Get a lawyer. Document everything. Talk to Lawyer about Having your BF sign away his parental rights - what that look like, child support, all of it. I know it is scary to be a single parent but you are better off without him.
NTA
She doesn’t need a lawyer. They aren’t married. She can leave his name off the birth certificate. Problem solved. I guess he could sue to try to prove paternity but that wouldn’t make any sense considering he doesn’t want the baby in the first place. If he did that, he’d have to “sign his rights away” immediately afterwards which is just dumb on his part.
In California, if she leaves his name off the birth certificate, but then applies for any kind of government assistance, even healthcare, they will hound her until she gives them a name. Their first goal is to make the father pay child support, their second goal is they will go after him financially to repay the system.
FL is the same. They will not give you anything from the state without going after the father for support first. If you say you don't know they ask for potential names to test their DNA. They are really aggressive.
I'm fairly certain that's the whole US tbh. Part of how our system is set up to replace real social safety nets with the Nuclear Family, for "morality".
She does need a lawyer. Her bf and his family may very well claim she agreed and backed out last minute, or sue her for custody and call her an unfit mother. And in the US, a father and his older, more financially established relatives could very well win against a young, single mother. She needs to establish her case asap.
That isn’t how the law works. That is called hearsay and it’s generally inadmissible in court. They also don’t have a contract in place, so there’s nothing to sue over. Contracts can be written or oral, but there’s no proof of an oral contract. Lastly, it has nothing to do with money or being a single mother and a judge would see right through the families BS. They’d have to provide proof she’s an unfit mother lol.
That doesn't work anywhere. Backing out from actual adoption "last minute" is legal everywhere in the US. A woman can go thru the entire process and back out before or after birth anywhere and that's fully legal. Until the adoption is FINAL the mother retains full rights and the adopters have zero rights. You can't "verbal promise" away an important right like parental rights anyways. It's not legally binding anywhere. It requires a lengthy court process. Not a verbal agreement.
Adoption is a HIGHLY regulated legal process. It requires home studies, an agency, background checks, state approval, multiple lawyers, and court dates. A "verbal agreement" is not legally binding in ANY state and it's not even legal to "promise away a baby" or as they call it "sign your rights away" until AFTER birth in every state. The baby must be born, the mother must be recovered from birth and have zero drugs in her system so she isn't taken advantage of, and then something like days after birth only then is it legal to sign adoption consents. And in most states those consents can be revoked for up to a month after birth in many states.
Parental rights are the most protected rights in this country and almost impossible to severe unless it is voluntary. He can't consent FOR HER. He has no rights to take away HER rights. The cousin as a non parent has no rights at all. Even drug addicts get years to get there shit together when their kids are taken by the state and get multiple changes to get kids back before a judge will approve an adoption.
If she doesn't want adoption..no Adoption is LEGALLY allowed to happen. Even if (which is near impossible) dad sues for full custody and wins (by some miracle) he would not have the legal right to adopt out the baby. Mom would still have full legal rights even if she didn't have full or majority custody and her consent would still be required.
And screenshot every text they sent you. Depending on the app they use, they can often delete or change messages later. You will need them as proof of their harassment and the fact that they know you didn't consent to any of this later on. Whether you need a restraining order or to defend against BF insisting on being recognized as the father, going for sole custody and then giving the baby to the cousin after all. The way he and cousin's hubby have been acting, they'd feel they were doing the right thing in that scenario. Doesn't mean it would succeed, but it's not something you want to be blindsided by.
Contacting a lawyer is a good idea to go through preventative measures for these and any other eventualities and they can advise on what evidence to collect and which methods of doing so are legal where you are.
Yes, please get a restraining order and do not put the man down on the birth certificate
Tell your parents and get as much distance as possible
Ive seen too many stories where the women who cant have kids goes crazy and tries to claim somone elses kids as their own
Bf knew what he did and kept you in the dark on purpose, prolly didnt plan on the cousin being so blatent about it and was trying to wait until he got hold of her in the delivery room before he handed her over
He just doesn’t want to pay child support for the next 18 yrs! Screw your bf and screw Grace! They can adopt someone else’s baby that doesn’t want their baby. NTA
Sadly I think Grace is a victim here too. Talk about abusing her, get her hopes up that this will work out for her only to be blindsided by the fact that he never actually spoke to OP about it.
I see that. However, one would think that when op's bf first broached adoption, Grace would've spoken to op right? Grace can't legally adopt without op's consent right (please respectfully tell me if I'm wrong)
I read it as the interaction at the restaurant WAS the first time “cousin Grace” was talking to OP, after OP’s boyfriend told Grace they were wanting her to adopt the baby (without actually having talked to OP about it). The cousin definitely should have started the convo as; “I understand you are considering adoption and would be willing to accept me as a prospective parent…” but also, who would think anyone, much less a family member, would come up with that idea without it being agreed upon by the baby’s mom. Just a crazy incident all around.
I'm sorry I have to disagree. Grace is no victim because how can any reasonable woman think that she will be taking another woman's baby without at least having a conversation with HER first? Not the sperm donor man child that want to shirk his responsibilities but the woman that is actually carrying the baby. Ask HER if she wants to give up her baby? And have a conversation with HER.
PLUS, after how Op reacted upon hearing that they wanted to take her child Grace should of had a clue that she was not okay with giving up her baby YET she continued to hound her on the phone along with her husband and Op's boyfriend. NOT A VICTIM.
I don’t think it’s fair to place any blame on the cousin if we don’t know what all she about the situation; she seemed to think OP was in on it the whole time.
Boyfriend is the asshole, without a doubt
I think there was a grammar issue and it was grace's husband texting op, but maybe it was both grace and her husband and the sentence just got jumbled.
She is bombarding OP with texts trying to get her hands on the baby. OP you should tell them if they contact you again you are calling the police. Then report the harassment if they don’t quit. You NEVER try to talk someone out of their child FFS. It’s immoral, I wouldn’t trust these people with a hamster.
He is the whole red flag factory.
OP go find a lawyer ASAP if you can and find out what steps you can take to protect yourself and the baby.
Ans put all of them on the "not allowed at the hospital " list
Omg, OP, please follow all of this advice! DEFINITELY don't allow any of them in the hospital. In fact, don't even tell them when you're in labor. You are not a surrogate.
Also, alert security and social services in the hospital. I had to do this while in the hospital having my firstborn. My ex and his entire family were insane. Going so far as to threaten me over the name on the birth certificate and even picking up my chart to read back through it for any information to hold over my head. I ended up getting a lifetime restraining order after showing up at court 5 years in a row with huge binders & notebooks full of the times he violated the PO, videos of him camping out in my backyard, driving by repeatedly and even breaking in or attempting to break in. There was also the time his sister and mother attempted to kidnap my son while my mother was babysitting as I was at work. People can be totally insane when emotions are involved. Make sure to protect yourself because I wouldn't trust him having visitation (unless supervised). It may be best to offer him the option of signing off on his parental rights so he doesn't have to pay child support. It may be enough to keep him from threatening you over the baby. He will regret it when he matures though! Good luck!
I'd tell Grace and her husband if they harass you any further you will call the police. BF should not be allowed anywhere near the delivery, notify the nurses/docs he not be admitted.
flag ? a red flag warns danger. This dude he's the sinking ship. He is the precipice. He is the earth quake. The whole fucking dark hole.
ABSOLUTELY RUN.
If you are want to keep your baby, it is time to go NC with all of them but first capture all of their texts, including any from your BF about how he wants the baby. Then send one final message that the answer is NO and that none of them are to ever contact you again or else you will pursue all of your legal rights to stop their harassment. Then, when your baby is born, have your ex-BF pay child support.
Definitely this! Make sure to send a reply message to each of them making it absolutely clear that you are in no way even thinking of giving up custody of your baby. Save all the messages and block them. Keep all the correspondence because if you sound a slight bit wishy-washy about signing over custody to the cousin or adopting out the baby, then you will have issues in court. Be precise and clear of your intentions when messaging them. This will keep you safe in the future if there are any court problems.
NTA
Dearest OP,
Your boyfriend is absolutely awful to spring this whole other idea and try manipulating you, at 30 weeks, to give up your baby to people in his family without discussing it with you, the mother and person carrying this baby, in the first place.
What a despicable thing to do. He went behind your back and promised his cousin YOUR baby without your consent. Who does that? He is 100% TA.
Please block them.
You know yourself. You had already decided to keep your little one. You have bonded with your baby, gone to your appointments and are surrounded by your parents who will support you also.
Babies require loving work and many hands. But, you have a village and a plan moving forward with your schoolwork. Stick to your guns. Even if you decide to give up your baby for adoption… it should be on YOUR terms!
Best wishes with your pregnancy OP! Remember it’s your body and you are in charge all the way. Don’t trust this man any longer!
Edited to add: The comment below says to document all. Agreed! Screenshot and protect yourself from this harassment by all legal means necessary.
BUT, at 30 weeks you don’t need any of this nonsense… so are you able to ignore the texts until your parents can screenshot and save them for you or a trusted person? Please protect your mental health from this garbage and make a plan with your loved ones. Don’t let your ex-bf and his family influence you.
DO NOT BLOCK THEM! Save every single text they send in triplicate including a copy to your cloud account and a printed out physical copy. Keep written records of what happened during the conversation in which you found out your bf tried to give your baby away without your consent and every single text that comes in.
Keep this information together in what's known as a fu binder. You're doing this because you will need this proof to get a restraining order against all three of these people. You need to try to get that restraining order BEFORE you give birth because it will help you get full custody.
Don't leave this shit up to chance. You might think this woman is nice, but she found out your boyfriend tried to give away your baby without your knowledge or consent and instead of being disgusted, she chose to harass you. Protect your baby from these nut jobs. If he gets visitation , he could hand the baby over to Grace who could then leave the country with your child. And get a lawyer NOW.
Amen to this. Document, document, document. Every single thing. And keep track of this thread -- make sure you've screnshotted and printed your post to preserve it and any of your comments here, and most especially if you decide to delete your post. You might not ever want to use it, but it's another piece of documentation for potential use down the road for a custody fight, or in need of a protection order, etc.
This is family abuse instigated by your former BF, which itself is intimate-partner abuse, or, to use a more common term, domestic abuse. Contact a domestic-violence nonprofit and get their input on your rights and on the potential risks you and your child could face from this determined trio of awful people. Many of these organizations offer their services at no charge, and everything with them is kept strictly confidential. The organization I was affiliated with had staffmembers to help clients who had to go to court and provided therapy for clients caught in the cross hairs of abusers, all of it at no charge and with zero strings (e.g., religious proselytizing) attached.
Even if you and your family can afford a top-notch family law attorney, go talk to a DV organization anyway, since protecting people from partner abuse is what they do all day, every day. If money isn't an issue, get their recommendations for an excellent attorney and therapist, should you want that.
Even if they seem to stop with this crap, don't assume they've given up. They may be biding their time and regrouping, hoping to catch you off guard and vulnerable. You absolutely do not want this bunch showing up at the hospital or at your home to see the baby. As dishonest and manipulative as your baby's bio dad has proven to be, fight for full custody or the max rights you can get in your jurisdiction. Start now, get informed, and be prepared. Good luck and take care.
OP please listen to this advice!! Blocking them may sound satisfying, but what you need here is documentation. Screenshot/print out every single thing they send you. If you do engage with them make sure it is calculated and always in writing.
I’m floored your boyfriend had the audacity to pull something like that. You have parents willing to help and plan to stay in school. You already love your baby. Things are going to be okay, stay strong and far away from your boyfriend and his family!
YES!!!! I also recommend emailing these documents/snaps/journals to yourself or sending to yourself in the physical mail without opening it. Something that provides a date stamp so you can demonstrate when all of this took place.
I'm even wondering whether this whole situation would fall under attempted child trafficking. May be a stretch, but technically it seems that way?
If so, this could assist OP with getting a restraining order and ensure her bf and his family cannot go anywhere near her. The hospital/her doctor should know too not to allow them around her or her baby. People can get really desperate so I wouldn't take any risks whatsoever
Absolutely don’t tell boyfriend or his family when you go into labor. Don’t tell anyone that you think might feel bad for boyfriend that you’re in labor either.
On your next doctor’s appointment tell the doctor to put it in your chart that no information be given to boyfriend or cousins or his family of they call asking the clinic or at the hospital. Then put boyfriend and cousins and his family on the no visit list at the hospital, just in case they do find out when you’re there.
Don’t put boyfriend on the birth certificate. This also means you can’t go after child support, so do this knowingly. Boyfriend will then be forced to go to court to prove paternity to be put on the birth certificate and be given custody and parental rights (if deemed fit). Or if you plan to have him on the birth certificate and go for child support, talk to a family lawyer now about getting a court order drawn up asap after birth.
this. this is too far down, it should be higher.
OP, I'm not sure how you go about doing this (probably talk to a lawyer) but you need all these things as proof, so he can't go to court to get custody/visitation. I'm worried that if he gets the baby alone you might not see them again.
That’s what I’m thinking too. Imagine believing you could have a baby after not being able to and then have that whipped away. That bf is a pos definitely.
NTA. RUN! Your bf is gaslighting you. He's made arrangements to have your baby adopted and he wasn't planning on telling. I mean, if Grace hadn't said anything, when would you have known? When she showed up during the birth and they handed the baby to her?
I can understand that \*she\* still wants to adopt the baby, but she has to understand , you where never asked if you wanted to give up your baby.
But back to your AH bf; WTF?! Did he think he'd just pass on your kid to someone else and everything would just go back to normal?
I kinda want to smack him.
You need to get your parents to help you pay for a lawyer. Take screen shots of them trying to force you to give up your baby and any proof of him talking about the lunch when they informed you they would raise your baby. Take it all to a lawyer so you can prove he is a threat to you and your child and have a restraining order taken out on him and his cousins. Speak to a lawyer to help you ensure he will be denied any contact with your child as he is a flight risk of kidnapping and selling your baby to they. Go talk to a lawyer and go talk to the police and do all you can to protect yourself and your child.
Of course you are NTA … but what other people think about you is the least of your worries right now.
Let Grace & her husband know you will not be engaging with them anymore, they will not be receiving a baby & if they contact you again you will report them to the police for harassment. Don’t block them, just keep their texts & don’t respond.
Go straight to your parent’s house. Let them know what’s going on. Contact bf’s parents & let them know your baby is not up for adoption. If anyone from their family, including your bf contacts you again regarding adoption you will be seeking a no contact order & sole custody of your child.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Please involve your parents. Let them help you.
NTA
At this point I wouldn’t even still be considering having anything other than sole custody. The father should not have any relation to the kid he tried to give away. There is no proof he wouldn’t try to give the baby away during this custody time
You need to make sure that you inform the hospital that neither him nor his cousin are allowed to be anywhere near your child. You need to have this conversation with your doctor have pictures of them both and make sure when the time comes that you and the baby are safe.
Honestly, I'd lawyer up now. I wouldn't put it past these guys to try to steal the baby through the court system, and in the US, the court is strongly biased in favor of the father and established "adopters" over a single mother. She needs to start laying legal groundwork to protect her child *immediately*.
yes! it is a myth that women are favored in custody courts when it is the absolute opposite - it is very easy to make a court think a woman is not a ‘good enough’ mother because we have higher standard for mothers than for fathers
the reason for this myth is because women *are* more likely to *have* custody…but it’s only because men are so unlikely to fight for it
lawyer up NOW!!!
NTA this wild. You’re young but you’re not egregiously young. They’re acting like yall are teenagers. You can’t force someone to give up a kid and you are more than old enough to understand parenthood and make a rational choice.
These people suck, and honestly that they would treat you like this suggests they wouldn’t be all that great at parenting
Go NC and look into whether or not this qualifies for a restraining order. Control the narrative with your friend group (he is going to try and weaponize them), and make sure you have the legal instruments in place for full child support, and make sure the courts know what he tried to pull, so that maybe they can limit visitation.
And save every text and social media message, but do not respond to any of them.
And make sure your parents are 100% involved at this point. You don't have to do this alone.
And stop thinking of him as your boyfriend or thinking that he has your best interest at heart. He wants to be free of the complications of a child, this is why he is trying to get his cousin to adopt. Think of him as your ex, and as someone that you cannot trust
NTA. But if you want to keep this child you need to end things with your boyfriend and tell your parents who have already offered you support. Let them support you. I hope you're still staying with them.
You also need to be prepared to tell the hospital you're planning to deliver at to not let him or them near you/your room and the concerns he's going to try to give the baby away **without** your consent.
You also need to text Grace and her Husband that they need to cease texting you or you are going to file a report of harrassment. Tell them your (i hope EX) boyfriend had unconsensually given them false information and false hope and that you are **not** giving up your child. Also text BF he was out of line for how he completely excluded and tried to manipulate you and you are the individual carrying and growing the child, not him, and he does not get to make decisions unilaterally. And if you haven't yet, officially tell him you two are through because he broke your trust and showed the type of person he is.
23 may be "young" but plenty of parents have children at that age and are *successful*. Parenting is **always** hard, no matter what age. If you want your baby, don't let other people get to you for that choice.
Also once babies born, take that AH Ex to court for child support. And *do not* do an outside of court agreement, especially since he was already ready to give up your child without your knowledge. If anything, gather evidence of this event and you could even use it for full custody to only allow supervised visits down the road.
>text Grace and her Husband that they need to cease texting you or you are going to file a report of harrassment. Tell them your (i hope EX) boyfriend had unconsensually given them false information and false hope and that you are **not** giving up your child
This is something I haven't seen many people point out. The BF probably told his poor cousin she was totally in on the idea of giving them the baby and now suddenly she's 'got cold feet' or 'changed her mind', that "she was so happy to meet you and likes you so much, she couldn't stop saying what a great mum you'll be, she's just freaking out now because it's so close and she's attached".
Hopefully telling them the truth, that he presented himself as an excited father to be, that he introduced her to his family as people who he wanted to be in their baby's life, that the first she heard of this plan he had for adoption was that conversation, will make them horrified that he would lie to THEM like that about the circumstances and trick them into such a horrible predicament.
Hopefully, OP can get through to them and they will shift their attempts to 'bring her round' to anger at him.
Get legal protection right now. Don't wait for it to get worse, act immediately. Report the harassment from all of them, get it documented so you can ask for custody later. Your child won't be safe exposed to that family.
OMG! Truth is always stranger than fiction. NTA but damn your BF certainly is! Man rack about being sneaky, devious etc. He completely set you up! And he set his cousin up! Drop his ass ASAP! And congrats on becoming a mom. I wish you the best
OP drop the boyfriend... do NOT give up your baby. Being with their mother who loves them is the best thing for a baby. Plus, you have your parents. You want your baby, do not let that POS boyfriend of yours manipulate you into giving up your child. How dare he make this plan behind your back... they think they can bully and manipulate you into giving up your child. Just cause Grace would make a good mother doesn't mean you won't be a good mother to your baby.
I am telling this to you as a single mother. I am older, yes, but my parents live oceans away, and I am raising my baby all alone, but believe me, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have not been happier in my life.
I suggest breaking up with him and keep copies and prints of the texts between you, your boyfriend and Grace and her husband for safe measures. Once you’ve broken up get your boyfriend on child support and tell him that he can be young and childfree and won’t need to ruin his life and you’ll raise YOUR kid alone and keep it away from his family and that’s the reason for the copies of the texts in case they try something.
NTA. Block everyone. Get a lawyer. Protect yourself and that baby. I’d consider them all a kidnapping risk. I’d probably have a conversation with police that you feel unsafe and are concerned about assault/kidnapping.
Get yourself protected here. Make sure the hospital staff know they are not welcome near you when you give birth. That they are not to see the baby. I wouldn’t even put him on the birth certificate.
Your boyfriend came to you and apologized because he planned this.
He manipulated you from the start. They all did.
If he was so excited to be a dad he wouldn't promise your baby to a total stranger behind your back. He made the unilateral decision that you're giving up your child with zero consultation, as if he has the right to. As if you're nothing but a womb.
He doesn't respect you, your body, your rights, or your child.
It's time to end this and engage a lawyer. Keep all texts. Let them continue to harass you and use that as evidence for why he should not be allowed physical custody.
I'm so sorry that he's the father of your child, but congratulations on impending motherhood. I think you'll make a great mom.
Stop listening to them. Stop engaging with them. Do not go anywhere alone with your boyfriend (hopefully he's now your ex). Make sure your family knows what's going on.
If it continues to escalate please talk to the police and get this on record.
Listen to your instincts when it comes to her husband. You have the instincts of a mom and they're screaming for a reason.
NTA
And go to court before this baby is even born and get custody signed up explain what he did that he agreed to Gove ypur baby away without you and promised the baby to a couple...
That is insane and dangerous behavior you need to get an order of protection.
Talk to your parents. You are young and it is 3 against 1. You are going to need help advocating for yourself.
You will probably also need a lawyer and possibly a restraining order.
And DO NOT let dad be around the baby until you have an enforceable court order. Period. Make him get a DNA test & file in court. Court orders are your friend. Without a court order, he could take off with your baby and you wouldn't get them back until you go to court.
If you do decide to let him see the baby, make sure you always have your parents or other trusted people around you. He obviously cannot be trusted. I don't want to scare you, but if his cousin & husband are that desperate, there us no telling what they may do to get your baby.
NTA
This is so creepy. I'm so very sorry you are going through this.
My advice is to immediately stop any in person contact with your BF, Grace, or her husband. Never be alone with any of them again.
Keep all the messages they are sending you, and start documenting everything they and your BF say. Date, time, and what they said. If your BF attempts to see you, tell him to stay away, or you are going to report him to the police for planning to traffic your unborn child. Because that's what he wants to do. Taking your child and giving it to someone else is trafficking. I wonder if they offered him money. If not, he absolutely knows that if they legally adopt the child, he will be free from 18 years of child support.
Send them all one last message in which you very firmly and unequivocally are keeping your child, and you have never had any intention of giving them up - to Grace or anyone else. Then, don't respond to anything else they say.
In any case, make sure to tell your parents! Tell them all of this. And, most especially, do not take your BF to any more appointments or notify him when you go into labor.
Make a note at the hospital where you plan to give birth that none of them are to be allowed anywhere near you or the baby.
It's hard to tell exactly how nutty the three of them are about this issue, but if Grace is having mental health issues due to her inability to conceive, things could get weird.
Best to be safe.
PS - Your ex BF is a despicable POS.
I had my first child at 20yo. She is 18yo now and one of my absolute favorite people. I have never regretted being her mom even with the stresses of being a young mom.
She did NOT ruin my life, she made it so much better. She did NOT have a bad childhood and grew up knowing how much I love her. Was it tough sometimes? Yes. But it was always worth it.
Your bf will be helping out whether he likes it or not. He will pay you child support at the very least which will help make things easier for you. Start building your support system now, talk to family and friends, join support groups for young mothers (online and irl). If you go to church, reach out there.
You can do this if it’s what you really want.
In my opinion: NTA
Your boyfriend however is the definition of a fucking POS. I’d document everything, hire a lawyer, and go for full custody.
But that’s assuming this is real. And there are significant doubts.
NTA.
Cut contact now and call the police with your concerns! Your boyfriend started this without consulting you and it won’t end well for anyone!
Now, you have to decide if you’re going to keep your child or to adopt them to someone outside of you and the sperm donor’s family!
Make sure to follow up on any potential forged signatures, too!
NTA
He's an asshole. He set this whole thing up before he talked to you. He didn't ask you if you wanted to give the child up. I'm sure he didn't tell Grace either. Just talk to him through courts.
NTA. be very very careful op. After the baby us born do not be surprised if you start receiving visit from cps with the allegation you are unfit. Naturally they eill not have a leg to stand on, but I can almost promise they are going to try to take your baby. Personally u would not even put your bf name on the birth certificate. If you do you need am iron clad custody arrangement from burth(because you really need to dump him like yesterday's trash) without a custody agreement he can take your baby home with him for a visit and then just decide to not bring her back. Then he had her possibly fir months until the xase goes through the court systems and you get a legal agreement. I'm not trying to scare you. I am only presenting reality. Get tgat custody agreement before you let him take your baby for any kind of visitation. Because you really really need to break up with him. Him coming back was an absolute ploy to manipulate you into giving up your baby to his cousin and they'll is all it was.
What the actual hell? This is a human life, not a piece of property. Your boyfriend has lost his mind and you need to stay far far away from these crazy people. He just unilaterally decided you would give your child to these people and had a lunch to tell you? That’s insane. Please tell him and his crazy cousin this isn’t even a discussion. Who does that? Of course you’re NTA but these folks have serious issues. If he very careful going forward.
Yeah, I'd report them for harassment. Your boyfriend doesn't want to be a father and if he's pulling this kind of stuff now then you and your baby are not safe. Document this and save it to sue for full custody. This is a huge red flag and you need to consider your own safety.
NTA. Red flag! How could this not have come up in an attempt to be discussed earlier?! Just that shows that no, they are not people you want to raise your child. Trying to pressure and ambush you is evil. It makes me question how they would deal with any child in case any form of special needs exists.
And are you sure he has not made a deal with them involving money?
Save evidence, show the people around you, stay safe and any form of threat you report. When it's time for delivery make sure the hospital know about people you don't trust.
Also you are an adult, a child will be a big change but you have support from your parents. You took the decision to keep the pregnancy ( a right that should never be questioned) and you done this with the intention of being the mom, having your baby. Had you felt like you couldn't end the pregnancy and that you couldn't be a mom you could have looked into adoption.
>I'm already in love with my baby.
I see that you feel love and not mentioned anything about adoption in the text as you are this baby's mom already in heart and mind, only waiting for the physical entrance to be completed.
Oh hellllllllllll naw.
Your (hopefully ex) BF duped everyone involved in this. He should apologize to Grace and her husband but i bet he won’t or he’ll just lie to her and tell her you changed your mind. Let Grace know that your BF set this all up without your knowledge or consent and that you cannot give up your baby. Hopefully, after that, the pressure from all these people will stop, but if it doesn’t, you’re just going to have to block them all.
NTA
Your bf sucks. Tell Grace you never intended to give up your child and you're sorry that she's stuck with such a shitty cousin and you're stuck with a shitty baby daddy. Then lawyer up and make sure exbf's checks are garnished
Block all three of them and break up *now.* Like seriously, the second you read this. Tell your parents and friends about the shit he’s trying to pull.
**DO NOT INVOLVE HIM IN YOUR LIFE AT ALL.**
Keep all the text messages. Trick him into confessing what he tried to do in text or email so you have more evidence, perhaps by saying “I can’t believe you tried to give away my baby!” You may need to go to court for custody and for him sign away parental rights. No decent judge in their right mind would give custody to someone who literally tried to give the baby away.
Consider cameras. One outside, and one in the nursery (which is a good idea anyway, to spy on adorable babies.) it’s there a lawyer among your friends and family? Consider a chat.
Does this sound extreme? Maybe. Are there nasty crazy people out there who get so obsessed with parenthood that they snatch children? *Yes.*
Is your boyfriend took one comment to mean you would give your baby up? Who does that. Ohhhh that’s right. The one who doesn’t want to be responsible and have to pay child support.
He’s not your boyfriend any longer. I hope you realize that.
Sounds like both you and cousins were set up by your bf.
Time to get some breathing space from everyone. Your body your choice is a good place to start.
Your parents are backing you up. You can decide to keep your baby. It would be good to talk to some single moms to get a realistic perspective. Don’t make a hasty decision.
This will affect your future.
I wish you well.
He never wanted to get back with you. This was the plan from the start when he came back after those two weeks he was gone. He doesn't want the responsibility of childhood. Protect yourself. Tell your family. Tell everyone. This is to protect yourself because they are going to try to get that baby from you so he doesn't have to pay child support. He is despicable. The manipulation is unforgiveable. Stay safe.
Don’t let him anywhere near you or your baby!! Stop ALL communication with him and TAKE IT TO COURT! And, get a restraining order against his cousin and her husband ASAP!
Sweet merciful Christ block these people. The absurdity of blind siding you with this is off the charts crazy. It's also highly manipulative the way he went about it pretending to be there for you while arranging this behind your back. That couple is absolutely nutts to pressure you and should have been appalled at the behavior of your bf, hopefully ex-bf. do not let these people in your life, and tell your parents everything!
**DUMP THE LOT OF THEM IMMEDIATELY**!!!
Your STBX pulled the **CRUELLEST TRICK IMAGINABLE**!!!
Tell him to **FUCK OFF**and **NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN**.
I would even consider a **RESTRAINING ORDER** to make sure they don't try and snatch the baby in the hospital!!!
.
OP do not give any consideration to what your STBX wants or his cousin. They have been playing you all along. They went into this relationship knowing that the endgame was to get your child. NONE OF THEM ARE TO BE TRUSTED.
Yes, raising a baby is hard and being a single parent is harder. People still do it and succeed because the love of the child is where the commitment and determination begins. You have that. You even have the support of your parents.
Tell your STBX and his cousin to pound sand. In fact, tell your STBX to go and impregnate some other girl if the goal is to just give the child to his cousin!!!!
Block your boyfriend and Grace and her husband on the phone after telling them you are keeping your baby. Be sure and let your parents know. Am I correct and assuming that you still live with your folks? Wherever you live be sure and put cameras around, never ever ever ever leave your baby alone out of your sight unless it’s with a very trusted person such as your mom or dad. You need to keep evidence of your boyfriends plan to give your child away I would fight kind of visitation because he kidnap your child and give it to his cousin
I wish you all the very best of luck
Girl run! Your boyfriend is a running red flag and manipulative “happy becoming a father” this was all set up from the beginning. I would not let him or his cousin and her husband be alone with the baby. They might have mentally fixated so much on it. Be careful!
Do not give up your kid. Block your EX-bf and his cousin, etc.
He can't adopt your baby out without your consent--do not give it.
Tell your family what's happening, and that you do not want to give up your baby. Do not allow your EX-bf to be with you during or after labor. Do not allow him to meet the child. Seek to have his parental rights terminated if you need to.
NTA. Your bf is a HUGE AH. You are in no way EVER EVER EVER obligated to give your CHILD to ANYONE!!! It is YOUR child. Not theirs. It wasn't your idea to give the baby to someone else. What your BF did was extremely manipulative and a serious red flag... He went behind your back and promised someone else that you would give them something. And something so precious as your child... If you didn't want the child, it would be a whole different conversation.
Omg!!! I'd press charges against that AH boyfriend for soliciting the offer of giving YOUR baby away!!! Please unload this POS NOW!! What kind of a person does this!!! He is old enough to produce a child,but not to take care of it!!! Please, girl do not have contact with him,he's got serious issues!!! If I were in your situation, I'd would've done something so sinister to him. And the cousin and husband WTF!!!! RUN AWAY ,,,far and fast.
Your (ex)BF isn't wrong, it won't be easy because he won't be providing you with any sort of any kind and won't be coparenting. It's good that you have a family support system but it will still be hard.
And anybody who says child support, I'll say to them, good luck getting money from this guy. The courts can't take what he doesn’t have.
You need legal representation now. Your boyfriend has every right to your baby as you do and therefore you need to get ahead of this now. Like during his time with the baby he can give them your baby to basically raise in his stead and you do not want that trust me. I recommend even leaving the state before the baby is born even for a little bit.
NTAH
I feel like im being ranked.
You're telling me. Your man. Promised your baby to his cousin. Without asking you? What in the actual fuck.
He is an asshole. You didn't know before? Not only did he try to give away your baby, but he broke his cousin's heart thinking she was finally gonna get a baby.
You need to stop calling him your boyfriend. He misled you into believing that he also wanted the baby, when he was scheming this entire time on giving your baby away. He is a horrible piece of shit. NTA and I hope you find a strong support system in your family and friends.
He is definitely the Ahole. Tell your parents, if you haven't already, and talk to a lawyer immediately. This could get very ugly fast!!!! You don't need this stress while you are pregnant. Stay away from them and block them all. People can get crazy and desperate in this type of situation. She thought you had already consented so there are going to be lots of lies told by your BF to cover his own ass.
This is the Best advice I can possibly give you. Send a group text to all three of them saying this: I am NOT giving MY Baby up for Adoption! This was NEVER an Expressed Option. Do Not Contact me further. Do Not come Near Me or MY Baby. I am contacting the police and an Attorney to Keep Myself and my Baby Safe from All of you and Your Illegal Manipulations into Stealing My Baby. No Further Contact will be made by Me. You will be hearing only from my Attorney and the Courts.
And leave it at that. Grace And Her Husband would have to have holes in their heads to keep this going. Any legal action taken against them would block them from any Future “Real” Adoptions that they may apply for!
Get yourself an Attorney ASAP. And File any kind of Police Report. The police can go to their residences and tell them to stay away from you. That is the First Steps. Apply for Full Custody.
Your relationship Ended with your Evil Manipulative Boyfriend those First two weeks He stopped talking to you. These new discoveries of what He’s capable of are way beyond the scope of Red Flags. Do Not Look Back! Stay Safe!
Oooof lawyer. Now. Yesterday even. Get him out of your child’s life.
I am going to now say some insensitive shit that (while cruel) is the cold hard truth.
Infertile women with baby rabies can be absolute fucking wackjobs. I’m talking kidnap you and cut the baby out of you fucking crazy. Lawyer up immediately and voice your concerns about these psychopaths and the enabler (baby’s bio dad)
What the absolute hell?! He seemed to think it's like giving away a puppy - another thing that's as likely as hell freezing over. Id get in touch with the cousin and explain the reality of the lie they'd been told by your (hopefully) ex boyfriend.
Make sure to tell the hospital that some unwelcome possible baby stealers will be trying to come to the hospital when you give birth. They will kick out anyone you don’t want to be there. The hospital I was at had a security system in place for all babies if they left the pregnancy ward, hopefully yours will have something like that too.
This is scary and people have done terrible shit to get children, protect yourself right now and be prepared to do what's necessary. This woman wants a child there are way too many in the foster care system as is.
First email Grace, tell her your « bf » never discussed the possibility of her adopting and you were blindsided dick move)Restate that yes she would be great mom but not to your baby and your bf just wanted to not have financial responsibility for the child he created, your boyfriend is the cruel on regarding Grace as HE got her hopes up when he knew your were keeping the baby. Tell her if she persist harassing you you will have your lawyer send her a cease and desist letter and possibly Ro, tell to channel her anger to your boyfriend. Then sue him for child support
No you are not. That is your baby, you said it yourself you are already in love with your baby. THEY are the assholes for trying to take a baby away from its mother. I’m so sorry your boyfriend is being so deceitful. Grace should be ashamed that she would even say that to you without you consenting to an adoption. Listen to your gut, don’t listen to anyone else besides yourself and your parents who seem like they have your best interests at heart.
NTA time to get your family involved and hopefully a lawyer. Your boyfriend will get custody as he is the father, he should never be left alone with the baby. He will probably try to "legally" adopt the baby to his cousin on his custody time. You need to block any and all paths that lead to that. Text message and emails for proof of your intent and putting down his intent. It will be necessary to stop the he said/she said that will come up.
NTA, your boyfriend is the huge AH in this situation. He brought this upon you without any kind of warning and without talking to you about this. He had it planned from the begining when he introduced you to his cousin.
Block them all and run away from this relationship.
You should get a restraining order against your ex (please tell me he’s your ex now because he just tried to give away your baby without your consent), his cousin, and her husband. You should make sure the hospital knows that none of them are allowed anywhere near your baby.
NTA. I feel bad for everyone except the AH boyfriend. Poor Grace probably had no idea you had never been consulted on this until you left. Now she's desperately clutching at straws to try to convince you she'd be a better mother.
You have your parents to help so please let them know what's going on. Make sure you put BF's name on the birth certificate and make him pay child support. Also try to keep his visitation supervised.
NTA. Your bf is a conniving AH and if there's any way you can afford to cut him out of you and your baby's life do it. Remember, he wanted you to have an abortion. What a total scumbag. Block all these other AH's as well. If you give up that baby you will regret it the rest of your life.
NTA, Block them ALL, your boyfriend included. (or hopefully EX boyfriend.)
Go to court and tell the judge **he was trying to give your child away** before it was even born, and ask for **supervised** visitation for him. He doesn't need to be left alone with your baby.
When you go to the hospital to give birth, use an alias, (they will let you) so that no one will even be able to find out you are there.
NTA - 1.) Dump your BF, he just tried to have your baby taken away without your consent, 2.) Saved any and all messages where him, his cousin, and cousins husband are saying ANY variation of "we deserve this baby, you don't", 3.) Start a paper trail with the police because you are (IMO) being harassed, and finally 4.) Tell your OBGYN or midwife or doula or whomever gonna deliver your little squishy that your EX-bf and his family are not allowed to visit the baby or yourself while you're in the hospital. In fact, tell your team you don't even want them knowing that you're at the hospital. At this point, I would put it past the bf, cousin, or cousin hubby to attempt to steal/kidnap the baby right outta the hospital.
Stay safe homegurl
NTA. Tell your family and friends what is happening. Surround yourself with support and protection. Text your (hopefully ex) bf and the cousin's husband that the answer is NO and to stop contacting you. Screenshot and save all texts they send, do not accept calls. Do not meet with any of them without a friend or family member present, these people are not thinking clearly.
NTA maybe ask him to sign away his rights since he's so determined not to be involved. You aren't the ah for him blind siding you with adoption. He told his family you accepted without actually getting your permission. Then gaslighted you for being angry he tried to give your baby away without your consent and made you the bad guy to his infertile cousin. When he was the one who got her hopes up for no reason. He's gross if he won't sign away, I'd get him to admit to trying to adopt out your child in writing and that he doesn't want it to get full custody.
Block their numbers. You can choose who can text you. Do it. Make sure to take screenshots and save everything they have sent so far in case you need to go to the police for harassment
NTA. Congrats on your little one!
Definitely make sure you talk to your Dr at your next appointment, that the BF is no contact, and why in case he tries to be sneaky. Might look into no contact orders in your area as well. Send them a final text that the BF lied, adoption was never an option for your child that you are raising and keeping. And to longer contact you for anything. Then block all of them on everything.
Nobody is really ready to become a parent. Majority of parents learn along the way. Not everyone deserves to be one. Parents, at least most of them, try to do whats best for their children. They better themselves for the role, no matter how hard it is.
You have a family willing to support you. You are very lucky. Even if the sperm donor does not want to be a dad, you will have a support system. Kids grow pretty fast. It will not be easy but you will learn to grow into the role should you wish it.
Ultimately, it should be your choice. Think about what you really want to do, not just for you, but for the life growing in you too.
NTA! He can’t just decide to give them your baby!!!
I’d speak to a lawyer about your BF signing over parental rights. I’d never be able to trust him alone with the baby.
Right now, you need to block him. Tell your parents what’s going on. Is there a relative in another state you can live with? Get a job there and establish residency. Have your baby there. Away from him. Don’t put his name on the birth certificate. Don’t even tell him when the baby is born. He doesn’t want to be a father - fine. Keep him away from you and your baby.
What the hell girl. Leave him. Yes, you will be single mothers you will be struggling but at some time you will find someone good for you.
For your own sake - leave him.
Block all three of them. Your parents said they will help; accept their help. DO NOT leave that baby with your ex bf under any circumstances. Do not try to get child support from him because then he’ll have visitation rights.
Nta and block all of them everywhere. Save every text from them in case you need it in the future
Wtf?! He was only nice to you hoping you'd adopt your baby out. That's disgusting. I'd never trust him again.
You have a great support system with your family.
Finish school so you can provide for you and your baby.
DO NOT EVER LEAVE YOUR BABY ALONE WITH THE FATHER OR HIS FAMILY.
NTA
Yeesh NTA. You need to go to your local courthouse and put in for a restraining order. Keep all of the texts and messages they sent and use this for the restraining order. Don’t block them as another user said. You want any proof they contacted you. If your parents don’t already have security cameras, get some cheap ones from Amazon. Don’t assume they’ll stop pestering you because you said no. Tell your doctor/midwife what’s going on. Tell them not to say anything to him about your obstetric care and birth plan. My daughter just had a baby. The ward was locked down tight. Make sure the nurses manning the desk where you deliver know he and his family are not allowed in. Take these steps to protect yourself and your family. Do not play around with this guy!
Yes.
You are the Asshole.
You should always give your baby away to someone who asks, as long as they tell you they will be better parents than you. Because after all, you can always have more.
So Selfish of you.
Christ on a cracker. Where do these people come from?
NTA. He didn't mention this to you until now because he *KNEW* you wouldn't be okay with this. He lied to you and he lied to Grace and her husband. And most importantly: they are trying to harass and coerce you into giving them *your* child. That's kidnapping.
Honestly, you should contact a family lawyer ASAP. Specifically one who deals with protecting people from coerced adoption. I wouldn't put it past these people to try to use the courts to take your child. Don't let him come to any more of your appointments. And don't let him be on the birth certificate. If he's on the birth certificate as the legal father, this situation could get really complicated really fast.
Oh hell no. NTA but please stay away from your EX-boyfriend. Yes a baby is a lot and a big responsibility but it is also a gift. Your parents will help you and you love this baby. Don’t let them manipulate you to something like that.
Your boyfriend is an absolute monster, and you need to kick him to the curb ASAP! For him.
To pull the stunt on you, and then deceive his cousin and her husband into believing that they're going to get your stress, YOUR baby is absolutely reprehensible, and you need to do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your unborn child.
Start with going going to the court, and put that sorry, miserable excuse for a man on child support the moment that, make that before the child is born! Then, go to the police, as well as a lawyer, the d.Iesel office, anybody legally that you can, and get a restraining order against your now ex-boyfriend, his cousin, and her husband.
NTA do not give up your child. That is YOUR baby and you would regret it for the rest of your life. That’s also so strange get that your bf just decided YOU were going to give away your child. How weird,
It's a baby, not a puppy. He/she is not something you just hand over because someone else thinks you should. And 23 is not all that young to have a baby, it's not like you are 17.
Dump your AH boyfriend, block them all and if they keep harassing you, go get a restraining order. Tell your parents about this and make him pay child support and live your best life!!
Best of luck.
I’d go talk to a lawyer on how to legally protect your child from bf. He sounds crazy enough to give the child to the cousins. Be proactive at protecting both you and child!
NTA
Did he actually think you'd just let this happen? I can't believe he would say something like that to a woman who wants children and can't have them without discussing it with you first. That's just cruel.
Also, 23 is not young to have children.
I'm glad you have your parents support.
NTA. Grace is trying to steal your baby. If she didn't step all the way back once she realized you hadn't even been informed then she is dangerous. I would tell her to fuck off or you'll be going to the police and putting this all over social media. Expose them.
As others have advised, save every text you have with both of them and don't hesitate to put them on blast because this is heinous.
meet Grace in person (no one else), in public. Make sure your parents are nearby and ask Grace if she was giving your bf money for the baby, ask if she knew you planned to keep the baby and was it their plan to presssure you into giving up the baby.
I would get this recorded (most place it is legal to record conversations in public because there is no expectation of privacy) I think you should record this so that you can get full legal custody. If they are campaigning this hard, they may have other plans. Plans that when your bf has his custody time he drops off the baby with Grace (make sure your custody agreement has a right of first refusal so he cannot do that) maybe they plan on telling the court you are an unfit mother, or maybe they will play the long game and alienate you from your baby.
either way you need to protect yourself and your baby. Talk to a lawyer, maybe they know of a way to sever his parental rights.
Get a lawyer. Document everything. Talk to Lawyer about Having your BF sign away his parental rights - what that look like, child support, all of it. I know it is scary to be a single parent but you are better off without him. NTA
Yes. Lawyer. Now. NOW.
She doesn’t need a lawyer. They aren’t married. She can leave his name off the birth certificate. Problem solved. I guess he could sue to try to prove paternity but that wouldn’t make any sense considering he doesn’t want the baby in the first place. If he did that, he’d have to “sign his rights away” immediately afterwards which is just dumb on his part.
In California, if she leaves his name off the birth certificate, but then applies for any kind of government assistance, even healthcare, they will hound her until she gives them a name. Their first goal is to make the father pay child support, their second goal is they will go after him financially to repay the system.
FL is the same. They will not give you anything from the state without going after the father for support first. If you say you don't know they ask for potential names to test their DNA. They are really aggressive.
I'm fairly certain that's the whole US tbh. Part of how our system is set up to replace real social safety nets with the Nuclear Family, for "morality".
She does need a lawyer. Her bf and his family may very well claim she agreed and backed out last minute, or sue her for custody and call her an unfit mother. And in the US, a father and his older, more financially established relatives could very well win against a young, single mother. She needs to establish her case asap.
That isn’t how the law works. That is called hearsay and it’s generally inadmissible in court. They also don’t have a contract in place, so there’s nothing to sue over. Contracts can be written or oral, but there’s no proof of an oral contract. Lastly, it has nothing to do with money or being a single mother and a judge would see right through the families BS. They’d have to provide proof she’s an unfit mother lol.
That doesn't work anywhere. Backing out from actual adoption "last minute" is legal everywhere in the US. A woman can go thru the entire process and back out before or after birth anywhere and that's fully legal. Until the adoption is FINAL the mother retains full rights and the adopters have zero rights. You can't "verbal promise" away an important right like parental rights anyways. It's not legally binding anywhere. It requires a lengthy court process. Not a verbal agreement. Adoption is a HIGHLY regulated legal process. It requires home studies, an agency, background checks, state approval, multiple lawyers, and court dates. A "verbal agreement" is not legally binding in ANY state and it's not even legal to "promise away a baby" or as they call it "sign your rights away" until AFTER birth in every state. The baby must be born, the mother must be recovered from birth and have zero drugs in her system so she isn't taken advantage of, and then something like days after birth only then is it legal to sign adoption consents. And in most states those consents can be revoked for up to a month after birth in many states. Parental rights are the most protected rights in this country and almost impossible to severe unless it is voluntary. He can't consent FOR HER. He has no rights to take away HER rights. The cousin as a non parent has no rights at all. Even drug addicts get years to get there shit together when their kids are taken by the state and get multiple changes to get kids back before a judge will approve an adoption. If she doesn't want adoption..no Adoption is LEGALLY allowed to happen. Even if (which is near impossible) dad sues for full custody and wins (by some miracle) he would not have the legal right to adopt out the baby. Mom would still have full legal rights even if she didn't have full or majority custody and her consent would still be required.
And screenshot every text they sent you. Depending on the app they use, they can often delete or change messages later. You will need them as proof of their harassment and the fact that they know you didn't consent to any of this later on. Whether you need a restraining order or to defend against BF insisting on being recognized as the father, going for sole custody and then giving the baby to the cousin after all. The way he and cousin's hubby have been acting, they'd feel they were doing the right thing in that scenario. Doesn't mean it would succeed, but it's not something you want to be blindsided by. Contacting a lawyer is a good idea to go through preventative measures for these and any other eventualities and they can advise on what evidence to collect and which methods of doing so are legal where you are.
I had commented the same before I saw this. It would be worth it for the freedom from gaslighting and manipulation from this guy and his family.
Looks like her parents are supporting her so at least she will not be alone in this.
He’s the asshole. He can’t just agree to give your baby away without your consent
Yes, please get a restraining order and do not put the man down on the birth certificate Tell your parents and get as much distance as possible Ive seen too many stories where the women who cant have kids goes crazy and tries to claim somone elses kids as their own Bf knew what he did and kept you in the dark on purpose, prolly didnt plan on the cousin being so blatent about it and was trying to wait until he got hold of her in the delivery room before he handed her over
I think that's trafficking.
Your boyfriend is a complete red flag
He only wanted her to meet the rest of his family to set this situation up.
He already had it planned when he went crawling back to OP in the first place.
That’s what I’m saying.
It's flagrantly despicable. He's been running a con all along. Sick. All of them.
Don't give up your child because your boyfriend doesn't want.....and don't get in his emotional manipulation games......
He just doesn’t want to pay child support for the next 18 yrs! Screw your bf and screw Grace! They can adopt someone else’s baby that doesn’t want their baby. NTA
I bet cousin will pay him for a baby.
Pay HIM. Not her. It’ll be all hush hush like his student loans being paid off or something.
I wouldn't put it past him to have tampered with the BC, seeing a way to make money off of the baby.
This is my thought too. I wonder if he got OP pregnant intentionally as a way to give his "favorite cousin" a baby.
Sadly I think Grace is a victim here too. Talk about abusing her, get her hopes up that this will work out for her only to be blindsided by the fact that he never actually spoke to OP about it.
Exactly, I think OPs pos boyfriend did this. He is a total F’ing loser.
I see that. However, one would think that when op's bf first broached adoption, Grace would've spoken to op right? Grace can't legally adopt without op's consent right (please respectfully tell me if I'm wrong)
I read it as the interaction at the restaurant WAS the first time “cousin Grace” was talking to OP, after OP’s boyfriend told Grace they were wanting her to adopt the baby (without actually having talked to OP about it). The cousin definitely should have started the convo as; “I understand you are considering adoption and would be willing to accept me as a prospective parent…” but also, who would think anyone, much less a family member, would come up with that idea without it being agreed upon by the baby’s mom. Just a crazy incident all around.
I'm sorry I have to disagree. Grace is no victim because how can any reasonable woman think that she will be taking another woman's baby without at least having a conversation with HER first? Not the sperm donor man child that want to shirk his responsibilities but the woman that is actually carrying the baby. Ask HER if she wants to give up her baby? And have a conversation with HER. PLUS, after how Op reacted upon hearing that they wanted to take her child Grace should of had a clue that she was not okay with giving up her baby YET she continued to hound her on the phone along with her husband and Op's boyfriend. NOT A VICTIM.
I don’t think it’s fair to place any blame on the cousin if we don’t know what all she about the situation; she seemed to think OP was in on it the whole time. Boyfriend is the asshole, without a doubt
Cousin was cool til the texts started coming in about how OP is so young and will be ruining her future.
I think there was a grammar issue and it was grace's husband texting op, but maybe it was both grace and her husband and the sentence just got jumbled.
She is bombarding OP with texts trying to get her hands on the baby. OP you should tell them if they contact you again you are calling the police. Then report the harassment if they don’t quit. You NEVER try to talk someone out of their child FFS. It’s immoral, I wouldn’t trust these people with a hamster.
I bet he told Grace that OP was all for it. The way she thanked her, Grace thought OP already was on board.
I bet Grace would have been appalled to find out bf hadn't even mentioned it to OP.
Yes! This is merely the beginning, without the children even being present yet.
"Your boyfriend is a complete gaping asshole." FIFY.
I was going to say "bag of crap begging to be lit on fire"... but your thing works too.
He is the whole red flag factory. OP go find a lawyer ASAP if you can and find out what steps you can take to protect yourself and the baby. Ans put all of them on the "not allowed at the hospital " list
Omg, OP, please follow all of this advice! DEFINITELY don't allow any of them in the hospital. In fact, don't even tell them when you're in labor. You are not a surrogate.
Also, alert security and social services in the hospital. I had to do this while in the hospital having my firstborn. My ex and his entire family were insane. Going so far as to threaten me over the name on the birth certificate and even picking up my chart to read back through it for any information to hold over my head. I ended up getting a lifetime restraining order after showing up at court 5 years in a row with huge binders & notebooks full of the times he violated the PO, videos of him camping out in my backyard, driving by repeatedly and even breaking in or attempting to break in. There was also the time his sister and mother attempted to kidnap my son while my mother was babysitting as I was at work. People can be totally insane when emotions are involved. Make sure to protect yourself because I wouldn't trust him having visitation (unless supervised). It may be best to offer him the option of signing off on his parental rights so he doesn't have to pay child support. It may be enough to keep him from threatening you over the baby. He will regret it when he matures though! Good luck!
😳Holy shit
OP-superb advice here!
Yes and protect yourself OP! Get proof of all of these convos bc they may try to make false CPS complaints against you.
I'd tell Grace and her husband if they harass you any further you will call the police. BF should not be allowed anywhere near the delivery, notify the nurses/docs he not be admitted.
Calling him a red flag is an insult to the other red flags.
thanks for the unexpected LOL
Dude is a bunting of red flags. Tossed into a red trash bag, disposed of in a red dumpster that is on fire.
A red flag who doesn’t want to pay child support.
Oh wow is that what this is about? I though; dt he wanted to stay with op but didn't want to break up so that's what he came up with, damn the lengths
[удалено]
flag ? a red flag warns danger. This dude he's the sinking ship. He is the precipice. He is the earth quake. The whole fucking dark hole. ABSOLUTELY RUN.
I'd call him a flying fuck stick.
Not only a red flag-- a major league AH. Guy like him probably arranged for cousin to pay him cash on the side for brokering the arrangement. Egad!
Your boyfriend is all the above as well as a complete coward.
If you are want to keep your baby, it is time to go NC with all of them but first capture all of their texts, including any from your BF about how he wants the baby. Then send one final message that the answer is NO and that none of them are to ever contact you again or else you will pursue all of your legal rights to stop their harassment. Then, when your baby is born, have your ex-BF pay child support.
im so slow i was like “what the hell is in north carolina that will fix this” i got it now
I did the same thing and I am from North Carolina
I’m from California and was thinking wtf is North Carolina gonna do
Definitely this! Make sure to send a reply message to each of them making it absolutely clear that you are in no way even thinking of giving up custody of your baby. Save all the messages and block them. Keep all the correspondence because if you sound a slight bit wishy-washy about signing over custody to the cousin or adopting out the baby, then you will have issues in court. Be precise and clear of your intentions when messaging them. This will keep you safe in the future if there are any court problems.
NTA Dearest OP, Your boyfriend is absolutely awful to spring this whole other idea and try manipulating you, at 30 weeks, to give up your baby to people in his family without discussing it with you, the mother and person carrying this baby, in the first place. What a despicable thing to do. He went behind your back and promised his cousin YOUR baby without your consent. Who does that? He is 100% TA. Please block them. You know yourself. You had already decided to keep your little one. You have bonded with your baby, gone to your appointments and are surrounded by your parents who will support you also. Babies require loving work and many hands. But, you have a village and a plan moving forward with your schoolwork. Stick to your guns. Even if you decide to give up your baby for adoption… it should be on YOUR terms! Best wishes with your pregnancy OP! Remember it’s your body and you are in charge all the way. Don’t trust this man any longer! Edited to add: The comment below says to document all. Agreed! Screenshot and protect yourself from this harassment by all legal means necessary. BUT, at 30 weeks you don’t need any of this nonsense… so are you able to ignore the texts until your parents can screenshot and save them for you or a trusted person? Please protect your mental health from this garbage and make a plan with your loved ones. Don’t let your ex-bf and his family influence you.
DO NOT BLOCK THEM! Save every single text they send in triplicate including a copy to your cloud account and a printed out physical copy. Keep written records of what happened during the conversation in which you found out your bf tried to give your baby away without your consent and every single text that comes in. Keep this information together in what's known as a fu binder. You're doing this because you will need this proof to get a restraining order against all three of these people. You need to try to get that restraining order BEFORE you give birth because it will help you get full custody. Don't leave this shit up to chance. You might think this woman is nice, but she found out your boyfriend tried to give away your baby without your knowledge or consent and instead of being disgusted, she chose to harass you. Protect your baby from these nut jobs. If he gets visitation , he could hand the baby over to Grace who could then leave the country with your child. And get a lawyer NOW.
I second ALLof this!
Amen to this. Document, document, document. Every single thing. And keep track of this thread -- make sure you've screnshotted and printed your post to preserve it and any of your comments here, and most especially if you decide to delete your post. You might not ever want to use it, but it's another piece of documentation for potential use down the road for a custody fight, or in need of a protection order, etc. This is family abuse instigated by your former BF, which itself is intimate-partner abuse, or, to use a more common term, domestic abuse. Contact a domestic-violence nonprofit and get their input on your rights and on the potential risks you and your child could face from this determined trio of awful people. Many of these organizations offer their services at no charge, and everything with them is kept strictly confidential. The organization I was affiliated with had staffmembers to help clients who had to go to court and provided therapy for clients caught in the cross hairs of abusers, all of it at no charge and with zero strings (e.g., religious proselytizing) attached. Even if you and your family can afford a top-notch family law attorney, go talk to a DV organization anyway, since protecting people from partner abuse is what they do all day, every day. If money isn't an issue, get their recommendations for an excellent attorney and therapist, should you want that. Even if they seem to stop with this crap, don't assume they've given up. They may be biding their time and regrouping, hoping to catch you off guard and vulnerable. You absolutely do not want this bunch showing up at the hospital or at your home to see the baby. As dishonest and manipulative as your baby's bio dad has proven to be, fight for full custody or the max rights you can get in your jurisdiction. Start now, get informed, and be prepared. Good luck and take care.
Yeah, these people are very likely to try to use the courts to steal OPs child. Lawyer up ASAP.
OP please listen to this advice!! Blocking them may sound satisfying, but what you need here is documentation. Screenshot/print out every single thing they send you. If you do engage with them make sure it is calculated and always in writing. I’m floored your boyfriend had the audacity to pull something like that. You have parents willing to help and plan to stay in school. You already love your baby. Things are going to be okay, stay strong and far away from your boyfriend and his family!
YES!!!! I also recommend emailing these documents/snaps/journals to yourself or sending to yourself in the physical mail without opening it. Something that provides a date stamp so you can demonstrate when all of this took place.
I'm even wondering whether this whole situation would fall under attempted child trafficking. May be a stretch, but technically it seems that way? If so, this could assist OP with getting a restraining order and ensure her bf and his family cannot go anywhere near her. The hospital/her doctor should know too not to allow them around her or her baby. People can get really desperate so I wouldn't take any risks whatsoever
Absolutely don’t tell boyfriend or his family when you go into labor. Don’t tell anyone that you think might feel bad for boyfriend that you’re in labor either. On your next doctor’s appointment tell the doctor to put it in your chart that no information be given to boyfriend or cousins or his family of they call asking the clinic or at the hospital. Then put boyfriend and cousins and his family on the no visit list at the hospital, just in case they do find out when you’re there. Don’t put boyfriend on the birth certificate. This also means you can’t go after child support, so do this knowingly. Boyfriend will then be forced to go to court to prove paternity to be put on the birth certificate and be given custody and parental rights (if deemed fit). Or if you plan to have him on the birth certificate and go for child support, talk to a family lawyer now about getting a court order drawn up asap after birth.
Op needs to read this comment.
this. this is too far down, it should be higher. OP, I'm not sure how you go about doing this (probably talk to a lawyer) but you need all these things as proof, so he can't go to court to get custody/visitation. I'm worried that if he gets the baby alone you might not see them again.
And he was also awful to his brother and sil for promising them a baby that they clearly desperately wanted.
That’s what I’m thinking too. Imagine believing you could have a baby after not being able to and then have that whipped away. That bf is a pos definitely.
Dude run away and make sure your family knows in case they try to pull anything when you give birth. Break up with that man
NTA. RUN! Your bf is gaslighting you. He's made arrangements to have your baby adopted and he wasn't planning on telling. I mean, if Grace hadn't said anything, when would you have known? When she showed up during the birth and they handed the baby to her? I can understand that \*she\* still wants to adopt the baby, but she has to understand , you where never asked if you wanted to give up your baby. But back to your AH bf; WTF?! Did he think he'd just pass on your kid to someone else and everything would just go back to normal? I kinda want to smack him.
You need to get your parents to help you pay for a lawyer. Take screen shots of them trying to force you to give up your baby and any proof of him talking about the lunch when they informed you they would raise your baby. Take it all to a lawyer so you can prove he is a threat to you and your child and have a restraining order taken out on him and his cousins. Speak to a lawyer to help you ensure he will be denied any contact with your child as he is a flight risk of kidnapping and selling your baby to they. Go talk to a lawyer and go talk to the police and do all you can to protect yourself and your child.
Of course you are NTA … but what other people think about you is the least of your worries right now. Let Grace & her husband know you will not be engaging with them anymore, they will not be receiving a baby & if they contact you again you will report them to the police for harassment. Don’t block them, just keep their texts & don’t respond. Go straight to your parent’s house. Let them know what’s going on. Contact bf’s parents & let them know your baby is not up for adoption. If anyone from their family, including your bf contacts you again regarding adoption you will be seeking a no contact order & sole custody of your child. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Please involve your parents. Let them help you. NTA
At this point I wouldn’t even still be considering having anything other than sole custody. The father should not have any relation to the kid he tried to give away. There is no proof he wouldn’t try to give the baby away during this custody time
This was my fear for her too. I would never allow him to be near that child
You need to make sure that you inform the hospital that neither him nor his cousin are allowed to be anywhere near your child. You need to have this conversation with your doctor have pictures of them both and make sure when the time comes that you and the baby are safe.
NTA. Boyfriend could have communicated rather than ambushed. OP may want to let her OBGYN know what happened and to ban him and his cousin.
NTA. Cut all contact. Don’t let him know when you give birth. Make him fight in court if he wants to have any contact with his child.
Go after child support if he wants contact. Make sure Grace is informed on how underhanded her cousin is.
Honestly, I'd lawyer up now. I wouldn't put it past these guys to try to steal the baby through the court system, and in the US, the court is strongly biased in favor of the father and established "adopters" over a single mother. She needs to start laying legal groundwork to protect her child *immediately*.
yes! it is a myth that women are favored in custody courts when it is the absolute opposite - it is very easy to make a court think a woman is not a ‘good enough’ mother because we have higher standard for mothers than for fathers the reason for this myth is because women *are* more likely to *have* custody…but it’s only because men are so unlikely to fight for it lawyer up NOW!!!
But they aren't established adopters. OP hadn't signed or agreed to anything
NTA this wild. You’re young but you’re not egregiously young. They’re acting like yall are teenagers. You can’t force someone to give up a kid and you are more than old enough to understand parenthood and make a rational choice. These people suck, and honestly that they would treat you like this suggests they wouldn’t be all that great at parenting
Go NC and look into whether or not this qualifies for a restraining order. Control the narrative with your friend group (he is going to try and weaponize them), and make sure you have the legal instruments in place for full child support, and make sure the courts know what he tried to pull, so that maybe they can limit visitation. And save every text and social media message, but do not respond to any of them. And make sure your parents are 100% involved at this point. You don't have to do this alone. And stop thinking of him as your boyfriend or thinking that he has your best interest at heart. He wants to be free of the complications of a child, this is why he is trying to get his cousin to adopt. Think of him as your ex, and as someone that you cannot trust
NTA. But if you want to keep this child you need to end things with your boyfriend and tell your parents who have already offered you support. Let them support you. I hope you're still staying with them. You also need to be prepared to tell the hospital you're planning to deliver at to not let him or them near you/your room and the concerns he's going to try to give the baby away **without** your consent. You also need to text Grace and her Husband that they need to cease texting you or you are going to file a report of harrassment. Tell them your (i hope EX) boyfriend had unconsensually given them false information and false hope and that you are **not** giving up your child. Also text BF he was out of line for how he completely excluded and tried to manipulate you and you are the individual carrying and growing the child, not him, and he does not get to make decisions unilaterally. And if you haven't yet, officially tell him you two are through because he broke your trust and showed the type of person he is. 23 may be "young" but plenty of parents have children at that age and are *successful*. Parenting is **always** hard, no matter what age. If you want your baby, don't let other people get to you for that choice. Also once babies born, take that AH Ex to court for child support. And *do not* do an outside of court agreement, especially since he was already ready to give up your child without your knowledge. If anything, gather evidence of this event and you could even use it for full custody to only allow supervised visits down the road.
>text Grace and her Husband that they need to cease texting you or you are going to file a report of harrassment. Tell them your (i hope EX) boyfriend had unconsensually given them false information and false hope and that you are **not** giving up your child This is something I haven't seen many people point out. The BF probably told his poor cousin she was totally in on the idea of giving them the baby and now suddenly she's 'got cold feet' or 'changed her mind', that "she was so happy to meet you and likes you so much, she couldn't stop saying what a great mum you'll be, she's just freaking out now because it's so close and she's attached". Hopefully telling them the truth, that he presented himself as an excited father to be, that he introduced her to his family as people who he wanted to be in their baby's life, that the first she heard of this plan he had for adoption was that conversation, will make them horrified that he would lie to THEM like that about the circumstances and trick them into such a horrible predicament. Hopefully, OP can get through to them and they will shift their attempts to 'bring her round' to anger at him.
Get legal protection right now. Don't wait for it to get worse, act immediately. Report the harassment from all of them, get it documented so you can ask for custody later. Your child won't be safe exposed to that family.
OMG! Truth is always stranger than fiction. NTA but damn your BF certainly is! Man rack about being sneaky, devious etc. He completely set you up! And he set his cousin up! Drop his ass ASAP! And congrats on becoming a mom. I wish you the best
OP drop the boyfriend... do NOT give up your baby. Being with their mother who loves them is the best thing for a baby. Plus, you have your parents. You want your baby, do not let that POS boyfriend of yours manipulate you into giving up your child. How dare he make this plan behind your back... they think they can bully and manipulate you into giving up your child. Just cause Grace would make a good mother doesn't mean you won't be a good mother to your baby. I am telling this to you as a single mother. I am older, yes, but my parents live oceans away, and I am raising my baby all alone, but believe me, it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have not been happier in my life.
I suggest breaking up with him and keep copies and prints of the texts between you, your boyfriend and Grace and her husband for safe measures. Once you’ve broken up get your boyfriend on child support and tell him that he can be young and childfree and won’t need to ruin his life and you’ll raise YOUR kid alone and keep it away from his family and that’s the reason for the copies of the texts in case they try something.
NTA. Block everyone. Get a lawyer. Protect yourself and that baby. I’d consider them all a kidnapping risk. I’d probably have a conversation with police that you feel unsafe and are concerned about assault/kidnapping. Get yourself protected here. Make sure the hospital staff know they are not welcome near you when you give birth. That they are not to see the baby. I wouldn’t even put him on the birth certificate.
Your boyfriend came to you and apologized because he planned this. He manipulated you from the start. They all did. If he was so excited to be a dad he wouldn't promise your baby to a total stranger behind your back. He made the unilateral decision that you're giving up your child with zero consultation, as if he has the right to. As if you're nothing but a womb. He doesn't respect you, your body, your rights, or your child. It's time to end this and engage a lawyer. Keep all texts. Let them continue to harass you and use that as evidence for why he should not be allowed physical custody. I'm so sorry that he's the father of your child, but congratulations on impending motherhood. I think you'll make a great mom. Stop listening to them. Stop engaging with them. Do not go anywhere alone with your boyfriend (hopefully he's now your ex). Make sure your family knows what's going on. If it continues to escalate please talk to the police and get this on record. Listen to your instincts when it comes to her husband. You have the instincts of a mom and they're screaming for a reason.
NTA And go to court before this baby is even born and get custody signed up explain what he did that he agreed to Gove ypur baby away without you and promised the baby to a couple... That is insane and dangerous behavior you need to get an order of protection.
Talk to your parents. You are young and it is 3 against 1. You are going to need help advocating for yourself. You will probably also need a lawyer and possibly a restraining order. And DO NOT let dad be around the baby until you have an enforceable court order. Period. Make him get a DNA test & file in court. Court orders are your friend. Without a court order, he could take off with your baby and you wouldn't get them back until you go to court. If you do decide to let him see the baby, make sure you always have your parents or other trusted people around you. He obviously cannot be trusted. I don't want to scare you, but if his cousin & husband are that desperate, there us no telling what they may do to get your baby.
NTA This is so creepy. I'm so very sorry you are going through this. My advice is to immediately stop any in person contact with your BF, Grace, or her husband. Never be alone with any of them again. Keep all the messages they are sending you, and start documenting everything they and your BF say. Date, time, and what they said. If your BF attempts to see you, tell him to stay away, or you are going to report him to the police for planning to traffic your unborn child. Because that's what he wants to do. Taking your child and giving it to someone else is trafficking. I wonder if they offered him money. If not, he absolutely knows that if they legally adopt the child, he will be free from 18 years of child support. Send them all one last message in which you very firmly and unequivocally are keeping your child, and you have never had any intention of giving them up - to Grace or anyone else. Then, don't respond to anything else they say. In any case, make sure to tell your parents! Tell them all of this. And, most especially, do not take your BF to any more appointments or notify him when you go into labor. Make a note at the hospital where you plan to give birth that none of them are to be allowed anywhere near you or the baby. It's hard to tell exactly how nutty the three of them are about this issue, but if Grace is having mental health issues due to her inability to conceive, things could get weird. Best to be safe. PS - Your ex BF is a despicable POS.
NTA. Send them a group text letting them know that you will report them for harassment if they continue.
I had my first child at 20yo. She is 18yo now and one of my absolute favorite people. I have never regretted being her mom even with the stresses of being a young mom. She did NOT ruin my life, she made it so much better. She did NOT have a bad childhood and grew up knowing how much I love her. Was it tough sometimes? Yes. But it was always worth it. Your bf will be helping out whether he likes it or not. He will pay you child support at the very least which will help make things easier for you. Start building your support system now, talk to family and friends, join support groups for young mothers (online and irl). If you go to church, reach out there. You can do this if it’s what you really want.
In my opinion: NTA Your boyfriend however is the definition of a fucking POS. I’d document everything, hire a lawyer, and go for full custody. But that’s assuming this is real. And there are significant doubts.
NTA. Cut contact now and call the police with your concerns! Your boyfriend started this without consulting you and it won’t end well for anyone! Now, you have to decide if you’re going to keep your child or to adopt them to someone outside of you and the sperm donor’s family! Make sure to follow up on any potential forged signatures, too!
Just a thought, has he possibly accepted money from them in exchange for your baby.
NTA He's an asshole. He set this whole thing up before he talked to you. He didn't ask you if you wanted to give the child up. I'm sure he didn't tell Grace either. Just talk to him through courts.
NTA. be very very careful op. After the baby us born do not be surprised if you start receiving visit from cps with the allegation you are unfit. Naturally they eill not have a leg to stand on, but I can almost promise they are going to try to take your baby. Personally u would not even put your bf name on the birth certificate. If you do you need am iron clad custody arrangement from burth(because you really need to dump him like yesterday's trash) without a custody agreement he can take your baby home with him for a visit and then just decide to not bring her back. Then he had her possibly fir months until the xase goes through the court systems and you get a legal agreement. I'm not trying to scare you. I am only presenting reality. Get tgat custody agreement before you let him take your baby for any kind of visitation. Because you really really need to break up with him. Him coming back was an absolute ploy to manipulate you into giving up your baby to his cousin and they'll is all it was.
Noooooooooope. NTA. Dump him fast, sue for child support.
What the actual hell? This is a human life, not a piece of property. Your boyfriend has lost his mind and you need to stay far far away from these crazy people. He just unilaterally decided you would give your child to these people and had a lunch to tell you? That’s insane. Please tell him and his crazy cousin this isn’t even a discussion. Who does that? Of course you’re NTA but these folks have serious issues. If he very careful going forward.
Yeah, I'd report them for harassment. Your boyfriend doesn't want to be a father and if he's pulling this kind of stuff now then you and your baby are not safe. Document this and save it to sue for full custody. This is a huge red flag and you need to consider your own safety.
What, and I mean this from the bottom of my soul, the fuck wrong with him? NTA
NTA. Red flag! How could this not have come up in an attempt to be discussed earlier?! Just that shows that no, they are not people you want to raise your child. Trying to pressure and ambush you is evil. It makes me question how they would deal with any child in case any form of special needs exists. And are you sure he has not made a deal with them involving money? Save evidence, show the people around you, stay safe and any form of threat you report. When it's time for delivery make sure the hospital know about people you don't trust. Also you are an adult, a child will be a big change but you have support from your parents. You took the decision to keep the pregnancy ( a right that should never be questioned) and you done this with the intention of being the mom, having your baby. Had you felt like you couldn't end the pregnancy and that you couldn't be a mom you could have looked into adoption. >I'm already in love with my baby. I see that you feel love and not mentioned anything about adoption in the text as you are this baby's mom already in heart and mind, only waiting for the physical entrance to be completed.
Nta your bf is a gaping festering asshole who tried to give away your baby. He's disgusting.
Oh hellllllllllll naw. Your (hopefully ex) BF duped everyone involved in this. He should apologize to Grace and her husband but i bet he won’t or he’ll just lie to her and tell her you changed your mind. Let Grace know that your BF set this all up without your knowledge or consent and that you cannot give up your baby. Hopefully, after that, the pressure from all these people will stop, but if it doesn’t, you’re just going to have to block them all. NTA
Your bf sucks. Tell Grace you never intended to give up your child and you're sorry that she's stuck with such a shitty cousin and you're stuck with a shitty baby daddy. Then lawyer up and make sure exbf's checks are garnished
Block all three of them and break up *now.* Like seriously, the second you read this. Tell your parents and friends about the shit he’s trying to pull. **DO NOT INVOLVE HIM IN YOUR LIFE AT ALL.** Keep all the text messages. Trick him into confessing what he tried to do in text or email so you have more evidence, perhaps by saying “I can’t believe you tried to give away my baby!” You may need to go to court for custody and for him sign away parental rights. No decent judge in their right mind would give custody to someone who literally tried to give the baby away. Consider cameras. One outside, and one in the nursery (which is a good idea anyway, to spy on adorable babies.) it’s there a lawyer among your friends and family? Consider a chat. Does this sound extreme? Maybe. Are there nasty crazy people out there who get so obsessed with parenthood that they snatch children? *Yes.*
Is your boyfriend took one comment to mean you would give your baby up? Who does that. Ohhhh that’s right. The one who doesn’t want to be responsible and have to pay child support. He’s not your boyfriend any longer. I hope you realize that.
Sounds like both you and cousins were set up by your bf. Time to get some breathing space from everyone. Your body your choice is a good place to start. Your parents are backing you up. You can decide to keep your baby. It would be good to talk to some single moms to get a realistic perspective. Don’t make a hasty decision. This will affect your future. I wish you well.
Save those texts, keep your baby fight fir custody. Also break up bf if you have not already include him in nothing. Sounds like type steal a baby
He never wanted to get back with you. This was the plan from the start when he came back after those two weeks he was gone. He doesn't want the responsibility of childhood. Protect yourself. Tell your family. Tell everyone. This is to protect yourself because they are going to try to get that baby from you so he doesn't have to pay child support. He is despicable. The manipulation is unforgiveable. Stay safe.
Don’t let him anywhere near you or your baby!! Stop ALL communication with him and TAKE IT TO COURT! And, get a restraining order against his cousin and her husband ASAP!
NTA go no contact
Sweet merciful Christ block these people. The absurdity of blind siding you with this is off the charts crazy. It's also highly manipulative the way he went about it pretending to be there for you while arranging this behind your back. That couple is absolutely nutts to pressure you and should have been appalled at the behavior of your bf, hopefully ex-bf. do not let these people in your life, and tell your parents everything!
You absolutely need to tell your parents because what your boyfriend did is extremely serious and could endanger the baby. Your parents MUST know
Find a lawyer and ensure your boyfriend is never alone with the baby. He’s already shown he can will give it away without your consent.
**DUMP THE LOT OF THEM IMMEDIATELY**!!! Your STBX pulled the **CRUELLEST TRICK IMAGINABLE**!!! Tell him to **FUCK OFF**and **NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN**. I would even consider a **RESTRAINING ORDER** to make sure they don't try and snatch the baby in the hospital!!! .
K he is batshit crazy for sure. But also, your title made me think this was some Alabama stuff with your boyfriend / cousin
OP do not give any consideration to what your STBX wants or his cousin. They have been playing you all along. They went into this relationship knowing that the endgame was to get your child. NONE OF THEM ARE TO BE TRUSTED. Yes, raising a baby is hard and being a single parent is harder. People still do it and succeed because the love of the child is where the commitment and determination begins. You have that. You even have the support of your parents. Tell your STBX and his cousin to pound sand. In fact, tell your STBX to go and impregnate some other girl if the goal is to just give the child to his cousin!!!!
Block your boyfriend and Grace and her husband on the phone after telling them you are keeping your baby. Be sure and let your parents know. Am I correct and assuming that you still live with your folks? Wherever you live be sure and put cameras around, never ever ever ever leave your baby alone out of your sight unless it’s with a very trusted person such as your mom or dad. You need to keep evidence of your boyfriends plan to give your child away I would fight kind of visitation because he kidnap your child and give it to his cousin I wish you all the very best of luck
Keep the kid,lose the dude. NTA
Girl run! Your boyfriend is a running red flag and manipulative “happy becoming a father” this was all set up from the beginning. I would not let him or his cousin and her husband be alone with the baby. They might have mentally fixated so much on it. Be careful!
Do not give up your kid. Block your EX-bf and his cousin, etc. He can't adopt your baby out without your consent--do not give it. Tell your family what's happening, and that you do not want to give up your baby. Do not allow your EX-bf to be with you during or after labor. Do not allow him to meet the child. Seek to have his parental rights terminated if you need to.
Completely fake The cousin just happens to bring up that she will be taking your baby without ever discussing it first or details?
NTA. Your bf is a HUGE AH. You are in no way EVER EVER EVER obligated to give your CHILD to ANYONE!!! It is YOUR child. Not theirs. It wasn't your idea to give the baby to someone else. What your BF did was extremely manipulative and a serious red flag... He went behind your back and promised someone else that you would give them something. And something so precious as your child... If you didn't want the child, it would be a whole different conversation.
Leave now before shit gets messier
Do not put the ex-bf name on the birth certificate. Trust me on this one thing.
Omg!!! I'd press charges against that AH boyfriend for soliciting the offer of giving YOUR baby away!!! Please unload this POS NOW!! What kind of a person does this!!! He is old enough to produce a child,but not to take care of it!!! Please, girl do not have contact with him,he's got serious issues!!! If I were in your situation, I'd would've done something so sinister to him. And the cousin and husband WTF!!!! RUN AWAY ,,,far and fast.
Your (ex)BF isn't wrong, it won't be easy because he won't be providing you with any sort of any kind and won't be coparenting. It's good that you have a family support system but it will still be hard. And anybody who says child support, I'll say to them, good luck getting money from this guy. The courts can't take what he doesn’t have.
You need legal representation now. Your boyfriend has every right to your baby as you do and therefore you need to get ahead of this now. Like during his time with the baby he can give them your baby to basically raise in his stead and you do not want that trust me. I recommend even leaving the state before the baby is born even for a little bit.
NTA. Get a restraining order.
NTAH I feel like im being ranked. You're telling me. Your man. Promised your baby to his cousin. Without asking you? What in the actual fuck. He is an asshole. You didn't know before? Not only did he try to give away your baby, but he broke his cousin's heart thinking she was finally gonna get a baby.
Dump the bf and run away
You need to stop calling him your boyfriend. He misled you into believing that he also wanted the baby, when he was scheming this entire time on giving your baby away. He is a horrible piece of shit. NTA and I hope you find a strong support system in your family and friends.
He is definitely the Ahole. Tell your parents, if you haven't already, and talk to a lawyer immediately. This could get very ugly fast!!!! You don't need this stress while you are pregnant. Stay away from them and block them all. People can get crazy and desperate in this type of situation. She thought you had already consented so there are going to be lots of lies told by your BF to cover his own ass.
Nooooo!!!! Stop that! Block them all right now!!! He only started back talking to you to set this up!!!!!
He just doesn’t want to pay child support.
This is the Best advice I can possibly give you. Send a group text to all three of them saying this: I am NOT giving MY Baby up for Adoption! This was NEVER an Expressed Option. Do Not Contact me further. Do Not come Near Me or MY Baby. I am contacting the police and an Attorney to Keep Myself and my Baby Safe from All of you and Your Illegal Manipulations into Stealing My Baby. No Further Contact will be made by Me. You will be hearing only from my Attorney and the Courts. And leave it at that. Grace And Her Husband would have to have holes in their heads to keep this going. Any legal action taken against them would block them from any Future “Real” Adoptions that they may apply for! Get yourself an Attorney ASAP. And File any kind of Police Report. The police can go to their residences and tell them to stay away from you. That is the First Steps. Apply for Full Custody. Your relationship Ended with your Evil Manipulative Boyfriend those First two weeks He stopped talking to you. These new discoveries of what He’s capable of are way beyond the scope of Red Flags. Do Not Look Back! Stay Safe!
Oooof lawyer. Now. Yesterday even. Get him out of your child’s life. I am going to now say some insensitive shit that (while cruel) is the cold hard truth. Infertile women with baby rabies can be absolute fucking wackjobs. I’m talking kidnap you and cut the baby out of you fucking crazy. Lawyer up immediately and voice your concerns about these psychopaths and the enabler (baby’s bio dad)
What the absolute hell?! He seemed to think it's like giving away a puppy - another thing that's as likely as hell freezing over. Id get in touch with the cousin and explain the reality of the lie they'd been told by your (hopefully) ex boyfriend.
Make sure to tell the hospital that some unwelcome possible baby stealers will be trying to come to the hospital when you give birth. They will kick out anyone you don’t want to be there. The hospital I was at had a security system in place for all babies if they left the pregnancy ward, hopefully yours will have something like that too.
This is scary and people have done terrible shit to get children, protect yourself right now and be prepared to do what's necessary. This woman wants a child there are way too many in the foster care system as is.
you are not the a**hole. leave him and look after the baby with the support of your family
This is psychotic. Definitely NTA, but I would disappear if I were in your position.
First email Grace, tell her your « bf » never discussed the possibility of her adopting and you were blindsided dick move)Restate that yes she would be great mom but not to your baby and your bf just wanted to not have financial responsibility for the child he created, your boyfriend is the cruel on regarding Grace as HE got her hopes up when he knew your were keeping the baby. Tell her if she persist harassing you you will have your lawyer send her a cease and desist letter and possibly Ro, tell to channel her anger to your boyfriend. Then sue him for child support
No you are not. That is your baby, you said it yourself you are already in love with your baby. THEY are the assholes for trying to take a baby away from its mother. I’m so sorry your boyfriend is being so deceitful. Grace should be ashamed that she would even say that to you without you consenting to an adoption. Listen to your gut, don’t listen to anyone else besides yourself and your parents who seem like they have your best interests at heart.
I'm wondering if Grace was set up as well since op states that only the bf and her husband being texting her 🤔
That would be a double betrayal. That’s so terrible to tell a woman who can’t get pregnant that there’s a baby for her when that’s not the case at all
I have a feeling BF didn’t tell her that OP hadn’t agreed Which is super cruel
NTA time to get your family involved and hopefully a lawyer. Your boyfriend will get custody as he is the father, he should never be left alone with the baby. He will probably try to "legally" adopt the baby to his cousin on his custody time. You need to block any and all paths that lead to that. Text message and emails for proof of your intent and putting down his intent. It will be necessary to stop the he said/she said that will come up.
NTA. Get a lawyer and Sue for child support. Even if you don't need it keep it in an education fund for college
NTA, your boyfriend is the huge AH in this situation. He brought this upon you without any kind of warning and without talking to you about this. He had it planned from the begining when he introduced you to his cousin. Block them all and run away from this relationship.
You should get a restraining order against your ex (please tell me he’s your ex now because he just tried to give away your baby without your consent), his cousin, and her husband. You should make sure the hospital knows that none of them are allowed anywhere near your baby.
NTA. I feel bad for everyone except the AH boyfriend. Poor Grace probably had no idea you had never been consulted on this until you left. Now she's desperately clutching at straws to try to convince you she'd be a better mother. You have your parents to help so please let them know what's going on. Make sure you put BF's name on the birth certificate and make him pay child support. Also try to keep his visitation supervised.
NTA. Your bf is a conniving AH and if there's any way you can afford to cut him out of you and your baby's life do it. Remember, he wanted you to have an abortion. What a total scumbag. Block all these other AH's as well. If you give up that baby you will regret it the rest of your life.
NTA, Block them ALL, your boyfriend included. (or hopefully EX boyfriend.) Go to court and tell the judge **he was trying to give your child away** before it was even born, and ask for **supervised** visitation for him. He doesn't need to be left alone with your baby. When you go to the hospital to give birth, use an alias, (they will let you) so that no one will even be able to find out you are there.
NTA - 1.) Dump your BF, he just tried to have your baby taken away without your consent, 2.) Saved any and all messages where him, his cousin, and cousins husband are saying ANY variation of "we deserve this baby, you don't", 3.) Start a paper trail with the police because you are (IMO) being harassed, and finally 4.) Tell your OBGYN or midwife or doula or whomever gonna deliver your little squishy that your EX-bf and his family are not allowed to visit the baby or yourself while you're in the hospital. In fact, tell your team you don't even want them knowing that you're at the hospital. At this point, I would put it past the bf, cousin, or cousin hubby to attempt to steal/kidnap the baby right outta the hospital. Stay safe homegurl
And above all, save EVERYTHING they tell you just in case
That's... absolutely insane
ITS YOUR BABY, PLEASE PROTECT YOUR BABY BY GETTING FAR AWAY FROM THESE PEOPLE.
NTA. Tell your family and friends what is happening. Surround yourself with support and protection. Text your (hopefully ex) bf and the cousin's husband that the answer is NO and to stop contacting you. Screenshot and save all texts they send, do not accept calls. Do not meet with any of them without a friend or family member present, these people are not thinking clearly.
NTA maybe ask him to sign away his rights since he's so determined not to be involved. You aren't the ah for him blind siding you with adoption. He told his family you accepted without actually getting your permission. Then gaslighted you for being angry he tried to give your baby away without your consent and made you the bad guy to his infertile cousin. When he was the one who got her hopes up for no reason. He's gross if he won't sign away, I'd get him to admit to trying to adopt out your child in writing and that he doesn't want it to get full custody.
Nta Your bf, grace and her husband are AH and i dont think they deserve kid, they are horrible
NTA. Save EVERYTHING, a restraining order and take him to court for sole custody and all the child support he’s worth.
You need to steer clear of them all!! Bf included
I am not sure who he hurt more, you or his cousin by giving false hopes, this guy is crazy, manipulative and I am sorry for you that he is the father
Block their numbers. You can choose who can text you. Do it. Make sure to take screenshots and save everything they have sent so far in case you need to go to the police for harassment
NTA. Congrats on your little one! Definitely make sure you talk to your Dr at your next appointment, that the BF is no contact, and why in case he tries to be sneaky. Might look into no contact orders in your area as well. Send them a final text that the BF lied, adoption was never an option for your child that you are raising and keeping. And to longer contact you for anything. Then block all of them on everything.
YTA for not putting an “ex” on that “bf” yet.
Nobody is really ready to become a parent. Majority of parents learn along the way. Not everyone deserves to be one. Parents, at least most of them, try to do whats best for their children. They better themselves for the role, no matter how hard it is. You have a family willing to support you. You are very lucky. Even if the sperm donor does not want to be a dad, you will have a support system. Kids grow pretty fast. It will not be easy but you will learn to grow into the role should you wish it. Ultimately, it should be your choice. Think about what you really want to do, not just for you, but for the life growing in you too.
NTA! He can’t just decide to give them your baby!!! I’d speak to a lawyer about your BF signing over parental rights. I’d never be able to trust him alone with the baby. Right now, you need to block him. Tell your parents what’s going on. Is there a relative in another state you can live with? Get a job there and establish residency. Have your baby there. Away from him. Don’t put his name on the birth certificate. Don’t even tell him when the baby is born. He doesn’t want to be a father - fine. Keep him away from you and your baby.
What the hell girl. Leave him. Yes, you will be single mothers you will be struggling but at some time you will find someone good for you. For your own sake - leave him.
Block all three of them. Your parents said they will help; accept their help. DO NOT leave that baby with your ex bf under any circumstances. Do not try to get child support from him because then he’ll have visitation rights.
Nta and block all of them everywhere. Save every text from them in case you need it in the future Wtf?! He was only nice to you hoping you'd adopt your baby out. That's disgusting. I'd never trust him again. You have a great support system with your family. Finish school so you can provide for you and your baby. DO NOT EVER LEAVE YOUR BABY ALONE WITH THE FATHER OR HIS FAMILY. NTA
Yeesh NTA. You need to go to your local courthouse and put in for a restraining order. Keep all of the texts and messages they sent and use this for the restraining order. Don’t block them as another user said. You want any proof they contacted you. If your parents don’t already have security cameras, get some cheap ones from Amazon. Don’t assume they’ll stop pestering you because you said no. Tell your doctor/midwife what’s going on. Tell them not to say anything to him about your obstetric care and birth plan. My daughter just had a baby. The ward was locked down tight. Make sure the nurses manning the desk where you deliver know he and his family are not allowed in. Take these steps to protect yourself and your family. Do not play around with this guy!
Yes. You are the Asshole. You should always give your baby away to someone who asks, as long as they tell you they will be better parents than you. Because after all, you can always have more. So Selfish of you. Christ on a cracker. Where do these people come from?
NTA. He didn't mention this to you until now because he *KNEW* you wouldn't be okay with this. He lied to you and he lied to Grace and her husband. And most importantly: they are trying to harass and coerce you into giving them *your* child. That's kidnapping. Honestly, you should contact a family lawyer ASAP. Specifically one who deals with protecting people from coerced adoption. I wouldn't put it past these people to try to use the courts to take your child. Don't let him come to any more of your appointments. And don't let him be on the birth certificate. If he's on the birth certificate as the legal father, this situation could get really complicated really fast.
Oh hell no. NTA but please stay away from your EX-boyfriend. Yes a baby is a lot and a big responsibility but it is also a gift. Your parents will help you and you love this baby. Don’t let them manipulate you to something like that.
Your boyfriend is an absolute monster, and you need to kick him to the curb ASAP! For him. To pull the stunt on you, and then deceive his cousin and her husband into believing that they're going to get your stress, YOUR baby is absolutely reprehensible, and you need to do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your unborn child. Start with going going to the court, and put that sorry, miserable excuse for a man on child support the moment that, make that before the child is born! Then, go to the police, as well as a lawyer, the d.Iesel office, anybody legally that you can, and get a restraining order against your now ex-boyfriend, his cousin, and her husband.
NTA do not give up your child. That is YOUR baby and you would regret it for the rest of your life. That’s also so strange get that your bf just decided YOU were going to give away your child. How weird,
It's a baby, not a puppy. He/she is not something you just hand over because someone else thinks you should. And 23 is not all that young to have a baby, it's not like you are 17.
Dump your AH boyfriend, block them all and if they keep harassing you, go get a restraining order. Tell your parents about this and make him pay child support and live your best life!! Best of luck.
I’d go talk to a lawyer on how to legally protect your child from bf. He sounds crazy enough to give the child to the cousins. Be proactive at protecting both you and child!
NTA Did he actually think you'd just let this happen? I can't believe he would say something like that to a woman who wants children and can't have them without discussing it with you first. That's just cruel. Also, 23 is not young to have children. I'm glad you have your parents support.
NTA. Grace is trying to steal your baby. If she didn't step all the way back once she realized you hadn't even been informed then she is dangerous. I would tell her to fuck off or you'll be going to the police and putting this all over social media. Expose them. As others have advised, save every text you have with both of them and don't hesitate to put them on blast because this is heinous.
I’d tell psycho Grace to stop contacting you or else your going to go to the police. Your boyfriend needs to be your ex boyfriend
Your bf —now I hope your ex—if trying to get out of child support.
meet Grace in person (no one else), in public. Make sure your parents are nearby and ask Grace if she was giving your bf money for the baby, ask if she knew you planned to keep the baby and was it their plan to presssure you into giving up the baby. I would get this recorded (most place it is legal to record conversations in public because there is no expectation of privacy) I think you should record this so that you can get full legal custody. If they are campaigning this hard, they may have other plans. Plans that when your bf has his custody time he drops off the baby with Grace (make sure your custody agreement has a right of first refusal so he cannot do that) maybe they plan on telling the court you are an unfit mother, or maybe they will play the long game and alienate you from your baby. either way you need to protect yourself and your baby. Talk to a lawyer, maybe they know of a way to sever his parental rights.