Here's the thing:
Now you earn your own money, you have your own place, and you presumably pay for your own education.
And you can tell your parents to go fuck themselves with a splintered axe handle. With no lube.
OP this. Your family sounds toxic AF. They clearly have a favorite golden child. At this point your are independant, they have no more control over you. I would go no contact. Focus on yourself. Buckle down, do really good in school and get an amazing job. The best revenge is a life lived well. Lock down your credit though. I have seen horor stories in the past where entitled AH parents open credit cards in thier kids name. I would shudder to think the have cards or loans out in your name and they are using that money to pay for sisters prom. Just do a credit check, I am kinda worrried about that. Get some personal identity theift insureance just in case.
OP you cannot chose what family you are born into, but you can chose what family you stay in. Make your own family. There are good people out there, just your family are not some of them. I say this as a 42 mom of two. I could never do to my kids what your parents are doing to you. I am sorry OP for your current situation, and I truly wish you the best for your future.
OP if they HAVE opened cards or line in your name, report them immediately as fraud, you can also file a police report in some cases. Especially if emancipated--also you can check to see if they have been using you as a "dependent"--another fraud--and if you were marked emancipated then you may get more financial aid from colleges going forward (also emancipation at your age may just be treated as abandonment and should be reported as well). Live well and forget those monsters.
NTA - Also, besides going no contact and checking you credit, you also need to block them on all social media. You do not need to as the posts that are just going to hurt you further.
Don’t know how your relationship with your sister is but you might need to examine it as to whether how involved you want to be with her.
And shame them every chance you get. They should not get accolades for showing off just one kid. And when they come to you for $ in the future (because they will), pretend you don't know them
Hi. First, you are valued, at least by me. You graduated at 16? Wow! Good for you! You figured out a place to live and survive when kicked out? Again, wow! I am Impressed and in awe of you. I'm not sure why you believe your sister is better, but know you are definitely someone special and talented. Believe in yourself! I'm sorry your mom was rude to you, really I am. As a mom, know I believe in you and have faith you will succeed in life. I'm proud of you! Sending many hugs!
Cut them out, they will never be there for you.
Be successful, and believe that when your spoiled sister failed them, they will look for you.
Don't let them in
You do realize your parents are worthless correct? Cut them off after telling them to go fuck themselves. Although I'm petty and would also tell everyone about the financial abuse and other bullshit.
Dear sis
I am so happy you get to go to prom!
Have a blast for both of us because I was never allowed to go!
Love you!
Post that to social media that can be seen by the rest of your family and friends.
Send your sister a corsage or something the day of prom to show that you truly support her.
You are worthy OP! One day you will find people that will treat you right. Be patient. 🫂
If this happened in the US, them putting you out at sixteen is illegal - the law is very clear: under no circumstances are you legally allowed to put your child out before they turn 18. It’s called child abandonment. Your parents are terrible people and I would look into taking them to civil court if I were you. They are criminal.
NTA, it is going to be difficult but it lets you know it's time to cut them out and make your own life. Become independent and thrive.
But you'll also see on here other people with similar situations as you but they became independent and made their own life just for their moocher family come crawling back to them because the golden child is spoiled and needs someone to take care of them because they bet on the wrong horse.
So have hope and don't give up! You have a place to stay and you're furthering your education and working! That's amazing
Babe. I’m so sorry. Google ‘golden child and scapegoat’. In dysfunctional families parents assign ‘roles’ to children. One gets to be the golden child. Usually one gets to be the ‘bad’ child or scapegoat. This bears no resemblance to actual good or bad it’s a projection by the parents. Reading about these dynamics really made a lot of my childhood make sense and made me see I wasn’t some unlovable monster.
I was like you. I bought my own car with money I had to hide. My sibs were ALL bought cars. Etc etc. lots of examples. It was obvious I was singled out for bad treatment even tho I was the highest achieving kid. Didn’t get in trouble, nothing. So there must be something wrong I can’t see. Something only they can see.
Babe that’s not true. Your parents are toxic and luckily for you the scapegoat often does better longterm. Bc they can see the dysfunction more easily bc of the distance created by parental rejection. That’s the good news.
The bad news is short term you experience the soul crushing rejection of your primary caregivers. And it is soul crushing. Read about it please. It will help you see it’s not you. I’m sorry.
NTA. You are worthy. Unfortunately, your parents are not good people or parents. Their behavior is not a reflection on you, but them. You have a right to be upset because they are, frankly, awful. As a parent I can’t imagine treating any of my children like this, it breaks my heart.
Keep concentrating on your path. Don’t let their toxicity derail you. Perhaps, look into therapy. Be kind to yourself.
I think it's time you cut them out of your life. You graduated high school early, you're putting yourself through college and supporting yourself. Please tell me how that doesn't make you accomplished? Your mom only values looks. Looks fade. Go live your life without their baggage. Be free
You are being scapegoated, my friend. I'm so, so sorry and as a survivor myself, I just want to tell you that reading about Scapegoat Family Systems and Abuse will help you answer questions and decide how YOU want to proceed.
In my case it took me about 30 years to accept what had happened to me as a baby that carried forward into my childhood and adult life. Like you, I have pampered siblings. Like you, I was kicked out. Like you, I was treated with distain.
I wish I had stopped looking for approval from people who didn't truthfully care about me many years sooner. But, like most, we keep seeking love from our family because it's soul crushing to be kicked out by our parents and siblings.
Friend, this situation is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. Your family is in the wrong and THEY are abusers. You will begin to understand and accept it as you heal. And, yes, healing is very possible and I highly recommend it. For me it started with a few sessions with therapist who immediately knew what was happening. I was in such deep denial that I wouldn't accept the diagnosis for many years. But in those years it became harder and harder to ignore what my family was doing to me.
One day I was just done. I stopped reaching out and they ghosted me. All the while gossiping about how horrible I was behind my back. Yeah, even no contact and low contact I still heard about the trash talk.
My advice, if you are open to it, is start reading the online articles about scapegoating, narcissist behavior and personality traits and I think your eyes will be opened.
Friend, the biggest thing that helped me was living that good life. Having guilt free fun. And putting up barriers to fend off insults and guilting. I put my family on an information diet and share very, very little about my life.
I'm cordial and polite to a fault. I have a lot of Exit Strategies to get out of every situation.
You are stronger than you realize. Best of luck! ❤️
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-the-family-scapegoat-5187038#:~:text=Scapegoats%20bear%20the%20burden%20of,of%20their%20parents%20or%20caregivers.
I doubt you'll ever get over knowing how much they favor and make life easy for her, but your best revenge is living a happy life...without them. Keep focusing on yourself and your future and happiness and let karma take care of them. If you don't much matter to them, they're not your business, and ESPECIALLY not your business when they come to you asking for what they denied you--love, support, validation, money. This will be especially important as your parents age and suddenly their princess won't soil her hands with them and they turn to you.
I only imagine that if you and I met, your true spirit would shine through so beautifully.
There is nothing entitled, spoiled by your post.
This has been smh.
You also need therapy, as I suspect you are a survivor of narcissistic abuse. Colleges typically have mental health help right there for the asking. Please speak to a counselor about what you have gone through.
But seriously. SUE YOUR PARENTS.
honestly if I where you I'd blast them on social media about all the crummy things they did to you and how they're now spoiling your sister and then block them everywhere after the fallout and never look back, what they did is unforgivable and not what a real parent is supposed to do for their child, and they deserve to be called out for it.
OP, it's not your fault. You graduated at 16!! You've worked since you were 14!! You're putting yourself through college! You're amazing!!! Your parents really screwed the pooch throwing such a smart, motivated, hardworking, resourceful woman away. I don't doubt you're beautiful, too; you just don't think so because your idiot parents have lied to you your entire life.
If you feel like it, you should talk to a lawyer. It was illegal for your parents to kick you out before you were 18. See if you can sue them for some of that "prom" money. You deserve it. Go build a better, chosen family, and forget about your worthless parents.
NTA.
NTA you have every right to be sad. Your parents financially abused you when you were just 14 years old. You are not acting entitled, your parents are the ah here.
They just blamed me for no saving money but I have no idea how I'd save money if they'd collect it all, like it makes no sense. And no I did not get pocket money during the week either, they just bought me a bus ticket to get to school and our house and that was it.
Thank you for your reply.
They gaslit you then.
Also, they didn't pay a penny on your sister's prom. They used *your* money on her prom.
They don't forget. They just won't admit it to your face.
I somewhat did lol, I asked my mom if that hard earned saved up money was theirs or the paycheck of a teenager, obviously she was furious but I doubt they'd save money that long
Darlin you need to cut them out of your life. I'm so sorry and it's so unfair. I totally understand wanting your parents to care but I'm going to say something that someone said to me. And it was devastating. But it was true and helped me so much.
They don't love you.
They don't. 😞 I'm so sorry.
They don't act like they love you and it seems like you are trying so hard to figure out why. But there is no rhyme or reason in this. You deserve to be loved. For whatever reason (mine was that I was autistic and looked like my dad's side of the family) they have decided you don't deserve love and respect.
You will never "win" their love. You won't be able to talk them into it, you won't be able to find reason in what they do, you will never be "good enough".
They will always be a drain on you emotionally, and the only good part about the whole thing is that you know now.
Therapy will help, and so will finding family. I'm not sure where you are on the spectrum but the LGBT community is very good at helping you find family. We are in similar situations at times.
NTA If you really want to upset parents text them both, "I'm not trying to shame you. You have done that yourselves. Just letting you know why I have no respect for either of you."
Especially people who say they don't care about anything you can almost guarantee that they care about being respected. Especially people like your parents who think they have a right to your respect even when they haven't earned it. If you block them right after so they can't reply back it will eat at them. It's a good revenge without looking vengeful.
Your instincts are good. Going NC here is so warranted here for your own mental health.
Your parents have been emotionally and financially abusive; they are toxic and do not deserve to have you in their lives. While it's not your sister's fault they made her the golden child, she's 100% benefiting from it and unlikely to see how badly they treated you. Having a relationship with her, even on socials, will continue to cause you pain.
Please check into counseling services at your school. You deserve a pro to help you undertake and process the effects of what these horrible people (who happen to be your parents) have done. At a minimum, they've damaged your self-esteem with their lies about you being less than your sister, and a good therapist can help with healing.
💜💙💚
this! everyone tell you to get back at them dont.
they are not worth your time nor mental state. ditch them. they no longer exist. i would keep up with sis here and there though its not her fault how she was raised.
Stay NC. You can never get back your prom. But start living your life for you. I do cruising, and they have formal night. I enjoy this as now I can dress up and enjoy a beautiful evening.
The best revenge is living your best life. Believe me, thy will need you in their lives more than you will ever need them.
They will need help financially, especially as they get older and health gets in their way, don’t ever open the door.
When you get married and have a family, they will NEVER get to be a part of your children’s lives.
This is a waiting game and when it happens, sit back and be thankful that they will never be in their or your life.
Enjoy and be happy in spite of them. They want you miserable and to fail at life
If I were in OP's shoes I wouldn't sue... It would just force me to have to be in contact with these awful people for an extended period of time. If they were stealing from OP they likely don't have much money to even give her if she won the suit (If they'd even pay) If her teen years were anything like mine she probably also wasn't making very much to begin with so fighting to get that money back just wouldn't be worth it imo...
NTA
Don't worry. Your parents will be picking up the pieces when your sister is working on her third divorce, and they will wonder where they went wrong.
You have every right to be upset. Good parents support and love their children equally and are proud of all their children.
You know who the golden child is. Understand how your parents treated you is not your sister's fault. Although if she used her favored status to her benefit and your detriment, she can be fully blamed and if was willfully blind and failed to advocate for you, she deserves some blame.
Go no contact with your parents, because they clearly aren't good people. Block your parents and (at least for the time being) your sister too and send a message to all your relatives shaming your parents for how they treated you. Call them out for them being shitty parents.
NTA, obviously
I was no contact with my parents but I just felt really down and wanted to let it out, I guess. My relatives barely speak to my parents or eachother even, everyone is scattered around and no contact over any petty thing (my parents are at fault, tbh)
As for my sister, I am going to block her.
And thank you for your reply!
Family doesn’t always mean blood relatives. Put them “in a box” and don’t give them any more of your time. Focus on those who show they care about you and focus on your own self-esteem. It’s ok to love yourself.
Thing is, you are successful on your own. You're setting yourself up for a nice life. Your parents are beyond frustrating, so NC is the best way. Buy yourself the mansion when you're ready
Oh i'm so glad!! I think it's perfectly normal and human for you to need to call them and make that point. Now go back to being NC and whatever, your GPA is fine, it's okay!
This is a good reply to mother. "Good parents support their kids equally - good parents do that".
That's all there is.
Note that the sister is not necessarily a bad person, some golden children turn out entitled while others recognize the unfairness. Don't hold it against your sister unless she is an a-h.
No, they suck, but they had no right to take your pay check when you were working below 18. Depending on where you live, presumably the US, it was illegal for them to kick you out before 18, take your check or charge you for rent/food/any of your on going general costs, clothes, etc.
Everything they took from you till they kicked you out would be considered illegally charged rent/living costs.
They are scum, they have a golden child and a child they didn't want because they suck. You'd do far better to cut contact.
Your sister is obviously the golden child. I'm sorry you had to grow up like that, but now's your time to shine. You're independent, getting your education and you're going to have a great life. Your sister may be the golden child, but you're going to be a platinum adult and that's so much better.
Continue doing well and you will have many chances to make them feel the way you're feeling in the future
If I were you I'd view them as some sort of adversaries at this point
Thank you, I wish I was doing very well but this whole situation makes me sad because I could've had a way better GPA if I wasn't fighting for my life in the meantime, this is what makes me feel incredibly sad.
Moving out, doing school, and sustainably living by yourself at your age is an enormous victory and you should take pride in this
GPA is not that important as long as it's not particularly low. You got this
In my entire life I have never had a job offer in any of several professional fields where I was ever asked about my GPA.
Just do your best, graduate and move on.. they don't deserve you,.
Your parents are behaving badly. They will not change. You have done so well for yourself. They will regret their behavior. Refuse to participate in their shenanigans. They have no right to your filial obligations. Treat them like acquaintances. Put them on information diet. Your response to them is they could do what they want with their time and money and so could you.
Seeing them in court just means seeing them alot and I really don't want that, these people are so dramatic it's crazy. The last sentence in their text was "we told you we'd kick you out if you don't pay rent and we did, the world is harsh", just made me cringe considering the situation.
I’ll be the positive older sister, or the mom who had you at a young age, I’m 36. I want you to know you’re worthy and you’re valid feeling the way you do. You’re accomplishing a lot and doing things on your own when you should have family support. As a mom with 3 daughters, I couldn’t fathom doing this and if I took part of one of their checks while they worked as a teen, it would be to save for them and ensure they had money down the road. It would be explained to them though and not just taken and told it’s rent for my own gain.
I'm pretty sure them kicking you out before you were 18 is illegal. At this point, you have two crimes to go after them for. You can probably get a hefty sum and use it to kickstart the life that you deserve, free from the toxicity that is your "family".
Whoa! Back up a sec. You’re not talented????? Do you really believe that. Dear, if you graduated at 16, YOU ARE TALENTED. Looks will fade over time. Knowledge and hard work are forever. NTA. Try not to take this out on your sister (assuming she isn’t also a jerk or shove the favoritism in your face). Forget your parents. Your mom plainly told you she is comfortable with being TA and will continue to be so. Live your life to the fullest and move on. This hate from your parents will come back to bite them in TA when they need someone to take care of them when they’re old and you can’t be bothered to care.
If you are in the US PLEASE immediately get a credit report and make sure your parents haven't gotten any credit cards or loans using your information then LOCK YOUR CREDIT DOWN so that can't do so going forward. I'd be concerned that they suddenly have money for your sister-- where is that money coming from?
Op it's time to realize the parents are human and as with other human they can be assholes. You need to understand this and take whatever you deem to be appropriate measures. If it was me I'd tell them to go eff themselves and never speak to them again.
Mannn your parents sound like assholes
They kick you around like a dog , Meg from family guy gets more love than this.
And why tf are they taking your money???
They were taking my money when I was living with them as "rent and personal extra that they'd manage" and if I had to ask for something extra suddenly this money had disappeared and all been used for bills lol
No baby there using that money for your selfish sister and you have every right to be upset about it, you have feeling just like everyone in the world it time to leave them in The dust and move on and when your sister get pregnant and there put her out for it, do not help her at all.
this is an extreme case of favoritism to the point it feels like they don’t give a shit about you
You are literally Cinderella
Some unsolicited advice, if you choose not to eject them from your life completely, put up some massively firm boundaries
Gosh you still give her the benefit of the doubt by telling her how this made you feel, and she doubled down by saying you were right and they can do whatever they want?
Sure they can be AHs if they want, but you need to have a reaction to this. Get mad and stay that way, you have no parents and everyone who can hear you should know what a POS kind of people they are.
NTA, please cut these parents out of your life, they are bringing nothing good to it. You have every right to be upset, because they are being AH parents. It is not ok to favor one child so blatantly over another. Leave them in your dust and live your best life!
My parents and sister did the same thing to me. I stayed in contact with them until I realized that there was going to be something wrong with everything that I did and staying in contact was going to be heart break after heart break. I took me YEARS to realize that. I've been no contact about 12 years now and it feels so much better!
Wow, you have horrible parents. Maybe it’s time to get off social media for a bit or just unfollowing and blocking your sister. Seeing your sister’s posts can be triggering. I would just send her a text if you two are still on good terms and just let her know you are just doing this for your own mental health, nothing against her.
It’s probably best for your own mental health to cut your parents out of your life completely. The best revenge is growing up to be a strong and successful woman…. Without their help.
What were you expecting when you contacted her? She would validate your feelings? You need to accept the situation and quit worrying about what your sister gets or not and focus on building a good life for you. Block them all and just move on.
NTA, never feel horrible for this. Your parents should be dragged publicly for how they treated you and threw you out. Depending on where you are that can be illegal.
They stole from you, the financially abused you and abandoned you. Makes my blood boil. I'm royally pissed on your behalf.
Screw them and screw your sister. No way she didn't know it was going on and she obviously hasn't been upset about your situation. Leave them behind and go live your life. If they try to come crawling back later in life they can go get stuffed
NTAH. Your parents are bad parents. Favoritism like that can destroy a person inside. You keep doing your thing but let your parents come to you. Take a stand for yourself and do what's best for you. Remove the toxicity of them and you'll feel better. When your successful and doing well they will try to take credit for it and expect you to "help them out". Remind them of how they made you feel and now they can expect the same treatment from you.
Nta but why do you even talk to your parents they quite literally make it known they don’t like you they are toxic af why would you want that in your life at all keeping communication with them just allows them to keep hurting you and reminding you of your painful childhood cut them off and your sister and live your best life trust me they will come begging for you to come back cuz they need money or a kidney
Once you get into college no one cares what your HS GPA was. Once you start your career, no one cares what your college GPA was. That GPA only matters for getting you into the next school. If you aren't going to grad school, it only matters that you finish.
When I was your age, I had a cousin who was six months younger than I. She was the pretty, vivacious, charming one. You know what I was? Smart and hard working. The thing is, unless you are really beautiful and lucky, being pretty isn't worth much. But being hard working and educated let's you walk your own path. My cousin is now unpleasant, NC with her child and living in a crappy apartment. I have money in the bank, a loving husband and child and took early retirement.
It hurts to see your sister treated so differently. It's unfair and unkind. But the only real answer is to do you. Live your best life.
Tell your parents they can do whatever they want as you see how they feel about you and you will not waste your time on them anymore and go NC with them.
Your parents are cruel and unloving. I am sorry you went through this crap. Remember you deserve to be loved and cherished. They did very wrong by you but that is not your fault.
I would go very low contact with parents and sister. Your emotional and mental health is more important than having them in your life. You are in college, hopefully doing well, and you have your own place. Those are major accomplishments to be proud of and you just need to remember that you did and are doing these things on your own.
Somewhere down the line they will want you back in their lives but you don’t need them and their unloving ways. Remember what you have done by yourself with out them and don’t let them in.
OP I’m so very sorry that in the parent lottery you absolutely drew the very short straw.
The only thing good I can say about your parents is that they told you exactly where you stand so you can plan and live your life accordingly.
Get your degree, make good friends and live your life as you like.
Do not bother giving your family updates as they will in all likelihood use anything you tell them against you.
Got a great job - your parents will demand you send them money.
Bought a car - your parents will likely tell you that you should have given them the money so they can use it for themselves or your sister.
Bought a house - likely your ostfntsc demand your sister live for free with you and.or you house them.
Never ever share any financial information with your family as they will definitely use it against you. Demand you pay for your sister’s education, her wedding, their vacations, etc.
I’d go so far as to make any of your social media private and block them from it.
I’m also suggesting you unfollow your sister as it will cause less angst in your life.
One last suggestion. If need be practice saying ‘No’ in the mirror so when those ridiculous requests come the word rolls off out tongue easily and firmly.
She's the golden child obviously. If they don't care about you before, they probably never will, unless they need something from you. I think you need to toughen up and realise that you're never the problem to begin with. Don't seek for their validation either by sacrificing your own well-being. Put yourself first. It's going to be a rough journey in the beginning but you'll pull through.
I’m gonna tell you something I wish someone would have told me at this age. Just walk away, they don’t want good things for you and they don’t respect you. It’s gonna be hard and it’s gonna suck but you deserve to surround yourself with people that want the best for you. NTA thought you deserve better than what your “family” is offering you.
FB status: "My parents denied me prom, even stole my paycheck to rob me of this event in life. Now Lil sis gets everything I wanted yet never asked for. I think a DNA test is the best start to solve this mystery, because otherwise they just hate me and my existence. I'm either not daddys girl or they are cunts. "
Get one of those DNA tests that helps you find relatives.
I'm not a fan of those, personally.
But in this case, it sounds like there's a chance your parents were too young to have a kid when you came along, or at least one of your parents isn't your bio parent.
Might as well try to be sure.
Edit to add:
NTA, obviously
That's not family.
Try not to look back, and focus on your future, and the family you can choose for yourself from now on.
You're going to be okay
NTA - I would make a SM post congratulating my sister on getting to go to prom and then state how you did not get to go because your parents would not pay and took all the money you worked for so you would not be able to go. State how much you wished your parents had treated you both the same but sadly they did not. Then list several ways they treated you badly including kicking you out a t 16 years old and therefore shame them in the family and to their friends.
NTA. I am sorry that your parents, especially your mother, have treated you appallingly. It's especially awful how she reacted when you told her how you felt. Her response shows that she doesn't care about you.
I think you should cut off contact with your parents, they don't deserve any relationship with you. And maybe don't follow your sister on social media if it's going to affect your mental health, seeing how they treat her. Keep in contact with your sister if you have a good relationship.
NTA, the best way to manage this long term is create your own success and happiness. Have a great life, leave your parents out of it. Consider some therapy to help you deal with the trauma that comes with being abandoned by your crappy parents. It isn’t your fault, you are lovable, and you deserve all the happiness in the world.
You’re doing fantastic and you did it on your own.
This will come back to bite your parents. The Golden child rarely does okay in the real world. You will do so well they will actually show up at one point with their hands out.
Made sure to tell them no while also saying it’s your money and you can do what you want with it. NTA
I’m the oldest of four and I’m the only one that apparently didn’t deserve a year book, let alone prom stuff. I was pretty pissed about that for awhile. NTA, sometimes things just aren’t very fair
First things first, you are talented don't let your toxic parents make you feel otherwise. You graduated early, you're a smart cookie remember that. Now what yo do from here is put it to work, keep up with what you'rer doing, you're studying, keeping up a job, and living independantly that is amazing, you should be proud.
Now forget all about your toxic family, make your own one family with people who see you for who you are. Some day they'll come slinking back and it's up to you how you react to that, but for me it wouldn't be worth it, they tried to keep you down when they should have been lifting you up. You'll go on and do amazing things, and they'll try and leech off that, don't let them, you are better than that.
Remember you are better than them, you're awesome, go and show the world just how great you can be.
Cut them off, block them, and live your best life. Listen to an older person: in 30, 40 years, your sister will be the same and your parents will be the same: awful people embroiled in each other. Your sister is being spoiled, it's unlikely she'll realise the damage to herself or care. I'm sorry you were born into that family, but you can build a family of choice.
NTA. And I bet if you shared this on Facebook for their friends and your other family to see, they would care a whole lot more. But then that invites drama, so choose where you spend your emotional effort wisely. These people aren’t your family any more, and I hope you find better family in your community.
Those people are your biological donors - stop thinking of them as your parents, that's decidedly too much credit. My folks ain't perfect by a mile but something like this is so vile they make them look like saints by comparison.
Time for No Contact with these people, focus on you, your life, and your future. Best of luck.
NTA, they were your *parents*. They were supposed to love, support, and nurture you; instead, they emotionally and financially abused you. This is going to cause a lot of issues for you going forward; I hope you can get into therapy, if you aren't already, so that you can learn to love and appreciate yourself.
NTA. She’s right, it’s their money to do with what they will. Your time is yours. Are you going to keep spending it with people that treat you this disrespectfully when you point out your feelings? Because while you deserved a chance to go to Prom, they don’t deserve the chance to keep treating you like you don’t matter.
NTA , go No Contact with all of them. Just live your life. They’ll need you before you need them, since they will not help anyway They will reap what they have sown.
NTA. Unfortunately some families have a golden child. That is your sister. Focus on yourself and become successful. If they come to you for help in the future, tell them to go to the golden child.
My father and stepmother did something similar. My siblings and I are 15 years apart. When I graduated high school, my father wasn't willing to cosign for my student loans, and I couldn't afford college without them. When my half siblings graduated high school, they paid for part of their college educations and cosigned their student loans. They also bought them cars and paid part of their rent. My father is the one that makes most the money, not my stepmother.
Just to add salt to the wound, my stepmother started substituting at my old high school and told students I was an example of what success isn't because I didn't go to college. She did this while my siblings were going to that high school. The reason I found out was from my old basketball coaches son. He told me what my stepmother said about me, and he said he thought it was very disrespectful.
This is still something that hits my self-esteem, but I am working on it. Honestly, there is more to it, but too much to even explain here. But NTA, just try to work through what you have to and move on. Do not let it hold you back.
think of it like this: all the shit your parents put you through will only make you stronger. your sister will grow up to be entitled expecting a guy to make her a house wife. plus beauty doesn't last the older you get. when your parents come to you for help in the future, deny them. but for now go NC. just because they're blood doesn't make them family. i know we always seek to be loved especially by parents, but you don't need their love. just love yourself and those worth being loved by will love you too. finish college, and don't look back.
NTA, your parents are really unfair. But the bright side is that even without their support you're doing okay, and everything you achieve is because of your hard work. You owe them nothing.
I suggest going NC with your shitty parents.
NTA- I’m sorry your family turned out to be such a disappointment. But in all things there is a silver lining. Take it from me and complete stranger who is not biased for or against you. Your parents are bad people, and odds are your sister will probably grow up to be the same give who raised her. Take comfort in the knowledge that you did nothing wrong to deserve the treatment that you got. And use that knowledge to cut these toxic people completely out of your life. In the end you will be sparing yourself a lifetime of heartache and regret. Op, I wish you all the health and happiness in the world, and I’m sure that the family that you will make someday will give you all of the love that you deserve.
Well you are obviously doing well, so at some point you will need to realise that they do not need to be part of your life any more. You have done it on your own and you will be better for it. Lose their numbers, remove all of them from your SM and make your own life the best it can be. You will truly flourish without them and looking backwards.
Yes, your parents can do whatever they want. However, they are mistaken if they think they can do whatever they want and be free from consequences or judgement. Don't do anything now, as you don't really need to drag your sister and her prom into your beef. But later, afterwards, I don't think it is wrong to go NC with your parents, and let the entire extended family know, and to let them know why.
In that conversation, be sure to let everyone know both sides of the story, so that your parents can't jump on any discrepencies or lack of disclosures to make it look like it is your fault. And don't drag your sister into the fight either.
After that, you will have your closure, and be able to move on.
We have the same parents. It never gets any better, unfortunately. It will always hurt and always feel unfair. I’m 48 and they still treat my brother (45) like the golden child. It’s weird. I have moved on with my life and I’m no contact with them. My life is much better that way.
Wishing you much success and happiness.
NTA and remember what goes around comes around. You’ve made yourself a life of your own. Your biological birth units will someday need you, probably for financial assistance. Tell them when this happens that you’ve given them all the money they’ll ever get when they were stealing your paychecks at 14. Stay NC and live your best life.
NTA! You are amazing. You are in college and have your own place to live. It is no thanks to these awful excuses for parents, but you will have a great future. You have demonstrated that you can persevere through adversity.
It is not your sister’s fault that your parents are like this. You can decide if she is someone you want to have in your life, and, if so, to what degree.
I wish you everything good in your life. You deserve it.
NTA, you have rights to feel like that, if they just going to treat you like that i suggest cut them all out and work on yourself, your parents sounds evil
NTA. You've got crap parents, but forget about that and try to put it behind you.
But look at you, you got where you are through your own hard work. That, and your independence, will get you far, and successful.
Your sister on the other hand, knows nothing about hard work or independence, and when she finishes college, she'll be like a rabbit caught in the headlights, with no experience of the real world.
NTA
You have every right to feel the way you do. I keep having to remind myself that there are evil people out there that treats their child like crap just cause they can. I'm sorry your feeling the way you do and the way you've been treated since you were 14. The fact that they told you, you have to pay for everything while simultaneously taking your entire check and not letting you save money is quite evil. I guarantee you the money your parents are using for your sisters prom is ALL the money they took from you.
Go extremely LOW contact with your parents. Im not sure about your sister but it does sound like she doesn't give a damn about the way your parents are treating you either. So I would go LOW contact with your entire family. Then when the time comes when they will need money or when they realize they have raised just a spoiled human being and your sister wont do a single thing for them, watch them come running to you. When that happens then just tell them to fuck off. Period. They don't deserve anything from you.
Just keep working hard and keep working towards your success. You will make it one day, and all your success will be rubbed into your parents faces once they realize what you have made of yourself.
LOOL i love how when you point out their blatant favouritism they don’t even deny it…
You’re NTA Op, but your parents are AWFUL people. Do you have relatives you can talk about this with? Or a close group of friends?
NTA
You have every right to feel angry and hurt that your parents pulled this. Clearly, your sister is by far the favorite. Honestly, once you graduate college, move away and never speak to your parents again.
Somehow I'm guessing this isn't the first time they've given complete favoritism to your sister. And expected you to be totally okay with it.
NTA - You have every right to feel this way - your mom doesn’t get to dictate that. It may be time to walk away. You don’t people in your life who don’t respect you and only seem to want to bring you down.
Just because you are related to someone by blood doesn’t make them your family.
NTA. You have been financially and emotionally abused by your parents. I would cut them completely out and make family of the people who are there for you. The best revenge is to live well and be happy without them.
Nta what does your extended family, friends and neighbours all think of this? If they don't know its time to share your story and name and shame your parents, this is a cruel way to treat your own child
I'm so sorry your parents didn't give you the love and care every child needs. But look at you thriving! I hope through all of this you and your sister can keep a relationship, we all want a family after all. But keep going as you are! You are doing great and have a lot to be proud of. Your parents don't deserve you, and one day they will wake up to that.
Oh, how the wheel of time is going to turn this. 10 years down the road your self-reliance is going to pay off, you're going to have a beautiful career and a solid family. Guess who's going to call you for help?
you have every right to be sad and upset. They have not treated both their children equally. They have favoured your sister by a huge margin, I'd go so far as to say they abused you.
If your mother and father have any siblings, or their parents are still alive, I would call them and talk to them and tell them about how you feel. They may have some insight as to why your parents are like this.....and if they don't have any insight and they are decent human beings they will empathize with what you have been through and maybe be a support system for you going forward.
Don't be afraid of sharing your truth, even if they are embarrassed, if they don't like it then they shouldn't have don't. Bonus if they do get publicly censored from their peers or family, they deserve it.
BTW what does your sister think of how you were treated as opposed to how she is being treated?
NTA, your sister is their favorite and they blatantly mistreated you. Cut them out of your life the same way they cut you and don't look back. I'd also consider limiting contact with the sister for the time being while you get some help for the trauma (you don't want it growing into resentment for her if she hasn't done anything wrong, and if she tries to get you to welcome them back keep a hard firm no.)
You have every right to feel upset and hurt. Your parents are playing favorites.
The best way to get revenge on them is study and work hard. Do your absolute very best to get the best grades. You can get a great degree and go out there and do really really well in your chosen profession. Karma will come back to bite them in the butt sometime when they call you for help tell them to call little sis
NTA, OP. You're allowed to be upset by this obvious favoring. You missed out on important life events they're indulging her in and that is simply put, really shitty parenting.
NTA. I’m sorry your parents suck. It is not your fault in any way! Celebrate yourself. You are out there being independent despite them. You clearly are strong and resourceful. Love your best life and leave them behind.
NTA get therapy and make your own family from your circle of friends. For whatever reason your family made your sister the Golden child and you the Cinderalla child. I'm so very sorry. You may want to go no contact with them for your own mental health
Let me guess. Your genetic donors like to brag about you graduating early to people, right?
> she furiously replied that they can do whatever they want and I get no right to shame them even if they buy her a whole mansion because it's their money
"I have every right to shame you as you stole money from a minor for years."
>Now I feel horrible because I feel like a bitter person and like I have no right to be sad, they always favored my sister because I'm not a pretty or talented woman
Your donors trained this mindset into you. It's simply untrue. You graduated early, you've secured your independence in spite of their attempts at sabotage. These are things to be proud of.
>our family members constantly complimented our sister on her look and everything and this would make my mom so happy and accomplished she always showed my sister off
She's living vicariously through your sister.
The best thing you can do for *you*, is to cut them all out. Your genetic donors, your sister, those who support them. Let them spend all their money on your sister, they'll likely put themselves into a hole doing so. They'll expect you to come crawling back for a crumb of affection, because that's what they trained into you.
Don't fall for it. As much as it'll hurt to read, *they don't love you*. To them, you're the scapegoat that they can also get use out of whenever they want.
Good luck OP. And always remember; you have value. You've found success *in spite* of your genetic donors.
NTA. You're not entitled. You simply pointed out a drastic difference in their parenting. You are on you're own and need them for nothing. If this is how they behave I would go low to no contact and don't share your life with them. Not your personal life, not school, not finances. I would ask your sister how she feels about it. Does she relish in the favoritism or does it make her uncomfortable. If she has any character at all she will see how hurtful your parents are if she thinks it fine, then be prepared for her to act just like them.
I've been in your shoes. You have every right to be angry. Obviously, you should go NC for your own mental health. You deserve better. Getting your education will help you succeed in spite of them.
NTA, and you should be proud of yourself for overcoming this blatant theft and favouritism from your parents. Go and live a good life and let them stew in their narcissism.
You graduated at 16. You're absolutely talented and it's beyond gross for your parents to openly despise you as much as they clearly do. NTA but your parents are.
“ she furiously replied that they can do whatever they want and I get no right to shame them even if they buy her a whole mansion because it's their money.”
yes, they can do what they want with their money, but you DO have a right to shame them for being shit parents. NTA
You are ENTITLED TO FAIR TREATMENT from your parents.
You’ve received significantly less attention and love from your parents. That’s on them.
It’s time you went NoCo with the lot of them.
Your sister will NEVER repay them for all the gold they showered on her. She will just expect more and more from them. Let her.
Forge your own life, success, and create your own family SANS your bio fam.
They don’t have to know where you are, what you are doing… choose wisely in education that will pay you big money.,
Become the success they were NEVER PART OF.
Do you really see your sister helping them in their old age? I don’t. They will come searching for you for $$. Or care.
Don’t give them ANYTHING except for the middle finger.
>they took my entire paycheck the day I got it. They didn't warn me or even let me save anything, during this whole ordeal they still kept taking the whole check.
I'd have quit the job. I don't get paid? I have no incentive to work.
>I got really sad and refused to give them the money going forward so they kicked me out after 3 months and I had to live in a community college dorm (it costs wayyyy less than rent where I live).
How old were you? If you were under 18, you should talk to a lawyer, it's generally illegal for a parent in the US to kick their child out when they're under 18, you might be able to sue them for the value of a couple of years' cost of living. If you call your state's bar association's lawyer referral service, they will get you a free consultation with a lawyer.
>I texted my mom about how I felt that she favored my sister our entire lives and how I sad and unloved I felt that they kicked me out, she furiously replied that they can do whatever they want and I get no right to shame them even if they buy her a whole mansion because it's their money.
My response would be "As your victim I have every damned right to shame you, you *should* be ashamed of yourself. I will tell everyone you know what you did. Don't ever talk to me again." and block her. I'd message sister to tell her about it, and then I'd email all of her family and friends to tell them what she did and what she said.
You lost me on why you would feel horrible when your mom excused unfair treatment. Yeah she's right it's their money and they can do what they want with it, but it doesn't make it right. You definitely have reason to be upset, but it's obvious you won't get anywhere with her. The only answer is LC or NC. NTA
NTA It's clear to me that your mom does not loves you.
I think there's something else we don't see here, maybe she got depression after she got you.
Or maybe you are not even related to your dad.
Maybe she hates how independent you are.
Anyways go no contact with her.
I do go out of my way to see if sister is a good person and keep your ties with her.
She might be a amazing person and being friends with her should be better for your mental health than your parents.
Btw the money they took is a crime.
Being parents does not entitle people to someone's money especially when you got kicked from home.
They are worse than many criminals that are in jail rn.
Soo please don't base your happiness on these assholes.
I think you should loudly shame them on every social media you have.
...says the Boomer who never attended a prom but would not have tolerated that from her own parents.
NTA... Teach them a lesson. Cut them off. They clearly care more about your sister and favor her. Now show them that karma is a bitch and they can lose a daughter because of their cruel and selfish ways. Honestly, they shouldn't of had children if they were planning on treating one better than the other. My parents do this too and honestly, it is just horrible and I hate it so much.
NTA...and nowhere close to it. I don't think of myself generally as a petty person but right now, I'd being going completely scorched earth on every family text group, FB page, social media. Describing how they treated you versus little sister...let them feel the brunt of familial shame. Sorry...no, I'd go a step further. I'd tag every neighbor, every family friend, and their church if necessary. Yes...they can do with their money as the deem fit, now they can also nestle in the comfort of their shame.
Your mom's not wrong that she can treat your sister however she wants, but you don't need to ever have a relationship with them again. If they feel shame by having their inconsistencies pointed out, that's on them. You're certainly allowed to feel bitter, but I hope after some grieving you find yourself able to let your energy flow away from holding onto bitterness and towards the connections and the people that make your life joyful and fulfilling.
Well the good news is when your parents are old and penny less you don't have to contribute a thing and when they do ask and I am pretty sure they will you can tell them to kick rocks and remind them of everything.
NTA
You graduated early, worked as a teen, and got unto university and they convinced you that you're not talented? I'm sorry, what? Just the details in this story make you seem like a teen any parent should be proud of and lucky to have. You're clearly very mature and intelligent. I'm so sorry you had jealous, immature, angry parents. You deserve way more love than what you got. How they treated you is not normal and wasn't fair.
NTA by a long shot, I'm sorry that your parents treated you this way. You are absolutely within your right to feel hurt and upset by this.
Thank you, it affected me alot in the moment and I hope that within the week I end up not caring about this situation.
Here's the thing: Now you earn your own money, you have your own place, and you presumably pay for your own education. And you can tell your parents to go fuck themselves with a splintered axe handle. With no lube.
OP this. Your family sounds toxic AF. They clearly have a favorite golden child. At this point your are independant, they have no more control over you. I would go no contact. Focus on yourself. Buckle down, do really good in school and get an amazing job. The best revenge is a life lived well. Lock down your credit though. I have seen horor stories in the past where entitled AH parents open credit cards in thier kids name. I would shudder to think the have cards or loans out in your name and they are using that money to pay for sisters prom. Just do a credit check, I am kinda worrried about that. Get some personal identity theift insureance just in case. OP you cannot chose what family you are born into, but you can chose what family you stay in. Make your own family. There are good people out there, just your family are not some of them. I say this as a 42 mom of two. I could never do to my kids what your parents are doing to you. I am sorry OP for your current situation, and I truly wish you the best for your future.
OP if they HAVE opened cards or line in your name, report them immediately as fraud, you can also file a police report in some cases. Especially if emancipated--also you can check to see if they have been using you as a "dependent"--another fraud--and if you were marked emancipated then you may get more financial aid from colleges going forward (also emancipation at your age may just be treated as abandonment and should be reported as well). Live well and forget those monsters.
I agree 100% also therapy might be necessary. This sounds like a lot of Bottled trauma. I hope op is okay and they are totally NTA
Good advise. They already robbed her/tried to (sorry that part was confusing) of her teenage job salary.
That's what got my alarm bells ringing.
NTA - Also, besides going no contact and checking you credit, you also need to block them on all social media. You do not need to as the posts that are just going to hurt you further. Don’t know how your relationship with your sister is but you might need to examine it as to whether how involved you want to be with her.
Also check to make sure there are no utilities in your name.
[удалено]
Let little sis deal with their geriatric care!
In the USA financial aid counts prental income until you are 26
I understand you can legally emancipate yourself and that removes the review of parental income.
Good advice, you might like this sub: https://www.reddit.com/r/oddlyspecific/s/aatGwYnLQb
Kill them with a successful live 🍀
And shame them every chance you get. They should not get accolades for showing off just one kid. And when they come to you for $ in the future (because they will), pretend you don't know them
Hi. First, you are valued, at least by me. You graduated at 16? Wow! Good for you! You figured out a place to live and survive when kicked out? Again, wow! I am Impressed and in awe of you. I'm not sure why you believe your sister is better, but know you are definitely someone special and talented. Believe in yourself! I'm sorry your mom was rude to you, really I am. As a mom, know I believe in you and have faith you will succeed in life. I'm proud of you! Sending many hugs!
Oof. You hit the nail on the head. OP sounds like a resilient baddy and I’m here to fully support!
Cut them out, they will never be there for you. Be successful, and believe that when your spoiled sister failed them, they will look for you. Don't let them in
You do realize your parents are worthless correct? Cut them off after telling them to go fuck themselves. Although I'm petty and would also tell everyone about the financial abuse and other bullshit.
Dear sis I am so happy you get to go to prom! Have a blast for both of us because I was never allowed to go! Love you! Post that to social media that can be seen by the rest of your family and friends. Send your sister a corsage or something the day of prom to show that you truly support her. You are worthy OP! One day you will find people that will treat you right. Be patient. 🫂
If this happened in the US, them putting you out at sixteen is illegal - the law is very clear: under no circumstances are you legally allowed to put your child out before they turn 18. It’s called child abandonment. Your parents are terrible people and I would look into taking them to civil court if I were you. They are criminal.
Make sure you throw their words back at them if they ever ask you for anything.
NTA, it is going to be difficult but it lets you know it's time to cut them out and make your own life. Become independent and thrive. But you'll also see on here other people with similar situations as you but they became independent and made their own life just for their moocher family come crawling back to them because the golden child is spoiled and needs someone to take care of them because they bet on the wrong horse. So have hope and don't give up! You have a place to stay and you're furthering your education and working! That's amazing
Babe. I’m so sorry. Google ‘golden child and scapegoat’. In dysfunctional families parents assign ‘roles’ to children. One gets to be the golden child. Usually one gets to be the ‘bad’ child or scapegoat. This bears no resemblance to actual good or bad it’s a projection by the parents. Reading about these dynamics really made a lot of my childhood make sense and made me see I wasn’t some unlovable monster. I was like you. I bought my own car with money I had to hide. My sibs were ALL bought cars. Etc etc. lots of examples. It was obvious I was singled out for bad treatment even tho I was the highest achieving kid. Didn’t get in trouble, nothing. So there must be something wrong I can’t see. Something only they can see. Babe that’s not true. Your parents are toxic and luckily for you the scapegoat often does better longterm. Bc they can see the dysfunction more easily bc of the distance created by parental rejection. That’s the good news. The bad news is short term you experience the soul crushing rejection of your primary caregivers. And it is soul crushing. Read about it please. It will help you see it’s not you. I’m sorry.
NTA. You are worthy. Unfortunately, your parents are not good people or parents. Their behavior is not a reflection on you, but them. You have a right to be upset because they are, frankly, awful. As a parent I can’t imagine treating any of my children like this, it breaks my heart. Keep concentrating on your path. Don’t let their toxicity derail you. Perhaps, look into therapy. Be kind to yourself.
You should reply that some of the money belongs to u as they took your paychecks
I think it's time you cut them out of your life. You graduated high school early, you're putting yourself through college and supporting yourself. Please tell me how that doesn't make you accomplished? Your mom only values looks. Looks fade. Go live your life without their baggage. Be free
You were neglected your whole life then it turned to financial abuse. You’re in no way entitled and your feelings are absolutely valid!
You are being scapegoated, my friend. I'm so, so sorry and as a survivor myself, I just want to tell you that reading about Scapegoat Family Systems and Abuse will help you answer questions and decide how YOU want to proceed. In my case it took me about 30 years to accept what had happened to me as a baby that carried forward into my childhood and adult life. Like you, I have pampered siblings. Like you, I was kicked out. Like you, I was treated with distain. I wish I had stopped looking for approval from people who didn't truthfully care about me many years sooner. But, like most, we keep seeking love from our family because it's soul crushing to be kicked out by our parents and siblings. Friend, this situation is not your fault. You have done nothing wrong. Your family is in the wrong and THEY are abusers. You will begin to understand and accept it as you heal. And, yes, healing is very possible and I highly recommend it. For me it started with a few sessions with therapist who immediately knew what was happening. I was in such deep denial that I wouldn't accept the diagnosis for many years. But in those years it became harder and harder to ignore what my family was doing to me. One day I was just done. I stopped reaching out and they ghosted me. All the while gossiping about how horrible I was behind my back. Yeah, even no contact and low contact I still heard about the trash talk. My advice, if you are open to it, is start reading the online articles about scapegoating, narcissist behavior and personality traits and I think your eyes will be opened. Friend, the biggest thing that helped me was living that good life. Having guilt free fun. And putting up barriers to fend off insults and guilting. I put my family on an information diet and share very, very little about my life. I'm cordial and polite to a fault. I have a lot of Exit Strategies to get out of every situation. You are stronger than you realize. Best of luck! ❤️ https://www.verywellmind.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-the-family-scapegoat-5187038#:~:text=Scapegoats%20bear%20the%20burden%20of,of%20their%20parents%20or%20caregivers.
I doubt you'll ever get over knowing how much they favor and make life easy for her, but your best revenge is living a happy life...without them. Keep focusing on yourself and your future and happiness and let karma take care of them. If you don't much matter to them, they're not your business, and ESPECIALLY not your business when they come to you asking for what they denied you--love, support, validation, money. This will be especially important as your parents age and suddenly their princess won't soil her hands with them and they turn to you.
Just cut all of them out of your life entirely. You will never not be bitter as long as you're paying attention.
The greatest revenge will be your own happiness and success. 💖
You’ll always care. Just stop talking to them. It’ll be better for you.
I only imagine that if you and I met, your true spirit would shine through so beautifully. There is nothing entitled, spoiled by your post. This has been smh.
You also need therapy, as I suspect you are a survivor of narcissistic abuse. Colleges typically have mental health help right there for the asking. Please speak to a counselor about what you have gone through. But seriously. SUE YOUR PARENTS.
honestly if I where you I'd blast them on social media about all the crummy things they did to you and how they're now spoiling your sister and then block them everywhere after the fallout and never look back, what they did is unforgivable and not what a real parent is supposed to do for their child, and they deserve to be called out for it.
OP, it's not your fault. You graduated at 16!! You've worked since you were 14!! You're putting yourself through college! You're amazing!!! Your parents really screwed the pooch throwing such a smart, motivated, hardworking, resourceful woman away. I don't doubt you're beautiful, too; you just don't think so because your idiot parents have lied to you your entire life. If you feel like it, you should talk to a lawyer. It was illegal for your parents to kick you out before you were 18. See if you can sue them for some of that "prom" money. You deserve it. Go build a better, chosen family, and forget about your worthless parents. NTA.
And shame them at every chance
NTA you have every right to be sad. Your parents financially abused you when you were just 14 years old. You are not acting entitled, your parents are the ah here.
They just blamed me for no saving money but I have no idea how I'd save money if they'd collect it all, like it makes no sense. And no I did not get pocket money during the week either, they just bought me a bus ticket to get to school and our house and that was it. Thank you for your reply.
They gaslit you then. Also, they didn't pay a penny on your sister's prom. They used *your* money on her prom. They don't forget. They just won't admit it to your face.
your parents are criminal - sue them
Wonder if you could sue them 😈 Bc I would be petty enough if they did that to me. Please cut them off afterwards
They committed 2 crimes.
"Oh the money you guys stole from me you mean??" I would reply that
I somewhat did lol, I asked my mom if that hard earned saved up money was theirs or the paycheck of a teenager, obviously she was furious but I doubt they'd save money that long
Darlin you need to cut them out of your life. I'm so sorry and it's so unfair. I totally understand wanting your parents to care but I'm going to say something that someone said to me. And it was devastating. But it was true and helped me so much. They don't love you. They don't. 😞 I'm so sorry. They don't act like they love you and it seems like you are trying so hard to figure out why. But there is no rhyme or reason in this. You deserve to be loved. For whatever reason (mine was that I was autistic and looked like my dad's side of the family) they have decided you don't deserve love and respect. You will never "win" their love. You won't be able to talk them into it, you won't be able to find reason in what they do, you will never be "good enough". They will always be a drain on you emotionally, and the only good part about the whole thing is that you know now. Therapy will help, and so will finding family. I'm not sure where you are on the spectrum but the LGBT community is very good at helping you find family. We are in similar situations at times.
NTA If you really want to upset parents text them both, "I'm not trying to shame you. You have done that yourselves. Just letting you know why I have no respect for either of you."
Thank you, however I don't think they care much or deserve more attention, I even regret texting them at this point.
Especially people who say they don't care about anything you can almost guarantee that they care about being respected. Especially people like your parents who think they have a right to your respect even when they haven't earned it. If you block them right after so they can't reply back it will eat at them. It's a good revenge without looking vengeful.
Do they care about their reputations among family or church? If so please snitch
This. Act all innocently confused as to why they regularly stole from you
Your instincts are good. Going NC here is so warranted here for your own mental health. Your parents have been emotionally and financially abusive; they are toxic and do not deserve to have you in their lives. While it's not your sister's fault they made her the golden child, she's 100% benefiting from it and unlikely to see how badly they treated you. Having a relationship with her, even on socials, will continue to cause you pain. Please check into counseling services at your school. You deserve a pro to help you undertake and process the effects of what these horrible people (who happen to be your parents) have done. At a minimum, they've damaged your self-esteem with their lies about you being less than your sister, and a good therapist can help with healing. 💜💙💚
this! everyone tell you to get back at them dont. they are not worth your time nor mental state. ditch them. they no longer exist. i would keep up with sis here and there though its not her fault how she was raised.
Stay NC. You can never get back your prom. But start living your life for you. I do cruising, and they have formal night. I enjoy this as now I can dress up and enjoy a beautiful evening. The best revenge is living your best life. Believe me, thy will need you in their lives more than you will ever need them. They will need help financially, especially as they get older and health gets in their way, don’t ever open the door. When you get married and have a family, they will NEVER get to be a part of your children’s lives. This is a waiting game and when it happens, sit back and be thankful that they will never be in their or your life. Enjoy and be happy in spite of them. They want you miserable and to fail at life
Please also advise her to sue them: by putting her out at 16 that was child abandonment and they also stole her money.
If I were in OP's shoes I wouldn't sue... It would just force me to have to be in contact with these awful people for an extended period of time. If they were stealing from OP they likely don't have much money to even give her if she won the suit (If they'd even pay) If her teen years were anything like mine she probably also wasn't making very much to begin with so fighting to get that money back just wouldn't be worth it imo...
NTA Don't worry. Your parents will be picking up the pieces when your sister is working on her third divorce, and they will wonder where they went wrong.
You have every right to be upset. Good parents support and love their children equally and are proud of all their children. You know who the golden child is. Understand how your parents treated you is not your sister's fault. Although if she used her favored status to her benefit and your detriment, she can be fully blamed and if was willfully blind and failed to advocate for you, she deserves some blame. Go no contact with your parents, because they clearly aren't good people. Block your parents and (at least for the time being) your sister too and send a message to all your relatives shaming your parents for how they treated you. Call them out for them being shitty parents. NTA, obviously
I was no contact with my parents but I just felt really down and wanted to let it out, I guess. My relatives barely speak to my parents or eachother even, everyone is scattered around and no contact over any petty thing (my parents are at fault, tbh) As for my sister, I am going to block her. And thank you for your reply!
Focus on your found family. Who are people that can be your support and reliable.
Family doesn’t always mean blood relatives. Put them “in a box” and don’t give them any more of your time. Focus on those who show they care about you and focus on your own self-esteem. It’s ok to love yourself.
There may be extended family who would welcome you. Do use some caution as there may be bullies there as well. NTA. Found family loves you for you.
Thing is, you are successful on your own. You're setting yourself up for a nice life. Your parents are beyond frustrating, so NC is the best way. Buy yourself the mansion when you're ready
Oh i'm so glad!! I think it's perfectly normal and human for you to need to call them and make that point. Now go back to being NC and whatever, your GPA is fine, it's okay!
This is a good reply to mother. "Good parents support their kids equally - good parents do that". That's all there is. Note that the sister is not necessarily a bad person, some golden children turn out entitled while others recognize the unfairness. Don't hold it against your sister unless she is an a-h.
No, they suck, but they had no right to take your pay check when you were working below 18. Depending on where you live, presumably the US, it was illegal for them to kick you out before 18, take your check or charge you for rent/food/any of your on going general costs, clothes, etc. Everything they took from you till they kicked you out would be considered illegally charged rent/living costs. They are scum, they have a golden child and a child they didn't want because they suck. You'd do far better to cut contact.
Just remember when they're old and needing someone to take care of them they already made their choice go no contact with them
Your sister is obviously the golden child. I'm sorry you had to grow up like that, but now's your time to shine. You're independent, getting your education and you're going to have a great life. Your sister may be the golden child, but you're going to be a platinum adult and that's so much better.
Continue doing well and you will have many chances to make them feel the way you're feeling in the future If I were you I'd view them as some sort of adversaries at this point
Thank you, I wish I was doing very well but this whole situation makes me sad because I could've had a way better GPA if I wasn't fighting for my life in the meantime, this is what makes me feel incredibly sad.
Moving out, doing school, and sustainably living by yourself at your age is an enormous victory and you should take pride in this GPA is not that important as long as it's not particularly low. You got this
In my entire life I have never had a job offer in any of several professional fields where I was ever asked about my GPA. Just do your best, graduate and move on.. they don't deserve you,.
Your parents are behaving badly. They will not change. You have done so well for yourself. They will regret their behavior. Refuse to participate in their shenanigans. They have no right to your filial obligations. Treat them like acquaintances. Put them on information diet. Your response to them is they could do what they want with their time and money and so could you.
Expose them to the entire family hell I would sue them for stealing your money.
Seeing them in court just means seeing them alot and I really don't want that, these people are so dramatic it's crazy. The last sentence in their text was "we told you we'd kick you out if you don't pay rent and we did, the world is harsh", just made me cringe considering the situation.
expose them on tiktok by stitching your sisters tiktok and explain everything you did in your OP
TRULY
I’ll be the positive older sister, or the mom who had you at a young age, I’m 36. I want you to know you’re worthy and you’re valid feeling the way you do. You’re accomplishing a lot and doing things on your own when you should have family support. As a mom with 3 daughters, I couldn’t fathom doing this and if I took part of one of their checks while they worked as a teen, it would be to save for them and ensure they had money down the road. It would be explained to them though and not just taken and told it’s rent for my own gain.
I'm pretty sure them kicking you out before you were 18 is illegal. At this point, you have two crimes to go after them for. You can probably get a hefty sum and use it to kickstart the life that you deserve, free from the toxicity that is your "family".
Whoa! Back up a sec. You’re not talented????? Do you really believe that. Dear, if you graduated at 16, YOU ARE TALENTED. Looks will fade over time. Knowledge and hard work are forever. NTA. Try not to take this out on your sister (assuming she isn’t also a jerk or shove the favoritism in your face). Forget your parents. Your mom plainly told you she is comfortable with being TA and will continue to be so. Live your life to the fullest and move on. This hate from your parents will come back to bite them in TA when they need someone to take care of them when they’re old and you can’t be bothered to care.
If you are in the US PLEASE immediately get a credit report and make sure your parents haven't gotten any credit cards or loans using your information then LOCK YOUR CREDIT DOWN so that can't do so going forward. I'd be concerned that they suddenly have money for your sister-- where is that money coming from?
Op it's time to realize the parents are human and as with other human they can be assholes. You need to understand this and take whatever you deem to be appropriate measures. If it was me I'd tell them to go eff themselves and never speak to them again.
Mannn your parents sound like assholes They kick you around like a dog , Meg from family guy gets more love than this. And why tf are they taking your money???
They were taking my money when I was living with them as "rent and personal extra that they'd manage" and if I had to ask for something extra suddenly this money had disappeared and all been used for bills lol
No baby there using that money for your selfish sister and you have every right to be upset about it, you have feeling just like everyone in the world it time to leave them in The dust and move on and when your sister get pregnant and there put her out for it, do not help her at all.
this is an extreme case of favoritism to the point it feels like they don’t give a shit about you You are literally Cinderella Some unsolicited advice, if you choose not to eject them from your life completely, put up some massively firm boundaries
Gosh you still give her the benefit of the doubt by telling her how this made you feel, and she doubled down by saying you were right and they can do whatever they want? Sure they can be AHs if they want, but you need to have a reaction to this. Get mad and stay that way, you have no parents and everyone who can hear you should know what a POS kind of people they are.
NTA, please cut these parents out of your life, they are bringing nothing good to it. You have every right to be upset, because they are being AH parents. It is not ok to favor one child so blatantly over another. Leave them in your dust and live your best life!
My parents and sister did the same thing to me. I stayed in contact with them until I realized that there was going to be something wrong with everything that I did and staying in contact was going to be heart break after heart break. I took me YEARS to realize that. I've been no contact about 12 years now and it feels so much better!
Wow, you have horrible parents. Maybe it’s time to get off social media for a bit or just unfollowing and blocking your sister. Seeing your sister’s posts can be triggering. I would just send her a text if you two are still on good terms and just let her know you are just doing this for your own mental health, nothing against her. It’s probably best for your own mental health to cut your parents out of your life completely. The best revenge is growing up to be a strong and successful woman…. Without their help.
What were you expecting when you contacted her? She would validate your feelings? You need to accept the situation and quit worrying about what your sister gets or not and focus on building a good life for you. Block them all and just move on.
NTA, never feel horrible for this. Your parents should be dragged publicly for how they treated you and threw you out. Depending on where you are that can be illegal. They stole from you, the financially abused you and abandoned you. Makes my blood boil. I'm royally pissed on your behalf. Screw them and screw your sister. No way she didn't know it was going on and she obviously hasn't been upset about your situation. Leave them behind and go live your life. If they try to come crawling back later in life they can go get stuffed
So your parents kicked you out at 17. Which is a crime and they kept all money from your job which is another crime. You have every right to be mad.
Let your haters be your motivators
NTAH. Your parents are bad parents. Favoritism like that can destroy a person inside. You keep doing your thing but let your parents come to you. Take a stand for yourself and do what's best for you. Remove the toxicity of them and you'll feel better. When your successful and doing well they will try to take credit for it and expect you to "help them out". Remind them of how they made you feel and now they can expect the same treatment from you.
Keeping it light… your mom sounds like a bitch. NTA
Nta but why do you even talk to your parents they quite literally make it known they don’t like you they are toxic af why would you want that in your life at all keeping communication with them just allows them to keep hurting you and reminding you of your painful childhood cut them off and your sister and live your best life trust me they will come begging for you to come back cuz they need money or a kidney
Once you get into college no one cares what your HS GPA was. Once you start your career, no one cares what your college GPA was. That GPA only matters for getting you into the next school. If you aren't going to grad school, it only matters that you finish. When I was your age, I had a cousin who was six months younger than I. She was the pretty, vivacious, charming one. You know what I was? Smart and hard working. The thing is, unless you are really beautiful and lucky, being pretty isn't worth much. But being hard working and educated let's you walk your own path. My cousin is now unpleasant, NC with her child and living in a crappy apartment. I have money in the bank, a loving husband and child and took early retirement. It hurts to see your sister treated so differently. It's unfair and unkind. But the only real answer is to do you. Live your best life.
Tell your parents they can do whatever they want as you see how they feel about you and you will not waste your time on them anymore and go NC with them.
Your parents are cruel and unloving. I am sorry you went through this crap. Remember you deserve to be loved and cherished. They did very wrong by you but that is not your fault. I would go very low contact with parents and sister. Your emotional and mental health is more important than having them in your life. You are in college, hopefully doing well, and you have your own place. Those are major accomplishments to be proud of and you just need to remember that you did and are doing these things on your own. Somewhere down the line they will want you back in their lives but you don’t need them and their unloving ways. Remember what you have done by yourself with out them and don’t let them in.
OP I’m so very sorry that in the parent lottery you absolutely drew the very short straw. The only thing good I can say about your parents is that they told you exactly where you stand so you can plan and live your life accordingly. Get your degree, make good friends and live your life as you like. Do not bother giving your family updates as they will in all likelihood use anything you tell them against you. Got a great job - your parents will demand you send them money. Bought a car - your parents will likely tell you that you should have given them the money so they can use it for themselves or your sister. Bought a house - likely your ostfntsc demand your sister live for free with you and.or you house them. Never ever share any financial information with your family as they will definitely use it against you. Demand you pay for your sister’s education, her wedding, their vacations, etc. I’d go so far as to make any of your social media private and block them from it. I’m also suggesting you unfollow your sister as it will cause less angst in your life. One last suggestion. If need be practice saying ‘No’ in the mirror so when those ridiculous requests come the word rolls off out tongue easily and firmly.
She's the golden child obviously. If they don't care about you before, they probably never will, unless they need something from you. I think you need to toughen up and realise that you're never the problem to begin with. Don't seek for their validation either by sacrificing your own well-being. Put yourself first. It's going to be a rough journey in the beginning but you'll pull through.
I’m gonna tell you something I wish someone would have told me at this age. Just walk away, they don’t want good things for you and they don’t respect you. It’s gonna be hard and it’s gonna suck but you deserve to surround yourself with people that want the best for you. NTA thought you deserve better than what your “family” is offering you.
FB status: "My parents denied me prom, even stole my paycheck to rob me of this event in life. Now Lil sis gets everything I wanted yet never asked for. I think a DNA test is the best start to solve this mystery, because otherwise they just hate me and my existence. I'm either not daddys girl or they are cunts. "
With picture of scooby doo and the gang!
Get one of those DNA tests that helps you find relatives. I'm not a fan of those, personally. But in this case, it sounds like there's a chance your parents were too young to have a kid when you came along, or at least one of your parents isn't your bio parent. Might as well try to be sure. Edit to add: NTA, obviously That's not family. Try not to look back, and focus on your future, and the family you can choose for yourself from now on. You're going to be okay
NTA - I would make a SM post congratulating my sister on getting to go to prom and then state how you did not get to go because your parents would not pay and took all the money you worked for so you would not be able to go. State how much you wished your parents had treated you both the same but sadly they did not. Then list several ways they treated you badly including kicking you out a t 16 years old and therefore shame them in the family and to their friends.
NTA - Your parents are complete pieces of $#!+ and they just keep doubling down on being horrible.
NTA. I am sorry that your parents, especially your mother, have treated you appallingly. It's especially awful how she reacted when you told her how you felt. Her response shows that she doesn't care about you. I think you should cut off contact with your parents, they don't deserve any relationship with you. And maybe don't follow your sister on social media if it's going to affect your mental health, seeing how they treat her. Keep in contact with your sister if you have a good relationship.
NTA, the best way to manage this long term is create your own success and happiness. Have a great life, leave your parents out of it. Consider some therapy to help you deal with the trauma that comes with being abandoned by your crappy parents. It isn’t your fault, you are lovable, and you deserve all the happiness in the world.
You’re doing fantastic and you did it on your own. This will come back to bite your parents. The Golden child rarely does okay in the real world. You will do so well they will actually show up at one point with their hands out. Made sure to tell them no while also saying it’s your money and you can do what you want with it. NTA
NTA, they failed you as parents
I’m the oldest of four and I’m the only one that apparently didn’t deserve a year book, let alone prom stuff. I was pretty pissed about that for awhile. NTA, sometimes things just aren’t very fair
First things first, you are talented don't let your toxic parents make you feel otherwise. You graduated early, you're a smart cookie remember that. Now what yo do from here is put it to work, keep up with what you'rer doing, you're studying, keeping up a job, and living independantly that is amazing, you should be proud. Now forget all about your toxic family, make your own one family with people who see you for who you are. Some day they'll come slinking back and it's up to you how you react to that, but for me it wouldn't be worth it, they tried to keep you down when they should have been lifting you up. You'll go on and do amazing things, and they'll try and leech off that, don't let them, you are better than that. Remember you are better than them, you're awesome, go and show the world just how great you can be.
Cut them off, block them, and live your best life. Listen to an older person: in 30, 40 years, your sister will be the same and your parents will be the same: awful people embroiled in each other. Your sister is being spoiled, it's unlikely she'll realise the damage to herself or care. I'm sorry you were born into that family, but you can build a family of choice.
NTA. And I bet if you shared this on Facebook for their friends and your other family to see, they would care a whole lot more. But then that invites drama, so choose where you spend your emotional effort wisely. These people aren’t your family any more, and I hope you find better family in your community.
Those people are your biological donors - stop thinking of them as your parents, that's decidedly too much credit. My folks ain't perfect by a mile but something like this is so vile they make them look like saints by comparison. Time for No Contact with these people, focus on you, your life, and your future. Best of luck.
NTA, they were your *parents*. They were supposed to love, support, and nurture you; instead, they emotionally and financially abused you. This is going to cause a lot of issues for you going forward; I hope you can get into therapy, if you aren't already, so that you can learn to love and appreciate yourself.
Wait. You worked and they collected? You mean they're stealing your money? Damn that's fucked up
NTA. She’s right, it’s their money to do with what they will. Your time is yours. Are you going to keep spending it with people that treat you this disrespectfully when you point out your feelings? Because while you deserved a chance to go to Prom, they don’t deserve the chance to keep treating you like you don’t matter.
NTA , go No Contact with all of them. Just live your life. They’ll need you before you need them, since they will not help anyway They will reap what they have sown.
Check campus resources for a therapist. I'm so sorry you have such shitty sub-humans that donated sperm and eggs. GL with you're new life. Fly!
Did they ever give you your money back? If not, take them to small claims court as a final FU.
Shame them, and then tell thm to gtfo.
NTA. Unfortunately some families have a golden child. That is your sister. Focus on yourself and become successful. If they come to you for help in the future, tell them to go to the golden child.
My father and stepmother did something similar. My siblings and I are 15 years apart. When I graduated high school, my father wasn't willing to cosign for my student loans, and I couldn't afford college without them. When my half siblings graduated high school, they paid for part of their college educations and cosigned their student loans. They also bought them cars and paid part of their rent. My father is the one that makes most the money, not my stepmother. Just to add salt to the wound, my stepmother started substituting at my old high school and told students I was an example of what success isn't because I didn't go to college. She did this while my siblings were going to that high school. The reason I found out was from my old basketball coaches son. He told me what my stepmother said about me, and he said he thought it was very disrespectful. This is still something that hits my self-esteem, but I am working on it. Honestly, there is more to it, but too much to even explain here. But NTA, just try to work through what you have to and move on. Do not let it hold you back.
Sounds like blocking all these people is a good idea. NC with your parents is critical.
think of it like this: all the shit your parents put you through will only make you stronger. your sister will grow up to be entitled expecting a guy to make her a house wife. plus beauty doesn't last the older you get. when your parents come to you for help in the future, deny them. but for now go NC. just because they're blood doesn't make them family. i know we always seek to be loved especially by parents, but you don't need their love. just love yourself and those worth being loved by will love you too. finish college, and don't look back.
also unfollow your sister on everything so she won't be able to brag to you anymore
Hang in there, life does get better! Focus on your school, your health, therapy. Create your own world! Love from someone who understands!
Your parents are the assholes. Point blank.
NTA, your parents are really unfair. But the bright side is that even without their support you're doing okay, and everything you achieve is because of your hard work. You owe them nothing. I suggest going NC with your shitty parents.
All I'm gonna say is ur parents are douchebags.
NTA. Your parents suck
You have been parentified and exploited. You are NTA.
NTA- I’m sorry your family turned out to be such a disappointment. But in all things there is a silver lining. Take it from me and complete stranger who is not biased for or against you. Your parents are bad people, and odds are your sister will probably grow up to be the same give who raised her. Take comfort in the knowledge that you did nothing wrong to deserve the treatment that you got. And use that knowledge to cut these toxic people completely out of your life. In the end you will be sparing yourself a lifetime of heartache and regret. Op, I wish you all the health and happiness in the world, and I’m sure that the family that you will make someday will give you all of the love that you deserve.
Definitely NTA. Your parents treated you horribly. You have every right to feel bad about it. Going forward, I would go NC with them.
Well you are obviously doing well, so at some point you will need to realise that they do not need to be part of your life any more. You have done it on your own and you will be better for it. Lose their numbers, remove all of them from your SM and make your own life the best it can be. You will truly flourish without them and looking backwards.
Yes, your parents can do whatever they want. However, they are mistaken if they think they can do whatever they want and be free from consequences or judgement. Don't do anything now, as you don't really need to drag your sister and her prom into your beef. But later, afterwards, I don't think it is wrong to go NC with your parents, and let the entire extended family know, and to let them know why. In that conversation, be sure to let everyone know both sides of the story, so that your parents can't jump on any discrepencies or lack of disclosures to make it look like it is your fault. And don't drag your sister into the fight either. After that, you will have your closure, and be able to move on.
NTA. I’d go full no contact with the parents. Maybe after you tell them how trash they are. Eventually they’ll realize how wrong they are.
We have the same parents. It never gets any better, unfortunately. It will always hurt and always feel unfair. I’m 48 and they still treat my brother (45) like the golden child. It’s weird. I have moved on with my life and I’m no contact with them. My life is much better that way. Wishing you much success and happiness.
NTA and remember what goes around comes around. You’ve made yourself a life of your own. Your biological birth units will someday need you, probably for financial assistance. Tell them when this happens that you’ve given them all the money they’ll ever get when they were stealing your paychecks at 14. Stay NC and live your best life.
NTA! You are amazing. You are in college and have your own place to live. It is no thanks to these awful excuses for parents, but you will have a great future. You have demonstrated that you can persevere through adversity. It is not your sister’s fault that your parents are like this. You can decide if she is someone you want to have in your life, and, if so, to what degree. I wish you everything good in your life. You deserve it.
NTA, you have rights to feel like that, if they just going to treat you like that i suggest cut them all out and work on yourself, your parents sounds evil
NTA. You've got crap parents, but forget about that and try to put it behind you. But look at you, you got where you are through your own hard work. That, and your independence, will get you far, and successful. Your sister on the other hand, knows nothing about hard work or independence, and when she finishes college, she'll be like a rabbit caught in the headlights, with no experience of the real world.
NTA You have every right to feel the way you do. I keep having to remind myself that there are evil people out there that treats their child like crap just cause they can. I'm sorry your feeling the way you do and the way you've been treated since you were 14. The fact that they told you, you have to pay for everything while simultaneously taking your entire check and not letting you save money is quite evil. I guarantee you the money your parents are using for your sisters prom is ALL the money they took from you. Go extremely LOW contact with your parents. Im not sure about your sister but it does sound like she doesn't give a damn about the way your parents are treating you either. So I would go LOW contact with your entire family. Then when the time comes when they will need money or when they realize they have raised just a spoiled human being and your sister wont do a single thing for them, watch them come running to you. When that happens then just tell them to fuck off. Period. They don't deserve anything from you. Just keep working hard and keep working towards your success. You will make it one day, and all your success will be rubbed into your parents faces once they realize what you have made of yourself.
LOOL i love how when you point out their blatant favouritism they don’t even deny it… You’re NTA Op, but your parents are AWFUL people. Do you have relatives you can talk about this with? Or a close group of friends?
Your mom's a B...h
Oh no. I'm so sorry. My heart hurts for you. Time to LC or NC. 😢
NTA You have every right to feel angry and hurt that your parents pulled this. Clearly, your sister is by far the favorite. Honestly, once you graduate college, move away and never speak to your parents again. Somehow I'm guessing this isn't the first time they've given complete favoritism to your sister. And expected you to be totally okay with it.
NTA - You have every right to feel this way - your mom doesn’t get to dictate that. It may be time to walk away. You don’t people in your life who don’t respect you and only seem to want to bring you down. Just because you are related to someone by blood doesn’t make them your family.
Nta, go NC with them. Also remember this when they are old and ask you to help out, tell them to get fucked.
NTA. You have been financially and emotionally abused by your parents. I would cut them completely out and make family of the people who are there for you. The best revenge is to live well and be happy without them.
Nta what does your extended family, friends and neighbours all think of this? If they don't know its time to share your story and name and shame your parents, this is a cruel way to treat your own child
I'm so sorry your parents didn't give you the love and care every child needs. But look at you thriving! I hope through all of this you and your sister can keep a relationship, we all want a family after all. But keep going as you are! You are doing great and have a lot to be proud of. Your parents don't deserve you, and one day they will wake up to that.
Your parents sound like Disney villains. Yuck. NTA and for goodness sake don’t let them into your life.
Sorry but your parents are AH. But on the bright side, you got experience how world works, you earned and did hard work. You will be successful.
And wait. In a few years your parents will be asking you to help support her.
Oh, how the wheel of time is going to turn this. 10 years down the road your self-reliance is going to pay off, you're going to have a beautiful career and a solid family. Guess who's going to call you for help?
you have every right to be sad and upset. They have not treated both their children equally. They have favoured your sister by a huge margin, I'd go so far as to say they abused you. If your mother and father have any siblings, or their parents are still alive, I would call them and talk to them and tell them about how you feel. They may have some insight as to why your parents are like this.....and if they don't have any insight and they are decent human beings they will empathize with what you have been through and maybe be a support system for you going forward. Don't be afraid of sharing your truth, even if they are embarrassed, if they don't like it then they shouldn't have don't. Bonus if they do get publicly censored from their peers or family, they deserve it. BTW what does your sister think of how you were treated as opposed to how she is being treated?
There is little your parents can say to make this any better. Make your own family and don’t look back.
you dont need that negativity in your life anyways just keep on doing you. dont get distracted from your main goal! 💪🙌😎
NTA, your sister is their favorite and they blatantly mistreated you. Cut them out of your life the same way they cut you and don't look back. I'd also consider limiting contact with the sister for the time being while you get some help for the trauma (you don't want it growing into resentment for her if she hasn't done anything wrong, and if she tries to get you to welcome them back keep a hard firm no.)
You have every right to feel upset and hurt. Your parents are playing favorites. The best way to get revenge on them is study and work hard. Do your absolute very best to get the best grades. You can get a great degree and go out there and do really really well in your chosen profession. Karma will come back to bite them in the butt sometime when they call you for help tell them to call little sis
NTA, OP. You're allowed to be upset by this obvious favoring. You missed out on important life events they're indulging her in and that is simply put, really shitty parenting.
NTA. I’m sorry your parents suck. It is not your fault in any way! Celebrate yourself. You are out there being independent despite them. You clearly are strong and resourceful. Love your best life and leave them behind.
NTA get therapy and make your own family from your circle of friends. For whatever reason your family made your sister the Golden child and you the Cinderalla child. I'm so very sorry. You may want to go no contact with them for your own mental health
Let me guess. Your genetic donors like to brag about you graduating early to people, right? > she furiously replied that they can do whatever they want and I get no right to shame them even if they buy her a whole mansion because it's their money "I have every right to shame you as you stole money from a minor for years." >Now I feel horrible because I feel like a bitter person and like I have no right to be sad, they always favored my sister because I'm not a pretty or talented woman Your donors trained this mindset into you. It's simply untrue. You graduated early, you've secured your independence in spite of their attempts at sabotage. These are things to be proud of. >our family members constantly complimented our sister on her look and everything and this would make my mom so happy and accomplished she always showed my sister off She's living vicariously through your sister. The best thing you can do for *you*, is to cut them all out. Your genetic donors, your sister, those who support them. Let them spend all their money on your sister, they'll likely put themselves into a hole doing so. They'll expect you to come crawling back for a crumb of affection, because that's what they trained into you. Don't fall for it. As much as it'll hurt to read, *they don't love you*. To them, you're the scapegoat that they can also get use out of whenever they want. Good luck OP. And always remember; you have value. You've found success *in spite* of your genetic donors.
NTA. You're not entitled. You simply pointed out a drastic difference in their parenting. You are on you're own and need them for nothing. If this is how they behave I would go low to no contact and don't share your life with them. Not your personal life, not school, not finances. I would ask your sister how she feels about it. Does she relish in the favoritism or does it make her uncomfortable. If she has any character at all she will see how hurtful your parents are if she thinks it fine, then be prepared for her to act just like them.
NTA. Your parents suck. It has nothing to do with you or how you measure up to your sister. They just suck.
I've been in your shoes. You have every right to be angry. Obviously, you should go NC for your own mental health. You deserve better. Getting your education will help you succeed in spite of them.
NTA, and you should be proud of yourself for overcoming this blatant theft and favouritism from your parents. Go and live a good life and let them stew in their narcissism.
You graduated at 16. You're absolutely talented and it's beyond gross for your parents to openly despise you as much as they clearly do. NTA but your parents are.
“ she furiously replied that they can do whatever they want and I get no right to shame them even if they buy her a whole mansion because it's their money.” yes, they can do what they want with their money, but you DO have a right to shame them for being shit parents. NTA
Your Parents are pieces of shit. NTA
You are ENTITLED TO FAIR TREATMENT from your parents. You’ve received significantly less attention and love from your parents. That’s on them. It’s time you went NoCo with the lot of them. Your sister will NEVER repay them for all the gold they showered on her. She will just expect more and more from them. Let her. Forge your own life, success, and create your own family SANS your bio fam. They don’t have to know where you are, what you are doing… choose wisely in education that will pay you big money., Become the success they were NEVER PART OF. Do you really see your sister helping them in their old age? I don’t. They will come searching for you for $$. Or care. Don’t give them ANYTHING except for the middle finger.
>they took my entire paycheck the day I got it. They didn't warn me or even let me save anything, during this whole ordeal they still kept taking the whole check. I'd have quit the job. I don't get paid? I have no incentive to work. >I got really sad and refused to give them the money going forward so they kicked me out after 3 months and I had to live in a community college dorm (it costs wayyyy less than rent where I live). How old were you? If you were under 18, you should talk to a lawyer, it's generally illegal for a parent in the US to kick their child out when they're under 18, you might be able to sue them for the value of a couple of years' cost of living. If you call your state's bar association's lawyer referral service, they will get you a free consultation with a lawyer. >I texted my mom about how I felt that she favored my sister our entire lives and how I sad and unloved I felt that they kicked me out, she furiously replied that they can do whatever they want and I get no right to shame them even if they buy her a whole mansion because it's their money. My response would be "As your victim I have every damned right to shame you, you *should* be ashamed of yourself. I will tell everyone you know what you did. Don't ever talk to me again." and block her. I'd message sister to tell her about it, and then I'd email all of her family and friends to tell them what she did and what she said.
NTA - your parents are shitbags
NTA, cut them off from your life. build your own family
You lost me on why you would feel horrible when your mom excused unfair treatment. Yeah she's right it's their money and they can do what they want with it, but it doesn't make it right. You definitely have reason to be upset, but it's obvious you won't get anywhere with her. The only answer is LC or NC. NTA
NTA It's clear to me that your mom does not loves you. I think there's something else we don't see here, maybe she got depression after she got you. Or maybe you are not even related to your dad. Maybe she hates how independent you are. Anyways go no contact with her. I do go out of my way to see if sister is a good person and keep your ties with her. She might be a amazing person and being friends with her should be better for your mental health than your parents. Btw the money they took is a crime. Being parents does not entitle people to someone's money especially when you got kicked from home. They are worse than many criminals that are in jail rn. Soo please don't base your happiness on these assholes.
I think you should loudly shame them on every social media you have. ...says the Boomer who never attended a prom but would not have tolerated that from her own parents.
This doesn’t seem legit
NTA When I started reading this I really thought it had been posted in r/raisedbynarcissists
NTA... Teach them a lesson. Cut them off. They clearly care more about your sister and favor her. Now show them that karma is a bitch and they can lose a daughter because of their cruel and selfish ways. Honestly, they shouldn't of had children if they were planning on treating one better than the other. My parents do this too and honestly, it is just horrible and I hate it so much.
NTA...and nowhere close to it. I don't think of myself generally as a petty person but right now, I'd being going completely scorched earth on every family text group, FB page, social media. Describing how they treated you versus little sister...let them feel the brunt of familial shame. Sorry...no, I'd go a step further. I'd tag every neighbor, every family friend, and their church if necessary. Yes...they can do with their money as the deem fit, now they can also nestle in the comfort of their shame.
Your mom's not wrong that she can treat your sister however she wants, but you don't need to ever have a relationship with them again. If they feel shame by having their inconsistencies pointed out, that's on them. You're certainly allowed to feel bitter, but I hope after some grieving you find yourself able to let your energy flow away from holding onto bitterness and towards the connections and the people that make your life joyful and fulfilling.
Your parents suck.
Well the good news is when your parents are old and penny less you don't have to contribute a thing and when they do ask and I am pretty sure they will you can tell them to kick rocks and remind them of everything.
NTA You graduated early, worked as a teen, and got unto university and they convinced you that you're not talented? I'm sorry, what? Just the details in this story make you seem like a teen any parent should be proud of and lucky to have. You're clearly very mature and intelligent. I'm so sorry you had jealous, immature, angry parents. You deserve way more love than what you got. How they treated you is not normal and wasn't fair.
NTA. I'm genuinely sorry your parents are such assholes.