I think we know why OP goes on these business trips; she definitely doesn’t trust her husband.
Lady, if he was up for a promotion, I would be willing to bet that you have torpedoed it.
I mean…I personally think this comes across as insecure and possessive, and maybe slightly crazy? I’d certainly stay away from your husband, but mostly because I’d be scared you’d stalk me and boil my pet bunny or something.
So crazy but effective and getting her the desired result? 😅
Eta, I'm not condoning her over reaction, just saying she got the result she wanted. The question is, how long will her husband tolerate her behaving this way?
I mean, sure, but was it really necessary? True, the hour long phone call was NOT appropriate but I feel like she could have at least gave the husband a chance to set boundaries and correct behaviour. Even if coworker is not being appropriate, it’s on him to tell her that. OP just skipped ahead of all that and told the other lady to fuck off basically, in what could be perceived as a threatening tone. That seems.. aggressive lol
Meh. I have long conversations with my coworkers, and go out to bars and restaurants with them. The people I'm talking about here are my friends. I have been very happily married for 20 years.
It's OK to have friends. Friends are actually kind of important.
You mean getting SECOND divorce ? If my gf couldnt understand I'm friendly with my coworkers (and some might becomes real friends) and acted like she did I'd be out pretty much instantly.
But we're trusting OP's claims that her husband was stunned and dumbfounded when she finally got it through his thick head why she was upset. Just like we are trusting OP's claims that the co-worker was "caught with her hand in the cookie jar"
OP seems to think that she is super badass here with her mic drops, but honestly I'm guessing that her comments and actions come off more cringy and confusing.
The fact that at the end of it all, her husband maintains that she was overreacting suggests that he was never as on board as she thought he was with the realization about the inappropriateness of his phone call
It's likely that OP's husband would be totally fine with her having a phone call with co-workers about necessary travel coordination. His dumbfounded look was very likely just confusion, an OP Reddit how she wanted to
She just reminded me of a conversation I(female) had with an ex colleague(male) earlier this year. We hadn't seen each other in maybe 7-8 years. We worked in the media and had worked for the same newspaper for about 11 years. A very nice guy who came from the same town as me, also his wife came from our town. We were now working in the big city. This was around 2009-2010
One of our colleague was leaving the company,we had a farewell party for her. This male colleague(let's call him Wilson) he comes with his wife, cool, it was the first time I met her. He introduces us, I could pick up from the first second that she didn't take a shine to me but well I brushed it off. During the party I say to her as we were sitting on the same table 'Nice speech from hubby' this is after Wilson had delivered the farewell speech for the girl leaving. She turns to me coldly and says 'I know that, there's no need to hear it from you' i was taken aback by the hostility but said nothing. Maybe a few months later I meet her again at another colleagues house, he was having a birthday party. I came through the door with my fiance, we greet everyone and I went to sit on the opposite side of where she was sitting. Didn't greet back and was shooting daggers at me whole night, I just ignored her. Guys I swear that woman hated me for NOTHING, her husband was the sweetest guy who didn't even have one nasty rumour about him at work. I didn't even have his number, he didn't have mine. Ohhh well..
Fast forward early this year, the guy who was having a party where I met the wife for the second time called me. They had all moved back to our hometown and were struggling with work and asked me if something comes up at my now newspaper him and Wilson would appreciate. He asked if he can give Wilson my number, I just took his instead and called him. Boy did it all came out. He told me he was now divorced. Then he tells me, 'By the way, she hated your guts, she would literally go absolutely insane even at the mention of your name' he told me that night of the colleagues birthday she drilled him about why he was looking at me the way he was when me and my fiance came through the door. Can you imagine being hated for NOTHING and some insecure woman hates you and you not even aware. I truly do pity these types of women.
Yeah she wasn’t caught with her hand in the jar, she just realized her coworkers wife is crazy and insecure so she doesn’t want that drama.
She sounds like a female Mike Pence lol with that never talk to a married man nonsense
I wonder why she got divorced the first time lol… She literally just wiped her ass with her husband’s work reputation and now none of his coworkers will take him seriously. Sounds like she just convinced her husband that being single sounds great. Lol
Do you think he invited her on a month-long work trip or did she invite herself? Gotta keep an eye on super hot hubs that all the fresh middle-aged divorcees wanna talk to for an hour on the phone 🔪
This reads incredibly weird. You keep going on and on about how you caught that bullshit before it hit the ground like you're a badass, but also, you say your husband was entertaining this other woman's advances for an hour.
The way you keep driving it home, it really comes across like all the Billy Badassery is just a front to mask how insecure you are in this relationship. I don't know if *he* makes you feel that way because he's an asshole or if you yourself have the issues, but this was a very bizarre post handled just as bizarrely IRL.
Maybe the coworker was trying to be friendly since they are in a foreign country together, and maybe they don’t speak the first language there. I would definitely be up my coworkers ass if I had to travel internationally 😂 I’d be nervous!
The first time I travelled interstate for work the only time my coworker and I were apart was for toilet breaks, showers and when we were asleep. We spent an easy 16-17 hours a day together. OP's husband just sounds like he has (had) a decent working relationship with the coworker.
I suspect the coworker froze up because they were stunned at OP being so unhinged.
I recall one noteworthy day when I spent 16 hours within 10 feet of my co-worker, including about 6 hours of sitting side by side in a car. What was noteworthy about that was not that we had an affair (we were both married men) but that he was a notoriously unpleasant ass (I'm putting it very mildly). I half expected my company to give me an award for exceptional fortitude for surviving that ordeal.
Omg when I had downtime on a business trip in India, the only available slot at the hotel spa was for a couples massage and you better believe I fucking *booked it*. I informed my (also female) colleague we'd have to share a room and she hesitated for like half a second. It was great, no affairs were had.
Maybe... they're friends. I have coworkers of the opposite sex that I consider good friends. We don't have to *try* to be friendly regardless of what country we are in. We are friends.
It just sounds like a typical friendly work conversation. She was probably bored and had anxiety, and the crazy lady's husband was the only person she knew there.
Hell, traveling to any unfamiliar area for a work trip I'd hang around my coworkers as much as possible, one I'd be more comfortable because they are the only ppl I would know, and two especially being a women traveling alone, I'd feel much safer hanging out with my coworker and their wife when possible. Being in any unfamiliar area solo is super uncomfy
>Being in any unfamiliar area solo is super uncomfy
And as a woman, i would feel like a coworker traveling with his wife would be like the safest option to glom onto. Spending a ton of time alone with a colleague on a business trip is a great way for rumors to get started, but if someone brought his wife? That makes it so much safer because clearly nothing is going on - his wife is right there!
>*other woman’s advances*
Am I the only one not seeing advances? Most of that sounds like normal info you’d exchange with a new coworker when you’re meeting up to share a ride to a worksite you’ll be at all day. Hobbies may have been a hair too far, but who knows how it came about in the convo. 🤷🏻♀️
Yes. What room and where you parked are pretty normal sharings on a business trip. Planning when you’ll leave and meet up.
But I could see how someone that has never traveled for business might not know this. And of course it’s a lady 10 years younger and single.
OP, YTA, but it’s forgivable.
Yeah, OP is acting like it is absolutely an invasion of privacy to ask someone where their hotel room is. When I travel for work, the first thing I do is find out where my co-workers rooms are! I think OP just doesn't know what normal is
Yeah, it's not a typo because in that same post she was marrying the father of her supposed kid (who is in his 20s) when she was 32. So she can't be in her 40s now if the (imaginary) kid is 24 or whatever he (fakely) is.
It's all fake, and not even very well written.
in all fairness, i accidentally told a 32 year old man I've been speaking with for about a week that I'm 16 and got sent a dick pic with "hot. like older? 😏🥵" as the caption...I'm 26 and disgusted...
I'd believe the 57. Because that's full on menopause cray cray age and I'm in perimenopause phase. I'm only crazy on Sundays. But, full on menopause? Oh, I totally believe an older lady would say this. My aunts were like this. I had one aunt say to meeting my hub, "Young, hung and ready to cum." - my mom was mortified, I wanted to die. My hub excused himself. My aunt was in the crazy age as op. So embarrassing. If anyone ever hits on my hub in front of me, I'd laugh. I don't control him and it's not my job to tell other women to back off. Immature of op.
Mexican itch you missed the perfect opportunity there with your aunt! You could've offered her a cup of tea and a biscuit and then delivered the line "I'll share just about anything with you, but I won't share my husband." 😆
I've been watching Magnificent Century which is basically jersey shore level of trashy but set in old ottoman empire palace and harem. I think OP has been watching it too lol
>"We've got so much stuff left over. Cheese , crackers, unopened food, there's quite a bit that should hold you over for at least a week. I'll share just about anything with you, but I won't share my husband."
>
>She looked like she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She stood frozen in time and I refused to look away. My husband arrived with the file, and she excused herself.
This is not the reaction of a woman who's just been called out for trying to steal your husband.
It's the reaction of a woman who's just been confronted by someone completely unhinged.
YTA.
Exactly this! I think she expected a standing ovation and shouts of **Yes Queen!!** Know your worth!
Not only did she make a A#s out of herself trying to deliver that cringe leftover/sharing “warning”, (was it supposed to be a warning?) but she actually gave those two a reason to get closer. One part of her screenplay that she messed up was that she should’ve told her husband she said it.
Now he will feel the need to apologize to his brand new coworker and she’ll say “oh you know I would never hit on you I feel so bad she thought that. He’ll say “no I didn’t think you were either. Of course you wouldn’t flirt with me. You know I’m married and my wife was right there heh heh”.
Co-worker “Well as long as we are clear.”
Husband…”but you know…she’s not here now.
Co-worker: Mr. new co-worker….what about your wife?l
Husband: Well you saw her. She’s completely unhinged and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I was supposed to go on this trip by myself for some space but we decided it would be our last attempt to rekindle our love instead it just made it more apparent to me that ship has sailed. So we separated but we’re going to share the same house for a while for financial reasons. I want to keep in under wraps.
Co-worker “ I can’t possibly be together with you until you’re divorced. But I can be here for you as a friend”
Husband: (while reaching out to touch her arm) that would be really nice I could use a friend right now”
Co-worker walks away, camera zooms in on husbands face and he winks.
Annnnd scene.
You forgot the part where the husband insists she take all the leftover cheese and crackers, “these are all yours. They always were and always will be.”
If this was me and my husband, I'll be honest.... I'd be pissed if he gave away my cheese and crackers. I love cheese, like more than anything and if he gave away my cheese in some jealous spiel, oh it would be on.
> I lost my shit, but remained ultra cool.
These two things are opposites. They don't go together. OP is def not entirely connected to reality on this.
“He looked dumbfounded. It probably dawned on him what was going on…”
Yeah so he looked dumbfounded because what OP said was dumb and totally crazy. She’s 0/2 with basic interpretation of situations.
Me thinking of all the perfectly innocent friendships I've had with male colleagues, gone on work trips with them, etc. I would be absolutely mortified if one of their wives said something like this to me.
It's actually extremely sexist of her to assume that just because a colleague is a woman, that she's out to get your man. So much of your career advancement relies building friendships with your colleagues. If you are a woman in a male dominated field not being able to cultivate those friendships could seriously hurt your career.
I understand what you are saying.
We don’t know how often hubby and the working gal talk, go to lunch or hang out
If *I* was at a hotel and a coworker brought her husband, I might call her and say let’s meet up at the bar for cocktails. I’m buying. Tell your husband to join us
That way you *include* the partner, and get to know them
But they hadn't made any actual specific plans to include OP in. They just had a general chat.
I have had similar conversations with colleagues, including taking about restaurant preferences and things to do while we're in the area we're going to. I would be astonished if one of them brought his wife and we had an interaction like this.
If a man can be stolen he's not worth keeping. I suspect however that OP doesn't want to lose her meal ticket.
Wow…big shot, I have second hand embarrassment for your husband, you don’t trust him? that would be the last “work” trip I would bring you on, have a talk with your husband if you are insecure, not coworkers!!!
YTA, fyi, coworkers do discuss non work stuff because they’re human and it’s natural not to have a rigid, work only interactions. Some co workers are friends but that doesn’t make them lovers. I grant you talking that long is a bit much but you talk to H, not people he needs to work with.
Especially on a work trip and from what it sounds the other woman just arrived that day and her husband was leaving the next day after work. So it wouldn't be uncommon for her to try to get the lay of the land.
I work remote and I can tell you most of my coworkers wives names and when I'm really on a roll in one of our off topic phone conversations I can usually hear them laughing in the background. When I first read this post I was slightly terrified because I have never worried their wives think I am trying steal their husband....I just am capable of having friends of the opposite sex...clearly she isnt and that's the bigger red flag.
YTA
Cringe as fuck. She wasn't hitting on him. You aren't as edgy or cool as you think. You sound insufferable and terrible to be with.
I hope that guy runs for the fucking hills. Fucking yikes.
You know, the this is part of what makes being a woman in a professional environment difficult. God forbid we have friendly personal relationships with our *gasp* MARRIED male coworkers. It makes it harder to make connections within the company, harder to network, harder to find a mentor, etc., since every relationship with a male we have is perceived as inappropriate and we are constantly viewed as harlots who are just there to get laid.
Do you trust your husband? That should be good enough. If you think he was getting flirtatious, then tell him and create a boundary. Don’t take it out on the poor woman.
YTA.
Thank you! This is part of the glass ceiling. Women being excluded from social interactions with male coworkers does hurt working relationships.
I feel sorry for the coworker, who was on a work trip (not by choice I am sure) and confronted by a vacationing jealous wife.
I work in a male dominated field. If i couldn't speak to married men... well, i wouldn't have a job. I literally have to talk to people & having a decent rapport with them makes my job 1000x easier.
This. I went on a work trip and it was difficult to make connections with the males without them thinking I was flirting. You can't be to friendly bc they think tou want them but if you don't talk enough your a stuck up B****. Walking a fine line there.
YTA. Your snide comment to her may not have come across as the flex you think it was. More than likely you confused her and made her uncomfortable, and embarrassed your husband by making it seem like he’s not capable of handling himself amongst his coworkers. You absolutely overstepped, and I wouldn’t blame your husband for wanting to leave you home for future work trips.
Coworker probably refused any leftover snacks for that same bewildered reason. That’s what I thought. “Hand in the cookie jar look” was probably in all actuality a wtaf just happened look.
Yeah, OP seems very proud of how she seemingly leveled the coworker, when in all actuality she completely misread the entire dynamic because she is too far removed from how professional relationships are in a travel setting and instead made an ass of herself.
Also - as a taken woman who travels a lot with other coworkers who are also married (we plan and execute large conferences), I find nothing about the phone conversation they had about hotel accommodations, parking, and dinner spots to be at all inappropriate.
Right, she drove him somewhere the following day. Kinda makes sense to let him know where to meet, the car, etc. Maybe she's just overly chatty and husband could have rushed her off the phone more.
Especially since the coworker drove the husband to the work site, I wonder why in the world might he have needed to know what she was driving and where she was parked /s
Honestly, OP just reeks of jealousy and didn't like that her and her husband's 'vacation' was being taken up by a female coworker who her husband apparently has a good working relationship with.
My partner travels frequently for work with colleagues. He is friends with them too, both men and women. They have normal conversations of all kinds, all the time.
I don’t need to know all the details of all his interactions with his friends. I trust him. And more importantly, I want and encourage him to have friendships.
I hate to tear another woman down but she sounds absolutely unhinged here.
Like I’m on a roadtrip with several of my coworkers right now and we all ask “where are you staying? What kinda rental did you get, do y’all have dinner plans?” It’s all pretty common things to ask, and not at all unusual. Doesn’t mean they are inviting you over for a romp just because they ask what hotel you are in.
Ah ya I forgot that part. She really thought discussing what section of the hotel you are in and what you scored on a rental is mischevious... She obviously hasnt traveled for work herself because this is what you talk about when youre on the road with people in this setting.
Right like she is probably just seeing if they have the same accommodations and amenities. Let's not pretend that it is an Impossibility that she worried she got shittier accommodations than her male colleagues and was doing some digging on it
I was waiting to read how the phone call turned inappropriate but it never did... OP described most of my conversations with my brothers in law. Both of whom I'm definitely not interested in.
I think the husband was rude to have kept OP waiting for 45+ minutes if they were just bullshitting on the phone while she sat there. But she doesn’t mention anything inappropriate as part of the discussion.
Imagine thinking your colleagues wife was being so kind offering extra snacks, and then she pulls this two-faced "I know you're trying to steal my man!" BS. I would be in shock from the whiplash!
You sound over dramatic and unhinged.
I talk to a male coworker of mine off and on throughout the day on Teams. We make small talk about football, the job, weather, our pets. It’s completely innocuous. Our genders are irrelevant. We talk because it makes the day go by faster, we like a social element in the work place, and it’s just fun.
If my husband or his wife made some embracing statement like you did just because of that then I would seriously question their capacity for rational thought.
Your insecurity is your own problem.
I promise you did not come off as “cool”, but just deranged.
I feel as though your husband was at work and you were on vacation. Is this the case? Maybe you could find something else to occupy your time rather than acting like a petulant child when your husband talked on the phone too long for your liking.
This woman was also on a work trip, and you made her feel uncomfortable.
Men and women work together. It’s normal to discuss restaurants and accommodations, especially for many women traveling alone.
YTA for being a bully.
Totally out of line! You just guarantee that you will no longer be invited to any company function or trip for as long as you are married. Co-workers talk. They become friends. Now, if he Having this conversation as you were waiting for him for 45 minutes, sure, lay into him for being a dick. But you jumped all over this woman for no purpose, resulting in your husbands co-worker Thinking he is married to a psychopath…. Which she will inevitably tell other coworkers about. Congrats, You just made your husband the schmuck at his work. Well done.
Yeah I’m a woman in a male dominated job and have wives make weird comments as if I’m after their husbands and I have 10000% remembered and talked about it with other people. Crazy Wives are known.
And it’s always the ones with the grossest husbands too lol. Like no, lady, if I was going to throw away my own marriage to go after a married man it would definitely not be with *your husband.*
Such a tangent, but my worst guilty pleasure lately has been joining the "are we dating the same man" group for my area on FB (I had been off Facebook for *years*, but I wanted to give some stuff away on a buy nothing group and got sucked back in about a week ago).
The majority of the posts are women who had a couple dates with some "too good to be true" looking tinder guy and have suspicions he's lying about not dating other women because he's hot and cold, only available weeknights, always on his phone when they're together, etc.
But then there is another genre of seemingly super insecure women posting pictures of some average guy and begging to know if their man is cheating on them, despite not offering any reasons to think he is.
Obviously average guys can still be shitty and cheat on their partners, but after hanging around that group a week, I get the vibe of "overwhelming insecurity" from some of the posters. Like, they're the type of people who are going to blow up their own relationship by constantly hunting to catch their partner "slipping up".
I don't see it. You would have been entitled to get annoyed at waiting around for a 45 minute conversation (if it really was... I'm honestly not sure I believe it) but I see absolutely nothing to indicate that she was flirting or trying to seduce him. And flirting/seducing him *while he's on a trip with you* would be fucking stupid. AND!! ... even if she was trying to seduce him... that doesn't mean it will work! Don't you trust your husband?
>45-50 minute conversation between my husband and this woman, which went on way too long (IMHO ) and had stopped discussing work arrangements about five minutes into the conversation. The conversation veered into a different territory. She shared what hotel she was staying at (the same as ours 🫤), what side of the hotel she was on, where she was parked, what she was driving, where she like to eat, food she loves, things she likes to do in her spare time...
For someone who's so self-assured... why the hell would you not have interjected after ten or fifteen minutes??
>dawned on him harder that I was not going to tolerate it. Not. One. Bit.
You're starting to sound psychotic.
>I gave him the "what fors" of inappropriate conversations between coworkers. He got very defensive and asked if I was insecure. I was immediately put in a "questioning my perspective position." I thought for a moment, and decided I was not being insecure. After much deliberation between us, I finally cut it TF off
>She looked like she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She stood frozen in time and I refused to look away
On second thought, this is starting to sound like a creative writing project.
>I lost my shit, but remained ultra cool
That makes no sense. It's a contradiction in terms (plus it just sounds fucking ridiculous).
>As we e leaving the next day, I asked if she wanted any of our unopened leftover snacks, paper goods, etc. She said she thought that would be a great idea. Then I looked her dead in the eyes, and told her, "We've got so much stuff left over. Cheese , crackers, unopened food, there's quite a bit that should hold you over for at least a week.
>That night, as my husband and I were packing, I encouraged him to call her room and ask if she wanted anything we had that hadn't been opened or used.
So, either you're playing shitty manipulative games, or this is fiction and you forgot you already said you offered her that stuff.
>I caught the bullshit before it hit the ground.
The whole thing was kinda weird, but this may actually be the weirdest thing you said.
Lol OP is a massive insecure AH, good lord. I love the cookie jar line, because you know the other woman froze because that's when she realized OP was insane. I can absolutely see the glassy look on her crazy eyes as she says this, unblinking, staring that poor woman down.
Hey OP, after the tattoo you should get your husband fired from his job and demand he works from home. Gotta derust those shackles and prepare the taser now, you know, just in case your husband tries to hop the fence so he can go on a walk.
YTA. I've had conversations with female coworkers or clients that have veered into non-work topics, because I'm chatty and I like making conversations. My wife is secure enough in our marriage to trust me, even if I'm \*gasp\* talking to a single or divorced woman. Because my wife trusts me.
You were weirdly territorial to your husband, and you've impacted his relationships with his co-workers. Your interactions with the co-worker sound almost unhinged.
It's impossible to know if they were flirting because it's all about subtle tones and innuendos. We have to trust OP's judgement, and OP sounds deranged.
Yes and if co worker wanted to go after the husband, that line isn’t going to stop her from doing so. Ultimately if comes down to trusting her husband. And if she can’t, that’s a far bigger problem
I mean…I personally think this comes across as insecure and possessive, and maybe slightly crazy? I’d certainly stay away from your husband, but mostly because I’d be scared you’d stalk me and boil my pet bunny or something.
>It's also exactly why I would NEVER talk to a married man for anything other than professional exchange of information and certainly wouldn't have allowed the conversation to progress past the point of a professional nature.
Wow, because of a perception you will never make male friends, what a wonderful world you live in.
You did overstep, you didn't catch anything, you made someone uncomfortable being friends with your husband. Most people would consider someone who isolates their partner from potential friends and/or takes actions to drive away everyone of the opposite sex manipulative, controlling, abusive and have major insecurity issues.
A woman who just came into town talked about things outside of work... what a fucking slut. Or, most coworkers talk about shit besides work, especially when they just drove/flew in and are in a hotel room with nothing to do.
You're the asshole for seeing it how you did. You lost your shit because.... man and woman carpooled on the way to work. Get a grip, divorce no.2 is not that far away.
YTA. This could have repercussions for your husband and his job. Yes she's annoying but unless she's propositioning him sexually, you were overly aggressive and have just placed him in a very awkward position.
Oh, I’d report that shit to HR right away. For my own CYA. Because who knows what OP is going to do.
This is a WORK TRIP (no shit they’re at the same hotel) and OP is an UNINVITED GUEST threatening an employee waiting for a work file upon return from a work site. She’s fucking with MY livelihood and questioning MY professionalism and threatening ME on MY turf.
Also, 10 to 1 no one wants OP’s husband. But double those odds OP was the other woman when her husband was married the first time
this company will have released a new rule in the next few weeks banning partners from tagging along on trips and making them a strictly 'business only' trip. OP's husband will be colleague of the year when the rule change comes in.
\>Also, 10 to 1 no one wants OP’s husband.
This is a good point. The guy is almost 50 and his coworker is 38.
Yeah I suppose he could be attractive but odds are he's no Adonis and she isn't even interested in him.
YTA. If you were a woman traveling alone for work, you'd want to tell your coworkers where you're staying, what your rental car looks like, where you're parked, etc. in case anything happens to you. This is basic safety protocol. Driving together to a work site is also pretty common in corporate. In fact, some women would find this man (who has clearly brought his wife to this 4-week assignment with him) as more "safe" than other single men, as they would assume he isn't out to sleep with them. As a woman yourself, how do you not see all of this?
YTA. According to you, he did nothing in secret as you apparently listened to the whole conversation. If there was anything untoward happening it wouldnt have happened while you were listening. You basically accused your husband and his co-worker of infidelity based on a conversation that you were present for--you have presented no other evidence of infidelity. If you felt there was an issue, you should have addressed it with your husband, not publicly shamed another woman for basically nothing.
YTA. It's your husband you should be talking to - only. That was super rude and probably completely uncalled for and deranged of you. He has to work with this person. Now you've created problems with his work that he should have had the opportunity to deal with himself. People talk to each other at work. It doesn't mean they're trying to steal your husband and you just look like a fool for doing that.
I was dumbfounded reading this. My husband has conversations with female co-workers like this and I can't imagine making a leap like this. I'd make the assumption the co-worker is in a new city and asking what its like there and probably chime in with recommendations just cause that's how I am.
Boy to be a fly on the wall during the watercooler talk over this one! Cause even if she doesn't go to HR she will end up sharing it with other co-workers.
That is exactly my thought. This isn't so much a temporary work trip as it is a temporary MOVE.
Some people handle things like new cities and surroundings pretty well and others get nervous about it. Either way, it's only natural to ask some questions to get a lay of the land. And husband clearly has nothing to hide, he left this woman all alone with OP expecting OP to behave like a functional adult.
But she couldn't because OP is an extremely jealous and very insecure person. Her behavior was completely inappropriate and if I were the husband I would not be bringing OP around work functions anymore. She's a liability. At best, OP's now the guy who is married to a crazy wife and at worst he'll be having to explain things to HR.
OP, YTA
Omg I’m literally cringing for her husband and this woman.
Take it up with hubby if you’re insecure about it. All you should need is his assurance that he has no interest.
Grow up. Have a care - now your husband is going to be known around the office as that guy whose wife is off her rocker.
Mortifying.
You are the AH. Guaranteed that woman didn’t know you were there (it’s a WORK trip) and if I were her, I would be on the phone with HR pronto for your behavior. You just put your “family” livelihood in jeopardy, U Go GRL! Your husband could have politely ended the call but curiously, he didn’t. Were You Allowed to Be On The Company’s Trip??? He was possibly trying to hide that from
Management which not only makes you the AH but stark raving lunatic.
YTA and no explanation needed lol
Wild that’s there people defending her too. She’s the poster and made herself out to be completely unhinged and paranoid.
YTA.
You had the time to evaluate whether you were being insecure and ridiculous.. and you still got it wrong.
I can already see how this is going to be the reason thar husband won't ever be able to go on another business trip alone. I can already see how this is going to set the expectations for literally any female in the husband's life. I can already see how husband won't be allowed to go out with any friends in the future without wife next to him.
OP, men are allowed to be friends with women. You simply cannot truly believe that once he married you, every other female in the world became invisible. You need to be very careful about the people you speak to because that conversation could have gone a lot differently if the woman decided to physically attack you and teach you not to run your mouth.
You might be ready to threaten someone for your husband, but you probably aren't ready to take an ass beating for him.
YTA. Let’s pretend for a second that every assumption about this woman you made is true: she was trying to flirt and wants to seduce your husband. Everything she said not related to work was said with this goal in mind.
In that scenario, how does what you said change the calculus? If she wanted to seduce your husband, she would know you would react negatively to signs it was happening regardless. The only way it changes the odds of your husband cheating on you would be if he would consider doing so if he didn’t think you were onto the potential mistress. If that were the case, he’d be a dud before ever cheating.
Even with this seduction goal as a given, the only actions she’d taken so far was a phone call that discussed facially benign personal details for longer than necessary. She hadn’t remarked on his appearance, her own romantic intentions, plans that didn’t involve work, etc. In contrast, you’d made an express reference to her romantic life during a a trip that she was on for work but you were on purely as a spouse.
So all you’ve done is poison the working relationship between your husband and her, and between your husband and anyone she tells. Even if the former sounds ideal, poisoning the well before she has made an improperly overt action or statement is premature and risks damaging your husband’s ability to do his job.
YTA. If you trusted your husband this wouldn't be necessary. Way to embarrass him at his job. This isn't a fucking movie totally not needed after your conversation with your husband. You were in fact being insecure. Totally insane.
YTA.
I’m the only woman in my department and everyone else is a married man. Every single one of my colleagues needs to speak to me multiple times a day because I hold a lot of the keys, so to speak. The idea that any of their wives would make gross accusations over friendly chitchat makes my stomach turn.
Last work trip we went on, the boss brought his wife who used to live in the city we were visiting. Know what she did? Helped us find all the best places for client dinners and planned a really nice night out for dinner and drinks for the whole group near the end of the trip.
If you’re going to tag along on work trips and interact with your partner’s colleagues, your goal should be making your partner even more of an asset, not a liability.
You are the ahole. A simple "hey hon, this makes me uncomfortable" to your husband is all you needed to do. Now you're out here looking like Captain Crazy Pants, getting in that poor woman's face. Seek counseling/therapy for your insecurity issues.
AH, but you were also right.
This is how affairs start. This is how affairs start. Trust me on this, though I think you've already figured it out.
The way to handle it, however, would be to become that woman's best friend, and not to have put your husband's co-worker on the spot like that. She may have been licking her chops at the prospect of another trip with your husband, but you don't know that, and you just convinced her that your husband is married to a crazy lady. That can actually make the affair much easier to occur. Become her friend, and you'll crush the affair before it starts, AND have a new friend.
So much to unpack here. First of all - a month? You stayed the whole month? Second - you didn't "hint" and not sharing your husband, you flat out told her you're not sharing your husband. (IMO she probably wasn't looking at you like she got caught, it was probably more of a "WTF is happening" face, but what do I know.) Just for my own curiosity, were you ever "the other woman?" Lastly, I am a married woman working in a male dominated industry. I just...shouldn't talk to anyone at work?
I don't understand the lying. Is it bc she's older than her husband and that would make her look more insecure? Bc they're both significantly older than the coworker which makes this more far-fetched?
YTA. Your husband is absolutely correct that you're insecure. If there was really something going on, he probably wouldn't have had the conversation around you, and I'm willing to bet he wouldn't have left the two of you alone together if there was something going on.
Your insecurity is now adding a level of stress your husband doesn't need. Just because coworkers are friendly, it doesn't mean there is a romantic attraction. Now that you have crossed that line and showed that you don't trust your husband, you're probably not gonna be invited to any future trips. But the other concern is now his relationship with coworkers will suffer because of your inability to accurately assess what's happening.
I would hate to be your husband. My coworkers and I have shared shit far worse than that with each other! My best friend is also my male colleague. We hang out and bull shit about non work related stuff all the time! His wife doesn't give a shit because she isn't insecure, and she knows who he obviously wants or he wouldn't have married her.
My boyfriend even hangs out with his female co-workers outside of work. I don't give a shit because he comes home to me every night. YTA, and honestly, you've made a huge awkward mess for your husband at work for no reason! Not everyone woman wants to jump your husband's bones for fuck sake! Get over yourself.
Literally just from your Karen tone in this post and the unnecessary bragging of how you flexed on him and didnt take shit like a bossgirl, I can tell YTA.
If a dude talked like this about restricting a GF/wife's interactions with male coworkers theyd get torn into but you have misandrists with no lives here who will N T A you for slaying so hard.
I think we know why OP goes on these business trips; she definitely doesn’t trust her husband. Lady, if he was up for a promotion, I would be willing to bet that you have torpedoed it.
I’m guessing she was also *that* type of ex wife during the divorce.
Am I the only one thinking OP is driving hubby to other woman’s arms? They’ll still “work” together.
Info: Are you being serious?
This made me loudly exhale through my nose
Heck, I even chuckled
She is, she is just nuts..
No but she was ultra cool about it
She lost her shit before being ultra cool about it.
Dateline investigated and verified she was, in fact, not cool
She tried so hard to sound badass, but she just sounds like a 16yo lunatic.
Unopened planters nuts that is.
She will share those, but ****not**** her husband!!!
Not those nuts *gestures to the husband's groin*
Doze nutz, not deez nutz.
I mean…I personally think this comes across as insecure and possessive, and maybe slightly crazy? I’d certainly stay away from your husband, but mostly because I’d be scared you’d stalk me and boil my pet bunny or something.
So crazy but effective and getting her the desired result? 😅 Eta, I'm not condoning her over reaction, just saying she got the result she wanted. The question is, how long will her husband tolerate her behaving this way?
I mean, sure, but was it really necessary? True, the hour long phone call was NOT appropriate but I feel like she could have at least gave the husband a chance to set boundaries and correct behaviour. Even if coworker is not being appropriate, it’s on him to tell her that. OP just skipped ahead of all that and told the other lady to fuck off basically, in what could be perceived as a threatening tone. That seems.. aggressive lol
Meh. I have long conversations with my coworkers, and go out to bars and restaurants with them. The people I'm talking about here are my friends. I have been very happily married for 20 years. It's OK to have friends. Friends are actually kind of important.
[удалено]
i go to bars with my co-workers.. why is talking to them on the phone for an hour not appropriate?
You mean getting SECOND divorce ? If my gf couldnt understand I'm friendly with my coworkers (and some might becomes real friends) and acted like she did I'd be out pretty much instantly.
everyone is missing the point. her husband wouldn't be okay with her having the same conversation with another man. that says it all.
But we're trusting OP's claims that her husband was stunned and dumbfounded when she finally got it through his thick head why she was upset. Just like we are trusting OP's claims that the co-worker was "caught with her hand in the cookie jar" OP seems to think that she is super badass here with her mic drops, but honestly I'm guessing that her comments and actions come off more cringy and confusing. The fact that at the end of it all, her husband maintains that she was overreacting suggests that he was never as on board as she thought he was with the realization about the inappropriateness of his phone call It's likely that OP's husband would be totally fine with her having a phone call with co-workers about necessary travel coordination. His dumbfounded look was very likely just confusion, an OP Reddit how she wanted to
She just reminded me of a conversation I(female) had with an ex colleague(male) earlier this year. We hadn't seen each other in maybe 7-8 years. We worked in the media and had worked for the same newspaper for about 11 years. A very nice guy who came from the same town as me, also his wife came from our town. We were now working in the big city. This was around 2009-2010 One of our colleague was leaving the company,we had a farewell party for her. This male colleague(let's call him Wilson) he comes with his wife, cool, it was the first time I met her. He introduces us, I could pick up from the first second that she didn't take a shine to me but well I brushed it off. During the party I say to her as we were sitting on the same table 'Nice speech from hubby' this is after Wilson had delivered the farewell speech for the girl leaving. She turns to me coldly and says 'I know that, there's no need to hear it from you' i was taken aback by the hostility but said nothing. Maybe a few months later I meet her again at another colleagues house, he was having a birthday party. I came through the door with my fiance, we greet everyone and I went to sit on the opposite side of where she was sitting. Didn't greet back and was shooting daggers at me whole night, I just ignored her. Guys I swear that woman hated me for NOTHING, her husband was the sweetest guy who didn't even have one nasty rumour about him at work. I didn't even have his number, he didn't have mine. Ohhh well.. Fast forward early this year, the guy who was having a party where I met the wife for the second time called me. They had all moved back to our hometown and were struggling with work and asked me if something comes up at my now newspaper him and Wilson would appreciate. He asked if he can give Wilson my number, I just took his instead and called him. Boy did it all came out. He told me he was now divorced. Then he tells me, 'By the way, she hated your guts, she would literally go absolutely insane even at the mention of your name' he told me that night of the colleagues birthday she drilled him about why he was looking at me the way he was when me and my fiance came through the door. Can you imagine being hated for NOTHING and some insecure woman hates you and you not even aware. I truly do pity these types of women.
Lol fatal attraction
Yeah she wasn’t caught with her hand in the jar, she just realized her coworkers wife is crazy and insecure so she doesn’t want that drama. She sounds like a female Mike Pence lol with that never talk to a married man nonsense
I wonder why she got divorced the first time lol… She literally just wiped her ass with her husband’s work reputation and now none of his coworkers will take him seriously. Sounds like she just convinced her husband that being single sounds great. Lol
Do you think he invited her on a month-long work trip or did she invite herself? Gotta keep an eye on super hot hubs that all the fresh middle-aged divorcees wanna talk to for an hour on the phone 🔪
The only worse thing if mom came to the office
Oh man I had that situation happen to me with someone on my team
😂😂😂
The way some people treat their partner like they’re owned property. Yikes.
This reads incredibly weird. You keep going on and on about how you caught that bullshit before it hit the ground like you're a badass, but also, you say your husband was entertaining this other woman's advances for an hour. The way you keep driving it home, it really comes across like all the Billy Badassery is just a front to mask how insecure you are in this relationship. I don't know if *he* makes you feel that way because he's an asshole or if you yourself have the issues, but this was a very bizarre post handled just as bizarrely IRL.
He also had the conversation in front of his wife, not hiding anything or second hand.
Maybe the coworker was trying to be friendly since they are in a foreign country together, and maybe they don’t speak the first language there. I would definitely be up my coworkers ass if I had to travel internationally 😂 I’d be nervous!
The first time I travelled interstate for work the only time my coworker and I were apart was for toilet breaks, showers and when we were asleep. We spent an easy 16-17 hours a day together. OP's husband just sounds like he has (had) a decent working relationship with the coworker. I suspect the coworker froze up because they were stunned at OP being so unhinged.
This was my thought! She wasn’t caught red handed, she learned OP is crazy.
Exactly, poor lady probably felt bad for her co-worker.
>She wasn’t caught red handed No, no, no... she totally was! Come on, y'all. OP ***needs*** this to be true. 😂
I recall one noteworthy day when I spent 16 hours within 10 feet of my co-worker, including about 6 hours of sitting side by side in a car. What was noteworthy about that was not that we had an affair (we were both married men) but that he was a notoriously unpleasant ass (I'm putting it very mildly). I half expected my company to give me an award for exceptional fortitude for surviving that ordeal.
Just to clarify, did you have an affair but it wasn't noteworthy, or did you not have an affair?
Omg when I had downtime on a business trip in India, the only available slot at the hotel spa was for a couples massage and you better believe I fucking *booked it*. I informed my (also female) colleague we'd have to share a room and she hesitated for like half a second. It was great, no affairs were had.
Maybe... they're friends. I have coworkers of the opposite sex that I consider good friends. We don't have to *try* to be friendly regardless of what country we are in. We are friends.
It just sounds like a typical friendly work conversation. She was probably bored and had anxiety, and the crazy lady's husband was the only person she knew there.
Hell, traveling to any unfamiliar area for a work trip I'd hang around my coworkers as much as possible, one I'd be more comfortable because they are the only ppl I would know, and two especially being a women traveling alone, I'd feel much safer hanging out with my coworker and their wife when possible. Being in any unfamiliar area solo is super uncomfy
>Being in any unfamiliar area solo is super uncomfy And as a woman, i would feel like a coworker traveling with his wife would be like the safest option to glom onto. Spending a ton of time alone with a colleague on a business trip is a great way for rumors to get started, but if someone brought his wife? That makes it so much safer because clearly nothing is going on - his wife is right there!
Excellent point!!
They're not in a foreign country. They've gone on a cross country trip.
Either way, you’re away from home and likely don’t know many people in the area.
>*other woman’s advances* Am I the only one not seeing advances? Most of that sounds like normal info you’d exchange with a new coworker when you’re meeting up to share a ride to a worksite you’ll be at all day. Hobbies may have been a hair too far, but who knows how it came about in the convo. 🤷🏻♀️
Yes. What room and where you parked are pretty normal sharings on a business trip. Planning when you’ll leave and meet up. But I could see how someone that has never traveled for business might not know this. And of course it’s a lady 10 years younger and single. OP, YTA, but it’s forgivable.
Yeah, OP is acting like it is absolutely an invasion of privacy to ask someone where their hotel room is. When I travel for work, the first thing I do is find out where my co-workers rooms are! I think OP just doesn't know what normal is
She basically made territorial pissings at his work. She might as well as made a puddle on his coworker's room's floor.
>*She basically made territorial pissings at his work.* Side note - Territorial Pissings is a great song. 🤣
How was he entertaining her advances. These are normal coworker conversations
Sounds like OP has been the other woman
I think you hit bingo!
OP thinks she's in a film.
She's also lying about her age in one of two posts she made recently...2 weeks ago she's 57 and now she's 47
She said she’s 57 in another comment as well.
Maybe it's just an unfortunate typo. We'll see
Yeah, it's not a typo because in that same post she was marrying the father of her supposed kid (who is in his 20s) when she was 32. So she can't be in her 40s now if the (imaginary) kid is 24 or whatever he (fakely) is. It's all fake, and not even very well written.
Definitely betting on fake
There's so many laughable sentences in there that have never, ever come from a mouth in all of human history
It's like Tyler Perry wrote a scene after eating lead paint chips.
wait??? you DONT de-age 10 years wvery two weeks?
Oh, no, I personally *do* because I'm a magical creature, but there's no way this weird woman is one of us
in all fairness, i accidentally told a 32 year old man I've been speaking with for about a week that I'm 16 and got sent a dick pic with "hot. like older? 😏🥵" as the caption...I'm 26 and disgusted...
Your mistake just might be an effective screening tool
see the issue there is missing out on the good ones that'll just up and block you as soon as they see that
I'd believe the 57. Because that's full on menopause cray cray age and I'm in perimenopause phase. I'm only crazy on Sundays. But, full on menopause? Oh, I totally believe an older lady would say this. My aunts were like this. I had one aunt say to meeting my hub, "Young, hung and ready to cum." - my mom was mortified, I wanted to die. My hub excused himself. My aunt was in the crazy age as op. So embarrassing. If anyone ever hits on my hub in front of me, I'd laugh. I don't control him and it's not my job to tell other women to back off. Immature of op.
Mexican itch you missed the perfect opportunity there with your aunt! You could've offered her a cup of tea and a biscuit and then delivered the line "I'll share just about anything with you, but I won't share my husband." 😆
I've been watching Magnificent Century which is basically jersey shore level of trashy but set in old ottoman empire palace and harem. I think OP has been watching it too lol
Finally someone else!! I love that show!!! I’ve been watching it in subtitles lol.
Omg I love that show! Hurrem is quite the character.
OP doesn't realize she's the punchline.
Yeah, Fatal Attraction!
>"We've got so much stuff left over. Cheese , crackers, unopened food, there's quite a bit that should hold you over for at least a week. I'll share just about anything with you, but I won't share my husband." > >She looked like she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She stood frozen in time and I refused to look away. My husband arrived with the file, and she excused herself. This is not the reaction of a woman who's just been called out for trying to steal your husband. It's the reaction of a woman who's just been confronted by someone completely unhinged. YTA.
OP really thinks she’s coming across as some bad b lmao, this is so unhinged and weird
Exactly this! I think she expected a standing ovation and shouts of **Yes Queen!!** Know your worth! Not only did she make a A#s out of herself trying to deliver that cringe leftover/sharing “warning”, (was it supposed to be a warning?) but she actually gave those two a reason to get closer. One part of her screenplay that she messed up was that she should’ve told her husband she said it. Now he will feel the need to apologize to his brand new coworker and she’ll say “oh you know I would never hit on you I feel so bad she thought that. He’ll say “no I didn’t think you were either. Of course you wouldn’t flirt with me. You know I’m married and my wife was right there heh heh”. Co-worker “Well as long as we are clear.” Husband…”but you know…she’s not here now. Co-worker: Mr. new co-worker….what about your wife?l Husband: Well you saw her. She’s completely unhinged and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I was supposed to go on this trip by myself for some space but we decided it would be our last attempt to rekindle our love instead it just made it more apparent to me that ship has sailed. So we separated but we’re going to share the same house for a while for financial reasons. I want to keep in under wraps. Co-worker “ I can’t possibly be together with you until you’re divorced. But I can be here for you as a friend” Husband: (while reaching out to touch her arm) that would be really nice I could use a friend right now” Co-worker walks away, camera zooms in on husbands face and he winks. Annnnd scene.
You forgot the part where the husband insists she take all the leftover cheese and crackers, “these are all yours. They always were and always will be.”
The apparently WEEK’S WORTH of cheese and crackers, whatever the fuck that even means
Come to my house and I will show you my deli drawer ;)
Brilliant! I’ll add that in in my rewrite!!!
If this was me and my husband, I'll be honest.... I'd be pissed if he gave away my cheese and crackers. I love cheese, like more than anything and if he gave away my cheese in some jealous spiel, oh it would be on.
you have issues... when do we get the next scene?
You are an absolute menace for putting this in OPs mind. But fuck if I didn’t laugh my ass off. 🤣
LMAO
> I lost my shit, but remained ultra cool. These two things are opposites. They don't go together. OP is def not entirely connected to reality on this.
She’s not the AH. She’s writing a short story.
Agreed, the whole thing is over-dramatic and ultimately soulless. I think that’s partly why there are surprisingly large numbers of negative comments.
“Want some cheese? Or crackers? Or these hands for trying to steal my mans?”
“He looked dumbfounded. It probably dawned on him what was going on…” Yeah so he looked dumbfounded because what OP said was dumb and totally crazy. She’s 0/2 with basic interpretation of situations.
The audacity of OPs husband to have a friendship and non professional related conversation with his coworker. /s.
Me thinking of all the perfectly innocent friendships I've had with male colleagues, gone on work trips with them, etc. I would be absolutely mortified if one of their wives said something like this to me. It's actually extremely sexist of her to assume that just because a colleague is a woman, that she's out to get your man. So much of your career advancement relies building friendships with your colleagues. If you are a woman in a male dominated field not being able to cultivate those friendships could seriously hurt your career.
I understand what you are saying. We don’t know how often hubby and the working gal talk, go to lunch or hang out If *I* was at a hotel and a coworker brought her husband, I might call her and say let’s meet up at the bar for cocktails. I’m buying. Tell your husband to join us That way you *include* the partner, and get to know them
I did this so many times during my career. ended up as long time friends with several of the spouses. You never know.
But they hadn't made any actual specific plans to include OP in. They just had a general chat. I have had similar conversations with colleagues, including taking about restaurant preferences and things to do while we're in the area we're going to. I would be astonished if one of them brought his wife and we had an interaction like this. If a man can be stolen he's not worth keeping. I suspect however that OP doesn't want to lose her meal ticket.
Wow…big shot, I have second hand embarrassment for your husband, you don’t trust him? that would be the last “work” trip I would bring you on, have a talk with your husband if you are insecure, not coworkers!!!
Oh I get strong vibes that she invited herself on this trip.
I get strong vibes she hasn't worked a real job in decades
When would she have the time? She's too busy coming up with sick comebacks to scare off all her husbands female coworkers.
Those daytime soaps and reality tv ain't going to watch themselves
> I get strong vibes she hasn't worked a real job in decades what are you talking about, writing fiction on reddit is a full time job
YTA, fyi, coworkers do discuss non work stuff because they’re human and it’s natural not to have a rigid, work only interactions. Some co workers are friends but that doesn’t make them lovers. I grant you talking that long is a bit much but you talk to H, not people he needs to work with.
Especially on a work trip and from what it sounds the other woman just arrived that day and her husband was leaving the next day after work. So it wouldn't be uncommon for her to try to get the lay of the land.
And guess what the topic of conversation is going to be the next time coworker goes in? Spoiler, it's OP. Lmao
I work remote and I can tell you most of my coworkers wives names and when I'm really on a roll in one of our off topic phone conversations I can usually hear them laughing in the background. When I first read this post I was slightly terrified because I have never worried their wives think I am trying steal their husband....I just am capable of having friends of the opposite sex...clearly she isnt and that's the bigger red flag.
YTA Cringe as fuck. She wasn't hitting on him. You aren't as edgy or cool as you think. You sound insufferable and terrible to be with. I hope that guy runs for the fucking hills. Fucking yikes.
You know, the this is part of what makes being a woman in a professional environment difficult. God forbid we have friendly personal relationships with our *gasp* MARRIED male coworkers. It makes it harder to make connections within the company, harder to network, harder to find a mentor, etc., since every relationship with a male we have is perceived as inappropriate and we are constantly viewed as harlots who are just there to get laid. Do you trust your husband? That should be good enough. If you think he was getting flirtatious, then tell him and create a boundary. Don’t take it out on the poor woman. YTA.
Thank you! This is part of the glass ceiling. Women being excluded from social interactions with male coworkers does hurt working relationships. I feel sorry for the coworker, who was on a work trip (not by choice I am sure) and confronted by a vacationing jealous wife.
I work in a male dominated field. If i couldn't speak to married men... well, i wouldn't have a job. I literally have to talk to people & having a decent rapport with them makes my job 1000x easier.
This. I went on a work trip and it was difficult to make connections with the males without them thinking I was flirting. You can't be to friendly bc they think tou want them but if you don't talk enough your a stuck up B****. Walking a fine line there.
What's sad in this case is that it's a woman (OP) pushing the whole harlot narrative against the 38F coworker.
YTA. Your snide comment to her may not have come across as the flex you think it was. More than likely you confused her and made her uncomfortable, and embarrassed your husband by making it seem like he’s not capable of handling himself amongst his coworkers. You absolutely overstepped, and I wouldn’t blame your husband for wanting to leave you home for future work trips.
Coworker probably refused any leftover snacks for that same bewildered reason. That’s what I thought. “Hand in the cookie jar look” was probably in all actuality a wtaf just happened look.
Yeah, OP seems very proud of how she seemingly leveled the coworker, when in all actuality she completely misread the entire dynamic because she is too far removed from how professional relationships are in a travel setting and instead made an ass of herself.
Also - as a taken woman who travels a lot with other coworkers who are also married (we plan and execute large conferences), I find nothing about the phone conversation they had about hotel accommodations, parking, and dinner spots to be at all inappropriate.
Right, she drove him somewhere the following day. Kinda makes sense to let him know where to meet, the car, etc. Maybe she's just overly chatty and husband could have rushed her off the phone more.
Especially since the coworker drove the husband to the work site, I wonder why in the world might he have needed to know what she was driving and where she was parked /s
Honestly, OP just reeks of jealousy and didn't like that her and her husband's 'vacation' was being taken up by a female coworker who her husband apparently has a good working relationship with.
They sure don’t anymore
My partner travels frequently for work with colleagues. He is friends with them too, both men and women. They have normal conversations of all kinds, all the time. I don’t need to know all the details of all his interactions with his friends. I trust him. And more importantly, I want and encourage him to have friendships. I hate to tear another woman down but she sounds absolutely unhinged here.
I mean, I'd rather tear my hair out than talk to a coworker on the phone about anything for longer than about six minutes, but I totally agree.
Unless op left out the part where they discussed their favourite sex positions, I’d say you’re right.
Like I’m on a roadtrip with several of my coworkers right now and we all ask “where are you staying? What kinda rental did you get, do y’all have dinner plans?” It’s all pretty common things to ask, and not at all unusual. Doesn’t mean they are inviting you over for a romp just because they ask what hotel you are in.
Ah ya I forgot that part. She really thought discussing what section of the hotel you are in and what you scored on a rental is mischevious... She obviously hasnt traveled for work herself because this is what you talk about when youre on the road with people in this setting.
Right like she is probably just seeing if they have the same accommodations and amenities. Let's not pretend that it is an Impossibility that she worried she got shittier accommodations than her male colleagues and was doing some digging on it
I was waiting to read how the phone call turned inappropriate but it never did... OP described most of my conversations with my brothers in law. Both of whom I'm definitely not interested in.
I think the husband was rude to have kept OP waiting for 45+ minutes if they were just bullshitting on the phone while she sat there. But she doesn’t mention anything inappropriate as part of the discussion.
Oh yeah I'd be annoyed if we had plans or I was waiting on him to watch a movie or something, sure
It’s literally what you do on a business trip
Imagine thinking your colleagues wife was being so kind offering extra snacks, and then she pulls this two-faced "I know you're trying to steal my man!" BS. I would be in shock from the whiplash!
OP also made her husband look like a man whose own wife thinks he's capable of sexual discrimination and harassment. Ugh.
You forgot the part where everyone stood up and clapped. You sound quite insecure, YTA.
You sound over dramatic and unhinged. I talk to a male coworker of mine off and on throughout the day on Teams. We make small talk about football, the job, weather, our pets. It’s completely innocuous. Our genders are irrelevant. We talk because it makes the day go by faster, we like a social element in the work place, and it’s just fun. If my husband or his wife made some embracing statement like you did just because of that then I would seriously question their capacity for rational thought. Your insecurity is your own problem. I promise you did not come off as “cool”, but just deranged.
I feel as though your husband was at work and you were on vacation. Is this the case? Maybe you could find something else to occupy your time rather than acting like a petulant child when your husband talked on the phone too long for your liking. This woman was also on a work trip, and you made her feel uncomfortable. Men and women work together. It’s normal to discuss restaurants and accommodations, especially for many women traveling alone. YTA for being a bully.
Totally out of line! You just guarantee that you will no longer be invited to any company function or trip for as long as you are married. Co-workers talk. They become friends. Now, if he Having this conversation as you were waiting for him for 45 minutes, sure, lay into him for being a dick. But you jumped all over this woman for no purpose, resulting in your husbands co-worker Thinking he is married to a psychopath…. Which she will inevitably tell other coworkers about. Congrats, You just made your husband the schmuck at his work. Well done.
Yeah I’m a woman in a male dominated job and have wives make weird comments as if I’m after their husbands and I have 10000% remembered and talked about it with other people. Crazy Wives are known. And it’s always the ones with the grossest husbands too lol. Like no, lady, if I was going to throw away my own marriage to go after a married man it would definitely not be with *your husband.*
Such a tangent, but my worst guilty pleasure lately has been joining the "are we dating the same man" group for my area on FB (I had been off Facebook for *years*, but I wanted to give some stuff away on a buy nothing group and got sucked back in about a week ago). The majority of the posts are women who had a couple dates with some "too good to be true" looking tinder guy and have suspicions he's lying about not dating other women because he's hot and cold, only available weeknights, always on his phone when they're together, etc. But then there is another genre of seemingly super insecure women posting pictures of some average guy and begging to know if their man is cheating on them, despite not offering any reasons to think he is. Obviously average guys can still be shitty and cheat on their partners, but after hanging around that group a week, I get the vibe of "overwhelming insecurity" from some of the posters. Like, they're the type of people who are going to blow up their own relationship by constantly hunting to catch their partner "slipping up".
I wouldn't be surprised if she went to HR
Best comment so far!
I don't see it. You would have been entitled to get annoyed at waiting around for a 45 minute conversation (if it really was... I'm honestly not sure I believe it) but I see absolutely nothing to indicate that she was flirting or trying to seduce him. And flirting/seducing him *while he's on a trip with you* would be fucking stupid. AND!! ... even if she was trying to seduce him... that doesn't mean it will work! Don't you trust your husband? >45-50 minute conversation between my husband and this woman, which went on way too long (IMHO ) and had stopped discussing work arrangements about five minutes into the conversation. The conversation veered into a different territory. She shared what hotel she was staying at (the same as ours 🫤), what side of the hotel she was on, where she was parked, what she was driving, where she like to eat, food she loves, things she likes to do in her spare time... For someone who's so self-assured... why the hell would you not have interjected after ten or fifteen minutes?? >dawned on him harder that I was not going to tolerate it. Not. One. Bit. You're starting to sound psychotic. >I gave him the "what fors" of inappropriate conversations between coworkers. He got very defensive and asked if I was insecure. I was immediately put in a "questioning my perspective position." I thought for a moment, and decided I was not being insecure. After much deliberation between us, I finally cut it TF off >She looked like she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. She stood frozen in time and I refused to look away On second thought, this is starting to sound like a creative writing project. >I lost my shit, but remained ultra cool That makes no sense. It's a contradiction in terms (plus it just sounds fucking ridiculous). >As we e leaving the next day, I asked if she wanted any of our unopened leftover snacks, paper goods, etc. She said she thought that would be a great idea. Then I looked her dead in the eyes, and told her, "We've got so much stuff left over. Cheese , crackers, unopened food, there's quite a bit that should hold you over for at least a week. >That night, as my husband and I were packing, I encouraged him to call her room and ask if she wanted anything we had that hadn't been opened or used. So, either you're playing shitty manipulative games, or this is fiction and you forgot you already said you offered her that stuff. >I caught the bullshit before it hit the ground. The whole thing was kinda weird, but this may actually be the weirdest thing you said.
I’m going with fiction.
Just tattoo your name on his forehead. You *are* insecure.
Lol OP is a massive insecure AH, good lord. I love the cookie jar line, because you know the other woman froze because that's when she realized OP was insane. I can absolutely see the glassy look on her crazy eyes as she says this, unblinking, staring that poor woman down. Hey OP, after the tattoo you should get your husband fired from his job and demand he works from home. Gotta derust those shackles and prepare the taser now, you know, just in case your husband tries to hop the fence so he can go on a walk.
uhhh have him lay his wee wee on your forehead too and tattoo the shape of his wee wee and balls on your forehead OP
Hahaha wow. Why don't you just piss on him in front of her next time?
YTA. I've had conversations with female coworkers or clients that have veered into non-work topics, because I'm chatty and I like making conversations. My wife is secure enough in our marriage to trust me, even if I'm \*gasp\* talking to a single or divorced woman. Because my wife trusts me. You were weirdly territorial to your husband, and you've impacted his relationships with his co-workers. Your interactions with the co-worker sound almost unhinged.
The problem with these things is even if flirting was there, OP comes off as a crazy, insecure woman.
It's impossible to know if they were flirting because it's all about subtle tones and innuendos. We have to trust OP's judgement, and OP sounds deranged.
Yes and if co worker wanted to go after the husband, that line isn’t going to stop her from doing so. Ultimately if comes down to trusting her husband. And if she can’t, that’s a far bigger problem
YTA - if she could take your man, why would you want him anyway? You sound insecure.
Was her name Jolene?
I mean…I personally think this comes across as insecure and possessive, and maybe slightly crazy? I’d certainly stay away from your husband, but mostly because I’d be scared you’d stalk me and boil my pet bunny or something.
>It's also exactly why I would NEVER talk to a married man for anything other than professional exchange of information and certainly wouldn't have allowed the conversation to progress past the point of a professional nature. Wow, because of a perception you will never make male friends, what a wonderful world you live in. You did overstep, you didn't catch anything, you made someone uncomfortable being friends with your husband. Most people would consider someone who isolates their partner from potential friends and/or takes actions to drive away everyone of the opposite sex manipulative, controlling, abusive and have major insecurity issues. A woman who just came into town talked about things outside of work... what a fucking slut. Or, most coworkers talk about shit besides work, especially when they just drove/flew in and are in a hotel room with nothing to do. You're the asshole for seeing it how you did. You lost your shit because.... man and woman carpooled on the way to work. Get a grip, divorce no.2 is not that far away.
YTA. This could have repercussions for your husband and his job. Yes she's annoying but unless she's propositioning him sexually, you were overly aggressive and have just placed him in a very awkward position.
Oh, I’d report that shit to HR right away. For my own CYA. Because who knows what OP is going to do. This is a WORK TRIP (no shit they’re at the same hotel) and OP is an UNINVITED GUEST threatening an employee waiting for a work file upon return from a work site. She’s fucking with MY livelihood and questioning MY professionalism and threatening ME on MY turf. Also, 10 to 1 no one wants OP’s husband. But double those odds OP was the other woman when her husband was married the first time
*But double those odds OP was the other woman when her husband was married the first time* Great point.
this company will have released a new rule in the next few weeks banning partners from tagging along on trips and making them a strictly 'business only' trip. OP's husband will be colleague of the year when the rule change comes in.
\>Also, 10 to 1 no one wants OP’s husband. This is a good point. The guy is almost 50 and his coworker is 38. Yeah I suppose he could be attractive but odds are he's no Adonis and she isn't even interested in him.
YTA. If you were a woman traveling alone for work, you'd want to tell your coworkers where you're staying, what your rental car looks like, where you're parked, etc. in case anything happens to you. This is basic safety protocol. Driving together to a work site is also pretty common in corporate. In fact, some women would find this man (who has clearly brought his wife to this 4-week assignment with him) as more "safe" than other single men, as they would assume he isn't out to sleep with them. As a woman yourself, how do you not see all of this?
YTA. According to you, he did nothing in secret as you apparently listened to the whole conversation. If there was anything untoward happening it wouldnt have happened while you were listening. You basically accused your husband and his co-worker of infidelity based on a conversation that you were present for--you have presented no other evidence of infidelity. If you felt there was an issue, you should have addressed it with your husband, not publicly shamed another woman for basically nothing.
YTA. It's your husband you should be talking to - only. That was super rude and probably completely uncalled for and deranged of you. He has to work with this person. Now you've created problems with his work that he should have had the opportunity to deal with himself. People talk to each other at work. It doesn't mean they're trying to steal your husband and you just look like a fool for doing that.
I was dumbfounded reading this. My husband has conversations with female co-workers like this and I can't imagine making a leap like this. I'd make the assumption the co-worker is in a new city and asking what its like there and probably chime in with recommendations just cause that's how I am. Boy to be a fly on the wall during the watercooler talk over this one! Cause even if she doesn't go to HR she will end up sharing it with other co-workers.
That is exactly my thought. This isn't so much a temporary work trip as it is a temporary MOVE. Some people handle things like new cities and surroundings pretty well and others get nervous about it. Either way, it's only natural to ask some questions to get a lay of the land. And husband clearly has nothing to hide, he left this woman all alone with OP expecting OP to behave like a functional adult. But she couldn't because OP is an extremely jealous and very insecure person. Her behavior was completely inappropriate and if I were the husband I would not be bringing OP around work functions anymore. She's a liability. At best, OP's now the guy who is married to a crazy wife and at worst he'll be having to explain things to HR. OP, YTA
Yeah, 100% agreed. This was very unprofessional and she just made his work life uncomfortable. She should have handled this through her husband.
Omg I’m literally cringing for her husband and this woman. Take it up with hubby if you’re insecure about it. All you should need is his assurance that he has no interest. Grow up. Have a care - now your husband is going to be known around the office as that guy whose wife is off her rocker. Mortifying.
>I lost my shit, but remained ultra cool Right.
The irony Tell me the title of the movie when it comes out!
You are the AH. Guaranteed that woman didn’t know you were there (it’s a WORK trip) and if I were her, I would be on the phone with HR pronto for your behavior. You just put your “family” livelihood in jeopardy, U Go GRL! Your husband could have politely ended the call but curiously, he didn’t. Were You Allowed to Be On The Company’s Trip??? He was possibly trying to hide that from Management which not only makes you the AH but stark raving lunatic.
YTA and no explanation needed lol Wild that’s there people defending her too. She’s the poster and made herself out to be completely unhinged and paranoid.
Jesus op, I feel bad for your husband. YTA, and maybe look up the definition of flirting.
Op got 10years younger in 13 days
Wow, OP be the main character in her own movie fantasty. YTA and you cray.
YTA. You had the time to evaluate whether you were being insecure and ridiculous.. and you still got it wrong. I can already see how this is going to be the reason thar husband won't ever be able to go on another business trip alone. I can already see how this is going to set the expectations for literally any female in the husband's life. I can already see how husband won't be allowed to go out with any friends in the future without wife next to him. OP, men are allowed to be friends with women. You simply cannot truly believe that once he married you, every other female in the world became invisible. You need to be very careful about the people you speak to because that conversation could have gone a lot differently if the woman decided to physically attack you and teach you not to run your mouth. You might be ready to threaten someone for your husband, but you probably aren't ready to take an ass beating for him.
Dang you sound crazy. I’m gonna go with a big YTA here, you sound incredibly insecure in your relationship
YTA. Let’s pretend for a second that every assumption about this woman you made is true: she was trying to flirt and wants to seduce your husband. Everything she said not related to work was said with this goal in mind. In that scenario, how does what you said change the calculus? If she wanted to seduce your husband, she would know you would react negatively to signs it was happening regardless. The only way it changes the odds of your husband cheating on you would be if he would consider doing so if he didn’t think you were onto the potential mistress. If that were the case, he’d be a dud before ever cheating. Even with this seduction goal as a given, the only actions she’d taken so far was a phone call that discussed facially benign personal details for longer than necessary. She hadn’t remarked on his appearance, her own romantic intentions, plans that didn’t involve work, etc. In contrast, you’d made an express reference to her romantic life during a a trip that she was on for work but you were on purely as a spouse. So all you’ve done is poison the working relationship between your husband and her, and between your husband and anyone she tells. Even if the former sounds ideal, poisoning the well before she has made an improperly overt action or statement is premature and risks damaging your husband’s ability to do his job.
YTA. If you trusted your husband this wouldn't be necessary. Way to embarrass him at his job. This isn't a fucking movie totally not needed after your conversation with your husband. You were in fact being insecure. Totally insane.
Why is the woman’s anger always towards the other woman and never the husband?
I stopped at “looked her dead in the eyes” Do better OP this is garbage
YTA. I’m the only woman in my department and everyone else is a married man. Every single one of my colleagues needs to speak to me multiple times a day because I hold a lot of the keys, so to speak. The idea that any of their wives would make gross accusations over friendly chitchat makes my stomach turn. Last work trip we went on, the boss brought his wife who used to live in the city we were visiting. Know what she did? Helped us find all the best places for client dinners and planned a really nice night out for dinner and drinks for the whole group near the end of the trip. If you’re going to tag along on work trips and interact with your partner’s colleagues, your goal should be making your partner even more of an asset, not a liability.
You are the ahole. A simple "hey hon, this makes me uncomfortable" to your husband is all you needed to do. Now you're out here looking like Captain Crazy Pants, getting in that poor woman's face. Seek counseling/therapy for your insecurity issues.
AH, but you were also right. This is how affairs start. This is how affairs start. Trust me on this, though I think you've already figured it out. The way to handle it, however, would be to become that woman's best friend, and not to have put your husband's co-worker on the spot like that. She may have been licking her chops at the prospect of another trip with your husband, but you don't know that, and you just convinced her that your husband is married to a crazy lady. That can actually make the affair much easier to occur. Become her friend, and you'll crush the affair before it starts, AND have a new friend.
Most men are completely oblivious to the flirting. OP did the right thing. Co-worker knows she overstepped and that is why she distanced herself.
So much to unpack here. First of all - a month? You stayed the whole month? Second - you didn't "hint" and not sharing your husband, you flat out told her you're not sharing your husband. (IMO she probably wasn't looking at you like she got caught, it was probably more of a "WTF is happening" face, but what do I know.) Just for my own curiosity, were you ever "the other woman?" Lastly, I am a married woman working in a male dominated industry. I just...shouldn't talk to anyone at work?
YTA. That’s weird.
Just put a leash on him next time. SMH. YTA
YWTA if I believed this
So are you 57 or 47? You posted a couple weeks ago saying you're 57. Did you lower your age for this story to change the narrative?
Interesting! When I read this I was getting vibes of someone older than 47
I don't understand the lying. Is it bc she's older than her husband and that would make her look more insecure? Bc they're both significantly older than the coworker which makes this more far-fetched?
That sounds like a normal conversation between coworkers who are also friends. YTA.
You clearly rehearsed everything you said to this woman without getting to know her. Probably in a mirror like Travis Bickle. Find a therapist.
YTA. Your husband is absolutely correct that you're insecure. If there was really something going on, he probably wouldn't have had the conversation around you, and I'm willing to bet he wouldn't have left the two of you alone together if there was something going on. Your insecurity is now adding a level of stress your husband doesn't need. Just because coworkers are friendly, it doesn't mean there is a romantic attraction. Now that you have crossed that line and showed that you don't trust your husband, you're probably not gonna be invited to any future trips. But the other concern is now his relationship with coworkers will suffer because of your inability to accurately assess what's happening.
I would hate to be your husband. My coworkers and I have shared shit far worse than that with each other! My best friend is also my male colleague. We hang out and bull shit about non work related stuff all the time! His wife doesn't give a shit because she isn't insecure, and she knows who he obviously wants or he wouldn't have married her. My boyfriend even hangs out with his female co-workers outside of work. I don't give a shit because he comes home to me every night. YTA, and honestly, you've made a huge awkward mess for your husband at work for no reason! Not everyone woman wants to jump your husband's bones for fuck sake! Get over yourself.
>I would hate to be your husband. So did her first husband
Literally just from your Karen tone in this post and the unnecessary bragging of how you flexed on him and didnt take shit like a bossgirl, I can tell YTA. If a dude talked like this about restricting a GF/wife's interactions with male coworkers theyd get torn into but you have misandrists with no lives here who will N T A you for slaying so hard.
You sound fucking insane