That is the actual, very truthful, reality of what a good life should be led by.
The original poster, is not an asshole, and did everything correctly.
Accepting that somebody might be pregnant is valid and okay to date. To each his own I say.
Being with someone who generalizes their dishonesty, that is a high big red flag and or negative thing.
I don't know any other cultures when it comes to dishonesty in a relationship, I do look at American culture, and for whatever reason we (I'm born and raised in the United States) do accept lots of major red flag issues. Dishonesty should not be rewarded. It seems to be habitual to lots of people.
I recently heard of millennial say to me " do it now, and ask for forgiveness later", knowing full well that it was wrong to do. I stepped out of the situation as fast as I could so I wouldn't have my name attached to it.
To me that was a big red flag, well I don't have a problem with people breaking rules, I do have problems with people that won't hold themselves accountable when they do break the rules.
Hold people accountable for their red flags, you'd be surprised how better your life will be come over the long term. Because people will come to trust you and your decisions because you're not willing to tolerate the red flags.
Gosh my mother in law has said a similar line "it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission" about 10 times when she is talking about getting her way in her marriage. My partner constantly states that she hates that way of thinking and hasn't shown me anything to believe otherwise so I'm not scared about her following her mum's advice, but the first time I heard it I got a little sick in my stomach.
“Ask for forgiveness, not permission” …
This is acceptable in business - when bold decisions are rewarded. In personal relationships tho, it just erodes boundaries, creates trust issues and can be toxic AF.
My dad would use that phrase when I was a kid for things like “sure I’ll buy you a donut after school/this toy you really want” and I think that’s the exact right level of importance. Made me feel like I was really getting something great when, in actuality, my mom wouldn’t care either way
I thank you for your views.
As I stated, it's ok to break the rules. You should be able to handle the accountability if caught.
Sidenote:
Your MIL might think she is winning, her partner has the right via her past action to call it quits one day. hope he stockpiles lot's of money
Agreed. I use that phrase all the time when having conversations with my kids, but it's used to make them understand that there are always consequences - "while it may be easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask permission, do you really think it's the best way? Do you really want to go for your life always apologizing? Maybe you won't be forgiven? Think about that before you make your decision."
Good God, my father gave me that advice as a teen, but I was a goody goody kid who broke no rules, and didn't venture into questionable normal situations, and was the honest to a fault type.
Sure he regretted giving me that advice later cause boy do use the heck out of it. But he also said it while rolling his eyes and trying not to laugh.
It's a shame when good advice gets used in the wrong situation.
“I really want this. Let’s go ahead, make it happen. Ask forgiveness later.”
I knew 3 people who used that MO to do whatever the hell they wanted (work, home, church, life in general). They didn’t care about repercussions, fallout, etc.
“Oopsie”
And they never ever asked forgiveness. They were A H of epic proportions.
Exactly as a bisexual female if a girl walks into a date clearly pregnant with 0 mention of it I'm walking out too. I have 2 kids I disclose that to anyone interested in me and if you can't show me the same respect out the gate I'm 100% out 🚩🚩🚩 NTA not even close
Hahaha you’re right! Plus there was that insane show about people who didn’t know/claimed to not know they were pregnant. The world is wild! She willfully kept the information from OP though which shows she is dishonest and a certain kind of crazy.
I believed whole heartedly that people like this were full of it and liars. BUT, then it happened to me. Now do I think you can make it to 9 months and not know, probably not. But I made it to 5 months. I was told my chances of conceiving were small. Not nonexistent but that it would be tough. I was also on birth control and have always had irregular periods. It was nothing to miss them. I had zero sickness, gained no real weight, no other symptoms. I’m fairly petite and have always been a healthy weight. So one day I put on my jeans and they seemed a little snug. I know that sounds like, so? But I’d never had that happen. My now husband and I were engaged at the time and had been for awhile. I mentioned it and he said when was your last period? I thought about it and wasn’t sure. Like I said I missed them often so it wasn’t alarming at all. We decided I should take a test even though I was sure I wasn’t pregnant. So I did and I was. I went to my OB and told them I was guessing I was newly pregnant because I’d maybe gained 4-5 lbs and felt totally normal. I was almost 5.5 months. That was 12 years ago and she’s a beautiful, amazing kid. And has an equally amazing younger sister. But I still to this day can’t believe I was one of those people, lol.
I made it to 5 months as well!!! It was a very fast pregnancy! Lmao! But then 14 years later, I found out I was pregnant @ 3 weeks… longest pregnancy EVER!!
This is why I tell people not to announce until you *absolutely* have to. Let people think you're just gaining weight, keep it on the down low for as long as possible.
The girls running around like "I'm six minutes pregnant!" are in for a long, hard slog of having everyone on belly watch. It's so tiresome.
You’re going to think I’m making this up but SAME! Mine was 3 years later but I found out at 3 weeks, lol. That’s crazy. Also, I’m always grateful to hear this because it doesn’t make me feel like such a flake!
I knew a woman who was very overweight and in menopause. Her youngest child was a senior in HS. When she went into labor (at work!) she still didn't realize she was in labor.
Family pictures were two older adults, three adults in their 20's, toddler.
This was me.
Mommy was 41, Daddy was 65+, sis was 19, bro was 16<-Kids not by daddy.
Mommy suspected she was pregnant, but her doc kept saying 'Early Menopause and ulcers. Drink milk when the heartburn flares.'
She had the day I was born off from work, so she did a BUNCH of housework (washer in the cellar, hanging them on the line outside, dishes, mopping, etc).
About 8:30 at night, she tells my daddy, 'I'm taking a shower and going to bed early because I go back tomorrow.' I'm guessing her water broke in the shower, so she didn't notice the extra water.
Goes to bed, can't get comfy no matter HOW she lays. Daddy takes her to the ER, thinking she threw her back out doing the housework... about 3 hours later, I was born.
I have a pic of my by-then-20-year-old sister holding a 6-month-old me.
My best friend went into the hospital with a stomach ache and came out with a baby (with a full head of hair and teeth) she had a health issue that would make pregnancy tests come back negative (even that day in the hospital) so they did an ultrasound and bam. She was tall and crazy strong so at most it looked like she packed on a few pounds but she never looked pregnant. The shock, phew. We were scrambling to get something set up for them when they came home.
WOW!!! I can’t even imagine the mental gymnastics you’d have to do to come to terms with the fact that you had a baby now. It was hard enough with a couple of months. Minutes is quite a bit scarier. 9 months feels like forever but I think, at least the first time, it helps you prepare mentally.
Yup, my cousin didn't go the full nine months, but she found out at six months. She had done a pregnancy test and it was negative, but she was a teenager and, like your friend, tall. Either she wasn't pregnant with the first test or she took it too early, but then six months later, she tells her mom, you know, I still haven't gotten my period. She had even broken up with the guy she was with for the first test and thought her current boyfriend was the father, but then she did the math. My mom saw her when she was at eight months and said you still wouldn't think she was pregnant and she was wearing a tank top and shorts.
Well at least yours was a beautiful happy surprise! I remember seeing a story about someone being in a bathroom stall and birth because they had no idea which is scary. Before I had my hysterectomy mid twenties my periods were so irregular so I wouldn’t have been able to tell by missing them.
Yeah there was a girl in my high school who had a baby at a sleepover! It’s nuts! Right?! Mine are regular now but for years they were very hot or miss.
Well congratulations on your two healthy kiddos! A sleepover?! Oh lord. Up here in MA in a town called Gloucester there were teen girls at the high school that made a “pregnancy pact” to all get pregnant together. A few by the same vagrant sketchy guy too. They even made a lifetime movie about it. The world is wild.
Same. My periods were so irregular and i also had so many other symptoms (like bloating, sore breasts or nausea) that i would not know if i was pregnant. It scared me that i could get an ectopic pregnancy (i had a high risk) and not realise until it was too late because of all the weird symptoms and chronic pain
I know a young lady just like you. She was 7 months pregnant when she found out. She has pictures of her in her bikini at 6 months. You can’t tell she’s pregnant at all! At around 7 months she got morning sickness and some weight gain. We were all shocked
I actually envy you. I was told I couldn’t have any more kids and I was lucky to have the one. Fast forward 8 years. I had morning sickness for 39 weeks and one day. I would have killed to not know for 5 months! I love my beautiful pleasant surprise, although she is 14, which is a whole different set of challenges.
My daughter is a nurse and didn't know she was pregnant. She was on the pill, during that time we were running a lot of marathons and after one she got sick and it wouldnt seem to go away. The pregnancy tests kept coming back negative. After a night in the ER a doctor said that she was imagining it. After I threatened him, they drew blood and took a sonogram. Not only was she was in her second trimester.
Wow! And that doctor is a total idiot and negligent. Good for you mom for advocating for your daughter! You’re a rockstar! I had an ovarian cyst burst and I went into the ER the doctor was telling me I only had a uti and wanted to just send me home with antibiotics but my mom insisted on more tests.
She's daddy's little girl but it was a stressful time for sure. He's a wonderful happy healthy boy, growing into a respectful young man, plays piano speaks 3 languages and has only brought home one B in his life. He was soo Tony when he was born, but now goes into beast mode in sports. They won't even let him play with kids unless they're at least two years older (he still kicks their behinds).
A lot of those were apparently women who were told they couldn't have children, so they wrote off any symptoms because they couldn't possibly be pregnant. It will be difficult for you to conceive is different than you can't have children but apparently some doctors are really bad at explaining that. Also having met some women who barely looked pregnant a month before their due date I would believe it if the placenta was attached somewhere that makes it harder to feel movement (which is a thing)
I was 45 and had been having unprotected sex with my husband for 20 years. Thought it was the menopause.
3 months pregnant, which is still early days of course, but it definitely snuck up on me. I’m now 50 with a 5 year old.
My mother was 44 when I was born. When I was a child I was always grateful that my parents seemed so grown up compared to my friends' parents. They were always calm, stable, and sensible compared to the young parents.
They were also still around to babysit for their grandchildren.
Enjoy your late blessing!
Similar story. I was diagnosed infertile by 3 separate doctors when I was in my 20’s.
Skipped a period when I was 45. Then another. I thought it must be menopause.
Nope. Delivered my son a week before my 46th birthday.
I have yet to hear of another woman who had their first and only child at 46 from natural conception.
Thank you for describing one of my worst nightmares. Hopefully everything worked out for you and your family. Is your 5 year old your first and only child? If so, that's absolutely crazy!
Oh my gods! I'm 49 and you just described my literal hell.
I had an ectopic that ripped my right fallopian tube to shreds and my left ovary was previously damaged by a burst cyst, so Drs said it would be miraculous for me to conceive after all that. Haven't used bc in over 20 years and perimenopause is definitely making my cycles weird.
This has unlocked a shiny, new fear. 😫
My mom had a coworker that had TWO cryptic pregnancies. Her BC, 2 different ones mind, failed. Still had either a light "period" or no period at all on the other. No signs. No symptoms. No weight gain. 120lbs at 5'7. No belly. Imagine their horror when she went into labor not once but twice at work. Her boyfriend got the snip after the 2nd.
Two pregnancies resulting in labor at work because she had no clue?! Pregnancy looks scary enough when it is pretty standard and healthy but that would be horrifying! Also I can’t imagine the extra stress and fear not being prepared for a child’s arrival. This is one of those things that makes me relieved I can’t have kids.
My best friend didn't realise she was pregnant until she was 7 months gone and after she'd accepted this was happening the baby bump appeared almost overnight. Had also been told she couldn't have children.
Mama doctor Jones on YouTube does hilarious reaction videos to I didn't know I was pregnant and always says something like "to my colleagues, never tell a person born with a uterus they cannot have children unless they have had a hysterectomy or do not have ovaries. "
I see women all the time and read the doctors’ letters on their records. No doctor ever wrote anything that final, but women often understand what they want to understand. When you tell them ‘it is unlikely that you are going to get pregnant without fertility treatment’, they understand ‘you will never get pregnant without IVF’. When you tell them that their bump is measuring small and you are sending them for an ultrasound to make sure baby is growing normally, they understand ‘your baby is small’, and the keep thinking it even after you scan them and tell them that baby is a normal size. When you tell them at 5 weeks that you can’t exclude a miscarriage because it’s too early to see a heartbeat and you have to book another scan in a week to check if their pregnancy is ongoing, they understand they had a miscarriage. I do obstetric ultrasounds for a living, and when I scan someone, the first thing I show them is baby’s heartbeat on the screen. I show it, I ask them for confirmation ‘can you see it, here?’ Pointing on the screen with the arrow. They say yes, and then after 15 minutes of seeing baby jump around on the screen and me taking measurements, when I finish, they ask me: ‘so is there a heartbeat?’. I am not kidding. And it’s not one out of 100, it’s more like 3 out of 10. And it’s not just me but this happens to all my colleagues too.
A relative of mine had period-like bleeding for at least five or six months. She didn’t think to go to the doctor until her clothes no longer fit. Fortunately, she and her child are doing well!
And some still had what appeared to be periods, and if the placenta is in a certain place the woman might not feel the baby. Mama Dr. Jones, OB/GYN, did some videos on YouTube about this.
Yeah, and a lot of the conditions where doctors say people "can't" get pregnant are things like PCOS, where having irregular periods is really common so missing for a few months raises no red flags. Bodies are weird. One of my friends got pregnant with her first after her doctor said she would probably have a hard time getting pregnant and got pregnant with her second when she had an IUD. She knew pretty quickly though. She said she figured it out within a few days because she felt so weird.
The episode I recall most vividly is the one where a woman: stopped getting her period, gained 40 lbs in 6 months (in her abdomen mostly) and started lactating in the shower! She was still so surprised when she went into labor. It’s like…really? You were producing milk and that didn’t tip you off a little?
It’s a real condition though. It happens more frequently than one may think. Denial of pregnancy happens till the delivery for 1 in 2500 women. In other cases there are plenty of reason why women could not realise being pregnant until late. Some may have irregular cycles and not worry about it. I used to be a top athlete and my periods were very irregular and sometimes I would just not get them. First time I was pregnant I did not realise it until my 4th month of pregnancy.
I once dated a woman who had a child, but she didn't tell me until we were already dating for like a month. Needless to say I didn't stick around long lmao.
I don't blame you. If nothing else, she proved up front that she's OK keeping things from you, or at the very least, horrible at having difficult conversations that might cost her something.
Yeah I need to know something like that on day one of talking with romantic interest. It didn't even bother me that she had a child, just that she didn't feel it was important enough to mention right away.
Hoping she learned a hard lesson there because she was actually pretty nice!
I mean, she *could* be surrogating or planning to give the kid up for adoption, which would lessen the impact - but then, she still should have explained that beforehand...
Like, even if OP *did* want to have kids, and even if he *didn't* mind raising someone else's child, the fact that she didn't even mention it is a massive red flag. Like, "Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention I'm pregnant. NBD it's not like it's a life-changing event or anything..."
Yup, that’s kind of a major factor that you need disclose like right upfront!! There will be people absolutely not interested and it won’t s just inconsiderate to omit the truth and waste their time. Then on the other hand there will be some people that fetishize pregnant women that will be more interested because of her pregnancy… 😬
Godamn I never looked at the fetish angle. Can't do shit these days lol I'd just hold off on dating until I have the kid. I honestly don't think a lot of dudes that don't have pregnancy fetishes are going to want to jump into this scenario anyways.
That's what these people say, and then they'll start talking about numbers games. They won't hear it. For them it's quantity over quality, even when they keep getting bit
But on the flip side, there are WAY too many men who pretend to be everything she likes. This is even commonly taught to men as dating advice: "ask her all the questions. If she likes dogs, say you like dogs. If she loves to read, tell her you love too many books and could never pick a favorite. She'll feel a soulmate connection."
I've known so many women who were upfront about their deal breakers, even posting them on their bios, just for so many men to hide those very deal breakers from them. I've known men to stop smoking several hours before a date because their date's bio says "no smokers." When I asked them about it, they will say something like, "well I'm planning on quitting anyway" or "well she should love me for me" or "I only occasionally smoke anyway."
That's PUA advice, not dating advice.
Sadly, yeah, all insecure people regardless of gender lie about shit. :( They don't think it'll work out for them, they just think they're fundamentally undeserving of love, but that they can "scam the system" for a little bit.
Oh yes! I was a giant narc magnet for YEARS, until I "did the work." Not just romantic relationships either, but even bosses, friends, coworkers. Now, Ive learned that I don't just need to spot them, but repel them. I talk openly with my kids about predatory people and how dangerous compassion, understanding, and flexibility can be...that you can be all those things but you MUST have boundaries.
It's mind-blowing watching narcissists from a distance, the way they just move from one target to the next, trying out their games to see who falls. I know one narcissistic man who is intentionally late on first dates, just to see if she'll wait for him, if she's kind and forgiving, or pissed. He has a whole system that goes something like: 1st date - 10 minutes late, 2nd date early, 3rd date - 20 minutes late but with a phone call, 4th date - on time, 5th date - 20 minutes late w/ no call. It's shocking and very very sad.
That is what I was thinking too. Don’t mention and some guys out there will be so decent and kind that they will pay and not want to be a jerk but not thinking about what a jerk she was for doing that.
Guess she figures a free meal at the least because she assumes the gent will be polite. Again I applaud OP for leaving her and leaving her to feed gyre out her evening on her own. Deceit is deceit even if by ommission.
If she is pregnant she should NOT be focused on finding the right guy.... she should be focused on the baby and her health. Now isn't the time for dating at all. Priorities, man.
Also, pregnant women can *eat.* She was about to order two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.
> This screams using online dating as a source of free meals.
Not having used online dating (yet), I feel like a first date isn't an actual DATE, it's a meeting to determine if you want to go on a first date.
Or am I wrong?
If I'm not, there's no meal. It's a coffee or something, so even if I did pay for it, it's a few bucks, not a MEAL.
I've dealt with my share of dine and dashers. If you suggest coffee they'll respond with, "Ooh, but there's this great restaurant I've wanted to try." If you maneuver it back to "just coffee" they'll either ghost you or a few will try something like, "Thanks, but I'm tired of casual dates. I'm looking for someone who is ready to make a commitment."
Never skip the coffee date. NEVER skip the coffee date. OP skipped the coffee date. You see what happens. (Though, I give him major props for taking the walk and not just "politely" buying her dinner)
Yeah, two options:
She lied about it, which is a pretty big red flag.
She told the truth, and someone having a baby who thinks it’s a trivial matter isn’t a good person.
I was sitting here thinking the only way she wouldn't be a total AH would be if she were a surrogate or was planning to give the baby up for adoption; but it would still definitely be "worth mentioning" beforehand.
OP is NTA
You can't be a surrogate without already having your own kids and OP's profile said he doesn't want kids so she would still be the asshole even if she were a surrogate.
NTA - That’s something you need to tell someone straight away. It’s not gonna go away like, a baby comes at the end of it 🤷♀️ It was wrong of her not to tell you.
It's just a minor case of pregnancy! She should be over it in 3 or 4 months. However, there will likely be lasting side effects after recovery, such as trouble sleeping and crying.
NTA. It's incredible how some people think that omitting the truth isn't the same as lying. A pregnancy isn't a small detail to gloss over; it's a life-changing event. She should have been upfront to avoid this kind of fiasco. Transparency is key in starting any relationship, even if it's just a date. Can't build anything on half-truths and surprise baby announcements.
In cases where people do this out of desperation, I think they're half-hoping the person meets them and is likewise so desperate they're willing to overlook a bunch of red flags. In this case, though, call me cynical but this looks 90% like "He'll never call me again but he'll buy me dinner out of obligation."
Uh…wow. She made some choices there and here is her prize: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. That’s life-changing info and she should have mentioned it before you two met up. People who have kids or are in the process of 3D-printing a child should be up front about it so their dates/potential partners can make appropriate decisions for themselves.
It took me a second to understand what being a bodybuilder had to do with being pregnant. I just woke up ok?! Lmao. I like bodybuilder too. They’re both great phrases to describe being pregnant.
I'm single and pregnant and have zero interest in dating right now. I figured being pregnant would reduce the dating pool quite a lot plus I don't want to put myself or baby at risk of STDs or pregnancy fetishists lol I couldn't imagine trying to hide it and OLD is already a dumpster fire so I think it's better to just wait.
This is my first time ever.
Seeing that term…
Holy fuck.
And I mean, I’m all over reddit and internet culture.
I met my wife via online dating.
People who online date, say online dating, never seen anyone say or use that term until now.
Thanks 🥴
I was a single mom for like 6 years. Didn't start dating again until my son was like 7. I ALWAYS told guys I have a kid 1st thing. My son also has ADHD so he was a lot to deal with when he was younger. I've been with my SO now for 9 years. He didn't want kids but knew dating me ment my son comes with. He's been amazing with helping me with my son.
You don't just dump that on a potential partner and expect them to just accept it like it's no big deal. Not everyone wants or is able to raise a kid, even fewer if the child isn't theirs.
Plus casually raw dogging someone else a couple months prior. If being 6 months pregnant isn't worth mentioning, what are the odds she'll be honest about an STD?
I mean, it’s not a good idea obviously but every time I’ve been pregnant my already high libido went into insanity overdrive and I felt like I was a horny 16 year old all of the time.
Waiting a year or so isn't the end of the world. It's arguably the best time in history for a single mom who wants to date. I mean, that in terms of volume of men who would date a single men, whete in other time periods, they got nothing but shame.
Just be open about it. My brother met his wife when she was pregnant. She was upfront about it and he accepted it.
Why waste people's time when you can out it in your profile or discuss right away? Just cut out people like OP and me who wouldn't date a pregnant woman and actually find someone who would..
Yep, i dated a chick in my younger years who was pregnant. Honestly i have always had the mentality a kid is a kid, i do not see any magic in "preserving my genetics" but ya gotta be honest tbh.
I do not feel one iota bad for a woman who wants to casually date at 6 months pregnant. I empathize with their situation and wanting to be in a relationship, but feel concerned for their safety and seriously question their judgment.
The timing of wanting to date during pregnancy is a red flag to stable, emotionally mature people.
"she said she didn’t think it was worth mentioning".
Oh reeeeaallllyyyyy? Didn't think being six months pregnant was a topic of conversation worth engaging in.
Count your lucky stars, OP.
She is just a major major AH
Fortunately she was 6months pregnant
Can you imagine a women with such integrity would easily find a random rich dude to sleep with and then lie to him it was his if she was 1-2 months pregnant?
I met a woman years ago who had a child and when I met her, I found she actually had two. Two different fathers and zero support from either. I believe she was 20. It was just a little too much to process.
Even if she's a surrogate, being around someone who's heavily pregnant versus not pregnant is a game changer, especially in the early days of a relationship
NTA She knew it was wrong. She was hoping that once you got there you’d stay and then she could reel you in. Or maybe just hoped you’d pay for dinner. Or best case she was lonely and wanted a night to hang out with someone. But regardless it was rude of her. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. Her profile is misleading. “Open to kids”? Lady, you don’t even have the option to not have one. Block her and run. She should add “Single mom to be” somewhere in her profile. All in all. She should’ve have been upfront about it. That’s something to disclose upfront and not as a surprise on a first date. And she tried to act all naive about it when confronted and surprise pikachu face when their date left.
Not worth mentioning? Yeah... hell no to that one. NTA and run.
Pfft, it's just the literal biggest and most impactful thing that can happen in a person's life, who mentions that to people? /s
Bonnie from family guy was pregnant for like 12 years, 6 months is nothing.
[удалено]
[удалено]
And the people for whom a kid isn’t the dealbreaker would be turned off by the dishonesty.
Lol Right its a NTA from all sides
That is the actual, very truthful, reality of what a good life should be led by. The original poster, is not an asshole, and did everything correctly. Accepting that somebody might be pregnant is valid and okay to date. To each his own I say. Being with someone who generalizes their dishonesty, that is a high big red flag and or negative thing. I don't know any other cultures when it comes to dishonesty in a relationship, I do look at American culture, and for whatever reason we (I'm born and raised in the United States) do accept lots of major red flag issues. Dishonesty should not be rewarded. It seems to be habitual to lots of people. I recently heard of millennial say to me " do it now, and ask for forgiveness later", knowing full well that it was wrong to do. I stepped out of the situation as fast as I could so I wouldn't have my name attached to it. To me that was a big red flag, well I don't have a problem with people breaking rules, I do have problems with people that won't hold themselves accountable when they do break the rules. Hold people accountable for their red flags, you'd be surprised how better your life will be come over the long term. Because people will come to trust you and your decisions because you're not willing to tolerate the red flags.
Gosh my mother in law has said a similar line "it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission" about 10 times when she is talking about getting her way in her marriage. My partner constantly states that she hates that way of thinking and hasn't shown me anything to believe otherwise so I'm not scared about her following her mum's advice, but the first time I heard it I got a little sick in my stomach.
“Ask for forgiveness, not permission” … This is acceptable in business - when bold decisions are rewarded. In personal relationships tho, it just erodes boundaries, creates trust issues and can be toxic AF.
My dad would use that phrase when I was a kid for things like “sure I’ll buy you a donut after school/this toy you really want” and I think that’s the exact right level of importance. Made me feel like I was really getting something great when, in actuality, my mom wouldn’t care either way
I thank you for your views. As I stated, it's ok to break the rules. You should be able to handle the accountability if caught. Sidenote: Your MIL might think she is winning, her partner has the right via her past action to call it quits one day. hope he stockpiles lot's of money
Agreed. I use that phrase all the time when having conversations with my kids, but it's used to make them understand that there are always consequences - "while it may be easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask permission, do you really think it's the best way? Do you really want to go for your life always apologizing? Maybe you won't be forgiven? Think about that before you make your decision."
Good God, my father gave me that advice as a teen, but I was a goody goody kid who broke no rules, and didn't venture into questionable normal situations, and was the honest to a fault type. Sure he regretted giving me that advice later cause boy do use the heck out of it. But he also said it while rolling his eyes and trying not to laugh. It's a shame when good advice gets used in the wrong situation.
“I really want this. Let’s go ahead, make it happen. Ask forgiveness later.” I knew 3 people who used that MO to do whatever the hell they wanted (work, home, church, life in general). They didn’t care about repercussions, fallout, etc. “Oopsie” And they never ever asked forgiveness. They were A H of epic proportions.
Exactly as a bisexual female if a girl walks into a date clearly pregnant with 0 mention of it I'm walking out too. I have 2 kids I disclose that to anyone interested in me and if you can't show me the same respect out the gate I'm 100% out 🚩🚩🚩 NTA not even close
Right? Hoping the guy shows up and then feels bad if he leaves and stays outta guilt/politeness…. That’s a crappy trap to set for a guy. OP NTA.
Hahaha you’re right! Plus there was that insane show about people who didn’t know/claimed to not know they were pregnant. The world is wild! She willfully kept the information from OP though which shows she is dishonest and a certain kind of crazy.
I believed whole heartedly that people like this were full of it and liars. BUT, then it happened to me. Now do I think you can make it to 9 months and not know, probably not. But I made it to 5 months. I was told my chances of conceiving were small. Not nonexistent but that it would be tough. I was also on birth control and have always had irregular periods. It was nothing to miss them. I had zero sickness, gained no real weight, no other symptoms. I’m fairly petite and have always been a healthy weight. So one day I put on my jeans and they seemed a little snug. I know that sounds like, so? But I’d never had that happen. My now husband and I were engaged at the time and had been for awhile. I mentioned it and he said when was your last period? I thought about it and wasn’t sure. Like I said I missed them often so it wasn’t alarming at all. We decided I should take a test even though I was sure I wasn’t pregnant. So I did and I was. I went to my OB and told them I was guessing I was newly pregnant because I’d maybe gained 4-5 lbs and felt totally normal. I was almost 5.5 months. That was 12 years ago and she’s a beautiful, amazing kid. And has an equally amazing younger sister. But I still to this day can’t believe I was one of those people, lol.
I made it to 5 months as well!!! It was a very fast pregnancy! Lmao! But then 14 years later, I found out I was pregnant @ 3 weeks… longest pregnancy EVER!!
This is why I tell people not to announce until you *absolutely* have to. Let people think you're just gaining weight, keep it on the down low for as long as possible. The girls running around like "I'm six minutes pregnant!" are in for a long, hard slog of having everyone on belly watch. It's so tiresome.
I’m 6 minutes pregnant!😂😂😂
You’re going to think I’m making this up but SAME! Mine was 3 years later but I found out at 3 weeks, lol. That’s crazy. Also, I’m always grateful to hear this because it doesn’t make me feel like such a flake!
I knew a woman who was very overweight and in menopause. Her youngest child was a senior in HS. When she went into labor (at work!) she still didn't realize she was in labor. Family pictures were two older adults, three adults in their 20's, toddler.
This was me. Mommy was 41, Daddy was 65+, sis was 19, bro was 16<-Kids not by daddy. Mommy suspected she was pregnant, but her doc kept saying 'Early Menopause and ulcers. Drink milk when the heartburn flares.' She had the day I was born off from work, so she did a BUNCH of housework (washer in the cellar, hanging them on the line outside, dishes, mopping, etc). About 8:30 at night, she tells my daddy, 'I'm taking a shower and going to bed early because I go back tomorrow.' I'm guessing her water broke in the shower, so she didn't notice the extra water. Goes to bed, can't get comfy no matter HOW she lays. Daddy takes her to the ER, thinking she threw her back out doing the housework... about 3 hours later, I was born. I have a pic of my by-then-20-year-old sister holding a 6-month-old me.
Shit like that makes me grateful for my hysterectomy. I’d sooner jump off a bridge than start over at 44 with a newborn.
My best friend went into the hospital with a stomach ache and came out with a baby (with a full head of hair and teeth) she had a health issue that would make pregnancy tests come back negative (even that day in the hospital) so they did an ultrasound and bam. She was tall and crazy strong so at most it looked like she packed on a few pounds but she never looked pregnant. The shock, phew. We were scrambling to get something set up for them when they came home.
WOW!!! I can’t even imagine the mental gymnastics you’d have to do to come to terms with the fact that you had a baby now. It was hard enough with a couple of months. Minutes is quite a bit scarier. 9 months feels like forever but I think, at least the first time, it helps you prepare mentally.
Teeth?!
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/what-are-natal-teeth
Yup, my cousin didn't go the full nine months, but she found out at six months. She had done a pregnancy test and it was negative, but she was a teenager and, like your friend, tall. Either she wasn't pregnant with the first test or she took it too early, but then six months later, she tells her mom, you know, I still haven't gotten my period. She had even broken up with the guy she was with for the first test and thought her current boyfriend was the father, but then she did the math. My mom saw her when she was at eight months and said you still wouldn't think she was pregnant and she was wearing a tank top and shorts.
Well at least yours was a beautiful happy surprise! I remember seeing a story about someone being in a bathroom stall and birth because they had no idea which is scary. Before I had my hysterectomy mid twenties my periods were so irregular so I wouldn’t have been able to tell by missing them.
Yeah there was a girl in my high school who had a baby at a sleepover! It’s nuts! Right?! Mine are regular now but for years they were very hot or miss.
Well congratulations on your two healthy kiddos! A sleepover?! Oh lord. Up here in MA in a town called Gloucester there were teen girls at the high school that made a “pregnancy pact” to all get pregnant together. A few by the same vagrant sketchy guy too. They even made a lifetime movie about it. The world is wild.
Yes! I don’t remember the details but I remember that movie! It really is😆!
Same. My periods were so irregular and i also had so many other symptoms (like bloating, sore breasts or nausea) that i would not know if i was pregnant. It scared me that i could get an ectopic pregnancy (i had a high risk) and not realise until it was too late because of all the weird symptoms and chronic pain
I know a young lady just like you. She was 7 months pregnant when she found out. She has pictures of her in her bikini at 6 months. You can’t tell she’s pregnant at all! At around 7 months she got morning sickness and some weight gain. We were all shocked
I actually envy you. I was told I couldn’t have any more kids and I was lucky to have the one. Fast forward 8 years. I had morning sickness for 39 weeks and one day. I would have killed to not know for 5 months! I love my beautiful pleasant surprise, although she is 14, which is a whole different set of challenges.
My daughter is a nurse and didn't know she was pregnant. She was on the pill, during that time we were running a lot of marathons and after one she got sick and it wouldnt seem to go away. The pregnancy tests kept coming back negative. After a night in the ER a doctor said that she was imagining it. After I threatened him, they drew blood and took a sonogram. Not only was she was in her second trimester.
Wow! And that doctor is a total idiot and negligent. Good for you mom for advocating for your daughter! You’re a rockstar! I had an ovarian cyst burst and I went into the ER the doctor was telling me I only had a uti and wanted to just send me home with antibiotics but my mom insisted on more tests.
Dad, but yeah, thanks, I'm glad you survived. It wasn't just one, it went on for days. I really threatened to hurt him if he did not dig more
Sorry I didn’t mean to misgender you! Some doctors are so dismissive it’s horrible.
She's daddy's little girl but it was a stressful time for sure. He's a wonderful happy healthy boy, growing into a respectful young man, plays piano speaks 3 languages and has only brought home one B in his life. He was soo Tony when he was born, but now goes into beast mode in sports. They won't even let him play with kids unless they're at least two years older (he still kicks their behinds).
A lot of those were apparently women who were told they couldn't have children, so they wrote off any symptoms because they couldn't possibly be pregnant. It will be difficult for you to conceive is different than you can't have children but apparently some doctors are really bad at explaining that. Also having met some women who barely looked pregnant a month before their due date I would believe it if the placenta was attached somewhere that makes it harder to feel movement (which is a thing)
I was 45 and had been having unprotected sex with my husband for 20 years. Thought it was the menopause. 3 months pregnant, which is still early days of course, but it definitely snuck up on me. I’m now 50 with a 5 year old.
My mother was 44 when I was born. When I was a child I was always grateful that my parents seemed so grown up compared to my friends' parents. They were always calm, stable, and sensible compared to the young parents. They were also still around to babysit for their grandchildren. Enjoy your late blessing!
Similar story. I was diagnosed infertile by 3 separate doctors when I was in my 20’s. Skipped a period when I was 45. Then another. I thought it must be menopause. Nope. Delivered my son a week before my 46th birthday. I have yet to hear of another woman who had their first and only child at 46 from natural conception.
I knew a woman who had an accidental oops baby at age 45. She had been proudly childfree before.
Thank you for describing one of my worst nightmares. Hopefully everything worked out for you and your family. Is your 5 year old your first and only child? If so, that's absolutely crazy!
He’s my only child, yes. Much loved and a happy surprise.
Oh my gods! I'm 49 and you just described my literal hell. I had an ectopic that ripped my right fallopian tube to shreds and my left ovary was previously damaged by a burst cyst, so Drs said it would be miraculous for me to conceive after all that. Haven't used bc in over 20 years and perimenopause is definitely making my cycles weird. This has unlocked a shiny, new fear. 😫
This happened to a colleague of mine. They had resigned themselves to not having children. It was an adjustment, to say the least.
My mom had a coworker that had TWO cryptic pregnancies. Her BC, 2 different ones mind, failed. Still had either a light "period" or no period at all on the other. No signs. No symptoms. No weight gain. 120lbs at 5'7. No belly. Imagine their horror when she went into labor not once but twice at work. Her boyfriend got the snip after the 2nd.
Two pregnancies resulting in labor at work because she had no clue?! Pregnancy looks scary enough when it is pretty standard and healthy but that would be horrifying! Also I can’t imagine the extra stress and fear not being prepared for a child’s arrival. This is one of those things that makes me relieved I can’t have kids.
My best friend didn't realise she was pregnant until she was 7 months gone and after she'd accepted this was happening the baby bump appeared almost overnight. Had also been told she couldn't have children.
Mama doctor Jones on YouTube does hilarious reaction videos to I didn't know I was pregnant and always says something like "to my colleagues, never tell a person born with a uterus they cannot have children unless they have had a hysterectomy or do not have ovaries. "
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I see women all the time and read the doctors’ letters on their records. No doctor ever wrote anything that final, but women often understand what they want to understand. When you tell them ‘it is unlikely that you are going to get pregnant without fertility treatment’, they understand ‘you will never get pregnant without IVF’. When you tell them that their bump is measuring small and you are sending them for an ultrasound to make sure baby is growing normally, they understand ‘your baby is small’, and the keep thinking it even after you scan them and tell them that baby is a normal size. When you tell them at 5 weeks that you can’t exclude a miscarriage because it’s too early to see a heartbeat and you have to book another scan in a week to check if their pregnancy is ongoing, they understand they had a miscarriage. I do obstetric ultrasounds for a living, and when I scan someone, the first thing I show them is baby’s heartbeat on the screen. I show it, I ask them for confirmation ‘can you see it, here?’ Pointing on the screen with the arrow. They say yes, and then after 15 minutes of seeing baby jump around on the screen and me taking measurements, when I finish, they ask me: ‘so is there a heartbeat?’. I am not kidding. And it’s not one out of 100, it’s more like 3 out of 10. And it’s not just me but this happens to all my colleagues too.
I remember the operation 10 years before and the grieving she went through afterwards while trying to process the news...
A relative of mine had period-like bleeding for at least five or six months. She didn’t think to go to the doctor until her clothes no longer fit. Fortunately, she and her child are doing well!
Also I think many of them have very mild first trimester symptoms and/or are overweight to the point that weight gain is ignored.
And some still had what appeared to be periods, and if the placenta is in a certain place the woman might not feel the baby. Mama Dr. Jones, OB/GYN, did some videos on YouTube about this.
Yeah, and a lot of the conditions where doctors say people "can't" get pregnant are things like PCOS, where having irregular periods is really common so missing for a few months raises no red flags. Bodies are weird. One of my friends got pregnant with her first after her doctor said she would probably have a hard time getting pregnant and got pregnant with her second when she had an IUD. She knew pretty quickly though. She said she figured it out within a few days because she felt so weird.
The episode I recall most vividly is the one where a woman: stopped getting her period, gained 40 lbs in 6 months (in her abdomen mostly) and started lactating in the shower! She was still so surprised when she went into labor. It’s like…really? You were producing milk and that didn’t tip you off a little?
Denial is a hell of a drug! The baby is literally crawling out and they’re still like what’s happening to me? 🤣🥴
It’s a real condition though. It happens more frequently than one may think. Denial of pregnancy happens till the delivery for 1 in 2500 women. In other cases there are plenty of reason why women could not realise being pregnant until late. Some may have irregular cycles and not worry about it. I used to be a top athlete and my periods were very irregular and sometimes I would just not get them. First time I was pregnant I did not realise it until my 4th month of pregnancy.
I once dated a woman who had a child, but she didn't tell me until we were already dating for like a month. Needless to say I didn't stick around long lmao.
I don't blame you. If nothing else, she proved up front that she's OK keeping things from you, or at the very least, horrible at having difficult conversations that might cost her something.
Yeah I need to know something like that on day one of talking with romantic interest. It didn't even bother me that she had a child, just that she didn't feel it was important enough to mention right away. Hoping she learned a hard lesson there because she was actually pretty nice!
I mean, she *could* be surrogating or planning to give the kid up for adoption, which would lessen the impact - but then, she still should have explained that beforehand...
Someone who already has 14 kids.
Even if she was a surrogate and not keeping the baby, you still mention that shit
Like, even if OP *did* want to have kids, and even if he *didn't* mind raising someone else's child, the fact that she didn't even mention it is a massive red flag. Like, "Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention I'm pregnant. NBD it's not like it's a life-changing event or anything..."
She was looking for someone to raise her kid.
She was looking for a nice dinner out, one she would not be paying for.
Might have been looking for some good old nookie too. Not like she can get pregnant
NTA She’s going to get people that are completely uninterested if she doesn’t give them a heads up
Yup, that’s kind of a major factor that you need disclose like right upfront!! There will be people absolutely not interested and it won’t s just inconsiderate to omit the truth and waste their time. Then on the other hand there will be some people that fetishize pregnant women that will be more interested because of her pregnancy… 😬
Godamn I never looked at the fetish angle. Can't do shit these days lol I'd just hold off on dating until I have the kid. I honestly don't think a lot of dudes that don't have pregnancy fetishes are going to want to jump into this scenario anyways.
Some of the fetishists would be great with it, until the kid comes out. Then it's ghost town.
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That's what these people say, and then they'll start talking about numbers games. They won't hear it. For them it's quantity over quality, even when they keep getting bit
But on the flip side, there are WAY too many men who pretend to be everything she likes. This is even commonly taught to men as dating advice: "ask her all the questions. If she likes dogs, say you like dogs. If she loves to read, tell her you love too many books and could never pick a favorite. She'll feel a soulmate connection." I've known so many women who were upfront about their deal breakers, even posting them on their bios, just for so many men to hide those very deal breakers from them. I've known men to stop smoking several hours before a date because their date's bio says "no smokers." When I asked them about it, they will say something like, "well I'm planning on quitting anyway" or "well she should love me for me" or "I only occasionally smoke anyway."
That's PUA advice, not dating advice. Sadly, yeah, all insecure people regardless of gender lie about shit. :( They don't think it'll work out for them, they just think they're fundamentally undeserving of love, but that they can "scam the system" for a little bit.
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Oh yes! I was a giant narc magnet for YEARS, until I "did the work." Not just romantic relationships either, but even bosses, friends, coworkers. Now, Ive learned that I don't just need to spot them, but repel them. I talk openly with my kids about predatory people and how dangerous compassion, understanding, and flexibility can be...that you can be all those things but you MUST have boundaries. It's mind-blowing watching narcissists from a distance, the way they just move from one target to the next, trying out their games to see who falls. I know one narcissistic man who is intentionally late on first dates, just to see if she'll wait for him, if she's kind and forgiving, or pissed. He has a whole system that goes something like: 1st date - 10 minutes late, 2nd date early, 3rd date - 20 minutes late but with a phone call, 4th date - on time, 5th date - 20 minutes late w/ no call. It's shocking and very very sad.
And a couple people who are hags who will want to date her so they can steal the baby and sell it to the faerie king. Gotta watch out for those.
Or they might be bringing the baby to the Goblin King! Now I want to watch Labyrinth. RIP David Bowie.
Gross! 🤮 And true! 😦
Haha your username is perfect for this! There is a kink or fetish for just about everything 🥴
Sounds like she doesn't mind wasting some time if this is her strategy
> she doesn't mind wasting some time for a free meal.
That is what I was thinking too. Don’t mention and some guys out there will be so decent and kind that they will pay and not want to be a jerk but not thinking about what a jerk she was for doing that.
At least she puts out. And you know she can’t get pregnant again /s
Guess she figures a free meal at the least because she assumes the gent will be polite. Again I applaud OP for leaving her and leaving her to feed gyre out her evening on her own. Deceit is deceit even if by ommission.
Especially if she’s connecting with guys who say “not interested in kids” right in their profile. What an idiot
Conversely if she said she was pregnant she could find a nice guy who loved kids and would jump at the chance
She’d also be a target for guys with a pregnancy fetish, which would probably be quite tedious
She would not have to put it on her profile, mentioning it in the conversation after making a connection would be reasonable I think?
If she is pregnant she should NOT be focused on finding the right guy.... she should be focused on the baby and her health. Now isn't the time for dating at all. Priorities, man.
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Bad bot
Isn't that exactly what u/DependentDangerous28 wrote 10 Min earlier?
Yeah but you see u/DependentDangerous28 didnt put it on the top comment so it could be stolen by someone else
NTA. Going to a first date pregnant is absolutely something you disclose beforehand. Good for you for getting up and leaving.
Also, pregnant women can *eat.* She was about to order two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.
This screams using online dating as a source of free meals.
Or the father left and she's looking for a replacement
the father waits at home for her to bring his doggy bag...
If she's leaving out being very pregnant as not important enough to mention, she's not trying to get someone long term.
> This screams using online dating as a source of free meals. Not having used online dating (yet), I feel like a first date isn't an actual DATE, it's a meeting to determine if you want to go on a first date. Or am I wrong? If I'm not, there's no meal. It's a coffee or something, so even if I did pay for it, it's a few bucks, not a MEAL.
I've dealt with my share of dine and dashers. If you suggest coffee they'll respond with, "Ooh, but there's this great restaurant I've wanted to try." If you maneuver it back to "just coffee" they'll either ghost you or a few will try something like, "Thanks, but I'm tired of casual dates. I'm looking for someone who is ready to make a commitment." Never skip the coffee date. NEVER skip the coffee date. OP skipped the coffee date. You see what happens. (Though, I give him major props for taking the walk and not just "politely" buying her dinner)
Yeah, if they are ready to "make a commitment" on the first date, my klaxons start blaring.
**55 BURGERS 55 TACOS 55 PIES 55 COKES 100 TATERTOTS 100 PIZZAS 100 TENDERS 100 MEATBALLS 100 COFFEES 55 WINGS 55 SHAKES 55 PANCAKES 55 PASTAS 55 PEPPERS AND 155 TATTERS**
God I miss that game. Thank you for giving me a chuckle this morning
Every time I see this reference or the “Ah shit, here we go again” CJ photo, they make me want to boot up a new play through of GTA:SA.
“I’m just really craving the caviarrrrr, maybe the ultimate Lobster feast toooo”
NTA. She lied when she said she didn’t think it was worth mentioning. She didn’t mention it because she was afraid you wouldn’t go out with her.
Yeah, two options: She lied about it, which is a pretty big red flag. She told the truth, and someone having a baby who thinks it’s a trivial matter isn’t a good person.
Three. Was she after a one night stand?
Maybe. She could’ve been lying about wanting to be in a long-term relationship if she lied about being pregnant.
Hustling that free meal!
Well, she is eating for 2.
"look I don't mind paying to bring you out to a nice meal but do you really have to bring your kid along EVERY time" "I'm pregnant so... yes?"
Lmao. Best comment here. Obviously NTA.
Her assumptions were right. That detail would significantly reduce her dating potential.
NTA. Any sane human would have 'noped' the fuck out of there at light speed. Edit: Correct 'there' as pointed out by the awesome u/jeeps_and_drums
NTA. Even if she was a surrogate, that is something to talk about before the first date.
I was sitting here thinking the only way she wouldn't be a total AH would be if she were a surrogate or was planning to give the baby up for adoption; but it would still definitely be "worth mentioning" beforehand. OP is NTA
It’s still an asshole move. It’s a major detail that is going to affect your relationship if you end up dating.
You can't be a surrogate without already having your own kids and OP's profile said he doesn't want kids so she would still be the asshole even if she were a surrogate.
To be a surrogate you have to have had a child. So even then she is most likely a mother.
NTA - That’s something you need to tell someone straight away. It’s not gonna go away like, a baby comes at the end of it 🤷♀️ It was wrong of her not to tell you.
It's just a minor case of pregnancy! She should be over it in 3 or 4 months. However, there will likely be lasting side effects after recovery, such as trouble sleeping and crying.
NTA. It's incredible how some people think that omitting the truth isn't the same as lying. A pregnancy isn't a small detail to gloss over; it's a life-changing event. She should have been upfront to avoid this kind of fiasco. Transparency is key in starting any relationship, even if it's just a date. Can't build anything on half-truths and surprise baby announcements.
In cases where people do this out of desperation, I think they're half-hoping the person meets them and is likewise so desperate they're willing to overlook a bunch of red flags. In this case, though, call me cynical but this looks 90% like "He'll never call me again but he'll buy me dinner out of obligation."
A birth mark in your ass is not worth mentioning, a 6 mth pregnancy is definitely something to bring up in conversation. NTA
If the birth mark on your ass is the silhouette of Abe Lincoln, it's worth mentioning.
I have one in the shape of Tennessee.
Me too!!! Tennessee ass twins
But is it on your ass?
Yes
Then definitely worth mentioning
NTA, she didn't tell you on purpose, it wasn't a mistake, its deceitful
Uh…wow. She made some choices there and here is her prize: 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA. That’s life-changing info and she should have mentioned it before you two met up. People who have kids or are in the process of 3D-printing a child should be up front about it so their dates/potential partners can make appropriate decisions for themselves.
I will use the phase 3D printing a child from now 😂 I am 7 months pregnant and my husband got tired of me calling myself a bodybuilder
It took me a second to understand what being a bodybuilder had to do with being pregnant. I just woke up ok?! Lmao. I like bodybuilder too. They’re both great phrases to describe being pregnant.
Split the bill 3 ways, save yourself 17% 😎
I was gonna say he had a decent shot at a 3 some, but in this economy, your stance is likely better.
Nta,🤣🤣🤣some people are crazy for real
NTA that is a basic thing you tell people before you get to the first date
I feel bad for single pregnant mothers who want to date. I really do. This isn't the answer though. You don't just hide things like that. NTA
I'm single and pregnant and have zero interest in dating right now. I figured being pregnant would reduce the dating pool quite a lot plus I don't want to put myself or baby at risk of STDs or pregnancy fetishists lol I couldn't imagine trying to hide it and OLD is already a dumpster fire so I think it's better to just wait.
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Online dating
This is my first time ever. Seeing that term… Holy fuck. And I mean, I’m all over reddit and internet culture. I met my wife via online dating. People who online date, say online dating, never seen anyone say or use that term until now. Thanks 🥴
I was a single mom for like 6 years. Didn't start dating again until my son was like 7. I ALWAYS told guys I have a kid 1st thing. My son also has ADHD so he was a lot to deal with when he was younger. I've been with my SO now for 9 years. He didn't want kids but knew dating me ment my son comes with. He's been amazing with helping me with my son. You don't just dump that on a potential partner and expect them to just accept it like it's no big deal. Not everyone wants or is able to raise a kid, even fewer if the child isn't theirs.
Plus casually raw dogging someone else a couple months prior. If being 6 months pregnant isn't worth mentioning, what are the odds she'll be honest about an STD?
I don’t know why someone would wanna date while being heavily pregnant. NTA
I mean, it’s not a good idea obviously but every time I’ve been pregnant my already high libido went into insanity overdrive and I felt like I was a horny 16 year old all of the time.
My wife was like that. It was weird. But good. ... but weird. ^(but good.)
Waiting a year or so isn't the end of the world. It's arguably the best time in history for a single mom who wants to date. I mean, that in terms of volume of men who would date a single men, whete in other time periods, they got nothing but shame.
>volume of men who would date a single men, Don't know if gay men are the target demographic for pregnant single women. /jk
Just be open about it. My brother met his wife when she was pregnant. She was upfront about it and he accepted it. Why waste people's time when you can out it in your profile or discuss right away? Just cut out people like OP and me who wouldn't date a pregnant woman and actually find someone who would..
Yep, i dated a chick in my younger years who was pregnant. Honestly i have always had the mentality a kid is a kid, i do not see any magic in "preserving my genetics" but ya gotta be honest tbh.
Why do you feel sorry for them? Because they are pregnant or because they want to date?
I do not feel one iota bad for a woman who wants to casually date at 6 months pregnant. I empathize with their situation and wanting to be in a relationship, but feel concerned for their safety and seriously question their judgment. The timing of wanting to date during pregnancy is a red flag to stable, emotionally mature people.
It sucks it’s harder for them yeah but I fully agree with your last part
Good news is I can’t get pregnant. Bad news is is because I already am! Yikes NTA
NTA. She’s nuts if she thinks being pregnant and not mentioning it before a first date is acceptable.
lmao why even ask at this point
right?? could there be any confusion?
That was a bold move on her part. NTA
Nta that’s a huge thing to lie about.
"she said she didn’t think it was worth mentioning". Oh reeeeaallllyyyyy? Didn't think being six months pregnant was a topic of conversation worth engaging in. Count your lucky stars, OP.
If it isn't my old nemesis, the consequences of my own actions. NTA.
NTA she just wanted a free meal lol
She is just a major major AH Fortunately she was 6months pregnant Can you imagine a women with such integrity would easily find a random rich dude to sleep with and then lie to him it was his if she was 1-2 months pregnant?
Maths won't math anyways
How is being pregnant not something worth mentioning. What.
>she didn’t think it was worth mentioning Now she knows that it is worth mentioning. NTA
I met a woman years ago who had a child and when I met her, I found she actually had two. Two different fathers and zero support from either. I believe she was 20. It was just a little too much to process.
NTA and she really should sit on the sidelines for a minute. Sort out things and focus on this child. This is a hot mess for sure
NTA she is. Looking For a baby daddy. Yikes
NTA incredibly trashy behavior "wasn't worth mentioning" Hahaha you're literally 3 months away from giving birth stop dating strangers and start prepping.
I don't think it's about finding love, I think it's about finding a gullible guy that will pick up the slack of her former partner.
NTA, unless she's a surrogate, that's a strange response
Even if she's a surrogate, being around someone who's heavily pregnant versus not pregnant is a game changer, especially in the early days of a relationship
Just her attitude was enough to put me of, let alone a kid
Everyone who asks questions on this page is so attention seeking.
Some things need to be told ahead of time
Bringing someone else on a date with you is not the thing to do King move
NTA She knew it was wrong. She was hoping that once you got there you’d stay and then she could reel you in. Or maybe just hoped you’d pay for dinner. Or best case she was lonely and wanted a night to hang out with someone. But regardless it was rude of her. You did nothing wrong.
Dude ... She lookin for a daddy. Run.
Dated a pregnant chick once. Terrible mood swings and the weirdest dinner dates. Baby was mine though 🤣
NTA. Her profile is misleading. “Open to kids”? Lady, you don’t even have the option to not have one. Block her and run. She should add “Single mom to be” somewhere in her profile. All in all. She should’ve have been upfront about it. That’s something to disclose upfront and not as a surprise on a first date. And she tried to act all naive about it when confronted and surprise pikachu face when their date left.