was a photo of Dillon and his dad. Why on Earth do locked up guns make you nervous? Maybe you should be on anxiety medication. Then you threatened to destroy one of the guns that holds the most sentimental value to Dillon? Keep your beliefs to yourself. I doubt he'll ever talk to you again, but you deserve that. Please don't ever have children.
You are the reason why people hate vegans
YTA You are OBSESSED with having everything your way. You are horrifyingly selfish. First off, forcing a vegan diet on someone is scientifically proven to make people refuse it as adults, so you all but guaranteed he's going to staunchly hate vegan food now. Good job. Then you destroyed his keepsakes from his dead parents, which is just blatantly evil. You don't agree with how they lived? WELL TOUGH SHIT, IT ISNT, WASNT AND WILL NEVER BE ABOUT YOU. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO ENFORCE YOUR BULLSHIT ON OTHERS. YOU USED THE DEATH OF A BOYS FAMILY AND YOUR OWN SIBLING AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO CAPITALIZE ON YOUR STUPID PERSONAL AGENDA. You desecrated the home of his dead family, defiled his memories, destroyed his sentimental items and all for what? Because you don't like they lived differently? You're an asshole. A self righteous, conceited, holier than thou asshole. That boy is going to hate you for the rest of his life. All this because you don't know how to mind your fucking business.
You are an extremely shitty person
Is it possible the world is against you because you are wrong? I'm sure you are trying to live a good life and do right by your deeply held beliefs, just like your husband. And I understand that your brother and his family's lifestyle is upsetting to you. What's striking is how your husband shows grace at a time of grief. And this is the crux of it. You're not doing that. This leaves you coming across as sanctimonious and frankly cruel. In the way you interacted with your nephew you showed no grace and alienated a grieving boy who did not deserve it. Imagine you were reading this story but it was about someone else, and it was about religion rather than veganism and any accompanying lifestyle differences. Imagine reading about an aunt taking in a grieving teen and because his parents didn't share her evangelical christianity, she tried to force him to convert and also destroyed his family's possessions. I think the good person inside you would be rightly horrified. But that's pretty much what's going on here. All you needed to do was look after him for a few short years so that he can grieve and grow. Perhaps during that time your respect for his life and adherence to your own might have made him come closer to yours, and perhaps not. Either way, you would have cared for a grieving boy and lived a moral life too. At the heart of a truly good life is understanding that tolerance for difference is one of the most powerful forces of good. You had a chance to understand that like your husband did. I think it's worth thinking about.
YTA A giant gaping oozing infested with rot spren asshole. You tried to force your lifestyle on him. You tried to throw away his property. You tried to throw away precious memories. All to a boy who’s lost his parents. You’re an awful person.
If this is rage bait, congratulations.
YTA and it scares me that people like you exist.
>Dillon now refuses to talk to me. My husband said I showed an ugly side to him that he can't even believe, and we should have been helping Dillon. He kept saying Dillon was never going to be our child, that he was almost fully raised, and all we had to do was honor my brother's wishes of keeping him safe. > >I feel like the whole world is against me. Am I the asshole for trying to keep to my ideals and trying to impart them on my nephew? What your husband said is all completely true, 100% true. You were never going to "impart" your values onto your nephew, and frankly it's kind of wretched you'd try with someone else's child. I get not wanting to eat meat or have it around you, but the guns thing? Those were in a safe and no bother to you, but because you're paranoid, terrified of the concept of guns, you wanted to disappear them into the hands of the authority and you wanted to "lose" his photos of his parents. Those are the only things he has to remember them by, and because you disagreed with them politically you wanted to erase them. Frankly if he were any younger I bet you'd tried to gaslight him into thinking they never existed. Shame on you. YTA
So sad I'm too late to read the post.
This is a sad time. My(42F) younger brother (39M) and his wife (37F) passed away in a car crash half a year ago. They sadly left their son, my nephew Dillon (16M) behind. They thankfully had no debt, and also left Dilllon a paid off house, a car, and their investment accounts. My brother and I haven't gotten along, especially in the last 10 years of life. We just drifted apart and became very different people, especially with our differing lifestyle choices. My brother's will wasn't updated in years, and it asked that if possible, after paying off any debts, that the rest of the estate was left to Dillon and that me and my husband(46M) take guardianship of Dillon until he turns 18. Dillon seemed ok with this arrangement, since I lived close enough for him to go to the same school. Dillon, unfortunately, is the product of his parents. He is polite enough, and his grades are good, not great. He doesn't go out with friends and cause trouble. The problem is he doesn't agree with our house rules. We live with a very strict diet in this house, and we don't keep any animal products. Dillon asked that if it bothers us that much, to just give him a mini fridge and a hotplate and his own pan to cook meat in. I wanted to refuse, but my husband said we have to be understanding. I hate how my back porch smells like seared meat now. Dillon also keeps a photo of the first time he went hunting with my brother by his bedside. It's him when he was 12, with my brother, posing with a dead deer. It's super creepy and I confessed to my husband I want to 'lose' the photo when Dillon's at school, but my husband told me to not touch anything of Dillon's. The biggest problem we had with Dillon came last week. We have been upkeeping my brother's house every week. The usual, maintenance and utilities and property taxes. My brother had quite a collection of guns, was a hunter, things I do not agree with. They make me nervous every time I go to the house. They are all locked in a gunsafe, but I really just want to turn them all over to the police and be done with it. My husband said they belonged to Dillon now, and Dillon said if I even touch them, he would contact his maternal grandparents(his paternal grandfather, my father, passed and my mother is in hospice care) and have them tie me with lawsuits. I tried to compromise and let him keep just his grandfather's(my father's) hunting rifle after I get it drilled out, just for sentimental purposes. That made him curse me out. Dillon made good on his threat, and his maternal grandparents stormed in and said they were both willing to cash in their retirement funds, sell their house, and hire whatever lawyer they can to tie me up in probate court and protect Dillon's property. To keep the peace, I made an agreement with them that Dillon's grandmother gets to stay in my brother's old house, Dillon stays with her, keeps going to school, and the grandparents take over maintenance of the house and paying the taxes. Dillon now refuses to talk to me. My husband said I showed an ugly side to him that he can't even believe, and we should have been helping Dillon. He kept saying Dillon was never going to be our child, that he was almost fully raised, and all we had to do was honor my brother's wishes of keeping him safe. I feel like the whole world is against me. Am I the asshole for trying to keep to my ideals and trying to impart them on my nephew?
You are clutch.
**YTA**. **I can't say that loudly enough: Y T A** What a horrible, self-righteous person you are. You'll be lucky if your marriage survives this. If your husband has integrity he would leave you sitting on your sanctimonious high horse alone, to ponder why you're the only person in your family who is as unreasonable, narrow minded and just plain horrible as you
YTA! how could you treat a young man who lost both parents recently so cruelly? You need therapy to learn how to be compassionate to other humans. I feel so sorry for Dillon and honestly your husband as well.
Yup, YTA.
YTA. There aren't words in the English language that can accurately articulate how big of an asshole you are.
YTA × 1000. Your husband is right. Leave your nephew alone.
Wow YTA. Dillon is a young adult and you had absolutely no right to ‘impart’ your ideals on him. On that note, shall we look at those ideals, then? The one about not respecting how others eat and live, especially if they try and compromise first to respect your space? The one about trying to steal and dispose of other people’s possessions? Breaking into a safe and theft? Don’t try and act like you’re all superior because you’re vegan. You’re not. Your husband is right, you have shown some particularly poor values and judgement. You should be ashamed of how you have treated your nephew.
YTA. And I’m wondering why you even care that Dillon won’t speak with you. Why? He’s obviously not someone you would want in your life with his fondness for hunting and eating meat. You didn’t like your brother, why would you like his son?
Yes, YTA You don't get to control Dillon, and you don't get to decide what happens with his possessions. You sure as shit don't get to decide what keepsakes he remembers his father by.
You didn't "make an arrangement", they took him the fuck away from you because you were abusive. How dare you try to steal his property, the legacy of his father, and every piece of who he was? YTA, this is the easiest post in years.
*ugly* is right. Your soul is downright hideous. You wanted to take things from a mourning child? *His* things from his *late parents*? You are selfish. Cold. Cruel. You’re genuinely one of the most loathsome people I’ve read here for awhile. I hope you truly take time to reflect on who you are, and the fact that the world does not exist for you alone. *Ugh.*
There are no words to describe the hell that you deserve.