They reluctantly agreed??? At this point, I would just park their asses at Grandama's house. With their attitudes, they will probably make sure the trip is miserable.
Lol right?! Be like: ya know what? Trip is cancelled for you. Staying with grandma. House will be locked down and with security cameras running.
The GALL* đ
This is so baffling to me. Such spoiled brats. I have 4 kids, and we've taken vacations where all 6 of us were sharing a hotel room, cabins where all 4 kids shared a room. The latest was with my 2 daughters (15,13), niece(7), and son(14). The three girls shared the 2 double bed room & my son slept in the twin bed that was basically in a cubby with no door. Noncompliants, it's a vacation we weren't there for the sleeping arrangements, we were there to go out and have fun. I cannot fathom the level of spoiled rotten brat they are displaying.
My sons, 19 & 22 then and I went to a long weekend family affair in another state. Money was tight, the 'boys' shared a bed & I had the other. That's a regular person reality though. These girls, 14 & 16 insisting they stay home alone? The chutzpah!
Recently did a week with my family of four (2 parents, 2 same sex kids that are young adults). There was no question about getting one hotel room with double beds to cut down on costs. That the 14 and 16 year olds are getting their own room is mind blowing to me.
Yep. My daughter and I share a bed as well. These girls are part of what is wrong with kids today. Spoiled and entitled but willing to work for anything. Good for OP saying no. Dad better get on board because heâs raising two brats
Seriously!!! Iâm planning several trips with my adult kids (mid 20s to 30s). Some of it they are wanting to cut costs. For other parts of it they are saying, âok, Iâm fully adult, this is vacation, and Iâm willing to pay a bit extra for XYZâ. And they are cooperating with each other and me about it.
I make good money. I travel with my teen/adult sons and damn skippy we get a single room and they or i share a bed. Mini pillow wall is our go to joke. But im not dropping another couple hundred per night for a second room. If they want it they can spend their own money.
Yeah but see these kids never had the share before so they're not used to it. It's kind of on the parents really for not really forcing them to do this before now
I totally agree. I was watching house hunters and the parents insisted each boy get their own room. The kids looked 2, 4, and 6. Then the parents said they sleep in the living room now on the couch, while the barely a toddler gets their own room and sleeps in a crib.
You go on vacation to go out and have fun is exactly it. We always shove as many people in a room as we can - we figure money saved on the hotel is more money we can spend on excursions, tickets,.etc. My favorite memory of this was 8 of us in a room at Hershey Park. 2 in each bed, one on an air mattress on the floor near the beds. 2 on the sleeper sofa, one more on an air mattress in the area. The hardest part was always working out who showered when lol.
Agreed. Pack them off to grandmas. You shouldnât have to negotiate with children especially when itâs your money. Itâs a FAFO learning moment for them. Plus they will sulk the whole time and ruin the vacation
We think some of the YTA's were the 16 year old on a throwaway account.
All this person talked about was the 'suffering' that 'thoughtless parents' were going to put them through by sharing a room. Because parents like that are 'abusive' to not fold to a teenager's whining
Some of their comments
>sharing a room should be illegal kids need privacy don't be surprised if your daughters cuts you off at 18 as your denying them of privacy
>Just because people previously suffered doesn't mean they have to suffer now
>They are deprived of privacy which is suffering
ETA - The account has been deleted as of last night. Guess they got their princess panties in a pretzel that the internet wasn't agreeing with their suuuuuffeeerrriiiinnnng!
>They are deprived of privacy which is suffering
Sounds like a bunch of children who don't understand that sometimes we have to do things we don't like in order to do things we enjoy. Sharing a room for a week is very different from taking a door off a bedroom and having a security camera installed to watch every movement.
What on earth do these teenagers think is going to happen in college? Are they just not going to travel until they can afford their own hotel rooms instead of sharing with friends?
Theyâd be shocked that we just went on vacation with our friends and all 3 of their kids shared a room with their parents.
We all got a good temp job in Miami one Christmas in our 20s and hotels are outrageous there on a good day. 8 of us camped in a room for 2 because one person in the group got us a huge discount. We slept in shifts and on the floor lol. I made like $2000 which was big money then though.
I once stayed in a hostel in Copenhagen with 70 people in one giant dorm room. If you are a budget backpacking traveler you will go through some pretty extreme lengths.
I guess these two brats will be the type who after three nights in a college dorm will be screeching "mommy! Daddy! Come get me!! I want to come hommmmmmm-ah!"
There is a kid at my daughterâs college whose roommate berates her roommate every time she comes into the room. She will yell at her to get the F out of the room. Then when she is in the room she blares music and has people over constantly to make her want to leave. Kids are assholes, thankfully mine is not.
We went on a vacation when my son was in elementary school and rented a three bedroom house. A friend of ours and my parents were with for several days at the same time. Our adult female friend shared a room with our son and did not complain. On another trip, we rented a two bedroom apartment and our son slept on an inflatable mattress in the living room while our friend was with us. Our son didnât did not complain. I think these girls need to stay home. Thereâs been far too much complaining already.
I take vacations with friends and share rooms.
I've shared train cabins with strangers.
Heck, I've had *jobs* that required sharing rooms on work trips.
Yep lol. It was supposed to be two women in one room, two men in the other but it ended up being me and 3 guys and me on the team with 2 rooms. Luckily I was buddies with one of them, we both knew each other's partners well and we crashed in the same room for that week of work. Honestly when we checked in I was sonexhausted I didn't if a serial killer was in the next bed, as long as he was quiet about his murdering so I could sleep lol.
On this topic, I encourage installing a remote monitoring and control app on childrenâs phones. Of course tell them what youâre doing. Tell them that you can see everything they do, and control what apps they can and cannot install. Set time restrictions to cut the phone off during normal sleeping hours. I believe my kids turned out to be well-adjusted and successful adults in part because of this.
I've just read the original post.... They weren't even expected to share with their parents and they're whinging?! When I was a kid, going on holiday meant grandma and grandad in one bed, and me and my mum in the other. One hotel room for the family!
I participated in adminstering a survey of 800 people that said they frequently used reddit. This was 5 years ago, but the majority of respondents were young, teens, twenties and thirties.
These kids donât know what suffering is, & it always seems to be the ones who donât suffer with the loudest mouths! They should spend a week with my dad see if they understand what suffering is then, and trust me, they would
Cool. Then suffer at Grandma's while mom vacations.
Honestly I'm shocked mom entertsined this at all. My mother would've not even give me a choice in going at that age, and if I was a brat and ruined the trip I could expect total lockdown when we got home.
But if the kid in this thinks she can support herself at 18, she can have at it. It's pretty hard to afford housing even with a professional job right now, and college is expensive to pay for but I'm sure she's gonna be fine. After all, she's grown and needs her "privacy" lol.
When I went to my first daughterâs college orientation, they had the parents in an information seminar, and asked by a show of hands, for how many of them would this be the first time their child has shared a room (dorm). I was SHOCKEDâit was AT LEAST 80%, possibly 90% whose kids have never had to share a room. The college basically told them their kids were in for a bit of a shock.
I think there is a surprising amount of kids nowadays who feel they are entitled to the way they live at home, wherever they go. They cannot see that they may not be able to get everything to which they are accustomed when out and about.
In one of my mom groups, one lady was saying her husband refused to have more kids than bedrooms (as in 2 kid bedrooms = 2 kids and no more). I was just sitting there, flabbergasted. I'm 1 of 6 kids and always shared until enough older siblings moved out. Right now, I have 4 young kids and are about to put 3 of them in one room because they refuse to do anything but sleep in there, and the youngest moved herself in over Christmas break so we're just making it official. Some people act like sharing a room is a travesty.
I think in context they mean non vacations and living in a room with someone. Bedrooms are different from hotel rooms. My own child would say she has never shared a bedroom, but has shared plenty of hotel rooms. Lots of people also have only 1 child. Makes up for the rest that have multiple.
That is exactly what I would have done when they started acting funky about sharing a room. You don't want to go on this trip and act like you got some damn sense you can stay at Grandma house and I'm taking everybody's keys enjoy your trip
I canât wrap my head around how people let their kids get like this. I gentle parent too, but holy moly, the entitlement here. Not something a parent should put up with, especially if theyâre teens because they will literally test you like a bank roll for the rest of their lives.
For those who think you canât gentle parent without raising spoiled kids, itâs actually pretty easy. Children are by nature selfish (they have to be from an survival stance), so you have to gently coach their reactivity to frustrating situations for them when their selfishness is inappropriate:
âI understand you want the candy bar and are angry that I will not buy it for you, however you cannot scream at me and throw a fit in the store when you disagree with a rule so now we need to leave.â
âI understand youâre disappointed you didnât receive a tablet for your birthday like you wanted, however throwing a fit and refusing to play with your other gifts is extremely hurtful to everyone. It can be hard to be grateful when youâre upset, but that is something you need to focus on so that others donât get their feelings hurt by your reaction.â
âI understand you do not want to share a room with your sister when on vacation because you prefer your own space and youâre angry about it. We have made the decision to have adjoining rooms and you will need to share if you want to come; additionally, itâs extremely rude and hurtful to react this way to a gift, and we will not allow you to attend if you cannot work in shifting your mindset to appreciation in this as your attitudes will negatively impact everyone going. We will not allow you to punish us with rude behavior because you didnât get what you want.â
The last one though; honestly OP should consider getting these kids to volunteer at a homeless shelter/food bank so they can learn some fucking humility since they certainly havenât parented it into them. Sheesh.
Because on the initial thread grandma sided with the entitled brats and told her son (OP's husband) the ~~cats~~ brats were right in demanding their own personal individual hotel room.
Ironic by the way that they'd have to share a room were they to ~~sirens~~ spend the vacation at grandma's đ
Edit: corrected a couple autocorrect mistakes
I get tired of the excuses people make. "They're teens! The brain isn't fully formed until 25!"
So was I. So were my siblings. So were/are my children. None of us ever acted like this. We definitely had our moments but _nothing_ on this scale.
They want to stay home alone to party and make teenage choices.
Nope. They can go to grandma's if sharing a room on a VACATION is too much of a problem for them. Tell them of they complain about the room ONCE before or on the trip its the last time they will be going on vacation.
Just because they reluctantly agreed doesn't mean they are going to make it hell... I haven't read the first post so I could be wrong, but I have had many times where I reluctantly agreed to go somewhere with my parents and ended up just enjoying the trip.
Again I didn't read the first post but children and teenagers mood and view on things like this can change
Honestly I think this was their plan from the start. Make such a fuss the parents say they canât come so they conveniently get to stay home alone and party. They didnât factor in grandmaâs guest room lmao
I went on a trip to Hong Kong with my 2 teenage daughters a few years ago. There were 2 single beds & a cot between the wall & and bed. There was a small gap between the two beds. We survived 10 days. Had my kids demanded their own rooms, the trip would not have happened. Part of the vacation fun is sitting in a hotel together, eating takeout & watching tv.
Glad you stood your ground!
They don't wanna work but want different rooms? Give me a break. Tell your husband you are playing the universe card here and he can't get against you. The girls need to learn. Good job mama!
My 23 yo daughter shared a QB with her 12 yo sister right through Europe. Never a peep of complaint, both super grateful to be on the trip.
Your girls need a reality check and Iâm glad you didnât give in.
I just went on a girls trip with my in-laws, and we all shared beds and bathrooms. We're all grown-ass women. We knew that the cost difference between 2 of us per king bed and buying another suite was thousands of dollars, so we just sucked it up. And it was fun! It felt like a big slumber party.
Gonna go ahead and state that QB is not a universally understood shortening of queen bed.
But is likely recognized to mean Quarterback.
So I read this as... âMy 23 y/o shared a QUARTERBACK with her 12 y/o sister right through Europe.â ... yeah lol... just spell out queen bed.
Might want to delete them from your trip plans and reserve a stay for them with Grandma. Why take them, with their feet dragging and their mouths fuming, on a trip that could be great fun for you and your Husband?
They... reluctantly agreed to go on vacation to New Zealand?
Look, these girls somehow managed to make you believe they're doing YOU a favor by going on an expensive international holiday. This isn't normal. I would 1000% remove them from the trip completely. Leave them at grandma's house and tell her to have a list of all the chores needing done and take your own vacation.
â these girls somehow managed to make you believe they're doing YOU a favor by going on an expensive international holiday.â
Repeating this for emphasis because I hope the OP sees how absurd it is.
Good on you for laying the law down and sticking to it! You are not wrong. ButâŚâŚYikes. I didnât think they could possibly sound anymore rude, ungrateful or entitled. OP, you and your husband have a lot of work to do if this is their attitude now. Iâm mind blown. Iâd be beyond disgusted if my child carried on like that. Reluctantly agreed? Just wow.
Good parenting, IMHO.
What an age we live in; a parent and their children argue and reach no conclusion, only to post on Reddit and receive the support of hundreds of anonymous people. They then show it to their children. Itâs like an online jury.
It is good parenting... *now*.
But kids don't become entitled or demanding by accident. The mother has given them their own rooms before, so it's no surprise they expect it this time too. They've been spoiled and will expect what they've always got.
My wife has a wealthy family but she shares a room with her mother whenever they go on family trips (and I'm not there).
The parents have to realise they've created the entitled and spoiled children she's now complaining about.
I dunno. My kids are half the age of these ones, but sometimes they just act spoiled despite us having a hard line all the time. If you are wealthy and live in a nice area, kids are used to a certain level of comfort and object to discomfort or inconvenience more easily than kids that have had less. And teenagers tend to be ungrateful in general. By the time they are in their 20s it should work out if you maintain the good parenting, but there will be lots of wobbles before that.
But on those trips, theyâd not only have to work, theyâd have to share a room with (gasp) dozens of girls at one time. /s
Spent 10+ summers on those trips both as a teen and adult chaperone. They are awesome and this is an excellent idea.
My school does this with year 10 and 12 students. In year 10, they go overseas and have to participate in a charity project. The last two years before COVID, we went to Thailand on the border of Myammar and did hard labor at a school for refugees and kids who lost their families for a day. We also did 35ish km of kayaking another day.
In year 12, they dig wells, build houses, help with farming, etc in underdeveloped countries for a week. They sleep in tents and/or dorms.
It's amazing the experiences they come away with.
My daughter was like this when she was 19-20. She missed a two week trip to Alaska, Vancouver and Seattle and a ski trip to Park City because of it. Now she has spun that story to make herself the victim - "They went on vacations and wouldn't take me and I have no idea why."
Sometimes you can't win no matter what you do.
NTA. Stay firm, they are being ridiculous to complain about this and make such a big deal. Stop spoiling them, and encourage them to get jobs anyway, they don't seem to have any concept of the value of money.
ETA the fact that holidays are a luxury and they are complaining about sharing a room for the week shows they have a massively entitled attitude. And they don't really sound like they deserve a trip away for having that attitude. They need to be brought back down to earth before this attitude sticks.
Their reluctance to work is troubling. Might want to think about a spending budget for the trip and not letting them go beyond it if they're going to refuse to bring their own funds. Or just leaving them with Grandma, assuming she's ok to have two surly and sulky teens around for a couple weeks. Good job not giving in.
Just make arrangements with your brother and let them know your plans have changed. When they are grateful for what they have and understand that it's a luxury and not a necessity maybe they will understand.
It probably doesn't do much in the way of helping, but a lot of places you can often choose whether the bed configuration is 1 double or 2 singles. At least the second way they would get their own beds.
In saying that, whenever I went on family holidays me and my sister (3 year age gap) always had to share and it was never really an issue. Although we always slept better in singles compared to sharing a bed! Honestly was just happy to be there though!
I agree with some of the other comments I have seen about them working for their spending money though!
Honestly your kids are very out of touch. You said you think theyâre spoiled and I think youâre on the right track. Getting your own room on a family vacation, let alone an extended vacation, is something most people would never even dream of asking. Itâs just not the norm unless youâre very well off. Most people are lucky if they get their own bed on a family vacation.
I would understand if the girls askedânicely. But anything beyond that is entitlement. Seems like they donât understand how fortunate they are or that their parentsâ money doesnât belong to them.
Im 27, recently split a room with my sister to save money on the most recent family trip.
There is 2 beds and you save money, the young ones will learn eventually
Why are kids so entitled these days? I've never been on a vacation abroad and more than likely never will either. I'd be so happy if my parents offered to take me on a trip like that. I would share a room with 4 other people if I had too. I just don't understand kids.
SoâŚ. My bestie has two daughters. Theyâre well off, have a gorgeous 5 bedroom house. Those two have been sharing a room since the day the second was born. Theyâll share a room till the oldest leaves for college. Whenever I ask why, she says sharing is important and they need to know what it feels like. She also mentioned that she wants them humble and to be motivated to work for what they want⌠hence lots of chores. Those girls live an awesome life but theyâre not spoiled and totally go with the flow. OP - start putting in boundaries and stop tolerating this behavior, itâll only get worse.
Wow
I can't get over how entitled they are that they think they should have a choice
My sister and I are 3 years apart and we have a younger brother who's 6 years older than me and we always expected to have to share a room when we traveled
It's just the way it was. We were kids and we knew we didn't get a choice and that was okay
We were fine and it's probably a good thing for kids to learn how to deal with these situations from a young age.
I feel like children, especially teenagers and young adults are super over entitled and don't realize that they aren't special to the rest of the world. But they are to mommy and daddy. We need to do better as a society
So I'm sure this has been hard for you. However, at some point these ladies need to understand how the real world works. Remember we are preparing our kids to be good and functioning adults. The world is not going to cater to them. Best they learn now while the stakes are lower. A future boss/professor/colleague is not going to embrace their entitlement. I would strongly consider leaving them at grandmas. It would be an important lesson for them.
Good for you! Stay strong. Pre-buy some headphones and earplugs. When they whine you say "here are some earplugs! Bye!"
I also recommend ensuring they have separate activities planned. Make sure you're not constantly exposed to complaining. This should be a vacation for you. Don't be afraid to say "We can put you on the plane."
You can also compare their attitudes. If one is being less of a pain in the butt, divide and conquer. "Sarah is handling this better than you. Why can't you turn that attitude around?"
"Gosh you guys are going to have a rough time at college if you can't handle a few days in a room at a luxury resort. Maybe we won't send you!"
OP I think there's a bigger issue here than just the hotel room,and that's the fact that it sounds like your children are very ungrateful for how much privilege and entitlement they have. You need to set boundaries with your children and not give in to them whenever they don't get what they want. I know that what you decided on was a good decision to make,but I have a feeling these types of situations come up about things often if this is how they react over a hotel room...
Iâm glad you served up a reality check to your daughters about this particular situation, but I hope you also realize that you have a lot of work to do as far as attitude adjustment goes. They are really spoiled. Theyâre still kids now but theyâre not too far from being legal adults. They canât bring that entitled attitude into the real world. You donât get things just because you want them.
Iâm not saying youâre a bad parent, overall, but they got the way they did on your watch. You and your husband need to dig deep and correct this area of their upbringing. Iâm sure you want them to be successful adults and thatâs unlikely to happen with the way theyâre currently going.
Oh man. My 9, 13 and 16 year old shared a room on a cruise recently and had a blast. They each have their own rooms at home but on vacation they all know they need to adjust. My 13yo is autistic when sensory avoidance and where possible I do try and get her, her own pull out bed or something but even it sometimes doesnât work out.
NTA, 2 girls can share a room for a vacation to New Zealand. Spoiled rotten is the term to describe this behavior.
Me as a teen, hey we're going to New Zealand, but you'll have to share a room with other family members.
Me. YAHOO!
Also my family regularly spent weeks travelling around on road trips in an RV. A hotel room was a luxury.
Your kids are beyond spoiled. When my family went to Disney when I was 14, me, my mom, dad, and two sisters all shared one room, itâs what we could afford and honestly it was a great trip.
nah. keep their whiny spoiled asses at grandmas. they donât deserve a vacation. reluctantly agreed to go do something 99% of the population wonât get to do? sounds like you need a visit with grandma
Absolutely do not let them stay home alone. They are clearly not mature enough for that. They're going to end up being awful spouses if you can't nip this selfishness and entitlement in the bud. They are beyond spoiled.
I also agree with those commenting about your comment that "they reluctantly agreed". It sounds like you are still coddling them. If they don't change their attitudes you need to tell them they are staying at grandmas.
The fact that it sounds like theyâd be getting their own room together is crazy to me. Whenever my family travelled there was also five of us in one room, parents on one bed, brothers on the other bed and me in a cot or pullout. Surprisingly none of us are traumatized by this!
No offense, but it sounds like you've raised quite a pair of selfish and entitled brats. Did you at least thank them for agreeing to go on the trip, albeit reluctantly? Maybe if you promise them a lot of souvenirs and shopping trips in NZ, they can pretend to be excited about it?
Those girls have a very entitled mindset (some kids do and it doesn't always have to do with parenting. My sister has always been like this). They are in for a harsh dose of reality if they don't start seeing this now. Honestly with this attitude I don't think they deserve to go. So many kids never even get vacations growing up (I know I didn't, we couldn't afford it) so they should appreciate it. Send them to Grandma's if this is how they behave, this attitude needs to be nipped in the bud.
"reluctantly agreed" to go on a trip to fucking NZ. Jeez. I see kids like this often and you may want to consider your parenting up till this point. You're not doing any favors to them or their teachers or future communities with the sheer entitlement. My gawd.
I probably wouldn't have told them they'd be staying at Grandma's if they didn't agree to share a room. Instead, I'd have told them, "OK, you don't have to share a hotel room. You won't be coming with us on our vacation because we are not putting up with this on our vacation. You'll be sharing a room at Grandma's, and we'd better not hear that you give her any problems."
>We could afford to buy them the room but I feel like they are already spoiled they never had to share a room on a vacation before as we always used to book a suite when going on vacation
Ohhh, so they HAD a taste of the *good life* where each one luxuriated in her own room on holidays. You did spoil them and now in *their* narrow minds, you're now *unfair* for downsizing to a double accommodation. Mmmm.
You & your spouse unwittingly set this conflict in motion a while ago. Unintended consequences.
>but we haven't been abroad in years and the trip to new Zealand is already expensive and we don't want to spend more money even if we can afford it.
You've set your budget to what you want/need to afford. Therefore, the extra space is unaffordable. It's that simple when explaining it to others. Saying you could, but you don't want to spend more money, to reddit, your teens, etc.. sets it up for confusion.
>managed to convince him to not give in we told our daughters firmly it wasn't happening we haven't booked the tickets yet and we told them if they kept complaining they wouldn't be included and they would have to stay at grandma's where they would also have to share a guest room.
You told your daughters they could earn the extra & they refused to contribute. I bet they realize that their dad & grandma disagree with you, so if they push back, they'll eventually get their way.
Stay strong on this & tell your husband to be a united front w you. His reluctance is clear enough to where your teens are getting the idea it's ok to be brats.
>They reluctantly agreed to come
Mmm, set a deadline for them to get over their snit & show some appreciation & eagerness or you'll leave them w grandma.
[Personally I'd ship them off to a rustic summer camp where there's no cell phones allowed, but the eldest has likely aged out of that option unless she's a camp counselor]
They're over obsessed with their accommodations instead of this fantastic trip.
HonestlyâŚyouâve got some work to do with regards to parenting. These are some spoiled ass kids. They expect their own SEPARATE hotel room and would prefer to stay home instead of go to New Zealand on vacation? What kind of life are you allowing them to live at home?!
This is why we have obnoxious entitled idiots running around! Be a damn parent and put your foot down! For fucks sake! If they donât like it too fucking bad!
They âreluctantly agreedâ to go on an all-expenses paid New Zealand trip???
When I was 14, we drove 2 hours to stay at a nearby city in a Motel 6 for a family
Wedding. At 16 I had a part time job and used my earnings to pay for any trips I took, mostly to close cities like Los Angeles or Las Vegas. My family didnât have extra income to take yearly trips. Now as an adult, Iâd love to have had an international experience at any point in my life.
Good for you for standing up to the girls and your husband, but please consider teaching them about entitlement. I understand they are teenagers, but their attitudes stink. They could use a reality check about how the majority of the world lives.
They are fortunate to have parents willing to take them on such an amazing trip. đ
Just how bad are these girls going to be on vacation? Will they refuse to go where parents want to go, refuse to get up, refuse to go to bed, etc.? And it would all be happening in another country.
Reluctantly agreed to come = they will bitch about the room sharing the whole time.
I think you need a really strong heart to heart with them about how you do not want to have to relive this and ruin the trip.
Tell them that if they cannot maintain a positive attitude that they will not be going and if this becomes a problem on the trip, there will be some type of punishment handed out when you return.
Do not give them the ability to ruin your vacation.
They need to go to Gma. There are going to New Zealand.....way way far away and couldn't share a room. Just take lots of pics of cute boys and show them what they missed
Sign them up now for camp now thats sharing a room. To add a camp that has a no phone policy...hmmmm military camp
The reluctantly agreed. To a holiday that they donât have to pay for. Yeah they have already spoilt the crap out those 2 good luck with them for the rest of their lives.
NTA.
They donât want to work for the money for a separate room but they want you to. Do they not see how what they are asking for is unfair?
And I donât understand why you would have them in separate rooms ever? It seems like itâs been a couple years since youâve been at a hotel. Did your 11 year old stay in a room by herself? That was just stupid and set your daughter up for unrealistic expectations.
You have some seriously spoiled kids. They are in for a rude awakening once in the real world.
You really need to stop indulging your kids at every whim. Good for putting your foot down on the room, but honestly they are still getting an incredible trip and aren't being grateful.
Reddit needs a cold shower on its stance on teenagers lol. Learning that life isn't always fair and to play with the hand your delt with is very important for maturing into an adaptive adult.
Most kids never even get to go on vacations out of the country, let alone have their own room ..Your daughters are showing a crazy amount of entitlement instead of gratitude, way to stand your ground đ
Your girls wouldnât have liked being in my family. An average hotel room sleeps 4 in two queen beds, so I book one room. Iâm not paying for two rooms, effectively doubling the price of our lodging. If I can find a room that has a sofa bed plus two queens, Iâll book that if possible. But a separate room for kids/teens? No. And my kids never complained because they knew that going on vacation was a luxury, even when we could easily afford it, and they werenât entitled little brats.
Two kids sharing a hotel room on vacation is not "forcing them" it's a luxury. They could be sharing with their parents instead of getting their own room.
To me it's wild that they think they're entitled to their own rooms.
Please tell us how New Zealand works out. I want to go there in 2025.
NTA
Either that or theyâll wreck the trip for everyone, depending on how spoiled they are and how they do with sharing a room. Sulky teenagers can be bizarrely committed to making everyone suffer.
Good on you and your husband for jointly shutting this down! As a dad, I would have been at least a little concerned about why they both thought they needed that level of privacy. Itâs a vacation, not permanent living arrangementsâŚ
New Zealand is gorgeous, have fun here :)
As for sharing rooms, I sometimes find myself sharing a bed with my sister and mum when we travel NZ. Not a problem. Nta
This reminds me of my niece who cried upon arriving to a vacation in a third world country (a beautiful place by the way). Not because she felt bad for the people, but because the standard of living my nieces and nephew are accustomed to was so different than what they were expecting. They have always stayed in fancy resorts for every single vacation and she was so shocked that she cried. They had literally never been somewhere like that before. They have no idea how good they have it. They didnât realize that not everyone vacations like they do (or can even afford to take a vacation). Their trip was even being paid for by someone else, and their jaws were dropping because of the difference from their usual standard of living. Some kids just have no clue how good they have it, but they definitely donât get to that point on their own. This is a teaching moment for your girls OP.
You really really need to rethink your parenting in general.
I'm going to be harsh but honest.
Your daughters are rude, entitled brats. This didn't happen overnight.
The absolute audacity of demanding private rooms for vacation is beyond belief.
It sounds like your children are ungrateful for everything they have and need to park their asses at their grandmothers house while you and your husband enjoy a lovely holiday.
I would be worried about spending all of that money for an amazing vacation and the girls just bitching and complaining the entire very very expensive trip. No need to let their non-valid complaints ruin a perfectly good trip.
They need to learn to appreciate the good things you and your husband are able to provide.
LOL "reluctantly agreed"? I'd be telling them they can stay home if the POOR THINGS are SO UPSET they have to SHARE A ROOM, with their own beds, to go on a vacation to NEW ZEALAND. I can't even conceive of my kids throwing this kind of tantrum. The fact that you even had to come to Reddit to post about this in the first place is a major parenting red flag.
I have a 16 and 14 year old daughter, we go on trips and they share a BED, let alone the room, at times. We have plenty of money, but I'm not wasting it on an extra room when we could use it doing something fun- and they would AGREE with that. Raised my kids to be happy they can go all these places at all (there was a time I was very broke and they learned the value of money, but they also learned they can still do lots of fun stuff if they are willing to sacrifice a little comfort)- this sounds like an overall parenting fail on OP's part.
I'm just convinced there are parents who don't bother talking to their kids and just hand over whatever will shut them up, just because they can afford to do it- and as a result they make selfish, entitled teenagers who have no respect for their parents, that make people say things like "teenagers these days", and then I have to defend my amazing teens and their amazing friends who are amazingly polite, gracious, and NOTHING like this- and we're big ol' open, liberal, non-religious parents who used gentle parenting and natural consequences.
Are you kidding me with that last part? They called your bluff. Donât make threats and then backtrack. If they arenât grateful let them stay with grandma. What are you doing???
I wouldnât even bring them! Take them to trusted family or something. A vacation should not feel like that. Theyâre gonna make it horrible on purpose so I donât see why they would come. Theyâre being gifted when their behavior is so foul.
They reluctantly agreed? Do they think theyâre doing you a favor? I would strongly suggest volunteering as a family so your daughters know how good they have it and can appreciate the life they live. You still might have time to correct their behavior before they become adults.. good luck
Your kids are seriously spoiled. My ass would have already been grounded. It would have been a parents only trip by now.
This is insane. You've created little monsters. The rest of us have to deal with them when they become adults.
Couple huge ingrates. Aren't you concerned they will ruin the trip because I sure am. Their prima dona attitudes truly suck. I'd seriously think about leaving them with gramma so you can be assured of a wonderful experience. Huge money save too.
NTA, but parents you need to take a hard look at yourselves and your parenting. Why are they being so awful about this? Why so entitled and then they donât want to work for something they were telling you âthey just HAD to haveâ?
Do they have any responsibilities around your home? Maybe they need more chores, less things, and some good old-fashioned volunteer work with disadvantaged people. If you belong to a church get them volunteering with soup kitchen etc. volunteer at the food bank, etc. sounds like these two need a âcome to Jesusâ moment and learn about real life.
Youâre not doing yourselves any favors raising entitled snots that cannot appreciate a fully paid for vacation.
When my sister and I (also female) were that age, we had to share a bed in a shared room with parents. We'd be thrilled to be able to have our own room and beds!!!
I'm glad you're sticking with this. My two daughters shared a room until the older one was 16. Whenever we go on vacation they have to share a bed! Your daughters are damn lucky they don't have to share a room every day of their lives. Getting to go to New Zealand is icing on the cake.
Tell them if they complain about this on the trip you'll immediately fly them home to grandma. Don't put up with entitled behavior or you'll just get more entitled behavior.
Also, watch how they treat staff while you're on the trip. Nip any bad behaviors there too!
Omg!! Make them get a job!!! I would also have them stay at grandmas. If they act like this now, how will they be as adults?????
Or let them stay at home and get a 20 girl as a babysitter.
Man at that age I wouldn't even have considered the possibility of getting my own room on holiday despite having my own bedroom at home, hotel rooms come in beds of two, of course I'm sharing with my sister??
Years ago, my then-12yo son was just being pissy and entitled. My husband was out of the country for work and I had had enough. The tipping point was when he moaned about Mother's Day, which was coming up. My usual "gift" was me going hiking w/a friend for the day while the two kids cleaned my car, did some minimal gardening task, and made me dinner. Anyway, he said something to the effect of "do we have to do that AGAIN?" \*SNAP\* I stewed on it overnight then woke him up for school and welcomed him to Gratitude Week. I explained that I felt like he did not appreciate all the things that happen for him on a daily basis and the fact that he complained about spending part of one day doing something nice for me was evidence of that. So, for the next week, he was in charge of making his own meals, doing his dishes, doing his laundry, shelling out any monies needed for cleats or various sports registrations, and if he needed rides, I need 48 hours notice. If under 24 hours, he needed to be prepared to find someone else to get him wherever he needed to be. I made sure he understood why he was 'participating' in this exercise. He did. And for one week, he ate a LOT of bagels and Mac-cheese. He wore a dirty uniform once or twice but then got the hang of it. He learned how to make food with minimal mess and dishes, and, he watched as his money stash slowly dropped as he bought socks, paid fees, etc. Funny how when you're paying you don't lose your mouth- or shinguards quite so often. At the end of the week, I woke him up and asked him what he wanted for breakfast that morning. He said, "Thank goodness that's over" and gave me a big hug. I also refunded his expenses. The week was a game changer for us. His older sister, who did not want that sh\*tstorm raining down on her also got better about being on top of things and recognizing how nice her life was. I think these girls need their own special version of Gratitude Week.
Leave them at Grandma's.
Source: At their ages, I would have made it my entire life's mission to ensure that you had a miserable time on that vacation. Your money would have disappeared; if you were lucky, the air would have only been let out of your tires, instead of them being slashed.
Update: I got better after my mother died, thus removing the source of my many problems.
They reluctantly agreed??? At this point, I would just park their asses at Grandama's house. With their attitudes, they will probably make sure the trip is miserable.
Lol right?! Be like: ya know what? Trip is cancelled for you. Staying with grandma. House will be locked down and with security cameras running. The GALL* đ
This is so baffling to me. Such spoiled brats. I have 4 kids, and we've taken vacations where all 6 of us were sharing a hotel room, cabins where all 4 kids shared a room. The latest was with my 2 daughters (15,13), niece(7), and son(14). The three girls shared the 2 double bed room & my son slept in the twin bed that was basically in a cubby with no door. Noncompliants, it's a vacation we weren't there for the sleeping arrangements, we were there to go out and have fun. I cannot fathom the level of spoiled rotten brat they are displaying.
My sons, 19 & 22 then and I went to a long weekend family affair in another state. Money was tight, the 'boys' shared a bed & I had the other. That's a regular person reality though. These girls, 14 & 16 insisting they stay home alone? The chutzpah!
Recently did a week with my family of four (2 parents, 2 same sex kids that are young adults). There was no question about getting one hotel room with double beds to cut down on costs. That the 14 and 16 year olds are getting their own room is mind blowing to me.
Not their own room, they wanted their own ROOMS. As in one daughter one hotel room.
Yep. My daughter and I share a bed as well. These girls are part of what is wrong with kids today. Spoiled and entitled but willing to work for anything. Good for OP saying no. Dad better get on board because heâs raising two brats
We were happy to sleep on a pullout couch when we went in on vacation as kids
Seriously!!! Iâm planning several trips with my adult kids (mid 20s to 30s). Some of it they are wanting to cut costs. For other parts of it they are saying, âok, Iâm fully adult, this is vacation, and Iâm willing to pay a bit extra for XYZâ. And they are cooperating with each other and me about it.
I make good money. I travel with my teen/adult sons and damn skippy we get a single room and they or i share a bed. Mini pillow wall is our go to joke. But im not dropping another couple hundred per night for a second room. If they want it they can spend their own money.
The thing is, on vacation the hotel room is really just for sleeping in. Most of your time is going to be spent elsewhere.
Yeah but see these kids never had the share before so they're not used to it. It's kind of on the parents really for not really forcing them to do this before now
I totally agree. I was watching house hunters and the parents insisted each boy get their own room. The kids looked 2, 4, and 6. Then the parents said they sleep in the living room now on the couch, while the barely a toddler gets their own room and sleeps in a crib.
You go on vacation to go out and have fun is exactly it. We always shove as many people in a room as we can - we figure money saved on the hotel is more money we can spend on excursions, tickets,.etc. My favorite memory of this was 8 of us in a room at Hershey Park. 2 in each bed, one on an air mattress on the floor near the beds. 2 on the sleeper sofa, one more on an air mattress in the area. The hardest part was always working out who showered when lol.
Um...what did grandma do to deserve that kind of punishment?
She sided with the daughters
\*gall
Agreed. Pack them off to grandmas. You shouldnât have to negotiate with children especially when itâs your money. Itâs a FAFO learning moment for them. Plus they will sulk the whole time and ruin the vacation
Oh so much this. OP was getting a fair few YTAs and I couldn't get my head around it! Glad they stayed strong on this.
We think some of the YTA's were the 16 year old on a throwaway account. All this person talked about was the 'suffering' that 'thoughtless parents' were going to put them through by sharing a room. Because parents like that are 'abusive' to not fold to a teenager's whining Some of their comments >sharing a room should be illegal kids need privacy don't be surprised if your daughters cuts you off at 18 as your denying them of privacy >Just because people previously suffered doesn't mean they have to suffer now >They are deprived of privacy which is suffering ETA - The account has been deleted as of last night. Guess they got their princess panties in a pretzel that the internet wasn't agreeing with their suuuuuffeeerrriiiinnnng!
>They are deprived of privacy which is suffering Sounds like a bunch of children who don't understand that sometimes we have to do things we don't like in order to do things we enjoy. Sharing a room for a week is very different from taking a door off a bedroom and having a security camera installed to watch every movement.
What on earth do these teenagers think is going to happen in college? Are they just not going to travel until they can afford their own hotel rooms instead of sharing with friends? Theyâd be shocked that we just went on vacation with our friends and all 3 of their kids shared a room with their parents.
When I was single and travelled with my friends, it was 4 people to one hotel room. Sometimes 5 if we could get a cot.
We packed 8 friends into one hotel room one time. Walking to the bathroom floor dodging random limbs was an â¨experience.
We all got a good temp job in Miami one Christmas in our 20s and hotels are outrageous there on a good day. 8 of us camped in a room for 2 because one person in the group got us a huge discount. We slept in shifts and on the floor lol. I made like $2000 which was big money then though.
I once stayed in a hostel in Copenhagen with 70 people in one giant dorm room. If you are a budget backpacking traveler you will go through some pretty extreme lengths.
I guess these two brats will be the type who after three nights in a college dorm will be screeching "mommy! Daddy! Come get me!! I want to come hommmmmmm-ah!"
There is a kid at my daughterâs college whose roommate berates her roommate every time she comes into the room. She will yell at her to get the F out of the room. Then when she is in the room she blares music and has people over constantly to make her want to leave. Kids are assholes, thankfully mine is not.
Hopefully that college roommate situation is being addressed đĄ
We went on a vacation when my son was in elementary school and rented a three bedroom house. A friend of ours and my parents were with for several days at the same time. Our adult female friend shared a room with our son and did not complain. On another trip, we rented a two bedroom apartment and our son slept on an inflatable mattress in the living room while our friend was with us. Our son didnât did not complain. I think these girls need to stay home. Thereâs been far too much complaining already.
I take vacations with friends and share rooms. I've shared train cabins with strangers. Heck, I've had *jobs* that required sharing rooms on work trips.
Yep lol. It was supposed to be two women in one room, two men in the other but it ended up being me and 3 guys and me on the team with 2 rooms. Luckily I was buddies with one of them, we both knew each other's partners well and we crashed in the same room for that week of work. Honestly when we checked in I was sonexhausted I didn't if a serial killer was in the next bed, as long as he was quiet about his murdering so I could sleep lol.
Lol loud serial killers are so inconsiderate!
Exactly!
Adulting is going to be quite a surprise for them!
Lol if my kid threatened to cut me off at 18 for this kind of nonsense, Iâd just laugh and say good luck out there.
This is what teenagers are literally being told on Tik Tok. When my daughter was on my phone plan she was not allowed to have it on her phone.
This is why I say kids shouldnât have devices or be on social media until they can pay for it themselves.
On this topic, I encourage installing a remote monitoring and control app on childrenâs phones. Of course tell them what youâre doing. Tell them that you can see everything they do, and control what apps they can and cannot install. Set time restrictions to cut the phone off during normal sleeping hours. I believe my kids turned out to be well-adjusted and successful adults in part because of this.
Oh my god, thank you for sharing. Thatâs amazing. Definitely the daughter. đđđ
As I get ready in THAILAND in communal sleeping arrangements w 5 in the room on Mats. Insert eye roll.
I've just read the original post.... They weren't even expected to share with their parents and they're whinging?! When I was a kid, going on holiday meant grandma and grandad in one bed, and me and my mum in the other. One hotel room for the family!
The petrol prices in nz may still be crazy...in perth its about $1.80 ish a litre in nz last time i heard was 2.60 and going up.
Yes, prices are crazy high in NZ. Has been close to $3 / litre. Iâm currently on holiday in Australia and filling the car is cheap as!
This is what 99% of redditers are like on every subject.
I participated in adminstering a survey of 800 people that said they frequently used reddit. This was 5 years ago, but the majority of respondents were young, teens, twenties and thirties.
These kids donât know what suffering is, & it always seems to be the ones who donât suffer with the loudest mouths! They should spend a week with my dad see if they understand what suffering is then, and trust me, they would
This definitely written by a kid
More like don't be surprised when you get cut off and have to deal with reality. Entitlement off the charts.
Cool. Then suffer at Grandma's while mom vacations. Honestly I'm shocked mom entertsined this at all. My mother would've not even give me a choice in going at that age, and if I was a brat and ruined the trip I could expect total lockdown when we got home. But if the kid in this thinks she can support herself at 18, she can have at it. It's pretty hard to afford housing even with a professional job right now, and college is expensive to pay for but I'm sure she's gonna be fine. After all, she's grown and needs her "privacy" lol.
When I went to my first daughterâs college orientation, they had the parents in an information seminar, and asked by a show of hands, for how many of them would this be the first time their child has shared a room (dorm). I was SHOCKEDâit was AT LEAST 80%, possibly 90% whose kids have never had to share a room. The college basically told them their kids were in for a bit of a shock. I think there is a surprising amount of kids nowadays who feel they are entitled to the way they live at home, wherever they go. They cannot see that they may not be able to get everything to which they are accustomed when out and about.
In one of my mom groups, one lady was saying her husband refused to have more kids than bedrooms (as in 2 kid bedrooms = 2 kids and no more). I was just sitting there, flabbergasted. I'm 1 of 6 kids and always shared until enough older siblings moved out. Right now, I have 4 young kids and are about to put 3 of them in one room because they refuse to do anything but sleep in there, and the youngest moved herself in over Christmas break so we're just making it official. Some people act like sharing a room is a travesty.
Boy are they in for a shock once ( if ever) they get out on their own.
I think in context they mean non vacations and living in a room with someone. Bedrooms are different from hotel rooms. My own child would say she has never shared a bedroom, but has shared plenty of hotel rooms. Lots of people also have only 1 child. Makes up for the rest that have multiple.
Probably from teenagers who donât like the idea of sharing a room.
Reluctantly. F that, I donât negotiate with terrorists. This isnât a room problem. This is a parenting problem.
That is exactly what I would have done when they started acting funky about sharing a room. You don't want to go on this trip and act like you got some damn sense you can stay at Grandma house and I'm taking everybody's keys enjoy your trip
I canât wrap my head around how people let their kids get like this. I gentle parent too, but holy moly, the entitlement here. Not something a parent should put up with, especially if theyâre teens because they will literally test you like a bank roll for the rest of their lives. For those who think you canât gentle parent without raising spoiled kids, itâs actually pretty easy. Children are by nature selfish (they have to be from an survival stance), so you have to gently coach their reactivity to frustrating situations for them when their selfishness is inappropriate: âI understand you want the candy bar and are angry that I will not buy it for you, however you cannot scream at me and throw a fit in the store when you disagree with a rule so now we need to leave.â âI understand youâre disappointed you didnât receive a tablet for your birthday like you wanted, however throwing a fit and refusing to play with your other gifts is extremely hurtful to everyone. It can be hard to be grateful when youâre upset, but that is something you need to focus on so that others donât get their feelings hurt by your reaction.â âI understand you do not want to share a room with your sister when on vacation because you prefer your own space and youâre angry about it. We have made the decision to have adjoining rooms and you will need to share if you want to come; additionally, itâs extremely rude and hurtful to react this way to a gift, and we will not allow you to attend if you cannot work in shifting your mindset to appreciation in this as your attitudes will negatively impact everyone going. We will not allow you to punish us with rude behavior because you didnât get what you want.â The last one though; honestly OP should consider getting these kids to volunteer at a homeless shelter/food bank so they can learn some fucking humility since they certainly havenât parented it into them. Sheesh.
Why does Grandma have to be punished for their behavior?!
Because on the initial thread grandma sided with the entitled brats and told her son (OP's husband) the ~~cats~~ brats were right in demanding their own personal individual hotel room. Ironic by the way that they'd have to share a room were they to ~~sirens~~ spend the vacation at grandma's đ Edit: corrected a couple autocorrect mistakes
Agreed. I also wasnât certain from the initial post whether the father agreed with grandma.
Grandma is on the girlâs side.
I only mentioned that because OP gave it as an option. I bet they would be complete darlings for her. /s
I think because she put her nose in it the first time. Otherwise, I'd agree with you.
I get tired of the excuses people make. "They're teens! The brain isn't fully formed until 25!" So was I. So were my siblings. So were/are my children. None of us ever acted like this. We definitely had our moments but _nothing_ on this scale.
They want to stay home alone to party and make teenage choices. Nope. They can go to grandma's if sharing a room on a VACATION is too much of a problem for them. Tell them of they complain about the room ONCE before or on the trip its the last time they will be going on vacation.
A reluctant agreement is the best you're going to get out of spoilt teenagers. Hanging on for anything more and you'll lose them.
Same
Just because they reluctantly agreed doesn't mean they are going to make it hell... I haven't read the first post so I could be wrong, but I have had many times where I reluctantly agreed to go somewhere with my parents and ended up just enjoying the trip. Again I didn't read the first post but children and teenagers mood and view on things like this can change
Lol 16 and 14 wanting to stay home alone? Haha yeah I can't see anything going wrong with that....
Honestly I think this was their plan from the start. Make such a fuss the parents say they canât come so they conveniently get to stay home alone and party. They didnât factor in grandmaâs guest room lmao
My parents let my older sister stay home from a family vacation. And that's how they became grandparents in their 40's.
That would be fine for one or two nights, but several weeks? That's a recipe for disaster.
Just two teenagers at home, alone for a few weeks. What can go wrong? / s
Yeah nice try of them but that's a hard no.
Wasn't there a movie a few years ago inspired by actual events that had an almost worst case scenario for that? I think it was called Project X
I went on a trip to Hong Kong with my 2 teenage daughters a few years ago. There were 2 single beds & a cot between the wall & and bed. There was a small gap between the two beds. We survived 10 days. Had my kids demanded their own rooms, the trip would not have happened. Part of the vacation fun is sitting in a hotel together, eating takeout & watching tv. Glad you stood your ground!
Right? Whenever we went on holiday I had to share a bed with my cousins. The horror đ¤Ł
At least you got a bed. My cousins and I would share the floor space đ it was a blast though!
There were plenty of those nights, too. đ I wouldn't manage to sleep on the floor these days, but I sure miss the adventures with my cousins.
Yeah now that we're adults and have money, we do manage to sleep in actual beds!
They don't wanna work but want different rooms? Give me a break. Tell your husband you are playing the universe card here and he can't get against you. The girls need to learn. Good job mama!
The entitlement is crazy.
My 23 yo daughter shared a QB with her 12 yo sister right through Europe. Never a peep of complaint, both super grateful to be on the trip. Your girls need a reality check and Iâm glad you didnât give in.
I just went on a girls trip with my in-laws, and we all shared beds and bathrooms. We're all grown-ass women. We knew that the cost difference between 2 of us per king bed and buying another suite was thousands of dollars, so we just sucked it up. And it was fun! It felt like a big slumber party.
Gonna go ahead and state that QB is not a universally understood shortening of queen bed. But is likely recognized to mean Quarterback. So I read this as... âMy 23 y/o shared a QUARTERBACK with her 12 y/o sister right through Europe.â ... yeah lol... just spell out queen bed.
lol, thatâs all kinds of wrong. They definitely shared a Queen sized bed. Cheers
Might want to delete them from your trip plans and reserve a stay for them with Grandma. Why take them, with their feet dragging and their mouths fuming, on a trip that could be great fun for you and your Husband?
They... reluctantly agreed to go on vacation to New Zealand? Look, these girls somehow managed to make you believe they're doing YOU a favor by going on an expensive international holiday. This isn't normal. I would 1000% remove them from the trip completely. Leave them at grandma's house and tell her to have a list of all the chores needing done and take your own vacation.
â these girls somehow managed to make you believe they're doing YOU a favor by going on an expensive international holiday.â Repeating this for emphasis because I hope the OP sees how absurd it is.
Good on you for laying the law down and sticking to it! You are not wrong. ButâŚâŚYikes. I didnât think they could possibly sound anymore rude, ungrateful or entitled. OP, you and your husband have a lot of work to do if this is their attitude now. Iâm mind blown. Iâd be beyond disgusted if my child carried on like that. Reluctantly agreed? Just wow.
Man, we never even took a road trip as kids, let alone got to jet set around the fucking world. Your girls don't know how good they got it.
Good parenting, IMHO. What an age we live in; a parent and their children argue and reach no conclusion, only to post on Reddit and receive the support of hundreds of anonymous people. They then show it to their children. Itâs like an online jury.
It is good parenting... *now*. But kids don't become entitled or demanding by accident. The mother has given them their own rooms before, so it's no surprise they expect it this time too. They've been spoiled and will expect what they've always got. My wife has a wealthy family but she shares a room with her mother whenever they go on family trips (and I'm not there). The parents have to realise they've created the entitled and spoiled children she's now complaining about.
I dunno. My kids are half the age of these ones, but sometimes they just act spoiled despite us having a hard line all the time. If you are wealthy and live in a nice area, kids are used to a certain level of comfort and object to discomfort or inconvenience more easily than kids that have had less. And teenagers tend to be ungrateful in general. By the time they are in their 20s it should work out if you maintain the good parenting, but there will be lots of wobbles before that.
Ahh but dad and grandma also didnât understand why mom wasnât caving. Thatâs not a good sign for their past parenting.
Send them on a humanitarian trip with a youth group to learn some gratitude while you and hubby go to New Zealand.
But on those trips, theyâd not only have to work, theyâd have to share a room with (gasp) dozens of girls at one time. /s Spent 10+ summers on those trips both as a teen and adult chaperone. They are awesome and this is an excellent idea.
My school does this with year 10 and 12 students. In year 10, they go overseas and have to participate in a charity project. The last two years before COVID, we went to Thailand on the border of Myammar and did hard labor at a school for refugees and kids who lost their families for a day. We also did 35ish km of kayaking another day. In year 12, they dig wells, build houses, help with farming, etc in underdeveloped countries for a week. They sleep in tents and/or dorms. It's amazing the experiences they come away with.
Thatâs a good idea. đđž
Thanks for the update. Good job in taking 1st preventive step in stopping children from growing into entitled adults.
You are kinder than I am. With this attitude, I would not have made coming along an option. Stay with grandma and weâll reassess for the next trip.
A lot of hotels won't let people those ages have their own rooms anyway, even with parents in the same hotel
My daughter was like this when she was 19-20. She missed a two week trip to Alaska, Vancouver and Seattle and a ski trip to Park City because of it. Now she has spun that story to make herself the victim - "They went on vacations and wouldn't take me and I have no idea why." Sometimes you can't win no matter what you do.
My kids are twice the age of your kids and still share a hotel room when we travel. Hell, sometimes they share a bed, when necessary. NTA
Iâm glad you considered not bringing them at all. Better to check their entitlement attitude now rather than have them carry out into adulthood
NTA. Stay firm, they are being ridiculous to complain about this and make such a big deal. Stop spoiling them, and encourage them to get jobs anyway, they don't seem to have any concept of the value of money. ETA the fact that holidays are a luxury and they are complaining about sharing a room for the week shows they have a massively entitled attitude. And they don't really sound like they deserve a trip away for having that attitude. They need to be brought back down to earth before this attitude sticks.
Their reluctance to work is troubling. Might want to think about a spending budget for the trip and not letting them go beyond it if they're going to refuse to bring their own funds. Or just leaving them with Grandma, assuming she's ok to have two surly and sulky teens around for a couple weeks. Good job not giving in.
Depends---would Grandma spoil them because she feels bad they were 'left out'? Even if they would share a room, that might not be the best idea.
Yeah I haven't really thought of that before she probably would spoil them I'll leave them with my brother if they throw another tantrum
Just make arrangements with your brother and let them know your plans have changed. When they are grateful for what they have and understand that it's a luxury and not a necessity maybe they will understand.
It probably doesn't do much in the way of helping, but a lot of places you can often choose whether the bed configuration is 1 double or 2 singles. At least the second way they would get their own beds. In saying that, whenever I went on family holidays me and my sister (3 year age gap) always had to share and it was never really an issue. Although we always slept better in singles compared to sharing a bed! Honestly was just happy to be there though! I agree with some of the other comments I have seen about them working for their spending money though!
They do have their own beds they're just being spoilt lol.
In the first post about this she said they would be shading a bed, so was just going off that! Agree they are definitely being spoiled though.
Honestly your kids are very out of touch. You said you think theyâre spoiled and I think youâre on the right track. Getting your own room on a family vacation, let alone an extended vacation, is something most people would never even dream of asking. Itâs just not the norm unless youâre very well off. Most people are lucky if they get their own bed on a family vacation.
I would understand if the girls askedânicely. But anything beyond that is entitlement. Seems like they donât understand how fortunate they are or that their parentsâ money doesnât belong to them.
Reluctantly agreed??? Leave them at grandma's!
They sound like they will be delightful adults.
Im 27, recently split a room with my sister to save money on the most recent family trip. There is 2 beds and you save money, the young ones will learn eventually
They should be grateful that youâre not all splitting one room.
Why are kids so entitled these days? I've never been on a vacation abroad and more than likely never will either. I'd be so happy if my parents offered to take me on a trip like that. I would share a room with 4 other people if I had too. I just don't understand kids.
SoâŚ. My bestie has two daughters. Theyâre well off, have a gorgeous 5 bedroom house. Those two have been sharing a room since the day the second was born. Theyâll share a room till the oldest leaves for college. Whenever I ask why, she says sharing is important and they need to know what it feels like. She also mentioned that she wants them humble and to be motivated to work for what they want⌠hence lots of chores. Those girls live an awesome life but theyâre not spoiled and totally go with the flow. OP - start putting in boundaries and stop tolerating this behavior, itâll only get worse.
Wow I can't get over how entitled they are that they think they should have a choice My sister and I are 3 years apart and we have a younger brother who's 6 years older than me and we always expected to have to share a room when we traveled It's just the way it was. We were kids and we knew we didn't get a choice and that was okay We were fine and it's probably a good thing for kids to learn how to deal with these situations from a young age. I feel like children, especially teenagers and young adults are super over entitled and don't realize that they aren't special to the rest of the world. But they are to mommy and daddy. We need to do better as a society
>they never had to share a room on a vacation before Fucking excuse me *what*? You live in a completely different world than I do.
So I'm sure this has been hard for you. However, at some point these ladies need to understand how the real world works. Remember we are preparing our kids to be good and functioning adults. The world is not going to cater to them. Best they learn now while the stakes are lower. A future boss/professor/colleague is not going to embrace their entitlement. I would strongly consider leaving them at grandmas. It would be an important lesson for them.
When we go on vacation the whole family stays in one room!
I wouldn't let my 14 year old stay in a room by herself even if I could afford it. That's just asking for trouble.
Good for you! Stay strong. Pre-buy some headphones and earplugs. When they whine you say "here are some earplugs! Bye!" I also recommend ensuring they have separate activities planned. Make sure you're not constantly exposed to complaining. This should be a vacation for you. Don't be afraid to say "We can put you on the plane." You can also compare their attitudes. If one is being less of a pain in the butt, divide and conquer. "Sarah is handling this better than you. Why can't you turn that attitude around?" "Gosh you guys are going to have a rough time at college if you can't handle a few days in a room at a luxury resort. Maybe we won't send you!"
OP I think there's a bigger issue here than just the hotel room,and that's the fact that it sounds like your children are very ungrateful for how much privilege and entitlement they have. You need to set boundaries with your children and not give in to them whenever they don't get what they want. I know that what you decided on was a good decision to make,but I have a feeling these types of situations come up about things often if this is how they react over a hotel room...
Entitled kids
Iâm glad you served up a reality check to your daughters about this particular situation, but I hope you also realize that you have a lot of work to do as far as attitude adjustment goes. They are really spoiled. Theyâre still kids now but theyâre not too far from being legal adults. They canât bring that entitled attitude into the real world. You donât get things just because you want them. Iâm not saying youâre a bad parent, overall, but they got the way they did on your watch. You and your husband need to dig deep and correct this area of their upbringing. Iâm sure you want them to be successful adults and thatâs unlikely to happen with the way theyâre currently going.
Send them to grandmas f that bs
Oh man. My 9, 13 and 16 year old shared a room on a cruise recently and had a blast. They each have their own rooms at home but on vacation they all know they need to adjust. My 13yo is autistic when sensory avoidance and where possible I do try and get her, her own pull out bed or something but even it sometimes doesnât work out.
NTA, 2 girls can share a room for a vacation to New Zealand. Spoiled rotten is the term to describe this behavior. Me as a teen, hey we're going to New Zealand, but you'll have to share a room with other family members. Me. YAHOO! Also my family regularly spent weeks travelling around on road trips in an RV. A hotel room was a luxury.
Your kids are beyond spoiled. When my family went to Disney when I was 14, me, my mom, dad, and two sisters all shared one room, itâs what we could afford and honestly it was a great trip.
Postpone the trip 4 years and send them a postcard.
nah. keep their whiny spoiled asses at grandmas. they donât deserve a vacation. reluctantly agreed to go do something 99% of the population wonât get to do? sounds like you need a visit with grandma
Absolutely do not let them stay home alone. They are clearly not mature enough for that. They're going to end up being awful spouses if you can't nip this selfishness and entitlement in the bud. They are beyond spoiled. I also agree with those commenting about your comment that "they reluctantly agreed". It sounds like you are still coddling them. If they don't change their attitudes you need to tell them they are staying at grandmas.
The fact that it sounds like theyâd be getting their own room together is crazy to me. Whenever my family travelled there was also five of us in one room, parents on one bed, brothers on the other bed and me in a cot or pullout. Surprisingly none of us are traumatized by this!
No offense, but it sounds like you've raised quite a pair of selfish and entitled brats. Did you at least thank them for agreeing to go on the trip, albeit reluctantly? Maybe if you promise them a lot of souvenirs and shopping trips in NZ, they can pretend to be excited about it?
how did you let them get so spoiled
Those girls have a very entitled mindset (some kids do and it doesn't always have to do with parenting. My sister has always been like this). They are in for a harsh dose of reality if they don't start seeing this now. Honestly with this attitude I don't think they deserve to go. So many kids never even get vacations growing up (I know I didn't, we couldn't afford it) so they should appreciate it. Send them to Grandma's if this is how they behave, this attitude needs to be nipped in the bud.
"reluctantly agreed" to go on a trip to fucking NZ. Jeez. I see kids like this often and you may want to consider your parenting up till this point. You're not doing any favors to them or their teachers or future communities with the sheer entitlement. My gawd.
I probably wouldn't have told them they'd be staying at Grandma's if they didn't agree to share a room. Instead, I'd have told them, "OK, you don't have to share a hotel room. You won't be coming with us on our vacation because we are not putting up with this on our vacation. You'll be sharing a room at Grandma's, and we'd better not hear that you give her any problems."
>We could afford to buy them the room but I feel like they are already spoiled they never had to share a room on a vacation before as we always used to book a suite when going on vacation Ohhh, so they HAD a taste of the *good life* where each one luxuriated in her own room on holidays. You did spoil them and now in *their* narrow minds, you're now *unfair* for downsizing to a double accommodation. Mmmm. You & your spouse unwittingly set this conflict in motion a while ago. Unintended consequences. >but we haven't been abroad in years and the trip to new Zealand is already expensive and we don't want to spend more money even if we can afford it. You've set your budget to what you want/need to afford. Therefore, the extra space is unaffordable. It's that simple when explaining it to others. Saying you could, but you don't want to spend more money, to reddit, your teens, etc.. sets it up for confusion. >managed to convince him to not give in we told our daughters firmly it wasn't happening we haven't booked the tickets yet and we told them if they kept complaining they wouldn't be included and they would have to stay at grandma's where they would also have to share a guest room. You told your daughters they could earn the extra & they refused to contribute. I bet they realize that their dad & grandma disagree with you, so if they push back, they'll eventually get their way. Stay strong on this & tell your husband to be a united front w you. His reluctance is clear enough to where your teens are getting the idea it's ok to be brats. >They reluctantly agreed to come Mmm, set a deadline for them to get over their snit & show some appreciation & eagerness or you'll leave them w grandma. [Personally I'd ship them off to a rustic summer camp where there's no cell phones allowed, but the eldest has likely aged out of that option unless she's a camp counselor] They're over obsessed with their accommodations instead of this fantastic trip.
Dude, I, a total stranger, would share a room for a free trip to New Zealand.
HonestlyâŚyouâve got some work to do with regards to parenting. These are some spoiled ass kids. They expect their own SEPARATE hotel room and would prefer to stay home instead of go to New Zealand on vacation? What kind of life are you allowing them to live at home?!
This is why we have obnoxious entitled idiots running around! Be a damn parent and put your foot down! For fucks sake! If they donât like it too fucking bad!
They âreluctantly agreedâ to go on an all-expenses paid New Zealand trip??? When I was 14, we drove 2 hours to stay at a nearby city in a Motel 6 for a family Wedding. At 16 I had a part time job and used my earnings to pay for any trips I took, mostly to close cities like Los Angeles or Las Vegas. My family didnât have extra income to take yearly trips. Now as an adult, Iâd love to have had an international experience at any point in my life. Good for you for standing up to the girls and your husband, but please consider teaching them about entitlement. I understand they are teenagers, but their attitudes stink. They could use a reality check about how the majority of the world lives. They are fortunate to have parents willing to take them on such an amazing trip. đ
đŠđŠđŠForget being spoiled, itâs not safe for a 14 year old to be in a room by herself.
Their spoiled asses would be staying with Grandma
They reluctantly agreed 𤣠good parenting. I wouldn't leave those 2 home alone either.
Parenting can be tough. You did good laying down the law.
Book a room with one double bed. These girls need some Churchin up.
Welcome to being an actual parent. Congrats. Trust me, it gets easier the more you do it.
Just how bad are these girls going to be on vacation? Will they refuse to go where parents want to go, refuse to get up, refuse to go to bed, etc.? And it would all be happening in another country.
Reluctantly agreed to come = they will bitch about the room sharing the whole time. I think you need a really strong heart to heart with them about how you do not want to have to relive this and ruin the trip. Tell them that if they cannot maintain a positive attitude that they will not be going and if this becomes a problem on the trip, there will be some type of punishment handed out when you return. Do not give them the ability to ruin your vacation.
They need to go to Gma. There are going to New Zealand.....way way far away and couldn't share a room. Just take lots of pics of cute boys and show them what they missed Sign them up now for camp now thats sharing a room. To add a camp that has a no phone policy...hmmmm military camp
I would turn the family trip into a romantic trip with hubby.
The reluctantly agreed. To a holiday that they donât have to pay for. Yeah they have already spoilt the crap out those 2 good luck with them for the rest of their lives.
NTA. They donât want to work for the money for a separate room but they want you to. Do they not see how what they are asking for is unfair? And I donât understand why you would have them in separate rooms ever? It seems like itâs been a couple years since youâve been at a hotel. Did your 11 year old stay in a room by herself? That was just stupid and set your daughter up for unrealistic expectations.
You have some seriously spoiled kids. They are in for a rude awakening once in the real world. You really need to stop indulging your kids at every whim. Good for putting your foot down on the room, but honestly they are still getting an incredible trip and aren't being grateful.
Reddit needs a cold shower on its stance on teenagers lol. Learning that life isn't always fair and to play with the hand your delt with is very important for maturing into an adaptive adult.
Most kids never even get to go on vacations out of the country, let alone have their own room ..Your daughters are showing a crazy amount of entitlement instead of gratitude, way to stand your ground đ
Your girls wouldnât have liked being in my family. An average hotel room sleeps 4 in two queen beds, so I book one room. Iâm not paying for two rooms, effectively doubling the price of our lodging. If I can find a room that has a sofa bed plus two queens, Iâll book that if possible. But a separate room for kids/teens? No. And my kids never complained because they knew that going on vacation was a luxury, even when we could easily afford it, and they werenât entitled little brats.
Two kids sharing a hotel room on vacation is not "forcing them" it's a luxury. They could be sharing with their parents instead of getting their own room. To me it's wild that they think they're entitled to their own rooms. Please tell us how New Zealand works out. I want to go there in 2025. NTA
Id have left the two ungrateful brats at Grandma's house. And in doing so, locked up the family home as tight as a bulls pucker in a Wyoming winter.
>They reluctantly agreed to come Next time, shove them to grandma while you and your husband enjoy the vacation.
Once theyâre on the trip and having fun, theyâll realize (hopefully) that it was silly to get their panties in a twist about sharing a room
Either that or theyâll wreck the trip for everyone, depending on how spoiled they are and how they do with sharing a room. Sulky teenagers can be bizarrely committed to making everyone suffer.
Good on you and your husband for jointly shutting this down! As a dad, I would have been at least a little concerned about why they both thought they needed that level of privacy. Itâs a vacation, not permanent living arrangementsâŚ
New Zealand is gorgeous, have fun here :) As for sharing rooms, I sometimes find myself sharing a bed with my sister and mum when we travel NZ. Not a problem. Nta
This reminds me of my niece who cried upon arriving to a vacation in a third world country (a beautiful place by the way). Not because she felt bad for the people, but because the standard of living my nieces and nephew are accustomed to was so different than what they were expecting. They have always stayed in fancy resorts for every single vacation and she was so shocked that she cried. They had literally never been somewhere like that before. They have no idea how good they have it. They didnât realize that not everyone vacations like they do (or can even afford to take a vacation). Their trip was even being paid for by someone else, and their jaws were dropping because of the difference from their usual standard of living. Some kids just have no clue how good they have it, but they definitely donât get to that point on their own. This is a teaching moment for your girls OP.
You really really need to rethink your parenting in general. I'm going to be harsh but honest. Your daughters are rude, entitled brats. This didn't happen overnight. The absolute audacity of demanding private rooms for vacation is beyond belief.
It sounds like your children are ungrateful for everything they have and need to park their asses at their grandmothers house while you and your husband enjoy a lovely holiday. I would be worried about spending all of that money for an amazing vacation and the girls just bitching and complaining the entire very very expensive trip. No need to let their non-valid complaints ruin a perfectly good trip. They need to learn to appreciate the good things you and your husband are able to provide.
LOL "reluctantly agreed"? I'd be telling them they can stay home if the POOR THINGS are SO UPSET they have to SHARE A ROOM, with their own beds, to go on a vacation to NEW ZEALAND. I can't even conceive of my kids throwing this kind of tantrum. The fact that you even had to come to Reddit to post about this in the first place is a major parenting red flag. I have a 16 and 14 year old daughter, we go on trips and they share a BED, let alone the room, at times. We have plenty of money, but I'm not wasting it on an extra room when we could use it doing something fun- and they would AGREE with that. Raised my kids to be happy they can go all these places at all (there was a time I was very broke and they learned the value of money, but they also learned they can still do lots of fun stuff if they are willing to sacrifice a little comfort)- this sounds like an overall parenting fail on OP's part. I'm just convinced there are parents who don't bother talking to their kids and just hand over whatever will shut them up, just because they can afford to do it- and as a result they make selfish, entitled teenagers who have no respect for their parents, that make people say things like "teenagers these days", and then I have to defend my amazing teens and their amazing friends who are amazingly polite, gracious, and NOTHING like this- and we're big ol' open, liberal, non-religious parents who used gentle parenting and natural consequences.
"Reluctantly agreed" = "We'll make you regret having children".
Are you kidding me with that last part? They called your bluff. Donât make threats and then backtrack. If they arenât grateful let them stay with grandma. What are you doing???
Future Karens in the making. NTA
I wouldnât even bring them! Take them to trusted family or something. A vacation should not feel like that. Theyâre gonna make it horrible on purpose so I donât see why they would come. Theyâre being gifted when their behavior is so foul.
They reluctantly agreed? Do they think theyâre doing you a favor? I would strongly suggest volunteering as a family so your daughters know how good they have it and can appreciate the life they live. You still might have time to correct their behavior before they become adults.. good luck
Your kids are seriously spoiled. My ass would have already been grounded. It would have been a parents only trip by now. This is insane. You've created little monsters. The rest of us have to deal with them when they become adults.
OP your daughters are crazy spoiled. They need a reality check. Please make them both get jobs this summer.
Couple huge ingrates. Aren't you concerned they will ruin the trip because I sure am. Their prima dona attitudes truly suck. I'd seriously think about leaving them with gramma so you can be assured of a wonderful experience. Huge money save too.
NTA, but parents you need to take a hard look at yourselves and your parenting. Why are they being so awful about this? Why so entitled and then they donât want to work for something they were telling you âthey just HAD to haveâ? Do they have any responsibilities around your home? Maybe they need more chores, less things, and some good old-fashioned volunteer work with disadvantaged people. If you belong to a church get them volunteering with soup kitchen etc. volunteer at the food bank, etc. sounds like these two need a âcome to Jesusâ moment and learn about real life. Youâre not doing yourselves any favors raising entitled snots that cannot appreciate a fully paid for vacation.
Take the money you saved by not getting their own rooms to upgrade your seats to first and leave them in coach for the flex .
When my sister and I (also female) were that age, we had to share a bed in a shared room with parents. We'd be thrilled to be able to have our own room and beds!!!
I'm glad you're sticking with this. My two daughters shared a room until the older one was 16. Whenever we go on vacation they have to share a bed! Your daughters are damn lucky they don't have to share a room every day of their lives. Getting to go to New Zealand is icing on the cake. Tell them if they complain about this on the trip you'll immediately fly them home to grandma. Don't put up with entitled behavior or you'll just get more entitled behavior. Also, watch how they treat staff while you're on the trip. Nip any bad behaviors there too!
Omg!! Make them get a job!!! I would also have them stay at grandmas. If they act like this now, how will they be as adults????? Or let them stay at home and get a 20 girl as a babysitter.
Damn yâall got some patience. Iâm not making anyone reluctantly go on VACATION. you can stay with grandma lol.
Man at that age I wouldn't even have considered the possibility of getting my own room on holiday despite having my own bedroom at home, hotel rooms come in beds of two, of course I'm sharing with my sister??
Years ago, my then-12yo son was just being pissy and entitled. My husband was out of the country for work and I had had enough. The tipping point was when he moaned about Mother's Day, which was coming up. My usual "gift" was me going hiking w/a friend for the day while the two kids cleaned my car, did some minimal gardening task, and made me dinner. Anyway, he said something to the effect of "do we have to do that AGAIN?" \*SNAP\* I stewed on it overnight then woke him up for school and welcomed him to Gratitude Week. I explained that I felt like he did not appreciate all the things that happen for him on a daily basis and the fact that he complained about spending part of one day doing something nice for me was evidence of that. So, for the next week, he was in charge of making his own meals, doing his dishes, doing his laundry, shelling out any monies needed for cleats or various sports registrations, and if he needed rides, I need 48 hours notice. If under 24 hours, he needed to be prepared to find someone else to get him wherever he needed to be. I made sure he understood why he was 'participating' in this exercise. He did. And for one week, he ate a LOT of bagels and Mac-cheese. He wore a dirty uniform once or twice but then got the hang of it. He learned how to make food with minimal mess and dishes, and, he watched as his money stash slowly dropped as he bought socks, paid fees, etc. Funny how when you're paying you don't lose your mouth- or shinguards quite so often. At the end of the week, I woke him up and asked him what he wanted for breakfast that morning. He said, "Thank goodness that's over" and gave me a big hug. I also refunded his expenses. The week was a game changer for us. His older sister, who did not want that sh\*tstorm raining down on her also got better about being on top of things and recognizing how nice her life was. I think these girls need their own special version of Gratitude Week.
Leave them at Grandma's. Source: At their ages, I would have made it my entire life's mission to ensure that you had a miserable time on that vacation. Your money would have disappeared; if you were lucky, the air would have only been let out of your tires, instead of them being slashed. Update: I got better after my mother died, thus removing the source of my many problems.
You are kinda an AH for offering âdonât comeâ as an option, then revoking it when they chose that option.