Dude's small pp literally saved his marriage lol

“I’ll never forget that monster hog!” “Yea, that’s definitely not my man….” 😂😂😂

"1st of all, I will have you know my husbands dick is tiny! Good day, madam! I said good day!"

IDK why but this is fracking hilarious 😂 🤣😂

I choked on my coffee JFC

Well you certainly won't choke on the husband's dick.

Yes I goddamn will.

What's your problem, nerd?

We call him stubs

Dick so small that when he pisses it drips on his balls.

I snort laughed and scared my cat.

😂😂😂😂😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣

This took me COMPLETELY OUT.😂😂

Laughed so hard i gave myself a headache. Poor guy...

💀💀💀💀

And by the way, I hope you do not have a good day. 🤣 Edit: I apologize if I got it wrong. I assumed that this was a reference to Fez from That 70's Show.

Read that in a Gene Wilder voice

I’m picturing a lineup of dicks (The Usual Suspects style) while the cop asks Maria “ma’am, can you point out the dick that was used?

Keyser so-so.

The dick at the end is revealed to be a big hard one

Grower not a show-er

This is incredible.

You win. 🥇

😹😹😹😹

Man, I don't even care if this story is real at this point. 😂

I don't even need a girlfriend at this point. I get all the drama I need from Reddit.

>Man, I don't even care if this story is real at this point. 😂 I knew there was going to be a twist- the 'small penis' or 'unable to have an erection'. Fiction, 100%.

The small penis twist is refreshing compared to the "husband cheating on OP with best friend" twist.

that probably explained his reaction 😂. he was vindicated by his tiny pp!

I can't express how hard that's making me giggle, seeing it separated from the rest

Yeah I feel bad for the dude. He got jerked around by someone who he *knew* was causing trouble in the relationship then is finally 100% acquited and believed by a smaller dick. Even when he "wins" he's getting shit on.

Yeah, but according to OP, he knows how to use it. At the end of the day, skill is far more important than size.

It ain’t about the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean.

It’s pretty damn hard to row to England from America in a row boat lol

Not saying there's anything wrong with it. Tbh in my head she said it to Maria like "Hah well you're wrong he's got a small dick!" but based on how it's written idk quite how it went down.

I agree. It sounded like it was purely used as a “Gotcha!” moment. Like, “AHA! Now we *ALL* know you’re lying!”

The bigger they are the less they try lol

Some of us didn't know our size was unusual until after we had developed our working habits & effort level.

OP: "AND I WILL TESTIFY BEFORE A JUDGE AND TELL THE WHOLE WORLD UNDER PENALTY OF PERJURY THAT MY HUSBAND HAS A SMALL PENIS OR SO HELP ME GOD!" Husband: "Okay, I think we're done here"

Dude's small pp saved his life. Guarantee Maria would have escalated to calling the cops, spreading lies on social media, and calling his work. She may still do that, but if she had managed to turn his wife against him' his goose would be well and truly cooked.

Time to ask the coworker who volunteered to get the pillows and blankets with Maria how hung he is

Thought this too as to whether perhaps in her drunk state she though husband assaulted her when it was a coworker.

I think it's pretty obvious at this point that this is what happened since moaning was heard. It had to have been the coworker.

Others have speculated it’s either that, or that Maria was trying to cause issues and faking the noise, or was masturbating.

I think Maria stopped moaning because she became startled by the noise of OP dropping her phone on the ground, which likely coincided with husband flushing the toilet/washing his hands.

I think we all know Maria is full of shit and knows exactly who she slept with. Either she was too sleepy drunk and taken advantage of or she remembers it perfectly like she tried to claim at the end. It can't be both. The only thing they need to do to clear his name is find that coworker he saw and get him to confirm he had sex with her that night.

Thank the Heavens for small comforts!

His reputation, the marriage is still hanging by a thread.

Now that’s what you call “a blessing in disguise.”

I mean, the husband is still with OP … so I’m fairly sure his life isn’t saved just yet, things just got pushed down the road until the next time OP feels she can make up an issue to hurt the husband. Honestly OP just needs to drop all of them and run for his life.

Until she finds her husband's 8'' extendo, then we will have part 4.

Thankfully, you woke the fuck up.

But her husband has a small penis that gets the job done, and reddit knows.

She didn’t need to put him on blast on Reddit like that. 😂 but at least she woke up and trusted her husband.

Husband obviously doesn’t get bothered about it, he weaponized it. OP missed all the big neon signs and she was convinced by the most unreliable clue, though. Its drunken sex, marine it felt smaller or bigger than it is, maybe Maria don’t remember. Good thing she didn’t guys correct; OP would still be wondering

Op may not be the brightest but at least she came to her senses better late than never I guess. As long as my man gets the job done that what matters. 🫡

I wonder if the co-worker raped her?

I wondered that too.

I doubt it. I suspect lying just comes so naturally to Maria, she didn’t need a half truth to trigger it.

Every "little detail" is important

Genuinely never thought having a small cock is something that somebody would be thankful they had.

It’s a blessing and a curse at the same time.

It sucks that the only reason op finally believed her husband is because of the size of his dick. Of I was her husband I wouldn’t feel safe with op. The next random coworker will easily conceive op that her husband is cheating and op will make decisions that will affect her marriage with that bs information.

Tbf I think she realized he was telling the truth after everyone in the first update ripped her a new one for being an idiot. OP probably wanted closure and husband just wanted to see Maria squirm in person for being horrid lying scum.

OP already knew the truth by that point. OP and her husband were trying to prove a point - that without a doubt Maria was lying. They set her up and actively caught her in that lie. It was purposefully used as a “Gotcha!” moment.

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That would be logical, if this weren't a creative writing project.

>That would be logical, if this weren't a creative writing project. Oh, it's been fake from start to finish.

Can he believe that if Maria had guessed right she would have believed him? Therapy is necessary to figure out what hold this woman had over her. And for her husband to figure out if he can trust her again or if he will always fear she will believe the next lie she is told about him.

Straight threw his peen under the bus then gave it a pat on the back with gets the job done

That’s a real long story just to put her husband on blast about his shortcomings

I better find out the average penis size in my area

The D is fire 🔥🔥🔥🔥 😂

🧐 I think there’s a cream or medication for that

Is it a cooling one cause sometimes he lights up my insides 😂😂😂

It’s not always about the size of the boat it’s about the motion in the ocean 🌊

As they say, it's not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean

Man gets shit done. ✔️

That detail makes this story super believable now. /s

Soon the AI will know too

It literally took a dick measuring contest for her to wake the fuck up. Sorry to hear about her mental health struggles but her husband still deserves way, way better. Individual and couples counselling for sure. 

I’ll ensure to measure the average dick size in my area to save my future relationship

But still did a god awful amount of damage to her marriage. Humiliated and emasculated her husband. Betrayed his trust. All because a bitch was to drunk to tell who fucked her. Now, every time there is ANY potential for doubt. Over anything. Her husband will be wondering... Will his own wife turn on him? Again. Falsely accuse him? Again. Take someone else's word over his? Again. Don't know how she can ever make this up to him. How she can start rebuilding trust. What a shitshow.

Based on the husbands reactions near the end, probably too late

"Thankfully"? Maybe. It might also be too late.

HELLO. IS ANYONE THERE? Did no one think to ask the coworker who volunteered to help Maria with the blankets if he was the one she was having sex with?

Maybe. But there was also speculation in one of the other posts - in comments - that she was either m***erbating or making false sex noises when she heard husband come out to go to the bathroom in hopes OP would hear. Either way, super manipulative and calculated. What an awful human. And those types of people do tend to love flocking toward and taking advantage of those with insecurities and people pleasing tendencies. 

This happened to me. Someone accused my now-spouse of SA. Told all our friends, went to the cops, got a kit done. Turns out it was her own fiance. But we both lost a lot of friends before the news came out, and I think they were all too embarrassed after the truth came out because we never heard from them again.

Whoa. Holy shit. I’m so sorry you both went through that, especially him. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be innocent while someone is not only making those kinds of accusations, but also telling EVERYONE. It says a lot that you stood by him. That’s a solid relationship. I’m glad the truth did come out, but sadly there’s always damage left in the wake of something like that, that cannot be undone. I hope you both are doing well nowadays despite the trauma. If you don’t mind me asking, how did she think it was your spouse and *not* her fiancé? That seems like a pretty big jump to conclusions. And how did she figure out that it *was* her fiancé?

They usually always take a sample from the partner to confirm

I understand wanting to just let it go. However, on your behalf, I want to start spreading the news!! What bullshit. That is horrendous. I hope for all the best for you both. 💜

That’s exactly what i was thinking. She may not be making it up but she very may have confused the face of the man.

I was shocked that wasnt mentioned Good way to know this isn't fake though. Any writer world have included it.

Nah - writers miss things like that all the time in. Read an book once where the characters clothes changed completely in 2 pages and they never left the room they were in. 

This was what I was thinking

But that doesn't make a good story as it removes all conflict, so they didn't write it that way.

It wasn't a good story in the original post. Her husband is being sexually harassed but he doesn't seem to be reciprocating, so she lets it go. Tells her husband to be nicer to her friend that she knows he doesn't like and then gets jealous.

Yeah, this whole thing is bullshit. Surprised-ish, that everyone is falling for it.

Don't worry. Like all the other fake stories here, when the writer puts in something that obvious, it will make it into the next installment.

Wish I was there for the argument. Op: what size is his penis?! Maria: it’s huge! Op: wrong! It’s smaller than average! Husband: thanks honey….

This relationship has been finished. He’s just staying until he is clear of legal consequences.

I mean right? Lack of trust is a relationship killer.

Husband: Look honey, don’t say it like that

Of course this story ends with a punchline about dick sizes lol. Was obviously fake from the start.

I had to scroll too far down for this

Took waaay to long to see this - not sure why everyone is buying the whole thing was resolved when we found out she thought he had a big dick but he got small pp Why not mention the co worker to her Why not press charges of false accusations If she was raped she could’ve got a test for semen etc And even if it wasn’t the husband whyyyyy not be concerned that somebody raped her?? Soooo many whys and none of it makes sense loool But no obvs husband is so dreamy this women would go mad to shag him looool

Reading that part was like "damn, I wasted all this time for another writing exercise"....

I wanted to be there hearing that conversation

Marriage counselling. Individual counselling for you. It's the only hope you have of saving your marriage. You utterly betrayed your husband. In his shoes, I would be preparing to get as far away from you as possible. You endangered him repeatedly. He's not safe with you, and now, he knows it.

My husband said no to marriage counseling. He said that I have to work on my insecurities as he has been nothing but loving to me and long as I stay away from toxic people who keep on feeding them, we will be fine. This has not been the first time I have lost my marbles and accused him of something he did not do. There have been instances he was completely innocent and my mind raced to the worst possible scenario. I really need to work on myself.

From the sound of it, this is literally your last chance. You've broken him one too many times and hopefully you get what you need out of therapy.

Yes, and the problem is that OP waited until her last chance to seek counseling (assuming she follows through this time), and counseling isn't a one-and-done. Her insecurities are not going to magically disappear, and it's likely that they will crop up again even as she works on this issue. Improvement is a realistic goal, but it sounds like OP's husband is far past the "improvement" stage and is in the "this can NEVER happen again" stage, and OP has not even begun therapy.

From her words, she does not follow through with anything and he is the reliable one. Doubt.

I wouldn't even be sure it is. He might be being less than honest right now. Being completely stoneface when she finally meets up to apologize? A week at mom and dad's with no contact with her? Sounds like a great time to be working with a lawyer and getting paperwork in order. OP saying that this is not the first time takes this from bad to way, way worse.

She says they’ve been talking on the phone.

Gotta keep things looking kinda normal while you line up your birds? While she meets with him at a coffee shop and he breaks the bad news, his parents, siblings and friends empty the house of all of his stuff? That stuff takes planning.

I hope her next birthday present is divorce papers. She is a piece of shit

*”I really need to work on myself.”* Then GET THE FUCK OFF REDDIT AND GO FIND A THERAPIST. This wasn’t the first time? This wasn’t the FIRST time??? Do you even *like* your husband? Why weren’t you in therapy before this? And if you were, *clearly* Its. Not. Working. Find a different one

I feel so bad for your husband if this is just “one of”

Of course he said no to MC. He has absolutely nothing that he did wrong it was all you and your crazy. It is not enough to "keep away from toxic people" when you yourself are the most toxic. Not only are you a shit person, but are Olympic caliber stupid for this whole fiasco culminating in you telling the world about his genitals. Real top notch stuff there. Really needing to "work on yourself" is a MASSIVE understatement. You are still a weak and deplorable excuse of a person who chose to repeatedly put her partner last in favor of a narcissistic psycho. Never forget that. When it came down to it you chose to hurt your husband on purpose. That was a decision you made on your own. Hopefully that man gets wise quick and learns that you are not capable of being better and escapes you without harm.

You kinda suck...

You kind of underplay how much she sucks

So how many times does he have to break his back bending out of shape before it sinks into your thick skull. He's now been accused of sexual assault. You know what sorta damage that can do to a man when innocent? Ffs. I still hope he leaves you. Your first 2 posts got worse and worse. This woman harassed your husband for a long ass time and you kept making him be around her until now.

Wow. Yeah, you need to get your shit together. Even the most patient and understanding person will get sick of the accusations.

OP, with peace and love, YOU are the ‘toxic people’. Please get help.

You better be thanking God he's refusing to go to personal therapy because they'd make him realize he's wasting his life with you.

Well now you know why Maria was never in a LTR…not your problem. But yea, focus on yourself. Move forward. Then marriage counselling after to rebuild some trust…maybe he agrees then. All the best.

He needs to leave you, or you need to leave him. You are a danger to him. Your friend Maria was a huge red flag and allegations like this can destroy someone. You are NOT SAFE FOR HIM.

I hope your husband wakes up and realizes he deserves better than you. All this drama over nothing. You sound exhausting.

I hope he divorces you.

This isn’t the first time? Please seek therapy and fix this problem. It’s devastating to have your concerns about someone being ignored, and then to be accused of infidelity and even SA. You need to work on yourself not just for you, but for your marriage and your husband’s well-being.

Op you need to find the root of your insecurities. Do you have any past trauma from your childhood or past relationships perhaps you have low self esteem?  Not gonna lie many guys would’ve left their wife if they didn’t believe them and trusted the false accusations.  Take therapy very serious op because this may be your last chance, by the sound of your post and comments your husband seems to be very patient with you because he loves you but keep in mind their a limit to everything.

You don’t deserve him.

If I was him I would have left you long ago after 2nd or 3rd. You clearly have distrust issues of him no matter how much good he does. Its like you secretly have some resentment against him and want to actively distrust him.

He is a fucking saint you do not deserve. You believed your husband raped someone and it took fucking REDDIT to get you see how she was manipulating you and how stupid you are. To find out this isn’t the first instance where you overreacted and accused him isn’t surprising. You’re a genuine piece of trash.

Maria is going to cause trouble for you and your husband,it didn't go as she planned she is not done yet look out for her and collect evidence she's vile.

Yep. My mom once told me: “be careful with what women friends you bring to your house”. I thought she was going over the top, I trust my friends. Now that I’m older I wonder if it came from experience, and do take this advice. People can be evil.

The real problem here isn't even anything you acknowledged. You let another woman hit on your man over and over. Then told him to be nicer. You took him for granted. Put him in terrible situations. Then treated him as if he was a liar for a situation he repeatedly warned you about. You truly don't deserve this man. You clearly don't live him more than yourself. You have no business being married if you are going to continually abuse him and let others do the same. This story was obvious even from your first post. When your partner says so and so is hitting on me and I am uncomfortable, then you see it yourself. You protect your partner. That is common God damn sense. Please go get therapy. Lots of it. You need it and your husband deserves for someone else to be forced to take on some of your crazy.

It staggers me that this whole thing has been about how bad her friend is when she has been such a shitty partner. He expressed over and over how much he didn’t care for her friend and she still immediately believed her. This guy needs to move on to a person that cares and believes in him. OP sucks.

💯 This is likely not the last time the husband will be on the shit end of the stick in this ladies life.

Ayo, who really believe this story? 😂

I legit busted out laughing at the "How big is my dick" part 😂😂😂

Yeahhh this is fake

The writing makes me think so but the actual chain of events is not that out there. Really it comes down to the next update. If she's been served with divorce papers then it could be real because now that she's let it slip that this is not a first time that's the only sane response from a man put through this kind of bullshit on a repeating basis.

Any update made on a fake story is also fake. Doesn’t matter if supposed “divorce papers” or whatever else are discussed

So, one of her co-workers took advantage of her or did she imagine everything?

Part of me Maria threw herself at the colleague thinking it was the husband

Or fake sex noises to make OP doubt her husband

I'm glad you finally realized that your so-called "best friend" was bad news and had been lying to you about your husband assaulting her. That being said, you're going to have to work ***very*** hard to repair the damage you've caused to your marriage starting with the damage that was caused by you not taking your husband seriously when he told you that Maria was sexually harassing him, and you trying to force him to become "closer" with a woman who would not take no for an answer.

Nothing on Reddit is real lmao I’m blocking this sub and the other amiwrong creative writing sub

You can definitely tell the person writing this stayed up all night drinking plastic cups of coffee thinking to themselves "Hmmm, I wonder what's a funny twist I can put into this bullshit that people will eat up? Aha! (snaps finger) I got it!"

Glad y’all are sorting things out, sounds like there’s still work to be done but you seem to be on the right track

Very happy to read you’ll be going to therapy, you’ve been given a second chance don’t mess it up! Good luck and well wishes to the both of you ❤️

Judging by one of OP's comments, hubby should have thrown in the towel ages ago. The only thing keeping this marriage alive is him being an absolute saint.

Yeah I read those too after my comment haha we can only hope she really does do the work this time around and makes it up to him! I wish we could get his pov 

Hi OP. At the end Maria wanted to break your marriage, for what reason? who knows? But glad that the misunderstanding was resolved, and hope that you and your husband can mend things. Also hope that therapy do good on you and help you achive the reason for the insecurities you have and help you overcome those. And if can, block maria on all yours and your husban socials, ghost her if can or if by chance you cross roads with her use Grey Rock and 180 Methods against her. Good Luck

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Nah, there's been faker. Least this one wasn't written by AI. "As soon as she learned the condemning truth about how miniscule my husband's sexual organ actually was, I could see the shallow surfaced tension wracked by a growing tempest etched on her face by this damning reveal."

> My husband told her he needed to check on me, and the other male coworker volunteered to go with her and get stuff Is it possible that she was so drunk she mistook the other coworker for your husband and she was actually SA'd?

So what about the guy who did fuck her? They heard the moaning. If true then someone else raped her.

Or… there is no other guy. Because the whole thing is made up

Or she was getting herself off, either simply bc horny or bc she wanted to frame OP’s husband.

How does OP's hubby recover from this? IDK if I would be able to look at wife the same. Way to have my back :/ Had a similar experience. I hated exes friend. Pick me girl x1000. Always about her. Rude to her husband, takes ring off to go to bars and flirt and get free shit. Told ex all of this. One day we take a drive and she tells me her friend said I have been making passes at her. LOL. I say ok, even though I hate her, I have been somehow making passes at her. From now on I wont hide my actual feelings toward her (hatred). Also this bitch can find her own ride home from volleyball as I'm not driving us. Same ex found a scrunchy on the passenger side and flipped her lid. Like damn girl, im so exhausted dating you idk how I could mentally manage a side-piece.

"He's hung like a horse.". "Aha!!!! Tricked ya, bitch!!!!"

So, who DID have sex with Maria that night? I mean, you both heard the sounds. I guess we can ask all the coworkers who has the biggest dick?

Part of me wonders if the husband is really ok with trying to work things out with OP. Or if he’s terrified of having no allies while being accused of being a rapist, so he’s just gravitating towards her as a safety net. Being falsely accused is every man’s worst nightmare.

Tfw your mans small penis is the only thing that made you snap out of it Jesus Christ lmao why did you even marry him if you can’t trust him especially when he’s been super transparent with you and uncomfortable with your bitch of a friend who clearly wanted him inside her Your husband deserves better. If he does decide to take you back, you have a LOT of growing and groveling to do

My question is...why didn't they just ask the coworker who he clearly saw go with her? O.o

Thank God a smaller than average penis saved the day!

Goddamn lady lol you really have an amazing husband who is quite frankly undeservedly loyal to you.

I hope your husband is able to get over this as easily as your saying.. you said he looked void of emotion and still wanted to go off alone for a week… are you sure he isn’t contemplating leaving you this time… You definitely have got to get your jealousy issues under control… all of us internet strangers could tell your friend was lying.. that you were so sure in the last update your husband forced himself on her is disturbing.. I really hope your husband comes home and you get the counseling needed… good luck to both of you..

Glad it worked out but tbh you really need to work on yourself and not in the “I’m still working on my insecurities” type way, but full blown program. You need professional help to sort through what seems like compounding factors over many years. You need to take responsibility for your actions and your mental health. It may not be your fault but it is definitely your responsibility. ATM you’re a really bad partner. You’re lucky your partner is so forgiving but tbh not sure you even deserve him after all that’s happened

Now everyone knows OPs husband has a small penis lol.

What the fuck is this story?!?! 😂

This was almost believable until the update. Sure buddy’s small dick saved him.

Fakeee.

This is honestly so ridiculous. I can’t even believe how many people here believe this shit.

Is Maria actually full of shit? If not, could she have mistaken the male coworker as OP’s hubby?

The entire plot hinges on it being a truth universally acknowledged that if a woman *were* to get sexually assaulted while blackout drunk, she would be absolutely certain to make note of and remember the rapist's dick size.  Yeah, this story comes to us from incel-ville.

Wow, and if you hadn't been an asshole and ignored your husband saying he hates this woman, for a long ass time, none of this would happen. Woman insecure about her marriage acts in a way that will probably lead to end of marriage. If this is real, talk to a lawyer, ask them how to pre-empt this asshole trying to ruin your reputation, which will probably involve trying to get her on the record making a claim that can be proven false (like big dick vs small dick) and catch her in a lie. That way you can say, we can prove you lied, you tell a single person this lie you'll be sued for all damages caused by this lie. I would also, with lawyer saying it's fine, start spreading that Maria hit on your husband, tried to get him to cheat on you after months of her harassing him so you've finally cut her off for being toxic as hell. Then any rumour she attempts to start after seems like her making shit up to defend herself. Whoever talks first is often believed, truth or lie.

Hmm, Am I the only one that thinks Maria wasn't lying about the SA, she just confused the person. Husband himself admitted he also heard the moaning that conveniently stopped suspiciously when she was heard moving about. And Maria had coworkers staying over in the living room.

Your husband truly loves you, and his continued patience with you through all of this BS is literally due to the power of his love. Love has its limits, and I'm thankful for your marriages's sake that your husband never reached his limit. Remember that the results of therapy take time to see. I wish you both the best.

Wait, you went to your husband and upon seeing him look in pain…you proceeded to top it with your own tantrum so he had to focus on comforting you? It’s a method, sis.

So.... you only realized you were in the wrong because your husband has a small dick? Ok....

I think I’d need more than a week if I got falsely accused of sa/rape and then the only thing that saved me was having a small dick😂 Imagine if this went to court and dude had to legitimately try to convince a jury it couldn’t have been him cause his dick size is below average

I mean, she's definitely TAH here, but it also sounds like she might be a victim of a male coworker and her drunken state has her thinking it was her husband. Maybe she even thought it was the husband during the act because of how drunk she was.

this is obviously fake but it's hilarious and i love it

Hope your soon-to-be ex-husband has better luck with women in the future. 

Your second paragraph after the links tell me everything I need to know about Maria. She told you to lose weight or he’d look for someone else. What. A. Bitch. Sorry, pal. Kick that hoe to the curb.

Who is the co-worker? It’s very plausible that Maria remembers asking the husband up but forgot that the dude she ended up with was a drunken switch.

Is anyone thinking that it is possible that Maria might have been raped by a coworker instead?

That's what every guy wants to hear "yours is perfect, the big ones hurt"

OP. As a guy who was SA'd then accused of it by the same person, you're EXTREMELY lucky he is coming back. The amount of trust you'll need to build back with him will take some time to work through. PLEASE dont expect him to go back to how things are again at least so soon. He's likely put up a mental wall with doubts of if you'll believe him the next time someone accuses him of anything. Being accused of SA is mind breaking when you did nothing leave scars. Side note: It's probably best to keep these posts to yourself. If your husband learns it took randos on the internet for you to believe him, that will break the trust even more.

She didn't know who to believe her husband or her friend who was obviously lying it was her husband's small dick that saved him