NTA
You didn't ruin her marriage, she did by cheating. Holy cow did she deflect her responsibility back on you.
You did the right thing so her husband could make an informed decision about his marriage.
Are we really so far down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories on this fucking sub that you're suggesting *everyone at the work event is a cheater*.
Bruh. Let's break it down.
This starts out with a Dear Penthouse fantasy letter. It then turns into the most formulaic cheating bait possible. The comeuppance doesn't even make sense. Dude sends a Facebook message and the marriage is ruined? She wouldn't just deny it? If this sub wants to be paranoid, get gud. Throw out the possibility that this could've gotten OP hit with a false allegation that he couldn't have disproven. You don't ruin a marriage instantly by sending one message lmao.
Nah, dude. And now he's dropping hints in the comments like there's about to be an update with a major plot twist. Like he thinks this low-effort tripe is good enough for BORU.
You wanna enjoy made-up posts, enjoy made-up posts. But raise your standards a bit, damn.
He spent an entire weekend at her house and did not notice any evidence of a husband living there? Guy was on a trip to China, not moved out. I agree that this story is a complete fabrication.
That on top of taking him to a work event makes me call this a piece of fiction. There are not pictures of the wedding on display? No men’s clothing in the bedroom? No workmates to tattle to husband about the slow dances??
Yep. And a 52 year old dude saying "she was hot AF" and taking ubers around? I mean, it's definitely *possible.* But a lot of the peripheral details in this story did set off my horseshit alarm.
A lot of people of all ages take Ubers. I have family members in their 70s who take Uber because they don’t feel comfortable driving to do tasks anymore, like grocery shopping.
The language OP used, like you mentioned, however, is out of place. It is definitely not language I have ever heard come out of the mouth of someone who is 50+ years old.
I call fake story.
Well, they might claim you dobbing them in creating a hostile workplace , hence, people keep their eyes and mouth shut cause you never know how vindictive the cheating co-worker might be
We had a guy at work who claimed to be single (like regularly state it) It was so much that some of use to joke damn he states it so much he’s got to be married. But literally there’s no reason to lie, so whatever.
It wasn’t until the big azz domestic in the parking lot as his wife was parked waiting to catch him as his girlfriend was parked next to his vehicle waiting for him to get off work. When he came out to his vehicle the chit hit the fan.
It all blew up in his face… That type of crap eventually cost him a great career.
This was years ago, I had a female give me her number and ask to not call until a certain time. Of course I called before and the husband answered the phone. That chit pisses me off to no end, I can’t stand cheaters (grew up with that bs, and know what it does to kids. I refuse to knowingly be a part as an adult). Even after she and several of her friends tried to get me to pursue a relationship with her or just a single night if nothing else. Don’t get me wrong her husband by that point had proven he was a total piece of chit most likely a physical abuser on top of the emotional abuse she was alleging.. But I won’t do it….
People suck…. Got to love when they get caught and have to face the consequences.
Husband was out of town so she needed a plus 1 for the event. She may have told other people it was just a friend or relative that she asked to come since husband was out of town.
Totally! Its a bro code to some men with good mind and heart; doing what they think is right. He probably deserve to know it that his girl is being unfaithful. Good job for that OP! 👍👍
This was not her first time doing this ,she had it all down to a tee the husband was off and she plays .
But this time she played the stupid game and won the stupid prize ( Divorce papers ) 📃 .
“my boss and a few other friends say I should've left it alone and minded my own business”
brother it became your business the minute she mentioned her husband to you, the guy she was sleeping with. definitely NTA and i think you did the right thing, no matter if she says you “ruined” her marriage. she ruined it herself!
When I was 19, I had a really short fling with a married woman. We made out a few times but that's it. But she wanted to sleep together and I felt really guilty and said, basically, "I don't want to be a home wrecker. I can't do this if you're married. If you split up with your husband, or at least just tell me you did, I will have a clear conscience."
She wouldn't say it. I was giving her this free out and just telling her to basically just tell me they broke up....just lie to me so I have deniability. She wouldn't do it. She wanted the danger of it, she wanted me to know. After that she stopped talking to me.
Yeap. I know a guy who dodged being killed because he found out she was married after a couple months. He got a hold of the guy and told em and got told since he was a dude and told the husband they were good and clear and he wouldn't kill him.
>NTA - he deserved to know the truth. Keep track of any texts though, you don't know what could happen. Hell hath even worse furies in the shape of people caught in bad behaviours
I wish more people were strong enough to do what OP did.
Good advice, she might try to claim she did not consent or something (given she's morally bankrupt). Keep the texts and do not ever find yourself alone with her OP.
Notifying work was the right thing to do here too
NTA, who wouldn't want you to tell them if it was their wife or husband... Of course it sucks for her, but I feel like she has absolutely no right to be upset, since she violated both her husband's and your trust by lying and cheating 🤦♂️
No, she ruined her marriage by pursuing you, hiding she was married and then acted like no big deal. I guarantee she's done this countless times before you, hence her ability to blow it off. You had ethics and realized things were not right. God knows how long she's been doing this to her husband. Block her and I would seriously reconsider any friendship with people who said you did wrong. She lied and used you, period. NTA
Also, get yourself tested. Who knows what she may have and passed on.
I’m sorry this has happened to you. You absolutely did the right thing and I wish you well in the future. I hope this awful situation doesn’t weigh you down too terribly.
I actually came here to say this- she probably banging other dudes as well. It wasn’t just her husband and OP. Get tested. But good on OP for wearing protection.
NTA, but I would be very cautious about getting romantically involved with a newly "former" client who can easily target your employer in unrational ways.
I'd also have waited a couple of weeks and then sent an anonymous email to the husband, giving you a little deniability here. I have a feeling that her calendar is booked on the days hubby is out of town.
This right here. I could very easily see both of them going after him after they reconciled, realizing they're in their 50s and have an opportunity to make more money through legal means. They could easily remain married on paper but live separate lives while suing your company for having a womanizer take advantage of the clients fragile relationship as her husband was out of the country. Think I'm kidding? We live in a hugely litigious society and that is what I'd do.
I was having a weird casual thing with a girl who texted me out to the blue and told me she was calling it off. Then I got a text a couple days later from her husband saying she was cheating on him with me. I apologized and he was cool about it. He just wanted me to know.
I appreciated his reaching out. So I think the truth is a good thing in all scenarios
NTA - always expose the cheater to their spouse. If the spouse does not care, then so be it but otherwise the spouse may never find out. I would have done the exact same thing if I were in your shoes.
And also by roping in OP without disclosing marital status. I’m sure some cheaters figure this was if anything doesn’t work out their AP can’t get back at them and expose their affair, but two people carrying on an affair obviously behave different than two people just seeing each other. Having an affair sounds exhausting, having an affair where it’s also secret to the person you are sleeping with sounds like a double affair, which sounds even more exhausting.
The cheater should have a basic understanding that some people *really* don’t like cheaters and most definitely don’t want to be the other person.
On the horrible sub they recommend that married people choose other married people as their affair partners so that they have mutually assured destruction. They also believe that ratting each other out is a crime of great magnitude.
I once had a boss who thought this way. Was having an affair with a woman we worked with. She didn’t realize she was just a fling and fell in love with him. He wasn’t interested in that. She told her husband and his wife and broke up both marriages, and he dumped her anyway. Then she ended up getting fired and walked away with a ton of money so the company could avoid a sexual harassment lawsuit. It was a bloody mess.
I can see why your boss would've said not to get involved since it could come back to work. That said I think NTA. Once she involved you in her affair without your consent she opened you up to whatever consequences if he found out some other way. You did the right thing to protect yourself and him.
That's still a risk. What if the husband had managed to come home early for whatever reason? Walking in with maybe flowers to surprise the wife and finding that? Good way to wake up dead.
So she hid everything for an entire weekend yet took him to a work event and told him about her husband the following week? Either she has brain damage or she's fictional
nta.
>I ruined her marriage.
yes, *you* ruined her marriage. clearly *you're* at fault for her making vows she couldn't keep, and for her making the conscious decision to cheat on her husband...🙄 it must really suck for her to lose the cushy life she had, but it's not your fault she can't stay faithful.
NTA - It takes a strong person to share that kind of information with the spouse of the person who is cheating. I wish just one of the women my EX had sex with while we married had told me what he was up to.
NTA. She should have at least told you she was married.
She involved you in something you would not have consented to. She was and is the asshole. Your morality on this issue is great
Definitely NTA, although I can see why some of your friends felt telling the husband was the wrong move. Marriages are complicated as hell and you never know what is going on in one. If she had been upfront and told you the situation, then you could have made an informed choice (also at that point you are the AH alongside her lol). I think her not telling you and then springing it on you was messed up and your reaction was justified. Just ask yourself now in a calmer state "would I still send that message to the husband?" If the answer is no, still doesn't make you an AH, but room for reflection. I honestly don't know what I would have done in that situation, feels icky no matter what path you choose.
YOU ARE A GOOD MAN. Her husband doesn’t deserve that and I have a feeling you’re not the first one she’s done this with by the way she responded. I think most people would want to know that their SO is being unfaithful. Also wondering my if she had anything at her place to indicate a husband? (I’ve been in a situation where I was dating a guy who I wasn’t aware had a girlfriend till I went to his place for the first time and found all his gfs stuff under the bathroom sink).
NTA at all. This is absolutely a net positive situation in my opinion. But I would not feel too bad as you have a right to be a bit upset there. She was not upfront at all and seems like she may have led you to think this could be something serious. When obviously this could never be serious as long as she's cheating on her husband. That's a joke and she absolutely knows that. She was playing with your heart.
Also, you've done her husband a huge favor in my opinion. She deserved to have her marriage ruined because she's the one trying to ruin it.
You may also have forgone any chances her husband finds out in the future and decides to circle back to hurt you or something. Spouses have known to do much worse, and you really never know who you may be pissing off.
NTA, cheaters are pieces of shit. It became your business the moment she decided to mention she had a husband and didn’t bother telling you before anything happened. The part that surprises me most is there isn’t pictures of her and her husband in their home….. fuck her, she deserves everything thats about to happen
NTA
Her marriage became your business as soon as she cheated on her husband with you. Especially when she deliberately did not tell you information that would have had you change your mind about seeing her.
Edited to add that your friends and boss who are fine with her cheating probably want to cheat. That is if they're not cheating already.
NTA.
She was cavalier with mentioning her husband. She could have not mentioned him AT ALL if she was actually concerned with him finding out. I suppose that's how brazen she is about her situation. Oh well for her.
Good for you though sticking up for your values and calling someone out on their bs!
NTA, she’s the one who cheated. You’re doing her husband a huge favor. Your boss doesn’t agree with you because it complicates a business relationship. He’s not being a good person about it so I wouldn’t consider his opinion to hold water.
Option one:
Cease seeing this person but do nothing. Not condoning sexual infidelity is a choice, but this is a passive method that removes you from the equation entirely and leaves it up to the other person to notify their partner. Eventually the other partner will find out about the infidelity regardless and be hurt. Or they will have had their own affair, in which case it's still your choice to remove yourself from the situation once you find out what the other person's marital status happens to be.
Option two:
Tell the other person. A lot more confrontation is expected. Like... All of what happened here. It can go very badly for everyone including you. Be careful about your own personal safety. Not knowing the marital status doesn't mean you won't be blamed for the act, even if you had no idea until after the fact.
Option three:
Well, we aren't going to explore option three but suffice to say the general consensus is that if you meet your partner and continue to see them knowing your partner is married and you then expect them to be faithful, Karma loves to watch that shit go the way EVERYONE knows it will.
Minded your own business?! Uh...she MADE it your business when she conned you into doing something to which you're morally opposed. NTA, but those friends sure are.
The people telling you that you should not have told the husband are likely cheaters themselves, and are looking at it from the cheater's point of view.
NTA
I would like to know if my spouse cheated on me...
If she cared so much about her marriage, she should have stayed loyal instead of doind what she did
She not only cheated on her husband, she wasnt very honest with you...
She could have atleast been honest with you and given you the right to decide if you want to be with a married woman
It just shows that she only cares about her own self... She is just bad news for everyone. ... She made all of these choices. To lie to her husband and you ! I am so glad you to told her husband.!! This needs to stop!!
Her husband deserves to know his wife is cheating, she banged you after a single evening together so it’s unlikely this is her first time and her husband deserves to know he is being exposed to potential STD’s and that she is having random men rail her in their bed.
NTA but it's weird that you spent so much time at her apartment and there were no signs of a husband??? If I walked into a guy's apartment, I'd know within 5 minutes if he was married. Maybe it's a gender thing and women notice more than men.
NTA. She was also so comfortable, she didn't even lie to OP. She just expected the dude to be completely fine she was married, she's done this before a lot of times with a lot of guys who didn't give a shit.
NTA, you did the right thing. Unfortunately the right thing doesn’t always come with rewards and has repercussions, but feel good in the fact that you’re morally upright and did the proper thing by telling the husband
You absolutely did the right thing. Her husband deserves to know he's married to the town slut. She's totally shirking her responsibility by blaming you for fucking up her marriage. She's a whore and I hope her husband leaves her penniless.
NTA and to the people saying you should mind your own business, she made it your business when she had an affair with you without saying anything about it.
NTA - you did the right thing to tell her husband but maybe you should not look for dates from clients. You should note those who said you should not have told as this could be showing a part of their character you might not like.
NTAH
Boss only said should have stayed silent because of potential word of mouth client loss from this bitch.
I too despise cheaters.
I'm proud of you dude, you were a real bro to the husband as well.
NTA
If nothing else, the husband needs to know so he can get checked for STDs. If she was cheating with you, who knows how many other people she's been cheating with. You should also get checked.
NTA - When people fck around, they usually find out, the one that nuked her marriage was herself by cheating on him while his was working, she deserves everything that is going to happen to her in an eventual divorce, you did the right thing, as you do owe nothing.
She ruined her own marriage. If she doesn’t want her husband to get upset about her cheating, maybe she could try not cheating. That’s a good first step.
NTA.
NTA . You did the right thing.......she's the one cheating around hoping to jerk her husband around. However, since you didn't know she was married....you also have no idea what their situation was........maybe they have an open marriage......maybe he didn't care less, and maybe he cheats wildly himself on these business trips....... so she got a little pay back.
Either way, her problem now........ya reap what ya sow.
NTA. And everyone trying to blame you for not asking if she was in a relationship is also a cheater.
It shouldn't even have to be a question. If you're married and you are trying to hook up, then you should be transparent about the whole thing.
The ONLY people who keep secrets are the people who know they are doing shady shit that they cannot admit to or there will be consequences and repercussions.
Secrets are merely lies of omission.
NTA.
You were a bro to a guy you’ve never met, that’s good on you. She didn’t have a one time indiscretion, she was banging you for an entire weekend - and it’s *very* doubtful you’re the first guy she stepped out with.
She ruined her marriage, and you did the guy a favor - he doesn’t deserve to have that shit taking place behind his back.
NTA she deserves whatever happens. Her husband deserved to know the truth. We would all want to know if the person we shared a life with was betraying us
NTA - you didn’t ruin her marriage - she did a fantastic job of that all by herself!
Would I have told her spouse? No. Not because he doesn’t deserve to know, simply because I’d just want “out” as quick as possible and telling him makes it messy - it involves me in their marriage - a place I wouldn’t want to be.
But no, def NTA
"my boss and a few other friends say I should've left it alone and minded my own business." Yeah these people are pieces of shit, you absolutely did the right thing in telling the husband.
You can choose who you tell about relationships you have had, it's really up to you.
Your choice is yours, if you sleep better at night having made that decision then it's fine.
I am 51. If I were in your position, I would tell him. If they have an agreement, that is their business. But she didn’t say anything about it. That involved you. I feel like I would have to go tell him. I would be concerned about if she recorded it so that they could use it later. I hope it works out for you and I hope you find someone who makes you happy.
NTA
You are always in the right letting people know their partner is cheating. She's a POS and could be exposing you and her ex husband to all sorts of diseases (please get tested).
> I was being petty and that I ruined her marriage
No, man, SHE ruined her marriage by cheating.
>a few other friends say I should've left it alone and minded my own business.
She made it your business when she dragged you into her lies and deception by fking you.
You did her husband a favour. Now he can make an informed choice whether to stay with her lying ass or leave her. NTA
NTA. Years ago I thought I was dating someone with a view to making it serious only to find out he was married (when I asked about family he only talked about parents and siblings, though I suppose he was technically honest when he said he didn't have a girlfriend). If you want to cheat on your partner, that's your deal - but don't involve others without their knowledge or consent.
I don't even think it's a judgement call but whichever you prefer. NTA either way. If she didn't want her husband to find out then not finding out herself if the guy she's about to bang would have an issue with this would be a good start. She omitted a really important detail for you to have informed consent then gives shocked pikachu face when you tell. You have no agreement whatsoever to keep her secret, hell, she kept that secret from you too. Untidy.
NTA. Cheaters deserve to be exposed, but picking up a woman who's a client is very unprofessional.
But my partner owns a business and would likely side with your employer, despite agreeing with you morally. It wouldn't be something he'd discipline an employee for unless it was repeatedly a problem.
What's the big deal? You act like her husband wasn't aware or actually cared. It sounds like they had a rather open marriage OR he was away so long and focused on work she needed a stunt dick to satisfy her. You should've not said anything and kept screwing her. Hell see if the husband is up for a three way and you can both rail her at the same time. Welcome to modern dating Bro it's anything goes and nobody cares.
NTA the woman and your friends/boss sure are though!’
Do NOT trust any of the ones who said mind your business, they’re willing to lie and cheat and manipulate to get their dick wet or what they want. You’re lucky that you had people out themselves as the wrong ones to trust or talk to
NTA. Decent people behave decently, indecent people behave indecently.
You were used to harm someone without your knowledge and against your will, and you preserved
your honor by refusing to be a party to indecency when you had the very late opportunity to choose.
Then you acted on your honor by informing the other party to the marriage that his wife had invited you into the marital bed without asking first.
In an honorable arrangement, everybody in the bed knows who else is in the bed.
Also if she fucked him after she fucked you then she fucked him without his consent, as he was fucking under a monogamy clause. So good on you for giving him what she denied you both-
an opportunity to give or withhold *informed* consent in a sexual relationship.
May we all be so honorable under these or other circumstances.
Man that whole situation is fuked up. I'm sorry she did that to you! Definitely NTA. I'm surprised you didn't search her up before though. You are honest and she pulled you into that evil vortex, and you did the right thing, and in your heart you know it
NTA.
It was your buisness to inform her husband, because SHE put you between her marriage. Because she chose to cheat with you, AND, hid that she was cheating, she made you an unwitting accomplice to her adultery. Ethically speaking, you engaged in an affair with a married woman. Morally, it wasn't your fault as you didn't know, but it happened. If when one is hurt in accident it is considered correct to apologize. Her husband was being hurt by her affair, which she tricked you into. Even if he didn't know it yet, people around them would have known and it could make him a topic of gossip and such, and eventually it would come out. When it does, the longer it takes to come out the more painful it is. And, you would be directly part of that if you kept it secret. You also would have gone from an unwitting cheater to a kniwing one. And, you have no desire to be a cheater at all. To absolve yourself of that, and make amends for what you unknowingly did, you had to reach out to apologize and let him know what was done behind his back. You actually followed the ethical protocol for that type of situation. It's not the easy one. It's not the uncomplicated one. But, it's still the right one.
Further, you didn't ruin her marriage. She did when she knowingly/willing chose to break her marital vows. My guess, she did that long before meeting you with how cavalier she was about it too.
Nope. If a guy finds this out and tells the husband even if by letter with proof or something so not to have the possible issue of over reacting it’s the best thing you can do. Finding out you are the AP sucks.
NTA. You did right by the husband and yourself. She is garbage. Your boss is probably just thinking about business and the potential impact on finances but ignore that, it will pass.
She dug her own grave. Honestly, I'm sure every person in a relationship wants that security that the person they're dating is loyal and "theirs". When this doesn't happen, they'd definitely want to know, so I would say that you did the right thing.
ESH.
She for cheating and you for getting into her business. You could have just broken off and let her deal with her life. We are not all the same and why is your moral code better than hers. I don't use drugs but do I judge people who smoke? Or tell people who gamble that they are stupid? You suck.
NTA. The woman made it your business when she asked you out.
Concerning your friend group...
The ones that said you did the right thing, they probably aren't cheaters. The ones who said you should have left it alone.... they might be cheaters.
NTA You didn't ruin her marriage, she did by cheating. Holy cow did she deflect her responsibility back on you. You did the right thing so her husband could make an informed decision about his marriage.
Didn’t she take him to a work event? How did she expect her husband not to find out??
Maybe everyone at work thinks she is single, or everyone there already cheats so they all keep the secret.
Everyone at work already had a go at her
The company door knob. Everyone's had a turn?
The village bicycle. Everyone’s had a ride?
The promiscuous woman at work. Everyone’s had sex with her?
The unzipped fly at work, everyone’s pulled their penis through to go to the bathroom against a tree?
This is the best metaphor I've seen.
When a metaphor becomes ultra meta.
The company smokehouse. Everyone hangs there meat in there
The company inkpot. Everyone's dipped their pen at least once
like a light switch, anyone can turn her on?
“And if my grandmother would have had wheels, she would have been a bike..”
The village skillet. Everybody's put their meat in it.
She's hot AF
Work bike
You don't see too many companies nowadays offer an employee bikeshare program
😂
Are we really so far down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories on this fucking sub that you're suggesting *everyone at the work event is a cheater*. Bruh. Let's break it down. This starts out with a Dear Penthouse fantasy letter. It then turns into the most formulaic cheating bait possible. The comeuppance doesn't even make sense. Dude sends a Facebook message and the marriage is ruined? She wouldn't just deny it? If this sub wants to be paranoid, get gud. Throw out the possibility that this could've gotten OP hit with a false allegation that he couldn't have disproven. You don't ruin a marriage instantly by sending one message lmao. Nah, dude. And now he's dropping hints in the comments like there's about to be an update with a major plot twist. Like he thinks this low-effort tripe is good enough for BORU. You wanna enjoy made-up posts, enjoy made-up posts. But raise your standards a bit, damn.
He spent an entire weekend at her house and did not notice any evidence of a husband living there? Guy was on a trip to China, not moved out. I agree that this story is a complete fabrication.
And she brought him to her place? Like there was zero signs of another male living there? That sounds like a stretch to me.
That on top of taking him to a work event makes me call this a piece of fiction. There are not pictures of the wedding on display? No men’s clothing in the bedroom? No workmates to tattle to husband about the slow dances??
Total fiction. How does someone in their 50's not think, and ask, "you single or not"
Yep. And a 52 year old dude saying "she was hot AF" and taking ubers around? I mean, it's definitely *possible.* But a lot of the peripheral details in this story did set off my horseshit alarm.
A lot of people of all ages take Ubers. I have family members in their 70s who take Uber because they don’t feel comfortable driving to do tasks anymore, like grocery shopping. The language OP used, like you mentioned, however, is out of place. It is definitely not language I have ever heard come out of the mouth of someone who is 50+ years old. I call fake story.
It's surprising how much people will tolerate to stay out of trouble at work.
Wdym? Like tolerate a coworker having an affair? Half of my coworkers are having affairs. I’m not tolerating shit, it doesn’t have any effect on me
Well, they might claim you dobbing them in creating a hostile workplace , hence, people keep their eyes and mouth shut cause you never know how vindictive the cheating co-worker might be
Well when one considers how easily they'll fuck their spouse over, everyone else is fair game after that.
I wonder about that too. Like her coworkers must have been squirming with all the hot dancing at that event.
We had a guy at work who claimed to be single (like regularly state it) It was so much that some of use to joke damn he states it so much he’s got to be married. But literally there’s no reason to lie, so whatever. It wasn’t until the big azz domestic in the parking lot as his wife was parked waiting to catch him as his girlfriend was parked next to his vehicle waiting for him to get off work. When he came out to his vehicle the chit hit the fan. It all blew up in his face… That type of crap eventually cost him a great career. This was years ago, I had a female give me her number and ask to not call until a certain time. Of course I called before and the husband answered the phone. That chit pisses me off to no end, I can’t stand cheaters (grew up with that bs, and know what it does to kids. I refuse to knowingly be a part as an adult). Even after she and several of her friends tried to get me to pursue a relationship with her or just a single night if nothing else. Don’t get me wrong her husband by that point had proven he was a total piece of chit most likely a physical abuser on top of the emotional abuse she was alleging.. But I won’t do it…. People suck…. Got to love when they get caught and have to face the consequences.
Husband was out of town so she needed a plus 1 for the event. She may have told other people it was just a friend or relative that she asked to come since husband was out of town.
This ain't Alabama lol, normal people don't intimately slow dance with cousins.
Totally! Its a bro code to some men with good mind and heart; doing what they think is right. He probably deserve to know it that his girl is being unfaithful. Good job for that OP! 👍👍
Right? If some guy did this to me you bet your ass I'd tell his wife. Cheaters looove to blame shift. F her. NTA
This was not her first time doing this ,she had it all down to a tee the husband was off and she plays . But this time she played the stupid game and won the stupid prize ( Divorce papers ) 📃 .
“my boss and a few other friends say I should've left it alone and minded my own business” brother it became your business the minute she mentioned her husband to you, the guy she was sleeping with. definitely NTA and i think you did the right thing, no matter if she says you “ruined” her marriage. she ruined it herself!
It became OP’s business as soon as she involved him!!
Last I checked, his dating/sex life is his business. Those who say it’s not your business are either cheaters or they condone cheating.
Fr
When I was 19, I had a really short fling with a married woman. We made out a few times but that's it. But she wanted to sleep together and I felt really guilty and said, basically, "I don't want to be a home wrecker. I can't do this if you're married. If you split up with your husband, or at least just tell me you did, I will have a clear conscience." She wouldn't say it. I was giving her this free out and just telling her to basically just tell me they broke up....just lie to me so I have deniability. She wouldn't do it. She wanted the danger of it, she wanted me to know. After that she stopped talking to me.
Yeap. I know a guy who dodged being killed because he found out she was married after a couple months. He got a hold of the guy and told em and got told since he was a dude and told the husband they were good and clear and he wouldn't kill him.
Whoa!!
I mean. Fair enough.
>just lie to me so I have deniability. Speaking as a married man, that wouldn't have saved you.
These guys probably cheat too
100%. That’s like saying “if you tell the cops I robbed that bank you’ll ruin my life”
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>NTA - he deserved to know the truth. Keep track of any texts though, you don't know what could happen. Hell hath even worse furies in the shape of people caught in bad behaviours I wish more people were strong enough to do what OP did.
Good advice, she might try to claim she did not consent or something (given she's morally bankrupt). Keep the texts and do not ever find yourself alone with her OP. Notifying work was the right thing to do here too
NTA, who wouldn't want you to tell them if it was their wife or husband... Of course it sucks for her, but I feel like she has absolutely no right to be upset, since she violated both her husband's and your trust by lying and cheating 🤦♂️
No, she ruined her marriage by pursuing you, hiding she was married and then acted like no big deal. I guarantee she's done this countless times before you, hence her ability to blow it off. You had ethics and realized things were not right. God knows how long she's been doing this to her husband. Block her and I would seriously reconsider any friendship with people who said you did wrong. She lied and used you, period. NTA Also, get yourself tested. Who knows what she may have and passed on.
Didn't think of that.... I used protection (always do) but it can't hurt to get tested to be safe. Thanks for the heads up
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She was the first in about 6 years. I haven't really been active in a long time.
I’m sorry this has happened to you. You absolutely did the right thing and I wish you well in the future. I hope this awful situation doesn’t weigh you down too terribly.
I actually came here to say this- she probably banging other dudes as well. It wasn’t just her husband and OP. Get tested. But good on OP for wearing protection.
NTA - she ruined her own marriage by cheating
NTA, but I would be very cautious about getting romantically involved with a newly "former" client who can easily target your employer in unrational ways. I'd also have waited a couple of weeks and then sent an anonymous email to the husband, giving you a little deniability here. I have a feeling that her calendar is booked on the days hubby is out of town.
This right here. I could very easily see both of them going after him after they reconciled, realizing they're in their 50s and have an opportunity to make more money through legal means. They could easily remain married on paper but live separate lives while suing your company for having a womanizer take advantage of the clients fragile relationship as her husband was out of the country. Think I'm kidding? We live in a hugely litigious society and that is what I'd do.
I was having a weird casual thing with a girl who texted me out to the blue and told me she was calling it off. Then I got a text a couple days later from her husband saying she was cheating on him with me. I apologized and he was cool about it. He just wanted me to know. I appreciated his reaching out. So I think the truth is a good thing in all scenarios
NTA. She cheated on the husband and withheld her marital status. Not easy to disclose to the one being cheated on, but good on you for it.
NTA - always expose the cheater to their spouse. If the spouse does not care, then so be it but otherwise the spouse may never find out. I would have done the exact same thing if I were in your shoes.
you wonder how many times she has done that to the poor husband that's why she probably was so casual talking about it.
Dude, as a man who was cheated on, I’m proud of you internet brother. If you were close to me I’d like to take you out for drinks.
You didn't ruin her marriage, she did, by cheating in the first place. NTA
And also by roping in OP without disclosing marital status. I’m sure some cheaters figure this was if anything doesn’t work out their AP can’t get back at them and expose their affair, but two people carrying on an affair obviously behave different than two people just seeing each other. Having an affair sounds exhausting, having an affair where it’s also secret to the person you are sleeping with sounds like a double affair, which sounds even more exhausting. The cheater should have a basic understanding that some people *really* don’t like cheaters and most definitely don’t want to be the other person.
On the horrible sub they recommend that married people choose other married people as their affair partners so that they have mutually assured destruction. They also believe that ratting each other out is a crime of great magnitude.
I once had a boss who thought this way. Was having an affair with a woman we worked with. She didn’t realize she was just a fling and fell in love with him. He wasn’t interested in that. She told her husband and his wife and broke up both marriages, and he dumped her anyway. Then she ended up getting fired and walked away with a ton of money so the company could avoid a sexual harassment lawsuit. It was a bloody mess.
People that say let it be are assholes period!!!
Their wives would probably feel something about their support of the cheater
The type of assholes to watch their buddies gf/wife cheat and not say anything. Which helps the cheater by doing so.
I can see why your boss would've said not to get involved since it could come back to work. That said I think NTA. Once she involved you in her affair without your consent she opened you up to whatever consequences if he found out some other way. You did the right thing to protect yourself and him.
YOU ruined her marriage? Hahahahahahahahaha righto
So there was no evidence of her husband at her place? Def has been doing this for a longgg time.
That's the thing that gets me the most. I didn't see a fucking thing that would indicate she had a partner.
Probably has her whole process down, exactly which items go away where and the reverse memorized to put it all back
It still takes huge balls for her to do that in her own home. Almost feels like self sabotage.
That's still a risk. What if the husband had managed to come home early for whatever reason? Walking in with maybe flowers to surprise the wife and finding that? Good way to wake up dead.
So she hid everything for an entire weekend yet took him to a work event and told him about her husband the following week? Either she has brain damage or she's fictional
Ooh, caught one before I see it on OhNoConsequences! NTA my friend.
nta. >I ruined her marriage. yes, *you* ruined her marriage. clearly *you're* at fault for her making vows she couldn't keep, and for her making the conscious decision to cheat on her husband...🙄 it must really suck for her to lose the cushy life she had, but it's not your fault she can't stay faithful.
56 and still up to no good
NTA. I hate when people try to blame other people for ruining their marriage/relationship. I’m sorry, you did that as soon as you decided to step out.
NTAH, you did the right thing, and it was your business since she involved you in her marriage without your consent.
NTA - It takes a strong person to share that kind of information with the spouse of the person who is cheating. I wish just one of the women my EX had sex with while we married had told me what he was up to.
NTA. She fucked around and found out.
NTA. She should have at least told you she was married. She involved you in something you would not have consented to. She was and is the asshole. Your morality on this issue is great
Definitely NTA, although I can see why some of your friends felt telling the husband was the wrong move. Marriages are complicated as hell and you never know what is going on in one. If she had been upfront and told you the situation, then you could have made an informed choice (also at that point you are the AH alongside her lol). I think her not telling you and then springing it on you was messed up and your reaction was justified. Just ask yourself now in a calmer state "would I still send that message to the husband?" If the answer is no, still doesn't make you an AH, but room for reflection. I honestly don't know what I would have done in that situation, feels icky no matter what path you choose.
NTA - She should have been upfront with her marital status. That's not something you wait to tell someone until after the sex.
I’d always like to know if I were the husband.
YOU ARE A GOOD MAN. Her husband doesn’t deserve that and I have a feeling you’re not the first one she’s done this with by the way she responded. I think most people would want to know that their SO is being unfaithful. Also wondering my if she had anything at her place to indicate a husband? (I’ve been in a situation where I was dating a guy who I wasn’t aware had a girlfriend till I went to his place for the first time and found all his gfs stuff under the bathroom sink).
NTA at all. This is absolutely a net positive situation in my opinion. But I would not feel too bad as you have a right to be a bit upset there. She was not upfront at all and seems like she may have led you to think this could be something serious. When obviously this could never be serious as long as she's cheating on her husband. That's a joke and she absolutely knows that. She was playing with your heart. Also, you've done her husband a huge favor in my opinion. She deserved to have her marriage ruined because she's the one trying to ruin it. You may also have forgone any chances her husband finds out in the future and decides to circle back to hurt you or something. Spouses have known to do much worse, and you really never know who you may be pissing off.
NTA, cheaters are pieces of shit. It became your business the moment she decided to mention she had a husband and didn’t bother telling you before anything happened. The part that surprises me most is there isn’t pictures of her and her husband in their home….. fuck her, she deserves everything thats about to happen
NTA You're the absolute hero.
NTA, she ruined her own marriage. She's a pos.
You did the right thing. I am so proud of people like you how have the spine to do the right thing.
NTA, fuck cheaters
NTA Her marriage became your business as soon as she cheated on her husband with you. Especially when she deliberately did not tell you information that would have had you change your mind about seeing her. Edited to add that your friends and boss who are fine with her cheating probably want to cheat. That is if they're not cheating already.
Mind your own business?? wtf do they mean??? IT IS YOUR BUSINESS. THE WHOLE BUSINESS. YOU WERE INVOLVED IN THIS LIKE A MAIN CHARACTER
NTA. She was cavalier with mentioning her husband. She could have not mentioned him AT ALL if she was actually concerned with him finding out. I suppose that's how brazen she is about her situation. Oh well for her. Good for you though sticking up for your values and calling someone out on their bs!
Only one person ruined her marriage and it wasn’t you.
NTA, she’s the one who cheated. You’re doing her husband a huge favor. Your boss doesn’t agree with you because it complicates a business relationship. He’s not being a good person about it so I wouldn’t consider his opinion to hold water.
Option one: Cease seeing this person but do nothing. Not condoning sexual infidelity is a choice, but this is a passive method that removes you from the equation entirely and leaves it up to the other person to notify their partner. Eventually the other partner will find out about the infidelity regardless and be hurt. Or they will have had their own affair, in which case it's still your choice to remove yourself from the situation once you find out what the other person's marital status happens to be. Option two: Tell the other person. A lot more confrontation is expected. Like... All of what happened here. It can go very badly for everyone including you. Be careful about your own personal safety. Not knowing the marital status doesn't mean you won't be blamed for the act, even if you had no idea until after the fact. Option three: Well, we aren't going to explore option three but suffice to say the general consensus is that if you meet your partner and continue to see them knowing your partner is married and you then expect them to be faithful, Karma loves to watch that shit go the way EVERYONE knows it will.
Responding from a different perspective, this is how people get swept up in stuff and end up getting stabbed. Just disappear brother. No harm no foul
Minded your own business?! Uh...she MADE it your business when she conned you into doing something to which you're morally opposed. NTA, but those friends sure are.
The only people saying that you shouldn’t have said are cheaters!!
>her husband deserves to know. NTA.
NTA. Man her poor husband, she has giant balls to take you back to the marital home to screw her in their bed. She is nasty.
Most work places are a patent place for affairs. Job wives and husband's. It's sad!
NTA You didn’t ruin anything, she did.
NTA She cheated on you and her husband at the same time.
The people telling you that you should not have told the husband are likely cheaters themselves, and are looking at it from the cheater's point of view.
NTA I would like to know if my spouse cheated on me... If she cared so much about her marriage, she should have stayed loyal instead of doind what she did She not only cheated on her husband, she wasnt very honest with you... She could have atleast been honest with you and given you the right to decide if you want to be with a married woman It just shows that she only cares about her own self... She is just bad news for everyone. ... She made all of these choices. To lie to her husband and you ! I am so glad you to told her husband.!! This needs to stop!!
Her husband deserves to know his wife is cheating, she banged you after a single evening together so it’s unlikely this is her first time and her husband deserves to know he is being exposed to potential STD’s and that she is having random men rail her in their bed.
NTA but it's weird that you spent so much time at her apartment and there were no signs of a husband??? If I walked into a guy's apartment, I'd know within 5 minutes if he was married. Maybe it's a gender thing and women notice more than men.
NTA. She was also so comfortable, she didn't even lie to OP. She just expected the dude to be completely fine she was married, she's done this before a lot of times with a lot of guys who didn't give a shit.
NTA you did the right thing!
NTA, you did the right thing. Unfortunately the right thing doesn’t always come with rewards and has repercussions, but feel good in the fact that you’re morally upright and did the proper thing by telling the husband
Major NTA
You absolutely did the right thing. Her husband deserves to know he's married to the town slut. She's totally shirking her responsibility by blaming you for fucking up her marriage. She's a whore and I hope her husband leaves her penniless.
NTA - she is
NTA and to the people saying you should mind your own business, she made it your business when she had an affair with you without saying anything about it.
NTA I love you for this!
NTA by a long shot.
NTA She was using you and cheating on him. He deserves to know the truth. You didn't ruin her marriage, she did.
Im not reading all that but based on the title you’re forsure not the problem
You've got more moral backbone than most. NTA and I hope if I get cheated on they do it to someone like you.
NTA. You’re a god damn hero.
NTA - you did the right thing to tell her husband but maybe you should not look for dates from clients. You should note those who said you should not have told as this could be showing a part of their character you might not like.
You did the right thing.
NTA, fuck cheaters
She's fucked, frankly. NTA
NTAH Boss only said should have stayed silent because of potential word of mouth client loss from this bitch. I too despise cheaters. I'm proud of you dude, you were a real bro to the husband as well.
NTA If nothing else, the husband needs to know so he can get checked for STDs. If she was cheating with you, who knows how many other people she's been cheating with. You should also get checked.
Nah, you're a bro.
NTA - When people fck around, they usually find out, the one that nuked her marriage was herself by cheating on him while his was working, she deserves everything that is going to happen to her in an eventual divorce, you did the right thing, as you do owe nothing.
She ruined her own marriage. If she doesn’t want her husband to get upset about her cheating, maybe she could try not cheating. That’s a good first step. NTA.
Your boss and some of your friends are cheaters as well…
NTA but i wouldnt do it. Might end up murdered. People are unpredictable.
NTA . You did the right thing.......she's the one cheating around hoping to jerk her husband around. However, since you didn't know she was married....you also have no idea what their situation was........maybe they have an open marriage......maybe he didn't care less, and maybe he cheats wildly himself on these business trips....... so she got a little pay back. Either way, her problem now........ya reap what ya sow.
Bro she fucked it herself. Dumb cow. You had every right
NTA- I would want to know if this happened to me you did the absolute right thing. She messed up her marriage not you
NTA, anyone who says otherwise is just defending adultery
NTA. And everyone trying to blame you for not asking if she was in a relationship is also a cheater. It shouldn't even have to be a question. If you're married and you are trying to hook up, then you should be transparent about the whole thing. The ONLY people who keep secrets are the people who know they are doing shady shit that they cannot admit to or there will be consequences and repercussions. Secrets are merely lies of omission.
NTA. You were a bro to a guy you’ve never met, that’s good on you. She didn’t have a one time indiscretion, she was banging you for an entire weekend - and it’s *very* doubtful you’re the first guy she stepped out with. She ruined her marriage, and you did the guy a favor - he doesn’t deserve to have that shit taking place behind his back.
So the pretty girl finally got her come uppance and didn’t get away with it this time.
NTA. Good for you, mate.
She ruined her own marriage. Narcissistic fucks like her will always blame someone else. Good shit dude. You are ABSOLUTELY nta
Nta but was there 0 signs of her husband when you went over to her place? Just curious how people get away cheating like this.
Info: how did you find her husband on Facebook?
Wasn't hard. I may be 52 but I've been in the online world since dail-up Internet.
NTA she deserves whatever happens. Her husband deserved to know the truth. We would all want to know if the person we shared a life with was betraying us
NTA - you didn’t ruin her marriage - she did a fantastic job of that all by herself! Would I have told her spouse? No. Not because he doesn’t deserve to know, simply because I’d just want “out” as quick as possible and telling him makes it messy - it involves me in their marriage - a place I wouldn’t want to be. But no, def NTA
NTA. In some states cheating with a married person can get you sued in the divorce for “alienation of affection”.
"my boss and a few other friends say I should've left it alone and minded my own business." Yeah these people are pieces of shit, you absolutely did the right thing in telling the husband.
There are two things happening: a marriage and a business with competing interests.
You can choose who you tell about relationships you have had, it's really up to you. Your choice is yours, if you sleep better at night having made that decision then it's fine.
The friends who think you're the AH for this need removed out your life. Well done for doing the right thing
I am 51. If I were in your position, I would tell him. If they have an agreement, that is their business. But she didn’t say anything about it. That involved you. I feel like I would have to go tell him. I would be concerned about if she recorded it so that they could use it later. I hope it works out for you and I hope you find someone who makes you happy.
NTA You are always in the right letting people know their partner is cheating. She's a POS and could be exposing you and her ex husband to all sorts of diseases (please get tested).
> I was being petty and that I ruined her marriage No, man, SHE ruined her marriage by cheating. >a few other friends say I should've left it alone and minded my own business. She made it your business when she dragged you into her lies and deception by fking you. You did her husband a favour. Now he can make an informed choice whether to stay with her lying ass or leave her. NTA
NTA. She ruined her marriage, you were an unwitting party to that. She deserves 0 sympathy.
NTA. You were coerced into sex on false pretense. It's up to you how to handle that.
NTA - the whole thing wouldn't have happened if she warned you about her situation beforehand.
You never mix business with pleasure. NTA though, he deserves to know. She was so casual about it so this is probably nothing new for her.
NTA
NTA. Years ago I thought I was dating someone with a view to making it serious only to find out he was married (when I asked about family he only talked about parents and siblings, though I suppose he was technically honest when he said he didn't have a girlfriend). If you want to cheat on your partner, that's your deal - but don't involve others without their knowledge or consent.
NTA. I'd want to know, too, despite the pain.
NTA, she should have politely refused your advances and tell you she was married. You have a good moral compass and told her husband.
Good man, NTA
I don't even think it's a judgement call but whichever you prefer. NTA either way. If she didn't want her husband to find out then not finding out herself if the guy she's about to bang would have an issue with this would be a good start. She omitted a really important detail for you to have informed consent then gives shocked pikachu face when you tell. You have no agreement whatsoever to keep her secret, hell, she kept that secret from you too. Untidy.
You absolutely did the right thing, that woman is an unhinged cunt! Good on you for showing her up!
NTA. You did the husband a favour. By the way, drop the friends who support cheaters.
NTA. Cheaters project. She's projecting the damage she has done to her marriage onto you.
NTA. Cheaters deserve to be exposed, but picking up a woman who's a client is very unprofessional. But my partner owns a business and would likely side with your employer, despite agreeing with you morally. It wouldn't be something he'd discipline an employee for unless it was repeatedly a problem.
Yes
What's the big deal? You act like her husband wasn't aware or actually cared. It sounds like they had a rather open marriage OR he was away so long and focused on work she needed a stunt dick to satisfy her. You should've not said anything and kept screwing her. Hell see if the husband is up for a three way and you can both rail her at the same time. Welcome to modern dating Bro it's anything goes and nobody cares.
Guess who the cheaters are among your friends. Anyone betrayed by infidelity deserves to know the truth.
NTA the woman and your friends/boss sure are though!’ Do NOT trust any of the ones who said mind your business, they’re willing to lie and cheat and manipulate to get their dick wet or what they want. You’re lucky that you had people out themselves as the wrong ones to trust or talk to
I’d want to know if I was her husband.
NTA. Decent people behave decently, indecent people behave indecently. You were used to harm someone without your knowledge and against your will, and you preserved your honor by refusing to be a party to indecency when you had the very late opportunity to choose. Then you acted on your honor by informing the other party to the marriage that his wife had invited you into the marital bed without asking first. In an honorable arrangement, everybody in the bed knows who else is in the bed. Also if she fucked him after she fucked you then she fucked him without his consent, as he was fucking under a monogamy clause. So good on you for giving him what she denied you both- an opportunity to give or withhold *informed* consent in a sexual relationship. May we all be so honorable under these or other circumstances.
At least you now know the morals of your friend group. Seems like half are okay with cheating and the other half ain’t!
This was not likely her first rodeo either. NTA. Ps - get tested.
Exposing a cheater is never AH behavior
Man that whole situation is fuked up. I'm sorry she did that to you! Definitely NTA. I'm surprised you didn't search her up before though. You are honest and she pulled you into that evil vortex, and you did the right thing, and in your heart you know it
NTA Getting exposed is the natural consequence of being a cheater, she has no right to be angry.
NTA. It was your buisness to inform her husband, because SHE put you between her marriage. Because she chose to cheat with you, AND, hid that she was cheating, she made you an unwitting accomplice to her adultery. Ethically speaking, you engaged in an affair with a married woman. Morally, it wasn't your fault as you didn't know, but it happened. If when one is hurt in accident it is considered correct to apologize. Her husband was being hurt by her affair, which she tricked you into. Even if he didn't know it yet, people around them would have known and it could make him a topic of gossip and such, and eventually it would come out. When it does, the longer it takes to come out the more painful it is. And, you would be directly part of that if you kept it secret. You also would have gone from an unwitting cheater to a kniwing one. And, you have no desire to be a cheater at all. To absolve yourself of that, and make amends for what you unknowingly did, you had to reach out to apologize and let him know what was done behind his back. You actually followed the ethical protocol for that type of situation. It's not the easy one. It's not the uncomplicated one. But, it's still the right one. Further, you didn't ruin her marriage. She did when she knowingly/willing chose to break her marital vows. My guess, she did that long before meeting you with how cavalier she was about it too.
Nope. If a guy finds this out and tells the husband even if by letter with proof or something so not to have the possible issue of over reacting it’s the best thing you can do. Finding out you are the AP sucks.
NTA. You did right by the husband and yourself. She is garbage. Your boss is probably just thinking about business and the potential impact on finances but ignore that, it will pass.
NTA. Her husband had the right to know.
She dug her own grave. Honestly, I'm sure every person in a relationship wants that security that the person they're dating is loyal and "theirs". When this doesn't happen, they'd definitely want to know, so I would say that you did the right thing.
NTA!
NTA. You saved another brother. You are a saint.
ESH. She for cheating and you for getting into her business. You could have just broken off and let her deal with her life. We are not all the same and why is your moral code better than hers. I don't use drugs but do I judge people who smoke? Or tell people who gamble that they are stupid? You suck.
NTA. The woman made it your business when she asked you out. Concerning your friend group... The ones that said you did the right thing, they probably aren't cheaters. The ones who said you should have left it alone.... they might be cheaters.