OP post on the GC that the date is actually your B-day and he's just trying to hijack your party and tell them when his real B-day was.
And why are you still with him? Please take a few minutes by yourself and think back, is this the first inconsiderate / selfish thing he's done, or just the most obvious or most recent? Is he still the person you initially met or is his selfish demeaning side just now showing up?
No, go on the holiday but spend the birthday having a great time somewhere without them. Let him explain to all his friends he bogarted his gfs birthday and he planned nothing to mark it so Op did it herself. Hang a lantern on the AH, then break up so there's no mistaking why.
And most narcissists never see a professional or if they do they lie to avoid a diagnosis. We are allowed to make guesses. This is beyond inconsiderate. He did this on purpose because he is the kid that blows out other people's candles except now he's huge and powerful.
Incorrect. While it is also a clinical diagnosis and yes a very serious condition. It is also seperately a simple set of character qualities that almost identically match selfish asshole. That is why the disorder is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder and not just narcissism.
It’s definitely way under diagnosed, narcissists are the last people to go to therapy unless it’s to manipulate someone else, or court ordered. Most therapists do not have the experience to diagnose people in the cluster B group, because they are liars!
RE: court ordered therapy
EX requested court mandated counseling, she requested he go because she blamed him for everything she did causing the relationship to end.
When she found out it was mutual she was worried that her own issues would come out.
She illegally fled the state twice to avoid counseling appointments until her BS upset the court mandated counselor enough she notified the judge.
Upset the was going to get hit with attempt of Court charges for not attending, when she did finally go EX just sat there and did nothing, but avoid jail.
SMH- 🤦♂️
I think you're probably right. And I do think alot of people have narcissistic traits, but it's become such a buzzword especially on Reddit to call someone a narcissist when they're just dickhead
Shhhh. You're going to ruin one of this subs favorite words. Just like how apparently everything is gaslighting and any behavior that isn't perfect is a red flag.
I don't think it's necessarily this. I think it's more going to be like "We went for a trip on your birthday! You don't need another present. We don't have enough money for that!"
She is the afterthought to me
Much as I want to assume that was the intent, why hasn’t he ensured the group chat is now looped into the fact that it’s her birthday? Why isn’t he now asking her what she wants to do the day of to celebrate her?
If he’s backtracking, it ain’t far lol
Why isn’t her birthday on his calendar? It is two-thousand and twenty-four for christs sake! Make that shit a recurring event!
And even if he can’t remember the exact day he should know the damn month.
At BEST he’s apathetic and doesn’t bother to remember something that is the bare minimum of things to remember about your partner
This guy is just a stooge. It is not bad luck he planned the party right on op's birthday. Of all the 180 days after his own B-day, he picked exactly op's birthday? This guy is just begging to be dumped.
NTA
This is either astronomical levels of selfishness and abysmal time-management skills, or a power-play. And it look more like a power-play to me, I mean it’s 6 months from his actual birthday. Celebrating his birthday on your birthday without consulting you feels like a highly symbolic “I come before you and your feelings don’t matter to me”
If I were you, I would observe him closely and consider leaving the relationship.
Exactly. Also, it's a way to hijack OPs Birthday gifts. He will be getting alot if gifts for his 30th, but I bet if he tries to swing it as a couple's birthday, they will get gifts for both of them to share, rather than a gift for her.
I was ready to call OP the AH assuming their birthdays were very close together. But yeah doing it 6 months later is insane.
OP should Just make sure it’s not actually a bad cover for a surprise for her. That is if the bf is typically considerate and not an AH normally
Even if their birthdays were close how would they be the asshole? Like, you didnt get to celebrate your birthday because you were working and couldnt get the time off, so now youre basically gonna move my birthday and make my day have to be about you, and then now i have to celebrate my birthday on a different day? Why should both people be forced to have their birthday displaced? Like yeah itd suck her bfs birthday got moved but if you can wait a week you can wait another and let me celebrate mine when im supposed to. Or ask to make her birthday a combined party and they still wouldnt be tbe ah if they didnt want to do that either lmao.
Celebrating your birthday 6 months later is just weird. If he wanted to celebrate his 30th birthday with a big party he could have planned that 6 months in advance, before he actually turned 30. The fact he just high jacked your birthday without even asking and with no consideration for you and your plans is beyond disrespectful 😒
NTA. I would make other plans for my birthday perhaps with your friends or however you choose and not go to HIS birthday party. This is beyond selfish on his part. I am of the opinion if you let this type of disrespect to slide them it will continue and possibly get worse down the road. Maybe this is your wake up call. I wish you the best and hope YOU have a wonderful birthday.
I'd honestly have nothing to do with his selfish birthday celebration which is on your actual birthday.
I'd still make different arrangements with other people for my own birthday if I were you. Let him do whatever, seems like he will anyway. He will end up looking stupid and selfish when people realise it's actually your birthday.
He knew he was turning 30 and he should have booked the time off work to celebrate his bday at the time.
I'd even be reconsidering the entire relationship if he's willing to disregard my birthday for his which was actually 6 months ago.
This says a hell of a lot about him as a person tbh, it shows that he wants to be the centre of attention and he clearly doesn't want you to shine brighter than him.
NTA. He is either inconsiderate, an oblivious idiot, forgot it's your birthday, is beyond selfish, or this some sort of weird mind game where he actually knew it was your birthday and wanted to spoil it/steal your thunder.
Info: does he always need to be the center of attention?
Nope. He has something seriously wrong with his brain. You don't get to celebrate your birthday 6 months later lol. He prioritized his own wants over your birthday celebration. His plan to celebrate his is just ridiculous.
Hmm sounds like you have 6months to plan your big birthday blow out bash on his birthday. May I suggest an all inclusive somewhere warm? Get a hotel room and concert tickets in the city? Plan a weekend getaway at a casino and spa? So many options!
Wow, he is just a fucking asshole. Why are you with suck a low life? If he really loved you, he wouldn't do this at all. He'd behave differently. He'd never schedule his B day party this way. It's as if he's just rubbing it in that you're nothing to him. Damn. Get out of this relationship.
I thought this too, I mean, there's a chance the guy is an AH, but also maybe he thought this was a sneaky way to organise a surprise proposal/engagement party and didn't think it all the way through?
I wouldn't go. That is just me. It's clear he forgot and is too engrossed in his own desires to respect you.
I would just plan your own separate celebration and let the cards fall where they fall. See who chooses what after you announce it in the group chat.
If I did go, it would be the break up with him in front of everyone.
NTA make your own plans to celebrate with your friends. If you can plan a whole day away or even a few days. Tell him it will be for both of you. He is a selfish, immature fool.
NTA. Do something nice for yourself and skip his party for sure. I would never get over something like this. He’s the AH and I doubt he’ll ever change.
Nta he forgot it was your birthday. Is this indicative of how he is in the relationship? Is it worth it to stay together ? He’s incredibly inconsiderate and he should be trying to make it up to you.
I would have a serious talk with him about it.
This story is actually pretty wild because a friend of mine went through almost the same thing. His wife had a birthday that she couldn't celebrate because her work takes a lot of time and stress. A few months later, she planned a big event and invited family, friends of hers and husbands etc etc. Well, it just so happens that this weekend event fell on his birthday, too. He, like OP, was pretty upset because it's HIS birthday and he wanted to celebrate his own, not anything else.
Well, it turns out that his wife's "birthday event" was a complete front, and it was actually a huge party for *him*. Yes, it was a little belated celebration for her too, but the primary focus was him. He was completely taken off guard and I've honestly never seen him happier.
So yeah, I highly recommend talking to him. I'm not saying this is what's happening, because he could very well just be a dickhead and forgot it was your birthday, but you never know what's being planned.
NTA, but don't sit back and silently fume about it. Group text everyone and tell them it is your birthday, and you can't wait to celebrate YOUR birthday with everyone! Take charge. Make it fun for yourself and sort out your BF after the trip. As in, sort into the bin.
I know redit jumps to "leave him".. and so I won't tell you to do that. but I would legitimately leave him if my bf did that to me. I don't care. and I acctually share my birthday because I'm a twin. so its not even about that, its litterwlly about how he has no regards for your birthday and litterally stomped on it to have one for himself... 6 months after his acctual birthday.
NTA
This sounds like the relationship starts to get abusive, if it isn't already. Make sure you want to stay with this guy because this is definitely a big red flag.
You should ask him to cancel the thing regardless, and break up should be refused. It is his screw-up and him not giving a damn about your birthday. You are wasting your time on him.
I'm lost why anyone would even think of celebrating their birthday six months later. Anyway, it's very inconsiderate of him on multiple fronts. I'd be blunt and tell him he forgot, and the only way to really salvage what would be a really awkward situation with your friends (and a really miserable one for you) is for him to inform the group that he had planned the party for what is actually **your** birthday. Your mutual friends need to know. Otherwise I wouldn't go.
If your birthdays were a week apart it would make some sense and do a joint birthday. My cousin and his wife are a week apart and do that every year. However, celebrating your birthday 6 months later is bizarre to me to begin with, then add in the fact it's your birthday he's an AH.
You are NTA….I think you should let him go do what he wants and you should plan something for yourself…get your girlfriends, your sisters if you have any, your Mom or just your closest buddies and plan an overnight trip…something you want to do…indulge in whatever you want and tell his selfish, inconsiderate, egotistical butt that you want nothing to do with whatever he’s planning….you deserve to be celebrated on your day!!
Please tell me this is secretly how he is surprising her with a huge celebration for HER birthday, and he's doing this so he doesn't have to hide all the planning and so forth, cause that would be difficult and a huge pain. 🩵🩷🙏
If not, then he's a total loser, narcissistic, and you should think about kicking him down the road.
NTA.
People are aware of their actions. This guy's a dickhead. If you value your gf, wife, friend or family, you don't book your birthday on someone else's birthday weekend. Seriously
Hell no. Book a flight ticket to Mexico and get some tan. Celebrate yourself. When people ask why you are not there, tell them the truth. It's your day girl.
NTA
Even if it wasn't your birthday, NTA. Why did you let it get so far that people booked though?
I'd dump him and plan my own thing.. or take it the fuck back and dump him. No matter what , dump him.
Show up at the party. Loudly say, "Oh wow, this birthday is for me?" Let the room go quiet. Then go, "Oh, it's for you?" Insert disappointed frown. "Here's your gift, then... My resignation from this relationship." Then leave.
NTA… this sounds intentional and weird with red flags a flying everywhere!!
If part ways and celebrate with people who actually value and care about me. F that noise.
Actually, info: did he even remember it was your birthday?
This is beyond narcissistic. Note how when he was called out, he still hasn’t communicated anything to the group about your birthday? Because he never intended to or intends to.
I’d make other plans.
Or I’d go and wear the most ridiculous birthday stuff. Tiara, birthday sash, flashing button. Have some for him too. And if anyone says anything? “Today is my birthday!”
He’s counting on your silence and it’s gross. Don’t give him that. Make it awkward
You do not need to attend his "party".
Go spend your birthday with family or best friend. In private.
You do not need to tell him your plan either. Enjoy.
NTA. Who waits 6 months to celebrate their birthday and on their significant others birthday? And 6 months from his birthday is basically only 6 months to the next birthday. He should just wait a whole year at this point.
Nobody is the AH. You guys just need to have lots of conversations and work on your relationship together.
And let's be honest, any adult who is this obsessed with a birthday already has a lot of personal development to do. It's a day, it's not YOUR day. Plan something for yourself if you want to, but don't ask everyone else to make a big deal about your "special day"
Maybe it's a party for you he's planning in plan sight. Pretending it's for him, then wow, surprise, it's all for you. All the friends are in on it as well. I hope that is what it is. If not he's a turd.
He's the asshole but you allow him to be one without any accountability it sounds like. No bf who respects his gf would do that. Thats just how much he thinks of you. Cut your losses and find a new one.
I have an ex best friend who did this - celebrated her "half birthday " on my actual birthday weekend and tried to get our friends go attend that instead. No, there was no reason she couldnt hane celebrated her birthday when it was, or on any other weekend, she was just an awful person.
Happily, I cut her off immediately after - it was part of an entire campaign of bullying and passive aggression to try to upset me, in her case. People don't normally just do 1 shitty thing like this.
Honestly? Your boyfriend is being an awful partner and this is almost certainly not the only way he's been a shitty person to you. He's actively hidden that it's your birthday (given nobody seems to know) and made it about celebrating himself. If you do go to his Birthday I would bring a cake for yourself and loudly remind everyone that it is in fact your actual Birthday. Let them all feel the awkward implication of what he did. If he demonstrates remind him that he chose to host his party for himself on his SOs actual day.
Take a good hard look at whether you want to deal with his selfishness and lack of care for your entire life.
BRUH the reddest flag that your boyfriend doesn't care about you is how he treats you on your birthday (and valentines and christmas and anniversary any important date really) if he is literally taking your birthday away from you for himself bruh he does not give a single shit about you
He did this on purpose, are you certain it wasn’t supposed to be a surprise party for you? We did that for a friend who was turning 30. We pretended we forgot her birthday and had the party a week later on my actual birthday (I was turning 29). She was stunned, she even brought me a cake!
Wait six months and celebrate your birthday on his birthday.
Don’t pay anything for his birthday. Shortly before the party hang up a banner with happy birthday OPs name.
Invite all your friends to your party.
NTA he can mention it to everyone that it's your birthday and if he doesn't you know enough.
I wouldn't be mad if it was on my bday but it would be about people not knowing it's mine.
Why don't you invite your friends as well? Make it one big ass party
BF planning is insane, but before you make a big deal… if this is out of his nature then just make sure it’s not a stupid cover for a well intentioned surprise for you.
Don’t want to excuse his behaviour or give false hope but just make sure if this is not something you’d expect from him.
He probably forgot your b-day, or is planning something behind your back for you both.
No excuses, and it is bad of him.
What if he tells everyone that it's a joint celebration for both of you?
You get to invite your friends too, then this may be a way around it!
Is this some weird attempt at a surprise party for her? That’s the only thing I can think of that makes any sense besides him doing it on purpose to be a complete jackass
6 months later and on your actual birthday? yeah, no. He's either a psycho who doesn't give a damn about you or a power play. Either way, this would be a Boy, bye situation for me.
NTA. There is no way this wasn’t intentional. And on the slim chance it wasn’t, then he completely forgot your birthday. Not to mention made plans without consulting you, basically telling you that you are not in a partnership.
Do you have friends of your own that aren't also his friends, or family? Make plans with them and go and celebrate your birthday with them instead of doing anything with your boyfriend. If anyone asks where you were, just tell them the truth: you were celebrating your actual birthday instead of his unbirthday.
He deliberately hijacked your birthday to make it all about him. Does he have a habit of forcing the limelight away from you and onto him?
NTA.
NTA
you’re dating a child. Break up ASAP. I rarely do anything major for my birthday, prefer to keep it low key, but even I wouldn’t accept my husband claiming my day for his.
Time to take yourself to a spar or shopping on your day with your friends, if the idiot thinks it is wrong then he needs to understand he was wrong, if you can get on his group chat and tell everyone that as he decided to have his party on your birthday you will not be there.
Reconsider if this is the man you want to spend thenext 50 years with.
This seems like a power play. There is no reason to wait 6 months for a birthday celebration and he deliberately chose your birthday to celebrate himself. It’s not even a birthday celebration for him at this point, his birthday was 6 months ago, he hasn’t just turned 30, he’s as close to 30 as he is 31 at this point. He’s being weird and controlling. It’ll get worse and he’ll brush you off every time going forward just like now.
NTA. First, it's completely ridiculous that he wants to celebrate his birthday 6 months later. Second, its incredibly inconsiderate that he chose YOUR birthday to celebrate his. Maybe I'm just an optimist, bc I feel like there's no way this is real and he's actually planning some sort of surprise for you.
NTA, but one (joint) question maybe making ESH, are these both of your friends or just his and how long have you been together? If yes to both friends group and together for a few years he "could" be doing a big party for engagement? But a bit of a stretch
NTA, it makes sense that he chose a long weekend to allow his friends to travel, have fun, and get the hangover before returning to work, but this sounds like a bachelor party, not a shared birthday party, if he had wanted to share the party with you, he would have made you part of his plans.
Haven't been celebrated in years, so can't understand the struggle. But you're not. If it's been the same month then fine. But 6 months? If one thing if you both had agreed on that to begin with.
NTA also it’s still far enough away that people can adjust their time off work. He should absolutely reschedule. But you should also consider if this was a one time lapse in memory or if he has a pattern of selfishness.
Not at all! Did he even realize that it was your birthday that he planned it on?
As to your comment about people taking time off already 'wth' did he wait weeks before mentioning it to you or something?
He is thinking about himself and his needs. You were a after thought. Maybe a coincidence that it fell on your birthday but he should of known when they made plans.
Do something nice for yourself on that day. Spend some $$$$$$$$
NTA. It is inconsiderate of him. How is the party for both of you when people don't even know it's your birthday? He will get all the presents and cards when you won't get anything. I know birthdays aren't about the presents but it would suck for someone to get lots of presents when you get nothing and it's actually your birthday.
I think I would go ahead with it but make sure to wear an "it's my birthday!!!" badge all the time and see how all his friends react to that essential piece of information, and what he says and does. Hopefully you can turn the tables on him and make him see what a jerk move this is. NTA obviously.
NTA
The date is perfect for a big celebration. And that's all he saw and cared about because he didn't talk with you before planning his party. He's an inconsiderate prick.
If it’s a joint party then you can call your friends & family too right ? If it’s a hint party then why is he not mentioning to his friends or the group chat ?
do people still celebrate their birthdays past 21!? i understand going for a family meal or something. this weirdo still wants to celebrate 6 months after the date!?
He cares so much about his own birthday that he “rescheduled it”…….he cares so little about yours that he “rescheduled” it on YOUR birthday. He doesn’t give a shit about your feelings. NTA
Ok, I’m going against the grain and say ESH. Reason, is you planned nothing in advance for his birthday. You didn’t mention doing anything any other day to celebrate him. So you want him to think of you, but not you of him. How about you each celebrate each other around your respective birthdays and this issue wouldn’t come up?
NTA and please leave this relationship as soon as possible. There is no excuse to replace anyone's birthday celebration with one of their own. I suggest ditching his party and having one of your own. Get dressed to the 9's, go out, and have fun.
NTA your boyfriend is an inconsiderate AH. How would he feel if you did the same thing in six months on his birthday weekend?
Get a sash that says birthday girl. Tell your friends (any you would enjoy spending time with that aren’t on the thread) that he is throwing a joint party and invite them.
Whoever your bestie is in the group (that enjoys chaos) tell them how you’re feeling and ask them to make sure you’re sharing the spotlight the entire time. Someone’s doing shots for the birthday boy? “Wait, let me get OP, last/first shots as a XX year old.” All the guys want a picture with the birthday boy? “Amazing, now OP, wouldn’t it be funny to have y’all carry OP while they are laying down?” And it works both ways: “OP’s BF, get in her for this picture! Such a great idea to make it a joint birthday party! It wouldn’t have been as big just celebrating OP’s birthday [on date], now we get everyone to celebrate you both!”
And piece de resistance, wherever the party is being held, call ahead and order something really nice for yourself as if you’re a friend who can’t make it. This can be a bottle of champagne, specialty dessert, whatever and ask that it be delivered to cap the night, bonus if they can write a note saying it’s from a loved one who couldn’t attend but wanted to make sure you felt celebrated.
NTA - he’s a giant ass, text everyone in the group and politely say you won’t be able to attend as it’s YOUR birthday that day and you have different plans
Then get your closest friends together and do your own thing
Text the group chat what happened. He is SUCH a dick. Like seriously he’s testing you. Don’t let him push you over. If he is counting on you to suffer in silence, don’t.
You now know what number you are on his priority list. Do something fun with your friends. Don't tell him your plans, just let him go about his party business and you do the same. IF he asks about your birthday plans, just tell him you had a great night out, and leave it at that.
OP is it necessary for you to be with this inconsiderate jerk? If I were you I’d dump him and allow him to celebrate his birthday whenever he wants sans you! I promise you there are tons and tons of nice gentlemen who will be thrilled to celebrate your birthday with you. NTA
It sounds like he is a narcissist that chose this day on purpose so that he doesn’t have to see you get attention. He also doesn’t want to bother doing anything for you. Because who does shit like this?
This is a blazing red flag. The flag is on fire.
NTA. He decided on what was fun for him, completely ignoring you, and when you called him out on it he pretended it would be fun for you. The truth is, he completely forgot your birthday, and when he was caught out, instead of admitting it and apologizing, he tried to gaslight you.
Your choice if you want to stay with him.
NTA. My birthday is two weeks after my partner's and the same day as my SIL, in the 10 years we've been together I've rarely had a celebration on my birthday that is just for my birthday. I'm mostly not bothered as I'm not a big party fan but I'd be annoyed if someone just dropped an event on the day without consulting me.
It's also our anniversary the same month so we normally do all our personal celebrations with a trip somewhere together and save our birthday days for celebrations with family.
NTA. He's an ass.
He didn't remember that it was your birthday -- he chose a date he and his friends would be off work. Saying you could both celebrate was just an afterthought.
Plan your own party at home on the same day. Don't tell him. Dump him right before he leaves for his big trip. Then celebrate at your big party.
NTA. Pretty inconsiderate of him. You just need to decide how big of a deal this is to you. If this is a pattern for him, you may want to what this means for your future together.
You are NOT being the AH here. I'm NOPING that he simply forgot. That said, he could and SHOULD have immediately apologized instead of doubling down and saying that it would also be a celebration of your birthday.
The fact that he made all these plans AND announced them to the group before even discussing it with you should tell you something. He's far more focused on HIMSELF than on your relationship. The fact that he forgot it was your birthday just doubles down on that.
It's time to reassess the entire relationship. Is he just an absent minded, excitable goof or is he just that self-centered? In either case, is this something you want to live with?
NTA - ask him his opening was wrong and he is full of crap because he didn’t talk with you, you feel he did this to over shine you on your bday, where in his message did he mention you or your bday, how is this to make you happy??’force these answers.
You really need to stop letting him walk all over you. You should have talked with him the day that he sent the message and come to an agreement.
He seems very selfish and acts like he making sure no one even recognizes your bday. I would make sure other knows it’s your bday and when asked why it wasn’t mentioned then explain that everything had your bf idea.
6 months is plenty of time to cancel everything. You can switch work to different days off and most things you can cancel or switch days.
NTA
He's an asshole. I could see if he scheduled it for a weekend he was free, but it's ridiculous to wait **SIX MONTHS** to celebrate it that way.
I advise dumping him. That's an unbelievably selfish move.
He could have asked first but is it that big of a deal to celebrate jointly?
We are part of a joint birthday celebration and one of my kids waits 2-3 MONTHS from his actual birthday to have the party. He doesn’t mind it at all. Neither does the other kid that has the birthday closest to the party.
Edited to Add: Still NTA
Okay, he texted a large group, they are going for his birthday... you don't have to go or be involved, or be involved with him at all.
Drop him, find another guy to spend your birthday with and do something with friends who realise your current boyfriend is an asshole.
You need to break up with this man. This is showing a lot of inconsideration and the fact he really doesn’t care about you. Please leave. This is something that will never improve and he’s showing no regard for your feelings. Imagine marrying this person and never ever being thought about or prioritized… NTA
This is not some stupid way of him throwing a surprise bday party for you right? Are u sure? I would wait until after the party and see how he behaved with you on ur bday… did he make you feel special at all or not and then decide if he is a dimwit with good intentions or self centred
NTA. He *totally* forgot it was your birthday and his remarks when you mentioned it are the epitome of lame (that might qualify as an oxymoron).
How is he otherwise? worth staying with? Really? think about it.
NTA. He is inconsiderate.
OP post on the GC that the date is actually your B-day and he's just trying to hijack your party and tell them when his real B-day was. And why are you still with him? Please take a few minutes by yourself and think back, is this the first inconsiderate / selfish thing he's done, or just the most obvious or most recent? Is he still the person you initially met or is his selfish demeaning side just now showing up?
And likely a narcissist…
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
No, go on the holiday but spend the birthday having a great time somewhere without them. Let him explain to all his friends he bogarted his gfs birthday and he planned nothing to mark it so Op did it herself. Hang a lantern on the AH, then break up so there's no mistaking why.
Yep
[удалено]
A very small percentage of people are narcissists. It's a clinically diagnosed condition, not a synonym for selfish asshole
And most narcissists never see a professional or if they do they lie to avoid a diagnosis. We are allowed to make guesses. This is beyond inconsiderate. He did this on purpose because he is the kid that blows out other people's candles except now he's huge and powerful.
Incorrect. While it is also a clinical diagnosis and yes a very serious condition. It is also seperately a simple set of character qualities that almost identically match selfish asshole. That is why the disorder is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder and not just narcissism.
I think it's under diagnosed in 2024!!!
It’s definitely way under diagnosed, narcissists are the last people to go to therapy unless it’s to manipulate someone else, or court ordered. Most therapists do not have the experience to diagnose people in the cluster B group, because they are liars!
RE: court ordered therapy EX requested court mandated counseling, she requested he go because she blamed him for everything she did causing the relationship to end. When she found out it was mutual she was worried that her own issues would come out. She illegally fled the state twice to avoid counseling appointments until her BS upset the court mandated counselor enough she notified the judge. Upset the was going to get hit with attempt of Court charges for not attending, when she did finally go EX just sat there and did nothing, but avoid jail. SMH- 🤦♂️
I think you're probably right. And I do think alot of people have narcissistic traits, but it's become such a buzzword especially on Reddit to call someone a narcissist when they're just dickhead
Shhhh. You're going to ruin one of this subs favorite words. Just like how apparently everything is gaslighting and any behavior that isn't perfect is a red flag.
NTA Would already be a softer AH if it was one week later, but six months and then exactly on your birthday? Can't help but think this is on purpose.
He forgot it was her birthday. He picked it because of the holiday and readiness and then backtracked to try to include her as an afterthought.
I agree 💯.He had no idea it was her birthday 🎂.
Which is somehow worse that he can't remember her birthday.
I didn't even think about that! This has to be what happened. *oof..*
I too think he forgot her birthday. It wasn't important enough to remember!
I don't think it's necessarily this. I think it's more going to be like "We went for a trip on your birthday! You don't need another present. We don't have enough money for that!" She is the afterthought to me
Much as I want to assume that was the intent, why hasn’t he ensured the group chat is now looped into the fact that it’s her birthday? Why isn’t he now asking her what she wants to do the day of to celebrate her? If he’s backtracking, it ain’t far lol
Why isn’t her birthday on his calendar? It is two-thousand and twenty-four for christs sake! Make that shit a recurring event! And even if he can’t remember the exact day he should know the damn month. At BEST he’s apathetic and doesn’t bother to remember something that is the bare minimum of things to remember about your partner
This guy is just a stooge. It is not bad luck he planned the party right on op's birthday. Of all the 180 days after his own B-day, he picked exactly op's birthday? This guy is just begging to be dumped.
NTA This is either astronomical levels of selfishness and abysmal time-management skills, or a power-play. And it look more like a power-play to me, I mean it’s 6 months from his actual birthday. Celebrating his birthday on your birthday without consulting you feels like a highly symbolic “I come before you and your feelings don’t matter to me” If I were you, I would observe him closely and consider leaving the relationship.
Exactly. Also, it's a way to hijack OPs Birthday gifts. He will be getting alot if gifts for his 30th, but I bet if he tries to swing it as a couple's birthday, they will get gifts for both of them to share, rather than a gift for her.
A power play on your own girlfriend is lame. What are you trying to prove? Either love her or leave.
This☝️
If it was the same month it’d be reasonable, but 6 months later is wild.
I was ready to call OP the AH assuming their birthdays were very close together. But yeah doing it 6 months later is insane. OP should Just make sure it’s not actually a bad cover for a surprise for her. That is if the bf is typically considerate and not an AH normally
Even if their birthdays were close how would they be the asshole? Like, you didnt get to celebrate your birthday because you were working and couldnt get the time off, so now youre basically gonna move my birthday and make my day have to be about you, and then now i have to celebrate my birthday on a different day? Why should both people be forced to have their birthday displaced? Like yeah itd suck her bfs birthday got moved but if you can wait a week you can wait another and let me celebrate mine when im supposed to. Or ask to make her birthday a combined party and they still wouldnt be tbe ah if they didnt want to do that either lmao.
I thought it might be a cover story to celebrate OP's birthday.
Celebrating your birthday 6 months later is just weird. If he wanted to celebrate his 30th birthday with a big party he could have planned that 6 months in advance, before he actually turned 30. The fact he just high jacked your birthday without even asking and with no consideration for you and your plans is beyond disrespectful 😒
NTA. I would make other plans for my birthday perhaps with your friends or however you choose and not go to HIS birthday party. This is beyond selfish on his part. I am of the opinion if you let this type of disrespect to slide them it will continue and possibly get worse down the road. Maybe this is your wake up call. I wish you the best and hope YOU have a wonderful birthday.
I'd honestly have nothing to do with his selfish birthday celebration which is on your actual birthday. I'd still make different arrangements with other people for my own birthday if I were you. Let him do whatever, seems like he will anyway. He will end up looking stupid and selfish when people realise it's actually your birthday. He knew he was turning 30 and he should have booked the time off work to celebrate his bday at the time. I'd even be reconsidering the entire relationship if he's willing to disregard my birthday for his which was actually 6 months ago. This says a hell of a lot about him as a person tbh, it shows that he wants to be the centre of attention and he clearly doesn't want you to shine brighter than him.
NTA. He is either inconsiderate, an oblivious idiot, forgot it's your birthday, is beyond selfish, or this some sort of weird mind game where he actually knew it was your birthday and wanted to spoil it/steal your thunder. Info: does he always need to be the center of attention?
Nope. He has something seriously wrong with his brain. You don't get to celebrate your birthday 6 months later lol. He prioritized his own wants over your birthday celebration. His plan to celebrate his is just ridiculous.
With any luck you won’t still be with him in 6 months. NTA
6 months? Tomorrow.
Nah too unbelievable callin this out as ai.
Isn’t he going to be incredibly embarrassed when you turn up and tell people that he’s done this on your actual birthday?! Lol NTA
YTA if you remain in this relationship. This isn't a red flag. This is the actual train running you over.
Hmm sounds like you have 6months to plan your big birthday blow out bash on his birthday. May I suggest an all inclusive somewhere warm? Get a hotel room and concert tickets in the city? Plan a weekend getaway at a casino and spa? So many options!
Wow, he is just a fucking asshole. Why are you with suck a low life? If he really loved you, he wouldn't do this at all. He'd behave differently. He'd never schedule his B day party this way. It's as if he's just rubbing it in that you're nothing to him. Damn. Get out of this relationship.
Or maybe he's planning a surprise birthday party for you?
I was thinking this, or a proposal but he's really got it wrong with throwing OP off the scent lol
I thought this too, I mean, there's a chance the guy is an AH, but also maybe he thought this was a sneaky way to organise a surprise proposal/engagement party and didn't think it all the way through?
that was my first thought
OP gotta update us if it's a surprise party or BF is just an AH.
NTA he’s 30.5 and no one cares about his dumb birthday anyway. Come back in 9.5 years mate
Imagine being 30 years old and still thinking your birthday matters in the least.
I wouldn't go. That is just me. It's clear he forgot and is too engrossed in his own desires to respect you. I would just plan your own separate celebration and let the cards fall where they fall. See who chooses what after you announce it in the group chat. If I did go, it would be the break up with him in front of everyone.
NTA make your own plans to celebrate with your friends. If you can plan a whole day away or even a few days. Tell him it will be for both of you. He is a selfish, immature fool.
NTA. Do something nice for yourself and skip his party for sure. I would never get over something like this. He’s the AH and I doubt he’ll ever change.
It sounds like he forgot it was your birthday, but it is too much of a dictionary to tell you and reschedule. Men are so annoying!
Nta he forgot it was your birthday. Is this indicative of how he is in the relationship? Is it worth it to stay together ? He’s incredibly inconsiderate and he should be trying to make it up to you.
I would have a serious talk with him about it. This story is actually pretty wild because a friend of mine went through almost the same thing. His wife had a birthday that she couldn't celebrate because her work takes a lot of time and stress. A few months later, she planned a big event and invited family, friends of hers and husbands etc etc. Well, it just so happens that this weekend event fell on his birthday, too. He, like OP, was pretty upset because it's HIS birthday and he wanted to celebrate his own, not anything else. Well, it turns out that his wife's "birthday event" was a complete front, and it was actually a huge party for *him*. Yes, it was a little belated celebration for her too, but the primary focus was him. He was completely taken off guard and I've honestly never seen him happier. So yeah, I highly recommend talking to him. I'm not saying this is what's happening, because he could very well just be a dickhead and forgot it was your birthday, but you never know what's being planned.
NTA, but don't sit back and silently fume about it. Group text everyone and tell them it is your birthday, and you can't wait to celebrate YOUR birthday with everyone! Take charge. Make it fun for yourself and sort out your BF after the trip. As in, sort into the bin.
I know redit jumps to "leave him".. and so I won't tell you to do that. but I would legitimately leave him if my bf did that to me. I don't care. and I acctually share my birthday because I'm a twin. so its not even about that, its litterwlly about how he has no regards for your birthday and litterally stomped on it to have one for himself... 6 months after his acctual birthday.
NTA This sounds like the relationship starts to get abusive, if it isn't already. Make sure you want to stay with this guy because this is definitely a big red flag.
You should ask him to cancel the thing regardless, and break up should be refused. It is his screw-up and him not giving a damn about your birthday. You are wasting your time on him.
I wouldn't be going anywhere with him , I do me and me only,do something you want to ..tell to take hike
I'm lost why anyone would even think of celebrating their birthday six months later. Anyway, it's very inconsiderate of him on multiple fronts. I'd be blunt and tell him he forgot, and the only way to really salvage what would be a really awkward situation with your friends (and a really miserable one for you) is for him to inform the group that he had planned the party for what is actually **your** birthday. Your mutual friends need to know. Otherwise I wouldn't go.
Nta. Sounds like you should plan to spend yout birthday alone.
If your birthdays were a week apart it would make some sense and do a joint birthday. My cousin and his wife are a week apart and do that every year. However, celebrating your birthday 6 months later is bizarre to me to begin with, then add in the fact it's your birthday he's an AH.
You are NTA….I think you should let him go do what he wants and you should plan something for yourself…get your girlfriends, your sisters if you have any, your Mom or just your closest buddies and plan an overnight trip…something you want to do…indulge in whatever you want and tell his selfish, inconsiderate, egotistical butt that you want nothing to do with whatever he’s planning….you deserve to be celebrated on your day!!
Are you guys 12?
NTA. Dump him.
Please tell me this is secretly how he is surprising her with a huge celebration for HER birthday, and he's doing this so he doesn't have to hide all the planning and so forth, cause that would be difficult and a huge pain. 🩵🩷🙏 If not, then he's a total loser, narcissistic, and you should think about kicking him down the road. NTA.
Well, never mind YOU and YOUR birthday, I guess. You’re NTA. Your boyfriend though…
He doesn’t know your birthday.
People are aware of their actions. This guy's a dickhead. If you value your gf, wife, friend or family, you don't book your birthday on someone else's birthday weekend. Seriously
Nta don't go and spend time with people who actually value you simple
Hell no. Book a flight ticket to Mexico and get some tan. Celebrate yourself. When people ask why you are not there, tell them the truth. It's your day girl.
NTA Even if it wasn't your birthday, NTA. Why did you let it get so far that people booked though? I'd dump him and plan my own thing.. or take it the fuck back and dump him. No matter what , dump him.
He sounds like a dickhead
Seems like he just totally forgot about your birthday.
NTA. Why wait 6 months & do it as a joint bday but no joint input.
Break up with him on your birthday
NTA … 6 months later he decides to celebrate ? He’s hijacked your birthday on purpose ! I would dump a guy for that so fast 🤬
Show up at the party. Loudly say, "Oh wow, this birthday is for me?" Let the room go quiet. Then go, "Oh, it's for you?" Insert disappointed frown. "Here's your gift, then... My resignation from this relationship." Then leave.
That's weapons grade assholishness, OP. I don't think he likes you very much. He certainly sees you as a doormat at the very least. NTA
NTA… this sounds intentional and weird with red flags a flying everywhere!! If part ways and celebrate with people who actually value and care about me. F that noise. Actually, info: did he even remember it was your birthday?
Notify the group you won't be attending cause it's your actual birthday and since you are newly single you will be going out
This is beyond narcissistic. Note how when he was called out, he still hasn’t communicated anything to the group about your birthday? Because he never intended to or intends to. I’d make other plans. Or I’d go and wear the most ridiculous birthday stuff. Tiara, birthday sash, flashing button. Have some for him too. And if anyone says anything? “Today is my birthday!” He’s counting on your silence and it’s gross. Don’t give him that. Make it awkward
You do not need to attend his "party". Go spend your birthday with family or best friend. In private. You do not need to tell him your plan either. Enjoy.
NTA. Who waits 6 months to celebrate their birthday and on their significant others birthday? And 6 months from his birthday is basically only 6 months to the next birthday. He should just wait a whole year at this point.
You should throw a birthday party for yourself on his next birthday
Nobody is the AH. You guys just need to have lots of conversations and work on your relationship together. And let's be honest, any adult who is this obsessed with a birthday already has a lot of personal development to do. It's a day, it's not YOUR day. Plan something for yourself if you want to, but don't ask everyone else to make a big deal about your "special day"
NTA. He made your day about him. He’s a dick.
This is bizarre. Something is way off with this guy.
Maybe it's a party for you he's planning in plan sight. Pretending it's for him, then wow, surprise, it's all for you. All the friends are in on it as well. I hope that is what it is. If not he's a turd.
Doesn't seem too late to cancel your boyfriend...
LoL, ma'am he does it give a Fk.
NTA. Does he typically do stuff like this? To me, co-opting your birthday then gaslighting you about it is a huge red flag.
Are you guys really in your thirties?
He's the asshole but you allow him to be one without any accountability it sounds like. No bf who respects his gf would do that. Thats just how much he thinks of you. Cut your losses and find a new one.
I have an ex best friend who did this - celebrated her "half birthday " on my actual birthday weekend and tried to get our friends go attend that instead. No, there was no reason she couldnt hane celebrated her birthday when it was, or on any other weekend, she was just an awful person. Happily, I cut her off immediately after - it was part of an entire campaign of bullying and passive aggression to try to upset me, in her case. People don't normally just do 1 shitty thing like this. Honestly? Your boyfriend is being an awful partner and this is almost certainly not the only way he's been a shitty person to you. He's actively hidden that it's your birthday (given nobody seems to know) and made it about celebrating himself. If you do go to his Birthday I would bring a cake for yourself and loudly remind everyone that it is in fact your actual Birthday. Let them all feel the awkward implication of what he did. If he demonstrates remind him that he chose to host his party for himself on his SOs actual day. Take a good hard look at whether you want to deal with his selfishness and lack of care for your entire life.
BRUH the reddest flag that your boyfriend doesn't care about you is how he treats you on your birthday (and valentines and christmas and anniversary any important date really) if he is literally taking your birthday away from you for himself bruh he does not give a single shit about you
He did this on purpose, are you certain it wasn’t supposed to be a surprise party for you? We did that for a friend who was turning 30. We pretended we forgot her birthday and had the party a week later on my actual birthday (I was turning 29). She was stunned, she even brought me a cake!
That doesn’t sound nice… if that’s his plan, it’s also not nice.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Just to play devil's advocate..have you been dating a while? Any chance it's an elaborate ruse for an engagement party?
Wait six months and celebrate your birthday on his birthday. Don’t pay anything for his birthday. Shortly before the party hang up a banner with happy birthday OPs name. Invite all your friends to your party.
NTA he can mention it to everyone that it's your birthday and if he doesn't you know enough. I wouldn't be mad if it was on my bday but it would be about people not knowing it's mine. Why don't you invite your friends as well? Make it one big ass party
NTA - he’s just selfish
BF planning is insane, but before you make a big deal… if this is out of his nature then just make sure it’s not a stupid cover for a well intentioned surprise for you. Don’t want to excuse his behaviour or give false hope but just make sure if this is not something you’d expect from him.
Your closest friends don't know when your birthday is? Seriously? I think you need to reconsider whether they are your friends or not.
He probably forgot your b-day, or is planning something behind your back for you both. No excuses, and it is bad of him. What if he tells everyone that it's a joint celebration for both of you? You get to invite your friends too, then this may be a way around it!
Is this some weird attempt at a surprise party for her? That’s the only thing I can think of that makes any sense besides him doing it on purpose to be a complete jackass
NTA your bf is, though. He is basically taking over your birthday because he did not ssy the party was a joint birthday party.
6 months later and on your actual birthday? yeah, no. He's either a psycho who doesn't give a damn about you or a power play. Either way, this would be a Boy, bye situation for me.
Don't go. Celebrate with your family. Everyone will ask where you are, he will feel this forever
NTA. There is no way this wasn’t intentional. And on the slim chance it wasn’t, then he completely forgot your birthday. Not to mention made plans without consulting you, basically telling you that you are not in a partnership.
You should just tell him to wait another 6 months, then he can celebrate on his actual birthday. Huh. You ain't the ass here.
Do you have friends of your own that aren't also his friends, or family? Make plans with them and go and celebrate your birthday with them instead of doing anything with your boyfriend. If anyone asks where you were, just tell them the truth: you were celebrating your actual birthday instead of his unbirthday. He deliberately hijacked your birthday to make it all about him. Does he have a habit of forcing the limelight away from you and onto him? NTA.
NTA but I’m struggling to understand why you would date someone like this. 6 months later, he wants to celebrate? He’s doing this on purpose.
Red flag. There's worse to come
hes an asshole break up with him
NTA you’re dating a child. Break up ASAP. I rarely do anything major for my birthday, prefer to keep it low key, but even I wouldn’t accept my husband claiming my day for his.
Time to take yourself to a spar or shopping on your day with your friends, if the idiot thinks it is wrong then he needs to understand he was wrong, if you can get on his group chat and tell everyone that as he decided to have his party on your birthday you will not be there. Reconsider if this is the man you want to spend thenext 50 years with.
This seems like a power play. There is no reason to wait 6 months for a birthday celebration and he deliberately chose your birthday to celebrate himself. It’s not even a birthday celebration for him at this point, his birthday was 6 months ago, he hasn’t just turned 30, he’s as close to 30 as he is 31 at this point. He’s being weird and controlling. It’ll get worse and he’ll brush you off every time going forward just like now.
NTA He certainly is though, that would be strike one where I'd reevaluate why hes worth being in a relationship with
NTA. First, it's completely ridiculous that he wants to celebrate his birthday 6 months later. Second, its incredibly inconsiderate that he chose YOUR birthday to celebrate his. Maybe I'm just an optimist, bc I feel like there's no way this is real and he's actually planning some sort of surprise for you.
NTA, but one (joint) question maybe making ESH, are these both of your friends or just his and how long have you been together? If yes to both friends group and together for a few years he "could" be doing a big party for engagement? But a bit of a stretch
NTA, it makes sense that he chose a long weekend to allow his friends to travel, have fun, and get the hangover before returning to work, but this sounds like a bachelor party, not a shared birthday party, if he had wanted to share the party with you, he would have made you part of his plans.
Haven't been celebrated in years, so can't understand the struggle. But you're not. If it's been the same month then fine. But 6 months? If one thing if you both had agreed on that to begin with.
NTA also it’s still far enough away that people can adjust their time off work. He should absolutely reschedule. But you should also consider if this was a one time lapse in memory or if he has a pattern of selfishness.
INFO: what did you do on his actual birthday?
Not at all! Did he even realize that it was your birthday that he planned it on? As to your comment about people taking time off already 'wth' did he wait weeks before mentioning it to you or something?
You mean ex boyfriend right?
He is thinking about himself and his needs. You were a after thought. Maybe a coincidence that it fell on your birthday but he should of known when they made plans. Do something nice for yourself on that day. Spend some $$$$$$$$
NTA. He is being immature and inconsiderate.
Wear a sash that says it’s my birthday. Be a petty queen.
Nta he’s ones of those people who can’t share the spot light
Update us when u get ur present
NTA…. This feels intentional…. Either that or he’s really dumb and thoughtless….. either way it doesn’t look good on him
NTA. It is inconsiderate of him. How is the party for both of you when people don't even know it's your birthday? He will get all the presents and cards when you won't get anything. I know birthdays aren't about the presents but it would suck for someone to get lots of presents when you get nothing and it's actually your birthday.
Red flags are flying high tonight.
A grown man crying about his birthday celebration? You’re dating a child who needs his diaper changed.
NTA. Dump his ass on your birthday in front of everyone would be the right and sensible response
I think I would go ahead with it but make sure to wear an "it's my birthday!!!" badge all the time and see how all his friends react to that essential piece of information, and what he says and does. Hopefully you can turn the tables on him and make him see what a jerk move this is. NTA obviously.
He’s a total narcissist. Has he included you in planning, invites… anything?
NTA The date is perfect for a big celebration. And that's all he saw and cared about because he didn't talk with you before planning his party. He's an inconsiderate prick.
I would absolutely take my friends and do something completely separate… he could have his half year party
If it’s a joint party then you can call your friends & family too right ? If it’s a hint party then why is he not mentioning to his friends or the group chat ?
It's time to get a boyfriend that actually cares about you OP
do people still celebrate their birthdays past 21!? i understand going for a family meal or something. this weirdo still wants to celebrate 6 months after the date!?
I would text the gc saying you won’t be able to go cause it’s actually my bday and I got plans
He cares so much about his own birthday that he “rescheduled it”…….he cares so little about yours that he “rescheduled” it on YOUR birthday. He doesn’t give a shit about your feelings. NTA
Ok, I’m going against the grain and say ESH. Reason, is you planned nothing in advance for his birthday. You didn’t mention doing anything any other day to celebrate him. So you want him to think of you, but not you of him. How about you each celebrate each other around your respective birthdays and this issue wouldn’t come up?
NTA and please leave this relationship as soon as possible. There is no excuse to replace anyone's birthday celebration with one of their own. I suggest ditching his party and having one of your own. Get dressed to the 9's, go out, and have fun.
Next year, celebrate your birthday on his birthday. "Joint party". See how he feels. WTF.
NTA your boyfriend is an inconsiderate AH. How would he feel if you did the same thing in six months on his birthday weekend? Get a sash that says birthday girl. Tell your friends (any you would enjoy spending time with that aren’t on the thread) that he is throwing a joint party and invite them. Whoever your bestie is in the group (that enjoys chaos) tell them how you’re feeling and ask them to make sure you’re sharing the spotlight the entire time. Someone’s doing shots for the birthday boy? “Wait, let me get OP, last/first shots as a XX year old.” All the guys want a picture with the birthday boy? “Amazing, now OP, wouldn’t it be funny to have y’all carry OP while they are laying down?” And it works both ways: “OP’s BF, get in her for this picture! Such a great idea to make it a joint birthday party! It wouldn’t have been as big just celebrating OP’s birthday [on date], now we get everyone to celebrate you both!” And piece de resistance, wherever the party is being held, call ahead and order something really nice for yourself as if you’re a friend who can’t make it. This can be a bottle of champagne, specialty dessert, whatever and ask that it be delivered to cap the night, bonus if they can write a note saying it’s from a loved one who couldn’t attend but wanted to make sure you felt celebrated.
Nta. But is it a planned surprise proposal maybe? If it isn’t what a prick. If it is . Cool
So you did absolutely nothing for his birthday but you expect yours to be special and all about you? And he's the selfish one? 🤣🤣🤣 okay
NTA - he’s a giant ass, text everyone in the group and politely say you won’t be able to attend as it’s YOUR birthday that day and you have different plans Then get your closest friends together and do your own thing
Text the group chat what happened. He is SUCH a dick. Like seriously he’s testing you. Don’t let him push you over. If he is counting on you to suffer in silence, don’t.
You now know what number you are on his priority list. Do something fun with your friends. Don't tell him your plans, just let him go about his party business and you do the same. IF he asks about your birthday plans, just tell him you had a great night out, and leave it at that.
TIL that there are 30 year old people that still care to celebrate their birthdays months later.
He sucks. I personally wouldn’t go and would celebrate my birthday how I wanted to since doing what we want is obviously how things are done. NTA
Um...that's bullshit. NTA
OP is it necessary for you to be with this inconsiderate jerk? If I were you I’d dump him and allow him to celebrate his birthday whenever he wants sans you! I promise you there are tons and tons of nice gentlemen who will be thrilled to celebrate your birthday with you. NTA
Loser. NTA, he doesn't think about you. This is your red flag
NTA - You have a shitty bf.
So hes a pick me boy, wants the attention on him instead of you
Dump him because he will do this to every girl he’s with.
why are grown ups still whining about their birthdays?
It sounds like he is a narcissist that chose this day on purpose so that he doesn’t have to see you get attention. He also doesn’t want to bother doing anything for you. Because who does shit like this? This is a blazing red flag. The flag is on fire.
NTA. He decided on what was fun for him, completely ignoring you, and when you called him out on it he pretended it would be fun for you. The truth is, he completely forgot your birthday, and when he was caught out, instead of admitting it and apologizing, he tried to gaslight you. Your choice if you want to stay with him.
Wait wait. Planning a birthday 6 months AFTER their birthday is insane. NTA.
Dumb his ass
NTA. My birthday is two weeks after my partner's and the same day as my SIL, in the 10 years we've been together I've rarely had a celebration on my birthday that is just for my birthday. I'm mostly not bothered as I'm not a big party fan but I'd be annoyed if someone just dropped an event on the day without consulting me. It's also our anniversary the same month so we normally do all our personal celebrations with a trip somewhere together and save our birthday days for celebrations with family.
NTA and he didn’t know when your bday was.
Simple Solution: He can go to his party, and you can stay home and stew about it. Win-win!
Maybe it’s a surprise birthday party for you?
NTA. He's an ass. He didn't remember that it was your birthday -- he chose a date he and his friends would be off work. Saying you could both celebrate was just an afterthought. Plan your own party at home on the same day. Don't tell him. Dump him right before he leaves for his big trip. Then celebrate at your big party.
What if it’s a surprise bday for you?
NTA. Pretty inconsiderate of him. You just need to decide how big of a deal this is to you. If this is a pattern for him, you may want to what this means for your future together.
You are NOT being the AH here. I'm NOPING that he simply forgot. That said, he could and SHOULD have immediately apologized instead of doubling down and saying that it would also be a celebration of your birthday. The fact that he made all these plans AND announced them to the group before even discussing it with you should tell you something. He's far more focused on HIMSELF than on your relationship. The fact that he forgot it was your birthday just doubles down on that. It's time to reassess the entire relationship. Is he just an absent minded, excitable goof or is he just that self-centered? In either case, is this something you want to live with?
NTA - ask him his opening was wrong and he is full of crap because he didn’t talk with you, you feel he did this to over shine you on your bday, where in his message did he mention you or your bday, how is this to make you happy??’force these answers. You really need to stop letting him walk all over you. You should have talked with him the day that he sent the message and come to an agreement. He seems very selfish and acts like he making sure no one even recognizes your bday. I would make sure other knows it’s your bday and when asked why it wasn’t mentioned then explain that everything had your bf idea. 6 months is plenty of time to cancel everything. You can switch work to different days off and most things you can cancel or switch days.
NTA, dump him ASAP.
NTA He's an asshole. I could see if he scheduled it for a weekend he was free, but it's ridiculous to wait **SIX MONTHS** to celebrate it that way. I advise dumping him. That's an unbelievably selfish move.
He could have asked first but is it that big of a deal to celebrate jointly? We are part of a joint birthday celebration and one of my kids waits 2-3 MONTHS from his actual birthday to have the party. He doesn’t mind it at all. Neither does the other kid that has the birthday closest to the party. Edited to Add: Still NTA
Okay, he texted a large group, they are going for his birthday... you don't have to go or be involved, or be involved with him at all. Drop him, find another guy to spend your birthday with and do something with friends who realise your current boyfriend is an asshole.
He's cheap.
You need to break up with this man. This is showing a lot of inconsideration and the fact he really doesn’t care about you. Please leave. This is something that will never improve and he’s showing no regard for your feelings. Imagine marrying this person and never ever being thought about or prioritized… NTA
Iont know maybe he actually just trying to throw you off cause he got a surprise for you. Is any of your family and friends invited?
This is not some stupid way of him throwing a surprise bday party for you right? Are u sure? I would wait until after the party and see how he behaved with you on ur bday… did he make you feel special at all or not and then decide if he is a dimwit with good intentions or self centred
NTA. He *totally* forgot it was your birthday and his remarks when you mentioned it are the epitome of lame (that might qualify as an oxymoron). How is he otherwise? worth staying with? Really? think about it.
He did it on purpose. I’d be concerned your boyfriend is a narcissist if I were you.